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EP. 108 BONUS! Friday the 13th Part IV (1984)
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Transcript
Comedic Introduction and Episode Setup
00:00:00
Speaker
I want to play football. Have you seen my dick? been looking for it.
00:00:07
Speaker
Sir, I'm going to rub one out right here on your counter.
00:00:11
Speaker
We cut to Mike, who delivers meat on his bicycle.
00:00:19
Speaker
I'm rinsing your girl out, bud.
00:00:23
Speaker
Hello, my name is Nick, and I have shaft hair.
00:00:27
Speaker
Call me Odell Beckham Senior, because I'm dad.
00:00:34
Speaker
want me to lick your bedpan, filthy skunk?
00:00:40
Speaker
We're just joking. Everything's jokes.
00:00:47
Speaker
Two girls, one cup? No. Two guys, one screen? Yes.
00:00:54
Speaker
Hello, welcome to episode 108 of the Two Guys One Screen podcast, the Hemorrhoid Homies, the Hindi Homos, the Diarrhea Daddies. I've had a little, I've had some light, light, light diarrhea.
00:01:05
Speaker
do you eat? Real light. I've started eating cereal again. Okay. I don't know, I think it's just having milked my body. It's just shaking things up.
00:01:15
Speaker
I mean, can I milk your body? ah yeah. Yeah. Yes. I already, well, today might not be a good day because I've already gotten milked. Sorry. My cousin didn't want to hear that, but. Oh, you milked yourself? Yeah. i Yeah. Yeah. Unless the cat was down to clown, but. Yeah. That's disgusting. Uh, but the cat probably is down to the clown. Fucking gross. Uh, yeah.
Film Analysis: 'Friday the 13th: Part Four'
00:01:40
Speaker
If you're listening to this on the day it comes out, it means it's Friday the 13th. You know what that fucking means? It is a bonus episode. bo number alerts We'll see how long VoiceMod worked for today. We don't know why it's the way it is. It could be down in about five seconds. Who knows?
00:01:55
Speaker
Correct. ah This is Friday the 13th, part four, a.k.a. the final chapter, a.k.a. not the final chapter. Yeah, they wanted it to be. Yeah, I'll tell you what I want. A good movie? Yeah, please. i mean, I will say, I'll spoil it right now, this would be my highest rated Friday the 13th out of all of them.
00:02:15
Speaker
That being said, that's not much. No, because we had way too much, like, they really tried to build the characters up in this one. They wanted you to, like care about these people, and I just couldn't care less.
00:02:27
Speaker
These are some of the most despicable human beings I've ever fucking seen in the movie. Yeah. I mean, but that's kind of what you want in a slasher, though, because you're like, i want to see these people get killed. I will say, you not feel because I mean, maybe it's because we just did part three, like not that long, like the last snowstorm we did part three.
00:02:43
Speaker
ah But it it does feel a little bit rinse and repeat. Oh, yeah, for sure. Like, yeah. I feel like the budget was higher, though. The budget was definitely higher. The practical. I have to give props to practical effects. Not as much cutting away from kills in this movie, which is good.
00:03:01
Speaker
Got to respect that, you know? ah So that's cool. um Friday the 13th came out in the year 1984. Our good friend Chris Benoit was not doing anything yet.
00:03:13
Speaker
And 9-11 had not happened yet either. Unfortunate. Movies directed by one Joseph Zito. ah Oh, wow. No wonder I fucking hate this guy. Yeah. Oh, he directed The Prowler. Directed The Prowler. One of the worst movies you'll ever watch.
Podcast Promotion and Variety Content
00:03:33
Speaker
I just want to say, i know we have the new plug, but while we're here, before we go any further, check out our Patreon. ah We had now have three... Three episodes of our our variety show mixed bag plus a bonus review on Shrek.
00:03:48
Speaker
I mean, come on. If you guys want to hear Shrek. Don't you guys want to hear fucking Shrek? I'm trying nibble his little ear holes. i Exactly. um Like a mouse. And I think that you guys should click the link in our description and go subby wubby to it.
00:04:02
Speaker
Yeah, man. Or buy one episode. We did an hour 45. On Shrek? Well, the the the total episode was an hour 45. Oh, okay. um And there's no plug, and it's uncensored.
00:04:15
Speaker
So, for example... You could have heard that. could have heard that. But now, you don't know what he just said, did you? But Tyler and Brian, y'all know. well no Which we do have to do a better job of shouting out our two patrons on the public feed for now until it gets bigger.
00:04:30
Speaker
Yeah, shout out Tyler and Brian. TB. TB, we love you. ah huh And Gerald hates PB, peanut butter. I do. Yeah. ah I don't know any of those movies this guy's directed, so fuck this guy.
00:04:45
Speaker
um Here is your your cast list. We have Judy Aronson. Aronson? Aronson. She plays Samantha. I mean, I'm giving it to her now.
00:04:59
Speaker
Yeah, mean, she's getting dick big. She was getting fucked in the shower, right? Yeah. Or that Sarah. No, that was Sarah.
00:05:07
Speaker
Somebody shoved it in there. Someone shoved it in there either way in the shower, but that was a hot scene. There's a lot sex in this movie. All this volume is just at 100%. I don't know why that happened, but...
Humorous Product Complaints
00:05:16
Speaker
Sorry to the audience and the edit. lot of sex. A lot of sex, and I was okay with it.
00:05:23
Speaker
Next we have... Kimberly Beck, a.k.a. Trish Jarvis. Jarvis? She's getting it, like, so, so bad. She's getting it in the fucking hospital bed traumatized. I don't care.
00:05:34
Speaker
She looks like Barbara Crampton. Oh, Martha. She does look like Barbara Crampton, but I would probably prefer Barbara Crampton over her. Yeah, I mean, she, Barbara Crampton had bush going. you know And i like that. Okay. ah she She was in Monster House, and she also was in this this Hitchcock movie called Marnie. Unfortunately, Marnie sucks. Oh, that's tough. She's also in part two.
00:05:58
Speaker
No, part six and part seven of Friday the 13th. Spoiler alert. Yeah. ah Next, we have Joan Freeman, who plays Mrs. Jarvis. i i'm on Honestly, bro, I'd give it to Mrs. Jarvis.
00:06:14
Speaker
I have a thing about like weird moles on people's faces, and she had like one popping over here. Oh, right. Yeah. You said that about the lady from so Get send Help. Not Get Help. Combine Get Out and Send Help.
00:06:25
Speaker
I mean, I'll give it to her, but she's got to have like surgery to remove it first. like Even, bro, that scene when she's like looking for her kids, and she's just bent over the sink, and it's just dark. I would just fucking...
00:06:35
Speaker
You I mean? Yeah. Yeah, I'm to squirt Dawn dish soap in my penis. Yeah, it burns my fight for the pain. Martha. So, she's cool. She's in nothing.
00:06:49
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, these are probably big in like the 50s. Right. Yeah, right. I mean, what movies are these? Let's just, these look like, these all look like Kino Lorber movies.
00:06:59
Speaker
Yeah, they do, right? Keto definitely put out Tower out of London, I'm just saying. They definitely put out The Reluctant Astronaut. Like, what kind of fucking dumb shit is this? yeah That sucks fucking horrible.
00:07:11
Speaker
Oh, what is that other movie, though, with the Death Moon with the fucking... ah cause That looks cool. That does look kind of cool, honestly. ah Okay, so next we have Barbara Howard, who plays Sarah. Sarah's getting dicked, not even a question. She's in this movie called White Palace. Hello. She can get my... What's the opposite of a palace?
00:07:34
Speaker
like a shit like im Like a hut. Yeah, she can get my white hut. Yeah. You're like, hut, hut! And then we can get a hut afterwards. Yeah. Yeah.
00:07:46
Speaker
um You know what I realized? Well, not recently, but just in life is that people there's like a big debate about like Pizza Hut versus like Domino's or whatever.
00:07:58
Speaker
And then I realized that we just lived in New York and just didn't have to deal with that. No, we just had good pizza. We just had good pizzerias around and we just go to them, you know? Yeah. ah But it is it is Pizza Hut over Domino's though.
00:08:09
Speaker
We can't shout out that one place because it' a little too close to home. The one by we went to school. yeah. It's a little too close to home. It was closed though. Oh, closed? Yeah.
00:08:20
Speaker
There's another one in that other mall on that other road. okay Okay. I think I'm getting the vibes, yeah. You have a shout-out to Giacomo's. Yeah, shout-out to them. Well, that's a chain.
00:08:32
Speaker
There was also another one, think. Yeah, I don't. Okay, there was two there was one also by Kmart. Oh, yes. Yeah, that one was also pretty good. It changed a lot for owners, but it was pretty consistent, I feel like. yeah I just get pizza at the one in town, but I i definitely can't say that one. It's within walking distance of my house. Bro, I used to date a girl that area, obviously, and she used to work there.
00:08:56
Speaker
The one that starts No, the one an F. Oh, that one. Yeah, that one's good. So we got to get through this cast. next we have Corey Feldman, who plays Tommy Jarvis.
00:09:07
Speaker
You know Corey? Big Corey? I do. I do know Corey. His head is literally a fucking square. Yeah, but he's kind of a deal in the 80s. Yeah, he's in Stand By Me, all-time movie, Gremlins, The Goonies.
00:09:21
Speaker
Lost in the way. Lost in the this teenage mutant ninja trauma oh is he fucking oh gee yeah don tello yeah he's the voice um and then he's in part five and what is this one six seven he's also in seven six and seven five six seven run it up um I mean, I'm not fucking this guy, to be honest with you. Oh, we can't in the movie he as a kid. Yeah.
00:09:53
Speaker
Oh, you're right. Yeah, yeah, you're right. Yeah. Okay. but we have he He's the residential YR. That's my young retard right there. Next, we have Eric Anderson, ah who plays Rob. This guy's fucking annoying.
00:10:11
Speaker
I don't like him, and I wouldn't fuck him. Definitely not fucking this guy. Sorry, buddy. He's also not in anything. Correct. Next, we have Peter Barton. He plays Doug. You know, Doug's dead.
00:10:23
Speaker
ah Doug was the guy who was trying to fuck the twin and then got killed outside in the r in the raft. Right. Well, yeah. I mean, that guy's a scumbag anyway. He's like cheating on his girl with the twins. Yeah, I ain't fucking him either.
00:10:38
Speaker
But he's in this movie, Hell Knight, that I've heard good things about. Oh, you have? Yeah. Yeah, but that doesn't mean anything because it's probably put out by like Severin, so it's like going to be rough. Yeah, it's going to cost a lot of money and suck. Yeah, yeah exactly.
00:10:52
Speaker
Yeah. Next, we have Crispin Glover. What a name. i mean, this guy's a literal big deal. jimmy Jimmy Mortimer.
00:11:03
Speaker
Mortemeyer? You want to... He's in Back to the Future, this fucking Crispin kid. he's he's literally He literally plays What's-His-Face's dad. Yeah.
'Friday the 13th' and 'Back to the Future' Cast Connections
00:11:13
Speaker
W. What a fucking guy. Imagine hearing, you to get this movie called Back to the Future? Well, this came, Back to Future came out in 85. Yeah. like Someone watched this, it was like, I want that guy in my movie. That guy fucks. I want that guy in this movie. I mean, he plays a weirdo in Back to the Future 2, so it just kind of makes sense. Valid.
00:11:35
Speaker
Next, we have Clyde Hayes, who plays Paul. Clyde. All right. um We're just going run through the fucking loud. This is stupid. Okay. We got Lawrence Monsoon. Monison plays Tay.
00:11:48
Speaker
We got Camilla Moore, who plays Tina, and Carrie Moore, who plays Terrio Twins, and I'd fuck both of them. For sure. Do we have the button?
00:11:59
Speaker
um And Lisa Freeman plays Nurse Morgan and Bruce ma Mahler. He plays Axel. Wait, hold Lisa Freeman's also a Back to the Future. did That's crazy. What is that? They casted the entire cast from Friday the 13th, part four, the final chapter. That's ridiculous. Oh, man.
00:12:19
Speaker
If you're new to this podcast, we do a scene by scene. So we're going to review each scene as it comes. And this movie doesn't have too many that or that interesting. So this might be a quicker, but a quicker picker upper shout out to Swiffer.
00:12:35
Speaker
yeah I love my Swiffer, dude. Yeah, mine is broken, but I do love it. And every time i what pisses me off about Swiffer real quick is that they have like ah the green one, and then there's like the purple one that you have like you spray the liquid with the handle and do whatever, right? yeah Well, the green ones, the pads come in wet. and Wet, right. They're already wetted. Yeah. yeah Yeah. And then the the the purple one is dry. You squirt, squirt, mop, mop. That one broke for me. So I went to CVS yesterday, not looking for one, but they had a different one now. It's called a power mop.
00:13:12
Speaker
And it looks like though it's still purple, but it takes a different kind of fucking pad. It's like the fucking iPhones with the different plugs. It's like ever there's three different ones. So is it different pad, but is it the same like fluid?
00:13:24
Speaker
Different fluid. Oh, I mean. Yeah. Yeah. It's it's I mean, it's a racket. It's a literal fucking racket. OK, so fuck you, Swiffer. At this point, we're just going to start mopping with a real mop. Yeah, Swiffer swiping my money, bro. That's crazy.
00:13:40
Speaker
ah So this movie opens with a recap of essentially the first three films, which fine. I skipped through it. I don't know if any you want to talk about besides who's jumping into the fourth one.
00:13:53
Speaker
Just straight up. know Yeah. I wonder what happened. yeah You want to see his movie called the final chapter? Yeah. Have you seen the other ones? No. Well, to be fair, after watching this, you don't have to.
00:14:07
Speaker
That's true. You really don't have to. This movie could just be like, ah oh there's this killer. It's this boy who drowned in the lake. if you heard about him? Kind of like all of them. Exactly. Yeah. i mean, you don't have to see the other three. I will say part six has continuity because spoiler alert, when Jason comes back to life in part six, it's because of a character in this movie.
00:14:29
Speaker
Interesting. We'll leave it at that. Uh, this move besides the, the stupid fucking recap and the title card were at the barn from the last one. Remember the barn, the barn, the movie, not that movie, but the barn were they, that they pretended was a fucking vacation getaway. Yeah. Where they hung a man.
00:14:48
Speaker
Oh, I also saw, i don't know if you scrolled to the bottom, bottom of the castles, but apparently Tom Savini is the dead Jason in the barn. That's him. That's cool. He's just laying there. Yeah. Shout to Tom Savini. Welcome back.
00:15:00
Speaker
Uh, And there's a police and ambulance. They're taking the dead bodies out from this fucking barn. Cause literally every, they're like, there's 10 in there. They all went the barn, got murdered. The like ambulance drivers. Like if they're all dead, why is it an emergency?
00:15:19
Speaker
Right. It's pretty valid, right? Yeah. You know, we just gotta get these bodies, but get here when you get here, you know? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, no big deal. ah This cop tells us ambulance driver to take Jason's body. Uh, and they strap Jason into the stretcher and there's this, um, medic Lainey who she goes to finish strapping up Jason and his hand peeks out of the blanket and she kind of freaks the fuck out. Oh, I'm a sit on it. Yeah. I mean, he got a long, he got a long nails.
00:15:49
Speaker
Yeah. He got long nails like bleep. I can't have a long fucking nails. Yeah. Fuck him. ah We cut to the hospital and follow these two medics wheeling ah Jason to this room in the morgue.
00:16:04
Speaker
um And I wrote sloppy Jew doctor eating a bagel. wow He's just kind of a pig. didn't mean to say pig because I didn't mean it like that. But just like he's just like eating a bagel. It's getting all over the place, like over the over Jason's body. He just puts the fucking half-eaten bagel on him and drops the laptop. And it's just like, what are we doing? He's cream cheese on his hands, but he's still signing official documents. He's like, yeah, sign I'm just fucking like, what are you talking about?
00:16:34
Speaker
um And he thinks that the, one of the dead girls from the last movie is kind of hot. I don't blame him. um But yeah, cause he was like, oh yeah, I'd fuck. yeah She's dead. He's like, i don't care. Yeah.
00:16:48
Speaker
This guy, this fucking douchebag's name is Axel. And then after he signs the paperwork, he goes hit on this nurse, Morgan. And he's like, hey, meet me be later. We're going to fuck by the dead bodies. How does that sound? She's like, what are you, the fucking Poughkeepsie killer? What is going on right now? Yeah, really.
00:17:04
Speaker
ah We cut to later and it's dark in this room and she's looking for Axel and there's a TV on and they're doing like fucking some Richard Simmons type shit. Yeah. Yeah. Like the, okay. Oh, okay. Keep going. Come on. Yeah.
00:17:18
Speaker
It's like Margaret Qualley in the substance, but less twerking, less hot, less hot too.
Humorous Hospital Scene Critique
00:17:23
Speaker
Correct. Less. Like I didn't get a boner watching this movie. Correct. And this is the same room where Jason's dead body still is. And then Axel scares her and she puts on the news about ah Camp Crystal Lake, which these murders didn't happen at Camp Crystal Lake. So like only the first one did. Yeah, correct.
00:17:38
Speaker
um And this one, too, is not Crystal Lake, right? This is not on camp. This is on someone's house. This is like someone's property. I don't want to get too far ahead, but it is so funny that they find Rob and then Rob leaves and then like ah Trish goes to walk and she holds like five feet. He's camping out like that's in their backyard. Yeah.
00:17:58
Speaker
He's just camping. It's fucking like stupid. Maybe the second one took place because they were by. no that wouldn't make sense. I also think I should start rating these movies based on our recording and how much fun I have with the recording, not actually the movie.
00:18:14
Speaker
because No, because the recording's better. The recordings are better, yeah. I was going to say, like, part one definitely takes place at Crystal Lake, and I was going to be like, well, part two has to because of the shack, but no, Jason probably left the premises, built a shack.
00:18:29
Speaker
Yeah, Jason came out of closet, right? Yeah. He's like, I love mommy. So... o um so Jason's laying there. They start making out, getting naked and shit. And Jason's hand falls on ah Morgan's leg and she screams and tells Axel to get Jason in the icebox.
00:18:49
Speaker
This bothers me. This really bothers me. Which part bothers you? Fucking next to a corpse. Yeah, I mean, that's very, very kinky and I'm not into that either. No, but like... yeah Would you fuck in a graveyard?
00:19:03
Speaker
Probably. Because you've got six feet, you're socially distanced. oh Exactly. As long as I'm socially distanced from the dead bodies, we're good. and like I feel like there's so many different positions you could do with a tombstone.
00:19:18
Speaker
you that yeah Give the Give me the tombstone. Odd, like fucking. She's fucking sucking here she's suck your cock. You just fucking pile and drive her into the ground. but um like and like yeah eyes Instead of like holding our hands like this, you're just grabbing our tits. Yeah, that'd be fire. It's fucking ridiculous.
00:19:39
Speaker
Shout out to the Undertaker, though. Shout out to him, dude. ah Then we see Morgan. She's like, what do you call this room? where medicine is. I said she's like taking like inventory or something. It's like a storage room, right?
00:19:50
Speaker
Yeah, and then a a bottle breaks and she starts screaming very... Aggressively? Yeah, did not needed. i mean, to be fair, she's probably got to pay for that. it's probably gonna come What if that's like chloroform?
00:20:02
Speaker
Well, I mean, if Axel's her boss... Axel, I'm so sorry. You're in the clear. It's what Axel wants. It's up to me next to this guy with an axe wound.
00:20:13
Speaker
Yeah. Fuck me right in his crevice. Yeah, you come in his axe wound and I'll suck it out. So, not to get too far ahead of ourselves, though, right? Sure.
00:20:25
Speaker
de How healed is the crevice from... Not while they're fucking. I mean, like, at the end of the movie. Like, how ah healed is that crevice? When Tommy swings that axe at his head, again, is he just chopping that already chopped meat? Like, it's just going... That's why it went through so easily, because, like, it was already fucking...
00:20:43
Speaker
Out, know i mean? I'm assuming, but it goes like super, it has to go super deep in because Boyce slides down it like a whore. Yeah, I wrote shish kebab. Yeah. I guess maybe that the the initial cut is like the, it kind of helped Tommy just get all the way through his eyeball or whatever. I don't know.
00:21:00
Speaker
Had to. Anyways. um We're experiencing high winds. So technical difficulties will, if it everything seems off. We're in the Northeast. This is fucked.
00:21:12
Speaker
This is snowstorm number two in the past like month. Yeah, right. ah So he puts Jason in the icebox and ah the door doesn't close or Jason, i don't know. Did he just not close it? Kicks it? I thought Jason like probably kicked it.
00:21:27
Speaker
But thought his head was like at the top. Okay, so he fucking crisp and wad it and has CTE now. off the Top rope on the icebox door. yeah I don't have the music today because fuck you, voice mod. Yeah. ah He goes back to watching fucking Richard Simmons or whatever he's watching. And then ah this is crazy. Jason just at this point, like when he sits back down, like this movie we fucking sucks. And then Jason literally saw this guy's neck with like a saw for like wood.
00:21:56
Speaker
And then completely like one eighty s entire head. Yeah. umify Oh, now we're now we're in business. But now we're now we're going. Then he finds Morgan in that medicine room and chokes her out. And she he like cuts her stomach open more or less.
00:22:12
Speaker
Something like that. ah We cut to these two ladies jogging Trish and her mother, Mrs. Jarvis. I wrote sisters, but they're not sisters. No, um you would think that immediately.
00:22:23
Speaker
Yeah, and it was very funny because it was like, well, I talked to dad and you better go visit dad. just very fucking It's very weird. It's very, very weird. Dad's dicking me down. yeah Dad's dicking me down. Yeah. Yeah.
00:22:38
Speaker
Dad wanted to see the evolution of the pussy. Yeah. Yeah. What did I spawn? Yeah. So they they're jogging. They go back to this house that they live in. There's this kid. He's wearing an alien mask. This is Tommy.
00:22:54
Speaker
He like makes his own. This kid's like fucking seven and he makes like masks and fixes cars like he's fucking seven. Guys, literally Tom Savini in the making. Yeah, actually. Oh, Tom had to do all those masks.
00:23:07
Speaker
For sure. It's got to be Tom Savini. Especially that little puppet, John.
00:23:16
Speaker
with the eyeballs? Yeah. Yeah, it was cool. It was cool. That's where all the budget is. Exactly. Imagine movies suck because you wanted one cool puppet. Yeah, you're like, like how much that puppet cost, Tom? 95% of the budget.
00:23:29
Speaker
Yeah. Deal. $250,000. Oh. two hundred and fifty thousand oh uh mom's the mom says the front door is left open um and we find out that there are a place next door is getting rented out by six kids uh and we cut to those six kids they're on in this car and they're singing some faggy ass song i don't know what the fuck this is but i did not like it never heard this song but never want to hear it it's cool though because they are fitting how many people in that car are like six yeah that's pretty cars are different then you could fit six kids in the car no
00:24:04
Speaker
Maybe if they're dead, but oh yeah, did you just like shove them in like every like six strike old kids? Yeah, it's a bitch in my fucking trunk trunk or the spare tire goes no bro like wait. You're telling me you couldn't fit six people in your car. You have right now.
00:24:21
Speaker
Do you have right third a thorough that goes up? I don't know. Oh, you don't. That's what i'm saying. Like these are full on seats. Yeah. Of like twos. My dad's old car, my mom's old car i had like that third row where we would come up.
00:24:34
Speaker
You could yeah Yeah. Those seats always always sucked though. I don't have that. I just got wide seats. Yeah, you got a wide ass. yeah yeah Yeah. My shit's wide, not like a hall. You know what I mean? Yeah, you got a chode ass. Yeah.
00:24:50
Speaker
You got a chode car. Is that what we're going ah Uh, this kid, uh, Jimmy, he broke up with Blowjob Betty, which, I mean, dude, he a good thing going.
00:25:03
Speaker
And this kid, Ted, says it's because he's a dead fuck. What? A dead fuck's like a bad fuck? I'm assuming. You're not good in bed? All right. Fucker when she's dead?
00:25:14
Speaker
Yeah. And then... reformer first
00:25:18
Speaker
Depends on the day. Yeah. They get lost and then somehow they get lost right next to Pamela Voorhees' grave. Which is like, no, it's like, we're lost. Yeah.
00:25:31
Speaker
yeah You did that at it multiple times. Yeah. It's hilarious. um They pass by to this fucking fat tree-hugging bitch. And they're like, should pick her up? they're no, look at her. And then they keep going.
00:25:44
Speaker
And then she starts fucking glucking a banana. And if I had that button, I did the gluck, gluck, gluck, gluck. I would have played that shit. But fuck you, voice mod. um And then Jason stabs her through the throat while she's eating. She's just sitting there eating a banana. Just like, fuck you. Eating this banana, but like she's squeezing it and it's like pop it out. It's kind of sexual.
00:26:02
Speaker
A little bit. i More like taking a shit to me, but. yeah Jason's not a dead fuck, I don't think. I think Jason's a dead fuck. You think so? I mean, if you could if you could get it to where he's not going to try to kill you at any point in time, like where the choking doesn't get too real, maybe maybe he's not a dead fuck. stamina is probably crazy, though. Yo, he could... I mean, how many rounds has he got in him? He got crazy, crazy stamina, yeah.
00:26:27
Speaker
Like, he's just full-on going, and you're like you're at at at a point, you're like, you gotta stop. You know, like...
00:26:35
Speaker
This is enough. I'm done. tired dude Jason, I can't take um my walls are fucking done. Broken down. Yeah. ah I have that button today.
00:26:48
Speaker
Turn it shut off. So whatever we cut to the Jarvis family. They're having tuna salad. Who cares? um The kids arrived next door.
00:27:01
Speaker
The code name kids next door. I've seen that show once. That's a good show. Yeah. And then there's dog Gordon, and he comes back. I guess they were, like, kind of half-assly looking for him. Trust the Gordons, fishermen.
00:27:13
Speaker
Right. ah we Then we see Sarah and Sam. They're, like, friends. and but you'd say like They're, like, friends. they're just I just don't like this movie, I don't think. And she...
00:27:26
Speaker
and she Basically, Sam is a bit of a fucking whore, and she got her reputation in sixth grade. I mean, talk about luck in sixth grade. Wow, what are we doing? Are we doing it in the lunch line, huh? Yeah, I did see a couple doing it under a staircase where we went to high school.
00:27:45
Speaker
Oh, in high school, yeah. i mean In sixth grade, I mean. I did some things in hallway staircases in high school. That would be on Patreon. So... so
00:27:58
Speaker
Anyways, Paul is with ah Sam. Paul and Sam are together. And Paul thinks that she's great bed. And Sarah and Doug are a couple. they're sleeping together in a bunk bed. It's kind of great.
00:28:13
Speaker
Then everyone's going to bed. Tommy's in his bed, and he's like staring through the window at Sarah getting changed. And he's like, yeah. And he's like really going crazy. This guy's freaking himself out. Yeah.
00:28:24
Speaker
And then like you almost see her titters, and then Paul walks in. They just start fucking going at it. I mean, this is like, yout who needs Pornhub? Yeah, right? It's right across the street. But this kid's slamming his head into his own pillow. like He's like throwing himself around a little bit. Yeah, he's crazy. He's throwing himself back.
00:28:40
Speaker
Yeah, and then his mom walks in, and it was kind of crazy for a second because she, like, puts the blanket on him, and then she looks up and, like, smirks. I'm like, what the fuck is about to happen right now? She's going to be Take her son from behind? my God.
00:28:57
Speaker
No, I was going to be like, she just like sits like, he's laying in the bed, the windows in front of him. She's behind just like fucking flicking her shit. And he's just like, he's he's fucking cucking himself under the blanket. Do you think she knows that he was watching? That's why she smirked?
00:29:12
Speaker
Yeah. Well, she then she eventually rolls the blind down. Yeah. Also, he was literally just going, oh, go! Like, he was just like, you know? I think he was, like, getting his first bone.
00:29:24
Speaker
Maybe he was getting his first cream. Yeah, that's cool, man. Good for you. Reigned his little PJs. I don't remember my first cream. well Me either. Yeah. That'd be hilarious. They had, like, the cum fairy. Like, when you have your first cum, and someone would come, and they're just like, yeah. This guy who sucks it?
00:29:42
Speaker
P- It's like a vacuum cleaner. You come all over yourself and you go to bed and you wake up next day, it's all gone. like, oh, thanks, cum fairy. Thanks, cum fairy. But what she leave you with? An STD?
00:29:54
Speaker
A condom. Oh, that's probably better. i mean i mean, if it was money, people would take advantage of that. She'd be fucking jerking themselves every night. I would. Yeah, for sure. ah so
00:30:10
Speaker
Jimmy wants to call Betty, but Ted thinks it's a bad idea because he's a dead fuck. Then they're all walking on this trail and they walk into these two twin sisters who are hot.
00:30:21
Speaker
And they're looking for Crystal Point, not Lake. Crystal Point. ah So they all go together and Sarah's going to get the car for whatever reason. This actually made no sense because she goes to get the car and then never goes and gets the car.
00:30:40
Speaker
Right. It actually doesn't happen. It never happens. At all. she Yeah. Um, then we see Ted and Jimmy want to fuck the twins. Obviously it's like the twins from Harry. Hi, Harry.
00:30:51
Speaker
but Hi, Harry, but not Indian. They're not interested in you. um Sarah walks back to get the car and she gets scared. o um We cut and they're on a tire swinging into the lake. This is just the same shit every fucking movie.
00:31:07
Speaker
Ted and Jimmy ah don't have trousers to go in the the lake. and they like come on Come skinny dip. We don't have suits. Again, it's the same conversation. Like we said last recording for Friday, we wouldn't fucking skein dip because our pieces are small.
00:31:24
Speaker
And is this, I mean, there's just nothing to say here anymore. I mean, this guy's probably trans and doesn't want to jump in and tell everybody. Yeah, I would fucking tuck my shit back and be like, no. No, I'm scared. It's like a dog that like tucks its tail between its legs.
00:31:39
Speaker
Yeah, maybe a little bit. ah Trish and Tommy pull up. They're just in the car and Gordon just jumps out of the car and runs off and Tommy chases after the dog and they just end up at the lake where these naked people are.
00:31:52
Speaker
And they all know Trish somehow. i guess better. Remember? they're Like Tommy and Trish were like introducing themselves when Gordon ran away the first time.
00:32:04
Speaker
I missed it then. No, i didn't see it. Because mom was like peeking out the window again. Like, oo who I like all college age kids. Yeah.
00:32:16
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, they're developing their sexuality. Yeah. They're, they're over the age of 18. Yeah. Uh, the actors definitely are. Yeah.
00:32:27
Speaker
Uh, Trish and Tommy. So what, so they, drive they, they drive to some random spot in the woods and then they get the dog, they go back to the car and then where are they driving to next?
00:32:38
Speaker
home i guess are you right like what were we doing um and the car just randomly shuts off and then tommy goes to look under the hood he's fucking seven years old and she's like can you get it and he's like i'm seven i'm seven this is fucking so dumb i hate this part i think your flux capacitor is broken or something yeah we cut back to the dock and sam wants sarah to come in and she's like no and sam's like i'm gonna drown myself you don't fucking come in she's like you fucking attention whore Okay, I'm coming. So then she goes in and she's worried that she actually drowned. And then ah Sam just pulls her in. You do see tits.
00:33:16
Speaker
Gotta give that. lot of tits. uh, this was written this way
Character Introduction and Plot Developments
00:33:20
Speaker
intentionally. We cut to Tommy bent over the car. And, uh, he tells Trish to try to turn the car on. And then, uh, he gets, this guy just like fucking grabs his wrist. It's fucking crazy. Like who does that? That's unhinged behavior. Yeah.
00:33:36
Speaker
He's a fucking grabber. Yeah. Uh, And this guy is this is Rob. And he helps him get their car started. or They give him a lift back to just they just go back to their house with this random guy. Yeah. And he's hunting bear. So he says and he asked if kids are camping in the area. They tell him yes.
00:33:54
Speaker
Isn't it? OK, what do you think it was like a red herring? Because they're like he's asking all these questions. They're like, is he the killer? Not Jason?
00:34:03
Speaker
Um, potentially because at the end of the movie, he's like, oh I'm dying. Oh, run. oh he's killing me. Trish, he's still killing me. Run.
00:34:15
Speaker
Trish, what are you doing? yeah I'm still dying! her acting's horrible there too. Yeah. oh yeah quite My favorite thing, I don't want to get too far ahead, but my favorite thing is when her and Tommy run and they lock themselves and Tommy's and they put the dress shirt front of the door and they're sitting there she's like what is he doing?
00:34:37
Speaker
do you think he's doing? What fuck? He's trying to kill you, you stupid bitch. ah Yeah, it's not good. But it's like, hey, thanks for fixing my car. You want suck my snatch?
00:34:49
Speaker
Hold on. have to pause the recording. One second.
00:34:54
Speaker
I'm still, my mic still works, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good. um Okay, so what were we even talking about I have no idea. I'm going to, we're just going to the next thing and that's fine.
00:35:06
Speaker
ah They bring Rob to the house and the mom's like, who the fuck is this guy? And Tommy's like, I'm taking him upstairs with me. ke Sir, can I have like your age address, social security number, before I bring you up into the bedroom with my like little kid?
00:35:21
Speaker
Yeah, very strange. um He shows him his like mask that he makes Tommy's mask and his little puppet. Little puppet. This one can go at the end of your penis and start licking.
00:35:32
Speaker
That one definitely could start licking. That one could give you the gluck gluck real good. yeah No, it you can lick other people with it. That's valid. ah Cut to Ted and Jimmy.
00:35:44
Speaker
They're trying to get with the twin sisters, but Teddy keeps getting rejected because he's literally just annoying as fuck. ah Then we see Trish, ah like I mentioned before, she's walking Rob out and...
00:35:55
Speaker
She decides to tell him ah randomly that her parents are separated. She hopes one day they get back together. You just met this guy. Also, why does this guy care? Yeah. And then he kisses on the cheek and leaves.
00:36:07
Speaker
And she's like, oh, I have a hot shower if you ever want it. And then he probably proceeds to walk like three yards and sets up a tent. Yeah, pitches his tent. Yeah. Not that tent.
00:36:20
Speaker
Jimmy's having no luck with the twins. Neither is Teddy. And he's like, watch me. And there's this stupid joke about like the, his hands like through his zipper and the, the chicks see him or whatever.
00:36:32
Speaker
I didn't know if you weren't. I didn't know if that needed to be covered or not. Definitely. Definitely not. We see the twins chug some beers and then she's trying to fuck Paul. And Sam's like, yo. And Paul's like, I'm trying to let me get some tail, girl. go over get cocked.
00:36:47
Speaker
But that yeah, that's his girlfriend. Like ah he doesn't care. And she goes to the the lake. And then Ted's Max. Ted was trying to hit. So he's cocking Ted, too. And Ted tells Jimmy he wants to kill him.
00:36:59
Speaker
are Are you getting all these names? Because I'm still lost. And I watched the movie. I'm shocked that I got all the names when I did. Yeah, I'm pretty impressed. The key was, at least cause i rented on Amazon, they have like the cast.
00:37:13
Speaker
Well, the subtitles don't have who's saying it. No, it just has... No, it doesn't do that either. It's stupid. But the... It's like a button. It's like cast or in scene. And if you ever get, I would wait until there's only two people on screen. I would do that and be like, oh, this is Ted and Jimmy. Okay, I got those two. All this is Sam and Sarah. Yeah.
00:37:31
Speaker
I just watched the Scream Factory Blu-ray. This was the, you know, besides besides ah Scary Movie 2, this is probably the next hardest scene by scene for names, I would say.
00:37:43
Speaker
Or Polar Express, which is at our $500 level Patreon. There you there you go Sam goes walk through the woods and she hears a noise and she thinks it's Paul. So she starts getting naked. That's what you can do you hear a noise in the woods.
00:37:55
Speaker
Yeah. yeah And we see tits. Oh, it's either Paul or a killer. So someone's going to see me naked. um She goes in the lake and she gets on this random raft just floating.
00:38:08
Speaker
is this This raft was not the same one from any of the movies, right? It's just a nope a yellow... No, because like the the OG rafts were real wood. This one's like a floaty. Yeah.
Dramatic Death Scene Analysis
00:38:21
Speaker
So she's just floating on the raft, and then she gets stabbed through the bottom of the raft in the chest.
00:38:26
Speaker
Obviously, this is Jason... Because he can breathe underwater, guess. Yeah, he's a fish. i This twin and Paul start dancing. And Paul's like, look, bitch, I can't go through with this I got a girl. And he he goes looking for Sam.
00:38:40
Speaker
um The other twin asked Jimmy to dance. And then they're dancing. They're getting into it. She's like, let's just go upstairs. yeah Sure. um so ted tries to so then they all go upstairs and it's just ted and the other twin and he's like trying to fuck and she's just like no i haven't wanted nothing to do himself teddy because he's got a teddy bear it's so fucking ridiculous it's so stupid so cringe really cringe uh paul goes to the lake and he gets he finds sam dead uh he swims back to the dock and he gets stabbed in the dick
00:39:12
Speaker
Or the groin. With like a harpoon gun. That's what the word were looking for in the last recording. Harpoon gun. There it is. Yeah, that's what we were trying to think of. Yeah. um Rob is camping and he hears Paul scream. This is when you realize, oh, he's not that far away. He didn't walk very far. He's like in their backyard. Yeah. you Literally, yeah.
00:39:33
Speaker
and He has a machete, so he walks like he walks like three feet, and he sees someone go in his tent. This is like long legs, but not as good. Also, this is how do you know how uninteresting this movie is. i was like, ah that's cool. He's got a North Face tent.
00:39:46
Speaker
Nice. like Looking at the brand of the tent. Yeah. um And the gun that he's carrying, Jason broke it. He left in the tent. and Jason broke it. Why would you go out with the machete, not a gun?
00:39:59
Speaker
Just bring the... you'd I'd rather be far away from the guy that's trying to kill me. You have distance, exactly. And the high ground. i don't know. Shout out Obi-Wan. Shout out to him. Cut to this twin and Jimmy. They're about to fuck and they break the bed.
00:40:11
Speaker
never had that happen before. I have. Like, actually. Actually, you know what? I've broken the bed, but not from fucking. Oh, really? When I did a semester away in Thailand, went to this we were staying at this Airbnb-type joint. And ah there was three of us.
00:40:29
Speaker
And the bed was like the bed and I sat on it and it just went, douch the whole thing, fucking the whole thing just collapsed. I didn't like jump. I just like sat down cause I was ill on this trip.
00:40:40
Speaker
Oh, is that the one where you're like shitting yourself? I had a fever. wasn't shitting myself. India, I shat myself in the airport. Yeah. That just makes sense because you're in India. Yeah, but i made the whole... i made it It was a two-week trip. I made the whole trip the last day I shit myself. didn Threw the underwear out in the garbage in the bathroom stall. That might be on one of the podcasts recording at some point. We talked about that.
00:41:00
Speaker
like I couldn't imagine having like a stomach flu like on a plane. Oh, wow. Yeah. No. Thankfully, it was just fever. I wasn't like I was shitting myself, but...
00:41:13
Speaker
Anyways, ah they break the bed. Then Ted puts on this naked movie adult film type thing that's on like an old school projector. It looks like vintage porn.
00:41:26
Speaker
It does. Burlesque or something. Yeah. Yeah, I agree with that. What do you call the thing he's using? Is does it have a name? I just called it like a, is it like a camera? It's a real film. It's not like a, you know, you plug in. yeah I'm watching my porn on my 35 millimeter.
00:41:45
Speaker
Right. It's like that scene from ah It, kind of Yeah. Speaking of it, on Mixed Bad, we're going to do our top 10 horror villains.
00:41:55
Speaker
Oh, was he on there? Pennywise the clown? you fucking after mike After my whole life with that fucking clown? You bet he is. He's got to be up there. you got He's got to be on there. I'll tell you this as a little teaser going into that episode for the audience and for you. My top five, i have no questions. i like It's solidified. The bottom five, I'm really fucking confused.
00:42:18
Speaker
Um, mine's a little mixed bag. Hey, there you go. Um, so, uh, Ted's watching this naked movie and he thinks it's very funny.
00:42:29
Speaker
Uh, the other twin comes upstairs, check on her sister, Tina. And, uh, Tina's fucking. She tells him to fuck. She tells her sister to fuck off.
00:42:40
Speaker
Like I'm getting dicked right now, girl. Can't you see that? Why are you trying to fuck this up for me? Like, unless you want to make it like a three way, like, come on, but. Yeah, it'd be hot. um Fucking twins. Is it cheating, though, if it's twins, right? These two look literally the same. Yeah.
00:42:56
Speaker
They really do. like It's hard to tell them apart. Like, yeah, you're fucking me, but like, oh, wait, that's not you? It's like this pussy feels gushier. i don't know. Oh, my God, hair? One has bush, one doesn't? That's That's what's up. That's what they have to do, right?
00:43:14
Speaker
so you Yeah, you gotta. um So it's storming outside. Just from now to the end of the movie, it's storming outside for the listener. nowhere. out of nowhere. Here comes Mother Nature, whopping us with rain.
00:43:26
Speaker
Randy Orton. RKO. And we see the sister goes to leave and she gets on her bike and what? I missed the shadow, but she gets stabbed basically.
00:43:37
Speaker
Yeah. Is that it? Okay. Be cool if like he sucked the fucking bike handle through her head or something. i don't know. Make it interesting. We put like her. Or it like the bell? Yeah. Yeah. Smash her head into it. Just something different. She's like pedaling and it's like smashing her face in. Yeah.
00:43:53
Speaker
Yeah. um He's doing pop wheelies over her body. Yeah. Like twisting the handlebar. He's like, oh, yeah, stuck the landing. What now, bitch? um So she gets stabbed and then nailed to the house.
00:44:13
Speaker
Literally nailed to the house. How do you not hear this? What is that? guy What do you guys think that is? Look at the tits on the screen. Fuck that. That's crazy, dude. Hey, why is there a steak now coming through the side of the room?
00:44:25
Speaker
You guys see that steak? Do they get a Christ out there? What's going What the is even happening? ah Sarah said she's going upstairs. Basically, a fuck dog they're going to fuck upstairs. And we cut to Mrs. Jarvis. She gets home looking for Tommy and Trish. This is hilarious ah because the power power is out. And she goes, Tommy, I'm going to dry my face. And I'm coming to like you're in trouble or whatever. Right. So, like, again, with these Friday the 13th movie, I always think of the part where you talked about how you watch this lady make a cup of coffee, like from start to finish. Yeah. You watch this lady walk in, dry her face.
00:45:03
Speaker
And then walk back outside. just like the stupidest thing ever. Just the stupidest shit. Like we're literally just making time up. Yeah. to get like always Like I was thinking like the first part, like when you're following the, cause like they could, they could have played the credits while they're wheeling in Jason's dead body into the morgue. That have been cool.
00:45:22
Speaker
Instead of like the black screen. It's just like, you're just, yeah, you're just filling time. Um, so she's outside looking around and she screams and it cuts to, uh, Trish and Tommy. They're in, they're in some, they're in the car and there's an exchange dialogue that doesn't matter. and It just cuts.
00:45:37
Speaker
Uh, and we see Sam getting naked for Doug. Uh, and then Trish and Tommy get home. Is it Sam or Sarah?
00:45:46
Speaker
Oh, Sarah. Yeah. yeah, you're right. It's Sarah. It's not Sam. There we go. I know something. Well, I realized I fucked up with the Sam and Sarah towards the end, and I corrected it. Oh, okay. Yeah, I guess that, yeah, wrong. is what it is.
00:45:59
Speaker
ah Trish and Tommy get home. Tommy thinks that mom is still out jogging, but it's literally fucking storming outside, so. Hey, mom got her poncho on. And if you think that's fucking retarded, wait you hear this. Trish is going to go out and look for her, and she tells him to stay there. You don't fucking move. I'm going out in the storm to look for And then she randomly walks into Rob's tent.
00:46:21
Speaker
And imagine walking in the woods. You find a tent that's open and you just go and sit in there. well but Do you think she knew it was Rob's? No. Well, yeah she brought what she saw him put it up from her window. That's false i mean that's a valid point. yeah That's a very good point.
00:46:42
Speaker
I don't know. I mean, maybe she knew was his, but I think it's fucking wild to sit in somebody's tent. But then it's also wheeler weird wheeled. Yeah. It's weird. Cause then Rob's like this Jason, like conspiracy theorist or something like out of nowhere. kind of is Yeah.
00:46:58
Speaker
Pulling things out as dead. What are you talking about? whoster So he, he just fucking swings the machete at the tent. She's like, I'm fucking in here.
00:47:11
Speaker
And he's like, Oh, Trish. Um, We cut to Jimmy and and Tina and they're just laying there after sex. And he's like, was i did i you know, was I like a, a dead fuck?
00:47:24
Speaker
And she's, she's like, what? And he's like a dead fuck. She's like, you were credible. And he's like, ha ha ha ha.
00:47:34
Speaker
And then she's like, I want to go for round two. And then she said she's going to be back. And then instead of watching her leave, we watch him leave. and he goes and he He goes downstairs.
00:47:45
Speaker
He goes downstairs and he throws his pant um tina's panties at Ted. He's like, check those out. And he's like, and now he's magically fully dressed. Yeah, right. Just hold their panties.
00:47:58
Speaker
And then he goes, this is, this is, it was so annoying. He goes into the the kitchen and he's looking for the corkscrew to open the the bottle wine. And he's like, Ted, Ted, where's the corkscrew opener for the wine bottle? Ted. It's like repeated. It's like so many. It's too long.
00:48:19
Speaker
Like after the first time, shut the fuck up. I mean, ridiculous. And again, this is also a similar thing in the last film they're like yelling and a body comes flying through the window. Like, where is it? And then like where's the corkscrew? How about through your fucking hand? How's that yeah sound?
00:48:34
Speaker
um So this, so Jimmy takes a wine bottle opener through the hand. Then he gets fucking chopped in the face. um Tina comes back to the bedroom and obviously he's not there anymore. And she sees her sister's bike still outside.
00:48:49
Speaker
And then Jason just comes through the fucking window. This is his second story. He just comes through the window. He just throws her out. But was just in the he just throws her out but he was just in the bill He was just in the building, though, killing Jimmy.
00:49:02
Speaker
Right. And now he's on. Yeah. He was killing Jimmy downstairs. Downstairs. Same house. But then he went outside, climbed up to the second floor just to jump through the window.
00:49:14
Speaker
it felt like the when you kick somebody of the car in GTA, like you press Y. they shit up it like your window um That's a cool kill, though. Just getting yanked out.
00:49:25
Speaker
Yeah, just I mean, i don't. Do you think she should be dead for that? She landed on the car. Yeah. I mean, Toby landed on the car in Spider-Man. He was all right. Well, he's a superhero. i mean He's literally Spider-Man. Yeah. I mean, yeah, he may have been losing his powers, but. Yeah, right.
00:49:40
Speaker
He's still buff dude. We cut to Rob telling Trish about his sister, Sandra, who got killed by Jason. And it's not Sandra. It's Sandra. Did you catch that? Yeah. My sister, Sandra.
00:49:52
Speaker
Now, was there a Sandra in any their movies or no? we ah I don't remember Sandra. I didn't do any checks on this. Friday the 13th. I'm just curious.
00:50:05
Speaker
I put Fry Faye.
00:50:08
Speaker
Jack, Marcy, Bill, Brenda, Ned, Steve, Annie, Truck Driver. Nope, not this one. Truck Driver. Friday the 13th, Sandra. I'm just Googling it. Part two.
00:50:20
Speaker
Part two. Oh. Scott, Ginny, Paul, Alice, Barry, Ted, Jason, Crazy Ralph, Sandra. Yeah, part two. Part two. It's this bitch. The one that's definitely underage.
00:50:32
Speaker
Show me. Oh, the one that I made a fool myself. That one. Yeah. get that one That's his sister. That's his sister. Yeah. we all Knockers. Let's give Rob a big round of applause. Ladies gentlemen, Rob comes from good genes.
00:50:49
Speaker
All right. Well, that has to get cut. but i know. ah
00:50:57
Speaker
So his hot sister got killed by Jason, unfortunately. And does that make her older than him? Since that was like years ago. Is it years ago? part We're in part four now, right? It's two movies ago. well Part three and four are back to back.
00:51:13
Speaker
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00:51:37
Speaker
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00:51:52
Speaker
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Speaker
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00:52:16
Speaker
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00:52:33
Speaker
Click it and stick it. And now back to the episode. So this man's going around camp to camp to house. He's like, no one wants to come to my lake.
00:52:47
Speaker
I'm going elsewhere. Yeah. I'm taking business elsewhere. like an angry Yelp review. No one comes to my lake anymore.
00:52:58
Speaker
Can't crystal lake one star. ah Rob is, so Rob's little hot sister got killed by Jason. That's sad. um And she's like, well, Jason's dead. He's like, nah, he's missing. And there's two people missing at the hospital. Morgan, Axel.
00:53:13
Speaker
ah Trisha's like, oh my God, Tommy, he's at the house. like And then Tommy's just there looking at an electrical panel. Like, should I lick this? Yeah.
00:53:25
Speaker
Is this going to zap me real bad? I just had my first tingle my pants and I want more. yeah I want to feel it through my entire body. Yeah. I want to feel. but So does Trish know about Jason?
00:53:40
Speaker
Before this? Well, she's sitting there saying he's dead. So I guess she does. I think she just thinks he's dead. Oh. I think maybe she doesn't know.
00:53:51
Speaker
Maybe life's all fucking roses for her. Who knows? Like, I think, I think it's one of those things where like, she just saw it on the, ah almost said on the internet, but like on the TV. And that's only reason she knows. That's fat. I mean, people, I mean, yeah. Yeah.
00:54:05
Speaker
But also, like, how far is this barn from where they are? That's what I'm wondering. Because, like, he walks there. and And the fucking helicopter? Fucking right. You know what mean?
00:54:18
Speaker
Also, Jason's walking every—where was the morgue? Where was the hospital? Jason has now walked from a hospital to this person's property in, like, four hours. Jason got strapped and brought to the hospital and then just walked back. He's like, don't worry, guys. I got it. I'm going to walk back.
00:54:37
Speaker
We're to retrace my steps. No fucking Uber. ah but The crazy thing is, this is like human-ish Jason, right? Right. Later, he starts teleporting.
00:54:52
Speaker
Fuck. So we cut to Sarah and Doug in the shower, getting on the shower. This is hot. This is a hot scene. Best shower scenes I've ever seen in my life. This is awesome. ah Ted is still sitting on the couch watching those weird burlesque videos and he gets up to like fuck the screen. he's like like This guy's also high out of his mind. He's like laughing so hard.
00:55:18
Speaker
um And he gets stabbed through the projector screen the back of the head. ah Sarah... back the shower and Sarah is, see this is where i corrected it. Sarah is, ah she's in the shower with Paul and she's putting a towel on while the shower was running.
00:55:35
Speaker
You deserve to die.
00:55:39
Speaker
Sorry. It's fucking weird. I get it. Like, for the film, like, we don't want her to come out with tits out, like, out of the shower then put a towel on. There's tits all over the place, though. Yeah, but Bruce Willis got out of the shower in Pulp Fiction then fucking put a towel and didn't see his piece. I'm mad about that, but, I mean, it happened.
00:55:55
Speaker
They figured it out. Figure it out. Fucking, what's his name? Frankenstein? Fuck's this guy's name? Victor something? It's not Steve Minor anymore. I forgot his name. Victor Frankenstein? You see that Guillermo's getting her criteria round release? Yeah, I got another problem about that. i thought we were talking about it on Mixed Bag.
00:56:12
Speaker
We can talk about the Mixed Bag. It's fine. Yeah. Okay. So,
00:56:18
Speaker
so she gets out of the shower and he's she's like, I think I'm in love. And he's like, what? He leaves. What do you want from me? ah Doug's in the bathroom shower and the lights go out and he drops the soap because he thinks someone's coming in and Jason ah just sticks his hand through the glass and crushes his face. This looked pretty good. I wish they didn't cut away so fast.
00:56:43
Speaker
Because he went... Yeah, like it started to push and and Yeah. um Sarah comes back to find Doug dead. She runs yelling for Sam and the door is locked and she screams in and just cuts. And Tommy's walking down the stairs and he hears the door rattling and it's Rob and Trish.
00:57:00
Speaker
Trish tries to call for help, but the phone lines out. What else is new? Jason ripped that shit off. Right. And Rob says he's going next door.
00:57:10
Speaker
And Trish is like, I'm going with you and we're leaving the little boy here. Because that's the right. That's because that makes the most sense. Right. Here's my brother. Yeah. Um,
00:57:21
Speaker
Dumb. So she goes with him and ah they go into the other house and they see the doors already been broken open and Rob goes downstairs and sees a rat. If I had the button, I'd play it. I put rag capital. I was thinking voice mode work today. Fuck you. voice Yes. What?
00:57:38
Speaker
Yeah. ah Gordon runs off and Trish tries to go investigate and we see Gordon get thrown out of the window.
Action-Packed Climax and Escapes
00:57:47
Speaker
Poor dog. I wonder how they did that. I hope it was like a stuffed dog that they just chucked out a window, but it looked kind of real.
00:57:55
Speaker
To me, it looked like the dog was actively jumping. I don't think it was a puppet, but I don't i mean i don't know how you get a dog to do that I hope it's okay. We don't like animal violence. It's definitely dead now in 2026, but yes, 40 year old fucking dog. I bet. I hope it was humanely. Yeah.
00:58:16
Speaker
Yeah. Hopefully. i mean Yeah. Um, That's the one the one character movie that i didn't want to die was Gordon. Yeah. can't kill Never kill the dog.
00:58:27
Speaker
Trish goes up there. actually a website called Does the Dog Die? I'm very familiar with that. They also have a letterboxd account. Oh, really? Yeah. That's awesome. um Trish finds... Oh, sorry. We cut to Tommy. He's reading news newspaper paper clippings about Jason as a little boy and his little disfigured fucking face.
00:58:45
Speaker
um And then Trish finds a shower running and Doug's body's not in the shower anymore. It's actually hanging from the wall. These fucking OG movies, man, love to hang people from walls. Michael did it. Fucking Jason's doing it. I think Michael was the OG, right? Had to be. This movie, specifically, when Jason's chasing through their house and they're upstairs, is like big Halloween vibes. Big. yeah Super big.
00:59:07
Speaker
Hey, guess what? That's a better movie. Yeah, it is It's not even close. um And I was supposed to say, was chasing down on my top 10 list. ah So...
00:59:20
Speaker
She starts running downstairs young for Rob. She goes to the basement and she's like, he's here. Who?
00:59:29
Speaker
Santa? Flexible Burris? OBJ's in the house. He starts shit on my chest.
00:59:39
Speaker
He's trying to steal my stool. what what exactly What exactly happens with this? i don't understand. they They go to run back up the stairs. His foot gets stuck because the the stair breaks. Yeah, stair broke. But then they get him free, and does he run back down the stairs?
00:59:57
Speaker
To get a weapon, I think. But they have a machete. Yeah, one of them does, but he both but need something. Fuck her, dude. She can't fucking use machete. But also, OK, so he goes back down there. Jason's already down there. This guy's like hiding in the shadows. Yeah. And insert the part where i was yelling about, oh, he's killing me. Put that here because that's what happens. And it's fucking stupid as fuck. And I hate it.
01:00:21
Speaker
um It's really dumb. And I i i think it's yeah you said that five is a a copycat. It's a copycat. It's not Jason. I think it's Rob.
01:00:32
Speaker
That's my personal opinion. You don't tell me if from' right or wrong. I just think it's Rob based off this. It's very sus. All this is very, very sus. ah So she runs away. Finally, I've been yelled at like fucking nine times.
01:00:46
Speaker
And Jason grabs her foot ah from underneath the staircase and she chops at it with a machete and she runs to and finds a a dead twin just lying on the ground. And she decides I can't.
01:00:59
Speaker
What's Tank? ah You ain't feeling too good, twin? I don't get why this twin is lying in the doorway. She just actually can't run that way. She has to run a different way. It's ah it's a way to show the main character all the bodies. That's all it is. Because that's another trope.
01:01:14
Speaker
They do it in every one. Then she runs and sees Jimmy fucking starfish to the fucking door. Yo, Patrick. and this is my fit This is the funniest part. Not the funniest, but the dumbest part of the movie to me. is that She runs outside and literally runs by a car.
01:01:29
Speaker
just part A parked car just sitting right there. Runs right by it. Fuck the car. Goes to Tommy and she tries to get the door shut. I will say a lot of these movies, like specifically in the 80s, had the vibe of like you get in the car, you open the visor, the keys fall out.
01:01:45
Speaker
Oh, okay. That was a big thing in 80s movies to me. Also, were all 80s cars built like shit because every single one of them breaks down?
01:01:54
Speaker
Yes. um Jason breaks the fucking door down. um And then... ah He throws Rob through a window, Rob's dead body. Uh, and then he jumps to another window and grabs Tommy and Trish beats Jason with a hammer.
01:02:11
Speaker
Um, and they kind of escape. And then Jason tries to throw a hammer at them and he misses, uh, they go and hide Tommy's room. This is where I was saying, what is he doing? And they're just like cuddled at a quarter. Like, shouldn't it be like trying to find a way, like maybe jump out window or get a weapon So he breaks through the the door and the dresser. Shining style. but Big shining style.
01:02:38
Speaker
Trish puts a TV through his head and then he falls down and there's no TV on his head anymore. I just picture like, oh, I got hit with a TV. Hold on. me just get it off. All right, I'll go lay down now.
01:02:48
Speaker
yeah No, the way I took it was like his head's through the door, right? Yeah. She smashes his head and then when he's falling back, the door can't get through that little area. So it fell off.
01:02:59
Speaker
Like the spray. Yeah. Yeah. So he's laying there, no TV on his head and they try sneak by him and he gets up and chases Trish out of the house into the other house and Trish goes upstairs and jumps out of a window. This, this jumping out of a window thing happens a lot too, right? This is not. In all these movies, everyone's jumping out of a window. Oh yeah.
Stunt Discussion and Jason's Unmasking
01:03:20
Speaker
Um, we see Tommy in the other house. He's trying to do his hair like in the newspaper. Um, Oh, yeah. But here's my thing. When she jumped out the window though, right? Yes.
01:03:31
Speaker
Did she actually take that fall? Because when she went through like the railing. Like did the actor take the fall she went through the railing, I was like, oh God, that didn't look like that was supposed to happen.
01:03:42
Speaker
I mean, I think if they edited it to like where she's going out the window, then it's like a, I don't know, a lump of sand. yeah I couldn't tell. looked like her.
01:03:53
Speaker
Or she just ate that shit. That was like, damn, they had crash pads in 84. But maybe the crash, like, because, like, where she lands is, like, muddy and maybe it is, like, a crash pad that looks like the ground and it's just, I don't know. This movie had the budget. That's what I should have said. This movie had a budget for a stunt team?
01:04:12
Speaker
um
01:04:15
Speaker
Trish cuts ah Jason's hand. At this point, she runs back to the other house. She's back in like their house. And she tries to swing the machete in his chest and he just starts strangling her. And Tommy comes down. i wrote, look.
01:04:28
Speaker
He does. He does. Yes, but he cut his hair. Right. He's bald, bald hair.
01:04:39
Speaker
And Jason's like mesmerized by me. He's like, Jason. And then. Mom? That's how I thought it was going to happen. I was like, yeah he's going to cross-dress his mom? That's crazy.
01:04:54
Speaker
ah Trish goes behind him and you'd think she'd fucking decapitate him, but she just cuts his mask off. um And you see his face and shout to Tom Savini. He did a great job, bro. Yeah, he looks real retarded. And then he starts going after Trish and Tommy hits him with the machete in the same credits. And i it went all the way through into his eye and his head kind of sheesh kebabs onto the machete.
01:05:18
Speaker
It really does. I mean, I think Jason does one of the coolest kills of the franchise because he like falls slowly onto the machete. to machete yeah That is a cool kill. I would agree with that.
01:05:29
Speaker
He's still twitching. He's like, ah. And then Tommy and Trish are hugging. He sees the finger move. He starts going ham on this guy's fucking head. He's yelling. He's like, die. Yeah. And and then it's like you get a die and then you get Tommy.
Tommy's Transformation Concerns
01:05:45
Speaker
It's just too long. It's just too much.
01:05:48
Speaker
And we cut to a doctor's office. What else is new? We're in the hospital. A doctor said, relax, bitch. This is every fucking time. This has been happening for the past week. And she needs soldier, soldier, shoulder surgery, soldier surgery is a fucking bullet to the head. You got to stop the ring at some point, right? well my God. Oh fuck.
01:06:08
Speaker
how Are we breaking the walls down? No, I'm just hitting one for the rut row and didn't, it doesn't, there it is. Yeah, that, that, that was mean. I didn't even take shots at at the armed forces. fucked up. It's fucked that I said that.
01:06:21
Speaker
And she wants to know what happened to her brother. And they're like, you know, people act weird when they're under extreme stress and all. And she's like, she's she thinking like, oh, my God, is he going to become a murderer now?
01:06:32
Speaker
m Possibly. i mean, he could be the he could be the guy in five, too. He's also a candidate. be Yeah, I'm not telling you. I don't want to know until I until November, because I don't want to think about this fucking franchise until then.
01:06:44
Speaker
It's really bad. Yeah. So, I mean, he could also be the guy.
Franchise Movie Ratings Debate
01:06:48
Speaker
And I don't know how much time how much time passes. Well, that might be a giveaway. Oh, between four and six? No, between four five.
01:06:57
Speaker
Four and five. i don't want to know. Don't tell me that. Yeah. She wants to see him. They let him in and they hug and his eyes, they little something in his eyes. and that's the end of the movie. Well, some of his eyes.
01:07:07
Speaker
Yeah, his eyes like his eyes open and it's like, oh, yeah. This moth can make business. yeah That twinkle in his fucking eyes. This movie, um i I hated it more while i was talking to you about it. I really, I know it's... The kills, though.
01:07:24
Speaker
The kills are what's the the point, right? The kill the kills do help. cause isn't that why you watch them just for the kills? I guess, but I don't want i don't wanna to keep watching movies just for the kills, I think. We're going to keep doing this for Friday the 13th, but I'm Because what else are going to Yeah, I would like literally never watch... I would never binge these all.
01:07:44
Speaker
I would just... I'd rather watch... I guess it's also like modern technology. I'd rather watch Terrifier or any other slasher movie. Check out Mixed Bag. So... um so Well, I gave part three a one star.
01:07:58
Speaker
Part three, i I also gave a one star. it's It's a little better. I think. I think, well, the problem is, because I have a list going. I have.
01:08:10
Speaker
It really felt like they kind of tried to cook something here. They tried. I got part two and the first one as it at a two and a half. Is this better or worse? well's It's probably better than the first one, I think.
01:08:24
Speaker
Is that crazy to say? I think so. One is kind of like a nothing movie to me a little bit. And part two is like, there was some wild shit in part two. the iki I have part one at a three and a half.
01:08:41
Speaker
so ah Nick just visibly spit out soda. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And what'd you give two? Let's find out. It's crazy we did this together. I have no idea.
01:08:54
Speaker
Part two is a three star. I give it a two and a half. Okay, so what, I mean, the movie is, all right, I'll just, um I'm going to say it's two and a half. That's what giving it.
01:09:05
Speaker
Two and a half. I'm giving it a, yeah, it's a two. You give it a two? It's two. Yeah. But I don't... How can you give it a two when the kills are better? Because that's all that you're putting it on is the kills. That's all these movies are, though, no?
01:09:21
Speaker
I mean, two two had a fucking stupid plot and the kills were whatever. Three literally nothing happened because they tried to do 3D effects. Yeah, three was horrible.
01:09:33
Speaker
All right. um yeah I'm landing on um i'm laying on two and a half. You can give it a two. That's fine with me. I'm not going to. Yeah. no No beef for me. so this is better So if you're giving it a two, you you like part two better than this one.
01:09:46
Speaker
Yes. Okay.
Franchise Future and Podcast Sign-Off
01:09:49
Speaker
ah Yeah, I mean, kind of fucked this movie low-key. And going into it, I know were we are doing fine. I literally have it in the text. This one's is good, I promise.
01:10:01
Speaker
yeah i Yeah. I literally have that in writing from you. yeah So, that's something. I already know I don't like part five. Yeah. We got time to compare for that.
01:10:12
Speaker
Part six is like actually, like going into it, it's my favorite. Yeah. So, I really hope that shit holds up. Me too. I'll be devastated. Devastated. Just, yeah, obliterated.
01:10:25
Speaker
That's basically all i have to say. So we'll talk to you guys on Tuesday. Toodles. Fuck you, Mark. Subscribe to Patreon.