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Critters 2: The Main Course 1988
30 Plays6 months ago
Today, we’re rolling into Grover’s Bend with a basket of Easter eggs and a whole lot of hungry furballs. That’s right—we’re chomping into Critters 2, the 1988 sequel that said, “What if Gremlins had teeth, multiplied like rabbits, and crashed your holiday brunch?”
We’ll dig into the film’s bonkers practical effects, the return of bounty hunter fan-favorites, and a giant critter-ball!. Plus, we’ll unpack the movie’s campy charm, its place in the New Line horrorverse, and why it deserves more love in the creature-feature canon.
So grab your chocolate bunny, lock your fridge, and let’s get rolling—because the Krites are back, and they’re not here for the eggs.
🔪 Let’s crack this one open.
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Transcript
Introduction and Film Discussion
00:00:24
Speaker
Hello, welcome to dead notes, a horror and cult film podcast. I am Kevin and with me is the hungry heifer himself. It's the hungry heifer.
00:00:38
Speaker
We won't give you a bum steer.
00:00:45
Speaker
that was pretty good. I can't believe you remember that song. That song has stuck with me through the years. Yeah. A little ah trivia here for you.
00:01:01
Speaker
That song was written and performed by Cynthia Garris, Mick Garris' wife. Oh, yeah? It was Cynthia Garris and Mick Garris wrote and performed that song. So...
00:01:16
Speaker
Sweet.
00:01:19
Speaker
And I am also Alan, and we're talking about Critters 2, the main course from 1988. That's right. This fucking movie is awesome. 1988. Man, I'll tell you what, like,
00:01:30
Speaker
nineteen eighty eight
00:01:34
Speaker
man i'll tell you what like I remember when this came out and back to back dude, critters and critters too is incredible. Like I could watch them both back to back. And, um, I love just how they carried all the characters through.
Critters 2 Production Insights
00:01:51
Speaker
And this one, this one actually looks like they got a bunch of money to put into it too. Cause I mean, everything's upgraded, you know? Um,
00:01:59
Speaker
The first one was like a $2 million dollars budget. And I think this one was like a $4 million, dollars yeah which definitely. Well, they used it well for both of them. I mean, they they used it well in the first one. And cause mean, it was a task, um, with all those creatures and stuff. So.
00:02:14
Speaker
Well, it goes to show that our boys, the Kyoto Brothers, are some talented fellas. You know, our killer clowns boys, there who they're who are responsible for the design and public yeah hearing of the critters.
00:02:32
Speaker
Those are awesome. and off-subject... I had, there's a fella named Mike Skaggs. His, uh, shop is Skaggs of the living dead, but he does replicas of crates and they are incredible. And he'll do, ah like he did a gizmo version of a crate and it's fucking sweet.
00:02:55
Speaker
Um, So anybody listening, I have to shout him out. So go check his stuff out. Skaggs the Living Dead. Sorry. smell he loves He loves critters, though, so I had to shout him out. so Yeah, i I am one of those people that I might be... um This might...
00:03:17
Speaker
i I like Critters better than Gremlins, and I know Critters is just kind of a ripoff of Gremlins, but I don't think No, so much. I don't think it is. It was definitely like... They've pretty much gone on record saying that they got the idea to make this movie because of Gremlins. But they wanted to make it just fucking gnarly and coming in to just commit chaos all at once.
Comedic Elements in Critters 2
00:03:45
Speaker
Yeah, it's kind of like Gremlins in the sense that the first movie wasn't comedic really at all. I don't know that there's any comment comic relief in the first one, but the second one is basically ah a comedy more than more so than a horror. There are I think the first one's got some got some comedy. I mean, it's definitely got a more serious overtone, but there's some quirky shit all through that movie, especially with the fucking crates themselves because of just the subtitling shit. And like, you know what I'm saying? Like, I love that when they're just talking shit.
00:04:18
Speaker
Or they go like, fuck.
00:04:21
Speaker
Yeah, they lean into it in part two, though. yeah. And most of the cast is back except the sheriff. Sheriff Harve was recast because Emmett Walsh was a fucking dickhead.
Tales from the Crypt and Horror Trivia
00:04:33
Speaker
oh yeah. You know, um yeah you know um you remember that... ah Shit, this is going to date me, but you know Tales from the Crypt, the episode where the guy, the taxidermist, ends up... His wife ends up taxidermy... What's the... Taxidermy-ing?
00:04:54
Speaker
Taxidermy-ing? I wish I knew that. to her husband Being taxidermy to her husband? She ended up... ta ah Being taxidermy.
00:05:07
Speaker
Chrysanthemum.
00:05:10
Speaker
Yeah, Emmett Walsh is that guy. And it's not hard to believe that he's probably a dickhead in real life. But they recast. That was a good episode, man. Oh, yeah. Good episode. Tales from the Crypt. That's in the first season. I think it's pretty early on.
00:05:25
Speaker
think the first episode is the Christmas one. Yep, that's a great one too, man. Goddamn, they kicked it off right, dude. Because I was scared as fuck about that episode. i was like, what the fuck?
00:05:40
Speaker
Yeah, Tales from the Crypt had some good shit, man. I got a couple of the seasons on DVD, but I didn't buy them all, and I don't like buying off of eBay, so I don't have them all right now. I'll have to look and see if they've re-released them.
00:05:55
Speaker
i've got I came out a couple years, about three years ago. i was able to get the entire first season on VHS for like 20 bucks. na it was like the best so It was like the best shit. Now, this is way off topic, but did you know that the Crypt Keeper's skeleton is Chucky?
00:06:20
Speaker
Yep. They have the same eyes. They kept the same eyes. They just recycled them. Yeah. They basically repurposed the Chucky doll into the Crypt Keeper. Yep. They repurposed it, man.
00:06:32
Speaker
It's in the eyes. Look at the eyes. Because us horror fans care a lot about the environment.
Critters 2: A Unique Holiday Horror
00:06:43
Speaker
But, uh, this is funny because we're doing this in October, close to Halloween, but this is kind of an Easter movie.
00:06:55
Speaker
Yeah, it is. That's where it's taking place. I mean, i mean, which is rare. and The first act is Easter. It's Easter theme. Yeah. After that, they all but abandon it.
00:07:07
Speaker
But still, if Well, it tells you about the time of year that everything was going down. You know, he's there on Easter for Easter break, yeah which I didn't know you got Easter break, but Easter break.
00:07:20
Speaker
Well, I think I think um I don't know of any movies that I watch. I watched Dawn of the Dead on Easter because it's Resurrection Day.
00:07:31
Speaker
But if you actually it's fertility, you know, but it's fertility day, but we're not going to talk about that. But it's um But if you need an Easter movie to watch, here's your movie.
00:07:43
Speaker
Why not watch Critters 2? Why not watch not... Right? I mean... ah Why not? Yeah, I agree.
00:07:55
Speaker
I vote. Make Critters 2 an Easter movie. it's You could call this an Easter movie, like those fuckheads that call Die Hard a Christmas movie, because they saw a fucking Christmas tree in it. Well, it's honestly the same kind of thing, because it's all taking place around that time, so there's just that underlying theme. don't know if I'm gonna sailing down no hill with... Wait, that's the wrong movie. Yeah, it's the wrong movie.
00:08:26
Speaker
That ain't Die Hard. Yeah.
00:08:31
Speaker
Uncle Eddie strikes again. Cousin Eddie and Die Hard. Yeah, Cousin Eddie. AI is getting so good that I would kill for a remake of Die Hard with Cousin Eddie in the lead role instead of Bruce Willey.
00:08:50
Speaker
Wouldn't be fucking great? Yeah. Looks like you could use a cool one.
00:09:00
Speaker
dinner was full. is generous for Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.
00:09:08
Speaker
I can't swim, Clark.
00:09:13
Speaker
I know, Eddie.
00:09:16
Speaker
don't know, Eddie. Drive you out in the middle of nowhere. Leave you for
Set and Character Reflections
00:09:23
Speaker
dead. You might want to take a rain check on that kiss. He's got lip fungus saying identified
00:09:33
Speaker
Eyes go crossed, gets kicked by a mule. Oh, man. He's going to make me shit bricks.
00:09:43
Speaker
you shouldn You shouldn't say that at all. I'm sorry. Shit rocks.
00:09:49
Speaker
Shit in adobe bricks. You know what? Kevin's poop has straw in it. you know what this... What?
00:10:05
Speaker
That sounds like a Yo Mama joke. Like, Yo Mama's shit got straw in it. Yeah, Yo Mama's... I don't have... Yeah, don't be clogging up my toilet, Kevin.
00:10:17
Speaker
Yo Mama's shit got straw in it. I make you go in there with an egg beater.
00:10:25
Speaker
oh fuck, dude. I don't even know what the fuck I'm saying right now. don't. Yeah. Easter movies. That's what brought us into that. Easter movies. And you know who shows up in this movie that even the kids might recognize? Lynn Shay.
00:10:39
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I forgot she was in this and she's in the first one too. Because she is Bob Shay's fucking sister. The head of New Line Cinema. Oh, yeah?
00:10:52
Speaker
So she's in fucking Nightmare on Elm Street. You know, I think yes and ah she's in a couple of them. And she's in all the new Insidious movies, so the children will know who she is.
00:11:05
Speaker
Yeah. Like, dude, when I watched that, I was like... holy shit dude um it's also uh bogey nights right she was uh well uh kingpin kingpin yeah she makes woody eat her pussy you really knocked something loose up there you really knocked something loose up in there tiger bre she says i got to take a crap yeah i got take ah cra loose up and there die
00:11:37
Speaker
I love her, man. She's so good. I am never disappointed when I see Lin Shay show up in movie. She's always played her character as well. she was the She's been in like so much random shit, too. Dumb and Dumber. She was the short bus driver.
00:11:54
Speaker
just seems like she's probably fun to hang out with in real life. Oh, yeah. It'd be so disappointing if you met her and she was like shy and reserved because she's always so fucking, <unk> she's so good these movies, but she plays Sal. She's like the assistant at the newspaper.
00:12:13
Speaker
Yeah. Very neurotic, um, reporter, you know, they, yeah, is total. She played that role. Well, I mean, that's, she's, she just is that kind of person. It's so funny.
00:12:25
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, she's fucking great, though, man. She's really the only person in this, other than the Kyoto Brothers, that was really
Director Insights and Special Effects
00:12:34
Speaker
involved. Well, no, Mick Garris, too. He was yeah he did um is In My Top Ten No Shit is The Stand, the old Stephen King miniseries.
00:12:49
Speaker
I fucking love it. And that was Mick Garris directed that. Right. ah love Mick Garris, too. He did mostly Stephen King shit. like I think he did Sleepwalkers, too.
00:13:01
Speaker
and yeah Which we have already talked about because Enya but, you know. Yeah. Enya the beginning of the movie. I recommended you go back and listen to it.
00:13:16
Speaker
Enya but. Enya but. and ah
00:13:22
Speaker
But, you know, Mick Garris. But Lin Shay has and lyn shay's been in a shitload of horror movies. Yep. Renown.
00:13:34
Speaker
Well, when I think New Line Cinema, I think fucking Freddy Krueger. And that's why he kind of makes a cameo in this movie. Yeah. think it's cool, man.
00:13:46
Speaker
I wish it would have went through, but we'll talk about that when it comes around. But, you know, ah so getting to the movie, anyway, Critters 2, I have the...
00:14:02
Speaker
We were talking about the sequels because I haven't watched. I have the the box set that Scream Factory put out. Yeah. And I've only watched the sequels once.
00:14:14
Speaker
Being, you know, Critters 2 is obviously a sequel, but there's a 3 and a 4. And Leo's in one of them. He's in 3, right? Yes, that was his first movie.
00:14:27
Speaker
Yeah, I've only watched them once and they're fucking forgettable. So just watch the first two. It's like Halloween. You know how the first one and two kind of you could kind of put them together as one movie.
00:14:43
Speaker
Yeah, you can watch one and two. Yeah, and like Friday the 13th, one and two. You can watch those back to back.
00:14:50
Speaker
Part three reminds me of Troll. You remember e memberm Troll? Oh my god! that that's all No, that's Troll 2. yeah The first troll. that it's It's set up like they're both set up so similar.
00:15:07
Speaker
though It's just so weird. That's the vibe I get off of. yeah Yeah, the first one is really good, but the second one is always has always been my favorite because it has a little bit of comedy in it.
00:15:20
Speaker
And probably wait because it can't. Oh, this one. No, i was like, wait, Troll 2 is like, I'll stop. But yeah yeah, no, yeah, this one's awesome. Absolutely. But this came out in 1988, so I'm not going to lie.
00:15:34
Speaker
The boobies may have had something to do with it, ah but but I do like this better than the first one. The effects were really awesome. I mean, again, they they really put their money to work and made it made it awesome. I mean, they upgraded everything. ah The set design was just incredible, like on the ship and stuff. And when they're on the ah intro, you know, since we're in the beginning of the movie now, you know, that's what they open with. Well, they're on another planet. and
00:16:05
Speaker
that's what i'm saying but that whole set looks just fucking sweet like you know and it's don't know like a lot of heart went into it so yeah it's sweet but they're uh in full costume and they're bounty hunter um yeah charlie armor and shit's pretty cool yeah we think it's uh when we last but it's charlie Yeah, I think when we last saw in the first one, he was just chasing them like, hey, you guys got another one of those doodads that you gave to Brad? Yeah, got one of the little doodads?
00:16:39
Speaker
Yeah. They just let him come with. ah Yeah. Yeah, and Ugg is like, so you know, he's an alien and they've got this spaceship and he still talks like a caveman. He's like, Charlie is bounty hunter. Yeah.
00:16:55
Speaker
Charlie thinking. he goes, he goes, Charlie thinking. And you know, oh, oh, speaking of, um, let me ask you this, uh, Lee, right?
00:17:08
Speaker
Who does he remind you of? Lee? Because he's got the, yeah, because he's got the blank face, right? Yeah, yeah. Think, I know you know this, who do you, who does he remind you of?
00:17:23
Speaker
Just his character? i I'll... i'll i'll i'll No, his face. What okay what does... I... i ah Here, I'll give you a hint.
00:17:35
Speaker
I am the arm, and I sound like this.
00:17:43
Speaker
yeah Yeah, it does remind you that. i get like the head yeah ah look Does he not look like the arm from the ah Twin Peaks Returns? Yeah. Like the chewed bubblegum head?
00:17:56
Speaker
Yeah, with the weird the weird tree branch arms and shit. hu um but Yeah, he got himself a body, so what? It's just because he hadn't found himself yet. um unlike Yeah.
00:18:08
Speaker
Ha
00:18:11
Speaker
ha ha ha. And that little alien chewed bubblegum head. Well, it just feels like being in some bubblegum.
00:18:24
Speaker
I recently rewatched Twin Peaks Returns, and it's just funny because the fucking arm looks like chewed bubblegum. And watching this, I was like, that fucking guy looks like Lee looks like the arm.
00:18:38
Speaker
Yeah, they they're probably related. I mean, in the universe. I mean, you don't know. and that And that little twig-armed alien is named Xanti, and that's played by Cynthia Garris. They put her in makeup.
00:18:51
Speaker
ah Yeah. Oh, my God. Those are his her lips moving. What? Mick
Humor and Horror in Critters
00:18:58
Speaker
Garris' wife plays that little alien. Oh, yeah?
00:19:02
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, the one with the twig arms. Yeah, the one that's there that's doing the ah the transmission. but and um Yeah, she tells them to go back to Earth because they've left some behind.
00:19:16
Speaker
That's Xanti, played by Cynthia Garrett. Which is incredible for 1988. Like, I'm serious. Like, dude, like the flow of that puppet...
00:19:29
Speaker
was incredible. Like it it was awesome. I mean, yeah, it was projected or whatever to make it look like a hologram, but just the flow of it was awesome, man.
00:19:39
Speaker
Um, it worked. So again, they're just, they're sweet, but yeah, they're what they're, they're taking samples of aliens too. Right.
00:19:50
Speaker
With them on their journeys. Um, Yeah, well, yeah, I think they're just collecting the corpses because they're bounty hunters, so they want get their money. They want to get their fucking money.
00:20:02
Speaker
They got to get their moolah, their cold hard cash, as my daughter calls it now. Charlie Bounty Hunter. Charlie Bounty... Yeah, because Charlie's going on about... Because Charlie was... Charlie thinking, and he he said... ah He tells them, like, you know...
00:20:21
Speaker
they're not going leave him back on earth basically when they leave because when he was on earth, he was basically a nobody, you know, um, master mechanic, but he was a nobody, you know?
00:20:31
Speaker
Um, and Ugg's like, ah Charlie bounty hunter. Well, Charlie is basically simple Jack, right? yeah Yeah.
00:20:45
Speaker
I mean, is he not? i got Dude, that's, that's dead on. Absolutely. Oh my God. It's, he went for He didn't go full retard, though. Yeah, he didn't go full retard.
00:20:58
Speaker
ah But that that is 100% simple, Jack.
00:21:03
Speaker
Chasing butterflies with hammers. Please don't hear me.
00:21:20
Speaker
Oh, fuck. Yeah, dude. Maybe Lee can have ice cream in heaven.
00:21:36
Speaker
and we can watch head movies, and but those head movies make my eyes rain.
00:21:50
Speaker
Yeah, that poor guy. Holy shit, dude. Oh my God. Does he not look like Simple Jack? that yeah Yeah, that's absolutely, dude.
00:22:03
Speaker
Oh my God. Yeah.
00:22:07
Speaker
I want the k-k-k-k-krites.
00:22:13
Speaker
Oh man, if he was just running around with a hammer chasing the critters the whole movie. Jesus Christ. Here's my money. Here's my money.
00:22:25
Speaker
AI, somebody somebody make me that movie. Yeah, we'll do Critters 2, Simple Jack, and then do Die Hard with Cousin Eddie.
00:22:39
Speaker
Put Simple Jack in Critters 2. And put Cousin Eddie in Die Hard. Yeah, and Cousin Eddie in Die Hard. That's what I need in my life.
00:22:50
Speaker
And you'll be complete. Bad Brad returns to Grover's Bend. That's right. and ah Grover's Bend is like What is that? Like a western town? Because they built it.
00:23:04
Speaker
That whole town is fake. which and The only reason I bring that up is because at the end it says thanks to all the people at Grover's Bend or whatever. Yeah. But the town doesn't exist. it was built They built it. It's a set on a yeah shooting range.
00:23:20
Speaker
Oh, that's cool. I don't know what the hell that's all about. I wonder if they've reused that for other movies then. Probably. You could probably go there and visit it.
00:23:32
Speaker
That'd be sweet. I'd go to Grover's Bend. You get to like shoot shit with like a with a fucking slingshot. You could shoot...
00:23:42
Speaker
but they'll have simple Jack walking around doing like ah picture opportunities hey carrying her around a carburetor let's take a selfie
00:24:02
Speaker
Simple Jack. Simple Jack. Bounty Hunter.
00:24:11
Speaker
ah that the Thank you.
00:24:15
Speaker
u is my ah tim the not Tim Curry. ah Yeah, he could be a stand-in though. Well, we've talked about him. He's Curry. He's Timu, Tim Curry.
00:24:29
Speaker
I Kim Curry. He's Gobot, Kim Turry. care Terrence Man, Terry Man. Oh, Terry Man is our Kmart Tim Curry. Timu, Tim Curry.
00:24:41
Speaker
Or Gobot. Timu, Kim Turry. Yeah, so Kim Turry.
00:24:46
Speaker
But, you know, ah um Wesley, so so ah Wesley, some you know, tell me, is Wesley selling eggs to Quigley from the from Brad's family's farm?
00:25:03
Speaker
Is that the barn that they're in? Well, that's what I think. So, you know, they drive out there and you know, Billy badass, he's selling, he's like, I got these things. They don't really tell you. It just kind of brings you right into it.
00:25:16
Speaker
Um, and to, and he sells them to, uh, ah What is it? Fucking McFadden. And well, doesn't sell him like he basically trades them or whatever. But yeah, I think he just I don't know how he happened upon it because, you know, obviously he knows he may have, you know, they don't go into it, but they do talk later about how Charlie created this big coup about aliens and, you know, how much of an embarrassment it was and all that stuff. So for all we know, he was back there poking around.
00:25:48
Speaker
and found them, you know what I'm saying, or whatever. so But they don't really explain that.
Character Transformations and Easter Themes
00:25:53
Speaker
Yeah, he trade he trades he agrees to trade the critter eggs to Quigley for some Meisterbrow. Meisterbrow. I didn't even look that up to see if that was real beer.
00:26:04
Speaker
I've never heard of it, other than from here. Well, we we forgot to talk about a very important thing before all that about Brad coming into town. Let's talk about his earring. Bad Brad.
00:26:17
Speaker
Yeah, Bad Brad. Bad Brad Brown. He's got his earring. Is he pretty? He's got his earring, so he's he's lived a ah rough life outside of Grover's Bend.
00:26:30
Speaker
And also, at the end of Critters, spoiler alert, their fucking house gets reconstructed thanks to Ugg and a button. So, like, why would you leave?
00:26:41
Speaker
Well... Well, I was going to say, ah that remote is fucking magic. Why isn't he hitting that daily to see what it does? Right. He pushed a button.
00:26:53
Speaker
Just to say hi. Yeah. Hey, how you doing? Let me push this button. I haven't done it in the last minute. Yeah. i mean, because yeah it starts beeping, he pushes the button, and it fucking rebuilds his house.
00:27:06
Speaker
Well, maybe if he pushed it again, it'd destroy it.
00:27:11
Speaker
i don't know. but We know that his grandma has it as a remote for the TV, so who knows how many times she pushed it. Ugg's probably like, God damn it. You know, hearing it again going off when they're heading back to Earth.
00:27:26
Speaker
Brad is grandma's. Brad get molested by grandma. Brad has earring. Brad bad now.
00:27:38
Speaker
Bad bread, bad, bad bread. and In a good way.
00:27:45
Speaker
Those critter eggs are like, um I think that most of them were made from sugar apples. If you Google a sugar apple, it looks like a critter egg.
00:27:58
Speaker
For real? Yeah, it's just not painted. Where the fuck do you get a sugar apple at? I don't know. Maybe you can order them on Amazon and just paint them up, paint them up.
00:28:11
Speaker
ah You know, they, the Kyoto brothers said they sculpted them, but, uh, I believe the base is just a sugar apple. Yeah. You, if you look at them online, they just look like critter eggs.
00:28:24
Speaker
Huh? They probably sculpted the up close ones. You know what I'm saying? And then, you know, that's cool. Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to have to buy some and just sit them out until they rot.
00:28:39
Speaker
See if they have. i Yeah, see if they have. I'll sit on them.
00:28:46
Speaker
in Incubation. Incubate them. Incubate them. Yeah, he fucking, you he tries to sell them to fucking, you know, Wesley tries to sell them to, uh,
00:28:59
Speaker
fucking quickly and he's like he's like they ain't worth jack shit you know and then they're going back and forth well he trades them for that beer what did you call it what was it called Meister Brow Meister Brow yeah so um you know what he loads them up man So we get the intro to... There's a shitload of them.
00:29:22
Speaker
Oh, really? shitload of them, too, but there was only... a There were only three of them at the end of the first movie? Yeah. Well, maybe they were all... You'll be happy to know Meisterbrow is a real beer.
00:29:37
Speaker
Huh. That's some real shit. ah wonder if it's like Schlitz. It's 4.5 alcohol. It's 4.5 alcohol.
00:29:49
Speaker
hey be Oh, it says retired. They don't make it no more. oh Okay. Well, my still brow was a real thing. Maybe they had some money in this, in this movie. So they're allowed to say their name.
00:30:03
Speaker
Yeah. And although we never see a can of it in the movie. Cause yeah. Cause they don't have none. It gets gypped. Wesley gets gypped. He gets sent home with beer.
00:30:16
Speaker
That's all it says on the can is beer. i was I wonder what that shit tastes like. ah It's probably, yeah. I imagine it's it's like natties.
00:30:30
Speaker
It gives you a headache before it gets you drunk. Bush Light and natties. Yeah, Bush Light and natties. I bet that's what that's like. I used to push lattes when, when I would hang out on down ah on, uh, Ohio state campus, you know, I'd go to that UDF down there by, uh, I don't know by, um, it was down the street from the coffee shop that we used to hang out. Yeah.
00:30:55
Speaker
And, um, yeah. There were always hobos sitting out in front of it, and I would buy some beer, and i then I'd spend like $2 to get a six-pack of nattyite Natty Light or Natty Ice, whatever they had.
00:31:09
Speaker
It was all cheap shit. Because every time you left that fucking UDF, there were homeless people out there asking for beer. ah yeah money but Asking for money, but... there was a lot of gu It was a lot of gutter punks and shit, too. there was a We had a huge wave back in that day of...
00:31:25
Speaker
There was a lot, we had a lot of gutter punks and like, I would actually, I wasn't old enough to buy beer. So there was a lot of times, um, there was one that I always talked to and stuff and he'd always go in and buy me beer and I'd buy him beer. i'd be like, here, get yourself something and bring me out some stuff. So I drank a lot of forties in that era, a lot of King Cobra, old English. Well, before,
00:31:47
Speaker
Well, ah the coffee shop insomnias that we used to hang out at, the ah ah before I was old enough to buy alcohol, I would just get the Snapples and put vodka in them.
00:32:00
Speaker
Yeah. Or those... Stuff things never change. Nah, bro. Ongoing sweetness. Yeah. Yeah, but I would just buy the cheap beer to give to the hobos because I knew they were going to ask for some when I left, so I just gave them that shit. I probably should have been I always paid it forward.
00:32:21
Speaker
Yeah. yeah Yeah, because yeah ah I won't go into anything else. but We had some crazy motherfuckers down there, so you definitely wanted them on your good side when you were walking around late at night. That's for goddamn sure. It really helped out and a number of times.
00:32:35
Speaker
Please, mister, don't rape me. yeah I bought you some beer. ah Please don't wipe your AIDS blood on me that you just cut yourself saying that you had AIDS. please don't Please don't wipe your AIDS blood on me. Don't lick that at me.
00:32:48
Speaker
Yeah. But Megan gets introduced into the movie, ass first. Yep. um Right. They're like, the first thing you see is her climbing out of her truck.
00:33:02
Speaker
Ass first. and yeah And then we get to meet her dad and Sal, who is Lin Shay at the newspaper. And they're trying to come up with something to put on the paper. And that's when Brad shows up and Sal suggests putting him on the front page that he returns to town.
00:33:24
Speaker
Yep. Man, they don't have shit going on, do they? No, she did. She perked right up as soon as he popped off that bus. She was like, oh shit, we got a story. And they're like, look, we're not going back over that. It was an embarrassment to this town and burr, burr, burr, burr.
00:33:38
Speaker
So. Well, nobody believed him because in Critters 1, it was only their farm. you know It didn't get to the town. Didn't spread too far. yeah so Even though there was mass carnage and they lost the you know they they lost some lives.
00:33:56
Speaker
But we won't talk about all that. The house exploded and rebuilt itself. and Yeah. the yeah Well, because, like, the sheriff, uh, he gets voted out, but we don't hear, we don't really hear about all that shit.
00:34:12
Speaker
Yeah. Because there's a new sheriff, but, you know, we'll get to that. Yeah. But, uh, but, um, yeah, so Quigley, so, um, uh, Quigley and, uh, Wes, you know, they get to, uh, Quigley's barn and Wesley unloads all the fucking, uh,
00:34:33
Speaker
eggs and Wes and Quigley don't have any of the Meister brow, which we talked about. So he gives them that generic fucking beer with the the white can. It just says beer.
00:34:43
Speaker
Beer. Yeah. that The reason I mentioned this scene is was because it's important, important, and important. It's important. It's important. Important because ah he gives him he takes a couple Playboy magazines also, which is a plot device, believe it or not. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:35:05
Speaker
It comes into play.
Plot Devices and Character Dynamics
00:35:07
Speaker
It's not just it's not just ah Wesley being a pervert. It needed to happen because when he drives away, one of them one of those magazines flies out the back of his Jeep.
00:35:19
Speaker
Yep. Sure does.
00:35:25
Speaker
Yep. Lays on the ground for somebody, some, uh, somebody to find.
00:35:32
Speaker
That's right. But this is where we meet the new sheriff because, uh, he's been recast. Yeah. Cause Emmett Walsh is a fucking dickhead.
00:35:46
Speaker
so they, so they got Barry Corbin who was, I think he was a sheriff and a no country for old men. i I think he was. I think that I know him from a few things, but I'm pretty sure he was a sheriff and no country for old. Yeah, and he's been. He's been a million.
00:36:06
Speaker
Yeah. He's one of those guys that you'll know him when you see him. And has yeah, you've seen him in something. He's usually playing and an authoritative ah character in some way. You know, he's always in that, you know.
00:36:20
Speaker
Kind of like Dick Miller. You know, he's a he's. and Like a little bit everything, but he kind of always plays the same kind of person.
00:36:28
Speaker
Dickie Miller. Dickie Miller. Our boy. Our boy.
00:36:36
Speaker
Yeah. and Yeah, they recast they recast the Sheriff. And I kind of wish they would have had... yeah like I think Emmett Walsh is fine. you know In the original one, he's he's funny when he gets thrown out of the house and he swallows his gum. you know that's like the only like Or his tobacco. That's like the only comic relief in the whole movie because he gets thrown out of the house and swallows his tobacco. Yeah.
00:37:06
Speaker
But they recast him because apparently he was a jackass. Whatever.
00:37:14
Speaker
And Charlie is nagging Lee about not picking a face. yeah and Yeah. He needs to find a face.
00:37:26
Speaker
He just can't find one. He just can't find am the arm. Yeah, but I'm the arm. I need no face. Yeah. that
00:37:37
Speaker
Which isn't too far off as how they sound when they're in their true form, you know. at the hungry heifer we won't give you tear
00:37:54
Speaker
We won't give you a chance to do. Do you recognize the manager of the Hungry Heifer? Abso-fucking-lutely, dude. He's been in so many random fucking things.
00:38:06
Speaker
Eddie Deason. if there's and you know If there's somebody's face that matches their name, it's this dude. He is a fucking Eddie, 100%.
00:38:17
Speaker
I really wish he was in more movies, though, because he is like a mainstay from our childhood. Yeah. That dude... He was at fucking Cinema Wasteland last weekend.
00:38:29
Speaker
was he Was he like, what button do you mean? This one? Dude, know he looks... I mean, he hes it's like he hasn't aged... I wasn't there, but I had a bunch of friends that went and I was i was living vicariously through their lives that weekend. But like, it's crazy. but Wait, hold up. You were living vicariously? Vicariously.
00:38:51
Speaker
Vicariously. Sound like you said you living vicariously. I know I was hoping. I was hoping. Vicariously. Vicariously. I was trying to live through my friend's eyes and like, cause I was so sad. It was a fright night reunion and our other boy was there.
00:39:09
Speaker
You know who I'm talking about? Fucking evil Ed. Yeah. He was there. It was it was fucking, um, and everybody but Chris Sarandon and then fucking, uh, uh,
00:39:25
Speaker
What's her face from fucking Mary with children that was in Fright Night that was his girlfriend. Oh, Amanda Bierce. Yes, yes. I almost said almost said ah Patricia Hearst, but i don't know why.
00:39:40
Speaker
But yes, she was there too. I was like, holy shit, man. like But yeah anyway, sorry. I'm still kind bummed I couldn't make it to Wasteland. That was a Freudian slip anyway, because you said living by curiously. and I live by curiously through your eyes only. Then you meant then you mentioned Stephen Jeffries. Yeah.
00:40:01
Speaker
yeah
00:40:04
Speaker
that's nothing wrong with that technically I was mentioned technically I said evil Ed in a whole Fright Night reunion so yes I I'm very by curious about that whole movie because it's one of my favorites I love it I am that's all I wanted that's all I wanted from him is for him to tell me that I'm fucking so cool And he's like, hey, Brewster, look at my... You wanna see his greasy hog?
00:40:33
Speaker
He stands up and he's... He stands up and he's got, like, you know, fucking ah leather fucking chops on, but, like... nothing on Kevin just uh bombards people's texts give send send your uh phone number yeah so Kevin can text pictures of Stephen Jeffries greasy hog to you at deadnotespodcasts at gmail.com
00:41:04
Speaker
you've got more pictures than I do
00:41:10
Speaker
Dude, that fucking that picture He's like, wait. That picture you opened up when we were at fucking Friday night and you opened up your fucking phone and like the first picture is like blazing in middle of this dark theater and it's him fucking getting into the pool and his fucking butt cheeks are all like shiny.
00:41:28
Speaker
Fucking cracking me up. His fucking dick is sparkling. It's so fucking greasy. Yeah.
00:41:38
Speaker
it All right. Back to critters. Speaking of critters. Very vicariously.
00:41:48
Speaker
ah so ah is Nana is Nana on the spectrum because Quigley sells those exotic Easter eggs to her. And does she think those are fucking chicken eggs?
00:42:02
Speaker
She doesn't know what they are. um And what he fucking, what's he say? $10 piece? Yeah. Whatever. She's like, like, like they do. She fucking leverages the church against him to get the whole box for $20. Right, dude. She fucking through Fucking snake in the grass.
00:42:25
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, shit, we forgot about... Okay, so we got off track talking about our vicarious love for Stephen Jeffries, right?
00:42:35
Speaker
We forgot to mention the part after the Hungry Heifer intro. about Wesley. Yeah, so this part cracked me up. All right, because so like Brad's in there, you know, well, you know, they're in there getting some foods.
00:42:49
Speaker
Fucking Wesley walks up there with a fucking one of his beers in his hand. And then he's he's got like the rest of a six pack and he just sets it there on the counter in the middle of this town.
00:43:02
Speaker
No one gives a shit like that. It was like early form of Dora or something where you can just walk around with your beer. I'm the map. I'm the map. I'm the map.
00:43:13
Speaker
I'm the map. Is that what you're talking about? What? Not Dora. No, not Dora the Explorer. The Dora laws. I don't know if anybody... Okay, so and in small towns, in fucking small towns now, like or smaller towns, or there's probably in bigger cities, but they have what's called a Dora law, and offhand, I can't tell you what the...
00:43:35
Speaker
D-O-R-A stand for. But basically, you can just get a drink and a cup at a bar and walk around the downtown area of said town with your beer, with open container, and walk in with to another bar and hang out and refill and keep walking around aimlessly drunk in the downtown area.
00:43:54
Speaker
that's basically what that is. Legally, you can. So...
00:43:59
Speaker
Now that we had our yeah that we had our ahra social studies lesson, I guess, we can move on. Yeah.
00:44:10
Speaker
Hold on one second. Anyway, he goes and tries to beat it. He beats up Brad. You know, Brad tries to pull some fucking karate on him. Well, he sexually assaults Megan.
00:44:21
Speaker
He does. Oh, yeah. That's the next part. He just goes and starts fucking groping her. Yeah, and none of the adults do anything about it. No, they're watching. Whatever, kids will be kids.
00:44:31
Speaker
He basically comes in like, what's his face on ovaries? Like, how about a blowjob?
00:44:38
Speaker
And he's like, how about a blowy? But, ah yeah, Wesley, fucking Wesley basically sexually assaults Megan. I mean, he tries to.
00:44:52
Speaker
but ah and ah Brad has watched a couple Elvis ah Presley karate tutorials. Yes. You see the fucking hand thing he's doing there?
00:45:06
Speaker
and Yeah, dude, he's got he's got his he got he's got his fingers already, dude, and he's on his he's on his toes. He's getting ready come at him like a fucking cat, dude. and don't Don't fuck with brat bad Brad.
00:45:19
Speaker
Bad Brad. he got He got that earring. Don't fuck your ass up.
00:45:25
Speaker
He's got that fucking haircut, too. It's like a mullet, but not a mullet. Yeah, it was the haircut that we all had. Yeah, dude. He's like, diamonds are forever, bitch.
00:45:37
Speaker
And then Wesley beats his
00:45:42
Speaker
ass. Well, he throws him out of the fucking hungry heifer anyway. the Western style. Which the hungry heifer is like the centerpiece of the town. It is.
00:45:54
Speaker
ah But ah Megan pulls her truck up and they escape together and he calls her Jimmy Olsen with breasts. Does your dad still run the newspaper? I'm a reporter there. Really?
00:46:06
Speaker
Kind of like a Jimmy Olsen with breasts. Yeah. You know what they would have been cool to bring a come around is when he threw him out of the hungry heifer and he gets up and he's like choking on his gum. Brad is.
00:46:19
Speaker
i Yeah. I saw swallow my gum. And he gets
00:46:26
Speaker
Anyway, yeah, he fucking... Then they fire him and don't bring him back for the sequel. Yeah. Wait.
00:46:34
Speaker
Yeah. Whoops. he gets in the truck to escape, you know, whatever, and she carries him to freedom.
Horror and Comedy Blend
00:46:49
Speaker
Yeah, whisks him away yeah to safety. Yeah, she carried him. But back to Quigley putting out food for, you know, his dog, Chili Dog.
00:47:00
Speaker
Chili Dog, yeah. ah again His dog is Chili Dog. Okay. yeah That's cute. I always thought it was disgusting when he's dumping the fucking, when he's feeding the dog, he's putting the food in the hubcap, and then he take he licks the spoon clean. Yeah, I know.
00:47:22
Speaker
I did look into that and that's chili, not dog food, but it's funny. They got that generic label on there. Oh yeah. dog oh yeah Dog food from the same company that makes the beer.
00:47:36
Speaker
Yeah, they're under the same roof. it's And it's it's in it's in ac me it's in their town, too. it Yeah, it's like the only job in town that you know that everybody works at, too. It's that kind of factory. You're either on dog food side or beer side.
00:47:51
Speaker
ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. a the i would ah ah the um But he's got a goddamn space heater next to the eggs. I don't understand why he would do that unless his intention was to hatch them.
00:48:07
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, he was he was very suspect about them when he got them, you know? so maybe nice barn is that or is he ah Is that a barn? or Is that house? I would probably say, like, for his character, it's probably both.
00:48:22
Speaker
You know, it's just an antique place. that You know what I'm saying? Like, it's probably where he lives, man. Much like... ah I wash my back with a rag on a stick. That's right.
00:48:34
Speaker
That there's my horse in my bedroom. Like the dude from ah the Harbinger in Hills Have Eyes that, you know, has the gas station. Like, same difference. Yeah, he lives there.
00:48:48
Speaker
He lives in one of the urinals. You're doomed. have the same dude from. Yeah. Same dude. Yeah. 13. Yeah. You're doomed. You're all doomed.
00:49:03
Speaker
Or ah ah Cannibal the musical. Yeah. Doomed. You looking at my eye. You looking at my eye.
00:49:17
Speaker
But Mr. ah I don't know what. um Oh, yeah. Quigley. You know, this is a scene that bothered me when I was a kid. Well, it didn't really bother me, but I was like, oh, shit, we're in it now when the fucking critter bites off Quigley's toes.
00:49:35
Speaker
Yeah, dude. It's crazy. That whole scene would fucking suck. Dude, that whole scene rough. Yeah, that whole scene is rough anyway because you walk up and his dog's just on its side and they're just going to town on him.
00:49:50
Speaker
And yeah, it fucking, oh, the toe biting shit. Just like in a rat in a phobia when the dude puts his foot in the slipper and he gets a bit. That shit's fucked up too, man. That shit fucked with me. Still does. Like, I'm always banging my boots out.
00:50:03
Speaker
Like, Well, I'm split because I'm like, the critters are so cute because they got the little baby critters, but they're also killing the dogs. so are You little sons of bitches. Yeah, why you gotta be so cute?
00:50:18
Speaker
ah Why you gotta be so cute? They got blood all over them, but they're still somehow cute. Yeah, like if they were eating, if it was just strictly humans that were eating, they'd lot cuter, right? Yeah. so Oh, and I got a good band name for you ah because I thought... um You know what this movie reminds me of? if you It's like a cross between...
00:50:41
Speaker
ah gremlins and attack of the killer tomatoes so all because of them rolling everywhere yeah yeah and when they attack people and and you see like when um when i you'll see scenes where it's clearly just somebody off camera throwing a fucking I fucking love it dude it's awesome when they're yeah especially at the truck which we'll get into when they're just fucking throwing them
00:51:11
Speaker
It's awesome. It's fucking awesome. but you could But a good band name would be the Hairy Tomatoes.
00:51:23
Speaker
Because that's what they look like. Hairy Tomatoes, right? Am I wrong? You ain't wrong. They're like bastard harry to or like the the bastard cousin of the furry tomato in Attack of the Killer Tomatoes Part 2.
00:51:38
Speaker
yeah ah Attack of the Harry That could be your pen name if you ever write a book.
00:51:50
Speaker
Harry Tomato. Yeah.
00:51:54
Speaker
It beats Harry McNuckleson. I am harry Harold Tomato. um Harold McNuckleson.
00:52:05
Speaker
Penis to Milo. Yeah. hours i love I sidetracked the story. But what the hell is Mr. Morgan's name?
00:52:18
Speaker
same Morgan? Megan's dad? Oh, I don't know. dad? he's in all He's in every fucking thing. Dude, he's been in so much shit. He's got he's just like Eddie Driesen. Frank Bernie.
00:52:33
Speaker
Yeah. i I don't think they say his name in this at all. Dad. ah Yeah. I mean, he is he's her dad, but it's like they should have gave him... i don't know.
00:52:48
Speaker
and i' know dad He's a dad and a boss. yeah uh, I'm a dead and dead. Yeah. He, but this is like the, the first little, well, not really. Like he puts Cindy to bed and she puts the critter egg under her bed with her chocolate bunny.
00:53:08
Speaker
Yeah. And, uh, And he comes in the, cause she's coughing. And I was like, why the fuck is she coughing? But of course it's to get her father to come in and he steps on the egg and he thinks it's candy. I'm like, if that's the fucking mess that comes out the candy, you're giving your daughter. Yeah.
00:53:28
Speaker
Yeah. But it was nasty as fuck. That was all on the carpet. Yeah. slime and gooey. What if he did that and then started whooping her ass?
00:53:39
Speaker
He pops his belt off like, God damn it! Oh man. You could make this movie really fucking dark. Yeah, you could. Real quick. da Don't even think about it. This scene could make this movie dark.
00:53:57
Speaker
and Let's just keep it with that with ah Simple Jack. yeah apple jack he's got that face though that he he could play a real fucking mean like he could play a real mean fucking character that guy can he's just got that face yeah hopefully ah maybe they'll cast him as Albert Fish in one of those stupid monster shows for Netflix yeah oh god Fuck those shows.
00:54:26
Speaker
I'm not even going to go into it, but but I've been watching the Ed Gein one and I stopped because it's fucking stupid.
00:54:35
Speaker
I haven't seen it. can't even fucking finish it. I'm so, I don't know, man. i I get it. I get it, but I'm just so burned out of it
Cultural References and Critiques
00:54:45
Speaker
all. like do some Do some new ones.
00:54:48
Speaker
you know like They're getting ready to a fucking Bundy, dude. Come on. Well, they treat them like they are documentaries. But they are so far... Never mind. Yeah, I'll get into it too. cause whatever but Go to the church.
00:55:05
Speaker
Anyway, he's not an abusive father. He's a very loving father. And he steps on her Easter egg. He loves his sweet, sweet daughter. He would never do anything. and right Never do anything untoward.
00:55:19
Speaker
Untoward. ah just why curiously He Yeah, he bicuriously looked into the candy that was on Cindy's floor.
00:55:33
Speaker
That's right. has have and As Kevin bicuriously gazed at the photos of Stephen Jeffries. Lives through my friend's eyes when I can't go to conventions.
00:55:44
Speaker
Yes.
00:55:47
Speaker
that there That there hog is greasy.
00:55:53
Speaker
ah I miss cinema wasteland, dude. I want to go to the next Kevin grabs it. Kevin grabs it and it's like, whoop! Oh, I can't grab a hold of it, can you? It's too greasy.
00:56:06
Speaker
Whoop! It's like those fucking noodle toys. Remember those worm toys you used to get? It's a fucking sack with the fucking fluid in it.
00:56:20
Speaker
tattoo and a penis is like, though, trying to hold on to one of those motherfuckers. Have you had to do that? Long time ago. Have you tattooed, you've tattooed a wanker?
00:56:32
Speaker
i have. And. What'd you write on it? It was fucking something stupid. It was like, I can't remember. it was so fucking long ago. What was it?
00:56:46
Speaker
It was, ah oh, it was, that's right. They wanted a fucking like, like money, like a dollar bill, not like a dollar bill. Like, but they, I was like, we ain't going to be able to do that.
00:56:58
Speaker
You know what I'm saying? Cause I had never done one before. So I wasn't about to try to fucking. That is so, that's so. It ended up being a fucking like dollar sign.
00:57:10
Speaker
Like, you know, or the two lines to make it seem like more money.
00:57:16
Speaker
fellow there likes dad jokes. That is so hacky. Dude, it's stupid. stupid, dude.
00:57:27
Speaker
i bet here There's a hand... There's a... There's there's the thing there is like a handling... You know, I charge handling fees for such things. So, not a lot of people do it.
00:57:38
Speaker
We actually... ah Somebody reached out to... ah Ashley at the shop and was wanting to get, uh, get their shit done. And she said she had never had experience. So she passed them off to me and they were like, I don't want to, I don't want some dude tattooing my wiener.
00:58:01
Speaker
Like, ah so you were planning on making it sexual? Is that the thing? I don't fucking know. It's like, why does it matter? What are you talking about? What does it matter? you know i would Honestly, if I was going to get my shit done, I would rather... you know what I'm saying? I don't know.
00:58:19
Speaker
That's stupid anyway. but air Let's move on. not like your yeah Yeah, we'll move on. It's stupid. Let's go to the Easter egg hunt. How about that? Because Nana and those other old bitches are setting up Easter eggs and none of them go, wait a minute, these ain't chicken eggs.
00:58:39
Speaker
They're like fucking ostrich-sized eggs. Right. And none of these old ladies know that there's something wrong with these. Well, they're just they just think that they're exotic like... ah like them special eggs i don't know them don't know but maybe you shouldn't be giving them to the children maybe they think they actually came from the Easter Bunny though maybe they Cadbury was around then It's a magical town.
00:59:07
Speaker
all the All the old ladies are... They're Jesus eggs. and see Them God eggs. Them's God eggs.
00:59:19
Speaker
special god Special Jack was like, the the these are these are God eggs. If you get one of these here God eggs thrown at your house, it opens a portal to heaven.
00:59:34
Speaker
You just bang zoom right to the moon. Bang zoom.
00:59:42
Speaker
ah um shit. Use them to teleport. I use my god eggs teleport.
00:59:52
Speaker
You got to smash one at your house, and then when you get into town, if somebody starts chasing you, you can throw one of the god eggs at the ground, and it'll portal you. It'll portal you, yeah.
01:00:04
Speaker
But don't get a fly in there, because you know what happens when you teleport a fly. Your dick will fall off eventually. I wonder in the fly, what if you put a hot dog in the teleporter with him?
01:00:18
Speaker
AI, get on that. Because he turned into a fly. just He would just smell like fucking hot dogs all the time.
01:00:28
Speaker
one wants that. Well, I want to see what would happen. Would it be like the Brundle Glizzy?
01:00:37
Speaker
Yeah, that'd be fucking weird. okay and Well, there's an episode of Invader Zim where Zim puts a tack Dib's chair. And it's it's got like bologna DNA in it. So when Dib sits on it, it mingles the bologna DNA mingles with his DNA.
01:00:58
Speaker
So he slowly starts turning into a fucking log of bologna. And then he comes out he does the same thing to them. So they're both eventually turning into these logs of bologna.
01:01:11
Speaker
He comes out looking like Hulk Hogan. and You know, brother. Like a split hot dog, yeah. Baloney is my first name.
01:01:24
Speaker
The fancy people call me Balogna. Balogna. That's hillbilly steak. You go, McWave, you done Baloney. Balogna. So...
01:01:39
Speaker
we go the The bounty hunters have arrived. Well, you meet the first Sheriff Corwin. We meet the new sheriff. Oh, that's right. He's bitching because he's got to put the fucking bunny suit on. Yeah, he's fucking whining because he's got to put the bunny suit on. Apparently, the actor that plays him was a dickhead in real life, too.
01:02:01
Speaker
Oh, yeah. They got rid of him quick anyway. He's a grumble butt. He's a grumble butt. But he goes hopping around and he's talking some fucking weird shit about the little kid seeing his wiener. and Yeah. Dude. Fucking weird. Yeah.
01:02:19
Speaker
Calm down. He says, I'll give them kids a real education. ah Right. Like, what the fuck are you saying, dude? Oh, this is great. The Easter bunny with his tehachapi hanging out.
01:02:31
Speaker
Give them kids a real education. Right. The director was like, disqualified. What a good way to fire somebody though. like To fire him. We'll just kill him. We'll just fill his furry costume full of critter ah hairy tomatoes.
01:02:51
Speaker
Hairy tomatoes.
01:02:54
Speaker
We're going to just throw a bunch of hairy maters in your critter costume. Bearded tomatoes. We're going to put some bearded tomatoes in there. They're going to eat your greasy hog.
01:03:05
Speaker
They're going eat your hairy potato. the them hairy tomatoes are gonna eat your hairy potatoes your bearded your bearded tomato oh jesus christ because megan megan and brad visit harv trying to get him to come back to town but i love his he's like this town voted me out they kissed my ass yeah you can't leave now this town needs you yeah This town voted me out in the landslide.
01:03:38
Speaker
This town can kiss my ass. So we think that's the last we see of him because now the town is without a sheriff because Sheriff Corwin's dead and Harv is, you know, he's already out. got eight within a fucking bunny suit, which was fucking cool too. Like, how fucking cool is that?
01:03:57
Speaker
Yeah, you got he long he falls inside of the church, and it's kind of a bloody it's kind of a bloody scene. It's like the one of the it's the one of the only serious like horror-ish scenes in the movie, and it's Easter-themed, so there we go.
01:04:15
Speaker
There you go. Another nod to Easter for it to be an Easter movie. There's your Easter movie. make it Make it Easter movie again. But we'll move on to the power of the night. or as a Or as Simple Jack would say, but but but please make this your Easter but boom boom but movie.
01:04:32
Speaker
du Easter movie makes my eyes rain.
01:04:46
Speaker
yeah so I'll let you do your Johnny Steele intro again because it's incredible. hey He turns into a well o turns into Johnny Steele. Ain't he the lead singer Type O Negative?
01:04:59
Speaker
Power were of not when he gets off the When he gets off the ship, he jumps off the ship like he does off the stage in the video. Well, if you haven't seen the first one, that's not even going to make sense because they don't show any of the music video. It's good for us, though.
01:05:19
Speaker
Yeah. And the first one, Johnny Steele's the singer of a band. I think the band is just called Johnny Steele, isn't it? I think so. The name like that, you don't need a band name.
01:05:30
Speaker
Power of the Night.
01:05:33
Speaker
Yeah, he's a fucking badass. Keep on calling Power of the Night. The Timu Tim Curry. yeah Go bot Tim Curry.
01:05:46
Speaker
I always liked him. I think it's just because he reminded me of Tim Curry. And it's funny because I think McGarris directed the yeah It miniseries too.
01:05:57
Speaker
yeah Maybe. Which would mean that he worked with Tim Curry. I could be wrong. He may have only did The Stand, but I'm not sure. But Tim Curry and Terrence Mann is who plays Johnny Steele.
01:06:12
Speaker
Or Ugg. Yeah. Ugg, who is being Johnny Steele. Whatever. Yes, but he is Johnny Steele. That is the form that he has chosen that he is.
01:06:28
Speaker
that so he be is that so he be that he is and we get we get introduced to so they're they're walking down the trail and charlie's like holy shit you know he you know he finds the fucking playboy that you know got blown out of the jeep earlier in the film and he's of course he's just like all shit and starts you know strolling through it kneeling down well Fuck yeah. and he already he knows He knows because he's at looking at the centerfold. They literally land and get off the ship the same time. All the pages are stuck together so the only thing that opens up is the centerfold.
01:07:11
Speaker
Well, it's funny because he i mean I've found playboys on the side of the road when I
Youthful Anecdotes and Character Transformations
01:07:17
Speaker
was a kid. It was a thing back then. Yeah, you'd find them behind buildings. You'd find them in the fucking woods. like you'd find him because i Because it is absolutely true. Angry wives would find their husband's playboy or penthouse or whatever and drive down the street and throw him out the fucking window.
01:07:35
Speaker
I have found them and I know plenty of other people have found them too. Down by sewers. It was, yeah those times was tough, man. We didn't have Pornhub and ants getting caught. The ones that you find in the woods and the shit were like, but it was like you found somebody's like bushcraft jerk off fucking hut. You know what I'm saying? And you'd find them in there.
01:07:59
Speaker
Me and my brothers to one time found a ah ah gym bag full of them. And it was like, you know ah you know in Pulp Fiction when they look in the briefcase and the gold is shivering their face?
01:08:16
Speaker
Is it all there? Exactly how we felt. we were like, oh
01:08:24
Speaker
And this was the late 80s, so everything was... There was a lot of hair. But we were still like... You opened the bag and it was like... got hair in my teeth and my eyes just from looking at these goddamn things.
01:08:44
Speaker
ah Ink pack exploded fucking hair in your face. Yeah.
01:08:49
Speaker
Yeah, that is an actual playmate that Lee morphs into, and she played the character Roxanne Carnahan, I think her name was.
01:09:00
Speaker
But they yeah they shot that. they Playboy actually did ah shoot with her and never released it, and those are the pictures that they're using in the movie, because they had to get permission to use it.
01:09:12
Speaker
They did like a special thing. Yeah. that Yeah, that poor lady died in a car accident shortly after this movie was made. A few years after this movie was made.
01:09:24
Speaker
Oh, wow. But it But on on ah on the another, if you watch the scene, like this was in California, but it was like the coldest day in like 100 years. It was like 22 fucking degrees when they shot this.
01:09:42
Speaker
Oh, yeah. you can tell. You can tell.
01:09:47
Speaker
Yeah, so yeah Lee like find like stares at it and has finally found themselves and starts transforming into centerfold.
01:09:58
Speaker
but yeah we see like well We see her boobs growing and busting out, and then we see the butt cheeks growing, and then we see Ugg's crotch start bulging like at the same time. LAUGHTER Well, it's almost like he was trying to turn into Charlie. ah but yeah and he was like, no! And he holds up the centerfold.
01:10:21
Speaker
Yeah, he holds it up, and that's kind of why Lee turns into the playmate. Yeah, and the staple like right in her diaphragm was awesome, too, because i was like, I forgot about that when I watched it, and I started laughing. I was like, holy shit.
01:10:37
Speaker
Pulls it out like, twink!
01:10:40
Speaker
Yeah. And then she says something weird science moment. Right. Yeah. Kill Christ. And then just starts running off half naked. Yep. And this came out in 88. So, yeah, that might be why this my favorite critters movie. But I don't think so. but I don't think so. Because it is. i think it is the best movie regardless.
01:11:05
Speaker
Yeah. Of the boobies. Yeah. Right.
01:11:10
Speaker
But then, ah you know, that... Oh, yeah, this movie's still PG-13 because, you know, they got nudity in it, but it's not played sexually, you know?
01:11:21
Speaker
yeah It's never really mentioned. It's just like, oh, what is... You know, like, Ugg's like, huh. That's peculiar. let's go yeah Let's go. i got Like, ah they should have had Ugg at the Hungry Heifer getting some coffee and then squirt... do i have husband's bulge?
01:11:39
Speaker
oh Why do... Why do Ugg... Why do Ugg greasy hogs wake up suddenly?
01:11:54
Speaker
But Steve and Jeffrey hog don't.
01:12:04
Speaker
Oh, shit. So they fucking... We see that. They will head off into town. We get Brad and Megan.
Critters' Tactics and Bounty Hunter Chaos
01:12:15
Speaker
This is where a shit starts hitting the fans Yeah.
01:12:19
Speaker
Yeah, because they're I think they're just driving, but they're some for some reason just driving up to Quigley's barn. and Yeah. They don't really yeah they don't really like talk about it ah yeah too much they um Yeah, it's pretty much like they're just going there and then Sal's like freaking the fuck out like, so and by bla ah you know, like, because she's just been trying to get this fucking story, you know.
01:12:48
Speaker
um and well speaker yeah Well, she gets in the truck and Brad checks out what's going on and Quigley's half-eaten corpse falls out of the barn and then people start throwing hairy tomatoes at the truck.
01:13:02
Speaker
Yeah. yeah I think it's cool. like The critters fucking stood his body up against the door to where whoever opened it, they're going to... That's just sweet.
01:13:14
Speaker
And he looked good. Again, like the effects were fucking sweet. so yeah Then we're introduced officially to Krites. It's fucking chaos pretty much from this point.
01:13:24
Speaker
um They all run and get back in the truck and we start seeing them throwing them at the truck and shit.
01:13:32
Speaker
Yeah, they're just tossing hairy tomatoes at the truck. Yeah. I wonder how they made those. and They're probably like basketballs. Oh, yeah. basketballs or something I love how they did them. And when they're rolling, I think they ran them all on like, you know, like line, some kind of like, you know, like fish line or whatever, hold them or whatever, which was really cool effect.
01:13:54
Speaker
And I also love, you know, when they start shooting their darts is really cool. When they hunch over, it's, it's really sweet. Like it's smooth. And then these fuckers have good ass aim with those things, dude. Cause they just fucking, well, fucking plant them right in that fucking door. If they would have been a tiny bit higher, dude.
01:14:12
Speaker
I was going to say in part one and two, the only time that they hit people with them, they hit them right in the neck. Yep. Pop them right in the fucking neck. They hit, uh, Brad's dad in the neck in the first one. And in this one, they, who'd they hit in the neck?
01:14:28
Speaker
Uh, Mr. Morgan. Yeah. So Megan's dad. So everybody's Papa's getting shot in the neck. Yep. Yep.
01:14:38
Speaker
but yeah mean
01:14:41
Speaker
But they are they go to um ah hey well they go to Nana's house because she has just recently discovered the critters. And just like that, Brad finds his communicator and he pushes the button and they fucking show up. Where was it at? it he goes He's like looking for it. and It was in a shoebox, wasn't it?
01:15:05
Speaker
No, she's like, he's like, where's that communicator? She's like, the what? And he was like, the remote control like looking thing. she yeah She was like, the TV remote? It's on the TV where it always is. And he's like, no, this isn't a TV remote.
01:15:21
Speaker
So again, like how many times does she try to turn the TV on with this thing and blow Ugg and Lee and Charlie up with like alert calls? like how How many did they have to ignore? Yeah.
01:15:34
Speaker
She might be like 180 years old. That thing might be keeping her alive. She's probably like, hello?
01:15:44
Speaker
Hello? Why isn't this working? And, you know, ah ah but yeah, they they show up, save her, and then they go and save Morgan at the fucking newspaper.
01:15:58
Speaker
And the hungry heifer scene, the bounty hunters go into the hungry heifer. That was kind of like the same as when they showed up at the the how Brad's house in the first one because it's kind of like they call him and they're there to kill the critters but they fucking blow the whole place to shit in the process it's like Brad gets him to come help him at his house in the first one and when he sees it they just start shooting indiscriminately at every fucking thing destroying their house he's like whoops shit
01:16:35
Speaker
It's awesome. They blow the shit out of it. Yeah. and and ah And you get like a small montage of them kill attacking people. There's not a lot of deaths in this movie, but ah there's attacks.
01:16:53
Speaker
There's a couple deaths. There's a good one from the critter ball. Right. Yeah. But a kind of an army of darkness-ish death.
01:17:07
Speaker
But Eddie Deason comes back in for a few minutes at least. Mm-hmm. I kind of wish, I really wish he was in the movie more. i love when Lee replicates him. He is the quintessential nerd. That dude should be on the fucking ah Mount Rushmore. He kind of is.
01:17:28
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. But they're all, but everyone, yeah, they he yeah he turns, Lee decides to replicate him, so he goes from being the playmate to Lee to Eddie Deason, who is just credited as the hungry heifer manager. He doesn't really have a name in this movie. Yeah, you don't really and introduce him.
01:17:50
Speaker
But man, he's fucking great. I wish I would love to have seen a movie where he was playing the bounty hunter through the whole thing. Dude. that Yeah, it's sweet.
01:18:01
Speaker
We only get it for a couple minutes. Yeah. and We only get it for a little bit because he can't figure out who he wants to be. You know, we can't figure out who they want to be.
01:18:14
Speaker
Because this is a new line cinema, obviously. The next one, the next character he almost transforms into is burnt up like weenie.
01:18:26
Speaker
His name is Fred. Which is fucking incredible. That would have been hilarious, too. Like, if you turned into Freddy...
01:18:38
Speaker
Yeah, and he had a call yeah I think um the reason they didn't do that is because then the movie would just be all about Freddy Krueger. Oh my God, did you see the piece?
01:18:51
Speaker
But I think if they would have done it for a few seconds at least, although that would require Robert Englund to get in a full Freddy makeup, which probably took hours. Yeah, absolutely.
01:19:04
Speaker
But it still would have been cool, you know, just for a little cameo. Just change into him for a second. But but guess what? Our boy was doing this whole fucking time. Charlie's been carrying that Playboy around with him.
01:19:17
Speaker
And I'm telling you, it's because times were tough back then. It was hard to get porn.
01:19:25
Speaker
Yeah. Charlie, ah because he's because Lee starts to turn into Freddy Krueger, but Charlie holds the playboy up again, so Lee turns back into the playmate. Yeah, he really just wants to be Charlie.
01:19:39
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, he can't decide, but it doesn't really matter because he's not the smartest bounty hunter either. He shouldn't be allowed off on his own. Yeah.
01:19:50
Speaker
He gets easily tricked into a trap. five yeah by the critters. They kind of just lure him into an alley and then surround him. It's like, what kind of fuck? How did he live as long as he has?
01:20:06
Speaker
Has Ugg just been keeping him alive? I think he's just been carrying his weight. Ugg's back hurt. oh Lee don't do shit. That's why... Ugg back hurt.
01:20:19
Speaker
Ugg, Ugg heart. Ugg hurt. Ugg eyes rain.
01:20:25
Speaker
Yeah, so he gets devoured. like The critters just take him apart. So, oh yeah, he's devastated and reforms back to his bubblegum, chewed bubblegum head.
01:20:41
Speaker
The critters eat those big old mommy milkers. Yeah. yeah But ah just kind of fades out of the movie for the time being ah because he's fucked up about ah Lee dying.
01:20:59
Speaker
Goodbye, mama. Now you can have ice cream in heaven. Yeah, that's what it is. I'll see you to tonight when I go to bed in my head movies.
01:21:12
Speaker
In my head movies.
01:21:16
Speaker
but this Ed movie makes my eyes rain. yeah yeah at the You know at the church, you know who the fuck that is
Cameos and Pop Culture
01:21:29
Speaker
guarding the church? You know the guy that points the fucking gun at the little girl?
01:21:33
Speaker
Yeah. You know who that is?
01:21:37
Speaker
that's ah That's Tom McLaughlin from ah the director of Jason Lives. Really? Yeah. Yeah. That dude holding a shotgun guard, you know, when that little girl comes out on the tricycle, watch when he turns around, he fucking points the gun right at her. oh i know yeah I was like, God damn, dude. but yeah ah You need to practice some gun safety, brother.
01:22:03
Speaker
What are you doing? What the fuck are you doing?
01:22:08
Speaker
Yeah, but... Yeah, that's that's Tom McLaughlin from... ah He directed Jason Lives, and he also fucking... It's funny because I just... I got it on... Remember I sent you a picture. i just finally got Prophecy on DVD.
01:22:29
Speaker
Prophecy, that yeah bear movie. He fucking is one of three people that plays the bear. Isn't that crazy? Yeah.
01:22:42
Speaker
In 1979, Tom McLaughlin played the fucking bear in The Prophecy. And he's still, I think, to this day in the band The Sloths. That's funny.
01:22:54
Speaker
He's the lead singer. Yeah, that fucking dude, he's just in a movie for like a minute. Yeah, that's funny, dude. That there's the director of Jason Lives, Friday the 13th, part 6.
01:23:07
Speaker
that there crazy yeah yeah yeah and uh brad tries to say yeah he gets killed uh brad tro and the little girl for fucking whatever reason goes peddling off into the fucking field oh yeah she's calling ass yeah Brad goes to save her Sheriff Harve shows up just in time to shoot the critters that are attacking him. And he has the coolest fucking Arnold Schwarzenegger one liner when he shows back up. You remember what he says?
01:23:38
Speaker
What did fucking say? can't remember. He just goes, I'm back.
01:23:46
Speaker
I was like, come on, guys. Write something better for him. He just goes, I'm back. back. i'm bad
01:23:57
Speaker
He shoots the critters, oh like, twirls his guns around, puts them in the holsters, and then just goes, I'm back.
01:24:09
Speaker
Genius. They should have gave him a one-liner, something. Yeah. Yeah. You know?
Climactic Plans and Sacrifices
01:24:16
Speaker
But Brad, bad Brad comes up with plan to lure the critters into the polar iceburger plant to blow them to shit.
01:24:25
Speaker
Yep, bad old Brad. They start spreading out fucking cold cuts and hamburgers and buns and shit. And see, like brad Brad's got this knowledge from when he was a kid about this explosive shit. because that's you know that They don't really talk about it much in this, but he was a big fireworks aficionado in the first one. Borderline Pyromaniac.
01:24:49
Speaker
Was it him or was it Simple Jack that was the firework? because what it was both It was him. they were lighting them off together. in the Wasn't he taking the blame for Simple Jack setting off those fireworks?
01:25:03
Speaker
Well, yeah, he let him do it. You what I'm saying? But it shows him up in his room making fireworks and stuff like that. And his dad comes up. parent His dad comes up. Well, his dad comes up and was like, you know, giving him, giving him hell about it too.
01:25:19
Speaker
So that's bad parenting. Don't let your kid, your 15 year old kid hang out with a 30 year old man.
01:25:28
Speaker
Well, Simple Jack, I mean... Yeah, Simple Jack might be like, let me show you something, Kevin.
01:25:40
Speaker
That's not grease. Why is my wiener raining? hu your Your butt makes my wiener rain. ha ha!
01:25:55
Speaker
You got any more of them Stephen Jeffries pictures?
01:26:03
Speaker
And you remember in the first one, the big bad was just a big critter. It got five foot tall or something. Yeah. So you're kind of when you watch this, you're kind of like, oh, they're doing that again because there's a big one.
01:26:18
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Because they they use a... like Wesley has a fan blowing the smell of all the hamburgers and shit towards the critters to try to lure them to the plant. and And there's a big one with them, but they turn around because they're because they so end up because the wind changes directions and they end up smelling the humans.
01:26:37
Speaker
Yeah, the start, yeah. But that big one stops him and he's like, hey, man, ah hamburgers don't have bones.
01:26:48
Speaker
Yeah. you' like this way Cheeseburgers don't have bones. Let's go that back here. yeah and and then we find out that the big critter was just Ugg.
01:27:02
Speaker
That's funny. Which when he transformed, he should have been naked because britter wasn't wearing the critter wasn't wearing his bounty hunter outfit. Yeah.
01:27:14
Speaker
Why the fuck didn't they do that before then? Why the fuck didn't he tell a Lee to transform into a fucking critter? Why didn't Lee transform into a fucking critter? Oh, yeah.
01:27:26
Speaker
Yeah, he could. Well, why doesn't he turn into like a Tyrannosaurus Rex or something and just eat all the critters? Or a fucking tiger or something. If you can turn into anything, turn into a goddamn rhinoceros or a fucking ah some kind of dinosaur.
01:27:47
Speaker
I don't know. Yeah. Fucking steamroller. Yeah. Yeah, turn into a bigger critter ball. Yeah.
01:27:59
Speaker
Because apparently he's not restricted to size because he was taller than that critter. Yeah. I don't know. Turn into poison meat.
01:28:10
Speaker
Yeah. Right? fucking Just cover yourself red poison. Turn into meathead from Aqua Teen roll your weight as well. Well, you know... Well, you know how, uh, yeah, turn into meathead and sprinkle yourself with poison.
01:28:29
Speaker
Don't eat Kevin! He's all sprinkled with poison! Yeah, you can... you could To protect yourself, could go, I got a belly button full of rat poison.
01:28:44
Speaker
You know how if your animals have fleas, you put that little oil on the back of their neck? yeah Make one of those for people to where if critters eat you, they die. yeah Sprinkle it on put it on the back of your neck.
01:28:59
Speaker
yeah
01:29:03
Speaker
Put that on the list.
01:29:08
Speaker
but that But the plan fails. They blow up the fucking hamburger factory. Burger barn. pohlerberg The polar iceburger plant.
01:29:20
Speaker
They blow that fucking place to shit. But it doesn't work because the critters form Voltron. Or a critter ball. That's right. all Which is fucking sweet, too. Yeah, it's sweet. Yeah, man.
01:29:35
Speaker
I need to dress like that for Halloween. For real, man. Just be a big critter ball. I wonder how hard that... the best like ah introvert costume ever. ah Yeah. If I could get like a giant ball and just... you know you know how the You know how those things ran? You know how they ran that?
01:29:54
Speaker
It was, you know, that machine that was on South Park that Mr. Garrison had come up with. a The fucking thing that the dildos went in your mouth and your ass and you had to jerk two of them off.
01:30:08
Speaker
That's how they ran that. Well, they didn't remember at the end, though. They said that it runs without doing that. Right. You don't have to do that. I know. But some people just have their heart in the right places.
01:30:22
Speaker
Yeah. but yeah um cool but that But that critter ball ah fucking critter ball rolls over a guy and just leaves the skeleton.
01:30:38
Speaker
It's kind of like... yeah It's comedic. Well, in...
01:30:46
Speaker
I keep wanting to say bad taste, but in Dead Alive, when ah the guy gets his lower hat the lower half of his body, it's just ah bones and blood. It looks kind of like that. You could put them together and make one whole person because it's like from the waist up in Critters that you see.
01:31:04
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. You could get the top half of the body from Critters 2 and the lower half of the body from Dead Alive and you would have a full bloody skeleton.
01:31:16
Speaker
That's right. The more you know. Collectors be on the lookout. But it's funny because when the critter ball is rolling towards the church, you know when they're chasing, when Megan and Brad are chasing it with the truck.
01:31:31
Speaker
If you when they come around the corner, look at the critter ball because you can see legs behind the critter ball pushing it. Yeah, because they got like they got like two or three guys behind it just pushing it.
01:31:44
Speaker
And when when it comes around, I get on the bike. Well, when it when it comes around the corner, I think that's one of the Kyoto Brothers legs that you really. Yeah, that's cool.
01:31:56
Speaker
Yeah. Pushing the critter ball. So there's a little cameo there. That's awesome. oh yeah But for no apparent reason whatsoever, Charlie Simplejack decides to sacrifice himself to save the town.
01:32:13
Speaker
You know, he's chasing that. He's not chasing it with a hammer, though. Nope. They should have fucking did that. Have him just running behind the critter ball with a mallet.
01:32:26
Speaker
Trying to hit it with a hammer. Yeah.
01:32:34
Speaker
Stop going! so this is so ah slow Slow down.
01:32:45
Speaker
But nope, he fucking flies Ugg's spaceship into it. Yeah. Which gets the desired effect, but Jesus Christ, that wasn't his. That his destroy.
01:32:58
Speaker
Yeah, it wasn't his, but you know. It's alright. Yeah, I suppose. I mean... Ugg forgives Simple Jack. ah It depends on how much they get paid for that, because, you know, they're bounty hunters.
01:33:14
Speaker
Well, it was chock full of bounty, too, as we saw in the beginning. We saw that freezer full of heads that they needed to take back. today Yeah, they probably had... i don't know what what's in Ugg currency, but... um I don't deal in nothing but freedom units.
01:33:34
Speaker
how much How much is that bounty in freedom units? don't know how many euros was ah amounted to what what they had in there and their deep freeze. yeah Yeah. Rupples.
01:33:49
Speaker
They're like, i that's 10 schmeckles. Yes. I don't know how many bags of pubic hair per head they get.
01:34:01
Speaker
I'd make a whole pillow full of pubes. Fucking Borat. Yeah, see how long it takes to... They trade they trade it for pubic hair.
01:34:20
Speaker
Holy shit, man. But when um every time up until now, we've always seen that for the bounty hunters to take the face of somebody, they have to see it.
01:34:32
Speaker
But this is the first time Ugg turns in, I guess because he's been Charlie before. or what No, Lee was Charlie. Lee was Charlie, yeah. Well, he's had to stare at sta at him like all this time. Maybe he's got it in his...
01:34:49
Speaker
do you Hey, do you think you think when Charlie was sleeping on the ship, Lee would go go in and stand over him and change into him? Just just so he because he was so obsessed with being him through the whole movie, you know?
01:35:03
Speaker
and he was in the last movie, too.
01:35:07
Speaker
If... Yeah, maybe. He just... Let me ask... And then he goes sit down and put on the carpenters and put a red lipstick on like... he Well, if you can... Yeah, making the list.
01:35:29
Speaker
If you could... um Like the bounty hunters can take on what a ah kind of whatever form or look they want. Yeah. if If Charlie... Now, Charlie's human, so I know this isn't a possibility. so um ah Which, you know, i'm I'm just... I just am ah imagining this scenario. Like, if Charlie could shift a different look...
01:36:00
Speaker
If he turned into the playmate, I wonder if he would still have penis. And if so, would he play with his boobs while he masturbated looking in the mirror?
01:36:21
Speaker
Because he clearly liked the magazine. So if he could turn, or would he, wait a minute. Well, what if he, hey, what if he did this, though? What if he fucking at night? Could he have sex with Ugg or with ah Lee?
01:36:37
Speaker
Is that possible? I'm not too sure. wonder. i I wonder if they have to look at pictures of like. ah Whatever reproductive organs like maybe they just have like what do they call them? Coachella. yeah they might They might be like Barbie dolls.
01:36:54
Speaker
They have Coachella's and that's, they just, uh, they fucking bumper bowl. Wait,
01:37:05
Speaker
right that's burning man. Wait, do they, uh, do they have, what if he fucking leave, go in and convert his head to Charlie and stared himself as Charlie while he fiddled with his boobs and punched his Coachella.
01:37:21
Speaker
What if Charlie... What if Lee and Ugg both turned into the playmate and Charlie just sat in a corner watching them scissor?
01:37:36
Speaker
one Would he then be a cup?
01:37:43
Speaker
Bumpin' Uglies? Scissor me timbers! Charlie's like, I'm so tired of this. He was so happy to find that playboy. We're just... but Yeah, we're just not making sense anymore. Scissor me timbers. Scissor me timbers. I'm just trying to imagine, like, the possibilities.
01:38:05
Speaker
Because, like, Charlie... What would Charlie do if he had the ability? Because i you know, I would guess that Ugg and Lee probably just aren't, don't find humans attractive, so it does nothing for them.
01:38:19
Speaker
Well, he lived his life as a nobody, so maybe he'd turn himself into somebody. lee Lee would probably hold those, or ah Charlie would probably get his favorite Playmate pictures and have those posted up on the inside of the spaceship, so whenever Lee and Ugg change into something, they have to change into one of those.
01:38:42
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. You know, I don't know. Whatever. I'm just fucking floundering here, but... But Brad... like We could have gone on, man. We could make a whole backstory about like their misadventures of obsession with each other.
01:38:59
Speaker
Well, it could turn into an X-rated movie easily.
01:39:07
Speaker
I think, yeah, for some reason we can easily turn so much into that, as we've shown on this episode.
Conclusion and Future Episodes
01:39:15
Speaker
Thanks for joining us. ah Thanks for joining us.
01:39:21
Speaker
f I'm glad that I can't shapeshift because Kevin would be holding up Stephen Jeffries pictures all the time. I'd be i just text before we'd start even. I'd just text you a picture of him.
01:39:34
Speaker
He'd be like, look at this for a second. Look at this one. Put that head on Yeah. Get us in the mop head on again
01:39:49
Speaker
So, Ugg honors Charlie by taking on his facial features anyway, but but we find out Charlie didn't die because he comes and he walks all the way to town with a parachute attached to him.
01:40:03
Speaker
Fuck yeah, he does. And he goes, um somebody help me. in And then he goes, oh no never mind, I got it.
01:40:11
Speaker
how long How far has he been dragging that thing? Because he they he crashed at night, and this is the next day. So he's been walking for miles. Yeah, he's been he's been doing the walk for sure.
01:40:24
Speaker
Unless he's been unconscious the whole time. Oh, if he's... if he Imagine, because nobody saw him, so he must have got launched out of that spaceship like a rocket. The fucking eject button shot him to the fucking moon. Honestly, he was probably... you know he got he got shot out at night.
01:40:43
Speaker
He was probably stuck in the tree just outside city limits like all night, just swinging, and then he finally fucking fell. He's hanging in a tree somewhere, humming to himself. Power of the night.
01:40:54
Speaker
Street dark. He's like, I'm bored. Power of the night. Or actually, he's been walking. His parachute's like caught up in the tree, but he's been walking this entire time, but not going anywhere. Being stuck in this tree makes my eyes rain.
01:41:18
Speaker
ah and But out of nowhere, ah but Charlie sees Ugg looks like Charlie now, and out of nowhere, a fucking new spaceship comes along and picks Ugg up with no explanation, nothing. and Nope.
01:41:32
Speaker
There's nothing. That's just it. The bus driver sees it, and he's like, what the fuck was this? so but And the sheriff Harv is like, don't even men don't even talk about this. Best you can do.
01:41:46
Speaker
Forget about it. Yeah. yeah and And Harv throws his badge to Charlie, and apparently Charlie is the new sheriff.
01:41:59
Speaker
Because that's how that works. Yep. Here's your badge!
01:42:06
Speaker
Here's your badge. So Charlie is now the sheriff of Grover's bed. Mm-hmm. because Harv threw his badge to him, and Harv wasn't even the sheriff either, so I don't fucking know.
01:42:20
Speaker
Whatever. Charlie's the sheriff. Yeah. There's only like ten people left in the town, so fuck them. He is now sheriff. Yeah, Simple Jack is your sheriff.
01:42:33
Speaker
Mm-hmm. you fuck You fuck up, and he chases you with a hammer.
01:42:43
Speaker
That's how you get pulled over. You're really making my eyes You're speeding through town and you see this guy on a fucking...
01:42:54
Speaker
But that's how the fucking movie ends and you're treated to the Hungry Heifer theme song again. the Hungry Heifer we won't give you a steal.
01:43:07
Speaker
Incredible. That's it. That's the end of it. And as far as I'm concerned... Don't even go on to three and four. One and two is good enough. if you If you want to, like they're all on Tubi.
01:43:21
Speaker
i kind of I was watching two, and then I just let it play. and i just had them both playing. but yeah they get They get weird. um Part three is Leonardo DiCaprio's...
01:43:33
Speaker
ah What's eating Gilbert great? yeah well this was be This was before. yeah This is his first. I think he did... Gilbert Grape. um And what's cool about Gilbert Grape is like he was such a new actor that they actually just let him act like how he acts in real life.
01:43:52
Speaker
So he didn't have to like read any scripts or anything. They just let him let him be him instead of having to act like a straight laced person ah is usually how they have to tame him down. So he really he really got to be himself in that movie.
01:44:06
Speaker
Well, in What's Eating Gilbert Grape, Leo went full retard.
01:44:14
Speaker
He went himself. Yeah. We told, when we were we're younger, um My one buddy we would go over his house and his like little sister was obsessed, absolutely obsessed with Leonardo DiCaprio back then. Right.
01:44:30
Speaker
And because, of course, all the all the girls were. And we fucking told her that that whole story about how like what's eating Gilbert Grape. That's how Leonardo DiCaprio really acts in real life, you know, and that they just let him be him. And she fucking flipped her shit, dude.
01:44:50
Speaker
so fucking funny dude that shit is so fucking funny to think about like if he's really just arnie in real life you know what we're seeing is like he's such a good actor that he went full straight instead of full retard
01:45:08
Speaker
yeah he's only acting yeah he's not right yeah this whole time yeah it's incredible But that's why he likes 20 year old women. Because they've got the same.
01:45:19
Speaker
Because he's about, yeah, he's about 15 really.
01:45:25
Speaker
He's like, i'll match in the gas tank boom, boom. And they're like, Leo, it's time to get out here. And he's like, ah you know, you know i would, um yeah, he's like, ah do you believe ah if she owns crystals and talks about astrology, he's like, you're my kind of woman.
01:45:48
Speaker
That's dead. sitting about 60. muscular 60. yeah iq sitting about sixty
01:45:55
Speaker
ah muscular sixty
01:46:01
Speaker
Oh, dad's dead. ah Oh my god. Did you guys see the harvest moon the other day? Oh my god. Hang on. Hang on. It was so awesome. um It was so awesome.
01:46:15
Speaker
Oh, shit. But anyway. The town's got a new sheriff and it's a happy ending. Wait, doesn't um doesn't bad Brad get the girl at the end too?
01:46:29
Speaker
No, Brad doesn't. Oh, he leaves town, but yeah, he gets the girl, right? He kisses her, but yeah, he doesn't necessarily get her, but kiss her. a loner, though. Bad Brad's a loner. but he's Yeah, I'm a loner. He's got to get his other ear pierced.
01:46:45
Speaker
Diamonds are forever late, baby. i forgot about when the fucking... ah when um When they're at the church, the fucking sheriff calls the whole town a bunch of pussies.
01:47:01
Speaker
I forgot about that. I fucking love that shit, man. Well, if you think about it, I mean, he's... All right, y'all just volunteered. Come on, you bunch of pussies.
01:47:13
Speaker
You got nothing to lose but your lives. He's not wrong in his statement being a sheriff because technically if everybody's calling and tattling on everybody, y'all a bunch of pussies.
01:47:26
Speaker
yeah I forgot that coming from a sheriff perspective you know yeah yeah but watch critters too if you haven't seen it it's fucking awesome add it is to your collection and do all the things because it's great support simple jack and all of his escapades Email Kevin pictures of Stephen Jeffrey's greasy hog at deadnotespodcasts at gmail.com.
01:47:52
Speaker
We'll send you some fun stuff like through email.
01:47:59
Speaker
Not me. i dut No. No. Send them... Put Kevin in the header. so Put Kevin in the subject so we know it's for him.
01:48:12
Speaker
So I don't accidentally open them. And burn my eyes. Burn my... Making your eyes rain. Don't make my eyes rain. But...
01:48:23
Speaker
if you if you send if you happen to do that If you happen to do that and send a then send something to our email and you attach your address, I might send you something in the mail in return.
01:48:39
Speaker
That looks like a wiener. It might be a sack of pubic hair. that's He's going to send you a sack of Jawea coin. Remember these?
01:48:51
Speaker
He has some random dime. ah bought some stamps the other day and this is how give me all my change back. $2 bill. I'll send you a $2 bill. Sacagawea coins.
01:49:05
Speaker
Yeah. So yeah. Um... Happy Halloween. Yeah. Happy Halloween. now And we're probably, we did a, we recorded nightmare on Elm street too, but, uh, we're putting these out out of order because we got shit face during that. And, uh,
01:49:25
Speaker
Oh, no, it's going to be incredible. So ah stay tuned for, a we're planning on releasing that, what, the 31st, right? Saturday the 31st? Yeah, it should be Halloween. This one will be on the 22nd.
01:49:40
Speaker
Yeah, this one will be, and when you hear this, yeah. And then it'll be the following week, because we usually do bi-weekly, you know, um which was Alan's idea.
01:49:56
Speaker
wow we like to do we like to release these by what is it by curiously like by curiously know you're gonna you're gonna get you're gonna get an episode every week you know well you're gonna get one next week week after and then obviously the week after that so and kevin's gonna live by curiously through you i will i'll live by curiously through your emails
01:50:24
Speaker
yeah Happy Halloween, everybody. yeah See you in the next one. Bye. Absolutely. Bye. Bye. Bye.