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EP. 109 The Bride! (2026)
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Transcript
Introduction and Offensive Humor
00:00:00
Speaker
I want to play football. Have you seen my dick? been looking for it.
00:00:07
Speaker
Sir, I'm going to rub one out right here on your counter.
00:00:11
Speaker
We cut to Mike, who delivers meat on his bicycle.
00:00:19
Speaker
I'm rinsing your girl out, bud.
00:00:23
Speaker
Hello, my name is Nick, and I have shaft hair.
00:00:27
Speaker
Call me Odell Beckham Senior, cause I'm dad.
00:00:34
Speaker
want me to lick your bedpan, filthy skunk? We're just joking. Hey, everything's jokes.
00:00:47
Speaker
Two girls, one cup? No. Two guys, one screen? Yes.
Movie Review: 'Bride' Begins
00:00:53
Speaker
Hello and welcome to episode 109 of the Two Guys, One Screen podcast, the Poe Town Boys, the Hemorrhoid Homies, the Diarrhea Daddies, and the Hindi Homos. ah We are here today to review bride, exclamation point. Is it really?
00:01:11
Speaker
the bride exclamation point is it really the The actual title has an exclamation point. Yeah. Wow. What a... Yeah. What false advertising.
00:01:22
Speaker
Yeah, dude. A week late, but we promised you. We did promise you during Monsters, Inc., which we hope you enjoyed that. Definitely a top 10 moment contender in that episode. I would just say like the last 30 minutes.
00:01:33
Speaker
Last 30 minutes were definitely like peak. Fucking gold. I forgot like the whole weapons thing afterwards. I just forgot about all that. I remember the raw stuff, but... I didn't remember any of that recording because that was like a hot second ago.
00:01:47
Speaker
Yeah, that was a while. We hope you enjoyed it. I definitely loved it. I was literally laughing at work. I had to sit down. You were like, oh. this was I was laughing so hard. I was like, let me just sit down for a minute. You shit's hilarious. Did anybody was like, what's so funny?
00:02:02
Speaker
No, just the other thing that I text you about, which we can talk about on Mixed Bag. Save that for Mixed Bag. um But we're going to do a little... um What's the word?
Lost Power Rankings Rediscovered
00:02:13
Speaker
Power ranking. We haven't done one of these in a long time. um And it's because we forgot, probably. Yeah, no one thought about it. But I don't have the old list, so I don't know where it went. I don't see it anywhere.
00:02:26
Speaker
oh it's right here. I found it. Convenient. This is going to sound fully fucking retarded, but I thought it was a red book. It's actually a black book. <unk>s not red because i'm It's not red because I'm not a fucking commie.
00:02:38
Speaker
Right. ah ah Okay, so this is how far we've come. You ready for this? Yeah, I'm ready. the last we The last time we did this, the baseline for like 10th place was 50. The baseline for 10 now, 102. Hey, what are we talking about? We're doubled.
00:03:02
Speaker
So obviously we'll start from 10 and work our way up. We're famous. Hopefully not. Hopefully not too famous. don't need anybody at work finding this out right now at a crucial point in my life. don't need this happening. That's just very Not now. Come on, man.
00:03:18
Speaker
Um, I got to tell you. Okay. So the last time we did top 10, um, you know, all the favorites, hereditary, it, the substance, Poughkeepsie tapes, violent night.
Surprising Movie Rankings Discussion
00:03:29
Speaker
Um, you know all The ones that we expected to be there, Bridge Terabithia. ah Just put that out of your mind because this is fucking crazy. This is complete the complete... They're not even on the list?
00:03:42
Speaker
um Some of them are. Some of them are not. okay yeah 10th place. Ready for this? Not on the list last time we did this. Candyman. 102. why why one oh two I didn't think that was a good recording, honestly. Horrible fucking recording. But, you know, it was not meme month. And maybe people were looking for black. Blacks. Yeah. So sir they were looking for blacks.
00:04:06
Speaker
What a no. What a no. ready um Yeah, I guess. ah Number 9, 105, Nosferatu. The only thing I can think of for that one, actually, like for the next three, the next three all have clips about them. So maybe that's why they have this high, but i mean the rest of them don't. I don't know. um Nosferatu recording...
00:04:36
Speaker
Uh, I don't remember. I think it was eh. Cause it's like, that's the weird thing. Like some of our highest viewed episodes are like new releases where we're not doing scene by scenes.
00:04:48
Speaker
As a matter of fact, there is one, two, three, but we were, I mean, that was a lot actually like half the list of scene by scenes, but there are scene by scenes for new releases. Um,
00:05:03
Speaker
Oh, okay. back Back then? Like not... Okay. Movies that are a scene by scene, but not a release of last year or the year before. There's only two.
00:05:14
Speaker
There's three. and There's three only out of the ten. Okay. So, number eight. This is kind of a big W because it was... like Again, none of these were even in the top ten last time we talked about this.
00:05:27
Speaker
The Art the Clown Terrifier episode. W? Big W. 107. Put us in Terrifier 4, Damien. Please, I'll support you. I'll suck your cock. Yeah.
00:05:38
Speaker
Squirt me with practical effect goo. ah Number seven, this one is out of left field big. If you're chewing, I'm sorry. I'm eating Tums. i have heartburn.
00:05:50
Speaker
ah It's Whiplash. Oh. I mean, that recording was very tame. Very tame for like a kind of untamed movie. Yeah, it wasn't great. I wasn't very proud of that recording, but we did it.
00:06:04
Speaker
We were learning. But that movie is easily in my top 10 all time. Yeah, Whiplash is great. Goated movie. Number six, 109, we have The Substance.
00:06:18
Speaker
I mean, it's going to keep her staying around, I guess. Yeah, I mean, it's... As long as these damn feminists keep coming and making movies, you know, it's going to... Recording's not bad. It's not horrible.
00:06:29
Speaker
um It just gets weirder from here, so it's buckle up, Buttercup. ah We have fifth place, 110. Cuckoo. ah Yeah. I mean, what was it? Squirt? Snatch Liquid? Snatch Liquid, but yeah bad movie. Our second episode ever.
00:06:47
Speaker
I mean, interesting that we're over 100, and the second episode is in the top five. Not even, I mean, was Cuckoo here last time? No, it was love vacancy, yo. Vacancy just missed top 10. had 100. It'd be like tied for 11th place with a bunch of other ones. That'd be cool.
00:07:05
Speaker
Okay, ah fourth place, we have a three-way tie. I'm not sure. all right The one you'd probably expect to hear is Strange Darling. Okay. 112. The other two are kind of fucking wild.
00:07:18
Speaker
Yeah, both not on last time we did this list. Is this the right one? Yeah, it is Yeah, it's right one. We have Beelgeuse. Beelgeuse.
00:07:29
Speaker
I mean, where i where I literally gave up end of that recording. I gave up. I mean, yeah. But Justice for Bob. Justice for Bob Big. And the other one, literally like out of nowhere RKO, Better Watch Out. Ooh, okay.
00:07:43
Speaker
top four Just top five instantly. Maybe we haven't done one since before Christmas. So maybe a lot of people were like, hey, that's a movie I want to watch. Yeah, that's what these fucking knuckleheads have to say. Knuckleheads? Yeah, trying to keep it PG.
00:08:02
Speaker
Number three, all by itself, I guess semi-expected because it's been around. It's been a ras been on most of the list is ah Speak No Evil, 113. one thirteen Okay, that's very strange.
00:08:15
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, we did a good job covering both films, I would say. so That was the scene by scene, wasn't it?
00:08:24
Speaker
the Yes, the first one. Yes. The new release we did a scene by scene and then the end I talked about the difference between that one and the OG. Number two, shout out to Jake, is Violent Night.
00:08:37
Speaker
And the jump is 124 views. oh Jake definitely was like, hey guys, i yeah I was on a podcast episode. You ought to go listen to it. And shout to him for telling his friends about it.
00:08:49
Speaker
um Do you want to take any shots at what number one is? It's not. I mean, it's not. It's been the list, but it's not like it's kind of an odd one.
00:09:01
Speaker
It's probably the best case scenario for us to be the number one, I would say. Best case scenario. Yeah. It's not Poughkeepsie tapes. Not on the list. Dang.
00:09:12
Speaker
That's right. You said that. Yeah. It's not it. not It's not it. It's not hereditary. But it's something relevant to the podcast?
00:09:23
Speaker
Yeah. ah Gremlins. No. and it's And it's not Harry. Not Harry. Oh, Harry.
00:09:34
Speaker
Is it like a themed one? Is it like a horror slash Christmas month? I feel like if I answered that, would give it away. So it's a yes. oh it didn't well it didn't Well, no, it didn't come out for Horror Month or for Christmas Month.
00:09:48
Speaker
But it it is it does have a ah theme to it, I would say. It has a theme. ABCs of Death. That one fell the fuck off, too. Remember, that was like so high in the list. Yeah. Not even the top 10.
00:09:59
Speaker
Yeah.
00:10:02
Speaker
The Sadness? None the new apps are going to be in here. It's all the older OGs. Let me tell you what it is. You want to keep guessing. All right. It is 131 views. The first iteration of the best of two guys on screen. Oh, wow.
00:10:17
Speaker
I mean, which that almost makes sense. That's what I'm saying. Like, it's like the best case scenario. I would say second best case because the new one's funnier. the new the The best of last year was better.
00:10:28
Speaker
But that's still new. It's still cooking. But i mean, our number one was 62. Now our number one 131. That's like more than double. Yeah. So that's just like, that's rapid growth. I would say.
00:10:40
Speaker
I don't know when did the last one, but it is. It's pretty good. I'd say rapid. It's within six months for sure. yeah it's I would say less than six months. Yeah. We did it. When did we do the last time? im fucking know. Did we do it was it? I think we did it for Found Destination, right?
00:10:53
Speaker
Oh, really? Was it Found? I don't know when I... I have no idea we did it last. It would be a new release. Let's look at the Google Sheets. We get we got to start like labeling them. Date dotting. The Marine... It wasn't Christmas month for sure. It wasn't Sweena. It wasn't... Did we do it for Keeper?
00:11:11
Speaker
If we did, i wouldn't remember because that movie's AIDS. We have... We did it for Die My Love or Keeper, I would guess. If I had to guess. One of those two.
Patreon Promotion and Fan Gratitude
00:11:20
Speaker
Right? And that was November only.
00:11:23
Speaker
To March? That's pretty good. what do I mean, yeah, it's very good. But it's pretty good. ah yeah my My math is pretty AIDS, but... Yeah.
00:11:35
Speaker
So, that's what it is. i you know we As we always say, we do these power ranking things. is ah Listen to our newer episodes if you get to this one. Eventually. Go check out the new ones.
00:11:47
Speaker
I mean, some of our new apps aren't doing bad. One of them hit like 30. It's been out like for like a week. And then goes, follow us on Patreon. Give us money. Check out our Patreon. Shout our two Patreons, by the way. Shout out to them. Tyler and fucking Brian. We love you.
00:12:01
Speaker
ah Fucking. Yeah. Not right Hell yeah. So the other ones that like that fell off the list that like you typically would make the list. Oh, is this that one? Did I miss one?
00:12:14
Speaker
No, this is. I got that one. So like, what was a big one that we had? Poughkeepsie tapes, right? Fell the fuck off. or I just don't really want to put that out.
00:12:26
Speaker
I didn't fall off. 95, just out of reach for Poughkeepsie tapes. I want to grab it and force fuck it. Candyman is tied with Companion 102. Oopsie. Oh, okay. Forgot that.
00:12:37
Speaker
I always kind of forget that movie exists. Me too. So we're relevant. Krampus 94. Okay. that's ah I'm sorry for you people for listening to that. Yeah, my shit-ass audio.
00:12:49
Speaker
You know what i always thought was a good recording that just never got enough views? What? Was the Glicket episode. We actually did a pretty good job talking about that those two movies, I thought. yeah And then just never got never never caught on. What else we have in here that would be...
00:13:05
Speaker
a big one and it's it is at 100 so it just missed it and then it's fucking crazy so we put out the subbie which is 109 hereditary fell off big only at 89 and that's upsetting reanimator 98 102 and then we put out episode 13 inside it's at 30 oh no because no one knows that fucking movie is that's valid it's very very valid underrated ah oh like Friday the 13th just missed the 101.
00:13:38
Speaker
good at and Good ep. Bridge Terabithia is still at 70.
00:13:43
Speaker
That's a good ep too. yeah Vacancy 101. That's where we're at. Alien Romulus is 96. What? I said the sequel to Vacancy should be Vacancy 101. Yeah.
00:13:58
Speaker
Dude. Yeah. Full or the fucking word is for that. That dumb ass, dumb assery. um So
Maggie Gyllenhaal: Director Spotlight
00:14:07
Speaker
we're supposed to talk about the bride.
00:14:09
Speaker
And I watched this movie four days ago. So memory is a little shady and also the movie is pretty not great. I unfortunately wasn't able to see it until today.
00:14:22
Speaker
That's not unfortunate. You remember more than I will now. unfortunate that's unfortunate that is also unfortunate you know that is also unfortunate big uh we'll go through the cash real quick or real slow yeah whatever whatever works you know yes film was directed by maggie gyllenhaal maybe you heard of her uh i would say you know she was a piece in the dark night but she alamo had like uh interviews of her like recently she is pretty uggos now I mean, just looking at her thingy on her picture on Letterboxd, she didn't age very well.
00:14:57
Speaker
But is it worse? this is Oh, my God. This is the same photo, no? Yeah, hold on. Oh, my God. They have little article. If you look up her back in the day, she or are like now, not back in the day, now, she's not the cutest, I would say. Yeah, I'm looking at a picture.
00:15:14
Speaker
It's like a thumbnail from like her interviews for this movie. Yeah. Wow. Wow. Like Christian Bale looks better. Yeah, but he's a piece. He is, though.
00:15:25
Speaker
So unfortunately, you know, Dark Knight, we're probably fucking her. Now we're not fucking her. I don't think. Yeah, I don't think so. He ain't fucking it. He ain't fucking it. He ain't fucking it. She she was in Donnie Darko. She was in Dark Knight, obviously. And Monster House, which check out our Patreon.
00:15:43
Speaker
Is this not... It's not a directorial debut. For some reason, I was thinking it was. She did this other movie, The Lost Daughter, but I think other than that, she doesn't have... mean, Homemade is 79 minutes.
00:15:55
Speaker
No, this is some fucking project. This is not a ah movie. This is her second movie. Um... Maggie Gyllenhaal, obviously siblings with Jake Gyllenhaal.
00:16:07
Speaker
Who has a, we'll get there. Cameo. It's more than a low key, more than a cameo, but. But also high key, pretty bad marketing on their part to like throw his name around. Like you're going see Jake Gyllenhaal movie.
00:16:18
Speaker
A thousand percent. um All right. So here's your cast list. ah Jesse Buckley is Ida Bolinski, AKA the bride, AKA Mary Shelley, AKA not fucking it.
00:16:31
Speaker
I'm not fucking her. admit ah Are you fucking her in the movie? I still think it's a no Something about that weird, like, black stain. Yeah. She looks like Lady Gaga a little bit.
00:16:44
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. He ain't fucking it. He ain't fucking it. He ain't fucking it. I will say her... I don't know. She was in Men?
00:16:55
Speaker
I have not seen that. It's a bad movie. She also, I think, just won an Oscar for her performance in Hamnet. Yeah, I was going say, didn't that movie just come out? Yeah, and I think she won an Oscar for that.
00:17:08
Speaker
We're going to talk about the Oscars on Patreon. um but Maybe. ah Maybe. I got to look up who won. I just saw the horror stuff. Yeah. Next, we have ah Christian Bale, who plays Frankenstein's monster, a.k.a. Frank. I mean, we're fucking...
00:17:26
Speaker
This man can do just no harm disgusting things to me. Yeah, I mean... You know what Also, I might... go ahead. Christian Bale can be in like a bad movie, this, but he gives it his all.
00:17:42
Speaker
So, did you like his performance in this? Yeah, I did. i was thought I thought the best part of the movie was the acting. Yeah. i i don't like I don't hate his performance, but I wasn't like, oh that's all that was great.
00:17:56
Speaker
I thought it was like fine. At best. There's not much he could ah I guess. You know, this movie really could have benefited with subtitles. Because I'll be honest, for most of the movie, i was like, what are they saying right now?
00:18:09
Speaker
Oh, really? were Like, what words are they saying? I did not know what they were saying. Maybe that's a me thing, because I was very dependent upon subtitles, like when watched films at home. Shout Jeff. you think your're home home You think your theater's got shit sound I don't want to shun Alamo, but they did send me cold food I'd sent back. So oof maybe it's that.
00:18:30
Speaker
I was worried because I've heard that there's that new movie Undertone. Yeah. What do you think about that? I've seen that. Yeah. It's like an audible horror movie and I want to see it, but like, I'm scared that like, I'm just getting get like, I'm just getting scared. going to get a shit theater. it Like,
00:18:49
Speaker
Well, you know what's crazy that Alma does? It's not crazy, but like for a movie like that, you definitely wouldn't want to do it. they do They call them baby day showings where like it's like so kids can go see it and it's like they leave the lights like kind of on and they lower the audio. ah like i'm not like I'm not going to see Undertone like that.
00:19:11
Speaker
you want to see it pitch black theater with like a fucking packed theater people like screaming and shit. Yeah, it was like fucking surround sound blowing me. Yeah. Was there something cool you said happened or stupid in the theater at Regal?
00:19:24
Speaker
you took up First of all, you texted me saying you were taking a shit at Regal. That's growth. You didn't take shits anywhere back in the day. It was a very emergency shit because I always knew I was in for like a two-hour movie. Right. so was it why you wouldve No.
00:19:37
Speaker
That's good. Normally, I would have held it. It was like I got my hair cut and then I was like... You look cute. Thanks. i was I had a big mop on my head for a hot second.
00:19:49
Speaker
It was pretty bad. It was mopped up big. um But I was like, i kind of feel it. I kind of feel it coming on. you know i feel it coming. And then I looked at the guy. Because the bathrooms are right next to the ticket taker.
00:20:06
Speaker
Ticket taker? What? Yo, what's up, my ticket taker? Is that what he's called? Yo, ticket taker, it sounds like you're taking the butt. I mean, yeah. But I was like, this guy's going to watch me go in there and then just, I'm going to, I walked out of it, like out of the bathroom with my phone in my hand. And this guy's probably like, that's disgusting. It's fair.
00:20:29
Speaker
Oh, I have a fucking crazy story for the Patriot I just thought of. Okay. But yeah, it took a shit and like the toilet didn't flush, by the way. I'm just saying it could still be in there. Like it was one of the automatic ones. Obviously. Gerald shit sent us a picture.
00:20:42
Speaker
Yeah. Go eat it or something. Yeah. But it just didn't. just Check out human centipede. But then I get to this guy, right? Yeah. He cards me. Uh-huh.
00:20:55
Speaker
And I'm like, I just kind of laughed at him. I laughed at him. I'm like, I'm almost 30. Yeah. And he goes, well, I just want to let you know that's a movie theater policy. It's a rated R movie that you bought the tickets on your phone.
00:21:13
Speaker
Right. So if I bought it in person, I wouldn't get carded. And he's like, that's correct. but How would he know? How would he know? Oh. ah Like the physical ticket. They give you a physical ticket, yeah. we'll We'll stub. That's fair. That's actually 100%. That is weird.
00:21:29
Speaker
He got like offended that I kind of got offended. He's a fucking nerd. Fuck that guy. Play some ball, bro. I text my friend that works there. Who works there. Who works there. And I was like, hey, I just got carded. And she's like, Frank.
00:21:42
Speaker
I'm like, oh, you... Not Frankenstein. Not Frankenstein. But... Word on the street is Frank's a stickler. That makes sense. Yeah.
00:21:54
Speaker
ah We got Annette Bening, who plays Dr. Cornelia. I mean, you for you for I don't know. I can't you for me. You from me.
00:22:06
Speaker
You for me. Are you horny? No, not for her. She's in this movie ah called American Beauty, which is pretty fucking weird, but i'd recommend it. It's about Kevin Spacey trying to fuck his daughter's friends.
00:22:21
Speaker
So Kevin's a pedophile? I actually, you know what? what You know what i found out about this whole cancel culture thing is that he actually was acquitted and people still just call him pedophile.
00:22:32
Speaker
Oh, it's one of those. Yeah. Sucks for him, right? lost his whole career. it's That's very true. Literally lost his whole career. And the last time he was in the news because he's homeless. Oh, so that sucks. Kevin Spacey. We're letting Netflix money go.
00:22:45
Speaker
He could be on the list though, on the Epstein files. You never know. Um, I'm not fucking her. I mean, I don't remember her back in the day cause I'm unfortunately pretty young. So I don't, yeah, you know, this is a not fucking it. We do it for the movie. Uh, she's looking a little saggy in the face.
00:23:03
Speaker
I do know Annette Bening though is kind of a legendary actress and we should, I mean, I think if we knew more, we'd probably throw it back on her for the clout, but I'm just not willing to do that right now. But then also she, she took a role in captain Marvel. So it's like, Oh yeah. Yeah. big big l um Next, we have Penelope Cruz, who plays Myrna Malloy.
00:23:25
Speaker
Who is this in the movie? It's the female detective.
00:23:31
Speaker
Well, i mean, Penelope Cruz, I throw it back on because Penelope Cruz, right? I mean, that's just for clout. You can get it big. Yeah, straight for clout.
00:23:41
Speaker
She's in Pirates. Go check out her episode on Pirates. she I got to say, dude, really good performance in Ferrari. If you haven't seen Michael Mann's Ferrari, I would recommend.
00:23:52
Speaker
Adam Driver, by the way, like can't fucking recognize a kid. Crazy. And she's also in Vanilla Scout, Tom Cruise. Fuck Tom Cruise and fuck that movie. Fuck Tom Cruise, but my dad apparently has seen Top Gun Maverick and that's crazy that he's seen a modern movie.
00:24:06
Speaker
She's also in Blow with Johnny Depp, which is great. So check that out. Is that about cock? It's about a guy who sold cocaine. I forgot his name. George Jung. I mean, that would make sense. It's called it's about cock.
00:24:18
Speaker
Yeah. yeah Yeah. Yeah. I think if if he was going to make movie about cock, it would also involve shit. Johnny Depp. Shitting and cock. Yeah. Right.
00:24:28
Speaker
Yeah. Shitty cock syndrome. um Next, we have Peter Sarsgaard, not Skarsgaard. Yeah. But yeah this guy looks so familiar. And then I pulled out the cast. I'm like, he's an orphan.
00:24:43
Speaker
That's how I know him. He's the dad and orphan. Jake Wiles. I have to say, I know him more from the Batman because he was the fuck's his name. He's blown up in the fucking church.
00:24:56
Speaker
I forgot his name or right. District Attorney Gil Coulson. That's how I know him from. But I've watched the Batman too many times. So it's fair. yeah He's also in the. onces He's also in the Green Lantern with Ryan Leonard. Green Lantern. Why say it like that?
00:25:08
Speaker
Green Lantern. Green Lantern. The Green Lantern with ah Ryan Reynolds. So that's a rot row too. Big. He's also in Jarhead. I've heard good things about that. We both have not seen Jarhead.
00:25:20
Speaker
It's Sam Mendes joint. Sam Mendes also directed American Beauty. So we're full circle. Full circle. Kevin Spacey wanted fuck his daughter's friends. Yeah. Are we fucking this guy?
00:25:32
Speaker
No. Yeah, he's like, he kind of looks like a Paul Rudd ripoff a little bit. that well That's a Paul Rudd ripoff? think so? He ain't fucking it. He, like, if you, it's like, he's like, he's like, he's Paul Rudd kind of, but he's not Paul Rudd.
00:25:46
Speaker
Maybe take beard off and I can get it No, he can't get it. You're going to get it. yeah He's going to get you. evil kind of the Next, we have Jake Gyllenhaal. I mean, we're fucking Jake Gyllenhaal no matter what. It's not even. even What are you talking about here?
00:26:03
Speaker
He's wearing fucking teed tuxedo. I'll fucking eat his poop. Jake Gyllenhaal. I don't care. Do some scat play with Jake Gyllenhaal. Since he's in like so many movies, I yeah almost want to say that Jake Gyllenhaal is like a little underrated.
00:26:25
Speaker
I think Jake Gyllenhaal is properly rated. Properly? He's a great actor, and I think he gets the acknowledgement for it. and Okay. In my opinion. I think he gets a lot of the a lot of applause.
00:26:39
Speaker
I do think sometimes, though, he picks shitty movies. For some reason, I'm like mixing him in with like Ryan Gosling, and I just don't like Ryan Gosling. Ryan Gosling. Fuck him, right? Jake Gyllenhaal is way better than Ryan Gosling.
00:26:54
Speaker
yeah we Yeah, I would agree with that. Did you see that trailer for Ryan Gosling's new movie? Shit looks ass What is the movie called? don't know what is. Hail Mary or something like that. Oh, people are like really coming over that movie with. with ah Yeah. Oh, the with that with the rock alien. John talking to a rock boy.
00:27:10
Speaker
Yeah. ah It's a rock boy. yeah But I mean, that movie firstly looks AIDS. Second of all, people are really gushing over that movie. And I just don't give a fuck even a little bit.
00:27:24
Speaker
No. It looks pretty mid. The trailer is so cringe. I've seen... um really Really quick side tangent. Project Hale.
00:27:35
Speaker
Hile? No, it was Project Hile. I'd go see that. see kyle We're just kidding. ah This movie has a 4.4 average laying rating on Letterboxd and it's 156 minutes.
00:27:48
Speaker
Wow. The movie we're talking... The Brian Gosling one? Project Amara, yeah. 159 minutes. And it's ah it has a 4.4 average rating on Letterboxd. Oh my lord. And literally, it's only Ryan Gosling and then... Sandra Huller, who... She was the main bitch in the Ami of a Fall. I want to say, she can fucking get it. I don't care anybody says.
00:28:10
Speaker
um she could throw me off a fucking roof I don't care it's fine with me dude I don't know i didn't i didn't find her hot at that movie maybe because she's so stressed and she's always crying that's fair but I would still give her the goods um Okay, so Jake Gyllenhaal is getting
Jake Gyllenhaal vs. Ryan Gosling
00:28:29
Speaker
fucked. I did just want to say his movies are kind of like up and down. Like you have Donnie Darko. I'm fine on Donnie Darko. I'm not like, I don't love it.
00:28:38
Speaker
I used to, i like the first time i watched it, i was like five-star movie. I've watched it since and it's meh. It's okay. Is it one of those ones where it's like hard to rewatch? I think so. and You know?
00:28:50
Speaker
Yeah. inception Like I'm not going to watch like inception. Cause like, I know what it is now. I'm literally trying to, have you ever never seen it? Donnie Darko? Inception. Have you seen it at least once? I've seen Inception. Oh, okay. Yeah. that one It's one of those where it's like, you already know the twist, so it's like... Yeah, right.
00:29:07
Speaker
i've So, Inception, I'm like refusing to watch anymore because every time I watch it, I rate it less and less. oh It's like, you gotta stay up there. Yeah, like I'm just trying to keep nostalgia going for that movie.
00:29:19
Speaker
But then he's in like Prisoners, which... To be fair, people love Prisoners. I think it's fine, but I'm a hater. Days in Brokeback Mountain, good movie. Zodiac, people fucking love that movie. I don't.
00:29:34
Speaker
ah Spider-Man, i mean, the movie the Far From Home movie is mid. it is It's very mid, you know? and like Is he good in it? I don't remember.
00:29:46
Speaker
No, because they kind of just did Mysterio dirty. Then he's in Nightcrawler, which is a good movie. Took me a while to watch it, but it's a good movie. He's in Enemy. Movie is so fucking overrated.
00:29:58
Speaker
i cannot believe people suck this movie. People suck Enemy's cock because it's Denis Villeneuve. And it's like, bro, chill out. Movie's mid. Movie's mid as fuck. It's like, oh, wow. most like the Like the color palette's all green and gray. Yeah, all right. You don't get a five star for that.
00:30:15
Speaker
It's like the Suspiria thing. Yeah, just because it's colorful? Yeah. No. It's just lack thereof. Yes, correct. then he's in enough Then he's in Nocturnal Animals, actually a pretty good movie. I would say that.
00:30:28
Speaker
And then you get like the Roadhouse remake, which is like bad. So it's just, you know, he's in everything. but he's And then he's in Southpaw. People love Southpaw. So it's like, yeah click on that Roadhouse. Oh my God, look at him. He's fucking huge. He's a fucking piece.
00:30:40
Speaker
So we're fucking Jake Gyllenhaal big. Yeah.
00:30:46
Speaker
Who else we got on this fucking list? John Magaro, who plays Clyde. I don't know who he is. He's pretty fucking ugly, though. Yeah, I don't like him.
00:30:59
Speaker
I mean, look at this guy. He looks like, I don't know what his fucking problem is. don't like him, and don't like him in the movie. Who is Clyde the movie? He ain't fucking it. He's one of the mob guys, like henchmen. He's the one that's like chasing him around.
00:31:12
Speaker
Oh, okay. um Do i need to keep going because these people do not ring a bell? No. Not at all. Is there anybody else that has like a cool... No, there's not.
00:31:26
Speaker
So that's just unfortunate. Okay, so we can say this.
'Bride' Plot Analysis and Criticism
00:31:33
Speaker
This is not based on The Bride, even a little bit. hu No.
00:31:38
Speaker
The Bride also kind of pisses me off because the movie's good, but The Bride's not in it. Oh, the OG, right? Yeah. OG. Yeah, the OG. Also pisses me off that I spent money to... This steelbook is gorgeous. Don't get me wrong.
00:31:52
Speaker
But I bought that steelbook of the OG for like... that You can hear that on Yeah, You Want It, which is coming out soon. Yeah, we both have it. Patreon already got it. So... Whoa. Sign up to the Patreon.
00:32:03
Speaker
Patreon got three apps last week, so fuck you. They got spoiled. Y'all got two with thought you spoiled. Patreon got three. And they got it early. And they're getting a bonus... Fuck you. I'm a cum.
00:32:14
Speaker
Yeah, me too. Want to hear me cum? I'm going to cum collecting the fucking... We're making $11 month, fucking $5.25 I get of it. I'm going to cum. Oh, I just ate what I was drinking.
00:32:29
Speaker
I actually don't know how much Patreon is going to give We put out six episodes, so we definitely there definitely should be some money for us to collect in there, right?
00:32:40
Speaker
Probably, yeah, but like I said, they probably take like half, so that like 11-something, we're getting five split two ways, like 250. Hey, that's 60 bucks at the end of the year, though.
00:32:53
Speaker
Yo, that's what's up. That's like about a tank and gas right now. do Yeah, right, because fucking...
00:33:01
Speaker
That's for Patreon. um So, you know the other thing too that I realized now, which is just funny, is that when we do... I don't listen to the public episodes anymore because I want i want to. Yeah.
00:33:17
Speaker
I listen to Patreon and there's no like cut or like suggestion that we cut here. So like I wonder if it got left in or not. I just don't remember. We just say crazy shit. and I'm like, was this what's out yeah and what's not? I kind of fuck myself when I edit. I feel like I should edit the Patreon version first and then just take notes of like what to do, like what to edit out.
00:33:38
Speaker
But I do it the opposite.
00:33:42
Speaker
I don't know how what your screen looks like when you do it. For me, I do. I make little notes, like ah not like written like on the screen. like i put the I just mute the sensor. Yeah, I can't do that. Yeah. i mean mine's like taking I have to take like full things out. like If I want to set put the cat in the hat, yeah I have to like censor that.
00:34:01
Speaker
I have to cut that and then insert it below. yeah That's annoying. Yeah. um Anyways... We digress.
00:34:12
Speaker
What were we talking about? that i The Bride's actually in the movie. I bought the... oh yeah, because I bought the physical, and now it's streaming on HBO Max. Oh, God. And I could have just watched it instead of fucking buying it. But gave three... The collection.
00:34:25
Speaker
The collection, I gave it a three and a half. I'm not mad. Overall, for a blind buy, not that bad. um This movie does not follow the Bride at all, but to be fair, Alma played a um little interview with her before.
00:34:41
Speaker
And she said the same thing of what like Maggie Jonah Hall did of like, Oh, the you know, the bride wasn't really the movie. Like what's her, what's her story? You know, gotta empower women here. Um, which is fine. Like, yeah, I do want to see the bride in a movie called the bride of Frankenstein.
00:34:58
Speaker
That's true. Um, Hello, you're now in an ad read. Gerald's sick of regurgitating the same lines at the beginning and the end of the episode. So here we are in the middle. So here's one one nice ad read to check all our shit out. Plugging. So follow us on Instagram, two guys, one screen pod, send any comments, concerns, movie requests to two guys, one screen pod at gmail.com.
00:35:22
Speaker
We interrupt the ad read you're already already listening to, to plug another ad. Uh, and it's our Patreon. Check out our Patreon, two guys, one screen. We got uncensored episodes, a new show, mixed bag,
00:35:37
Speaker
Did you just hear a bleep? Do you want to know what we said? Well, sign up at patreon.com, ladies and gentlemen, slash two guys run screen pod. Follow us on TikTok and YouTube.
00:35:48
Speaker
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00:36:01
Speaker
And then go listen to our physical media podcast. Yeah, you want it? Available on the same page. Do you fucking want it or not? And before we end this ad read, shout out to Jackson Behavioral Health. All this will be linked in the description below.
00:36:18
Speaker
Click it and stick it. And now back to the episode.
00:36:26
Speaker
But the way they go about it, you know what mean? You know, I didn't realize until like the end of the movie. Basically, I thought that she threw herself down the stairs, but she got pushed, huh?
00:36:42
Speaker
Oh, yeah. She got murdered. big Yeah. Yeah. yeah I didn't catch that at all. Yeah. Okay. So let me give you guys the general synopsis. All right. So not me, daddy.
00:36:55
Speaker
This is already going to sound stupid because it is. All right. So you take this prostitute, right?
00:37:03
Speaker
But yeah, you take this whore. Okay. Yeah. Who sometimes cares about ah dirty cops. Sometimes. Who sometimes when she wants to cares about corruption.
00:37:17
Speaker
Sometimes. Yeah. Right. i'm tired But she is having a manic episode. Yeah. So here's my thing. I, do you think, right? Let me just say this is right. Cause they kind of frame it in the movie. And then we can talk about that.
00:37:31
Speaker
Sure. She is then low key possessed by Mary Shelley. Okay. The,
00:37:42
Speaker
the person who yeah wrote Frankenstein book in real life. Yeah. Okay? Yeah. then... Yes, i agree with monster that she created in her book is real... Right....in this world.
00:37:57
Speaker
Correct. Okay? Right. Well, I think in I think, okay I think the monster existed. i think the monster existed and Mary Shelley wrote like an autobiography about the, not a autobiography about the monster in Frankenstein.
00:38:15
Speaker
In that world. Sure. Yeah. Is that how we're going with it? That was my interpretation of it. I think Mary Shelley as a character exists in that world.
00:38:28
Speaker
And she wrote a book off of real events that happened in that universe. That's how I interpreted it. Okay. Because how, I mean, how the fuck else would you do that? Like, you'd be like, that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life. Yeah.
00:38:40
Speaker
It's like you out there on the other side of the screen, you're possessing me right now. Yeah. Right. It pretty fucking stupid. I would agree with It's like if they made like a Raven book, like a movie about the Raven.
00:38:52
Speaker
Right. And then Edgar Allan Poe was just in the movie. Right. Yeah. Yeah. That'd be strange. Yeah. So, like you were saying, she's a hooker.
00:39:04
Speaker
That's like fucking these mob guys for money for money. Yeah. Yeah. It's not. know She's being pimped out by the like the mob. Not for sport. no Not because not for the love of the game. Not for the game. Nope.
00:39:17
Speaker
She's getting pimped out by these mob. Goat. Chubby for you. And she starts like going like berserk in this bar. Right. Because Mary Shelley's talking to her, like possessed her.
00:39:30
Speaker
Like, what even is that? but Like, literally, though, can we just talk about that for a minute? That whole first scene when she's in the bar freaking out. What is she saying? I don't know. I don't know. Are we supposed to know?
00:39:42
Speaker
No. OK, but I forgot to send you this beforehand. But yeah, there's this wrestler in AEW. Her name is Tony Storm. Okay. And she, this is how like how when Mary Shelley's talking, like, do don no no there like all the weird sex stuff and like the the accent.
00:40:01
Speaker
She does that. Like she'll cut a promo and talk about like her oozing twat and shit in that voice. Yeah. And that's just all I thought about.
00:40:13
Speaker
She's kind of hot. She's very hot. There's this photo of her laying on the fucking mat and she had, I mean, bad I'm going to jerk off that tonight. don't believe you. Oh, wow. She's caked. um But that was the number one thing i thought about this entire movie was just, this is a Tony Storm impression.
00:40:31
Speaker
I'll send you clips after. It's very strange. But then she starts like, you know, having this manic episode and like the mob boss is in there and he's like, hey, yo, chill out.
00:40:43
Speaker
He like does like the whole like, you know, get this bitch out of here. ah So then she's getting fucking abused or whatever. Domestic violence. There are a lot of rape and domestic violence. Can I just say really quick? Just really quick on domestic violence. No.
00:40:57
Speaker
I had to fill out a sick time request application form for an employee of mine. Okay. And do you know that like they have like reason why you missed work and there's like boxes you can check?
00:41:08
Speaker
Yeah. For my job, one of the boxes, I just realized this today, one of the boxes you can check for sick hours is domestic violence. Wow. ah See, if someone's crazy, if someone's checking that box, right? Yeah.
00:41:24
Speaker
That's like basically yelling for help. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Yeah. But but maybe that's what it's for. Yeah. Maybe, you know, if you need a friend. Be like, hey, can you call a cop? Because I can't.
00:41:36
Speaker
Right. Right. Yeah. Shout out. Shout out Bald Woody. ball
00:41:43
Speaker
ah So they're like punching her or whatever. And they kill her. they She falls down these stairs and she dies. In slow-mo. Shout out to Zack Snyder. Slow-mo. Yeah. Yeah.
00:41:55
Speaker
And then I don't remember why we cut to Frankenstein. He's just walking. He's at a movie, right? He's he's he was visiting the doctor. he Right. He likes to watch these movies, though, about like love. And he's lonely.
00:42:09
Speaker
Yeah, because, you know, he's he's Frankenstein's monster. But he right. And we've come to find out. I like this. They call. He's like, I took my dad's name. Everybody calls the monster Frankenstein. He likes dad. he Shout out to dad. Shout out dad. He made me.
00:42:24
Speaker
Yeah. Frank, Frankie, whatever you want. and I don't know what this lady, but like when he's like, I'm Frankenstein's monster, she's like, she's like geek. She's like, you're him. Like a net bang's character.
00:42:36
Speaker
Right. Cause they were like, Whoa, you were created at like 18, 19. Yeah. After the book came out. You're a relic. And
00:42:47
Speaker
they're like, there's no way you're alive. And he's like, well, i am. It's me. Yeah. Yeah. How does that work, by the way? You just reanimate somebody and they just have eternal life? I guess.
00:42:59
Speaker
It's like that's the key. You die and then they just reanimate you. You're immortal. And like this one's very intelligent. This one. Look at this one. Look at this one. Real intelligent. This one is pretty, pretty intelligent guy right here.
00:43:14
Speaker
um He has wants and desires. He wants to get fucked. That's the whole goal of this. What is that but what does the deal with that? to because you I don't know, because he's a monster.
00:43:26
Speaker
no, no, no, no. I don't mean that. He wants to get fucked. And then, like, multiple women try to grab his cock. And he's like, no. That's true. Like, the doctor, I think, in the same scene we're talking about, tries like, check take a look at his genitals. And he's like, get of there, lady. You don't want to see that.
00:43:43
Speaker
And, like, the bride, like, also, the first time she tries to fuck him. In the pool. In the pool. She literally just says that. She's like, want fuck? Yeah. I'm bored. You want to fuck? He's like, no.
00:43:54
Speaker
Right. But you were to say goal this movie. What is the goal this movie exactly? This is like a Bonnie and Clyde. It's literally Bonnie and Clyde. Yeah. But Frankenstein and the bride.
00:44:06
Speaker
Right. That's it. With a side plot. Two side plots of the mob. who And this detective that ah fucked her and fell in love with her before she died.
00:44:24
Speaker
The detective fucked her Oh, right. They see each other the... Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he, like, later in the movie, gives the details to his the female detective. Like, yeah, I was on the case.
00:44:38
Speaker
I started talking to her. Fucked her. Fell in love with her. im I'm off the case. Here's my badge. Take this. yeah Literally, he says, take this. You're the new main detective.
00:44:51
Speaker
Yeah. Um... I don't i don't i don't get... it does not work for me, the whole they're going from city to city and like causing trouble, making a ruckus. They're going from... Because Frankenstein literally fantasizes about like this Ronnie... What's his name? Ronnie Reed or whatever? j i guess technically he's Frankenstein Jr.,
00:45:20
Speaker
Yes. Frankenstein's his dad. yeah Yeah. The second FJ. Yeah.
00:45:27
Speaker
Frankenstein, Jr. Kennedy. I don't know. Yeah. Then he's like, they're going from town to town because he's obsessed with these Jake Gyllenhaal movies. Right.
00:45:38
Speaker
And he's going from town to town of where the movies take place.
00:45:45
Speaker
But in each town, there's an issue. Each town, yeah. There's a problem. They gotta run. They gotta run in each town. And it's supposed to be entertaining. And they're in cars.
00:45:55
Speaker
Like, they're driving away from the cops in cars. There's two of them. With lightning and a queen. It's literally Bonnie and Clyde. 100%. Yeah. Which is also a real story.
00:46:08
Speaker
So now we're incorporating two... Mary Shelley, Bonnie and Clyde all in this movie. Yeah. Like we're now we're incorporating two real life things into this movie. Because one of the dude's name in the movie in the movie is like Clyde. And there's no way that that is coincidence.
00:46:26
Speaker
No, of course not. What? Hmm.
00:46:34
Speaker
This is what I don't get about this movie. And I don't, I get, I don't want to be a cinema sins kind of guy, but why when Frankenstein gets like reanimated or the monster gets reanimated, he's like, he's like, the like, he's just dumb.
00:46:49
Speaker
he's brain like it's know And like, it's probably taken him the hundreds of years to get to like speaking the way he speaks in this movie. They reanimated this broad and she's just like, Hey, what's up?
00:47:01
Speaker
yeah You know what i mean? like Well, because, well, I will say in defense of that, right? Yeah. Because Frankenstein, like Daddy Frankie, right? Daddy Frankenstein. Yeah.
00:47:13
Speaker
He took different body parts to create the monster, right? Fair. So it's like bunch of mishmash parts. This bitch is her whole body just like reanimated.
00:47:26
Speaker
I still got to push back on that some more because even though Frankenstein, well, I guess, remember. He's not like taking, he's not like mashing together different pieces of brain.
00:47:39
Speaker
Like the brain It's on one singular brain. Correct. But like the brain function of like understanding this hot, this cold, like all that shit, you know, regardless of what body parts you have. Like if you have Lou Gehrig, you can't fucking move, but you understand like what's going on.
00:47:59
Speaker
You're right. Cause if you remember, that's my thing in the OG Frankenstein, not that this has anything to do with it, but I guess it does. Canonically. Yeah. Robert De Niro is Christian Bale's daddy. Yeah.
00:48:13
Speaker
Um, Fuck that movie, by the way. Because in the OG, right? Mm-hmm. Dr. Frankenstein gets, like, he wants, like, a really intelligent brain, but then he gets, like, one of, like, an inmate or something.
00:48:28
Speaker
Yeah. Or, like, a retard, literally. Yeah, cover written it. Or something. Yeah. And put it in the brain. So now, did if we're going off that. Oh, well, i guess if it's a retard brain, then that makes sense.
00:48:40
Speaker
Right? Okay, that that tracks. That tracks then, yeah, 100%. So now in this one, right, we're like, oh so he got a smart guy brain. Right. Because then there's also a part where like he's talking about an angry mob. He's like, I've done this before.
00:48:56
Speaker
I just think that maybe he did have a retard brain, but if he's been alive for like hundreds of years, maybe it just took him this long to get this smart. Right. He went to school. Right. you know Yeah. what we say He was hanging out. Yeah.
00:49:09
Speaker
Right. He got bullied, beat some people up. He dropped yeah out, oh but he went back for his GED. I had to go back to the GED. Yeah. You know, tried to have a whole wife and kids. Didn't go too well. Didn't go. Yeah. He's like, I've been down this road before. Yeah. But daddy helped He had a drinking problem, then he got rid of it. Yeah.
00:49:31
Speaker
The kids and the wife left him. Yeah, yeah i I gotta be honest with you, dude. I like the design. I will say I like the design. It made him more like like human than like a monster. Like he pulled the fucking prods out of his neck.
00:49:48
Speaker
He did. eat No more bolts. Yeah. You can't hold them and ride them like one of those fucking things that go up and down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shout out to those drawings. I just got to be honest with you, dude. This movie did not work for me on any level.
00:50:02
Speaker
ah I just really did not have a It just was a big nothing burger of a movie. I i'd feel the same way about Keeper that I feel with this movie. I just feel like it just it just did nothing. It accomplished like nothing? It was... I think she probably... There was probably some thematics that Maggie Gyllenhaal was trying to tackle and she just tried to tackle too much at once and it just...
00:50:22
Speaker
like in in one instance, it's like kind of a serious movie about like, corruption and stuff like that. But then like there's a random musical number in the, in the middle ball room, the whole that. And the i just, I don't find, which doesn't make sense.
00:50:42
Speaker
I don't find this compelling. Also, also she's so fucking smart. And then she gets mad that Frankenstein lied to her about like, this isn't actually your name. Your name's Ida or whatever.
00:50:53
Speaker
and it's like, how the fuck would he know what your name is? He just dug you out of the ground and fucked you. I mean, maybe he read the tombstone. Give tombstone pile driver. ah She was real mad about that.
00:51:04
Speaker
But like you're dead. You died. She still loves him. She's still in love with him. Never mind. She still loves him. That whole Romeo and Juliet, which they reference. Well, straight up referenced. Yeah. And then they get reanimated together at the end, which to be honest, if the rest of made sense, love the end of the movie.
Final Thoughts on 'Bride'
00:51:23
Speaker
Yeah, that was cool. The end was great. I loved the end of it. But, the I mean, the the lead up to that point is just kind of like... So, i saw today's Monday. i saw movie on Thursday. I've been trying to figure out even relatively what I think about this for four days. And I just still don't really have an answer. It's just... I was not very entertained. i wasn't really impressed. Christian Bale typically, like, sweeps me off my feet with acting. And this just kind of, like, was...
00:51:49
Speaker
whatever. Maybe if I watch it at home with subtitles, it's like, this is a good movie. Cause but i always forget Christian Bale is British British.
00:52:00
Speaker
So like, this is just his normal accent, but with a little more. it is. yeah it is um This was like one of my most like I was like one of the ah the fuck that most anticipated movies of the year. I've seen this shit on my watch list for like since the pitch the still shots came out.
00:52:19
Speaker
Yeah, you were like, yo, the bride, the bride. And I'm like, here we are. i don't know, man. Fucking weird. And the initial reviews were it's weird. Uh, it just, it doesn't come together for me.
00:52:33
Speaker
ah I don't really get the message. i don't get any of it. Someone on letterbox reviewed and said Frankenstein fully adieu. Yes. Yeah. A lot of reviews were like, I get, we're saying like, I get the references to Joker fully adieu.
00:52:47
Speaker
I think fully adieu, cause we're probably going to give our ratings shortly. I think Joker fully adieu is a much worse movie. Yeah, I could.
00:53:00
Speaker
Will I ever rewatch this? Most likely not. I only want to with the subtitles. Yeah. Could I watch it again?
00:53:10
Speaker
Now the question is, would you rather watch this or Joker fully ado again? I'd probably rather watch this. I'd probably watch this. And I just went and looked at what I rated Joker fully ado. So star and a half star and a half.
00:53:22
Speaker
Yeah, we both gave it a star and a half, right? Yeah. Yeah. So it's definitely better than that, I would say. um That being said, still makes absolutely no fucking sense to me.
00:53:34
Speaker
ah Again, maybe if I watch with subtitles, I pick up on some ah some other things, some more stuffs. Like if you pitched me the idea, right? If you were Maggie Gyllenhaal you went to Warner Brothers.
00:53:45
Speaker
Yeah. Right? And you're like, yo. Help me, Warner, bro. bro I'm stuck. Yeah. If you're like, yo. They sat down in a boardroom and she's like, guys, Frankenstein and his wife.
00:54:01
Speaker
Yeah. But Bonnie and Clyde. And someone there greenlit that. She's like, well, honestly, you could be like, hey, guys, you know how like the bride of Frankenstein, the the bride's barely in it. And they'd be like, yeah. She's like, what if she was in it the whole time?
00:54:16
Speaker
And they'd be like, yeah, let's do that. And then she makes this and they go watch and go, Maggie, what the fuck is this? Yeah. So here's my thing with the all the Universal monsters, right? They just keep... I know like um most of them are like public domain.
00:54:32
Speaker
Sure. So like Universal doesn't have anything to do with them. But like they just they're pumping these things out nowadays. Everything's getting a new iteration.
00:54:44
Speaker
And they showed the trailer for The Mummy before this. And that actually looks somewhat entertaining. Yeah. Wow, you've come around on this. Because you were like like dog shit. Yeah.
00:54:55
Speaker
I was getting ready to say, if I have to watch that fucking trailer again, going to kill myself. That trailer looks like Exorcist Believer level shit. Yeah, I was like, this is Exorcist Believer or Evil Dead Rise.
00:55:08
Speaker
ah Sure. of those two I have not seen Exorcist Believer, so i'm probably I can't speak on it. But ah Evil Dead Rise is like a solid two and a half. Exorcist Believer is one of the worst movies I've ever seen.
00:55:21
Speaker
That's fair. So Mike. Mike? Who's Mike? Isn't Mike Flanagan doing the new Exorcist? Oh, he's doing the new one. Yes. Yes, he is. yeah Mike?
00:55:32
Speaker
Don't fuck it up, Mike. Don't fuck it up. You got Scarlett Johansson. Come on. you like Good start. You're on a good start. You're on ah you're on the right path, buddy. ah I am curious because I don't.
00:55:44
Speaker
Eggers is doing a werewolf movie like called Werewolf. Right. um It could be good. You know, Nosferatu is not bad. It's not like a five star, but it's not bad.
00:55:56
Speaker
I would say Nosferatu in recent memories, like one of the better classic horror monster movies. Yeah. In recent memory. One of the better remakes. Because like Wolfman, like we're not. That was horrible. Wasn't that actual Universal too?
00:56:12
Speaker
I don't remember, but probably. Who was trash with Julia Gardner, who is a piece. Yeah, but Robert Eggers is so... I clicked... There it is. That's fine. your Fucking Zancaster sucks today.
00:56:27
Speaker
like you I feel like you never know what going to get with him.
00:56:32
Speaker
Uh, I would say the opposite. I feel like, you know, it's going to be super duper atmosphere. You're going to know what it's going to look like and what the themes are going to be. It's definitely going to be dreary. You just don't know if you're to like it or not.
00:56:46
Speaker
Yeah. I've never seen the Northman. It's good. Good. I gave it a three and a half. I think. Right. Okay. Is that dreary? Ethan Hawke dies in the first five minutes. So I love that movie. Right, because big Ethan Hawke hater. Yeah, big.
00:57:00
Speaker
Big. He's in some new movie coming out, right? I think so. Does have a movie coming out? Ethan Hawke does? Isn't Willem Dafoe also can be in something? Probably. It's probably The Werewolf. It probably is. He's in all his fucking movies. Ethan Hawke.
00:57:18
Speaker
Let's look really quick. I thought he had something coming out soon.
00:57:29
Speaker
I don't know.
00:57:32
Speaker
So I'm probably going to give The Bride a two. That's where I was going to land on it as well. i I think I'm two. I think I'm a two star. This is kind of unfortunate for me because like I said, I really was looking forward to seeing this movie and then I just didn't fucking care.
00:57:51
Speaker
Now, so if there's a fire steal... No, probably not, right? I can't. cause like if If the Blu-ray goes down to like $10, maybe they'll give it a shot. No, I can't.
00:58:06
Speaker
I just can't. Warner Brothers, so it'll be on HBO Max at some point. Big. i I can't see myself buying this. I did want to say we've gotten away from this. This is like a long time ago we used to do this.
00:58:19
Speaker
We used to so say, if you'd like this movie, watch this, which I've been thinking about. We never do it. I think we should do that for every, we need to revive this for every recording. I would agree with you. So I got one.
00:58:30
Speaker
Um, and again, people, some people like it. Some people i hate it. If you want to watch a movie about a woman, uh, getting brought back to life and like re exploring sexuality, life, everything that life has to offer. Watch poor things by your, with Lanthimos, uh, then we fucking rocks. It's great. There's a lot of sex, a lot of Emma stone tit and vag.
00:58:55
Speaker
so that's another thing, right? You see what's her faces tits. I just, lost i just want to see it. I want to see, Christian Bale's piece. Yeah. um They tease his bit with that. i would But I would say check out Poor Things. I think that's currently my highest rated Yorgos film. i have a list on Letterboxd. Go look at it, you fucking flamers. So...
00:59:18
Speaker
That'd be my suggestion if you like The Bride. Also, I mean, from the both of us, if you like The Bride, go watch The Bride of Frankenstein, the first one, because that movie's great, regardless of the fact The Bride's not actually in it that long. Yeah, regardless, that it probably should have been called Frankenstein 2.
00:59:31
Speaker
Correct. Yes. Mr. Frankenstein. Yeah, Mr. I think we should say this. We are, well, actually, next week is ah is a banked episode, so we're safe.
00:59:44
Speaker
ah We have, the two of us, have a lot going on in life. ah So we the scheduled recording is a little wonky and we don't know exactly what's going be coming out over the next few weeks.
00:59:57
Speaker
We can say with certainty that next week you will be hearing a banked recording on the menu featuring Jake. Shout out Jake. I don't remember anything much about that.
01:00:08
Speaker
ah We do talk about the job that I worked at at that time quite a bit. And I left most of it. I just want you to know that that was back then. I'm at a new job now. I don't mean of that from the job I work at right now.
01:00:20
Speaker
Oh, wow. Has nothing to do with my current job. I straight up said I didn't respect my boss in that episode. so i for easy That's That's my old job. been at a new job. We recorded that episode fucking years ago. So like it doesn't reflect anything of how I feel right now in this moment in 2026.
01:00:39
Speaker
Okay. We'd also would like to review for you as far as new releases are concerned, Ready or Not 2, which is getting stink bombed, um and the drama with Robert Pattinson and Zendaya, who I want to milk. So it's just what it is.
01:00:56
Speaker
Hopefully we can do this for you. We will be together Soon. so There's definitely no content being done, we will be together soon. we will be yes Yeah, that's true. There's no absolutely zero content being done, but ah we're yeah just stick it out with us for, i would say we probably need a solid month to get back on solid ground.
01:01:15
Speaker
So give us like a solid month and then, ah you know, hang in there. head You know, life just kind of bit everybody in the ass all yeah all of a sudden. And we like life bit your ass, but it's currently rimming my asshole. I'm getting licked in a good way. I'm getting. Yeah. That's why like the bite is like not great. I mean, I guess some people, if you're into that, I'm not going to kink shame you. Just don't bite me because there's roids.
01:01:40
Speaker
I will bleed. You know, I will. Yeah. Yeah. I yeah will fucking bleed. Yeah, so the menus comes out next week. The bonus review for Patreon ah was supposed to be Tremors, but that is up in the air as well. We will get you something, Tyler and Brian. I haven haven't talked to you about that, but we might push that back to mark or April.
01:02:04
Speaker
ah Push what to April? Tremors? Tremors. Okay. Yeah. we I mean, March bonus episode might not even happen, in period. That's what I was saying. Yeah. I mean, might and we're sorry. You might get an old record. you might get um You know We should give Patreon Unbreakable Uncensored. That's valid. That episode's fucking crazy. you know That episode's out of fucking control.
01:02:26
Speaker
We'll do that for you guys. Patreon bonus episode this month is Unbreakable. Trust me, you're gonna want to fucking rent the episode from us or subscribe to the Patreon. ah It's a great. It's fucking awesome. It's a hilarious episode.
01:02:40
Speaker
um That's all I have to say. And we'll see you on Friday for. Yeah, you want it Yeah, you want it?
01:02:52
Speaker
but Sorry. I just I just fucking did not even check with you. ah Friday's. Yeah, you want it? And then if not, we'll see you Tuesday. ah Toodles.
01:03:03
Speaker
Fuck you, Mark. I'm going to kill you reanimate you. and then fuck your skull.