Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
EP. 110 VAULT: The Menu (2022)
16 Plays7 days ago
Follow us on Instagram!
Become a member of our Patreon!!
Our Tik Tok page is live!
Email the pod at 2guys1screenpod@gmail.com
Leave us a voicemail to be answered on the pod! 508-834-7847
Check out our Youtube Page for clips!
Recommended
Transcript
Odd Beginnings and Football Jokes
00:00:00
Speaker
I want to football. Have you seen my dick? been looking for it.
00:00:07
Speaker
Sir, I'm going to rub one out right here on your counter.
Quirky Introductions with Mike and Nick
00:00:11
Speaker
We cut to Mike, who delivers meat on his bicycle.
00:00:19
Speaker
rinsing your girl out, bud.
00:00:23
Speaker
Hello, my name is Nick, and I have shaft hair.
00:00:27
Speaker
Call me Odell Beckham Senior, because I'm dad.
00:00:34
Speaker
want me to lick your bedpan, filthy skunk?
Viral Videos and Absurd Humor
00:00:40
Speaker
We're just joking. Everything's jokes.
00:00:47
Speaker
Two girls, one cup? No. Two guys, one screen? Yes.
Podcast Introduction and Guest Welcome
00:00:52
Speaker
Hello and welcome to another episode of Two Guys, One Scream. My name is Nick. And I'm Gerald.
00:00:59
Speaker
And today we are joined by a very special guest. Back with us again. Technically speaking, you are the first guest to return to the podcast. Unless something changes. but We are joined by Jake.
00:01:14
Speaker
How you doing, fella? ah You know what? i'm I'm doing. How you doing? Hi, Darren. I'm doing good. all All I have to say is I'm a better fan than Tyler, you know? Back again. Yeah, back again.
00:01:27
Speaker
Still committed, still listening. And let's let the record show that today is December 23rd and you are back for your second appearance. And Tyler has not been back yet. So technically he did come back before he did.
00:01:38
Speaker
Yeah. That's crazy. Some nerd of that guy calling himself the number one fan. um hi I think he should get it tattooed on his forehead. Then I believe him. Honestly, I'm down for it.
00:01:49
Speaker
A two guys, one screen tattoo? Yeah. If anybody gets a tattoo of two guys, one screen on their forehead, or anywhere on their body for that matter, Gerald and I will both suck you off to completion. 100%.
00:02:02
Speaker
a hundred percent but I was going to say I'd pay for it, but that works too. i will pay or we or we'll pay for it. One or the other. but You'll get both. yeah you have You choose one. I didn't introduced the movie today.
The Menu Movie Review Begins
00:02:16
Speaker
We are reviewing 2022's The Menu, which we apparently are officially a 2022 podcast. it seems that way.
00:02:25
Speaker
two thousand and seven zero o g jake what I'm gonna spoil it now. Jake loves this movie and he's seen it more than any other human that I know. no I'm being serious. You have. like what What about this movie makes you want to watch it like every day you're alive? I really just liked how all like every meal was like had a story behind it that tied into the overall story. And i liked um I really liked the acting. I thought all of the actors did an excellent job in the movie.
00:03:01
Speaker
Which we will for sure get to. Yeah. Gerald, your first time ever seeing this. First time ever seeing this. I've owned this for a long time. Probably since the Blu-ray came out, honestly.
Eat the Rich Theme in Movies
00:03:14
Speaker
I wanted to see it, but I'm pretty sure... Did it have like a big release? Yeah, I saw it in theaters.
00:03:20
Speaker
Oh, It was a big deal. It was like the talk of the town because... ah ae i don't know off top of my head, but in 2022, the narrative or the theme of 2022 was a lot of like the eat the rich type of movies.
00:03:34
Speaker
Okay. I'm pretty sure Knives Out 2 came out that year as well. I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure it came out that year. Glass Onion or whatever. glad yeah Yeah. So there was a lot of those, and they all kind of got released in a cluster a little bit.
00:03:48
Speaker
But I think this one was the most... ah Well done. Probably the best out of the bunch, I think is fair to say. If you guys don't know, haven't figured it out yet by the little hints I've been dropping, who knows when this is coming out, but I do work in a restaurant, so I do have some strong opinions about certain things and the the overall theme of what this movie is is trying to
Culinary School Jokes and Experiences
00:04:12
Speaker
say.
00:04:12
Speaker
Really fucking crazy that they name dropped your college like that in this movie. Yeah, they did. Well, some people are really fucking stupid. um Like my bio med teacher. I forgot her name and you're lucky I did. like, fucking name drop you right now. You dumb bitch.
00:04:28
Speaker
um what My senior year in high school. What? What? I didn't say her name. I didn't dox her. but i won't I'm saying I would. My biomed teacher in my senior year of high school, she went around the room and was asking everybody where they were going to college.
00:04:43
Speaker
And I said the CIA. And she goes, you want to go shoot people? Jesus Christ. So the amount of people I'm wondering, and she's like ah a school teacher, which Jake, you're also a school teacher. I am a school teacher. The amount of people when when they name dropped CIA, I wonder how many people are like, well, why was he a spy and then a chef?
00:05:06
Speaker
I'm curious because like, I'm pretty sure they said the culinary Institute of America. Nope. I had subtitles on said CIA. Yeah. Yeah. But they did say in Hyde park. Yeah. They did say they didn' did name drop the town. Yeah. Which Hyde park. If you have money, that's where you live. That's where money bags go. yeah That's factual. Those were the big whales are.
00:05:29
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. not For sure. people Rich people. Right. Um, All right, we'll do a little...
Podcast Promotions with a TikTok Twist
00:05:36
Speaker
plugy di plugin So, follow us on Instagram, 2Guys1ScreenPod. Send any comments, concerns, requests to 2Guys1ScreenPod at gmail.com. Follow us on Letterboxd.
00:05:51
Speaker
We don't know when this episode's coming out, so TikTok might be fucking gonzo. Actually, confirmed we'll be gonzo by time this comes out. Confirmed. Don't do that, then. Don't follow us there. Shout out to your friends.
00:06:04
Speaker
RIP Jesus and friends. I mean, you're not dead, but yeah I really wish we could be friends, you know? Yeah. Um, with your friends. and Right. And send any voicemails to 508, eight fist us.
00:06:22
Speaker
Or 508, eight dip tip. Yes, sir. Uh, we are going to give a scene by scene, uh, Pretty sure Jake could do the scene by seeing because of how many times he's
Mark Mylod's Filmography Discussion
00:06:35
Speaker
watched this movie.
00:06:36
Speaker
But this movie was released again 2022 directed by Mark Mylod. My Rod. has he done? ah I don't want to say nothing but nothing.
00:06:48
Speaker
Oh, okay. I mean, there's not there's no like feature there's two feature length movies here. He did What's Your Number which has Chris Evans and Anna Faris. Anna Faris.
00:07:01
Speaker
Okay, so he just works with nothing but big name actors. It's a comedy, it seems. Doesn't have a good rating on Letterboxd. He also did Ali G in the House.
00:07:14
Speaker
It's 2002 85-minute film. Jake is not saying, have you seen it? It has Sacha Baron Cohen in it No, no. You know what's crazy? I've heard of that movie. Well, it doesn't look. It has Michael Gambon.
00:07:26
Speaker
I'm about to watch it after the podcast. He's from Harry Potter. Uh-huh. Michael Gambon. ah And it also has Charles Dance. And it has... Yeah, I mean, he does like you said, Gerald, he works with big-name actors. And it has a these little weird... It's a four-minute thing in his filmography. a couple four-minute videos that you can vlog for whatever reason.
00:07:48
Speaker
He also made a movie called The Big White, which is what it's called when I come. ah And it has Robin Williams as the main actor. Shit. Damn.
00:07:59
Speaker
This also does not have great RIPA to a legend. This also does not have good reviews, unfortunately. So he's the director, and I will read you your cast.
Humorous Cast Commentary
00:08:10
Speaker
We'll just get it of the way now.
00:08:12
Speaker
Anya Taylor-Joy...
00:08:16
Speaker
If I could play it again louder.
00:08:20
Speaker
I mean, of all the people, we don't know when this is coming out, but as of today, December 23rd, of all the people we've given the doink doink doink button to, I think she deserves it the most.
00:08:31
Speaker
ah Yeah, she's so probably like out of actresses. She's probably like number one. Actress crush for me.
00:08:43
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Okay. Well, Jake likes Natalie Portman and she looks like a little woman. You ready for the hot take? Yeah. Her over Natalie Portman. How is that a hot take? Well, if for me, it is.
00:08:55
Speaker
Your hot take was the other day when you told me you would rather bang Natalie Portman when that picture next to Mikey Madison and she's hot as hell. 100% agree with that still. That's stopp that's actually a hot take.
00:09:05
Speaker
Have you seen this picture, Gerald? No. all right, so there's a picture Nally Portman with the with Mikey Madison, who is the star of Enora. And Jake is telling me Nally Portman's hotter on this picture. I'm going it to you right now.
00:09:20
Speaker
It's on Instagram. It's not on a text. And the worst part is, the next if you it's a slideshow. if you scroll over one, it zooms in on the two of them.
00:09:32
Speaker
You're still banging Natalie Portman in this picture? Every day. Over the over the Mikey Madison, who's the girl in the center. Every day. You're wrong. Dude, crazy take. Natalie Portman's showing her age, dude. Yeah.
00:09:45
Speaker
Yeah, dude. We love Natalie Portman here, but that's not her greatest picture. Yeah. Wow. I literally just was not going to read the rest of the cast list after that. All right. ah Ray Fiennes, a.k.a. Voldemort, plays Chef Julian Slowick.
00:10:01
Speaker
He's such a good actor. He's, yeah, the greatest. Nicholas Holt plays Tyler. Jeanette McTeer plays Lillian. Paul Adda... Adelstein, I don't know.
00:10:13
Speaker
Adelstein plays Ted. Rob Yang plays Bryce. Amy Carrera plays Felicity. John Leguizamo, the second part of our John Leguizamo double feature, is the movie star, who his name gets dropped, but I didn't catch It's like Damien something.
00:10:31
Speaker
Something like that. Arturo Castro plays Soren. Reed Bernie plays Richard. Hong Chao plays Elsa. Judith Light plays Anne.
00:10:44
Speaker
ah Mark St. I can't pronounce your last name. I'm so sorry, dude. Mark St. Cyr. I don't know. He's Dave, who is part of the Hedge Fund Boys.
00:10:55
Speaker
The Tech Bros. Yeah. Rebecca Kuhn. Whoa! Whoa!
00:11:03
Speaker
ah She's Linda. Peter Gross is the sommelier, the guy that pours the wine. what else I was not saying that for you guys. I was saying that for the audience. But he looks super, super familiar.
00:11:17
Speaker
I haven't seen his films, but he's in a movie called Stranger Than Fiction, Rough Night, Things I've Heard and Seen, The Weatherman, which is a Nicolas Cage movie. Ugh.
00:11:29
Speaker
Yeah. Slow learners, which is what we call Jake. ah oh I have the highest degree of education. but a Aardvark is a 90 minute. This looks terrible.
00:11:43
Speaker
Who invited Charlie? Me. Sorry. Yep. ah So he's been and he's out of here. oh Long story short, Jake, he's been nothing. Okay. So fun fact about the ah guy that plays Tyler.
00:11:56
Speaker
Nicholas Holt. yeah kind of a Yeah, he's going to be Lex Luthor in the Superman movie. Yeah, he's in the trailer. Yeah. Don't like it just put that together.
00:12:08
Speaker
You didn't put that together? No, not until right now. He's also in Warm Bodies. So if you like horror, comedy, romance shit, watch Warm Bodies. Is it I guess. For what it is.
00:12:21
Speaker
Renfield is bad, but it is fun. I was, did not. Blood is terrible. He does play Renfield. Yeah. Was not a fan of that movie. Let me finish off the cast. Oh, sorry. So sorry. Finish him. ah ah Actually, this is like the end of the list.
00:12:38
Speaker
ka Christina Bricado plays Catherine. one of the sous chefs. Adam Alderx plays Jeremy. Also one of the sous chefs. So what, what would, what genre would you classify this as? Because when I Googled it, it said horror comedy.
00:13:00
Speaker
I, i'm like I disagree with, I disagree with horror. i would say thriller. it's like a dark comedy almost. It's a satire. Yeah. I'll give it a dark comedy. Yeah. Satire for sure.
00:13:13
Speaker
Movie opens with Margo and Tyler who are waiting at the dock, and Margot's ripping a cigarette. Nasty shit.
00:13:24
Speaker
Tyler's like, it'll ruin your palate. So, let's just get this out of the way now.
Tyler's Chef Obsession Anecdotes
00:13:29
Speaker
Tyler... can go fuck himself. Yeah, well, that A and B, like, worships this chef they're going to, like... yeah It's borderline creepy. He's a super nerd, and it's not about just food. It's about this one chef.
00:13:46
Speaker
Like, I get... Well, he is a foodie, too, though. he does He's a a foodie as well. Sure. yeah I get looking up to your idols. Like, I know ah you you met...
00:13:57
Speaker
Miyamoto, right? God, you fucking suck. Masaharu Morimoto. Miyamoto. When you said, oh, you met, and I was like, please don't fucking butcher it. Please don't fucking, and then you did. Shut the fuck up, man. Get out of here. No, but you're cutting it in.
00:14:17
Speaker
I'm going to keep it in, yeah. i mean, you want me to take it out, I can. you want to say Morimoto the right way? it's up to you. You flame me. It's fine. not It's not to me. It's up to you. You said it. Okay. It's your words.
00:14:28
Speaker
That's why asked you. Yeah, I did meet him, but I don't ah i don't stalk him. Not like this, no. If he started smurdering people, I wouldn't be like, it's fine. Yeah, but I'm i'm just saying, like you were like, you know, it was cool to meet him, but you weren't sucking him off.
00:14:45
Speaker
No, I mean, that night I i was ready to suck him off. Yeah, I was pretty close. Well, he's Asian, so he probably got a small peepee. Like me. He's buy a small peepee, small sack. I have small peepee, big sack.
00:14:58
Speaker
ah Big bag. Big backyard eight. Exactly. um We find out that it's 1250 ahead just to get in.
00:15:11
Speaker
And Margo makes the joke, what are we getting, a Rolex? Or what are we eating? A Rolex. ah They get in the boat and we meet the, what are you calling them, a Jake? The finance bros? the Yeah, I'm calling them the finance bros. That's a pretty good... ah This is Soren, Bryce, and Dave.
00:15:28
Speaker
ah We meet the older couple also get in the boat. Anne and her husband, I don't have his name written down, sorry. and his last name is Liebhardt. They're the Liebhards, I know that.
00:15:39
Speaker
Yeah. Um... We also meet Lillian Bloom, who is a famous food writer. and She has her little fucking minion with her that just is like a yes man, just says yes to everything she says.
00:15:53
Speaker
Yeah. So I think that that is supposed to be her editor.
00:16:00
Speaker
I think that's supposed to be. Regardless, ah he definitely strokes her ego and maybe she strokes his cock, but I think he's gay.
00:16:10
Speaker
He definitely looks a little fucking, ooh, a little flamer. Yeah. ah We also meet John Leguizamo's character. His real name is Damian Garcia, but he's credited as the movie star and he's with his assistant producer, whoever the fuck she is. Her name is Felicity.
00:16:28
Speaker
Uh, we, they get in the boat and they're served an oyster. I didn't write down all the courses. I don't really care that much. Um, I'll talk about that more later, but have you guys, I, I doubt you have, but have you guys ever been to that expensive of a fucking place?
00:16:46
Speaker
I've been to one, but it was for a charity event, so it wasn't like the full menu and everything. but Which one wast it was it? I don't remember. It was in Manhattan. I don't remember the name of the restaurant.
00:16:59
Speaker
but By the way, Jake's doing this podcast right now talking with a pencil in his mouth. the The owner of the New York Jets paid for it. Tyler didn't do that. We don't know. He could have. Actually, you're right. We don't know.
00:17:11
Speaker
You could have had his girlfriend's tit in his mouth and we would have never known. Yeah, we would. We would have heard like that. would have been like, yo, get it, get it, yo, get it, dog. I'm a cuck. All right.
00:17:27
Speaker
I feel like I would never, not price-wise, like I don't care about that. I'll pay for good food. I'm just not a real big fan of a small portion, like dining. It's just not for me. What's the BS with that, Nick?
00:17:41
Speaker
What you mean what's the BS? What's my beef with it? Is that what you're asking? You're asking me to go on a fucking rant right now? Are you asking me to go on a fucking rant? Why do i pay and get one scallop? What the hell?
00:17:56
Speaker
All right, so there's something there's something that people have to realize about the world of cooking, okay?
Culinary Elitism Rant
00:18:05
Speaker
I 100% agree with what Chef Slowick in this movie is saying, for the most part. There are certain culinarians, chefs out there that go above and beyond and make each plate absolutely perfect, right?
00:18:25
Speaker
And then they charge that much money. But you have to realize that cost, there's a certain amount of it where it's the cost of goods, cost doing business. And the rest of it is just experience. You can go to like the restaurant I work at. We're not going dox them right now because people who I work with listen to this, right?
00:18:42
Speaker
You can go there. You can order a steak that's over $80, over $100, right? You can get that steak. You can eat that steak and it can taste great, right? And you can say, why the fuck is this this much money? Part of it is just the experience. It's smoke and mirrors. What they do is you sit down, they make you, they make you feel like, oh, they're going suck me off. Like right right under the table as I'm eating this steak, they're going to rub me with olive oil they jerk my cock later. That's like, that's like how they make you feel. It's like, especially where, where I work, I feel like it's, um, a lot of that. pomp and circumstance It's about it's,
00:19:18
Speaker
how it's it's People don't go to like, I don't work at 11 Madison park, obviously, but people don't go to like 11 Madison park. They don't go to the French laundry. It's not just for the food. It's for the overall experience and dining there because the staff is not like the staff at Applebee's.
00:19:34
Speaker
Yeah. It's like, like they're trained, uh, hospitality professionals, you know? Okay. So a lot of it is that. So when you're paying $1,200 to eat one scallop and a quarter of a burger,
00:19:48
Speaker
ah That's most of it. But additionally, restaurants like that can really... um
00:19:56
Speaker
They can source local ingredients. They can even farm the ingredients themselves like Chef Sloic does in this movie. And they can say, hey, because I grew this right here, has no preservatives.
00:20:08
Speaker
We didn't clone it in a machine. Pay me $6,000. And they're allowed to do that. yeah That's another problem that this movie I think highlights very well is like that snobbish high society culture that I genuinely don't fuck with at all.
00:20:24
Speaker
yeah I worked for a chef. I was going to say, fuck that guy, but no, actually, yeah, fuck this guy. had to make my mind there.
00:20:35
Speaker
But anyways, a friend of mine, well, he's not really my friend, but I went to school together. We both applied and got accepted into a ah manager and training program.
00:20:47
Speaker
And our first day at orientation, there was like nine or 10 of us. They're all like for this manager and training program. and the chef that hired us was reading the resumes.
00:20:58
Speaker
And I'm paraphrasing, but he basically did say, he's like, yeah, you guys, none of you guys have really worked in a real restaurant besides ah this guy, who's my classmate, who worked at 11 Madison Park.
00:21:09
Speaker
so there's like this thing amongst like higher society, these these Michelin star restaurants where it's like, if you don't work here, you're not really a chef. And I think some people genuinely think that, but ah I really don't like that. I think it's like very arrogant.
00:21:27
Speaker
And it honestly kind of irks me. Because what they do is an art. Don't get me wrong. what they How they craft food and the the flow of their service and the way they operate their restaurant is one way.
00:21:40
Speaker
But let me tell you this. They could not hang with the volume that I do. Right. And that's, that sounds, that sounds resentful, but don't like, they just act so fucking arrogant and snobby about it where it's like, fuck, just shut up.
00:21:54
Speaker
Yeah. But at the, like, I I've seen that part, I've seen that argument made a bunch of times that like people in normal restaurants that like everybody go to cook like four or five times what these fancy places do. Is that right?
00:22:10
Speaker
Yeah, dude, there's restaurants that do 36 covers a night, and that's it. They close the door. 36 people in, they leave, that's it. That's crazy. I'm not saying like what they do is not like very skillful, and they work fucking 16, 18-hour days. i'm not saying they don't do that.
00:22:24
Speaker
They definitely do that. I'm just saying the snobby, arrogant culture around it is really toxic, and I think this movie points that out very well. Also, just to circle back real quick, that chef said that. You guys know where I just worked before this job.
00:22:38
Speaker
yeah Yeah. Do you really need to work in a Michelin star restaurant to work where I just worked? No. Gerald, you at you both ate there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No. like You see what I'm saying? Like, I hate i hate that.
00:22:49
Speaker
I fucking hate it. It's so obnoxious. So that's why you pay $1,200 for a scallop. All right. Uh, yeah. My whole point was, ah it's just not for me, you know, not the price, but the whole, I'm a fat guy, you know, like when I, right. When I went to Mexico, one of the, uh,
00:23:11
Speaker
like the whole thing was like, it was like a show. Like you were, you were watching like a, you know, like almost like a fucking play or something like a theater. Yeah. Kind of like that. Right. And like everything, it was like a five course thing and it was all like small portions and us being dumb Americans, you know, we were like, that wasn't enough.
00:23:34
Speaker
What is this? You know, like the food was great. Don't get me wrong.
00:23:40
Speaker
Uh,
00:23:43
Speaker
Yeah, but restaurants have to be like restaurants have to be like like that where it's like you get a bite of food. And then on the other end of the spectrum, you get like fucking Texas Roadhouse that gives you more than you could ever need. Like why can't restaurants just serve a proper portion of food?
00:23:57
Speaker
There's no in the middle. It's always just like way too much or not enough. Yeah. Yeah. I agree with that. That's to what it is. kid i didn't mean i didn't I didn't mean to send you on a rant, but I kind of knew going into this that there was going to be a lot of rants. That was like that was the that was a pretty chill rant. that wasn't I didn't get very angry. It was definitely team.
00:24:16
Speaker
Yeah. But fuck that guy if you're listening. You're definitely not, but fuck you. I'm serious. Fuck you, dude. ah So we were at the point where they get served an oyster on the boat, and...
Critique of Pretentious Dining
00:24:31
Speaker
Margo shares that she doesn't like all the shit on the oyster. I believe there's a minion net and some kind of weird cream on it. ah And Tyler is like, you need the, you need that for the mouthfeel. And she's like, don't fucking say mouthfeel, dude.
00:24:45
Speaker
a little strange. Yeah. Yeah. They get off the boat, they check in ah and Tyler was supposed to bring a Miss Westervelt who couldn't make it. So Margo's there, and the lady that's like checking everybody in, her name is Elsa. This is ah Hong Chao's character.
00:25:03
Speaker
She's a little thrown off by it, but she's like, all right, welcome. um the They get a tour of the entire island. So they see the garden. They see the smokehouse, ah the dorms where the staff work. And again, them getting all this, Jake, is like why they're paying $12.50 a head.
00:25:20
Speaker
It's like some fucking exclusive island. got to take a boat, too, and all the shit's going on that island. It's very farm-to-table-esque. Yeah. Which you can do farm-to-table and not do that, but to each door. Sure.
00:25:31
Speaker
um the dorms and that's where you get the famous everyone fucking talks about that line the we gel line yeah and like you gel like yeah we gel it's like okay um I mean the the way that Elsa describes their work day is relatively familiar as far as like what kitchen industry workers experience and at some days it's easier to fucking sleep in the kitchen but it's just you can't do that you walk They walk by and see the Chef Sloak's cottage, where Elsa's like no one goes in there. Even the staff don't go in there.
00:26:08
Speaker
They enter the restaurant into the dining room where most of this movie takes place. And the it's basically an open kitchen. And for all you non-industry, open kitchen means there's the kitchen.
00:26:20
Speaker
Sometimes there's a glass wall. Sometimes there's not. Here it's just open air. And the kitchen's right there. You're sitting in the dining room. As they enter, Margot makes that very weird eye contact. I guess his name is Richard, the older man, Anne's husband.
00:26:33
Speaker
Yeah. And he asks his wife to change seats. um Margot sits down and her name tag says Miss Westerfeld because they were expecting her. And Elsa says, ah you know, no photographs tonight, even though Tyler's goingnna break that fucking rule.
00:26:49
Speaker
Instantly, he breaks it. Yeah. Like, as she's saying it, he whips out his phone. Yeah, but then he calmly slides it back into his pocket. Like, bitch, I know what the fuck you're going to do. It doesn't hide it very well.
00:27:02
Speaker
No, it doesn't. ah Tyler asked for one of the cooks if he's using a Paco Jet. It's a Paco Jet. Well, as Tyler explains, I've never used a Paco Jet, but essentially it makes things into like a snow texture.
00:27:18
Speaker
I've never used one. i don't They're like thousands of dollars. there's Whatever. It's what it is. Yeah. Sorry. Very acquired. If you're looking to achieve something, you're going to keep on the menu for a long time. Sure. Get a Paco jet or don't whatever you want to do.
00:27:38
Speaker
Uh, cook knows Tyler's name and he asked him sit down. Uh, this is also when the camera shows that one random old lady in the corner who we'll find out more on later. uh,
00:27:51
Speaker
cut to Tyler and Margot talking to each other. um then they see, chef slow it enters and, Elsa's talking to him and then he makes hard, hard eye contact with them. As soon as, Elsa starts speaking to him.
00:28:07
Speaker
Uh, here is where they get served. They're moose bouche, which is like a bite. It's like a, It's typically an appetizer. It's just like a one-bite thing. um It's compressed cucumber melon, which is not very hard to make, just if you guys were wondering.
00:28:25
Speaker
It looks like all they did was just use a melon baller. not to Not to nerd out, but basically you put melon, you use a baller, you cut it into cubes, whatever you want to do with it.
00:28:37
Speaker
You put it in a bag, right? Then you pour... You can do like a simple syrup. You can do whatever, whatever you want to flavor the melon with. You pour in there and then you suck the air out of the bag.
00:28:48
Speaker
Yeah. yeah And then you let it sit like that for a while. And then the flavor infuses into the melon. And they're like, yeah, $1,200, please. All right. I fuck with the, I fuck with that. I feel like I could, I could enjoy that.
00:29:03
Speaker
We did cut that. Uh, It was mint infused watermelon. So we just made a simple syrup, which is sugar and water with mint. And then you pour it in the bag with watermelon and it infuses into the watermelon. It's actually pretty good.
00:29:15
Speaker
That sounds good. And guess what? We charged $13 for that. Yeah. All right. Okay. Anyways, granted we don't have fucking Paco's yet, but it is what it is. Yeah. They get served.
00:29:26
Speaker
Go ahead. If that place had a Paco jet, I'd be like, why do you you need one? We had enough shit there. ah Tyler sneaks a photo of the moose boosh.
00:29:38
Speaker
We cut to the movie star table with his assistant, Felicity, who tells him she's quitting. We cut to the finance bros. Kind of going to lay the land in this opening part of the restaurant.
00:29:50
Speaker
Soren's talking about cheated on his wife. He doesn't really give a shit. Um, we cut back to Margo who's telling Tyler, you know what? I just really don't get the hype about this dude. Like, I, I don't know why you're so like, you're freaking out so much.
00:30:03
Speaker
Truly yucking his yum. Nah, I mean, uh, I wish you would yuck my yum. Hey, how you doing? That basically hits on that button.
00:30:16
Speaker
I will say come on the pod on you. I will say come a couple when that scene right there where they're talking. One of my favorite lines of the movie when she says, i don't understand it. I'm just the girl next door. And he looks right back at her and says, you are not a girl next door.
00:30:36
Speaker
Essentially Tyler's like thing is he's like musicians and sports don't matter. And he's like, chefs play with raw materials of life and death, which is so funny.
00:30:47
Speaker
Uh, and he's, he's watched chefs, like the chef's table. He made on slow, like 20 times. Like he's just, he's a fan boy. It's like the max. Um,
00:30:59
Speaker
The first course ah goes to get served, and right before, we see Sloic taste a sauce or something, and he's like,
Chef Slowick's Emotional Introduction
00:31:09
Speaker
it's good. We can use it.
00:31:11
Speaker
And then there's the the chef clap, and Chef Sloic doesn't have the clap. He like actually claps his hands. okay ah Hey, we don't know if he has the clap or not.
00:31:24
Speaker
All of his cooks stand at attention. There's also the the the yes chef chant that's throughout this movie, which I really don't love anymore. Does that not happen? i was going to ask you about that. Is that not like a real thing? If people chant in unison, yes chef.
00:31:38
Speaker
Yeah. not Not in unison, but like. ah I will say this. I was brought up in an environment where if a chef told you to do something, the answer was yes chef. And that was it.
00:31:50
Speaker
So that's how I was brought up. That's the same kind of respect that I still keep for chefs. So it's... I think it depends on the environment. Like, if you work at a Chili's, you're not saying yes, chef to anybody. know what I Yeah.
00:32:03
Speaker
At least I'd hope not. Yeah, but I would also argue that no one on Chili's is a chef. I would agree with that as well. But the thing is, and Jake might know this because he's a historian, the kitchen was designed on the brigade system.
00:32:17
Speaker
So this, like, militaristic style that a lot of these... the early restaurants and some of the more four hole upscale restaurants have adopted is based on the brigade system.
00:32:31
Speaker
Yeah. It's a lot of it is based off. Um, That structure saying yes, chef, all that is based off there needs to be command in order for the brigade system to work or it crumbles.
00:32:45
Speaker
So if you have someone that you're forced to answer back to, it's the same reason in the military that they have to say sir, yes, sir, or yes, drill sergeant, you know? I only say sir, yes, sir in the bedroom.
00:32:57
Speaker
How you do- Whoa, who are you sir, yes, sir to? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You guys are a little fucking late on that joke. Damn. try I didn't know. you I knew you liked like meat, but I know you like that kind of meat. I love meat. I'm getting a big Italian sausage kind of guy. I like the salami log. You like big dudes named Vinny? Like what's going on? Listen, the point I am trying to keep the audience guessing if I'm gay or not. Okay. youre keep an audience guessing keep it Yeah. I got keep on their toes. You know?
00:33:32
Speaker
uh you know my fiancee always says i think you're gay and i'm like i'm starting to believe it i don't know fair enough dude mean you gotta keep him guessing like just because like i kid around with the guy saying like you know yo nick i'm gonna i'm gonna suck you off like one of these days i'm gonna do it you can say you're gonna suck me off
00:33:53
Speaker
It's the boy. yeah You know, you just fuck around with the boys. yeah Right. Like, just because I so like if I actually sucked you to completion, that doesn't mean I'm gay. It means I'm trying to help the boys out. Like, hey man, there was that one time in Ohio, but we don't need to talk about that. That one time in a while What are you talking about?
00:34:09
Speaker
i did. but i got this last for in ohio I got this button and you're going to be the only one that gets it, Gerald.
00:34:19
Speaker
What the fuck was that? I couldn't you even hear it. I'm sorry. Hold on. It's bad. it's the It's the beginning of... Not the beginning. It's Avatar and Child when they go, Come!
00:34:30
Speaker
oh pause And it just sounds like come. oh Yeah, okay. I get it, but I couldn't... It sounds like shit. I know. Now I hear it. But I i like isolated the three times they say come and I was like...
00:34:42
Speaker
These all sound the same. And I just picked one and hoped you'd get it. It's not great. I honestly thought that in my head, because I say it so much, that they were just like, come. But it's like fucking a hard rock. Come. Yeah.
00:34:56
Speaker
Come. Let's go outside and play. If you've never heard the song, now you have. Because that was literally it. Sure. So they get served the first course.
00:35:09
Speaker
ah No, they don't. The chef claps. They all stand at attention. He introduced himself. He is Julian Slowick. And he asked his guest not to eat, but to taste.
00:35:24
Speaker
And Tyler fucking loves this shit, dude. he's The first course is literally a scallop on a big ass rock. Yeah. went Literally. like in Little tiny plants.
00:35:36
Speaker
Yeah. And frozen sea salt. Right. Because it's going to melt and run down and make the dish better. ah And then ah we get a ah scene where Tyler is trying to mansplain the dish to Margo while Sloic is talking.
00:35:53
Speaker
And then Sloic's like, you got something to say, dude? He's like, no, no, I'm sorry, man. ah The next thing that Sloic says is to remember that nature is timeless, which is what, you know, nature kind of inspired the dish.
00:36:11
Speaker
And he says that we're a frightened nanosecond, which is... kind of hit a little bit yeah that's a that's an argument through from history too um a lot of historians have made that argument when it comes to war and stuff like that is um humans think that they're all that but if you look through history we've only been here for a second compared to everything else yeah you're thinking about that man hey man that's some really deep shit
00:36:41
Speaker
We're going to all be dead someday. And that' none of it's going to matter at all. someday I hope it's within the next five years. Whoa! Tomorrow. Hurry the fuck up.
00:36:55
Speaker
It cuts to Tyler while he's giving a speech in Tyler. It's like crying. bawling his eyes out like a little bitch. Like when this happened, I was like, alright. I already don't like this fucking guy. He's he's a pussy. Is Chef mad at me?
00:37:10
Speaker
Shut the fuck up, dude. He doesn't even know you exist. Which is literally what happens next. ah And he's also still taking photos.
00:37:21
Speaker
And Margot is like, what do you care? You're getting paid. He has to serve you regardless. Whether he likes you or not.
Tortillas Reveal Personal Secrets
00:37:29
Speaker
literallytter um We cut to the food table, the food table, the food writers table, Lillian Bloom.
00:37:35
Speaker
And she says the dish is tweezer to fuck, which is hilarious. Tweezered. Yeah. People use tweezers. I saw that. Micro greens, right? Yeah.
00:37:45
Speaker
I mean, it's not just micro greens, but yeah. Tweezers are my Instagram bio has tweezer gang in it. Cause I used to be a big tweezer guy. Uh, now I used to, now use now I don't. Yeah.
00:37:57
Speaker
Yep. Yep. yeah hook you Guilty! yeah I mean, the only time I've ever used to get an ingrown pube out, you know what saying?
00:38:08
Speaker
Well, they have those and they also have like different tweezers you could get. Food tweezers? Yeah, like food grade tweezers. They don't like rust and yeah. All right. We'll move on to that.
00:38:18
Speaker
No, I'm finding this very interesting. I don't do it now because I don't like cook now unless I have to. You tell people to cook. That's exactly what happens. You say, hey, yo, bitch, make me a steak. That's what Make me a fucking sandwich, bitch.
00:38:34
Speaker
I just say in Spanish instead. Mico El Sandwich, bitcho. Hey, people I work with listening to this, dude. Cut that. yeah ah the Then we go to the movie stars table, John Leguizamo.
00:38:56
Speaker
uh and his assistant whatever felicity is like what do you think of it and she he's like it's all right she's that's what you're gonna do for your food show and he tries to like pitch a food show to her he's like yeah i'll be in the cayman islands and i'll just eat some food and jerk off yeah like i did not like everything he said no and she uh i'd be down to see know um like was i'm gonna beat his fucking meat
00:39:26
Speaker
She's like, you want me to pitch this bullshit to three streaming networks? No. Yeah, he's he's cooked. He's trying to revive his career that he no longer has.
00:39:39
Speaker
Which is kind of, I feel like, very, ah you know, indicative of him himself. Big word! Sorry. Indicative? you You're trying to call me a little special?
00:39:53
Speaker
You are special in a different way. king We cut to the hedge fund boys, the finance bros. They're not impressed. And it's funny, in the background, you can see Tyler like taking Margo's food.
00:40:06
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Like, Jesus, you are so obsessed with this guy. You just want to you want to indulge in all of them.
00:40:15
Speaker
I'm uncomfortable. Can you make that soundbite? Yeah, I can. I can make literally anything that's an MP3 I can make into a soundbite. You just make that noise soundbite. let's save it i'll save it join I'll save it for the for the next kids review.
00:40:30
Speaker
yeah ah
00:40:37
Speaker
Sloic calls plating in five for the next course, claps his hands. Uh, and the next course is, is about bread. And he talks about how bread is the food of the common man. And it's been around for hundreds of years. Uh, it's peasant food.
00:40:53
Speaker
And, uh, because these people are rich, snobby fucks, essentially they get no bread. They just get, they just get the size. off the oremon Yeah. ah And there's also a note on the plate that explains the bread they would have had that they're not eating. next fuck Which is funny.
00:41:12
Speaker
ah The food writer Lillian points out one of their emulsions is split. She's like, I think it's a little split. which Shut the fuck up, bitch.
00:41:25
Speaker
ah We cut to Tyler, who's talking to Margo and saying the fun of the meal or the experience is guessing the overarching theme. Oh. And Margaret's like, this is all fucking bullshit.
00:41:37
Speaker
Yeah, she flat out goes to him He literally just insulted you. And you're just okay with it. Dude, he just sucks this guy off so hard. Speaking of hard, look at Jake's nipple.
00:41:51
Speaker
They are a little perky. ah It is chilly. It is chilly. We cut and Elsa drops off a big-ass bowl of more broken emulsion. She's like, here's some more broken emulsion for you.
00:42:06
Speaker
have a question. Which is funny. Yeah. What is that? What's an emulsion? Yeah. It's essentially you suspend oil, fat particles within water or a liquid that's like not oil or fat.
00:42:24
Speaker
So, for example, like... Is mayo one? Mayo is an emulsion. Yeah. yeah So like you have like, you know how like when you make salad dressing like that shit, that's like a powder and you mix it together with oil and vinegar and it separates.
00:42:37
Speaker
Yes. OK. There's a method where you can slowly incorporate oil into vinegar or water or water based thing where it will stay.
00:42:47
Speaker
The word is emulsified, like mixed. It will not separate. And that's called an emulsification. Interesting. So they point out this is a broken emulsion because the oil of whatever the shit they're eating is is floated to the top and the rest is sitting at the bottom.
00:43:01
Speaker
And she says that you that like it shouldn't happen in like this like fancy of a place. Yeah. She's saying that to her editor and I guess Chef Sloic overhears her.
00:43:14
Speaker
And they show him in the background staring at him down while they're saying it. And he just sends over this whole giant bowl of it. So mayo is an emulsion, hollandaise an emulsion, bernese, the list goes on and on. All these things.
00:43:30
Speaker
Certain like specific vinaigrettes, salad dressings can be emulsion, but you have to do it right. You can't just take and vinegar and shake it for a long time. That's not how it works. You have to add in the oil slowly. And then there's also things called emulsifiers, which help combine ah fats and liquids. So like an egg yolk is a great emulsifier.
00:43:52
Speaker
Eggs. I didn't add the egg bun. I added the cum. They're saying cum for the audience. We'll go back to this. Didn't mean to nerd out on fucking emulsifications. I'm sorry. Yeah, asked.
00:44:04
Speaker
Yeah, they drop off the big ass broken emulsion. The finance bros are not a fan of the bread, of not having any bread. They ask for more bread. Elsa's like, no. And they they're like, well, we don't want to pull this, but you do know who we are.
00:44:19
Speaker
And they work for the investor of the restaurant in the island, Mr. Varric. And Elsa's like, yeah, we work for him too. So like, what what's your point? change we're like They're like, we're with Varric. And she goes, no, you work for Varric. Exactly. He like humbles them real quick. and still she still refuses to serve them bread.
00:44:43
Speaker
And she whispers to one of them, you'll eat less than you desire more than you deserve, which is kind of a bar. Yeah. We cut back to Tyler, who's trying to take Margo's plate, and he showers a wine glass.
00:44:55
Speaker
So Sloic walks over, and he notices that Margo
Margot's Meal Dissatisfaction
00:44:59
Speaker
hasn't eaten. It was interesting that he didn't take any interest in Tyler breaking the glass, but he just walked over to Margo, and he's like, how come you haven't eaten? He's offended.
00:45:07
Speaker
mean, a restaurant, though, if someone breaks a glass, it's no big deal, right? I guess. Yeah. I mean, if one of our staff breaks a glass or a plate, it's kind of a big deal.
00:45:19
Speaker
Yeah, but if like a customer a customer. Yeah, right. Also, this fucking idiot at my job handed a plate out of the oven to a guest barehanded. Oh my god God. Yeah, if you're listening, which you're not, you're a fucking idiot.
00:45:33
Speaker
Jesus. hope you got a complaint out of that one. Yeah, at least a refund. Probably a lawsuit. Jesus Christ. I'd be fucking pissed. So, so Sloak's like, how come you're not eating? And she's like, I'm not hungry.
00:45:47
Speaker
um worried Something about like, I'm ki something about like, I'm capable of being able to eat when I want to eat and what I want to eat. Yeah. And he walks over to the slope, walks over to that lady in the corner and they like touch forehead to forehead. I know. Make the joke. Foreskin to foreskin.
00:46:03
Speaker
I know was coming. You want to do it? No, I just thought it was already. I don't have foreskin. Sorry. No, he was asking if he wanted to touch foreskins. Carlos does. all right. Jake.
00:46:15
Speaker
Yo. He's clipped. You're clipped? Yeah, he's definitely clipped. Are you cleaning your nails right now? yes Yeah, yeah, yeah. On a podcast? Yeah. This feels like relatively disrespectful. not going lie to you. They can't see me.
00:46:28
Speaker
Yeah, but I'm- the professional atmosphere. But like the three of us are on a podcast and you're filing your nails. Like, it's nice you guys watch the movie and I'm just reading the fucking notes that I wrote. Feel free to add something, Jake. I'm trying. I'm trying to add stuff.
00:46:44
Speaker
This was your suggestion. I'm trying. Actually, I thought of it. But I know Jake fucking loves this movie. I do love this movie. Then say something.
00:46:55
Speaker
It's all right. This episode has not even released yet. I can't say what I want to say about the lady in the corner yet. That's true. No, wait. You're trying to fuck her? Like, what's going on here? No, I'm not trying to fuck that lady. No way. The only person in the entire restaurant that can get it is Margo.
00:47:15
Speaker
She
00:47:18
Speaker
she can get in every movie she's in. She can get it on the street for all I care. What do you mean by that? to Public indecency. Which reminded me, watch this movie, remind me, we gotta do an episode episode on Split.
00:47:32
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, we do. all right Yeah, we do. You like The Witch? I haven't seen it in a long time, but I i think I have it like a three and a half. It's a burner for sure. It's a burner.
00:47:45
Speaker
Jake knows what I'm about. Yeah. Yeah. I couldn't get it yeah yeah I couldn't get it out. this that's ah That's actually... it's actually a It's one of those. Yeah.
00:47:59
Speaker
Did you get you get it, Gerald? Burning the Jews? Oh, got it. Sorry. He always makes the excuse that I'm not Jewish. I'm half Jewish.
00:48:10
Speaker
No, he's so me. He's Hebrew. No. Hebrew is language. He's like, I'm Hebrew. He's Jew-ish. I'm Jew-ish. Hebrew is a language. So you're Jew-light.
00:48:23
Speaker
I'm Jew-ish. Christmas or Hanukkah, which one do you celebrate? Both. Quit me. Get out of here.
00:48:32
Speaker
What do I have in my living room right now is a Christmas tree. h Which both of us don't have. yeah Yeah, what what kind of heathens are you? I have one.
00:48:44
Speaker
Oh, you do? price Keep my trees up. rest spin Oh, my trees. I have no tree. Get one. well i i have ah I have a little statue of Bing Crosby and he sings when you play him. Yeah. That's dope as shit. I'll show you guys after the podcast. I'm not bringing it out right now. But I will bring my cock out right now. Do it.
00:49:01
Speaker
Let's go back to the scene by scene. Okay.
00:49:07
Speaker
ah
00:49:09
Speaker
we We're at Anne and her husband Richard's table, and she thinks Margo looks familiar, and Richard wants no fucking part of this conversation. He's like, fucking let it go. The next course is about to be served, and it's called the Memory Course, and Chef Sloick talks about his memories as a child about Taco Night.
Chef Slowick's Traumatic Past
00:49:30
Speaker
This is some dark shit. The lady in the corner, we find out, is his mother. Mommy. That's definitely a sound now. That's a great sound. His parents were both alcoholics, and his father came home one night and assaulted his mother.
00:49:47
Speaker
father was a drinker. Dude, that's a great poll, Gerald. That's a great fucking poll. Thank you. His dad came home and basically started beating the shit out of his mom and wrapped a telephone cord around her neck. and um Chef Slovic says, I took a pair of kitchen shears and shoved it, stabbed my dad in the or thigh with it.
00:50:15
Speaker
Thinking about it, I should have stabbed him in the throat. So the meal is a smoked chicken thigh with tortillas like a taco. And the chicken thighs have a small kitchen scissors stabbed into them. And they're gold. Shout out us.
00:50:32
Speaker
Are they gold? I guess I missed that. Yeah. Yeah. He also shares here that this is the dish that put him on the map. And we cannot forget the laser engraved tortillas.
00:50:43
Speaker
Yeah. This is, this is, wait, diabolical. Is this the one where he says um that most things rotate, but this is a staple that will never leave?
00:50:55
Speaker
Mm-hmm. Okay. Yeah, because it put them on the map. Lillian's tortillas have images of restaurants that she essentially put out her but out of business with bad reviews.
00:51:07
Speaker
She almost said she put out. Hey, yo, Lillian. She let everybody run through her in the restaurant. I did.
00:51:19
Speaker
All right. Now you know it's nothing no it's come. It's kind of funny. All right. It's funny now that I can tell. you want to go to the finance bros next? What they got? ah Well, the next in sequential order, the next one is the older couple.
00:51:35
Speaker
And one of the tacos has a picture of Richard with a woman. And who wins like his wife and it's like, who is that? Richard? um She looks familiar.
00:51:48
Speaker
Very familiar. Who? And or the lady on the tortilla. The lady on the tortilla. No, get the fuck out of here. What? I'm sorry. ah Tyler's tortilla is of him taking a photo of the dish or of a dish.
00:52:05
Speaker
Yeah. ah the The movie star, John Leguizamo's tortilla, has ah his movie he was in, Calling Dr. Sunshine, which tanked, like Jake said.
00:52:19
Speaker
The finance bros have ah this fake that one fake charges from Echo Bright and tax records. oh it's It's not that they're fake charges. it's they're made mugg They're smuggling money, and they found the tax receipts of them smuggling, and they put it on the tortilla.
00:52:42
Speaker
Elsa said it they're fake charges. they're Yeah, that they were adding fake... You just said they're not fake. They are fake. They're adding fake things to steal money. that i gotta get there I gotta get the rewind to the bloop and then put your fucking you saying, they're no, they're not fake.
00:52:57
Speaker
They're adding things to the receipts to steal money. Because they're scuzz bags. Yeah. yeah pros So they're freaked the fuck out, but they come to some conclusion that they're good. Like, yeah, it's just tortillas.
00:53:09
Speaker
it What are they going to do? They're fucking tortillas. They're like, yeah, but it might hold up in court. That was my favorite line. The fuck they're going to Bring the tortilla to court? It's going to be covered in bowl.
00:53:26
Speaker
We cut back Margo and Tyler, and Margo wants to send her food back because she's not impressed.
00:53:33
Speaker
Tyler calls her a child and tells her to shut up and eat, which she does not like. No, I don't fucking blame her, dude. Yeah. Don't be talking to my, my queen like that. Uh, and they're arguing. And then as soon as Tyler takes a bite of the taco, he's like you really have to try this.
00:53:51
Speaker
Uh, so she gets up and she, it looks like she's going to the bathroom. There's a silver door at the end of this hallway. And Elsa's like, where you going girl? And she's like, I'm going to the bathroom. And she's like, here.
00:54:02
Speaker
and Drop the panties. Let me sniff them. m ah And I don't have both windows open same time. like I to do it like this, maybe. That's pretty good. Okay. I would slap my dick on a fucking barbed wire bat to give even get in within sniffing distance of Anya Taylor-Joy.
00:54:25
Speaker
So she asked what's behind the silver door to Elsa, and Elsa says something very special. It's Narnia, bitch. Go sit down. Narnia's a good movie. Shout out James McAvoy. Shout out, yeah. Shout out Mr. Tumnus.
00:54:39
Speaker
ah It cuts to Anya smoking a cigarette in the bathroom, and she sees outside Slowick with, like, big angel wings. Or maybe this isn't Slowick. I don't know. It's not him. It's one of his staffers. He's, like, magically back inside in the bathroom, ah and she's like, get the fuck out of here, man.
00:54:57
Speaker
I mean, true, it is the woman's bathroom. Yeah, but I get it. There's only one bathroom, though. Who doesn't want to see her pussy? It's probably fucking clean-shaven, dude.
00:55:11
Speaker
He just walks in, though, and he's like, what the hell are you? Why are you here? Her lips are so perfect, I bet. God. This is getting weird, isn't it? Yeah, so he wants to know who Margo is. And why she doesn't like the food. And she's like, well, I'm Margo from Nebraska. And he's like, the fuck you are.
00:55:29
Speaker
yeah She hits him with, oh, is this a trailer park competition? That's not what she says. What she say? She says, do you want to see my parents' trailer park?
00:55:41
Speaker
What? That's not what I heard. i Yeah, I know. Can't confirm I watched it this morning. Great. Me too. I watched it yesterday or two days ago. Yeah, you want a fucking trophy?
00:55:53
Speaker
She, uh, I do. She says, what cookie Yes. Sloic says she shouldn't be here, like at the restaurant. We cut to the dining room, and they roll out a big white tarp for the fourth course.
Jeremy's Shocking 'Mess' Course
00:56:10
Speaker
ah And Sloic starts to explain, and Soren's like, Hey, dude, what's going on here, man? But he's like, Just relax, dude. because you mean man I feel a little uncomfortable.
00:56:20
Speaker
Because Soren's freaked out about the tax records. yeah We meet sous chef Jeremy, who is the creator of the force fourth course, which they've titled The Mess. And this is where they dox my college.
00:56:35
Speaker
They say, Slog shares that Jeremy went to the Culinary Institute of America, the CIA, in Hyde Park, which is in New York. Uh, and Sloic says that Jeremy's good, but he's not great. And you know what? He never will be.
00:56:51
Speaker
And, uh, Jimmy buys that shit. He's like, you're right. Uh, and what Sloic is basically saying with the mess is, ah how much you sacrifice to pursue, you know, this goal, whatever you give up everything else in your, in your life. Your life is a mess.
00:57:09
Speaker
and you can't avoid it, which is true. And we saw the same thing in that movie. We reviewed whiplash. It's basically this like that same con, the same theme of obsession. Jake, you've seen, you've seen whiplash. I have seen whiplash.
00:57:23
Speaker
Sorry. It's still funny. Uh, and he continues to go on to say, you give up everything to police people. You'll never know, which really hit for me.
00:57:35
Speaker
um Jeremy admits he's not happy. And Sloak asks your why? He's like, you want my life? And he's like, nah. Then he kisses Jeremy on the cheek.
00:57:46
Speaker
And Jeremy proceeds to blow his fucking brains out right there. Literally crazy. Swallows a fucking pistol. And all of them are like, it's part of the show. It's part of the act. It's fine. Not all of them. The staff are. The staff. and i think I think even Tyler's like, yeah, it's it's it's part of his genius, man.
00:58:04
Speaker
Oh, Tyler, yeah. Tyler's a fucking dick rider. Right. Not Tyler as in Tyler, our former guest, but if he wanted to ride my dick, I'd let him.
00:58:17
Speaker
You heard it here first, Tyler. If this ever comes out. Uh...
00:58:25
Speaker
Everyone's freaked out. And like we said, Tyler's going to give a fuck. ah The older couple, the Leibhards, try to leave. But there's no boat and there's no phone service.
00:58:36
Speaker
And what the fuck's his name? Richard says he'll handle this. And Elsa's like, yeah, left or right? And he's like, what? And she's like, you know what? Left hand it is. Ring finger, which is where your wedding ring goes. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
00:58:51
Speaker
And the staff cut his ring finger off and Elsa hands his ring to, to Anne. Here's your husband's wedding ring. Symbolizing that he's not fateful.
00:59:03
Speaker
Very good. Cause, uh, he cheated on that bitch with a tortilla. with tor Why not? He wrapped it around his dick and beat off with a tortilla. Yeah.
00:59:15
Speaker
slow it ensures them it's all part of the venue and felicity is like talking to john leguizamo the movie star he's like go talk to slow it he said you knew him he's like yeah i made that up i don't know ah your friends nah lillian the food writer uh says it's incredible and i think she does think it's all part of the act as well uh she shares here that uh slow actually texted her invited her to come to that dinner that they're at dinner and a show Elsa comes over to Margo and Tyler and says that a chef has requested her in the kitchen. How you doing?
00:59:54
Speaker
He's trying to see those legs. He's trying to see everything. Bend her over the stove. Right. Exactly. That's off. Why not? Burn the dress off. is that what you said? Yeah.
01:00:06
Speaker
to whom So he tries again to figure out who she is. And he tells her that she's fucked everything up by being there. And he's like, I got to know if to seat you with us or with them.
01:00:18
Speaker
ah And she she's like, what the fuck you talking about? And she's like, he basically admits like everyone's going to die. And he's like, we're not going to let them live. And then he asked, he's like, right. And the staff are like, yes, chef.
01:00:32
Speaker
And he's like, you can die with those who give or those who take. And he's which is an awesome line. It is. And he asked her to make a decision after the next course.
01:00:44
Speaker
She comes back to the table, like pretty shook and Tyler's rambling on. He's very envious that she got like a, he thinks she got like a a special course in the kitchen and he's pissed and she's just like not even paying attention to him.
01:00:58
Speaker
She's panicking. Yeah. yeah more I'm sorry. I say pissed. It's more panic, fear. They serve a palate cleanser, which is some tea. And this is when the movie star, he slides over to the hedge fund boys table and he wants to know, like he wants like set up a plan to get off the island.
01:01:17
Speaker
At this point, Soren freaks the fuck out and he tries to smash the window with a chair and it doesn't work. ah The chef comes out and he asks if there are questions and everyone wants to know what the fuck's going on.
01:01:32
Speaker
This is where we kind of get some of his, the method to his madness here. He points out how Lillian, you know, destroyed lives and her friend, the editor, whatever, is just a yes man. He just strokes her ego.
01:01:46
Speaker
And he knows that him inviting her to that restaurant strokes her own ego. ah And he points out that Ann and Richard are loyal customers.
01:01:56
Speaker
And he asked them how many times they've been to the restaurant. They say like six times and it's more like 11. Yeah. Yeah. And Richard cannot remember the name of one dish that he's eaten. He fires back ah after he says six times and he fires back 11. He goes, name one thing you've eaten here. And he's just looks at him speechless. And then his wife just whispers, trout.
01:02:19
Speaker
Cod. Or cod. What was his comeback? Do you remember? Spotted halibut, you fucking donkey. I'm not saying that to you. That's what he said. Yeah, know. uh and and asked what does it matter and he's like it matters to the fucking halibut that turns to shit in your gut yeah pretty hard wine right there uh and he realizes that he's he recognizes he's a part of the problem because he's created this toxic atmosphere but he's also will never be able to satisfy satisfy the clientele that he's created and that they're this type of restaurant has created
01:02:56
Speaker
ah at this point, it's when the ah the hedge fund boys stand up and like, yeah, we know Doug, man. And this is where Chef shares that Doug Varick is an angel investor.
01:03:12
Speaker
And he says that now things have changed and he owns Doug Varick. That's when a spotlight turns on outside and Doug is hanging outside but some angel wings from before.
01:03:24
Speaker
Over the ocean. literally hanging, chilling, swinging. Something you're a little gay there, bro. Yeah. Can you do that one more time? Swinging.
01:03:35
Speaker
Uh, the hedge fund boys offer money and so it's like, I don't want any fucking money. And like, we support you through COVID. And he's like, yeah, but you asked for substitutions and like loses his fucking mind about the substitutions thing. That also drives me up a fucking wall too. There's ah there's a one there's a line. There's a line. Okay. more I have a stupid question to ask. Yeah. were was Were they talking about the bread? Asking for bread and he freaked out?
01:04:01
Speaker
No. Asking for substitutions is not asking for bread. Asking for substitutions is like, let's say there's a burger on the menu that has fried onions on it. And then you being like, well, I don't want the fried onions. I want bacon instead. Oh, okay. And also, can you make the bun gluten-free? Also, can you add lettuce, tomato, and pickles?
01:04:19
Speaker
Yeah. Those are substitutions. Okay. For an allergen, substitutions are completely okay. we'll modify We'll modify it to shit if you want so you can eat it. But like if you're just being picky, like you should eat the dish the way it's meant to be eaten.
01:04:34
Speaker
My mom is real. My mom, dude, we went to... Guy Fieri's restaurant for like my 15th or 16th birthday. It wasn't my 16th, my 16th, I know where I was. My 15th something like that.
01:04:45
Speaker
And ah my mom ordered a loaded baked potato and she's like, yeah, but no sour cream, I'm allergic to dairy because she just doesn't like sour cream. But instead she wanted to make it like all extreme and some allergic to sour cream, which there's cheese and butter. Yeah. That's exactly what the server said. She got caught. She got fucking caught. Yeah. Fuck mom. Get fucked. Yeah. I always make fun of her for that.
01:05:13
Speaker
So Doug Varric gets lowered into the ocean and he's dead. Doug's dead. Doug is found drowned. He went wall.
01:05:25
Speaker
um so let's just recap quick so far we've had a man shoot himself in the face we've had someone get their finger chopped off and now we got someone drowning in the ocean slowick hasn't killed anybody yet not yet uh the timer goes off for margo and she has to make her decision and she's requested in the chef's office how you therein Uh, and she comes in and basically does
Margot's True Identity Questioned
01:05:53
Speaker
not make a choice. She's like, i just, well I want to go dude.
01:05:55
Speaker
Uh, and Slug's like, it's a bullshit decision. ah you belong with your own breed. And oh yeah yeah, well, he has an eye for a fellow industry worker and he calls them the, uh, the shit shovelers, which is pretty fucking accurate.
01:06:12
Speaker
Uh, and she asked how she knows Richard. um and essentially he asked her to pretend like she was his daughter. ah and act like they loved each other, but she also had him jerk him off, so that's kind of weird.
01:06:26
Speaker
she like So if you guys didn't figure out, Anya Taylor-Joy's character in this is an escort. A very expensive one at that. I'm i i'm sure. She can escort my fucking cock in her pussy.
01:06:38
Speaker
Whoa.
01:06:42
Speaker
No remorse. None.
01:06:46
Speaker
Uh...
01:06:51
Speaker
Sloic shares with her that she has not he has not had the desire to cook for someone ah in ages, he says. Ages. And that conversation kind of ends, and Sloic leads everyone outside.
01:07:07
Speaker
And he says the next course is presented by sous-chef Catherine. chair Hi, Hi, Catherine. Welcome to not AA. It's like AA for people who got raped. What do call that one? You know what talking about?
01:07:22
Speaker
It's like, it's like, yeah, it's like group therapy. People got raped. Yeah. Hi, I'm Catherine and daddy touched me. She shares that slow. I've tried to fuck her several times and she refused.
01:07:36
Speaker
yeah She's so like nonchalant about it. Right? Yeah. He tried to fuck me and I said, no, think I tried to fuck me again. i know. I got that fire. Coochie.
01:07:47
Speaker
it
01:07:50
Speaker
So because she wouldn't open her legs for him, he wouldn't even look at her. And she says that he's allowed to because he's the man. And the next course is called Man's Folly, where she proceeds to stab Sloak in the leg.
01:08:04
Speaker
I, for the first time seeing this movie, I thought she stabbed him in the cock. which I did the first time I watched it. Clearly you guys need a lesson on anatomy.
01:08:16
Speaker
Hey, no. Because when you first see it go in, you don't see it in his leg. like It's from behind it's from behind his perspective. And I'm like, this chick just stabbed him in the cock. And then you see it's his leg. And I was like, missed opportunity movie.
01:08:36
Speaker
um She wipes the blood because she pulls the scissor out. Wipes the blood on his coat. This is where Sloak offers to the male diners a chance to escape. And he says his staff will chase after them ah in 45 seconds. They get a head start.
01:08:53
Speaker
So all the men run except for Tyler. He's just chilling because he doesn't think anything wrong. Yeah. And Sloak's like, dude, get the fuck out of here. Shut the fuck up, man. Get out of here. ah Sous chef Catherine escorts the women back inside.
01:09:10
Speaker
So the staff go running after the men. The Somalia counts down the clock. ah The women eat the sixth course, which is some kind of yogurt.
Egg Hunt Bonus Discussion
01:09:19
Speaker
So I didn't pay attention.
01:09:21
Speaker
It's like an egg. No, the egg is the bonus thing the guy gets for being the last person found. Oh, okay. Okay. um
01:09:32
Speaker
And they're all trying to suck her clit. So she'll let them go because they're trying to get out. Like, Lillian's like, you know you could open your own restaurant. you You're that talented. And Catherine's like, yeah, that would have meant something to me a while ago, but not really anymore.
01:09:46
Speaker
And it's really funny. There's some ingredient. I didn't write it down, but Felicity calls it emoji, which is just hilarious because it's not emojis. Yeah.
Margo's Deception Revealed
01:09:58
Speaker
ah Anne asks Margo how she knows her husband. They don't show the conversation, but essentially Margo tells Anne, yeah, your husband paid me to fuck him. ah yeah and and jerk is gherkin though a word hard about it you want to see my gherkin the worst part about it is it's speckled the conversation goes on not like the halibut she she basically is like yeah he paid me to act like your stepdaughter or something it was crazy what are you doing stepfather you want see my speckled halibut
01:10:37
Speaker
It's rare. it is. It's a rare speckled alavan, dude. It's rare, bro. You want to give it to me, you fucking donkey, huh? All right. Burrow into my ass, daddy.
01:10:51
Speaker
Felicity asked Catherine if they're actually going die, and Catherine's like, yeah, it's her fucking idea. And it ties everything together conceptually. And again, like I said, Lillian offers Catherine her own restaurant.
01:11:06
Speaker
But she's like, yeah, fuck you, lady. All the men get caught. Lillian's assistant gets the bonus egg Jake was talking about ah for being the last one caught. And he's hiding it like in the chicken coop.
01:11:19
Speaker
Real chickens. Here, Margo just decides to admit, I'm actually, my name is Aaron. I'm from Brockton, Massachusetts. More like I'm from Cockton, Massachusetts. Aaron for a woman?
01:11:33
Speaker
Not name. Hot or not. all aaron's high All the Aaron's that I've met that had that name have been hot. Shout out every Aaron I know. Hot dudes. Not Aaron. Aaron.
01:11:43
Speaker
er Yeah. Aaron is not hot. Aaron. Aaron. Aaron. Hello. I am JFK. ah The men come back inside and Richard walks back in on Anne talking with Margo. Aaron.
01:12:02
Speaker
Aaron. So they definitely like, she fuck's going on. Uh, Felicity admits to the movie star that she's been stealing money from him and movie star, the movie star, John Leguizamo was like, yeah, I know. I gave you a negative recommendation of Sony.
01:12:18
Speaker
And she's like, yeah, you CC'd me on the email, which which is funny. Yeah. Uh, slow it comes out and announces before they can move forward. ty We have to address an issue, which is Tyler.
Tyler's Deadly Obsession
01:12:32
Speaker
Uh, We find out here, Tyler was told the ahead of time, they he'd been communicating with Slug for months, that everyone would die that night. And he had a date, but the date changed because his original date dumped him.
01:12:44
Speaker
Dumped. And he knowingly brought Margot knowing she was going to die. So Margot freaks the fuck out. Yeah. Why would you willingly go, like, are is he so fucked up in the head? Like, he loves this guy so much. Yes.
01:12:59
Speaker
He's obsessed. I'm going to die, and that's okay. Yes. meet my idol. Yeah. He's going to die in the arms of his idol. Yeah. In the arms of an angel.
01:13:12
Speaker
Wow, both of you are so gay for that one. Like we said, we like to keep him guessing, you know? right Yeah? Like to keep him guessing, dude. Am I stroking my shaft right now? so No one will ever know. I thought Nick lost a minute ago. we was bouncing.
01:13:31
Speaker
Watch my titties flap in the wind. Sorry, Nick. Sorry, I don't know where I am right now. All right. I have no idea where I am right now. This is crazy. I don't remember. What were we talking about?
01:13:45
Speaker
so Essentially, Sloak's like, you know you're a foodie, right? He's like, yeah. like, you know cook a little bit, right? He's like, yeah. He's like, oh, so you're a cook. And he gives Tyler a chef's jacket and he writes his name on the jacket in Sharpie. This might have seemed minor to you, ah but having your name on the on your jacket in the kitchen industry is a really big ego thing.
01:14:08
Speaker
That means you're someone, right? Yeah, people really like to have their names on their jackets. on their aprons. It's an ego thing. And look, I'm guilty of it. I got my name on my jackets.
01:14:19
Speaker
You got Nick or Nicholas? I got both. Shout out to Carlos who fucked up my jackets. What do you do? He had me, Carlos, if you're listening, he I had him order a couple more jackets for me.
01:14:33
Speaker
And the original ones I had said Nicholas. And the next ones I wanted Nick. And he when he typed it in, and he didn't check it. He put capital N, capital I, CK. And the right... The writing is in cursive, so it looks really fucking stupid.
01:14:49
Speaker
so Like, really fucking stupid. ah But it's totally an ego thing. and If you notice, like, Slobik does not have any kind of name. None of the cooks have any anything.
01:15:01
Speaker
So, now the new thing that's, like, become okay is, well, you can have your name on the jacket, just no title. Because you have name and title? Dude, you are enemy number one. I'm just kidding. Not enemy number one, but Um, but even like I was talking to Carlos broke you off. I was talking to Carlos about this. i was like, I think I just want Jack's my name on him. and I was like, you know what? I'll be honest. Executive chef with my name would be kind of sick.
Tyler's Cooking Disaster
01:15:26
Speaker
So even, right even I'm guilty of it. I'm not of this. I'm not saying I love the balloon, buddy with my honker with your ego. So, ah they're like, you're going to go cook. And Tyler suddenly gets a stutter.
01:15:44
Speaker
And ah the
01:15:51
Speaker
ah he tries to say he needs shallots and Slokes like, you want shit? Shit? Is that what you want? Shit? I can get you shit. ah Is that like a pressure play thing?
01:16:04
Speaker
What? Is that like a pressure play thing to get him to mess up intentionally? Yeah. Because he's so nervous already. Dude, the point is he's a fraud. I mean, the imposter syndrome in that moment has to be crazy.
01:16:16
Speaker
Yeah. It has to be insane. When he actually has no effing idea what he's doing. yeah Because people, like Sloan goes on to say, he he ruins the mystery behind cooking.
01:16:27
Speaker
Because people who are there are people who are guilty of this, that they're foodies, and they think they could hang in the kitchen. You know? Yeah. ah It's like trying to tell somebody else you could do their job.
01:16:40
Speaker
yeah It's like me saying to you, Jake, that I could teach history. I couldn't. Yeah, couldn't. It's like the same thing. But it does happen a lot in the the culinary field where people just think they know.
01:16:51
Speaker
It's like the first time I cooked with you and I cut my my hand open within 30 seconds. Chopping parsley. it Well, actually, I have a, I can say this.
01:17:01
Speaker
What was he using proper technique? I thought he was, i thought i'm shock you yeah but he was chopping parsley. He had one hand on top of the night and another hand of the handle and he still managed to cut himself. No, I cut myself when I was cleaning the blade off.
01:17:16
Speaker
Like I pinched. Oh, so you're a fucking idiot. Okay. That's why. Yeah. right Yeah. But I had a, I had an aunt who, I can talk about because she definitely has listened to this podcast. I know for a fact.
01:17:29
Speaker
But we were family for being supportive. We were. i just i really don't care. i That was good. Jake. he she We were catering. We were doing cooking food for the family.
01:17:48
Speaker
And she was like, tell me how like she's like worked in restaurants stuff and like really built herself up on how to like, that she had like knowledge about the food service industry. And then like came like in the crunch time to serve the family. And she like was like chicken with the head cut off. Had no idea the fuck was going on. And I was like, dude, it's just better off if you just don't.
01:18:05
Speaker
yeah Why dont you just get out? Yeah. You know, like I'll take, let daddy take care of this. Oh, don't call yourself daddy. I do. I do. And you know what else happens if we're busy at work and like, it's like we're getting slammed in the line and I got to go back there and help them. I come back. I take a deep breath and I go, guys, don't worry. Daddy's here. Oh, do you actually. then Yeah.
01:18:28
Speaker
You can ask anybody. Ask Carlos. Carlos wouldn't know. ah But ask anybody i work with besides Carlos. Next time, next time. I'm sure Carlos can confirm this. Carlos, call the podcast and confirm. Yeah. Please. I want to hear that.
01:18:41
Speaker
ah Because I definitely do that. Or because, well, Carlos only actually speaks English. So that's going to help us. Well, that's nice. That's not racist. That's factual. That's factual information. Shout out, Carlos. Shout out, Carlos, dude. you you and I've never even met you.
01:18:59
Speaker
God damn. Speaking about tight. What, Jake's shirt? Yeah. sargic you keep um Sorry, Jake. he makes he gets leeks, shallots, and lamb.
01:19:17
Speaker
His station's a fucking mess. ah And he has some lamb. He's like, yeah it's cooked, and it's not even and close to being cooked. It's totally raw. It looks like it never even touched the fire.
01:19:31
Speaker
Slowik's like, yeah, you know, this is actually really bad. The funniest part is like each course, they like show the the plate of food.
01:19:42
Speaker
And for Tyler's, it just says Tyler's bullshit. Yeah, what it is. And like I said earlier, Sloak says that Tyler's the reason why the mystery has been drained from the art of cooking.
01:19:55
Speaker
And he whispers something in Tyler's ear, which we don't hear. And Tyler tears up. He takes his jacket off and he walks away, but like into the back of the kitchen.
Tyler's Tragic End
01:20:04
Speaker
and We don't see where he goes. My favorite part of the movie is when he fucking.
01:20:10
Speaker
Yep. Favorite part of the movie. Sloak says that that course was not expected. um he does call Margo into the kitchen and he asked her to go get a barrel because Elsa didn't fucking do it. Stupid bitch.
01:20:24
Speaker
ah And he needs someone to do it. So he sends Margo to get go get the barrel. And on her way out, she sees that Tyler killed himself. You can say it.
01:20:37
Speaker
You didn't fucking pussy. Tyler hung himself in the walk-in. It was not the walk-in. It wasn't? there's the trouble Why would the walk-in door be open?
01:20:47
Speaker
You know what? That's valid fucking open. i would That is a valid point. It's probably like dry goods or a closet. Yeah. Tyler hung himself in the closet with his tie. Yep, because his idol said he sucked.
01:21:01
Speaker
uh john leguizamo tries to talk to uh sloak and he wants in the water being punished like him in particular and slokes like i just didn't enjoy your movie it fucking sucked i watched it on my one day off which dude but your one day off is like it so it's like your one day to do anything and you watch some shitty movie that sucks um he's that what you do every day off Not every movie he watches is shitty. Well, first of all, I don't only have one day off anymore. i have two. Sometimes I have three. Shout out Izzy.
01:21:35
Speaker
Uh... Does anyone listen to the pod? Definitely not. I don't think he knows I have one. no I really don't... i A little bit. I really don't want people at work knowing i have a podcast because of the wild shit we say on here. Like, Carlos knows because Carlos is cool and he'll keep his mouth shut
Podcast's Secret Fame
01:21:52
Speaker
about it.
01:21:52
Speaker
Right. Also, it's like the... What's the phrase? What?
01:21:59
Speaker
Don't shit where you eat. A double-edged sword. Because, like, Carlos could share the podcast, but he follows a lot of people I work with. Yeah. And they follow him, so they'd see it Therefore, they'd know about it.
01:22:09
Speaker
Yeah. Gotcha. So I try to keep it under wraps. Keep it under DL. It's a secret. Like when Anne Frank was hiding in the attic. Right. Keep it gay. I gotcha.
01:22:21
Speaker
say keep it gay yeah what's wrong with you the gay I spread them fucking cheeks he goes he goes didn't enjoy my one fucking day off Jake I knew you were gonna make that joke and it is funny uh that's all you on my day off and then he asked why Felicity has to die and she went to Brown and has no student loans and arguably one of the funniest lines movie slow it goes sorry you're dying yeah ah Margo, instead of going to get the barrel, she grabs a knife and goes into the chef's cottage.
01:22:55
Speaker
Not a good idea, you know? Well, it's funny because she walks in and it's a carbon copy of the restaurant. Yeah. Which I didn't necessarily get the point of that. I think he was like planning what the restaurant would look like before they built it. Because he said earlier in the movie that they've been working on it for months and months.
01:23:13
Speaker
What's up, Twix? Shut up, Twix. Twix making her first podcast. Whine. Make a noise. Nothing? Got nothing to say? Put your dick in her. I will.
01:23:24
Speaker
She'll make a noise. Nick is holding nothing to the camera right now and saying it's a cat. We're worried. We're back. um right we're back
01:23:37
Speaker
uh, Elsa appears in the chef's cottage and she's like, you broke the rule. Yeah. So did you bitch. You're not allowed in there either. well, Elsa basically is threatened by Margo because she thinks Margo is going to take her job.
01:23:50
Speaker
Uh, and she goes to cut Margo. What does it matter? i know. good there And she literally like slices her forearm with a knife and they get into a, uh, a fight.
01:24:04
Speaker
Margo ends up smacking Elsa in the head with a taco jet. What the hell is a taco jet? Did I say taco? yeah I'm sorry. It auto-corrected Paco jet to taco jet.
01:24:16
Speaker
That's what it is, guys. i don't have to tell you. ah Whoopsie.
01:24:23
Speaker
And Margo's about to stab her in the throat with a knife. And Elsa admits that ah the chef never told her about the barrel. And then, boom, blade in the throat.
01:24:33
Speaker
la You're dead. Yeah. Margo opens the silver door in the chef's cottage. So a different silver door. And it's literally like his bedroom.
01:24:43
Speaker
And it's very, very plain. It looks like my dorm in CIA. I'll be honest. And there's newspapers on the wall with clippings of his rise. And he has an employee the month ah plaque at a Hamburger Howie's.
01:24:57
Speaker
How you doing, Hamburger Howie? Unlike Gerald and I are the hemorrhoid homies. Hey, that's what's up. I need that on a shirt. My hemorrhoids are back. Someone please help me.
01:25:09
Speaker
Hemorrhoid homies. You want merch? Y'all want a merch trap? Hemorrhoid homies. Let us know. Patreon gets first crack at it. Do we have a Patreon yet? I don't know. No, but hey, we might.
01:25:22
Speaker
We'll get there. i I will not be buying a hemorrhoid homies shirt. Right, we have sent it to you. Fake fan. Oh, great. Yeah. bet Tyler will wear it. Of course he will. hes yeah He'll call his mom Mommy out in public.
01:25:36
Speaker
Two guys, one screen's biggest fan. that That hurts. Legend. And then she finds a radio and tries to radio for help. We cut to staff. We cut to staff.
01:25:46
Speaker
We cut back to the restaurant where the staff led by chef slow. It is singing happy birthday to Bryce. Who's one of the hedge fund homies tech bros. And it's not even his birthday, but it seemed funny like an hour ago, you know, ah this is when Margo shows up with the barrel and a boat arrives and,
01:26:08
Speaker
Slovak's like, oh, fuck. And they try to spruce up the gas because they're all like beaten, basically. Slovak gets his hand wrapped and he gets ah he puts an apron to cover the blood.
01:26:19
Speaker
And he's like, listen, it's a really bad idea to ask for help. he's like, I also want you guys to wonder why you didn't try harder to fight back. He's like, you probably could have escaped. You fucking idiots. It wasn't that hard. No, dude. There was three people on the door and seven of them. or you little bottom The only problem is is that the cook the cooks, though, I feel like...
01:26:39
Speaker
yeah but But if all of them bum-rushed the people at the door, it would have been good. That's true. would have scud.
01:26:50
Speaker
Yeah. ah this This officer lifeguard guy arrives. Lifeguard? He's the Coast Guard. Lifeguard? Coast Guard. I can't tell him. And he recognizes the a movie star and asks for his autograph.
01:27:05
Speaker
And he says he loved him in Doctor... Calling Doctor Sunshine. He goes to leave and he he opens the autograph and Leguizamo wrote, help us. So the officer pulls his gun.
01:27:17
Speaker
all the guests immediately start throwing fucking Slurk onto the bus. And he orders Slurk get on his hands and knees and his gun just lights a candle. So he was in on it the whole time.
01:27:28
Speaker
Yeah. Fucker. Um, Slurk figures out that Margo called for him on the radio and says that Margo betrayed us, meaning the givers and call. And she's a, she's a taker.
01:27:43
Speaker
Uh, You can lot of things. Yeah. Yeah, you did.
Margo's Joyless Meal
01:27:48
Speaker
So Margo is panicking and she decides to get up and she claps her hands and says she doesn't like the food. Thank you. She says she doesn't want the food and ah wants to send it back.
01:28:03
Speaker
ah And she says that his food has no joy or love. and tayloror joy and the worst part is she's still hungry And he goes, what do you want? And she goes, a cheeseburger. And she goes I bet you can't make a real one.
01:28:20
Speaker
And he's like, bullshit, just a good old cheeseburger. He's like, I bet you I'll make you a nice one that they served at like the county fair or something that your parents couldn't afford. Something like that. um We proceed to watch one of the coolest fucking cooking scenes in film in the last couple of years. Now, my number one movie for the year, a Taste of Things, has better cooking scenes than this. But other than that, this is probably number two.
01:28:47
Speaker
Should I take notes on how to make a cheeseburger from this movie? I mean, it's pretty spot on. If you're going to do it right, you have the proper equipment. Yeah. that uh this cheeseburger looks fucking banging it does it does it do so good it's only $9.95 what a steal and we watch him make it and he kind has a faint smile while he's making it uh and margo takes a bite of this burger and basically this is a tasty burger
01:29:22
Speaker
um A little Pulp Fiction poll for you guys. you don't know what that's from, don't listen to this podcast anymore. I don't want to talk to you. It's a Royale with cheese. It's a Royale with cheese.
01:29:34
Speaker
Can make it louder? This is a tasty burger. And Jake's seen Pulp Fiction. Let's go. I might have seen Pulp Fiction more times than I've watched The Menu. This is actually a good time to share this story since we're talking about it. The first time I watched Pulp Fiction, I fell asleep and I woke up and they were still in the diner and then the movie ended and I was like, what the fuck happened?
01:29:54
Speaker
be like, wow, this movie sucked. I was like, did they just spend an hour and a half in the diner or was this movie literally five minutes?
01:30:04
Speaker
ah um So she takes a bite and ah she wants to get it to go. And he she she pulls out like a crumpled $10 bill.
01:30:15
Speaker
um Slowik packs her food up and she gets to leave, dog.
Explosive Goodie Bags Finale
01:30:22
Speaker
I pack her box. And at this point, he goes, but you do what? I pack her a doggy bag, you know what I'm saying? Hey, yo. Is that shit? Are you into scat play?
01:30:34
Speaker
he He just said before that you can shit in his mouth. I think he Jake, you look naked. Jake, look at your fucking hog hanging. Jake's got a a weird bulge. Yeah, you do.
01:30:49
Speaker
Why are looking at my crotch? We're talking about movies here. Why are you showing out? I'm just chilling. This has been the most unprofessional appearance on a podcast ever, dude. I agree. It probably would have been better if you left your fucking camera off. Tyler could have been fucking naked for all we know. All we fucking know. could have been getting heads naked.
01:31:11
Speaker
So Sloic is like, we got to deal with the bill. They start giving the bill out and they give out goodie bags, he calls them, which have like a copy the menu, some granola, whatever else. No, it's a very somber mood. Nobody really gives a fuck.
01:31:23
Speaker
ah
01:31:28
Speaker
They all also get one of Doug's fingers. Each bag has one of Doug's fingers. yeah that's funny. you Yeah. And basically he says here that they all represent a ruin of the art of his life.
01:31:39
Speaker
And the staff begins to dump all the different ingredients for a s'more around the whole entire restaurant. I love this scene. I think it just looks so freaking cool. I'm very curious what Gerald thinks because he's going to think. i I feel like I know what he's going to say, but I'll i'll keep going.
01:31:57
Speaker
I hate s'mores. No, not that. But they all, they, they decorate the the the staff members, the guests with big, like marshmallow mains. I don't like, they got a chocolate hat and, uh, slow. It says that s'mores are an unethical assault on the palate because it's all like factory made chemical loaded. Fucking sorry. Twix is playing with a cat toy right next to me.
01:32:22
Speaker
Go, go get it. Play with my cat toy. Huh? Yeah, right? ah And he says the only redeeming quality of s'mores is fire. And essentially, it like renews, destroys, creates is some weird fucking shit. And while he's while he's talking about this, Anne says thank you.
01:32:45
Speaker
She's like bought into this basically. And he grabs a coal from the grill and drops on the floor, which ignites the entire restaurant. You see the cooks turn the stove on. Slowak yells he loves everybody.
01:32:58
Speaker
And he ah they all go up in the flames. Margot was on a boat, which is running out of gas. But at least she's sitting out on the boat watching this fucking building burn to the ground. ah she takes up another bite of her burger.
01:33:12
Speaker
She wipes her face with the menu. And that is the end of the menu. Excellent. I love it. I love it so much. Gerald, what did you think of the end of the movie? Remind me of Midsommar.
01:33:24
Speaker
Ah, reminded. i i was curious if you were going to say ripoff. Well, yeah, it could be a ripoff too. I don't think it's a ripoff. I feel like it's done well. a but A nice nod to Midsommar. A gesture.
01:33:40
Speaker
ah Jake, I already know what you gave it. Gerald, I'm very curious on your first time watch what you're rating. Three and a half.
01:33:49
Speaker
No anticipation, just three and a half. next weekend third Next question.
01:33:57
Speaker
Yes, it is really that big. ah Three and a half is my final verdict on this movie.
Movie Ratings and Favorites Discussion
01:34:04
Speaker
Jacob? Four and a half. i love this movie. I'm not going to lie. For you, four and a half is low.
01:34:14
Speaker
What can I go up? Half a star more. Yeah. Yeah, I don't put like I can't even think like Whiplash is a five star movie. Well, I hope so. um Of course. But like, i don't think any I can't think of another movie that you have suggested to me that is even close to a five star.
01:34:33
Speaker
Like this and Whiplash were easily number one and two. The asterisk is that I've recommended because obviously there are other movies that are five stars. not what Jake is saying that there aren't other ones. Yeah. But the the ones that you have recommended to me, Whiplash is the best. This is the second best.
01:34:51
Speaker
Fair enough. Conclave. That shit's dog shit. I don't care what. I'm fucking real. This kid, dude. I'm fucking real. dude It was boring. If you see, if you've seen conclave right into the show, let us know what you think of conclave this year. Also has Ray fines in it. Full circle.
01:35:07
Speaker
Hey, full circle. Uh, I'm also hanging up the mean three and a half star. Uh, I think the satire is nice, but at times a little too on the nose. Hmm.
01:35:18
Speaker
Um, It almost feels like the Gordon Ramsay meme idiot sandwich thing sometimes. yeah It's a little bit too much for me. You call him a donkey?
01:35:30
Speaker
I like how everything looks. like The movie looks great. But you like that spotted halibut, don't you? I'll give you some spotted dick. That's a real thing. The movie does look good. I agree with that. the like All the food was designed by someone who actually, like their job is food art.
01:35:49
Speaker
um All the dishes were inspired by actual chefs. like they They put a lot of effort into it. That they did. and i mean This movie was was successful. obviously People people really do like this movie a lot.
01:36:04
Speaker
Did you feel offended by it? I'm offended by everything because I'm Jewish. Hey, that's coming from a Jew, guy. that's stifend We can't even... No issue with that one. I don't feel offended. I do feel like a lot of the the things they point out are relatively relatively accurate, but like always, you know there's always hyperbole, and this is a film, so they're going to make it more than it really is, right?
01:36:32
Speaker
True. And it's also a satire, that's just... The nature of the beast. Yeah. yeah All right. So three and a half for Gerald and i Jake at a four and a half star. ah Jake is not going to drop his letterbox because he does not use it.
01:36:48
Speaker
No. No. We can do a... Plug it in. Plug it in. Follow us on Instagram. TwoGuysOneScreenPod. Send any comments, concerns, movie requests to TwoGuysOneScreenPod at gmail.com. Follow us on Letterboxd.
01:37:06
Speaker
And call us and leave a voicemail at 5088 fist us. Give us a call. 5088 dip tip, whatever you prefer.
01:37:20
Speaker
we don't know when this movie, when this movie, when this episode is coming out, uh, Jake, do you want to say anything else? Uh, thanks for having me on guys. I had a blast.
01:37:31
Speaker
Yeah. We'll see you again soon. Thanks for coming on the pod. And Tyler, time to ah strike back, dude. Yeah, Tyler. I mean, you are you're down one, bro. You're down late in the game.
01:37:44
Speaker
Actually, pretty early. Sorry. You call the movie. Yeah. Tyler, do you say the movie. We'll review it. But you also have to watch it. Can I make a live suggestion for a movie?
01:37:57
Speaker
Yes. Also tell us like, like your top five favorite movies, not anymore. Just five to come. command no I don't know if I can do top five, but, um, my, my suggestion that I think that we should do is money ball.
01:38:11
Speaker
Yeah, you already recommended that. It's on the list already. Poor Dragon Ass on that one. Moneyball's a great movie. It is. I like it a lot. You thought I was going to say Draft Day. i knew I didn't think so.
01:38:22
Speaker
All right. That movie's awful. you I watched again. Draft draft Day is a... Yeah. So my number one favorite movie all time. yeah It doesn't have to be ranked, but if you want to. It's the blind side. Shawshank Redemption. That movie is my, my, my, my. I love that movie. do you Love that movie. What do you think of that movie, Gerald? It's overrated. Hell yeah. For sure. how you Love Morgan Freeman, but. We're definitely wrong on that, but whatever. We're the minority.
01:38:53
Speaker
I love that movie. I love the Green Mile. I haven't seen Oh, it's a good Come on, what the are you waiting for? It's like a long John Silver, though. Yeah, it is a long John Silver. I think it's a three and some change, I think.
01:39:06
Speaker
Whiplash is probably one of my top five of all time. That movie's... Wow! um dude Dude, I recommend that movie to four people in like the past month, and they've all loved it. More than a month. I recommend it more than a month.
01:39:19
Speaker
It's great. My favorite, Damien Giselle. i know't I'm trying to think of two other movies. Think of one more. Anything. trying. What's movie you love? any Any animated flicks like The Incredibles or Monsters, Inc. or i mean yeah Finding Nemo?
01:39:35
Speaker
hot That's a hot subject coming out of your fucking mouth. Yeah, it really is. Unbelievable. don't know why it's hot. Because you rank it so low.
01:39:45
Speaker
Nine? Yeah. Nine. so That's what Hitler said. would say, all right, all right, all right. I would say. if i literally prefaced my list by saying it was four and a half and above besides cars.
01:39:58
Speaker
If we're picking Pixar here, I'm a big Wally guy and I'm a big Cars 1 guy. Cars 1 is good. Yeah, but Carville my number 10. Yeah, number 10. As far as at five, people agree with Gerald. I have no leg to stand on right now, so I really can't argue this because the majority of our interactions online sided with Gerald. I'll take out your other leg too. so My other leg is more like a stub. It's like I'm like an amputee.
01:40:23
Speaker
Yeah, because I know you ain't got get it. It's small. Yeah, I got it. Yeah, you know, I got nothing else to lean on. Hey, let me ask you guys this while we're still recording. What's your favorite movie of all time?
01:40:34
Speaker
I don't have a one. I don't know. It's impossible. I literally can't pick one. I tell everybody Jaws won just because that's my go-to. Jaws? I didn't make that joke on the podcast. I should say it now. Janya Taylor Joy.
01:40:46
Speaker
Sorry. i couldn There you go. I said it off the recording. Give her give her ah one more boing, boing, boing. Jake, off the rip, I would say...
01:40:58
Speaker
Spider-Man 2, Whiplash, ah The Shining. i mean it's a good movie I mean, I love The Shining. yeah It's hard because there's movies that I think are a five star.
01:41:11
Speaker
And then there are movies that are also a five star that I watch more frequently. You know? pulp you know what movie i really love pul i love that you american psycho the dark knight silence the lambs the first avengers the very first avengers is very very good the social network even the holdovers man the social network is a great movie but the one that i was about to pull up that we've talked about years ago was goodfellas it's not in my all-time favorites i'm sorry Yeah, Nick's not a fan.
01:41:44
Speaker
i like it I gave it a four. I gave it a four. okay Are you a fan, Gerald? I like Goodfellas, yeah. Anything with Joe Pesci. Yeah, dude. Dude, There Will Be Blood, Fargo.
01:41:57
Speaker
fall the fucking love Fargo. my god, you and that goddamn movie. American Werewolf London, Anatomy of Fall, The First Saw. I mean, for Vendetta, how could I forget? for Vendetta, honestly, if I had to pick a number one gun to my head, it's probably V for Vendetta.
01:42:12
Speaker
All right. But like, that's they're all, I love them all so much. Hey, man. Good. gerl Do you want to share anything? What? All time favorite movies? Yeah.
01:42:24
Speaker
Jaws. Johns.
01:42:28
Speaker
Reanimator. i want to watch that movie. 4K confirmed. um It is. Scary movie to my favorite comedy.
01:42:39
Speaker
All time. Rush Hour 1 and 2. ah Rush Hour is Jackie Chan? Yeah. You don't like Jackie Chan? don't like you. didn't say didn't like Jackie Chan. There's a guy at my job who is Asian.
01:42:56
Speaker
ah and What are you deep-throating your mic for over there? Do you look like Jackie Chan? Do people people call me Jackie Chan? That's fucking racist. I i know.
01:43:07
Speaker
Shout out, Brian. You're not listening, but shout out to you. Shout out for being racist. Yeah. Actually, no. Wait, I didn't understand what you said. Yeah, I was going to say. Oh, I'll put inside. Dude, John Wick. John Wick. John Wick is so good, which which Jake has not watched. Yeah, I won't watch it. Wick? I won't watch it because of the damn dog scene. You don't see the dog die, Jake. don't I'm an animal rights activist like you guys said you were.
01:43:36
Speaker
Yeah, but here's the thing, Jake. That happens in like 30 seconds. It's not a real dog, and it's over. and the the The following three movies after that are amazing. Even the first one's good.
01:43:48
Speaker
No dog? A dog gets shot at in the third one, but it has a bulletproof vest on It has a bulletproof vest on it. He's fine. He gets up and fucking bites the guy in the cock. It's great. Nice!
01:44:01
Speaker
right cock blaing wait no Don't my cock. Don't bite my cock, please. You can kiss my cock. That's fine. all right. Well, write into the podcast. Call into the podcast. Let us know your all-time favorite movies. Let us know your fives out of fives. Let us know your letterboxd username so we can roast your letterboxd.
01:44:18
Speaker
Suck it to us. ah And until next time, we'll see you guys. Toodles. You going to anything, Jake, or no? No. Okay. Fuck you, Mark.