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Original Understudies - EP 9 - To Catch a Predator
101 Plays2 years ago
This is the first episode hosted by an Understudy other than James. This show is not intended to have a set cast anymore than it is intended to have a standard Host. Overtime, the goal is to have a rotating host every week to see how each person approaches the role.
Additionally, we will forever be grateful to the Quick Six for our Intro music. The Quick Six - Get To It
And finally, this episode would not be possible without our Mastering Engineer, Toivo Kallio.
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Please write us a review and send some emails to
OriginalUnderstudiesPodcast@gmail.com
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Cole Stratton Instagram.com/strattoncole/
Atul Singh instagram.com/atultime
Maggie Widdows - Stinkers
Jacki Schwarz Florida Person Podcast
James Heaney - GameFront.com
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Call for Suggestions
00:00:10
Speaker
Welcome to the Original Understudies. I'm your host, Ufl Singh. And for our listeners, we do have two favors to ask you. One, if you'd like to provide a suggestion that we may utilize in future shows, please email us at originalunderstudiespodcastatgmail.com. That is Original Understudies Podcast
00:00:35
Speaker
at Gmail.com. And B, if you've listened and enjoyed the podcast, please leave us a review wherever you are listening.
Social Media Handles and Personal Updates
00:00:44
Speaker
And boy, do we have a doozy of a lineup today. Coming up first, Maggie Widows. Maggie, where can people find you on the socials?
00:00:53
Speaker
On the socials, great job hosting, by the way. I just want to say right off the bat, I'm loving the energy. You can find me at mwids, M-W-I-D-S on Instagram. And I have a podcast, Stinkers, that you can listen to. Great, lovely. And next, going clockwise, is Jackie Schwartz. Jackie, where can people find you on the socials?
00:01:23
Speaker
Well, guess what? You can find me on Instagram, tacky underscore shorts. There's one picture of a dog wearing sunglasses on that Instagram. That's how you know it's me. Also, you can find me on the Florida Person podcast where all podcasts are found or on YouTube.
00:01:41
Speaker
And just to be clear, that's tacky shorts, that's T for tacky. Yeah, it's a T instead of a J and a Y instead of an I. Oh. Okay, flip it. That's branding to people, that's branding. Again, you don't really need to find me on there. Go to the Florida Person podcast and say, just like I said, my Instagram is just one picture of a dog wearing sunglasses and that's the whole thing.
00:02:05
Speaker
Not my dog either, not my dog. Not your dog, just a dog. Great. Don't have a dog, nope. Right next to her is the lovely and beautiful Cole Stratton. Cole, where can people find you? At Stratton Cole on Instagram, at Cole Stratton on Twitter, spelled like you think that they would. Also, this is not coming out for a while, but I think this will come out before this. I am getting inducted into the San Francisco State Alumni Hall of Fame.
00:02:34
Speaker
Which is a crazy weird thing. Did you even go there? I did go there. I'd be weird if I didn't. Me and my Sketchfest partners are getting inducted this year and it's being done in October at the Chase Center where the Warriors play. So it's kind of a crazy big weird thing. So that's happening. Other than that, shows it Westside all the time.
00:02:56
Speaker
Congratulations. That's amazing. And last but not least at all is the real James Heaney. James, where can people find you on socials? They can find me at the real James Heaney on Instagram. And gosh, I hope that they keep coming here to find me because it's a pleasure to be on original understudies podcast.
Starting with 'To Catch a Predator' Suggestion
00:03:19
Speaker
Lovely. All right. We're going to get started with the original understudies podcast. I have our suggestion. Let me pull it up.
00:03:28
Speaker
All right. Our suggestion is, and you can kind of take it and extrapolate, to catch a predator. To catch the predator.
Discussion on Prey Movie
00:03:40
Speaker
Everybody's freaking out about that Prey movie that's on Hulu. Speaking of Predator. Is freaking out good or bad? Good. Everybody thinks it's fantastic. Then, of course, there's people that are freaking out that it's like, oh, woman beats the Predator, which is so stupid.
Debating Predator's Rules
00:03:57
Speaker
But that's a thing. Did you just spoil it?
00:04:00
Speaker
I mean, come on. I haven't seen it yet. I haven't seen it yet. I mean, the Predator pretty much does not win in most movies eventually. Otherwise, I mean, unless they're like fighting aliens or whatever, but I haven't seen it yet either. So I don't even know if I spoiled it. But the good thing about it this time is that it actually follows like the Predator rules, which sometimes like the movies just don't follow the rules where like the Predator only fights like another Alpha.
00:04:29
Speaker
Is that true? That's the predator's rules. Where did you learn the predator's rules? Men's rights rules. I know. Well, that's the thing. The predator only fights another thing that it sees worthy of fighting. And so that's how, well, I mean, I don't know, again, that's how like ladies are able to beat it because it's like, oh, I'm a big alpha predator, you know, and it doesn't want to fight you. But you win by outsmart. High value predators. I need to know where you learned this fact.
00:04:59
Speaker
from the other Predator movies and then where the other Predator movies break the Predator movie rules in the Predator universe. I went to Predator University, I'm getting inducted into the Hall of Fame at Predator University.
00:05:15
Speaker
I've seen Predator 1, which they titled at the time just Predator. It was a great film and I loved it. And I don't remember the Predator ever telling rules that they had or having any English that they had. And then I saw Predator 2, but it was so long ago. And I don't remember if I liked it or didn't like it.
00:05:37
Speaker
But I don't remember them having any language that they could speak to humans. No, no, they don't say that. But if it's like, oh, the predator comes across a bear fighting a coyote and the coyote is losing, then the predator is going to want to fight the bear, not the coyote. Those are the predator rules. It fights the more alpha one. Original understudies.
00:06:04
Speaker
Alright, hey, if we're gonna play Monopoly, can we just play regular rules and not your home-based rules? Uh, no, no, no, no. You don't understand that we're playing the house rules. House rules Monopoly.
00:06:22
Speaker
It just feels like when we're playing, you're not giving us the whole house rules up top and we're sort of stumbling into new rules the whole time. Yeah, those are just sort of like assess the rules as they go from the motions that we make during the game. I don't know. It's a super unclear about that, but it wouldn't be fun if I just straight up told you the rules.
00:06:43
Speaker
No, I don't get it. Like I got all four railroads and then he said, if I did that, I had to give you two of them. And I just don't think that that's a thing. Exactly. It seems odd that all of the rules that we find out always seem to lean in your favor. Yeah. When I won second place at the beauty contest, you said by default, you won first place and you collected three times the amount of money.
00:07:08
Speaker
Mm-hmm. See, what I'm trying to do is I'm trying to assert myself in this game of Monopoly as the top monopolist, you know, as a capitalist. I'm the top capitalist, and all of you have to show me that you're worthy of fighting me in this environment. All right. How about this? Maybe you feel fucking worthy now, okay? Oh, my. Hey, hey, hey, hey, put that down. Did you bring that with you? Of course I brought it with me.
00:07:35
Speaker
Look dude, we're just playing Monopoly. I know what we're doing here. Just playing Monopoly. I'm just trying to be a winner, okay? I'm just trying to be a winner. I'll set this down. And now let's just, let's just make a solid set of rules and whatever they are now, we'll just keep going forward with them. Can I, can I be the gun as my piece?
00:07:56
Speaker
We'll see, in the House Rules example of it, I would have to be the gun. Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm keeping this. No, I would have to be the gun. Give that back to me. The House Rules. House Rules. Hey, give that back to me. I'll submit one. Okay, here's one. If she lands on go to jail, she has to go to jail. She can't not go to jail anymore because she has an understanding with the warden. Like, that's, no. Yeah, I like that rule. I like that rule.
00:08:24
Speaker
Okay, but then I'm also going to implement the house rule of I'm able to just hop over jail because in this universe I have very long legs. I have long enough legs to physically hop over the jail spot. You know what? I want my gun back and I'm leaving. You're never going to get this company. Honestly, I want you to leave. You brought a fucking gun to game night, man.
00:08:47
Speaker
Guys, I played games here before. She did the same thing when we were playing Risk. She did the same thing when we were playing Trivial Pursuit. I'm the bad guy. Let's not gang up with him. I mean, I brought a crossbow. How are you hiding that the whole time? You guys thought I had a big jacket on, but really it was just kind of filling my shoulders up.
00:09:12
Speaker
But you know, I just thought I just knew how this was gonna go. I know how she gets and I just wanted to make sure that's respected. You know what? I'll take off my bra. How about that? Everyone's dropping their weapons. Welcome to toys, guns and ammo. What are you looking for? I'm looking for something that would scare a pig but wouldn't kill a dog.
00:09:38
Speaker
Oh, you're looking for a nine. All right. A nine. A nine. Yeah. Listen, I'm new. I'm new to this game, but I am looking to get involved heavily. I go a thousand percent of things. I do not stop when someone says no in the right ways. Uh, and I am just trying to get an, uh, become a part of gun culture. You know what I mean, man? Yeah, of course I do this. That's why you come here. Do you want, uh, uh, do you want any toys as well?
00:10:07
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, boys and their toys, right? Oh, we can go under studies. All right, team. We're looking at the first Funko Pop that's just a gun.
00:10:19
Speaker
It's just the character of a gun. I don't know. I just feel like it doesn't have a lot of character to it. Well, none of the Funko Pops do. They're all on the same canvas. But how do we kind of communicate that this one's just a gun? It's for the people in the sort of gun circles who follow gun stuff, who are real gunheads, real gunnets. Is that what they call them, gunheads?
00:10:48
Speaker
Gunheads, yeah. I feel like we have to tie it into a pop culture property. Like, this is how a boy's gun or something like that, you know? We're going to get to that. We're going to get really specific with the whole gun line. But for right now, we just need one to just kick off the whole thing. You know how we just had regular Batman and then we went into all the different types of Batman. Yeah, that worked really good.
00:11:14
Speaker
Same thing. This one's just a gun. The next one will be specifically someone's gun. After that, it'll be like an anime gun. After that, it'll be, you know... Oh, I hear you. What if it was just, you know, stereotypical magnum gun?
00:11:36
Speaker
Oh, I like that. Oh, I like that. Just like what you think of when you when I say close your eyes. Everybody do it. Come on. So I'll go pop closer. Close your eyes. But how is it going to be just when you see a gun? I think of one of those six shooter men. Actually, it's a cowboy gun. Now that I really have visualized it, I'm visualizing a cowboy gun. Oh, we can go on this.
00:12:03
Speaker
Happy birthday dear, dear President. Happy birthday to you. Open it. Open mine first, Mr. President. Okay. Oh my gosh. This completes my Funko collection. Thank you so much.
00:12:27
Speaker
uh, treasure. I'm just really excited. Uh, it's Gabe, right? I can never remember. Yes, sir. Thank you, Mr. President. Thank you. Don't open mine. Um, give him your gifts. It's huge. What's that? What is it? Well, I had second thoughts about it now, now that I see everybody else's gift.
00:12:51
Speaker
All right. Well, uh, let me try to get this guy, get some help. Oh, and this is big. No, no, no. I really think that it was a bad idea. I'm a little embarrassed. I thought, I thought there was going to be a lot more joke, a joke, a gift joke. Okay. What is that? Open it. Open it. Mr. President's please. Here we go. Taking the lid off here and, uh, Oh my.
00:13:15
Speaker
Wow. Oh my God. I don't, I don't know. How did you get that through security? I cut a deal. I cut a deal with security. Listen, I don't expect us to do these drugs. I don't know. It was just a gag. It's a gag gift. You can't be vice president anymore, Mr. President.
00:13:37
Speaker
Yeah, I'm thinking that this is, I mean, how, wait, why did you think that this was a joke? Like, why would this be funny? I don't understand the reasoning behind that. Good point. Is it because of, is it because of the president's past? It's kind of a private joke. I didn't, I didn't know we were going to open all the gifts in front of each other. It was a private joke between me and Rob.
00:13:57
Speaker
So President Rob, you had a private joke with President Rob. He's been trying to get away from this since the campaign, honestly, trying to separate himself from his past and those tweets that went out in the early 2010s. And this really just exhibits a poor level of taste.
00:14:20
Speaker
It was a miracle that I got elected. I mean, everybody knows my past. Everybody knows that I was a drug mule for 15 years before I got interested in politics. Great drug mule. And I was the best drug mule. Everyone knew that. But I had to get out of the viz and I just decided to get into politics and here we are. And I've been trying to put that behind me. There's definitely a very vocal faction on Twitter and even on TikTok that are upset about my past. You gotta suck the haters.
00:14:46
Speaker
That was my campaign slogan. Fuck the haters. That's right. Rob is your friend. To be fair, it is so hard to scrub the internet these days when you have hundreds of thousands of tweets that are just, I love Coke. I love, I love fentanyl. I love math. So maybe we can ask, please. We can just get this, uh, this gag gift, this gag gift in this room with just us. Poor taste, just poor taste on us. Honestly, you know, I think the only thing that can be done here is you have to do all of that yourself.
00:15:16
Speaker
What?
00:15:18
Speaker
All of it? You have to do all of it yourself. I can't take it out of this room account. I can't have it on me. None of the rest of my staff can. So I think you just need to- We can't risk anyone in the rest of the White House seeing this. We have to get rid of this right here. Oh, Mr. President, Mr. President, the Washington Boys Choir is here to sing you Happy Birthday. Oh, the WBC. I love these kids. I need at least 25 minutes to do these drugs. You gotta do it quick, quick, quick, quick. Let's go.
00:15:48
Speaker
My God, look, it really is oval. Sure is. Hello, kids. Hello, kids. Oh, boy. I'm excited to hear what you prepared. I'm a big fan. Big, big fan. We're just going to say no more happy birthday, so I'm just pretty much straight laced, you know? Just real, real straight and narrow. What's that part of stuff right there? Hey, hey, hey. It's nothing, kids. It's, um... What if it's nothing?
00:16:30
Speaker
original understudies were any of you inquire growing up
00:16:35
Speaker
Yeah. Everyone here? No. I was in Madrigal's choir. I was in a cappella choir, men's choir. I was in swing dance, which somehow I was singing in that.
00:16:51
Speaker
That's what that was. It was a show choir. I never got jazz choir. I was in band, but I can't read music. So I got kicked out of band when they realized I was never going to even attempt to learn. That's that's a movie. That's drumline.
00:17:08
Speaker
Yeah, except in drumline, in drumline you didn't wear a fake cast to your finals like I did. My dad had tendon surgery, so I wore his fake thing because I had to get out of it because I knew I would not pass. How many weeks were you wearing that thing in advance and afterwards?
00:17:27
Speaker
Oh, I was real shitty about it. I would wear it just for class and then toss it in my locker for the rest of the day. But I was like, what are you going to do? Say I'm faking it? Say I'm faking it. Do it. Try it. They wouldn't. That's really impressive though, because I do feel like at that age when someone has a broken anything, the whole school knows it's like, oh my God, did you hear?
00:17:52
Speaker
Jackie, Jackie broke her leg. Yeah. It's like the biggest deal. So for you to just really compartmentalize it, keep it in that focused place. I feel like your personal values and the predator's values are quite different. Very much so.
00:18:08
Speaker
I don't know why I'm going to offer up this information, but in high school I was in, it was called jazz choir, but it was a show choir. And there was two big choirs at my high school. There was the magical choir, and then there was the jazz choir. The magical choir? The magical, like they did proper chamber music.
00:18:25
Speaker
That's what I was saying. And so it was kind of this weird thing of like, they were like the really good students preppy stuff. And we were like the first football players in the jazz choir, like the quarterback, things like that too. So we were like a little more like the cool kids in a sense compared to the madrigals. And like they're very straight laced and we would have like sleepovers where people would like party and stuff in high school. And they would have sleepovers, but then at like nine o'clock, the men went to one house and the women went to another one, like that kind of thing.
00:18:55
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, we'd go on a tour every year and we would win a bunch of competitions and stuff. And it was really fun. But yeah, I still think I still am thinking about how I thought you said they were called the magical choir. It was the jazz choir and the magical choir. And you know, like what what high school does that? Yeah. Are you trying to get these kids beat up? But then it's not even a real thing. It's just something in my head canon. Original studies.
00:19:28
Speaker
Ding dong. Hello. Hello. Oh, please. We're with the magical choir of Johnston High School. We're going on a trip to Hawaii and we're trying to raise some funds. We're just going to all the neighborhood parents and asking if they can chip in to make our dreams come true.
00:20:03
Speaker
You guys are awful you're shameful bad at singing Pick a card any card take a card. I don't we are the magical choir. All right. All right, go ahead card here Good choice. Now. Don't show me the card. Okay, now just put it back in the deck I'm just split the deck right here. No, just put it back in the deck. All right now I
00:20:29
Speaker
Look in your front pocket. I don't, these pants don't have pockets. No, your front, the one on your shirt, your front pocket on your shirt. Yeah, that one. Was that your card? I mean, yeah, it was. Yeah. Oh, okay. Well, I'm trying to make that all the way. Hey, Mr. Hey, Mr. Hey, Mr. Hey, Mr. Hey, Mr. Will I see your money disappear?
00:20:59
Speaker
No, please. Kids, you guys are awful singers. Check your wallet. Check your wallet. Check your wallet. That's not funny. Which one of you kids empty your pockets out? Empty your pockets out. Sir, get your hands off me. What's in your pockets? Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Listen, which one of you kids took my money in cards?
00:21:28
Speaker
Yeah, so what of it? So what of it? Okay, I just wanted to get us a little bit of money to go on our trip to Hawaii. Is that so much to ask? Yeah, yeah, it is. That's, that's thievery. I'm calling the police. Sir, let me just check behind your ear right there. Is that a sack of Joia coin? Uh, yeah. I didn't, I didn't even have a sack of Joia coin. Well, now you do. Thank you for your time, sir. But that's just a dollar.
00:21:56
Speaker
Kitch. Bye. Goodbye. Bye. On to the next house. Ding dong. Hi.
00:22:15
Speaker
Well, look at all of you. Well, look at all of you. Hi, we're the magical choir from Johnson High School, and we're just raising some funds to go on a choir trip to Hawaii. Oh, wow. Well, that sounds really fun. We hope so.
00:22:33
Speaker
Would you like to donate to our trip to Hawaii? We're going to wear bikinis and have virgin bina coladas and we're going to have sleepovers every night. Separate boys and girls though, we go home to our own villas at night. Please donate. Every dollar counts. Sounds sounds so nice. Well, what are you selling? Do you got magazines or some cheesecake or maybe some wrapping paper?
00:22:55
Speaker
We have an Indiegogo account. And if you could log on to our Indiegogo account, it's indiegogo.com. Oh, I don't have Wi-Fi. I live off the grid. I can hotspot. Yeah. Or we can take cash. So what do you say? Say. Say. Say. All right. Well, let me go check my jar of coins.
00:23:23
Speaker
This is a waste of time. We should just move on. We should go to the high-value houses, you know, ones with gates and driveways. We treat every house the same. There's two quarters for you here. Here's a couple quarters, and I hope that sends you all the way to Hawaii. They're so wet. They did come out of the jar. Goodbye now. You guys were never going to get to Hawaii with just a couple quarters and coins. Well, Tiffany, do you have any better ideas?
00:23:53
Speaker
I got an idea, Tiffany. Go off. I think it's time for you to finally sell your body. Well, honestly, I did recently watch a movie. You've been going off. Yeah, you've been going off at all of our parties about your body.
00:24:11
Speaker
Yeah, I just, I'm really sex positive. I'm obviously going to college next year and I want to experience some stuff before I do, okay? I am not scared to share that for money. Original understudies.
00:24:32
Speaker
Tiffany, uh, see that you're applying here to predator university. We just have some questions that we ask in our normal interviews. I'm here on your resume. I'm sorry. Ask away daddy. Um, okay. Daddy, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie. Um, please use your pens. Yeah. They're all my pens. Yeah. Nice pens. Isn't it?
00:24:55
Speaker
but they'd feel good in my cleavage, huh? Excuse me, excuse me. A whole handful of pens right down my cleavage. Please don't put them down your cleavage, please. That's my favorite month block. Oh, oh, yeah, this one has an inkwell. It's spilled everywhere. Oh, okay. You know what? I'm willing to do what it takes to get into Purdue. You understand?
00:25:20
Speaker
You know, at first I was gonna say you're not the right material for this university, but you have, let's call it spunk. Yeah, I've got spunk all right. I've got all kinds of spunk and I'm willing to let it be anywhere. Hey, Dennis, do you have a pen I could borrow? Dennis, do you have a pen I could borrow? I just gotta sign for this package real quick. I don't have any pens right now.
00:25:47
Speaker
Oh, come on. You got a whole thing. Just hand me one of your pens right there. I just got to sign through this package drill. Don't touch those pens. Just hand me a pen just right there. There's just a bunch on your desk. I know. Come on. The guy's waiting. The guy's waiting. He's got to go. Sir, can you wait five minutes? I mean, just here. I'll just take the pen. No, no, no, no. Oh my God. There's boob juice all over this. What is boob juice doing on this?
00:26:18
Speaker
What kind of establishment are you running in, Pred U? That's not just anybody's boob juice. That's an Alpha's boob juice. Alpha? Original understudies.
00:26:35
Speaker
Hey, check out the human across the room. It's the only one they've admitted this semester. Tingle, tingle, tingle. That's what's going on with my predator brain right now. You know, you know, you know, I heard she's apex. Yeah. Yeah. Here that too. Uh, look, I mean, I can sense like that the boob juice readings are off the chart. It's not fair though. She's got thumbs.
00:27:01
Speaker
Yeah, that's tough. Hey boys, hey boys, I hear you're in my growl class.
00:27:12
Speaker
You got a big growl? Oh, okay. I'm from Dayton, Ohio. Wow. Incredible growl. We don't make it like that in Dayton. Where are you guys living? You in Angry Hall? Huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a nice little swamp outside of Angry Hall.
00:27:39
Speaker
Oh, look at that goo. You gooped good. I grew up like this. I've been gooping since I was a little gator.
00:27:49
Speaker
I mean, I love to show you my place. I mean, it's very spacious. It can fit up to 20 skulls and or vertebrae. Just think about the wall. So much trophy room. Yeah. A lot of trophy room. Well, I would love to see that. You know, I kind of, I decided on PredU because it felt like fishing with dynamite.
00:28:11
Speaker
as the only human woman to walk this campus. You know, I feel at a disadvantage because both of you guys can stand up on your feet and I'm stuck on all fours. And I'm pretty sure you have thumbs, don't you? Both of you do. Yeah. I'm never going to make it here.
00:28:32
Speaker
Hey! Hey, if I, a human woman, can get into Pred U, you can do anything, all right? That's something I've learned. Ever since my choir went to Hawaii and we got to sleep altogether, all genders, I knew anything's possible. Indeed. Back where I'm from. Oh my God. That is pretty cool. I used to be pretty much king of my swamp area, but I got here and I'm the lowest in the totem pole.
00:29:03
Speaker
original understudies oh look at look at him if it isn't college boy college boy back to the swamp shut up shut up yeah what do they do in college college boy stop it
00:29:29
Speaker
Come on man, what are you learning up there? Like how to do two plus two or some shit? I was learning how to kill, crush, destroy, hunt, stalk, but I had to drop out. Shut up. You dropped out? Shut up. Dude, what happened? You basically weren't even predator enough or some shit? It's exactly what it was. It's exactly what it was.
00:29:53
Speaker
You know what? Well, look at what the swamp drag in. You come back with a tail between your legs, son. Yeah. Come on. I just, I need to get summer work if I can just get back to things. Don't make a big deal out of it. No, no, no. All the jobs are gone. All of us have been flipping over fan boats. I don't think there's any more room for you here. I'm sure there's one fan boat to flip over. Come on.
00:30:24
Speaker
You turned your back on us. We know it. Everyone know it. You think you're smart now, you collared material. I was just trying to get myself a better opportunity in the future. Yeah. Well, I don't think there's room in this farm for you anymore. Where am I supposed to go? I can't just live out on the streets. I wouldn't last. You want me to be in the sewers?
00:30:49
Speaker
and work for a live crocodile from the children book. So why don't you go and see how you hack into the big city college, boy? You want to live down here with us crocodiles? Yeah. I mean, we're pretty much the same, right? We're not the same. I mean, what differences are... Come on.
00:31:18
Speaker
We're crocodiles. We've got a dark sense of humor. Real sick stuff. We're not goofy like them alligators, man. We're so fucked up and twisted down here in the sewers. I'm a python. I was dropped through a tube and wound up all the way down here. Huh? What's that? Huh?
00:31:43
Speaker
What? I just told you my whole thing. I have the pass on. I was dropped down a tube and landed all the way up here. I got too big for my enclosure and then everybody went, well, you can't live in this studio apartment no more. Well, that sounds really sad. I got some bad news for you. You don't have any arms and you don't have any legs. You wouldn't make it out. Look how fast I go. Hey, slow down.
00:32:10
Speaker
Hey, everybody. I brought you some some bagels and here's some locks and some Oh, hey, you're new. I'm Pete Davidson. How you doing? Ah, he moved out here a couple couple weeks ago, some life stuff changed. I figured it was on brand. So here I am. He went for a vibe shift. And let's just say it worked.
00:32:33
Speaker
Once Kim Kardashian left him, he didn't have anything left. That was rock bottom, and this is below it. Oh my God, did you read this? Look at this Us Weekly cover. Pete Davidson is living in a fucking sewer. Oh my God, that's so on brand.
00:32:57
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, I guess. So on brand, oh my God, is he going to come out with an energy drink or something?
00:33:10
Speaker
to kind of wrap while he's down there? What's his spin on it? What's his spin on Dave in the sewer? Is it going to be merch? Yeah, is there a merch drop coming? I smell a merch drop, but...
00:33:28
Speaker
Last time I said this, Kylie dropped her palette. So yeah, I've got a pretty good nose for these things. Yeah. Do you think he's working with James Gunn or something and developing some kind of... Well, I wouldn't be surprised. I wouldn't be surprised if Paris went sewer next season, for sure. If Paris went sewer, that would feel... Actually, it would feel full circle. That's where we were in the 90s.
00:33:56
Speaker
Hey, if there's a time to lean, there's a time to clean, ladies. Okay?
00:34:01
Speaker
Okay. All right. We'll get back to the job. Okay. It's just that. Why are you even working here? Didn't you go to college? Yeah. That's how I became general manager. Not you, idiot. The other girl. What? Okay. Fucked up. Like I have a name, but yeah, I did go to college and I let's just say I had a bad breakup. So I left.
00:34:33
Speaker
I don't know who I am anymore when I'm around you. Trent, we're literally the campus couple. We can't break up. What will that do to the entire social structure of this place? Well, it's just, you know, I've been so worried about us. I've only been, you know, facing off against betas. It's embarrassing.
00:34:55
Speaker
I need to be getting back to my alpha ways. Baby, come on. You're always an alpha to me. I swear there's no bigger alpha. I don't know. I just don't think you see me for who I really am. I mean, I see you, or at least your heat signature. That I see very well. But, you know, I just, I think I'm just getting stymied here. I'm just not the predator I used to be, you know? Is this because I gave you notes on your mixtape?
00:35:22
Speaker
Yeah, that didn't help. I was really proud when I dropped that. I know. And I just thought, you know, I thought your growls could be more refined. I just thought they needed more practice. Excuse me. This coffee shop's for everybody. So if you guys could keep it down. And by the way, this is disgusting. I'm sorry. You're speaking to two alphas right now. You're speaking to two alphas right now. That's fine. So why don't you sit the fuck down?
00:35:48
Speaker
Alright, I'm just gonna use my arm blades here to take care of this. And let me just pull his head out on his spine. Alright. Original Honda studies.
00:36:02
Speaker
Dude, I think we just had a movie idea, which was an interracial relationship. Interracial relationship? Interracial? I don't know what that would be. Interspecial? Interspecies, yeah. Interspecial, yeah. The predator and the earth, earthling and how they cause, they take down, what do you call it? They take down
00:36:26
Speaker
Social structures, social barriers. I do like the idea of Predator versus Tiffany. Like that's a movie I would do. Totally agree. Would that be sort of like more like a mean girls like S kind of like genre movie because it's like the Predator can only like date like another alpha, right?
00:36:47
Speaker
Tiffany's definitely an alpha male. And in that kind of a realm, I don't know how does that work? For a human 18 year old to apply to Predator University, that's a ball or move. Yeah.
00:37:03
Speaker
I do like the idea of like, if we take Mean Girls, Aaron Samuels was just fully discussed. Everything else about the movie is the same. It's just that he is a disgusting predator. That feels really good to me.
00:37:19
Speaker
Or is that sort of like the downfall? Because in this version, you're sort of like a Lindsay Lohan-esque and they're like the apex of your career when you're at Mean Girls. And then after that, you just kind of implode all together. Wow.
00:37:34
Speaker
And then finish it off with what was the last thing she was in, like the canyons. There's a movie. I guess she's interested in the day in the life of a predator or any of these mutant monster type characters because I'm sure that they have their cliques in school. What does the predator's backstory like when they're going to learn to become, are they just animals? I imagine they're more sophisticated than that.
00:38:03
Speaker
When they're amongst each other, yeah, they're probably, they have groups. It feels like Planet of the Apes.
00:38:09
Speaker
The Planet of the Apes, I feel like they they you could clearly see they were going to school. I don't picture a predator at school. I guess it's possible that their language is just at a frequency I can't understand. Well, are there multiple predators or is it because, like, I don't think I don't think predators actually exist as like a species. I think there's just like a predator that just like is a bee. I might not remember a lot. It's like a krypton, right?
00:38:38
Speaker
There's only like one Mothman. There's not like a whole like, you know, like school of Mothmen. There's only one Flubber. What? I'm just saying it's like, it's kind of like an intergalactic, interdimensional cryptid, right? Well, I mean, look, there's one Dracula, but there's tons of vampires. So like, I feel like... The Dracula is not a cryptid.
00:39:06
Speaker
I never said he was. What is a cryptid? But Dracula is not an animal. So did you say that? Dracula is just like a human that was a vamp. That's not an orange. Vamp. Vampirism is just a disease. Original understudies. Looking at your chart, we have some bad news.
00:39:32
Speaker
Lay it on me. I can take anything at this point. I've survived so much at this point. Just lay it on me. I can handle it. What else have you survived? We didn't see anything else on your chart.
00:39:44
Speaker
I've been through it. I have been through it. Just lay it on me. Just tell me what you know, I'll tell you. Well, we see that you have some incisor growth. I do. Yes. And that would tell us that you have vampiria, which means that over the next six weeks, you will turn into a full fledged
00:40:07
Speaker
I don't know the technical term, but we use vampire. That's a little, you know, isn't that a little out of date? Yeah, I know. But we don't... I don't think we're really calling people vampires anymore. Listen, I feel like everyone gets vaccinated when they're born, and maybe you didn't get vaccinated.
00:40:29
Speaker
No, I didn't get vaccinated. You're right. My family was completely against it and I never got vaccinated and I sort of got wrapped up in that whole thing. So what's the course? What's the medical course going forward? We're going to put you on Lipitor and that should hold it off. Lipitor? Lipitor? Isn't that a weight loss drug?
00:40:52
Speaker
No, I think it's a blood pressure medicine. I should know this. Hold on just a second. Let me just look at my notes. Yeah, you should know this. You should definitely know this. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Yeah, I think it's a blood thinner. Yeah, Lipitor. So I know this. Here it is. I'm in my chart.
00:41:11
Speaker
original understudies. Hey, I'm trying to look at this prescription. It says maybe Lipitor and then there's a question mark next to it. Should I fill this? I'm a little confused. Should we call your doctor? I mean, you can give him a call, but honestly that guy's a moron. He had no idea what he was talking about.
00:41:32
Speaker
You know, Lipitor is like a blood center, right? I think that is, hold on, let me check it out. Yes, look, look, I'm looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking
00:41:43
Speaker
Uh, yeah, I got a cut. Uh, you know, I was trying to splice some pills and I should have just used the cutter, right? And it's just been gushing. I mean, it still kind of is. I should have probably taken a break. Yeah, I can smell it from here. I can smell it. It's uh, it's over. I can, I can smell it. You can smell it coming out of your veins and right into that band-aid, right? Are you going to use that band-aid? Can I, can I suck on your finger?
00:42:07
Speaker
I think that's my fetish. So yes, I can't believe I'm doing this work. Okay. All right. Let me just make sure. Greg, what are you doing with this? Get your finger out of her mouth, Greg.
00:42:31
Speaker
What do you mean you have vampiria and you were sucking someone else's fingers? Look babe, it wasn't anything curious. Who are they? It's just some pharmacist.
00:42:47
Speaker
Oh, just some pharmacists. Just like that was just some one of my sisters. Just like that was just some of our children's teachers. Okay. What you're going to have to understand is now I have a hunger growing inside me and it's not just sexual anymore. Now this is for survival. Good. Use it for us, your family. Come on, I'm here. Take me. I'll give you all my fingers.
00:43:13
Speaker
You really mean that? Would you do that for me? Would you give me all of your fingers? I will do anything to save this marriage. I will humiliate myself to save this marriage. I can't have another L on my record. All right. Well, why don't you come here with those digits?
00:43:39
Speaker
I don't know the way you said digits. Just another way of saying, you know, I know, I know. I'm trying to be sexy about it. It's like a very unsexy thing. Laura, how are you going to be typing if you don't have any fingers?
00:43:59
Speaker
I am getting really good with nose stuff. I've been practicing at home. My nose is really good, like a little beak. Your face is starting to look like it's hurting from hitting the keyboard. Okay, Ted. Okay, Ted. Well, you're one to talk. You look like shit. But this isn't about that.
00:44:21
Speaker
Hey there, ma'am. Uh, would you just point me in the direction of North? I'm trying to read this copy, but it's really complicated. Um, yeah, absolutely. Um, so you just gonna, you're going to want to go that, just that way. I don't know. Just use your arm. Just use your arm and all the, the fit. Well, if I can just use my arm, yeah, that's fine. What? No. Original understudies.
00:44:49
Speaker
I heard you need help typing. I am the best teacher. I can teach you to truly hunt and peck. All right. I've been doing this for years as I am half chicken. And I've adapted since I only have little wing hands. And I can peck up to 150 words per minute, which is pretty fast.
00:45:13
Speaker
Yeah, that's exactly what I'm looking for. I just, I can't lose my secretary job, you know? Yeah, they're hard to get and they're extremely high pegs. So let me teach you how to hunt and pick your proper life, okay? Sure, sure. Yeah, yeah. First you need some incentive. So I like to put a little feed.
00:45:33
Speaker
on the middle here, especially near the shift keys and stuff like that, too. It really keeps you focused. OK, I'll pour some Skittles on mine. There you go. Taste the rainbow. Type the rainbow. OK, you can do it. That's good. Yeah, that's really good. All right. So I'm just going to put on this here montage music and we'll get you super good. All right. Original status.
00:46:06
Speaker
Laura, this is incredible. I can't believe you got all your work done so early today. What'd you say? Um, I just, um, I paid literally all my money to Mother Goose to teach me, um, what? Mother Goose?
00:46:25
Speaker
Yeah, she's pretty famous in town. Like, she's the fastest typer. She's a legend, actually. She's a fucking legend. Wow, I'm impressed. I feel bad even saying this now because you've gotten so good, but I ended up getting a microphone and we've got a voice to text program, but I guess I won't. You don't need to use that. Ted, what the fuck? Original understudies.
00:46:54
Speaker
Oh, look who it is back on the farm, Mother Goose. Lost your typing jobs and your typing teaching. Actually, I just came here to tell you I bought this place, motherfucker! It's mine now! Kneel before the goose! Kneel before the mother goose! We don't have knees, we're cows. By the way!
00:47:22
Speaker
That's right. Now I'm going to ride you. I've got a saddle here. You're my first little steed. No, no, no, don't put a saddle on me. Now let's parade around this place. Let's parade around and show everybody who's the new winner. Wow. Man, this really goes to show you what you can do when just a little hard work and some good luck. That's right.
00:47:50
Speaker
I don't know if this is a natural petting zoo. I don't think I really want my kids to come to this farm. Maybe, maybe we should go somewhere else. Oh, oh, really? Oh, oh, really? Go for his ass! Go for his ass! I'm your parent now, kids. Come on, you live here now with me. All right, you know what I just thought is?
00:48:16
Speaker
Um, officer, I have been robbed by a group of children. They showed up, they sang at me, they sang at me real bad. Um, and then it wasn't the Johnson High Choir then. I don't know who that could be. That sounds, that sounds right. The Johnson High Choir. Oh, you got a, you had a front door performance from the Johnson High Choir. The magical one? Yes, they were definitely magical. Oh man, you're lucky.
00:48:45
Speaker
No, I'm not lucky. They stole my credit cards. They stole my cash. I got this second jawea coin and that's it. Whoa. Where was it? Allegedly, it was behind my ear, but I can attest to the fact that my ears were clean before I answered that door. Hey, man, they said behind your ears. It was probably behind your ears. I'm going to write that up in the report.
00:49:09
Speaker
Okay, good. Well, that's not the most important part about it. They took my credit cards. They took my cash. Did they find anything else on it? No. Well, I think a card and I still have it. Oh, what card was it? It was a five of spades. It's pretty bland. Let me write that down.
00:49:35
Speaker
Officer, officer, you there officer? Hold on. Go ahead. Officer, we're getting word that this guy's a fucking predator. Just ran his numbers. Uh, he's a fucking predator in the neighborhood. The mic is loud. The speaker's loud. He's just heard everything. That can't be about me, right? Freeze. Okay. Do you have,
00:50:07
Speaker
Do I have what? Do you have predator brains and predator gills? No. Look, my neck is solid. You wearing pants with no front pockets? That's a standard predator. It's a leotard. It's a leotard bottom. What's wrong with that?
00:50:35
Speaker
Yeah.
00:50:42
Speaker
Thanks for listening to another episode of Original Understudies. Today's cast has been Paul Hatton, Mike Del Rosso, Sean Warmoth, Will Morris, Connor Ebs, Alison Kessler Colby, Mandy Rose, Nicholas Ramirez, and Aaron Martin. Unfortunately, they were unable to join us from the performance today, and we're so lucky that we had the Original Understudies to step in in their absence.
00:51:13
Speaker
This episode wouldn't be possible without our mastering engineer, Toy Vocalio.
00:51:18
Speaker
Thank you guys for all the support that you've shown so far, whether or not you've been a patron member or just emailing me inspirational things like I think today's was from Kristin Kelly. That was a really funny email to get. Don't forget to email me. It's at originalunderstudiespodcastatgmail.com. And I would fill this outro with some reviews that I'd read, but unfortunately,
00:51:44
Speaker
There are no new reviews. Maybe I shouldn't have read them all at once last time. So... Could you just really quick make a review for me? That would be super nice.
00:51:57
Speaker
I also wanna announce that our Discord server is getting revamped. It should be a lot more fun to hang out in than the old alchemy this one was, because it's got more stuff going on. And I'm not trying to shill my Patreon here, but if you are a Patreon member, there'll be a little event calendar, and each week when we're recording, you'll see what time, and if you wanted, you could log in and watch us record it. I've been told it's a lot of fun to watch, even though the audio's not edited or cleaned up, but you can see us recording it.
00:52:27
Speaker
But even if you're not a Patreon member, it's free to join the Discord, and there's like a gaming room in there. I was hanging out with Swan Trizzle, if you know him, and we were playing multiverses, but I also plan on playing like Jackbox games, and just generally hanging out in Discord more.
00:52:43
Speaker
because I am on Discworld A and I love it. If you want access for now, you have to email me. You can go ahead and email me at originalunderstudiespodcast.com and I'll send you a link. Until we have a thousand people in the server, we can't have it searchable. So the only way is getting an invite, but trust me, you email me, you're gonna get an invite.
00:53:06
Speaker
Here's a little inside scoop for you. I wasn't supposed to be in this episode. I felt like I was trapped in an episode of Clerks. I wasn't even supposed to be here today. That's not true. I was gonna be here to record. A tool was planned to be the first
00:53:24
Speaker
Different hosts than me. I'm looking forward to having all sorts of different people host. I think Atul did a great job. Moments before the recording started, somebody couldn't make it, so I stepped in as an understudy in original understudies.
00:53:39
Speaker
It was a lot of fun. The only reason I didn't want to be in it is I just kind of wanted to have a clear, like, this isn't my show. This is our show. Not just the understudies that are performing, but I'd like it to be changing and growing together with the audience, with the performers. I want it to be something that can't quite be contained in its own little capsule. I want it to be constantly changing.
00:54:08
Speaker
. . .