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EP. 111 FAN REQUESTED: Scooby Doo on Zombie Island (1998)
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Transcript
Introduction and Banter
00:00:00
Speaker
I want to play football. Have you seen my dick? been looking for it.
00:00:07
Speaker
Sir, I'm going to rub one out right here on your counter.
00:00:11
Speaker
We cut to Mike, who delivers meat on his bicycle.
00:00:19
Speaker
I'm rinsing your girl out, bud.
00:00:23
Speaker
Hello, my name is Nick, and I have shaft hair.
00:00:27
Speaker
Call me Odell Beckham Senior, because I'm dad.
00:00:34
Speaker
want me to lick your bedpan, filthy skunk? We're just joking.
Two Guys, One Screen - Episode Intro
00:00:42
Speaker
Everything's jokes.
00:00:47
Speaker
Two girls, one cup? No. Two guys, one screen? Yes.
00:00:53
Speaker
Hello, welcome to another episode of Two Guys, One Screen, aka the hemorrhoid homies, aka the Poe Town Boys, aka the diarrhea daddies.
Constipation Conversations
00:01:04
Speaker
I haven't had diarrhea in a while, and I'll just be honest, I'm taking what are those things called, a stool softener? Yeah. just not softening my stool even a little bit. Which are you using?
00:01:14
Speaker
my My sister, shout out to nurses, recommended me the generic CVS brand. Oh, wow. that's what That was her recommendation to me. Right. So obviously you got to go with that because she's a nurse and I'd assume what she know she's talking about because that's probably what they use in the hospitals.
00:01:31
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, they're probably right. And my stool is just not getting softened. So I just don't know what to do about it. Well, i think you need to go back to her and be like, yo, you fucking lied. Yeah.
00:01:42
Speaker
Well, she also said an enema wasn't going to be the right thing. So it's just what it is. I don't know what to do about it.
Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island - Movie Introduction
00:01:47
Speaker
All right. I'm just be able to shit. We're here to to respond to a fan requested movie.
00:01:53
Speaker
This is Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island. And how do I delete this? Like this? Yes. Great. It's gone.
00:02:05
Speaker
hope I hope it went away. And what if I told you that I actually have seen this movie before? Really? Yeah. I didn't know I'd seen it until about 12 minutes in. i was like, oh, I've seen this movie.
00:02:19
Speaker
Oh, it took a little bit. Yeah. At some point in passing, I'd seen from when they meet ah that sexy ass bitch trying to fuck Fred when they meet. Yeah. When they meet her, i was like, oh, I've seen this movie before.
Nostalgia for '90s Animation
00:02:33
Speaker
She's definitely my peen or go peeling. For sure. I mean, it's just what it is. The cartoon style is like... She's a fucking hottie. Yeah, she is. That is... I do... I honestly miss... And I don't give a fuck what anybody says. I honestly miss the animation style of the 90s.
00:02:50
Speaker
Oh, yeah, dude. Like, that right this movie gave me fucking... this movie gave me fucking ah the animated Batman fucking series vibes. Like the was animated. Warner Brothers. warner fuck Shout out to Warner Brothers.
00:03:04
Speaker
You know? Yeah, exactly. So, I mean, they're, they cooked up something fucking, something. Something nice. I literally just forgot what I was going to say in my head. So, this movie is directed by Jim Stenstrom.
00:03:25
Speaker
guy's a legend. Trick to fucking Cyberchase. He... So this is what they call the big four, right? These are like the four definitive Scooby-Doo movies, right? You got the first one that came out, which is Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island. That was number one in 98. Yeah, pre-Chris Benoit.
00:03:43
Speaker
Pre-Chris Benoit. And then in 99, you got probably my second favorite, which is Scooby-Doo and the Witch's Ghost. Great movie. Tim Curry is the villain. fuck bitch's ghost.
00:03:55
Speaker
Pennywise himself is the villain. Not actually Pennywise.
Social Media and Current Events
00:03:59
Speaker
And then in 2000, they were just shooting these shits back every year. Shout out to putting makeup on your dick. Right. And then... That's all fucking talking about. My least favorite of the four, Scooby-Doo and the Alien Invaders.
00:04:12
Speaker
It's just okay. just Is Cyberchase part of the big four or not? Yeah, it is. It's the last one they made. oh all right. Well, I fuck i fuck with Cyberchase. In 2001, we got Scooby-Doo and the Cyberchase.
00:04:24
Speaker
Big. You paid too much money for that. I did. paid like $30, but we won't talk about it. Check out fucking Yeah, You Won It. Oh, should we do a plug real quick? You should probably plug it in. Plug me in. Plug it. plug So follow us on Instagram, twoguysonescreenpod. Send any comments, concerns, movie requests to twoguysonescreenpod at gmail.com. Follow us on Letterboxd individually. Follow us on YouTube, TikTok to catch a predator.
00:04:50
Speaker
Yeah, why not? Shot Chris Hansen. Yeah. I love, there's some crazy clips going around on his new show. He just said straight, he's like, you said you wanted to eat eat this little boy's ass.
00:05:10
Speaker
Whoa, Hey, take it easy, fella. fucking Relax. Yeah. ah Oh yeah. Go listen to our physical media podcast. Yeah. You want it?
00:05:20
Speaker
Do you fucking want it or not? It's coming out. Well, never mind. To you, you don't fucking know yet. Yeah. You don't know yet. is vaulted. was going to say this is coming out, but you don't I want to put one out next week.
00:05:32
Speaker
And then... This is vaulted. We're recording on September 15th. Shout out 9-11. Yeah. not well A new big three happened. All right
00:05:45
Speaker
right. Send us a voicemail. 508-8 fist us. Tell us how you feel. 508-8 dip tip six minute limit. Fuck you, Ron. Yeah, for sure.
00:05:57
Speaker
You already fucking to know. can get movie reviewed like Alexis did right now. Yeah, she did it.
Scooby-Doo Character Analysis
00:06:05
Speaker
Shaggy's last name is Rogers? Bro, where you been, dog?
00:06:08
Speaker
Shaggy Rogers is his name? Yeah. That's wild. I just didn't know that he had a last name. Oh, yeah. Everybody does. It makes sense that he has a last name. I guess we should say I'm doing the scene by scene on this.
00:06:20
Speaker
So if it fucking sucks, I'm sorry. You've only done youve wasn than it one time, so. Right. So even just doing the scene by scene notes was.
00:06:32
Speaker
Yeah. Maybe you should fucking stroke my cock a little bit. You know I I mean, I would be just say give me a fucking strong jerk. I would, but you don't ever offer. But i need to fucking, I need some calloused, I need some calloused hands. Your hands are too soft.
00:06:45
Speaker
Yeah, they are. I don't, my hands, you know, I've been jerking myself off for a long time. and My hands are fucking from working in the kitchen. They're rough. I don't fucking like it that way. what what if you like, can you like blister your own piece? Like, kids too. I mean, I made it bleed.
00:07:00
Speaker
Not out of the, not coming out, just like on the shaft. Oh, yeah. It's like rug burn, but worse. Oh, yeah. You beat yourself raw. Yeah. Quite literally. Yeah. I gotta stop fucking the couch. that's all So our cast, we got Scott Innes.
00:07:19
Speaker
He voices Scooby-Doo. Shout to Scott. Scott. He's in... Shout out to Iron Claw. Fucking great movie. Yeah.
00:07:30
Speaker
only gave it a three and a half. I'm fake. He's in the big four of the Scooby-Doo's. In the live action somehow. He probably voices Scooby.
00:07:41
Speaker
He doesn't. Alright. Is it like a cameo? Maybe. have his longest watch. That's good. Then we got Billy Lillard. Sorry.
00:07:53
Speaker
Yeah. We got Billy West who plays Shaggy Rogers. Billy. This is, uh, this was right before Matthew Lillard took over.
00:08:07
Speaker
So, and it was after Casey, I think his name's like Casey Keenum, the OG dude died. Case Keenum, Matt quarterback. Right. So this guy was like right in the middle. Yeah.
00:08:18
Speaker
Yeah. Then we got Mary Kay Bergman, who plays Daphne Blake. RIP to this bitch. She died. We dicking down Daphne, right? It's not even a question.
00:08:30
Speaker
Oh, the character in the movie? Yeah. Yeah. I'm not talking about actors. They're not kids. There's no way they're kids. No, they're like college. She got a job for the for the news. she has She can't be in college, I think.
00:08:45
Speaker
I mean, i mean she was she's rich as shit, so... She probably didn't even need to go to school. Fred don't look like a kid. He's probably like 25, right? I think Fred's older than that.
00:08:58
Speaker
Really? I think Fred's like 30. I think they're all like... I could Shaggy being like 25. Yeah, probably because they all got jobs now. And Loki... We'll get there.
00:09:10
Speaker
And then the man, the myth, the legend himself... Frank Welker, who plays Fred Jones. This man has voiced Fred since 1969, since Scooby-Doo is a thing, and he's still doing it.
00:09:23
Speaker
Yeah, my dad was nine years old when that happened. Yeah, he's been Fred his basically his entire life. How can you maintain being Fred, and even though your voice changes as you get older?
00:09:34
Speaker
I don't know. He just got locked in. Impressive. And when the when the dude stopped doing Scooby, yeah now Frank does Scooby. Shout out Frank. out Frank, dude. And look at... Fucking Mark.
00:09:47
Speaker
This is just... If you click on his picture on Letterboxd, this is just... Like movies, not animated shows. He's an actor in 422 movies? man is busy.
00:09:59
Speaker
Look at this cat. Like, look at these movies. Or you got a credit for Cat in the Hat.
00:10:05
Speaker
This guy ain't fucking around, dude. this guy's This guy's got to be sincerely bagged up, right? He's got be bagged. He's got to be. Just from Scooby-Doo alone. That's the wrong button. I was trying think bar to hit gotta be.
00:10:20
Speaker
Whatever. He broke the financial walls down. i don't know what tell you. Yeah, he did. broke out of fucking poverty. don't know if he was poor not. He probably was. m Fair enough. Shout to frank out Shout out to Frank. And then we got yeah we got my favorite Velma voice actor. Not because of her name, but just because of her voice. BJ Ward. Yeah, Betty Jean. How you doing, girl?
00:10:43
Speaker
but yeah I'm just going to tell you right now, I'm dicking down Velma, and i don't even think it's a question. I mean, a thousand percent. I'm i'm fucking choking her out. And the crazy thing is you've never seen the the second live action Scooby-Doo.
00:10:56
Speaker
Yeah. But I think you know what? Close. I think you need to do it just to beat one off to Velma because she wears skin tight leather because she's trying to impress Seth Green. She's trying to dick down Seth Green.
00:11:08
Speaker
Fuck Seth Green. know. ah I mean, I'll definitely watch it at some point. I had that two-pack. Check out fucking Yeah, You Want it Yeah, you do. And she fucking wants it, I think. does. It definitely does. She's little dorky bitch. Theoretically speaking. Sure. And then we got Adrian Bardot, who plays Simone.
00:11:29
Speaker
Adrian. That's kind of what I... This bitch was in the thing. um Let me be honest. She... You don't see it till the end, but at the end when she, like, transforms, she got some fucking milkers on her. You know i mean? Yeah, she does. Yeah. the beginning, they're kind of like, you know, it's it's hidden. It's wrapped up.
00:11:44
Speaker
She's little old. Yeah, she's a little old. She's a little fucking disgusting looking. Like, you'd bag her out. Like, you'd do it for the money, right? Sure. mean, yeah. She runs the plantation, so you do for the slaves, too. You know what I mean? Like... Yeah, I mean, I would fucking pipe her down as a furry. I don't give a shit.
00:12:01
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:12:06
Speaker
Then we got Tara Strong, who plays Lena. No question. Getting it. She looks like the fucking the main bitch from the animated Hunchback of Notre Dame.
00:12:20
Speaker
A little bit, yeah. forgot fuck bitious name I don't know. i have no idea. The i know but that movie was my my The first time I saw that fucking girl in that movie, I was like, my dick is hard right now.
00:12:30
Speaker
That and Hercules. Yeah, Hercules never actually seen, believe it or not. I didn't see it until like two years ago, so. Yeah. It's okay. Shout out to her or Hercules. who is that, Young Thug? It is Young Thug, yeah. Shout out to Crime. yeah Yeah. Right.
00:12:44
Speaker
Shout out Young Brian. And then ah we got Cam Clark, who plays Bo Neville. He's the fucking gardener. Yeah.
00:12:55
Speaker
i mean, he was a fucking piece, too. Yeah, it was. And his voice kind of get me going. He's got a nice voice. He's got a nice voice. And then talking about bagged out, we got Mark Hamill casually just in this movie. Wait, you skipped Jim Cummings, bro?
00:13:11
Speaker
Yeah, we'll get to him. right. I did, but I want to talk about Mark Hamill. He plays Snakebite Scruggs. i don't even know who the fuck Snakebite Scruggs was in this movie. The Fisherman.
00:13:23
Speaker
Oh. It doesn't sound like Mark Hamill at all. Not even a little bit. No, but that's that's because it's Mark. Shout out to fucking Marky Mark. Then ah I guess we got Jim Cummings as Jacques.
00:13:36
Speaker
This fucking guy says. Jacques. He looks like a fucking French fuck. ah And I don't know who the fuck Chris or Mr. Beeman is. so He looks like... he looked i mean, this kid this this Chris Cummings guy's photo, he got the earring on, the left earring.
00:13:52
Speaker
but no Yeah, it is. You're right. Right is gay. Left is straight. Both you are right. Yeah, both. You just got to cover yourself up. Right. Mr. Beeman was, uh, in the beginning, that fucking zombie they got during the credits, they unmasked him.
00:14:09
Speaker
Oh, yeah, yeah. moat monster. The moat monster. that That moat monster, by the way, caked up. He had a fat ass. Yeah, that guy was like was like Andre the Giant out there. Towards the end when he was like when it was like back shot of him. I'll give him fucking back shot. yeah yeah I was like, damn, but you got some serious cake on you.
00:14:30
Speaker
You got some fucking green cake. I'm trying to eat it up. Trying to eat it. I mean, that should be like inky, right? Yeah. What is this Scooby-Doo Return to Zombie Island? So this is this the unnecessary sequel that they made in 2019, and it's absolutely dog shit.
00:14:44
Speaker
Okay. Just figure figured out'd ask. Not real bad. I didn't hit right? I meant to hit yuck. Real bad. If anybody out there who listens and has any idea what they're doing in regards to podcasting and wants to send me something where I can get an extension to have more buttons, let me know. Because I went looking and it just wasn't working out.
00:15:02
Speaker
Just can't do it, I guess. i need more i need more buttons. We need all of them. I need all of them. I need rats. Big for this movie. Big, big. Yeah, there's a lot of rats. a lot of rats. Yeah.
00:15:13
Speaker
And Scooby almost says the N-word and it's just what it is. Well, rut-row, raggy. Yeah. just but not well We have the button. We do.
00:15:25
Speaker
so i don't know if we said it, 1998. Big spoilers. out to our fucking year for being born. That's our birth year. This movie definitely came out after we were born. Not me.
00:15:36
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Never mind. Sorry. what What? Was not listening. Unless it came out on January 1st. Yeah. Yeah. Shout out coming out of the fucking womb. Right.
00:15:48
Speaker
ah So this is scene by scene. We're going spoil the fuck out of it if you've never seen it. ah But if you're our age, there's a very good chance that you've seen it. I take pride in being born before 2000.
00:16:01
Speaker
Right. We're right there. We're... Yeah, 9-11 happened, but I didn't really care. Yeah.
00:16:09
Speaker
I didn't really care. i was trying to figure out how to walk. yeah i that I'm still shitting myself. just what it is yeah Were we?
00:16:26
Speaker
2001, 1998? We're three. Yeah, we're probably still shitting myself. i mean, I don't... yeah Sometimes I've shitting myself as an adult. like i Yeah, i have so I have so little interest in having children. I don't know when you're supposed to know how to walk.
00:16:42
Speaker
If it's by three years old or not. Yeah, I think so. I think like one and a half, you start crawling. Around two is when you kind of stand. Yeah. Yeah.
00:16:53
Speaker
So three, you should be able to walk, you fuck. All right? Like, I'm tired of carrying your ass. Yeah. You fucking big boy. Yeah. You know big boy. I'll fucking ride you. So spoilers. And it's only my second ever scene by scene. So it's probably going to be AIDS.
00:17:09
Speaker
And I just want to say that I am in i will just always believe, and no matter what anybody tells me ever, that this was a conspiracy. believe that you and and alexis fucking conspired you can think that all you want shout out to alexis and shout out to her so the movie opens and we're in front of this big castle and it's fucking raining big dracula vibes oh yeah for sure like this dracula vibes this whole intro scene just screams like gee scooby-doo you know like just big castle big scary dude
00:17:45
Speaker
Big bags and big backyards. It's not Brian. It's not Brian. There's no Brians in this movie. There is one Brian who's walking by when they meet Lena. Oh, nice. Shout out random Brian. Yeah, and he was down the south. Why are you still down there, bro?
00:18:00
Speaker
at Louisiana? What the fuck? This is pre-Katrina, though. So...
00:18:11
Speaker
What is that happening to the fucking black guy? I don't know. This is pre-Katrina, though, for all you guys watching. Yeah. Yeah. Seven years, you still got time. This movie does not take place in the Mercedes Superdome. it does not.
00:18:25
Speaker
That'd be fucking a wild. Scooby-Doo and the Curse of Hurricane Katrina. You fucking animated Drew Brees. Don't worry, guys. I'm here. Drew Brees!
00:18:37
Speaker
Drew Brees! They unmasked the fucking first guy. It's Drew Brees! I'm fucking pissed I got traded from San Diego. Yeah. I don't know why i'd be a monster. Shout out Drew. Shout Drew. Now he's like a commentator.
00:18:49
Speaker
Yeah, he is. He's a cute kid. Yeah, he So we zoom in... Resume? No. We zoom in on this window, and it brings us inside the castle, and we see a bunch of fucking knights and shit.
00:19:01
Speaker
Like... standing up they're just like statues or the actual knights i'm assuming they're like the full suits of armor you know just like a armor stand shadow minecraft i to ah yeah yeah right yeah then we zoom in on this big door and we see a big shadow creeping up on this big door and we see some big hands of Near the Door. you see the fucking, the big shadow, you just think it's Brian? Yeah. bri Because it's big and black? It's either Brian or Brock Lesnar. I haven't decided yet.
00:19:36
Speaker
Yeah. Both of them like crime. Yeah. What do you think of Brock Lesnar's daughter? She has like a nice bob, but see hear her face just like, oh It's like, oh, it's Brock with long hair. Yeah, it's like Brock if Brock was a woman.
00:19:48
Speaker
Yeah, she's got nice thighs, though. She's got nice everything. ace Yeah, her face is just fucking mangled. Her face looks like she actually was in a UFC fight, but it was just her dad. Yeah, it kind of pisses me off because your mother is sable, and you look like your face looks like that? That? Yeah, you got fucking Brock's face? That's crazy. this Yeah, fucking rough.
00:20:08
Speaker
Yeah. We're 30 minutes in. uh well we we did i'm sorry we did an 11 minute never mind we did all right anyway big doors big shadows big hands big bryans big bryans fucking big dude no he's not pieces then his fucking hands just rip this door off its hinges and we see the mystery gang and they're scared big scared Big bag.
00:20:37
Speaker
So Shaggy runs and closes this door with about a thousand fucking different locks on it. So then he goes into trying to open this other door behind him, but the monster's in that door.
00:20:50
Speaker
So then he runs back to the other door, and he can't remember that he locked the door, so he just rips the doorknob off the hold the knob holder. knob holder the fucking knob holder it's gonna be a new name for sex workers just a knob holder yeah you find scooby and we get a classic scooby-doo chase scene shaggy there's scooby's literally riding shaggy at this point yo and they're like they fucking change positions yeah they do and like they kick this carpet up into like the monster's face and
00:21:24
Speaker
And they try to like use a shield off a knight to deflect him, but he just blocks it. And this dude's caked up. ah Apparently this dude's caked up. He's got cake. I wasn't looking at this dude's anus. I was. but Well, I was hoping to see they'd show a butthole. Same thing with the cats later. I like, are they going to show a cat ass or what?
00:21:41
Speaker
Is it a kid's movie? No, I don't think so. I just figured maybe they would. Potential. Yeah. So they do this little fucking slide down the like the railing, um and they go across this table, John.
00:21:53
Speaker
like a slide a like Tom Cruise across the hood of a car or something on a table.
00:22:00
Speaker
What? yeah Tom Cruise across a table? Sounds like J.R. Smith. I said J.R. Smith again, guys. J.R. Smith. My God, it's gotta be Tom Cruise.
00:22:11
Speaker
It's Tom Cruise across the table.
00:22:19
Speaker
Harry. Yeah. So the monster takes a fucking shield and chucks it at Velma, Daphne, and Fred. And the shield busts through a window. Velma and Daphne are about to fucking die falling off this balcony. But Fred's an absolute chad and he just kind of grabs both of them. Should we call Fred Fredder?
00:22:37
Speaker
What's up, Fredder? Velmer. Velmer. but A shagger, you know I'm saying? Yeah.
00:22:48
Speaker
So Fred grabs him, but the monster's still there, and he swipes at Fred, and Velma kind of falls and grabs onto Daphne's leg, giving her a nice upskirt. Hey, yo.
00:22:58
Speaker
the The monster's about to get him, but what' sco just a girl yeah Scooby just randomly falls from the fucking sky and lands right in the monster's lap. Hot. And Scooby runs away, and then jumps on a chandelier and knocks over a grandfather clock, which then dominoes into a bunch of other...
00:23:17
Speaker
ah knight statues and it falls and hits the monster and he's down and out. Mr. Beeman. Yeah. So Velma rips this guy's mask off and surprise, surprise, is just fucking dude.
00:23:33
Speaker
His name is Mr. Beeman. He's a real estate agent and he was ah printing counterfeit money. And that's why that he was in this fucking castle and he was, he was green Because using green ink.
00:23:46
Speaker
Was he printing money in the castle? Yeah, for sure. All Scooby-Doo villains, they bunker down in one building, do their crime, and when they see someone try and get in the building, that's when they put on the monster costume. I would just be like, bro, let me get some that cash.
00:24:01
Speaker
Yeah, right? Like, you can go. We're good. Like, you're not, like, you're not really... That's like a victimless crime, you know i mean? Like, if you rape somebody, that's fucked up. Like, this just printing some money.
00:24:13
Speaker
Sure. But they do have a reputation now. They don They're them at this point. They're established. They are. So then we zoom out and we realize we're watching like ah like a television show.
00:24:27
Speaker
and we're watching Daphne getting interviewed on this talk show. And she was mentioning... rest fucking na na mean And it's a woman. Yeah, it is. By Christisha or something.
00:24:41
Speaker
She's a fucking dyke, For sure. Yeah, she trying pipe Daphne down. So was I. and She was mentioning that this was the case of the moat monster. And now she's a news reporter hosting her own show called Coast to Coast with Daphne Blake.
00:24:58
Speaker
yeah And she's about to start filming her second season. That's big time. Big. Big. And... Huh?
00:25:10
Speaker
I said it's big, okay? Yeah, it is. Big. And she said she changed from hunting the ghost because she got tired of it just being dudes in masks was getting boring. That's valid. It is, right? Like, you're not making money off that, right? Nah, it's just a fucking dude.
00:25:25
Speaker
Yeah. Unless the people are like... Are they getting commissioned to do this shit? Are they like, yo, there's a mo there's a monster, quote-unquote monster at whatever place. Can you come fucking check this shit out for us? We'll pay you to fix it.
00:25:37
Speaker
At this point, it's got to be. Because like in the scoo in the second Scooby-Doo 2 movie, right? Yeah. like They're worshipped and like they're fucking signing tits and shit. like Fire. you know so They're big big time in Coolsville.
00:25:52
Speaker
name of the town.
00:25:55
Speaker
Did we find out Coolsville? Coolsville, yeah. thought you just made it up in the spot. That was fucking lame. No, promise. Okay. So we find out that the entire gang split up except for Fred and Daphne because they're trying to... They're fucking. Yeah, they're trying to get... They're trying to fuck.
00:26:10
Speaker
They gotta be. got It's gotta be fucking. Gotta be dick and pussy, know what mean? It's gotta be, right? gotta be And, uh, there's always been sexual tension. Everybody knows it. So Fred's the producer in the one-man crew of Davide's show. He's giving her that walk fucking one-man dick down. Yeah, he is. He does everything. He's just standing there and smiling like a weirdo.
00:26:30
Speaker
Yeah, this stupid fucking jean jacket he's wearing. I don't like the jean jacket. And honestly, he's wearing that fucking hangar. just telling you. Yeah, but he decides to change it. He's like, this thing in style.
00:26:43
Speaker
Okay. It's fun censoring all that. Yeah, no, I'm not gonna just one time just to say that. no So Daphne said that her new season of her show, she's about to start hunting down actual ghosts.
00:26:55
Speaker
And she gets sad that the mystery gang isn't together anymore. And then Fred, like, snaps his fingers and has an epiphany. But honestly, dude, if he's if if they're not fucking, in which I believe they are, but they weren't fucking, and Daphne clearly wants it, and he's not fucking her. I'd probably dick down Shaggy. He would live down, he would love it. You think Shaggy?
00:27:14
Speaker
think he would probably dick down the the gardener. In this movie. Yeah, he probably likes that. Or the villains. Yeah, he does seem to give up the villains. Ooh. Yeah. Like before the cops get there, hold on. You think it's okay to fucking make counterfeit bills?
00:27:30
Speaker
How do you take this fucking roll quarters? I'm to show you a real crime. know what I mean? Yeah. Don't fucking do this shit. then, uh, bread yes
00:27:46
Speaker
so then ah We cut to Scooby and Shaggy watching Daphne's show on this big TV, and they work in an broken airport. Yeah. They work at airport in customs.
00:27:59
Speaker
They say that they miss her, but then their boss gets mad. What? Sorry. Say it. They said that they miss her. It's just funny. Miss her. They said they want to beat her. Beat her. Beat her.
00:28:12
Speaker
Yeah, their boss gets mad because they're just not working. And I so wrote, Scooby looks like a little fucking service dog for a retard.
00:28:24
Speaker
Yeah, does. Right? Shaggy is kind of a retard, though, no? that No, yeah, I mean, yeah, he is. he' I always just took it... As a kid, I was like, there's something wrong with this kid.
00:28:35
Speaker
But then when you grow up and you like find out that they're like stoners, you're like, oh, it makes sense. They're just fucking stoners. That's actually what it is. But he yeah yeah, you're right. ah But basically, Scooby's kind of like a drug dog, but for contraband food.
00:28:48
Speaker
Yeah. yeah ah if' if He does look like a service dog. It's your favorite fucking thing, though. Four and cheese. That's what's up. That's what's up, right? Like, they find some Gorgonzola.
00:29:01
Speaker
what ah What are the chances we go through all this whole review and don't use those voices for something sexual? i just It's just not... good It's gonna happen. It's gonna happen. So Scooby's sniffing all the luggage and...
00:29:14
Speaker
He finds something and they open this luggage, but he just smells some socks. And Shaggy's like, I don't know if it was a girl's panties. Yeah, right? They wouldn't do that. Like Scoob! Like Scoob! they smell like used tampons?
00:29:29
Speaker
Was she a virgin, man? There's no way! I can't do the voice. Like, it's fine. have to be okay. And there's ah then Scooby's like, no, there's something else in there.
00:29:42
Speaker
Ruh-roh! Reeze! So they find contraband cheese. Yeah, they do. Nice wheels of gorgonzola. It's big wheel, too. is a big wheel. Not the bike.
00:29:55
Speaker
No. But shout out Mike, who delivers delivers meat on his bike. Yeah, does. So they walk to this custom storage room. It's probably fried chicken. Probably. no And they open this door, and it's just a full room of contraband food.
00:30:11
Speaker
Yeah, it is. Like, shouldn't this be on, like... Yeah. Like, where's this coming from? I don't know why they want say you can't fucking bring hummus into this country. Fuck it. Do you like hummus? I fucking love hummus. It's great. I don't like hummus. i think I'm not a chickpea guy. Yeah, I know.
00:30:27
Speaker
it's just what It's just what it is. I actually... I do like hummus. I'll eat it. I've never tried any of the flavored ones, like the red pepper like the lemon. Yeah, any of the sabras. Are they good? I mean, I've had the generic one and the roasted red pepper one, but that's all I've had. by like i just like um My dad used to make hummus all the time, so it's just because he's a Greek fuck. I feel like I could fuck with the great yeah feel like i could fuck with like the garlic, maybe. Yeah, I would rub it all over myself.
00:30:53
Speaker
Yeah? i don't know. Can I lick the hummy off your tummy, babe? Yeah, you fucking can. as long as You gotta rim the belly button, but yeah. ah The hummy off the tummy while you coming? Yeah, I'm gonna fuck, yeah. yeah go for you cut As long as you're okay with getting a little belly button lint with the hummus, it's all good.
00:31:10
Speaker
ah yeah as well As long as it blends in. yeah it's and It's in there. it's definite i mean You're definitely gonna feel it on the back end. yeah Yeah. ah And obviously, Scooby and Shaggy love this room because they're fucking fat asses. They're hungry all the time. Yeah.
00:31:24
Speaker
So we cut to a bookstore called Dinkley's Mystery Bookshop, ah which is Velma's new job. She's a bookkeeper and or librarian. Yes. And she's basically selling books that I'm assuming she wrote or other people wrote. They're based off all their mysteries in the past.
00:31:42
Speaker
So she's bagged out in the movie. Maybe. Maybe. Probably not, right? Well, they're but what I thought we said they're bagged out anyways because of the... Because but Daphne... s Scooby-Doo lore here.
00:31:54
Speaker
Daphne's dad is, like, super fucking rich. And he bought them the mystery machine to, like, start doing all this dumb shit. That makes sense. You're fucking investor.
00:32:05
Speaker
Right. But then they became big time. Big. Yeah. Yeah.
00:32:12
Speaker
So, uh... Some dude calls her asking for a bunch of books. I wrote them down, but you guys don't need to know about that. I did like her little voice here, though. i was trying to beat it to her. I want her to talk to me like that.
00:32:24
Speaker
Yeah, you want me to suck your dick? Got it.
00:32:31
Speaker
mar Yeah, me suck your dick. god You want to cum my mouth? Got it. Got it. the feet Got it. Got it. Yeah. So we cut back to, oh, that if Fred calls...
00:32:43
Speaker
No, I don't have kids. No, not yet. I'm too smart for you. You want to impregnate me? Got it. Got it. Yo, but the the next one... You can't bring the bedpan. Scooby-Doo.
00:32:59
Speaker
Scooby-Doo, the witch's ghost? She's actually trying to, like, get fucked. By who? ah The villain. But she doesn't know he's the villain yet. Oh, that's cute. Yeah. She's trying to fucked by Tim Curry. Who wouldn't? ah Yeah, Tim Curry would be down. Yeah.
00:33:12
Speaker
So ah Fred calls and he's like, yo, yo, let's fucking get the band back together. Yeah, we like chinkies. Count me in.
00:33:23
Speaker
I don't get I don't get why they're all sad. They split up. They could just not split up. I feel like it was just Daphne. Daphne's like Daphne is a bit of a cunt in the beginning of this movie.
00:33:35
Speaker
Yeah, Daphne's probably like, yeah, guys, I'm over this. And everybody's like, nah, I didn't even Fred probably wanted to like. keep everybody together, but he's trying to dick her down. So he had to go with her.
00:33:45
Speaker
He just needed that. His, yeah. You know, but Velma is the only one alone though. That's kind of sad. Like Scooby's got shaggy and vice versa. Right? No. yeah Yeah. That's fucked up, but they just did that to her like that.
00:33:58
Speaker
She's the brain. She's yeah.
00:34:02
Speaker
She's like the Hermione of the group. not Exactly. Not as hot, but she's still getting it. Yeah, it's fact. Keep the glasses on, though. That's kind of hot. Yeah, yeah. When people take their glasses off, they look fucking weird.
00:34:13
Speaker
Yeah, like, put it back on I don't like it. It's kind of ugly now. I don't like that.
00:34:19
Speaker
So we cut back to Scooby and Shaggy. They ate all the food in this fucking room, and the boss is pissed because it's literally contraband. They ate illegal food.
00:34:32
Speaker
Scooby burps. He said he didn't eat at all because they still got two wheels of Gorgonzola. There's two Gorgs, bro. Then they get fired. So it's all right. Yeah. The phone rings randomly.
00:34:45
Speaker
The whole airport just happens to ring right here. And it's Fred. He said they're going to get the band back together. and Scooby Shaggy are like, yeah, it's all right. We got some time. We're going take some vacation anyway.
00:34:59
Speaker
So we cut to Daphne's house. She's standing on the corner like the slut she is. Yeah, she is. Waiting for Fred to pull up and strip her. Yeah, she's fucking pissed that he's late.
00:35:11
Speaker
Right, like, shut up. My fucking juices were flowing, now they're not. Right. She's got a bunch of like, you know, Louis Vuitton bags or some shit. just Probably. Yeah, something expensive. Something like there.
00:35:22
Speaker
And Fred pulls up in the van yeah and he brings all the luggage to the back of the van. Daphne's like, or where were you? He's like, you know, traffic. Was murder. Yeah. So he brings all the luggage to the back of the van.
00:35:38
Speaker
And he opens the van and the entire gang's there and they all yell happy birthday because Daphne's birthday. Yeah, she forgot she's dumb cunt. yeah Yeah, she's the typical like, oh guys, I've been so busy, I forgot it was my own birthday.
00:35:51
Speaker
She does seem entitled. She forgot it's birthday, though. Right, she's entitled. Oh, you know that youha who else did that? Harry. Harry forgot his own birthday? Like multiple times, i'm pretty sure.
00:36:03
Speaker
hit That's a little different. He got motherfuckers trying to kill him. Yeah, but he fucking forgot. like but It was like, alright, I mean, fine. but you go from we're not aren they yeah You go from being a normal kid to just being fucking...
00:36:17
Speaker
Plotted and fucking stalked and raped by Slughorn. Slughorn's fucking rape list. yeah Yeah. Yeah. You got bigger problems. that Yeah.
00:36:28
Speaker
He's like, oh boy. Yeah. count I can't wait until I'm 18. He's like sitting in his bedroom. and He's like, I got to stretch my asshole before. Yeah. I guess I might as well accept it. Yeah.
00:36:38
Speaker
Dumbledore's not saving me. I need to keep the lube on me at all times.
00:36:44
Speaker
I literally said, I'm going to have a go at my ass. yeah Snipe, snip me, babe. Snipe. Yeah. So she said, snip me, bruv.
00:36:56
Speaker
like Snipe, why are you thinking of this? Snipe, you think we can do like circumcision gondom or something like, Yeah. Snape, you think Slughorn likes a clean ass? You think it's too to add?
00:37:11
Speaker
I don't know, and I don't care. said she forgot her birthday because dumb fucking bitch. That's fact. And she said this is the best birthday present ever, and then give Fred a hug. She's trying to dick him down right there in front of Velma and Bunny. yeah So Velma pulls out a box of scuba snacks, and she's like, yo,
00:37:33
Speaker
Catch me outside. How about that? And then she Aaron Rodgers this shit and Scooby intercepts it. But why the fuck does does Shaggy eat dog treats? That's always been a thing. it's just That's just strange, Shaggy. You gotta quit and cut that shit out.
00:37:47
Speaker
It's always been a thing. Yeah.
00:37:50
Speaker
So, ah Shaggy's like, these shits are stale. she's been had She probably had these shits for like 10 years. Yeah. 10 years? Yeah. Have they been split for 10 years?
00:38:02
Speaker
It's gotta be. What? You really think it's been 10 years they've been ah apart? Yeah, bro. I'm thinking like end of high school to like end of college maybe. End of high school to end of college is still not 10 years.
00:38:14
Speaker
It depends on what you went for. What do you think the fucking Shaggy went to college for? a Shaggy didn't. No, no way. But i don't i i mean I don't know much about Scooby-Doo, but 10 years is a long fucking time. There's no college years of Scooby-Doo.
00:38:31
Speaker
We need it. Oh, what, there's high school years? That's like like the OG shit. Is high school? Yeah. Okay. They're like 17. Fair. think Velma's the youngest at like 15 or something. So they're dicking dicking her dicking down the young ones. Yeah. yeah
00:38:49
Speaker
So, uh...
00:38:53
Speaker
We find out that we're going to Louisiana on the first stop of Daphne's new season of the show. Yeah. She wants to find haunted shit. She wants to find the rest of the slaves. Yeah, she does.
00:39:05
Speaker
My dad told me all about the slaves. Why'd you go Mickey Mouse there? sir no sure My creator was big on the slaves. My creator fucking hated you. do oh
00:39:20
Speaker
Walt Hitler. um so i keep fucking wall yeah
00:39:26
Speaker
So, uh, the van has like a banner over it and says coast to coast with Daphne Blake and Fred just rips that shit off. It's the mystery machine. If it wasn't obvious.
00:39:37
Speaker
Yeah, it was obvious. But now it says the mystery machine. So they all high five. And then we cut to an amazing song. Not the best song. No fucking yet. Good song. No fucking. The soundtrack I do give an applaud to is great.
00:39:50
Speaker
So we got another scary night. If you know, you know. So during this whole like chase scene, we see a big ass mansion with a seance going on. Some ghost shit pops up this whole time. Like Fred's filming everything because for the show.
00:40:07
Speaker
Shaggy like goes through a door, finds it's just a projector. The ghost is fake. Cemetery. Big fucking bat zombie. He was cool. yeah They're hurtling tombstones and shit.
00:40:19
Speaker
it's Then a guy trips and takes the mask off. right Not a tombstone pile driver. it's gotta be. We find out that it's just another dude in a mask. He's stealing some jewelry.
00:40:32
Speaker
Daphne's like, cut this shit. Really getting sick of it. It's like all these fucking brines just stealing shit. Yeah. There's another boat. It's like a ghost sailor.
00:40:42
Speaker
Whatever. then we cut to like this warehouse and they're fighting a giant crab monster. at this point, she's like, bro, there's no fucking way it's a real fucking thing. Right.
00:40:53
Speaker
like like Like, I'm saying if you're them, like, oh, like there's a big fucking lobster. Yeah, you're just chasing us. Like, come on, bro. Shaggy, I'm asking him as a dude and Daphne's really getting pissed off.
00:41:05
Speaker
Yeah, she is. Big cunt. So then we cut from the chase scene. Cunt. Oh, Blake. Cunt. Miss Blake.
00:41:17
Speaker
Had a bug just flying in front of me. So we cut we cut to the gang. They're all sitting on this bench. And Daphne's really complaining that it's just a bunch of dudes with like hot magnets and holograms and projectors. The usual bullshit.
00:41:30
Speaker
And Fred's just sit sitting in here eating some beignets. don't even know what beignet is. Covered in cum. They are. I mean straight up covered in cum and a beignet is like fried dough.
00:41:42
Speaker
Is it? It kind of looked like a ah Specialty in New Orleans. Kind of looked like an egg clare. They don't look like that in real life. It's the animation. But we tried to do beignets on the menu with the extra pizza dough, and it was just too much congestion in the fryer.
00:41:57
Speaker
but they're Yeah. You don't want to be caked up. You toss them in cinnamon sugar and then just fucking cover them splooge, I guess. That's what talking about. don't know. That's what I'm fucking talking about. It's got a cum mustache. And ah yeah, Velma said it's just like the good old days, and Daphne's like too much. Right.
00:42:11
Speaker
like the good days. I could cum all over your face. to Yeah, the slaves cum, of it. You know, the good old days. Yeah. And she's like, the show's not going to work if we can't even find any fucking ghosts. And Fred's like, come on, guys.
00:42:23
Speaker
Who the fuck wants a beignet? Anybody? yeah Yeah, who wants a beignet? Yeah. But you can use my... No one answers, but Fred can use my fucking mouth as a bidet. That's fact. You know what mean? Yeah. so You would spit in his ass? You'd hock two in his ass?
00:42:38
Speaker
Absolutely. It's Fred Jones. Yeah, I mean, he does... i would wipe his mouth for him, too. The way Daphne does. Oh, yeah. You just get a cum all over your mouth, babe. You just fucking... I wouldn't use a rag, though. You'd use tongue. You'd just fucking lick it off his face.
00:42:52
Speaker
Yeah. Daphne's real pissed. She wants a real fucking house. Yeah, cunt. And there's this lady just chilling. Not even a lady. it so It's a baddie just sitting off in the corner. Yeah, she is.
00:43:05
Speaker
And she says there there is a haunted house yeah there is in Louisiana. And she works there. She's the chef of a house on an island called Moonscar Island. Her name's Lena.
00:43:16
Speaker
And Fred's like got the cum in his pants. He's trying to fuck her right on the spot. Yeah, he is. Daphne asks where Moonscar Island is, and Lena's like, it's in this bayou, and a pirate named Morgan Moonscar, he died in the island, and now the spirit haunts the fucking place. ah She asks if Fred's scared, and he's like, nah, if you're going to be there, I'm good.
00:43:39
Speaker
She says, they can come see her if she wants. She's about to finish shopping, so they're going think about it, and Daphne says, fuck it, let's just go. And Fred says that Lena's kind of cute. Daphne's like, fuck me now. Yeah, she's cute.
00:43:53
Speaker
So I literally said Fred's got some cum on his lips. So Daphne wipes it off. Yeah, he does. And ah Velma, like, they got, like, Wi-Fi in the van? What's going on here? got a whole ass computer back there. Yeah, Velma's, like, Googling. Had to find out that, like, Moonscar Island has a bunch of disappearances.
00:44:11
Speaker
It's not Epstein. It's not Epstein Island, no. No. Unfortunate. so they go wow yeah unfortunately So they go find Scooby and Shaggy and they're eating a fucking big ass sandwich.
00:44:22
Speaker
Fucking sucks his shit like a vacuum. Bro, he sucks. We got some massive suck. yeah Crazy. So freds Fred says they're about to go to a haunted house. And they're like, alright, we don't want to, but whatever.
00:44:37
Speaker
So we cut to a the van following Lena, and they're driving through like some swamp-ass areas. like why do they not Why do they not fucking want to? it's like well they're fuck's so they When they get scared, it's what they do. do you like you don't want to fucking do it?
00:44:50
Speaker
Because they're just dragged there. They're there. you're just fucking You're just like, oh, I missed the gang. And then it's like, oh, we're going to do what we used to do. It's like, I don't want do that. want to do it. What do you want to do? Have a fucking orgy? What do you want to do?
00:45:01
Speaker
Probably. I don't know.
00:45:05
Speaker
So driving through the swampy ass and Shaggy's just excited for some Cajun cooking and who can blame him? Cajun food's great, dude. So they pull up on this dark ass Bayou boat type beat and we see the most stereotypical Louisiana voice guy ever and his name's Jacques.
00:45:24
Speaker
Jacques. He's the ferry captain and says that if he wanted a haunted house, they can't do the right place.
00:45:36
Speaker
Yeah, it is. Yeah. Wet and wild. Yeah, so if the boat starts taking off and Lena finds that they have a dog. And she's okay with dogs, but Miss Lin-Wah, a.k.a.
00:45:50
Speaker
Mrs. Ben-Wah, doesn't like dogs. She's got too many fucking too many fucking pussies around. Probably not getting in shot either. Yeah. yeah So Fred's filming all the Bayou shit.
00:46:03
Speaker
And Jacques says that in the 1700s, pirates used the Bayou to hide from the law and asked ah and said that Morgan Moonscar was one of the pirates. He's the most famous one. Instead of Jack, Sparrow.
00:46:16
Speaker
Fuck Jack. Yeah. Shout out Elizabeth, though. Give you all my love. wow Yeah. So Scooby's like fucking fighting this catfish off side of boat.
00:46:28
Speaker
Find out the catfish name is Big Mona. Yeah. Yeah, it is oh I'll fucking give it to you. I'll fuck that fish. she's never been caught. Then some fucking, then Scooby drag Shaggy into the water and there's some fucking gators trying to kill him.
00:46:43
Speaker
So everybody freaks out. Velma gives him a fucking life preserver. That doesn't work. But then... fucking i'm like What was that gonna do? Well, the gator ate it, so that's not gonna do shit. Yeah.
00:46:56
Speaker
But then this creepy-ass dude named Snakebite, a.k.a. Mark Hamill, just gets him up on the boat. pissed because he scared the catfish away. then Scooby gets jumped by his big-ass hog.
00:47:12
Speaker
yeah ah Yeah. His pet pig, not his penis. Yeah, shot at Peppa Pig. Yeah, but his pig's name is Mojo. So ah he like kicks him off his boat.
00:47:26
Speaker
He's fucking tired of terse. And ah Shaggy makes a mental note that he's fucking suspicious. And then Velma's like, but he saved your life, so it's fine.
00:47:36
Speaker
So they get to the island, or pulling off. They're fucking going over bumpy roads. Apparently Mystery Machine doesn't have four-wheel drive. Nah, don't. So we get to the plantation slave-looking house, and we see a guy gardening.
00:47:53
Speaker
Yeah. And there's hella cats everywhere. Scooby starts filming them for some reason. about to beat off to the cats later. Hey, yeah search what? He starts chasing them, breaks a bunch of plants. The gardener looks pissed. This is when I realized I saw the movie already.
00:48:09
Speaker
Okay. Yeah. And Lena's like, i thought you said he was good with cats. So Shaggy like laughs and then starts chasing after him. He knocks over the gardener. And then there's a fucking cat in Miss Lenoir's hand.
00:48:25
Speaker
And Scooby like jumps on that shit. She's not happy that her dog. Daphne explains that she's like from a TV show. And they're like, yeah, we don't have fucking TV here. Yeah, and that cat walks away because Scooby tackles Miss Lenoir, Benoit, and it puts his tail up at s Scooby. you think they're going to be a little asshole? No, it's not.
00:48:44
Speaker
There's not. It's upsetting, right? Yeah, little bit. Just show a little something, a little mark. Just acknowledge the people that animals have buttholes. Right. Animal rights.
00:48:56
Speaker
It's like, why the fuck do you bring these people to my house? And Lena's like, they wanted to see a fucking haunted house, so I brought them here. She's like, all right, whatever. Said the family's been in her, her house been in her family for generations and it was a pepper plantation, AKA they grew slaves.
00:49:13
Speaker
They were beating them. Maybe not breeding. They were beating them. They were beating the sleeves. Yeah, they were not breeding, they were fucking beating shit out of them. House or field, you you choose. You choose. So they go in the house, Shaggy and Scooby find some fucking gumbo and they're fucking eating that shit.
00:49:27
Speaker
And then they go in the cabinet and they find some hot peppers. Yeah, they do. And the gang's with Lena, and they're trying to start a conversation, but Scooby and Shaggy yell, and they're just fucking drinking some lemonade because them peppers were hot.
00:49:39
Speaker
Yeah, they were. And they find out that they were grown on the island, and that Miss Lenoir's like, just call me fucking Simone, it's all right. Let's give you a tour my house.
00:49:52
Speaker
And Velma says, stop eating them peppers, but Shaggy and Scooby just start daring each other.
00:49:59
Speaker
We see a little cloud of smoke come into the fray and it gets cold. Shaggy's like, I need to eat this pepper to stay warm. And then the smoke has a sword and starts carving into fucking Shaggy's rectum.
00:50:13
Speaker
random you It starts carving into the wall. It says, get out. So the gang runs back and they're screaming. Yeah. He's like, whoa.
00:50:24
Speaker
wasn't the peppers that we screaming at. It was fucking ghost. Yeah, it was. and So Fred starts filming. Velma's... Or Daphne's like, yo, it's getting fucking cold in here. And they said ah the ghost cards beware into the wall now. And Simone says after sundown, the ghosts get reckless.
00:50:44
Speaker
And they wrecked them. Yeah. Yeah. So then out of nowhere, where Velma just starts floating... And she says there's no wires here. So Shaggy and Scooby try and get her down, but then she just falls. Yeah, you can almost see her fucking cooter.
00:50:58
Speaker
Almost. She covers it, too. She yeah she know she knows she's exposed. That ghost fucking pervert. Yeah, he is. So they review the footage and they see a little ghosty.
00:51:09
Speaker
And that's Morgan Moonstar's ghost. So Daphne's all hype and she's like, let's go. A real fucking ghost. And go and then Simone's like, wait, you're not going to leave the island? They're like, nah, for my job.
00:51:23
Speaker
So then Shaggy and Scooby run off because they're hungry and they start piling shit into a picnic basket. Shout out, Yogi? take A picnic basket. And Velma walks in and she starts going fucking hands. Did closer to your face just now?
00:51:36
Speaker
No, why? Oh, you got louder. Did I? but Yeah, I don't know why. I'm sorry. ah Not like you were talking louder. The volume just increased. No. Okay.
00:51:48
Speaker
So Velma just walks in, starts going ham on this wall, like start peeling it. She grabs a spatula. Fucking breaks the wall down. Yeah, she does.
00:51:58
Speaker
I wrote she deflowers the wall. let's fall That's... Oh, it's splinters. Yeah. oh
00:52:06
Speaker
And... There's big letters everywhere, and it says the Maelstrom, which I'm pretty sure is like a store.
00:52:18
Speaker
I don't know. Is it in real life? don't know. I don't know. And they find out that's the name of Morgan Moonscar ship. She said there's Simone says that there's treasure on the island. And Fred's like, I fucking knew it. Someone's here trying to steal the treasure.
00:52:33
Speaker
can know it. I can know it. And then we cut the Scooby and Shaggy crying because they're still eating peppers. But now they're in the van. Yeah. So Scooby breathes fire and shit.
00:52:46
Speaker
And there's like a Creole potato. What's Creole potato salad? Just made in Creole? It's probably just some fucking potato salad that has, yeah, Creole spices in it. Well, the cats are fucking eating it.
00:52:58
Speaker
They're fucking slurping it. And so Scooby starts chasing the dogs again. And then he gets a fucking... The cats. Yeah. What'd say? Dogs. Oh. Scooby starts chasing the cats again. And he gets his head stuck in a log.
00:53:10
Speaker
o And a frog is stuck on... Scooby's log that he found. hu That's fact. Where the fuck was I? Something about Scooby's log and hog.
00:53:23
Speaker
Oh, sha sha Shaggy starts chasing him, but he stops because he's picking peckers. come Picking peckers? He's picking peppers. And then Scooby lands in the water and sees a catfish. Catfish gets scared off. but if And then Fisherman's pissed, so he sends his fucking hog on him.
00:53:40
Speaker
ah yeah When that happened, I was like, are really going to fucking just sick his fucking hog on Scooby again? That's little fucked up. Those fucking animals, right? Like what a fucking. Come Mark Hamill. Yeah, Mark.
00:53:51
Speaker
So the pig chases them and they fall into this big ass pit. And Shaggy says they got chased into a hole by one third of a BLT. Yeah. I mean, call that a fucking and Creole hog roll. You know what mean?
00:54:04
Speaker
but i don't know. I knew some people that spoke Creole. They probably had hogs on them. Let me tell you. dude yeah i Same in my my old job. Yeah. so they try trying to climb out of this pit, but the vines keep snapping and some rocks fall and they see a fucking arm.
00:54:20
Speaker
The skeleton arm arm. And then some green mist starts flying everywhere and it goes on to the skeleton hand. But then the skeleton hand turns into the entire skeleton.
00:54:33
Speaker
And then the flesh comes back onto him. So it's a zombie now. And it's the fucking zombie of Morgan Moonscar. And he's got a rusty sword. And he's trying to take their heads off. Yeah, he fucking is. Shout out to Morgan.
00:54:48
Speaker
Yeah. You know any bad bitches named Morgan? Bleep the name.
00:54:55
Speaker
Oh, yeah. I sat behind her. And then she became an alcoholic. And then she got clean. Bleep all that. Well, shout out to her for getting clean, though. Yeah, I just don't want to mention him in the podcast, but shout out to you.
00:55:08
Speaker
Oh, yeah, for sure.
00:55:11
Speaker
the only badass we're going to know. Yeah. So they get the fuck out of this hole and they run into bow again. And he ruined his plants. He's pissed. And they say, I'm getting chased by a dead guy.
00:55:26
Speaker
But then Velma and the rest of the crew come out of a bush. Got the bush. Shout out Bush a little bit of it. I like some Bush. I'm good with it. But don't shout out George Bush.
00:55:37
Speaker
Fuck him, right? He did 9-11. I don't know. He probably did. Yeah. So they're like, wait, there's fucking zombies in this hole.
00:55:49
Speaker
they're like, wait, why is Bo just happen to be here? And he's like, I was doing my job, but they're still a sus. But Daphne's like, he's kind of cute. So it's okay. Yeah, he's kind of cute.
00:56:01
Speaker
I said, I said, I'm trying to get laid down and Fred's pissed.
00:56:07
Speaker
So Simone's like, yo, well, you can't leave because the ferry doesn't run at night. So looks like I'm fucking stuck here. Let's go have some dinner. So they're all showed to their rooms.
00:56:18
Speaker
ah Scooby's fucking with this owl. And Shaggy says he's about to get dressed, but he's yeah literally wearing the same shit that he's been wearing. With his suitcase, like five of the same shirt. Yeah, he trims his fucking pube hair in the mirror. And it looks the exact same.
00:56:34
Speaker
Yeah. And then, ah whoa, a Confederate ghost pops up and starts reaching at him from the mirror, telling him to get away. Yeah, they're his slaves.
00:56:44
Speaker
Yeah, so then they fucking run into Fred's room. He's looking at himself, and he takes off his ascot. He's like, i don't like that. Yeah, yet yeah, yeah.
00:56:57
Speaker
Now we're into, like, Chad Fred. We're into Chad Fred. Yeah, we are. So Velma's like, let's look at this fucking mirror. So she looks at it and it's covered in dust.
00:57:08
Speaker
Yeah, let me get milked in front of this mirror. yeah It's covered in dust, so she blows the dust. And her fucking glasses get all foggy. yeah And she she lost her cleaning lens, so Scooby uses his tail.
00:57:22
Speaker
if you Dry mouth. yeah who own that house My mouth is dry. Oh, yeah. Scoob pumps some fucking load in me, dude. Fucking Titter Milk to fucking punch my thirst to my mouth.
00:57:34
Speaker
my So she finds that the the mirror belonged to Colonel Jackson T. Pedigree. Shout out Triple H. Oh, yeah, the Pedigree. I was like, yeah, that's it. And Simone said that there was a bunch of Confederate barracks on the island.
00:57:52
Speaker
Well, fuck that. Let's go eat. Yeah. And Fred's like flirting with Lena over cooking. She's bad bitch. She's a bad bitch. So Scooby goes after another cat and Simone's like, you guys got to like eat in the fucking van. You're banned.
00:58:08
Speaker
That's fact. But when they're in the. v Oh, so Lena sends them with food. So when they get there, it's pot. Yeah. When I get there, there's more fucking cats everywhere.
00:58:21
Speaker
lot of fucking cats. lot of fucking cats, but it's okay, because they're chilling in the van, eating crawdads, sucking on them. they Sucking them hard. Sucking real hard. Scooby puts like 80 of them in his mouth, and he's like... Yeah, and the way he shoots those shells out is like my diarrhea. It's like... Oh, like a machine gun? Yeah. Yeah. my Fucking shit comes out.
00:58:43
Speaker
So... Shaggy doesn't like that there's a bunch of fucking cats everywhere, so he hops in the driver's seat and takes off. And then we cut back to everybody else at dinner. Fucking retard knows how to drive. You're definitely not.
00:58:55
Speaker
Cut back to dinner. And they're like, why aren't you afraid of ghosts? And they're like, well, it's just a fucking dude in a mask. And Daphne's like, no, these people are fucking real. Yeah, i'm I'm a believer.
00:59:07
Speaker
So he cut back to Scooby and Shaggy under a van, slurping on some fucking gumbo, and they start doing the fucking one pepper challenge or something. Fucking Macarena? And this they start crying and shit.
00:59:20
Speaker
But Scooby didn't eat it, so he teased Shaggy with a little fucking pepper tip and pulls it back in. Sucks it right out. Yeah, they eat it, but then they just... Like, yeah, you want it? Yeah, you want my fucking... Ruh-roh, rape! Ruh-roh, it's spicy.
00:59:39
Speaker
So then flames come out both their ears, and they jump out of the van and start drinking swamp water, which probably isn't the best. Yeah, you're gonna die, son. So the wind starts picking up, and the green mist comes back, and the green mist shoots into the fucking water, and a bunch of zombies start raising out of the ground like it's Evil Dead or something.
00:59:59
Speaker
fact. s Scooby Shaggy run to the van, car won't start. Then you can throw it in reverse, Terry. That's back. So they fucking put it in reverse, pull it back.
01:00:11
Speaker
There's a guy on the roof. Pull it back, bitch. yeah But there's a guy on the little guy at the roof. So Shaggy does like a 360 and hauls his ass into a tree.
01:00:23
Speaker
yeah so Shaggy's about to like run him over. Then the van gets stuck in some mud. So then they start running again.
01:00:33
Speaker
They come back from cut back to dinner. Fred's still flirting with this bitch. yeah But they hear Scooby and Shaggy yelling. So they pull up, grab the camera. pull up And they... It's lot the retards. A.K.A. Shag.
01:00:46
Speaker
A.K.A. Mahoy Mignoy's. So they go looking for Scooby and Shaggy with some lanterns. But all they find is Bo.
01:00:57
Speaker
and they're like, where the fuck is Scooby and Shaggy? And Bo's like they ran away talking about zombies. Yeah. And then it start getting into it and Daphne's like, relax. We need to find Scooby and Shaggy. We'll split up and search for clues. They're like, you're a fucking, you're a fucking, bitch.
01:01:12
Speaker
You're fucking suspicious. You're a sussy boy, bro. That's what they're trying to say. Yeah. yeah Yeah. They're like, all right. Let's split up a search for clues. Daphne's like, I'll go with Bo. And Fred's like, bad idea. And then Velma's like, I'll go with Bo.
01:01:28
Speaker
And then Fred's like, yeah. Fred's like, yeah, good idea. Give me Daphne. Yeah. I'm a fucker in the bayou. Yeah. And Velma's like, I won't i won't let Bo out of my sight because fucking staring up at him when I'm sucking him off. Yeah, to have a fucking swamp infection my pussy. Yeah, so they all walk off.
Zombie Island Adventure Begins
01:01:46
Speaker
And Bo's like, why do you keep treating me like a suspect?
01:01:49
Speaker
And Velma's like, because you are. That's fact youre you're suss fact. You're a fucking sus. So then he grabs a fucking rock. it looks like he's about to chuck it at her head. Call him a chucker. Yeah. so i need to grab her fucking wrist hard.
01:02:02
Speaker
He does. She's like, let go of me. You've got to fucking do dick her down. Yeah, bro. You've got rape her. But then he throws the rock and it's just to show her that there was quicksand. a Big ass fucking rock to throw, bro. It is. He's got big muscular. Yeah, he's big. I'd fuck him.
01:02:19
Speaker
So Fred and Daphne find the van and there's a bunch of crawdad shells pouring out of the back.
01:02:26
Speaker
So the crawdad scared Daphne and then she's like, I guess the guy's like, your girlfriend's cooking too. And Fred's like, she's not my girlfriend. God. I just want to fuck her on the side.
01:02:37
Speaker
And then Fred's like, yeah, well, what about Bo? What about him, bitch? and someone But then someone grabs Daphne's wrist and she chucks him through this fucking van and it's a zombie.
01:02:48
Speaker
He's zombizzled his ass. Shaggy and Scooby show up and they're scared. They're like, yo, this is the fucking zombie I'm talking about. even though he's a limp. Limp dick. He's a zombie. So Daphne starts fucking tearing at him.
01:03:01
Speaker
shit It is strange how Shaggy and Scooby just kind of fall out of the woods with this zombie. Like, what were they doing in there? by fucking the zombie, right? what like But like, they come out and he's like, he's like like you know what I mean? if i stone He looks like he's fucking rinsed out.
01:03:17
Speaker
Yeah. He literally got run through. By this fucking zombie. pop The zombie's like, oh,
01:03:25
Speaker
Yeah. His jaw's just open because fucking Scooby dislocated. Fucking finished it off. He fucking finished his dog dick. Yeah, that's right. a little lipstick cock. So Daphne's fucking pulling at this guy's jaw, it ain't coming off. My fucking head. So Fred's like, you're not fucking pulling it hard enough. Pull it hard, I told you. i You know what I like? fucking told you, rip it.
01:03:47
Speaker
So Fred goes over. He starts pulling this shit off. He pulls on his boy's head. He pulls it real hard. He just ripped his boy's head right off. Clean off. And he's like, yo, they're playing hot potato with it.
01:04:00
Speaker
They got no tough fucking teeth. Right. So then Scooby chucks it back at the body. And Fred's like, it's probably an animatronic. But then the zombie puts his own head back on the body.
01:04:11
Speaker
Shout Spirit Halloween. True. So the wind picks up. The green mist comes back. m big ass water zombies start coming up and then Fred or Daphne's like do you think they're still like animatronics he's like maybe and Daphne's like na I think you're just in denial
01:04:33
Speaker
and his peeman yeah exactly I'm fucking pee on you man there's too many fucking noises going on my in my building just on a daily basis it's just fucking stupid like just like lot like i loting around what Like a lot of thuds, a lot of doors, a lot of just too much.
01:04:51
Speaker
lot inbreds. Not in the bayou for sure. Yeah. So they hear Lena scream and Fred's like, we got to go. This is Lena. She's my sister and my wife. Yeah. She's my fucking sister cousin.
01:05:04
Speaker
So Fred's like, let's fucking go. So he starts running, but then he trips and the camera gets stuck in quicksand. Now they have no evidence. Nothing. So bunch of fucking zombies pull up, and then we hear the next chase scene, the best song in the entire fucking movie, Scooby-Doo history.
01:05:24
Speaker
It's terror time again. I'm happy that you're so dearly attached to this song. I feel like a lot of people are. I'm happy for all of you. Right. So when we go into a chase scene, you're getting fucking chased by zombies. Fred takes a branch and pulls that shit back.
01:05:39
Speaker
Yeah, he does. And it cuts this zombie half. it but But his fucking legs and still coming him. He's still trying to fuck him. With his fucking legs? Yeah, peace is probably still there.
01:05:51
Speaker
Shaggy gets caught by the fishermen. Velma and Bo run into Fred and Daphne. And then Shaggy and Scooby fall into this cave, John. And they find little wax figures of Fred, Daphne, and Velma. You know those you know those little fuck the ads they used to have on TV where it's like batteries sold separately? it's like It's just like bottom half of a zombie, peace included. Peace included. And you're like, yeah, it's worth the fucking three payments of $49.99 now. Yeah!
01:06:17
Speaker
So Fred is trying to explain that the zombies are real real, but they don't have any evidence because camera fucking flew. Yeah, good job, Fred. but then yeah But then they all start floating because Shaggy and Scooby are playing with these fucking dolls that's made of.
01:06:32
Speaker
and Voodoo dolls. Little fucking voodoo heyday. Voodoo ass bitch. So Daphne smacks Fred and kicks him because Shaggy and Scooby are playing with him. And... Bo tries to pull him down, but then Velma fucking sucker punches him right across the face.
01:06:47
Speaker
Fun. Then we cut to Scooby and Shaggy. They get scared cut a bunch of bats, so they drop the doll so everybody stops floating. That's a bad thing. They hear Lena screaming, so they run to the house.
01:06:59
Speaker
Shaggy Scooby are still getting chased by zombies. they yeah They hear her screaming like multiple times. Multiple times. We gotta go to the house. And then like something else happens. Like we still gotta go to the house, remember? We still gotta get there.
01:07:11
Speaker
So they get back to
The Villains' Sinister Plan
01:07:12
Speaker
the house. The power's not working. So so Bo says he's going to go check on the generator. But Velma's like, you're not getting out of my sight. Yeah. want fuck in the dark. want to fucking sit on top of the generator while it's running. Oh, yeah. Jinkies, jinkies. Jinkies. I'm jinking.
01:07:28
Speaker
want you to fucking watch. like Like, I want you to cock me. Like, she's going to jinky all over my zoinks. Yeah, she is. Fred falls through some stairs.
01:07:40
Speaker
m And Lena's just there and like kind of cuddling him. And Daphne's not okay with that. no Thank goodness you came. Not her mouth. Not her mouth.
01:07:52
Speaker
So Lena says that Simone and her went looking for him, but they all they found was zombies and they got stuck in his cave. Simone and Puma. yeah
01:08:03
Speaker
Yeah. And they're like, oh we found with zombies. And we got stuck in his cave. And Simone got dragged. And Velma looks at the ground. She's like, don't know about that, chief. So they start walking behold start walking down his creepy hallway that apparently the Civil Wars guy made.
01:08:20
Speaker
The Confederates. The fucking Brian haters. Yeah, Brian haters. The bad bo the bad guys. Oh, it's Timon, not Simone. Yeah.
01:08:32
Speaker
James Earl Jones voiced Mufasa? Yeah. I didn't know that. i mean, look at fucking Brian, right? Oh, yeah. He's hot.
01:08:47
Speaker
So Velma sees some footprints. She's like, let's go this way because there's a fork in the road and it leads to a big ass door. They open the door. Shout out, Brian. Shout Brian. Do you think that people people think, like like people who are racist, do you think that they have ah racism problems towards black people because James Earl Jones is a black man and voiced one of the most famous villains of all time?
01:09:13
Speaker
Sounds like a conspiracy, but I could see it. I just thought of it just now looking at James Earl Jones' fucking cute face. He's like...
01:09:23
Speaker
Exactly. Yeah. So find big ass door in at least a voodoo room.
01:09:32
Speaker
And, uh, what the fuck I write in the film? Like, why don't you ask? That's what wrote. I don't know. It happens to me too. I get it. don't know. Yeah. know what wrote either. Oh, Velma asked Lena about the fucking footprints that she saw because she can clearly see that Simone wasn't dragged. She walked down the tunnel.
01:09:52
Speaker
Yeah. And you, the viewer can also clearly see it because there's two sets of footprints. Yeah. So Simone's like pulling on this jawbridge chain. Yes, she is. And like opening my chain.
01:10:04
Speaker
Yeah. Opening this fucking little hatch up here. So, cause I'm trying to get in her hatch. That's exactly right. She lets the moonlight in and then she grabs the fucking voodoo dolls the Daphne and Velma throws them against a wall. Lena grabs Fred slams him against the wall.
01:10:21
Speaker
we find out that there's one of Bo. Bo gets fucking chucked into the wall. And he's sitting next to her. Yeah. He's getting sitting next to fucking Frit. Right. And then the little dolls get wrapped up in rope so they can't move.
01:10:34
Speaker
Simone says that the harvest moon will reach the right area on this moon dial and the ceremony will begin. Daphne's like, you won't get away with it? She's like, getting away with it for 200 years.
01:10:46
Speaker
Then she transform kind of transforms into a cat-werewolf-beast thing. She's a furry. Yeah, she is. And Lena says they didn't even bother making dolls of Scooby and Shaggy because they're fucking retards.
01:10:57
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, that's fair. Fred's like, why are you doing this? And Simone says that every Harvey Moon... Harvey? Harvey. Steve Harvey. Shout out Steve Harvey. Shout Brian.
01:11:08
Speaker
out Big Lips. Shout out Big Teeth. and a Every Harvest Moon she has to suck the life out of some motherfuckers to keep her immortality.
01:11:19
Speaker
That's fair. You cut to Scooby and Shaggy and they're fucking running, and running. yeah And they get to the dock and see Jock and they're like, thanks for the help. He's like, doc yeah.
01:11:31
Speaker
And he's about to fucking slurp on my cock. Yeah, he is. then Jock's like, I'm happy to see you. And he transformed into a werecat. is that what we're calling it? A werecat? Seems fitting, right?
01:11:43
Speaker
don't what he is. I just, in my head, I was like, he's a furry. Cut back to the cave and Velma's like, I bet you're the one that found Morgan Moonscar's treasure. Then we get a backflash. Simone said that.
01:11:56
Speaker
Flashback. Backflash. Backshots. Yo. Count them up. We get a flashback and Simone's like, we are the group of settlers who made home on the island.
01:12:08
Speaker
We looked up to our cat god. For a bountiful harvest.
Climactic Battle and Resolution
01:12:13
Speaker
Yeah. And then a bunch of pirates showed up. Cat gods. Then a bunch of fucking pirates showed up. And we got raped. They didn't show up. They got raped.
01:12:21
Speaker
Definitely. We got raped. pillaged by pirates. You got raped. And they got shoved into the bayou except for Lena. This is a small fact. I didn't make that up. Right. Right. The only people that didn't get pushed into the bayou were Lena and herself.
01:12:33
Speaker
So they put a curse on the pirates to destroy them and they turned themselves into cat creatures so they killed all the pirates. and Then they found out that invoking the cat power just put a curse on them. Then a group of fucking pepper farmers pulled up, made the plantation. Yeah, with the slaves. Had slaves.
01:12:50
Speaker
Yep. And they made a bunch of fucking spicy peppers. So then they killed them to like, get the business and sock them. in the Civil War. Apparently fought in the Civil War. the wrong side.
01:13:01
Speaker
And Daphne's like, oh wait, the zombies aren't the villains, even though they were back in the day. But I guess now they're okay. They're trying to warn them. They're like, hey. We know it's coming.
01:13:12
Speaker
said that ah they gave Jack immortality. Jack. Jacques. Because they need a fucking fairy driver. Come back to Shaggy and s Scooby and they're fucking choked out by Jacques. There you go.
01:13:24
Speaker
Then a bunch of zombies pull up start choking on Jacques. Take his ass down. Scooby and Shaggy run away. Look, this is the question, right? Do you want to get sucked off one time?
01:13:35
Speaker
But it's like the sucking of a lifetime that you die afterwards or do you want get like, you know, an average to good sucking as many times as you want and live your whole life out? That's really what it comes down to.
01:13:46
Speaker
I'm probably taking average to good. Yeah. don't really like it though. all the Me neither. All these people got fucking the sucking of a lifetime and then now they're just dead. They can't enjoy what life. Yeah. You know, the amenities of life like you sucked off sometimes.
01:14:01
Speaker
Right. Sometimes you don't. Sometimes you're so desperate you jerk off for no Pepsi can. It's just what it is. Sometimes you jerk off to like... Feel something. Dolphins, you know? i mean, I don't, get but that's personal preference. rat no So Simone said that they need to be fucking drained before the moon alignment is fucked up. Yeah, milk me.
01:14:22
Speaker
So Scooby Shaggy pull up and they grab him. They're kind of sucking him off real good. And then ah they knock the voodoo dolls down.
01:14:34
Speaker
next to some fire and everybody fucking sweating and shit. They're melting. They're straight melting. Yeah. Simone and Lena do their full transformation now. they're buff cat women. And Velma grabs her own fucking doll. Yeah. Velma grabs her own fucking rope.
01:14:49
Speaker
Her own fucking rope? Her own fucking doll. You're a mini-me. Yeah. And starts, like, trying to unwrap herself. you think I'm hog-tied. Yeah.
01:15:00
Speaker
But Simone and Lena grabs Scooby and Shaggy, and the zombies attack Simone and Lena. i put And they start shagging. i don't know. Or shagging.
01:15:10
Speaker
yeah Scooby launched... s Scooby Shaggy get launched into the fucking stratosphere and fall back right down into a zombie's lap because they were on a bench that Simone and Lena got launched onto.
01:15:26
Speaker
They run off again, but Jacques corners them, but Velma gets her wrappings off and frees everybody. So Shaggy finds... some hot peppers and squeezes them shits right in the jock's eyeballs.
01:15:39
Speaker
Good move. Smart thinking. Yeah. Simone grabs Scooby and Shaggy and starts sucking them off again, but they get thrown into the wall because Velma turned voodoo dolls into them because they found a little fucking piece of their clothing laying on the ground. Yeah, he did.
01:15:56
Speaker
So then Simone and Pumbaa start pulling up on them again. But then all of a sudden, Jacques, Lena, and Simone start burning up because it's past the midnight on the moon dial.
01:16:08
Speaker
they get turned in into we nothing. lost They get fucking Thanos snapped. Yeah, they did. So they just pile, like, turn into a pile of bones and explode. So do the zombies, but a little Confederate soldier ghost that was in the mirror pops up and says, thank you.
01:16:24
Speaker
Cause now he's free, free to have slaves in the afterlife. They've been avenged. Yeah. Daphne's like, I got nothing for my show now. And Velma's like, yeah, the police probably won't believe you either. And then out of nowhere, Bo just fucking pulls his piece out. And he's like, yo, I'm a cop.
01:16:44
Speaker
well It's like, I'm investigating the, uh, The island's disappearances. And that's why he was digging around all these big assholes. But he's like, i don't think anybody's going to believe me either. So that's a problem. He was digging up dead bodies to fuck them. out Poughkeepsie tapes.
01:17:00
Speaker
But then Daphne's kind of staring him down. He's like, you ever been on TV, huh? Yeah, you look good. Yeah. Daphne's like, hey. You're big and buff. Yeah. You're white.
01:17:11
Speaker
Yeah. Daphne's like, hey, without all the zombies and cat people, it's kind of romantic. And Fred's just kind of like, yeah, just suck my dick already. Come on, babe. And Bo's kind of flirting with Velma. He's like, I want to be a like a detective writer. And she's like, I
Romantic Tensions and Reflections
01:17:24
Speaker
own my own bookshop. um You can fuck me in the library. huh Yeah. Fuck me while I'm reading about myself. I'm a narcissist. I can flick my pages. You know what mean? Yeah. You want to fucking flick me, dude?
01:17:37
Speaker
Shaggy drives the van up onto the ferry. Scoops up a bunch of peppers. Scooby gets launched into the van because gets scared. And then Big Mona, the fucking catfish, appears.
01:17:51
Speaker
Gooby did not get launched in the van because he gets scared. He got fucking... he was picking the peppers. I'm yo, we're leaving, dog. Let's go. and he gets Oh, they jumped in? He gets his fucking leg stuck in the in the post of like the dock and then like fucking slingshot. Oh, I must have been looking i must have been writing the notes. Yeah.
01:18:07
Speaker
But he's in the fucking van. And it scares away Big Mona again and snake that bite. Yeah, snake bite. Mark Hamill gets fucking pissed. And Shaggy's like, hey, i got some fucking sandwiches for you. We're not going to deal with cats. but they So they put some hot peppers in a sandwich. About to bite that bitch. We're going have bunch of fucking cats. And her eyes start glowing. And we get fucking zoom in on Scooby's face. And the movie ends. That's the fucking Confederates and the fucking cats now.
01:18:34
Speaker
Wow. So we now we got racist cats? We racist cats. My cats are definitely racist. Yeah, mine too probably. my cat I mean, my cats, my Twix definitely hates men. Just what it is. And that's Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island. Yeah, it is. Did I already do this or no?
01:18:53
Speaker
What are you giving this out of a fucking stars? Out of a fucking stars? I'm gonna give it like a three and a half. That's valid. It's good. It's valid. You think this is better than Cyberchase?
01:19:05
Speaker
I don't know. Haven't seen Cyberchase in a long time. I just remember what like as a kid, that was like my go-to, was that movie. But I'm curious to revisit it and see how it holds up today. This was the start, and Cyberchase was the end of the fucking quadrilogy.
01:19:20
Speaker
The quadrilogy were a big fucking word. I like when you big words. Fucking flicked my shit. You might actually like Witch's Ghost a lot more, because it's... um
01:19:30
Speaker
It's like very Halloween. It's a good Halloween movie. And the Hex Girls. That's the introduction of the Hex Girls. i don't know what any that means, actually. Some badass bitches that you're trying to pipe down. I'm trying to pipe down. yeah any bad bitch, you can fucking yeah take it. Goth bitch.
01:19:46
Speaker
If you're a bad bitch in general. Goth bitches, get yeah, obviously, you get some extra cred. ah So it might be nostalgia for me because this is like my favorite Scooby-Doo movie of all time.
01:19:57
Speaker
But for me, it's a five-star movie. It just, ah this is the first time that we've ever seen like the monsters are real in this fucking situation, you know? That is a cool angle. Yeah. that this All four of these movies, ah the zombies are real, the witch is real, the aliens are real, and I guess real i guess the fucking virus is real.
01:20:18
Speaker
What, Corona? No, the Phantom Virus from Cyberchase. Oh, okay. I haven't seen it a long time. i don't know. Yeah, but it's a five star for me. If you don't agree, that's fine. It's probably nostalgia.
01:20:30
Speaker
That's fine too. We're allowed to have our childhood movies. Yeah, it's subjective. Who gives a shit? Sure.
01:20:38
Speaker
Well, I'm glad you don't hate it I
Podcast Promotion and Conclusion
01:20:40
Speaker
was going to hate it. I don't know. I don't know if this, i don't know if this would fit the horror bracket to be honest with you. Just based on what we're doing. Yeah, I remember it being a lot.
01:20:49
Speaker
Like if you're a kid, this is probably fucking scary as shit. yeah Yeah, I mean, i yeah. I was no i was just having, like, I just couldn't watch anything as a child. So I just, don't I don't know. All I have is my is my experience as an adult.
01:21:02
Speaker
Right. The first time I was truly fucking terrified when we saw it. But we talked about that in that episode. So that's why. I pulled you in. You fucking wrote me in and milked me out. i don't know what that means, but you can figure that part out.
01:21:14
Speaker
I'll write all over you. seed I would love that. I want you to write in cum my name or something. I don't know. i'm going to I'm going to get your name tattooed on me with ink infused with your cum. You're gonna mix ink with cum?
01:21:29
Speaker
Yeah. I'll i find the guy. did Why does ink – why is it not getting – why is it not getting infected or you can get infected? I mean, it the only it's not the ink that infects you, but like it's an open wound. Yeah, it's an open crevice.
01:21:42
Speaker
So that's how it gets infected, but I don't know, probably years and years of fine-tuning. And some people just can't resist open crevices, you know what I mean? i i guessed um yeah I'll bust a nut in any open wound I find. I'll fuck the hole if it's big enough.
01:21:57
Speaker
Right. Shout out the sadness. Yeah. I guess we should do one more. lu plug My fucking ass. So follow us on Instagram, TwoGuysOneScreenPod. Send any comments, concerns, movie requests to TwoGuysOneScreenPod at gmail.com. Get your request reviewed.
01:22:15
Speaker
I think Jake's going to be that we didn't fucking review his movie yet. Fuck off, Jake. We hear from Jake every day. You know i mean? ah You're right. He did email the pod. Yeah.
01:22:27
Speaker
potty waddy uh follow us on youtube tiktok follow us individually letterboxd tiktok fucking took down my post so yeah we got fucking it was funny hilarious don't know sorry probably the first five minutes of penis
01:22:46
Speaker
yeah but you're like i think eventually right i mean it wasn't like it was a hype but i'm not i'm not gonna lie on the uh You can look at your statistics on Instagram. Yeah. And the total view, like the average amount of view was five seconds. And I counted it. That's right after I said, I want to see your penis.
01:23:05
Speaker
Yeah. But mean, how many of our, the average stop point on all the videos, you know what i mean? Cause it's true. I got to look into it. The same thing happens on a lot of the YouTube ones, but we were getting a hell of views. So I guess, yeah, it's, I don't know. I don't know anymore.
01:23:21
Speaker
Yeah. I don't know anymore. ah Go listen to our... Oh, send us a voicemail. 508-8-5-0. 508-8-6-minute limit. And that'll get your movie requested even higher on the list when we have fucking time.
01:23:36
Speaker
Crop straight to the top. Spoiler alert. We're getting real close to start recording our Christmas movies.
01:23:44
Speaker
That's true. And it's only September. It's only September, but we're going to be busy in December. And I don't know when this is coming out exactly, but at some point coming out. Yeah. And then speaking of coming out, you should come out of the closet and listen to our physical media podcast.
01:24:02
Speaker
Yeah. You want it respectfully. I'm waiting. Yeah. We tell you all the movies that we buy physically. we tell you all our fucking desires. Yeah.
01:24:13
Speaker
Pretty much. Pretty much. And I mean, if we haven't said it here, we say it over there. Yeah, and if you don't know by now, I'm trying to see someone's peace. Nick's trying to get sexed man to man.
01:24:24
Speaker
Exactly. Yep. Fact. Fact of life. It's how it is. um Well, whenever this comes out, it comes out. And we'll see you guys next week.
01:24:35
Speaker
Toodles. Fuck you, Mark. You little bitch.