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EP. 73 VAULT: Luca (2021)
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Transcript
Introduction and Initial Thoughts on Luca
00:00:00
Speaker
That a shtick like that, dude! Have you seen my dick? been looking for it.
00:00:07
Speaker
Sir, I'm going to rub one out right here on your counter.
00:00:11
Speaker
We cut to Mike, who delivers meat on his bicycle.
00:00:19
Speaker
I'm rinsing your girl out, bud.
00:00:23
Speaker
That's how identify the Doteca Heedron.
00:00:27
Speaker
a
00:00:34
Speaker
Hello, my name is Nick and I have shaft hair.
00:00:38
Speaker
Scrubbing the pot, which is what I call when I jerk myself off.
00:00:44
Speaker
We're just joking. I ever think jokes.
00:00:48
Speaker
Two girls, one cup? No. Two guys, one screen? Yes.
00:00:55
Speaker
Hello and welcome to another episode of Two Guys, One Screen. My name is Nick. And I'm Gerald. And today, the 2021 Pixar release, Luca.
00:01:08
Speaker
Yay. You know, I didn't think I was going like this film. Was it? I did. but don't know. ah your ah there's ah There's a stigma out there. There's a... Not a stigma. ah
00:01:20
Speaker
What the people think of this movie. A lot of people say this is like mid-Pixar.
00:01:26
Speaker
That's just not very good. Or just fine. But I liked it quite a bit. This is my my first time ever watching it. This is my second.
00:01:36
Speaker
aa At first, i was like, you know, we'll give you the scene by scene, obviously. the I was like, oh, this is The Little Mermaid. I don't want to watch The Little Mermaid rehash.
00:01:48
Speaker
Because that's how it starts. Yeah, and then it's not. Then it throws you. Then it throws you. And I mean, you know, Pixar is obviously undefeated in animation, so that's always a positive.
00:02:00
Speaker
and The narrative is actually pretty good. The 4K for this looks absolutely phenomenal. I watched it on a off the digi that you sent me.
00:02:14
Speaker
And I had some buffering. All in the beginning.
00:02:20
Speaker
But it straightened out pretty quick. I think the problem is that this movie gets overshadowed pretty frequently by Soul, which is just, I mean, Soul isn't all. You haven't seen Soul yet, have you?
00:02:33
Speaker
Oh, no. Is that a Pixar as well? Yeah, Soul's an all-time. Soul might be my top three. Soul's amazing. That's crazy. his old Soul is really good.
00:02:45
Speaker
Soul, I get five out of five too. Towards the it's little sad, but it's really, really good. Um,
Comparing Luca to Other Pixar Films
00:02:51
Speaker
I think anybody can relate to it regardless of where you are in your life. Um, I think that's his biggest problem is that it's overshadowed by salt coming out the year before.
00:03:02
Speaker
And then this coming out and everyone everyone's like, Oh, who gives a fuck about Luca? Like I got this movie before I saw it. I had like this movie, that movie, like the good dinosaur, whatever the fuck it was called. Fuck that shit.
00:03:13
Speaker
And then like some other fucking movie Pixar put out that I was like, these are all like the same movie, right? Turning red. Turning Red ie did I did know about. I haven't seen it.
00:03:25
Speaker
it' There's also movie The Sea Beast I haven't seen. never Oh, you think Turning Red's mid, huh? I do. Oh, okay. I typically hear good things about it. i It's the first time i'm hearing mid.
00:03:39
Speaker
Coco's good as fuck. co cars Coco is also a 5 out of 5 for me, too. Coco is really good. um Ratatouille? Classic.
00:03:50
Speaker
Got a shout out. Ratatouille. I haven't seen WALL-E in a long time, but yeah I imagine I like WALL-E a lot. Same thing with Monsters, Inc. I haven't seen a long time. Bugs Life. Bugs.
00:04:02
Speaker
Bugs Life's fine. It's fine. The Incredibles. Great. do a tough Honestly, a top five for me for Pixar would be hard because then you all the Toy Stories too.
00:04:12
Speaker
Yeah. Because I mean, most of the movies we just said, have at a four and a half or a five. Right, because Pixar is pretty, you know... They don't miss. Up, I'm not as big a fan of.
00:04:25
Speaker
Elemental? Asshole. Never seen it. Onward? Finding Nemo? Great. Yeah, I've never seen it. I don't know why even watched that. Brave, I never saw.
00:04:37
Speaker
Brave is mid. Finding Dory's fine. i think i I don't think I'd like it as much if I watched it now. ah Toy Story 4? Why did we make that?
00:04:49
Speaker
Why they making five? Yeah. um But anyways, yeah Pixar, for the most part, doesn't really miss. And
Social Media and Film Purchases
00:04:56
Speaker
their animation's always amazing. I love the shorts they do before movies, too.
00:05:00
Speaker
Oh, those are great. Like the Bao one or, what it, Jerry's Game? The old man that plays chess? Yeah, that's good. um I guess we'll start with a little... Plug it in, plug it in.
00:05:15
Speaker
So follow us on Instagram, two guys, one screen pod, send any comments, concerns, requests to two guys, one screen pod at gmail.com. Follow us individually on letterboxd and follow us on Tik TOK. Links will be in the description.
00:05:33
Speaker
Check out the clips. We got some good clips. We got some good clips. We also got some good physical media pickups or no.
00:05:43
Speaker
I have bought the almost complete Critters collection. Bruh. What?
00:05:54
Speaker
ah Crazy. I've never seen Critters. i don't know.
00:05:59
Speaker
They're like gremlins, but from space. But they're Critters. Fun fact about Critters 3. It was the on-screen debut of one Leonardo DiCaprio.
00:06:12
Speaker
Well, see, now I'm interested just watching Critters 3.
00:06:17
Speaker
ah My local movie store, someone traded in, like, the Scream Factory Critters collection without Critters 1. Fuckers. If you're out there listening, fuck you.
00:06:28
Speaker
So I got Critters 2, 3, and 4.
00:06:32
Speaker
Crazy, dude. That's that's it's fucking wild. And then the other movie that I found, ah never heard of it, never seen it, but I bought it because it was a Criterion at my local movie store. It's called Lone Star.
00:06:48
Speaker
Something about ah racial something. Injustice? Something like that. Yeah. i don't know.
Exploring Luca's Plot and Themes
00:06:57
Speaker
It's got Matthew McConaughey in it, so it's worth shot. just going ask you, isn't that one with a Matthew McConaughey? Yeah.
00:07:01
Speaker
Uh-huh. um i got I got four. Two of them were gifts from you. ah We got Halloween 5, which I've already ranted about in a prior episode.
00:07:15
Speaker
um You gave it to me because I think you got the Scream 4K. That's correct. A movie I never intended on spending any money on, so luckily I got it from you for free, Cocaine Bear.
00:07:31
Speaker
There you go. The movie's good. Nope. Pretty mid. Not great. don't like it. And then, ah speaking of bad movies, I bought this one at your local movie store. Not mine.
00:07:45
Speaker
ah Halle Berry's Catwoman. Why? I don't know. It was like $3, $5. five bucks And then a movie I've never seen that we're going to review someday for the podcast, Pan's Labyrinth.
00:08:01
Speaker
Also copped for like, I think $5 or $6. Something like that. Something like that. So those are mine. i mean i mean, that's a pretty immaculate haul if you ask me.
00:08:15
Speaker
That's a good movie.
00:08:18
Speaker
Immaculate? Yeah. Doesn't hold up as much on rewatch. No, it does not. But it's still a decent movie. Agreed. If anything, Sidney Sweeney's tits kind of save it, you know?
00:08:33
Speaker
Yeah.
00:08:38
Speaker
Uh, so look, we're going to do a scene by scene. again, this is my first time watching movies. It's movie you wanted me to watch for quite some time. Yeah, because, uh, when I, when I watched it, I don't fell in love, but I was like, this is one of the best Disney movies I've seen in a while.
00:08:56
Speaker
Yeah. I don't think, I mean, i really think you should watch soul. Okay. It's, it's, uh, if you like this movie a lot, I mean, I think soul is like a different level.
00:09:08
Speaker
For me, but anyways, ah Luca, I will get the cast pulled up that I never have ready. It was directed by Enrico Casarosa, who doesn't have much to his name as of yet.
00:09:24
Speaker
He's from Genoa, Italy, which I believe ah part of the film takes place in Genoa, Italy, too. Here's your cast. Jacob Tremblay voices Luca. uh he's in a bunch of things uh he's he's a pretty well-known like kid actor he was in doctor sleep uh good boys which i haven't seen yet uh but it is a lot of uh kid acting because he's a kid there you go you got jack dylan grazer playing alberto fuck alberto uh yeah he's little scumbag huh
00:09:59
Speaker
He was in It, and he played who in It? Jack? I think he played... Yeah, he played Eddie. Eddie. Eddie.
00:10:12
Speaker
He was in Shazam, Shazam 2.
00:10:16
Speaker
Oof, he has a rough filmography after that. All right. ah Emma Berman plays Julia. I'm not familiar with her, and she doesn't have anything to her name either. Severio Raimondo plays Ercole.
00:10:29
Speaker
Fuck that guy, too. That guy's ugly. Just Eric Oley, not the actor. i don't really know the actor. but Maya Rudolph, I picked her... I noticed her like right as... As soon as she started talking, I figured out who she was. Oh, her voice?
00:10:42
Speaker
Yeah, she plays Daniela Paguro, who is ah Luca's mother. ah Marco Baricelli plays Massimo... Marco Valdo. How was that? Pretty good? That was pretty good.
00:10:55
Speaker
I'll take my Oscar now. Uh... He plays Massimo, who is Julia's father. Jim Gaffigan plays Lorenzo, who I guess is the dad, Luke's father.
00:11:08
Speaker
He's got a stud of a mustache on him. i Honestly, he looks like Paul Giamatti. Yeah, a little bit, yeah. The sea monster, not Jim Gaffigan. Yeah. ah Jim Gaffigan, obviously a very well-known stand-up comedian. He has like fucking eight
Luca's Curiosity and Rebellion
00:11:23
Speaker
or nine specials that are great.
00:11:25
Speaker
ah Peter Sohn plays... Chichio, who is Eric Coley's fucking little henchman. And this guy's been a voice actor in, holy, like every Pixar movie ever.
00:11:37
Speaker
He's in Ratatouille, The Incredibles, Monsters University, Lightyear, The Good Dinosaur, Toy Story. Yeah, he's in a bunch of shit. um yeah You must like him over there at the Pixar studio.
00:11:52
Speaker
Worked on The Incredibles and Ratatouille. He also worked on The Iron Giant. And he was a director for Elemental? No way. Yeah, he's the director of Elemental. Oh, that movie sucks. and Just out of his ass.
00:12:04
Speaker
Haven't seen it. Also the director of The Good Dinosaur, which is funny enough. All right. I think that's everybody that I wanted to mention. Oh, Sacha Baron Cohen plays Uncle Ugo, the fucking light fish. Angler fish, yeah.
00:12:17
Speaker
Yeah. ah I saw his name, and I thought that was funny. ah The film opens with two fishermen who... I think it's a father son relationship. Pretty sure. Yeah, they're doing the thing fishing shit.
00:12:32
Speaker
It is Giacomo and Tommaso and Tommaso, I believe, is probably the father. um And Giacomo is concerned about fishing so close to the island because of sea monsters.
00:12:46
Speaker
Are they mermaids?
00:12:49
Speaker
I don't think so, because they just keep calling them sea monsters. It would really fit the gay vibe they're going for. If it was mermaids? Yeah. Yeah. is that a Is that a rut row or I okay?
00:13:03
Speaker
um Well, there would be mermen. Like Aquaman's like a merman, right?
00:13:12
Speaker
That movie's trash. Sorry. I meant the character, not the movie.
00:13:18
Speaker
Yeah, he's a merman. He's got that. Nevermind. Um, fish cocked on him. That fish, gear dude, he got some gills. You're a fuck a gill. Anyways, I don't want to fuck anything that someone breathes through.
00:13:33
Speaker
Well, what do you think a blow job is? Yeah, but they can breathe through their nose, you know, ah unless you, unless you pinch it. What is it? Yeah. What is it called? I forgot. that a thing?
00:13:45
Speaker
A throat fucking, um a brutal fucking throat fucking. A flaming dragon, i think it's called? Was that when they come at their nose? Yeah. that's ah It's called a flaming dragon. Yeah. Alright. Well, we're going to go back to this kids movie.
00:14:04
Speaker
It's very peachy. Okay! Basically...
00:14:10
Speaker
uh tomaso doesn't believe in cmon he just he's just some uh old man and he puts on some like opera music through a uh a record player and you see someone something snatching their stuff uh and and uh giacomo spots them taking their shit and uh We get a ah visual of, I believe this was Alberto, come to find out, right?
00:14:42
Speaker
Yeah. Jumping over their boat in slow motion and all their stuff, I forgot what it's like some kind of commotion and all their stuff falls off the boat because they're freaking out. Right. And floats to the bottom of the the ocean.
00:14:56
Speaker
We cut to Luca, who I guess herds fish, these little small fish. Little small fish. Little small jawns.
00:15:06
Speaker
And one is missing, or one has been missing. Another one escapes, and he finds it eating this lady's hair. ah And he brings it back to the herd, and he's herding them off to a field where they graze. And as you follow them, the the credits roll.
00:15:25
Speaker
They get to this grazing field. The credits are done. And Giuseppe, which is one of the fish... More like, just suck me. It is a great name.
00:15:36
Speaker
Great name for a fish.
00:15:39
Speaker
ah he He's like bopping this alarm clock. And Luca sees it. He's pretty suspect of it. Then the alarm goes off. And he continues to find all the stuff that's fallen from like the the boat. So he finds a card.
00:15:54
Speaker
He finds a wrench. and Then a boat... starts crossing on the surface and they call them land monsters.
00:16:03
Speaker
and There's a lot of this throughout the film. He imagines himself like it's like a not a day. Is it a daydream? Yeah, I would call it a daydream. Sure.
00:16:15
Speaker
ah Basically, he's at the surface and then he like tries to like breach the surface, but it's a daydream. So the wave does the water doesn't like break. doesn't breach. It's ah like you said, it it gives big Little Mermaid vibes at the beginning. It gives fine emo vibes.
00:16:31
Speaker
Okay. Yeah. Don't touch the butt. Right. Yeah. Luke is very interested in the surface life. Very curious little little guy. He got the teenage angst going, right? He's like, I want to rebel.
00:16:45
Speaker
So we follow Luca back to their their little humble abode for a lunch. Uh, and the mom is very, very much against like, don't go into the surface. They're land monsters. They're terrible people.
00:16:57
Speaker
Uh, and the dad is just kind of off in his own world. And he has a, I guess to play on words, a show crab, like a snow crab, but it's a show crab. Yeah. The way we and then have like show dogs.
00:17:11
Speaker
Right. And it kind of kind of gives Luca a little fucking pinch. Luca gets attacked by several ah animals in this movie. Poor guy.
00:17:23
Speaker
Their whole thing is they have to be, I guess, a rival family, the Bronzinos. And Luca's asking about like boats, and his grandmother mentions that she's been up to the surface.
00:17:35
Speaker
ah And the mom, again, is like, were don't ever even think about going to the surface. It's it's bad, blah, blah, blah. um Luca goes back for the ranch that he found by the grazing area ah and he finds a water glass like a rocks glass and the record player.
00:17:53
Speaker
Then we see a guy in like scuba diver gear land right behind him and I'm like fucking finding Nemo. We're here. Yeah. ramo And Luca goes like run away and he ends up running into a cave that doesn't have an exit. So he's just stuck there.
00:18:12
Speaker
And the scuba diver approaches and takes his helmet off. And it's revealed he's also one of these mer, mer men, mer boys. See, he's a pretty pubescent mer man.
00:18:23
Speaker
Yeah, we can go with that, but they have tails. Mermaids don't have... Well, they do have tails, but... They don't ever... They don't say his name to Lair, but this is Alberto. And Alberto takes his record player and goes all the way to the surface.
00:18:36
Speaker
And we see a visual like, Luca looking up at him, like, outside. And then...
00:18:45
Speaker
Luca... ah He kind of pulls Luca out of the water, and Luca's... We watch Luca turn into I'm real I'm a real boy! damn i was just going to say that.
00:18:57
Speaker
um He's in awe. He's like very amazed, but ah quickly snaps into like, i'm not supposed to be up here. This is bad. Mom told me no. What the fuck am I doing? Yeah, we follow him. So he goes back underwater and he he's laying in his little bed and he's not sleeping because his his mind is probably racing about being on the surface. And he asked his grandma about the surface, but she was like sleeping or something.
00:19:23
Speaker
She had her eyes open, though. But she was like... oh didn't so me um don't know what it is about these kids' movies that we always go off the rails. I blacked out during our Zathura episode.
00:19:41
Speaker
Really? Yeah. Not on alcohol. No, I know. we don't You don't remember either? So you probably blacked out, too. judgely no but Shut the fuck up, man. Get out of here.
00:19:54
Speaker
We go more off the rails on like the second recordings, I feel. Yeah, but second recording kids movie guaranteed guaranteed off the rails.
00:20:05
Speaker
Little slimy fish. Fuck. All right. All right. That was a little heavy. rabbi She's asleep. We go next day. He's, you know, the fish are grazing and he makes a ah rock scarecrow.
00:20:19
Speaker
Essentially. Yeah, a little shepherd boy. It looks like a scuba diver, John. He calls him Smuka. That was his name. This is Smuka.
00:20:30
Speaker
He's in charge. He goes back to the shallows, and he's contemplating going up, and Alberto shows up again. He's like, fuck that guy. I bet Alberto the Riz got a hog on him, dude.
00:20:43
Speaker
There's no way he doesn't. And he's definitely on he's yeah he's definitely not clipped. He's definitely got the hoodie on still. Is it because he's Mexican? I didn't say that. You did. they So Luca ends up breaching the surface with Alberto, and Alberto shows him how to walk.
00:21:04
Speaker
It's a fun scene. I believe Alberto, this is where he introduces himself, and he takes him to an abandoned lighthouse where he's collected a lot of like the surface world stuff.
00:21:16
Speaker
And there's this big poster of a Vespa. And Luca has a daydream about riding a Vespa. But he's like floating. It's like flying through the air.
00:21:27
Speaker
Right. On a Vespa. They try to build a Vespa. And there's this whole montage of like Luca's like, I gotta go now. And then he stays for like another hour. And he's like, I really to leave now. And it's like another 45 minutes.
00:21:40
Speaker
Which, this is where I'm like, maybe he's a little gay. For Alberto. Yeah. You think so? Yeah. Just because they're like, he keeps staying?
00:21:53
Speaker
But also also the daydream.
00:21:56
Speaker
Was the first Vespa daydream. I'm not saying daydreams are gay. I'm saying was the first Vespa daydream with Alberto or without him? It was without him. Because you've never been to a girl's house and she's been like, I really got to go. And then she doesn't go. And then she's like, all I really got to go now. And then she doesn't go.
00:22:14
Speaker
Just keep staying. I mean, yeah. Protect the innocent. You don't have to say yes or no. um Anyways, it gets more gay. To me, they are queer.
00:22:29
Speaker
Gay, bi, whatever you want to call it, I think they are.
00:22:34
Speaker
so me and my fiance.
00:22:40
Speaker
So oh me and my fiance were talking about that when we were watching it. So I Googled it and, ah In the movie, they are just supposed to be really close friends.
00:22:56
Speaker
However, the original ah thought process was to turn them gay. They were supposed to be gay lovers. But I guess there's a little too littlel two on the head.
00:23:08
Speaker
You know what saying? A little too hard on the dickhead. So they turned it down a little. It doesn't matter. They like cock if they're gay, right? Like. I don't know.
00:23:21
Speaker
this is my so So in your but all right, you read that. But like, what do you think? Like, what do you personally think? I they were just friends. You didn't think they were gay at all?
00:23:33
Speaker
No. So the daydreams about like about like Luca and Abarth like going off together and like the world is our oyster. We're going to do it together. Just you and i None of that came off as gay to you.
00:23:44
Speaker
I'm a little upset that you've never had that daydream about us. I have daydreams about things. They don't result in me coming my pants over. You know what I mean? Not that that happened to this movie.
00:23:57
Speaker
There is no cum in this movie, by the way. well if it did happen, we wouldn't know. It could have happened. We don't know about It could have happened in the water. It could have had a nocturnally niche. Whoa.
00:24:08
Speaker
A little visit from the horn fairy at night. The hormone monster. Shout out to Nick Kroll. Put your dick in it.
00:24:18
Speaker
Who's... Okay. Anyways, i i don't know how that didn't cross mind. Maybe your gaydar is broken or something. Maybe you just got to fix it.
00:24:29
Speaker
Get a repair job, hand job, rim job. Maybe I'm gay. I don't know. Cut that. and
00:24:37
Speaker
No, leave that in. and
00:24:41
Speaker
Uh, they build a vest. They had a big fucking Vespa. And, uh, but then it's like takes all day. So Luca goes back home and, uh, the mom's like, where you been?
00:24:56
Speaker
And, uh, his grandmother covers for me. She's like, yeah, I said, look for sea cucumbers. Never had one of those. Uh, Are they edible? Yeah, people eat them.
00:25:07
Speaker
Oh. We cut back to the the surface and Alberto wants to ride this bike Vespa thing down the hill. And he has Luca hold the ramp because Luca doesn't want to go on the bike. And as Alberto's going down this hill, the bike falls apart.
00:25:21
Speaker
But he does go off the ramp and he lands in the ocean. And they're like, oh, that was fucking fun as hell. And they just keep building the... You get like a whole compilation of building bikes over and over again and like going down these ah this ramp. ra
00:25:37
Speaker
The mom discovers the rock scarecrow thing. Smuka. I'll give you a Smuka. I'll give you a...
00:25:50
Speaker
well Like at the end of Kiss the Go-Goat. Yeah, shout out Ghost. Shout out Ghost. In Boston in July. Hype. True. Anyways, ah we'll be there.
00:26:03
Speaker
Anyways... We're at ah Alberto and um Luca on the bike, and Alberto wants Luca to go with him, and he's like, no, no, no, I'm too scared. And ah luca Luca tells him that's his Bruno, and that you got to tell your Bruno to shut the fuck up, man.
00:26:23
Speaker
silencio bruno get the fuck up man get out of here that's what you gotta do which was a huge stand on tiktok for a while and i never knew what it was from until this movie why is there two movies that had viral clips about bruno both pixar What's the other one?
00:26:42
Speaker
Isn't Encanto that we don't talk about Bruno thing? Or Coco? I think it's Encanto. I've never seen Encanto. MidiCity. ah My fiance watched it without me.
00:26:56
Speaker
She tends to do that. I'm like, oh, let's watch this together. Nope. So, Luca tells Bruno to shut the fuck up and they go down the... Gerald's deep throat in the mic right now.
00:27:07
Speaker
Tells his brun to be quiet and they go down this hill and they land into the water, I think, right? Yeah, so they have a turtle holding the ramp up.
00:27:18
Speaker
Poor fucking turtle. That's what I
The Portoroso Cup Adventure
00:27:21
Speaker
said. There's the slow-mo of them next to the seagulls. ah And then they're laying in this. How do you not think they're gay? They're laying in this fucking lighthouse looking up at the stars.
00:27:34
Speaker
How is it going tingle in your groin? Because they're just kids. That's true. ah They're looking at the stars and Alberto says that the stars are actually anchovies.
00:27:47
Speaker
You ever have one? I haven't. an anchovy i mean they're in like caesar salad dressing i've never had one like straight yeah that's what i meant like i've had no not straight no you're not straight they're a little i'm not straight clip that you're not i'll clip it no problem
00:28:09
Speaker
then this is kind of like uh the connection i drew to this was um Of mice and men because it's like the rabbits, but their thing is like the Vespa. but It's like, okay. it Instead of, all right, fuck you. That was a good fucking connection. Sorry, you didn't make it.
00:28:26
Speaker
No, continue. continue
00:28:30
Speaker
Because it's like, all they talk about is like, oh we're going to have a Vespa. We're going to go do this and that. And George and Lenny's thing luna is like the rabbits. So there's a daydream.
00:28:43
Speaker
Yeah, you can. lady ah Lenny. Lenny. Luca has another fucking daydream about the Vespa again. And I'm telling you, they're fucking queer. They're gay-ass little fish, bro.
00:28:58
Speaker
I'm a motherfucking gay fish. Shout out South Park. um He realizes he he actually this whole thing was actually a dream and he fell asleep in the lighthouse. So he runs back home and tries to sneak into the house and the parents are there waiting for him.
00:29:14
Speaker
And they send they try to send Luca to live with their with his uncle Ugo, who is a bottom feeder. What do you call him? He's an angler fish. An angler fish.
00:29:26
Speaker
and Luca runs away back to the surface, and he tells Alberto, like, hey, they want to do this. And Alberto's like, let's just fucking go together, and like we'll just run a leave. Okay, they're gay. They're gay. Let's run away together. They're gay.
00:29:42
Speaker
um And Alberto, his parents aren't around. His dad left. yeah He's the black kid in the ah relationship. Hey there.
00:29:55
Speaker
Definitely going to complete that. oh Jesus Christ. What the fuck, dude? You thought it. Didn't you? What the fuck you mean?
00:30:06
Speaker
I don't know, man. I don't think I went to get the tartar sauce and never came home.
00:30:23
Speaker
yeah ah
00:30:29
Speaker
wow
00:30:33
Speaker
ah
00:30:37
Speaker
ah ah How many kids you think Alvaro's dad has
00:30:46
Speaker
Well, don't fish spawn like crazy. I got millions. All right. He needs little kids. Jesus Christ, dude. Uh,
00:31:00
Speaker
So there's this town like across this little bay that they're they're in that they want to go over there and get a Vespa. ah And they swim over and as they're swimming over, they get spotted by some boaters, but they hide.
00:31:14
Speaker
um And then they sneak onto the shore under this boat by like this old man fisherman. Yeah. And they walk onto the land past these people who don't know that they're fish monster things because they look like humans.
00:31:31
Speaker
And what is Alberto's like? ah What are you looking at? Stupid though or whatever the fuck he says. Oh, yes. They walk past. Yeah, because that's what they said. The two boaters said in the water.
00:31:42
Speaker
The water. Water.
00:31:46
Speaker
And they kind of just shrug it off. as a As nothing. They walk past these ladies and Alburo's like, Luca, you try it. And they get fucking pissed and they hit him with like these gelato cones.
00:31:59
Speaker
Then they taste the gelato and like, it's pretty fucking good. And then there's like this artwork all around of like fish being murdered. And Luca's like, oh, we gotta go.
00:32:11
Speaker
And then Senor Vespa arrives, who is Ercole. Ercole. ah And these little kids kick a ball over to Luca and tell him to kick it. And he kicks it and it almost knocks over Senor Vespa's Vespa.
00:32:30
Speaker
Can I kick it? Yes, you can.
00:32:34
Speaker
And Senor Vespa is the winner of the Portoroso Cup.
00:32:41
Speaker
ah And that's why he has his Vespa and he's like wealthy or whatever. Then they meet Julia who... Eric really calls spewlia because she keeps throwing up during the race.
00:32:54
Speaker
Fucking pussy.
00:32:57
Speaker
And then the Luca and Alberto get in her little cart, John take off with her. um And then we see the this cop and somebody else walk by talking about sea monster sightings. And Urkula really wants to catch these sea monsters. That's like his his goal in life.
00:33:17
Speaker
His MO. Julia tells Alberto and Luca that Urkula has aged out to race. So that's basically like he's like racing little kids and winning to making himself feel good, which is cheating.
00:33:35
Speaker
Definitely is cheating. So this race they're all talking about the triathlon, which is swimming, eating, and biking. And Luca's never rode a bike before, so he's like learning how to ride a bike.
00:33:47
Speaker
He's not very good at it. And Julia's like, oh, well, you know what? you guys are ah You guys have a heart, and you want to win, so you can be on my team. Even though she has nobody else to be on her team. Yeah.
00:34:00
Speaker
Right. They go, we got to go to my dad and ask for money to like the entry fee. So they go ask the father who is ah fish mongerer.
00:34:12
Speaker
He's a fisherman mongerer or whatever. He's a fish guy. You got that fish. you know what When he cut the fish head off, little blood went on the clean tiny bit.
00:34:26
Speaker
It's a slasher. ah Is it? no Obviously, Luca and Alberto don't like that. And I believe he's a he's a ah ah sea monster conspiracy theorist.
00:34:42
Speaker
Also, he only has one arm. And Luca, out shock, spits some water all over Alberto's face. Not the only thing going on Alberto's face. Wink, wink. How are you doing? um And his face quickly turns into, like, the sea monster face. He hides under the table.
00:34:58
Speaker
And the father serves them some pesto pasta. I forgot the name of the pasta. Sorry. And they enjoy it. And then there's the running bit of the cat that is suspect of them.
00:35:11
Speaker
As he should be. Cute little fucking cat. fuck And then they ask for the money and the dad's like, you got to work for it. Alberto and Luca stay the night at Julia's house.
00:35:25
Speaker
Oh, and the cat attacks Luca. Forgot about that. As it should, because a fucking dirty fish. All right. Well, cats like fish, right? Yeah.
00:35:38
Speaker
ah Luca's parents come to the surface, and they start looking for Luca. And Luca and Alberto wake up as mermaids, mermen, because it had rained the night before. And they got to kind of hide until they get dried off.
00:35:53
Speaker
The dad takes the boys out in a boat and he sends his daughter to go make deliveries. And the cat attacks Luca on the boat, but Luca gives it a fish.
00:36:07
Speaker
um And they explain to the dad where the fish will be at because he's haunt he's like over like a fish grave or something. And the dad ends up ah
00:36:21
Speaker
coming back with like a fuck ton of fish. Because they don't know where the fish are. They live there. Right. Is that fucked up? Is he... Are they like making him catch their own kind? a little bit, but I don't think it's fucked up.
00:36:35
Speaker
At least I'm not eating himself. I mean, what would you do for some good mermaid dick? You know mean?
00:36:41
Speaker
I'd give up a couple fish for some dick. Sure. not man i mean, yeah. All right. ah oh Mermaid dicks got be scaly, right?
00:36:55
Speaker
and mean so it's It's probably like naturally lubed. I wonder if it comes out like a dick. Like it like comes out of like a little thing. You know what I mean? What if they just put their dick in the water? Will gain scales?
00:37:09
Speaker
What does that mean? Oh, yeah. Well, for me, it'd be all... I'm all bag. I'm no meat all bag. So my ball bag would probably get sales. You don't want a scaly ball bag.
00:37:21
Speaker
Shout out to Tommy Johns, by the way, for holding my shit up for me because they can't fucking do it themselves.
00:37:28
Speaker
Uh... the fuck you looking at
00:37:33
Speaker
ah we cut back to luca's uh parents and his dad pushes his kid into uh the ocean who's like he's like just sitting there licking some ice cream and uh it's just this kid he's like crying and that's not great uh the kids go and sign up for the race uh and urquilay shows up douchebag and he takes their money and alberto wants to fight him And then Luca calls him a catfish because he's a bottom feeder and has two whiskey hairs on his face, which murders.
00:38:06
Speaker
People ah find that funny. And I think Alberto was a little jealous here that he got some attention. Yeah. I'm not sure why Alberto's jealousy develops so much, but it this is the beginning of it.
00:38:19
Speaker
Like I've known you for probably approximately like three days.
00:38:25
Speaker
Why are you like... No. ah Like Alberto's known Luca for like three days. Why is he getting so clingy? He has nobody else. Yeah, well, fuck him.
00:38:37
Speaker
All right. Literally. ah ah So they decide that, ah you know, Julia is going to do the swimming part of the triathlon. Alberto is going to do the eating pasta part.
00:38:51
Speaker
And... Luca is going to the bike portion. Which portion are you doing? Eating. Yeah, me too. Eating 100%. I can't swim great.
00:39:02
Speaker
I would murder the eating part. I eat fast as it is. Right, so you'd win. i haven't rode a bike in about 20 years. That's an exaggeration, but... So...
00:39:18
Speaker
They're trying to train Alberto and they have to train to eat any kind of pasta because they change the type every year. Lugo's training on the bike. What pasta do you think you could devour quickest?
00:39:31
Speaker
Penne, meze rigatoni. ah Spaghetti would take the longest. Right. Because it's long drawn silver.
00:39:43
Speaker
i don't have that button anymore. i got rid of it. Sorry. It's a long string. You gotta suck it up, which I'm not good at sucking, so. Oh, I could fuck some shells up.
00:39:54
Speaker
Shells are hard to, like, get a lot at once. Yeah, but sometimes they get they like get together when they're cooking, right? like Overlapping shells. So you can get multiple shells in at once.
00:40:08
Speaker
Fair enough. I think I'm still leaning the way I'm leaning. Penne would definitely be the go-to, I feel. Or the smaller ones. But ah yeah, I think we I'd crush that.
00:40:20
Speaker
I'd crush anybody eating pasta. I fucking eat so fast. You really do? i I eat so fast, not even thinking about it, I eat fast. the Imagine if i was thinking about it. i Oh, you'd be gone.
00:40:31
Speaker
I haven't reached my maximum potential. Yeah, shout out, ah what's that guy's name? The Nathan's dude. Joey Chestnut. Shout out to him. Yeah, we banned. Oh, yeah. So Luca's, you know, training the bike. They get to the Santa Mozzarella. I'll take my Oscar now.
00:40:48
Speaker
There you go. And it's like a big hill. And he's like, mozzarella? No, don't they use that as like a curse? Sure. Yeah. it said He also says holy carp instead of holy crap.
00:41:00
Speaker
Right. Follow Joe on Xbox. Magikarp forever.
00:41:06
Speaker
Thank you for leaving me. Is it still that? No, but... Okay, so you're good. I'm surprised you remember that. He's scared, and then they cut to homegirl Julia training on the in the ocean.
00:41:24
Speaker
She's swimming. She's out in the middle of the fucking ocean, whatever. That's kind of crazy. Alberto and... Right. Alberto and Luca are watching, and they're like, this is how humans swim? And Urgulay comes out to fuck with the kids because he's a douchebag.
00:41:39
Speaker
And Alberto gets splashed some water and turns into a sea monster and jumps into the ocean. And they think they see him, but not really. and then Julia is like yelling at them. And it kind of works the distraction for him to get back in the boat and get dried off before anybody notices.
00:42:00
Speaker
Cut back to Luca's parents and there's these kids playing soccer. And honestly, made me laugh pretty hard because they pass her the ball and she kicks it and just nails this fucking kid.
00:42:12
Speaker
Fuck. He he goes into the water. and She's like, oh i got a good idea. And she proceeds to knock everybody into the water and none of them change. So still can't find it. The mom can get it.
00:42:29
Speaker
For me, no. But hey, love what you love. know what mean? Yeah. Be true to yourself. The mom was like, how about that Mrs. Bronzino, the fuck she says. And then she makes that dolphin noise.
00:42:45
Speaker
Holy shit. um
00:42:50
Speaker
ah And Luca hears his mom do the dolphin noise and he tells Alberto that he thinks his parents are looking for on the surface. And Alberto's a gaslighting ass bitch. He's like, no, they're not. They're not here. You don't know what you're talking about.
00:43:03
Speaker
Like, yeah, I know what fucking mom looks like and and sounds like. Get my back. Where the movie actually gets kind of good. ah Alberto goes with ah Julia's father to help do some fishing and Luca and Julia are talking about their plans after winning and Julia just wants to win because she's petty and wants to just like throw it on their faces like yeah we won because i won and I did it um and he tell and he calls ah Luca mentions the stars as fish again she's like they're stars and he's like now Alberto said they're fish
00:43:42
Speaker
And she's like, no, they're not. They're balls of fire. and i guess she's And I guess she's big into ah astrology. and She shows him this ah telescope that this other neighbor lets her use.
00:43:55
Speaker
And there's stars. And then there's this daydream on Saturn.
00:44:01
Speaker
And then he's like, she's showing her this book about the universe. And he's like, oh, so there's like cities. on planets in like galaxies that are in the universe.
00:44:11
Speaker
And he's like, he's like a little fucking mind is blown. ah And he's like, can I borrow this, this universe book? And she just gives it to him completely. This is where Alberto shows back up and he's like, I've been fucking looking for you, man. And he's like mad.
00:44:26
Speaker
Cause he's sorry. I'm just trying to get my fucking dick wet by a woman instead of you. That's why he's, that's why he's jealous, bro. Because he wants to fuck. Right, yeah, but Luka... Nobody wants to sit admit that, but i will i'll I'll sit here and admit it.
00:44:39
Speaker
Luka doesn't know about his sexuality, but then he finds this woman and he's like, man, pussy.
00:44:47
Speaker
What is this new smell? It smells like fish. Oh, wait, it's Julia. ah wait, it's lips.
00:44:56
Speaker
I mean, the problem is that it's ah it's almost a love triangle, but they don't really... I don't think Luka's like actually trying to get with her. I think he just finds her interesting. but I fuck so much pussy, I might switch to bussy.
00:45:07
Speaker
al Alberto is trying to put it in Luca's prison pocket. Right. And Luca's trying to put it in Julia's Snatch.
00:45:19
Speaker
Snatch. Snatch is back. It's been how many episodes and we brought back Snatch. Alberto and, fuck you. Alberto and Luca ah leave. and albert And Luca tells Alberto that, hey, the star they're actually stars, not fish. And Alberto's like, nah, they're not.
00:45:39
Speaker
And he kind of goes this whole thing about, like, it's supposed to just be like you and me. And it's everybody, nobody else in the picture, really. And they're arguing. And then Ercole shows up.
00:45:50
Speaker
And he, like, threw that, like, fishing spear at him. Right. Kind of rude. And he wants to like, he just like provokes a fight with them. And then he's like, they grab a, what's his name?
00:46:05
Speaker
Alberto. And they start like beating the shit out of him. And then Luca grabs the spear and he's like, let him go. And they, they get away. It would have been a lot better if Luca just stabbed one of them.
00:46:17
Speaker
It would have better if Alberto just didn't fucking like try to fight them and act tough. Right. Which Luca tells him, and then Alberto's like, no, I had it under control.
00:46:29
Speaker
Be a lover, not a fighter. Gaslighting ass bitch. Uh, fuck Alberto for real, dude. For real, he's kind of gay.
00:46:41
Speaker
um Then we we cut to a compilation of them training and the parents looking for that for Luca. And Alberto is obviously still very jealous.
00:46:53
Speaker
And there's this one day they're all three of them on the bike and the parents see, they recognize Luca because they hear Alberto or Julia call him Luca. And they start to chase after
Luca's Growth and Climax
00:47:03
Speaker
him. And then Luca like puts into fucking overdrive and he gets the top of the hill.
00:47:07
Speaker
And she was like, that's the fastest you ever went, dude. that's That's the quickest you ever came. um I've been like a solid like two minutes recently.
00:47:19
Speaker
Really? Yeah. You've come a long way from not coming to two minutes. Two minutes, yeah. That's where I'm at, bro. I've been fucked in so long. I feel like the next time I do fuck, it's going to be like an immediate nut.
00:47:32
Speaker
Yeah, I keep apologizing. She's like, nah, it's better than nothing. It's going to be hand on the shaft come. Like that's how fast it's going to be. That's going to be really embarrassing. I can't wait.
00:47:47
Speaker
Now you got you gotta jerk off like first and then... I know. I've been telling people this and they don't fucking listen to me, man. That is the way. Like Mandalorian, this is the way.
00:47:58
Speaker
What? You had a head start? I know you got that head. How you doing?
00:48:06
Speaker
Also, this is my other thing. This general question. Feel free to answer or don't. Do pills like Viagra and Bluetooth, do they help you not cum or is it just to get hard? It's just to get hard.
00:48:19
Speaker
You gotta get a pill that like reduces the fucking... Reduces your stimulation? Reduces the need to cum, yeah. Oh, well, I don't know.
00:48:30
Speaker
just Maybe we have to go on like the edging subreddit, you know? i don't really want to go on Reddit. I have no interest in being in that place. It's pretty crazy. It's a scary place.
00:48:42
Speaker
That's what i've heard. Anyways, back to this kid's film. well any Well, hold on. Any any listeners out there, you know i don't know if this is staying in or not, but if you have any ah if you have any recommendations on how not to come early, send it to 2guys1screen at James.
00:49:01
Speaker
Yeah, so Luca runs away from his mom, and then they're the top of the hill, the Santa Mozzarella, and Alberto's like, fuck it, we're just going down. And they crashed they almost crash several times, and they land in the water.
00:49:15
Speaker
And this is where Luca and Alberto get into a big fight. Uh, and they're like physically fighting with each other. And Julia walks over and Luca asks if the two of them can go to school with her because Luca's thing now is he wants to go to school and try it. And Alpert is like, no one's ever going to accept you.
00:49:34
Speaker
And Alberto, in a wild twist of events, is like, well, what if what if you know what if a person was a sea monster and wanted to go to their school? And he like just jumps in the water and like gives himself up as a sea monster. And then Luca goes, ah, sea monster, and like kind of betrays him a little bit.
00:49:54
Speaker
Because he's cussed. Right. At first, I was like, yo, Luca, what the fuck? And then at same time, I was like, nah. Like, as his friend, Alberto. Right. You're supposed to be letting him live his dreams.
00:50:05
Speaker
You're being selfish.
00:50:09
Speaker
Shellfish. Oh, that was... Woo. Okay.
00:50:19
Speaker
They go back to... ah Julia's house and the dad is kind of pissed that Alberto's not there. So he goes looking for him and Julia just throws some water on Luca and figures out he's a sea monster too.
00:50:32
Speaker
And Luca leaves kind of sad and he goes back to the lighthouse where everything's been destroyed. Alberto, i earlier in the film and drew a picture of a the two of them on a, on a Vespa with fire and whatever, and a telescope with lightning that makes no fucking sense.
00:50:47
Speaker
Um, um But it's ripped in half now. And there's ah the ah there' a poster of a Vespa that's now fallen and reveals tally marks. And those tally marks are how many days it's been since ah Alberto's father left for the tartar sauce.
00:51:06
Speaker
What? What?
00:51:12
Speaker
can
00:51:16
Speaker
um
00:51:20
Speaker
He tries to apologize to Alberto. He's not really having it. He's like, i'll go fucking win the race by myself then. I'll do it myself. So he goes to the next day. He goes back to the the desk and he wants to split up the team.
00:51:34
Speaker
He wants to race individually. ah We cut to Luca's parents who get voluntold basically to hand out cups of water. They're like, fuck yeah, we will do that. We'll dump water every single person. That's fucked.
00:51:46
Speaker
ah Yeah, it is. Child abuse, right? got little... Um, fuck them kids. I don't know. Fish abuse? Sure. They're not fish.
00:51:58
Speaker
The race is about to start and they do the swimming portion first and Hercules dumping oil on Chichio. All right. Everybody in this movie fucking gay. All right, Diddy. Calm down. Yeah, right?
00:52:09
Speaker
um Luca pulls up in scuba outfit.
00:52:15
Speaker
And this race, they have like men surrounding the track on watch for the sea monsters in case they show up. ah And Luca's plan, I guess, is to walk underwater in this fucking scuba suit thing.
00:52:30
Speaker
And the mask cracks under the under the pressure and he turns back into a sea monster. Which doesn't make sense, by the way. Why? Because diving suits are supposed to withstand pressure and this man's like in the shallow end.
00:52:45
Speaker
Yeah, but this shit's old as fuck. That's true. It's like some Scooby-Doo type shit. And like Captain Cutler type shit. You know what I'm saying Shout out Jay Cutler. Jay Cutler.
00:53:02
Speaker
So he comes up to the surface and like tucks his head in the suit and Urquilay trips him. And then he kind of crawls under the table and is able to dry off by time he sits in front of his bowl for pasta eating.
00:53:13
Speaker
ah Julia's been the lead this whole time. He finishes his food and he gets on the bike to race. His parents try to stop him again. And as he's going up this hill, we see some rain clouds forming.
00:53:29
Speaker
Ercole passes Julian. kind of smacks her on the head. And then as he's like making fun of her, Luca passes Ercole. um And then it really starts coming down. And Luca's kind of trapped because if he reveals himself as a sea monster, he'll be fucked.
00:53:44
Speaker
He'll be screwed out of luck, dude. And then Alberto... What's up? I can't get my Vithpa. My Veth- Wait, Mike Tyson? My Vethpa? I need my Vethpa. I'm Mike Tyson.
00:53:58
Speaker
Uh, Alberto comes to the rescue with an umbrella. Fucking G. Uh, and then it's so funny that Urkelay just goes down the hill and kicks him right in the fucking chest. And, uh, he's like caught in a net.
00:54:12
Speaker
And, uh, Luca decides he's gonna ride down the hill and expose himself. Not his wiener. Just like that he's a sea monster. and he's And he snatches Alberto and they ride down the hill together.
00:54:26
Speaker
Urkula is in pursuit and Julia is like behind him. And Julia kind of crashes into Urkula intentionally to ah guarantee that that he loses.
00:54:38
Speaker
um They cross the finish line and go back to see if she's okay. And the whole mob is like, there's fucking sea monsters here. We got to get them. And Julia's father actually defends Luca and Alberto.
00:54:53
Speaker
And they're technically the winners. ah and Chichio and Guido dump Ercole as like his henchmen. They beat the fuck out of him. And the mom is like mad at Luca, but also very proud of him.
00:55:08
Speaker
And then there's other, there are these other town members that you see throughout the film. They're like lesbian old ladies or something. yeah yeah Yeah. That reveal they're also sea monsters.
00:55:19
Speaker
They've been living amongst you. It's a secret invasion. Whoa. The reptilians are taking over. And they do get a Vespa, which is a shitty-ass Vespa, but it's something.
00:55:30
Speaker
And they reveal at the end, which I don't know how fucking Luca didn't put this together, but Julia's going to school, and she says she'll leave book for the boys, but then it turns out Alberto convinced ah Luca's parents let him go to school as well.
00:55:48
Speaker
And then Luca's like, you're not going? Like, obviously he's not fucking going. didn't want to go in the first place. And then there's this like teary-eyed, like I'm on the train leaving kind of goodbye. ah And that's basically the end the movie. oh and think give And ah the the drawing, Alberto takes back up and hands it back to him.
00:56:13
Speaker
The drawn. Yeah. The drawn. The jawning. That's awning. Jawning. Let me crank your jawning.
00:56:25
Speaker
I'm also at a four star.
00:56:29
Speaker
Yeah, I
Conclusion and Audience Engagement
00:56:30
Speaker
think I'm three and a half. This movie is fine always fun. Underrated. You think it's underrated? Because not many people saw it. I don't think it's mid, but I do think it's little underrated. Yeah, I'm probably going to give it a three and a half. It's hard in the whole in the larger context of like all of the.
00:56:51
Speaker
pixar's filmography just to like be one of the greats but the message is good yeah all right that's uh that's an episode we hope you enjoyed our review on luca see it let us know what you think send us your top five favorite disney pixar movies send us your are you guys gay do you think the characters are gay are you okay with being gay what is your sexuality We're okay with you being gay.
00:57:18
Speaker
We're okay with you being anything in this world. We're grateful just that you listened. Do you identify as a cat and use a cat litter box? Don't fucking talk to me. However, everybody else, you're all right. Where's this going?
00:57:30
Speaker
don't know. Yeah, until next time, we'll see you guys next week. Toodles?
00:57:41
Speaker
You said that was like a question mark, like toodles? Toodles? ah Fuck you, Mark.