Intro
The Cycle of New Year's Motivation
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New year, new start, new goals. And for a moment, it actually feels good. Motivating, hopeful, like this could be your year.
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And then a few weeks in, the momentum fades, you second guess everything, and the excitement feels heavy.
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Underneath it all, there's something that you don't want to say out loud. I don't want to try and fail again.
The Power of Fresh Starts
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Welcome to Wandering the Wild Mess with Heather Morgan. I am so happy you're here. Welcome to the new year, best year yet, coming in hot for a brand new start. And at any point in time you're listening, just know it's a fresh start. We're hitting the reset button. Whether you're hearing this right now, live in coming to 2026 any point in time, take this as everything is working out for you and only getting better.
Why Motivation Wanes
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But I want to talk about the new year and how those goals are going. Because so many of us take the opportunity of a brand new year to say this year it's going to be different. And if you've listened to my episode just a few before about how self-concept changes everything,
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This is that, but more so about your goals. And we're going to get into it. We're going to get into why goal making feels so exciting and motivating at the beginning of the year. But then a few weeks in, you just kick it out. And and it might not but be what you think, I'm going to say. So I want you to sit down and listen to it, because if you're you've already maybe decided a couple of your goals are out the window or you're teetering or you're like, can I really do this? Let's talk about why this becomes such a difficult thing for so many
Understanding Failure and Psychological Safety
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people. And I want to remind you first and foremost that there's nothing wrong with you. You're not lazy. You're not incapable of setting goals. It's not it's not like you...
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are just never going to succeed and you're always going to fail. That's not it. I'm going to show you and tell you the psychology behind why it is this way. And we'll start off by giving you props for listening to this episode, setting goals for the new years.
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I know you're capable of big things. So we just got to get you and the buzzword, your nervous system to get on the same page. All right. And we're going to talk about how. So a lot of the reason, I'm sure you've set some goals, right?
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And with goal setting, I talked about it in the episode about self-concept. It can't just be a goal. You really have to see yourself achieving that goal, being someone that can achieve that goal. And oftentimes, just like anything else that you have to acclimate yourself to, when you pick a really, really big goal, right?
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It is difficult for you to sometimes see yourself there because it seems such like a ginormous el leap from where you currently are. Not because you can't get there. It's just the familiarity with how would I get there and your mind starts doing the how. And
Nervous System and Self-Sabotage
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that doesn't matter. You don't have to know the whole how, but you have to be able to see yourself at least being there.
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So when your goals are a little bit big,
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It's easy for your nervous system to be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, like, wait, I've been here before. We had some big goal and this seemed really unsafe. And so we're going to sabotage this because we don't know how to we don't know how to do that.
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Like we're not doing that. And this is like a big tip that I like ah wanted to remind you. Your brain, number one job isn't to make you successful. It's to keep you safe.
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Number one job. So when you're wondering like, why am I sabotaging these things? Why? It's not that you are intentionally, it's that your nervous system's running in the background, your system, your brain, you're like it's wired to be like, is this safe?
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And if you've set big goals before and not achieved them, and then you've shamed and felt guilt and felt disappointment in yourself, that feeling doesn't feel good.
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Therefore, it doesn't feel safe. Therefore, it's hard for your nervous system to want to trust that you're going to be safe going after that big goal.
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I think of it like this the other day. I was at the gym and there's like ah they were doing box jumps. And there was just one box. I was just doing one box. and They were pretty high. And I wasn't, anyways, this other guy like did two boxes.
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If I was to walk up to both boxes being there, I'd be like, even if I wanted that to be my goal, even if I was like, I want a box jump, two boxes. I wouldn't even dare to try because my body's like, I don't even know if the one seems like a lot. You're asking me to do two?
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No. And I would just immediately be like, that's not safe for me. So I wouldn't do it even if I wanted to.
Achieving Success with Incremental Goals
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Even if I was like, everyone else is doing it. I really want to. That seems cool. I should do it. But it's like, your my body's going to be like, no, yeah we we don't even know if we can do the first box jump. Do you want to do two? No.
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and And it just doesn't allow it. That's the same as your nervous system with the things that that you want to action that it's like, I don't think that's safe. So that's why...
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Goals in more of like a smaller, like micro like goals, like smaller pieces work so well because your nervous system can acclimate that, oh, okay, we can do that and we we're safe. And you're like slowly adding more as you go on. And that's why I feel like it's really important. They've talked, i mean, I'm sure you've heard this before, but sometimes we set goals for the whole year instead of like, okay, maybe it's just the month of January and then February and then March or in those smaller increments so that it feels like something you can build up to. And the buildup is not because you're not capable of the big thing.
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It's so that you can gain the capacity to allow yourself to feel safe with the big stuff. And not only just safe, and when I say safe, I really mean like, if you say I'm going to, ah you know, I don't even know, like lose 30 pounds in six months. I don't know if that, I mean, depending on where you are, I don't know if that's like an achievable goal, but it seems like it could.
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But if you've historically had that goal for like years and years and years, and you've never been able to achieve it, like, There's not a lot of thought process like why is this time gonna be different? And each time you felt in the past and you felt grief and shame about it, you're gonna be like, eh.
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But maybe if you change the goal to like, I'm just going to walk 10,000 steps five days a week and shift it from the weight loss goal.
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Shift it to something that you haven't failed at that you could see yourself. You know what? I do want to. I like walking. I can make some time for it. I just got a treadmill. I just whatever it is, you know, I like whatever.
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Like then you start saying like, oh, yeah, yeah, that's like actually achievable for me. I could see how I could get there. And when you start with a goal where you can see that you how you get there, that's how you succeed because you feel safe in the path.
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And it doesn't always have to be that way. Again, you can build, but you start the momentum by the repetition of continuously showing up for yourself day in and day out about that one thing.
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And the smaller that you make it, it doesn't feel overwhelmed with, oh my gosh, i have to do all these things. And that is what I want to tie. Goal making another reason why oftentimes goals in the new year can get um pulled to the wayside. It's because of burnout.
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And that's another like a buzzword. But when you think about burnout and what they what when people talk about it, it's really like um it happens when your expectation expectations exceed your capacity.
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So not because you don't want it. It's because you forced growth before you built the safety. So you could probably do it for a minute. Right. Just like you could, you know,
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work out seven days a week really for two hours a day, you know, probably for a couple of weeks, maybe a month. But like, is that sustainable? Like you're going to feel
Building Consistency through Habit Focus
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a lot of pressure. Like, I don't think I can keep doing this for this long.
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And that's why the more bite-sized pieces of your goals and the breakdown helps change that because it stops being even a goal. It's just what habits do I want to remove or add to my life?
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And again, a habit doesn't start overnight. So it's got to be what things am I willing to repeatedly do each day that will get me closer to XYZ goal.
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And that's really the breakdown that allows you to get where you want to be. And I know that it can feel overwhelming, especially in the New Year, because if you've looked back to last year and you were like, well, I said I was going to do all these things and none of them happened. I want you to really not look at it through that lens.
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And I want you to kind of come into this year giving some credit and applause for all of the wins you made last year too.
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Because that is a great way to show your brain, your nervous system, your your self oh, hey, like I did actually achieve things because it's so easy to loop and repeat the pattern of like, I didn't do anything last year. I thought I should be so much farther along. But when you actually take a step back and start writing all of the things, the wins that you had, you're like, ah wait a minute.
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I did do a lot of great things last year.
The Role of Past Achievements in Building Confidence
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And when you see how much how many great things you did last year, and write the little things. Write the things, that that something you didn't want to do.
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I mean, i could I did a lot of things that I didn't want to do. And at the end of the day, those are still wins. Because whenever you put yourself in a position to do something you don't want to do that's really difficult, that feels uncomfortable, that's out of your comfort zone, whatever, that's a win. Right?
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And often we just are like, well, I had to do it. But like you showed up for yourself when you needed to. And reminding your nervous system, your brain, your subconscious mind. No, I show up when I need to.
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For myself. That level of being able to reiterate to your own self the self-leadership that you had, like, okay. Like, let's think of it this way. If you've ever done, like, those end-of-year reviews for work, right? Like, year-end reviews, and you had to write all of your great accomplishments. I had been doing that for years and in corporate America, and, like...
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Often there was people that would just like stack their wins, like emails of when they won stuff and they'd they'd stack it all there. But at the end of the year, they'd need to like sell themselves like so they could get a raise or whatever. Right. And they'd have to be like, these are all the accomplishments I had this year. And they're not going to talk about all the things they messed up on. They just only want to show, you know, their boss or whatever, all of the great things they've done. Right.
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You should be doing that recap for yourself. Right. You should be showing yourself while you're setting your goals for this year and while you're aiming towards them, let's remind ourselves of all the great things we did last year.
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When do you sit down and do that? This is the time. Because nothing will remind you more of your strength and how capable you are of crushing everything you want from this year by reminding yourself of everything that you crushed last year that you didn't give yourself enough credit for.
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And if you if you're you know if your raise your promotion, your livelihood depended on it, I'm sure you could think of a hundred things that you totally killed last year. And I want you to shift some focus on that if you're already in that place where, because I know we're already in the new year, right? Like this is coming out right after the new year started. So you're probably like a weekend, like thinking, oh, can I do this? It's like, yes.
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And you know what? There's nothing wrong with reframing your goals. So if you're listening to this and you're looking at all the things you want to accomplish this year, if you want to make them bite size and switch them up, let's do it.
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You don't owe the first list you wrote to be the only one. You don't owe it. You can change your mind at any time about how you want to. And it's almost, this is literally strategy for yourself.
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The strategy is how do i show my own self that I can continually show up for me And how do I frame my goals to be something that I believe I can achieve?
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And how do I become the person that achieves i achieved them And this one's going to be a big one for me this year, y'all. And that's why I want this to be so...
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near and dear to you because I know that everyone has things that they want from this life. And there's not a person I meet that it's like, oh, yeah, I'm not striving for more. This is just good enough.
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And if they're saying that, ah good for them. I love that. But I think part of our purpose in this world is to expand and grow And so when you're not growing, you're kind of just, I mean, going through the motions.
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So growth is so important. So when you don't allow yourself enough love and capacity to grow, that's where life can start feeling a little mundane.
00:15:59
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And that's also when you lose a lot of joy. And joy is such an unlock for success. It's probably one of the biggest.
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And there's so much joy when you do what you say you're going to do and you can clap for yourself. And I, oh, guys, i'm I'm such a baby, but i I've been thinking about this law a lot lately when, you know, one other thing about goals that is sometimes – can be a little hard is especially like, you know, obviously I saw someone ask about like in a partnership, uh, is the thing that you love most is when you're like partner cheers for you so loudly in front of people.
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And i was like, oh yeah I really like that and and clearly like as that this time I'm uh you know I'm on my own and I've realized that i want you to know that you the way that sometimes we wish other people would hype us up while we're working towards goals and we were like it'd be great if people were cheering us on or hyping us up and And I've done a lot of thinking about that. And not everyone has that capacity to do that. Not everyone does that. ah People are in their own life, in their own mind. so
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And you know I've been a little isolated. like I have you know some core people in my life, but I haven't been. I've just been in a little bit of a cocoon period right this
The Importance of Self-Encouragement
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last year. And so now coming into this new year, I'm just like, Heather, you got to hype yourself up.
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So when I'm accomplishing things that I didn't want to do where i I delayed for a minute and then I just sit down and be like, you know what? Do it. When I do it, i am like, way to go. Like, I'm so proud of you. I'm literally saying that to myself. And I want to remind you on this goals journey, like, it is important for you to feel that hype and that joy.
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When you, like, make it to that gym class that you really didn't feel like going and then you leave it and you're like, Yeah, that would like look at me, you know? And it's just that give yourself the credit you deserve. Hype yourself up. Stop waiting for everyone else to see it and care because they're on their own path.
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You are hyping yourself. And the funny thing is I was thinking the other night about this because you hear about people saying you have to like learn to reparent, like you reparent yourself. It's not even about your parents per se. I mean, that's a whole other story. But when it's reparenting yourself, it's looking at yourself and being like, what did what do I need?
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If I'm little younger me, how am I speaking to myself? And when you little you wins, you're like, let's go. That's how you're like, you're like excited. You're not like, oh, that was OK. I i mean, I guess it was fine. Like you're not going to talk to little you like that. You're like, can you believe what you just did? You're such a freaking beast.
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And that's the kind of hype you have to learn to give yourself. And that is the best kind of hype because once you've got that in your system, once that's repetitive, once that's turned on, once you're hyping yourself up, you're unstoppable because you don't need any external validation from everyone else because you've already hyped yourself up. So it's like, doesn't and the rest your it's kind, but you're like, I got it.
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I know what I'm worth. I know that I'm capable. I know that I got this. And that knowing will accomplish more goals than anything else.
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And that's all within you. You just have to keep showing up and then showing yourself that you're proud of yourself for making those moves.
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And this can be, even if you're feeling like, I don't feel like there's anything I'm proud of in this current moment, which I can't imagine. I'm sure there's something. But even when you go back and and and say to yourself,
00:20:10
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When you're thinking about your goals, again, this is all collecting evidence for your subconscious mind to see that, yes, you are this person that can accomplish anything that you want. The fact that you're even still here today listening to this podcast is saying that you have won every battle that has ever happened in your life.
00:20:27
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Nothing has taken you out. You have been able to make it through every hard thing that has ever happened to your life, and you you're acting like you're weak, that you can't.
00:20:38
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Come on now, literally. um But I and I say that all because sometimes i've know I've talked about this before, like me moving across the country alone with no one, not knowing a soul and just like being like, I'll figure it out. Like that girl, sometimes I forget I was her because I'm like, if someone told me that I'm like, that's a badass.
00:21:04
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Like that is, i don't think everyone can do that. I mean, everyone can do that. I don't think everyone believes they can do that. They can. And i did.
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and it all worked out. And sometimes when I'm trying to take on another really big thing and I'm like, I want this, I have to remind myself, you're still the same girl that did that big thing.
00:21:28
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And so when you reframe, the big goals in your life, the big scary things, and you're like, oh, I don't think I can do this. Go find that other thing that you did that you didn't think you could do.
00:21:41
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Go back into, and I don't always say look to the past, but sometimes it's helpful because it's it's happened. It's evidence. It's already happened. When was that last time that that scary thing happened and you just showed up and you made it work out?
00:21:55
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And go back into the and into the archives and be like, pulling this folder out. And when you remind yourself of who you are, gosh, I mean, then you're like, oh, look at me.
00:22:12
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Like it's a whole vibe. And that's the energy you're bringing into the new year. Wherever you are in your goals, okay, say you one fell off, decide do I really want that? And if so, okay, how do i reframe it? How do i make it seem more achievable to my subconscious mind? It is absolutely achievable, but it's it's two boxes. We're going to start with one box jump, one box.
00:22:35
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So how do i make that a smaller goal and deliver? How do I get there?
00:22:42
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And then you just, you're it's literally like sometimes I think in my mind when I'm i'm doing these exercises, of my it's a gymnastics for the mind, right? And it's literally like those two different people. And I'm just, I'm listening to the one that's getting me to where I want to be and not the one that's trying to keep me where I've always been.
00:23:02
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And that is the difference between what you want
00:23:08
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And what feels safe for your nervous system. And especially if you've burnt out before, especially if you tried so hard to get a goal and it was just like you put all of yourself in it and you didn't have the capacity to go for it.
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Then it's going to think you're
Reassuring the Nervous System About Burnout
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doing that again. And it's going to be like, na no, no, no, no. We've already done that. And I had this quick analogy I was thinking about, like about going up a mountain. And there might be someone that's like i like a little kid that's like, yeah, this is fun. Yeah, let's go. Let's go. And then like this other kid's like screaming and kicking and being like, I don't want to do this.
00:23:44
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And you're like, come on, come on. And they're like, dude, I don't want to do this. And like screaming and yelling and whatever. When you're at that point, like that's not going to get you to the top of the mountain with that that kid. And that's sometimes your nervous system being so afraid.
00:23:58
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You have to literally sit down and be like, Okay, let me explain to you why we're going to be safe going up this mountain. Remember how you really wanted to wear these hiking shoes? You wanted to do this. you want And you kind of have to like talk it out with the the child.
00:24:18
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All right. What if we just hike up to that next rock? Do you think you could make it to that next rock right there? Could we try that first and then we see how you feel? And that's almost how you have to think about yourself when your body is screaming like, I don't want to do that again. And that's literally happened to me so many times. So when I'm telling you, this is nothing that's not in my own experience. I remember even starting when I started my like own business, LLC, when I was doing my consulting and all that. And I just felt like I had to grind, grind, grind. And when I took my first sabbatical from corporate America, I was like, the last thing I wanted to do was grind, grind, grind.
00:24:57
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Because my nervous system did not feel safe just being in that go, go, go mode. Because I had done it so long. i had burnt out. Like my nervous system was screaming, please save me. I cannot produce any more.
00:25:14
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And when I was getting back in it with my business, it was like all of these things came up of like I just had so much resistance. But I realized it's because i my nervous system had tied that and it was like I don't want to go back there.
00:25:31
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I don't want to go back to that place. And so it's like I had to have that conversation and show my own self why it wasn't going to be that, why I wasn't going to leave them in that way. I wasn't taking them back to that place that we didn't want to be anymore. That wasn't safe for us.
00:25:47
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And you have to have those conversations with yourself to get there. And I know that sounds like, okay, but I promise you that it works
00:26:05
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because you're building the capacity to hold things long-term. It's not get there the quickest and then crash and burn.
Embodying Success Identity
00:26:16
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It's let's hold on and keep these happening. And I think I really reflect back on anybody that's been on a big like fitness journey. I know a lot of those people turn coaches and I absolutely understand why if you went from like one extreme in your fitness journey to like very like the level of discipline and change in habits that happens there is huge. And once you show yourself that you can do that and same with entrepreneurship, it feels like you can do anything.
00:26:49
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And That's why I want you to realize that you don't get what you want. You get who you are.
00:27:03
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And so you have to remind yourself day in and day out who you are. And who you are is who you want to be.
00:27:15
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But you have to move through the world like that person you want to be.
00:27:20
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And you have to be okay with strategically setting up your goals to move in a way that they can be achieved.
00:27:34
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And I think that's sometimes hard when we feel like we're behind because we that seems like we're it's going to take longer and we don't have the patience for it.
00:27:46
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But patience... Gosh, that's another one I'm learning. Patience is a big one. And with your goals, they can happen so quickly once you can hold them and you feel safe for them to come into your life.
00:28:04
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So all of that patience in training your nervous system to hold great things in your life and not be afraid that you will fail.
00:28:17
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And knowing that you're not going to shame yourself for something, that you're going to reframe it and reposition it and make it achievable
Failures as Learning Opportunities
00:28:24
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every time. And it's just a re it's it's not a failure. It's just OK. And now we're going to try it this way. Remember when I talked about Tommy and Thomas Edison and I said he said I didn't fail X amount of times. I just found X amount of times it didn't work.
00:28:40
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That's the mindset. And that's not going to happen because it's going to be the best year ever. But if it does, it's not. We're just reframing it. We're reframing everything into wins.
00:28:54
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And what I want to leave you with is, let me see. I had i had written some good. um Some good.
00:29:04
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Thoughts down. um But I so I want tell you how to build safety really quick before I leave. So let's just recap that really quick.
00:29:15
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Of course, how to build safety. Become the person you you become that person by reminding yourself that you already are reminding yourself. Who you want to be and then moving through the world is that person you make goals smaller than your fear.
00:29:33
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So that doesn't mean you don't go for big things, but make them, again, the box analogy. I keep going back to it, but you can visualize it Can you see jumping in that first box?
00:29:45
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Eventually, once you jump that first box so many times, you're going to feel like I can take on the next one. And then you build trust, not pressure. You trust yourself to follow through.
00:29:56
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If you fall off in one little way, it's not the end. You didn't ruin it. You get back on the next day. It's not an end. It's just we're imperfect humans, part of the gig.
00:30:10
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um Keep small promises. Trust grows faster than motivation. So when you trust yourself to follow through, That is when everything unlocks.
00:30:23
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And I'm just going to really quickly reframe this. Think about the people in your life that you know when they say they're going to do something, you trust it. There's just another level of respect for those people because they always follow through.
00:30:38
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And that's most of the time that makes you feel safe because you can count on them, right? Because you know that you trust what they say and what they do and that aligns. And there's a level of safety with people like that in your life.
00:30:51
Speaker
there That feels good. That's how you, your own little self, your nervous system, all this and whatever word you want to use, that's that's how you feel about yourself. When you know you can trust yourself, there's a level of safety there.
00:31:07
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I know i will do what I say. And when I don't, it's, you know, you understand the reason why, but it's not just to throw in the towel.
00:31:18
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And then normalize disappointment. And I mean this in a way of like, Showing that disappointment and rejection in certain ways when you're trying to achieve goals, those are not failures.
00:31:33
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Those are just redirections. Those are just like part of the journey. And it doesn't mean anything about you. And it doesn't mean throw in the towel. And it doesn't mean you're on the wrong path.
00:31:43
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So I just want to remind you about that because the more you kind of normalize like lob detachment, like whether this what this works out or it doesn't, I'm still good, I'm still safe, that will take you so far.
00:31:58
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So if of the people in your life need a little goal, motivation to keep going, ah send them this episode. Remind them how great they are.
00:32:10
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This is the way to hype somebody up, to help somebody hype themselves up because I know there's so many of us that are probably putting pressure on this year to be different. And I don't want you to move through this year feeling pressure.
00:32:25
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i want you to try to find joy self-trust.
00:32:32
Speaker
in knowing that you have a 10 out of 10 record of survival. So that's pretty good. All
Final Motivation and Encouragement
00:32:42
Speaker
right. And again, share this episode. Give it five stars. Make sure that you visit Wandering the Wild Mess. Subscribe to my email list. I'm going to be sending out a lot more motivational things ah for this year. And then also...
00:32:57
Speaker
Gosh, there's so many things I want to share with you all that I just cannot wait. And so I'm definitely going to be giving you more of what you want. And feel free to reach out and email me and let me know what you need to hear. You want to hear what would help your mind grow in this new year, because that's exactly what I want to give you. You're not behind. You're not broken. You're crushing the goals.
00:33:21
Speaker
Best year yet. Thank you for listening to Wandering the Wild Mess with Heather Morgan. You matter.
Outro