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EP. 102 Django Unchained (2012)
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Transcript
Chaotic Opening and Humorous Banter
00:00:00
Speaker
I want to football. Have you seen my dick? been looking for it.
00:00:07
Speaker
Sir, I'm going to rub one out right here on your counter.
00:00:11
Speaker
We cut to Mike, who delivers meat on his bicycle.
00:00:19
Speaker
rinsing your girl out, bud.
00:00:23
Speaker
Hello, my name is Nick, and I have shaft hair.
00:00:27
Speaker
Call me Odell Beckham Senior, because I'm dad.
00:00:34
Speaker
want me to lick your bedpan, filthy skunk?
00:00:40
Speaker
We're just joking. Everything's jokes.
00:00:47
Speaker
Two girls, one cup? No. Two guys, one screen? Yes.
00:00:53
Speaker
Hello and welcome to episode 102 of the Two Guys One Screen podcast, aka the Hemorrhoid Homies, the Poet Town Boys, the Hindi Homos, all of it Diarrhea Daddies, there's the last one.
00:01:04
Speaker
And welcome back to fucking Na-Me Month, Yamin. Yamin, I don't know what the button is, we have a new button set, we've already talked about this I think on the podcast. Have we?
00:01:16
Speaker
Yeah. i think i Dope we talked about it.
Technical Difficulties and Drink Mishaps
00:01:18
Speaker
Probably. I mean, we don't have to have a separate little edit, John, for the sound clips anymore. just on our person. I can't find Yamin. That's the only problem with this new soundboard, right? Like everything's coming.
00:01:35
Speaker
I'm looking in the old one and i'm looking in the new one. can't find it me see if this is a great way to start the podcast. Hold on. Upload. Also, I don't know if we committed to the bit, but I do have something to drink, so going to drink. i have I have a tequila sunrise, but it doesn't have any grenadine in it.
00:01:54
Speaker
Okay. I have i don't have this. I don't have grenadine. Big boy that I found. I can't see your screen. don't to tell me. Okay. So it's... 10% alcohol, and it's a tall can.
Random Stories and Accidents
00:02:06
Speaker
One pint. 10% gay.
00:02:08
Speaker
ten One pint. Seagram's w WWE got me Rumble Punch. What does it taste like? Come? says, i don't know. Let's open it.
00:02:26
Speaker
Oh, no. My tab's in the hole. Gotta get your tab out of the hole.
00:02:32
Speaker
Can I see the can now that I'm looking at the screen again? Oh, you're the WWE champion? Yeah. yeah That tastes strong. Holy shit.
00:02:44
Speaker
You're gonna get fucked up. I had a stuffed pepper. That was it. I had a piece of cake. Lucky? Yeah. Well, it was a small piece. Who gave you some cake there was cake? There was cake in the walk-in. i probably shouldn't say is but whatever. There was cake in the walk-in that was like this past week. We're recording this.
00:03:03
Speaker
We're recording this in January, so fuck you. But it was dated 12-23.
00:03:09
Speaker
And I was like, damn, i don't know shit's any good anymore. So I like pull it out walk in, like took a piece. Like it was already sliced. I like took a piece out and I ate a a bite and it was fine. I was like, well, i already bit this. so I'm just going to take it home.
Discussion on Django Unchained and Slavery Themes
00:03:20
Speaker
Fuck it. And I took it home and I ate the rest of it. And then that's why I was ahead of you in the when we were watching it. And then I stopped to eat that. And then we were like within seconds of each other. Yeah. Since this is going to a long episode anyway, I'm going to tell this for Mark. I feel I feel kind of bad for him.
00:03:38
Speaker
What did he get detained by ice? What's the problem? No. So yesterday he was at work. um He's in the meat department at a store. Yeah, he is. Yeah. And his one of his assistant managers was deboning pork.
00:03:51
Speaker
You know what I'm talking about? I've done that before. But he slid his wrist with the knife. Did he want to die or it was it accident? I think it was an accident. but yeah Mark said there was blood like shooting everywhere.
00:04:06
Speaker
was raining blood? yeah It was. We have that somewhere, but it's in the archives. I'm pulling all the stops today.
00:04:17
Speaker
Anyways. He said he was the guy that ran over to him and was like putting pressure on it. And I'm like, that's it. Raining blood!
00:04:26
Speaker
like, that's kind of traumatic, don't you think? I mean, i had, ah because we are in non-mean month. when I used to work at a country club. I might have already told this story in the podcast, but that's what happens when you're 100 episodes in. You forget what you've said already. Yeah, absolutely.
00:04:41
Speaker
This guy who was a non-mean, he cut his finger off like the spray on the deli slicer, and it was dangling. And I like had to be the one to like run over with the towel and like...
00:04:53
Speaker
Keep his thumb on his hand. Yeah, you drove this guy, right? To the hospital? Yeah, then I drove him to the hospital, yeah. Yeah. Luckily... Luckily. They just called an ambulance. um Right.
00:05:05
Speaker
Mark said the guy literally almost died, like, in the store. That's fucking brutal. That is terrifying. I just want to see... oh this is at 100.
00:05:18
Speaker
Also, fun fact for everybody on the pod... I got find a new place to live in three to four months. So hopefully pod episodes are not impacted.
Quentin Tarantino's Style and Film Analysis
00:05:26
Speaker
We have banked episodes. We'll figure it out. we have We have at least four or five weeks of banked episodes to use. There's any hot but mommies that will let me and my dad come live with you no oh you? No.
00:05:43
Speaker
If you have to move, you have set we have seven weeks worth episodes to put out. Oh, that is definite't been that long, right? Yeah. So like we're moving. It's like we're chilling. Yeah. The actual moving. Once we find a place should only be like a week max. Right. Yeah. Yeah. would hope I didn't know if that was going to get. i didn't know if we were going to record. And here's a good time to plug it on our Patreon. Our new show mixed bag. I know we were going to cover and not cover on that.
00:06:07
Speaker
Oh, well, we can continue on that, too. like Yeah. yeah here's Here's the plug. We didn't plug it on Dope. we If you're listening to this in February, we have a Patreon that's live right now that's not in the plug yet. Right now. But it's going to Yeah. Where we already have up ah are the best censored moments uncensored.
00:06:27
Speaker
So you can hear them in their full, all of it, all their glory. Like, actually, today, is it live, the Patreon?
00:06:37
Speaker
We thought we were going to it in February, so if they listen to this when it comes out, it will be live. Oh, yeah. Never mind. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So check that out or don't. I don't know. Link's in the description. Give us money.
00:06:50
Speaker
You know what mean? you want to hear more just absolute debauchery, like what's going to happen in this episode most likely, most ah you know, that's that's the place to go check it out, you fucking bleep that.
00:07:03
Speaker
ah But I didn't even say what we're doing today. We're reviewing Django Unchained. Unchained. Untethered. Not to be confused with the 1966 Django. Oh, excuse me. Yeah. The movie that this is like a rebirth of, essentially.
00:07:21
Speaker
I haven't seen this yet. ah the oh i didn't know you own i didn't know you own that. It's Arrow Steelbook. It was like on their sale at one point. It's Arrow Steelbook. Arrow Steel are kind of rare. Yeah, they are. But apparently... like i like my steak.
00:07:35
Speaker
ah What I read was this guy in the OG Django was white, and he was an ex-union member who started hunting the KKK. Now, that sounds cool.
00:07:45
Speaker
That does sound cool. Do you want that done for the podcast? Let us know. Let us know. We can do. Which, by the way, this does change things. If you're a Patreon member and you ask for a movie, we're doing it. You're paying us money. Yeah, that's true, right? You're straight up paying as money.
00:07:59
Speaker
I mean, it's kind of so switched up, you know, because this guy's hunting the people that are killing blacks. I mean, no, this movie is too. You know, it's just it's just like the but the main character is a black guy. Now that one's a white guy.
00:08:12
Speaker
Right. So it's a little more tense. I probably feel.
00:08:18
Speaker
What's more tense? I'm sorry. Unchained. Yeah, unchained. yeah That's why it's called unchained, because they literally take his chains off. they They do. They take his chains off. He's unchained.
00:08:30
Speaker
He gets unchained to begin the movie, and then he's free. He's a free little birdie.
00:08:39
Speaker
ramo Oh, fuck. Okay. Yeah, but we're doing Django Unchained for not me month. So very black empowering. Like it's actually.
00:08:52
Speaker
All jokes aside. Like this shit's kind of ah it's really sad, you know, to see what this country was at a point in time, you know? Sure.
00:09:04
Speaker
To think people were lesser just because of skin color. Yeah, it's silly. Jokes are jokes, but at the end of the day. i want I want Jamie Foxx on my side. You know what mean?
00:09:18
Speaker
Yeah. dude Jamie Foxx, a goaded actor for real. Except not my electro. I guess I don't have an electro. So I guess he is. I was to say, who would be your electro? yeah i guess him I don't think there's any their options right now. No.
00:09:33
Speaker
Uh, we'll go through the cast. Movie came out in 2012. This is post Benoit post nine 11, um, 2022 was supposed to end 2012 though. Good year for, for wrestling for sure.
00:09:48
Speaker
Peak peaks. Almost a Brock Lesnar came back for childhood at least. Uh, then he fucking trafficked people and then, you know, yeah, well, that's not okay.
00:09:59
Speaker
Um, The movie is directed by one Quentin Tarantino. I believe this is our first Tarantino film on the podcast. 100%. And kind of crazy because, you know, he's like this legendary director.
00:10:12
Speaker
Yeah, he makes bangers. He makes bangers, but like he hasn't made many films. You know i mean? I think he wants to direct 10 and be done. 10 and done. That's his thing.
00:10:24
Speaker
Yeah, and the 10th one was in development, and then it got can and then he canned it. He's like, is this just' work isn't working, and I think he went back to the drawing board. Okay. yeah I respect that. I've seen almost all of them except for Once Upon Time in Hollywood, which is most people's favorite.
00:10:38
Speaker
ah And i just can't get i can't get through the first half hour the movie. I think it's so boring. i've also not so I haven't seen that, The Hateful Eight, or Jackie Brown.
00:10:49
Speaker
Jackie Brown is great. I haven't seen the hatefully in like a long time, but stay tuned to the end of the episode to get my Tarantino ranking. You dirty little skanks. Oh, I think I know what number one is.
00:11:01
Speaker
ter Yeah, probably not hard to figure that out. um Tarantino, one of my favorite directors, but unfortunately in today's world, he's just kind of fucking annoying and a dickhead. i don't know why that is.
00:11:13
Speaker
He just takes shots. People who don't need. He was taking shots at Paul Dano. He was a terrible actor. i mean, just what? Like, what's the play? They were just like, they weren't like, so what do you think about Paul Dano? He's like fuck that guy. He just no reason just going after Paul Dano.
00:11:26
Speaker
i' Matthew Lillard, too. Yeah. It's just like, why, man? It's just like, you're a cool dude. Stop fucking stop ruining it. You're ruining your ruining your shit. by Shitting on people that don't need to be shitted on.
00:11:39
Speaker
Shout out Odell. Shout out Odell Big. We'll do your cast here. This is movie stars Jamie Foxx, who is d Jango Freeman.
00:11:50
Speaker
The D is silent. um So, I mean, this is a fucking it, no? I'm fucking Jamie Foxx. I'm fucking his little patchy beard. I don't even care. Somebody shoved it in there.
00:12:01
Speaker
It is patchy. It is. hatful i feel you, though. um I mean, Jamie Foxx, not our Electro, but he's in col i we should do Collateral for the pod. Collateral is great.
00:12:13
Speaker
What is this? It's like an action thriller movie with Tom Cruise. That's why you're not going to want to watch it. No,
Controversial Debates on Race and Representation
00:12:20
Speaker
it's fine. It's very good. ah And then I just realized I haven't seen many Jamie Foxx movies.
00:12:27
Speaker
Baby Driver, the Spider-Mans, obviously. I've seen the Spider-Mans. That's kind of it for me.
00:12:35
Speaker
He's in the downfall Diddy. Interesting. I think I've seen Rio. He's in Rio? I've seen Rio. I saw Rio in a 4D theater. That was actually kind of cool. okay. I was going to say, was gay? I'm getting squirted by water.
00:12:50
Speaker
but what Getting squirted. I'm about to get squirted. At an aquarium when it's a movie about birds. i don't know. Yeah, it's funny.
00:13:01
Speaker
ah Next, we have Christoph Waltz who plays Dr. King Schultz. This guy's amazing, bro. I got to watch more of this guy's movies. I mean, I saw Frankenstein, but... Christoph Waltz is one of my favorite actors of all time. youve I hope you've seen Inglourious Bastards. If you want to see this guy peak in Inglourious Bastards, in my opinion...
00:13:22
Speaker
ah I mean, he's in the Bond films. He's good. He's not horrible. Can I make... Also, since we're talking about this, what did you have you seen the ads for this movie that's coming out this year? Dracula 2025? I have seen the trailers. Do you have thoughts on this? Are we doing this for the pod? I don't want to.
00:13:40
Speaker
Okay. I just... had I don't have any hopes in anything like that realm. You know i mean? Yeah, it's valid.
00:13:52
Speaker
there Are they even remakes of the Universal Monsters? I don't know. But, like, we got Frankenstein. The the front looks like Heath Ledger. Yeah. We got Frankenstein. We got... Frankenstein? Uh... The Bride's coming. The Mummy's coming. The Mummy movie looks horrible.
00:14:07
Speaker
The Bride's coming. Yeah. She might be. Coming. She's flicking her shit. Yeah, she is. Her, uh... Yo, that's a good question. What's good question? Yeah.
00:14:19
Speaker
Let's hear it. you handpick the vag? Or, like, is it just part of the torso? What the fuck does that even mean, do you handpick the vag? What are you talking about? Like, to flick it? Like, you're like, I'm handpicking So, you know how Frankenstein and the bride are, like, you know, body parts?
00:14:37
Speaker
Oh, I mean, i yeah. They're, like, grafted. Yeah, I think it depends and the on the on who's doing it. I feel like you or me would be like, yeah, I need a particular vagina for this. But I'm just saying, is it like part of the torso?
00:14:50
Speaker
or
00:14:53
Speaker
I mean, if if we if we limited it to just being a part of the torso, it's less fun. It is, but then it's like, we got to make sure that shit works. So it might have to be part of the same torso. It just needs to be a hole. I don't give a fuck.
00:15:07
Speaker
It's to nice hole. can't be like – Yeah, a nice hole. Pussy. Yeah, we don't need a – we've already been over this. Pussy pussy, no good. No good. But what if you want like a white bitch's vagina, right? And then you know obviously you would have yours cleaned and have a little bush. But then like we – and then like we decide on like, well, that black girl also has a fat ass. And then you just fucking scalp a black girl's ass. And then she's just – she's got a white puss and a black ass. I mean that's what's going on. Yeah, from the front, from the front she's like, I pay my bills. And from the back, says Dollar Tree. Okay, so speaking of black people, i he's not even black, but um oh wwe WWE last night, right?
00:15:50
Speaker
Yeah. So there's dude named Jacob Fatu. He's like related to Ricky. He's related to all the fucking Samoans. Right. But he he's he's been in jail. Right. But now he's like he like made it. Right. So last night he's like, yo, I'm EBT to w WWE. Like, yeah, you're like Fetty Wap.
00:16:08
Speaker
Yeah. Fetty Wap is out of jail. Still can't see, though. That's kind of a w yeah It is. um All right. Well, yeah, I would say pick your pussy for Frankenstein. That makes sense to me.
00:16:21
Speaker
Next, we got Leonardo DiCaprio. Maybe you heard of him. He plays Calvin Candy. um ah Honestly, I'm not impressed with his performance in this movie. You weren't?
00:16:32
Speaker
No, it was fine. I wasn't like, wow, he's really killing it. I was like, this is good. ah The blood was real. Did you know that? What? In his hand? Yeah. That was like, he like didn't supposed to happen, but they just fucking sent it.
00:16:46
Speaker
Yeah, just bleeding on set. ah I don't know, man. He was good. Like, it's like he was a bad performance. I was just like, this is fine. like there's other Leo performances that I'm like, yeah, that's better. i was to say, favorite Leo movie.
00:17:00
Speaker
Go. One shot. Don't miss your chance to blow. This opportunity comes once in a lifetime. I come multiple times. um Well, if I had watched Departed more recently, it might be the Departed, but for now, I'll say Inception.
00:17:14
Speaker
Okay. or gangs Or Gangs in New York. I like Gangs in New York. That movie's long as fuck. Yeah, 168 minutes. I'm going Wolf of Wall Street.
00:17:25
Speaker
Yeah, wolfie's also Wolfie's also a great choice. Fuck Titanic. Yeah, movie's overrated as fuck. We definitely fucking Leo, right? Yeah. Somebody shoved it in there. We're a little too old for him, though.
00:17:39
Speaker
And Christoph Waltz. Somebody shoved in there. We're a little too old for Leo, you're right. You know what mean? We're about 10 years too old. That's valid as fuck. That's very valid. Yeah, he likes him young, and that's fine.
00:17:50
Speaker
ah Next, we got Kerry Washington who plays Broomhilda Von Schaft. Von Stroke me. She's in stuff. Kerry Washington? Yeah, she's in stuff. She's in Wake Up Dead, man. I guess I remember her in that. She's in Fantastic Four. Who the fuck is she in Fantastic Four?
00:18:06
Speaker
It's not Susan Storm. you how much. Alicia Masters. Never heard her. She kind of looks like Janet Jackson. She's in Cars 3. Oh, never mind.
00:18:17
Speaker
I don't know what Janet Jackson honestly looks like. Michael Jackson, but a woman. okay's Like black Michael Jackson. Good Michael Jackson. Yeah. yeah yeah um I mean, she's a piece, right?
00:18:31
Speaker
yeah Yeah, I mean... is She's like middle of the road for me. Are we fucking or not fucking it? I'll probably fuck it but not like it.
00:18:46
Speaker
Not because she's black, but just because, like, I don't know. I'll probably fuck it, but not like it. yeah Especially her performance in this, I didn't think was too good.
00:18:57
Speaker
ah She's barely in it, though. Yeah. She
Deep Dive into Django Unchained's Themes and Scenes
00:19:00
Speaker
do be screaming, though. She do be scream a lot of screaming in this movie. A lot of screaming for her. Next, we've got Samuel L. Jackson, who plays Steven, a.k.a. Cuck.
00:19:09
Speaker
A.k.a. You ever heard of him? Yeah, he's in the he's in all sorts of shit. I don't even, I don't think we have to go over this, but i'm I'm throwing it back on Samuel Jackson for the clout. Yeah, but he's got to call me a motherfucker while I'm fucking him. Somebody shoved it in there. Damn, motherfucker!
00:19:24
Speaker
Slap in my ass. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Why? You wouldn't want that? No, I do. You wouldn't want Samuel Jackson smacking your ass, calling you motherfucker? I do.
00:19:37
Speaker
you can call the Edward, too. That'd be fucking crazy. I'll call the Edward. That'd be crazy. um Yeah, you in the house now, right, motherfucker? Well, he was in Star Wars. Check our episode on Star Wars. i was going to say, hey i don't know he's done a Samuel Jackson recording.
00:19:53
Speaker
Not live. Well, yeah, Star Wars, but we have some banked shit with him in it. We do have some banked shit with him in it. You're right. And if you're moving, maybe they're going to come out.
00:20:04
Speaker
ah Next, we have Walton Goggins, who plays Billy Crash. I mean, you know, it's Walton Goggins. I keep forgetting, like, how many movies this guy's actually in.
00:20:15
Speaker
He's in so many fucking movies. He's in that movie Fat Man. He's in a House of Thousand Corpses. there's reviews out on both those movies now. Go fucking listen to them, you dirty scumbags. um What did we say about Walton Goggins and Fat Man? Are we fucking him?
00:20:30
Speaker
I think I'm fucking him. he's kind of Are we allowed to change our mind? I guess we are, right? He's ugly, but I'm fucking He's an ugly... Yeah, but for the clout. I mean... yeah Somebody shoved it in there. You ever see Fallout? i know that You don't watch shows. and i know And I know you're not into gaming. But it's a good show.
00:20:44
Speaker
I've never seen it. He's the ghoul. He's in full makeup.
00:20:50
Speaker
I don't know who else we want to shout out on this list because... I guess we'll set out Don Johnson who's Spencer Big Daddy Bennett. Fuck that guy. This guy kind of looks like Epstein. He's a piece of shit.
00:21:03
Speaker
He kind of does look like Epstein. You're right. Epstein's not dead. ah Oh, we should probably give a shout out in the cast list for Quentin Tarantino himself. Yeah, that's Tom Savini's in this movie.
00:21:17
Speaker
ah You know what's crazy? i crack her thought I kind of thought it looked like Tom Savini. Shout out to Tom Savini. We're throwing it back on Tom Savini big. Oh, yeah. Somebody shoved it in there. I'll fucking shout out.
00:21:29
Speaker
You go. he has hair. Never mind. thought he had a bald head. Sorry. Go ahead. ah Jonah Hill. A young Jonah Hill. You're right. like Young Jonah Hill. like five seconds as a KKK member. Who couldn't see of his hood.
00:21:43
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, he's literally called bag head number two. Yeah. um I mean, we're throwing it back on him too. No? Yeah. Somebody shoved it in there. Super bad's not good.
00:21:55
Speaker
You're wrong. It's so good. What are you talking about? It's awesome. It's so funny. You probably fucking like Napoleon Dynamite. No, movie's ass too. Oh, thank God. Superbat's great. I disagree with that big. I don't think you're, I think you're fucking wrong. I'm sorry. It's overrated as shit.
00:22:12
Speaker
It's like a two and a half star movie at best. That's disrespectful. Sorry. Brianna Oppenheimer. How's your last name? Oppenheimer. Related.
00:22:24
Speaker
There's nothing. granddaughter. Great granddaughter. What has my grandfather done?
00:22:35
Speaker
Yeah, so anyways, if you're new to this podcast because you're looking for some thoughtful Black History Month commentary, you're in the wrong place. they need but But ah we do a scene by scene, so we're going to scene by scene. There's a lot of the word ninja in this movie that I'm just not going to say.
00:22:53
Speaker
Also, no not that I'm upset, but nobody said hard R. It was all soft day. There was a couple hard R's. It was hard to tell the difference, to honest. was selective. Yeah, you need to have the volume maxed out so your neighbors could hear it to figure it out. I mean, if we're talking slavery, you got to hit them with the hard R, right?
00:23:11
Speaker
Okay. I'm being historically accurate, which Quentin Tarantino isn't because we got scenes with Django just riding a horse and then fucking Rick Ross starts playing. That was interesting. 1885 or whatever this movie takes place.
00:23:26
Speaker
what's What are you doing here, Rick Ross? Oh.
00:23:31
Speaker
Like Danny Towers. Yeah. Also, shout out the big... It's the snowstorm, guys. The one that's happening as we're recording this.
00:23:43
Speaker
We're shouting it out? Yeah, shout out the snowstorm. Okay. Right. It just actually really started snowing here because it was not snowing all day. Oh, we got at least six inches already.
00:23:55
Speaker
I got like three inches in my pants. Right. Locked and loaded. ah Oh boy. Okay. So movie opens and there's credits.
00:24:09
Speaker
Who doesn't love a credit? Yo, know the the soundtrack is actually fantastic. I will say. Yeah, yeah it's pretty good. Um, and what are we, say it why what what are we, what are we supposed to call them?
00:24:26
Speaker
Slaves. Okay. Not blacks. Is blacks. Okay. This has never happened before. This is the second word into the scene by scene. I'm already done what to do.
00:24:38
Speaker
I wrote blacks. see a bunch of fucking blacks chained. That's what I wrote. Yeah, I figured. I mean, they're people. Enslaved men. We see people who just came off the boat.
00:24:50
Speaker
i didn't just take off them They did not. they They could be citizens. oh Yeah. But they're... ah They're walking in a line. They're all chained together. And I wrote they're getting whipped, but they're not getting whipped. But they have marks in back like they've been getting whipped. Right. And we're in Texas.
00:25:11
Speaker
Somewhere were in Texas. Yeah. And it's the year is 1858, two years before the Civil War. And a couple other years before Lincoln got shot in the fucking head. Yeah, because he, you know. But that's what you get to for going to the theater. Yeah.
00:25:25
Speaker
I mean, yeah, he also freed these people. So that's probably why he got shot. Really? Right? Yeah. Yeah. But if I was like, hey, yeah, where's the president? And they're like, yeah, he's at the ball watching watching Shakespeare. I'm like, fuck.
00:25:40
Speaker
yeah
00:25:43
Speaker
Yeah, this guy definitely got to go for sure. Guy's fucking dick. Fruitcake. Yeah. So they, the cart, the cart.
00:25:56
Speaker
They stopped because there's this fucking cart coming their way. This this carriage with a big tooth on top. Yeah, I mean, big white tooth. Which is crazy because nobody in this movie got nice teeth.
00:26:07
Speaker
oh Leo's teeth are horrible. Yeah. Brutal. They're uncle ugly as fuck. You think he's like, yo, I'm gonna take my veneers off for this shot. All right. It's just his natural teeth.
00:26:19
Speaker
Y'all want some my real teeth. Yeah. They're like, Leo, fucking keep that shit on, bro. This is ridiculous. Um, and one of the dudes is scoring these, uh, slaves. They're slave traders. He's like, who, who's that?
00:26:33
Speaker
He's not British. i don't know why i did that. um And this guy is Dr. King Schultz. um Shout out to Martin Luther King, I guess. Shout out to him, you know? His day just passed.
00:26:45
Speaker
He had a dream, and we're definitely not listening to it. So, as a society. In 2026, nothing's changed. Sorry. I didn't mean us. I just meant, like, as a society. We're not listening to it. I listen to it on repeat when I go to sleep at night.
00:26:59
Speaker
So...
00:27:02
Speaker
I listen to ASMR Martin Luther King speeches. He's just like... i had yeah so I'm tired of being in these chains, boy.
00:27:17
Speaker
yeah he had he What do you think the slave would say to him? yeah You think you have it bad? You're getting sprayed with fire hose. We're getting whipped and chained. yeah We're getting fed to dogs. You think you got it bad?
00:27:32
Speaker
You just can't use a clean bathroom. You can't share. You can't use it the same bathroom as a white guy. We're getting beat. Yeah, they definitely had it worse. But not saying anything is good about any of this, but.
00:27:44
Speaker
and I was just making a joke. That's all it was. From the slave standpoint. Yeah. They're like, light work at least we got basketball. They're like.
00:27:57
Speaker
Yeah, we got basketball at least. Like, we're chilling. Yeah. So, this guy Schultz is looking for the Speck brothers. um I said Speck. You watch fucking hell.
00:28:10
Speaker
think they called him pro at one point. That was kind of clever. By the way, I'm little sick. I'm coughing. It's fuck you. it the flu? i I told my sister yesterday that I didn't know what flu symptoms meant. I just told her what i had. She's like, yeah, it's probably the flu. And I was like, I didn't know what the flu even was. Come down with a wee bit of a cough, have you?
00:28:29
Speaker
She's like, everybody knows what flu symptoms are. i go you're right. They all do, but I'm retarded and I don't. Stuffy nose, fever, cough. I had a fever. It's probably still lingering, but the cough is still here. Fever.
00:28:40
Speaker
Cabin fever.
00:28:43
Speaker
So they asked, he asked him get those Speck brothers and they bought these ah these slaves that are traveling at the Greenville auction in Mississippi. ah And then he asked if any of the slaves are from the Karakhan plantation.
00:29:02
Speaker
Hey, any slave from Jamaica?
00:29:08
Speaker
with But he's a big fan of Bob Marley.
00:29:12
Speaker
Any you guy from the Kraken. ah Yeah, it's a ting there, brother. And one guy goes, I am. And you don't, mean, not like that. That was really high pitch, but you know i mean.
00:29:27
Speaker
um And he starts looking at all these slaves and, you know they can't look at the white man in the eye. So just not looking down. And then finally realizes it's it's Django. And, uh.
00:29:38
Speaker
He asked him what his name is and if he can identify these guys he's looking for named the Brittle Brothers. And you got Big John. You got ah l Ellis, I think. It changed L's. And you got Roger, a.k.a. Lil Raj on SoundCloud. Yeah, look me up, Lil Raj.
00:29:56
Speaker
And he asked Django if he'd recognize them. And he's like, yeah, I would. And then the the Speck brothers are not cool with him talking to slaves like that. um And they say there's no more sale. And they pull a gun like, you move along now, fucking doctor.
00:30:10
Speaker
And they' they're they're they're like, you're talking to him like a white guy. It's a black guy. Like he's white. Yeah, but he's black. Right. But they're mad at that. Right. Because you can't be talking to him like he's a normal fucking person, apparently.
00:30:24
Speaker
Schultz has this little gun that comes out of his fucking sleeve. This shit's crazy. It's cool looking. It's very mechanical. Yeah. Yeah. know um And he shoots this fucking dude in the head and he shoots the other brother's horse and the horse falls over landing on the guy's leg and he's just sitting there yelling and screaming.
00:30:45
Speaker
And Schultz is like, can you please stop fucking screaming, dude? i need to go talk to Django. You ever see a soccer movie, Kicking and Screaming? No, I've never heard of that. No, it's not good. Don't watch it. Okay.
00:30:57
Speaker
Um... Django says he'd recognize the Brittle brothers, and so Schultz frees them and frees the rest the slaves. And Django goes to take the dead speck brother's coat, and the other speck is like, you don't be touching my brother's coat, you filthy. You know what he says.
00:31:13
Speaker
not going to tell you. um And the so Django walks over and steps on is on the horse, which like puts more pain on his leg. Jungle looking a little jack, too.
00:31:24
Speaker
Schultz needs a ah bill of sale, and the guy doesn't have one. So he writes one down on his own. um And then he leaves the slaves. He's like, look, you can help that guy up and do whatever, or you could just take this rifle, and then I'm going leave.
00:31:37
Speaker
see so throws him the keys to the shackles.
00:31:42
Speaker
So you they leave and you just see them walk over with his gun and this guy fucking shoots the gun and it just blows this guy's head off. But his fucking the reclo is so hard. It's like, like like I sent back.
00:31:56
Speaker
Yeah, you can definitely tell her it's a Quentin movie for sure. It's Quentin big. They cut and we're in a a town. Schultz Django or DJ shout to DJ's I guess yeah they go they arrive on this fucking bitches clam later
00:32:15
Speaker
um in the whole town is kind of staring them out in the movie or just stare at Django cuz he's a black guy on a horse you know it's not really a normal thing they see on a day-to-day and they enter this in and this keeper is like kind of like fixing a light or something It's like, help me step bro. My hand's stuck in the light bulb.
00:32:37
Speaker
Oh, wow. i didn't know step bro was black. I'm going to get eviscerated. oh is Wow. Step bro. You're so much bigger than you, than I remember. What the fuck?
00:32:49
Speaker
I got a black guy in me. yeah Who's going to pay the child support? Um, So they walk in and he turns around, realizes there's a black guy in his inn and he runs off and King is like, go get the sheriff. Not, you know, this is who you need to bring first.
00:33:10
Speaker
ah And Jango's little confused and Shalt's like, let's just sit down. And he makes some a couple beers and he tells Jango he's a bounty hunter and that he kills people for money.
00:33:22
Speaker
And there's a very famous, it's like super meme now. It's like a reward. the soundbite. Yeah. Cause he gets money for killing people, white men. Um, and he doesn't like, so obviously Schultz is not big on slavery, but he does need Django's help. So he's going to make him a slave until he gets what he needs out of them.
00:33:44
Speaker
And, uh, he's looking for these brittle brothers, but he has no idea what they look like. So because Django knows they look like, you know, They're a team. So his plan is to visit every plantation in Gatlinburg.
00:33:57
Speaker
So Django's going to help him in exchange for his own freedom and 75, 75 bucks, 25 bucks per brother. How about that? i mean, that sounds good to me. No.
00:34:08
Speaker
Yeah. I fair enough. So the sheriff walks in and tells him to come out. Uh, now there's a crowd outside. and it's this guy's name is bill sharp.
00:34:19
Speaker
And he starts blabbing on and Schultz just walks outside with little handgun from inside the pocket. Inside little fucking sleeve. Just shoots this guy right in the fucking, right in the chest. um And the whole crowd disperses because this guy just got shot.
00:34:33
Speaker
And then he sends the innkeeper to get the marshal. And the marshal comes back and he's fucking ready to just blow this fucking dude's head off. He got the whole crew. know what mean? You know, he got the whole gang. He got shooters too. You know mean? He got the fucking militia.
00:34:48
Speaker
Yeah. ah And they come back out again and King tells the marshal that this Jango is his ah deputy and that Sharp is actually an outlaw named Willard Peck.
00:35:03
Speaker
ah And according this little piece paper he has signed by a judge, he's owed $200, bitch. So cough up or get on your knees and blow me. but Time to suck my rod.
00:35:16
Speaker
You know what I'm talking about? So I just want to put this out here. This entire movie, I was like, yo, imagine if Red Dead Redemption had a black guy as the main character. Fire.
00:35:27
Speaker
That'd be great. They didn't mention slavery once. I guess because it was 1911. And Red Dead? Yeah. Yeah, that's fair. I guess eliminating slavery from your video game saves a lot of ah problems.
00:35:38
Speaker
Yeah, but they asked but they did hate on Mexicans a lot in that game. Yeah, but hating on Mexicans versus hating on blacks is like – Well, i guess now hating on Mexicans is kind of bad because of like what's going on. but It's pretty bad, yeah.
00:35:50
Speaker
Yeah. um So they they travel, they set camp at this place, and Schultz tells them that you know he's going be free and what his plan is, and Django wants to find his wife, wants to buy her freedom.
00:36:04
Speaker
um Oh, wow. Okay. So as he's telling them, as he's telling them this, there's a flashback and I wrote throwback. Like a fucking, why did I write throwback? Yo, it's a throwback. This bitch getting whipped. Yeah. It'd be crazy. It'd be crazy if they had Facebook and Django posted TBT was getting whipped.
00:36:27
Speaker
just like you
00:36:32
Speaker
Yeah, TVT, me and my wife trying to escape the plantation. We got caught. We got fucking cooked, kid. Yeah. Uh...
00:36:43
Speaker
Essentially... he the throw The flashback is like he's fucking tied up and...
00:36:53
Speaker
They tried to run away. For some reason, I just thought of like, they're getting whipped, but then she starts throwing it back every time she gets whipped. She's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:37:08
Speaker
Um... This fucking old white guy is telling Jango he's going to get sold and ah cheap and his wife is going to get sold separately. Wife sold separately.
00:37:21
Speaker
ah Collect them all. Introducing Jango. And it's like one of those things where like each little piece is like sold separately in a different set. So you got to buy this to get her head, this to get like her legs. Yeah. You got to buy like fucking seven ninjas to get the whole life.
00:37:38
Speaker
Yeah.
00:37:41
Speaker
ah But if you buy the plantation set, then you get everybody. You get the whole package. Yeah. Batteries not included. What are the batteries for? I don't know. so I don't know.
00:37:52
Speaker
Schultz says they should be able to trace where she was sold through records. And we learned her name is Broomhilde von Schaft. And that she speaks German because the lady she was with before taught her German.
00:38:05
Speaker
And we cut. Warships. Mine meat. Yeah.
00:38:11
Speaker
She's like, Brumhilde, you think this is bad? Wait until the 1940s.
00:38:24
Speaker
So, it won't just be blacks. You're woman too, ba. Yeah. Um... Cotton in a clothing store and Schultz says they're putting on an act.
00:38:39
Speaker
So like, you know, I'm gonna pretend that I'm a racist and I fucking hate you. Right. And you're a valet or my servant. Park my car, bitch. Valet sounds nice, though. It's a nice way of saying it.
00:38:51
Speaker
It does sound nice. Hey, yo, park my horse over there. So they pull up to Big Daddy's plantation and Django is on a horse. He's got this big blue costume on with big white bow. looks fucking ridiculous.
00:39:03
Speaker
This shit's not cool, man. No, he was kind of pulling it off. I did not like it even a little bit. Shout out Big Daddy V. Shout Big Daddy V and RIP, you fat fuck. yeah ah so That's true. Did you catch this? They're in Tennessee now. They're not in Texas anymore. They're not in anymore.
00:39:23
Speaker
They're going across. ah And this big daddy is not very happy that he's got a black man on a horse. It's not okay to him. Not on his land for sure. Not on my fucking watch.
00:39:38
Speaker
um
00:39:41
Speaker
And Schultz tells big daddy he wants to buy a woman here. And big dad's like, I don't want sell one to you. And then Schultz like, well, I got 5,000 reasons why you would.
00:39:51
Speaker
And I guess that means like I got 5,000 in cash. Yeah. Uh, so why don't you come on in? So he invites, uh, Schultz in. And then one of these, uh, slave women, Bettina shows Django around.
00:40:07
Speaker
And, uh, Django asked her about the Brittle brothers. And she's like, you mean the Schaefer brothers? And he's like, sure. And he's like, he's like, where they yeah are they? Yeah. They're right over there.
00:40:19
Speaker
Where they at? Just turn around right there. Um, I got 99 problems, but a ninja ain't one.
00:40:28
Speaker
know I mean? Well, it's ah it's really crazy because I feel like Quentin always gets like told that like he's a racist, right? Because everything puts in his movies. People call Quentin a racist?
00:40:40
Speaker
You've never heard that? No. Really? Actually, the big thing is that he's a Jew. Well, that's fine. Yeah. But, like, he does his research, you know? A racist Jew. Yeah.
00:40:51
Speaker
He does racist research. like I don't know, because, like... does his racist Jew research. You know, Jango's like a little educated. These people on the plantation, they're like definitely not. So they're talking a little.
00:41:05
Speaker
I mean, this point this this guy can't read. He can't read. he gets better throughout the movie because he's hanging with like, he's hanging with us. yeah ah ah That was a crazy head bobble.
00:41:21
Speaker
but ah So anyways, Django sees one of these brothers and has a flashback of his wife. She's getting fucking beat. And ah he looks at and asks where the other two brothers are and they're whipping little Jody for breaking some eggs. Can you imagine getting whipped for breaking eggs? Crazy.
00:41:41
Speaker
Like I do that every time I try and crack one. I can't crack an egg for shit. you You do it on a ball or do you do it on a smooth surface? Smooth surface.
00:41:52
Speaker
You still break them? That's insane. I'm bad. your bad life You're a bad boy. I'm bad bunny.
00:42:02
Speaker
I don't know. So they're about start they're about to start whipping little Jody in real time and Jango walks over and shoots John in the chest. And then he whips the shit out little Raj and um And then all the slaves are like gathered around watching this shit. He's like, you want to see something cool? And he just fucking shoots this guy in the head.
00:42:23
Speaker
um And then Shelton. And you think, you're like, hey, Jango just got revenge on the guys that enslaved him. Bitch, we're like 15 minutes in. You're like, this is the movie's over now, right?
00:42:35
Speaker
No, you thought. ah Schultz comes over and he's a little concerned. And he's like, where's the last one? He's like, he's over there. And he's like, are you positive? He's like, i don't know what positive means.
00:42:47
Speaker
Are you sure? I'm sure. Yeah, I'm sure. And he fucking snipes Alice off his fucking horse. And he's like, I'm positive he's dead.
00:42:57
Speaker
The plantation owner walks over and he's like ready to fucking shoot this shoot fucking ah Schultz and Django. And it's kind of same thing as the last town they were in. They have the fucking paperwork saying they were looking for these bodies.
00:43:12
Speaker
um So you leave and you see Schultz load a little tooth on top with dynamite. He takes the money out. um And then this plantation owner leads a bunch of men wearing some hoods.
00:43:26
Speaker
out to this fucking, this car, they all got torches and shit. Now to me, this is the most iconic scene of the movie, my opinion. This is the most iconic scene of them arguing about they can't be able to see out of a hood?
00:43:38
Speaker
Yeah. I don't find this iconic even a little bit. I actually thought it was kind of i actually thought it i was kind of stupid. Really? i thought i i thought the bit went on too long and I was like, just move on. I just remember always re-watching it like on YouTube back in the day.
00:43:52
Speaker
i thought it was funny. Yeah, you don't like Superbad. No fucking wonder. umm Okay. fucking wonder. Okay, you McLovin' fucker. yeah a um Well, they can't see out the hood and they talk about it for a little too long, honestly.
00:44:10
Speaker
Uh, but they get to the fucking cart and because they can't fucking see anything, they realize they don't know that no one's actually in the cart. Uh, and then Schultz and, uh, the fuck's this kid's name? Django are on the, they're on a hill and they fucking shoot the tooth and the whole car explodes.
00:44:28
Speaker
Uh, and then Django snipes big daddy right off his fucking horse. Uh, And then we cut and they're eating at some campfire and Schultz tells Django the story of Brumhilde because it's a very popular German story. This is basically Shrek, bro.
00:44:47
Speaker
It really is. Straight up fucking Shrek. Like Shrek, Rapunzel, anything like that. This princess's fucking dad was mad at her and locked her on a mountain with a fucking fire-breathing dragon and then a hero comes and saves her and kills the dragon. That's basically the story.
00:45:04
Speaker
And essentially the parallel is like Django is going to save Broomhilda from white slave owners. I have a really weird question. Yeah. Is Shrek black?
00:45:18
Speaker
No. Like, i know he's, like, Scottish or something, right? I feel like an answer with with some certainty, he's not black. Yeah, I don't think he's black. okay Yeah, I think he's green. That's not what I meant. Like, would the black people accept him, like, into the culture? Would Shrek have the pass? Can Shrek say the N-word? Yeah. I feel like if Shrek said the N-word, they'd be like, yo, that's my Shrek. You know what I mean? Like, cool. Yeah, right?
00:45:44
Speaker
I mean, Eddie Murphy is the donkey. I don't know. That He's donkey. Yeah. Yeah. So it's like... Mike Myers is Shrek, so maybe not.
00:45:55
Speaker
I don't know. Maybe he's black. But like, couldn't you see Fiona be like, I'm black! And it's like...
00:46:03
Speaker
but then But then she's secretly black when the mood goes out. What the fuck? She's like a fucking werewolf, but she's black? Yeah. I don't really get this whole part. Schultz is like, hey, man, going to Greenville right now is too dangerous. How about you and I like just go bounty hunting for the winter, and then we'll go to Greenville afterwards? I don't get why this had to happen. I guess it's so.
00:46:23
Speaker
They had to get money.
00:46:27
Speaker
Yeah, but he wasn't saying he didn't have any money. He was saying it was too dangerous. That's what he said. Yeah. but also But also, I guess that he needs to do it because Jango needs to be able to be good at shooting a gun.
00:46:39
Speaker
So you see like this montage of him getting a new saddle. They travel around shoot some fucking guys. um And there's one part where Jango's having trouble sniping this dude because his son's next to him.
00:46:50
Speaker
And Schultz is like, you fucking pussy. Just kill him. Essentially. ah And then... ah Schultz has Jenga put the rifle down and he shows him the wanted sign for this guy.
00:47:03
Speaker
ah And like I said, one of the members is crazy. Craig Coons. That's a crazy name. And he's like, sit Cincinnati's zoo. What
00:47:19
Speaker
the fuck? Is that where Harambe was? i
00:47:26
Speaker
What the fuck? The Cincinnati Zoo? Oh, no. He's having a hard time reading the paper. Sound it out, Jago. Sound it out.
00:47:43
Speaker
hu ah Hanging. yes
00:47:48
Speaker
No. Back of the, the Boos, Boosie. Yeah. ah So they get 7k if they shoot this motherfucker. And Schultz like, you know, stop being a pussy and shoot this dude. So he shoots him.
00:48:09
Speaker
Um, and he tells, ah he tells Django to keep his first handbills like a good luck. You know, you got to keep it. Keep it in the back of your mind for later. You fucking very strong. I have a couple of playbills. Yeah.
00:48:23
Speaker
I got a wicked one. I think that's the only one I have the wicked one. I have one more. I don't remember what it is though. Um,
00:48:33
Speaker
They drop off this Wilson Lowe gang to the sheriff, and then ah they walk off the screen. you see this description saying they made a lot of money, and they were going against the Mississippi. And I just wrote, they hate blacks big in Mississippi. They do not like these motherfuckers.
00:48:49
Speaker
Which is crazy because isn't nowadays like it's a big chunk? Of where blacks live? Not on some like racist shit, but I think like the South is like black country. Don't take that out of context. i I don't know enough to say yes or no to you, like to be honest. We got black country, and then we got bat country.
00:49:13
Speaker
We got bat country. got the bat country. Yeah.
00:49:18
Speaker
ah They find in the record books in Gainesville that Calvin Candy took Broomhilda to his plantation Candyland. Yo, that's some Michael Jackson shit. Like, come to Candyland.
00:49:33
Speaker
Yeah, you can get touched and beat. I'll fucking lick your asshole. Yeah. You little kid. yeah All right, well. That's what he did. oh I watched the documentary. Fucking a window. Yeah. Yeah. Well.
00:49:47
Speaker
I'm going hee hee on your pee pee, y'all.
00:49:53
Speaker
He makes it very clear that Django does to Schultz that she's ah ah a house, not a field. You know, she's she's in the house. He says it. He literally says it. Yeah. And she got an R on her face because tried to run away.
00:50:06
Speaker
Then he's like, they're trying to make her a comfort girl. We can't be having that. I guess a comfort girl. mean, you're just getting ran through. getting rent Your pussy's just getting rented out. Right. Because even Schultz is like, what's a comfort? Oh.
00:50:18
Speaker
Yeah. That's not good. He's like, can you pay EBT for those? Yeah. ah Yo, I got $25 on my EBT car. Can I eat that shit or what?
00:50:28
Speaker
oh What does $25 get me Yeah. Schultz says that ah they have this whole thing about about they equivalated to buying a horse. Like, he's like, let's just go up to him like, yeah, we want to buy this bitch.
00:50:43
Speaker
And essentially, he's like, he's not going to go for that. And if, you know, if he says no, what are we going to do? And Jango's like, we're going to steal the horse. And it's like... No. Can you stop being black for 30 seconds?
00:50:57
Speaker
But that's what I'm saying. like It's like upsetting, you know? Because they're literally talking about buying a horse equivalent to like buying a person.
00:51:09
Speaker
You know what mean? Right. Yeah. yeahre Yeah. There are multiple times they say that they're property. Schultz is like, we'll just buy the farm, bro. What's the problem? We'll buy the whole thing. Make him an offer he can't refuse. And he has to go into this being a Mandingo expert. That's the... that's the Django's a Mandingo expert big.
00:51:25
Speaker
What's a Mandingo? They're black people that fight. They call them Mandingos. See, the only time I've ever heard Mandingo is like a Mandingo party. Yeah. Mandingo party is like one white chick on like eight black guys.
00:51:39
Speaker
Yeah, big black. a gang bang. EBC. EBT. And obviously obviously this is like very low and demoralizing to Django and...
00:51:51
Speaker
ah So they arrive at his house and they're not at Candyland. They're just in a house in Mississippi. And they meet Mogi. What the fuck's his name? Mogwai. Like the fucking jungle book.
00:52:04
Speaker
Yeah. Oh. No, that's Mowgli. Mowgli. Mowgli, yeah. moog What's Mogwai? Mogwai is what Gizmo is. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's a Mogwai. Yeah. yes So how we pronounce his name? Mogwai? Mogwai.
00:52:20
Speaker
Muggy? Mugshot? The fuck's this dumbass? Mugshot? No, this guy's white. I think his first name is Leo. yeah It is. and Yeah, it's Leo. In my head, I was like, you did that on purpose, didn't you, Quentin?
00:52:36
Speaker
And he's talking about how he's his father was was fucking... ah My father what on lawyer. He enslaved blacks.
00:52:48
Speaker
My father protected white people from keeping their property, which was blacks. You want to know how I got these scars? I stood up to slavery.
00:53:02
Speaker
ah Yeah, so ken he was his father was Candy's father's lawyer, and he was born to be... it was basically he was born to be his lawyer, and then... But his name wasn't Barnaby.
00:53:14
Speaker
i don't get that reference.
00:53:18
Speaker
Oh, no explanation? Born to be sound like born to be. okay. ah Just kind of flew. Yeah, got it. know what I'm saying? ah And then Jango is like, it sounds like you were born to be, and he calls me the... He calls me the... Not you.
00:53:35
Speaker
Hey, guys, Jimmy Fox called me the N-word. i'd be I'd be ecstatic. Yeah, that's Wouldn't you be? If you soft day. Yeah, sure.
00:53:47
Speaker
Yeah. You call me soft day anytime, but once you get to hard R, like the world, bro, I don't have that kind of power. No, but you can call me a cracker any day. i don't get offended.
00:53:57
Speaker
No, me whatever you want. Um, can you like to be called Monsieur, Monsieur candy? And they walk in and candy. He's just sitting there watching blacks fight and, uh, tipping snails or whatever. would you say? Tipping snails? Nipping snails.
00:54:13
Speaker
What does that mean? Because he's like kind of French, but not. So he's sipping snails. Snipping. I was like, who's getting the fuck is happening right now? Jamie almost got fucking snipped.
00:54:27
Speaker
Yeah, he did. But no, he's sipping snails. You know, like girls got snail trails. Yeah. So he's sipping on them. Yeah. What you sipping on? Snail trout.
00:54:37
Speaker
Fucking snail trout. yeah You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. I'd pay top dollar for some fucking snail trail. Yeah, and he'd pay top dollar for something else. yeah um Yeah, but it's only... But the one's only 300, you know?
00:54:53
Speaker
I'd buy a couple two-tree of them right now. know what mean? Rex.
00:55:01
Speaker
ah Give me a little fucking... Can you imagine somebody just walks in? They walk in the fat stack like this. She's like, I'll take that one, down one in that one, and that one.
00:55:13
Speaker
No, you lowballing on that one. She got a fat ass. Yeah, bro. I need that for my Frankenstein project. I will say this. Everybody knows, right? Leo didn't want to say it, but then he said it like 8,000 times.
00:55:27
Speaker
Yeah, but it never sounded like it was genuine. This is this is crazy to say. There was not enough earth at the end for it. Like for me to be like, he said it. I feel like he just soft dated a little bit.
00:55:38
Speaker
He did. a little bit, in my opinion. Not that I want him to say it. Just, you know. No, but if, like, you're going to see it. You're supposed to be enveloped in a movie, you know? Fucking say it. You're supposed to be historically accurate.
00:55:50
Speaker
Yeah, right. A's are theirs. Ours are ours. You know what I mean? what what I didn't hear what you said. A's are theirs. Ours are ours.
00:56:02
Speaker
Right. You know i mean? So they're really interested. They could, uh. What? Oh, right yeah yeah. Yeah, right. Evolution. evolution Yeah.
00:56:15
Speaker
I'm thinking of it like Cabin in the Woods, right? They're just you're just like watching. They're like, something's going wrong. This isn't how he planned it.
00:56:28
Speaker
Leo still talk. Leo like has it able to talk. He's like, dude, it's the dimples. I'm telling you, it's the fucking dimples. You gotta look at the dimples, man. There's three fucking dimples. It's fucking everything up.
00:56:39
Speaker
How do we get them to stand up straight? How do we get them to stop shooting? each other
00:57:04
Speaker
How do we get them to fucking pick their pants up?
00:57:09
Speaker
Was one of them Frank? No, it was big. Was it big Frank? Big Fred. Big Fred. Which is my cousin's best friend. And he saw his penis at a, in a, in a bathroom stall one time in high school. And now they all call him big Fred.
00:57:23
Speaker
Cause he got that fucking hammer on him. Cause he had a fucking hammer on him. Yeah. Shout out to big Fred. Shout out to my cousin. Who's not listening. Uh, who also would not, he's black, would not appreciate any of this.
00:57:38
Speaker
He's not black related to me, obviously. He's black married in the family. By marriage, right. And and to prove your point, you know where he's from? Nigeria. yamer Oh.
00:57:53
Speaker
Why? from He's from Alabama. ah So your family's got some snow bunnies, huh?
00:58:02
Speaker
I don't know what a snow bunny is. It's a white bitch that only goes after blacks. Yeah, shout my cousin. Yeah, shout out snow bunnies, I guess. I gotta get a fucking napkin to blow my nose. It's the ratchet. You know what they are.
00:58:15
Speaker
Yeah, shout to Nurse Ratched. Who's that? Intoxicated. i had I had one. Yeah, you i doing had liquor. you had hard liquor I had a hard fucking straight. At this point, I don't know what's in this WWE shit. Triple H's sperm is in this. I don't know. Shout out Triple H. You're fucking fat piece that's not big anymore because you're wanting steroids.
00:58:37
Speaker
I'm going to fuck the shit out of your wife's tits. oh It's just how it's at, bro. It's just what it's going to be. She is so fine still to this day. i don't get it. Shout out Stephanie McMahon and your fucking milkers. Yeah. She's got a she's got podcast called Stephanie's Place.
00:58:54
Speaker
Yeah, we know where that is. Yeah. So, they're watching... He's watching this man these mandingos go at it. Is it offensive to call them mandingos? The movie says it, so I think it's okay. I mean, it's not...
00:59:09
Speaker
You're good. Keep it. I mean, in the credits, they give him a name as Big Fred, but like, does the other guy have a name? No, he's... not just Mandingo. He's black guy number 747. Right. There's so many black guys. I mean, shout out to Tarantino. Very diverse.
00:59:24
Speaker
Here's my... he he hit He hit all the countries in Africa. Yeah. Fucking... Don't get confused. Egypt is in Africa. Okay? Don't get confused. They came over willingly. We didn't force them. He was like, you want to be in this movie?
00:59:39
Speaker
But that's the thing. when you're a slave? I thought about that. No, I literally thought about that. Like the one scene where they're riding through the town and there's like the people with the fucking saw masks on. Like they got the reverse bear traps on their head.
00:59:51
Speaker
Yeah. like Quentin had to ask these people, hey, you want to be like your ancestors? Yeah.
01:00:09
Speaker
You didn't think that once through the entire movie? How did you get these people to do this? Money.
01:00:21
Speaker
You know what black people like Money. oh
01:00:27
Speaker
Hey, do you want to play pretend? You want to play make believe? Like, oh yeah, it was in the 1800s. Candy's trying to figure out why Schultz wants to buy some dingoes. And he's...
01:00:40
Speaker
Like the dogs? Get that fucking dog in you, dude. And he's like, I'm bored. Like, it sounds good. So Django goes over to the bar with... him fucked up what well he's putting more I just watch blacks go to town.
01:00:54
Speaker
Yeah, well, he just wants to watch blacks go to town on each other, and then Jango goes over to the bar with Mowgli. His name now is Mowgli. And everyone in the room kind of watches these guys fight, and Big Fred wins, and he gouges this guy's eyes out and hits him in the head with hammer.
01:01:11
Speaker
um The losing owner owner walks over to the bar and asks Jango what his name is and how to spell it, and he goes, the D is silent. Shout out to him. And then Candy tells Big Fred that he's going to Candyland, baby.
01:01:25
Speaker
You're going to get touched. You ever play Candyland? That game fucking sucks. Yeah, I played Candyland. It's not very fun. Play Candyland? We got games like Sorry, Monopoly, and you want play Candyland? You fucking fruitcake.
01:01:41
Speaker
You like pears, don't you? What are we talking about? fuck You fucking watch up do you like pears? Now I feel like I offended you. What do you mean? I don't- Why to be offended?
01:01:52
Speaker
do you like pears? Do you think people who eat pears are f***ing? that what you just meant to say? Kinda. Why? What's wrong with a pear? You eat potatoes raw! What the f*** are you talking about, you caveman?
01:02:04
Speaker
That's what I'm saying! I'm Native American, dude! I'm a hunter-gatherer! fuck you! You don't hunt anything! You just gather! that's what f***ing talking about. you right to You guys sit there and wait for your f***ing hunter to come home and throw it back on, you know what i mean?
01:02:18
Speaker
What's that even mean? You be sitting there eating your fucking rope, like, thank you, thank you.
01:02:26
Speaker
The industrial revolution! who So, we haven't got past this fucking one part. We gotta guy get past this part. But, uh...
01:02:40
Speaker
Candy wants to know why Django is ah how he became a Mandingo expert and Django wants to know why the fuck he's asking. He's like, look, I'm there to buy a black eye. I'm not here to talk about your curiosities. But Candy's like, no, I want to talk about this.
01:02:53
Speaker
And Django says the fighters that ah Candy's willing to sell our shit. And Schultz says he can offer a ridiculous number for a fighter he's not willing to offer.
01:03:03
Speaker
And he says 12,000. And Candy's like, now you have my attention. Now I'm out. I can't afford that.
01:03:13
Speaker
um we cut to Schultz and he's there. They're out. There's this whole, they're basically on their way to Candyland and Schultz like catches up to this, this carriage that candy's in it and gets in with them.
01:03:25
Speaker
Um, and then Walton Goggins and whoever else makes some dumb comment to Django and Django throws one of them off their fucking horse. Yo, Walton Goggins says the N word. Big, uh,
01:03:38
Speaker
And then there's like, as they're going, these slaves are looking at Django like, you better stop fucking looking at me. You know what he says after that. um Yeah. and But Schultz is like pissed off at him. He's like, what the fuck are you doing?
01:03:51
Speaker
Yeah. They stopped the caravan. and He's like, bro, you you need to chill the fuck out, man. You're going crazy right now. He's like, I think you forgot. You're black. Yeah. You're acting like a real fucking white right now. Yeah, he's like, wait, you told me to lock the fuck in, right? Yeah. Did you not?
01:04:04
Speaker
I'm method acting. Clock it, bitch. I'm locked. I'm method acting, Schultz. What's the problem? I'm doing what you told me to do. Where's the Oscar? Yeah, exactly. In 100 years, this is going to be like... Schultz is like, I'm German. Who's Oscar?
01:04:20
Speaker
Oppenheimer? I don't know. i do not know this man. Albert Einstein? Yeah. Adolf Hitler? Who you talking about? bunkmate Hitler? In art school?
01:04:36
Speaker
Everyone knew he was a bit of a faggot. okay I would say we leave that in cause i called Adolf Hitler a faggot. And if you have problem with that, you're a fucking Nazi. Yeah, that's a... Yeah. Fuck Hitler.
01:04:47
Speaker
Yeah. I called him a faggot. Deal with that. That's not getting believed. Fuck the first person that was like, let's enslave blacks. And fuck the person that said women have rights. um
01:05:00
Speaker
Yeah. And fuck the Devil Wears Prada. The movie sucks. The movie's horrible. But I'm fucking dicking down Meryl Streep.
01:05:10
Speaker
So told him to chill the fuck out. And then ah he's like he's like, well, why do I got to chill when you had me shoot a guy in front of his own son? he's like, yeah, you're right.
01:05:22
Speaker
But chill the fuck out. He's like, oh you got me. You got me real good there, good Django. They stop and there's a slave who's a fighter. He's ah he's a Mandingo and he escaped because he's done fighting. He can't fight anymore, bro. And he's up in this tree.
01:05:38
Speaker
ah Not like that. Okay. No. no No. No. no Not okay. It's not what meant.
01:05:49
Speaker
Mesa, I can't fucking see. He's up in this tree and he's been chased by dogs and luckily for him, dogs can't climb trees. Yeah, I mean, dogs don't have fucking opposable thumbs.
01:06:03
Speaker
Yeah, so Candy's like, look, bro, I spent $500 on you and i only got three fights. His name is D'Artagnan, by the way. D'Artagnan?
01:06:14
Speaker
D'Artagnan's his name, yeah. it Sounds like a fucking Pokemon.
01:06:18
Speaker
I did. You gotta catch them all though. You know i mean? Yeah, unless unless you overpay for them. That's what I'm saying. $500 for a human? That's a steal.
01:06:31
Speaker
What is a steal? A whole guy? A whole fucking person? I'm buying one right now. Where do I go? What do you do with them after that? You just fuck them?
01:06:43
Speaker
I'm gonna treat them nice. We respect them. We pet them. Get guddle Pet his bald head. Yeah. Give his bald head discount, right? Yeah. Be like, hey, man, you cute motherfucker.
01:06:56
Speaker
I like you. just want to love. You want to watch Harry Potter?
01:07:07
Speaker
Because it's great podcast you listen to afterwards. Okay. So... ah He asks he's going get reimbursed for his money, and this is when Schultz offers to reimburse him, and Django says, no, we're not doing it.
01:07:20
Speaker
And he calls him, what do you call him, a picananny? Picananny? Something like that. What is that? don't know what that is Genuinely, I have no idea what that word even means. Google it. Picananny is a derogatory racist slur primarily referring to black children, and it is also used as
01:07:40
Speaker
something for children in australia and new zealand candy's like if you don't fucking want them i'm gonna do what i want and he's like sure man and uh they sick the dogs on this guy they fuck this guy up they're like tear them apart for real though and candy notices that schultz is a little disturbed by all this and jango's like i'm not very impressed yet let's go let's see these fucking dingoes you got lined up for me ah They arrive at Candyland. They meet Steven, who's his old ass fucking brown noser.
01:08:13
Speaker
ah What? He's a brown noser. He's a fucking ass kisser. He is. Is that what it's a brown noser? Look a a brown noser. Look up. a bro Look it up.
01:08:25
Speaker
Two words in a row. We're looking up. Jackson, a brown noser. A person who acts in a grossly obsessive way. Yeah. A little brown noser who wants to make sure I know he's working on Saturday. Okay.
01:08:43
Speaker
okay He is a, he is a brown noser. He's an ass kisser. He's a people pleaser. Well, he's a white people from or fawn over. Okay. Yep. So anyways, he's not thrilled to see a certain someone on a horse. And, uh, he, he also believes he shouldn't take no lip from no, you know,
01:09:05
Speaker
Ninja. ah And then randomly, ah Candy wants to know where his hot ass sister is at. That's what he says. which is and Yeah, he fucking slurps his sister down numerous times in this movie. It's really uncomfortable.
01:09:19
Speaker
Yeah. And her name is Laura. It's spelled L-A-R-A, but it's they pronounce it Laura. But it's Laura. Hey, Laura. Like Laura Croft?
01:09:30
Speaker
Who's that? Tomb Raider? never Never played that game. Never watched the movie. you Fucking freak. Yeah. Schultz asked to see Broomhildo, the one that speaks German, um in his room later. How you been?
01:09:45
Speaker
And Steven says that she's out in the hot box because she tried to run off. and yeah If they did this to people, oh they my god. They probably did.
01:09:55
Speaker
They probably did do this to people. Yeah.
01:09:59
Speaker
And Kenny tells Steven to let take her out of the box. And he's like, that's bullshit. And he's like, you listen to me, motherfucker. I'm white. ah So they they take Hildy out of box and they present her to Schultz.
01:10:12
Speaker
And Hildy speaks some German to Schultz. He speaks it back and he tells her they're there to rescue her. Princess, I'm here to rescue you.
01:10:24
Speaker
ah
01:10:27
Speaker
What kind knight are you? An ogre. One of the kind. Yeah, we got your Shrek. It's on the list. It's been the list since we started this podcast.
01:10:42
Speaker
You fucking moron.
01:10:46
Speaker
ah So Broomhilda reunites with Django and he's like, what's up, baby? And she just passes out. ah We caught the dinner talking about finding a certain kind of ninja, you know, they're trying to find one.
01:11:00
Speaker
ah And he, Leo, he's not Leo in this movie, but he's talking about his theory about how there's every 10,000 or so, you get a super version of these motherfuckers. Yeah.
01:11:13
Speaker
Just put the rest out thousand. You get like a fucking Michael Jordan. You know i mean? They noticed that Broomhilda and Schultz are hitting it off. And Laura points at that. Really? She has eyes for Django. And Steven's like, huh?
01:11:27
Speaker
ah know you ain't talking about that at the table. Yeah. um So he follows in the kitchen. He goes, you know, what motherfucker. And she's like, no Yeah, you do.
01:11:38
Speaker
No, I don't. Then why are your fucking pussy wet? Yeah. Why are you dripping all over the floor? don't know him, sir. I don't know. um Shultz and Candy come to an agreement to buy this Mandingo Eskimo Joe.
01:11:56
Speaker
That's his name. I know. But here's the thing. Isn't that a racial thing now? You can't call them Eskimos? Probably, but that's what they said in the movie. No, im I'm just saying. we said We said we're doing a scene by scene. We're not saying the N-word. You gotta let me have Eskimo Joe.
01:12:13
Speaker
I'm just saying, like, for context, in reality. For context, I would never call somebody Eskimo Joe. Yeah, I wouldn't say that, no. See, I just think that of, like, an albino black, right? That's Eskimo Joe. Eskimo.
01:12:31
Speaker
No, they're called Eskimos. What the fuck? Eskimo... Yes, Eskimos widely considered offensive and derogatory and many indigenous Arctic peoples. Okay, well, Eskimo Joe is not an indigenous Arctic person. He's a cold guy who's black. That's what he says. You fucking snow fuckers.
01:12:48
Speaker
don't know.
01:12:52
Speaker
What? no fuckerss it's You You fucking igloo. Like, what are we doing here? You fucking stick skis in your ass. You put fucking tennis rackets on your fucking feet and called a snowshoe. yeah You think playing tennis is a real sport?
01:13:12
Speaker
You're out here like, huh? And you think that's okay? yeah So anyways. Fucking suck your dick on your off days. Yeah, you fucking do. Gotta keep that throat clear.
01:13:28
Speaker
you yeah The only thing you and fucking blacks got in common is aggravated assault. Yeah. So they're gonna come back in five days with a lawyer to write the contract.
01:13:40
Speaker
To get fucking Albino Joe. Tascamo Joe, not Albino. Hilde pours some wine for candy and it comes up. I think they've been using her to suck cocks.
01:13:54
Speaker
They said here, right? That you just sucking dick. Yeah. um And they also really want to show Schultz her back because you've been getting whipped as fuck. Isn't that crazy? Look how many fucking whippings this bitch got. That's a selling point.
01:14:08
Speaker
He said it's like a painting. That's sickening. That's what he said. um
01:14:15
Speaker
So they show it. Laura forces Calvin to stop. ah Hildy goes back to get like dressed again. And Steven presses her again about knowing Django. And she's like I don't know him.
01:14:27
Speaker
i don't know him, Harry. Harry. I've never seen one of those before. Steven. What are you?
01:14:38
Speaker
Is that a free one?
01:14:41
Speaker
are you like a Dementor? Big, black, and cloaked. Hey, Dean is looking for you. Are you his father? ain't his father, motherfucker.
01:14:55
Speaker
Yeah. Where are your manners? Okay, so... Uh...
01:15:04
Speaker
Basically, Schultz is about to off make an offer for Brumhilde and Steven comes out and interrupts and tells Candy he needs to speak to him privately in the library. He does say library, okay? I mean, to me, that's attention to detail. How do you know that black people even today still say library wrong?
01:15:19
Speaker
That's... Right. I asked you, where the library... Where is it at, bro? Where the library at? I ain't fucking playing with you.
01:15:30
Speaker
What the... Where library at? What? Will they fucking tell you? i will shoot you. Yeah. Um, so. Strap. Essentially, Stephen fucking black bike this time.
01:15:45
Speaker
Hell yeah. Give it to me, Raquisha. That's I'm saying. Raquisha about to make my fucking shit squirt.
01:15:58
Speaker
I'm about to make my shit squirt. I'm about to fucking come kids. She's like, oh, that's one tax fucking credit right there.
01:16:12
Speaker
That's one tax.
01:16:27
Speaker
Oh fuck! Oh no! Oh my god!
01:16:34
Speaker
What? Oh my god! What the fuck is- Oh man! Oh
01:16:45
Speaker
my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! ah Oh god! Oh my god! Oh my god! la Oh fuck.
01:17:05
Speaker
oh Oh fuck.
01:17:11
Speaker
Oh
Advertisement and Social Media Promotion
01:17:12
Speaker
wow. wow Oh That's one cash credit right there.
01:17:21
Speaker
Wow dude. That was fucking crazy. that was fucking i was fucking crazy
01:17:34
Speaker
Hello, you're now in an ad read. Yeah, fuck you, yeah. that we're We're, Gerald's sick of regurgitating the same lines at the beginning and the end of the episode. So here we are in the middle.
01:17:45
Speaker
So here's one one nice ad read to check all our shit out. Plug it in. So follow us on Instagram, two guys, one screen pod. Send any comments, concerns, movie requests to two guys, one screen pod at gmail.com. Follow us on TikTok and YouTube.
01:18:02
Speaker
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01:18:15
Speaker
And then go listen to our physical media podcast. Yeah, you want it? Available on the same page. Do you fucking want it or not? And before we end this ad read, shout out to Jackson behavioral health. All this will be linked in the description below.
01:18:32
Speaker
Click it and stick it. And now back to the episode. All right. So i don't even know what the fuck we're talking about.
01:18:44
Speaker
They go to the library Stephen tells Caney they're out here just to buy that girl. They don't give a fuck about Mandingo's. And he's like, no, no, that ain't true. That ain't true, Stephen.
01:18:57
Speaker
Yeah, it is, Stephen.
01:19:03
Speaker
They come back to their table and he's holding a box and he sends his wife away. And Schultz mentioned that they were discussing him buying Broomhilda. goes, yeah, you're right. And then he pulls his skull out of this box. This is Ben, um who was the caretaker for his daddy and his daddy's daddy.
01:19:22
Speaker
And he decides to tell him that he's seen a lot of blacks in his life. And he's curious why they don't kill anymore. And that Ben used to shave his daddy three times a week and never slit his throat.
01:19:37
Speaker
Then he ah he saws off a part of the skull off the back of his off the back of this skull, and there's these three dimples, and there's this area, according to him, that in the brain for submissiveness is larger than any subspecies on the planet, according to Candy.
01:19:57
Speaker
That is some of the most fucking racist shit I've ever heard in my life. And then he asked Django if he fucking beat his head open if he'd have the same dimples. And then men come in with guns.
01:20:09
Speaker
They bring Hildy out. And he tells them, look, I know y'all are here for her. And if you want her, 12K. Take it or leave it. um And he goes, if you don't buy her, I'm gonna be your fucking skull. So they take the money.
01:20:25
Speaker
Mowgli writes them a receipt. And then he's like, oh, we're going to the parlor to have cake. So we cut to the parlor having cake. And Schultz is having a real hard time. he's having flashbacks of...
01:20:38
Speaker
The fucking dogs shoot up that poor guy, D'Artagnan. And he tells the harpist stop playing and goes into the library. And Stephen don't like that. So Candy walks in there and Alexander Dumas, he asked what Alexander Dumas would think of all this. He's the writer of The Three Musketeers.
01:20:57
Speaker
And the character was named D'Artagnan. And he's like, you know, that guy's black, right? ah And then he has him sign the Broomhilda documents. So she's a free free person.
01:21:09
Speaker
And he says goodbye and starts to leave, but Candy stops him and says, it's not official. You shake my fucking hand, bitch. And if he doesn't, he's going to kill him. So, you know, dude, this motherfucker got a gun in his wrist right now.
01:21:23
Speaker
So he's like, all right. So he puts his hand out and shoots, shoots Candy right in the fucking chest. um And then one of the guys from blows Schultz away.
01:21:36
Speaker
And then Django literally goes fucking John Wick mode. I literally wrote Django unleashed. Yeah, he's just shooting motherfuckers. And then he corners himself under a dresser on purpose, but he's out of ammo.
01:21:52
Speaker
And Steven yells for them stop firing. And he tell they tell he tells Django that they're going to kill Hildy. Broomhilda, if he doesn't stop, Django gives up and walks out.
01:22:06
Speaker
Broomhilda can fucking stroke my broom hilt. know what broom hilt is, but yeah, she can. A hilt is the part of the sword that you hold, so she can fucking stroke my broom hilt.
01:22:18
Speaker
h Well done. Thank you. um It cuts and we next scene is he's hanging upside down naked.
01:22:30
Speaker
And then he's awoken by Walton Goggins saying cockle doodle do. um And he's about to fucking castrate Django when Steven walks in and sends him away. and i'm go like a Was that his real piece?
01:22:44
Speaker
I didn't even see a piece. Did you see it? We saw ball bag and then like a little thing, like one little sliver. I didn't see anything. Honestly. ah So, this is going to sound real fucking gay that I have this word written down, but I'm gonna use it.
01:23:04
Speaker
Essentially, Steven is pontificating on how to kill this fucking guy. Wow. You've heard that word before? I mean... You know, he's just bringing up ways he could possibly put them out. But, you know, if we castrate, you're dead in seven minutes. That's no fun.
01:23:18
Speaker
And he says that Laura wants to give him the miners. So they're going to give him to the miners. And the miners are going a number on his back, give him a sledgehammer until his back gives out. And then when he's dead, they're just going to fucking him in the head with the hammer. You know i mean? Just fucking bring the hammer down and throw him down a hole that I will not repeat.
01:23:39
Speaker
We caught and they're transporting me in a fucking cage. And he answers he offers one of these transporters who was played by Quentin Tarantino $11,500 for a bounty they missed while they were picking him up.
01:23:52
Speaker
um And he tells them about the stagecoach robbers. This is his first... ah bill from before when he killed that guy with his son. He shows him the same hand bill he had from when he, the one that Schultz told him keep.
01:24:05
Speaker
And he tells them to let him free. He'll point them out to them just for 500 bucks of the 11,000. The rest is theirs. That's it. um So these guys go ask the other slaves that he was being transported with if he actually rode in on a horse with a white man. And they're like, yeah, he's a bounty hunter. ain't no slave.
01:24:22
Speaker
they think They think that he's playing them. He's that dude. So they're going to give Django a horse that has dynamite all over it. And he tells them, take the fucking dynamite off that horse. So Quentin goes over and takes off one bag and throws it in the in this cage they're keeping the other slaves in.
01:24:39
Speaker
um And then they decide to give him a gun. He just shoots all of them immediately and shoots Quentin's horse that has dynamite on it. And that shit blows the fuck up. um He takes a horse and the dynamite out of the the cage and he leaves.
01:24:53
Speaker
And then there's this random house where like, I guess Candy's gang stay. um And there's dogs barking outside and he goes in and just goes John Wickmo and fucking kills them all.
01:25:05
Speaker
ah Then he arrives back at Candyland and finds ah freedom papers off of Schultz's dead body. And what does he say? Austin Weidenschein, something like that. says what could have been german Yeah, it was like another thing. he was like, he's a fucking German kid, but I'm going to say goodbye to you.
01:25:24
Speaker
All of them, which is Fyfan. Yeah, you want to fucking tug on my fucking lead and hosen. Yeah, I do. ah Then he rescues Brumhilde. She's just in the fuck shack, you know? This is where she gets people. They just love her leave her in there and they'll take turns on her, you know? Unfortunately.
01:25:45
Speaker
Unfortunately, but if it was consensual, I'm down. Right. Yeah. right Yeah. um We see the the main crew ah returning from Barry and Candy and Jango's already inside waiting.
01:25:59
Speaker
And
Django's Journey and Tarantino's Film Ranking
01:26:00
Speaker
he shoots Walton in the nuts. And then he shoots Laura, blows her the fuck away. don't get how that worked. He shot her with a pistol. It just didn't fly. know, fucking flew.
01:26:13
Speaker
He shoots Steven in the kneecap twice and leaves him there and lights some dynamite, walks out, and the the house blows up, and him and Broomhilde ride off on horsies together. Horsies.
01:26:27
Speaker
And that's the end of the movie. Yeah, it is. Hey, great. I can't i don't know how much to stay in. I mean, he doesn't ride off in realism. He rides off in myth.
01:26:37
Speaker
Like, he is now a legend. Yeah. You're going to tell stories about him. Django! Django Unchained, because he's not slaved.
01:26:50
Speaker
Good for him. Yeah, shout out Jamie Foxx. So I'm gonna ask you first for a rating, because I'm just curious where you're at. ah So when I went out Letterboxd, right, I initially saw it the last time you watched this, you rated it a three and a half. That's kind of low.
01:27:05
Speaker
this is not... This is when I first got Letterboxd. I just gave stuff random ratings. This is from like when i this is from five years ago. Okay, because that's low in my humble opinion. Yeah.
01:27:15
Speaker
I'm going to give it four and a half. What were you deciding upon? Between four and four and a half or four and a half and five? Four a half and five. Oh. I really fucking like this movie a lot.
01:27:27
Speaker
Like a lot. And not because it's racist. You didn't say that. I'm just saying. Yeah. Because it's very well done. It's a Quentin movie. Like, you know, like it's not like it's not going to be bad, obviously.
01:27:44
Speaker
so I'm going to give it four and a half. I feel like that's a very fair rating. Well, you're not going my rating. I'm giving it a four, which is live like it's a bad movie. That's a good rating. Why is good?
01:27:55
Speaker
Why would I be mad at that? But it's low for you. I'm going fucking rank it right now because I tend to not do that.
01:28:03
Speaker
I think it's good. I think it's a good movie. I find it interesting. ah The gore is good. Like the practical effect work is good.
01:28:14
Speaker
I feel like the blood doy always looks good. don't know. Yeah, it's good. I don't know. I feel like I'm probably also judging it like inside of Quentin Tarantino's films, like as a whole too, a little bit.
01:28:26
Speaker
Which you're going to give your ranking. Yeah, right now. Are you ready? I'm fucking dirty slut whore. I'll start from the bottom. Yo, know I need like in my chair.
01:28:36
Speaker
I need like to like cut a hole in my chair so I can fucking bounce on a fucking cock when we're recording. I don't know. I don't know who's cock, but it sounds good. Yeah, like a dildo or something. um Oh, I don't think I have the other movie in here, but fine.
01:28:51
Speaker
All right. There's not. I haven't. Like I said, I haven't gone through Once Upon Time. Hollywood's not in here. Milk me. um Ninth place. Three and a half stars. Death Proof. Number eight, simply because I haven't seen it in a long time, but it is good, is The Hateful Eight.
01:29:08
Speaker
Number seven, three and a half star Jackie Brown. a good movie. I very much enjoyed that movie. Is he brown? ah The woman, the main character is a woman who's brown, yeah.
01:29:19
Speaker
And then Samuel Jackson plays the same character as Pulp Fiction to me, but... ah Okay. Number six, this is probably my hottest my hottest take, I would say, is Inglourious Bastards. I feel like most people have Inglourious Bastards like top three.
01:29:36
Speaker
It's still a four-star movie. I still very much enjoy it. Christoph Waltz gives one of the best performances ever in that movie, but it's fine. ah It kind of ties me into like war movies, and I just don't really care about war movies. I just never have.
01:29:51
Speaker
Yeah, war movies are very hit or miss, I will say that. Number five, four stars, Kill Bill Volume 2. You know, it's hard to beat Kill Bill 1. Kill Bill 1's amazing. ah Entering at number four now will be Django Unchained at a four star. So I have as a top four star out out of all movies i've of of Tarantino.
01:30:10
Speaker
Number three at a four and a half is Reservoir Dogs. Movie's phenomenal. I could watch that again, probably a five. I love Reservoir Dogs. ah Number two, four and a half star, Kill Bill Volume 1.
01:30:24
Speaker
What can you say? Fucking peak. Shout out Uma Thurman. Yeah, shit, fucking dicked. And talking about Una Thurman. Una? Uma? Yeah. Umami. Fucking give me your fucking sashimi, you filthy horn.
01:30:38
Speaker
Yeah, big. Slice me your fucking sword.
01:30:43
Speaker
I'm going guess a five star for number one. Yeah, of course it is. Number one is Pulp Fiction, five star. One of my favorite movies of all time. Yeah. I mean, you literally had a wallet.
01:30:55
Speaker
i have A phone case. Phone case, was it? Yeah, that got yelled at later in life for. But... ah Yeah, I had a bad motherfucker phone case for the longest time. yeah Yeah, I love Pulp.
01:31:06
Speaker
Yeah, of course. Shut up, Mom. What's up, Mom? um i Yeah, Pulp Fiction is one of my favorite movies ever, so that's number one. It's got everybody of anybody, right? Uma Thurman, Samuel Jackson, fucking Bruce, John.
01:31:21
Speaker
John Travolta. Christina, but Travolta. Bing Rhames, Harvey Keitel. These are Tim Roth. ah good These are good ah good actors and actresses of the like.
01:31:33
Speaker
So that's that. ah Next
Outro and Upcoming Episodes
01:31:37
Speaker
week, we move it. Well, actually, before we go into next week, we... ah If you're listening to this on Tuesday, Friday is Friday the 13th, you fucking freaks. You fruit cakes. Let's go. What one we doing? Number three. Part three. A.K.A.
01:31:55
Speaker
Friday the 13th, part 3D. Because it was part of that fucking shit where they yeah made everything 3D. Oh, wow. We're recording only 2D, two dicks. Right. Two dicks, one screen.
01:32:08
Speaker
Exactly. exactly And then next week we can continue now meme month with Black Klansman. KKK is in that way. Where Adam Ryder says the hard R. So, know, we're just taking turns picking white guys to say the hard R. You mean Adam Driver. You called him Adam Ryder? Yeah, because I want to ride me. You know what I mean? Right, yeah.
01:32:28
Speaker
He's tall enough to ride the ride. You know what I mean? yeah is he He's got to be Jewish, bro. are you fucking what do you do Yeah, come on, dude.
01:32:39
Speaker
Then we finish out, now a meme month with Get Out after that. So that's what's coming down the pipe. Here's my pipe in your mouth. ah actually oh ah We hope you enjoyed this episode.
01:32:53
Speaker
I mean, whatever makes it out. Yep.
01:32:58
Speaker
Toodles. Typically you say toodles. Then I say fuck you, Mark. I want to enslave you. Oh my god.