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EP. 107 Vault: Monsters Inc. (2001)
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Transcript
Introduction and Banter
00:00:03
Speaker
Have you seen my dick? been looking for it.
00:00:07
Speaker
Sir, I'm going rub one out right here on your counter.
00:00:11
Speaker
We cut to Mike, who delivers meat on his bicycle.
00:00:19
Speaker
rinsing your girl out, bud.
00:00:23
Speaker
Hello, my name is Nick, and I have shaft hair.
00:00:27
Speaker
Call me Odell Beckham Senior, because I'm dad.
00:00:34
Speaker
want me to lick your bedpan, filthy skunk?
00:00:40
Speaker
We're just joking. Everything's jokes.
00:00:47
Speaker
Two girls, one cup? No. Two guys, one screen? Yes.
Podcast Episode Introduction
00:00:54
Speaker
Hello and welcome to another episode of Two Guys, One Screen. The hemorrhoid homies, the Poet Town boys, the Hindi homos, the diarrhea daddies. The kids that need scaring.
00:01:06
Speaker
That's us. That is us. Please come and scare me. I need you to scare my inner child out of me. But we're here today to review a movie. This is not one of those movies that always just got pushed to the back like Rosa Parks.
00:01:19
Speaker
Right. I mean, it's... You know, if it didn't line up in... Christmas month or anything. You know? um Because we knew it was going to be vaulted, so there's really no reason to like just force it on the schedule. Yeah, don't force yourself on me, please. i don't like that.
00:01:35
Speaker
I don't like that. i don't either.
Discussion on 'Monsters, Inc.' and Cultural Context
00:01:38
Speaker
We're reviewing Monsters, Inc. 2001. let me tell you, dude, this movie came out fresh after 9-11. i getting Wow. i won rush ah November 1st, 2001.
00:01:48
Speaker
I mean, fresh. Yeah, but we are still healing. Yeah. What a way to heal. I mean, they're still picking up the the pieces of the building that blew up, right? Right. yeah Also, i don't know if you saw it. I was telling my coworker about this. and He thought it was wild too. Maybe you'll find it also wild. ah There is this page that I can't, I can't say the name of because it has the N word in it.
00:02:11
Speaker
Soft day. There's this guy, he posts like memes and news. His name is grand wizard chat ninja. Yeah, there you go. And he posted a post about these buildings that,
00:02:23
Speaker
After burning for more than 40 hours in a deadliest fire in 17 years, of these Hong Kong apartment ah steel beam structures remain solid and unaffected, leaving many questioning how Tower 7 collapsed during 9-11. Look at these fucking buildings.
00:02:38
Speaker
They're still up. And they're still standing. Weird. Very weird. Very sus. I mean, look at this shit. Yeah. Yeah. I think... ah i think George Bush might have been drinking some C4, if you know what I mean. This guy's like, Oh, the tower.
00:02:59
Speaker
Oh, no, not us, too. They hire the tower. Oh, no, he drop a kick at the tower. Oh, no.
00:03:11
Speaker
Anyways, but so i mean go ahead. I mean, this movie is like a certified hood classic, huh?
Pixar Memories and VHS Nostalgia
00:03:18
Speaker
Yeah, you know, I think my rating is going to surprise you. Yeah, you think so?
00:03:22
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, we can go back and revisit. We had a Pixar ranking at some point. I choose aop episode ah just watched it eft before we started recording. The clip? Yeah. Yeah, I'm probably going to pull that up too and just see where it's at and see how my my ranking would stand after this watch. haven't watched Monsters, Inc.
00:03:41
Speaker
in a hot minute. when so do you Did you see it in theaters? Not that you would remember. No, the only memory of Monsters, Inc. at all that I have is going to the drive-in theater to see the second one, which is a rut row.
00:03:53
Speaker
I have yet to see that one because I've heard it's haven't seen too No. Oh, wow. Monsters University? Yeah, it's pretty bad. I mean, they should have just made like ah a a sequel instead of a prequel, I think. Yeah, or they could just left it alone.
00:04:06
Speaker
You know, it just depends. Also, the Monsters University came out, what, like 2012? Yeah, it was late.
Critique on 'Monsters University'
00:04:16
Speaker
I'm receiving a phone call. All right. 2013, June.
00:04:22
Speaker
We're back again. So, yeah, I never saw the sequel. Yeah, I came out in June 2013. Wow, we were in high school. Yeah, we were. um That might have been why I didn't, because I was probably by then i was probably like, yeah.
00:04:39
Speaker
I didn't go see a Disney movie, but now I'm like, nah, man, Disney's cool.
Post-9/11 Changes to 'Monsters, Inc.'
00:04:44
Speaker
um But I specifically remember the VHS I had. It was bright blue. It kind of looked like Sully's penis.
00:04:57
Speaker
um Sorry, I did not listen to what you said because there's a people also ask because I googled when did monsters and come out and go... they The suggested question is, was Monsters, ink changed after 9-11? And the answer is yes.
00:05:10
Speaker
What did they change? What could they possibly have had to change? The scene in which the CDA decontaminate the Harryhausen, shout to him, Harryhausen's restaurant was originally supposed to feature them destroying the restaurant in explosion. However, that would definitely wasn't going to work in the wake of the 9-11 attacks. Oh, yeah. Oh, and they call it a plasma force field. i didn't know what it was.
00:05:31
Speaker
Okay. It's interesting. So anyways, you had ah you had a DVD, you
Voice Cast Impressions
00:05:35
Speaker
said? the VHS. That was the color of Sully's penis. Yeah, it was light blue. I really wish I still had it.
00:05:41
Speaker
Now, let me ask you this. What is the deal? how does how How are Mike and Cecilia going to make more? Where's Mike's organs? maybe he's like a dog peeks out yeah just yeah or she's dominant yeah i mean i don't know why she'd want to fuck like a medicine ball like that it's kind of weird but it's yeah yeah well you get your exercise in yeah yeah for sure yeah for sure yeah um so it's go ahead Like early 2000s Disney was just fucking something else, huh?
Pixar's Influence in Early 2000s
00:06:14
Speaker
We're cooking. You know who else was cooking in November 2nd, 2001? Chris Benoit.
00:06:18
Speaker
Oh, Chris Benoit. Big cooking, huh? He's in the bed. found the proper website that I was looking for. boy ah Why is it so backwards, bro? What the fuck? Because this is post, post, this is a rare one.
00:06:31
Speaker
Yeah, right in the sweet spot. Yeah, yeah, we're in the sweet spot. We're post but pre-Chris Benoit. We're actually right after 9-11, but we still got six years before Chris. Okay, so in a couple days, as of the day this movie came out, he was WWE wwe Tag Team Champion with Kurt Angle.
00:06:52
Speaker
But they would lose a title in literally three days. To who? It doesn't say. That's gay. You know what? I'm trying, man. It's fine. It really doesn't matter. but Yeah. like who they Also, they have the the dates written day, month, year instead a month, day, year. Oh, so it's like a UK. So it's fucking and stupid.
00:07:13
Speaker
Damn. Who could possibly take the fucking belts off those two, huh? That's a team.
00:07:23
Speaker
Why do feel it's like Brothers of Destruction? It's got to be someone like that. Edge and Rey Mysterio. That's... I mean, goats, but what a weird team. But also, this doesn't match up with the with the dates that I have here.
00:07:40
Speaker
It's...
00:07:43
Speaker
Oh, it does. I'm just a fucking retard. Okay. Oh, okay. Yeah. That was 2002. That wasn't 2001. 2001, he had nothing at this time. Sorry. we probably just came over from WCW.
00:07:56
Speaker
so that would make sense. yeah
Tangent on Chris Benoit
00:07:59
Speaker
Yeah. Still cooking on... ah What are we doing with a Chris?
00:08:05
Speaker
Chris is cooking, bro. Chris is... chris is You know, he's... he's
00:08:11
Speaker
Bro, he was a United States champion for 222 days. All right, Chris. All right, Chris. Go in the hall. He was a stampede British Commonwealth mid-heavyweight champion for 175 days.
00:08:24
Speaker
Wow. 560 days as WWF light heavyweight championship. And his name was the Pegasus Kid. Hell yeah. That's fucking gay. No wonder he fucking killed himself in his family.
00:08:39
Speaker
ah All right, here's your cast and and crew and all that stuff. Got a shout out really quick because I always forget to do
Randy Newman's Contributions
00:08:45
Speaker
this. ah Randy Newman. Is that his name? Randy Newman. The guy did the music. Oh, yeah.
00:08:53
Speaker
i don't fucking know. he's he He also did Toy Story. That's why I'm asking. A big Pixar guy? Big, big. Randy Newman, yeah. Fucking make me feel stupid. He did all. He did fucking Toy Story. He did Cars.
00:09:05
Speaker
He did Toy Story. he did He did Bugs Life. Oh, so yeah. Early to early Pixar then. Randall Stewart Newman. Maybe they named Randall after him. Who knows? Wow. Anyways, I wanted to give that guy shout
Pete Docter's Directorial Debut
00:09:18
Speaker
because always forget. Also, going to be today years old when I discovered who voiced Randall.
00:09:24
Speaker
I could tell as soon as he started talking, I knew who Really? I had no idea. I didn't remember that, but I i definitely like put it together. This movie is directed by Pete Docter, not a real doctor. This was his directorial debut.
00:09:36
Speaker
Cooking. Just hit the ground running, you know what I mean? And then look at the movies he's, well, the top four. Wow. Inside Out, Up, Soul. you gotta watch Soul, bro. Soul's great. And Monsters, like I mean, that's that's, you could say that's four for four. Ran the Gambit.
00:09:51
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, shit. Up is like, I think it's a little overrated, but. Yeah, it's not, it's not, yeah. It's not like to your Pixar, but it's good. It's like, it's like reverse Marley and me, right?
00:10:03
Speaker
The sad shit happens at the beginning and then it's like. And you just get over it, you know? Yeah, yeah it's fine. um Can you imagine if they fucking released Up ah instead of Monsters, Inc. on the same date, in November 2nd, 2001? They go, this shit isn't sad. We just lost fucking two towers. This is bullshit. Yeah. yeah think This is fucking sad. losing both try losing on your whole family with a bunch of fucking towel heads who can't fly a plane ride.
00:10:32
Speaker
Oh, fuck. rat would you I didn't hear what you said. I said, them shits went down, but we going up, bitch. ah All right.
00:10:43
Speaker
Here's
Humorous Voice Impressions
00:10:44
Speaker
your cast. All voice actors, obviously. You got John Goodman, who plays ah Sullivan. Sully. ah John Goodman looks like my doctor that I grew up having. Shout out to Dr. Foster. Bleep that. Actually, i did no you don't have to. it's fine He's looking a little rough nowadays, but Jesus Christ, he's old. it's he rocks a lot He lost a lot of weight.
00:11:02
Speaker
He did. Which is good to do. You know you probably should lose a little weight. yeah I mean, you probably you know this guy from The Big Lebowski, The Emperor's New Groove, maybe 10 Cloverfield Lane. I love 10 Cloverfield Lane. I'll be honest.
00:11:14
Speaker
I really do enjoy that movie. If you've ever seen, like, I think it's like 1994 live action Flintstones. He plays Fred. um I know him from like Roseanne.
00:11:25
Speaker
I was a white trash family. All right. We grew up watching Roseanne. It's just what it is, man. What it is. ah Next, we got Billy k Crystal who voices Mike. I could not put together who voiced Mike the whole time. Like, who the fuck is that?
00:11:39
Speaker
So I knew the name Billy Crystal, but I had no idea who the fuck he was. William Edward Billy Crystal. ah He's in The Princess Bride. He's probably someone big, right?
00:11:50
Speaker
He's also... I'm pretty sure he's he's literally Harry from When Harry Met Sally. Overrated as fuck. He's in Cars. Cars. Who did he voice act in Cars? Billy Crystal. Not even in the top 12, so... So irrelevant.
00:12:07
Speaker
All right, that's Billy Crystal. Next, we got Mary Gibbs, who voices Boo. I mean, talk about, like... how did How did she get paid for to do what she did in this fucking movie? It's ridiculous.
00:12:18
Speaker
I mean, her parents probably did. Because said she was born in 96. She was four. Yeah. It's just crazy. Not four. Six. Math is hard. ninety s not Yeah. I didn't even try. We were four.
00:12:31
Speaker
Oh, fuck. I didn't Jennifer Tilly with Celia. Are you serious? No, i didn't know. Dude, I haven't watched a movie in years. Next, we got Steve Buscemi who plays Randall. ah This is the Steve Buscemi. I don't know.
00:12:44
Speaker
you guys don't know who Steve Buscemi... I love Steve Buscemi. He's in Fargo. He's in Reservoir Dogs. He's in pul he's in most of Quentin's movies. You know, he's in Monsters, Inc. The Big Webowski.
00:12:55
Speaker
And if you've never like deep cut if you've never seen like any of his movies, he's from that meme. Hello, fellow children, or whatever it is. He's also in Armageddon, also mid as fuck.
00:13:06
Speaker
Well... Bruce Willis only had one good franchise. Let's be honest here. Yeah, and we covered it. Go check that out. ah Next, we got James Coburn, who plays Waternoose. I mean, where did they get the name Waternoose?
00:13:21
Speaker
So I thought I was like, damn. oh my God. oh oh That's crazy.
00:13:32
Speaker
ah Next, we got Jennifer Tilly who plays Celia. I mean, can we just give Celia a button because it's Jennifer Tilly? Oh, yeah. Of course.
00:13:43
Speaker
Next, we got Bob Peterson who voices Roz. How's a guy voice Roz? That's crazy. Have you heard that fucking voice? Yeah, i have who is who is bob Who is he in The Incredibles? Not in the top 12. Doesn't matter. He's not Bob.
00:13:59
Speaker
Also a voice in Finding Nemo.
00:14:04
Speaker
Dude, it's crazy that I'm literally 20, almost 28 years old, and this picture of the the generic background for Nemo is Bruce smiling, and it fucking terrifies me still. It's still scary to me. It's creepy, dude. I really don't like it.
00:14:17
Speaker
It bothers me. Also, at the end of the movie, there's a Finding Nemo reference, even though this movie came out before Finding Nemo. Yeah, and then they and then Boo has... ah Woody.
00:14:29
Speaker
No, the bitch. well Oh, Jessie. She has Jessie, a Jessie doll in her room, yeah. I thought it was Woody. But then she's got the ball. The Toy Story ball. I'm gonna fucking give you my ball. Yeah?
00:14:41
Speaker
um Anyways, we got... Who else we got? We got John Ratzenberger, who voices the Yeti. Hey, you want some fucking snow cones? Ha ha ha ha. And then we got frank got to shout out Frank Oz.
00:14:53
Speaker
Frank Oz, who voiced Jeff Fungus. I thought his name was Randy. Was there a Randy in this movie or am crazy? oh Randy. i really thought I thought it was Randall and Randy. thought it was Randy. No, I guess I'm wrong. I'll shut the fuck up now.
00:15:10
Speaker
Anybody else in here that would be cool to shout out? I also really like the um the two custodians. Oh, yeah.
00:15:21
Speaker
right. Well, if you're new to this podcast, we do a scene by scene. i also thought it was like an hour and 40 minutes. It's only a 90 minute movie. Yes, it is. should fucking go by pretty quick. So.
00:15:35
Speaker
Strap it in, strap it on. This also might go by pretty quick. this I mean, also, i mean, if you want to if you want to get somebody, else if you need to start getting laugh, right? Laughed was more powerful. Just walk in with a strap on.
00:15:48
Speaker
Right at the right. Yeah. know mind you should I I guess, but I already got a piece. I mean, the the the strap off with an ass. Yeah. Oh, get one of those like butt plugs with the little furry tail on it.
00:16:04
Speaker
Oh yeah, you're a furry now? Maybe. We're going into 2020... What year is next year? 26? We're going into furries. Yeah. I want to be pet and fucking pegged. Pet and pegged.
00:16:22
Speaker
Pet me, peg me, and then take me for a fucking walk afterwards.
Opening Scene Analysis
00:16:25
Speaker
Yeah. yeah So this fucking kids movie starts with ah this kid going to bed and You see this closet door open slowly and you might, it might look like there's a little tentacle there, but it's just a shirt.
00:16:41
Speaker
Yeah. You know, not, well, well, we're not in Japan. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Not yet. Well, oh yeah. Uh, we see, you see some eyes under the bed, and then this monster kind of appears over this kid and he screams at the kid to like try to scare the kid, but the kid screams back.
00:17:02
Speaker
Which ends up scaring the monster. like ah And he falls on some jacks. Remember jacks? Yo, those shits were fucking lame. I'm not gonna lie to you. Yeah. I didn't even, like, I knew how to play. Like, you bounce the ball.
00:17:17
Speaker
How many jacks can you grab before the ball bounces again? Like, that's some fucking Great Depression shit. It really is. You know what I mean? It really is. Like, you sit down on your luck type shit. Like, wow. I don't even think, like, football was, like, on television when Jax was created. You know what I mean? There wasn't even television. Yeah.
00:17:34
Speaker
Probably not right? Yeah, there were certain people who were enslaved when jacks were invented. For sure. They probably invented it. They probably were fucking the ones doing the welding to make them. my Yeah.
00:17:48
Speaker
Yo, Brian, if you know any jack makers, let us know. No. What is it? It's called something in jacks, right? Like ball and jack? or What is it called? Yeah, you're right. There is something there.
00:18:01
Speaker
5000 BCE. Wow. And they used bones. So Christ wasn't even born yet. This is 5,000 years before. Christ played balls and jacks, dude. He did.
00:18:16
Speaker
just The more you guys know. Yeah. So this dude fucking is terrified of this kid and he falls on some jacks. Shout out to Christ. Yeah. But here's the thing. where i i remember when I did have jacks because I guess my fucking parents thought they were cool still. Because because Len is that old.
00:18:34
Speaker
yeah they probably Yeah. They probably thought jacks were still cool in the year 2000. Yeah. um But I remember, i don't think they probably outlawed the na phone call.
00:18:45
Speaker
Curse recording. Got a little side piece freezer.
Childhood Games Reflection
00:18:48
Speaker
This is a curse recording, but we're going keep trying. Sorry. What I was going to say was, I don't remember metal jacks. By the time we had them, they were plastic.
00:18:57
Speaker
Yeah. i mean, can you try for this fucking reason? Can you imagine just gave little kids metal jacks? just like They did at one point. Yeah. They're just like fucking choking on them. That's better than daddy's fucking rod though. So is the air, can you hear the air that turned on?
00:19:15
Speaker
I thought it was a cat, but is it still, you still hear it though? No, I don't hear it right now. Maybe should talk. well, I'm talking, so we'll find out. The recording the recording's just going to be what it is. It's fine. So this guy's name, this monster's name is Mr. Vile, a.k.a. Mr. Phlegm, is what he said, which was funny.
00:19:33
Speaker
But he's in a ah simulation, and he failed the simulation, and the supervisor points out that he failed because he left the door open. Simulation terminated. And this is when Mr. I keep correct into Waterloo, but it's Mr. Water Noose.
00:19:50
Speaker
Waterloo. Very good seltzer, but overpriced. There you go. He walks in saying that leaving the door open could let in a child. And if a child touches you, you won't die. You dead.
00:20:02
Speaker
Your fucking life is definitely over for a little bit. That's it,
Dark Implications of Scream Power
00:20:05
Speaker
dude. You're touched by a child. Yeah. Well, ah whoa. oh Officer, they touched me first. Yeah. ah And then he has this yellow cartridge. um And these cartridges collect the screams of children, which powers their city, according to him.
00:20:26
Speaker
It's pretty dark if you really think about it. Yeah, it is pretty dark. uh and he needs more scares like james p sullivan aka sully which is spelled s-u-l-l-e-y but i didn't do it like that i'm assuming you did it the proper way s-u-l-l-y right yeah so we cut to sully who is asleep and it looks like his alarm was going off but it's just mike mike mike Yeah. And he's he's talking like he's on the radio and then uses an air horn to wake up Sully.
00:21:02
Speaker
And they have a little a little training ski session because ah Mike Sully is a yeah he's a big deal. He's a big shot. He's like the top scarer at the company.
00:21:13
Speaker
um Then they both sit down and watch the new Monsters Inc. Monsters Incorporated commercial. um And as I mentioned, you find out in the commercial, the city uses the screams as energy.
00:21:24
Speaker
um And then they're all in the commercial, but Mike is a little round bowling ball and he's covered by the Monsters Inc. logo. um But instead of feeling bad about it, he's hyped that he was on TV.
Mike Wazowski Promotion Gag
00:21:39
Speaker
You know what's crazy? This is like still like an ongoing gag. Like if you load it up on Disney Plus... The preview is like over Mike's face. Oh, really? Yeah. Sometimes if you buy merch, like literally they'll make it. So the barcode is on his face. Like, it's just cool. That's funny.
00:21:56
Speaker
They're in it. did you watch this on Disney Plus? Fuck no. Okay. ah They got go to work and Mike wants to take his car, but Sully says they're going walk because there's a scream shortage.
00:22:08
Speaker
Can be wasting energy like that, Mike. I have previously watched it on Disney Plus. There you go. But this time I watched a 4k and it looked really fucking good.
00:22:21
Speaker
The colors, dude, I'm saying.
00:22:25
Speaker
ah we follow Mike Sully to work and they pass Tony. Tony is, uh, he has like a grocery store and, uh, Tony tells him that, uh, he knows that Sully's close to breaking the all time scream record. This dude's LeBron James. Yeah, he is right. Like, uh,
00:22:45
Speaker
then Then we're in Monsters, Inc. And again, Sully's a bit of
Netflix and Scooby-Doo Tangent
00:22:50
Speaker
a celebrity. and there's these two custodians, Needleman and what? Scratch, would you say? Schmitty. Schmitty. Hey, Mr. Sullivan. Like, hey. Like, like Zoinks, Scoob. It's Sully. It's fucking Sully. Like Zoinks, Netflix, Broadwater Brothers. like Now we're seeing the greatest monster serial of all time.
00:23:13
Speaker
Hey, they own fucking Scooby-Doo now. I not know, that's what I'm saying. That's fucking horrible. like sonics Like, Warner Brothers wasn't even doing anything with Scooby-Doo. You fucking think Netflix is? They're going to make some bullshit.
00:23:29
Speaker
Just kidding. if If fucking Netflix goes all fucking woke and dope, Shaggy's going to be like, Like, Scoob, why am I trans? Oh, no. no.
00:23:43
Speaker
Yeah. All right.
Introduction of Celia
00:23:44
Speaker
So like Scooby, you remember that scene in Scooby-Doo 2 Monsters Unleashed where I got tits? Well, like now they're permanent. i'm Like now they're still here.
00:23:56
Speaker
I've been hiding them under my baggy green shirt. I can't do a shaggy voice. um So anyways.
00:24:04
Speaker
We, uh, they also meet, uh, we meet Secretary, uh, she's a secretary. Her name is Celia. She's not Secretary so it's not like a fucking government fuck? Secretary Celia. Yeah, she's fucking big, top-notch here, right? yeah and Yeah. She's like Medusa.
00:24:20
Speaker
She is like Medusa, and she's fucking Mike Big. Yeah, and she can fucking pound my medulla oblongata, or whatever it's called. Give me some fucking CTE. Yeah. You know what mean?
00:24:31
Speaker
Yeah, and I mean, those all those little fucking little drawings on her hair are definitely sucking Mike's cock.
Workplace Dynamics at 'Monsters, Inc.'
00:24:37
Speaker
Oh, yeah. But they're rattlesnakes because you got that little rattle. Some shit's poisonous. Yeah, but they'll suck on you nice. You know I mean? No no teeth for sure. Right. They're just sucking on them. You're going to get like necrosis of the cock. That's not good. Necrosis of the cock.
00:24:51
Speaker
Wow. It's really not good. ah And they're going on a date tonight to Harry Housen's. Shout to Harry Housen. You remember him? Yeah, remember him? Check out our Killer Clowns from Outer Space episode.
00:25:03
Speaker
Harry's housing. So anyways, Harry, I don't know why when you told me that was his name, I just like fucking died. This was so funny. It's old Harry housing. What a name. Uh, we cut this locker room and Mike's locker door keeps closing on its own. And it's because of Randall who is in, uh,
00:25:20
Speaker
He's a monster that's able to turn invisible. He's like a He's like an elongated chameleon. He's using Harry's dad's blanket. Yeah. Oh, invisibility. Oi, bruv.
00:25:31
Speaker
Oi, bruv. I just need the elder wand. I snuck into this little kid's... No, no, no. No, okay. Gave him my elder wand. Uh...
00:25:43
Speaker
dristic I wasn't gonna say anything bad. What were you say? Well, that's all what you were gonna say. bruv, I snuck into this little kid's fucking broom cupboard and I stole his cloak.
00:25:57
Speaker
ah you i thought go I thought you were going a different way. Nope. You know what all these hands are for. They're for rocking Harry's bopper.
00:26:08
Speaker
They're for fucking stealing. I'm never there. I'm invisible. I have this British accent, but make no mistake, I'm a fucking... I'm a bloody Mexican.
00:26:19
Speaker
Is he? I don't know. Steal shit. but Steve Buscemi. I'm black.
00:26:27
Speaker
Well, yeah, his name's Randall. name Name a black guy named Randall besides Brian's cousin's brother. oh Anyways, randall's Randall's in second place in the all-time screen counter, and he says he's going to win big.
Randall vs. Sully Rivalry
00:26:43
Speaker
Mike goes to see Roz, and she's not happy because Mike didn't file his paperwork. Classic one. You didn't file your paperwork last night.
00:26:56
Speaker
Uh...
00:26:59
Speaker
I'm just hearing ghost ghost rings. Holy shit. ah Follow Mike, and he loads these the canister onto the the door frame. It's like a the whole factory, they have these doors are on conveyor belts that swing in, and they lower down into these little stands, these little jawns. if you haven't seen Monsters, think fuck you. I don't know what to You're probably living under a rock if you're our age for sure, right?
00:27:24
Speaker
Right. So anyways, these doors come out in like an assembly line and, you know, Mike and whoever else, Randy, his name's not Randy, but Randy, the snake, a little fucking red fucking bean. waste Red. What?
00:27:38
Speaker
That little fucking real assistant, a little red bean looking motherfucker who gets sucked a life out of him. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It looks like my fucking penis when he gets after it gets sucked.
00:27:50
Speaker
It's like he's like pale white and a little red lip. It's crazy, bro. It's like my cock. It's crazy, dude. Kind looks like those like kiss. No. Yeah. It's like when you have a red Tic Tac. You suck it till it's white. you just suck the outside off of it. That's what he looks for.
00:28:05
Speaker
I was going to say kind of look like black face, but right. a little bit. Tan face. ah So anyways, all the all the main scarers come out. They got assistants that, like, load the door for and put the fucking jaw on. And, like, Mike Wazowski is Sully's assistant in all this.
00:28:21
Speaker
um and know so and this And the lot. Right. And we see a montage of, you know, monsters scaring people. Mr. Water Noose walks in and...
00:28:33
Speaker
His assistant, Jerry, tells him they might make the quota this this month. um And we cut. This monster comes out of this door. He's scared because he almost got touched.
00:28:44
Speaker
Be careful. Oh, like they're fucking touching me in there, man. The kids are touching us.
George and the Child Detection Agency Incident
00:28:51
Speaker
o Like they reversed the monster card, man.
00:28:55
Speaker
they They call for a dead door is when the kids aren't scared anymore. It's a dead door. So they they shred this door. And Water News says the kids don't get scared like they used to, which is true.
00:29:08
Speaker
yeah ah We see Randall pass Sully for all-time scares, and Sully passes Randall again. And then there's this poor this poor soul, george He comes out of this door. He has a sock on his back.
00:29:24
Speaker
and This is a 2319. Uh,
00:29:27
Speaker
ah so these Johns in hazmat suits come in. This is the CDA child detection agency. And, uh, someone needs to fucking send those to Hogwarts. Yeah, dude. but Someone needs to go check on fucking.
00:29:41
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Uh,
00:29:47
Speaker
So anyways, i always remember this scene as a kid. they always They all enter through the windows and shit. It's like a big fucking deal. It's like Mission Impossible. Right. They... Pull a sock off of them. They put on the floor and blow it up.
00:29:59
Speaker
And they shave George and like fucking sanitize him. Covers his little non-existent piece. Right. None of these people have pieces. i mean, what do you think Waternoose's piece looks like? it has to be disgusting.
00:30:12
Speaker
I mean, yeah, he's a crab. Gross. So it's definitely like, you think it's a soft shell?
00:30:19
Speaker
Hey, Greg, want some my soft shell? Hey, girl. bite, though. I can make it hard for you. Yeah, don't bite, though. You'll break right through it. Yeah, just nibbling. Remember the first time I had a soft shell crab sandwich?
00:30:32
Speaker
Shit was great. Do I remember it, or you do? I do. Oh, yeah. I don't remember it. Shit was great. I was like, wait, I eat this whole motherfucker's body? Yeah, everything? Yeah, you do. Eat him out.
00:30:43
Speaker
Yeah. Um...
Waternoose's Plea to Sully
00:30:48
Speaker
Next scene, Warren News is talking to Sully, and he's trying to save the company from going under. and he's like, oh, Sully, you can help if you can come to the scareer this scarer demonstration.
00:31:01
Speaker
Show these new guys how to how it's done. ah We cut, and they the workday is ending. All the doors have to be returned, and they go this we go to this locker room where...
00:31:14
Speaker
ah Mike's telling Sully's going to take Celia out to a monster truck rally. Get it? yeah Sully's like, i'm gonna go home work out. um And they're leaving and they get stopped by Roz and ask about the paperwork, which you know Mike didn't do because again he's a silly goose.
00:31:34
Speaker
And so i was like, you know what? I'll do it. I got it for you, buddy. Um... So Sully goes back to like the main floor and finds Mike's paperwork. And there's one random door left behind.
00:31:47
Speaker
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00:32:08
Speaker
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00:32:23
Speaker
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00:32:34
Speaker
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00:32:47
Speaker
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00:33:04
Speaker
Click it and stick it. And now back to the episode. He opened the door and there is no one inside. There's no kid. There's no monster in there. Nobody's in there.
00:33:17
Speaker
Like, fuck.
Boo's First Chaos
00:33:18
Speaker
God damn it! Why isn't there a kid in here?
00:33:24
Speaker
closes the door and hears a thump and there's a child behind him, Boo, who is just picking up and dropping his tail. And obviously this is terrifying to him because he's been told his whole life that kids can kill you.
00:33:37
Speaker
So he throws her back in the room, but she somehow ends up back outside again. he throws her back in the room again. And then on his way out trips and falls and gets covered in all her, all her stuff.
00:33:49
Speaker
Whoa. Yeah. I almost said all her shit, but you know, that's crazy. Uh, He then sees Randall pushing a cart in a different room and he makes a run for it.
00:34:01
Speaker
He runs to the bathroom and tries to flush all like it's like a blanket and some random ass shit down the toilet. But it doesn't flush. These like ducks on a string that quack when you pull them. I wish someone would pull my duck.
00:34:15
Speaker
You know what I mean? Just once. ah So obviously he's won't flush. He steps in a locker. Uh, and then, uh, as he walks away, he's like, oh, phew, that was a close one. And we see Boo is still on his back.
00:34:31
Speaker
Fucking riding this guy. Right. And then he starts freaking out. Uh, he puts her in a bag. What else you do with the kid besides put him in a bag? Yeah, bag that bitch up. Uh...
00:34:43
Speaker
He goes back to the door, but Randall's in the door. So you open these doors and you're like, you have access to these kids' rooms, which is crazy. Pause. I mean, hey, we didn't say rep team would like that.
00:34:54
Speaker
Yes. Like, how is he not the CEO of Monsters, Inc.? He will be. All right. In a couple years, he's going to have a glow up. Yeah. Jeffrey Epstein watched this movie. because You know what? I got a better idea. Let's just trap him on an island. Yeah.
00:35:09
Speaker
but yeah Yeah. Come here, Bill. Come here, Don. Yeah. And instead of fucking instead of screams, we're just looking for their fucking bodily fluids. Oh, Lord. Yeah, it's disgusting.
00:35:21
Speaker
I use children's cum instead of milk. That's how we're going to energize this whole island. Children's cum? Yeah. Wow. Specifically the pre-cum. Yes. Yeah.
00:35:33
Speaker
That's the best one. Those swimmers might live. Right.
00:35:39
Speaker
ah Anyway, so Randall's in the room. So Sully hides behind the door. which Randall sends the door back, doesn't notice that Sulla's sitting right there.
00:35:52
Speaker
and he's about to leave, and i think Boo sneezes or falls, or I don't know. She, like, goes, like, yeah! Randall sneezes. He stops like he hurts him, but he just sneezes. ah Then we cut to Henry's housing, Harry housing.
00:36:05
Speaker
And, look, you gotta you gotta to feel bad for Mike, right? Because he's just trying to fine-dine the hymen, and then Sully just comes in here and fucking blows everything up.
Mike's Date Disrupted
00:36:14
Speaker
Fine-dine the hymen?
00:36:18
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. So they're chatting. He's like, i love you, bitch. You know i mean? Yeah. Let me fucking slice open your hymen and shit. Let me get in those fucking tentacles, bro. Like, yeah.
00:36:28
Speaker
Yeah. um Bro, imagine trying to eat her cooter. You got to like spread all her legs in all the different directions. Oh, It's like trying to fucking put a bed sheet on a bed. You're like. Yes. fetch them But they have eyes. So they're like watching you.
00:36:42
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. It's like it's like. She could probably film porn really good. They download all the angles from her fucking legs. You know what I mean? Yeah. All these eyes watching. Be like, yo, hold this. Hold this. All right, cool.
00:36:54
Speaker
Switch to camera three. ah You think that's how it is? In like high quality like porn sets? Probably. There's probably someone sitting there going, all right, switch this angle. But I imagine those people film so much porn at this point that like it's just like, all right, this isn't like even like I'm going to get off to this. It's just kind of like, all right, film this, film that.
00:37:13
Speaker
Yeah. It's probably more like work than anything else to them. That's probably what it is to like porn stars too, right? Probably, yeah. They just show up, do their shit, and leave. Yeah, they just show up, ride some cock, and get out.
00:37:24
Speaker
Yeah, then they go back to their husband and kids.
00:37:28
Speaker
Mommy, what'd you do at work today? I suck cock! Yeah. Well, I was doing a BBC today, and they stuck it in both holes.
00:37:40
Speaker
I had triple penetration in my pussy. Yeah. Mommy has to save her voice today. i have to throw three black dicks later. Yeah. So don't make me angry.
00:37:51
Speaker
Yeah. I can't talk today. Don't make me raise my voice because I'm about to raise a fucking penis in about 30 minutes after I drop you off at school. Daddy, why is mommy walking weird?
00:38:05
Speaker
Oh, she got attacked by your friend Jamal.
00:38:11
Speaker
Yeah, Jamal got his pen at the zoo. Yeah. yeah yeah Jamal owes your mom money. yeah
00:38:21
Speaker
Jamal's where you came from. Yeah. Daddy, why are you white and so Bobby? But I'm black. But I look like a fucking French latte.
00:38:35
Speaker
Daddy, why do I like holding a gun sideways? Yeah.
00:38:43
Speaker
Grilled chicken? Where's fried chicken? Daddy, why do I really like Cookie Monster pajama pants? I've never even seen Sesame Street.
00:38:55
Speaker
I can explain. Daddy, why do I not want why do i now want to suck on Mommy's Milkers? But anyways.
00:39:06
Speaker
anyways That's fucking hilarious. You're a black kid. You're
Cultural Observations
00:39:10
Speaker
adopted. Yeah. It's got to be the hard life. It's probably the good life though, right?
00:39:17
Speaker
Mommy, can I say the N word? Yeah, sure. Just not around the other kids. Yeah. But what if they give me permission? You don't need permission. No new permission. You got it. You're blessed. You're allowed to say it.
00:39:30
Speaker
All right. So or I said it back in college, but yeah. Yeah. The best one is that Theo Vaughn is like, I don't say it unless you're saying it. Yeah.
00:39:42
Speaker
But he always gets like so like so close. Yeah. Very, very close. wow You still put that out, huh? Yeah. And with your whole personality, you probably like saying it. Theovan definitely says the N-word at least once a day. look mirror Yeah.
00:40:00
Speaker
So anyways, Sully shows up and he has
Restaurant Chaos and CDA Lockdown
00:40:05
Speaker
Boo in a bag. And then she's now walking around the restaurant and then jumps on the counter and says, Boo. and The whole restaurant empties out and they, Mike and Sully decide to put Boo in a Chinese takeout box.
00:40:17
Speaker
And they run off and there's a big boom. That's the plasma, plasma shield. What did I call it? it's just It's a plasma shield because the whole place is going on lockdown.
00:40:29
Speaker
Yeah, the c the CDA shows up. Because there's a kid. A human kid. We see the news. It's called a kid-tastrophe. And the testimonials from the monsters who were there are kind ridiculous. Like, oh, she moved me with her mind. Like, no, she fucking didn't, dude. She started shooting me like a doll.
00:40:50
Speaker
She fucking moved my piece with her fucking body, yada, yada. Yeah. I just saw the skin of my penis moving up and down. I'm like, someone much stroking me, but I can't see him. It's Randall.
00:41:03
Speaker
Randall.
00:41:07
Speaker
Yeah, Randall's mouth is built for a fucking chode. He got a wide mouth. He really do. he could like, but if he turns his mouth sideways, you'd probably get like six of them in there. like a sandwich.
00:41:19
Speaker
Yeah. Uh...
00:41:23
Speaker
So Boo pushes over this TV that that they're watching. um She just straight up sneezes in Mike's eye. It's fucked up. Yeah. But then he proceeds to like spray some kind of like disinfectant in his eye.
00:41:38
Speaker
Right.
00:41:41
Speaker
Sully gives Boo little mic, which is um not not a black eye. Hey, i' have an idea. Why don't you give her your little mic?
00:41:53
Speaker
If we double team her, we can give her that Mike and Ike. You know what saying? That's fucking crazy, bro. She's like, Lily can't even speak. You know why should she can't speak my dicks in her mouth? That's what's up.
00:42:04
Speaker
Like two, but it's fine. Get there before the air.
00:42:13
Speaker
So little Mike is a stuffed animal that belongs to Mike. And Mike's like, fuck, no one takes it away. And she starts crying, which causes the electricity to go fucking wild.
00:42:24
Speaker
And then Mike trips and rolls into a garbage can and gets throated by some books. Yeah. Which makes Boo laugh. And the power just goes out. We cut to Boo drawing and Sully's throwing Cheerios into her mouth.
00:42:40
Speaker
And Mike says, what? No. I know. Yeah. You fucking... You fucking... Alright.
00:42:51
Speaker
Mike says that their best option is to dig a tunnel with spoons and then just drop her off into the wild. Spoons. Spoons. Your best idea? Spoons.
00:43:03
Speaker
There's a lot of quotable moments in this movie. Sure. ah Boo drew a picture of Sully and her holding hands and then she looks tired.
Sully's Comedic Bedtime Struggles
00:43:14
Speaker
Sully's like, now's the time. Yeah.
00:43:17
Speaker
It's time! ah Sully lays out this trail of Cheerios for her to follow, and then it's like to like sleep on fucking newspaper.
00:43:28
Speaker
ah But she gets in his bed, and he's like, I mean, she's basically fucking asking for it. I mean, at this point, right? But she like refuses to go to bed because she thinks that Randall, who's her like assigned monster, is going to come out of the closet and be like, I'm gay! There I am!
00:43:49
Speaker
All these hands need cocks in them. Now. So Sully like proves to her that there's nothing in there. But she's still scared.
00:43:59
Speaker
So Sully sits on a cinder block in front of the door. But she instantly falls asleep. So Sully roofied her, right? Like she just... Sully did something. She's immediately out.
00:44:11
Speaker
Um...
00:44:14
Speaker
So Sully comes back out to the living room and tells Mike that they should just return the kid. And Mike thinks it's a horrible idea. ah But anyways, they just just decided to do it to the next next day. And they're walking into the Monsters, Inc. And they've made Boo a costume out of a couch.
CDA Tension at Monsters, Inc.
00:44:34
Speaker
And they walk inside. The CDA is all over Monsters, Inc. And they run into, or Boo runs over to Waternoose. oh um and war noose isn't able to detect she's a child because she's wearing this costume they go to this locker room uh and mike's like i'm gonna get the key you hang out here and then boo's gotta go pee or take a shit who knows i think she got i've seen a kid or two pee oh you have needed to be
00:45:06
Speaker
um So Sully just stands in front of the stall while she's just sitting there singing and he's like, you're done? And he just fucking straight up opens up and she screams. Yeah. Like, yo, my twat's out.
00:45:21
Speaker
yeah My two-year-old undeveloped twat's out, bro. Yeah, like either full send it or get the fuck out of here. Yeah. At least let me tuck my flaps back in. Why is she already fucking roast beefed? You know what happened last night.
00:45:38
Speaker
So anyways, she wants to play hide and seek. ah And she goes hiding in all these different stalls or whatever. We cut to Mike goes to see Roz who is unamused by his bullshit.
00:45:49
Speaker
And he straight up asks he's need a key to the door that Randall fucking around with last night. And Roz's like, you didn't file your paperwork? No. And then she slams the door on his hands. um Mike comes back and finds Sully playing hide and seek with Boo. He goes, fuck you doing, man?
00:46:05
Speaker
What the fuck is this? What the fuck is this? Yeah. Yeah. Why are you chasing this kid in the man's bathroom? Yeah. Like, also, why... What are you doing? Uh...
00:46:18
Speaker
They hear Randall come to all hide in the stall and Mike's foot slips into the toilet water.
Mike's Foot in Toilet Water
00:46:23
Speaker
That's gross. um And then I wrote Randy, but his name's not Randy. This little fucking red hot chili bean walks in. What's name? Fungus?
00:46:32
Speaker
Fungus. Yeah. And, you know, Fungus and Randall think that they let the kid out. Who let the kid out? Yeah. Jeff. ge Jeff. Jeff.
00:46:44
Speaker
Who's Jeff? Bree. Oh, Epstein. Yeah. He let the kids in. Well. Well. um You fucking know.
00:46:55
Speaker
The kids let him in, you know i mean? Yeah, right. He stuffed that shit. um Like a pepper. Right. Put my rice and meat in you. yeah what Jake asked me yesterday just to be more disgusting. ah He told me that my sister gets yeast infections. I don't know why he said that, but he told me that.
00:47:16
Speaker
Or he said something like that. And I was just like, yeah, I'm happy that i and I never partook in the family bread baking session. Oh, my God. Skip that. Also, how does he know? Not everybody gets a yeast infection like every woman. I don't know. My sister's like doesn't like I don't know. I don't why you even said that to me, but it was funny.
00:47:34
Speaker
Be like, hey, yo, you know, your shit. Don't your sister. Don't wipe her shit. What you're doing. Your shit's yeasty, girl. Like, you clean that shit up. Anyways, so Randall goes to open every fucking stall door because he hears Mike's foot slip in the water and then doesn't end up opening their door because Fungus is freaking the fuck out.
00:47:53
Speaker
Because they're on the front page. Right. Well, Boo's on the front page of the newspaper. Right, because a kid escaped. We cut to the main floor, monster scare floor, and Mike's like, all right, here's the door, but it's not the right door because Roz turned the fuck off.
Musical Gag and Play
00:48:11
Speaker
And Sully says, we're not putting Boo back in there. He goes, who the fuck is Boo? He goes, this is my Boo. Yeah. Nobody puts fucking Boo in a corner, all right? Yeah. um Mike loses his shit on Silly, but everyone's looking.
00:48:26
Speaker
um So they quickly be like, oh, we're rehearsing a play, which is put that thing back where it came from more, so help me. That's the play they're doing. That's a classic line right there. Classic ah They run into Randall and ah Mike tells him it was Waxford. Waxford's the guy behind all this. Gotta go talk to that. Oh, that's the dude with the like the five eyes. Yeah. we get Freaky tentacle boy. Yeah. Speaking of freaky tentacle boy, Celia runs over. It's freaky tentacle girl.
00:48:54
Speaker
And she's pissed because obviously Mike bailed on the restaurant of the night. And then... ah Randall's still standing off the side and he sees Mike in the photo of the newspaper. ah And he runs over and interrogates. ah Well, he chases Mike through like the office area. And then he's like blended into the wall and then grabs Mike and he wants to know where the kid is.
00:49:17
Speaker
um And Mike's like, well, I know you were fucking staying there last night cheating. um And Randall doesn't like deny or accept that. But he's like, look, man, lunch is at 12.
00:49:28
Speaker
Go in there while no one's there and put the kid back. Right. And he's like, what's going to happen at 12
Randall's Mysterious Plan
00:49:35
Speaker
o'clock? he's He's like, the room will be painted. For some reason, that shit still hit for some reason. Painted pretty good. Yeah. Painted?
00:49:44
Speaker
Empty! It'll be empty, you idiot! We cut to Boo, she's running around, and she jumps into this garbage can. And Sully's looking for... ah The CBA stops Sully. It's like, oh, fuck, he's done. But they just want an autograph.
00:50:01
Speaker
and Hey, you're that all-time pedophile. Can i have your autograph?
00:50:07
Speaker
They... So...
00:50:11
Speaker
Boo's costume has like two fake eyes on it. And one of them falls off and is like stuck in the garbage. um And Sully watches the custodians dump the garbage down the chute and he sees the eye go with it. So he thinks that this fucking little girl's in the chute.
00:50:27
Speaker
Poop chute. ah Boo runs into some kids. like It's like monster daycare yeah while you're at work. bring your cousin's sister's kid to work day.
00:50:37
Speaker
Right. And they, the lady asked what, uh, what her name is. And she says, her name Mike Wazowski. Uh,
00:50:46
Speaker
Sully watches the garbage go through the compactor and gets a brick with ah the eye sticking out. And he passes out a couple times and also very sad. We cut to Mike looking for Sully and he finds Sully.
00:50:59
Speaker
um And obviously he's sad because he thought that she was dead. And they're like, oh, i hear her voice. And Mike's like, how many kids you got in there? That's fucking weird. so um and he finds Boo with all the all these other kids. And obviously he's relieved that she's alive.
00:51:17
Speaker
um And the lady says that Sully's an affectionate father. And he's like, no, no, no, I'm not a dad. Get fuck of here with that shit. ah This kid bites Mike's hand and that makes Boo laugh. And the power starts to go out. So they make a run for it. Yeah.
00:51:34
Speaker
So they make it back to rent the door, Boo's door. And Mike's like, oh, here's the door. Just like Randall said, like Randall and Sully and Boo are like, we ain't going in there if Randall said so. It's not okay. don't fucking trust big dick Randy. All right. Yeah. So Mike goes into a Boo's room and he gets snatched by big dick Randy.
Randall's Attempted Kidnapping
00:51:54
Speaker
um And he gets boxed up and carled off. ah Kind of like the poor cats in China. Right. Yes. ah Boo falls over and Randall hears it and he disappears, but is unable to find her or Sully. And the lunch bell rings and ah Randall goes off with his cart. Sully follows after Randall and they turn this corner and there's three carts that look all the same as the one that Randall is pushing, but Mike's not in any of them. When Boo finds a secret door,
00:52:33
Speaker
Uh, and they go down this, uh, the secret hallway, John, and we see Randall unloading this fucking cart with Randy.
00:52:45
Speaker
and he's much fat as fuck. Yeah. i call him Randy. It's fucking fungus. Yeah. Um, and they open the door into this chair and Mike pops out. So Mike, um, and then lock delivering me on your bicycle today, Mike. Nah, just one big wet eyeball.
00:53:02
Speaker
ah They lock Mike into the seat and Randall unveils the scream extractor. I definitely called this discriminator later in in the fucking scene by scene because I forgot what it was called.
00:53:14
Speaker
I mean, that's a better name, don't you think? I think so. I mean, it's basically like a giant fucking dick pump. I mean, I want to stick my dick in that pump hard. For sure, right? Yeah, just suck it.
00:53:25
Speaker
ah Suck it! And this fucking machine is about to suck Mike off big. Yeah. But it breaks. um
00:53:37
Speaker
but What? say It would just be like if the machine had a personality, he'd get put to suck it and go, ain't fucking gay. ain't sucking his green fuck. but You promised me a girl, not this fucking weirdo. Yeah.
00:53:52
Speaker
Yeah. I can't tell if I'm fucking sucking his mouth or his eye. Yeah. or one up here Where's his piece? yeah Why does he look like fucking Ken? He ain't got a fucking cock on him.
00:54:04
Speaker
Who's Ken? The Barbie doll? Yeah. He ain't got no fucking piece. So anyways, this fucking machine isn't gay, so it's not sucking Mike off. ah And ah Randall sends Fungus to fix it, but he sees his cord move and he follows his cord and it's been unplugged from the wall.
00:54:22
Speaker
um Mike offers Fungus. He goes, I got a car. I'll give you a ride in the car. It's a nice car. uh reno comes back uh and we see fungus just getting the slop sucked out of him you know what i mean i mean this is one of the funniest scenes i think ever he's just getting sucked so harsh yeah i mean this shit sucked the color out of him know what i mean that's what the black people need to do they need to get in here
00:54:56
Speaker
butmo I mean, Adolf should have invented this fucking machine if you wanted everyone to look the same.
Fungus Drained by Machine
00:55:00
Speaker
Yeah, for sure. I mean, you can even put the fucking Chinese in. It wouldn't look so yellow anymore. Right. I feel like DX should be proud.
00:55:07
Speaker
so Suck it. Yeah. And he just looks like a fucking overcooked hot dog. I mean, this guy is fucked up. far He's like, he probably had like the best orgasm ever because like he can't even talk. He's tingling. He's like...
00:55:20
Speaker
That's true. That's true. Yeah. Part of point. I will say his color comes back though. Cause at the end of the movie, he's like walking around and he looks fine. Well, as of right now, my boy got juiced. Yeah. Yeah.
00:55:32
Speaker
Um, and he, Sully and Mike run to see Mr. Waternoose. And, uh, this is right in the middle of the demonstration. Sully was supposed to be at. And he's like, bro, i got talk to you, bro. And Warren is like, yo, go scream real quick.
00:55:46
Speaker
And he's like, na no, no, i can't do this. Right. And he's like, scream, bitch. ah So, oh, i mean, don't know why I wrote this. I wrote, he roars and she takes it. I mean, of.
00:55:59
Speaker
Boo is obviously terrified because she just got scared by the greatest scarer of all time. Dad. ah Dad. Here's my question, right? Yeah, he's wrong. Because this is taking place over several days, at least in the monster world, right?
00:56:15
Speaker
at least I think it takes place at least over one. At least one. Maybe two. Confirmed one in the human world, too, because when they go to the village, it's like night.
00:56:27
Speaker
And they go Paris, and it's like day. So. Yeah. Yeah. What the fuck you think Boo's parents doing? They call him CPS. CPS probably getting called on them. Yeah. Where the fuck's on my kid? yeah Where's my kid?
00:56:41
Speaker
But this is the thing. Is that Boo is like. ah So fearless with all the monsters. And just Randall scares her. Like why are you fucking on the monster. and like to be front of the monster. If Randall terrifies you.
00:56:54
Speaker
Yeah well because Sully's like. He's like you' a good guy. You scared of just lizards? I mean. Depends on how big the lizard is. You know what mean? You got scolidendosophoria. That's the fear of lizards.
00:57:08
Speaker
Okay. Wait, can this bitch pronounce it for me? Scoliodontorophobia. Scoliodontorophobia. That's how, that's the fear of lizards.
00:57:19
Speaker
Okay. Obviously, she's scared. Waterloo. Waterloo. It's not Waterloo. it just fucking corrects every time. Waternoose sees that it's a child. And Sully sees the images of himself on screen, scaring.
00:57:31
Speaker
um Mike tells Waternoose everything. And then Waternoose has a steel door come down and abandons Mike and Sully into the... The winter. The wintry wasteland.
00:57:43
Speaker
And at this point, Randall shows up with the door. So Randall and Warren Noosa have been in on this the whole time. It's a conspiracy. Never trust a snake. Sully's all sad and Mike's trying to talk to him. He's just not listening. So Mike tries to fight Sully and they run into the abominable snowman.
00:58:02
Speaker
We cut to his little fucking hut. Cave. It's where Luke fucking fought that John. Oh, the... Yeah, in Empire Strikes Back. The Wampa? Wampa? Is that what it's called?
00:58:15
Speaker
Willy Wampa? Isn't that what they're called? I Wampa You to Suck My Cocker? Right. Where he cut open the... yeah Yeah, I don't know anymore. I haven't watched Star Wars in a few years at this point. It's called Jack Jack, but it's something like... me i I said Star Wars, but we watched Star Wars later for the podcast like not that long ago. Revenge of the Sith.
00:58:33
Speaker
Yeah. Not Empire. Well, it's still Star Wars. Check our episode. Um, Sully's sitting there depressed and Mike, uh, Mike hates Sully.
00:58:44
Speaker
Uh, and there's that shaved ice. He goes, don't worry. It's a lemon. He didn't piss in the ice. I want Yeti piss. Hell yeah. But it's basically confirmed all the cryptids. They were real. They just got banned from the yeah monster world into ours.
00:58:58
Speaker
Right. Like Bigfoot. Yeah. Yeah. The snowman mentions that there's a village at the bottom of the hill and says we got to go there and go through the door to get back. So he's like, are there kids there? the Fucking Yeti's probably like, ah wow. Buddy, kids. Yes or no? you think
00:59:21
Speaker
Come on, let's go. got places to be, or places to be, people to be inside of. Come on. Right, let's go. see this cock? It's not going to jerk itself. Yeah. Well, it could, but... Who else is going to shave my pubes? Not me.
00:59:35
Speaker
Not me. ah So the snowman... Anyways, I already said that. ah So Sully's like, we got to get back to Boo. And Mike is like, what about us, bro? What about me? My big eye? What about that? Yeah.
00:59:48
Speaker
And Sully literally just does not care at all. Nobody else understands my fetish of people licking my eyeball. Only you. Only you, Sully. Your nice tongue. Yeah. Yeah.
01:00:00
Speaker
He's like, it all started when she started calling you Kitty. You know that's my fucking name for you in bed. didn't like that. yeah pet you. I know you like to be pet right above your pelvis. Pet and peg, like we said. Yeah. yeah So Sully's like, look, we're going go save Boo. And Mike's like, nah no, no, no. not You're going to go save Boo. I ain't fucking coming.
01:00:21
Speaker
So he just stays there. And Sully tries to sled down. They're on Mount Everest. And he tries to sled down. He crashes, but he kind of tumbles pretty close to the village.
Sully's Heroic Rescue
01:00:33
Speaker
And we cut to seeing Boo getting locked up to the Succinator John. And Warren Noose and Randall ah are, it's, you obviously the two of them have like conceived this plan and Warren Noose is pissed that he had to lose his best scare over it.
01:00:49
Speaker
Then Sully comes in and he takes off this suckinator and he throws it and kind of pins Waternoose to the wall. He goes like full Hulk mode. He does, but he's a big guy. It kind of makes sense. Waternoose sends Randall after Sully and Randall ah follows after him because he can turn invisible. He's just beating the shit out of Sully invisible, like invisible.
01:01:14
Speaker
Mike shows up while Sully's literally getting choked out. Kinky. And he's just talking shit, but obviously like not paying attention. And then he gets mad at Sully again for not listening, so he throws a snowball and misses, but hits Randall. And he's like, oh, it's Randall.
01:01:31
Speaker
Yeah. Sully gets on that fucking backhand. Yeah. They make a run for it, and then Celia chases after them, and Mike's like, listen, this is what's going on. There's a kid, XYZ. I'm mad too. She's she's like, I don't fucking believe you, and then Boo shows up and goes, goo-goo-ga-ga, and she goes, oh shit, it's an actual kid.
01:01:53
Speaker
ah They get to Boo's door with Randall chasing them, and Celia announces that Randall broke the new scare record, and he gets mobbed. Um, and then they decided to take this door and fucking ride it, uh, up into the conveyor belt.
01:02:09
Speaker
Uh, and they get separated from booze door. They're riding a, a different door, a side door. It's kind of crazy how Disney never capitalized on this and made like a rollercoaster out of it.
Door Chase Theme Park Idea
01:02:20
Speaker
Out of a door.
01:02:23
Speaker
Yeah. Like the whole, like through the door thing, like at Disneyland or world. I guess I don't find that particularly entertaining. Hey, look, a door. Oh, I know. Know what mean? Oh, shit, a door. It's like a high-speed chase. Look at all these doors.
01:02:42
Speaker
Well, they made the fucking gay-ass car ride. What's the gay-ass car ride? You like go through like motor... What is it? What movie we referencing? Cars 1. What do you got? The town?
01:02:54
Speaker
the Radiator Springs. Radiator Springs. Yeah. Yeah, but you're not going fast. You're just going slow. You spring my radio, you have to get some heat. what mean? Yeah, I know. There's fucking heat. So... I'll fucking steal your Cadillac converter.
01:03:09
Speaker
Oh, yeah. They're riding this fucking door. um And Mike is able to make Boo laugh, which causes the light on the door to, like, come on. It has power.
01:03:20
Speaker
And... They go through this door and then come out a different one. They're closer to Boo's door. Not her pussy. That's disgusting.
01:03:31
Speaker
Boo's door. They go through this hi-yah head-ass door ah and they come out. and it It was funny because when they're in there, he's like, it's a sliding one. He goes, oh yeah, one of these. He said something he hit he is like one of those, something like that. so he does He does, yeah. and You're like, oh right.
01:03:51
Speaker
Yeah. Racism. It's real. i mean, we just the towers dropped on us. We're little racist right now. I get it. Yeah, but the Japs didn't do that. a little racist in the heel. You know what i mean? Yeah. We took care of the Japs back in 44. Yeah. You know what mean? Yeah. um So anyways, they go through our door and it is
01:04:15
Speaker
ah balls. My ass. got a text message that got distracted. They go through their door and they're in Paris, Paddy. being The whole time being chased by Randall and they're riding this fucking door again.
Chase Scene Comedy
01:04:31
Speaker
And these notes are really bad. Hold on. No, no just say them all out.
01:04:40
Speaker
Yes, they go in the one in Paris and they come out of one. They come out of that door and they're riding that' the door still. And then ah Randall shows up and grabs Boo and drops drops the door off the hinge.
01:04:53
Speaker
You get dropped off your fucking hinge? No. So they fall the ground. They have to get inside the door to go in this room so they don't die. They don't like fall on the ground with the door. The door shatters, but they're able to come back out through a
Randall's Defeat
01:05:04
Speaker
different door. Yeah.
01:05:07
Speaker
And they see Randall going away with with Boo. And he jumps onto... Sully jumps onto a door chase after Randall.
01:05:17
Speaker
Uh...
01:05:21
Speaker
Sully's able to kind of gain ground on Randall, and he goes into this door, this room, and Sully enters. He's like, oh, Boo, you're here. And then Randall just kicks him. Like, where do you think fucking Randall was, you dickhead? obviously he had to go in there.
01:05:34
Speaker
So Sully's hanging by the edge of this doorframe, and Boo decides she's going to attack Randall. She starts beating the shit out of Randall and hits him with a ah bat, turned all these different colors and shit.
01:05:47
Speaker
Um, and then Sully's able to climb up and grab ahold of him. And, uh, they beat his ass. They throw him through a door that is like in fucking, where they filmed, what's that fucking movie called? The Hills Have Eyes type shit. Yeah.
01:06:01
Speaker
Hey, Ma, another gator. Yeah. And she beats his shit out of Randall with a shovel. Um, they destroyed the the door.
Waternoose's Sinister Plan Revealed
01:06:11
Speaker
They, they sent Randall through, and they bring Boo, uh,
01:06:24
Speaker
Oh, so then they make it, they reach Boo's door, but Mike has to make Boo laugh to get the lights to turn on. And Mike like lands on his nuts that doesn't have and like tries some different things and she won't move. And then Water Noose calls for the door. So the door, Boo's door, the one they're on, starts moving.
01:06:42
Speaker
And they land in like the fucking frame and the CDA and Warners are waiting there. So Mike comes out ah and he has the ah he throws a sock on one of the CDA agents and then runs away holding Boo's costume. And then Sully goes with Boo actually in a different direction ah Sully and Boo locked themselves in this room and Water News is trying to break the door down.
01:07:13
Speaker
Break the walls down. Break the wall. It's a wall formation. It's a door that has a rod through it. you know I mean? Through the handle. um you Right. Yeah. hand Yeah. my memory nob rod Yeah. I feel like I've fucked this scene by scene, but these notes are just ass. That's all right. Not even inappropriate. They're ass. There's a lot of doors.
01:07:35
Speaker
So anyways, Warren trying to break this fucking door down. Sully and Boo go into Boo's actual room. And Waternoose enters and, uh, So I was like, listen, bro, they've, you know, she's back now. It's over.
01:07:49
Speaker
And he's like, nah, y'all have seen too much. I got to, these are loose ends. And he basically says, oh, kidnap as many children as he needs to. And he'll get rid of anyone who gets in the way. That's when the fucking dummy pops up and they're in the simulation. Remember that? That's the Truman show.
Waternoose's Arrest and Roz's Revelation
01:08:07
Speaker
Never seen it. Really? Yeah. It's movie. It's Jim, right? Yeah, it's Jim. Big Jim. Big Jim. Shout out to the Grinch. Hopefully it's out already.
01:08:18
Speaker
It should be. You should be. You're right.
01:08:22
Speaker
The CDA comes in and arrests... ah Waternoose and Mike was sitting there working the control. And they go, we got a, you're going hear from number one. There's a number one in the CDA and it's Roz.
01:08:37
Speaker
Whoa. Roz has been working undercover. Was asking. ah Does anybody want to lick up my snail trail?
01:08:50
Speaker
I have an everlasting snail trail of phlegm and pussy juices.
01:08:58
Speaker
They counteract each other. It's like water and oil. It's like there was that one scene the guy also has a snail trail just mopping his snail trail over and over again. It's fucking gross. Yeah. Oh, this dirty mop gets me wet and hot. Oh, boy. That shit probably has so much bacteria. I'm so for it.
01:09:23
Speaker
Where's that little kid? it
01:09:29
Speaker
and My glands are oozing. yeah. I'll show her how to milk my glands.
01:09:37
Speaker
All right. So. Roz like, I understand. understand.
01:09:48
Speaker
I understand you've developed a relationship with the child, but unfortunately, you have to return the child before any more ooze gets oozed.
01:09:59
Speaker
I always knew you were a little sus, Sullivan. But this brings it to a whole new level. James, listen to me.
01:10:10
Speaker
It's weird the child calls you kitty.
01:10:17
Speaker
You need to send the child back and we have to shred the door to ensure no further damage.
01:10:28
Speaker
She's already good indeed. Years and years of therapy and we can't f*** with that right now.
Explicit and Inappropriate Banter
01:10:37
Speaker
James, you've shredded her hymen. We have to shred the door. Bravo. James, we cannot allow this to go on any longer.
01:10:50
Speaker
Your partner Wazowski has told me everything, even though he hasn't filed his paperwork. Yeah. I know that you roofied her in your bed.
01:11:01
Speaker
and you made Mike sleep in the newspapers. Yeah, you put him in the cuck paper. i know. Little dirty fuck sitting on the floor.
01:11:22
Speaker
I just fucking spit soda everywhere. did I almost kill you? little dirty wocock which flize yeah like a Little dirty fuck sitting on the floor.
01:11:36
Speaker
i gotta gotta clean that up. How dare you plow a little girl in front of your employee?
01:11:46
Speaker
James, you're the all-time scarer. You have to set an example for the other employees. And cucking your assistant and fucking a little girl it's not acceptable.
01:12:04
Speaker
Now please give me the chance. Okay. So unfortunately just lost any momentum on that riff because spit Pepsi out of my mouth. Cause Joe made me laugh so hard. And then Zen casters being gay, fix your shit.
01:12:16
Speaker
So hopefully all that saved. That recording was an hour and 14 minutes. So, all right, here's hoping. Yeah. So anyways, Roz is like, we have to shred the door and, uh,
01:12:34
Speaker
She gave Sully a final moment with Boo. So he he brings her into her room and she wants to play. and She has the doll from Toy Story. Jesse. Jesse!
01:12:45
Speaker
And, uh... You got a motherfucking doll here? Yeah. and beat for you kiss that baby but i tweet do you
01:12:59
Speaker
yeah mess dog yeah You're fucking dog, you be drawn with crayons?
01:13:09
Speaker
Yo, you ever fuck that dog from Toy Story or Slinky, motherfucker? Like, Scylla? Yeah, real veiny, motherfucker.
01:13:20
Speaker
Real veiny, real stretchy. You ever just put sticky dick right inside of Mr. Potato Head's mouth?
01:13:30
Speaker
yeah You ever use potato head like a corn slot for your penis? A corn slot? I don't know. I don't know. So... I put those little monkeys that like intertwine. I put one in dick hole and then kind of throw the w rest out the roof.
01:13:48
Speaker
I use those monkeys to go fishing for girls' IUDs.
Sully's Goodbye to Boo
01:13:52
Speaker
yeah
01:13:57
Speaker
That way i can set off an AIGIE inside a pussy. Oh my god.
01:14:05
Speaker
Alright, so. Yeah, I make bands. Yeah, I'm not fucking out of But you can know I do fucking rits.
01:14:17
Speaker
Yeah, me looks down little tight. Yeah, I plan them. Yeah, I make finger paint into my sab. I'm fucking sideways for Avery, right?
01:14:30
Speaker
You're just saying? Alright, JP Sullivan, motherfucker! You pretty good
01:14:46
Speaker
thing! That JP Sullivan, motherfucker!
01:14:52
Speaker
That's my Mike Wazowski.
01:15:06
Speaker
I'm JP Sullivan, motherfucker.
01:15:13
Speaker
So they say their goodbyes and whatever. And then Boo goes to open the door, but it's just her closet. Damn. Back in the closet she goes. door get shredded, might give Sully one piece the door.
01:15:26
Speaker
Yeah, I saw JP...
01:15:31
Speaker
I saw JP Sully and sounded himself with that piece.
01:15:38
Speaker
That boy's gonna have a hell of a splinter in his dickhole.
01:15:44
Speaker
Like, how you mad at...
01:15:49
Speaker
How you manage to finish Johnny's little wood your cock head? don't give it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. James. James P. Silver's penis is so swollen from selling himself with the fucking wood shot. His dick looks like a Webkinz. Look.
01:16:14
Speaker
Yo, check out my favorite movie 2025, Red Bee.
Shift from Scaring to Comedy
01:16:20
Speaker
So
01:16:23
Speaker
Mike's like the company's fucked, but you know, as we have some good laughs, which gives solid idea to do. Comedy instead of scaring kids. So we see Mike doing standup in front of this not mean.
01:16:36
Speaker
And he's bombing pretty hard. But then he swallows the microphone and burps it up, which gets some laughs, which is more so powerful than scaring people. And we see selling Mike on the cover of a magazine and this the barcode covers Mike's whole fucking head.
01:16:53
Speaker
Yeah, maybe that guy's fucking small-ass head, yo. And where the fucking penis?
01:17:03
Speaker
Did someone tell me? That shit's like a telescope. That motherfucker's retractable, yo.
01:17:10
Speaker
That motherfucker lipstick, dick. You gotta twist that shit if you wanna go left and all right. When you see Michael Zanfke's penis, it's like fucking grim, man. It's red and green.
01:17:24
Speaker
God damn, you be fucking digging that shit till the law.
01:17:30
Speaker
i still I saw... I saw a fucking fungus that gets cocked in the exterminator. I forgot what it's called. Sorry. Exterminator. Yeah, that's not what it is. Um...
01:17:42
Speaker
Then Mike tells Sully he's got surprise. Yo, I got some fungus on my dick. And then you just cut to and he's fucking riding this kid. What? What?
01:17:53
Speaker
said, I got some fungus on my dick. And then this little retard kid's getting fucking rode by fungus. Wazowski, I read your paperwork. I know you have fungus on your dick.
01:18:07
Speaker
Randy told me. His name's not Randy, but I can't remember his name. Unfortunately, Wazowski, it's contagious. So I'm gonna have to scrape it for a sample with a scalpel, and then we're gonna have to send it to the lab.
01:18:22
Speaker
Wazowski, the test came back. The only antidote to your fungal disease is my snail trail.
01:18:31
Speaker
So please proceed to scoop up my snail trail and use it as lube.
Rating and Comparison of 'Monsters, Inc.'
01:18:38
Speaker
Wazowski, I'm gonna ball up my tail and you need to fuck it with your little tiny penis that all of us in Monsters Incorporated are wondering where you hide it.
01:18:49
Speaker
My hair's a fine kind of eye, Mendo. That's pretty nice. You like sushi, Wazowski? Check out my tail. What the hell? Yeah, you like sushi, Wazowski?
01:19:02
Speaker
I bet you want to fucking muff dive in my clam.
01:19:08
Speaker
It doesn't have any rice, but there's definitely yeast. Oh, boy. know how to bake a fucking loaf of bread or two. For all those out there wondering, can two guys one screen ruin any movie for me? Yes, we can.
01:19:24
Speaker
it only took about seven minutes. Yeah. Done. ah
01:19:35
Speaker
So, Mike reconstructed Boo's door. Not hymen. No. You can't fix that shit. You're fucked. Safety pins or something. Yeah. it Yeah.
01:19:49
Speaker
Yeah. So, and Sully got the last piece of Boo's door, so he puts it back and the door turns on and he gets reunited with Boo and that's the end of the movie.
01:20:05
Speaker
Oh my god. Shout out Pete Docter. out to Pete Docter.
01:20:15
Speaker
ah oh
01:20:19
Speaker
There was no dritter doors in this movie, I realized. No dirt that does, but we had it one black, a fucking Yeti.
01:20:28
Speaker
I do have the nuclear codes to launch on those fucking... days
01:20:35
Speaker
And those fucking Sandys. I will launch nukes. You ever see about 40 Japs just disintegrate in a second? Yeah.
01:20:47
Speaker
All right. I'm going to slap this movie with a hot four. It's a good movie. it will giving it I'm giving it a four. According to my list, I mean, not according. It is, but my favorite. is It is. my p it is my favorite Pixar movie of all time. So it's getting a five from me. Let me see if I can find the.
01:21:07
Speaker
You had Cars at number 10. I know that. Yeah, Cars is at 10. I still stand by that. Shut up. This is your fucking list. What about my fucking list? You fucking cussist. Number three, Ratatouille.
01:21:21
Speaker
Number two, The Incredibles. And number one, Soul.
01:21:28
Speaker
Yeah, i don't think I don't think this movie's better than the ones. I have Toy Story 3, Coco, Incredibles, Ratatouille, Toy Story 1, and Soul all ahead of it. And I believe that. I stand by that.
01:21:39
Speaker
That's good. i'm I'm happy that you do. You stand up. witnessness christ Incredibles, Ratatouille, 5 out of 5, no question. It might be better than Coco just because I've watched Monsters, Inc. more than Coco, but Coco's a fucking great movie.
01:21:52
Speaker
Yeah, Coco is arguably better than this.
01:21:58
Speaker
ah Yeah.
Conclusion and Release Schedule Discussion
01:22:00
Speaker
So that's our review on Monsters, Inc. We hope you enjoyed our debauchery. This is a bank recording, so we don't know when it's coming out. Yeah. I mean, it's totally possible we put this out for... We could put this out for episode 97. Who knows?
01:22:14
Speaker
Right. you You just don't know. You just don't know, and that's how it's going to be. And I'm just going to do this. And then, yeah, we'll see you guys on on Tuesday.
01:22:27
Speaker
Toodles. Fuck you, Mark.