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EP. 101 Dope (2015)
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Transcript
Opening Banter and Crude Humor
00:00:00
Speaker
I want to play football. Have you seen my dick? been looking for it.
00:00:07
Speaker
Sir, I'm going to rub one out right here on your counter.
00:00:11
Speaker
We cut to Mike, who delivers meat on his bicycle.
00:00:16
Speaker
I'm rinsing your girl out, bud.
00:00:23
Speaker
Hello, my name is Nick, and I have shaft hair.
00:00:27
Speaker
Call me Odell Beckham Senior, because I'm dad.
00:00:34
Speaker
want me to lick your bedpan, filthy skunk? We're just joking.
Introduction to the Podcast and Hosts
00:00:42
Speaker
Everything's jokes.
00:00:47
Speaker
Two girls, one cup? No. Two guys, one screen? Yes. Hello and welcome to episode 101 of the Two Guys One Screen podcast. The Hemorrhoid Homies, the Hindi Homos, the Poetown Boys, the BTNs.
00:01:05
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, shit. No. No. He ain't fucking it.
Podcast Chat and Soundboard Expansion
00:01:10
Speaker
Welcome to NaMe Month. Yeah, mean, did you see the name of the chat, by the way? No, ah ah I can't see it anymore. Can you see it in the URL? Yeah.
00:01:21
Speaker
No. So I downloaded like the, I downloaded Zencaster as a, let me send you a picture of what I named the, what I named the,
00:01:32
Speaker
okay. I just sent it to you on snap. This is great podcasting. Anyways, welcome to not me month. We have a couple of things to talk about before we get into the recording.
00:01:44
Speaker
Uh, That's where the so firstly, ah we figured out an extended soundboard. It's been, I don't know, probably like 30 or 40 episodes of us should be like, oh, I don't have enough space in the soundboard. Well, now we got tons of space. Unlimited amounts. it's It seems like it's never going to end.
00:02:05
Speaker
got got got got and like not that it matters to you people uh but it's going to be a lot easier to edit it because we used to have to have a whole separate audio layer of just the sound layer like an auger yeah but now it's like on nick's audio audio and then i can and then i also can do this what we're not going to for the people over there on patreon but whenever i say something crazy like you're a fuck It's going to bleep Auto bleeps. It's great. Yeah, but we can't use that one because we have to keep it on center for Patreon. And what I just said, unfortunately, will never be ah renewed, restored, saved. See, I can't even hear it. So like, yeah, it's gone. It's gone in the wind. It's gone.
00:02:49
Speaker
It's over. But if you want to know what I said, I said ****.
00:02:54
Speaker
Are you doing some lip reading over there? Yeah, I read that one. ouch Okay. not Yeah.
Cultural Topics and Movie Review Setup
00:03:04
Speaker
so Black History Month.
00:03:06
Speaker
We're in Black case History Month. and my birth My birth month. Your month of birth. ah What... When is this coming out? The third? oh So this is coming out, and then in between this and the next episode, you're having a birthday.
00:03:20
Speaker
In the Super Bowl. In the Super Bowl, and we will not, and we will not, I mean, maybe we will. whenever hope By time what I got you for your birthday gets to, I don't know there's going to a recording even in the month of February because it's so fucking short.
00:03:35
Speaker
It's true. You know? So yeah eventually you'll hear Gerald open. Maybe it'll be there in time for the Friday the 13th recording. We got two this month, we just found out. Yeah, and i didn't do I couldn't do math, no apparently.
00:03:48
Speaker
But you were like, wait, no. And I'm like, I'm looking at pictures. I'm looking at a calendar. I'm like, wait, my birthday's on a Sunday. How is it on a Friday? And then I was yeah like, oh, math. feel like I'm not mean with that math.
00:04:00
Speaker
That fucking math. um So we're here to record, um ah do a movie review for a film that Gerald has told me to watch, I don't know, probably since like...
00:04:12
Speaker
I think the first time that I visited you in the state of New Jersey, like I had never been to your your place before, was the first time you probably were like, yo, you need to check this movie out. Which is weird because I saw it around like release.
00:04:26
Speaker
So I don't know just where was. Yeah, I don't know. But you're movie's goaded. And I just like didn't have it for I just had never even heard of it, seen it. Odds are we're talking about black people. So I was like, yo, you ever see that movie Dope? Dope.
00:04:40
Speaker
I remember it as we were looking through your movie shelf and you're like, yo, you pull one off the shelf and you were like, yo, check this drawn out. Yeah, that would make sense. Which is one fact. I went to my limited movie shelf now. ah Apparently I didn't get it out of the storage unit. So I just had to watch it on Amazon prime.
00:04:58
Speaker
Oh, wow. It's unfortunate. Did you get, is your window fixed? No. That wouldn't close? that wouldn't close Or open? mean, it's up. I'm just really scared to roll it down.
00:05:10
Speaker
It's up and it's stuck. I think already think gar made that joke and I'm sorry, but I'm pretty sure. Yeah, it is. Anyways, so we're reviewing the movie Dope, a.k.a. Brian's Family Reunion.
00:05:23
Speaker
i mean, low-key, the main movie kind of looks like Brian if he didn't have a flat top. Yeah. Well, maybe at the end then? Yeah. Um, yeah yeah, There's a lot of, there's a lot of philosophical discussions moving on like, you know, why whites can't say the soft day and all sorts of, you know, thoughtful commentary that you want in a movie. But then, you know, there is some at the very end, like the last like two minutes.
00:05:46
Speaker
Sure. you know Yeah, you're right. It's actually, what do you think? I mean, before we, I'm sure we're going to into it, but this guy, Austin Jacoby, he's played by Roger Januver Smith.
00:05:57
Speaker
Um, is this This dude's not white?
00:06:03
Speaker
Who am I looking at? Jacoby. Austin Jacoby.
00:06:08
Speaker
He's Roger. Oh, smith that guy's not white. That guy looks like Del Curry, bro. a little bit. But like he walked in the office and he's like, yeah, I'm Austin Jacoby. I'm with the boys club. I'm like, you are a white dude.
00:06:21
Speaker
You're a white dude. He looked like god in the movie. He looked like a white dude. They got a little too tan in Florida yeah to me. Yeah. Me personally, but that's, know, that's whatever. Uh, are we going to, are we going say anything about Patreon?
00:06:34
Speaker
We'll say this about Patreon. We don't know if it's live or not yet, but, uh, we have a really great, uh, idea for one of the segments called. Oh, we can bleep that for the main and leave that Patreon.
00:06:47
Speaker
a I think it's a great, I think it's thingss a home run. Um, Gerald and I have been brainstorming a bunch, but we're going to record after this, the best censored moments on Patreon. And I have, I have stuff pulled that's from episode 12. So strap it in and strap it on. You know what I mean? I don't even remember what possibly episode 12 was.
00:07:06
Speaker
It was it. Um, but yeah, I used to have like the first like 20 episodes. Just, I just remembered all of them cause it was like the first 20 and now I have like, I don't know. i always forget cuckoo exists.
00:07:19
Speaker
I just don't want to like remember that movie in general. so Yeah.
Movie 'Dope' Themes and Characters
00:07:24
Speaker
um Anyways, were it's it's either out at this point. It's not out. I don't know. we have to record a new plug at some point when it is out.
00:07:33
Speaker
But it's coming. Yeah. um ah Hey, follow us on Instagram because when the first post goes live, it'll be over there letting you know.
00:07:44
Speaker
Yeah. Do you think they should ah also bleep this? They should...
00:07:50
Speaker
oh I mean, that would have worked, right? Yeah, maybe. not know speaking Speaking of them, ah you saw a movie last night. Who's them?
00:08:00
Speaker
you know what talking about. well I was going to save that for Patreon. Oh, really? Yeah, I didn't know. we I definitely should have before we started gonna do like a are we we're doing we're launching a series on... We're launching a lot of series on Patreon. We don't know which one's going to start first, but i have a guess.
00:08:19
Speaker
It's called Mixed Bag because... We're a little mixed. and the be And the show is a a variety. It's a variety show, I guess. It's going to be. We're going cover a plethora of things.
00:08:31
Speaker
But um anyways, that's what it's called. And we we're going to talk about some of the movies that we see that we don't talk about on this platform. ah And the movie Joe's referring to that I saw was called Primate at Alamo Drafthouse.
00:08:45
Speaker
And if you want to know i thought about it, go to the Patreon and listen to it. There you go That's where you're going to hear it. You're going to hear that and you're going to hear the best uncensored moments. so Or the best censored moments, sorry. that That was my idea. i we did not discuss this, but I think it's a good idea. No, that works.
00:09:00
Speaker
Yeah. Can you just say a little more such shit? I just...
00:09:10
Speaker
You gotta cut that. Okay. So the movie dope, uh, 2015, this is post nine 11 post Chris Benoit. This is far beyond post our high school graduation.
00:09:24
Speaker
We graduated 2016, bud. I said, Oh yeah. Pre sorry. Um, But 2015, we're like right in the middle of, hey, it's really bad to talk about Chris Benoit at all. We are like, WWE is actively trying to forget k Chris Benoit right now.
00:09:40
Speaker
I mean, they's still they're still not talking about him, but like people will talk about him like on podcasts and I'm like, are you allowed to say that since you're like under contract or what? Yeah, yeah, that's fair.
In-depth Analysis of 'Dope'
00:09:52
Speaker
ah It's directed by Rick Famu...
00:09:59
Speaker
How do you think? What is this? Famu Ewa? It's actually ah actually. It's not housing. No, it's actually ah Rick Wakanda. That's what it was. Oh, my God.
00:10:13
Speaker
know But this guy, like. It says he helped write the Mandalorian, which that hey.
00:10:23
Speaker
Mandalorian season one. That's what I've seen. Pretty good. He also directed a movie called Brown Sugar. What do you think that's about? I'll let you guys guess. um So ah that's him. And here's your here's your cast.
00:10:38
Speaker
We got Shameik Moore, who plays Malcolm. I think he's now most and they'll be known for being the voice actor of Miles Morales in the Spider-Verse franchise. i yeah didn't even I didn't even know that.
00:10:50
Speaker
I didn't either. I just read it just now. yeah Yeah. Apparently he's in Venom too. He is in Venom. ah Who is... How far down... How far is he in? He's deep. He's knee deep in Venom.
00:11:07
Speaker
ah Are we fucking this dude? ah Maybe not in the movie, but like this picture, it's kind of... He looks like T-Pain in this picture.
00:11:17
Speaker
Yo, 100%. Baby girl. ah I'm like going to pop bubbly or something with this guy, you know? I'm going to say I'm not fucking him, but everybody in this movie wants to fuck him.
00:11:28
Speaker
That's true. I'd hang out with him. Big.
00:11:33
Speaker
He ain't fucking it. Next, we got Zoe Kravitz, who plays Nakia, and they just didn't say her name for like almost 95% of the movie. So that shit pissed me off big. Isn't it Nakia?
00:11:47
Speaker
Whatever. i What's the camera? Nokia? Yes. Is it Nakia? I think so. Daughter of ah Lenny Kravitz. Yeah, and was Catwoman.
00:12:00
Speaker
And also was somebody in X-Men. I don't actually know who she was in X-Men, be honest. She's in a lot. Zoe Kravitz was Angel Salvador. Who is that? I
Humor and Cultural Commentary in 'Dope'
00:12:10
Speaker
don't know. She's in all the fantastic beasts. We sucks.
00:12:15
Speaker
ah I mean, this is easy fucking it, no? Oh my God. This is what I want in a black woman right here. ah Yeah. We talked about the doink doink going away, but now the board is so big, we have levels to being fucked. Yeah. Yeah, maybe that's just how it is. Just what it's going to be now. Yeah, she's a fucking piece. Next, we got A$AP Rocky who plays Dom, a.k.a. Rakim Athelson Mayers.
00:12:44
Speaker
Perfectly known as A$AP Rocky. working I'm fucking A$AP Rocky. You're fucking him? Probably just yeah for the clout. i don't know. I like his music a lot. I guess I'm, I don't know.
00:12:56
Speaker
I'll give him the fucking it, but I don't know. Somebody shoved it in there. He's all right. I don't know. He doesn't blow me away. But he definitely was going to blow some people away in this movie for sure. Yeah, he was. Right there. Next, we got Kiersey Clemens. I, okay, 93.
00:13:17
Speaker
Well, I'm just worried about the age in the movie.
00:13:23
Speaker
Am I wrong? I guess I'm wrong on that. 2016 minus 19. no tiny yeah I was giving her a bad. Oh, she was of age Yeah, because if we were born in 98 and we turned 18 2016.
00:13:36
Speaker
yeah i mean I mean, even though she's a dyke, I'd fuck her. Yeah, probably. like you got keep She's got to keep the hat on. Something about it. Yeah. yeah Somebody shoved it in there. She plays Diggy.
00:13:50
Speaker
Next we have Tony Revolori who plays Jib. I'm telling you, this guy should not be saying the N-word. I'm just saying, soft A, i just it does probably said it it just doesn't feel right.
00:14:01
Speaker
i would say go ahead But they also had a joke about him saying it in the movie. So it kind of worked. It kind of it kind of worked, yeah. I'm sure he's most known for being the bully in Tom Holland's Spider-Man for three movies.
00:14:14
Speaker
Yeah, but he's like barely in there. He was in Grand Budapest. i remember him in that. Uh... In Scream 7, or 6, I'm sorry. Scream 7's not out yet. Scream 6. Scream 6, he has a cameo. He dies in the first five minutes. Okay, I have yet to see Scream 6. Scream 6 sucks. So, fuck that movie. It sucks. And now that we have the buttons all the buttons back, where is it? That's the only question. Where did I put it?
00:14:42
Speaker
That was low as shit. We can make it louder. Let me just get the thing for thrower. We need ski mask in a movie. That'd be so cool. How is this one? That's good, right? That's way better, yeah. Alright, cool. Well, if that would be a way to the fucking garbage. They'd be like, yo, and he'd be like, ay-ay.
00:15:03
Speaker
Ay-ay.
00:15:06
Speaker
She's out here fucking drinking Sprite. Yeah. We want to have for dinner. State. State. I have no idea where Sprite. Sprite. There you go. Yeah. Oh, we also. All right. So next person on this fucking list.
00:15:21
Speaker
We got Blake Anderson, who is Will Sherwood. I'm going say this is definitely not fucking it, right? For sure.
00:15:31
Speaker
We're going to work on this. This is going to problem. Oh, he's in Scout's Guide. Love that movie. Scout's Guide is a good movie, yeah.
00:15:39
Speaker
He ain't fucking it. Next, we got... He ain't fucking it Chanel Iman, who plays Lily. I thought this was Rihanna for a minute. When they opened when they open the door, i was like, that Rihanna? You know what's crazy, though? She, like, just did a photo shoot. Her ass is fat.
00:15:56
Speaker
um You know? so we're definitely fucking her, right? You're going to stand under my dickhead. Dickhead. Hey. Okay. Yeah,
00:16:08
Speaker
she is. Um... yes she is um Next got Roger, Roger Genuver Smith who plays Austin Jacoby. This guy is weird looking. i don't like it.
00:16:21
Speaker
I don't like it either, but he's in like everything. Can I tell you he's in some banger fuck? this is a a pretty banger lineup. He's in do the right thing, which is
Social Commentary and Narrative Twists
00:16:28
Speaker
awesome. He's in Malcolm X. Great movie. He's in, listen, we should do this next year for not me month. Deep cover.
00:16:35
Speaker
This looks like a deep cut. It is a deep cut, but it has a criterion and it's it's actually a very good movie. Is that Lawrence Fishburne? Yeah, he's a star of it. it's very he's He's young and he's drippy as fuck. He got nice nice little outfits on in this movie.
00:16:49
Speaker
Okay, I'm down. It's movie big. It's good. We should definitely do deep cover next year. He's also in Tales from the Hood. Tales from the Hood, a.k.a. a a five-star movie. I said what I said. That's probably also next year for Renami month.
00:17:01
Speaker
Oh, yeah, for sure. And then... He's in Dope, obviously. And then he's in King of New York, which I, it's a big deal. I haven't seen that yet. People make it, people are like, you haven't seen that? I'm like, no, I haven't seen it. There's movie called Bitch.
00:17:15
Speaker
Straight up Bitch. He's also an American gangster. Movie's slow as fuck. I can't get through it's so fucking boring. Yeah. and you And you would think with like the all-star cast, you'd be like, it's great. Russell Crowe. Like, come on. Yeah. Like, what are we what we talking about here?
00:17:32
Speaker
Um, I'm not fucking this guy. No, he's kind of, yeah, I don't like his, his, his jaw is too, like, he ain't fucking it. Very, very, he looks like handsome Squidward.
00:17:43
Speaker
yeah Yes. Light skinned, handsome Squidward. Yeah. I don't. All right. Well, that's also, I just, okay.
00:17:54
Speaker
Um, we got Lakeith Stanfield who plays Burk. yeah Who are you? I'm a fucking Bug. I don't know but i don't know who a Bug even is in this movie. who's Who would Bug be? The guy, the bully, maybe?
00:18:04
Speaker
The shoe tech guy? yeah Is he? You got those J's on? I don't know. I guess. He's a pretty well-known actor, though. I just wanted to give him a shout-out, you know? I'd probably fuck him.
00:18:15
Speaker
Sure. Or was he the... What's up? Or was he the... Nah, he was definitely wasn't that guy. Post-100 movies, we're giving you all three buds. Got a good mix here.
00:18:27
Speaker
Now I have to say the soundboard because I just played the fuck. That sucks. from He was in Die My Love. He was in not mean that Homegirl was cheating on. Oh, shit. He was the affair. I mean, I would i would leave Robert Pattinson. No, I wouldn't. That's a lie. Robert Pattinson's very cute.
00:18:46
Speaker
Very cute guy. ah I guess we shout out Tyga because it's Tyga. Yeah, you know. He plays DeAndre. Rack City Big. Face tattoo big. um And then I just noticed that Forrest Whitaker is the narrator.
00:19:03
Speaker
So shout out to him. Shout Forrest Whitaker. And your fucking funky eye, bro. But... It's alright. I would fuck Forrest Whitaker for the clout. Yes. Big.
00:19:14
Speaker
Oh, Martha. Um... trick me random It should be random now. Dude, some guy's name is Tannehill. I thought it said Ryan Tannehill. I was like, what the fuck? That's going to crazy, Ryan Tannehill. Ryan Tannehill, what the fuck are you doing in movie, you white ass? He's like, ain't making it on the dolphins. I got to get out.
00:19:32
Speaker
um I'm about to live on the streets. I'm about to see what it's like out here. um Yeah, so you know if you're new to this fucking podcast, welcome.
Witty Banter and Movie Insights
00:19:43
Speaker
ah We do a scene-by-scene for most movies that aren't releasing in the in the year, but lucky for you, nothing's coming out until Scream 7, so that's it.
00:19:53
Speaker
You can have that and put it your pooper. ah Yeah, strap in, strap on, sit back, relax, get
00:20:05
Speaker
get the glock what were say get some get some kfc yeah gallon kool-aid you can buy like a fucking you can buy like i forgot popeyes you can buy like 50 or 30 something biscuits at a time oh my god you can buy you can buy cool by the gallon they're not kool-aid but some kind of shit like that i'm telling probably high c no high c is the white kool-aid is it not
00:20:32
Speaker
Yeah. Well, no, there's like levels to it, right? You got Kool-Aid. Then you got like the white trash people drink a high C and then you got like the higher up people. They drink in Capri Sun. Capri Sun is for rich white people. i You're right.
00:20:46
Speaker
I just want to see. i just want to see if if I'm right if I'm right about this, because I I went to I went to the Popeye's once in Poe Town. was like, no way you can buy a whole ass gallon of this shit.
00:20:59
Speaker
Is this a hot take? Popeye's sucks. I'm a little hot. I like Popeye's. i don't think they suck. ah Maybe it's, I don't like the, uh, what is it? The Louisiana style spices and shit. They use in, you know, that like the Colonel.
00:21:12
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. He's, he does a good job, bro. He has some, yeah, but at least Popeye's is probably made by black people, right? Like Colonel Sanders is a little racist, right? Uh, I mean, he definitely had slaves. I mean, yeah, he's definitely not a good, he's not a good guy. Uh,
00:21:30
Speaker
Where do got the recipe from?
00:21:34
Speaker
He heard him sing about in the field. That's not good. One spice, two spice, three spice, four. o Oh, no. ah This movie opens with the definition of dope.
00:21:51
Speaker
If you are curious what it is, I have it right here. Get out of here. I just updated to iOS 26. Fucking gay. You'll get used to it, I promise. First definition of dope. A noun.
00:22:03
Speaker
A drug and taken illegally for re recreational purposes. Second definition. A noun. A stupid person. A.K.A. Jake. um The third definition. Slang.
00:22:16
Speaker
Excellent. Used as a generalized term of approval. That's dope. Yeah, i mean... ah So you get that first. And then there's a couple of credits, but I honestly don't remember exactly what happened, but I wrote black people shit.
00:22:33
Speaker
i
00:22:36
Speaker
A lot of stereotypes of this movie. Big. A lot of just like filming the sights and sounds around ah where they live, which is i have a written Darby Dixon, California.
00:22:48
Speaker
In the bottoms. And we we meet Malcolm. And he is a I think they call him a wigger. You know. He's a white ah white black guy. yeah As white as they come.
00:23:01
Speaker
And he lives with his mom. And the narrator tells us that his dad left a long time ago. And he only has one gift from his. One memory of his father. Which is a Superfly album. ah And he's trying to tell his mother about Bitcoin. Keep that in the back of your head.
00:23:16
Speaker
um damn was this like this one it was like popping off for the first time probably i mean gone yeah it sounds about right um but he's a geek and uh we see him riding his bike and i wrote that he's looking at a hot nah mean but this is uh nakia um she's a hot not mean somebody stole my kia um No, Kia. likeia um Shout out to the Kia boys. I shouldn't shout them out. That's fucking horrible.
00:23:47
Speaker
Who are they? What? The Kia boys are like a notorious group. ah I think they're based at New York City. They just are very good at just jacking Kias. Oh, that's not good. They just know how to like hide like remote start or whatever without a key.
00:24:02
Speaker
That's fucked up. And just steal your shit. Yeah. I think Kia should probably like fix that, huh? They probably should. You're probably right. you know I mean, that makes a lot of sense. um we meet his friends who are Jib and Diggy.
00:24:17
Speaker
little sus right there. Real sus. Got make sure you really emphasize the D. Diggy. um what Yo, what's up, my Diggy? Yo. That's crazy.
00:24:28
Speaker
The narrator tells us that they're obsessed with 90s rap culture and using their slang like the word whack. And they tell us this has no... It doesn't mean shit for the rest of the movie, but they they they go of their way to tell us Diggy's a lesbian.
00:24:43
Speaker
um You couldn't tell by the way she looks. Not that it matters, but like she's a lesbian. She does that lap dance later. That's true. And it is funny that her they say her grandma takes her to church to pray the gay away.
00:24:56
Speaker
And that shit isn't going to work, bro. So that's unfortunate. It's mental disease. Just let them fuck who they want to fuck. Like, who cares? It doesn't matter. It really doesn't. really does not matter. So they live in the bottoms, like I said. And the narrator tells us a bad day.
00:25:15
Speaker
Live in the bottoms, getting shot. So... ah I mean, what I wrote is, i mean, this is just. You going to say it or no? Yeah, it's just like, why did I write it like this? ah I wrote bad day getting killed like this. Nah, I'm mean Jimmy.
00:25:33
Speaker
but This guy, Jimmy, he was at a burger place and he got shot for no reason, really. They were like robbing the burger place.
00:25:44
Speaker
Right. Bang, bang. He got shot. Bang, bang, dead. And he had a nice comic collection. He was also a geek, a.k.a. a wigger. um And then they talk about this one random guy who does not matter to the story at all. That's trying to like beg Jimmy's mom for the comic book because she won't give it to him.
00:26:01
Speaker
ah Oh, Jake's calling. Let's take this call. Jake, you're live on the podcast. I'm live on the podcast? We're recording the first episode of Nah, Meme Month.
00:26:13
Speaker
Oh, boy. And tell everybody tell everybody why you were not on the previous episode Silence of the Lambs, Jake. Tell them yourself. I didn't want to. That's bullshit. Tell them the real reason. That is the real reason.
00:26:24
Speaker
You told me you didn't want to pay to to rent one because it wasn't streaming. Yeah, therefore, I didn't want Oh, okay. Yeah, you this is a cover-up big, no? Hey, man.
00:26:36
Speaker
It's got to be. You know, let me if it if I may. Go ahead, babe. How come you haven't told the podcast yet that you think Brad Pitt and What's-His-Face are the same person?
00:26:47
Speaker
Val Kilmer, RIP. yeah how come you haven't told them that I mean, I guess it's just never come up. And i we haven't covered a Brad Pitt movie yet. We are going to cover a Val Kilmer movie at some point very soon. um Stay tuned.
00:27:01
Speaker
But, yeah, you know, I do think they're more or less the same person. Yeah, big. And also, you've been on this. mental
00:27:10
Speaker
Bro, I don't think Bloods are real. That's you. Bloods are real, bro. Stay in this movie, dawg. Also, we're covering Bloods in this fucking movie like Gerald just pointed out. So that's valid.
00:27:21
Speaker
blood is Bloods are real. No, shoot you fucking dead. yeah know what I mean? have a suggestion for Horror Month. Oh, we're in January, but let's hear it. The Leprechaun movies.
00:27:33
Speaker
Fuck no. We're not doing all of them. Absolutely not. How about two? You want us to do two Leprechaun movies in Horror Month? No, I want you to do The Leprechaun 2.
00:27:44
Speaker
Have you seen The Leprechaun 2? Yeah. And you like it? Yeah. Damn. yeah So do you why do you like the second one more than the first one? Well, to be honest with you, I've only seen the second one. Well, the first one has Jennifer Aniston in it. She's a piece. Oh, hold on. Wait second. Before Friends.
00:28:06
Speaker
Yeah, Before Friends Jennifer Aniston.
00:28:09
Speaker
Oh, see, I might change my on that one then. No, go ahead. Especially if you call in, we'll do your request. and i don't think you i don't think you would change your mind because dude i mean that movie is fucking garbage it's horrible yeah we probably won't be doing that jake but also you know it's fun go ahead what's up what do you guys say no go ahead no it's just you know just the whole thing that especially if you call in we'll do your request ah You know, I call in with a request and it gets vetoed.
00:28:39
Speaker
Well, you didn't call in with – no, no, no, no. You don't get that. You did not know we were recording right now. You were going to call and I was going to say, what's up? You were going to go, hey, babe, we're going to bullshit for next fucking 30 minutes. This is not going to be a, hey, you should do this for the podcast, okay? I'm not going to let you do that.
00:28:54
Speaker
If we're going to do that, we're going to do it for St. Patrick's Day. Yeah, we Gerald said –
00:29:02
Speaker
gerald said Gerald said that we might do like the leprechaun for St. Patrick's Day. Okay. A.k.a. the holiday of my ancestors. There you go. Yes. um But what I was going to say is that you come on this on this podcast now and you tell me, oh, why did you say this in the podcast yet? It's because, i don't know, you've been on this podcast, I would say, four or five times between phone calls and being on the podcast. And not once have you brought it up, but it's my fault.
00:29:32
Speaker
It's our podcast. Our. That's fucked up, dude. Gerald and Our. Yeah. and I mean, it's definitely not your podcast. Hey, you should do Top Gun.
00:29:43
Speaker
Top Gun. Another request from Jake. Top Gun. Yeah. love movie. Have you seen Top Gun Maverick? Yes, sir. Is it good? I liked it. I haven't seen it either yet. I don't really like Top Gun that much. Yeah, I think Top Gun's kind of mid.
00:29:59
Speaker
It's kind of overrated. That's a hot take. Gerald both think that. um so very odd take Yeah, I think a lot of people love Top Gun, but i think people actually like Top Gun Maverick more than Top Gun. It's probably Nostalgia Goggles.
00:30:14
Speaker
No, i mean I mean, I feel like I see online a lot of people being like Top Gun Maverick's like the better of the two movies. I'll have to watch it then. What do you mean it flopped twice? nice what do i mean it flopped twice Wait, why did they re-release Snow White again in November?
00:30:31
Speaker
For what reason? That's it. And then they released it again when? Now? Are you talking about when the movie came out when Gerald and covered it? what you're talking about?
00:30:45
Speaker
money that's it and then they released it again one now think they released it mother's day and thanksgiving and it was loable are you talking about when the movie came out when gerald and i covered it is that what you're talking about this this what's What is this? what What are we talking about? When did our Snowvocaine episode come out?
00:31:04
Speaker
ah That was our first episode when I moved back. So probably like April. Am I still on the podcast? Or is this all getting cut? I mean, it's probably going get cut, but you're still in the podcast as far as you're concerned.
00:31:15
Speaker
Yeah, for your your your voice is being recorded. I would just say that. Yeah, I'm kind of shocked you haven't hung up yet. No, I don't consent.
00:31:27
Speaker
I mean, if you want to sit here and listen me talk about the scene by scene, you can do that. Because i know I know you have like a fucking 40-minute drive home and you're looking for some time to kill. That's all it is. I'm already home.
00:31:38
Speaker
You're home? i was just I was just calling to talk to my friend. i See, he does this. He does this kind shit. ah The movie was released on March 21st. I was just calling say howdy to my friend. And then it got really late in spring. So we're a little off. that Gerald talks to you more than I do?
00:31:56
Speaker
Yeah, for sure how is it for sure. What do you mean for sure? i call, you don't answer. called you Saturday. I called you Saturday. What a good, honest young man.
00:32:09
Speaker
professional career should be in bed and you're out there gallivanting with your hoodlums i am ones i am uh i don't even well besides just the striped slander you just said i will tell you this that i called you on friday or saturday night and you didn't even have a decency to call me back i had to call you again the next day and you were like yeah i was asleep and then and yeah And you know what you were doing? That you couldn't come back? You were just sitting on your couch shoving chili down your throat.
00:32:42
Speaker
That's what you were doing. And while you were just like, nom, nom, nom. Oh, I should call my friend Nick Beck. Never mind. What kind of chili, though? Was it homemade? I just said chili because I feel like Jake always tells me making chili. I don't know. I have no idea.
00:32:55
Speaker
That was just to be funny. You've never made chili before? Oh, he does. You know what he's big on? He does the sausage, rice, and beans. Okay. yeah he like He loves that. Yeah, it's big. He cooks it for the whole week. Meal preps it. It's Meal preps just sausage. did whatever you down here You can make me some chili.
00:33:13
Speaker
Chili's hard make, Jake. Do you want the Banners recipe? Yeah, sure. Why not? don't I can that on the podcast. Can I say that? You definitely can't say that because that's like, you know. That I still have the recipe?
00:33:25
Speaker
Yeah. That's like, you know. recipe i didn't write it. Absolutely not. giving away the Coca-Cola recipe. Wow, that's very generous of you to say that, Gerald. ah um Okay, well, we enjoyed having in the podcast and look forward to hearing your dumbass voice later on.
00:33:40
Speaker
Goodbye.
00:33:44
Speaker
Well, that was a turn. Well, that's getting all cut. I can't believe he was like, i can't believe who was like yeah, I talked to Joe when I talked to you. i got thought That's not even true. It's definitely not true. um Also, he doesn't call me back. So, Jake, fuck you.
00:33:57
Speaker
ah What were you even talking about? don't fucking know. We didn't get far. Crazy Gateway. And then getting killed at the non-meme burger place. And then, oh yeah. So the three of these motherfuckers are geeks. They get good grades.
00:34:10
Speaker
And the three of them are in this band called Oreo. I mean, that's crazy. but Did you see the way it was spelt later in the movie? No. It was like aw and then like re-o.
00:34:21
Speaker
But like A-W-W-R-E-H-O-W.
00:34:25
Speaker
Just to be different? I guess. We'll guess. As if you couldn't be different enough. Right. You got a a dyke and illegal and a non-mean. are we talking about?
00:34:36
Speaker
Yeah. rat Sorry. Just kidding. um So this first song they perform sucks. I mean, it's it's really, really, really bad.
00:34:47
Speaker
And it didn't help that like the lip syncing was also really bad. Yeah. Oh, horrible. this was trash. um And there was this one part where were like they were like, can't fuck my hood. And it's like, are you talking about your are you talking about your uncircumcised cock, bro? Like, what are we talking about? But, like, you're not even, like, you're not like that, right? Like, you're not, like, a gangster or anything. so why are you talking about that's your That's fair.
00:35:11
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Yo, I'm in my bed studying. No, straight stroking it. They showed him stroking it twice. Yeah. Big goon vibes in this movie. This guy was gooning Big.
00:35:22
Speaker
Big. A lot of titty and just like nudeness that I, nudity, not nudeness. Nudity I just didn't expect to see. Yeah. I kind of forgot that there was nudity in this movie, ah but they did it right.
00:35:36
Speaker
They did it right for sure. And then we cut and I had a problem because I was trying to fast forward through the universal dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun.
00:35:48
Speaker
And it just... That was pretty good. And it just went to the it just went to this part. And I was like, is there a beginning of this movie? And then I hit the... chapter back, hour back, and then it just didn't, it just kept going back to this spot and I was like, is this the beginning of the movie? It just starts with bullying?
00:36:02
Speaker
yeah And then I'd do the slow rewind and I was like, oh, here's the whole other part about he's a nerd. I will say the soundtrack for this movie is fantastic. Is it? Yeah.
00:36:13
Speaker
It's alright. I feel like it was like mostly like the songs they were fucking singing this dead kind of gay ass shit. and Oh, they had like fucking Tribe Called Quest, Nas, like good ninety s rap.
00:36:25
Speaker
I'm happy you enjoyed it. I was just like, eh, it's whatever. But I'm just, I'm not a person talk to about music because I just don't have good. My movie knowledge and my music and my music knowledge are the complete opposite ends of the spectrum.
00:36:38
Speaker
I mean, my music knowledge is not great either. Yeah. For the past like three months, I've been listening to like two albums like on repeat. So that was the one nice thing about iOS 26. You can pin music.
00:36:50
Speaker
Yes. I started, I just did that last night. Big. And find find something in a different language, and sometimes you can translate it. Right. want to do a fucking Rammstein. Nope. Tried it. That was the first thing I went to. Doesn't work. it.
00:37:03
Speaker
I didn't get to that. Well, thank you for telling me, because now I know. um Also, it doesn't... I went to Babymetal, right? I'm like, because they're Japanese. it The way they translate it, they literally just translate it to how it's pronounced phonically, not the actual words.
00:37:20
Speaker
Oh. Yeah. And I'm like, I don't care about how to say it phonically. So they're like, they're telling you how to phonically pronounce like Japanese words. Yeah. well, that's dumb. Okay.
00:37:33
Speaker
Now that's the only band that I, or any music in general, like maybe if you go to bad bunny, it's probably translated, but like Gangnam Style. That was coming out about this time.
00:37:44
Speaker
Yeah. i mean, they were out. i think right here, they mentioned the Harlem shake. They did. Yes. That was a throwback big. um So they're, they get, they're just, they're literally just fucking bloods, right? Or they're Crips. Which one are they?
00:37:58
Speaker
They're bloods, know? The red ones are bloods. And they stop them for their shoes. And I'll be be honest. Malcolm is wearing some heat. He was wearing some fucking clean Jordan threes. Yeah, was. was like, okay. Yeah. Like I'd snatch, I'd snatch those. I mean, I don't have the balls to I don't have the balls to do it, but I would. Yeah. fucking pull my piece out and rob you. You know what mean? Like, give them shits to me.
00:38:21
Speaker
Um, retail, they're probably like two 19, but then aftermarket, whoa, whoa. I crazy on stock eggs. Yeah, they do. Uh, So they take off one shoe and then Malcolm makes a run for this one shoe and he bumps into security guard.
00:38:36
Speaker
um Oh, I forgot that. So I thought the bully was ASAP Rocky because I don't know what ASAP Rocky looks like. um And I wrote in the scene by scene, ASAP wants his sneakers ASAP, but it's but it's not ASAP. So it doesn't fucking matter. Yeah.
00:38:53
Speaker
The security guard, this bully's name is Marquise, and he tells, the security guard tells Marquise that he grew up with his daddy. He ain't scared at him. My fucker got a neck tattoo. What do you think he cares?
00:39:05
Speaker
Oh, the security guard? Yeah, this guy's definitely shot some people before. He's definitely reformed his life. ah We cut to... That's crazy. Like, they got, like... No, they have security they had security guards, like, when we were in high school, but, like, this guy was probably ready to, like, pop...
00:39:23
Speaker
they have like They have like the metal detector too or whatever it is. Yeah, metal detectors. Well, it's detecting. It was detecting his fucking drugs. I thought the dog did that. But it was still beep. What was it beeping for? he have a gun in there the whole time?
00:39:36
Speaker
Is that the surprise? Is that the surprise at the surprise to end when he like pulls the piece out to Marquis? yeah you're like, oh, fuck, he has gun on him? Well, yeah, because. Like, where'd you get that, little ninja? Dom put the molly and the gun in the bag.
00:39:51
Speaker
That's right. But what I'm saying is like, as the movie keeps going after that point, he they just leaves the he leaves the gun in there. I mean, at that point he probably had to write so many people are trying to get after him. Yeah. I mean, why not just tuck it in your pants?
00:40:03
Speaker
Right. But he doesn't know that he's young. He's an A student. Yeah. You guys, he's, he's, he's more from a, from a wigger into a, he holds it like this, you you know, he's not holding it sideways. No.
00:40:17
Speaker
I mean, he was holding, his hand was shaking. He was like in the, on the verge. I mean, I'd probably be, I'd probably be shaking if I held a gun too. don't know. He was shaking. it I was like, come on, you can do it. just out You got it. ah even I'll take it out of Yeah. degrees. you made, you're halfway there.
00:40:37
Speaker
ah So we cut and he's giving this teacher his essay on i one of Ice Cube's albums, I think, or tracks called Good Day. You know that song? Today was a good day.
00:40:50
Speaker
I've probably heard it. Yes. Yeah. And the teacher's not impressed, but Malcolm's like, well, then Neil deGrasse Tyson was talking about him. He's a non-mean. He's real smart intellectual and shit. But you don't care. ah And he's I see shit that Neil deGrasse Tyson says. I'm like, this guy full of shit or does he actually know his shit?
00:41:08
Speaker
I for somebody when he talks, I'm like, what do you have to say? I think I find him kind of interesting. No, he he's very interesting. But I'm like, how do you know all this? Like you're one of probably like you got to be the smartest person on the planet at this point.
00:41:21
Speaker
Yeah, like, you know, like some people, like probably you and I would like open a textbook. Maybe this I don't want to fucking do this. Just close it. Yeah. You know, he just would read the whole thing from front to back. Probably. If I had to guess. Probably.
00:41:33
Speaker
Yeah. He wouldn't be drawing the penises throughout the pages. That'd be us. And shout out to Zach for drawing a penis on my shoe in gym class. Hey, think i've already said on the podcast, but in case you're new and Zach you're listening, fuck you.
00:41:49
Speaker
No reason. Yeah. um No reason, but. Yeah. Fuck you. ah Anyway, so he's like, writes on more personal. though Malcolm's like, what? You want the generic fucking non-mean story? I got to go to Dollar Tree. Yeah. My daddy left. My daddy left. I can't afford anything. He's like, fucking everybody uses that.
00:42:07
Speaker
He's like, nah, man. And he has, he's trying to go to Harvard. So he has an alumni interview tomorrow with this guy named Austin Jacoby. AJ, we cut and they're Diggy and Malcolm and Jib are on their bikes going going home. And there's ah there's a fucking gang in the streets. They're shooting like a video of some kind.
00:42:34
Speaker
they have to go down a different road where like dope dealers live, I guess. All the dope dealers live on one street. i ah So this guy yells at Malcolm to come over. He's like, let me holler at you. He doesn't say that.
00:42:47
Speaker
but He definitely doesn't say that. But nope there's there's a word thrown in there. ah There's a lot of words thrown in a lot of places. A lot of dialogue we cannot say. Nope. Not okay. ah It's Dom. This is Dom.
00:43:01
Speaker
This is ASAP Rocky right here. ASAP Rocky. ah And... literally it's just a conversation about like, hey, what do you like? Who are you? What the fuck? Like, they're oh, like music from the 90s or whatever. And then he's like, yo, go talk to that that girl in that house and tell her that I want to talk to her.
00:43:20
Speaker
So he walks over and it's Nakia, the same girl he was gooning over before. Um, and he's just staring her like, and she's, she's like, you're to talk a little boy or what?
00:43:34
Speaker
Um, and she, he's like, well, Dom wants you to talk to him. And she's like, nah. And he was cool when he was Dominique. So how about that? So he's trans.
00:43:45
Speaker
Not Wilkins. Yeah. Right. Uh, and she doesn't give a fuck about his dope money. Um, so he walks back over to Dom and he's like, she don't want to talk to you, bro. And Dom's like, well, tell I'm having a a party at verse, which is a big ass club.
00:44:02
Speaker
So he walked back there and released the message. And, uh, he knows that she's doing some math homework and she can't fucking do it. So he helps her. PEMDAS. What are we doing? PEMDAS.
00:44:14
Speaker
He's like, yeah, I'll help you with that. I'm smart. And then she gets a little wet for that. He's like, yeah. She's like, yeah. Am I supposed to do the parentheses first?
00:44:25
Speaker
Ooh, then exponents? Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah. Fucking calculate the velocity you'll load inside me. my God. Oh, my God. So anyways, she's like, you're going to the dance. And he's like, nah, so well, I'll go if you go. And then it just cuts. And it's the.
00:44:45
Speaker
The main fucking kids jib or a jib dib and Malcolm. We got the end gang over here. ah Yeah. yeah um And so these are these are our YNs over here. Yeah, the YNs. Definitely not BTNs, just YNs. Oh, yeah. um Anyways, Malcolm does not want to go to this party because dom is a known drug dealer, dope dealer.
00:45:16
Speaker
Um, and Jib is like, bro, this girl wants to fucking suck you big. So like, why would you not want to go? Oh, I have to, I just forgot. I have to share this on the podcast. I learned we could, no, I'll save it. Go to Patreon. I'll save it for Patreon. It's fine.
00:45:30
Speaker
I'm just not going to get this kind of shit. It's fine. Um, He's like, yo, she wants to fuck you, bro. And he's like, yeah, i don't know. And then I guess they agree on on going. And Diggy's like, it's better than what ever we're doing last night. And they just cut to him just straight gooning. But he's gooning at the twerking videos. Who fucking goons to twerking videos? I don't know, man. Talk about a PG-13 movie. this That's crazy. Even though it's a rated r but I know, but it feels really PG-13. I feel like they're like, listen, you're rate you can say the soft A as much as you want, but you're PG-13.
00:46:03
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, but it's like you almost saw his pee. Like this dude is fully naked. Yeah. Like his thigh was up and his, yeah. I mean, He's got shredded though. You see later.
00:46:16
Speaker
I don't want to racist, but like most non-means are pretty fucking shredded. I don't know how they do it. How do they do it? I don't know. Just a lot of time in prison working out.
00:46:26
Speaker
Not no.
00:46:29
Speaker
not two
00:46:32
Speaker
Right? like like You're either hooping or you're just out out in the yard. That's right. Yeah. That's what he said. He said black people only go to college for basketball. Yeah.
00:46:46
Speaker
He said that. I'm just kidding. I'm just joking. I feel like that was mean. but Might have been. Whatever. I'm just joking. Okay. So. They go to the party and they get stopped because they don't have IDs. And the bodyguard let in ah some girls before. He's like, yo, if y'all got pussies, you can come in. And then he's like, well, I got a pussy.
00:47:10
Speaker
You want see it? eight And he's like, you're a woman. And she's like, yeah. And then she flashed her tits at him. And she, I mean, you don't see, do you see your tits? I don't feel like you don't see. yeah Cause she's supposed to be like a high schooler.
00:47:21
Speaker
Yeah. um Then they ask for ID. They don't have any IDs. They leave. And then they walk by Nakia and she's like, you coming? Well, you're coming. but Shout out to Tom Hanks.
00:47:33
Speaker
You coming? She definitely don't sound like Tom Hanks, that's for sure. i mean, would that that would just, I think that might add to her sex appeal, though. I mean, imagine imagine looking at her, right? She's riding you, and then she's just talking to you like Tom Hanks. Well, you coming? It'd be crazy if you just saw her walking on the street, and she look and then she just starts talking. She sounds like Tom Hanks. She's a 10, but she sounds like Tom Hanks. That's crazy, bro. That's better. Yeah. You know I mean?
00:48:03
Speaker
ah like I wish my middle name was Wilson so then she could scream it in bed. That's fair. That's very fair. um um So they try to sneak in with the sound group. They get stopped by the same bodyguard. For some reason, he's over there too. i don't know how that How do you get there so quick?
00:48:22
Speaker
And Dom is like, go ahead. No. Okay. Well, that's fine. um Dom is like, well... They can come in and he's like, nah, bro, they're underage. and he's like, well, if you're going to talk to me like this in front of my people, I'm going to fuck you up.
00:48:39
Speaker
And there's this thing about how it's a slippery slope. Everything's a slippery slope for some reason. Yeah. Just, yeah, i just...
00:48:52
Speaker
yeah right okay just to get that out yeah but like then then malcolm like explains what a slippery slope is like the like the actual definition and dom's like you know what the fuck i just said right yeah yeah So he beat the shit out of this. Oh, he goes, you got a photogenic mind? He's like, it's not photogenic.
00:49:18
Speaker
Yeah. ah Oh, wow. i wrote I typed out the soft day. Okay. Oh, wow. Yeah.
00:49:28
Speaker
So they beat the with the bodyguard. um Malcolm sees Nakia dancing and he's like coming in his pants. And then Dom takes Malcolm's backpack and he puts it behind the bar.
00:49:39
Speaker
He was shot with Dom. Not like a gun, like alcohol. Not yet. No guns yet. They they smoke some ma hookah. ah Malcolm talks to Nakia. They dance for a little bit, and then Dom just steps in. He's like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:49:55
Speaker
You got some pre-come on your pants already. What are talking about? You got to step back, bro. You're little too excited. He's like, do you know who I am? Yeah, you would. You da boys.
00:50:07
Speaker
You JV. This is varsity level shit. Yeah. Yeah. Um, you're you're a, you're a YN. I'm an O N. You know what mean? Yeah. it's fair At this time, ASAP Rocky's probably still in his twenties, but yeah. Yeah. fair yeah Uh, it's gonna be a long fucking month. wow the fucking more Really watch what we say here. Oh man. It's not good.
00:50:37
Speaker
Um,
00:50:40
Speaker
Okay. I'm lost myself. Sorry.
00:50:46
Speaker
So Malcolm tried to tell Dom, like, hey, we were dancing. And he just, he just laughs at him. He's you little boy, you know, go back. um On the boat?
00:50:57
Speaker
No. No, no, no. I don't, I, I don't know. Just like go back to wherever you like talking your friends. Yeah. Yeah. And then it just cuts to Don. I don't know what the fuck this is They're just all sitting in this room talking about Obama drone striking jihads. Like, what are we even fucking talking about? know. pig is showing them, like, literal bombing footage of Afghanistan.
00:51:23
Speaker
Bullshit. Not good. And he's like, yo, that's crazy. yeah Yeah. Yeah, it is. And then he's like, he could just bomb us. I don't know where this going. And then ah this is the police, right? Not a gang.
00:51:37
Speaker
I thought it was the get a gang. Well, because then they get arrested. A$AP Rocky gets arrested. It was very confusing because the first guy to enter is like wearing a hoodie and a shotgun. And it's like, what the fuck? And then the next scene is like, yeah, they're getting arrested. So it's i don't I'm like, who was it?
00:51:51
Speaker
Like the cops, you would think that if they're getting raided, it would be like SWAT. Not just a dude barging up in there like it's Call of Duty with a shotgun. Right. Yeah. It is California, though. Who knows? Who fucking knows, dude?
00:52:04
Speaker
Dom gets arrested, like you said. Malcolm helps Nakia get out of the club, and then she takes takes him home. um And I wrote, this scene gave me big, like, was like, this is like Lily, 40-year-old version, but for black people. He's just sitting there just like very uncomfortable with this woman.
00:52:20
Speaker
Yeah. And she's looking at him like, You want to see it or what? You're saying that's what he said? No, like... Her? Her, yeah.
00:52:34
Speaker
Not ger, her. Her? oh do Would you like to see my very large penis? My very... I mean, I've been gifted by God of some massive meat.
00:52:50
Speaker
um But, I mean, I almost skipped the whole part.
00:52:58
Speaker
So they're just sitting in the car. What? what you want to use the Pythagorean theorem to try and get my pussy?
00:53:10
Speaker
ah Yeah. Do you want to find x and by X, I mean my cock. It's not Malcolm them either. It's not hard to find. don't find the X, no Malcolm.
00:53:24
Speaker
look
00:53:26
Speaker
My balls are Y and Z. ah That's crazy.
00:53:37
Speaker
yes I mean, the fact that we just made fucking algebra sexual is just like... don't what we're talking about. We're going downhill fast. We're an hour and we've made it like 10 minutes into the movie.
00:53:49
Speaker
I blame Jake on that one, to be fair. That's crazy, dog. ah Yeah, so he's... they're talking about going to college and she had, she's getting her GED.
00:53:59
Speaker
So she, he's like, you can do better than just whatever college she names. And she's like, you mean like Dom? And he's like, I didn't say that. And she's like, well, yeah, him and I, it's complicated, you know? But she says, she says then that Dom ain't got shit on him, but they're still like, they ain't fucking, I don't get it.
00:54:16
Speaker
Right. Um, And then the he asked her to go to prom, and she's like, ah i don't think I have time for that. And then she got asked out by – studying for my get educated dick.
00:54:32
Speaker
oh Educated dick? Yeah. G-E-D. Getting educated dick. I'm not. Anthony, you know, Anthony Davis asked her to prom and she said no.
00:54:43
Speaker
Yeah. That fucking seven foot meat missile. And she's just like, no, I can't. I can't take it. That's just too much. Anthony Davis dick. I'd be crazy. But I was very curious if his pubes matched his unibrow. Yeah. a Straight, straight fucking bar.
00:55:01
Speaker
It's like the opposite of a landing strip. Side to side. Side to side. fucking pull his pants down. Like, yo, what the fuck is wrong your landing strip?
00:55:12
Speaker
How the fuck am I supposed to land this plane? And by plane, I mean my tongue. ah You know? Yeah. got got got got It's a great sound effect.
00:55:26
Speaker
Shout out to Voice Mod. While we're here. Why not? three Free. Anyways. So he offers to help her study in exchange for seven fucking gold. And she's like, I'll think about it.
00:55:39
Speaker
And we cut and then he's just, he's just in her stroke. And the picture of her, that's relatable. um Yeah. Yeah. yeah We'll tell you Patreon who we stroked to. Anyway. Whoa.
00:55:50
Speaker
No, we weren't. Everyone you could think of. Yeah. I thought you were going drop like a person like a person we know. No, because then that would have to be cut. Yeah. But on Patreon, maybe not.
00:56:01
Speaker
I'm just kidding. So we cut and Malcolm's trying to tell Jib and Diggy that he finger banged this bitch. don't believe him. And there's outline these that that you don't even know what pussy smells like. And Diggy's like, I do because he's a lesbian.
00:56:15
Speaker
and She's like, let me smell your fingers. hey ah No. No. um It's not your sister. Yours? i I don't know.
00:56:28
Speaker
um This is just why. This is out of control. ah this They go through the metal detector and the shit goes off. but you know Malcolm's a fucking a white dude, basically. They're like, yeah, you're good.
00:56:40
Speaker
Um, and it must be, broken the machine must be broken, obviously. So, cause this young black man would never do it. Yeah. Why N would never do anything wrong. yeah Uh, Malcolm goes to his locker, looks in his book bag and then runs off into their the room where they rehearsed their, their band practices.
00:56:58
Speaker
Um, and Jib and Diggy follow him and there is a gun and there's just drugs inside. Straight up. don't know what kind of drugs yet. Yet. um And they show a flashback to shoot out that Dom loaded up his backpack with drugs and a gun.
00:57:15
Speaker
But for some reason, when he got arrested, the bag was not confiscated. I'm not sure how that works. But well, because he handed it to him. He was like when he was like, get out of here. He handed him the bag.
00:57:27
Speaker
I got. Yeah, I suppose that's true. I guess I missed that. Yeah.
00:57:35
Speaker
Jib suggests taking the bag to the police station. Malcolm's like, yeah, we're fucking YN bringing drugs and a gun to the police station. you think That's a good idea. No. And then the the phone in the bag rings and Jib answers it. And he throws the phone at Malcolm because he panics. And there's this guy on the phone who doesn't have a name.
00:57:52
Speaker
um But the guy who plays him low key, I thought it was Busta Rhymes for a second. Oh, I thought it 50 Cent. ah Oh, Kurt. Is that you?
00:58:03
Speaker
Hey, what's up, Kurt? yeah yeah I know that ain't Kurt Warner. Kurt Warner, never. Yeah, never. ah The guy on the phone knows it's Malcolm and he's like, yeah, you took my lunch and I'm hungry.
00:58:17
Speaker
ah And they tell him bring the bag to ah Red Camino after school. So we cut to after school and they, Malcolm was going to go bring the bag to him and Jib and Diggy are like, we ain't coming.
00:58:29
Speaker
You got to go solo, brother. um And then he gets a phone call thinking it's the guy and it's Dom and Dom's like, the fuck you doing, man? And he's like, look, somebody snitched.
00:58:41
Speaker
So whoever's in that car is a snitch or it's a police and they're going to arrest your ass. And he sends him an address and tells him ask for AJ. AJ.
00:58:52
Speaker
And not Stiles. Nope. He's white. And they they leave on on their bikes and get chased by the Red Camino motherfucker. um And he's like, how do they know where we are? And the guy is using Find My iPhone.
00:59:07
Speaker
That's smart. Yeah. You wouldn't think that the the criminals would be this smart. ah I guess not. Uh, they see the boss. So there's no way this guy has an iPad. There's no way this guy is paying for cellular on his iPad, right? That's fair.
00:59:26
Speaker
That's fair. That's valid. That's valid. Yo, does EBT cover for cellular? Can I prepay?
00:59:37
Speaker
Um, Yeah, it's one of those pay-as-you-go phones. You know, you got to go in and buy, like, the little gift card. Call him up, load it up. It'd be funny if he paid as he was going and then, like, it ran out while he was tracking. fuck!
00:59:50
Speaker
Gotta renew Gotta pay for more. my Boost Mobile back up. So they...
01:00:03
Speaker
uh the kids see this this fucking bus and they fucking eat this phone on the bus i guess they get on the bus and get off it i don't fucking know and then um the this dude goes on the bus and the bus driver is malcolm's mom um and they like have these like a gunpoint they're like yo stop them it's like gta yeah it is because then he like walks trying to find the phone and he's like pointing the gun at everybody And then he just finds a phone.
01:00:31
Speaker
um And then we cut to ah these kids. They go to AJ's house. They knock on the door. and There's this fucking piece. This is Lily. She's a fucking absolute piece.
01:00:43
Speaker
And the brother walks over. Her brother doesn't have a name either. um And he's like, the fuck answering the door naked. I mean, this guy, for some reason, reminded me of Pete Davidson. And I'm not too sure why. That's a wild. Yeah, I don't see that at all.
01:00:59
Speaker
But yeah. Um, and Malcolm asked for AJ. He's like that's my, my pops. What'd you know about my pops? And he's like, just, I'm just Malcolm, man. And he's like, we won't be here for a few hours. You can come on in.
01:01:13
Speaker
and you've seen the background, the Lily get fucking just straight naked. And he's like, yeah, I'm coming in. Yeah. I was like, yeah, I mean, this is a no brainer. I'm breaking the walls down.
01:01:24
Speaker
Fricking fucking break her fucking. oh Yeah. Uh,
01:01:33
Speaker
This dude shows Malcolm his studio. Meanwhile, Lily's just in the pool just looking at him like, fuck me, please. Her little titties are shining through. The crystal clear water.
01:01:45
Speaker
I was looking. I was looking, too. And this guy's a rap this guy's a rapper. He raps. And he like tries to play him some beats, and his shit sucks.
01:01:56
Speaker
ah And he says burial instead of cereal because he hates crab ass ninjas, which I don't know what this is about, but he refused to pronounce any word with the letter C in front of it. Oh, because the bloods and the crypts, they don't say anything with bees and they don't say anything with C's.
01:02:14
Speaker
But he says crab, so it's just they make fun of him for it. I don't get it either. Yeah, like we're white. We're not supposed to get it. You've got cryptlexia. They called it it's the dyslexia. And then it comes up that they're also their own band. So he wants to cut it cut a track with them.
01:02:31
Speaker
And then we cut to this Red Camino car. They're at Randy's Donuts. Who's Randy? I don't know. I don't know. probably got Big Dick. We're wearing a cowboy hat. Yeah.
01:02:42
Speaker
ah ah And they get a message with the address where the kids are at. We cut back and these kids want to fucking go order chili cheese fries from Jimmy. um And they asked the maid to order them and she just laughs in their face.
01:02:57
Speaker
And Lily still wants... Come Esmeralda.
Humorous Character Interactions
01:02:59
Speaker
Just do it. Come on. Dude, my line cook told me he busts to this... He pays this girl's OnlyFans. His name Esperanza Gomez. I'm like, could you be any more Hispanic?
01:03:09
Speaker
Is he Hispanic? The guy who does, yeah, it's Eliza Lankos I work with. Oh, okay. He's like, we were talking about Mia Khalifa. He's like, no, no, no. Esperanza Gomez. And I was like, oh, yeah?
01:03:20
Speaker
Who's that? ah She's a model. And he said, sexylatinas.com is the place to find her. We just plugged Esperanza Gomez. I'm looking her up.
01:03:31
Speaker
Oh, boy. This dumb bitch.
01:03:42
Speaker
Not that great. Okay. Well, that's what that's his type. so
01:03:49
Speaker
Anyways, they ah
01:03:53
Speaker
Lily still wants male Malcolm's cock. and ah So the brother and Jig and Diggy get up to go get food. and ah We see the Camino follow them while Malcolm stays his fucking crazy bitch, Lily. and We don't know she's crazy yet.
01:04:10
Speaker
I'm just telling you she's crazy. But ah they she wants to play Mother May I. he's like, yeah, what's your name? And she's like, that's not how you play this game.
01:04:24
Speaker
So she's like she's like, Mother May I take my clothes off? And he's just like, yeah, please. and then she's like, something like Mother May I touch you? Something like that? Or walk over?
01:04:37
Speaker
Yeah. Don't fucking give it to me. And then she asked if he's a virgin, and he's like, nah. And she's like, come on, you're a virgin. We all know it. You can tell by the look on your face. um And then she tells him she has to pee, and that Jaleel keeps the rubbers over there. Jaleel.
01:04:57
Speaker
That's fascinating the name they used. Oh, I know. It's crazy, though. It made me laugh too. Like, Jaleel? Really? Could be anything, like, less race-like stereotypical. Yeah, like fucking Requiem keeps the rubbers over there. What are we even talking about right Ashante or something. Yeah. It's D-A, that little apostrophe. Yeah, yeah. I just don't get it and we cut to Diggy and...
01:05:27
Speaker
Kamino guy walks in and he calls the brother Abercrombie and Fitch-ass ninja. That's what he calls him. It's fucking awesome. He's like, look at this Abercrombie and Fitch-ass ninja.
01:05:39
Speaker
That shit's hilarious. ah And then he grabs him. The fucking Kamino guy grabs him. And the brother pulls his fucking piece out. And not his penis, his fucking Glock.
01:05:52
Speaker
That'd be crazy. to Be like, yo, we're touching, boy. age And you just pull the I'll fuck you.
01:06:00
Speaker
I'll literally fuck you right now, bro.
01:06:05
Speaker
He said it was like the most straight face. Yo, fuck you, bro. Yo, you put your hand to me, I'll fuck you.
01:06:14
Speaker
Yo, don't put your hand to I'll fuck you. i used to I used to work with a guy, shout out to Sharif, he would say that to me. He's like, yo, I'll fuck you. And he just would walk away. That's... Which is never serious. It's more funny when it's like actually serious beef. you I'll fuck you. yeah Yeah, not up, but like straight up like... I'll just fuck... I'll just dick you down. yeah I'll just put it in there.
01:06:36
Speaker
Yeah. ah I don't know. I don't know which one is which. Okay, so...
01:06:44
Speaker
We, oh boy, that was funny. Where is this? We cut back to Malcolm he's looking for his bag and he remembers he gave it to Lily to, it was for, cause she told him, like, yeah, this is for your dad.
01:06:56
Speaker
So he goes and finds in the bathroom doing straight of drugs. And then, and she's just like naked. So she gets on top of him and then she just throws up on his face. ah And then he gets a phone call from Mr. Bailey and Lily answered the phone and she's fucked up.
01:07:12
Speaker
Uh, and I guess this is a guy from college from Harvard or wherever else he has to reschedule his fucking meeting. Um, and he tells her that he spaced out on his college interviews and then she said, well, I'll take you. And he's like, okay, but she's fucked up. She's driving like a fucking drive retard.
01:07:29
Speaker
Yeah. We, we, yeah, we find out that it's, it's like Molly and I'm like, isn't Molly like a party drug? And then it's like, i don't, I don't want to be like this. No, it's like, you can't fucking drive.
01:07:41
Speaker
You get like down syndrome or something when you take it. I don't. Why would you want to feel like that? I don't know. so she's trying to drive. And then she just like headbutts the steering wheel.
01:07:52
Speaker
And she's just laying there. And he's like, yo And then she just gets up until she gets to pee. And she runs across the street butt ass naked and pees in the bushes. um so malcolm just takes her car classic non-mean shit and uh as he's driving he sees the brother pass by and they're like yo rewind that and then it actually rewinds like funny games uh yeah but not as good yeah no not that this is a bad movie it's just i enjoy it no it's not bad uh games a five star five star big uh
01:08:28
Speaker
cammin we So we see that what happens in the store after Camino's like, what's up, man? He's y'all, fuck you. Camino punches him in the face, and this guy, fucking the brother fucking shoots himself in the leg like this one guy. Maybe you heard of him, Plexico Burris.
01:08:43
Speaker
Who? Who? Who the fuck is that? Shout out to Plexico, though. Who? um Game-winning catch in Super Bowl. Who? Who? So... Then another guy in the red. This guy's straight Mexican, fucking ball head, fucking Mexican looking a dude. just aren They're shooting each other. He just starts shooting too. yeah He's like, fuck it.
01:09:05
Speaker
see Someone's out there to catch these bullets. He's just shooting. ah ah And then everyone like runs out. Camino gets arrested. The brother dips out and the cops are chasing him.
01:09:19
Speaker
Diggy and Jib are just hiding under a table the whole time. Um, we cut to Malcolm who is going to meet Austin Jacoby and he goes to sit inside of, uh, his office and there's photos of Dom and Lily and her brother and Austin walks in and he goes, yeah, so you're Nigerian.
Plot Developments and Character Motivations
01:09:38
Speaker
oh yeah. Yeah, I am. My father, he went back to the homeland. Yeah. well Nigeria forever. Yeah. He don't come back. Nigeria forever.
01:09:50
Speaker
Um, And then
01:09:57
Speaker
he went back to the homeland. This is a boys club and they're all his kids, you know, this guy's fucking kids or what? The boys club. a boys club is kind of wild for sure. But this guy's name is Austin Jacoby, a.k.a. A.J.,
01:10:12
Speaker
um And AJ's asked him all these weird questions. Malcolm's like, I think you're the guy I'm supposed to deliver drugs to. And... Malcolm's like, why would you do... Or... AJ's like, why though? Like, you had a choice. Like, why would you do this?
01:10:26
Speaker
But Malcolm thinks he he didn't have a choice to begin with. And... Essentially here, AJ is like, look, little ninja, you're going to be distributing these drugs for me. And you have a choice if you want to go to Harvard.
01:10:40
Speaker
um And he calls it a slippery slope. Get it. Comes back again. Do I get it that's what I said bleeped earlier. I got it. some Okay. Yeah, I fucking got it. Okay.
01:10:55
Speaker
They, you know, he can't risk his reputation or whatever else. And he's like, you know you making these deliveries are more important than any interview, by the way. So you got to go do this. I don't really get why this dude is so convinced that he has to like torture a fellow brother into delivering drugs that he doesn't want to deliver.
01:11:15
Speaker
Cause he probably doesn't want to get out of Like he said. Yeah. But you have other people deliver selling drugs for you. Like Dom was selling drugs for him. Right. Yeah. Well, you have other sellers to sell drugs for Dom's in jail.
01:11:29
Speaker
Okay. I know that, but i'm I'm saying other, other Dom's I'm saying there's other soft days out there that you have delivered drugs for him. Well, if they're delivered, nevermind. Okay. All right.
01:11:41
Speaker
Yeah. Um,
01:11:45
Speaker
So anyways, he he's like the Malcolm's like defeated. He leaves and his mom springs about with the bus, just picks him up. Hey, you want to come home? um And then he sits in the front.
01:11:57
Speaker
He sat in the fucking back of the bus. Yeah, he did though. And he sees Jib, Diggy, that guy from the Red Camino and the brother all got in the bus. And then he opened his eyes. It was all a fucking dream. I don't get the point of that, but it happened.
01:12:13
Speaker
And we cut to the ah news channel that I went to tell about Lily peeing in the bushes and she's like, yeah yo, she peed forever. yes like it How can I eat my pound cake?
01:12:24
Speaker
but I'm just trying to eat pound cake. Meanwhile, this is her fucking UTI. She's peeing in the bushes. ah so well And then little homie came over with a straw and he was going to town on the soil that she peed in. Yeah, I think he told me his name was Jaleel and he left his rubbers at home.
01:12:45
Speaker
Mysterious Jaleel just popping up everywhere. Yeah, you're like, fuck my rubbers, where they at? She's like, don't worry. She's like, don't worry, baby, I gave them to a wigger. oh man. ah
01:13:00
Speaker
Anyways. So
01:13:04
Speaker
so they gotta sell these fucking... ah these drugs and Malcolm wants to sell them at school because they have a a computer lab and they can like hide on the cover of being geeks.
01:13:16
Speaker
um And nikeki kick geki I used to have that. Well, actually with the beauty of this fucking soundboard, I can pull it in real time and have it play on the soundboard where before we could not watch this. You fucking pussies.
01:13:34
Speaker
Okay. Killing time. Hello, you're now in an ad read. Yeah, fuck you, yeah. that we're We're, Gerald's sick of regurgitating the same lines at the beginning and the end of the episode. So here we are in the middle.
01:13:48
Speaker
So here's one one nice ad read to check all our shit out. Plug it in. So follow us on Instagram, two guys, one screen pod. Send any comments, concerns, movie requests to two guys, one screen pod at gmail.com. Follow us on TikTok and YouTube.
01:14:06
Speaker
Follow us individually on Letterboxd. Send us a voicemail, 508-8, fist us. 508-8, dip tip, six minute limit, 12 body maximum.
01:14:18
Speaker
And then go listen to our physical media podcast. Yeah, you want it? Available on the same page. Do you fucking want it or not? And before we end this ad read, shout out to Jackson Behavioral Health. All this will be linked in the description below.
01:14:36
Speaker
Click it and stick it. And now back to the episode.
01:14:42
Speaker
There you go. and Wow. Was it worth it? No, no, not at all. So, but I did like the huh. Right. It's nice. Level of touch. So anyways, they want to talk to white people and Malcolm, uh, wants to sell it through Bitcoin.
01:14:57
Speaker
And that's when the narrator comes back and introduced us to William, who's his hippie ass musician, hacker type John, who likes to say the soft day. He likes to throw it around a little bit.
01:15:07
Speaker
He, Hey, they gave him the pass for this movie. Yeah, and he's like, it's a term of endearment. I still don't think you should be saying that kind of shit, but you know, it's what it is. ah They met at band camp.
01:15:20
Speaker
um and I stuck my dick into the tuba.
01:15:26
Speaker
Well, I'll do you one better. He stuck a dick in a guy's ass or a woman's ass. The question is... is um It's not if I'm a virgin. It's if I'm gay. That's the real question. and it's like they're all fucking smoking like, whoa. Wow.
01:15:41
Speaker
That makes sense. Yeah, you're gay, bro. That's what it is. um And then we see that he fucked Lily on Molly. um And William thinks they're trying to buy product. And he's like, nah, man, we're looking to sell some shit. He nah, you ain't. And he goes, yeah, we are.
01:15:59
Speaker
Um, I'm dead ass. And then randomly is like, yo, why can't I say the soft a, like what's up with that? Why is this not allowed? It's like, like, li there's no, they're just talking about like selling drugs. He goes, yeah, fuck that talk. Why can't I say the soft day again? Yeah. i get it Come on.
01:16:17
Speaker
Let me say it. And then Jib is like, I'm 14% African, which I'm telling you, bro. Jib is not African. That man is Hispanic. He's either Hispanic or he likes goats.
01:16:28
Speaker
Goats. Same skin color. Fair. Goaties. Goaties. So basically he's like, if y'all let me say this off day, I'll help you. And Diggy's like, I'll slap the shit out you. Absolutely not.
01:16:42
Speaker
And Malcolm and Jim are like, yeah, man, whatever you want, say it. And he says it and then Diggy slaps him and she's like, all right, whatever. And William is like, hey, if I'm helping you sell this shit, you got to give me a cut and not of the money of the actual drugs.
01:16:58
Speaker
Um, So cut to this party and William's talking to another white dude about why they can't say the N word again. And I just, i don't get it. um But the other guy is with it.
01:17:10
Speaker
It feels pretty obvious to me why you can't say it. I would say the better question to ask, if I may, is if we want this word erased from like the vernacular, why do black people still say it with a soft A?
01:17:22
Speaker
Like, how about we just don't say it at all then? think that's ah that's a question for above us. I would agree with that. i you know i would just say that I've pondered that question before. Like, if we if if you want removed, why even say anything close to it? From what I have understand, it's they're just trying to reclaim it. You can't use this against me.
01:17:43
Speaker
It's like they put up a force. It's like Magneto or something, like a force field. Fair. Yeah. ah yeah Okay. um Yeah. So...
01:17:57
Speaker
This party, they're talking about saying the N-word, and then the Malcolm's band performs, and you don't even hear him perform because it just cuts the next day. Malcolm's phone's blown He got mad followers.
01:18:09
Speaker
I don't know why this matters at all, but he did. And then ah we see online, the way this was filmed was pretty cool. It's like him looking at like on the internet of like all these random things, videos, whatnot.
01:18:22
Speaker
And William gave out a lot of Molly. They're calling it Lily now.
01:18:31
Speaker
that has not happened yet, but you're correct. Fuck You're correct. We cut to the computer lab and there is an order received. um And this is when he's like, it's for Lily.
01:18:44
Speaker
ah
01:18:46
Speaker
And then we see them like try to like put it in these little pills and Malcolm's hand is shaking so hard that the dig is like, I'll do it. And they fill these pills. Yeah, their computer, I've label maker inside. Where the fuck is this?
01:18:59
Speaker
Yeah, they're they're in like bumfuck California, like the ghetto. To fucking mail shit? Like one of those, John? Those aren't cheap. but i don't think we had that, did we? No, definitely not. And next thing you know, they get 30 orders in Bitcoin, so that's pretty cool.
01:19:15
Speaker
And everyone's calling this new this new drug, which is just Molly Lily. So, Harley know her. Whatever. Um, next scene, the principal's walking the hallway with a group of people and shows them, uh, the group in the, so in the science lab working on their Google fair project, uh, which they're just fucking selling drugs.
01:19:36
Speaker
so It's fine. Yeah. Um, there's a montage them filling orders cut to this police station detective talking about why it's called Lily and about how some rapper said it in a song or who wasn't funny.
01:19:50
Speaker
He mentioned two chains for some reason. Right. I don't know why. And the two trades, I'm sorry that you got mentioned. ah They cut. were They're on bikes.
01:20:02
Speaker
And like Mike... Right. Schlinging fucking meat. Schlinging dick. yeah Schlinging it. Throwing it around. It's like a... It's a drive-by, you just but you just get smacked in the face by this massive schlong. Yeah, she's just sitting there waiting the help of studying instead of a fucking... Instead of a helping hand, you get a fucking wand of meat.
01:20:23
Speaker
who Yo, you want to see my wand? My fucking straight wand, bro. Um, and she's waiting outside for him and she's like, I want you to help me study. He's like, yeah, I'll help you. So jib and dig, they leave, um, and they're inside studying. And then she's like, starts crying and about, you know, Dom getting locked up and how it's so hard. And I'm locked up and won't let me out.
01:20:51
Speaker
His boys got smoked the other day, so it's you know it's been tough out here. And she's like, oh, yeah, Dom called and asked about you. And then Malcolm's like, this is some bullshit. You're just a messenger. He's like, fuck you.
01:21:03
Speaker
he didn't say fuck you. She actually says fuck you to him. um Because she's like, I really thought you weren't like those other ninjas, but you are. So I'm out of here. ah She leaves.
01:21:14
Speaker
We cut to an SAT class. And this is not a a class. This is the test. This is the actual d test. Did you take one? I took an SAT, yeah. i had to My parents made me take an s SAT prep class. It was like Wednesday nights. I remember the dude that was our teacher was real big into Marvel. and I liked talking to him about Marvel because I...
01:21:34
Speaker
liked it and he didn't really want to be there he was this old ball head guy he wasn't old he was fat fat ball head guy that just really was into comics and marvel and i was just this is you know sat t is like 2016 we got civil war coming out or was out at this point yeah it was like it was hyped to talk about that we weren't talking about what uh onomatopoeia was you know so was that really on the sat's um There was, there's a portion of the SAT t that's like grammar. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yep. And like where you need to like how you would write a sentence to make it grammatically make sense. And I just, you know, that's just long gone.
01:22:11
Speaker
Yeah. I just want to show her my onamana penis. and That's valid, bro. I know they're there and there, and I'm good with that. So, uh, two, two, and two, what's your favorite two?
01:22:25
Speaker
The number two, because I got two balls. There you go. um Two boobs. You know, whatever you want. I'm a big OO guy. What's better than one boob? Two boobs. What's OO?
01:22:36
Speaker
T-O-O? Two? Oh, two. Yeah. I'm going to. Me too. Yeah. Yeah. Not that one, though. We're going to get me too. That's... No, we're not. No, we're not. Me too. Getting me too is... not we're not getting me too.
01:22:50
Speaker
So, anyways... ah these fucking drug sniffers walk by. yeah the dog That's what they are. It's ah it's a drug sniffing dog. And this one random not me in the class, he's like, yeah, it happens once a month. No one's dumb enough to actually do fucking sell drugs out at school, though.
01:23:08
Speaker
And then Malcolm runs out of the other class and he's going the bathroom and he takes his book bag out of the out of the locker and he runs and he bumps into that same security guard with the neck tattoo.
01:23:19
Speaker
He's like, oh, yeah, I'm late to my SAT class. Wannabe Cody Rhodes. Who? Security guard. Necktat. Necktat. missing the list. Yeah. Yeah. He's a list. Hey, Malcolm, where are going? Are you taking the FAT today? Malcolm, you're late for your class? What you think of Goldust?
01:23:40
Speaker
sorry I don't fuck with that. think would fit in with the YNs? i don't fuck with that ninja. but what Cody Rhodes definitely has to pass.
01:23:53
Speaker
Yeah. His wife's black. Oh, his wife's black? Yeah, Brandy Rhodes is black. Brandy Rhodes a porn star. I know it does. That porn star big. Like Wilson, how he turned a hoe into a housewife. Oh, wow. So anyways.
01:24:16
Speaker
Uh, he takes the test and then, you know, Jim is like, I want out. I'm done. And, uh, dig is like, yo, man, like you want to go to that fucking party the most that night. So you're still in this with us, you fucker.
01:24:32
Speaker
Um, Then they go see William and ask about getting the Bitcoin into cash. And William was like, yeah, you know, they could potentially trace it if you have to like move it from Bitcoin to cash, link it to your bank account. But you'd have to make a stupid ass mistake to get to get it traced. And then he takes a bump of Coke. and He's like, you want me to do it for you?
01:24:49
Speaker
<unk>re like no I'm good. Yeah, we're good. Next scene, ah William. ah Well, not the next scene. They're like, well, if we don't want it trace that all, he's like yeah, it's on the black market hand to hand. You got to fucking download your Bitcoin to an external drive and hand it to somebody.
01:25:07
Speaker
And he says he goes, go ahead. don't know. sounds like some CP shit or something. What does CP stand for? You know, child porn.
01:25:18
Speaker
oh Oh, I didn't know. I'd never heard CP before. I was genuinely asking. i didn't i didn't know. Yeah. Some Chris Hansen shit. Yeah. Chris. lot of perverts in here.
01:25:31
Speaker
I don't know which one's which and I can't rename the buttons. So i i just see Chris Hansen's face and I go, I don't know. yeah That's the wrong one. Come on out, you rapist! That's the wrong one. ah Oh,
01:25:45
Speaker
yes All right. Let us know if you're like new buttons or not. If you don't, I don't care. We like them. Yeah. Yeah. ah Anyways, he knows a guy. And if you want to, you know, all you got to is pass his test, right? And we cut.
01:26:01
Speaker
And I'll be honest. This guy, when I first saw him... Yeah, he did. He had like the blonde tips. I thought he was Asian. And then then as you get closer, he's like, Chino.
01:26:13
Speaker
He's like, yeah, Holmes. hu Punch me, dog. hu I got my new John Deere, dog. Look at my bag. Is it real is it not? What did you say? It's like, I got that new John Deere, man. We're going to go mow lawns.
01:26:30
Speaker
Is this green card fake or real, man? It doesn't matter. It was on the inside. yeah So. Yeah. You can't ice me?
01:26:41
Speaker
I'm full of fire, dog.
01:26:45
Speaker
Anyways, he literally asked which bag is fake leather. Eddie Guerrero. You think he reminds you of Eddie Guerrero? Just like the way he was acting.
01:26:59
Speaker
What the fuck was that? I don't know. It was called Error because I didn't agree with that, but it doesn't work. It was just Windows. There's also this one that I just love so much.
01:27:10
Speaker
I think that's great. Nice reverb. I think it's awesome. So anyways, he's like, look, bro, which one's the real or the fake one? and He goes, I don't know. he goes, it doesn't matter which one's real or fake. It matters what you think.
01:27:23
Speaker
Everyone else, because you're black, going think it's fake anyways. That's what he says, That's what he says, though. yeah So he's like, yo, punch me the face as hard as you can. And then he does.
01:27:35
Speaker
And then the dude grabs a gun and he goes, he goes, drive. And Malcolm's like, where? are we going to? go Yeah. depo Yeah. He's like, nah, he's like the CP, CP drive.
01:27:50
Speaker
Give it to him. Yeah. I know you got that Polar Express episode on there. Let's not link Polar Express to CP. Come on, bro. Do that. We're just kidding. Polar Express has nothing to do with CP. That's crazy. well no no no No. No. No. We're not doing this. Absolutely not.
01:28:14
Speaker
It's wild, that's for sure. yeah um Okay. Okay. So, he gives him a but one of the the bag. It's full of cash.
01:28:25
Speaker
I think you're going to say he gives him a bag.
01:28:29
Speaker
Cigarettes? Yeah. He opens the, he opens the, he ends up with the bag look inside. They're like, fierce.
01:28:41
Speaker
Yeah. i everyone Fierce. So anyways, have you seen the, the videos on like TikTok? It's a, I think it might be Khabib. He's like, take to Dagestan. They forget. No, I haven't seen that. have to send that to you.
01:28:54
Speaker
It's very funny. But anyways, there's they're leaving and the shoe check bullies are back again. They take his fucking bag with all the fags in it. and they And Malcolm fucking pulls his piece out and he's like, yo, give me the fucking bag back. I'll fuck you. yeah oh fuck you. ah And he's got no choice but to give it up. He's got to give it up.
01:29:23
Speaker
So. Isn't that like one of the craziest things ever? Like someone's threatening you and then you just threaten to rape them? Like right
01:29:32
Speaker
you I'm like, I will fuck you. oh Yeah. I will fuck you. Lord have mercy. I'm about to bust.
01:29:44
Speaker
but So maybe the bag and, um,
01:29:53
Speaker
we cut to Austin. Malcolm's visiting Austin glass shatters. however <unk>s lot of got it um and I thought this was the end of the movie, but then there's like a whole fucking, there's like more. And it's like, this should just be over now, but whatever.
01:30:09
Speaker
It's like the unveiling of his plan, which was good. It was unveiled well, but like, I just ended, this is the end of the movie. Um,
01:30:19
Speaker
He gives him 10% of the money in cash and says the rest is still in Bitcoin. But, you know, online, he made a store in Austin's name and it's worth $97,000. And he tells him there's a small chance of getting traced if you transfer it.
01:30:34
Speaker
um And he goes, you know, the only way if you could get fucking traces, if you make a you know dumb idiot mistake, you And basically what he's inferring is that he intentionally fucked it up. So he would get traced if he takes the money out.
01:30:49
Speaker
Yeah. Like he had it. He had everything linked to like his personal, like bank account and shit. To. <unk> Yeah, that guy. um Basically, he's blackmailing him back into make sure he gets into Harvard.
01:31:05
Speaker
um Rolls are reversed. He's white mailing him. right yeah i get yeah so ah we like that We see Malcolm go through the detector and it doesn't go off.
01:31:19
Speaker
and He writes his Harvard essay about um two different students. um and then like While he's like saying the essay out loud, you see like visuals of him not getting bullied anymore. so That's good.
01:31:33
Speaker
But then there's also videos of him like still selling drugs. Yeah, he's just selling drugs big. So he's just about it now. About that life. He walks in both worlds.
01:31:44
Speaker
Basically, there's student A is like a straight A student, you know, and then student B is like goes to an underfunded school, sells drugs. And he's like, if you're looking at me, which one am I?
01:31:55
Speaker
So basically it ends with like, who am I, a or B? And you wouldn't to even ask me if I was white. and boy. YN. ah ah Then he gets a haircut and then he goes to Nakia's house and passes her a prom ticket.
01:32:12
Speaker
And then she doesn't show up to prom, but then she's waiting for outside his house. So there's that. And then he apologized her for being real YN.
01:32:22
Speaker
Yeah, and like a real, real one? Yeah, and she's saying, you know, I was never upset that I missed prom, but I did miss out on the Six Flags trip, and she hands him tickets to Six Flags and then kisses him on the cheek. he's still not fucking.
01:32:34
Speaker
nice she he I don't even know. Friendzone? But you wouldn't kiss your friend on the cheek. Yeah, cause I if got a head the top head, you know. On the ball head. Yeah, you get, yeah, it'd be hilarious. It's just the same thing that you get kissed on the cheek. Y'all fuck you. yeah Same shit.
01:32:57
Speaker
Yeah, I'll be fuck you right now. you. um And then he goes inside and he gets admitted to Harvard, obviously. And that's the end of the movie. Jesus, fuck. What a rollercoaster episode. Talk about Six Flags, am I right? Yeah.
01:33:11
Speaker
What are you giving this? I have vivid memories of watching this on Netflix back in the day. Um, i I think I'm going to give this a nice, a nice three and a half, right? A nice three and a half. Nice three and a half. Nice little three. I, I'm going to go four star personally. You are.
01:33:34
Speaker
Um, yeah. A lot of hot women, a lot of hot, naked women. I just think the end, you're kind of like where they're going with this. And then,
01:33:47
Speaker
um Sorry, my boss is texting me again. ah You're kind of like, are they going with this for like a portion of the movie? And then the reveal comes at the end of like, right this is what I was doing to get back to you. And I just still can't wrap my head around why he'd give him the drugs, why he's making him deliver the drugs anyways.
01:34:07
Speaker
um And they try to like wrap it all up with like the racism thing, like playing on, you know, he's black. So stereotypes I get what his Harvard thesis, whatever the fuck application paper was about. I get that. I just think it's kind of a little jumbled.
01:34:23
Speaker
tiny He had to go through the struggles of life to get where he wanted to be. He's like, I started out as a wigger. Then I live my life as not a wigger. And now I'm now I'm walking in both worlds.
01:34:34
Speaker
I don't know. It's it's a good movie. it's I think it's ah it's shot well and the characters are are good. um The names you know could use some work. I definitely struggled saying each person's name. but Jib and Diggy.
01:34:49
Speaker
Jib, Diggy, and Malcolm. Yeah. um At some point, there was a plug it in in middle the episode, so you're welcome. And then, this always throws me off that we do this because it's not a thing anymore.
01:35:03
Speaker
ah Next week, Namme Month continues.
Preview of 'Django Unchained'
01:35:06
Speaker
We are doing Django Unchained, the Quentin Tarantino joint. I mean... I'm just putting that now. that no It's a little sus. A little sussy-wussy in that...
01:35:16
Speaker
Movie is like what? Almost three hours long? and Almost three hours long. I'm pretty sure there's hard R's in that one. i not not putting There is. Yeah. There is hard R's. From Lear. Who, from what I understand, very much did not want to say it. so Yeah. Samuel L. Jackson pretty much told him to suck it up, buttercup.
01:35:38
Speaker
um Say it pussy. Say it you fucking pussy. Say it motherfucker. Hopefully. ah Yeah there's a fart. Hopefully next week we have more to tell you about our Patreon journey.
01:35:51
Speaker
ah For now I would just say stay tuned. Stay tuned to get your wallet ready. Motherfuckers. Yeah.
01:36:02
Speaker
And, uh, be on the lookout for, is already out. Yeah. You want it. Uh, I don't know if it's coming out this month because February, we have a bonus up already for Friday the third. You might get a, yeah, you want it. Who knows? You should have got one for January. You're going to get one for February, possibly if not March.
01:36:18
Speaker
And, uh, That's all to say. We'll see you guys next That's just how it is, retards. I need a recharge, retard. That's great. Fuck you, Mark. I want you to sell drugs. I want you to sell drugs and get caught.