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NTK406 - Trucker Stories That Failed to Deliver
57 Plays2 years ago
Hey GoodBuddies, Noodles delivers some trucker stories that turn out to be a bit of a letdown, but the crew still manages to find humor in the situation. Then, Beezy interrupts the show with some world news about catastrophes, providing a hilarious and unexpected twist. And, as always, TK brings his unique perspective to the table, this time exploring the origins of religion. With their trademark humor and off-the-wall commentary.
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Transcript
Humorous Introduction
00:00:02
Speaker
You're listening to the Cheap Shots Podcast Network.
00:01:05
Speaker
Yeah! Yeah! What up rubber ducky?
00:01:11
Speaker
10-4 big guy. Big buddy. Big buddy. Little buddy. Shooter. Shooter. Little buddy. I don't even know. I've never had a CB before. It's Gilligan's Island shit right there, dude. That's true. I guess I'd be your little buddy. Maybe my little buddy. Maybe that little fucking toy that rides around on the little big wheel. My buddy. My buddy and me. My buddy. Oh, we're not going to get into that. Was that like a Teddy Ruxpin? No. My buddy was an actual kid.
00:01:42
Speaker
You get a full kid. Well, I mean, not a real kid, but like the 80s was a dream. It was a real kid real doll. What? They had holes in it. That would have fucking sold very well.
Trucker Tales
00:01:58
Speaker
My everything I owned had holes in it. Now I want to look at it. Was that did that look like a Chucky doll? No, I don't think it looked anything like it had a little hat on. Yeah, I'd never had one of those. Did you?
00:02:11
Speaker
No, I wanted one. I was like, did you? Yeah, I was like, I can't get one of those. It does not look like Chucky. He is like a little bit chucky. I'm going to send it to you. We're going to put this picture of my buddy. The way up, up in, I guess, in the Patreon. Yeah. So if you're listening, fuck you, you don't get to see it. All right. Let's look at this fucking thing. Look at this fucking my buddy, dude.
00:02:39
Speaker
My buddy is my checky, they should've called it. Oh, how come he doesn't have his hat? Huh? I don't know. That's just, look, you had to find one of the hats. 1985. Dude, speaking of 1985, I had a Toyota 4Runner this week that had an 18 line around it. Like around the whole day. You did send me a picture of that. That's pretty blurry on surprise. You didn't talk shit. You can't take pictures? No, I was walking. I was like, I didn't take good picture. I'm not taking another one. I'm not fucking gay.
00:03:09
Speaker
Trust me, I don't critique your pictures. I know you're not a photographer like I am. I look like I was being abducted. I'm not trying to show the vehicle. I guarantee that when you were picking up your car at the rental car place, you're like, I'm fucking picking that no matter what. It's crazy. I didn't even see it. I just saw the front. I'm like, there's an SUV. I got in. When I got out, I was like, what the fuck?
00:03:36
Speaker
Dude, they brought, I know we're supposed to, we have some trucker stuff. That's what the smoky thing was. And we, we jumped trucker, trucker stories, but go on truckers. Uh, the rental car place, I was sitting in my car and whoever, like the people that parked cars for the rental people. Yeah. The attendance. I'm getting my wifi or my Bluetooth set up and doing all that shit and putting the, the address in, you know, all that shit we got to do.
00:04:02
Speaker
Yes. And sometimes I sit there for like an hour before I even take off. I did. I stayed there for an hour. I had two phone calls I had to deal with. For it left. And they get pissed. They get pissed sometimes because they're like pulling in other cars to park and like they're like, man, like I've parked 17 cars and this fucker still here. I need this spot. They look at you weird as fuck.
00:04:26
Speaker
Like, I don't know how to make this go. So I'm sitting in it and all of a sudden I feel my car rock. I'm like, what the fuck? And the dude blasted it with a door. I had to get out and look. Oh, well, is it the attendant? I didn't look, though. Oh, yeah. He's like, hey, man, get the fuck out of here. Probably. Like I rented this car. I can do what I want with it. I want to sleep in this thing tonight here.
00:04:51
Speaker
I can't. You know what? You know what? I realize after you just said this, I bet you most of the damage done to these fucking cars, because I've I've picked up some cars that had some fucking. Some damage on them. They're probably done. Most of it's probably done by the attendants. Racing them into the fucking get them washed, racing them out, fucking hot rodding them. It's how I look at girls. Oh, you race in and race out? No, that people have damaged them before I got to them. Oh.
00:05:22
Speaker
Yeah, that's why I never found Madonna like super like a hot fucker and be like, I know who she's been with. Do that's like, there was a girl I was with when I was younger that was the hottest chick, but I think she got banged out a lot. Why do you think that? Because she got banged out a lot. Friends tell you, she was partied a lot. And finally had a chance to hit it. And I was like fingering her and like, it was just a void.
00:05:51
Speaker
It was like it was almost like it might have something to do with me, like it felt dry ish. And then the sides, I could feel the grooves on the side of the inside of her pussy like grooves like like counting a tree. Right. Like the many different sized cocks have been in there. Maybe there's just weird ridges on the side. Well, you say you say you didn't fuck her. Oh, I did. Oh, and how was it?
00:06:22
Speaker
kind of exactly how I thought it was going to be like a like a tall glass of water. It was pretty good still. I mean, she's talented for sure. But but it was weird. I've never I hadn't really fucked a lot at that point was in high school. And I've never felt that before. I haven't felt this since actually. Yeah, it's like a ribbed condom in on the inside. It's pretty ribbed is weird. So that's, that's her secret. That's how she gets guys off. She's ribbed on the inside.
00:06:51
Speaker
Yeah, for for your his pleasure. At least you didn't find teeth or something in there. Just an old man's pair of teeth. And no, like, like, you know, teeth. Actually, like growing out of the pussy. Yeah. I still probably tried. There's a there's a movie about that. I still probably would have tried. There's no fucking way. There's no fucking way you go in, but you can't come out. That's all right. It's like a barbed hook.
00:07:21
Speaker
I actually stayed the night at her house. Her parents are like, go ahead and fuck her. I'm like, sweet. Oh, you asked him. You're like, do I have your blessing to fuck her? We know why you're here, dude. Like, yeah. Yeah. Dude, there's one time I know you want to get to these stories. I apologize. There was a time I was 16 and this chick is like one of the first chicks. No.
00:07:43
Speaker
one of the when I started the first 10 chicks you fucked when I started when 10. Come on, bro. When I More than that. When I Yeah, when I first 16. Oh, no, no. Holy shit. It was like when I was actually starting to kind of get into it. And like, I had had a couple experiences before that. But like, this is my girlfriend type. Not just like it's a fuck around with you. I was at her house. And her brother
00:08:13
Speaker
was older. So that was awkward. He was like a like 20 living in their house. And he was downstairs doing stuff and she wanted to go upstairs. We were upstairs like the living room. He was in the basement basement kid. Well, first of all, you fucked her in the living room on the floor. But why not her bedroom? I don't know. She didn't offer. She's like my other boyfriend's up there. She's gonna grow state. Let's do it here. I'm fucking her bro. And her dad comes in.
00:08:44
Speaker
And like, you have covers over yourself or? Oh, I'm just straight fucking his daughter on the floor, dude. And obviously he saw. Yeah, he was not. He just like kind of like disappointed, looked and back, like just backed out. He didn't say shit to me. The guys are trying to come home for lunch or something. He's like, Jesus Christ. Why didn't he rip you off his daughter and fucking toss you out of the house? Maybe that wasn't the first time he's seen it. I don't know.
00:09:13
Speaker
He's just a pussy. He's a pussy dad. Maybe, dude. I'm glad he didn't. Oh, I would have. I would have been like, oh, we stopped. It's not like you see someone's dad and you're like, oh, he didn't do nothing. Let's keep going. Well, yeah, like it shocked you, right? And like you see, he's not doing anything. You're like, well, fuck it. I'll just keep going. No, I was like, I'm leaving. He didn't finish. No, I went out a different door. I'm like, he's going out to get a gun or something. But so you pissed her off.
00:09:44
Speaker
She was your girlfriend? Yeah. How do you pick winners? I'd never met her dad before either. And you never met him after? We broke up, yeah. We broke up. Well, she broke up because you wouldn't finish. I hit it again, but it's not at her house. But not much after that. We didn't last much longer. She had one of those eagles. She drove an eagle.
00:10:10
Speaker
Uh, GMC ego. Oh, AMC ego. The, the ones that are tall, like lifted off the ground. That's like a car. Yeah. Yeah. Those are cool. It was pretty cool. So I thought I'd share that with you. I don't know why I'm going into that, but okay. You have stories, but should I play the fucking intro again? I don't know. I liked, I liked these stories better. Maybe we'll get into it. There's some truckers will talk about getting banged out.
00:10:33
Speaker
Now, no, unfortunately, these are crazy trucker stories. It's ironically very hard to find any. Like a lot lizard stories like none of them involve a guy fucking a lot lizard. Like here's my story about fucking a lot lizard. It's always like here's my story about some nasty lot lizard who tried to fuck me. Which is ironic because I don't think most of that's true.
00:11:03
Speaker
Did I lose you? No, I'm listening. Oh, OK. The well, we have we have lot lizard stories for the Patreon part. Yes, I'm going to I'm going to try to try to find some good ones. It's tough. OK, it's tough to find good lot lizard stories, but these are just crazy trucker stories. This is the safe for work. OK. OK, go ahead. Yeah. Why are you gay? I'm not gay.
00:11:34
Speaker
You ugly. I never get sold. I know, dude. I could do that in every episode. I love it so much. All right. This one is these are Reddit stories. This is from TKIS01GL. I used to be a trucker, dude. Did you? No. Oh, yeah. No. Some of these are are from truckers or people who know truckers. All right. This happened to me when I was 15. My dad ran a wrecker service for over the road truckers.
00:12:04
Speaker
Late one night, he got a call that a truck had run off the road and struck a tree 20 miles south of town. So my dad and I fired up the wrecker and headed south. When we came on the scene, the truck and trailer had ran off the road to the right and smacked a tree head on. It was one of those hundred year old oak trees. This was back in the day when there were cab over semi trucks. Remember those? I do. They're cool. Yeah.
00:12:34
Speaker
or the ones without the noses over the engine.
00:12:38
Speaker
The truck was still running at an idle. The door was closed, but no driver was seen from the driver's window. The front driver's windshield was busted and there was a large hole in the middle. The trailer was loaded with flat quarter-inch sheet steel. Of course, it is pitch dark and you can't really see things that well when we first got there. Our impression was the driver smacked a tree, hit his head on the windshield,
00:13:09
Speaker
and was already getting treatment somewhere. So my dad set up the wrecker to hook onto the trailer and he wanted me to open the cab in order to release the brakes. When I opened the door, I was greeted with a lower half of a body. When the driver hit the tree, a single sheet of steel broke free and cut through the cab, cutting the driver in half. The upper half of his body went through the windshield. I found the driver's upper half in a cornfield about 40 feet from the truck.
00:13:37
Speaker
and he was still grabbing the upper part of the steering wheel. It looked like he was frozen in time, still driving the truck. Needless to say, he went into a body bag with the lower half and we worked through the night getting the truck and trailer back to town. Well, the body bags lighter at least. So I like, do you think like if you got your body sliced in half, do you think I mean, you're not dead right away.
00:14:08
Speaker
Or are you? Like, do you die instantly? I don't know, man. I don't know. You think you'd let go of the steering wheel. If he was alive. Right. Well, he went through the windshield with the steering wheel somehow. Pretty crazy. Had it not cut him in half, he wouldn't have been launched through the windshield. Maybe. Less likely, probably. I mean, those are old trucks. Was he wearing a seat belt? Who knows? Obviously, probably not.
00:14:37
Speaker
I guess I cut the seatbelt and have to write. So, yeah, that's kind of a fucked up story. That's that's why I like I would like to drive across country, but not in a truck. That'd be cool. That's a horrific though, like imagine he's more aerodynamic. As half a person, right? Imagine if you were watching like you saw that and you're like, was that a half a person?
00:15:12
Speaker
That would be horrific as a kid opening a door and seeing the lower half of a body sitting there. As a child, how old was the kid? I don't think it's sad. He was helping his dad. So he was helping his dad. So I'm guessing he was probably under 18. Probably.
00:15:33
Speaker
Dude, that would give you nightmares. So you seem like I found that. Why was he in the cornfield? I mean, like, why was that kid like I found him in a cornfield? What were you doing out there? Well, he was he was looking for the upper half. Oh, he was looking for it. Yeah. Maybe he's like, I thought the thought the ambulance came to get the top half of them. No, they got there thinking that the ambulance had already taken the people away or the driver away.
00:16:06
Speaker
I don't know. Doesn't make much like that's fucked it. Like they were the first ones. They're the first responders like we're wasting time. Keep moving. They had already called a wrecker, but this ambulance guys, they didn't even bother to call them. I think they did. They well, they said that they put both halves in a body bag. They just carry those in the truck and then they proceeded to work all night getting the truck out of the fucking ditch.
00:16:33
Speaker
What a way to go. Yeah. Yeah. The casket was like just open on top. I'm thinking if it's going to cut me in half, just like take my head off, like just go through my neck, cut my head off like you're pretty much dead 10 seconds after that. Right. What a great way to go. You're laying there like I'm toast, dude. Yeah, you're like your heads out the fucking out the window laying in the cornfield. You're like, wow, this corn here is weird.
00:17:04
Speaker
I got like this fucking corn stalks cut my face on the way through. Do you think you realize you didn't have a lower half? Like, or did he like when he landed? Let's say he's still awake and he hit the ground and he's like, Oh, fuck that hurt. And he's like, Oh, and he looks down like, man, my legs, the legs are numb. He's like, why, why am I, I'm still holding onto the steering wheel? How come the bike looks weird? Like, why am I looking back at my truck and I still have the steering wheel?
00:17:34
Speaker
Yeah, you'd be in shock for sure. Just a concussion. He's like, Oh no, I'm paralyzed. They can't feel my legs or my hands. Oh, I can't even talk. That's horrific. I don't know if I see him. That would be crazy. Like first responders see some crazy shit. I sent you something where that car was mashed under the overpass thing. Yeah. I'm still not sure what the fuck was going on there. Me neither. I need, I need answers.
00:17:59
Speaker
We need answers. Come on, people. Tell us what's going on. Tell us. I think it was a dodge. It was like an SRT. It was silver. I remember that. That's about it. That's all you can see. Crazy. What's the next?
00:18:15
Speaker
I used to work as a driver for a soft drink company in Alaska. We have a real problem with moose crossing the roads up here. Needless to say, one morning I was on my way from Anchorage to the valley and a moose decided to run out in between the car in front of me and my truck. Luckily I barely hit the moose in the ass as it was running away. So I drive for another half
00:18:40
Speaker
hour or so and a few people have honked at me assuming general douchebaggery I back up my trailer to Walmart and let the warehouse guy unload I come out to see about 20 people standing around my truck look at the moose guard
00:19:03
Speaker
Look at the moose guard on the front and there is a moose fetus tangled inside of it. Apparently when I hit the mother and forced it, I forced it to have an abortion. It was truly terrifying. Forced abortions, dude. So he hit the back end of a moose. It had an abortion and the baby moose was stuck on his truck.
00:19:29
Speaker
Like you just shot. Yeah, that moose is probably dead. It ran away. It ran and died. Do you think that moose realized like, oh no, my baby shot out of me. It's probably thinking like I'm free. Holy shit. This is a huge weight has been lifted from me. It doesn't count as an abortion if I didn't do it. She gets back to her moose husband. He's like, where's the baby? Like, I don't know.
00:19:59
Speaker
A moose fetal tangled inside of the front of his truck. That would be kind of gross. That moose got hit by a by a truck before it even lived. Like, it's like I came out as a baby and got hit by a truck immediately. This guy said he just thought it was douchebaggery because he gets honked at all the time because he can't fucking drive, apparently. Right. Because he's a lousy driver. Obviously, he had a moose.
00:20:29
Speaker
The one part of that story that we glossed over is he pulled up to Walmart and let the guy unload. All right. That would be I mean, have you seen a Moose Guard dude? They're fucking they make trucks look tough. It's like I don't know. I've I've I don't even know what a Moose Guard is. I'll send it to you. I pulled it up when you said it because I want to see how fucking robust it is.
00:20:59
Speaker
It's pretty fast. So it's like a it's like a huge steel bumper. Yeah. Yeah. Like a bull guard. I have a bull guard on my truck. No, you don't. I do not like this, bro. You don't have a bull guard, dude. You're not going to. I want to see a picture of your bull guard. You've seen pictures of my truck. I remember the front looks like I don't think you show me the front. You're embarrassed of your bull guard.
00:21:25
Speaker
I mean, it's just protects the grill and shit. All right. Tell me you get this on the front of your fucking drug. Not exactly. That's bees, dude. Yeah, that's a... This guy's got scaffolding. That's fucking heavy duty right there. Yeah, you see that coming after you're fucked in a car. That looks good, though. It makes that truck look good.
00:21:51
Speaker
Yeah, it does. Price it. How much you think it is? Bull guard like that or a moose guard or whatever the fuck you call it. Probably $5,000 bucks. Nailed it, dude. $47,094. You're good. Yeah. You know fucking bull guard prices. All right. I got another story. Oh, let's hear it.
00:22:17
Speaker
Well, my dad sometimes drives a WPS shipping truck out of state, and he has a couple stories, but there is one that I really like.
Animal Encounters on the Road
00:22:28
Speaker
My dad was coming back one night when he hears a loud thud that sounded like it came from the front of the truck. He pulled over and finds that he had hit a huge owl and that it was lodged in his grill. It also turns out the owl is still alive. This happened at around 12 in the morning. So my dad has a great idea and decided to buckle up the owl in the passenger seat. For the first hour, the owl was unconscious.
00:22:55
Speaker
But around 1 a.m., my dad hears the seatbelt move. He turns to see one pissed owl staring at him. One of the owl's eyes were hanging out of its head. Sorry. And the owl knew that it was my dad's fault. The first thing my dad now notices are the talons on this owl. They could have easily tore my dad up.
00:23:24
Speaker
Even so, the owl seemed content to stay put, probably because he was pretty beat up. So my dad just turns his head back to the road and they both have one awkward trip back. He pulled over at the next gas station and calls the police. He was pretty much at the border, so it took a while for both state departments to decide who had to pick up the owl. After that, my dad decided that he has a newfound respect for owls.
00:23:53
Speaker
I don't understand that story fully. His dad hit an L. Got that.
00:23:59
Speaker
And he goes, he stops and he sees the owl is lodged in his grill. He pulls the owl out. It's still alive. So he buckles it up in the passenger seat and he dry and he just rides with it all night until he gets to somewhere where he can call animal control to come. I didn't hear the passenger Z part. How cool is that? You buckle him in like the house is just chilling. It's a bloody ass owl. The owl died, right?
00:24:29
Speaker
No. Then I will live. I mean, it doesn't say they couldn't. They they came and took the owl. The owl was just sitting there chilling like it looked at him like pissed. Like what the fuck did you do to me? But it was just sitting there. Content to ride with the owl. Yeah, if you hit an animal, say you hit a kangaroo. Not that there's a lot of kangaroos in the Midwest, but just pretend you were, you know, living in Australia.
00:25:00
Speaker
You hit a kangaroo, it's still alive, you just dazed it. Would you pick it up and buckle it into your passenger seat? That'd be crazy. Can you imagine? It looks like you pull up to a stoplight and you got a kangaroo buckled up, like, what the fuck is going on in that car?
00:25:16
Speaker
Right. What would you do? I mean, would you do that? First of all, I would never get out of my car in Australia. Like as soon as I get out, I'm getting bitten by a four foot fucking spider. Like you can't get out there. They are the most killer animals in the world in sex and everything else. Yeah, they they have a lot of the crocodiles. Well, kangaroos koalas will give you chlamydia. 80 percent of koalas have chlamydia.
00:25:46
Speaker
I know. I'm the one that gave you that fact. You didn't believe me. Yeah. Well, I watched a TV show that proved it. Tim, you had you had to watch a show to. Yeah, to believe me. Like, I don't fucking know, dude. I think that's how people ended up getting chlamydia. I think people were fucking. I think koalas just naturally have chlamydia and and somehow it transferred over to humans. But to do that,
00:26:13
Speaker
people had to be getting frisky with some they could be bit by it or something do I imagine can you get chlamydia by being bit on the arm or something I don't think that worked chlamydia is a fucking venereal disease
00:26:28
Speaker
I don't know. What if you're kissing? Maybe if you're kissing the koala, you get like herpes or I don't know people doing that because they're idiots. People kiss animals all the time. I'm going to eat shit. I'm going to make a lot of lame because I can't mute. So. Oh, you know who told me? First of all, you know who told me about koalas? Jim Jeffries. Jim Jeffries in his new special. I told you about koala before that because I had to defend it. You thought I was crazy.
00:26:53
Speaker
Ah, well, I mean, you don't remember because you're you probably. Yeah, I mean, you probably got chlamydia from a koala. Yes, I have koala rampant. Yes, I jumped over to rape a koala. Mutual of Omaha's. I'm going to do something. I'm going to do something lame for a second. Hold on. Alexa office on the light just turned off for no reason. He's said he says it's lame, but he's like bragging right now showing off. I don't know if that's bragging, dude.
00:27:22
Speaker
Well first of all, why do you have to turn the office on?
00:27:25
Speaker
because it was off. So I think I have it set up wrong. So like when a certain phrase is set upstairs, I think it turns off all the lights. Oh. So they realize that it's connected. The roommates turned it off. Yeah. One of them said shut it down. They're probably turning off all the lights for everywhere. And apparently I have it set up for down here, too. So I think it was intentional because I didn't want to have to come down to turn. How much power do these people have? Can they shut? Can they shut this podcast down?
00:27:53
Speaker
No, that's not connected to any outlets. We're fine. All right. We're good, bro. So people, you got another 30 minutes of garbage. Yeah. 30 minutes of Alexa. Hey, Alexa, turn that down. No, Alexa. Alexa. God damn it. Alexa. That's what I hear all day when I talk to you.
00:28:17
Speaker
It does happen. It doesn't. You're trying to get me to say it and I'm not going to say it just randomly says stuff like it creeps you out. I was sitting there. I'll be playing video games or doing something else to be like the population has gone down by this much. Like, why are you telling me that for no reason? But I can't hear you because I have headphones on.
00:28:43
Speaker
Sorry, I lost my place here, so keep talking for a second. Um, stuff about stuff. My buddy apparently is a sex doll. It is the basis of the Chucky doll, which is pretty dope. Good idea on their part to terrify kids of their Chuck, of their actual, my buddy. Like I can't hang out with that anymore. Like you're like, you're sleeping. You're like, it's looking at me, man. Right. I don't know. I never even wanted one. I'm surprised you wanted one.
00:29:14
Speaker
A koala? Are you on crack, bro? Sorry. Are you on drugs? My buddy, my buddy. Well, first of all, why wouldn't you? Why you wanted everything because you were poor. I did. And you didn't want a my buddy. I don't remember. You would have rather had a Teddy Ruxpin than a my buddy. Yeah. Because I want to put like cool tapes in it and make it sing and rap.
00:29:42
Speaker
I don't think it did that. I think it only would. But it was sound, so whatever sound was in there, it would do. How do you know this? Because I have rich friends. Oh, you played with their Teddy Ruxpin. Yeah, I told you about the kid that I destroyed one of his transformers once. He's mad. How did you? I broke his office was prime. Were you trying to transform it? Yeah, I had no idea how to do it. I just snapped off his like where his arm turns into a headlight. I just snapped it off. Did you feel bad?
00:30:12
Speaker
Oh, very. You probably had to feel like, oh, fuck, like I can't afford to buy exactly like I can't pay for this. So, oh, ironic. Optimus Prime trucker stories. Perfect. Yeah. That was my trucker story. What kind of what kind of trucker in the original Transformers? What kind of a trucker was Optimus Prime? Was he a cab over or was he like a flat face? I don't think he was. Oh, boy.
00:30:41
Speaker
Um, I think that was GoBots had one of those flat tastes. Yeah, I think I had a, I think I had a GoBot. GoBots were the, the gay Transformers, but I used to watch that cartoon also. Everything I tell you is a hundred percent right all the time. So apologize to me. First of all, he was a cabover. You're saying the original optimist was a cabover. What's a cabover? Yes. No, no engine in front, like a flat one.
00:31:11
Speaker
Yeah, that's a cab over. I was thinking cab over was the one where the they had the sleeping thing on top. No, that's just a sleeper. Yeah, so I didn't know what a cab over meant. I'm sorry. All these stories that we hear from like my dad did this like truckers, you're real tight lipped about your lives. That makes me sad that he was a cab over. That's dope, dude. No, it's like a fire truck.
00:31:39
Speaker
Now the the the second generation Optimus Prime was way better. I guess. Yeah, the cabovers are gay. Nobody don't truckers want fucking drive those. You're not driving on this prime. I think if you drive Optimus Prime, you just had gay robots. Yeah. Yeah, people know right inside of them. No one's got inside of Optimus Prime. I don't believe that. I think Shia LaBeau did. Nope.
00:32:09
Speaker
Think he got inside Optimus. One of the one thing you remember in your life, I doubt it. He rode in a fucking Pumblebee tuna. You rode in a Camaro. Do you want me to talk about something? No, my dad who just died last November. See, what the fuck, man? This is a story. I know. Everyone was like, my dad.
00:32:34
Speaker
Yeah, well, I mean, those kids are living vicariously. Yeah, he was a long haul trucker from his teens until his mid 30s. He never told us a lot of stories except the one about how he knew it was time to get off the road when the pills he was taking to stay awake made him see giant rabbits on the road. But his favorite was when he was about 19. He went across a bridge in the middle of the night
00:33:02
Speaker
than was surprised to be pulled over. Turns out the lights on the bridge were all wired together over the roadway and his trailer had been high enough to catch the wires and very efficiently pulled down every single light pole. How he didn't see or hear it was what was going on is probably due to how much attention he was
00:33:25
Speaker
having to pay to the road bunnies. These kids suck. They can't talk about their fucking dumb jobs. They can't talk about their dads. Hello?
00:33:41
Speaker
They have you ever seen one of those like where a semi or a big truck goes under a bridge and just clips the top off? Just fucking destroyed like it'll stop the truck instantly. Basically, guys are flying out of windshields with steering wheels in their hands, half bodied. I lose you. Let's try it again. Hello, everybody.
00:34:10
Speaker
I had some technical difficulties right there. Yeah, you did. My internet cut out. So I live out in a place that has shitty internet apparently. Usually it's pretty good. So I apologize. I'm running off of 4g right now. Every one of your kids watch porn right now. Just streaming.
00:34:32
Speaker
Yeah, he has especially Carson, most likely. Yeah, he's definitely watching like YouTube video games of some cave video game like roblox. Your daughter plays videos. She definitely is doing that. And your son is just screaming at people over the internet. All three of those things are happening, except Carson is not watching videos. He's playing Fortnite. That's what he plays like 17 hours a day. Nice.
00:35:02
Speaker
likes to murder. So it's nice I don't have to deal with children. That is good for most of the day care about you. Yeah, I like it. So sorry about that, guys. trucks hitting bridges. You ever seen them videos? Oh, yeah. So first of all, a truck hitting a bridge, any bridge. I mean, you got to be a
00:35:32
Speaker
You're not a very good truck driver because those, those, those bridges have signs that tell you how tall the fucking bridges. Yeah. Um, a lot of times you know how tall your fucking trailer is. Yeah. They kind of teach you that to know how tall you are. The yeah, what it happens to most is like people drive in like you halls and stuff, rental trucks.
00:35:53
Speaker
Oh, oh, like just civilians. Yeah, regular dudes driving box trucks like non truckers. Fucked up there. They have no idea. They just fucking they're going to like 30, 40 miles an hour and they just stop. Yeah. And then does that fuck the bridge up at all? Chips that usually the bridge is pretty fucking stout, built pretty well, at least the ones I've seen.
00:36:17
Speaker
There was one where I saw you going 90 miles an hour. 90 might be tough. I saw a dude on a highway had like a dump truck and the dump truck was the back was up. Like it was dead dumped something. Oh, what an idiot. He was going down the highway. People were honking at him and he just smoked the fucking bridge with it, which I mean is his fault. And also like, he's like, I'm plenty low enough for this fucking bridge.
00:36:40
Speaker
Yeah, people honking for right people are honking. He's like, oh these douchebags I don't know what's going on meth to the gills, baby. I haven't slept four days. What is that a fucking giraffe? And Vietnamese is rampant for truck drivers Yeah, the back in the old days it used to be like no does was like a big thing in high school No, but
00:37:10
Speaker
The only thing like notos was just pure caffeine. I know that doesn't do it for most long haul truckers. They got to have like the real shit crystal speed. Yeah, I mean, if I was a long haul driver, I would have to. There's no way I could do it. There's no fucking way.
00:37:33
Speaker
Yeah, I'd have to be there. Coked up. Call me all the time. I'm like, I've been driving for six hours. You're eating seeds. Head out the window. Yeah. Eating does. I get tired very easily because you're talking. Talking on the phone helps a lot because your mind is busy. Yeah. Usually the person at the other end is like, fuck, how far do you have to go? Yeah. Yeah. And that's usually you. It's usually you. Did you ask me all the time? How much? How far are you going to go, bud? I'm calling. Usually I'm calling you is what I'm saying.
00:38:02
Speaker
No, it's usually the other way around. No, you're calling me. Well, no, I'm probably not calling you, but we're talking and I'm like, I'm on the on the road and you're like, oh, fuck, how long do you have to go? Because it's going to. That's not true. That is not true. I think we both. But speaking of the road. Yes, I used to drive I 80 between San Francisco and Cheyenne, Wyoming, a lot.
00:38:28
Speaker
It's about 16 to 20 hours of... Yes, this is a story from Gagua. I used to drive 16 to 20 hours of driving depending on weather and traffic. Anyway, one time I got out at a rest stop to stretch my legs and take a piss, maybe by a coke. We're being...
00:38:57
Speaker
are being invaded breaking news about 11 days ago there was a huge earthquake in Turkey it literally killed 46,000 people
00:39:18
Speaker
And there's hundreds of thousands of homeless kids living on the streets. Okay. So one of my better days if I do say so myself. Okay, he's going to jump in his elephant.
00:39:42
Speaker
On a lighter note, a three-year-old in Portland, Oregon got pushed into the train tracks. Unfortunately, she lived. We can't have them all, boys and girls. BZ out!
00:40:09
Speaker
All right. That was weird. That was interesting. Apparently he's just doing that now. He just comes in and does what he wants. He breaks in with horrific news. 46,000 bro.
00:40:25
Speaker
46,000 people dead so far. They say the number's gonna go up. Why are you asking me? You want me to bring Breezy back? No, I'm just curious. I mean, you know a lot of dumb shit. This is probably on your newspaper. So yeah, 46,000 people so far. They're still digging people out of the rubble.
00:40:45
Speaker
First of all, who how the fuck big of an earthquake was it to fucking destroy an entire city? Seven point. Flatten it to the ground. It's like seven. Yeah. The way that San Francisco in like 1989 was like eight point six. Yeah, they probably had different building codes over there. You mean in America? It wasn't in America.
00:41:12
Speaker
San Francisco. I mean, the one thousand. Oh, Turkey. Yeah. Have you seen this? I have not. Dude, search it up. There's some crazy fucking videos. I saw a building collapse. This is pretty amazing. Horrific, probably. You can hear people screaming because they're probably in the buildings. Is it like shaking and stuff?
00:41:32
Speaker
Like there's people in the streets and they're trying to get away and they're like looking at this building and then all of a sudden it just crumbled. It's crazy, man. Then there's people trapped and TikTok is cool and terrible all at once, man. Like you get really good news as far as like angles and first person views and just stuff you wouldn't see on the news because it might be a little too much or just they have a narrative, you know? So that's kind of cool to be able to see those things. I mean, obviously you don't want to see death, but I mean, you do, but you know what I mean?
00:42:03
Speaker
Yeah, you don't want to see hundreds of thousands of people don't want to see kids and stuff like it's pretty bad now, just like the Ukraine stuff. I mean, we're getting more first person. Like people are recording themselves like TikTok views of fucking fighting from an apartment corner and shit. We've never had war like that before. We we did, but you'd have to wait months to see it on fucking like HBO or something. Right. But even then, I mean, it's all kind of like this is just anybody can put it up.
00:42:33
Speaker
That's true. It's the craziest thing we can see, like we've ever seen. More is pretty dope. Unless you're in it, probably. Yeah. So we're lucky as fuck. It's coming. Yeah, it's coming. It's coming to us. Probably. You got balloons all over the place. Fucking how many earthquakes went off this week? Like 30? Your pole. Yeah. What's that all about? What? What the fuck? My what? Pole shift.
00:43:04
Speaker
Well, that we've talked about that, right? That's what's happening. Oh, there's no fucking way. There's no fucking way. The first of all, the poll would have to shift. It's shift. It's only shifting like 20 feet a year. Still, I mean, anything, I mean.
00:43:24
Speaker
Or maybe 40, maybe it's 40 feet. They had something about the inner core and I don't remember the specifics of it. So I'm not going to tell you much about it, but the core was like has a ball within a ball that kind of slides around each other with the stuff that's in it. For some reason, that's going to the opposite way or something now right now. Oh, and first of all, I think it's all manmade because humans can create earthquakes. Yeah, the Tesla thing.
00:43:53
Speaker
Yeah, so I think I think some of that's going on, like politically, like they're like, Turkey's like saying they don't want Ukraine to join the fucking whatever the European Union. So let's fucking kill all those faces. I think I really think we're depopulating, bro. I think it's intentional.
00:44:16
Speaker
Um, well, we got to have bigger wars than Ukraine versus Russia and killing 40,000 people and it's not going to do that process. So there was, yeah, you got to kill millions. Yeah. There's a thing that's written about like, um, eight, what was it? 800,000 or something. They want to get to or 800 million. 500, 500. That was the, uh, and according, I know that was the guide stones you're talking about.
00:44:42
Speaker
Yeah, the Georgia guys. Yeah. There's 800 million as some government fucking documents, supposedly. All right. Well, I mean, that's a lot kind of lines up with the guide stones. Eight billion to eight hundred millions a lot. Yeah. And we're not going to. I mean, if
Conspiracy Theories and Earthquakes
00:45:01
Speaker
you're going to do it, you want to get rid of the people in like India because there's a billion people there. China, obviously, and then like like the entire continent of Africa.
00:45:13
Speaker
What? You wipe that out. Oh, if I'm I'm saying if that's what you want to get down to, you you start with those countries kind of what they're doing, right? They destroyed forty six thousand. And then the yeah, that's nothing in the WHO. There's a thing in places hasn't been voted through yet. But they're trying to get the WHO to control the immunizations and everything to do with like health care throughout the entire world. Anybody that's like part of it has to agree to it. And none of those people are elected elected officials.
00:45:44
Speaker
or any of that. I've known that for about a year. That's crazy. From no agenda. You caught yourself doing it now.
00:45:57
Speaker
I've known that for a year since no agenda. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. They're about 11 months. They predict shit about 11 months before it really happens. They are really good. They're probably part of it. If that happens, we're in trouble for sure. It's crazy, man. Then I saw something today actually that in 1994, this guy was saying stuff about
00:46:20
Speaker
Natural disasters. And then they were talking about like, uh, flu type stuff, trying to do the Spanish flu again, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It was 1994. He goes, that's, it's basically written already. He was like supposed to be some men in black type shit, right? And he goes, it's basically already written. So in like 2017, you'll probably see some shit happening. So they're a little later than they expected. That was said in 1994.
00:46:50
Speaker
So, you think it's all a political conspiracy? Like, who would be in charge of this? Anybody that runs the shit now, man, like, you gotta think, like, who, what? Is it Europeans? I have no idea. It's probably everybody all over the world. Anybody that's high enough. I feel like it's always like Germany.
00:47:13
Speaker
Maybe. It's got to be a German person in charge. Sure. It's whoever's the highest up on that. Whoever's highest up on that fucking pecking water, dude. What was the other thing? There was another. There's one more thing I wanted to say about it. I know this isn't very funny, so I apologize for even bringing it up. I'm trying to I'm trying to make it funny. Doing a good job. Thanks.
00:47:39
Speaker
Well, the thing I was thinking about is like, what a great time to do it with all the AI stuff. If they start kind of knocking it down, they have enough stuff where they don't need people to do the work. They can have robotic type shit hooked up in factories and everything else. Speaking of AI, I don't want to change the subject. I love AI.
00:47:57
Speaker
and the
00:48:20
Speaker
Well, it's funny because here's the problem because humans are fucking it up, right? If they get their data sources, they're like, check the Internet. Like, oh, there's so much contradicting information. Like, I don't know what's real. I'm right. But that's you're like, we got this fucking AI. It's awesome. It'll fucking change the world. And then it gets it wrong right away, like on the test.
00:48:40
Speaker
or the showcase, like we're showcasing this to the world and it gives you the wrong fucking information. Every time I see those people, those AI robots and they're doing like a press conference and like they program this whole conversation. You think so? Sometimes I think that, yeah.
00:48:56
Speaker
I think so, too. There's a really good fucking, you know, those military robots that they're creating and they like they shove them with brooms and shit while they're firing down range. There's that one that's kind of try to make them fall. Yeah, that one's fake. It's all. Yeah, it's all fake. It's CGI, but it's some of the best shit I've ever seen, like.
00:49:20
Speaker
The best CGI I've ever fucking seen. Like, I, yeah, I don't know who the fuck makes that shit, but it looked 100% real. DARPA's got some pretty crazy robots, dude. If they start going that route and start going AI type military, we're fucked. It's over. Over for who? Everyone. Because if they do, let's say they do want to do that thing with the depopulating or whatever, like they, there's no.
00:49:47
Speaker
They can deprogram remorse. They can take anything out. Like they don't have the human. Like I'm not doing that. That's wrong. Which people don't really do anyway. I mean, obviously the Jew thing, right? But the Jew thing, always the Jew Holocaust. But if if that happens, I mean, what's nothing stopping them at that point? Yeah, well, that's why Americans have guns, right?
00:50:14
Speaker
Yep. You try to kill a fucking human. They'll never take our guns away. Fucking one in a thousand miles an hour, making decisions faster than you has pinpoint accuracy. Like you stick your head out to smoke, dude, your little fucking handgun.
00:50:30
Speaker
fucking hit those fucking robots with my bull bar on my truck as they shoot your face off. I'm surprised that drug cartels are having to use some marks start developing things up for themselves for that. Oh, they don't give a fuck about that shit. They'll just take whatever you know, the government has wherever they live in Brazil or whatever. But
00:50:55
Speaker
They're not looking that far into the future. Drug cartels are usually like, I got to survive. Just I, you know, they're out to get me whoever's in, in, you know, in charge is that it's constantly changing. We're always like, we took, we took down the cartel. And then someone like steps up and was like, Oh, I'm in charge now. I wanted to stop it. Yeah. Yeah. The only way to stop it is to make it all legal and let them have legitimate businesses.
00:51:21
Speaker
Yeah, because I mean, how much weed are we getting from fucking South America now? Probably almost none. Oh, it's still coming for sure, but it's less. That's why they from from push. Yeah, because it's all so many fucking states have it legal now that I mean, they don't need to. They don't need to bring weed up here anymore like they used to. But all the other shit, absolutely.
00:51:46
Speaker
Yeah, it's interesting. Fentanyl. But if they have, like, I mean, if I was one of those guys that have all that money, I'd be trying to create some sort of like, all right, cool. We just have automated shit that fucking we can ride inside of drones. Drones and shit. For sure. I'm surprised they haven't used some stuff from the Ukraine thing where you're dropping bombs from drones. Well, what about all the balloons, dude? There's been like four balloons shot down in the last week. The last one supposedly wasn't a balloon.
00:52:13
Speaker
What was it? It couldn't tell you that he couldn't figure out the propulsion system. It was like like cylinder cylindrical shaped kind of like What the fuck like a bank tube but rounded on the edges like a bank uh canister thing that you put in and sucks it through the vacuum tubes So yeah, so it was not a balloon at all. It was a spaceship. I don't know You don't think we could be we're shooting down spaceships now so I mean suppose supposedly one of the uh
00:52:42
Speaker
The first balloon that we shot down, or no, the second balloon we shot down over Alaska, as we were targeting it, there was some UFO above the airplane causing interference so they couldn't shoot off the missile right away. It's crazy, man. It's crazy. Like I said, there's so much misinformation, like all the TikTok and all the social media you think would be bad for government is the best thing that's ever happened to them.
00:53:12
Speaker
Yeah, when they when the government came out and said that UFOs were real, you're like, oh, yeah, if they're admitting that, then they're obviously up to some fucking crazy shit right now for sure to try to keep us like reoccupied every time I see stuff about like the earthquakes or.
00:53:29
Speaker
anything that's kind of like the balloons like they're trying to keep our the jet the Epstein list is coming out fucking they're trying to make it so we don't pay attention like really that they're fucking setting off earthquakes we don't look at the Epstein list who cares no I think I think a lot of it has to do with like keeping us
00:53:53
Speaker
Yeah, well, a constant state of just pandemonium. So whatever the new story is that comes out, it's like not even who gives a fuck kind of like, like, who's talking about Ukraine and Russia right now. Everyone's talking about Turkey, right?
00:54:11
Speaker
Yeah, that's kind of the whole point. We do care about the next thing for sure. We get tired of the same old shit. We're so into the COVID thing now, like that's gone, but I'm hearing a lot of bad shit about that too. About the COVID thing? Just the vaxxers and stuff, freaking me out.
00:54:29
Speaker
all these new, like, now I've seen commercials. Well, what the big problem is, like, everyone who the more shots you get, the worse your immune system gets, it destroys your immune system. So if you have the shot, sure, you may protect yourself from like whatever COVID thing there is, but you get a common cold and it'll fucking get pneumonia and die.
00:54:58
Speaker
Cause you have no immune system. Yeah. Scary shit. So a lot of crazy things happening, man. A lot of crazy. Yeah. There's a lot of good shit going on. Uh, I, one of the comments, tick tock about the fucking, they're trying to get us away from the list. And some guy wrote, uh, the fuck you guys can do with the lists. Nothing. Like that was a great, you can go kill fucking Tom Cruise. Yeah. Like that's a good point. Like what the fuck? We don't do anything. We let everything happen. We all get outraged, but we don't do shit.
00:55:26
Speaker
Well, we as people, like, what are we going to do? Go lynch fucking Tom Cruise and Tom Hanks. I don't know. Just Tom. We found out Tom Hanks like fucked a little like a little boy. It was just ruin his career. Yeah, I know. But I mean, in everything like we just we like we think this and we think that but we don't do shit. Like what a great experiment. They're like, fuck, they don't do nothing. We can do whatever we want. There's a little bit of rioting, but it gets under control and we forget about it. And we're like, what's the next thing we got to worry about?
00:55:58
Speaker
positive
00:56:19
Speaker
correction and uh in the last day so they've done this for the last two years and kids are going fucking buck wild at school um not giving a fuck because they know there's no consequences they're just walking out of walking out of class little eight-year-olds and shit just like i'm out that's awesome i was scared to go to the bathroom without like
00:56:42
Speaker
It's fucking insanity right now. Yeah, you got to have some sort of consequences to actions. We have a bunch of. Yeah, I mean, when I when we were growing up, I still remember they had the paddle with the holes in it. I've seen them. I've seen one hanging, but I've never seen. I never had to. I was not a bad kid, so I never had to fucking get used on me, but I knew other kids that did. Yeah, we never had that. We just had it there on one one room. There's like an artifact.
00:57:10
Speaker
Is like here's what could happen if you're that bad Yeah, it's it's scary like Don't have kids Yeah, it's going well yeah, oh and then the train thing fucking going off and knowing Karen The train thing the derailment
00:57:41
Speaker
Oh, there was a, it was at an Amtrak in Ohio. The, I didn't hear about this exactly, dude. What the fuck? Really? Yeah. Tell me about this Allenstein, which is kind of fucked up. He's Palestine. Uh, Palestine. Yeah. He called it pal in style.
00:58:03
Speaker
Palestine. Was it? Okay, first of all, was it an Amtrak? No, because those are the always fucking getting to know they some dangerous chemical was fucking burning. You ever heard about this dude? Exactly. That's how much it's on the news. It's huge. It's horrific. Check it out. Tick tock. I'm at home. So I don't have cable. So I don't get to watch Fox News when I'm at home. That's true. Well, look it up on Tick tock.
00:58:28
Speaker
TikTok is now they just came out with a thing saying that two to one people are instead of going to Google, they're going to TikTok to get all of their information. Yeah. That's insane. Two to one.
00:58:48
Speaker
That's crazy. I get it. Because it's unfiltered, right? But you're also getting it from some fucking dummy. So I guess it has some sort of bias, usually. You don't know what's true. Oh, for sure. There's a bias like people are going like that. Whatever they want to look up there instead of Googling it, they're they're searching it through TikTok and then they're watching the videos to see to base their opinion.
00:59:11
Speaker
Yeah, you get better. That's powerful. TikTok is way is more powerful than Google now. Remember before when I told you, I don't know, I've told you this, haven't I, where I wanted to start a company that would source all like videos that happen at events and make like a news channel with them. Yeah. And somebody ended up doing that. It's called Santa.
00:59:33
Speaker
Santa Claus is Santa Fe something. So basically the idea was to source them so we get real news right in an area and you could categorize them by events. Policing it would be tough, but then you would pay if let's say a news organization needs one of those clips, you would get paid by the organization to use it and you would pay those people
00:59:59
Speaker
that created that clip that they wanted to use, and then you would also get a portion as the website. Yeah, the bad part about that is you don't even, like that would be useless now because everyone just posts everything they see on TikTok. I know, I know. But it would be more curated. But yeah, people can go to a straight TikTok to get the videos they want. Anything, of anything, anywhere, anytime, any place. It's a fucking sanity.
01:00:28
Speaker
The algorithm, TikTok's algorithm is unbeatable. That's fucking crazy. Google's a multi-catrillion dollar company. They spend $11 billion a year on curating ads and paying for acquisitions and shit. And this little fucking TikTok company is destroying them. They're a little anymore. Them and chat GPT, Chrome's gonna be done, or not Chrome, Google's gonna be toast.
01:00:58
Speaker
Google is hurting bad because chat GPT is fucking owned by Microsoft now. I know. So that's going to probably, that's probably going to be their search engine that they're going to use. They just shut down internet Explorer forever. Right. But they stopped being that they have edge edge.
01:01:17
Speaker
Oh, that's who owns being they do. That's their likes to live. But Edge is the browser. The Internet Explorer is the browser. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. I imagine they'll make something that's incorporated with some sort of AI like Chagi like Chagi. I'm guessing they're going to incorporate that incorporate that with Bing. Yes. Bing's the search engine. OK. We're on the same page. What?
01:01:45
Speaker
I said we're on the same page. You can't hear me. You're back. You got out for a second. Oh, I said we're on the same page. Yeah. And yeah, so I mean, I'm everything's moving so quickly. Like we're just moving away from old stuff. I saw a thing about Google. I keep calling it Chrome. Somebody put together that they're they're something about adrenal Chrome with them.
Astrology and Religion Connections
01:02:13
Speaker
with Microsoft. Oh, so obviously their browser is called Chrome, right? Adrena, I get it. Yeah, they have a they have a processor called the adreno. I mean, is that. I mean, that's kind of like the Apple thing. Apple, Adam and Eve, blah, blah, blah type of deal forbidden knowledge, but out of the Apple.
01:02:43
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Oh, dude. I don't even want to go down that rabbit hole. I watch things. So I was traveling. I was driving in five hours. I listened to this thing about like dissecting words and then they went through the Bible and stuff. And like, basically, it's just we've talked about this before because the guys and things like that, that it's just paganism, basically. That's the Bible is. Yeah.
01:03:09
Speaker
Oh, I thought the history books kind of showed that he there was a real guy. There's not mean Jesus Christ and That could have been a guy that was actually named after the situation Gotcha, so the thing they're talking about is like so they talk about all this end of the age You know how like we're end of the world's coming and the Christians are freaking out about it Judgment times or whatever. That's just the end of the age
01:03:36
Speaker
Yeah, well, it's kind of proven that, um, uh, Judgment Day or, uh, the, uh, what is it called? Revelations. The book of Revelations is all based off of Nero and Rome. Like it was the end of that. Like it was that all that was written for the end of Rome. Nope. Not the end of fucking the world as we know it. It's the end of Christianity, the end of the age.
01:04:01
Speaker
The end of Christians Christianity itself, like the, we'll have a new type of religion. So the age, so we have, it all has to do with astrological signs. So right now we're in Pisces, right? That's why I went on the back of a Jesus on the back of a, like a car that loves Jesus as a fish. Not because he fed people with fish. It's Pisces. The symbol is two fish. But I think the fish is one fish. I know they don't use the two fish, but that would be pretty spot on at that point.
01:04:31
Speaker
Alright, then Dagon was an old fish god that they like worshiped a long time ago. And that's why the Pope wears the miter that if you lay the Pope down as miter, he looks like a fish head. So he's like a day Pope is a miter. He's wearing a miter. That's the name of his martyr miter.
01:04:51
Speaker
Oh, oh, OK. So when he like from the side, he's basically wearing like a fish head. So the old Dagon priests used to wear like the skin of a fish like as like a cape type thing. I'll send you that link, dude. It's an amazing. It's a pretty interesting. I mean, otherwise watch that guy's pretty in depth is extremely in depth, especially when he goes through and starts like explaining how the words mean this and mean that and how they're hello.
01:05:18
Speaker
changed a little bit from hello hello so tell me it's mine again with Moses dude we're getting into a bunch shit I won't get into it but you gotta watch it it's uh that and zeitgeist zeitgeist is a little quicker you can watch it a little quicker to get through kind of can you hear me 32 religions throughout time can you hear me they have the exact same story tell me can you hear me there's a
01:05:48
Speaker
Virgin mother. There's a virgin birth. There's a God like a prophet type figure like Jesus. So let's talk more about Jesus. It's just all that stuff. So exactly the same. Anybody. Anybody. Thirty two. We are. We are. You really need to get your internet. You are trash.
01:06:14
Speaker
That was, I don't know if that was my fault or not, but that was more technical difficulties. The last thing I heard, the last thing I remember was, uh, you were talking about fish, fish, uh, they got, they got wrappings, fish wrappings over priests. Yeah. The old priests back then, but there's like, uh, I was telling the people, which I'll try to have to cut that out. Maybe, uh, 32 religions are the exact same.
01:06:43
Speaker
Ancient religions where they have to talk about Jesus right now. I knew that was going to happen. Oh, well, you know, I can't go. I mean, this is my forte right here. Yeah. He was up with Jesus. So he exists. Do I exist? I have an idea.
01:07:12
Speaker
Yeah. It's all busy, baby. Uh, no, like the Jesus is the son of God, which is actually SUN, right? He's the light of the world. He's a light bringer. Yeah. He brings the light. I'm the morning star. That is true. Yeah. Which is Saturn. Hell yeah, baby. Which is Saturn. I wonder where you got your name from.
01:07:39
Speaker
I don't know. It's very weird. Uh, but it's pretty interesting if you should listen, I'll send you the link too. If you're going to just send me whatever. Yeah, I can imagine watching dudes get raped by you.
01:08:02
Speaker
dear lord what uh what's up with the okay i'll give you a minute yeah go go go on no go ahead do you have any laugh a little more okay
01:08:17
Speaker
you're stupid dude what are we laughing about oh you're funny thank you man thank you what's up with the news reports is that a thing you're just gonna break into our show yeah anytime there's some breaking news anytime there's some death destruction
01:08:43
Speaker
chaos. I'm gonna hop in. I mean, it's the least I can do for you guys. I'm a big fan. All right, cool. You're kind of like the Al Roker of our show. Yeah, I don't give a fuck about the weather.
01:08:58
Speaker
No, you just, you told us about earthquakes. It's kind of the same. I can, I can control earthquakes. I can't control the weather. No, no, I'm not that powerful. Come on. The weather's more of like DARPA and not DARPA, but a harp. Yeah. Yeah. Where's that at again? It's my least favorite instrument up in heaven.
01:09:27
Speaker
Yeah, where is that located? Where's that at? Where's that located?
01:09:42
Speaker
Right. Literally like my feet are just everybody's feet. That's probably pretty true. Every time I talk to you, it freaks me out. I'll give you a free pass if you want to come down here and check shit out. It's pretty rock and we got a lot of talented people down there. Yeah. Imagine you have like live bands and stuff. You guys just kind of part in.
01:10:06
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, I fucking live it up. I got fucking stashes of cocaine. Here's my question. Like what would be my my torture? Oh, I think you know what it would be. It would be listening to Noodles playlist 24 seven.
01:10:30
Speaker
Yeah, that's how I do it. By the way, go check out Noodles playlist. Shameless dude. BZ out later, dude. That guy never fucking shuts up. I like that it sounds like he comes out of you like.
01:10:54
Speaker
You're exhausted. I don't know if he does or not. I just black out for a minute. See, you can't see him. So weird. What a weird episode, bro. Truckers, baby. We love you guys. Yeah. And finish your story. Finish that last story and we'll we'll move to the patron. Oh, can you figure out where that's at? I have no idea where that is. I could I could tell another story. OK, just Satan. Enter through your hassle.
01:11:26
Speaker
Uh, if he does, I don't feel him. Let's uncheck me at all. I got a, I got a fucking wallowed out asshole. My dad was an Albuquerque. Let's say that again. I don't know. I've never tried to feel it. I'll let you feel it next time we're together. All right. I'm glad we don't get hang out much.
01:11:55
Speaker
By the way, I have not fingered only when I'm wiping. How far are you going when you wipe? We've talked about this before. How far? Probably a quarter of an inch. Do you which knuckle do you get to? Just the first knuckle of my index finger. So you go straight you go to the knuckle. Let me look at how far that's not short. Yeah, maybe half inch.
01:12:25
Speaker
You go with the knuckle? You go half past the knuckle? No, I'm saying the tip of my finger to my knuckle maybe is a half inch. So most people, you may want to describe what your knuckle is because your knuckle, most people think of the big knuckle. First of all, yeah, there's two knuckles on every finger. Except for the thumbs, the thumbs only have one knuckle. So every finger, thumbs aren't fingers, every finger has two knuckles, you have your first.
01:12:55
Speaker
Your first knuckle, which as you're bending your fingers, if you're looking at them, you can see them bend at the first knuckle. And then as you keep bending, then it'll go to the second knuckle. God, am I teaching anatomy right now? Don't you have three knuckles? No. What's the knuckle? Do you have three knuckles? Send me a picture. All right, so you have one where your hand starts, where your fingers start from your hand. No, I'm talking at the tip of your finger.
01:13:24
Speaker
Okay. Tip of your finger. There's one there that I don't know if it's a knuckle, but I guess we'll call it a knuckle. Then you have one in the center. I guess the knuckle, the knuckle at the end is not part of your finger. Or is it? That's part of your hand, isn't it? Like the punching knuckle. Like when you punch someone. My knuckles are bleeding. They're talking about like where you punch someone, it's the knuckles on your hand.
01:13:50
Speaker
I have midget hands. That's what people are thinking. If I'm only going a half inch, I'm going all the way to the knuckle. Yeah. You're going all the way to the fucking middle. If you count, if you count your hand knuckles, I guess your each finger has and your each finger has three and your thumb has two. Yes. So you're going to the first one, which is all the way up to your hand.
01:14:12
Speaker
I'm going to the first, I'm going, I go into the last one. If you're counting from your hand down, if you're counting from your, from your finger up, it's your first. I'm just working as hard as I can to make people think you're putting a whole finger in your ass. I've put my whole finger in other people's ass. Oh yeah, me too. Oh, but okay. But my own ass, it's hard sometimes. Oh, someone's put their whole finger in your
Relationship Dynamics and Sexuality
01:14:39
Speaker
ass. Yeah.
01:14:40
Speaker
We talked about that a few times. With fingernails. With fucking hate in their eyes. Right. I mean, could you see the hate in their eyes? Did you look in their eyes when they did it? I felt the hate. You felt scraping. I felt the hate. Slicing. You know, it's funny, I looked at it as like an act of aggression and maybe I was just like, this is finally my chance to do this thing that I wanted to do.
01:15:08
Speaker
Yeah, I could. Like, how did you know they were pissed you were fucking that other chick? I just assumed because the blowjob was so good. From the one that hated you? No, the chick, the other chick, the secondary chick. Oh, so but why? So you don't know that there was hate. You just assume you ever had two mouths on your dick before, dude. Two mouths? Yeah. No, my dick's not that big.
01:15:37
Speaker
Well, that I mean, and also on your dick and balls at the same time. No, I have not, man. Highly recommend. I mean, highly recommended you. The one thing I don't like a lot that you think would be awesome is they're like corn cob and they're both corn cob in the sides at the same time, sliding up and down and like. It looks kind of cool, but it's not awesome.
01:16:00
Speaker
It doesn't feel great. Nah, I mean, the sides of your dick, how much do you love the side of your dick, how good that feels? Yeah, I bet. How many people really enjoy titty fucking? Pig tits, pretty cool to look at. It's more of a... Yeah, it doesn't matter how big they are, it's still not awesome. It is when they put their mouth on it too. Well, pretend there's no mouth, it's just titty fucking.
01:16:26
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, it's still fun to do, but yeah, it's not like this is really doing it. It's exciting. The excitement probably does it. All right. You can come by titty fucking. Depends how close I am in the process. You're just starting. Probably not. If I'm drinking, it's going to be a while. You're probably going to be like, we got to stop. You're wrecking wrecking my titties. Yeah.
01:16:50
Speaker
Yeah, I'm the same way drinking a whiskey dick for some people means you can't get it up. Other people means you just last longer. You just go forever. And you're just like where you're I faked. Have you ever faked it? Yes. Yeah, it's kind of fucking dumb, huh? But that's like after the fourth or fifth time I've come. Oh, there's been a time where I faked it numero uno. Oh, why? I was just fucking gone and I'm like, I got to get this over with.
01:17:19
Speaker
It was you weren't into it. Well, no, I was I was enjoying it. I just knew it wasn't going to happen. And I didn't know it was going to take a long time to offend him and shit was starting to spin. Oh, you were you were close to the. I was wrecked, too. So I just rolled over. And I guess I've done it a few times because I've been called out on it before. Oh, shit, that's not good. Like, did you even come like? Yeah. Like, let me see it. Like, what do you mean lazy?
01:17:50
Speaker
Well, you see it. It's in your pussy right now. No, I'm like, I, like, I knew that they would know if I fucking came in them or not. So I would like pull out, like, Oh, roll over. Like, Oh, that's when you like take a sock off and you spit in it, have something nearby, act like you can come in it. Yeah. No, I didn't do that. What's more offensive, a guy faking an orgasm or a girl?
01:18:19
Speaker
Probably a guy. You think that's more offensive to a chick? Or to a person? Or you're saying like a girl faking it to a girl? No, no, no, no. Is it more offensive to a guy if a chick fakes an orgasm? Or is it more offensive to a girl if a guy fakes an orgasm? What's the most offensive thing? What's more offensive? One or the other? The guy not busting.
01:18:47
Speaker
Why is that? Girls are ego fucks. Guys, we're cool. Like go ahead and fake it. I don't really care that much. Like I want you to come for sure. Yeah. I guess if you, if you really love the chick or whatever, then you would want her to get off. Now who sounds like Paco the great. Paco the great. I'm just saying, if it's a one night stand, you really don't give a fuck. Even then. I mean, I'd probably give a fuck more then.
01:19:17
Speaker
Oh, why? Because like at some point I'm going to be able to make up for it. It's going to happen again. Oh, and if you don't. If you perform poorly with a one nighter, then it probably won't happen again. You don't have another chance at it. And who knows what kind of access she has. The other chicks are like fucking you up by word of mouth. That's true. So I'd be more worried about it than the other person. You're like, OK, I'll get you next time.
01:19:46
Speaker
but got girls faking it, guys love that, right? Guys like, as long as it sounds like you're doing it, I'm happy. I don't think they love it. Well, I'd rather them do it. I'd rather make them do it for sure, but I'm saying like if... I would rather have a girl fake it than just lay there like a dead fish, which I've had before, which is the worst kind of fucking there is. I'm in a couple of hot chicks that I fantasized about and it was let down tremendously. I just lay there and they don't make any noise. They just kind of just lay there.
01:20:15
Speaker
And you're like, what are you doing? They kind of get into it a little. I mean, I don't think I've ever had anybody just fucking do nothing. They're dead. Yeah. But I mean, it's just not good. And it's because you build them up in your mind so much.
01:20:34
Speaker
Right. You have unrealistic expectations. They cannot keep up with going on in this fucking brain. But I think a girl would be more offended. You can barely keep up with what's going on in your brain. I wish I didn't have this brain. I wish I had one that was easily pleased. Like me. Yeah. I'd like to just be like, all right. I would like to be just pleased easily without having to be like, let's try this. Let's try that. You are. You like blowjobs. That is true.
01:21:04
Speaker
But blowjobs are boring. They're not gentle blowjobs, usually. Are they usually chewing on it? No, but I mean, they got to go for it. Like, it's not just a nice, easy walk in the park blowjob. Oh, you don't enjoy those. They're where they just suck in the tip. It drives me crazy. Like, I will physically push your head down or ram my hips towards your face. Like, it drives me crazy.
01:21:31
Speaker
Okay, so you don't love every blowjob? No, I told you. You've had some shitty ones. I don't like shitty blowjobs, no. Who does? I've had some really good ones. Okay, me too. But I don't... Go ahead. I don't fantasize about blowjobs, though. I don't think I fantasize about it, but I do love them. I think you do. I think you could fantasize about blowjobs a lot easier than I could.
01:21:59
Speaker
Maybe. I'm just
Memories vs. Reality
01:22:00
Speaker
saying. The only way I would probably do that is more so recollection or replaying an event. Right. Like, oh man, that one blow job and you just play it back in your head. She was 13 years old and I was 12. Hell yeah, dude. Oh, the braces. It's illegal, but at the same time it's not. Don't you wish there was a way to extract your memories onto like a visual format?
01:22:27
Speaker
Yeah, I think we would be disappointed after watching them, though, on a lot of them, like the ones that we regard so highly as a memory, we'd look back at it, we'd watch it and be like what I'm saying, like in your memory, what if it's the way you remember it, but you can see it on a screen.
01:22:43
Speaker
It won't, and it'll never be the way you remember it on the screen ever. That would be dope. Cause your memory isn't a hundred percent real. I know. That's what I'm saying. So like, as I'm remembering right now, so I'm thinking of an event, right? Or a situation. What do you want to call it? Like a excursion. You are, you are, you are remembering the past event and a past event. I'm remembering a past event and it's taken the memory that I'm having right now. And I can have that put onto a screen.
01:23:13
Speaker
Not the actual event, my memory of the event. Oh, OK, that would be weird. Fucking dope. Yeah, but I would like the actual event to see if it looks but you're seeing it through its POV for sure. I would love for it to like something to record your dreams because there's some pretty fucking awesome dreams I've had some some pretty shitty dreams, too, but
01:23:38
Speaker
the good dreams watch replay those. That'd be cool. The only ones I remember are the ones that horrified me. So much so that I don't even know that I have good dreams. I only know about the bad ones. Yeah. I had a dream recently where it was like.
01:24:00
Speaker
work, I was working and then like shit was going on at home. Like it was like felt like a real life dog shit scenario. Then I woke up. I'm like, Jesus Christ. You were like, I was still tired. I'm still tired, but I was like, I don't want to go back and to sleep and keep dreaming that bullshit. Yeah, it felt like like real like like my normal life. Yeah, it's a nightmare.
01:24:30
Speaker
I've had one where I worked all night in my dream and then I had to wake up and go to work. I'm like, man, I worked fucking 24 hours. So that's like fucking real life too. Kind of. That's fucking terrible. Yeah. Like I've, where I couldn't figure something out and it was work stuff and I'm, I woke up like, what? I'm so mad. I like, I worked, I put in a whole shift. No money.
01:24:54
Speaker
All right, your fucking memory, your brain's like, no, no, you think you're going to sleep? No, I'm going to fucking fuck you up right now. We got work to do. We're going through a facility. And it's not just going to be a regular like you're just going to work. It's like there's going to be a problem that you can't figure out. I could not figure out whatever the shit. I don't remember what it was exactly. But but that dream was so vivid that you can still remember a huge portion of it. Yes. That's terrible. It was not good.
01:25:24
Speaker
I don't even know what we're going to ruined your whole fucking day. I was pretty upset when I woke up. I'm like, Oh, no, I actually got to go to work for real. I
Nostalgic Cars
01:25:33
Speaker
was mad. What the fuck are we going to call this episode, dude? We'll figure truckers delight. All right. It's a wrap. I have no idea. OK.
01:25:52
Speaker
We'll call it train wreck, truck wreck. There you go. The last thing I think I want to talk about before we go is the truck trucker thing with this Smokey and the Bandit. I wanted one of those transams. So I still do. I want one so bad. Right. And.
01:26:12
Speaker
You've told me that before. But then, like, I've asked you about Kickar and you're like, no. No. To think about a Kickar in your mind right now, that's like a low level Camaro of the time. Trans Am maybe it wasn't low level. Well, it had kit stuff in it. It was a Trans Am. It was not a Camaro. Right. But I mean, there was a firebird. Whatever you think about it now, though, like picture in your mind or look at it. It's pretty low end as far as like I'd rather have an Iraq.
01:26:41
Speaker
No fucking It's basically like a transformer that can't transform is what you would be driving It's pretty dope Well, are you saying like pretty awesome? I would like the technology in an I rock then the car itself. I don't really want the car I Got yeah, but I'm saying not the car not that year of car just a kit car from that time I
01:27:08
Speaker
Actually looking at it, it looks a little better than my memory. Fuck. See if I had to play this on a video on a TV, it would be not as good. It actually looks a little better in this picture. Yeah. I don't know if it's low. I don't think it's low end. I mean, was the generally a low end Dodge. I think it was dope. I'd take that before night rider, probably. Would you take that before, uh, smoking the bandit car? No smoking the bandits. Number one.
01:27:37
Speaker
Okay. That's, that's all time. You're never going to waver on that. What? Smoky? No, that thing's dope. It's got tea tops, dude. It just looks like Pontiac trans. So yeah, the picture you're showing me is a 1982 Pontiac Trans Am Firebird. Yeah. Trans Firebird. It's a gay, it's, it's, that makes sense. Kit was a transsexual.
01:28:01
Speaker
It has tea tops, dude. Yeah, I didn't know that. This thing is dope. Look how long it is. Ah, it's so fucking badass looking. You'd rather have this than smokey in the bandit? What year was the smokey in the bandit car? About the same time, I think. Yeah, it's the same fucking car, basically. What? It's basically the same car. No, dude, it's not even close.
01:28:31
Speaker
What what year was the firebird in smoking the bandit? Seventies. All right, the generation before this late seventies. I'm going to send you a picture, dude. This thing's way better. I've seen people turn in their Camaros like the new Camaros into transams. Those are pretty dope. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. It looks like these transams. Because Camaro is Chevy. I know.
01:29:00
Speaker
And Pontiac is Pontiac. They were. Yeah. They were trying to make your part of GM, I guess. Yeah, they were trying to make a. A new Trans Am. Yeah, why didn't they? I don't know. Money, probably appear like people aren't going to drive it. I think they're. Yeah, so that is a different year. I don't know what year this is not better, dude.
01:29:31
Speaker
I mean, it's pretty dope. I don't know if it's better than Knight Rider, dude. Yeah, Knight Rider is pretty fucking awesome. But the the smoking in the bandit car is pretty awesome. It's probably like the best number. It's like the number one TV car. Maybe we'll save that for another episode. Yeah, we could definitely have to save that for another. We'll get into all these fucking old ass cars. Here you go. Here's another one. Look at that, dude.
01:30:01
Speaker
That's the best TV car. That's going to be tough. I'm going to fucking drive around, put a cowboy hat on, get a mustache real fucking thick, slap women around, maybe. Now here is I would. Fuck, you could. OK, you could roll. Look, you could roll the Trans Am all. I'll roll this. Send this to you.
01:30:33
Speaker
You what? I'll roll this while you're... While you're... I'll roll the fall guy truck. Oh, that is pretty... Of course not. We gotta save that for sure. That might have to be a Patreon. The fall guy truck is pretty dope. Damn it, we're gonna keep saying dope. We're the oldest fall guy truck.
01:30:57
Speaker
So you got the Trans Am. I'll take the fall guy truck. Your Trans Am is going to be way faster and cooler. I'll I'll drive the truck this fall. I'm cool with that. When
Closing Remarks and Future Topics
01:31:09
Speaker
I say like murder trucks, this is one of those kind of trucks. Yeah, that that would be a murder truck or it'd be real close to it. See, I don't like the look of that. I do not like the look of that. That's that's a. Really? They have some really dope ones.
01:31:27
Speaker
Don't say top. God damn it. All right, I guess I guess we're hitting the end, right? This is it. Yeah, I think so. I'm going to send you one more picture because why not? Fuck you people that don't get patron. You can't. Yeah, you guys. Do you want to see pictures? Look the shit up. We're telling you what stuff is. Look up the fall guy truck. Look up fucking smoking the banana and look up fucking Knight Rider and Simon and Simon truck and tell me which one's better.
01:31:57
Speaker
Oh, I'm going to send you one now. All right. We got to do something. All right. So we talked about trucking Jesus earthquakes. Satan popped in for a minute or BZ. Excuse me, Satan. Yeah, BZ. Yeah. Call him BZ because it scares you to call him Satan. I don't like talking to him.
01:32:30
Speaker
Why? You can ask anything about anything. Yeah, but I feel like he'll talk about it. He's kind of like he's kind of like an A.I. He's a shell in the interior and it's probably pretty dumb. Is that what the Simon and Simon truck look like? They didn't have those fatty tires on and there's no fucking way. Yeah, I did. Dude, that's. When my memory like the fall guy truck is the one I'm remembering, I think, but they had like a.
01:33:01
Speaker
I had to find another picture. Yeah, that's a dope car. Damn it. I did it again. That's a that's a badass. It's a badass car. That's a good one. So there's a ton of them. We're going to have to. We're going to definitely. Oh, Magnum P.I. Who? We're going to have an episode where. Yeah, we go. We go over that bracket. Movie and TV. Yes, we got to do a bracketology.
01:33:27
Speaker
Bracketology, Patreon. I'm down for that. Because you used to, Duke's a hazard. You got A-Team. I mean, there's a ton of fucking awesome shit. Dude, you're not driving the A-Team van, dude. You know I would be driving the A-Team van around. Fuck yeah. Just an action hero rapist. Patreon. Come to the Patreon. We're going to be doing LotLizards and probably having some art with it.
01:33:57
Speaker
Well, awesome media to go with it. All right, my friend. And you guys check out Nuda's playlist, like Beezie said. That's great. It is good. You'll love it. Oh, it's not bad. It's just the music. Yeah. The music you pick, I don't like, but I mean, it's interesting.
01:34:21
Speaker
It is interesting. I talk about, uh, just random shit about it. So yeah, it's, it's not funny. Uh, I'm not super funny on here either, but at least you are informative. It's informal. Not today. It's informative. I find it cool new music with noodles. Hey, and guess what, everybody? Oh, what?
01:34:50
Speaker
Oh, you're supposed to play around the pool. Oh, that was it. Do it. Do it again. All right. Hey, and guess what, everybody? Hey. Noodles. Yes. Do it again. Yeah. One more time.
01:35:21
Speaker
Hey, let's say it together. All right. Hey, guess what, everybody? Guess what, everybody?
01:35:45
Speaker
Grab the bull! Fucking nailed it, dude. I have a learning disability.