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Letting the Season Be What It Is
55 Plays2 days ago
If this season feels different this year, you’re not alone.
The holidays have a way of amplifying everything: your joy, your healing, your loneliness, and your growth.
Life changes, Traditions shift. Emotions rise. And the contrast between what was and what is can feel heavy.
This is a must-hear, honest reflection on navigating the holidays (and any season of life) when your life no longer fits the version you once knew. It’s about allowing yourself to grieve without getting stuck, releasing old expectations, and understanding that “different” doesn’t mean wrong—it simply means new.
You’ll hear reflections that will help you understand:
- Why traditions feel harder after major life changes
- How to let go of what it once was without shame
- Grief, detachment, and emotional honesty
- How to find peace in quieter, unfamiliar seasons
- How to trust that life is still unfolding—even when it looks nothing like it used to
This is not about forcing joy or pretending everything is okay. It’s about honoring where you are, letting yourself feel fully human, and trusting that even this season is shaping something meaningful.
If you’re spending the holidays alone, navigating loss, rebuilding after divorce, or simply feeling out of sync this year—this conversation is for you.
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe, follow, share it with a friend, and rate the podcast five stars 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
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Email: heather@wanderingthewildmess.com
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Transcript
Intro
Introduction and Emotional Amplification of Holidays
00:00:37
Speaker
The holidays have a way of amplifying everything, your joy, your healing, your loneliness, and your growth. If it feels a little different this year, you're not alone.
00:00:54
Speaker
Welcome to Wandering the Wild Mess with Heather Morgan. I am so happy you're here. All right, we're releasing this ah around the holidays and I really want to talk about it because i honestly know that the holidays feel so different when your life changes and I feel like a lot of people
00:01:26
Speaker
have a ah number of reasons why lie feels a little bit different around the holidays. And i think one thing I didn't really realize even growing up, I think when we're all kids and we just, we love it and it's magical. And then as we get older, we're like, where's the magic? And things just shift and
Adapting to Changed Traditions After Loss
00:01:46
Speaker
change. And we kind of try to make the new magic, right? it's The truth is, is that it's really one of those times where you can either feel overwhelmed with joy to be around the people that you're with, or you can completely feel like grief for not having certain people in your life anymore.
00:02:15
Speaker
And I know that This is true for people that have gotten divorced that have kids. I can only imagine how hard that would be to have to like split holidays and things like that. And I know i had posted something about a flashback of remembering my first Thanksgiving shopping, like doing grocery shopping and literally wanting to like pretty much tear up in the grocery store because it was like my first year spending Thanksgiving alone. And I had went from, like I'd mentioned, like cooking every year for a whole bunch of people, his family or mine and like making a turkey and doing all that. And then my Thanksgiving shifted and I just did my second 5K with my dog for Thanksgiving. So it's totally different because I was cooking all morning,
00:03:13
Speaker
and launching the parade and making breakfast. I mean, it was a whole day. like my It looks completely different. And I think I want to remind you that although this is a time that can feel heavy for a lot of people, and especially like I remember the first Christmas after losing my dad, it was kind of like I didn't even want to celebrate.
00:03:37
Speaker
i remember me and my little sister went to the movies
00:03:43
Speaker
because i think it was like a movie my dad loved. I'm not really a big movie buff, but I feel like it was something he would have wanted to see. and It was like, how do we celebrate now?
00:03:56
Speaker
And so whether that's like you've gotten out of a relationship, divorced, you don't have your kids, you lost a loved one. mean, I have a friend back home that her grandma's not doing well and it's kind of throwing the holidays off because she's nearing the end and it's you know she's been a part of their holidays for so long and then you just have to navigate them. And even me as I am like preparing to go back home to Salt Lake, like this is my grandpa passed and like he was just um my last grandpa on my, or my last grandparent on my mom's side. Right. um And so now we're going to, I want to get the family together, but it's just going to look different.
Finding Joy in Impermanence
00:04:45
Speaker
And, Let's kind of talk through how we don't sit in that pity because I think sometimes – I think it's really good to feel the emotions and go like, okay, but I want you to not – see it solely as I'm so alone. This means, you know, my life's always going to be hard. Like, uh, I don't, I don't even care about Christmas anymore, which honestly, like, let's be real here. I got to be honest. Like I have not like decorated since my divorce. I, last year i bought
00:05:22
Speaker
two Wrangler stockings for me and my dog because I got a fireplace. So I was like, well, I have to have stockings. But that is legit the whole, ah that's all the Christmas decor I have.
00:05:34
Speaker
I haven't had a tree since. So it was coming on the third year. So my house is not, you know, and if you knew me in my past life, i we cut, we chopped down a Christmas tree. You know, we went out into the woods and chopped down a Christmas tree and then we brought it back and then we decorated all day and Christmas music on the record player with some wine, decorated everything. We had an annual so ugly sweater party with our friends. We did the Christmas lights at Temple Square with the dinners. We did all of it.
00:06:09
Speaker
You know, I would go see the Christmas Carol at hare Hell Center Theater, which was like a a play of the Christmas Carol every year with my mom's sister and that grandma. And then when my grandma passed, it kind of fell off. it was So it's crazy that we have all these traditions and then things change that. And it kind of we're grieving that change. But that doesn't mean that we can't see...
00:06:34
Speaker
other, joyful in other ways. And the hard, the reason I even bring up that I haven't decorated, because I'm like, I'm telling you to see the positive, but I'm not seeing the negative by not decorating.
00:06:47
Speaker
I'm just, i don't feel, i don't want to say I don't feel the Christmas spirit, but maybe kinda, maybe it's just And maybe it's just kind of been like, it's kind of like pushed down and maybe I just associated so much of Christmas with my past life and the traditions I had that it's hard to kind of like fit it in this new life that I'm living.
00:07:13
Speaker
So maybe that's a better way to put it, but I'm not necessarily like sad about
Embracing New Holiday Experiences
00:07:16
Speaker
it. And I think when I, I think that you kind of have to decide, are we going to wallow in this or is it just like a different, if it it just just feels different and that's okay.
00:07:28
Speaker
Like nothing is forever. Nothing is permanent. Everything has been an expiration date on this planet. And that's okay. And that's like a place of acceptance.
00:07:42
Speaker
And finding joy in other things
00:07:48
Speaker
is... that it's going to be valuable for you to learn that skill over time, wherever you are in life. And if you haven't learned it yet, things out of your control are going to happen and finding the way to kind of reframe them, feel them, right? Feel the grief, feel the sadness, but don't wallow in your sadness because there are so many beautiful things that can happen when life is different.
00:08:20
Speaker
And i wish I had a personal real world example about, you know, something that was like, oh, this changed my whole life when I didn't celebrate the holidays. But I will tell you that I just ah for after like Thanksgiving, I went down to Knoxville over the Thanksgiving weekend and saw Vandy crush the balls, which is like, no um But but that was like so fun.
00:08:48
Speaker
And it was so different. Like, I can't even imagine my like Utah life, you know, doing all that. And we're chopping down a tree the next day and decorating, whatever. I wouldn't even have been going to an SEC football game.
00:09:03
Speaker
Like for an in-state rivalry, like it was so much fun. I had literally the best time. And it's like, were there moments where it's like, yeah, this feels so much different. Like, yeah, but like, what's wrong with that?
00:09:18
Speaker
And I think I want to remind you sometime is that difference different, although it feels uncomfortable, doesn't mean wrong. It just means you haven't like fully acclimated to the change and you haven't like anchored in that new part of your life. and this I want to bring up because I feel like I have people in my circle that like they're like,
00:09:47
Speaker
Nobody wants to break up for the holidays, ah which is fine. And that's why they say like divorce rates spike like after the holidays, like in January. This is not a plug for anyone to get divorced, but this is like real life experience from people. Because I had friends back home that were married, and I swear the holidays saved their marriage for a couple more months every time.
00:10:09
Speaker
Because you're so distracted, you're so in your life, you're so in there. But this is just one of those reminders that...
00:10:19
Speaker
Oftentimes, staying in the traditions that you have in your life or staying in anything that you consider, that's not always the better path. And yeah, maybe you'd have ah this whole like Christmas would
Growth Through Discomfort and Change
00:10:31
Speaker
feel like it looked like again.
00:10:33
Speaker
But at what cost?
00:10:38
Speaker
Do you know what i mean? Like, At what cost? Because if that isn't really... i mean, i remember thinking my first Thanksgiving, like, when we were separated, like, I just want... I don't know how to do this.
00:10:54
Speaker
But I'm so glad I just sat in the discomfort and knew that it will just evolve and it's okay.
00:11:04
Speaker
Because...
00:11:07
Speaker
There are so many times that we go back to comfort and we
00:11:14
Speaker
miss out on what could have been. Like the Vols-Vandy game. That was fun. But I'm just saying there is – opportunity to see the good and the difference and to not feel so alone.
00:11:31
Speaker
And i feel like what is the thing you've always been wanting to do? Like I know some friends that had, they weren't going to be with anyone on Thanksgiving. And it's like, fill your time with things that you enjoy.
00:11:46
Speaker
i know if at least if you were married or even in a relationship, there are moments where you're like, i just want to do something for me. Why don't you use that opportunity for that to be the moment?
00:11:58
Speaker
Do the thing you love. Do something you've been putting off. Know that everything is just seasons, things pass, and they go by. and I am sending you so much love because I literally had so many people react to the first Thanksgiving alone and they I could just feel the energy of sadness from people trying to move through the holidays when their life looks different.
00:12:31
Speaker
And I want you to know
00:12:35
Speaker
that you're right where you're supposed to be. And this is building so much resilience and strength for you to move through life when it doesn't feel comfortable, when it's not filled with distractions, when you just have to sit with yourself.
00:12:53
Speaker
I promise you it can feel lonely and isolating, but it is for you. It's for your growth. There is beauty in the mess of it.
00:13:05
Speaker
And it is an opportunity for you to really Understand what you value
00:13:12
Speaker
and what the holidays should look like for you. i think sometimes, and maybe this is kind of why i have not been as holiday spirit-ish, is that I felt like some of the false magic that I was doing like it will in my marriage was like,
00:13:35
Speaker
It was kind of like keeping me there. The traditions were like, but we always do this, but we always do that. Like we always do this. And you, you know, you can go a whole nother year of that because there's always going to be something. And I think about that even with my like first love. i was like, I knew I wanted to break up with him.
00:13:53
Speaker
ah Here's a, that's a fun fact. I've always been the breaker upper. But ah I was like, oh, but I can't because this wedding's coming up. But this is coming up. This is coming up. And when you do that,
00:14:05
Speaker
I just want to remember that like you're staying somewhere because of some like commercialized or social event that you feel like you need someone to be there for. Not because you want to stay.
00:14:21
Speaker
and I know some circumstances are people left you. And now you feel, okay, well, Heather, I didn't want the breakup. I didn't want the divorce. They left me. Now I'm alone. Now what?
00:14:34
Speaker
I hear you and I see you, but I know you're worthy of someone that would want to spend the holidays with you. And so that person that left made room for the person who wants to spend the holidays with you to come.
00:14:53
Speaker
And I know that sounds hard because you're like, well, can they come right now? And I'm like, I don't know. That's God's timing, not mine. But I know that they will more easily come when you're not clinging to the idea that you need someone else in this moment.
Appreciating Life Amid Grief
00:15:15
Speaker
And friendships are good. I had a lot of people say, like, I have my friends. So, you know, and i but I know that's not the same because I remember when I was first divorced and we went and did Oktoberfest at Snowbird, which is in Utah, like we would always do, you know, and it it was I was with my friends and you think I should just have a great old time. But I was like, it's not even that even when you don't want to be back, it's like this just feels so different. And anything that is different than what you're used to just is going to feel uncomfortable.
00:15:44
Speaker
But I like to think ah of it as like, and I might have said this before, but life is really like a curriculum, right? You're like learning new things. And as you're gaining strength in the pain, no pain, no gain, you know, i don't know where that came from. But, you know, and so as you Feel the pain. I'm trying to trying to make you laugh here. Let's go. um But as you feel the pain of the isolation, the loneliness, the difference in the holiday season, I just want to remind you, like, you're creating space for someone that wants to spend it with you.
00:16:24
Speaker
Or if you're just getting to enjoy like a holiday that's a little more quiet, like who said that's wrong? I know when I was a kid, I was like, gosh, I wish my family was like home alone. They're running around fuller. Go easy on the Pepsi. Like that looks so fun. You know, I want that chaos. But it's like maybe that will be my life one day. But like if it's not today, like it's OK.
00:16:49
Speaker
And even though this is like a holiday-ish episode, you know I'm always about the reframes. And I think the law of detachment, you know, is huge because you really learn to like detach from any specific outcome. And when you get divorced, when you change your life, when you do anything really disruptive, you don't always know how it's going to go.
00:17:16
Speaker
So you really quickly learn that detachment is going to have is going to be your easiest path forward, path of least resistance.
00:17:28
Speaker
Because when you're detached, you release the friction. And detached doesn't mean that you don't want for more. It just means that you know what you want, you trust it will come, and you're detached from the how and when.
00:17:47
Speaker
And so if you're sitting here going like, why when is it going to not feel like this? When is it not? I promise it's going to get better.
00:17:58
Speaker
I promise if you take a moment to remember the moments, maybe i know sometimes it's easy to see the I'm not this person, but I know talking to people, it's easier to see the good reasons why you stayed.
00:18:13
Speaker
But most of the time if something ended, there was, you know, the reasons. And when someone passes away, like that circle of life. and Now, I had to learn that at 26 with my best friend, my dad. And honestly, i I remember after my divorce being like, I don't know which one's harder because losing my dad, it was like at least I knew he could never come back. It was just permanent.
00:18:41
Speaker
losing, you know, leaving my marriage, it was like you're grieving something that's not really gone that could still be but is not for you.
00:18:52
Speaker
and so it's a very different, like less permanent but permanent feeling.
00:18:58
Speaker
And so grief is just part of the journey, I guess, is what I'll end you with. Like grief is just part of being a human and having emotions and navigating the world.
00:19:10
Speaker
and Sometimes I have to remind myself, like I literally, and I'll i'll say this, like ah the other night, i because I cry from gratitude all the time. If y'all listen, you know I cry on the podcast all the time. I'm just moved.
00:19:25
Speaker
But I cried myself to sleep the other night. Literally like full-blown, like fell asleep crying. And I don't know if I've ever done that before.
00:19:38
Speaker
Um, or at least it's, I, you know, I couldn't remember and, and, you know, um, and I'm still happy. It's just sometimes grief overwhelms us, but that just means that we're allowing ourself to feel,
00:19:56
Speaker
And that just like anything, like a pressure cooker, it needs to be released. So even if your holiday is like, yeah, I literally cried on the couch for a couple hours. Like, don't be like, that's miserable. Be like, thank goodness I got all that out.
00:20:11
Speaker
I felt my feelings. I let my emotions be real. And that's the most human experience you can have. And that is literally you allowing yourself to be you.
00:20:24
Speaker
which you know that's why you're here. You know, I always say that. Fuller, go easy on the Pepsi. Just kidding, I wanted to say that one more time. That's like my favorite movie. I haven't watched that in over three years either. But...
00:20:36
Speaker
Anyway, so making light that I just want you to know you can feel alone, but you're not alone. There are so many others of us that know exactly what it feels like. Maybe not exactly your scenario, but exactly what it feels like to feel so lost and alone on the holidays and grieve someone. We've all lost someone we love.
00:20:59
Speaker
In some way or another. Circle of life again. It comes to law of detachment. You can love someone so hard but detach knowing that not everything stays forever.
00:21:10
Speaker
And once you get to that place, it's so peaceful.
00:21:17
Speaker
It's just so peaceful. And I lost... The other thing I'll say is that like I lost my last grandparent. and that So now I have no grandparents left. Wow.
00:21:28
Speaker
And I was just in Oklahoma for that. and And I realized like that's kind of a whole interesting other circle of life because they were such a big part of my life for so long that I'm like, now I don't have grandparents, you know, like sending a Christmas card or doing like, you know what i mean? But I'm just like, I mean, the woman was 98.
00:21:51
Speaker
Am I going to grieve that? I'm like, good for her. Let's Yeah. You know, and sometimes it's just the reframe, the laugh it off. It's not that serious. I swear you're going to get through it. Go watch. I don't even I don't know if i'm going to tell you to watch a Christmas movie, but there are some good Christmas movies. We'll see if I, you know, distract yourself in ah in a healthy way.
00:22:14
Speaker
Not a boxed wine's way. I'm not doing that anymore. And this was the first Thanksgiving I can remember that I didn't have an ounce of alcohol, no wine. Not that I like was saying it was a thing, but i ah it kind of was like after my divorce, like that that's what I had been doing. And this is like, meh, just a day.
00:22:33
Speaker
just moving through the motions. But if you're not there yet, don't worry. You'll come around. But that was, it felt like a big win for me because I realized like I'm not drowning my sorrows.
Conclusion and Holiday Wishes
00:22:44
Speaker
I'm accepting my reality and I'm making my mind up to make the best of it.
00:22:49
Speaker
And i want that for you too. So again, if you got anything, I hope you have the best holidays, whatever it looks like. Reframe it. You got it Your whole life can look completely different by this time next year. So don't hold on to it's never going to work out for me because it absolutely is.
00:23:06
Speaker
All right. So happy holidays, Hanukkah, Merry Christmas. All the things that I'm missing. Kwanzaa. Is that something? Yeah, all of them. And then um go to the podcast, give it five stars, share it with someone that might be lonely this holiday season so that they know, dude, you're not alone. There's a lot of us. It's just we're literally sitting in our house being like, this looks a lot different.
00:23:29
Speaker
But you're going to be fine. I promise. Cry it out on the couch. Eat a bonbon. Do people even buy those? I don't know. Anyways, and thank you so much for listening to Wandering the Wild Mess with Heather Morgan.
00:23:43
Speaker
You matter.