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NTK317 - TKnical Difficulties ft. TK's Dad pt1
71 Plays2 years ago
Noodles giggles in delight as he does his best to expose TKs past as a child and get chummy with TKs papa. In the Patreon the guys play answer the internet TK vs his papahhh
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Transcript
Introduction and Guest Announcement
00:00:02
Speaker
You're listening to the Cheap Shots Podcast Network.
00:00:38
Speaker
Fourth times a charm, baby. Holy shit, I'm so tired of our intro right now. I love it. I'm so tired of hearing it. What's up? What's up, dude? We need, like, professionals in our lives. I need a new computer. Dude, you need something. Tell your kids to stop beating off to porn in Roblox. Yes, porn. I don't think they have porn in Roblox, but I guarantee you there's Roblox porn. Well, not in Roblox. No, we saw, we saw Lego porn.
00:01:07
Speaker
No, not in the Lego video game. No, no. If you have the right code, you can see that. Guess what? What?
Taco Preferences and Cultural Discussions
00:01:17
Speaker
We got a special guest. Oh, who'd you bring? I brought the man, the myth, the legend. Paco. Paco. We have a Native American and Mexican. Paco the taco. I like tacos. I like tacos. Oh, it's me, Papa.
00:01:36
Speaker
Hey, Paco, do you like do you like traditional street tacos or crunchy tacos from Taco Bell? Street Taco. What about Taco John's? Street Taco, a little lime. I'm good. All right. Mine is just covered in hot sauce because I want to shit fire. Oh, yeah, there's nothing wrong with that either. I was wondering if I got my heat fetish. Yeah, there it is. I like it hot, baby. I'd rather grow my own habaneros.
00:02:06
Speaker
Oh, nice. You have to bring some of them. He also has to sew his own underwear. Right. He has to clean the bloodstains out of them. Right. Not quite that bad. No, you're not eating hot enough, bro. Oh, shit. After the years, it's like it don't bleed no more. It just comes out. It's kind of football leather on the insides. Fuck yes. It's like a microwave tan inside out.
00:02:33
Speaker
Oh, wow. Okay. I want to introduce who Paco is. Please do. Paco is TK's senior. Abuelo. He's TK senior. Yes. Actually, Abuelo, he'd be my grandpa. Kind of the same. Old enough.
00:02:54
Speaker
Paco's that that I've always wanted to ask you this. What is the reason for TK's name? Obviously, we're not going to say it on here, but he might. He might. He might. We will edit that. If he describes it enough, it will tell people my name. Oh, is it a long drawn out? Like, is there a history to it? I'm not even sure he knows. Yeah, basically, I was going to be naming him after my brother.
00:03:23
Speaker
And I decided that would be weird. And then I said, that can't be it. So I thought that was a different name and it was wouldn't be like anybody else because I knew he would be special.
Friendship and Roasting Culture
00:03:34
Speaker
Was your brother's name Juan? I am special. That's right. So my eyes are so far apart. He named me after he saw me. He didn't name you. That dude's got a big forehead. Indeed. You look like a hank a little bit.
00:03:51
Speaker
Good. Let me jump on your back and punch you in the nose and ride you around. Like the cartoon, that Hank? No, not that Hank. Do you think I look like that Hank? Fuck you, bro. Don't tell the Hank I know. I do. I do know about propane. You're fucking right you do. I taught him about the propane. Oh, Barbara. Fucker can't change it on oil. It'll burn up a transmission or two, but I was a young guy. He could cook a fucking steak. I can handle it now. I can eat a steak.
00:04:21
Speaker
Yeah. You could eat a lot of shit. Yeah. Look at that. I think you're eating a lot of shit. Fucking eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast. I think a steak to the heart might kill you. Yeah, that's one of the reasons I'm kind of the way I am is just growing up around a lot of dudes. It's all we do is roast each other. It's all they did.
00:04:47
Speaker
Oh, people, if you brought a friend, that friend said, man, these dudes hate you. No, they don't.
Culinary Interests and Aging Humor
00:04:52
Speaker
If they don't tease me, they don't like me. There you go. That's why you can tell I like you so much, Noodles.
00:04:59
Speaker
Especially if you bring a girl, that girl's thinking, but these fucking dudes hate him. These guys are going to rape us. Unless it was, you know, me and Tori. Boom! Five minutes in. Almost made it. We'll fix it. Me and the boy playing ball, we kind of got on each other.
00:05:21
Speaker
people thought that was real. And I think he thought it was real, but. Oh, it was real. I know. I wanted to say, get up, cry baby. I'm going to hit you with a bat. Now Paco just, uh, he roasts a habaneros. I do roast them, grow them, eat them. He is quite a cook. He's a, there was a thing where, uh, he's really into cream fraiche. You are gay.
00:05:52
Speaker
No, it is not the case. That's what you guys kept saying. Just because you thought it was fancy food, I was cooking. Now, whatever he makes pretty fancy.
Military Reflections and Retirement
00:06:03
Speaker
Yeah, it's pretty good. I do it right.
00:06:14
Speaker
He kisses his meals before he hands them to you. He kisses the plate. There you go. It's the French kiss or the chef kiss. No, you said it. He licks the shit out of your food before he gives it to you.
00:06:39
Speaker
Hey everyone, there's a patty it's the NCK patty come on over for five bucks. It's cheap as fuck
00:06:50
Speaker
Yes. Yeah. Cheaper to damn coffee. You're buying it. Fucking Starbucks. That's true. One coffee. You could do, you know how you can feed people in Africa for like 30 cents a day. We're cheaper than that or helping old man. We are about ready to retire. There you go.
00:07:07
Speaker
I don't know why you think you're getting part of this Patreon money, but that sounds good. I'm not, but you know, helping to cause. He's hoping that, um, I die first and he gets to take the money. It's like a fucking puppy at a corny shake and it's going, nobody's feeding me. You can step in your place, TK. That's true. We're one and the same. Damn right. Yeah. One's a little older and wiser. One looks a little better here. Yeah.
00:07:35
Speaker
I don't get anything. He's older and wiser. I'm just alive. Yeah, you know, he said one looks better than the other. Oh, he was going to say himself, of course. This is my whole life is pure competition. I told you that said that the flowing hair now get a flowing beard like Santa, like Samson, Santa. Yeah. Why don't why don't you grow a beard TK can't looks like I have mange.
00:08:03
Speaker
I know that sucked it. That was my, about 38 is when I could start growing it. You already passed that. So you're in trouble. Yep. I need some TRT. And I think the only reason I did because they made you shave when there's in the Marine Corps. So they made you shave. That's a myth. Apparently.
00:08:23
Speaker
Myth. That's what that's what they say. I don't I'm not saying I believe it. That's just what the scientists say. What do they say? It's a myth. Yeah. You're a man. I'm just saying that's what it was. I didn't need to shave, but they made me. So there you go. I mean, that's proof right there, TK. If you shave every day, you will eventually know it's flowing. Wonderful. Wonderful beard.
00:08:48
Speaker
I can't wait. I do like, I do like your, your, um, you rock it. You rock the white. You don't, you, you're not even, you're not even just for men or anything like that. You're like, I'm going to embrace this. Yeah. That's what happens when you grow graceful. Very beautiful. Very graceful.
00:09:11
Speaker
I have something to look forward to and I get older and I'll still be okay. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. Actually, I guess, you know, people do tell me I look younger than I am. So, yep. You look like you're about 60. That's good. Yeah. Hell yeah. I did five years. I'm just kidding. You look pretty good, dude. I'm all on it. Yeah. I hold my own. This is going to be fun. Well, you seen the pictures when I was young in the Marines. You're a beautiful person. Pretty damn healthy back then. Yep. If I was a gay man, I'd have been all over you.
00:09:41
Speaker
Yeah, everybody was. That's back in the back in the 70s. Yeah. Yeah. 70s. Yeah. It was free. A lot of love going on. Yeah. The mullet was fierce. Not in the Marines. All they had to do is touch it. And I had them.
00:10:05
Speaker
And those ladies were lesbians. Well, I'm sure they're like, tuck your dick back so we can lick your pussy.
00:10:20
Speaker
I want to like your man pussy. Or your turtle. That'd be my ass. Your turtle. Yeah, yeah. Feel free to ask him any questions you want, Noodles. I know you're dying to know things. I know there's a turtle story. There's a turtle story. I know. Be careful what you ask for. There is a turtle story. Okay. I don't think you can offend me. We can try.
00:10:44
Speaker
Well, you get a turtle, but no, you don't have a turtle. I'm not going to tell a story. No, fuck no.
00:10:54
Speaker
I told you how to tell the stories. You've told it before, but it was never recorded. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm protected by the universe.
Vietnam Experiences and Cultural Insights
00:11:04
Speaker
Try it again. Tell a story might have to kill you, but that's what happened. I told it. All right. Basically, that would be like shore patrol. I had had to watch the shore and then you go out there and make sure you've got to watch the streets, ride the buses, that kind of stuff. Make sure the guys don't get crazy out on the streets over there in Italy.
00:11:25
Speaker
And, you know, over there, they've got some transvestites. It kind of looked like girls, a lot like girls with titties and everything. So, you know, of course, you know, they're out there thinking they're going to pick up some women and stuff. One of my buddies went in there and he had this fucking I mean, look, just look like a beautiful girl to me, too. He went down to reach down there and they start feeling around and stuff. She was grabbing or he or whatever they call him was grabbing his dick and shit. And then all of a sudden, oh,
00:11:55
Speaker
He's got a turtle start getting up, just punching the fucking shit out of her. And I got to run him back there and stuff. They're fucking saving him. So knock it off, knock it off. Just screaming at shit with a drag his ass off the bus and fucking that girl or whatever you want to call it. Just bleeding all over the place. Uh, we got him out of there. Uh, he, he didn't get in trouble though. Nobody said anything. I guess it happens often there. So
00:12:21
Speaker
It was weird. How crazy would it have been if he actually just, it was an actual turtle and that freaked him out. Oh yeah. Maybe, but that's how it went down. That's all I know. Why were you guys in Italy? Were you protecting spaghetti? Uh, I took two Mediterranean floats. Uh, there's six months floats where you go over and see Italy, France, Greece, Turkey, Spain, you know, that kind of stuff.
00:12:43
Speaker
So do they like Thanksgiving Day Parade floats? No. You ride on a ship all over Europe, port to port, basically just doing maneuvers, protecting anything that came up.
00:13:01
Speaker
Unfortunately, I didn't get shot at too much. All we had was the Granada. We just stayed on shift and then no issues. Nice. The Granada. Is that like the Spanish term for grenade? No. I think it's a Ford. That's a country we had to save. A Ford Granada.
00:13:24
Speaker
It was back in the day, man. I remember that. I remember that. Well, I don't remember it, but I've read about it. So that's cool. You get to go see that stuff. You're protecting Italy so we could keep getting pizza and spaghetti. Thank you for that, sir. Thank you for your service. Well, that was the best part of it. You get, you know, they kind of, the world loved us back then and they treated us a hell of a lot different. We get treated now. So.
00:13:48
Speaker
True. Yeah, they didn't. They didn't love my dad's generation very much. He was in Vietnam. So he was evil. And it makes me sick the way they overdo it now.
00:14:02
Speaker
Shut up. I stopped wearing my fucking military hats because people, oh, thank you for serving. Thank you. Shut the fuck up. Thank them back in the 60s. They didn't have a choice but to go there and fight. No, they went out there and spit on them when they came back. That's terrible. True. True. Gave their life for their freedom. Yeah, it's crazy, man. People, I mean, they've always had woke. I mean, your hippies were kind of the first woke. Yeah.
00:14:33
Speaker
Yeah, there's always been free. And it's not. And we've pretty much losing our freedom anyway. But, you know, anyway, let's make it fun. You mess with any, you mess with any Asians. Uh, I was, my first duty station was Vietnam. That was pretty cool. Yeah. It's nice when everyone's smaller than you. Yeah. Little tiny hand, your dick look huge, but
00:15:02
Speaker
And they'd fucking wash it off and they you'd have they call us sucky fucky and had it called whispering alley you go down there like 10 bucks before payday and they'd fucking suck they'd let you fuck them then they'd suck your dick or wash it off and then suck your dick till you come again. 10 bucks? It's not bad. I don't know what 10 bucks back then like 20. That was in the 70s though. So I mean that's 25 bucks. Yeah, 20. You had to wash your dick even though you had a condiment.
00:15:30
Speaker
No, come on. You didn't wear condoms back then. Monkey skin condoms. Yeah, they don't even care about condoms. What the fuck's a condom? Over there, they're fucking shooting fucking bananas out in chunks. They're fucking, they got control on their boyfriends. Donkey shows, you know, fucking weird shit. Coin dispensers. Fucking getting paid to fucking shit on somebody's face. That's weird. Oh, nice.
00:15:56
Speaker
Yeah. How much pay for that? I didn't pay for that. Okay. You just watched it and people bet. Oh, you think you'd be able to, it's basically, they try everything to fucking, I guess the way they fucking blow in your ass. I mean, you're the guy trying to shit.
00:16:13
Speaker
They're taking X flags or doing all that shit, but the way she blows in your ass, you can't fucking shit on her. I bet I could. Well, that's what they all say. For me, she could have never blown my ass hard enough. As soon as the time's up, she calls it, they're fucking shitting. As soon as she gets out of there, they go, shit everywhere. So it works. She was good. She was a fucking anus whisperer. She was good. I think there's sisters out there putting the banana up her pussy and spitting out chunks.
00:16:42
Speaker
like to one inch. You got to go to Vietnam, TK. I was just going to tell you that, dude. I think we need to go see if we can shit on someone. It was OK. Yeah. OK. Now, I mean, they're all kind of Japan. Yeah. Yeah. Well, no, they're quite a bit different. I want to go to Japan. Really tiny, tiny island. But anyway, yeah. Tiny way.
00:17:01
Speaker
Let's talk about some good stuff, boys. That was good. That's the kind of stuff we want to talk about. Yeah, that's good stuff. That's good stuff. Yeah, they'd make Tijuana where, you know, fucking donkeys and all that shit. They'd be smart. They'd probably be like dogs that fuck them and then eat them. Yeah. That's kind of what you do. You fuck your girlfriend and you eat her, don't you?
Humorous Military Stories and Cultural Perspectives
00:17:25
Speaker
I know you would do that. I wouldn't be doing that. She's lucky if I eat it at all. Have you ever done that? Have you ever sucked the come out? No, I've never sucked the come out of anything. No. Have you noodles? No, I'm just wondering.
00:17:47
Speaker
Okay. That's a place. What if you're trying to like, Oh no, I don't want to get her pregnant. I might do it if I was in that situation. Oh, there you go. If that's what she said, you have to do it a fucker. Yeah. Yeah. And then I'd suck it out. I'd act like I'm sucking it out anyway. Yeah. I would suck it out like fucking snake venom. I just make sure it's long enough. It's far enough in there that none of that shit comes out.
00:18:15
Speaker
So you want to get her pregnant. Yeah. You're going to get a pregnant at that point. Well, in our case, you can't get them pregnant. I got fixed and I don't know what happened to you too many. Oh, that's true. I don't, uh, I don't partake in the green pie very often. He does like the jelly donuts. Yeah. What's the jelly donut?
00:18:45
Speaker
Green pie. No, jelly donuts a whole, I think you come on their face and punch them in the nose or something. Yeah. Something's got to bleed. Yep. I like blood. I had to get it in. That's a good thing. I had to get it in. Noodles loves it. It makes them edgies like, I like, I like blood when I fuck. So he only likes fucking children. Oh, fuck. That's terrible.
00:19:12
Speaker
Yes, children. Yes. What made you think that? I mean, women can have periods. They can have children. No, it's not. They can have children as well.
Podcast Troubleshooting and Closing Remarks
00:19:24
Speaker
He likes pregnant women. He doesn't. You have to listen to one of our podcasts. He despise them. No. Really? No. I do not find them attractive at all. Really? I like it. Yeah, me too. There we go. You know where I got him from. This fucking psycho.
00:19:40
Speaker
Yeah, that's got to start somewhere. Yeah, pregnant women are nasty. You're crazy. That's just my thought. You do feel a little fucking weird, I tell you that. That might be why his forehead's so flat. That could be. I would say let's any pregnant women interested in older, beautiful men hit us up after the show. There you go.
00:20:08
Speaker
Yeah, don't hit me up. I'm not older or beautiful. We know that. You got a nice shirt on though. Oh, thank you. And your profile. Fucking, he's got his one and a half gun out. You can see his profile. Not here, but on his fishing profile. Yeah, he's a fissure.
00:20:36
Speaker
We went on the other night and, uh, it was nice. I know. When you guys fucking people, people love that. I'm old. Yeah. I love you more if you had me. That's probably true. We are pretty popular on there. I mean, sometimes people hate us though. Yeah. Sometimes you go overboard, scare them off.
00:20:56
Speaker
They don't hate me. But yes, you're correct. Who can hate Jesus? Nobody hates Jesus. Yeah. And Father Time, no one can hate Father Time. We got to get you back on there. Amen. I'll play any time. You got a little... All right.
00:21:13
Speaker
So I'm a little curious, I know we've asked these questions a thousand times, but they just never have been recorded. So, it's gonna sound very repetitive, but. Maybe. But maybe, right? A little bit. All right, I'm all right.
00:21:37
Speaker
I'm curious and this might bring up, um, you know, this might be a touchy subject, but TK was telling me about, uh, I think it was that fell, that fell into a vat of chemicals. Oh, did we lose TK?
00:22:07
Speaker
Yes. Well, I don't know if he is just really thinking about his questions or he's super delayed again. Am I delayed? Oh, losing. No, TK is here. Am I not here? Oh, can you just heard me say that we're delayed.
00:22:40
Speaker
I think so. Can you hear us? I can hear you. I have a backup plan. So, uh, I have another, I have a Chromebook. I'm going to hook, I'm going to hook up to the Chromebook and we're going to go from there. Sweet.