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Blood Diner 1987
28 Plays5 months ago
This 1987 splatter-comedy fever dream is what happens when you take a dash of H.G. Lewis, a pinch of vegan cannibalism, and a whole lot of neon-lit absurdity, then toss it in a blender with a brain and hit purée. Directed by Jackie Kong, Blood Diner isn’t just a spiritual sequel to Blood Feast—it’s a full-on punk rock exorcism of genre norms, packed with wrestling, brain burgers, and a goddess named Sheetar who’s got a serious hunger for human flesh.
So grab your meat cleaver, crank up the synths, and prepare for a deep dive into one of the most gloriously unhinged horror comedies ever served. This is Deadnotes, and tonight... we dine in blood. 🍔🩸
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Transcript
Introductions and Banter
00:00:24
Speaker
Hello, welcome to Dead Notes, a horror and cult film podcast. I am Kevin, and with me is the pint-sized Benedict Arnold himself.
00:00:37
Speaker
Fuck you, Kevin. How dare you? he's trolling me with this goddamn movie.
Introduction to 'Blood Diner'
00:00:45
Speaker
The life is in the blood, my friend.
00:00:47
Speaker
Oh, God. I'm Alan, and we're watching Blood Diner from 1987. This
00:00:57
Speaker
this is Kevin's pick, by the way. if i if I had to suffer through it, you're going to do it, too. God damn it. We're married now. Yeah, he's like, hey, let's watch this one.
00:01:13
Speaker
Because people love it.
Cult Status of 'Blood Diner'
00:01:17
Speaker
I guess, man. i don't I don't know. like I was telling you earlier, i kept seeing this popping up, like people going, oh, I just scored Blood Diner you know on VHS or whatever on those pages I follow. And then I was like, oh, okay, I forgot about that movie. I'll maybe watch it. And then you know i watch Tubi all the time. And then Tubi just started like having it pop up on my list the what I might like. And I was like,
00:01:44
Speaker
Well, I guess I gotta watch Blood Diner. So I watched it and was like, huh, we should cover this. Alan, can we put this on the list? And you went, sure thing, buddy.
00:01:58
Speaker
Sure thing, buddy, guy, buddy. i You, it's such a great movie. right
00:02:06
Speaker
ah it's such a great movie yes it It could have been because the this um this script was written as a sequel to Blood Feast.
00:02:21
Speaker
Which is silly as shit. Yeah. but But the director... what
Jackie Kong and Horror Comedy Invention
00:02:26
Speaker
What the fuck is her name? The director got a hold of it and turned it into horror comedy.
00:02:35
Speaker
Because she's a genius. jack Jackie Kong, I think, is her name. I'd have to look that up. I think it's Jackie. But, um... No,
00:02:46
Speaker
i I have no hatred towards her, but she is a little bit full of herself. I was listening to the commentary on this movie and every five seconds she's like, I was the first to do this.
00:03:00
Speaker
I was the first to do this. like She basically claimed... She was. She literally claims that she invented the horror comedy.
00:03:13
Speaker
Yeah, wrong answer. Yeah. I was like, you know, even even though I think this is even wrong. Like, what was it? um Like 80 or 81 student bodies came out.
00:03:28
Speaker
And I think the cover of that fucking movie set. Let me. a I think the cover of the movie says ah the first horror comedy, you know? Yeah. Yeah.
00:03:42
Speaker
and And that came out six years before this, and I'm pretty sure that's wrong too. But, yeah ah Student Bodies is a great movie. Highly recommend that one.
00:03:53
Speaker
Yeah. but Well, I mean, like you know, yeah this movie, like, it kind of gives you the warning, though, going in that, you know, you're you're probably not going to like it.
00:04:06
Speaker
Yeah, so it's like, it's like if you're tired in the least bit, it's not a terrible movie. it hass It definitely has its moments and it has its characters.
00:04:19
Speaker
But... It can be hard to get those points. It's really fucking weird. It's really fucking weird. um it's i Again, like i I will never tell somebody not to watch something, um but definitely watch this at least once and see how you feel about it.
00:04:38
Speaker
it's like We made it through, so you're right. ah Yeah. It's like if you took Blood Feast and Street Trash and they had a baby. Yeah.
Character Over-the-Top Charm
00:04:50
Speaker
You know, this movie would what came out. Yeah, the characters are a little over the top and shit, you know?
00:04:57
Speaker
Which I kind of i like. I like the different characters because they're all weird. But like over the top weird, you know? You said a little over the top. I do not think that you know what little means.
00:05:11
Speaker
Vitamin a a lot her Vitamin C. Oh my God. and Oh, one thing I will mention though is the guy that plays... you this movie for any reason, watch it watch it just so you could...
00:05:27
Speaker
Introduce yourself to vitamin c
00:05:34
Speaker
and Do you wrestle as good as you cook? there the um The guy that plays Michael, you know, it's funny, we we just... um talked about Critters 2 and the Playmate that died soon after watching after making that movie. yeah The guy that plays Michael in this died in a car crash like two years after this movie was made.
00:06:00
Speaker
No shit? That's wild. He was a singer for a punk band. I don't think they were famous. I think they were a a They were called like Aftermath or some shit, but they weren't like a signed ban or anything. But his a drummer was his drummer was drunk and and hit a pole, killed Michael.
00:06:24
Speaker
or Rick Burks is his name. Killed Rick Burks and then fled the scene. you know No shit. ah The best of friend. Right.
00:06:35
Speaker
That's a solid dude. yeah You'd be okay if I did this, man. you' you'd You'd not want me to get in trouble. hey Yeah, man. You'll be alright. Bye.
00:06:47
Speaker
if i Call me when you get home, bro. Call me and let me know you got home safe. Yeah. Text me when you get home so I know you got there.
00:07:00
Speaker
Cheese it. He cheesed it. Yeah. Yeah.
00:07:07
Speaker
Yeah. the But the director was taking shots at like all of your favorite directors. Like I did this first. I did this before them. She even took a shot at Quentin Tarantino.
Critique of Jackie Kong's Comments
00:07:23
Speaker
I was like, really? the du direct i wonder if he knows. I need to email him and you go, you know, Jackie Kong that directed Blood Diner did some shit before you.
00:07:36
Speaker
Just thought you'd like to know that. Email Tarantino. email tarantino
00:07:43
Speaker
He's very open about him ah copying or you know paying tribute to the movies he loves. Yeah, because he's celebrating it. I'm pretty sure he didn't do that with Blood Diner. yeah He wasn't like, you know what I'm going to do?
00:08:02
Speaker
him. Yeah, fuck him. What is it? ah We're going to put his fucking brain in the jar. Listen, listen, listen to what I'm saying.
00:08:15
Speaker
What does this look like? Blood diner storage? Yeah.
00:08:27
Speaker
know. Yeah. if you know you know yeah
00:08:40
Speaker
Oh, shit. Oh, my God. But we'll try to explain what happens in this movie as coherently as possible.
00:08:51
Speaker
Yeah. Because, good Lord. It gets it goes all over the place, but that's i why i do think it makes it a pretty fun watch if you've never seen it. And I mean, if you're into this movie, that's cool too.
00:09:02
Speaker
um I mean, there's a lot of awesome shit, like like the beginning. Okay, we open up um you know to that song Crazy, you know or whatever, and it's like panning over...
00:09:17
Speaker
the this whole table and there's toys everywhere. Kids are playing. Right. And, um, there's Play-Doh like food everywhere. yeah Yeah. George, George is starting his, uh, chef cooking career early. Yeah.
00:09:36
Speaker
He's got like some bacon, um like eggs. They look like Pee Wee's plate. Good morning, Pee Wee!
00:09:48
Speaker
And not unlike my mother, ah their mom goes out for tampons and never comes back.
00:09:58
Speaker
She says, I'm gonna run out for some tampons. What'd she say? She's like, I ran out of a goddamn tampons.
00:10:09
Speaker
While there's a warning on the radio about a murderer on the loose, she's going out for her tampons. Going to the market. Ran out of goddamn tampons.
00:10:23
Speaker
We interrupt this program to give you an important news bulletin. A suspect in the happy times of all girls' clink club slaying has fled the scene and managed to elude the police. He is armed and dangerous and has been spotted in the west side area armed with a meat cleaver in one hand and his genitals in the other.
00:10:37
Speaker
Yeah, they're blatantly talking about it. And he's like, yeah, you guys just stay here. Eight year, you little two, eight year old kids. And we see like there's like some heavy breathing and shit. And, you know, we're hearing that like, he's getting closer to the house as she's pulling away. Right.
00:10:55
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. ah Like every time I call you, like it's ah slides where you least the cat' like
00:11:06
Speaker
ah It's like we're in police academy. I'm doing the sound effects for you.
00:11:13
Speaker
So he tries to fucking hypnotize the dog and put the dog under his power, you know, and then who arrives? Oh, Well, there's there's something for you, too, because you said he tries to hypnotize the dog.
00:11:30
Speaker
That kid playing the young Michael that's trying to hypnotize the dog, that's Jackie Kong's daughter. Really? Yep.
00:11:42
Speaker
Daughter? Yep, that's her daughter. shit. I bet she was the first to do that. Yep, she probably
'Blood Diner' Origins and Influences
00:11:54
Speaker
was the first to do that.
00:11:55
Speaker
And I bet she was the first to do this next scene with the, you know, I bet a Game of Thrones copied off of her with this subverting the expectations.
00:12:09
Speaker
Yeah, this the and the intro scene of Uncle Anwar. Armwar.
00:12:17
Speaker
andir Yeah, they should have um George R.R. Martin consult Jackie Kong on what he should do with the Winds of Winter because it's taken him fucking... but Has he been working on it for like 15 fucking years now?
00:12:30
Speaker
i don't know. I never read any of those fucking things. I barely made it through the first fucking season. Yeah, and don't watch it. It's fucking stupid.
00:12:41
Speaker
ah The first three seasons or so are good, but fuck the rest of them. Once they run out a book material. Yeah. But that's a whole other conversation. Like blood, like a fucking violent nature. I'm not even saying, don't you say that word.
00:13:00
Speaker
Those words. Don't you say that words. Don't you say that words.
00:13:09
Speaker
Oh shit. like That's the, that's the verbal equivalent to pocket sand. yeah I was just thinking about pocket sand the other day.
00:13:21
Speaker
i actually think I had a dream and I don't remember the rest of it, but I filled my pocket with dirt and someone was asking to me what I was doing. And I was like, pocket sand.
00:13:32
Speaker
That's all I remember. ah You're like, I'm planting this little peanut down here. but See if it'll grow a little.
00:13:46
Speaker
See if it'll grow a little. See if I can increase my peanut size. Dig down and find the root.
00:13:59
Speaker
Oh, boy. So, like, Uncle bust in the door, and I'm pretty sure I've come in my brother's house this way a couple times back in the day, and went up to my nieces and, like, handed him this, like, weird little magic book.
00:14:16
Speaker
And then walk out into a hail of bullets and into the police. A weird little magic book that it looks like you made the sticker for the cover on a Microsoft Paint back in the 80s.
00:14:30
Speaker
Yeah, dude.
00:14:34
Speaker
So, you know, he goes out, he goes down on a hail bullets. Uh, we go forward 20 years now. The, the nephews have all grown up.
00:14:45
Speaker
Um, they're in the middle. and And we get a random mass title card out of nowhere. It's just like, throw it in right there. It's probably, it's probably cause he was the first to do that. First to do that.
00:15:01
Speaker
but the first to do that All you directors take note. This is y'all need to watch this shit. It's like the police officer is walking through the graveyard and you get his point of view and then the title card.
00:15:20
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. Here you go. Yeah. Sure. I mean, there's nothing wrong with it. It's just weird. It's like a metaphor for the entire movie.
00:15:34
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.
00:15:38
Speaker
But he walks up on Mikey digging up the fucking... Digging up Anwar's grave. Yeah, and he just, like, turns around he's like, boo. And then keeps digging.
00:15:49
Speaker
And then he... Which, I don't know, is kind of weird. And for some reason, yeah that scene's, like, really strange because... That seems kind of weird when he just is like, boo, and he just keeps digging. Like, he don't give a fuck, obviously. Yeah. And ah he gets, you know, blasted in the head with a shovel.
00:16:10
Speaker
But he looks super schizophrenic in that scene for some reason, you know, because it's so casual. Yeah, I'm in the middle of digging up this fucking grave, you know? Yeah. Yeah, I forgot it was George that was digging up the grave because Mike hits him in the back of the... hits the cop with the shovel and knocks his fucking eyeballs out.
00:16:33
Speaker
Yeah. His eyeballs... Which again, I like that. i I like that shit, dude. It's fucking cool. It's so stupid. Probably the first time you saw that.
00:16:46
Speaker
first First to do it. Yeah, I'm glad that They put that in there to help influence um and as soon other other directors to pop the eyeballs out of people when they get hit in the head.
00:17:00
Speaker
and turn them into, that's probably what influenced, that's probably what influenced that infamous scene on walking dead. When, um, when, uh, uh, fucking bash him in the head and blast his libel. Well, that's probably like where they got the idea from was this movie.
00:17:17
Speaker
So another important fact to, um, anybody that hasn't seen this yet, you might want to watch it because it's way ahead of its day. It's a way ahead of its time.
00:17:29
Speaker
Because hitting a cop in the back of the head turns him into a dummy stuffed with pubes or something because he looks like he weighs about five pounds.
00:17:40
Speaker
Yeah. Stuffed with pubic hair. He's a rich man. Yeah. nice stuff He's just made of, he hit him in the back of the head with a shovel and it turned him into a bunch of pillowcases stuffed with pubic hair.
00:17:57
Speaker
We got some red, we got some white and ah blue pillowcases. He comes out of the grave and he's like, Oh, it was the It was the 80s, so there's probably a lot of pubic hair to be spared.
00:18:17
Speaker
They were like, this new thing's taking hold while people are shaving off their pubes.
00:18:24
Speaker
It's archaic, I tell ya.
00:18:29
Speaker
Let's make pillows. Let's make a police dummy out of it.
00:18:37
Speaker
We can use neck pillows for the legs and a body pillow for the body. he goes and he he goes and kisses it. you know and He's like, stop screwing around, Georgie.
00:18:52
Speaker
and He like looks over and he's like... he's like
00:18:58
Speaker
He gives him a gorilla mask. Oh, Jesus Christ. Could you imagine that? A whole pillowcase full of pubes? you you must you You must be royalty and have a lot of money if you have that.
00:19:16
Speaker
if you're If you don't know, a gorilla mask is when you put something sticky on Kevin's face and then sprinkle pubes all over it.
00:19:27
Speaker
yeah I use Kevin as the example because he made me watch this fucking movie. Yeah.
00:19:36
Speaker
So they get they get down to the fucking casket. I'm going give a gorilla mask. I'm going to give you a gorilla mask. Another motherfucking gorilla mask. So they open the casket and Uncle Anwar, Zeke Hyles, them.
00:19:52
Speaker
As soon as they open up the fucking casket.
00:19:58
Speaker
He's dressed in his finest fucking SS attire, it looks like. Yeah. Well, all they need, all they want is his brain. Yeah, that's all they need. And his eyeballs.
00:20:10
Speaker
Yeah. They take his eyeballs with him. I love, like, this, like, weird, like, overtalk that's going on. Did you listen to, like, when they're like, pop, goes the brain, and then you hear, I think it's Uncle Anwar talking behind, in the background,
00:20:28
Speaker
He says he lost his genitalia and his life due to lack of discipline.
00:20:38
Speaker
What the fuck does that mean?
00:20:42
Speaker
He said, didn't he say something about his schlong?
00:20:47
Speaker
said yeah Yeah, he's like, I don't know what the fuck that's all about. It's like out of nowhere.
00:20:54
Speaker
Yeah, well, you know, don't try to make sense of it. Yeah. What year did... I'm just trying to think because... How do you lose your identity?
00:21:10
Speaker
Well, ah his probably rotted off in the grave. I mean, he's been in there for 20 years. Yeah, lack of discipline. Lack of discipline. Discipline.
00:21:22
Speaker
Discipline. oh Oh, that the lack of discipline will really make me horny. bet that's the first time you ever thought of that, too. The lack of discipline?
00:21:34
Speaker
Well, I think the um i think though Elvis Presley kung fu instructional videos have made their rounds in this movie, too, but we'll get to that.
00:21:47
Speaker
Because we are going to the Tutman's Cafe. That's right. with georgie With Georgie cooking and watching wrestling. Not wrestling. He's watching wrestling. He's watching a good old-fashioned...
00:22:05
Speaker
Straight up wrestling. Shit talking. ain't wrestling.
00:22:10
Speaker
What are you gonna do? ah thought this was America. I thought this was America. I thought this was Argentina.
00:22:22
Speaker
Yeah, and there's like a running joke because now at this point they have um Anwar's brain in a jar with his eyeballs. and he taught Which is very much like a throwback to Frankenhooker too.
00:22:38
Speaker
Well, Frankenhooker was later than this. So she did this first. Ha! Yeah, Frankenhooker was like... Yeah, Frankenhooker was like 88. Right.
00:22:51
Speaker
So that's probably... it was a year If it wasn't ah for this movie, then we probably wouldn't have gotten the brain in the jar Frankenhooker, right? Right.
00:23:02
Speaker
What year did that um Steve a Martin movie where he's... ti Is it called a man The Man... I don't know. The one where he's talking to the brain in the jar?
00:23:14
Speaker
I wonder if that was before or after this. they all owe They all owe a debt to Jackie Kong. I'm probably getting the fucking director's name wrong, too.
00:23:26
Speaker
Yeah. I'm going to have... Okay, I'm right. Jackie Kong. I had to look it up ah because um I'm going to be saying the wrong name the whole fucking time. Jackie Dong?
00:23:38
Speaker
Jackie Dong. and um Oh. it are you yeah sir you call it a don It's a really big one.
00:23:53
Speaker
Oh my god. I don't know where that came from. yeah they got a They got a one-way mirror though so that Anwar can watch the crowd and pick his meat, you know, so to speak.
00:24:06
Speaker
Yeah. it's It's very important. And Kevin's favorite character is coming up. Horatio Titus.
00:24:17
Speaker
But you can call me Vitamin C. Vitamin c if you don't watch C. If you're not watching a movie, though, it's not even funny. You have to hear him talk.
00:24:29
Speaker
because Well, even that, like the whole time, like the camera's anywhere... Around him, all you hear him doing is... Yeah. yeah He's just burping the entire time.
00:24:43
Speaker
While he's talking, too, it's just... just coming out of him. Yeah, and... and um we get to see also that Mikey has been practicing his...
00:24:58
Speaker
ah hypnotism because he meets Connie and hypnotizes her into giving him yeah getting on their mailing list right right yeah because she was talking to some cheerleaders that wanted her to join the topless cheerleader team mm-hmm and he absolutely he opens up the drawer and his shopping list did you read what it said yeah hey When he opens the drawer to put her on the mailing list, he has a shopping list on there and it says six dog dicks, three large rats, two golden retrievers, which fuck you, Jackie.
00:25:39
Speaker
Eight cats, any gender, again, fuck you, Jackie. And the dog dicks and large rats, fuck you. MSG and dog food.
00:25:53
Speaker
ah
00:25:55
Speaker
But ah vitamin C, Kevin's favorite character, calls wrestling a homo sport. So George Pond is him.
00:26:07
Speaker
yeah He just fucking straight up just goes right in for it, dude. ah He starts choking him out. He's like,
00:26:19
Speaker
it makes me sick to my...
00:26:24
Speaker
That's like when he's over there prepping his fucking food, that's you meal prepping for the week with your wrestling. I haven't said, that what are you talking about?
00:26:37
Speaker
You're that little fucking, did you see what he was building in the back for their blood buffet? Yeah. I don't recall. i after sure eyes After he gets fucking mad like at the TV when he's like, do whatever, and he starts getting all mad, he fucking slams his shit down and goes back into the back.
00:26:59
Speaker
And he walks around. He's got like two cherry tomatoes. And he places them on the the fucking boobies of this fucking vegetable person that he's built. I didn't even notice that.
00:27:13
Speaker
And then he goes over and grabs the brain and brings it over to the window. yeah Tomato boobies. He's like, they're like, ah like a looks like those like cheese balls you make. You know what i'm saying? um
00:27:33
Speaker
Cheese balls. you you I don't make cheese balls. You mean. don't know. Cheese balls. Cheese balls. ah Now I'm, ah vitamin C Kevin, what are these cheese balls?
00:27:49
Speaker
Vitamin C, vitamin C infused cheese balls.
00:27:59
Speaker
yeah joe Get your, get your D in you. But then when, then we find out, then we get to go see the nude aerobics aerobic sizing cheerleaders.
00:28:10
Speaker
Right? Yeah. Because that's, yeah, they're they were the first ones to do that. Yeah. Yeah. Like, what she's basically saying the whole movie is, I didn't copy people.
00:28:22
Speaker
Like, you're not supposed to
00:28:27
Speaker
It's like when parents say, I take care of my kids. Like, that's what you're supposed to do She's like, I'm the first to do this. Like, that's the goal. You know, it's not always reachable, but you should try.
00:28:43
Speaker
But us she's definitely a credit grabber.
00:28:51
Speaker
but thank But the ah the nude cheerleaders get interrupted by ronald Ronnie Reagan. And what was the other mask? was it Oh, Ronnie Reagan.
00:29:06
Speaker
What was the one that George had on? Mikey comes in with the Ronald Reagan mask on and starts shooting the cheerleaders, but George had a mask on too, but maybe Bill Clinton?
00:29:19
Speaker
Oh, I can't remember. What was the fucking mask? I don't know. I don't remember.
00:29:29
Speaker
Oh, yeah. It wasn't Bill Clinton because Bill Clinton was president in 93. So Jackie, again, was the first to do this. The first deb bring to bring a Bill clinton and have little Clinton masks into the fold. Yeah, she had a Bill Clinton mask before Bill Clinton was president.
00:29:53
Speaker
If it wasn't for her...
00:29:57
Speaker
If it wasn't for her, Bill... What's with this fucking... The coach, though, for the aerobicizing cheerleaders, dude. Like, she looked like she's all cracked out. i I thought that was a guy.
00:30:11
Speaker
oh maybe it was. What? Again, also... That was a huge... That was a huge bitch. again also that was what that that was a huge bit
00:30:26
Speaker
Well, also, okay, so this whole scene, they're cutting everybody up, right? Um, during, after they get done blasting everybody away, they're cutting off butt cheeks and all kinds of shit. Like, there's like moving body parts on the ground. Like, I don't, it's awesome, but I don't. Well, I liked George, George comes in the room and he's holding a head and he's puppeting it. He's like, my name is Sheetar. tar ah Yeah.
00:30:58
Speaker
Yeah, dude. You know what his mask kind of looks like? His mask, now that I'm thinking about it, looks kind of like Gary Busey. ah Well, but Gary Busey kind of looks like Bill Clinton. Yeah.
00:31:16
Speaker
Did you see recently I saw pictures of Gary Busey online. ah You'll have to look it up after this for his Halloween costume this year. He's just wearing a mask of his own face.
00:31:29
Speaker
I don't know. It's a paper mask, too. It's really stupid. Okay, you saw it. yeah Yeah. It's so stupid. as i He's a unique man.
00:31:40
Speaker
That's what we should do. We should wear each other's face. And do like a live, like a video po ah video show. why Why wear each other's face when we could just wear our own?
00:31:53
Speaker
Like Gary Busey. I don't know. Switch it up. Like to see who's behind the seat. Like to see who's behind the driver's seat. Take a picture of your own ass and make a mask out of it.
00:32:08
Speaker
But it'll only have one hole to see through.
00:32:15
Speaker
Are you looking at my eye?
00:32:21
Speaker
Why are you guys dressed up as weird looking cyclopses? like that ah I think there was a South ah Park episode. There is. people as They were getting judged. Yeah, they were getting like and i discriminated against.
00:32:41
Speaker
Never mind. Although we could do it and role play as Jackie and be like, we were the first to do this. Did you ever watch that ah cartoon called Assy McGee?
00:32:55
Speaker
No. Oh my god. Does that sound familiar? Give that one a shot after we're done recording.
00:33:07
Speaker
ah You like this recommendation. You're going to love that one.
00:33:13
Speaker
I'm going to... I wish I had my pepper spray right now. hey You be getting a face.
00:33:23
Speaker
Your eyes would be swollen shut. like, this is what you get. and that You pepper sprayed me through ah the TV.
00:33:37
Speaker
but i'm going hard I'm going a little hard on this movie. It doesn't deserve the hate I'm giving it. I'm just fucking around. It's not terrible. yeah But it is like alone just like... The fucking shit was just the characters. And again, you know the whole the whole interaction with fucking vitamin C like obsessed with like their food.
00:34:00
Speaker
Vitamin C for some... i worked that a guy I worked with a guy that looked just like him. Oh, this is America. Every fucking third guy looks like him.
00:34:15
Speaker
Yeah, this is true. Trying to say we all look alike.
00:34:22
Speaker
No, just most of us are fat asses.
00:34:29
Speaker
We live deliciously.
00:34:33
Speaker
Would you like to live deliciously? oh man. I wonder if Damien Ruggna should ah call up Robert Eggers and apologize because he was the first to do that.
00:34:46
Speaker
You used goat in a movie? A black one? ah Damien Ruggna's out there somewhere going, I was the first to do this. Yeah.
00:34:59
Speaker
ah fer all is He writes a song about it. Yeah, he's like, Robert Eggers robert eggers can kiss my ass or it'd be more like, that guy there can kiss my fucking ass.
00:35:16
Speaker
I'm making fun of him, but Damien Ruggna is currently my favorite modern day. You know you know you're loved when we make fun of you. I get a pass because I love the guy. Yeah.
00:35:31
Speaker
Yeah, it's okay.
00:35:34
Speaker
Robert Eggers is pretty good too, though. yeah All things considered. not Not on the level of Damien Ruggna, in my opinion. Yeah.
00:35:46
Speaker
but I do like some of the stuff he's done. Nosferatu was cool. You got to see, you got to see Dracula. You got to see Nosferatu's dick.
00:35:58
Speaker
I saw, but, but that was like, um, that wasn't even the warmup for when I went to see, uh, I saw, um, ah 28 years later in a theater.
00:36:13
Speaker
I should fucking... ah i should I should have had to sign a consent form to see that thing for so long. If I stood next to the fucking movie... If I stood next to the movie screen, I i bet that dick was as long as I am tall.
00:36:29
Speaker
All in all, man, there's a bunch of fucking ah shit happening in that movie, dude. And i don't give a fuck about how many dicks were in it. It was a great fucking movie. um Well, I don't care either. I'm sorry.
00:36:42
Speaker
I think that there was... a couple really, really big slobber knockers and that just ingrained in everybody's head. But there was just as many flappy fucking curtains there too when they were running.
00:36:58
Speaker
So I don't know what that is. No one talks about that. Well, that's because when a woman is fully nude, you still can't see much, unless they're, you know... It's not like a guy. There's a couple of them. The meat curtains.
00:37:15
Speaker
the yeah There's a nice one hanging. she She could hang off the back of the boat. She could steer a fucking ah cruise ship with that thing.
00:37:26
Speaker
ha ha ha
00:37:31
Speaker
Oh, the rudder went out! Put old Shelly hanging off the back of the boat. She can direct us away from the fucking ah ah glacier. I don't know what the fuck I'm saying.
00:37:44
Speaker
I'm just saying that 28 years later, that zombie's dick had so much screen time, I hope it got its own SAG card. Yeah. I mean, it did and didn't, but also 28 fucking years later. The last thing these motherfuckers are doing is worrying about fucking clothing.
00:38:06
Speaker
You know what I'm saying? All they want to do is... No, I think it's i think it's fucking hilarious. so I would go see that movie in 3D if they released it that way.
00:38:17
Speaker
It'd be like the fucking Matrix. I'd be leaning back to dodge that thing. Oh, here it comes again. Oh, the slow-mo, yeah.
00:38:29
Speaker
Fucking giant dick swinging. Yes. You're seeing it fucking like ah sound like break fucking sound barriers and shit with the rings.
00:38:43
Speaker
Oh, I bet.
00:38:50
Speaker
Well, it's shooting loads at you.
00:38:55
Speaker
yeah And like my idea for the four, I'm the first to do this. I wanted the 4D theater where I hire some friends to warm up some yogurt and fling it on people with plastic spoons. Yeah.
00:39:10
Speaker
ah show that you get that You pay for three dimensions, but you get the fourth dimension for free.
00:39:21
Speaker
I'd have to have plastic seats and a garden hose in that theater, but it would work. Yeah.
00:39:30
Speaker
Oh, shit. All right. I'd be the first to do it. These dicks beat us off on the wrong path again.
00:39:41
Speaker
Yeah, we can we can jump through this ah with the police. The goofy-ass police.
00:39:49
Speaker
Yeah. mark ah Mark, Chief Miller, Mark, and Sheba. Yeah. They have like a running gag that's only two times, but um Jackie was the first to do this. She had the Chief punching Mark in the stomach for some random reason.
00:40:07
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. Well, what do you make of this, Looks like someone had a do-it-yourself lunch meat party. Chief's getting tough. Sorry, Mark. Perhaps I went too far. That shit's fucking funny. He's just like... Like he's a bully or some shit? Like, what the fuck?
00:40:24
Speaker
It's one of those things, like, I think she has ADD because...
00:40:31
Speaker
It's like things that she thinks ah is clever is just like, it doesn't make sense, but that doesn't make it original or good. You know what I mean? Like, yeah.
00:40:44
Speaker
Like when she, like she has Mark sticking his tongue out at Sheba. Like, yeah. it's Like, I guess that's funny.
00:40:56
Speaker
i don't know. Yeah. Yeah, it's fucking weird. It's fucking weird. But we'll go back. We'll head on back to the restaurant with the the with vitamin C. Yeah, because ah because they' this is just another fucking this is kind of sets up the wrestling match, you know, because George sees the Nazi wrestlers on the TV.
00:41:24
Speaker
Mm hmm. yeah And I don't know how he got to wrestle him. i don't know They don't go into any of that. but that's He gets all fucking mad too. He's like, I can fucking wrestle too.
00:41:35
Speaker
Blah, blah, blah. Well, yeah, because vitamin C says, do you wrestle as good as you cook? Yeah. And he's like, I'm going to wrestle. Yeah. He fucking jumps the fucking counter and fucking puts him in a goddamn choke hold.
00:41:50
Speaker
And then he makes vitamin C puke over everybody. And then everybody in the everybody in the restaurant starts fucking puking. He's like,
00:42:03
Speaker
and
00:42:06
Speaker
a I'd have to look and see when Stand By Me came out. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that they gained inspiration from this movie.
00:42:18
Speaker
Yeah, bet. Yeah. Absolutely. but See who was the first to do this. Absolutely. We'll get to the bottom of this. but It's on.
00:42:30
Speaker
To make up for it, George gives vitamin C some free food, and he's like, okay, so deal.
Humorous Film Moments
00:42:36
Speaker
Yeah, and he's just fucking tearing it up. It's... and and And he's talking about the body parts and shit of the victims and whatever's happening, you know?
00:42:47
Speaker
Well, well, he opened up that, uh, like cabinet or whatever, and all the body parts are there. And this is supposed to be a vegetarian restaurant, but they're, they're, uh, feeding body parts to all the, the vegetarians. Um,
00:43:03
Speaker
Yeah. who And he boils like a whole, he boils a basket full of fingers and somehow they don't know that that's meat. I don't know. Well, yeah, because they're telling him that it's not.
00:43:17
Speaker
So there it is.
00:43:21
Speaker
That's how you know. Yeah. Yeah.
00:43:27
Speaker
Oh, yeah. I wonder when, what was the, what year did Robert Pickton do all his business? Because he might have to apologize Jackie, too. Send email to Jackie?
00:43:43
Speaker
Okay. Yep. I think he's dead now, but still. that's no That's no excuse. He better deliver an apology. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If you live in the Toronto area, look up Robert Pickton because you probably eat human meat.
00:44:05
Speaker
That motherfucker was grinding up human meat into pig meat and then distributed. He died. He died. a Last last year, he was 74 and he got he died from a stabbing.
00:44:20
Speaker
Okay, the FDA didn't look into any of that until four years after he was arrested. So they never checked to see if the people in there. Everybody knew he was giving meat. He owned a fucking pork processing.
00:44:34
Speaker
Absolutely. He um e f fed a lot of people people. You know what I'm saying? um I had no idea. he was He was the first to do that.
00:44:47
Speaker
Oh, don't tell Jackie that shit. I know. I'm sorry, Jackie. You're going to cancel you.
00:44:55
Speaker
i have to be famous to be canceled, so I'm immune.
00:45:03
Speaker
Yeah. I'm immune to canceling. and And, they you know, we see the cops again, and the chief punches Mark in the stomach again. And they talk about knowing that the victims are all vegetarians. So they're getting on the track, you know.
00:45:21
Speaker
They're slowly getting there, yeah. yeah Yeah. But then Anwar is telling the boys about his fond memories. Mm-hmm. Because he's trying to correct the mistakes that he made.
00:45:36
Speaker
because he ah And I quote, he says, his mistakes were because I let my schlong do the thinking for me. ah a little more wisdom, Uncle.
00:45:47
Speaker
Don't make the same mistake I made. I let my schlong do the thinking for me. got confused! Ha ha ha ha ha!
00:45:57
Speaker
need to bring that back. Schlong. Yeah. yeah um I don't know if I like that or I don't. I'll have to try to use that a few times. yeah i have to go I have to go to the bathroom and drain my schlong.
00:46:12
Speaker
I don't know if I like that. You have to say it like that too. oh yeah, absolutely. An effeminate German. ah Did you notice as they're building ah Putting her together. Did you notice she's wearing some fucking men's briefs?
00:46:30
Speaker
She's got whitey tighties on. Yeah. Some big old men's briefs. At least they're tight on her and they are white. You know, last time we saw Whitey Tidies, they were on Uriel.
00:46:42
Speaker
Yeah, Uriel, yeah. ah Yeah, there were they were who actually, they weren't like so much on anymore. They kind of have grown, they grew into Uriel. They were the brownies, saggies.
00:46:57
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, they were just kind of a part of him at that point. the let the um Yeah, they look alright on Sheetar.
00:47:08
Speaker
Sheetar can get it. Yeah. so yeah shear Sheetar is pulling it off a little bit.
00:47:23
Speaker
But I don't know what she if she uses that i don't know what if she knows what that little pocket or hole is on the front of them are for. Right.
00:47:34
Speaker
not Not applicable. But you know what? Jackie was the first to do too. But he sends the boys out because I need the stomachs of two immoral girls.
00:47:46
Speaker
Two stomachs. two stomachs from two immoral girls. hey Thanks, Jack. But we go over to Club Dread.
00:47:58
Speaker
God damn it, Kevin. let me yeah Let me preface this as a when you watch this, just ah know that this was me and Alan walking into insomnias.
00:48:14
Speaker
I suppose... I suppose. We didn't kill anybody to get in. Those fucking outfits, dude. I'm just trying to fit in.
00:48:26
Speaker
Yeah, sequined onesies.
00:48:30
Speaker
when i got And they've and ah Mike has a big pompadour wig on, and George has like a giant bowl cut. Yeah, but he's what it looks like he's wearing this fucking bowl cut backwards. Yeah.
00:48:44
Speaker
It looks like fucking Sonny Bono and and Sonny Bono and fucking Morrissey.
00:48:56
Speaker
Yeah, so hey fuck the bouncers ain't letting them in or nothing because, you know, this is the Kapoor King guys. And Michael, keep your idiot brother out those cake bars. want to come with us, Uncle Lauer?
00:49:08
Speaker
No. You boys go. But don't make the same arrow I made by ravishing the virgin before the sacrifice. I failed a mission and for that disguise, lock my slang off on the day of the Gleeco Massacre.
00:49:20
Speaker
Hey, you yeah guys. So they fucking, yeah and they beat the shit out well, they fucking throw him out in the fucking road, and of course there's a ah a car on hydraulics, like, bouncing down the road. and Yeah, and it smashes his fucking head, which is pretty fucking sweet.
00:49:38
Speaker
And, uh, everybody's like, hey, are you okay?
00:49:45
Speaker
Hey, yo! who And other bouncer looks at him like, you guys are cool, go on in. Yeah, he's like, you're in now. Okay. First first to do it.
00:49:58
Speaker
We had to do that. we had to do that i had to do that the first time went into... When Mines for Mustards. i i could ah I knew that you had have your head smashed by a lowrider at some point.
00:50:16
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. It wouldn't be the first time either. I don't think no good no more. Yeah, absolutely. I've got my head smashed. Yeah. and I've got a stomachache in my brain.
00:50:33
Speaker
We're coming up on one of the other best characters in the movie because he's not annoying. Valentino. We go right into the fucking bar at this point and we see Alan's first band on stage.
00:50:48
Speaker
No, mine was much worse.
00:50:58
Speaker
Outstanding.
00:51:04
Speaker
Those guys are like fucking goddamn Hans Zimmer compared to the shit we were doing.
00:51:17
Speaker
Oh, you hear the call, and then you get the response. Do you hear the music? Oh, it cries to me at night. ah ah Yeah, we were, yeah.
00:51:36
Speaker
no Nope. there Yeah, they're better. They're there to pick up some skanky bitches. Yeah. They're there, and they're dressed the park. And Mike's life hacking because he can hypnotize everybody.
00:51:52
Speaker
Yeah. And considering considering because everybody in the fucking bar has got a wig on but considering they don't do terrible.
00:52:04
Speaker
I mean they could have done worse.
00:52:08
Speaker
Yeah. They are skanky.
00:52:15
Speaker
But they could have done worse.
00:52:18
Speaker
you know Yeah. yeah And Mike mike convinces them to come but come home with them, which home is the Tuttman's Cafe. yeah She ain't trashy enough. They're like looking through and they're like, she ain't trashy enough.
00:52:38
Speaker
Yeah, you ain't skanky enough, you nasty bitch. Yeah, they got a couple. They found some skanks. Mm-hmm. It fits the descriptor.
00:52:52
Speaker
yeah it is It is what Anwar requested. Oh, for sure. Get me two slutty bitches, two slots. Ha ha ha ha.
00:53:07
Speaker
Yeah, but ah let's go on over and meet ah Stan and Valentino because those guys are fun. And yeah, because because Mark and Sheba, the detectives.
00:53:22
Speaker
I don't know what brought them there, but they're at Stan's fucking. I think it's called Stan's restaurant or Stan's veggies or some shit. I don't know. Yeah.
00:53:35
Speaker
But it's it's the competitor restaurant to the Tupman's Cafe because they're both vegetarian restaurants. Yeah, they're and they and they just threw this little story arc in here out of nowhere. later Yeah, because because the police are convinced that the police know that all the victims have been vegetarians, so that's why they're there. Stan...
00:53:57
Speaker
but stan ah i I watched the commentary for this, reluctantly. But what did they explain about the dummy, Valentino? Well, I'll i'll mention that in just a second, but Stan, the character Stan, Jackie Kong, was like, he wasn't an actor,
00:54:20
Speaker
She just wanted somebody that looked stupid.
00:54:25
Speaker
So she said he looks like a stupid loser. So that's why she cast him. First to do it.
00:54:36
Speaker
goes She goes, hey, you look stupid, stupid. ah Why are you so stupid, stupid? Stupid lady.
00:54:48
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, basically that's the... the ah Because I thought that ah Stan was kind of funny.
00:55:00
Speaker
And not not at in this scene, but in his final scene, I kind of liked the way he was acting. I don't know. and yeah it was natural. wow Which is funny because he doesn't he's not an actor, but you know what I'm saying? That's what's so great about it.
00:55:18
Speaker
But the other character, and I will give her credit for this, because... And she says she's the first to do this, but you remember just recently... Is her daughter playing Valentino as well?
00:55:33
Speaker
No, but you remember just recently, um which ah we were talking about and night in The Nightmare on Elm Street, when we were drunk as shit, but, um, yeah, I was talking about night of the living dead where they wrote the character to be, it was written like it was, uh, just a white guy or whatever. But they, when they cast Dwayne Jones, they didn't change any of the dialogue.
00:56:01
Speaker
yeah Well, she she kind of did this that here, but she claims she's the first to do this. And I'll give her credit. respect it. i'll give her I'll give her credit. This wasn't bad.
00:56:14
Speaker
ah Because see yeah they wrote this character to be a person and couldn't find somebody to play the part, so they just put a dummy there, but kept the dialogue and made everybody treat it like it was a real person.
00:56:30
Speaker
Yeah. I really like this. This part I actually really like because it's so absurd. And but I like it you know for that reason.
00:56:41
Speaker
Well, it's one. It's like when I first watched it, um I was like, what the fuck is going on? Why are they talking to that dummy? It's not even moving. It's clear. It's like a paper mache doll or something.
00:56:56
Speaker
But it's it's it's weird. I'd like to see. it'd be funny if ah Valentino still exists and ah got him stuck in a fucking glass case somewhere. Yeah.
00:57:12
Speaker
Well, he. Becky Kong's got it like in like a fucking Coraline. It's her crowning achievement. Yeah. I did this first.
00:57:24
Speaker
And, uh, but there's a part, I was wondering what the hell was going on, but there's a part where it shows Stan's face and he's moving his lips.
00:57:35
Speaker
Like he's ven like, he's a ventriloquist. Uh huh. But but that's not but he's not in sync. He's not saying what Valentino is saying. It's completely out of sync.
00:57:48
Speaker
It's not. It doesn't look like he's reading. i think he's reading what somebody is saying. He does that thing that some people do where they start moving their lips when you're talking. Have you ever talked to anybody like that?
00:58:01
Speaker
Like they'll start trailing like your, they'll trail you. They'll start trailing like your annunciations and start moving their lips to what you're enunciating. I'd say, no, if I saw that, I'd start.
00:58:15
Speaker
It's rare, it's weird. Like, like if you were doing that, I'd go, I'd start saying, Alan, come to my bank. I'm going to give you all my monies. And, uh,
00:58:29
Speaker
Let's go to the grocery store. ah I'll buy you whatever you want. I need five heads of lettuce. Yeah, I'd take you to the grocery store and stand behind you and be like, fucking bitch, I dare you to pepper spray me.
00:58:45
Speaker
ah
00:58:51
Speaker
Pocket sand. Pocket sand. i wonder I wonder if that could be considered... lethal force if you if you threw pocket sand at a police officer and he shot you would it be justified what if somebody decides they want to they want to do suicide by cop and that's what they do they pocket sand the cop to get shot I swear that I swear to you, if I get old enough to where I get fucking terminally ill and I and I get real skinny like that, I'll get the outfit.
00:59:31
Speaker
I'll dress just like him. and i'll get you Get yourself pulled over. i'll get myself pulled over and there'll be police body cams of me dressed like him pocket sanding a police officer to death till I get shot.
00:59:51
Speaker
Pocket sand! They'll be like, boo-boo-boo-boo-boo! hey They fucking try to tase you and you just fucking pocket sand them. Fucking... I'll be laying on the ground like, oh, I'm embracing death's sweet release.
01:00:11
Speaker
oh Yeah.
01:00:18
Speaker
Death by pocket sand. Death by cop, what did he do? he He pocket sanded me. Did you see how much sand he had? it was like millions of kernels.
01:00:31
Speaker
What? No. What is a piece of sand? A, uh, uh, not, it's not a kernel. What's a piece of sand, Kevin? A grain, a granule, ah a granule.
01:00:43
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. A grain. He had like a billion granule. He had a billion grand grandules of sand. I got like seven of them in my eyes.
01:00:55
Speaker
but I shot that skinny old man. That's some of a bitch pocket sanded me. I saw all those movies from the nineties. It's okay to shoot a redneck.
01:01:10
Speaker
and Nobody cares. The place is packed all the time. oh my god.
01:01:22
Speaker
You notice he like even with a
01:01:27
Speaker
with him like the dummy he fucking spraying him in the face. He sprayed him in the face. Yeah. And nobody reacts to it. No.
01:01:38
Speaker
It's like bug spray. Yeah. Yeah, it's really
01:01:47
Speaker
it's really weird. It's... whenever Stan is talking he's whenever stan's talking, he has food all over his lips, like crumbs of food. Yeah. To make him look more stupid. Yeah. hey you go You look stupid already, but we need to make you more stupider.
01:02:08
Speaker
But anyway, back at the Tupman's Cafe, Mike is making out with Peggy while George and Joanne are just sitting there like a couple of cucks. Yeah. Just fucking chilling, bro.
01:02:21
Speaker
Yeah. Yep. And Mike batters them big old titties.
01:02:30
Speaker
Batters them?
01:02:33
Speaker
Yeah, and I mean batter like ah fucking the spreading. like Yeah, I know. i know
01:02:45
Speaker
I don't mean he beat her up. He fucking batters her so he can deep fry her. That's right.
01:02:54
Speaker
battered her in the hungry way. He battered them. He bag battered her big old boobies and then deep fried her fucking head. She came out.
01:03:05
Speaker
You know what that head, you know what her head looked like a fucking farmer Vincent fritter. Yeah.
01:03:15
Speaker
That to me is what a fritter kind of what a fritter looks like. That's a fritter. Yeah. that That's a fritter. That there's a fritter. Fritters two.
01:03:28
Speaker
The main course.
01:03:32
Speaker
Must kill frights. oh
01:03:38
Speaker
Fritters two, the main course. The main intercourse. The main intercourse.
01:03:46
Speaker
That'll be the porno version. Fritters across a mashup of Blood Diner and Critters 2 and a random porno.
01:03:57
Speaker
Yeah. Fritters 2, the main intercourse.
01:04:04
Speaker
And Motel Hell for some fucking reason. I don't know. But a woman finds a hand in the trash holding one one of the... all Oh, what about... um Wait a minute, because Peggy, the girl that was sitting there with George, they go into the back and she she starts getting weirded out and wants to leave, so fucking George cuts her in half.
01:04:28
Speaker
Straight up cuts her right in fucking half. Yeah, she must have been made of fucking pudding. one One very casual hack.
01:04:39
Speaker
And she splits right in two. And you know what and she should She should tell the tariff Terrifier series, I was the first to do this. ah so You owe her an apology.
01:04:55
Speaker
Yep. Get them emails going. Jackie Kong is going to start suing fucking ah terrifier for she's gonna be cut to her sitting at her like apartment and she's got Valentino on the couch next to and she starts getting all these emails of apologies and she's like I told you they would I told you they would come back and then she sprays Valentino in the face with bug spray and then it goes back to the movie yeah
01:05:30
Speaker
You know, we never talked about the amulets, and for good reason. They're not important, but I'm only mentioning them because a woman finds one ah a hand in the garbage with an amulet.
01:05:42
Speaker
Yeah. One of the amulets. The amulets that Anwar gives George and Mikey when they were kids. Yeah. theyre not They're not important to the movie at all, even at this point, because then fucking ah Mark and Sheba...
01:06:00
Speaker
Do they go to fucking Egypt? Where are the goddamn... Where are these archaeologists from? That's what... It's out of nowhere, and then the one archaeologist is, like, going the fuck off about these ambulants. Like, she's fucking flipping her shit.
01:06:19
Speaker
She's like, that's made of plastic. Where'd you get that piece of shit?
01:06:25
Speaker
That's decorative jewelry. Yeah. Costume. Costume jewelry. Yeah, costume jewelry's. The jewel of Loris.
01:06:36
Speaker
Yeah, and the fucking, uh... But that's not important. The amulet thing goes nowhere. So... So we'll just go back to the restaurant where Anwar is giving the boys their next assignment to get a virgin.
01:06:50
Speaker
I need a virgin, you queers.
01:06:55
Speaker
Yeah. Uh... and The next day, the restaurant's packed and Mikey is giving out free hors d'oeuvres. yeah That's right. well Everybody's just tearing the shit up, too.
01:07:09
Speaker
It looks like shrimp. It is battered, though, so maybe it's yeah Joanne or Peggy. wow did you see ha showed up Did you see who showed up at the restaurant, though?
01:07:23
Speaker
That was sitting at the bar in the restaurant in this scene? Vitamin c No. Who? Valentino, bro. Valentino's there?
01:07:36
Speaker
Yeah, you they're sitting next to Vitamin C. I didn't even notice that. Those sons of bitches. Yep. They get up, he picks up Valentino and takes off.
01:07:47
Speaker
He's got a cowboy. Stan's got like a cowboy hat on and they're just sitting there next to Vitamin C and he's like, oh you know, and then Vitamin C's like, He owns that restaurant across the street. And, and,
01:07:58
Speaker
um
01:08:04
Speaker
and and mike Mike hypnotizes Connie to have her go see his brother wrestler wrestle Jimmy Hitler. Mm-hmm.
01:08:17
Speaker
But I like, this is kind this is introducing a character that'll come back around in like two minutes. But Anwar is at his two-sided mirror, and i he goes, get me this ugly slut. Yeah.
01:08:32
Speaker
yeah He sees Cindy, who will we'll see in just a minute, because he tells he tells Georgie to get Cindy, and he calls her an ugly bitch. don't know.
01:08:46
Speaker
He didn't look too bad to me, but whatever. You're a brain in a jar. Quit throwing fucking stones from your glass jar, motherfucker. Get out that guest book and find that ugly bitch that was in front of my window today.
01:08:58
Speaker
You two jerkers, get your thumbs out of your asses and get a move We still have many ingredients together to complete the blood buffet. Right? Yeah. Cindy ain't ugly.
01:09:10
Speaker
She's skanky. But it's the 80s in a movie called Blood Diner. Everyone's skanky.
01:09:20
Speaker
hu But michael Mike holds the phone up to Anwar's jar and he calls Cindy. That's right. But she's not there. but But the person on the other and other side of the phone tells him where she's at.
01:09:35
Speaker
nature hiking at the Bronson Caves. You know, i don't fucking tell strangers where a female is. yeah It drives me crazy when i see when I see women posting on their Facebook like, I'm here. like Don't fucking do that.
01:09:53
Speaker
harry If you have a stalker, you're just telling them, guess where I am all alone. Yeah, I'm right here. Come find me. You fucking dummy.
01:10:05
Speaker
What are you doing? You stupid, stupid. But Mike sends George to the caves and he goes to the club for whatever goddamn reason. and It's her coordinates.
01:10:21
Speaker
They're supposed to meet back of the cafe at midnight. But this is the out of the fucking blue, George, they do like a trauma movie scene, not nearly as gory.
01:10:34
Speaker
Yeah. It's like, what year did Toxic Avenger come out? Because ah they might have some splaining to do. They might, but I don't know. It's a hard one. I'm pretty sure it came out before this.
01:10:48
Speaker
I think so, too. Yep, 84. So she wasn't the first to do this. Although she wasn't doing it. She probably time traveled.
01:11:01
Speaker
Yeah.
01:11:04
Speaker
She was the first to time travel. Yeah, and she told them about it. You know what you ought do here? as an advisor, she time traveled as an advisor is what she did. Run over this motherfucker for fun.
01:11:15
Speaker
For the funsies. They were doing it. they were What was ah running a kid's head over worth? ten 10 points? Yeah. You're stressing me. You're stressing me. Stressing me, Troma has the best a knack for finding the weirdest fucking people.
01:11:41
Speaker
That's right. They're incredible. John Waters is the only person that can compete with their their ability to find fucking skanky people. They're both like, they both are top tier for um for characters and names of characters too.
01:12:01
Speaker
And just backgrounds of characters. They're on like two different sides, but they're about equal. Yeah. Uncle Lloyd for no and John Waters, man. like They both ah definitely got the eye for it.
01:12:16
Speaker
And Jackie Kong, right? oh jet Well, yeah. i Well, it looks like I'm writing an email after this. How dare you leave out the pioneer? The pioneer.
01:12:28
Speaker
You fool. The fucking patriarch. Yeah, the matriarch.
01:12:36
Speaker
yeah yeah george But yeah, George sees a biker on the side of the road with a wig on like everyone else in the goddamn movie.
01:12:48
Speaker
And everybody's listening to that Mambo song. He's like, Mambo! Mambo number five! I got a little Georgie by my side.
01:13:04
Speaker
Oh my God. Yeah. But he runs over a fat biker, a big old fat boy in his van several times. I don't think he'd get over him once that, that guy was a good, don think um he would have gotten fucking stuck right underneath that van. He would have been dragging.
01:13:22
Speaker
He could change his oil while he's up there.
01:13:31
Speaker
i know I know, but I'm like, ah I mean, if your car is up off the ground like that, perfect opportunity. Yeah, right. get Get that shit done for half price, man.
01:13:47
Speaker
I'm thrifty. Yep. And George shows up at the caves to kill Cindy and her boyfriend Buzz. Yeah, and he's like in the in the middle a raping her.
01:14:02
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. and Cindy, this is the ugly bitch. He wants to he wants to chomp on her sweet meat. That's what he says. He's so horny.
01:14:14
Speaker
He's like, I'm so horny. I could fuck a cow. He has to be. He better be careful because unless he's in West Virginia, that's illegal.
01:14:25
Speaker
Yeah, right.
01:14:28
Speaker
If you got a cow and you want to fuck it, you're going to have to go to West Virginia. And I'm not throwing shade at West Virginia. That is literally the only state where bestiality is still legal.
01:14:39
Speaker
Look it up. It's absolutely true. yeah you can but You can fuck your cow in West Virginia. don't know Don't know why that's still a thing, but that's between them and Jesus.
01:14:59
Speaker
but But he picks up George. He picks up ah Buzz like he's goddamn Jason Voorhees and throws him into the top into the walls of the cave and knocks him unconscious.
01:15:12
Speaker
Yep. And but then Cindy kicks his fucking ass. Dude, she's just fucking he's like coming at her with an axe and he's just being fucking crazy. And she ends up going into fucking madness mode and beating the fuck out of him completely.
01:15:29
Speaker
And then runs over to check on her boyfriend and, uh, what's that? Uh, the lag the lag tight fucking falls and night plants like right in the top of her fucking head.
01:15:42
Speaker
Yeah. And one thing we forgot to mention, she's completely naked this whole time. She's just got a pair of, she's just got a pair of mink panties on.
01:15:54
Speaker
No, she wasn't wearing shit. She's beating the fuck out of them. She's got a big old thick pair of fucking hair panties on.
01:16:04
Speaker
you ah She's butt-ass naked, but trust me, you ain't seeing nothing.
01:16:12
Speaker
She's got about ah looks like she's got a cat sleeping in her lap. Yeah.
01:16:21
Speaker
A long-haired cat.
01:16:24
Speaker
Yeah, that's a long hair.
01:16:28
Speaker
One of them long hairs. One of them long hair cats. You get your fucking hairball eating that.
01:16:38
Speaker
The police come and and Buzz is out in the yard going... Yeah. Trying to hack up his hairball. He goes... What did he say? He goes...
01:16:56
Speaker
He said something like, I'm sorry, man. I made a mistake. I was horny. and i was I was horny. Yeah. Hey, that's a real thing. That, you know, that's pre-nut confusion.
01:17:12
Speaker
He didn't what to do. Yeah. I mean, pre-nut confusion doesn't make you rape women, just to be clear. But it does make your judgment skewed. This guy, though. He could have fucked the cow. he made If Buzz made some mistakes, right, and as soon as he was done fucking that cow, he'd regret fucking that cow because of the post-nut clarity. He'd go, oh my god, what did I just do?
01:17:44
Speaker
It's like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Yeah. But Mike mikey my picks up a slut at the fucking ah club and takes her back to the cafe for what he calls a big surprise. That's a line that only a confident man should ever use.
01:18:07
Speaker
Yeah. I'm going to take you back for a big surprise.
01:18:16
Speaker
Oh my god. But George cuts up Cindy before he leaves so he doesn't have to carry her body back. So he's just got her lungs and liver. and and And he just likes cutting up women because she's cut up into about 20 pieces.
01:18:33
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. and it's yeah he's just like He gets fucking mad and he fucking kicks her. Fucking bitch. He fucking kicks her fucking torso. Yeah.
01:18:46
Speaker
Because she kicked his fucking ass. yeah watching him She's been watching those Elvis Presley Kung Fu tutorials.
01:18:56
Speaker
Yeah, dude. But they get ah they get back to the cafe and ah fucking Anwar is talking about the moon and Jupiter.
01:19:08
Speaker
saying how they have he says something like, if we don't hurry, we're not going to get this opportunity for another lifetime. you know yeah The moon aligns with Jupiter every fucking month.
01:19:24
Speaker
Anwar.
01:19:27
Speaker
You stupid bastard. yeah You just gotta wait. You just gotta wait another month. You're alright. You'll be alright. Don't freak out.
01:19:40
Speaker
But he says it's a whole other lifetime. Whatever. Whatever. He is ah he has just a brain in a jar, but I suppose the brain is the most important thing when thinking is involved.
01:19:54
Speaker
It's not like your fingers do that for you. Yeah.
01:20:00
Speaker
I don't know. Whatever. but he tells He tells them that at Sheetar's resurrection, the party goers must ravage the blood zib blood buffet at the same time Sheetar consumes the virgin.
01:20:17
Speaker
The virgin is Connie. presumptuous if you ask me how do they fucking know Connie hasn't banged anyone Mike can hypnotize people it doesn't mean he can read their fucking minds yeah she never said she was a virgin at least I don't remember that yeah she didn't say nothing probably hogged down laughing
01:20:50
Speaker
bored out so they like they're like talking about how they're gonna get everybody to like you know eat this or whatever and he pulls out this fucking bottle and he's like I got this and it's called hunger on
01:21:08
Speaker
Get your hunger on. Get your hunger on. Appetite stimulator. Yeah. Get your hungry on. See, she was the first to do that. and That was like a thing in the 90s.
01:21:22
Speaker
Get your groove on. And she's back in the fucking 80s. Jackie Kong is a fucking pioneer. Goddamn trendsetter.
01:21:35
Speaker
That's right. And we go to fucking Valentino and Stan. They're staking out the fucking restaurant. And Valentino's trying to talk Stan into like not breaking into their building because he's he's going to caught, you know?
01:21:50
Speaker
And he's like, nope, you stay here and honk the horn and if they come back.
01:22:00
Speaker
Besides the fact that he's a puppet and also he's sitting in the back's fucking seat. Yeah, Valentino might be the best thing and about this movie. Just because... The thing is, there's a fine line but between incompetence and brilliance.
01:22:16
Speaker
So... yeah sir Jackie Kong on the decision to make Valentino puppet might be teetering on that edge.
01:22:30
Speaker
It's yeah not brilliant by any means, but it might be like a relatively, a relative to the rest of the movie, a relative stroke of genius.
01:22:44
Speaker
It's like having a, it's like, it's like swallowing a fucking diamond and seeing it come out in your shit. Yeah.
01:22:55
Speaker
Oh, there it is.
01:22:58
Speaker
that shiny thing.
01:23:03
Speaker
Yeah, well, they, the, uh, um, I don't know if, I mean, I don't even think the detectives are, you could probably, well, other than at the ending, I was going to say, you could probably take the detectives out of the movie and it wouldn't really change much.
01:23:22
Speaker
Mm-hmm. But um we do get ah because that Mike makes the deal with the club owner, the owners of Club Dread to let them host the blood buffet there.
01:23:35
Speaker
And he gives them those giant bags of those fucking appetite pills and Pat and just says they're drugs. They don't ask what kind of drugs. They look like Tums or something.
01:23:47
Speaker
Yeah. They're huge. They're like fucking goddamn suppositories.
01:23:55
Speaker
they are that's They all have to bend over. They have to eat they reeat everything in reverse on that South Park episode. You bypass the liver if you die. You bypass the liver if they go right up the pooper.
01:24:13
Speaker
Get it right into the bloodstream.
01:24:20
Speaker
Oh. but we got we ah But the detectives do go talk to ah Paul Stanton and his wife who was involved in killing Anwar at the beginning of the movie because we don't get to see Anwar get killed.
01:24:36
Speaker
We just hear it. But the audio is taken from... They actually shot the scene because the recall here of Paul, thinking back, he was the detective that shot Anwar.
01:24:48
Speaker
And... and ah the whole time they're telling the story, you get to see him kill Anwar, but, uh, we find out that Connie is his daughter. Yeah. No relevance.
01:25:02
Speaker
Another thing. no For no reason whatsoever. Yeah. It's, it's really weird. And what's also weird is the fact that, um, Paul Stanton looks like BTK.
01:25:16
Speaker
And in this scene yeah where they're funny, I thought the same fucking thing. So in this scene, he's talking to him and he's dressed like fucking Chevy chase and fucking fucking, uh, national lampoons vacation. He's wearing like the knee high socks and the big fucking trucker hat.
01:25:38
Speaker
And the plaid button up shirt um and with the, with the fucking shorts.
01:25:46
Speaker
I'm a frothing and a foaming. I want you boys to take me in there and split me apart like a coconut.
01:25:54
Speaker
But Paul is talking to the, it's just funny because when he's talking to the detectives, will you find out that Connie's his daughter, which is irrelevant. I don't know why that, I don't know why it's even brought up, but he's talking about the cheerleaders and saying, our Connie ain't like them trashy cheerleaders. Like, motherfucker, they all got murdered.
01:26:17
Speaker
You know that, right? Right. You asshole. ah Like, yeah, she's not like those trashy cheerleaders. She's still alive. Even though was going to have a little girl.
01:26:28
Speaker
Is this her? Yeah. Ain't she pit? She's a good girl, too. Not like them trashy cheerleaders that got killed recently.
01:26:39
Speaker
Let's go on over to the wrestling match with George and Jimmy Hitler. Jimmy Hitler. yeah That guy that played Jimmy Hitler was apparently a real wrestler.
01:26:52
Speaker
all yeah. Obviously local. Obviously local or something. But the guy that played George did not. He did not want to do the scene because Jimmy the guy. Jimmy Hitler guy kept really like kicking his ass.
01:27:05
Speaker
Yeah. look Yeah. And that whole scene, you could tell, man, he's he's not taking it easy on him. well yeah george keeps getting a lot George keeps getting up and fucking smiling, man.
01:27:16
Speaker
like He's like all about it. Well, if watch if you if you dare ever watch the movie again, those are like punch-in shots. Jimmy Hitler wasn't in the ring when they did those ones where he's smiling and shit because he was miserable.
01:27:32
Speaker
No, I know that. I'm just saying like in the movie, like he keeps popping up like, I want to ah want some more They had to shoot those later because he did not want to be in the ring with him.
01:27:46
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. and that They couldn't get him. The guy like didn't understand that he was supposed to go easy on him. Yeah, ah he's like, oh, he's an actor, he can do this. And ah George's Rasslin name, he was the monster of the Nile, the killer of the Sphinx, Luscious Lou, the Lumerian.
01:28:11
Speaker
And then Jimmy Hitler was the two-timing terror of the fatherland, little Jimmy Hitler. Yeah.
01:28:23
Speaker
He's but like, lady he fucking sticks up, what Mike fucking sticks with a goddamn slingshot.
01:28:31
Speaker
It distracts him a lot, long enough to give Georgie the upper hand because George was losing. Well, he did just get his ass kicked by Cindy. So how could you expect him to win against little Jimmy Hitler?
01:28:46
Speaker
Yeah. Then he fucking gets him down and takes a bite out of his fucking leg.
01:28:53
Speaker
It looks like that shot in the apartment complex when the zombie bites that woman's arm or her shoulder. You know, when he bites her shoulder, it's a pretty decent effect considering.
01:29:06
Speaker
Not bad. Although ni Dawn of the Dead came out in 78, ladies, so you wasn't the first to do that. she went back and She went back and showed Tom Savini how to do it.
01:29:23
Speaker
She showed up at his house. Yeah. I'm going to give you some pointers here. she was like, oh, a marshmallow. I bet I bet they i but i invented that.
01:29:37
Speaker
i This whole time, i thought it was those two gay guys that put the marshmallow on my porch.
01:29:45
Speaker
but it was you all along. I've been so wrong. More emails written. I might see him this weekend. Maybe he'll apologize to me.
01:29:56
Speaker
Yeah, maybe you will. It was Jackie Kong and her fucking marshmallows. You're going to be, you're going to be going there and walking around and all a sudden you're going to take a fucking marshmallow to the side of the face.
01:30:10
Speaker
And then you're got you're going to look over and not see anything, and then you're going to look down and see Tom Savini staring at you. Looking up at me. Hey, guy!
01:30:21
Speaker
You son of a bitch. He'll fucking microwave it throw it at me like fucking napalm. Fuck you! fuck you This one's for Jackie Kong, my muse.
01:30:39
Speaker
He looks at Nicotero and he's like, bring him to me. Nicotero's like, I got it, boss. Got it, boss.
01:30:51
Speaker
Bring him to the throne room. They're like Pinky and the Brain. ha ha.
01:30:59
Speaker
What are we going to do today, brain? What are we going to do today, Tom? The same thing we do every night. ah Nikki, take over the world. Nikki, take over the FX world.
01:31:15
Speaker
Take over the FX world. What are we going to do tonight, Tom? We're going to find the sons of bitches that keep putting marshmallows on my doorstep.
01:31:30
Speaker
And then we're going to pay Jackie all her back pay for her, her royalties for me using all her ideas.
01:31:46
Speaker
Holy shit, I want to see an image of Tom Savini and Greg Nicotero as Pinky in the fucking brain, dude. Oh my fucking god. was I thought you were wanting to see Tom Savini fucking slingshot a molten marshmallow at my face. That'd be funny too.
01:32:07
Speaker
I just like the scenario that he throws it and you look over like, who the fuck threw that? And you don't see nothing until you look down. I go, how's the weather down there, little fella?
01:32:22
Speaker
he He's looking up at you squinting like trying to
01:32:29
Speaker
The best line for a tall man to say a short man is, I bet my dick would look huge on your little body.
01:32:43
Speaker
yeah he's going to put us in a headlock someday, I swear to God. Or a knee lock.
01:32:51
Speaker
I put him in i have a hammerlock. I put in a knee lock. i'm goingnna I'm gonna twist your toes. Indian rub us. Indian burn us.
01:33:04
Speaker
He could do some fuck. Anyone can do some damage with a hammer. And he's got that fucking... He'll bite you in your nuts.
01:33:15
Speaker
ah I love you, Tom Savini. I'm just bullshitting. We're just busting your balls. um you look over here you He's dressed as fucking sex machine and he you look down and he's like with his gun and it ends up being like a little 22. Well, have you ever seen those the guns that fire marshmallows?
01:33:40
Speaker
yeah Like those little tiny potato plug guns? there and They're like the as seen on TV. It's a gun that fires a marshmallow. Yeah.
01:33:51
Speaker
shooting marshmallows at your fucking head with his fucking crotch gun. i might have to get one. They'll be like, there's an active shooter at the Monroeville mall.
01:34:02
Speaker
He's shooting marshmallows at all those Savinis and Nicoteros and Poris and...
01:34:12
Speaker
Holy fuck, bro.
01:34:16
Speaker
oh my god. Oh man.
01:34:23
Speaker
all right Remember back back in our day, molten food was a thing. Remember when you could buy a... but If you were getting chased by some bullies, all you had to do was run through a McDonald's and order an apple pie. And if you fucking threw that at somebody fresh off the fucking... out of the deep fryer, that was napalm.
01:34:45
Speaker
You could fuck somebody up with an apple pie back in the day. That's why they don't do it like that no more. They just microwave that shit. We used to get them when that thing was hot lava.
01:34:57
Speaker
Yeah. You would fuck everybody. all All these little kids. We used to get them before they put the caution labels on the fucking coffee cup. All us little kids back then like those McDonald's apple pies were walking around looking like we got herpes or monkey pox or something. yeah our Everyone had monkey pox. Yeah.
01:35:21
Speaker
McDonald's. You either got monkey pox or you've been eating McDonald's.
01:35:29
Speaker
All right. We'll go to Stan Stan's final stand. Yeah. Yeah.
01:35:38
Speaker
Cause he's threatened. He threatens to throw. Well, he, uh, he's arguing with fucking Anwar to give him the rest of the secret recipe. You know why everybody loves their food so much.
01:35:49
Speaker
And he threatens to flush that motherfucker down the toilet. Yeah. Yeah. Only a priest ordained in the cult of Sheetar has the proper skills to prepare this recipe. If attempted by a... Horse manure, when I found you that backroom mumbling second recipe to yourself, I didn't recall anything about sour goat's milk.
01:36:07
Speaker
If you cooperate with the correct ingredients in 10 seconds, I'll see you that you get a private tour of the city sewer system, beginning with my commode. Capiche? You are a shrewd man, Mr. Satan. I shall not deceive you further. He's in there trying to fucking cook the recipe, too, and he's like, tastes like horse manure.
01:36:25
Speaker
Horse manure. Yeah. he's ah But the boys show up to save Anwar like they should. ah Mike stabs him in the shoulder. Yeah.
01:36:38
Speaker
Well, they fucking took Valentino and they're using him as a ah fucking shield. Yeah, he's holding Valentino up and using him as a human shield. And he's like, no, no!
01:36:49
Speaker
He's yelling for sta Stan to help him. Yeah. And I really like... I would really have liked it if Stan was just a straight-up ventriloquist and that that he was standing there like going, help me, help me!
01:37:07
Speaker
And he believed in his head that Valentino was real, even though he was mouthing the words. Yeah. and no Help me.
01:37:18
Speaker
Help me. Help me, Stan.
01:37:23
Speaker
But he threatens he holds ah Anwar hostage and threatens to throw him against the ground. And then he tosses him to George and escapes to his car. Yeah, he could have just fucking smashed it. And then he goes to a fucking um window that he's got barred up.
01:37:40
Speaker
And sticks his goddamn arm out the window and they cut his fucking arm hand off.
01:37:49
Speaker
and And then he runs out to his car and goes to reach for the door and they hack his other hand off. And then slam the door and fucking he's already got his foot on the gas pedal.
01:38:00
Speaker
Which, this scene's pretty sweet. They cut his other fucking hand off, he hits the gas pedal, and he's trying to drive with nubs, and he's just spraying blood everywhere. It's incredible. turns the wind He turns the windshield wipers on.
01:38:12
Speaker
Yeah, even though he's spraying on the inside. And he's going, make me a cripple, will ya? Cut off my hands and laugh about it, will ya? ah Like he's from a fucking Dick Tracy movie.
01:38:25
Speaker
yeah Make me a cripple, will ya? Make me a cripple. He wrecks into a ah little dirt pile and dies, i guess. Yeah.
01:38:37
Speaker
I mean, he would die if he doesn't seek medical attention or at the very least apply a tourniquet. Yeah. so So Stan is dead. That's what, you know, in the, uh,
01:38:51
Speaker
ah You know, do you remember seeing what he wrecked into? He kind of rode up on that little dirt hill. That little ridge, yeah. Like that little ditch and just kind of wrecked.
01:39:02
Speaker
i Well, it was like a little dirt pile. It was maybe three foot high at best. Yeah. and his cot And his car just kind of stalled out. And Jackie Kong says he crashed into a mountain and died.
01:39:19
Speaker
was like, what the fuck are you talking? Are we watching the same movie? Yeah. Like in real life or just in the movie?
01:39:29
Speaker
No, no. In the movie, she was talking about that scene. She said that Stan crashes his car into a mountain and dies. Yeah. I was like, did you guys sell me the wrong fucking disc?
01:39:43
Speaker
Am I watching the same fucking movie that you are? Because he rolled up on a pile of dirt and stalled his car out. Yep.
01:39:54
Speaker
Into a mountain. Whatever.
Chaos at the Club
01:39:57
Speaker
yeah but you know they've been they've been taking parts of women this whole time kind of frankensteining it together to make she tar and on the van ride on the van ride to the club George is using a hacksaw to put ah Anwar's brain inside of the woman's head yeah she's just he fucking pulls her brain out and fucking throws it throws it her and And the band playing at the club. Have you heard of them before? Dino Lee?
01:40:30
Speaker
No. Dino Lee? Me neither. i was like... Their backdrop is sweet, though. I was like, should I know who this is? But I heard their music, and it's not terrible, but it's not something that I would seek out.
01:40:45
Speaker
Yeah. don't know. It's fucking sweet. It's like odorous, pre-odorous. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. ah Yep, she did it first. Well, actually, yeah I looked up pictures of Dino Lee, and that's just kind of what he looks like. so Yeah.
01:41:03
Speaker
Everybody's just eating up all these hunger on these hungry on these hungry on pills Yeah. hu Hunger, hanger, hanger on, hunger on.
01:41:16
Speaker
Yeah. They're eating the pills and they're acting like they're high. It's like giving a fucking 15 year old some pills and telling them it's, or giving a 15 year old a clove cigarette and telling them it's marijuana. And he's like, Hey, I'm so high. It's a regular. Cause everybody's eat.
01:41:32
Speaker
Everybody's eating those appetite stimulants and they're acting like they're fucked up. But it's just there to get them, uh, to eat the blood buffet.
01:41:43
Speaker
That's right. buffe It's very important. a to and And they start turning into zombies. They eat the blood buffet and they start turning into zombies and then they start eating each other.
01:41:58
Speaker
and Mikey's reading from the fucking book that ah Jackie Ford was the first ever to do. like Absolutely. The black magic book.
01:42:10
Speaker
She invented ah Microsoft Paint in order to pull off the cover. she had to She had to write the program. ah You didn't know that you could print out text from a speaking spell.
01:42:24
Speaker
yeah But Sheba, Janet Jackson, Sheba forces her way into the club and Sheetar awakens.
01:42:37
Speaker
Yeah, Sheba looks like Janet Jackson.
01:42:46
Speaker
Kevin's like, I celebrate her entire catalog. yeah,
01:42:53
Speaker
everybody's everybody's turning green randomly because of those pills and they started eating out of this buffet.
01:43:04
Speaker
It's like, what's going to happen to me when I drink that pee that someone sold me that yesterday?
01:43:11
Speaker
Did you see that picture I sent you of the, you got some moonshine someone gave to me? Did you shake it up? How many bubbles, like it how much bubbles are in it? It looks like a trucker bomb.
01:43:23
Speaker
Yeah, it definitely looks like a trucker bomb. It's got a, what is ah a fucking, it's got the spices in it. The little, yeah what is that thing called?
01:43:34
Speaker
Either that or they're dehydrated.
01:43:38
Speaker
Oh yeah, you gotta drink some fuck. Get you some hydration, man, because your pee very yellow. yeah did you notice in that band too that's on stage, like the sax players and the backing band are all dressed up as Hitler? Yeah.
01:44:00
Speaker
There's a lot of Hitler in this movie. She did it first. Yeah. and oh That was before everyone was Hitler. really like Hitler.
01:44:12
Speaker
I really, ah kind of like that guy. fucking needs. She invented it. Yeah. Jackie Ford was like, you know, he was an asshole, but that boy could give a speech.
01:44:31
Speaker
He's like, I want him playing saxophone and guitar and wrestling.
01:44:39
Speaker
ah yeah if at the if at the old Hitler rallies they just played Muzak in the background the fucking um ah the holocaust wouldn't have happened yeah yeah
01:44:58
Speaker
They'd have been like, this sucks. yeah This sucks. I'm going home. She might have she might have ah corrected history. Yeah, absolutely.
Nazi Imagery and Character Confusion
01:45:13
Speaker
she could can ah Jackie contributed to the downfall of Adolf.
01:45:20
Speaker
Yeah. She's like, I was the first to do this. Quit credit grabbing, everybody. Yeah, quit credit grabbing. I stopped motherfucker.
01:45:31
Speaker
I'm the one that stopped that motherfucker, not you.
01:45:38
Speaker
Yeah, she has a lot of Hitler and Nazi stuff in this movie. like though the what Even the way that ah Anwar talks, it's like she's confused. like Does she think like ah Nazis are from Egypt?
01:45:52
Speaker
I'm not...
01:45:55
Speaker
I'm not sure. yes It's like a little mashup. Maybe someone should. Maybe someone should email her and tell her, you know, hey, ah the Nazis weren't from Egypt.
01:46:10
Speaker
Jackie. Yeah.
01:46:15
Speaker
yeah
01:46:17
Speaker
Oh, shit. no but every But, you know, Sheetar awakens, you know, and ah sheba shoots ah my Sheba shoots Mike in the fucking eyeball, right?
01:46:31
Speaker
Straight up. Janet Jackson pops Mike in the eye. She got nasty and popped him in the eye.
01:46:41
Speaker
And then Mark comes in, saves her again, which we don't even know about because Mark and Sheba, other than killing Mike, are completely irrelevant to the story.
01:46:53
Speaker
yeah What story there is. What what story there is.
01:46:59
Speaker
Although, hot take, Kevin. I'll give you this. This is Kevin. Okay. Kevin wanted to watch this movie. Kevin told me, hey, we're going to watch Blood Diner.
01:47:15
Speaker
But you know what? This is better than fucking In a Violent Nature.
01:47:24
Speaker
It actually has more of a story. I'll give you that. I'll give you that. It does. Why are we going to watch Blood Diner, Kevin? Because fuck you, that's why. Egyptian Nazis and fucking Sheetar with the giant vagina belly and the goddamn talking dummies.
01:47:50
Speaker
No, not the cast of In a Violent Nature. I'm talking about the talking dummy in this movie. Yes.
01:48:00
Speaker
but Not the writers. What about violent nature, but they just follow Valentino?
01:48:08
Speaker
i would fucking love that. If the killer and but in a violent nature was Valentino. Yeah. AI, get on that. a i get on that I'll watch him walk through the woods in silence. What library of movies that... I'll watch... I would watch Valentino third-person perspective walk through the woods with no music, no destination, for 45 minutes of an hour and a half fucking movie, and I'd probably enjoy it. Yeah.
01:48:45
Speaker
more More than fucking Man Ray from In a Violent Nature. Which, by the way, have I mentioned that that the killer and in a Violent Nature looks like Man Ray from Spongebob?
01:49:06
Speaker
If you don't know who Man Ray is, look him up and then look at the fucking... Promo posters for in a violent nature when the killer has his mask on. Man Ray.
01:49:18
Speaker
Ray. Man Ray. man
01:49:24
Speaker
oh hu my My name is Alan umm and I'm friends with Kevin. i fucking
01:49:36
Speaker
I'm fucking that up. i'm not I'm not going to continue. Okay, go ahead. ah Go ahead. Finish us off here, Kevin. I'll let you keep going. um I'm rambling.
01:49:53
Speaker
Mark saves Sheba you know from party goer and they start shooting everyone. But that, ah like I said, that's fucking has nothing to do with the story, so whatever.
01:50:08
Speaker
Yeah, it's like whatever. start on Sheetar starts zapping people with a tiny little line of electricity. Yep. and it's It's turning everybody. Yeah, it's like
01:50:22
Speaker
controlling everybody and blowing their heads out or whatever. Like she just blew out like the singer's head. Yeah. She blows up Dino Lee's head.
01:50:34
Speaker
Yeah. And, uh, that's kind of when everybody started, that's kind of what snaps everybody out of it. and they're like, Oh shit, it's getting real. Now the music just stopped. Cause they've been playing this whole time.
01:50:47
Speaker
Yep. And mike Mike tries to feed... ah mike try This is where Mike gets shot. Because Mike tries feed Connie to Sheetar. yeah And Mark shoots him in the head.
01:51:00
Speaker
Mark shoots Mike in the eyeball. Right in the eyeball. First person to do it. Yep, and so George George, yeah, first person ever shoot Mike an eyeball George, so George gets upset but he hooked, he throws that chain he throws that chain at Mark with the hook on it and drags Mark towards the towards Sheetar But ah Sheba kicks him in the fuck, kicks George into Sheetar and saves Mark and Sheetar bites George's head off.
01:51:40
Speaker
Yeah. you know as you should go out, you know, because he's been obsessed with that too.
Sheetar's Chaotic Ending
01:51:46
Speaker
so now mike So now Mike's been shot in the head by Mark, and then George has been kicked into the Sheetar's stomach pussy.
01:51:58
Speaker
fire yeah he's doing that thing She's doing that thing where
01:52:05
Speaker
a birth they birth eds
01:52:09
Speaker
Somebody needs to get a tell that movie Teeth that Jackie did it first. Putting two furs in old Jiner. Old Jiner. The old Jiner.
01:52:25
Speaker
But ah what is that movie? unusual Is it Unusual Suspects? Yeah. Yeah. why are the where the police are cleaning everything up and all this shit, and you see this person walking away from the devastation, but you only see from, like, the chest down.
01:52:47
Speaker
It's clearly Sheetar, but... Yeah, yeah. Where they do that thing where it just ventures off into the night.
01:52:57
Speaker
Well, in, uh... In, um...
01:53:02
Speaker
Well, i can't give away the ending of Usual Suspects. Never mind. I need to scratch that. Sorry about that. Watch that movie. It's pretty good. yeah um But but so um but buck and Kevin pulls up beside her.
01:53:16
Speaker
Like, hey, you look kind of nice. I'm kind of horny. you know You look good. Right? yeah was like, what the? I'm going to cut out. I'm going to give you.
01:53:31
Speaker
going to sample it. I'll put the sample in right here because you got to hear this fucking guy's mind. Hey, baby. You in the red. Hey, Blondie.
01:53:43
Speaker
Hey, you look kind of nice. You look good. You're not coming home with me tonight. Huh? right. Come on in, honey.
01:53:55
Speaker
Come on in, honey. I'm hot, bothered, and horny.
01:54:05
Speaker
Hey, baby. Right before I stick my big sausage in you, what do they call you? They call me Sheetar. You look kind of nice. You ought to come home with me tonight.
01:54:25
Speaker
and Yeah, he says, get in my car. I'm horny. I'm horny.
01:54:33
Speaker
I'm hot, bothered, and horny. Is that what he said? Yeah, he says, I'm hot bothered yeah horney as i'm hot hot, bothered, and horny. ah Yeah, Yeah. Yep.
01:54:43
Speaker
Write that down and try to use that. See if it gets you, you know. He said, he said, I think he said, i want to stick my my big sausage in you. Yeah, yeah. I want to put my big sausage in you.
01:54:59
Speaker
Oh, boy. But but it works. Sheetar gets in the car with him and all things considered, other than Sheetar's giant fucking demon's teeth. She's got those big demon's teeth. Other than that, she's fucking good looking. So, yeah i mean hey, it it worked worked on Sheetar.
01:55:18
Speaker
yes Except when ah except as she's got Anwar's brain in her. So when she talks, she goes, I am Sheetar. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we all know what ah we all know ah where who he wanted to be in the end.
01:55:36
Speaker
Uncle Anwar, we know where he wanted to be. Yeah, Anwar just wanted that random fucking guy banging him.
01:55:48
Speaker
He doesn't kill the guy. he drives off with him. so He got sick of doing double Dutch rudders. He's like, you know what? I'm going to let you take me back. Fuck me right my brand new pussy.
01:56:03
Speaker
I just got this today. you. lucky you. like Lucky you. It's still got the wrapper on it.
01:56:14
Speaker
let's go on back to your fucking It's still got the paper on the floor. Let's go. Let's go back to your mom's house. ah Wherever the hell you live. It's still got dealer plates on it.
01:56:28
Speaker
Yeah, and that's pretty much how this fucking movie ends. Yeah. The Lord. Thanks the Lord.
Podcast Reflection and Outro
01:56:36
Speaker
Well, another positive thing about this movie is the fact that it's not it doesn't exactly end on a good note. like you know Sheetar obviously comes to light, so their their plan made it through, and now she's just a regular hoebag.
01:56:52
Speaker
You're trying to get me to agree that this ended good. Yeah, it ended better than Violent Nature. Well... wow you mean because he did You mean because they didn't sit in a truck and talk about a bear for the last half fucking hour after the after the killer is gone?
01:57:13
Speaker
You don't put the fucking killer in the third act of the movie? Stop it. There are ambulants in this, too. yeah Yeah, son of a bitch.
01:57:25
Speaker
Well, Jackie, you did it first. I'm going to give you that credit. You don't have some dumbass amulet that triggers your giant... You know what? This whole movie been touched by Jesus. so
01:57:40
Speaker
yeah jesus gold Jesus touched the fucking cameras that were recording this movie. I think Jackie's been touched by Jesus. every Everybody involved.
01:57:52
Speaker
That's right. Jesus was just passing out touch-ins. Jesus was touching everybody. yeah He's passing out touch-ins. Passing out touching. So he's like, you get yeah like Oprah Winfrey. He's like, you get a touch and you get a touch.
01:58:11
Speaker
Yeah, dude. All right. Well, hopefully, hopefully, uh, I don't know. Hopefully we made this a little entertaining because it was ah it's not an easy watch.
01:58:24
Speaker
Yeah. And um by the time you're hearing this, it'd be, ah we we're in post Halloween. So hope everybody had an incredible 31st and um hopefully you guys listen to our Halloween episode and drink some beer with us.
01:58:47
Speaker
i'm gonna I'll put it out, but I don't necessarily hope you listen to it. It does have some nice cricket sounds. yeah so it might be It's definitely one that you have to like just kind of put it on and just kick it you know But it'd be perfect for Halloween because it's goofy as shit. so I'll put it out, though. Well, I have put it out, so we'll yeah we'll see.
01:59:12
Speaker
Absolutely. But until next time, deadnotespodcastgmail.com for your ah insults or queries or... Especially your queries.
01:59:27
Speaker
Kevin's a little query.
01:59:32
Speaker
I'm a little query, too.
01:59:36
Speaker
But until next time, bye! Bye! Bye!