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When They’re Not the One… Just the Preview: What They Came to Teach You
94 Plays11 days ago
In this episode, I share the story of someone who was never meant to be my forever—but ended up being the exact preview I needed. A reminder of what connection is supposed to feel like, what being seen actually feels like, and why the relationships (or almost-relationships) that don’t work out often hold the biggest clarity.
After a painful betrayal, life sent me someone whose energy was the complete opposite: kind, grounded, attentive, and genuinely good. He wasn’t my person. But he was a powerful contrast—one that helped me reframe heartbreak into hope.
This episode is for anyone who’s healing, rebuilding, or wondering why something didn’t work out. Because sometimes the wrong one isn’t a mistake… they’re the preview of the right one.
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- Website: www.wanderingthewildmess.com
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- 📧 Email: heather@wanderingthewildmess.com
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Transcript
Intro
Introduction and Positive Storytelling
00:00:35
Speaker
What if what didn't work out was just a preview of exactly what it feels like when what is meant for you finds you?
Reframing Failed Relationships
00:00:51
Speaker
Welcome to Wandering the Wild Mess with Heather Morgan. I am so happy you're here. All right, y'all, I am gonna throw in some exciting, positive, love like,
00:01:07
Speaker
stories here. i mean, kind of love stories. A little bit about, I know my last episode was really talking more about the heartbreak and betrayal and all that. So I want to throw in a little bit of positivity for you around when a relationship doesn't work out and it's not a bad reason. It's just, it wasn't for you forever. and instead of looking at it like this sad loss, like why didn't it work? Like I, that was the person I really thought it was them. I really wanted it to be them and didn't work out.
00:01:39
Speaker
And I want to show you how things, a new reframe, another reframe, you know, I'm big on the mindset reframes and kind of throw in a different perspective. i i saw there was this poem that if you follow, i think her name's Josie, ah she has amazing poetry.
00:01:59
Speaker
And
Lessons from Past Heartbreaks
00:02:00
Speaker
i had written a comment. She wrote a poem and it was kind of about like this person not being your person, but... just kind of enjoy like appreciating it for what it was. And it got me thinking, and I had written a comment that like got a lot of people writing back to that were like, yeah, that's exactly how I feel. And I basically just said like, yeah, that's a perfect, it's ah it's a beautiful reframe when I think about a certain person that I really liked how I felt around them. And instead of kind of like grieving that that didn't work out and that wasn't for us, I really see it as like, thank you for previewing
00:02:37
Speaker
exactly what I want it to feel like so that I know it's possible. So I want to tell you a little cute story that I, that was in my experience that I'm at a place I can talk about now a year later will kind of maybe me make a little bit of sense about the last episode if you listened to it about betrayal. But basically,
00:03:04
Speaker
There was an instance after the betrayal of where my that first relationship where I got cheated on that I was just like kind of at a an interesting crossroads. And I was like, I don't want to be in a relationship, of course, again. And I was very lost.
00:03:20
Speaker
And I think sometimes and whether you whatever you believe in, like God, the universe or whatever, um i think sometimes you get exactly what you need when you need it as far as like the lessons, the previews, all of those things. And this was a moment where I can look back now a year later and be like, oh yeah, this is exactly why this all happened this way.
Trust in Life's Timing
00:03:48
Speaker
And I hope that encourages you right now, wherever you are in your life to remember that this moment you will likely look back on and be like, even when it's painful and be like,
00:03:59
Speaker
oh, yeah, that all worked out for me. Just like they say, you can only understand life backwards. I know it's hard to feel that way in the moment, especially when it's something hard happening to you, but it all works out for the best. And let me share exactly why and how that all magically happened for me. So after the whole being cheated on for my first time incident, was was at I was by myself at the Rudder in Hendersonville, shout out to the Rudder. And I was sitting at the bar, like having some dinner whatever. And there was a ah guy sitting at the bar, like on probably to the other corner, like to the right of me that I could see. And he caught my eye. oh, he's cute. I mean, he had a mustache. I'm a big mustache girl, but I didn't think anything of it.
00:04:48
Speaker
Well, and I was like, oh, he's a little younger, which you know how that goes. And ah well, maybe you don't. But if you know me, you know how that goes. And then ah later there was ah another guy came and like sat by him and I was like, oh, he's even younger, whatever.
00:05:04
Speaker
Didn't think anything of it. I'm just sitting there. Well, the next thing you know, i kind of noticed because I can see them in my vision pretty well that like I think the bartender ends up giving the ah the the first one like ah a shot. And, ah you know, doesn't matter. Again, just
Unexpected Connections
00:05:19
Speaker
ah observing because I'm sitting there alone.
00:05:21
Speaker
Well, then the other one. So I'll say like number two mustache also with the mustache comes over and was like, hey, so did you buy my friend a shot? And I was like, no, like I don't buy men shots. um And not that I, I wouldn't in that scenario, like for, for my, you know, my guy friends or like whatever, but like not across the bar going to buy a guy a shot. I have not done that. I don't think I would. um So I was like, no, I don't do that. And so anyways, whatever reason we spark up a combo and it's like,
00:05:57
Speaker
instant, like, just like we've known each other forever. it We're just like yapping it up. I literally don't even, like, as the night goes on, then we're still talking. So his friend ends up coming over and sitting with us and he's like, because he had left his friend to talk to me. So now the friend's over and then we're all like,
00:06:15
Speaker
Talking and he just got out of the Marines and moved. and And I think he was stationed in California and then but lived it was from Louisiana and literally had just moved like a week or so. i don't even know. Like it was a short amount of time. So.
00:06:32
Speaker
Anyways, they were like, oh, where do you go out here? And so this other guy the bar, if you know the rhetoric, people are just talking to everyone. They're like, oh, Jolly Ollies, which there's like no bars or anything really in Hendersonville.
00:06:44
Speaker
ah That's like the one, you know, whatever. And then they're like, what about the local, yada, yada, yada. So we end up kind of like bee bopping around. Like who even knows? Don't even know. I end up going with him. Like I don't even know. This is who I am. But again, you know, I'm betrayed. So apparently I'm just feeling a little like, okay, I'll use a distraction. And the craziest thing about this is I had literally like prayed. I was like, gosh, I really wish I could just like meet someone that was close to Hendersonville. I had like said that out loud a couple of times, like not even a week before.
00:07:19
Speaker
And then andrew literally this man like lived like not even five minutes from me. So we ended having a whole night, like going out with this other guy. like His friend ended up going back to some of their other Marine buddies were coming into town. as a whole it was a whole night. Well, that night ended up being like a couple weeks of us just spending a lot of time together. And like he was like, what are you doing this day? And he was like going to start his job, and I was still like on my sabbatical schedule.
00:07:47
Speaker
type stuff. And so he's like, let's go golfing. So we were like going golfing, like he was cooking at my house. we were like making fire pits. And it was just this short moment of like togetherness.
00:08:00
Speaker
I even remember like I came over and he lived with the other guy because they had both been ex-Marines and the other one was in longer and he had just got out. So he was just kind of navigating that. And so they invited me. He invited me to come over to watch football with him. But then I was like taking a while and I finally got over there and they didn't even eat.
00:08:19
Speaker
They were like, oh, we were waiting for you. And I was like, I'm not even hungry. They were like, he was like such a good dude, but not in like a kissing my butt kind of way. Just like I'm just like a good person kind of way. Like, cause he was, he would give me crap all the time. And I remember like after one of the first nights we like had hung out and we had like woke up, drank coffee, gapped the whole morning, stayed up all night talking. Then the whole morning,
00:08:46
Speaker
yapped all morning literally about everything and then he's leaving and he's been gone for like a few hours and I had mentioned that i have a podcast and i he literally sends me a text and he it's him with my podcast in his car and it's like you think I you thought I'd be sick of hearing you yap by now So he's like listening to the podcast after we've literally yapped for probably like 10 hours straight.
00:09:16
Speaker
And then he was like, Heather, this is really freaking good. And that's like, you know, and he related from like getting out of the military and starting over and, you know, moving from his home state after. So there was like similarities, so you know, that he understood. And anyways, that whole experience was the polar...
00:09:40
Speaker
opposite of the feeling that I felt in that first relationship and how I want to kind of break it down to you. And this wasn't a relationship, right? This was just like literally enjoying the company of someone. And I think from the get go, like I didn't want a relationship. He was a lot younger than me, just got out of the Marines, coming to Nashville, like super cute dude. Like I already knew like he's gonna like have a girlfriend in a minute. Cause you can kind of tell he was definitely a girlfriend type, like the kind of man that wants to be in a serious relationship.
Learning from Relationships
00:10:10
Speaker
So again, another one where it wasn't an ego based wanting to be in a relationship. I think that was just where he,
00:10:17
Speaker
felt good as being in a loyal relationship again. So it was like, oh my gosh. So I kind of knew it was never going to be anything, but I think we just vibe so well that we were just like, let's just keep hanging out. Um, because it just felt like we should, i don't know how to else to explain it. And there was so many moments. Like I remember him saying like, you literally know more about me than like this girlfriend I had for like three years.
00:10:46
Speaker
Because we would just talk about everything. And I love that because I could tell the difference. And this is the contrast that I'm trying to say. And this is why you i'm I talk about this as a preview.
00:10:58
Speaker
And why i still am learning that you have to open your heart because you get to see things that you... need like I knew this wasn't going to be like my like forever love story but to see this difference and feel this different way with this man that I felt like wow this energy is just completely different how I feel is different and I remember like this one time we were so we end up going like he had watched my dog I was going to a Vols game he like
00:11:34
Speaker
Watch my dog like hanging out. Like, I don't know. There was a lot that happened in the short amount of time that I was spending with this man. But what I want to tell you that was like, this is when I knew because in that other relationship, I think I had mentioned this before. He said like, well, you're just so nice. It kind of seems fake.
00:11:51
Speaker
And at that moment, I knew this man does not know me, know my family. isn't he yeah i just don't feel like anyone that truly knows me would even like say that because they'd know it's not.
00:12:05
Speaker
And that's when I, again, one of the probably like red flags or my intuition saying this is not it. But, and I'm not saying he couldn't have felt that way. I'm just saying like that that's, I'm not seen by you.
00:12:19
Speaker
Well, this man, um we'll call him Louisiana Marine. he um We were at the rudder. I didn't even want to go. Well, I did want to go, but all of his marine buddies are in town coming out to Nashville. So he's like, well, we're going to go to the rudder. Like, come. And I was like, no. And he was like, no, just wear just wear that. Just come, blah, blah. I was like, I'm not wearing this. I don't look cute. I just got back from Knoxville. He's like, no, you look great. Like, so... Just and genuine, you know, with it. So I end up going and we I go to the bathroom and I'm telling you the story, guys, because this is just like
00:12:51
Speaker
When you hear it, you'll know. So I go to the bathroom. There's only one stall. There's this cute little girl. It's coming out of the stall when I'm about like waiting to go in. She goes, oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Like I took a while. And I was like, girl, you don't apologize. You're fine. You know, I just say that to her. And she's probably like 10.
00:13:07
Speaker
I don't know. So anyways, i go to the restroom, come out. He's there, you know, and as I'm walking to towards him and his friends at the bar, um she the little girl stops me.
00:13:19
Speaker
and says, oh, I just want you to know i love your outfit. and I was like, oh, hey, thanks. Like, I love yours too, you know, like just kind of, you know, and i it was just really cute of her. And i kind of glance over at him because he's standing at the bar like watching this, you know, because I hadn't made it there yet.
00:13:37
Speaker
And he goes, that little that girl little girl is like you, like a little you. That's probably how you were as a little girl.
00:13:49
Speaker
And I know that sounds like so, oh it just, um it's so,
00:14:01
Speaker
it, told the production guy I was not gonna cry. um It's just when you're seen, and it's not like performative,
00:14:15
Speaker
They're not like trying to win you over. Right? And I think maybe that was part of it because we both knew it wasn't going to be that. So it was just genuinely ah seeing me and and saying it.
00:14:29
Speaker
And I just don't think unless you really saw someone, you would even think like that to even say that.
Realizing True Desires
00:14:39
Speaker
And there was just um a number of times that it was it felt like that.
00:14:46
Speaker
Like even little things, and I'm just, I'm giving both sides, like whether you're a guy or girl, hope, like people that, want you to feel good and want you in their life and like genuinely just care about you without an agenda, without, you know, again, and it was never like that with this guy. Like yeah we spent a lot of time together, but it was never even whatever y'all dirty minds are thinking. and It never went to that. And so it was more than just, um, it was more than just
00:15:20
Speaker
for anything other than just like this actual like two people just like genuinely connecting with each other. um And even in the most ways when they talk about like masculinity, like these are a whole bunch of Marines. And so they end up, we end up one night, they're at my house. So they're all there and they're like, we're making a pizza in the kitchen. We're gonna go out by the fire. we like They have like music videos on my TV and they're all just all over my couch or whatever.
00:15:45
Speaker
And so I am just standing there like watching like i don't even know what we're playing like Zach Bryan on the on my TV and they had like YouTube on and I'm standing there. I'm fine. And he literally goes and was like,
00:16:00
Speaker
pulls a chair from my kitchen because I'm standing and is like, oh, you know, and tries to play it off like, oh, I don't want you to you know, tries to make it not seem like he's like some s simp or something in front of like his Marine buddies. But it wasn't like to be a simp. It was literally just out of respect for me. And that was even the case. Like we were making the pizza. like I'm telling you these small things because this is This is what I feel like or what I needed to see as a preview. This is what like a secure man that truly wants you to feel good.
00:16:33
Speaker
These are like little actions that they do. And it's not to perform for anyone else. It's because they genuinely want you to feel good or not feel bad And even like this one, and i told my girlfriends this and they were like, oh yeah, and so as a girl, I think you know this. And and men, take note if you don't stop yourself from this, because I just think no one likes us either way. but and And we weren't even together, but there was a really cute bartender at the Rudder when we were there, like literally absolutely gorgeous. She had like a boyfriend waiting for her, but like it was like you couldn't not stare at her. She was absolutely breathtaking. And i noticed it. I mean, I could just feel everyone and was like, oh, my gosh, she's beautiful. And the one buddy that was single, which was the first mustache man from the original night, he ah they were like, oh, you should have saw Yada, yada, yada. And as Louisiana Marine.
00:17:33
Speaker
was like, oh yeah, she was she would have been good for you. i won't say his name. Other mustache guy. Like he didn't even want to say she was so hot because I was standing right there. Like he realized like maybe that wouldn't be kind to be like hyping her up in front of me.
00:17:51
Speaker
And I know that sounds so silly, but it's just those little levels of like respect that feel so safe.
00:18:05
Speaker
and felt such a contrast from the feelings that I had in that relationship as if whatever God was like, here's here's the contrast, now you can see why that was never for you.
00:18:22
Speaker
Because these are the things that feel good for you. When a man is doing these things and putting you first and his ego aside,
00:18:34
Speaker
That's what feels good for you. And I want to show you that. I'm not giving it to you right now. This isn't the one, but he is here to show you what you deserve and what's possible and that it's it's there.
00:18:54
Speaker
And there were, and and ah the other thing I'll say is that even with When I was in that other relationship, I remember I was doing my sabbatical and he was like, well, are you gonna go back to corporate? Like, what are you gonna do? And I i felt like, even even though he wasn't being like rude, I felt like he was just kinda trying to determine like if I was worthy, if i based on like what I was going to do with my career in a sense.
00:19:27
Speaker
And the crazy thing is then in this scenario with this Louisiana Marine, i we were hanging out, he was cooking dinner and my old boss from my corporate job had been talking about getting me back for this project and it was on speaker and she was offering me like a good, yeah or they were you know good talking salary and all these things and He was there and prior to that, I had been really excited about my entrepreneur stuff and the podcast and things I was doing, right?
00:20:07
Speaker
But then this offer came to me to go back to my corporate job. And after I got off the phone with her, he was there and I was like, gosh, I don't know what I'm gonna Am I going back? whatever we I don't know what I think. you know And he was like, well, obviously like that is a great salary and opportunity, but you were so excited when you were talking about your podcast.
00:20:49
Speaker
And wish I could just, I didn't think, goodness, I'm not this most of a crybaby in person. And if you listen to this, it's gonna be embarrassing, but I'm here for it.
00:20:59
Speaker
But it truly like meant so much because it was like, oh, i someone being like, do what makes you happy.
00:21:12
Speaker
and And like meaning it and meaning it like, but you were just so you know, you're like, you were so, you know, like how I lit up and like the fact that you could see that and you acknowledged it.
00:21:23
Speaker
And so I'm saying all these things to say that although like, the and then I like, We don't need the whole story, but nothing bad happened. It was just like right after that, i was got he was starting this job. i was going to Utah, and then ironically, I had Louisiana for Taylor Swift. And by the time I got back, like like I think the ship just sailed, and he had started to talk to someone else, which I'm sure like we weren't together. like And I was like, oh, I'm so happy for you. and it was it was fine, you know
00:21:54
Speaker
Um, I never thought anything and I knew he was a loyal guy that wanted a girlfriend and she ended being his girlfriend. So like, that's what he wanted. I'm so happy for him and I knew it wasn't us, but I'm so thankful that I had that experience because then when this ex-boyfriend tried to reenter, he was getting done hunting like in Georgia and like drove up through
Conclusion: Embrace True Happiness
00:22:21
Speaker
Chattanooga and was like I'm in Hendersonville like surprising me and came to my house and took me to dinner and was like Trying to get me back and I remember that He had spent the night because obviously he lived in Knoxville and he was driving from there and in the morning he got up and was making coffee and when I got up
00:22:43
Speaker
and I saw him in the kitchen and and that feeling of me walking out to him The contrast of how so much different it felt those weeks of walking out with the Louisiana Marine there, it was completely different.
00:23:04
Speaker
It was like this, Not only did this show me the contrast, it like made it so clear that there was no possible way that this Knoxville man whatever was ever for me because i don't this I don't even enjoy this feeling because it doesn't feel like it's supposed to.
00:23:26
Speaker
So the next time you're thinking that something that you love and it feels good with them and that it doesn't work out for whatever reason, I just want you to know that sometimes we need to see a preview of something to know what's meant for us so that we don't accept what's not meant for us.
00:23:45
Speaker
Because i can tell you that I'm not going to ever put myself in a relationship that doesn't feel just as if not better than I felt being so seen by that person.
00:24:00
Speaker
Because I know how good it can feel and that is, that's the bar. I have to feel that safe, I have to feel that cared for, I have to feel that seen and I have to feel that understood.
00:24:17
Speaker
Like where we're just yapping and it's just like, this is like every topic is open. We're just, I'm an open book, I'm a yapper, we're doing this life. We're just yapping along. um And if it doesn't feel like that, then it's just not for me and that's okay.
00:24:32
Speaker
So if that's you, if it doesn't feel how you want it to feel, you can change it
00:24:42
Speaker
We can change ourselves at any time. I know I say that, but there are so many beautiful things when we let go of the things we think are good enough for us and go after the things that we truly, truly want.
00:24:59
Speaker
Again, I'm going to plug wandering the wild mess.com because there's so many tools on there. I even have a becoming you again guide helping after you get out of a relationship and navigating just starting over.
00:25:13
Speaker
There's so much there for you. Check it out. Make sure if this episode helped you to go give it a five star rating. It means so much to me. It helps the podcast so much. And Don't forget, we're coming into a time where it's almost a new year.
00:25:30
Speaker
Like do not bring this old holding on to things that you don't truly love energy into this 2026. This is the time to figure out what you truly want. It's not the only time. You can do it on a random Tuesday in the middle of the year. But if you're one of those people that need, okay, by next year, I want it to be different. Then now is the time.
00:25:53
Speaker
So don't hold on to things that don't feel good. All right? Thank you for listening to Wandering the Wild Mess with Heather Morgan. You matter.