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NTK405 - Paco the Woke God
93 Plays2 years ago
Get ready for a thrilling ride through the unexpected with Noodles and TK! They're joined by the one and only Paco, TK's father for a wild and crazy episode you won't want to miss. Dive into conspiracy theories with Noodles and Paco and hold on tight as they tackle the controversial topic of gay cartoon characters. And that's not all! Get ready for an intense game of "Answer the Internet" where Noodles and Paco face off in a battle of wits and humor. With technical difficulties adding to the excitement, this episode is sure to be a wild ride. So come join Noodles and TK for a rollercoaster of humor, absurdity, and unexpected twists.
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Transcript
Introduction and Hosts' Banter
00:00:02
Speaker
The Cheap Shops Podcast Network
00:00:38
Speaker
This is Noodles and we have someone dying on our podcast. That's a hurry before he dies. I've only got minutes left. Paco is on. What's up, Paco? Hey, what's up, boys? Paco the Taco is back on the show. We got the king. I guess we need to, you know, bring some offering. The king and his dad. If you get TK is the king, what does that make you? The emperor usurped?
00:01:07
Speaker
I am a god. The supreme god. I usurped. I usurped him. He's a god. I am a woke god. You are a woke god. Lame. That was terrible, I know. That hurt me even saying it. What's happening, man? What's happening to everyone? Noodles? How are you? Yeah, yeah. Long time no see. Doing well, doing well.
00:01:31
Speaker
or here, I guess. Where you
Travel Tales and Hotel Mishaps
00:01:34
Speaker
guys at? Let's hear about where you're at. That's how we do it. That's our thing. Where you at, Paco? Where you at? I got the OKC. OKC. I've been there once. Didn't care for it twice, maybe. No, no, I don't either. But yeah, then they put you downtown. They got to do the valet shit. Then they bitch because you tip them. Well, fuck you. They bitch because you tip them? They don't. The company does. Oh, you put it on the card. Fuck right.
00:02:01
Speaker
That's okay. I was in Colorado this morning flying to San Francisco where I'm currently, but I tried to pay. I put some items on the room and then I pay it at the end. I say, separate that. I'll pay it on a different credit card. I tried to do that. And he's like, I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to separate it. And I'm like, I gotta go, dude. He's like, you have to wait for my manager to get in. I'm like, fuck it.
00:02:31
Speaker
Oh, that's going to go over well. Doesn't matter now, though, does it? Not too worried about it. Probably not. Although I did use it to get some gas once and then didn't realize it until the bill came. Oh, gas in your rental car? Yeah, but it was my rental car, not the company's rental car. Just out of habit, you know. Yeah, just out of habit. They took it out of my per diem.
00:03:01
Speaker
TK, where you at? Oh, oh, always. Are you in a bad mood? No, I was listening. I'm listening to y'all. Oh, he's leaning back like rolling his eyes. Fucking shit. I was chilling. He's I know I could I can I can see it. I can envision it rolling in his eyes, getting pissed. Well, I pissed.
Conspiracies and Surveillance
00:03:24
Speaker
Oh, because we're talking about shit you don't give a fuck about. Well, then we wouldn't talk at all, guys.
00:03:32
Speaker
Yeah, he don't like nobody. Nobody. I'm a real problem. Terrible. A real shitty person. You don't have to tell me twice. I have to tell you everything twice, bro. He's so, he's super psyched. You can hear himself on the mic.
00:03:57
Speaker
When you first give mics and you have the headphone on is nothing more better than just listening to yourself. Talk. If you're a narcissist, it's pretty cool. It's pretty cool. Well, what do we got today, man? What do you guys want to talk about? Lots of stuff like, uh, tons of stuff. People are putting balloons, hot air balloons. We can ride it. What do you guys think of that? It's our government doing it. There's a false flag.
00:04:23
Speaker
For sure. For sure. China's like that. I don't know. And we're like, we'll let it hang out for a while. No big deal. Even China's like, why don't you shoot it down? And they're like, no, no, no, we'll leave it up. They didn't want to shoot it down over a damn house to come down. It's higher than the airplanes.
00:04:46
Speaker
It's like 50,000 feet. It's not out of the fucking solar system. Whoa, that would be far. You'd get a fall. Right. We have nothing that can grab it. Right. Grab it and tow it away somewhere over the ocean. Oh, there's video now where we shot it down. Did we? Yeah, it's down.
00:05:11
Speaker
After they spied on millions of millions of people. Yeah. Well, the thing is like, if it's us, like we can already spy on us. We don't really need the balloon to do it. Oh, it helps though. Everything's spying on us. You can't walk around the corner without somebody taping it. Yeah. Well, that and what we self police with our cameras for sure for views, but satellites and stuff, there's stuff watching us down to like feet.
00:05:36
Speaker
Yeah, I'm watching a show right now. What on earth? They're showing weird shit that the satellite's catching. It's a lot of stuff. Doesn't make sense to nothing. They watch. They can look at everything. Even your feet. No, they're not down to your feet, like down to a few, like 50 feet or something.
00:05:56
Speaker
They're pretty damn close. I see your feet. I know our guided missiles, they can put it in your fucking side hip pocket. No, it's precise. The laser pointed at that guy's pocket. It's going in his pocket.
00:06:16
Speaker
That's just how it works. That is true. I keep my hands in my pockets. That doesn't surprise me. The the balloon thing, though, I don't understand what would be the benefit. I'm like, oh, no, they're fucking giving us extra covid. That might be a drop in covid. Just spraying us. It was the Chinese, but it wasn't the Chinese balloon. I don't think so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You think it is? You think they're like, we're going to send a balloon over there. It'll take 70,000 years to get there.
00:06:47
Speaker
If the wind is right, well, I just heard a story today from a little Jose the guy my little guide He's telling me about how the Japanese did it, you know During the Pearl Harbor time to where they sent him over because there's a jet stream They knew what the jet stream was they dropped him over and they actually dropped bombs and stuff And it didn't kill enough people for the American or the government to let anyone else know So I mean there's all kinds of weird shit like that, but he went on and on about out
00:07:16
Speaker
how the Japanese started at first. They did send balloons with bombs over.
Historical War Tactics Discussion
00:07:21
Speaker
That is true. Because there's a jet stream that basically just brings them right over there. Brings them down in Alaska and down through the middle of the damn United States. But they were like exploding over like wilderness. Right. Does TikTok science shit happen? It was way before TikTok. Yeah, way.
00:07:45
Speaker
before your little cell phonies. But anyway, tell me more. I got no more. Tell me more about old war apparatuses. They're old. They got them. No, I just it's it's weird if it was a big deal. If we really thought it was them and we're we would have done something immediately. I mean, you think there's a lot of open land, dude, and they're like, nope, it's over houses constantly.
00:08:14
Speaker
I mean, we don't know what they're spying at. Like those, I'm sure the balloon wasn't, you couldn't power the balloon, but they were powering that little apparatus that under the balloon, hooked to the balloon. He could probably zoom in on anything. Yeah. Uh, that's what it was. Uh, one of the, actually I just watched a few of the videos, one of the videos of Montana, he says it's set in the same place for 35 minutes. Then it started moving. Doesn't sound like a weather balloon to me. No, it's a little odd.
00:08:44
Speaker
It's an ICB and there's a they're looking at ICB sites. We're just we're just trying to get out of paying China all over debt.
Super Bowl Predictions and Jokes
00:08:52
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I think we owe a lot of them. Hell yeah, because they own fucking America. Land was Japanese used to back in the 80s, but Chinese took over. Yeah. The Japs were buying everything up. Let's keep it up beat boys.
00:09:13
Speaker
All right. We can talk about Patrick Mahomes. We can talk about the Super Bowl coming up. Oh, he's going to cry. I never talk about Patrick Mahomes. Not going to cry. He's just a homosexual. It's in his name. His brother is literally gay.
00:09:26
Speaker
His brother is gay. He runs like he's gay, but he's not. He definitely runs like he's gay. He does. He's got a bad run. All right. Let's talk about, let's talk about quarterbacks and if they have gay tendencies or not. Patrick Mahomes. He's the first one. Number. That's the highest one on the list. He's the highest one on the list. You said which quarterback's going to suck dick. Here's the list. He's number one.
00:09:52
Speaker
He's number one on the list. He's got that little fur bow down at the chin. It's nice. Very nice. So we're saying Patrick Mahomes could possibly be gay. Does sexual things. You're saying he is gay for sure. Yeah. Doesn't matter. He's winning, but did you see the commercial of the game as about being gay? The bath bomb. Yeah. Yeah. And the jazz.
00:10:17
Speaker
And the jazz bath. Yeah, the jazz bath. I think it's gay. Where's that noise? Where's that sound? Oh, you're always slacking over there. There you go. So I got to ask for it. No, I didn't know. I'm not. I'm not used to running stuff. So who's rooting for who in the Super Bowl? Eagles. I told you I knew that. I'll never go for Kansas City. How about how about who do we think is truly going to win?
00:10:47
Speaker
Eagles area. I think the Eagles have a better team. They have a better team, but you got Patrick, the gay Patrick. Yeah. He's the new Tom Brady. They're going to give him, he's going to get the tuck rules and get all these different rules. They're going to march him down the field and let him get like, Oh, we'll throw a flag so he can kick the field goal. They're in. Yeah. That's why I'm always yelling at the damn TV. That's not a fucking penalty.
00:11:14
Speaker
Why would you yell at that if you're winning? Because, uh, it's still not a penalty. Cause usually we're not winning until the last minute. Yeah. When they handed to him. So I got, fuck, this is not working according to script. Yeah. That, that 18 seconds. Yeah. That was according to Paco. Here's a tough one for you. Handed. Here's a tough question. If the Niners would have made it and it was Niners and chiefs like it was a few years ago, who would you root for?
00:11:42
Speaker
It would have been Niners this time. No liar. Nope. Would not lie. Because I already got my, I got the Chiefs. That's what I wanted. I'm good with that. Niners need one now. They do. They do need one. And they had Christian McCaffrey. I was thinking that they had a shot. All their quarterbacks didn't get fucking shot. I mean, you're done. No, no, you're done. No, no, you're done too. How about you? You're done.
00:12:11
Speaker
Yeah. How many fucking teams go through that? And four quarterbacks and still almost make it to the Super Bowl. What happens when your quarterback goes down? We suck. Yep. That's why I hope you don't go down. Do you even think he has a hurt ankle? Yes. He had some very big limps and then like I'm not limping at all and then some big limps like he kind of made it look a little worse than it was.
00:12:37
Speaker
We have to kind of fake out the guys, you know, the other guys go, maybe he's heard I can catch him. Then he goes, I got a little bit of burst just enough to get the first down because I think I'm slow because my ankle's not injured. Oh, it's fucking injured. Did
Birds, Robots, and Conspiracy Theories
00:12:51
Speaker
you see him land on it? No, it's pretty fucking injured. This is just a real man. That's all there is to take pain. I mean, take a shot. At least he's having a second baby. So he likes it. Yeah.
00:13:07
Speaker
He's having a, I didn't even know he had one baby. Yeah. Is that a girl? He's got a couple, couple baby frogs. With a real, real big forehead. Yeah. His wife is not attractive. That baby's not very attractive either. You hate to say it, but man, he's ugly. She's ugly. And they've got like an Instagram and they get everywhere.
00:13:36
Speaker
Oh, it's not good, boys. Not good. It might not even be his. Well, it looks a little, uh, could be TK's. It's a big forehead. That's true. His, uh, his little brother was dancing on the grave of a fucking, they're doing a honoring somebody and like retiring his number. I can't remember who it was. And then he went out and just danced on the number, danced on the field on his shit for a TikTok. Oh, who did that?
00:14:05
Speaker
No, Patrick Mahomes little brother. Oh, he's a dick. He's dancing on, uh, dancing on tables up in the press, up in the box and shit. He's a weirdo. He's trying to be, he's trying to catch some of the fame. He's like, I'm a loser compared to my brother. He is catching. He's got like a million followers because of it. That's the whole deal. You know, the crazier you are, same thing, you know?
00:14:28
Speaker
The more outrageous it is, people want to know, people want to see. That's why the, you know, all the news we get is not good news. It's all propaganda bullshit. They're just getting it, get rise out of you. That is true. That is true. You know, the more crazy, the more they get. It's like an drug. They gotta have more. Paco, do you think birds are real? Pretty damn real. Why wouldn't they be?
00:15:00
Speaker
Well, there's a movement going on. Oh no. The birds aren't real movement. Have you heard about this? No, like the Earth is flat movement, kind of. It's very similar to the Earth is flat, except this is in the 50s, the CIA decided that they hated birds because they shit all over everything. Yeah.
00:15:28
Speaker
They would shit all over their cars, you know, at the Pentagon. And so they also wanted to spy on people because of communism. So they decided to kill all the birds and replace them with robot birds. So ever since the sis, the sixties and seventies, every bird you see is a robot. Uh, there's some shit and robots then.
00:15:58
Speaker
the the the the the the the
00:16:23
Speaker
Okay. I believe it. I believe it could be true. I mean, why, why couldn't, and I'm sure we have technology that we haven't seen yet. Usually it's militarized for about 20 years where we get to see it. You know how many birds there are in the world. Do I think it's all birds? Probably not all birds. A lot of robots. I don't think there's no birds at all that are real birds.
00:16:45
Speaker
Is that what this is proposing? It's proposing that all birds are fake. That's unlikely. Yeah. That's a shitload of bird. Yeah. Millions. What they did was they built, they built 21 B 52 bombers. And at night they flew over like 8,000 feet. They would target the bird flocks and they would spray them with this virus that disintegrated them within 24 hours.
00:17:16
Speaker
Okay, I doubt it. Wouldn't you have melted houses and trees too? No, no, it just targeted the birds. That's a pretty good virus. Yeah, they're pretty hard not to bird flu. No, that's what's happening. And then, then they replaced them all with robot birds to spy on us. This is a true story. In what way? In the way that it's written as a true story. Okay.
00:17:45
Speaker
Let me ask you if I was to do that and I wanted to create a fucking super bird domination, no real birds anywhere. Right. There are still nests and eggs. What are they doing with that? And then the second part of that is why do they have them all fly South? Why don't they keep them here in the winter? Right. And why, why didn't they kill the chickens? Exactly. The bird eat a lot of chicken and Turkey. It's a bird.
00:18:14
Speaker
Well, they can't fly. They don't always fly around as much. Yeah. Well, how about that? Yeah, you're shooting them down. People are eating them. Yes. Yeah, but no one shoots a robin and eats it. Nobody here, right? But he said all birds. All birds. Can't be done. It's interesting that you say that because this is a complete
00:18:42
Speaker
It's a true movement, but everyone's in on the joke who is in this movement. It's basically a movement against disinformation. It's so deep that it's so implausible that it's a joke, but they maintain it. They have vans, billboards, birds aren't real, vans that go drive around with satellite dishes on them that say birds aren't real.
00:19:11
Speaker
It's crazy like knowing it's a, it's completely fabricated. You would think the internet letting us come together would be more dangerous and more powerful. It's actually the best thing could happen to governments. Explain. Everyone is out to give views and clicks. So they say them out most outrageous shit, true or not. And then some person believes it a little bit. They'll spread it and spread it and spread it. And it spreads fast. And there's so much information and so much disinformation that you can't decipher between the two.
00:19:41
Speaker
Like QAnon. Okay. What does that mean? QAnon is completely ridiculous, fabricated bullshit. And there's millions of people that believe in that. Okay. There's going to be people that believe in anything and everything out there depends on who they hang with or who they believe in. And same thing with churches, you know, those cults, I mean, the minds are strong. If you can manipulate the mind, people can believe in anything.
00:20:09
Speaker
It's what they want to believe. That's the thing is like, you give someone, they want to believe something and you give them something like, fuck yeah, that points that helps me prove my point. Yeah, it pushes them into it. Like pizza gate, and lizard people, lizard people. Yeah. You don't believe in the pedophile rings and stuff? No, no, not in, not, I don't believe in Q and I don't believe there's a guy named Q who is coming up with all this fucking inside information, like Illuminati bullshit. I do not.
00:20:39
Speaker
But we've talked about that before. Well, then let it go. We've we've we've run through lizard people. Was it rough on the skin? Are they scary? Well, for sake of argument, like if if lizard people were a thing, they live underground, they feed off of children's
00:21:09
Speaker
What's it called? Adrenochrome. Adrenochrome, yes. Is adrenochrome a real thing? Yes. It's one of the most expensive drugs in the world. Really? Why? Because it's hard to get.
00:21:25
Speaker
That's the only reason because you have to get it from children. We have to get it from a highly terrorized person for sure. Um, I think it's, I don't know what it does though. Like I don't understand. I think it's supposed to be a severe high. I just don't know what it does. So I can't say from experience. Well, it's supposed to like, make you young, keep you young. Like a vampire. Um, yeah, right. Though the vampire is just like a myth based off of that. Maybe.
00:21:55
Speaker
And all of the higher end people in government and shadow ops and your. The people that would have the. Faceless people running the the world are all. On adrenochrome. Yeah. There you go, Paco.
00:22:17
Speaker
Damn, that blew your fucking mind. I heard it explode. I know nothing now. It's, uh, I mean, all this stuff coming out, like you wouldn't have thought people were fucking all the highlights were fucking kids either, but you're finding that out a little bit. Well, there's an Island, right? That was true. And then the list of people that go there. The list of people that go there. Bill Gates is under attack right now because, uh, he had dinner with, with Epstein and he's like,
00:22:47
Speaker
I just had dinner once with him. It meant nothing. Some of that, though, is a good right. Let's say you have an island like that. And let's say you're not really part of that stuff. He could just bring you to the island to enjoy the island and have nothing going on. But if you're associated with that, that's a way to control the people that have power. No, yeah, that's right. Because you can just basically say, look at this guy. He was here. He was doing stuff.
00:23:15
Speaker
Hmm. He was on the plane. Tom Hanks was on the plane 13 times. Yeah. Yeah. Seems like, seems pretty crazy. 13 is a lot. He's a weirdo. Tom Hanks is. Hell yeah. Oh, Tom. No, I thought you said the other. Oh, Epstein. Yeah. Epstein was a weirdo. No doubt. And his death. I'll leave it a bit. His death was not suicide. It was murder.
00:23:46
Speaker
That's pretty common knowledge, right? You would assume yes. But, you know, everything's a cover-up. Not everything, but there are things that... Pretty much everything that we do as an American is covered up in the government. They don't let us know nothing real. It's all what they want us to think we should know. Looks like we have a conspiracy theorist here.
00:24:15
Speaker
No, it's just the way it is. It's been propaganda forever. Yeah, that's true. You know, you throw your food guns over there and they start corrupting people and shit happens. We get more oil. You know, that's all it says. Government's not run by fucking government. It's run by business.
00:24:33
Speaker
Run by business, the military industrial complex runs everything. It's all business. It's all business. So where the money is, the money corrupts.
War Profiteering and Global Conflicts
00:24:43
Speaker
If you don't need to make any tanks, you're not making any money. Yeah. And that's why, you know, early in the days, the early wars, we actually profited from war.
00:24:55
Speaker
Because we made the tanks, we made the iron, we did everything, you know. We're definitely profiting from Ukraine right now. I can imagine. How? They allow us to... Go ahead. We're sending all... So the European countries are sending money over to the Ukraine. We're sending tanks and Bradleys and missiles and then
00:25:23
Speaker
the European countries are paying us for that. So we're making money off the shit we're sending over there, which is our garbage. We're sending our garbage over there. And meanwhile, we're creating new tanks and fighting vehicles and things to replace all that shit. So we're sending in our garbage and making new stuff and getting paid for it at the same time.
00:25:52
Speaker
Good business. Yeah, it's pretty cool. That's why Europe's kind of pissed at this right now. Why are they pissed? They're the ones paying for it, you said. They're paying for our shit. Well, why are they mad then? Why are they mad? Yeah, they don't have to. But it's the deal. That's the deal they made, we made with them. Well, then why would they be mad? But if they made, they were part of the deal. They made the decision to be part of the deal. Can't be pissed because you're part of the deal.
00:26:22
Speaker
Oh, they're pissed. Stupid. Shitty Americans, that's what everyone thinks. Yeah, read between the lines before you sign something, dumbass. What else do we want to talk about?
00:26:39
Speaker
Something a little more upbeat. How about that? Yeah, that's pretty fun. Pretty fun. Do you guys think some comic book characters are gay? Not comic books, but cartoon characters are gay. I would hope so. I'll let you guys debate. This is going to be a little difficult for Paco because he didn't watch the cartoons that we watched when we were growing up in the 80s. Yeah.
00:27:06
Speaker
So his kind of cartoons are going to be like Looney Tunes and what did they even have when you were growing up? Did they even have TV? Barely. Black and white. Yeah. So obviously I've watched I've watched some newer ones. Let's talk about He-Man. There you go. I watch He-Man. Is He-Man gay? Yes. He-Man. Before he's He-Man, yes. No.
00:27:34
Speaker
You know, I think he-man is the ultimate gay. Really? Why is that? Almost no clothing. Yeah. Doesn't have a girlfriend. Ripped and handsome, right? He's like the most powerful man on the unit. How he got his powers is he prayed to his sword.
00:28:04
Speaker
And it gave him. All his human powers. And what is what hangs out with him? Well, like a really. It's a pussy. Yeah. Yeah. Pussycat. It is. He's he's a weak cat, though. He's a wussy little cat. What's this cat's name? That I don't remember.
00:28:35
Speaker
Cat. Thundercat. No, he's not a Thundercat. It's another cartoon. It's another cartoon. I got it. Don't you know? Well, okay. Here's his origin story. He got his fabulous secret powers revealed to him the day he held aloft his magic sword.
00:29:01
Speaker
Was that it? Yeah, I don't think that... And some of the other characters, Skeletor. Oh, definitely gay. They're all walking around in their vans. Definitely gay. Fisto. Fisto, definitely gay. Fisto might be gay. Definitely gay. You know, He-Man when he runs around, he runs like Patrick Mahomes, so... Helmet Head? Yeah. Gay. I don't know. I don't know. Don't know Helmet Head.
00:29:29
Speaker
Um, how about this TK, uh, the brain from pinky in the brain. Oh, love the brain. I could see him being gay. No. Yeah. I think the little guy that works with him is pretty gay. Brain is a stereotypical older white gay bachelor is what this article says. Really? Yeah.
00:29:58
Speaker
He is. Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck. Bugs Bunny is a cross-dresser for sure. What do you think, Buck? I think he's a little funny. There's no doubt about it. He's a little funny. Bugs Bunny not only has a penchant for drag, but also looks damn good in makeup. Oh. Daffy seems to be into pup play.
00:30:22
Speaker
Their long-standing rivalry would play out really well on a reality show if set in the current era. Wow. I don't know. That's my internet. I don't know. I don't know what the hell puppy play is. What's the internet? What's wrong? TK. TK. Oh, we lost him. I can hear you. I can hear you. No way.
00:30:48
Speaker
Oh, can you hear me? Well, you can talk. You're touching myself again. I just you guys were doing like a weird cut out thing. So I was waiting for it to stop. Oh, we weren't cutting out. I could hear Paco perfectly fine. I could hear him. It could be me. All right. Is Scooby Doo gay? Scooby Doo is not Fred's gay for sure.
00:31:17
Speaker
Fred, what about Velma? Velma? Velma's dead. Velma's by for sure. Yeah, I think so. Oh, she's definitely, I mean, there's not, there's dudes, no one's hitting on Velma. That's the only one, porn is only of Velma. Exactly. Yeah, Fred, I could see because of his scarf. Such as a scarf, it's the way he carries himself.
00:31:42
Speaker
Yeah and he gets bossed around by Velma and his girl. I thought you were going to say. I'm going to let it all out. Can you do a Fred impression? No, no, no. I can do a Shaggy impression. Yeah, do it. Like, come on Scoop, let's get out of here.
00:32:09
Speaker
That's pretty good, dude. Pretty damn good. You nailed that. Honestly, when I tell you to do stuff, I don't expect you to do well. Well, okay. That's not nice. Okay. Do you think Shaggy's gay? We're probably gay. No. Can you just scoop? Shaggy. Yeah. Shaggy's hungry. It's not bad. Your Shaggy's better.
00:32:35
Speaker
Yeah. Well, I mean, this scoop is hard to do. Yeah. Well, Shaggy is pretty easy. Can you do? Can I can I do both? Can you do I'm doing it? Yeah. Just gay scenario between Scooby and Shag. Go. Go. Hey, Shaggy, come here. Like, what do you want, Scoob? I got to jump in. Like, OK.
00:33:08
Speaker
Like, are you sure scoop? Yeah. Well, okay. Oh, yeah. Wow.
00:33:25
Speaker
Dude. Wow. That was great. Wait, Jeninkies, what are you guys doing? Yeah, Jeninkies. Let me meet you. Oh, bro, dude. We just started a whole new podcast. Yeah. It's just going to be you and Shaggy and Scooby doing gay shit. Oh, nice. I'll do it. Wow, dude.
00:33:52
Speaker
Yeah, with different characters. You get the Harlem Globetrotters in there. Yeah. Here's a trivia question. I think Paco will get it. Who was the original voice of Shaggy? Fuck no. Gilligan's Island guy or the... What's the other one? What's the... Not Dick Clark. What's the dude that does the top 50?
00:34:18
Speaker
You got it. You're on track, TK. This is Casey Kaysom. I would have much rather listen to Casey Kaysom read those letters and dedicate songs to Shaggy. In Shaggy voice, there you go. And Casey Kaysom stopped doing his voice because he thought that it was a bad influence because they just eat a lot of junk food.
00:34:44
Speaker
And yeah, not because they're all the time. Yeah. Yeah. I was going to say, yeah, really. He's so high and mighty. Oh, Casey, he's dead. He's very low right now. He's dead. He is dead. Um, could you dedicate a song to us? I can't do Casey case his voice. No, not Casey case. Like here's a song for scoop. This is dedicated to you, buddy.
00:35:14
Speaker
Is it who let the dogs out? It's who let the dogs out. That's good, dude. Yes. You surprised me. Now you got to learn some more. Yes, that's going to be your thing. You have to be an impression guy now. I got to be funny somehow. There you go. That was great. You nailed it. I can see it in my mind. That's what I told you. That's the sad part.
00:35:41
Speaker
No, I will say this like 20 years ago when I was living in Pittsburgh, staying at my buddy's house. He had a nice computer and it was, you know, Internet was starting to get a little bit faster. And I watched a lot of cartoon porn. There was like Dukes of Hazzard. There was Scooby Doo. That was great. Smurfs.
00:36:07
Speaker
No, I didn't see any Smurfs. Dukes of Hazzard was the one I watched a lot because they were fucking the shit out of Daisy. Yeah. You said He-Man was gay. Did you watch those? They didn't have any. I didn't see any He-Man. They had Gilligan's Island. That was another one. Is that a cartoon? No, they made it cartoon. None of these were like Dukes of Hazzard wasn't a cartoon either. I didn't want to call you out on the first one, but you kept going. Yeah. They turned him into cartoons and, uh,
00:36:36
Speaker
You know, they had Gilligan fucking, uh, uh, what's her name? Mary, uh, the bull, Mary, not Mary Anne, but the other one. Uh, Ginger. Everybody knows Mary. Ginger. Yeah. That's a question for you too. Which one? Oh, Mary Anne for sure.
00:36:53
Speaker
I said Mary Ann. Yeah. Yeah. Ginger could suck the chrome off a fucking tail hitch. Yeah, but Mary Ann was hotter. She was. Yeah. There's something behind those eyes. Yeah. Don't get me wrong. I'd fuck Ginger, too, but. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Who would? If he had to choose, it'd be Mary Ann. She'd get freaky on you. I think so. Ginger's too high maintenance. Not on an island.
00:37:23
Speaker
Oh, have you ever watched Gilligan's Island? She was pretty eye-painted in the attic. The people waited on her. Yeah, it's pretty rough. Yeah, no, no. I don't like those. I like the good old American sweetheart. The dumb ones. Yeah. The farm girls. Yeah. Grew up, you know, like it should be. Midwestern. Yeah. That's what you both grew up with. That crazy thought. Yeah, well.
00:37:54
Speaker
There's a little more Midwestern when I grew up than when he grew up. Yeah, it was more urban when he grew up. He didn't live no country, that's for sure. No, we lived very inner city. Here's a good question for you, Tiki. How many black women did you date? None. Couldn't get it done. No? Was there any hot ones? Yeah, several. It's not that I didn't want to. Wasn't able to.
00:38:24
Speaker
I wasn't a ladies man took a long time. But once once you once you butted everything came so easy.
00:38:39
Speaker
Yeah, that's for sure. So easy. Didn't have to try very hard. No, just touch it. Oh, no, not like that. Just thinking about it. You know, there's some time for that for sure. Before I got laid.
00:39:00
Speaker
I remember my girlfriend, we would just, she would just slide
Intimacy and Relationship Preferences
00:39:03
Speaker
on my dick. That was it. She would just slide on it. I'd be like, just let me put it in for a second. Slide on it. Yeah. She would just slide on until she busted. Oh, like just on the outside on the shaft. Yeah. Cause it wasn't, it was like, it was like a terrible version of soaking. Yeah. Did you even get to finger her? I ended up doing it. I talked her into it and then she loved it. Oh, then she's like, and then she never busted again.
00:39:29
Speaker
What's that? Once you stuck it in, she's like, I can't bust anymore. No, I hate to say. No, she still did. But it took a long time for that. It's an accident that it went in. It's not my fault. So here's a question for you guys. When you're with a woman,
00:39:57
Speaker
Are you more interested in pleasing her? Or pleasing yourself? I'm not there to please myself. Like that. You're not? You're not? No, Amy, please. Like I'm just there to beat off. No, you're there to get off. And it doesn't matter if she does or not. I want them to. But I mean, ultimately, it's like, how is it going for me? OK. No, I'm I'm there for them. Then I can do what I want and she can't bitch.
00:40:27
Speaker
Right. What if she's like, Oh, I already came. Like I'm done and you're not. And then she's going to get slapped in the face. Oh, you're doing that. You're doing this. All right. Don't care if you're done down there. I'm going to be done. I like it. So it's got to be married.
00:40:53
Speaker
Married to the right one. Hey, come on out here. I'm in agreement with Paco a little bit on this. You usually are. It's all about that. The more you please them, the more opportune you get to do what you want to do. Because the more pleased they are, the sooner you can get the fuck out of bed and do what you want to do. That's true. And what do you want to do when you get out of bed? We got stuff to do. I want to go to sleep.
00:41:18
Speaker
Yeah. I'm just the opposite for me. You're like a woman. I got to go. You want to talk every bit? There'll be no cuddling. You get up and you're like, you want to eat something? You make her a sandwich? Fuck yeah. No, I just go do my. All right. What about first thing in the morning? Like you turn over, you, you fucked all night. And then the first thing in the morning, do you wake up and you want to fuck again? Or do you want them to clean up first?
00:41:50
Speaker
I'm not, I don't care. I prefer a little clean. You don't care? I prefer a little clean. Will you munch on her pussy? Probably not. And then, yeah. Even if she's sucking your crusty dick? No, that's her. She's used to that. Okay. All right. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, it depends what she's willing to let me get away with. That's where it goes, yeah. There you go. All right. What about you, bud?
00:42:21
Speaker
Oh, yeah. It's kind of the same way. I'm not going to go down on her. No, but I'll definitely shove it in. Well, you're a nice guy. Yeah. Yeah. Um, better to wake her up with. Okay. Yeah. Let's, uh, let's play some answer the internet fellas. It's usually me against Paco. Let's put noodles against Paco today.
00:42:48
Speaker
It's not different. Noodles. Bring it on. All right. All right, who wants to go first? You go back and forth in these answers. Yeah, you decide who goes first. Yeah, you're the guy. I am the guy. You keep telling yourself, I'm the guy. You are the guy. Oh, sorry. You got to tell me to do it all the time. There you go.
00:43:14
Speaker
All right. I'm ready. We're ready. We're going to go first. We'll do a tamed up. He's ready. He admitted it. Would you rather fight 100 duck sized horses or one horse sized duck? Who's this to me? You, you him. Yeah. You're 100.
00:43:37
Speaker
duck sized horses or one horse sized duck. I would fight 100 duck sized horses because you can kick them and they then horses don't they have small mouths. They're not really going to bite you. Especially especially if they're the size of a duck and if they kick you, I mean, it's it's not going to hurt. So you can just be you can just kick
00:44:07
Speaker
All of them. You fall down, you fall down in a hundred little times four, punching you in the face with their feet. Okay. You tell me that ain't, that won't hurt. If I fall down, that's, that's the big thing. You gotta fall down. They can't climb you. They can't climb you. They can't fly. You got two, you got two in a football field.
00:44:33
Speaker
So you get to what are they doing? If I stand still, what are they doing? They're just acting. They're attacking in what way? However, duck horses attack. However, miniature tiny horses attack, which is going to be hilarious.
00:44:49
Speaker
They will be hilarious. 100 of them. And they can't climb up on you because they have hooves. Have you seen a horse kick somebody? Yes, but not a horse the size of a duck. It'd be like being punched by a baby, but a hundred babies. Right, but it's going to be the same power for their size. Yes, for their size. It's going to feel like a baby slapping you.
00:45:11
Speaker
Oh yeah. Slapping you right in the shin. I'm going to be got a little tiny teeth. You have a chance. You have a chance to give your answer. Let him finish his answer. I think we know his answer.
00:45:26
Speaker
So I'm gonna be kicking and it's gonna be hilarious. These these horses are gonna be You're gonna fall there's no way I'm falling you're getting 50 fucking hose to the Anything with a hundred things attacking that are at your ankles you're gonna fall I
00:45:49
Speaker
You don't have that. That's not necessarily true. First of all, not all hundred can get to me. It's only going to be I'm surrounded by 10 at a time, five at a time. That is true. These horses are flying and then I'm going to be kicking them into the other horses. These horses are going to have broken legs. They're going to be flopping around. That's true. And could you imagine a hundred littles? That would be cool to hear. That'd be kind of that'd be an offsetting.
00:46:18
Speaker
like off-putting dude so uh that would be my choice for sure 100% okay same question to you Paco do you fight 100 little horses or one duck horse one duck horse one duck sized horse or one horse sized duck a horse sized duck a duck the size of a horse it has two legs yes how big is that bill i don't care how big the bill is i'm gonna
00:46:46
Speaker
I can arms around its neck, pull it down to the ground and give it the same old thing I did to the chickens back at the farm. I'm going to ring the fucking neck. I don't care how big it is. It's getting wrong. That neck would be the size of a tree trunk. Yes. No. And that could swallow your head. Do you think so? Well, let's say a duck could crack something open right now, like at its size. It could probably make your head explode.
00:47:14
Speaker
Not even close. That size? You're scared of a duck? Yeah, but you got to multiply its power. That's true. It has no power. Multiply no power. And it can fly. Yeah, what happens if it flies at you? Can't get me. It's too fucking high. It just automatically goes to a thousand feet. Yeah. You can't get close to the ground.
00:47:41
Speaker
I don't know. It takes off, you grab by the legs, ride that bitch. That's what you do. You ride it till it gets tired. And then you... And those things have claws. I mean, I don't think ducks... They don't have claws. Those feet don't have little claws. I think they do. They got a little... They're webbed, but I think they have little things on the end of them. They don't, not the ducks. What if that duck drags you into water? Yeah. Why would I be around water?
00:48:09
Speaker
That's a duck. It's near water where you're fighting probably. You think so? Not a lot of ducks. Lunges that you flies into your face, wraps its wings around you. That big of a duck is not going to be super fast. That is true. I could see it coming. It's coming from me. Ten feet away. All right. I got 10 plans how I'm going to attack this fucking thing as it's coming at me.
00:48:34
Speaker
And usually I'm going to bring a club. Oh, you don't, you don't get any weapons. You don't get any weapons. Oh, that's where you come at and you slide under and you grab by the dick balls. That's true. Or the duck balls drag his ass over. Hey, I wrestled in high school. I could take a duck down. That's a big fucking duck, dude. I don't give a fuck how big the duck is. I'd be scared of a bird that size.
00:49:00
Speaker
Really? Kind of. I'm just trying to think of the size of it coming out. It's like a pterodactyl. A horse is seven foot tall, eight foot if you're a Clydesdale. A duck ain't a Clydesdale. I'm pretty happy. Clydesdale wouldn't play. I'd say the duck probably weighs what? A hundred miniature Clydesdale. What's a horse way? Right. What is a duck way?
00:49:22
Speaker
duck sized horses, you're thinking a duck weighs probably a couple pounds, right? So a regular horse is probably 500 to 600 pounds. When you eat a turkey, that 12 and 14 pound turkey don't look very big. It's 12 or 14 pounds.
00:49:39
Speaker
Times a hundred. Every bit is fucking mean. Every bit is mean. And you're talking, you're thinking they're the size of your fucking ankles. They're going to be almost to your knees. We're talking about the duck now, the horse size. I think the duck can be taken. It's tough to be the judge.
00:50:01
Speaker
I would, I would, I'm telling you, I would take a shot at it more than trying to manipulate a hundred different things at one, at one time. I don't like the fact that there's a hundred of them, but I don't need anything the size of horse. I'm pretty nervous. Yeah. Yeah. Anything that, that has a, that can bite you with a big, huge bill. Well, it doesn't have teeth.
00:50:23
Speaker
But yeah, they don't really bite. They kind of pinch. Well, that's a pinch of that size. Fucking rips your skull off. You're going to let them get at your face. That's what I'm saying. You got to go low. I don't know. I've got a plan. I can handle it. I got to choose the horses, man.
00:50:41
Speaker
Yeah. Don't be mad. I just got to choose the horses. The picture in a duck the size of a horse is terrifying. I'm going to put that in the AI image generator and see what that looks like. I'll send you a photo. There you go. Please do. Oh, God. But same thing. Send him a photo of the 100 ducks in the high. Yeah. I'll send it to both of you. It's not going to tickle when they kick you. Maybe we'll put a picture. I'll try. If I get a good picture of the both of those, I'll put them in the Patreon.
00:51:10
Speaker
Yeah, put it in there and then they can decide. There you go. All right. Next question. You want to start? This is Paco's question now to start bringing you're in an open field. Let's say a baseball field. Okay. Of course. You have an aluminum baseball bat. How many 10 year olds with bike helmets could you take out before they got you down?
00:51:34
Speaker
They're all rushing at the same time. So just think of a field full of children. Hundreds. Just like a hundred. Or yes, that I could just kick. Well, you could hit him with the bat. Kick off. How old are these kids? 10. 10-year-olds. And what do they have? Just helmets. Enthusiasm. Helmets and enthusiasm. And a plan.
00:51:57
Speaker
Uh, plan, what would that plan be? Uh, kill the, yeah, basically just murder you. How much room do you have before they were off? Well, the baseball field is also filled with children. Yes. So are they crowded in on you right away? Basically you don't have, let's say you have a 20, a 10 foot radius. Okay. And it comes from all angles, 10 of them before it's over or 10 year olds. How many 10 year olds before you're on the ground?
00:52:28
Speaker
Well, still you get somebody in the fucking head with a bat. It's pretty rough. Yeah.
00:52:40
Speaker
anywhere that's gonna be fucking rough they're going down on each swing but how many swings i'd say anywhere from uh 40 to 50 50 yeah okay you know how fast you can swing a bat that's true and how hard one swings probably taking two maybe three at a time okay you swing through you're not swinging at one going yeah you're swinging through but you gotta get through that body
00:53:06
Speaker
Oh man. If you're hitting him on top, I don't know. I think you hit one 10 year old that weighs what? 80 pounds in the side of the fucking head. You don't think he's going to bump into the next guy? Probably, but that and him, but he probably won't be out. He's going to get one of them. A couple of those are going to get back up. Not the one you domed.
00:53:26
Speaker
No, they're going to get back up, but they're going to get knocked into the other guy and the other guy and the other guy before you know it. And I can swing left handed and right handed. So you get them coming from all angles. I've been watching a lot of movies, zombie movies. So I'm ready. I'm prepared. OK, 50, 40 to 50. I think so. Wow. And that's killing them. That's putting them out of commission. Well, that's yeah, that's putting them to where they're not getting back up. Yes, they could be knocked out, I guess. Yeah. You know how whatever happens where they're not fighting you anymore.
00:53:57
Speaker
Exactly. Yeah. I'm in that range. I feel comfortable with that. 40 to 50 noodles. I'll be lucky to get 10. No. Yeah. 10. I mean, you got a 10 foot radius after your first two swings, you're surrounded. They're pulling you down. They're pulling me down. I'll be five. I'm going to say five.
00:54:26
Speaker
Five is going to be. You don't just have to hit him with the. Oh, no. No, I'm fighting on the ground. I'm gouging eyeballs and doing whatever. They're they're they're punching me in the cock. I mean, they're kids. They don't give a fuck. I'm done. Five kids. It's over. Wow. Look how tall you are. Yeah. They're they have no fear. They have no fear. Right. We're still right at your belly, but.
00:54:57
Speaker
They, I get two swings in before, before they're on me. I get two swings in before they're on me. And I'll tell you what, I know some 10 year olds that are, that, that I wouldn't even want to fight now. These are, these are regular 10 year olds. Oh, regular. That's it. Five, five, five to 10 at the most for me. I would have changed your answer if I said the kids were not, uh, like,
00:55:28
Speaker
They're not, they're clumsy kids. Like they're nerds. Yes. They're not sports kids. Um, maybe, I mean, are they scared that are they running around? Like they don't want to get hit. No, they're still aggressive. They're still right. They're like zombie kids. So, um, yeah, 10. Okay. 10. If they're clumsy kids, 10. And then I'm, I'm, I'm out for the count. They're gonna, they're gonna eat me.
00:55:57
Speaker
Okay. Yeah. I think you're both wrong. I think you both shot the mark too low and too way too high. I don't think so. I think you get about 20 kicks.
00:56:10
Speaker
I think it's more than that. Again, the first reaction, you're going to take two or three at a time. You're going to get a lot in that first swing. They're going to get back up. You're not going to get a lot in that first swing. If you connect, that's one kid, maybe two. You get a few. You catch one in the face, you get half the barrel on a couple.
00:56:29
Speaker
I don't know. I think, I think you're wrong there because again, 80 pounds, I can hit an 80 pound ball and it's going to move quite a ways. That is true. And you're, and you're only taking a 10th of that his head don't weigh 80 fucking pounds. But now after two swings, they're on you. Yeah. They're biting you in the back. You're surrounded.
00:56:50
Speaker
You got feet, you got elbows, you got arms, you got bat, you got the front of the bat, where you got the back of the bat. You only got one bat, I take it. So you've got hands, I can swing a bat with one hand, I can punch a kid in the head with the other hand. I can pick two other kids with the other. Both your numbers are wrong. No, I think you're wrong. I'll give you up to 25. 40 to 50 is your dreaming. And five or 10, you're not trying hard enough.
00:57:18
Speaker
Especially the size of you. Wow, you're a monster. Yeah, the monster surrounded by thousands. Wait till they start like kicking you in the back of the knees and biting you. Yeah, that's happening right away. I know. I still think it's about 20 because you're going to fight off some of those biters. Yeah, exactly. They don't come so fast when you get knocked in the head a few times. They don't just get up going, they're getting up a little woozy.
00:57:44
Speaker
A lot woozy. Yeah. I think, I think your number's too low, Noodles. I think Paco, your number's insanely high. I want a shot at it. No, no one's getting points. I want a shot at it. You want a shot at it. He wants to hit kids. I'm telling you 10. That's my number. It's going to be more than 10. I promise you. Okay. I was in the 30 mark, but then I go, I think I can, I feel pretty confident.
00:58:14
Speaker
I'm waiting for the fucking zombie to bite your dick. My dick, they got to get to you to bite your dick. They'll get to you. I'm not going to stand there and let them come at me. I'm going after them. You can't see them all at the same time. If you're going in one direction, you don't have to see what's behind you because you're going at them. That's how you attack it. You go straight at them, swinging and kicking.
00:58:38
Speaker
all the way through them, then you run back the other way, then you run back the other way. There will be no running. No, this is a massive. Running if you're beating a path. All right. Maybe. I mean, I like your enthusiasm. You really want to beat 50 children. That is true. I want to have your your ability.
00:59:01
Speaker
Your what? Cocksure ability. It's pretty good. I feel confident. The problem is Noodles lives with a 10 year old, he's like, how many of these little fuckers could I beat off? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You said it, not me. Well, you win it. All right. Noodles? Yes. All right. If you could wipe off one group of people from the earth, what group would it be?
00:59:29
Speaker
One group of people. Yep. Now, when you say group, is it like a nation is a group or any kind of group? Any kind of group. Oh, that's easy. Yeah, I know what you can say. Pedophiles. Oh, it's a good one. I would wipe every pedophile off the face of the year. OK, no explanation needed for that. No, I mean, I mean, I guess
01:00:00
Speaker
It's still mass murder and maybe not all of them were fucking four year olds. Maybe some of them were like 18 year olds, fucking 17 year olds, but pedophiles, if they're convicted as a pedophile or they're about to be, they're out. That's a good answer, man. It's going to be tough to beat Paco. I don't know what the fuck question was after that. Who would you erase off the earth? Any group?
01:00:30
Speaker
Yeah, I don't think I can beat that one that's pretty damn good. Yep. You gotta try Yeah, I'd say Nazis. All right. Good news
01:00:44
Speaker
That's good. We can get all 70 of those. I think there might be a few of those left, but not many in their 90s now. Yeah. Be easy to turn off their oxygen. They're still not. They all got to go. OK, we won that one. I was I was I wasn't going to beat it. Yeah, you can't win that noodles. You get that one, I guess. I guess. I didn't I've actually they're going to say like Democrats.
01:01:16
Speaker
No, there's some, there's some nice Democrats out there. Yeah. Um, let's see. Try to get one that I'm trying to get one that puts you guys in a position. Don't like to be in a position. Uh, Paco your first. Oh boy. I think we might've asked this one. I don't remember. If you got a one time pass to do whatever you wanted, what crime would you commit?
01:01:46
Speaker
Yep. Yeah. Okay. Um, what's a little thing someone can do that can automatically makes them a crazy person? If somebody's doing something, you're like, that guy's crazy. Whatever it is. What, what little thing? Is that too difficult for you guys? No, not for him. No. You want him to go first? Yeah.
01:02:15
Speaker
It sounds like he's got nothing. They're all crazy to me. So, um, one thing that if you see somebody, no matter where it is, if you, especially if it's a video, it's someone screaming and yelling. Someone is screaming and yelling in public. You automatically think they're crazy. It's true. Every time I don't care what the situation is.
01:02:46
Speaker
And it's also, it doesn't help that they're trying to make that person look crazy. But if you are walking down the street, say you're driving or you're walking and someone is at the corner and they're talking, they're screaming and yelling and there's no one around. Is that a crazy person? Probably. Probably. So in public, someone's screaming and yelling. Automatic crazy person.
01:03:12
Speaker
Okay. Do you have an answer? Of course. Okay. What do you got? Uh, no.
01:03:21
Speaker
Yeah. Crazy person. The same thing. I don't know if it's in public or anything. It's just that it's talking to people and basically no matter what you say, whatever, what you tell them, it's they, I don't know how to explain it. They don't see reality the way reality should be seen. That would basically be the definition of a crazy person. Yes, definitely. Yeah.
01:03:45
Speaker
And you can talk to them, you can explain things to them, and then they come back with a whole different topic, something you weren't even talking about in the whole conversation. Those are crazy people. People that come up with their own ideas, after talking to them for ten fucking minutes, they've got their own ideas what to talk about without even talking about what you talked about.
01:04:05
Speaker
So I'm just about to say that. You took my job, dude. Mine would be anybody that you could see the white around all of their eyes. Like around their eyes, you can see white. They got the big expression. Yeah, if I if you're a girl and I can see the whites around the top sides and bottom all at once without you making a facial expression, that's just how you look. You are bananas.
01:04:33
Speaker
That is my theory on women for sure. All right. I'd take the sweatshirt off. Get them riled up. I don't want to give you another point, but I have to. To who? To you. They're crazy. He went a little crazy on the... He's like, crazy people are crazy people with crazy ideas. They tell him stuff and they act crazy because they don't understand reality. They're crazy.
01:05:00
Speaker
But you you know those people out there you fucking been having a conversation every day It's all you because when they talk it's not about what you're talking about
01:05:10
Speaker
I feel like I'm having it right now. All right. Next one. Well, I know you should understand. Yeah, I got you. I do understand what you mean. As far as the next one, I mean, noodles is technically your turn to go first. If you can't think of one, you could pass it to Paco to go first since we did that. Yeah. Okay. You don't suck. There's just some of these questions. I'm trying to make them put you guys in shitty positions here.
01:05:33
Speaker
This one is not as bad. Who's the one, since we talked about gay characters, you'll probably pick He-Man, but who's the one character you would bang, one cartoon character you would bang? Why would you assume I would pick He-Man? I mean, we all know why you'd pick He-Man. Jessica Rabbit.
01:05:54
Speaker
I knew that answer was coming. Oh, damn. He's got that one. Yeah. She is like the perfect. She's the perfect cartoon hot chick. It's ginger. Yeah, except hotter way hotter. Okay. What about you, Paco? Elmer Fudd?
01:06:18
Speaker
Poor E.J. Wesley rabbit. Wesley rabbit. Yeah. No, I don't. I didn't watch cartoons in that light, but yeah. Think of all the ones that you were being forced to watch nowadays. Run through those and try to grab a hot chick. Nowadays, they've got nothing. Daphne? No. Velmer Daphne. Daphne.
01:06:44
Speaker
Well, my God, nothing, man. I'm just going to lay down. This game's not easy. This game's not easy. I've never done any of this shit before, but still, yeah, I have cartoon characters. Jesus. I know what's considered. Oh, they got an American dad, family guy.
01:07:04
Speaker
Oh, yeah, the family guy's. Lois. What the hell is her? She's very crazy. Yeah. When it comes to. Oh, yeah, she's feisty. I don't know her name, but Lois. Yeah, that'd be the. Yeah, it is. Yes. Yeah. Because she some of the I did watch a few of the worse. She went a little out there. I would always want to see the chick from American Dad.
01:07:30
Speaker
Oh yeah. Yeah. Me too. She's out there too. She's out there too. Yep. So we're missing a lot of choices though. Well, I'm not. I picked mine. No, you got, you've been thinking. He's been thinking of it. I know the questions in advance. I do not by the way. No, you just been thinking of that on your own.
01:07:59
Speaker
Oh yeah. I'm not the only one. I've never fantasized about being with a cartoon chick. Yeah. And then you talked about the porno cartoon. Yeah. He's been practicing. He's got a background. He's well versed in the cartoon action. His left hand life is better than the right. That's true. I know.
01:08:24
Speaker
All right. So, uh, Lois is his answer. Yeah, it's, it's just not good. Yeah. Yeah. It's always Jessica trying to, I'm trying to find what I can give you a win here. No, it's hard. I know. Don't be so hard on yourself, Paco. No, no, it's pretty bad. Trust me. No, I'm nervous. Every time I do the, the, every time I do I'm the host, you win.
01:08:51
Speaker
Oh, that's because you're the host. That story. For sure. Um. He always thinks it's rigged. It is. You come up, you definitely come up with better answers when we're playing. Yeah. That's because it's you. Because you had to beat me. Yeah, I know. Competition. Oh, God. There's so many. Come on. Let's get one here. This is Paco's turn now.
01:09:20
Speaker
I know I got to do somebody can answer. Yeah. Maybe sports. The last two answers have been pretty good. The last what?
Crazy Ideas and Mascot Humor
01:09:31
Speaker
The last two answers he did were pretty good. Yeah. Crazy people are crazy because they have crazy ideas and they're crazy.
01:09:39
Speaker
All right, here we go. I just had to explain if you did I did it if Where'd it go? If your girl had to wear a mascot head During sex for the rest of your life, which one would you choose? Say that again because you cut out just a little bit if your girl had to wear a mascot head During sex for the rest of your life, which one would you choose?
01:10:03
Speaker
So any sports mascot that your girl can wear the head of, this is where you might do a little better. Cause I think, you know, more mascots, mascot. Yeah. I think of some, some sports and maybe some mascots that have, I mean, they're all terrible because none of them are women. So you had to wear a male's head or she does.
01:10:32
Speaker
I mean, honestly, it doesn't really matter. As long as they have something on their head, I'd be happy. Can you put a hole in the mouth? I think I definitely put a hole in the mouth. It's got to be something that fits the head right a little bit. You don't want something that's so big.
01:10:52
Speaker
I don't think many mascots have small heads because they got to fit their head into it. Yeah. You can't choose the KC one. I think that's an actual native American, isn't it? We got to rip a guy's head off and wear his skin. No, that's a wolf man. Oh, it's a wolf. That's KC wolf. It is. Yeah. That guy that went to every game got in trouble. The KC wolf? No. The Jacksonville Jaguars dude with the tiny little shorts. That's just a plain old head. I could do it.
01:11:22
Speaker
What do you mean it's a plain old head? His whole deal is he's the mascot. So it's just a face. It's a normal face. Normal head. Not a big giant normal head. Like it's just his own head. So you have to rip off his head and stick it on a chick. That's going to stink. He could have had the laminated or something.
01:11:48
Speaker
Well, technically, it wouldn't be his head. You're going to take it off something that would look like his head. That's going to be that size that would fit right over. OK. OK. He says the Jacksonville Jaguars. And he's wearing a fucking thong. We just get his head. Did you get his whole aesthetic? Well, the girl gets to wear the whole. All right. She doesn't need that. If you wanted to wear it all, you can. I mean, that's your woman.
01:12:20
Speaker
I like it. I'm trying to look it up now because I don't know what it looks like. I don't think I've ever seen their mascot. Oh, you do want to see it. It sounds very gay. More than gay. He's basically out there in a bodysuit with a thong on thrusting in the end zone. That's their mascot for real?
01:12:42
Speaker
That's their mascot. Look it up. I'm serious. I can't because I want to mess up my internet. I'll look on my phone. No. Yeah. But it's, uh, yeah, I can't remember the name, but I'll tell you in a minute. It's real. It's real. Because they had a big deal on it because I can't believe they let him. Oh, it's bad. He's, I mean, he's literally got the hands on the hips thrusted while they're trying to score touchdowns. Describe him.
01:13:11
Speaker
kind of a like a full bodysuit where it's not skin colored. It's kind of a greenish Jacksonville jaguar or something. So he's he's basically supposed to be a jaguar, but he's not. He has a jaguar head. Does he? Yeah, I'm going to send it to each of you here. The fact you want this to be your guys, it's terrifying. You got the shock value, baby. Oh, it's shocking.
01:13:43
Speaker
All right. As we're doing that, why don't you go ahead and choose yours? All right.
Debates on Personal Preferences
01:13:48
Speaker
Mine's going to be the Chicago, Chicago bull, bull head. Simply because it's going to let me, I'm going to grab the horns while I'm, while I'm fucking her from behind. Okay. That's the only reason why I want that head.
01:14:06
Speaker
That's it. That's it. Simple. Good. Simple. Good reason. Okay. I'm going to choose the Jaguar because it looks like a fucked up Chester Cheetah. Let's see. It does look like a fucked up. I'm trying, dude. Wow. It's funny. This is an atrocious mascot.
01:14:25
Speaker
isn't it but he does have a head you still have to look at this oh my god yeah that head is is not good hold on i didn't see them send it to you i just why is he wearing that clothing i don't know he is wearing an american panties
01:14:51
Speaker
I like that you're like, he has a normal human head close.
01:15:00
Speaker
Listen, when you're talking to a crazy person, they think jagwires are humans. That's pretty nice. What's on his body? Are those spots, green spots? Yeah, those are jaguar spots, bro. Okay, I'm choosing jaguar just because, wow. Holy shit. I just like the fact that he's like, hey, that's a real, that's a normal, that's a regular person. Right. Hey, like I said, I don't remember.
01:15:30
Speaker
He just remembers the underwear. All he does is wear underwear and I didn't even see hat ahead. I did. I just saw hips and thrusting. I'm wondering how and why. Somebody paying that dude. Well, he's wearing a hump ahead. Imagine like someone stealing valor. Like I am the jaguar guy. Like, no, you're not.
01:15:57
Speaker
Yeah, you just got a head somewhere and that doesn't even look like a jaguar head. I don't. What is that? The jaguar yellow, like it's not a jaguar. Does any of does any of them? I mean, the bull mine looks like a bull. No, kind of. Not really. The bull. OK, who's first? The bull. I guess I am. Yeah, sure. Yeah, right.
01:16:29
Speaker
I'm ready. Okay. Would you rather have a three inch dick or last only 30 seconds during sex? You already dealing with, I think you're dealing with both of these. Oh, how do you know? You can hear it. Oh, you can hear it in my voice. Yeah. You gotta grab the horn so you can get it in.
01:16:51
Speaker
What do you think? I think I'd rather have a three inch dick because you didn't say the girth. I also have three inches of girth. That's not a lot. That's pretty big.
01:17:06
Speaker
Coke can is like six inches. You're going to have to because she's not going to get off. Yeah, at all. Yeah, I don't want to last 30 seconds. Fuck that. No matter what you last 30 seconds. Well, you can eat her out, maybe. No, because I think I can still do that. If you eat her out, you'd be done in 30 seconds.
01:17:36
Speaker
Yeah, everything you do is 30 seconds, you finger her for 30 seconds, you fuck her for 30 seconds. That's it. Now, give me a three inch dick. Okay. Three inch dick for fine. I'll find a chick that likes the three inches is just fine. It's a shallow cock lady. Yep. Yeah, the midget. There you go. Paco.
01:18:01
Speaker
Oh, it's got to be the three inch. Uh, there's no way 30 seconds going to cut it. That's for darn sure. That's why you bring an extra tools in there though. You got three inch Dick and, uh, a tool that's more than that. You're good to go. All right. So you're doing like superhero shit and you're making apparatuses for your body.
01:18:22
Speaker
It's working. Then she left my little vibrating condom everywhere all day. Then I can just slap her with my tiny little punk. That'd be pretty fucking, that'd be a pretty small condom. I don't need a condom. Last one. That was a tie? Yeah. You answer the same thing. Okay. Would you rather I was next to the blind person or a deaf person?
01:18:53
Speaker
Oh, uh, I think deaf, I don't want them talking or hearing the whole time because they don't know what they're saying. They know what they're saying. Deaf people can talk. Not really. There's other deaf people that learn how to make those sounds by the sounds in the head. They don't talk perfectly.
01:19:20
Speaker
I'm okay with after good at sex, good at bed. Well, would that be like banging a retard? Is that a one-time deal or is that every day all day? The rest of your life, would you rather have sex? That's not a bad choice. I'm just saying like, just if you didn't think of that option, that that's a problem. But there's problems with both. Right. Okay. Like it's the less of the two evils. Okay. Jeff, it is. Has he had any more explanation for it?
01:19:51
Speaker
Uh, yes. Again, I could call her names while I'm doing it. I can be mean to her. She wouldn't know it. I can do anything I want. I could stay shit behind her back. I could fuck another girl behind her back. She wouldn't even know. That's true. She can see. They can't hear though. That's true. If you're in another room, they have to come in the room, check on you. Or anytime, anywhere you can do anything you want. She can't watch TV. You could tell her anything. Is she deaf and mute?
01:20:19
Speaker
No, she makes weird noises. OK. Yeah. Yeah. But deaf deaf for you. OK. Noodles. Oh, that's easy. This was I didn't I was trying to help. I almost tried to help Paco for a second, but I want to win. So it's blind, of course. I'm not a super attractive man. And if she's blind, she doesn't know what the fuck I look like.
01:20:48
Speaker
Um, I don't have to worry about her seeing anything I do. Matter of fact, I'm going to bring Paco's death bitch over and I'm going to fuck them both. They won't even know what's going on. Okay. So blind for me. Wow. Good for you. If I had to choose, I would choose blind. Why? Uh, again, not being able to see.
01:21:14
Speaker
It can be real tough to get cheated on when she can't drive around or do anything. She's pretty much stuck in the house. Like, um, you don't have to worry about anything. Like they, no way to check up on you. But why would you want to live like that? Do you want to live the normal life? It'd be normal. You want that just so you can cheat. She's a sex slave, basically. Yeah. Basically it's a person that's like a trapped in your house that you have sex with. Yeah.
01:21:45
Speaker
Well, that's a little that I can have conversations. The other one's like, do you get to watch whatever you want because she can't see it anyway. You have control of the TV at all times. She can hear it. Yeah. She can't see it. So it doesn't matter.
01:22:07
Speaker
It does if she's hearing what's going on. They listen to TV all the time. They listen to the radio all the time. We're just talking about sex with these women. Well, you said forever though. Yeah. That's a full relationship. So yes, blind is the best way. Are they both the same hotness? The blind and the deaf? It's twins. Just both of them have different ailments. Well, they got fucked at birth.
01:22:35
Speaker
They share. I don't know. I want a girl that can see. I want a girl that I could take and show the world to. It's good. Suddenly got real gay. Did you get a little sappy? You're a good person. Your maturity is showing. You're mature. Where are you dumb? You care about the girls. Yeah, that too. I don't know, man. Blind thought is pretty dope.
01:23:05
Speaker
Yeah. I think you could get go wrong either way. No, I'd say blind. She's blind, my friend. All right. You too? That is the key. Because you're worried about getting cheated on. Not even just that. She's locked up in the house and you're your sex slave. There's no teeth on you anyway. Well, I'm not going to lock... I'll leave the door open if she could find it. Yeah, she can walk out there if she wants, but good luck. She's going to get hit by something.
01:23:31
Speaker
Yeah, my dick. Yeah, I don't know. The only thing I would be, if you're talking relationship wise with it, like, tell me what that looks like. Like, fuck. I'd get old. That's why you just keep her in the house. Tell me what that looks like. I told you it's a fucking lamp. What does it look like when you take someone out that can't see? How does that make you feel?
01:23:55
Speaker
Good. I'm not going to take them out. Can't see the world. You can't. There's nothing for them. Yeah. Entertainment wise. You don't have to worry about any guys. Like if a guy hits on it, she's going to be like, fuck you. I have my handsome man. Yeah, bro. I would take her to the river and be like, we're at the ocean. She could have a better life because I could take her everywhere. Like we're in Italy now. Yeah. It smells like lasagna. I can't see Olive Garden. Yeah.
01:24:26
Speaker
It's when the waitress comes up there, welcome to wall of guard. No, we're in China. It's really the path that express. Yeah, exactly. I would just go to different places, like, like power takes sleeping pills. Like we made it. You were on a plane the whole time. I got you out. Yeah. That plane ride on felt real short. Like, no, we're in a different country. Yeah. Take it to Chinatown where they speak Chinese anyway. You're like, look, I don't know what they're saying. Do you?
01:24:56
Speaker
Yeah. The the cool thing is that the deaf lady didn't never think about the deaf lady yelling at you would be off putting and terrible for one. Why would they? Why would they yell? Because you're probably you're not ever never going to fuck up. I never thought that you would live a very charm life, my friend. The other side of that, though, is that they didn't really yell and they just signed at you like you just like I'm not looking at you. You yell at me. Yeah. Are you going to learn sign language? Of course.
01:25:25
Speaker
I'd rather do that than to have someone that can't see me. I would just write on paper like here. We'll write on paper to each other. Text. I'll text her. Think about it. You'd do something for the person you love. You're learning. Who said we had to love them? Again, sex slave. All right. There you go. You're making this romantic. I don't know how to play this. You're making this romantic lover upset with you right now.
01:25:56
Speaker
Oh, I know. Women's my game. It's good. You're good. Yeah, you might do better than us for sure. We're just saying this is our option. Our choice. Who won that round? Oh, you did. You win them all. I didn't win them all. I did not win them all. You had good answers, I agree. You did win. You did win this time, though. Paco, you can't win them all. You've won 1,200 of these things. I don't know. Don't worry. Next time I'll be the host of it.
01:26:25
Speaker
Then you can, then you can rattle my cage with all your fantastic answers with him. You're like, I don't even know if I could answer that one. It was weird. Yeah. It's not as much fun. I get you. Enjoyable. For sure.
01:26:51
Speaker
Well, Paco, that was very fun. That's nice to hear. I mean, you could beat up 50 children. You're going to fuck up a duck sized horse or a horse sized duck. I keep saying that backwards. Noodles, you think you can fuck up a herd of horses? A hundred. I still want to see that.
01:27:13
Speaker
I'll see if I can get you those AI images. At least knee high. One thing I'd admit, I would not do well against 10-year-olds. We know. Because of the horniness. The horniness. I'd have to exterminate myself.
01:27:35
Speaker
It's fun. It's always fun to have you on. Um, thanks for getting a mic. So this is, you sound a little better. Sorry for the technical difficulties. We'll get this put together. Yeah, it'll be good. All right. Yeah. He's shooting all your, you're shooting all through your energy through the internet. Apparently someone wants to say hi. Hey, doing fine. My mind. You're going to come visit me.
01:28:05
Speaker
When you stop sucking, dude, so you never never. We know you live too far away, man. You so far away right under you right now. Yeah, you are really looking up at your sack. Whoa. I think that's how Satan answer one of these. Yeah, give me one. We'll do one. All right. Yeah.
01:28:33
Speaker
Oh, gimme do who he is. I'm ready. I'm trying to get you one just for you here. So, Paco. Yo. You wanna, you wanna make out with me? What? I can't already wait. You can't wait, what? Wait, wait, wait, wait.
01:29:02
Speaker
Oh yeah. Deep in your face struggling. I'm just listening to you talk. Yeah. Do you have a question for me? No, I want to get, I'm just hearing you talk, dude. I thought you were finding the question.
01:29:25
Speaker
I want to see you two getting naked together. I don't think that's ever happened. No, dude, you do that with your... Well, I guess not. You never took TK into the shower when he was a little baby.
01:29:46
Speaker
No, no. Mama did that. He had a dirty little boot. Yes, he does. I don't have any awesome questions that are geared towards you. I'm just going to ask you this. All right. Do you watch in the shower head down or feet up? Oh, feet up. Always. For real? Yeah.
01:30:16
Speaker
I fucking love it. I lay down in the shower and I spread my ass cheeks and let the spray get right on my asshole.
Humorous Fictional Scenarios
01:30:29
Speaker
Satan's gay. He is happy. That doesn't mean I'm gay. It just means I'm curious. Okay. I like a lot of things.
01:30:43
Speaker
oh you'd be curious in your own in my last one for three thousand dollars would you get your face photoshopped into a gay porno i've already done that you don't even need to pay me what's the name of that what's the name of the porno yeah satan's love shack
01:31:04
Speaker
Okay. That's a quick answer, actually. Check it out. I thought you were going to say Netflix sites, which I run myself. I didn't know if you knew that or not, but I run those sites and make a shit ton of money. Okay, dude. All right. It was fun. Satan. Thanks for stopping by. No problem. All of you guys.
01:31:34
Speaker
That was weird. That was weird. Did you pass out? I don't know. I just got possessed. Okay. There was a dude inside of you. That's not the first time. All right, guys. Paco, it was fun. We have to do this again.
01:31:51
Speaker
I just went in it tonight. Oh, you were good. I love when people on here, they don't do this very often. The feeling of when they don't feel like you do good. This is how we feel after every episode. Yeah. You did just fine, Paco. Yeah, you did good. It's every episode we feel exactly how you're feeling right now. So if you like any of our episodes, you're doing fine because this is how we feel.
01:32:18
Speaker
had no answer for anything it was terrible it was blank it's not as easy as it seems sometimes true but you did fine yeah you did great dude we'll stroke your ego a little bit here 50 kids is too many though for anything not for satan it's not oh what the fuck
01:32:44
Speaker
That's science still isn't gonna hit a guy holding the fucking sheep like running in the back without a guy. Oh boy, as soon as we uh, he's gonna finish his night
01:32:54
Speaker
That's fucking weird. All right, guys, I appreciate it. All right. As always, I'm having you on. You just catch me when I'm home. I think it'll be a little bit. Don't leave. Don't get off. Once we once we end this, you got to stay on. Stay on. Get off. How long I got to stay on? It's not very long. So you told me last time I waited an hour. Fucking wasn't good enough. You won't have to wait that long. All right, everybody. We love you. How will I know what is done then? All right. I love you guys.
01:33:38
Speaker
RAAAD THE BOO!