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EP 113. VAULT: Winnie the Pooh Blood & Honey 1&2
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Transcript
Opening Banter & Introductions
00:00:00
Speaker
I want to play football. Have you seen my dick? been looking for it.
00:00:07
Speaker
Sir, I'm going to rub one out right here on your counter.
00:00:11
Speaker
We cut to Mike, who delivers meat on his bicycle.
00:00:16
Speaker
I'm rinsing your girl out, bud.
00:00:23
Speaker
Hello, my name is Nick, and I have shaft hair.
00:00:27
Speaker
Call me Odell Beckham Senior, cause I'm dad.
00:00:34
Speaker
want me to lick your bedpan, you filthy skunk?
00:00:40
Speaker
We're just joking. Hey, everything's jokes.
00:00:47
Speaker
Two girls, one cup? No. Two guys, one screen? Yes. Hello and welcome to another episode of Two Guys, One Screen, the Vault Edition, aka the Hemorrhoid Homies, Poe Town Boys.
00:01:03
Speaker
My name is Nick. I'm joined as always, ah the Edgelord himself, who our last recording didn't do a great job of edging, Gerald. That's me. And today we are giving you a double feature, double-decker peck-a-wrecker.
00:01:21
Speaker
of ah the Winnie the Pooh blood and honey franchise.
00:01:28
Speaker
I mean, we'll see. Three. backro There's going to be a Poo-a-verse. Pooniverse? Pooniverse. Poonani is already in there. Peter's good peter's a good. Peter's the best film out of those three.
00:01:43
Speaker
peter's Peter Pan Neverland Nightmare is a four-star movie. I've said it before. I'll say it again. And we just talked about it off air. We are both pre-ordering the Umbrella Blu-ray release.
00:01:55
Speaker
For Peter. Better work in my goddamn region, Peter. and Fucking better. packaging's cool nonetheless. Umbrella always knocks at the part with the packaging.
00:02:08
Speaker
Also, fuck you, Umbrella, for dropping your art, the clown box, at the half price. You guys are pieces of shit for that. I paid full price like a fucking pleb. Now you wanted it and you got it.
00:02:20
Speaker
Yeah, but I could have got it now. Could have just been a little patient. what if What if my box is a higher number than yours? You're mad? What do you mean a higher number? Aren't they numbered? Yeah. So if yours is a higher number, it would mean you've got it.
00:02:33
Speaker
Lower number. yeah Yeah. Might be pissed. No, I wouldn't be pissed. If you got like one, I'd be pissed. If I got one, I'm selling it back.
00:02:44
Speaker
yeah number This is number one. it is fuck it and Our boy David Howard Thornton even got one. I'd have him sign it. Yeah. think cum on it. What do you think his splooge tastes like? what Blood in honey glu and
Promotions & Sarcastic Offers
00:03:03
Speaker
honey. wax we made it
00:03:06
Speaker
ah we'll do a it all
00:03:10
Speaker
So follow us on Instagram, two guys, one screen pod, send any comments, concerns, movie requests to two guys, one screen pod at gmail.com. Dot com. Follow us on YouTube and tick tock for the clips. How's tick tock doing?
00:03:25
Speaker
I'm sick of it, but we're fine. Fuck them. Fuck them. ah Follow us on Letterboxd. Give us a phone call. 5088-FISTUS. 5088-DIP-TIP.
00:03:42
Speaker
It's going to in the description. Fucking do it. fucking do it already oh leave comments yo apparently the algorithm likes comments oh yeah there's no comment to that one guy's a gary so we were roasted yeah well if you're if you leave a comment we're gonna talk about it on the air that's just how it is just how it goes there's comments on spotify and apple podcast i don't want to hear shit there's You can comment on the clips. Literally everything.
00:04:16
Speaker
On the clips, if you want it. You can just say, fuck you, and like we'll hit the algorithm. And then I'll get hard. ah I'll send you a personal video for $100 of me beating off.
00:04:29
Speaker
Yeah, right. And then we're going upload that to Patreon for $200. There you go. Yeah. We don't have Patreon yet, but we might. Maybe one day. We might get a Patreon if you start commenting.
00:04:42
Speaker
We might get a Patreon if you really start. If you start commenting, hey, what are you guys saying behind the bleeps? Because we got some stuff for you. But I feel like even even that we can't. ah If we drop somebody's government name, that can't get. We have to bleep that on Patreon. We can't just be saying that. Government names have to be bleeped, but fucked up jokes.
00:05:04
Speaker
It's all you. You want to hear it You want to hear more about Ginny's flaps? We'll tell you. We'll tell you. We'll we'll tell you everything. Tell you everything about Harry's bopper you want to know.
00:05:15
Speaker
We'll give you an in-depth like diagram of her flaps. ah it's a It's a projection we think they look like. Right. We don't know. They're probably quite cavernous because Dean Tomlin's been up in there.
00:05:28
Speaker
And for $2 million, dollars we'll actually kidnap the Ginny Weasley actress... For two million? For two million. Each. So four million. Right.
00:05:39
Speaker
And then take a picture of her flaps. We'll live stream it.
00:05:49
Speaker
Yeah, for four million, well'll you can join a live stream where we dissect her vagina. ah right Dissect it Not dissect it. Just kind of show it to you. Show it. Yeah, we don't want to kill anybody.
00:06:00
Speaker
Right, we're not going to kill her. We're just going to show you her pussy. That's it. Also, she's kind of uggo, so I don't even know why Harry wanted it. Yeah, why do we want it? you know mean?
00:06:14
Speaker
don't really want it. but She's not fucking it. I'll be honest. Even as an adult, she's not. but her flaps might be it. I'm saying her flaps are cooked because she was slutting around in fucking Hogwarts.
00:06:26
Speaker
Well, yeah, but we can fix it real quick. You know, just get some fucking sewing kits and, you know, we'll fix it up. All right. So for 10 million, you'll watch us sew her flaps back on.
00:06:38
Speaker
And for 12 million, you can see my ball bag and how big it is. 12 million. Wow. Yeah. let me money Wait, you need more money to show your ball bag than to get plowed out?
00:06:54
Speaker
Yeah, i guess that doesn't make any sense. No. All right. Well, I'll rethink those numbers, but for now, that's what they are. More money to show your ball bag than commit a felony. I mean, that one makes no sense. You're absolutely right. But I am very self-conscious of my big ball bag.
00:07:10
Speaker
It is what it is. Big ball bag. Put it in my backyard A. That's anus. That's your Harry Bopper.
'Blood and Honey' Film Review
00:07:20
Speaker
Um, so we' we'll do Blood and Honey 1 first.
00:07:28
Speaker
Both are directed by this guy. i don't know what your name is. Rye Frake Waterfield.
00:07:37
Speaker
I mean, what are you doing? I mean, apparently he's also going to direct this Pooniverse Monsters Assemble. And he's going to direct this Pinocchio Unstrung movie.
00:07:48
Speaker
Pinocchio Unstrung could be good. the That sounds kind of lit. I'll unstring you. The little teaser that they put out of like the puppet looked pretty good.
00:08:00
Speaker
I haven't seen the ah that yet. It looks easier way better than anything in this movie, I'll tell you that. W? ah Here's your cast. Most of them are who that boy who who that boy who him is. Are they British? Got it. Are they all it's I think it's all the UK.
00:08:22
Speaker
I think it's Australia. No. That's what I think it is. Because this one bitch definitely had a Scottish accent. and British director.
00:08:34
Speaker
How this guy? Well, most of them have no personal information about themselves because they've all done nothing in their careers yet. Sorry. Except, well, actually not. But I follow one of the bitches from this movie on Instagram.
00:08:48
Speaker
Yeah? Yeah. And what about her?
00:08:54
Speaker
Kind of got it going on. Oh, okay. We'll get to her. Let us know which one it is. I will. We got Craig David Dossett, who plays Winnie the Pooh.
00:09:05
Speaker
Dossett! We got Nikolai Leon. Fun fact, Nikolai was my gamer tag on Xbox a long time ago. There was numbers after that. that's I'm safe to say that. um Nikolai Leon plays Christopher Robin, and I'll be honest, I don't like him.
00:09:23
Speaker
He's very fucking annoying. robin No, he I just find him extremely annoying. This is like between this and the and the second movie. Right. This is like the the Andrew Garfield to the Tobey Maguire.
00:09:37
Speaker
You know, you hate Andrew Garfield that much. No, I'm no. I'm just saying like Andrew Garfield's hot and he's cool. Hmm. I don't think Christopher Robin's hot or cool.
00:09:49
Speaker
But you're saying the actor's hot? No. I'm saying the guy that plays Christopher Robin in the second movie fits the role better. Oh.
00:10:00
Speaker
Okay. You know what? I'm so fucking retarded I thought it was the same guy but it's obviously not. um So are we fucking this guy or he's ugly? I'm not fucking it.
00:10:12
Speaker
Nah. He ain't fucking it. He ain't fucking it. We got Chris Cordell plays piglet. but He goes. I heard all my.
00:10:26
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, but big late we got ah Maria Taylor who plays Maria. She got it going on. What we talking about here? yeah she She got it.
00:10:38
Speaker
ah We got Natasha Rose Mills who plays Jessica. She unfortunately. Unfortunately, got a big old forehead. She got a bald head. Yeah, she's pretty fucking ugly. I'm not lie. He ain't fucking Yeah.
00:10:52
Speaker
And then we got you it the girl I follow on Instagram.
00:10:57
Speaker
Oh, Amber Doggy Style Thorn. Yeah. fuck Yeah, she got it going on for sure, though. I mean, you're...
00:11:08
Speaker
And her death is what I'm trying to do to her, you know? I'm trying to stick my fucking thing through her throat and impale her, you know?
00:11:17
Speaker
I think I have that written down. Yep. yeah Yeah, you're right. I had it in my kills and I took it off because I don't really fuck with it. It's just generic kill. Yeah, it is.
00:11:28
Speaker
ah we got Danielle Ronald who plays Zoe. I mean, she could probably get it. Yeah.
00:11:39
Speaker
She's on the lower end of the head. Right. We got Natasha Tassini. I'll be honest. She could fucking she could get it. Get it. She's like the proper get it.
00:11:52
Speaker
She's like too hot. You know i mean? Like some people are like too hot. Is she too hot to give the button to? What are we talking about? You don't think so? Like, you never heard of that?
00:12:03
Speaker
Or maybe that's my thinking. Like, she's, like, unrealistically hot. I've heard, yeah, I've heard that theory before, and i i I get what you mean. I feel that sometimes, but I don't think I'm going to not give her the button because of it.
00:12:15
Speaker
She can see you still get it. mean, her fucking tits out. She had tattoos everywhere. I was into it. She's in Peter. Peter.
00:12:25
Speaker
ah We got Mae Kelly who plays Tina and Tina's a redhead. She really know my answer. I mean, she can fuck get it. Get it Right. She's also in a movie called the.
00:12:40
Speaker
What? Isn't she the bitch in the hot tub? No, she gets killed like right in the beginning because she's lost. The bitch in the hot tub was Laura. Right. Uh, she's in a movie called the Easter Bunny Massacre. Now I'm interested.
00:12:54
Speaker
That can't be good. No, probably not.
00:12:59
Speaker
Um, and then we got Danielle Scott who plays Charlene. this is the lady who had beef with pig lit. Uh, I don't, she's a fucking skip dude.
00:13:11
Speaker
I mean, who doesn't have beef with pig lit? What the fuck this movie? Mouse of horrors that keeps popping up. This is another Mickey mouse bullshit. Yeah, is. Mouse of Horrors. I also kept seeing Humpty Dumpty.
00:13:23
Speaker
The Curse of Humpty Dumpty. dumpy Mary Had a Little Lamb. The Curse of Humpty Dumpty is directed by Scott Chambers, who is the producer of these movies and the guy that plays Christopher Robin in the next movie. oh Whoa, look at Scott Chambers, fucking hobbit-looking motherfucker. He looks like he lives in a hole in the hill, you know what i mean?
00:13:46
Speaker
Frodo Baggins. Yes. he's ah He also directed a movie called Bad Nun. Or the Satanic Nun. You're Bad Nun, huh? Cannibal troll.
00:13:59
Speaker
You're not worshipping Christ, you're worshipping my fucking cock. How about Cupid? Cupid, it'll be a bloody Valentine this year. That doesn' that looks terrible. Man. You know what's even more insulting to me is that these movie posters look bad, but none of them look as bad as the Nova long legs cover.
00:14:21
Speaker
That's pretty sad. I said what I said. Are we saying fuck you, Korea, or is that not okay? Fuck you, North Korea. The South Koreans are fine. Yeah, right. Right? Right. Popeye's Revenge? What are these movies?
00:14:35
Speaker
These are like the weird shit that you find out yet. These can't be out yet. No, this is the shit where you find on Tubi if you scroll too long. Right, right. kind of want watch some of these.
00:14:46
Speaker
I'm kind of curious. Snake Hotel? hump Humpty John. The Humpty Join, yeah. And I think, if I'm not mistaken, yeah, there's a Humpty Dumpty. The Cult of Humpty Dumpty. The Madness of Humpty Dumpty. There's a whole fucking trilogy.
00:14:59
Speaker
This is getting out of control here. Honestly, it's America, baby. Do whatever the fuck you want. Comment down below if you want us to review the trilogy Humpty Dumpty. I don't think there's anybody else in here that I want to shout out.
00:15:14
Speaker
Right? I think we're good. No. So we're not doing scene by scene. Absolutely not. um We'll just do negatives and positives. I have an idea for how we do this because the last the other way we were doing it it doesn't really work.
00:15:28
Speaker
We'll just go back and forth and volley pros and cons and then we'll talk about it.
00:15:34
Speaker
Yeah, sip that. Sip it. like it when you fucking sip me. Yeah, you want my pink apple and lemon? Huh? Pink apple and lemon? Is that the flavor? Oh, don't drop one. Relax, bro. Yeah, it's the flavor.
00:15:48
Speaker
All right, I'll give you my first pro, ah Tina's tits. Oh, yeah. It was a redhead. that Yeah, her tits were out.
00:15:58
Speaker
ah That was also a joke one, but... um It's not because that's a hot women is a benefit. her Her tits being out during her death scene was nice because her death was so fucking mid. Her head got slammed into a fucking forklift. It wasn't a forklift. there was a plow of some kind.
00:16:16
Speaker
Wood chipper? In the shed. ah heart Yeah, he slammed her head into the shed. Into the shed? Into the wood chipper and then what's going on dumps her into the wood chipper.
00:16:27
Speaker
um that That sucked. Yeah. ah My first actual positive, which I'm sure is one of the only ones that you have too, is the opening and the and the the drawing animation is gorgeous. This movie starts off so good and then just tanks. Oh, yeah. I wrote opening hand-drawn John is fire.
00:16:49
Speaker
Opening hand-drawn John. Hand-drawn John. Yeah, here you go. That's a mouthful. I'd like to give Tina mouthful. How you doing? All right. um And also, i for the plus, it kind of extends that whole opening chunk really is good of like,
00:17:08
Speaker
they They give you the backstory and how the animals were like left there to fend for themselves it went feral. And we're like, yeah, fuck Christopher Robin. He left us. Fuck the humans.
00:17:19
Speaker
And they killed Eeyore. You kind of buy it. Yeah. killed They finally put Eeyore out of his misery. They didn't even. They ate him. They ate his ass. They ate his ass.
00:17:31
Speaker
And bro, you're eating over there sitting there all cute like that. going nine i gave you the button. know na I also, I mean... It's all kind of in the first 10 minutes, but like when Christopher Robin and his girlfriend, what's name? Mary, but he was calling her Marie, but it's spelled like Mary. britain he's like, Marie...
00:17:55
Speaker
No, Marie. Marie, can I go inside your 100-acre wood? i Marie, you want to take this 100-acre wood? um And she's like, they're not real.
00:18:09
Speaker
You're a fucking idiot. And then they get fucking smurdered. and she's like Well, she gets smurdered. And you see like all the you see like all that half fucking finished jars of honey like they're beer cans.
00:18:20
Speaker
i I don't know. I like that. It gave was a nice touch.
00:18:25
Speaker
Yeah. Like I said, the whole opening, like you said, the whole opening is a positive. And then we slope.
00:18:34
Speaker
Slope. Y equals MX plus B, I take it to slope. So looking over my positives that are very few. ah
00:18:45
Speaker
I like the whipping scene, like Passion of the Christ type shit. Have you seen that movie? Yeah, I have. Okay. Okay.
00:18:55
Speaker
The whipping was good. Yeah, I liked it. Also, what was the deal? Was he using Marie's hair to whip him with it? Whose hair was that? I don't know. Was that Eeyore's hair? maybe Eeyore's little tail? That'd be crazy. Yeah.
00:19:06
Speaker
Yo, that's wild. That's savage. I'm going to blow my nose. Yeah, blow it. I'm such a fucking Jew with that. You know what mean? i mean with the fucking honker you got on you. With the nose blowing and the honk? Yeah, it's just too much.
00:19:23
Speaker
You don't like if you ever like went to clown college, you wouldn't even need a prosthetic nose. You could just paint it red. No, I could just like, yeah, right.
00:19:33
Speaker
You could play a Minecraft villager and they wouldn't have to give you a fake nose. they what Or a bigger forehead. You got it. You got it going cool I'm cooked. That's what it is. You're like a Peyton Manning mixed with a villager.
00:19:48
Speaker
I'm like Peyton Manning mixed that fucking ugly bitch in this movie. oh Tina? What's her name?
00:19:58
Speaker
Jessica. I look like her, honestly. If I wasn't trans, I'd look like Jessica. Shout out Natasha Rose Mills. Sorry. All right. Are you just trashed? I said if I went trans, I'd look like her.
00:20:13
Speaker
so you're saying she looks trans? Yeah. A little bit. Sorry, it is what it is. If she is, it's fine. I don't care. Yeah, we don't care. What do i care if she's trans? I'm just saying she looks like it. We're just saying you're ugly. Yeah, me!
00:20:24
Speaker
Yeah, we're just saying we we're saying we wouldn't fly we wouldn't stick our 100-acre wood in you. And mine's more like ah not even an acre, but it's <unk>s what it is. Like, I'll fuck a transgender. I don't give a fuck. You just got to look good. You fuck a transgender in the ass? Yeah, probably.
00:20:37
Speaker
Cock and balls out. Just dangling there. are You going to town in the butthole? No, you got to be, you know, you got to make the transformation for me. So what do they do? They just push your dick inside you?
00:20:48
Speaker
I think that's how it works. I don't know. How the fuck you do that? kind They have to cut the sack off. Okay, hold on. Hold on. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. But you know, those little like those little ball things that you flip inside out and you hit on on the ground and it pops up in the air.
00:21:03
Speaker
Yeah, I think that's what they do. Like fold it. Hmm.
00:21:10
Speaker
I mean, that's interesting. If anyone out there who's listening is a doctor, which i hope you're not, write in and let us know how they do it. Or if you're trans, you probably don't want to talk about it, but let us know. If you're trans to had your shit tucked, let us know how it went.
00:21:23
Speaker
If you're trans it had a botched surgery, let us know how it went. Respectfully. We don't mean this in like mean ways. We genuinely want to know how it works. No, because we're ignorant. Right. We don't know. But also, I want to hear from someone who a dick and a pussy because their trans surgery went wrong.
00:21:39
Speaker
That sounds like a or a villagegin of that and a villain origin story right there. Yeah, come on, Marvel. Yeah, make a trans villain. Trans man. Or a woman.
00:21:52
Speaker
Trans they them. Trans they them.
00:21:57
Speaker
Trans it. And then it lives and then it lives on and then it lives on ah on a bus. Drives a bus. Trans it. They could make like ah someone called like King Queen and it's kind of like the mayor from Nightmare Before Christmas.
Horror Tropes & Franchise Logic
00:22:14
Speaker
their head just He was the original trans.
00:22:16
Speaker
Right. well That's the original trans right there. yeah Yeah. I agree with you. Little puppet head ass. Uh...
00:22:27
Speaker
My next positive, we're going rank some kills at the end for you guys, but my next positive, I really did like the ah the death in the pool with the sledgehammer across the face.
00:22:40
Speaker
That was cool, but it kind of Everything but leading up to it was not good. No, bitch, just get out of the pool. Yeah, like, he's slow. Piglet's got that pimp walk, so he can barely move. Look at that grip walk. So, you just kind of got to, like, get out of the pool and then outrun him.
00:23:00
Speaker
You got to, like, get... Like, you were... And she was pretty close to, like, the edge where she could have climbed up and left. But, you know, it's a horror movie. They don't make good decisions. um
00:23:13
Speaker
Those dudes at the end when they... are all like, oh, yo you girls need help, and they see Pooh, and they're like, we're going fuck you up. Oh, like the little hillbilly dudes? Yeah. Yeah, that whole lead-up was pretty fucking annoying. Yeah, but the kills were worth it.
00:23:28
Speaker
The kills were mid. I only like the kill where he crushes that guy's skull because they did practical. Right. I would say it only gets worse in the next one. It's pretty fucking bad.
00:23:39
Speaker
Microsoft painted some shit. like The blood is real bad. Really bad. But the animation in the beginning is so gorgeous. and then we go to this fucking ugly CGI blood bullshit. Because that shit was probably hand jawned, you know?
00:23:52
Speaker
Right. And then this is CGI jawned. I want to hand jawn your jawn. Right. But like this they went back time. Make it anatomically correct.
00:24:03
Speaker
They went back in time and used like Windows 98 to create this CGI. They went back to the future. Don't think about that. yeah But that's a good movie.
00:24:16
Speaker
That is a good movie. It's five out of five for me. Love that movie. The first one. Haven't seen other two. Don't care. So this might be like a just a... So but watching these back to back really makes me appreciate this one of how bad it is a little more.
00:24:39
Speaker
Because the fact that this movie is the movie that they made in the sequel about the hundred acre wood massacre. So you're watching a bad movie in a movie. You
00:24:57
Speaker
you know i mean? So you're saying you appreciate it more or you dislike it more? I appreciate it more because it makes sense in a way that this movie is bad because it is a movie made in that universe about what happened.
00:25:16
Speaker
Which maybe it did happen. Maybe it didn't happen according to the second movie, but we'll people, people dismiss it, which is a big positive. Let's finish this fucking for the first one because the first one's tough.
00:25:29
Speaker
The biggest con in this movie, besides the CGI, are the kills. The kills suck. The kills are fucking terrible. They're god-awful. i don't There was not one kill that I was like, yeah.
00:25:40
Speaker
Yeah, it's cool. Mostly it's pretty fucking bad. The costume design, what are we doing here? Bad. But again, goes into what I said.
00:25:55
Speaker
This is a movie about the events that took place. You know I mean? Yeah, no, I don't. I don't connect how that makes it okay for the shit to look the way it looked.
00:26:07
Speaker
In 2023, when you're watching this movie and you don't know that Poo 2 is going to be made, this shit looks fucking terrible. Yeah, if if they never made a Poo 2, shit looks bad.
00:26:23
Speaker
But this shit actually did happen and they made a movie about it and put it in as like a little fucking cameo in the second one. I don't think that excuses horrible fucking costume design. What do you mean this shit happened?
00:26:35
Speaker
You're saying this is a movie about the second movie? Or the second movie made a movie about this movie? What are you saying?
00:26:45
Speaker
So in the second... When play recording back, I'm still not going to get what you're trying to say. In the second movie... Yeah. The little kid's sitting there watching it. Yeah, because this is the movie based on the real events that happened.
00:27:01
Speaker
Do you know what I'm saying? This is a movie based on the real events that happened. Okay. Right.
00:27:09
Speaker
And the real events are what? that What happens in this movie? Yes, bro. And then and then the second movie to cut. But you're wrong because the second in the second movie in the second movie, they covered up by saying ah some crazy doctor scientist was trying to merge kids with animals.
00:27:25
Speaker
And that's why they look the way that why they look half human, half animal. When did they say this is a this was just a this is a a depiction of what happened. Did I miss me in the beginning?
00:27:39
Speaker
The dad literally says, hey, ever since they made that movie about you, like the town's gone against you. Ever since they made that movie about you. Yeah. Because the kid was watching a fucking a clip from the girl getting her head squeezed off with a car tire.
00:27:55
Speaker
Yeah, this movie. No, no, no, no, no. We're not going back and retconning it now. We're not going back and retconning that, oh, this is a fucking movie made about events. But that's what they did.
00:28:09
Speaker
That's what they did after this movie came out. That's what they decided to make the decision in the second movie. They decided, oh, we're going to say that that last one, because it looks so fucking horrendous, was actually just a movie about actual events. No, that's fucking stupid. Why not just make a fucking movie about what happened and fucking just do real, make it look good?
00:28:27
Speaker
Use fucking Winnie the Pooh. Have a fucking bear, not a guy in a fucking mask. No, no, no. This whole retcon bullshit, you like it more, guess what? You're fucking wrong. What is going on? What just happened?
00:28:40
Speaker
What the fuck just happened? What was that? My cash just fucking took off several blinds. That happens. You probably scared him. Look at this shit.
00:28:52
Speaker
Yeah. I do not subscribe to that theory. If you like it, that's fine. I fucking hate that. I mean, it's not a theory. It is a theory. They covered up their shitty CGI.
00:29:04
Speaker
I don't get how you're saying it's a theory. Okay, this is how it's in the movie. They made a canon in the second one. Yeah, they covered, they retconned it. Right.
00:29:16
Speaker
Right what? The movie, when the when Winnie the Pooh Blood and Honey 1 came out, it was not that. not That's not what I'm saying, though. Okay, what are you saying? Watching the second one makes you like the first one more?
00:29:28
Speaker
Appreciate it more, not like it. Okay? And that's good for you. It makes me fucking hate it more because it's it's an excuse. It's a fucking excuse to cover up shitty fucking a shitty movie.
00:29:40
Speaker
It's just a shitty movie. So it's the second one. But like, hey, look, we know we fucked up and we put a fucking mask on a dude and said we're Winnie the Pooh. So now we're going to say that was a movie within a movie in the universe. That's fucking dumb.
00:29:53
Speaker
That's fucking stupid. Don't fucking do that. I'm saying it's a good thing. i You're saying you like it more because of it.
00:30:04
Speaker
Right, but it's still not good. It just makes this movie, for me, more watchable. if it i aren't What? Go ahead.
00:30:15
Speaker
Go ahead. You're right. If this was just a standoff, right, I'd be like, oh, this fucking stupid. But now I'm like, oh, it's a little less stupid.
00:30:27
Speaker
i think as a Because they had to recast Christopher Robin because that actor who got out earlier was like, I fucking know what I got myself into and I want out. And they're like, we got to clean up this mess in aisle four.
00:30:39
Speaker
We got a disaster on our hands. So we're going to say that was a movie within a movie. If they flip flop the movie, right? I'm going to flip flop my fucking genders in a minute. If Winnie the Pooh 2 came out first, right?
00:30:52
Speaker
Yeah. And then they made Winnie the Pooh 1. It would be a little better. want to do it like Scream. Just have like a little clip in the beginning.
00:31:03
Speaker
Yeah. Or, um not that it makes sense, but Halloween 3, they're watching Halloween 1. Right. um There's this movie, these little indie slashers. It's called Found.
00:31:17
Speaker
And these kids were watching this movie called Headless in the movie. And then they made Headless into a movie to show you the movie that they were watching.
00:31:30
Speaker
Yeah, but that's like Scream making Stab the franchise and making Scream the little movie within it. That's what that's like. And that's fucking dumb. It's fucking stupid. Unfortunately, to me, that's very fucking stupid.
00:31:43
Speaker
Yeah, but they didn't make like a full on Stab movie. So it's okay. I'm saying it's like if they did. If they did, they did yeah. but that's the that's what they did to this. And that's dumb. To me, it's very fucking stupid. I don't like it.
00:31:56
Speaker
And because the the dad was like, oh, they made that movie about you. Yeah, because everyone thinks this guy murdered fucking all those people. They all think he did it. Right. But he didn't. and his And his... This is... in my In my mind, this is the way... Regardless if it's fucking canon or not.
00:32:14
Speaker
The first movie fucking happened. Okay. It happened regardless of what who wants to say whatever the fucking movie happened. The next movie, they're like we're making a second one. And whoever fucking played Christopher Robin was like, I'm out. I'm not fucking doing this again. Are you kidding me?
00:32:27
Speaker
I made fucking $3. This is ridiculous. You think that's what happened though? Yeah. Why do you think he didn't come back?
00:32:39
Speaker
Maybe they had it all. maybe Maybe they planned it like this.
00:32:43
Speaker
I mean, if that's the case, this is a fucking half star.
00:32:47
Speaker
Also, why? So how come this Craig David Dossett guy didn't come back to play Winnie the Pooh? You don't know it's him.
00:32:56
Speaker
Chris Cordell didn't come back to play Piglet. Well, because they read people the prop they redid everything and made it look better. and That's not true. You think it looks still looks bad?
00:33:08
Speaker
There's close-ups that look good in the second one, but the rest of it doesn't. From a distance, looks like the exact same. Owl looks good. I don't agree with that at all. Owl looks owl looks great. yeah I think Owl was the best-looking one out of all of them.
00:33:20
Speaker
Tigger, get the fuck out of here. The close-ups were good. When they were like this... It looked could see you could see You could see details on their face. right They had fur, like actual fur, which was a nice touch.
00:33:35
Speaker
But from a distance, it's fucking the same piece. It's the same setup. It's the same guy in a fucking hickey fucking thing with overalls and a goddamn Winnie the Pooh mask. I don't think they used the same mask in this in the second movie.
00:33:48
Speaker
They might have altered it a little bit, but from but from a distance, it looks the same. I think in the wide, I think in to save money, right? Cause this movie had no fucking budget, right?
00:33:59
Speaker
Obviously in the second movie, what I think they did in video game ways, right? When it's far away, you don't have to make it look good. Yeah. And then when you bring it up close to save money, then it's good.
00:34:15
Speaker
I'm not saying they only did. I'm not saying they only did, but they only did. But that was the only two things you got. You got very far away or you got this close to the camera like this. You know what I mean?
00:34:27
Speaker
That's fine. It's It's not fine, but it's fine for you. It's fine for this. I'm just saying that's what I mean. Like they probably just made the mask a little different, but it was still dudes in masks.
00:34:39
Speaker
The only one that really did impress me was Owl. Owl actually looked decent and had some prosthetic. And what's his name? I wrote his name down. Aaron, the guy that survived the attack in the woods with the fucking prosthetic fucked up face. That shit was great.
00:34:51
Speaker
And that's where all our money went to that guy's one face. not Nowhere else. His face looked good. That's practical effects right there. And then none of the kills are practical effects. So what are we doing?
00:35:06
Speaker
It's like all the all the actual blood squirting out wasn't practical. But like in this in the first movie, right? Yeah. When the bitch is getting crushed, her head getting crushed, like there's like an eye hanging out, and that's practical.
00:35:21
Speaker
But then the blood gushing out is really bad CGI. And do you think that's supposed to be like, that's like the kill the movie? Because that kill sucked. That's not my kill of the movie.
00:35:33
Speaker
but Do you think they like that was like what they're... Because the inside the steelbook has that fucking kill on it. Like yeah background of the steelbook. It shouldn't be. I put the head stomp as my first... As the best one from that movie.
00:35:49
Speaker
Yeah, the head stomp is probably the best one. Because that looked cool. The shotgun through that guy's head was... kind of I was too, never mind. That was also bad because it was really bad CGI. Yeah.
00:36:01
Speaker
I didn't like that at all. Also, how you stick a gun through your guy's head. Also, the only thing Pooh has going for him is he rips people's arms off. Michael Myers, it's basically a callback to Michael Myers because Michael Myers, instead of shooting a guy, he stabbed the guy through the chest with a shotgun.
00:36:18
Speaker
He also skewered someone to a wall, too. It's all fucking... It's all ripping off. They're paying a tiger homage. Tigger is literally Freddy Krueger. Yeah, he is.
00:36:29
Speaker
a T. He's fucking annoying. To a T, like Tigger. Right.
00:36:36
Speaker
i don't I don't... Tigger, to me, was very fucking annoying. He didn't look very good. His mask could... If you squint your eyes, his mask as when is fucking Winnie the Pooh's mask. Yeah, they look very... They look the same.
00:36:48
Speaker
They just put, like... Also, color day what was his costume? What? I don't know. Was he wearing like a fucking psych war like straitjacket that burst out Because they're supposed to kids.
00:36:59
Speaker
Altered kids. So they're wearing like normal clothes. But what kind of clothes do you think Tigger was wearing? I don't know. That shit was wild. They're like zombie grown up children.
00:37:12
Speaker
Which what? That are also half animal. I have more negatives before we get the second one, but... Why... why Why did they go in that direction for the second one to say, going to make zombie kids?
00:37:28
Speaker
They needed something. I just like that's what it going into this. They were clearly very clearly when they made this first movie. They were like, all right, copyright is up. We got to get something out before. Like if Disney like redoes the copyright.
00:37:45
Speaker
OK, so they got it out there and it's fucking dog shit. It is dog shit. And then. The only reason Owl and Tigger are in the second movie is because there was a whole separate separate copyright claim for those characters. So that those went up, so then they could use them.
00:38:07
Speaker
It's all a shitty cash grab. That's all it is. I mean, I'm... i No disagreement there. These are no better than Screamboat. I mean, I like... I like... ah I like the addition of... of Owl and Tigger, like the idea of bringing him into the movie.
00:38:24
Speaker
Oh, Owl's a G. I don't know why they made fucking Pooh the leader, though. I get it. It's his movie, but Owl should clearly be the leader. i mean, Owl was pushing Pooh to do to like fight back all that shit.
00:38:39
Speaker
Good. That was like Owl's idea. you Also, I mean, big fucking weapon.
00:38:45
Speaker
Yeah, Pooh is like the brute force, dude. Tigger's like flash. Super quick. super quick He's so quick, he won't even fucking see me the movie. And Piglet's useless, like... Piglet really is useless.
00:38:59
Speaker
mean, he gets his head blown off. Yeah. Pussy. I think twice. It happens in the first one. first No, first one, he just gets choked out.
00:39:13
Speaker
Choked out. Yeah, I guess you're right.
00:39:18
Speaker
and we can um ah Okay, here's my thing, right? We just had like a 30 minute rant, right? I wouldn't say 30 minutes, but yeah.
00:39:30
Speaker
Like 15 minutes, right? About these movies that are so fucking bad. There's no point of even trying to
00:39:40
Speaker
make exceptions for the bad things, right? But we just did because that's our job.
00:39:48
Speaker
What exceptions did I make? You didn't. I did. But yeah. At the end of the day, they're still bad. I'm gay.
00:39:59
Speaker
At the end of the day, you did rate the second one three and a half stars, which is on a first proper crazy. I think I was just like... On a first watch? Yeah. What, did the CGI blood not pop out enough on the first watch?
00:40:12
Speaker
I was that a Did you really notice it this time? i was at a really shitty real... I missed the first 10 minutes of Winnie the Pooh Blood and Honey 2 because I saw that one in theaters. So I got to see the first 10 minutes.
00:40:23
Speaker
I love the opening scene of the second one. That's great. Opening the second one's pretty good. Yeah. The opening in the first one's good. The opening in the second one's good. And there's more animation. It's the animation.
00:40:35
Speaker
But why do you think why you think Peter Pan Neverland Empire are so much better than these movies? I mean, you haven't seen it, but it's so much better. Because it's based in reality, right? ah Kind of.
00:40:47
Speaker
A little bit. It's a serial killer, right? It walks the line. He is a serial killer. And Tinkerbell is a trans man. I'm not even making that that's what's up. I mean, that's sick. That's a real thing. Right? That's cool.
00:41:00
Speaker
There's a gay couple, I'm pretty sure. I don't remember. So that came out after these. So maybe... It did. So maybe they used the money that they got from these two to actually make a good movie?
00:41:13
Speaker
Possibly. and there was no... I mean, I think there was some animation. maybe there wasn't. I don't remember. Like, budget rises, you know. Yeah. But then again, you don't need a big budget to make a good movie.
00:41:26
Speaker
You looking up the budgets? Yeah.
00:41:34
Speaker
Oof. Blood and Honey 1 was $100,000. Blood Honey 2 was a million.
00:41:44
Speaker
Where'd it go? That's not much. $100,000 to make a movie not... ain't shit. 100K? Blow through that shit. How much was the first Terrifier? But it made $7.7 million. That's crazy. Hold on.
00:41:56
Speaker
How much was the budget for the first Terrifier? More than that. More than $100,000, you think? Yeah, we looked this up already.
00:42:08
Speaker
Oh, $35K. God damn. Terrifier 1? Was $35K, yeah. I know a budget even less than that. Hit me. Paranormal Activity 1. That movie sucks, though.
00:42:22
Speaker
oh You're a hater. don't I'm not a hater. The movie sucks. The movie starts off good, and then it it has no idea what it wants to do. and they just You fuck around and find out for the the last hour of that movie.
00:42:35
Speaker
That's my opinion. That's another movie that should have been a one and done. First one was good on its own, and then they ruined it. and now we're Now there's fucking eight three million of them. oh Just to go the rest of these cons that I have is fucking movie.
00:42:52
Speaker
ah Why? Why did Maria having a stalker? What did that have to do with the movie at all? Oh, yeah. I put unnecessary sexual assault side plot. Right. I don't really know what.
00:43:03
Speaker
Also, that guy you wanted to see some tit. That's all he wanted. got me Are you condoning sexual assault? Absolutely not. I was trying to make a joke. And you did laugh at it, even though you don't your laugh doesn't have any sound.
00:43:17
Speaker
Huh? My laugh doesn't have any sound. You're right. You're right. No sound. More of a visual laugh laugh than a i mean verbal laugh. So, it I think they only put... Sorry.
00:43:29
Speaker
sorry call me retarded not yet all right so i think the only reason they put that in there right was for that one scene where she's like why do they keep following me and they're like it's not your stalker it's a fucking bear and a pig yeah yeah i mean i agree with that that's what i think too i don't think they needed that in the movie they wanted to do something with it but then how would you do anything with it I don't know.
00:43:58
Speaker
Oh my god, I got raped by a fucking bear. But she didn't get fucking raped. She just got like fucking... Someone tried to move her strap and she was like, the I'll put my strap out and fucking get you. That's There was no... I mean, it's still wrong. Don't get me wrong.
00:44:12
Speaker
Oh, it's wrong. no I'm not saying it's right. I'm just saying it's not needed in this movie. No. I'm also telling her to chill.
00:44:21
Speaker
you should You should feel... i not go go down that road. I also want to say that I don't like the Laura's kill in the pool.
00:44:32
Speaker
The taking a picture and seeing the killer in the phone picture, like zooming in. That shit is so overdone. Yeah, it's very. I don't want to see that anymore. I don't like I hate seeing that shit.
00:44:44
Speaker
It's very annoying. And then the other kill in the pool.
00:44:50
Speaker
We established that the first when she's dead, right, the killing is cool with the sledgehammer. Yeah. But then when he when Piglet's like fucking, uh, uh, it's clear that he's not even like hitting the body.
00:45:06
Speaker
He's still in the pool? Yeah.
00:45:10
Speaker
don't remember that, to be honest. I remember him seeing... I saw him take her face off with like the side sweep and then i wrote down that kill and probably missed it.
00:45:20
Speaker
Oh yeah, he's just fucking swinging and he's just hitting the water and the body is like CGI'd back there. Swinging and swinging and swinging. Swinging dick. Piglet got that pig dick.
00:45:32
Speaker
He does got that pig dick. He got those little tusks he could fuck you with. He could go, oh oh like head butt fuck you. yeah head Head butt fuck you. Yeah.
00:45:46
Speaker
my other my My biggest beef with with the movie... I keep saying my biggest beef. It's not my biggest beef. It's just more beef that I have with the movie. ah Is that Winnie the Pooh and Piglet are essentially just generic slasher villains, which we've already discussed, that don't really have much character and just assault women.
00:46:07
Speaker
Cause like all the kills are women besides towards the end. Right. I literally have, I literally, yeah, I literally have the problem with this movie is it's a generic sleazy horror plot that just happens to have Winnie the Pooh characters.
00:46:21
Speaker
Yeah. So they're not, they don't 13th with Winnie the Pooh characters. It's Friday the 13th with a guy who's wearing a Winnie the Pooh mask and a guy wearing a piglet mask. But the thing that works about the Friday 13th franchise is one, they were the first to do it, so it's okay.
00:46:39
Speaker
They made the cliche. And two, the kills in those movies are actually... Not CGI. Not CGI because it was the 80s. And standout. Practical. Yeah.
00:46:51
Speaker
um I would say also that they don't have, if you're going to a slasher where it's a guy assaulting women, at least make the character have some fucking charisma like art. Right. Like if you think about Terrifier 1, it's just art fucking terrorizing women, but at least he has some character to him.
00:47:08
Speaker
they These are just big dudes. They're like Cain. these are just big dudes just they're like cain Yeah. Yeah, they are like Kane. just Basically, what we're saying is if you're going to sexually assault a woman, have some character.
00:47:24
Speaker
That's it. but well You just need a little pizzazz. what mean? You need some little one-liners. Yeah, you need something to or some physical attributes like art. Something.
00:47:35
Speaker
That's why Jason doesn't carry a garbage bag around. Right. That's why Jason doesn't sexually assault people because he ain't got it. why Michael Myers doesn't sexual assault people. He ain't got it. His dick must be gone, bro.
00:47:47
Speaker
Jason? Jason's cock is not there. It's there from one through four. Oh, should I tell you since we're talking about Jason? Jason. I should tell you.
00:47:57
Speaker
So I traded in some of my dad's CDs to Bull Moose. I traded half of them because there was too many. got $75 in store credit. That's fucking wild. so I won' i got so got' still got a second bucket. So I bought this. Hold on.
00:48:13
Speaker
this yeah the arrow 4k remake yeah this movie i told you is the first movie that actually ever scared me as a child watching my grandma's my grandma's living room or bedroom should we review that why not why not i think i suggested this already Also, it's Arrow.
00:48:34
Speaker
And now they're putting out all these Friday the 13th on Arrow now. So, I mean, I might well fucking get involved while getting's good. Right, because the rights are weird. That's why they're putting it out the way they are.
00:48:45
Speaker
i will say, i think in ah in a prior episode, we... Probably the end of a Harry Potter episode, we said that we were going to release this episode, and obviously that didn't happen. um I really do enjoy the end of Pooh 1.
00:49:00
Speaker
who won um Just simply because Christopher Robin's like begging Pooh to like save this kid. And like, he's sorry that he left and blah, blah, blah.
00:49:12
Speaker
And like the movies set up where they swore they'd never speak again. And it's the first time you hear Pooh speaking. It's like you left and he slips her throat and she dies in his arms. I actually, I actually fuck with that.
00:49:24
Speaker
It's impactful ending. Yeah, it is impactful. um I think it's well done. Yeah. I mean, it's, shitty movie aside right no one ever thought what happens to all the animals once christopher robin grows up here you go they went crazy this is what happens say so depressive rage what um you have more to say on on poo one are you gonna tell me your your rating
00:49:58
Speaker
So mayan the last time I watched this movie, the first time, I gave it a half star. Yeah.
00:50:07
Speaker
I'm bumping it up to one star. Poo-poo-doo-doo, which was funny. Poo-poo-doo-doo, yeah. I'm upping it to one star. I also am going to give it a one. I actually had this at a two, and my review was I liked it? question mark And now it's a one star, and I can confirm I didn't like it.
00:50:23
Speaker
There you go. No questions about it. Review or log again. One star.
00:50:31
Speaker
ah Poo 2?
00:50:37
Speaker
I would say, again, the opening, the animation is great. Most of the budget goes right there. um And I like this idea that the town does not believe Christopher Robin because they all went to this.
00:50:52
Speaker
Also, I want to ask you that. What was the deal with? So the beginning of one, the credits, they show you these newspaper clippings of like people going missing in the hundred acre wood or like getting killed.
00:51:08
Speaker
So are we supposed to believe that that happens after this movie? Because. if If all these newspapers are going around, why the fuck would these girls go into the 100-acre wood?
00:51:19
Speaker
And it's like known that people are going missing in there, getting murdered. Because it's generic horror or a movie plot. People don't make smart decisions.
00:51:31
Speaker
Don't go into the wood. Okay. so youre Okay. go here okay Okay. So you're saying the newspaper clippings are before the events of the first movie. So it's already known that people be going in there and get murdered. Right.
00:51:42
Speaker
Also, if they still think, if they still think that Christopher Robin's doing it and all these people are still going missing, man's holding down a steady job as a doctor.
00:51:55
Speaker
How's he doing it? To left.
00:51:59
Speaker
right No, I don't know. no Yeah, you're right. um But it is... i mean, also, they fucking took him and like held him captive for like a long time until those girls found him at the end of one.
00:52:12
Speaker
Right.
00:52:16
Speaker
Anyways, I do... All that being said, I do fuck with the idea that they all think that he did it. It is... don't know. It adds the plot. It's a better side plot than the fucking Billy side plot. Billy! Okay.
00:52:28
Speaker
um That's from Billy. yeah Billy has no side plot.
00:52:34
Speaker
Billy is a side plot, right? Yeah. Yeah.
00:52:41
Speaker
Yeah. Like the parents house and like his parents are getting attacked that his car got vandalized, all that kind of shit. It adds to the, it's like a small town. They all don't fuck with this kid because he's a little sauce.
00:52:53
Speaker
Like, fuck this guy. They're also like, you came back. You don't look like the way you looked in the first movie. So what's up with that? Because it's different actor. Oh, we'll read the cast of the second one. And are they the same names? Absolutely not.
00:53:08
Speaker
um Direct by the same dude. But you got Ryan Olivia, who plays Winnie the Pooh. Man looks like he's from fucking Eastern Promises. This dude is not American.
00:53:19
Speaker
No, but he's in. um He's in. Oh, the Ryan Olivia, you said. Yeah. He's in nothing. didn't even right. he's Ryan Oliva. That's Ryan Olivia. Oh, yeah.
00:53:30
Speaker
He's going to be in Pooh 3. He'll probably play Pooh. Hopefully. And Pooh-iverse. He is. You're right. ah Yeah. Scott Chambers, who we just spoke about earlier, plays Christopher Robin.
00:53:46
Speaker
um This kid's fucking ugly. He looks like a hobbit. But he's in stuff. He ain't so fucking it. So give it him. you fucking it Give him the doong doong? No, I said he that he's in movies.
00:54:02
Speaker
That is true. He is in movies, but I mean...
00:54:08
Speaker
this is sus. He's in Malevolent with Florence Pugh. Never seen it.
00:54:16
Speaker
We got Tallulah Evans who plays Lexi. She could fucking get it. Tallulah? She's the girlfriend. Look at her picture on Letterboxd. She kind of looks like Megan if she was not a doll.
00:54:31
Speaker
Yeah, if Megan wasn't an AI doll, this would be her.
00:54:35
Speaker
She's also in a movie that's called My Fault London. I thought it said My Fart. My Fart is better than your fart. We got Louis Santer who plays Tigger.
00:54:48
Speaker
oh Oh, he's also in a movie called Tigger's Return. in turn Oh boy. Solo Tigger's came off confirmed. Phase two of the TCU.
00:55:01
Speaker
Phase two of the TCU, baby. The Twisted Childhood Universe is what they're calling it. He's also in Mouse of Horrors and he's also in Ferris of the Mall. What is this Mouse of Horrors? I need to see this now. Hmm.
00:55:13
Speaker
Do I, though? Maybe. We got a Marcus Massey who plays Owl. This guy looks like a freak.
00:55:25
Speaker
He looks like Rob Schneider a little bit, huh? Rob Schneider is a carrot. He looks like Rob Schneider ah and The Rock mixed together. You know, you're kind of right.
00:55:37
Speaker
And I kind of don't like it now that you mentioned it. Yeah, fuck his face. Okay. ah We got Eddie McKenzie who plays Piglet. He is substantially chubbier than ah the other Piglet.
00:55:51
Speaker
Piglet got a little more piggy, I would say. he's in Peter. Peter. Peter. pat art um We got Simon Callow plays Cavendish. He's the guy who steals kids.
00:56:03
Speaker
And this guy's actually a well-known actor. so He's in Notting Hill, which is not a good movie. He's in Amadeus. Phantom of the Opera. James and the Giant Peach. Is Ventura 2?
00:56:15
Speaker
e
00:56:20
Speaker
Come on. We got O'Neill. Newman, who plays Alan Robin. That's the dad. Hey, Nicola Wright plays Daphne Robin. Daphne. We got Thea Evans, who plays Bunny Robin. she's the She does not identify by her actual name. She goes by Bunny.
00:56:39
Speaker
Anybody else you want to shout out in this cast list? I think the answer is no. Negative.
00:56:49
Speaker
We got Peter DeSousa, who plays young Winnie the Pooh. Peter? Peter?
00:56:59
Speaker
By the way, is that from, are you doing like Lois? What is that from? Oh, that? it's Yeah. It's fun to do. I just don't know what it's from. I'll have to offll to send you the episode. It's from a Necronomapod episode where they're talking about poltergeists.
00:57:16
Speaker
And they're talking about the exorcist. And Dave's doing a like a ah voice reenactment of um like Reagan. He's like, Peter, fuck me, Peter.
00:57:31
Speaker
out to them. Yeah, shout out Necronomapod. i'm on the Come on our pod. ah Yeah, you'd fucking, you'd have a heart attack if they came on our fucking podcast.
00:57:41
Speaker
I'd probably fucking nut sideways. Yeah. theyre Way bigger ones. Way bigger. We are tiny little men. I mean, they send me stickers every month, so shout out them.
00:57:53
Speaker
That's cute. That's cute.
00:57:57
Speaker
ah I think I hit on a lot of these positives. I would say the costume design. Sometimes, I even wrote sometimes. The close-ups when the camera's like on their face. Looks good. An owl owl looks good.
00:58:12
Speaker
Like even this fucking Tigger drawing looks pretty good. That's the background for Letterboxd. Like the default background. It doesn't look bad. Tigger. i would say Tigger. Tigger. i would say Tigger looks the most like a furry.
00:58:25
Speaker
Hey, watch your mouth. Yeah, I mean, I have to be careful saying that word. You're right. It is a little sus, right? Do
00:58:37
Speaker
you have any positives you'd like to share? The acting is better. The guy that plays Christopher is a good actor. I will say that. He kind of annoyed me. think that's Both Christopher Robbins and Granted, I thought they were the same person, annoyed me.
00:58:55
Speaker
This guy makes sense because I i always thought Christopher Robin, he a little tizzy, right? A little tism going. Well, the way he did that is more like a little faggy, but not... Both. little tism, you're saying?
00:59:07
Speaker
You think he's got the tism?
00:59:11
Speaker
I mean, you don't really see him play with trains or anything. No, but maybe he's not fully grown up. you know He's still connected to these woodland creatures that he befriended.
00:59:24
Speaker
How old do you think he is in the movie? Like they said he went to college. So he has to be in his twenties, mid twenties, maybe. Right. And you're thinking he's got the tizzy because he doesn't want to leave his youth.
00:59:35
Speaker
Yeah. But is that a thing with the tizzy or can people just not want to leave their youth? I think you can, are we saying all Disney adults got the tizzy? No. Cause some of the extreme Disney adults are fucking crazy.
00:59:51
Speaker
Yeah, that's not tizzy. That's something else. That's just mental illness. Like I'll watch it. I'd probably cut that. I'll watch Disney movies, right? I'll watch them all. course. Because they're good. They're good family for fun, right?
01:00:05
Speaker
Good for the whole family. But if you're going... or And we're a family podcast. Absolutely. Bring your kids.
01:00:15
Speaker
Yeah, bring them. Bring them. You want to know to with them, but bring them. Yeah. All right. All right. Part of the bit now. So.
01:00:27
Speaker
And then like the I'll go to Disney. I've never been to Disney, but I'll go there and I probably it's watch your mouth and we'll enjoy it. Right. Yeah, I'll enjoy it.
01:00:38
Speaker
But I'm not dressing up in full on character and fucking coming my pants when I see some random bitch dressed up as Cinderella in the parks, you know? Yeah, that's not Cinderella, girl. That's a girl dressed up as Cinderella.
01:00:51
Speaker
Right. Also, what do you think is... Sorry, go ahead. Like, when you're there, sure. get Kind of like watching wrestling, right? like Get reality out of your head when you're there, you know?
01:01:04
Speaker
To a certain extent. je Right. Enjoy yourself. Get drowned in the fantasy. But when you live that life 24-7, you got a little problem. That's all I'm saying. who do you think's off the fucking deep end more...
01:01:17
Speaker
Disney adults are the people who work at Disney.
01:01:22
Speaker
No, I think they just need a job. I'm just saying people who dress up as Cinderella and act as like have to like pretend they're Cinderella every day might be a little off after a few years of doing that.
01:01:35
Speaker
After a few years, yeah. Maybe they're like, okay, cool. I'm going to move to Florida. I like Florida. It's like the opposite people that- having swamp ass all the time. Yeah. Right. It's like, I can't make it in California, so I'm to go to Florida.
01:01:49
Speaker
Fair enough. like I wanted to be an actress and that didn't work. So I'm going to do it here. Maybe it pays good. It can't. yeah I mean, it's got to be more than minimum wage, I'm assuming. But Disney's assholes. So I would say it's it's a very small percentage above minimum wage. If I had to guess, it's probably a fun job for people. It's probably like a nice like, you know, if they're treated well by Disney, they're probably not.
01:02:14
Speaker
But if they are, I could see it being like, hey, I'm not sitting at a desk. I'm not busting my ass. doing physical labor. you know i mean?
01:02:25
Speaker
Hourly pay for character performers at Disney parks, including those who dress up as Disney princesses princesses is around $24.15 per hour. Okay, that's good. So I can get it. I get it.
01:02:37
Speaker
You can get it can get it. My other question is how many hours a week do they work? Because that sounds nice. If they're working a full 40, that's good. Yeah.
01:02:52
Speaker
Reddit says 15. 15 hours? That's bad. No, Reddit says $15 an hour.
01:02:59
Speaker
Okay, that's bad. Reddit r slash Disneyland. Reddit's usually right. I'm just saying. I don't use Reddit, so I'm not going to stick my nose in there. go to Reddit for a lot.
01:03:11
Speaker
Porn? No. I've heard Reddit's a good place for porn. That's what I've heard. i mean, yeah, but I don't go it for it there. Okay. Fair enough. Alright, so... What else do i got? most of the a lot of the kills are better in this movie.
01:03:28
Speaker
most Most of my top five are kills from this movie. Hmm. Um... Negatives, the CGI still fucking sucks. Still bad. Pretty hard. Like, that you said the budget's a milli now?
01:03:42
Speaker
What do we get? We got milli. Where'd it go? Where did it go? Set design? The animation in beginning. Possibly. i mean... The set did not look very different from the first one. They added the rave. That's a good scene. And maybe his house.
01:04:00
Speaker
ah Yeah, they had to rent the house. So you like the rave?
01:04:07
Speaker
My number one kills from the rave. I don't know. mine too. If that means anything to you. Mine too. Like I said, I think I said in our Screamboat episode, I'm not a fan of like the whole mass killing thing. It just doesn't really work for me.
01:04:21
Speaker
No, I like my killings to be intimate, you know? That's why you do it with a knife. Get up personal. It's just like... You know what Obi-Wan says. Guns are so uncivilized. You gotta get up in there.
01:04:31
Speaker
Right. We are recording this on May the 5th, so... ah No, I just think it kind of takes away and like when they... When Christopher Robin like finally shows up to the rave and there's just like dead people everywhere. You don't see any of those kills. They're just like dead bodies sprawled everywhere. It's like... Eh. Eh.
01:04:51
Speaker
Eh. um Movie's kind of boring. The second one especially. I don't think the first one that is boring as the second one. I found this like so boring.
01:05:02
Speaker
It's either like a therapy session or Christopher talking to insert family member here with very subtle moments of poo and friends.
01:05:17
Speaker
Very subtle moments of poo with shit. There's scat play going on. Yeah. Pooh's fucking shitting in ah Tigger's mouth and Tigger's spitting it into Piglet's mouth. and Yeah, Piglet's head is still on his body, right.
01:05:32
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Shitting. Okay. Depends when. Right. Shitting in his like decapitated little hole and they're fucking it. i don't know what's happening. They're fucking it, huh? Okay. Yeah. Another big negative for me is Tigger. I really didn't like Tigger.
01:05:46
Speaker
Sorry. No, I didn't either. You make in the the comedic relief, but it just didn't do anything for me. but you're When you're just straight up ripping off, like every sentence he ends with is just bitch.
01:05:58
Speaker
And that's what Freddy does. Right. Shout out to Freddy. Except for that one, he was like, during the rave, he's like, come here, you fluorescent bitch. That was funny. Even that one, though. I mean, it was fine, but like, said bitch.
01:06:14
Speaker
Right.
01:06:18
Speaker
That would way better. Way better. Really pissed me off that guy who's shower with AirPods. What the fuck does that? What the fuck? Are they water resistant?
01:06:31
Speaker
I think they are to some extent, but to go shower with them in is crazy to me. Just get a Bluetooth speaker, buddy. Yeah. um And then at the rave, why the fuck did that chick or dude hide inside an incinerator?
01:06:49
Speaker
just like what are we doing like it's funny i enjoyed watching him burn alive because you're a fucking idiot it's probably but you know just for comedy it's just like they're all like they're all running and he's like let me just hide this incinerator and and then poo just turns it on yeah um kill diversity yeah and then my my my actual my probably top three biggest issue is the end of this movie. Talk about we've ran out of money. Let's wrap it up quickly.
01:07:16
Speaker
Oh, for sure. Because you are That girl, chris Christopher Robin's girlfriend, not really girlfriend, is is like trying to find him in the woods. And Owl's like, I'm watching you.
01:07:31
Speaker
um And then that they never fucking follow through with that. Tigger gets shot with a gun. and then we just mountain in tigers And then we just never see him after that. He gets shot and runs off somewhere.
01:07:45
Speaker
And then ah the end of the movie is shot very poorly where Christopher Robin puts an ax through Pooh's head. And that's not filmed well, even a little bit. No. And then he falls back into the grave that he rose from.
01:08:00
Speaker
Oh, I thought he fell into that water. No, I fell back into the grave that he rose from because he looked at it. And that's what made him like almost stop and think like, oh, shit. OK, I can't hurt Christopher.
01:08:11
Speaker
Nah, fuck it. Nah, fuck it. He left. um
Plot Critiques & Alternatives
01:08:16
Speaker
Also, you think that. So that's other thing, too, that I don't like about this whole Billy side plot. And I i know I get why they did this.
01:08:23
Speaker
But if they swore off talking after Christopher Robin abandoned them, all that time that he was hanging out with in the woods, they weren't like, hey, I used to be... Yeah, I used to be your brother, by the way. And we know he remembers it.
01:08:37
Speaker
We know. That Billy remembers? Yeah. Yeah. Because he goes, Billy? And Pooh's like, huh? oh So it's just like... we know i just i don't really get the whole...
01:08:53
Speaker
Billy side plot thing I think it wasn't really needed and they should just made this a ah a slasher like if they actually if they actually made the movie about what the animation was about where was like people like going on a hunt for these animals to go find them that'd be a fun movie to watch and like you see them burn down fucking parts of the map they showed you the beginning of the movie that be interesting we didn't need Christopher Robin here like kill him off in the first couple minutes of the movie Yeah, we're done with it. then And then make it like, oh, fuck.
01:09:24
Speaker
He was telling the truth. Let's go find who did this. Yeah, if if Christopher Robin's dead, who's killing these people then? Right. So then it's like kind of like Frankenstein. oh Good movie.
01:09:37
Speaker
Great movie. um My only positive is kills, but i want to save that for the the end kill ranking. Did you have anything you wanted to add?
01:09:50
Speaker
No, you pretty much said everything I have written down. Boring. Plot's bad. Shout out AirPods. You should be arrested. ah We need to find that actor, like find his socials and like degrade him.
01:10:04
Speaker
That's a little rough.
01:10:07
Speaker
ah All right, we'll give you our our our top five. What are you giving this on a ranking? Poo 2. One and a half. That's where I'm at as well.
01:10:19
Speaker
um Currently the same as Screamboat. I'm going all the way down to one and a half. I don't know what the fuck I was smoking. Yeah, dude, you were on some shit.
01:10:29
Speaker
I don't know. I don't That's crazy. I wasn't on some shit. I promise. I just don't know what was happening. Yeah, I mean, you did write, it's like one of your like your longest written reviews is that movie.
01:10:41
Speaker
Maybe you can read your old notes to yourself and be like, oh, that's what I was seeing in this movie. One and a half, honestly, because I do appreciate they expanded the lore. While it didn't really work, at least they took a fucking shot.
01:10:55
Speaker
And the costume design at times is a little better.
Kill Scenes & CGI Discussion
01:11:00
Speaker
Yeah. so there's that. Also, they had that fucking gay shit. I forget it was in the first one or the second one with like the babysitter and that little kid and he was wearing like a Jason mask but the Freddy fucking... The second one, yeah. Yeah. Freddy sweater. Fuck out of here. Yeah.
01:11:17
Speaker
You're not on their level.
01:11:21
Speaker
Alright, we'll give you our top five kills across the first two films. We'll just go back and forth. We'll do my five, you do your five. What are you choking over there?
01:11:33
Speaker
The fact that I want to slob on your knob.
01:11:38
Speaker
My number five is the only good kill. Actually, that's not true. ah My number five is the pool sledgehammer to the face. It's a good one. I enjoyed it. Yeah.
01:11:52
Speaker
Quick and easy. That's how like it. And rough. And wet. Yeah. Yeah. um My number five is the wood chipper. If the blood wasn't horrible CGI. Hmm.
01:12:06
Speaker
Yeah. Love a witch. The wood chipper till a Fargo is fucking great. The wood chipper kill in Tucker and Dale versus evil is great.
01:12:16
Speaker
Yes. You're also right. Yeah.
01:12:20
Speaker
My number four, again, it's not really as much about the gore. and yourre it's probably It probably could be five. It still is that that final kill ah in Pooh 1, Maria's kill, where Christopher Robin's begging him not do it. And you think for a second he's not going to kill her.
01:12:37
Speaker
Nice little slice. And then he speaks. Just has impact and like the context within the movie. It kind of hits harder than the other kills. It's not just like some fucking kill. Random bitch. Even though Maria is kind of a random bitch, but either way.
01:12:50
Speaker
My number four is a random bitch because I put ah from Pooh 1 when she gets her head ran over with the horrible You like that kill, huh? I mean, just seeing someone's head get ran over is cool.
01:13:05
Speaker
Like I'm i'm always going to take those.
01:13:09
Speaker
Yeah, for me, a lot of the kills were, i guess, that I i put are not as heavy CGI. I suppose. i don't know. ah My number three, I'm calling the toolbox kill.
01:13:26
Speaker
That's what I've named it. Oh, it's in Poo 2. Yeah, it's in 2. ah He literally saws her head off as like a decapitation. Yeah, drills into the side of her head first.
01:13:38
Speaker
Right. Yeah, I really like that one. That was practical, I think. I'm sick. It did look good. Yeah. I'm fucking sick. My third is... My number three is the hillbilly who got his head stomped in in Pooh 1.
01:13:56
Speaker
It literally looks like someone like Pooh stomped on a watermelon. Yeah. Maybe that's what it was, but it looked good. We actually have very, very different lists, which is and interesting. I think Terrifier, we had similar lists.
01:14:17
Speaker
ah My number two, this is kind of out of left field, is the Dishwasher Kill. Really? thought that was like... Like, they set it up, but then it kind of, like, you didn't see, like, any of the impact you just saw when she came up and the knives were in her face.
01:14:35
Speaker
I thought there was a couple times you... Maybe I'm misremembering, but... It was funny that she was like, going to be the death of me, these knives. And then Pooh comes and just smashes her face into the fucking...
01:14:46
Speaker
She's like, oh, you got to start loading these properly. Who the fuck loads a dishwasher like that? i mean, who the fuck wears AirPods in the shower? It's just like this is fucking it's fucking stupid. yeah It was just funny to see her head fucking like all spiked with fucking knives and shit. And I forget the final the final blow was like through her mouth. Maybe I don't remember. Fucking kills her. Kills her.
01:15:08
Speaker
um That's my number two. My number two is kind of a cop out, but it's the entire opening scene of part two. when they're in the trailer. those kills are good. um That girl gets charred to death.
01:15:20
Speaker
Yeah, the one bitch gets, like, stabbed through. That wasn't a good one, but she gets stabbed with, like, a pipe.
01:15:27
Speaker
Yeah. then the one bitch gets charred, but she's still alive. And then the other chick, like, kind of, like, kind of, like, reverse Randy Orton stomps, but, like, Pooh goes around, like, breaks each of her legs, her arms, and then puts her head in a bear trap.
01:15:42
Speaker
I wish they showed more in that bear trap, but yeah, the bear trap ending was kind of like, uh, not gory or anything, but the lead up was nice. Right?
01:15:55
Speaker
Really? Maybe our number ones would be the same. Who knows? My number one is from poo to in the rave. Uh, and it's when poo throws the bear trap and fucking decapitates that girl.
01:16:08
Speaker
And then he pulls it back and hits it with a bat. Like a fucking home run. Home run. um i really fucking like that kill. That's my number one.
Rewatch Preferences & Future Plans
01:16:18
Speaker
That's my number one as well.
01:16:19
Speaker
Hey, let's fucking go. Hey, great. That's that kills great. That was like the most innovative kill in the entire franchise. I agree with you. And they had been using a bear trap the entire time. when That one actually was a little bit different. Get it. He's a bear.
01:16:34
Speaker
Get it. Our back. Okay. um Yeah, both these movies. area brought that back just for this episode do you think you're gonna would you rather re-watch one of these or scream boat well according to my ratings i'd rather watch this over i'd rather watch scream boat over one because one give a one star um two or this or two or scream boat is a tough one i'd probably watch scream boat again
01:17:14
Speaker
made me chuckle. Yeah, I'd probably watch Screamboat because I like the... The noises are great. I like David Howard Thornton. Yeah, he's really good. ah And I also like that kill where he's like trying to saw that guy's head off and it's not working. He's just like... I just think about that kill all the time. You gonna buy that boy or what?
01:17:39
Speaker
dude I was so unexpected. I was like, what the fuck? If it had a steal...
01:17:45
Speaker
i wanted to watch the ah I want to watch the mean one now because I'm just curious see how bad it is compared to these. Yeah, I own it. I was going to watch it. And then I want to watch that movie that I've... No, let's do mean one for Christmas month.
01:17:57
Speaker
Oh, we said that. Yeah, you're right. All right. So I'll hold off on watching it again. All right. We'll do a little... plugy plug it So follow us on Instagram, two guys, one screen pod, send any comments, concerns, movie requests to two guys, one screen pod at gmail.com.
01:18:14
Speaker
Follow us on YouTube and tick tock for our clips. Send us a voicemail five away eight fist us five a away eight dip tip.
01:18:26
Speaker
Follow us on Letterboxd and leave comments down below. Let us know. If you don't want to send us an email, send us some comments our way. And let us know what you want to say.
01:18:37
Speaker
Yeah, fucking do it. We're waiting. Jesus Christ. We're waiting over here. Get some dick pics flowing. Come on. We'll put one on a Patreon that we don't have yet. All of it's going to be linked in the description. You're already fucking schnow. It's literally all fucking links. All you got to do is and you're there.
01:18:50
Speaker
We're already fucking schnowed. We can't make it any more simpler than this. We really can't. ah this is ah This is a vault episode, so we have no idea when this is coming out.
01:19:02
Speaker
Maybe it'll be when we're in full-fledged Pirates the Caribbean, so hopefully that's out or coming out, or you already listened to all of it. I don't know.
01:19:13
Speaker
ah I don't think I'm going to spoil what the one-year film is yet. Let's not do that. but Not yet. Yet! That film fucks. So. Quite literally.
01:19:31
Speaker
We'll see you guys next week for. We'll see you guys next week for something. Toodles. Fuck you, Mark.