Transcript
Speaker: Hello, welcome to Dead Notes, a horror and cult film podcast. I am Kevin, and with me is the man that walks behind the hose.
Speaker: Pimpin' ain't easy. Pimpin' ain't easy if it's easy. I'm the outlander, Alan, and we're talking about Children of the Corn, 1984.
Speaker: the um It was the first documentary that Jonathan Davis ever put together. He was like 10 years old. I thought you were going to say it was just like a documentary of Ohio. Yeah, i was goingnna yeah that was my next one.
Speaker: We'll get into that later. Because they don't have shit on us. Yeah, yeah yeah this yeah I'll go into some of that shit later. But yeah. And, uh, you know, that this is one of my comfort movies. I fucking love it. I watch it every so often. Yeah.
Speaker: And, and it's directed by Fritz Kirsch, who I don't, I don't know who the fuck, I'm sorry if you're a big Fritz Kirsch fan, but, uh, this was his first movie and I think he did some Swamp Thing episodes, but, uh,
Speaker: But he knocked it out of the park with this, but a lot of people do that with ah Stephen King stuff, you know? hit and miss. Yeah, it depends on how they're able to, i guess, like, absorb and then, like, kind of retell the story, you know? Because obviously, as we know, Stephen King's a ah madman on that fucking typewriter, so um I'm sure it's a lot to fucking, you know, as we know,
Speaker: Well, this, this is based on a short story that was in penthouse, but yeah it's, um, it's also in his collection, which I have the night shift book. It's only like, it's only like a 20 page story, but he packs so much in there. You know what I'm saying? Like, I think that's why his shorts translate.
Speaker: You get all the bang for your buck out of his shorts and his films. You know what I'm saying? Because it's still left for you to mold Well, yeah, it's the same thing. You know what I'm saying? it Aside from, not saying like, you know, making one out of his books, you know, it's bad. But I mean, he puts so much into it, you know?
Speaker: So it's just how your time, your time frame that you have to to make a movie and tell the entire story, you know? Yeah, this this is ah that it like he did um the same. I think, truck yeah, trucks is in that and night shift also. And that's what he did. Maximum overdrive.
Speaker: What does we based maximum overdrive on? And it's ah it's a fucking cocaine induced beaver dream. Roll sound.
Speaker: yeah i would have been interesting It would have been interesting to see him direct this one. Yeah. yeah man this This little Vulcan just called me an asshole.
Speaker: This little shit. Did you notice that Isaac has Vulcan hair? Yeah, he absolutely does. He did a commercial where he played a Vulcan right before they shot this movie. So they kept his hair just so... No shit. Yeah.
Speaker: Just so he would... Yeah, I actually have a picture of it.
Speaker: That's awesome. Yeah, he played a Vulcan. This little Vulcan called me an asshole. This little shit. Who let Star Trek on the set? ah
Speaker: roll sound ah yeah he's a he's a he's a silly little he's a silly little man left star trek on shit oh my god
Speaker: why does he look like an elderly um vulcan woman He's got like some form of Benjamin buttons. Why does he look like a Vulcan like Karen?
Speaker: Yeah, he's like.
Speaker: He wants to see the starship. his so is This soup has been compromised.
Speaker: I want to speak to your general. Oh.
Speaker: This movie's supposed to be kind of poking at religious fanaticism, but ah all I could think the whole time watching it, all I can ever think of, like, is what we would have done as kids, because...
Speaker: Half of those kids are like 18. Well, Courtney Gaines was 18 when they made this. and ah But most of those kids that are carrying out the murders and stuff, they're like right at the age where they're about to be fed to the giant fucking mole in the cornfield. Yeah.
Speaker: So I don't know if I'd go along. ah I guess that speaks to how ah influential Isaac is. you gotta to You got to be a smooth talker to get me as a 17-year-old to carry out your murders when I know you're going to feed me to a giant gopher ah in a year.
Speaker: Well, he's probably the first one in town to wear a Star Trek shirt, and no one's ever heard of it. like He's the cool kid in town. He's the first Vulcan to wear an Amish hat.
Speaker: It was like you being the first goth kid in your school. And like everybody's like, oh, he's cool. They just don't understand don't understand me. please don understand me conformists yeah he's just like edgy yeah he's edgy you guys want to go meet in a cornfield how how much these adults are lame-os you want to go in the cornfield and listen to me talk lyrics of chris gains to you
Speaker: these are yeah these are all ah These are all teenage boys mostly. ah there you There's like 12 and 8-year-olds and stuff in their crew too.
Speaker: Right, but those that's after the ah initial murders. The ones that carried out all the murders are the older kids. The teens, yeah. And I know what they'd be doing out in the cornfield. They're not out there worshiping fucking...
Speaker: giant mole people. They're out there having raves. there Yeah. I don't know, but, but you know, they're out there doing rumspringa every weekend. Yeah.
Speaker: They got Nicholas Cage out there and and with the, the bees. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker: Oh, man. if yeah again Instead of bees, they're dropping beats. And he's like, oh, no, the beats. Not the beats. Oh, God. Not the beats.
Speaker: oh my god
Speaker: not the beat Isaac comes in, big, big swinging with the Gabber techno. He's about to turn this up to 220 BPMs. ah Oh man, if they had, if they could have got Nicolas Cage to play Burt.
Speaker: Yeah. Cause, cause you know, uh, or i would have, you I would have liked to have seen, yeah you remember the only sunny in Philadelphia episode when Mac just beats the shit out of those kids.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, the bike episode. Yeah, they could have had Mac playing Bert. Yeah. When he's jacked and Roy raged out. and but Yeah.
Speaker: cause Because Bert... Oh, dude. Well, we'll get into it, but Bert is ah basically the Terminator in this movie. He kind of is, but man, I'll tell you he's a fucking asshole. but Yeah. ah ruining everyone's fun they were like we were just trying to cornhole your wife out in nicole out in the field well he's like even being there dude he's like just fucking rude crude man ah yeah he's looking to beat some kids up well I mean that little dance she does at the beginning would soften any boner
Speaker: She's just trying to make a John Connor. That's all she's trying to do. He's like, I was going to bang you until you did that bullshit. No John Connor for you. Yeah. ah i've ah The Shermanator.
Speaker: I've come back from the future. to ten I've come back in time to change the future for two lucky ladies.
Speaker: ah
Speaker: Fuck. Yeah. ah But, okay, so ah the opening scene is ah this movie kicks right off because um even though it's not like super action packed, but still you get the little massacre right at the beginning.
Speaker: Yeah, they don't waste any time, um which is another awesome thing about this movie. I mean, it just throws you right the fuck in. Yeah, with the little Amish Vulcan staring in the fucking window. Getting ready to drop of a death grip.
Speaker: He's standing there like...
Speaker: Man, I remember the first time I watched this movie... um A lot of my family um on my mother's side i was out in like rural Ohio and identical to fucking Gatlin. My Uncle Bill had a farm out there, and we'd be going out there and stuff. And the little towns and stuff we would stop in when we were there whatever looked just like this town. And i remember being in a diner-ish kind of place.
Speaker: wasn't just like this, but i was like so freaked out. like that something like this was going to happen. My grandma got coffee and I was like, Oh no, like, is this going to happen? Like, okay. And I was a paranoid ass kid. So be like watching all these movies probably didn't help me, but I can remember distinctively like it it hit home. You know what mean? Cause was out in this shit all the time.
Speaker: so Did you ever milk his bulls? No. He's like, come here, Kevin. Those are those are my those are my other family's chops. Get some milk out of here. He's like, of say he's like I milked your bull.
Speaker: He's got one big udder. He's like, we don't have
Speaker: Oh, shit. goes that He's got a fucking milk mustache.
Speaker: Oh shit. And little Joby is sitting at the counter eating some ice cream when they start killing everybody and his dad he watches his dad get murdered right in front of him. Yeah he gets money shot all over his face too. Yeah. He has he gets he gets a little squirt.
Speaker: that And no fucking because they start poisoning old the old people with whatever she put in the coffee. Yeah.
Speaker: And then ah i Malachi, who I don't know how old he's supposed to be here because remember, this is three years earlier. hmm.
Speaker: So he would have had to have been at the most 15. He probably just one of them big kids. he He's like, I got a smooth brain. Yeah, I suppose I did look like a big retard when I was a kid.
Speaker: He's yeah i suppose i did look like a big retard when i was a kid he's I was in kindergarten almost as tall as my teachers.
Speaker: I hit my growth spurt early. like I like to play on the swings with the other children. you grew as you came out. hey i blew my mom's pussy apart coming out.
Speaker: She's like, Jesus Christ, that big ass head.
Speaker: ah You came out ready to drive. looked like a cone head. like my mom squeals. My mom. My mama done squoze my head.
Speaker: She tensed up.
Speaker: She sneezed when I was coming out. and Gave me a cone head.
Speaker: I was like, God, my mama sneezed when I came out. Now I got the strength of 10 men. ah Holy shit, dude.
Speaker: And Joby's sister is ah what they they think she's sick, but she's actually one of Stephen King's magical characters yeah that he that he likes to put. in he gives He gives somebody the shining in every goddamn story.
Speaker: They've got some sort of shining, yeah, which I like in a way. Especially if you want to create a universe, you know. She draws the future. She draws. She's prophetic.
Speaker: She's like ah with crayons. Yeah. But the scene ends with his mom screaming on the phone. the phone's dangling there and his mom's like, what are you kids doing here? oh Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker: yeah Yeah. That was your intro. Yeah. It's awesome. Yeah, Joby has to watch his father get his throat slit and then hear his mother screaming on the phone.
Speaker: Yep. And he's... He's just, like, chill. Like, after that, like, he's you know what I'm saying? he's you could And he's telling the story, too, which I do like. um he's He's narrating, you know? Yeah. it's kind of neat because it's such a brutal...
Speaker: fucking opening scene and you got this little kid this is what happened three years ago at my town you know yeah i my dad got his blood all in my cool whip you know like Isaac the incel yeah Isaac who's 27 years old but but this really cool guy came to town one time and killed the entire town That he looks like a toddler.
Speaker: He looks like a toddler Vulcan. Someone let Star Trek in this town. and i bet I bet Isaac is the kind of person that when you go into the bathroom, he's standing at the urinal with his pants down around his knee ankles. I guarantee you he's one of them.
Speaker: ah I went to a ah show some weeks ago and i was i was in the urinal and there was some guy that damn near had his pants down all the way when he was pissing.
Speaker: ah has a couple urinals down from me. i think i I think women, when they're vetting their husbands, should have to watch them pee a urinal at least once.
Speaker: Because that's a red flag right there. If you're one of those guys that pulls your pants down around your ankles to piss at a urinal... What about the guys that like piss at the urinal and just put their hands on their hips?
Speaker: Have you ever run into that? i so I saw a guy recently. i think social media is getting terrible because I saw a guy recently on the phone while he was at the urinal and he was watching like TikTok videos or something and just laughing.
Speaker: um Maybe he had an infection. Yeah. yeah that's a ah i think cell phones in the bathroom are probably a crime because there's a camera on there. Yeah. what Whatever. Especially if you're videotaping.
Speaker: Maybe he was taking pictures of his asshole and looking at it. That's my
Speaker: But then we get to meet ah Bert and Vicky. Who we've already made fun of a little bit. but Yeah, just a little bit. Just a little bit. Because it's Bert's birthday.
Speaker: and she gives him the lamest birthday present ever. he turned his audio into an innie. That's why he was so pissed. Throughout the whole rest of the drive, he's like angry. ah Yeah. she She softened him up for sure.
Speaker: He's... he but I don't know what that song she was singing was, but you could tell like halfway through it, Linda Hamilton was embarrassed. She was like, what the fuck am I doing? One, two, three, four, no more books and studies.
Speaker: Now I stay out late with my buddies. I can do the things that I want to do. Cause all my exams are through. He's like, this is a great idea, but it was a but not the execution I was looking for.
Speaker: Well, then she lays down with him and he's like, you know what? i I'm going to go masturbate in the shower. like, you know what? I want to go a drive for three hours. Yeah, he just ruined this ruined my goddamn mood.
Speaker: But little does he know that worse things are to come. Yeah. because they're they're arguing while they're driving like they do.
Speaker: Well, I guess not really. They were listening to the evangelist a little bit. Yeah. and through the radio That's all that's on the radio. It's like, what do you, you know, it's that's all that was. He's like, I'm so sick of this stuff.
Speaker: And she throws up the no room for a commitment. And he's like, don't. You fucking motherfucker.
Speaker: Oh, we forgot about the lighter that she gives them too, which as, as it's, as we know, it's a, what do they call that? Uh, ah hair A red herring or whatever.
Speaker: Whatever they fucking call it. That comes into play later. Yeah. the ah They're just foreshadowing. Foreshadowing. They're set they're setting up ah ah which I mean didn't really need to be done but because you can light fires with other things. Yeah.
Speaker: But maybe that town, I mean, a bunch of kids, they're not old enough to get lighters. They haven't, yeah. They're like, we're not allowed to in there. Malachi the only one old enough to buy a lighter. they won't say ah Isaac's like 25, but he doesn't look it, so they don't sell it to him.
Speaker: He's always trying to buy lighters, and they won't sell it to him. Malachi or Isaac is maligned because he just looked he's like I'm 78 years old but I look like a child Star Trek came in today trying to buy another goddamn lighter that little falcon fucker tried to neck pinch me yeah that shit don't work in real life little man he's trying to neck pitch him but he's really pinching the side of his hip
Speaker: How many times when you were little did kids try to do that to you? Yeah, it fucking sucked too if they got you. Yeah, they'd knock you unconscious. You wake up and your butt hurts. My my dad fucking did that shit and it hurt, man.
Speaker: i ah oh I guess I said that in the wrong spot. He fucking neck pinched me one time and it hurt really fucking bad.
Speaker: I woke up later. He Vulcan neck pinched you and when you woke up, your butt hurt. Yeah. When I woke, it was making squishy noises.
Speaker: but
Speaker: Oh, shit. So we cut to a scene um where Joseph, he's like, what the, is he like the older brother to Joby and Sarah? or I don't know if he, I don't think he's related to them. I think he's just, it's a short part.
Speaker: Yeah. He's, but he's like, I'm getting the fuck out of here. He's like, I'll be back for you guys. Yeah, and he wants to go. They want to go with him, but he's like, you guys would just slow me down. That's fucked up. I bet those little kids could run further and faster than he can. Yeah.
Speaker: They got energy for days. and You can't catch three of them with one person, but they don't know yet that um ah Malachi teleports. He has some kind of teleportation powers.
Speaker: He's this is how fish gets all their fans. yeah
Speaker: Catches them on cornfields. ah get Get the net. yeah And joseph like Joseph's like, you guys are just going to slow me down. And then when he when he goes to run, the two kids are like, it's all clear. and's And the other one goes, go, go. And it's like, well, you're fucking yelling now, you dickheads. He's right here. He's trying to be sneaky about this.
Speaker: yeah Malachi's with his Kool-Aid mustache ah fucking and his knife yeah he just cuts on putting down ah a fucking pint of Kool-Aid actor yeah drink so some of that red drink red drink
Speaker: yeah But of course, Joseph gets killed like he's like 10 feet into the fucking cornfield. Yeah. Stupid asshole. Yeah. It's like, is didn't you know ah the red mist? Malachi shows up and fucking throws. he's like, you're trying to leave and throws his glass of Kool-Aid on him.
Speaker: fuck Malachi must just ah because I'll talk more about that later but he fucking gets around I don't know yeah he's a wiry fucker I'm sure he runs pretty quick yeah but faster than a car you do a lot shit when you're on drugs man i mean not just faster much faster oh Yeah, i got yeah but but ah
Speaker: but I always thought that Malachi had propped Joseph up in the road when I was younger. And i still it still kind of seems like that. But I guess he's supposed to still be alive when the car hits him. And ah he was running through the street. but Well, the way I took it was like he was just in the street and like it's such a quick scene.
Speaker: But he like turns around like, you know, I mean, he's obviously shocked. He's the shocky's like, oh he was stumbling out. He had Kool-Aid in his eye and gets hit by a fucking car. Yeah.
Speaker: yeah the ah Yeah, because Bert and Vicky are just arguing and they're looking at the map and then he fucking creams Joseph. Yeah, dude. ah Or, yeah.
Speaker: They don't fuck around with this fucking hit scene, dude. Like, it looks incredible. Well, and especially for the time, it was pretty taboo to kill a kid. Yeah. In a movie. It was, yeah, it's ah it's a pretty brutal scene.
Speaker: So you, yeah, I mean, ah watching this, you could be like, ah, children of the corn, that's for pussies. but ah Yeah, maybe, but. It's brutal. It's the quiet in the movie too.
Speaker: You know what I'm saying? um That sets it a lot in these scenes. um Because it's, you know, it's, so fast that it it's so fucking loud. It breaks like all the silence in that, in that countryside, you know?
Speaker: I don't know. I've always liked that part too. Oh yeah. Well, also being, especially both of us have lived in or around rural areas. When should I do? do I do now. I've got a cornfield right across the street. Yeah.
Speaker: yeah I mean, I'm surrounded in corn. ah Oh, man. What do the kids eat? Because I imagine you could tell if you found green corn, if if you found one of them, if you found one of these,
Speaker: if you found one of their turds out in the woods, it just looked like a corn cob. Because we know you don't digest corn. It just goes right on through. like rabbit pellets and shit. It just looks like corn kernels i ah just looks like a pile of corn. Them corn boys out in the wood, out in the cornfield been pooping on my lawn. just looks like a little pile of corn. I was just like, how do you know it's me?
Speaker: ah How can you tell? ah It ain't nothing but corn. Ain't even cooked either. That's how they find out if you're pure. It's a cleansing. Yeah.
Speaker: yeah but They're like ultra vegan.
Speaker: ah They're as vegan as you get. I'm going to go get a can of corn out of my cabinet and dump it in the toilet and see if I can clog it up. and I don't think it's possible. Science experiment.
Speaker: Yeah. could If I let Isaac use my toilet, would he clog it up? Will he fit? But but they ah but they he he gets out of his car and to investigate, and he's you know he's like, step back. I'm a doctor. Yeah, yeah. Get back to the car. We're still arguing.
Speaker: He rolls the kid over and sees that his neck is all bloody. So he says he done been murdered, and I don't think he tells... ah Vicky that he put the kid in the trunk because he put him in the trunk while she was asleep.
Speaker: Yeah. And then he went out and then he went out into the cornfield and found his suitcase. Yeah. and they're like, let's go through it. There might be something important.
Speaker: While he's out there looking around, Vicky's dreaming about Malachi. She wants some red lips all over she's been She's been into fish for so long and like, she just can't wait to get to this fucking show.
Speaker: She'll do her little song for him and he'll yeah like, nevermind. He'll be like, you're coming on tour with us. You outlander whore. These guys will love you.
Speaker: ah I'm he who walks behind the hose ah with my with my red drink. with my red lips. She'll get Kool-Aid stains all over her face and her you know per other areas. She'll have lipstick marks. Kool-Aid marks. Yeah, you got Kool-Aid stains on my unmentionables. You got Kool-Aid kisses all over you.
Speaker: ah Big Mick Jagger looking Kool-Aid kisses. That boy's got a mouth on him.
Speaker: Oh, shit. But see, you now, Malachi is currently at the car, you know? He just killed Joseph. Joseph ran out into the street. I mean, he slit his throat, allegedly.
Speaker: So he would have died almost immediately after So give or take a couple minutes was, like you know, Malachi was in the area. But then we we cut to Gatlin with Joby and Sarah playing Monopoly.
Speaker: Yeah. And guess who the fuck shows up? Malachi! The teleporter. And and he takes he takes the kids to Isaac because he's a fucking snitch.
Speaker: hey He takes them directly to Isaac so they have this meeting and everything. n And Vicky and Bert are still driving. Still, I mean...
Speaker: Well, but they did get lost, remember, too. No, not yet. oh they have No, they don't get lost until after they stop at the gas station. Oh, that's right. yeah yeah Which, guess who shows up there, too? Malachi is a slick willy.
Speaker: He's one of those kids that like, did you ever go to your buddy's house that would make the Kool-Aid and they dumped like a fucking cup of sugar, like a ridiculous tour. It's like crunching when you're drinking it.
Speaker: He's one of those kids. That's why he's so fucking fast. It's he's got the strength of diabetes. Yeah. I had about seven pounds of sugar this morning.
Speaker: He drank his Kool-Aid. It's like fucking Popeye's spinach. Yeah. I had a pound of sugar this morning. I'm going to run faster.
Speaker: but He's like the Flash. Yeah. It's like just a red streak because he's a fucking ginger. The red mist. yeah It's just as it's like a mist of his fucking red hair and shit.
Speaker: And Isaac knows that Sarah is psychic. He's like, she has you'll have the gift of sight. Yeah. And he's like, narcing them out. He's like, they're playing games.
Speaker: They were listening to music and playing games. They're forbidden. They're forbidden. Fucking. I've seen this car upon the road. Go to the old man. Make sure he tells them nothing.
Speaker: What about these two? Take them back where they were. But they had a game in music. They're forbidden. Question me not, Malachi. I act according to his rule. He does have a big knife, though. He's a skinny little guy. And I guess I should say it's Courtney Gaines who plays Malachi, and I'm a huge fan of his. I fucking love Courtney Gaines in this and the burbs. yeah He's even in an episode of Seinfeld where he ah works at a video store. Yep.
Speaker: Yeah, he's ah he's a great character. ah you know We're going to bust those balls, though, just like we do everybody else. I had a cat for about 20 years that I named Malachi yeah this after this Kool-Aid mustache looking motherfucker.
Speaker: Speaking of Malachi, do you remember back in the Insomnia days, the the three dudes that like went around and they all took their names from that Poppy Z Bright Lost Souls book and we had Zila and Malachi? What? Oh,
Speaker: Yeah. Fucking. Jeez. Yeah, but. Malachi. But they pass a sign that says Gatlin is four miles away.
Speaker: Yeah. So that means that Malachi ran four miles, then went over to Job and Sarah's house for what fucking reason he just showed up there.
Speaker: Who knows? He's a busy bee. But then he goes to a meeting, you know, because he snitches on him. So he goes takes him to Isaac. An HR meeting. Yeah.
Speaker: All this happened in between the time that they hit the kid and go get to the gas station. Yeah, a lot they've had a busy day for sure. Because I don't know how to say his name, but I'm just going to call him Dell, the gas station attendant.
Speaker: Yeah. but But you got to pull up a picture him and tell me he doesn't look like the Brundle dog. He looks like he looks like ah if a man used that teleporter from the fly and there was a dog in there. Yeah, he does. dog there but but but The Brundle dog. Yeah.
Speaker: oh that's ah' kind of how he That's why he's talking to Sarge. yeah ah oh oh bur Yeah. They walk up on him doing that and he's like, oh, oh sorry, sorry.
Speaker: He starts humping his leg. Yeah, they're they're looking for him and then he's just is like, wait, what? He looks down and he's humping his leg. ah Sarge is looking at him, shaking his head.
Speaker: ahvi just let over The dog's just like, let him finish it out. ah He's got a bit of Mississippi leg hound in him.
Speaker: She looks over and Del's just walking around the ah driveway, dry humping the air. Dragging his butt. Licking his balls.
Speaker: 7-10 split licking his balls. That fucking dude. He he does look to RG Armstrong. That guy looks he looks to and the Brundle dog.
Speaker: oh shit. that's oh
Speaker: He's like, look what I can do. and Burt stares. He's jealous. yeah I've been trying to do that my whole life. How does he get his leg that high?
Speaker: But ah he tried, but Dell tries to tell them not to stop at Gatlin. he He's like, don't go to Gatlin. There's nothing They ain't got no phones.
Speaker: er no no there got no phones
Speaker: yeah yeah ah but we get we also we get a little shot of uh this is our first like um out in the middle of the cornfield it cuts away for a second the show isaac preaching everybody and guess who's there ah Fucking Malachi. Quick red. That's what we'll call him.
Speaker: ah Quick red. He's in every scene everywhere. But this, because this is, a this is, I guess, supposed to be happening while they're at the gas station. Mm-hmm.
Speaker: The way they inserted this scene. Yeah. And you can tell Isaac is the, or Malachi is the important one. Cause he's the only one sitting with good posture. he He's like Isaac's hype man.
Speaker: Instead of a clock, he's wearing like a sundial. yeah He's like, yeah, the blue man. go
Speaker: He's wearing a fucking farmer's almanac around his neck. Yeah, Isaac. i isaac Isaac's like, he's even more powerful than the blue man. And you hear Amalekite is like, yeah, boy.
Speaker: It'd be like, yeah! I mean, that's basically what he's doing. He's just, in this scene, he's just being Isaac's hype man. He's getting everybody riled up.
Speaker: Yeah, he's their pep rally. But I noticed Amos wasn't invited. He's wearing like ah three flannels and shit.
Speaker: Yeah, boy! Like five pairs out of suspenders. got it all.
Speaker: I didn't see Amos in this scene and he seems pretty devoted to not be attending the meetings. Yeah. I don't, I like, I like that. They, they already put like a, a rift in the relationship of this religion, you know, like there's already one or there's one that's been brewing for quite a while, you know?
Speaker: Yeah, there's a, well, I mean, at this point, it's not clear, but you can tell he is definitely challenging his authority with his hypeness. Yeah. Because anyone, anyone in a cult would be more likely to follow Malachi than Isaac.
Speaker: Because Isaac's not even like intimidating. At least Malachi for his 90 pounds. You know, when you're leading a bunch of children, 90 pounds, Malachi looks pretty big, I guess.
Speaker: Yeah. I can see that, but I mean, in any kind of cult or something, you're always going to have that ah but you know that that second in command that's going to be a little bit more brutal than you know the leader. you know yeah Because they want to take over and they want to form it in their own way because they see the flaws of the prior patriarch. you know Well, and this is the... ah This is also the first scene where you hear the term outlanders.
Speaker: Yeah. But they, you know, um we go back to the gas station and ah Sarge is missing. Mm-hmm. Because the red mist or what do you call him? Quick red. Quick red.
Speaker: Kool-Aid. Kool-Aid is running around. Kool-Aid. Because he's always on time.
Speaker: He's running around ah just murdering everybody. and Yeah, fuck this guy for killing his dog, though. Oh, I know. i like Malachi, but fuck him for this. And at least they didn't they didn't show it on screen. They just showed his... That shit still hit, though, because you know he finds like the bloody bandana.
Speaker: yeah And he's like, he starts howling. And he's like,
Speaker: I killed you, Sarge. Why'd you have to go after him?
Speaker: ah but uh but yeah and the the sky starts to you know that's the first sign we get of actual fucking something going on other than just crazy children too because the sky starts going going a mess yeah yeah and uh then of course they kill dell which former's almanac was right on time Yeah, that could have saved you. Kool-Aid.
Speaker: Kool-Aid, man. Bust through the wall. That's how he I done had about 8 million sugars. it Sugars.
Speaker: He busts through the wall and he's like, yeah. He's got a fucking fanny pack full of sugar packets. he's got He's got a fanny pack full of like, back in elementary school where we used to just mix sugar and Cooley together for like, get a fun dip.
Speaker: He's got a lick them stick and a whole fucking fanny pack full of sugary fucking... He's got fucking hood ass fucking fun dip in his fanny pack. He's like, I'm running low. I need to up my dosage. Zip. Licks his lick them stick and shoves it in the sugar.
Speaker: He's got a bunch of like half eaten ones in there.
Speaker: Oh, fuck. But Burt and Sarah finally arrive at Gatlin. But this is not... They drive through the fucking cornfield, which is the worst goddamn decision ever.
Speaker: Yeah, he's like, I know i know a shortcut. I know maths. I'm a man. he's He's like, we're already lost, so let me try something. Yeah, I know.
Speaker: Stupid. I know, man. But I can't argue with the results. Yeah. He's like, see,
Speaker: However, they were not trying to get to Gatlin. They just resigned to go to Gatlin and Gatlin looks like a ghost town. Yeah. And they visit, they visit the cafe from the intro. That was three years ago. Malachi doesn't age. Of course, no one ages.
Speaker: in Gatlin but when Vicky almost touches the rat she she goes yuck that always sticks out to me because I'm like nobody talks like that yuck in the real world yeah she actually just said it she goes yuck rat oh shit brett
Speaker: shit But they come out and see some kids fucking around with their car. Yeah. And they... Hey, you! Get out of here! yeah Get! They roll up a newspaper and start whacking them.
Speaker: Get on out of there, boy! What are you doing?
Speaker: What are you doing? and And he just happens to see movement up in one of the houses, and that's where they meet Sarah and Joby. Yeah. And there this was... ah Well, actually, they meet Sarah, right?
Speaker: Because they don't meet Joby yet. He's, uh, Joby is still running around town. They meet Sarah, but she doesn't mention him. Because Bert, because then Bert goes to, uh, he goes to investigate the town and, and Vicky stays with Sarah because he's, they, they find her.
Speaker: And he's like being aggressive again. hu and And like, he's like, you stay here. i'm going to go. I'm going to go look around town.
Speaker: like, goddamn, bro. um Calm down. Fuck them in the ass We're going to stay here and masturbate.
Speaker: Yeah Sir yes sir ah But they split up Because that's what you do in horror movies Well absolutely And he just He just kind of casually Walks around town Looking looking in all the windows and shit While There's something wrong here While Vicky's getting took Yeah and And of course, who takes her?
Speaker: he just pops in out nowhere. Well, I mean, the red mist, the Kool-Aid man, the the quick red.
Speaker: Quick red.
Speaker: Quick Eddie.
Speaker: quick eddie yeah he He killed Del. ah So he killed 1.5 dogs in this movie already. Yeah.
Speaker: That's 1.5 too many dogs. Yeah. Yep. But But yeah, they they get Vicky. And you know, a woman who, she was like 27 when they filmed this. Uh-huh. And these are these are all like tina kids that abduct her, like teenage boys. I was like, oh my God, if this was real life.
Speaker: Ha ha ha Vicky would come walking out that cornfield walking like John Wayne. Oh, my butt hurts, pilgrim. o Those bugs, she looked like she got slimed. shit.
Speaker: oh shit
Speaker: So we get, like, Bert gets back it to find that, you know, his car's been corned.
Speaker: ah His car done been corned. They replaced his engine with a corn engine. ah They were like, you run on corn. That's the's the Lord's way.
Speaker: That's what my truck runs on. but ah E85, baby. and they mentioned that They mentioned that actually earlier he was like, all the fuel we need is here. you know After they talk about him taking out the Dell. He's like...
Speaker: he's like so So if your truck runs on corn, would you call the um would you call that a cornhole that you fill it up with? Yeah, I put it right in the cornhole.
Speaker: ah ah so To fill up my truck, you have to cornhole it. well
Speaker: Told you I love my truck, man. i got to fill her up.
Speaker: and and Burt sees the drawing that Sarah made of the fucking dragon yeah He's like, clearly a dragon breathing fire on a blonde woman in a cornfield. He's like, something must be wrong. He's like, dragons don't exist.
Speaker: ah ah Yeah. that's why he That's why he goes back to find that she's gone and his car has been corned. because He's like, i saw I saw an image of a dragon.
Speaker: like He sits her down and slams a crayon. He's like, draw it again. Tell me where she's at. Yeah. Show me. Show me on the paper.
Speaker: You drew that fucking dragon. Is he who walks behind a rose supposed to look like a dragon? ah Draw it again.
Speaker: it'd be It'd be tiring if every time you had to say, you couldn't say God or anything, they had to say he who walks behind the rose. Yeah, it's it starts with a... jesusz He who walks behind the room but R-O-W-S. They're like, can't we just call him Rose? Yeah.
Speaker: ah we'll We'll name him Axel Rose. let's see he's in out there When we finally...
Speaker: that's We finally see what comes out of the ground. It's fucking Axel. Doing his snake dance. Yeah.
Speaker: Throwing a fit because his mic's fucking up. You're gonna
Speaker: Welcome to the cornfield, baby. ha, ha, ha,
Speaker: yeah and fucking uh Bert goes to the cornfield cause he to go find Vicky and that corn opens up to him like get it daddy yeah November rain's playing in the background in the cold November rain
Speaker: yeah it's hard to hold a candle but In a cold November rain.
Speaker: Oh, yeah. yeah he so So, um, he goes, this cornfield just opens up, like, just wanting it. So he goes, he goes on down the, goes on down the way.
Speaker: and then we see, uh, Isaac and Malachi arguing that they're, uh, what would you consider this kind of an Antifa? Get together considering they have like a ah cop crucified, like it's a ACAB party or whatever.
Speaker: Well, I would say this is probably just about any fucking religious or political group. It's all the same. It's all fucking worshipping. The blue man The blue man.
Speaker: That blue man up there tried to make ah take away all the music and games and then he immediately took away their music and games. He didn't do it like how I did it.
Speaker: Yeah, I don't want him to do it. I want to be the one who does it. Yeah. He's wrong. you know i always, i always think of it like, um, i always think of it like how, how recently everyone's piling on billionaires when it's multi-millionaires that are doing it. It's like us as Gen Xers. Yeah. convinced that we convinced the millennials that the boomers are the problem. It's like we are the ones that are doing it.
Speaker: It's not us. Yeah. It's the Yankee Rose, dude. Genius. Yeah. it's The longest running joke. You fools. We got you last all along. And then they're passing it it on down. So it's just, you know, it's the gift that keeps on giving. Yeah. Now it's Gen Z and boomers.
Speaker: why and We made it out. We made it out unscathed. We're like the millionaires convincing everybody that the billionaires are the problem. We can relate to you. yeah Unlike those people. yeah And then all the fools go, yeah, you're right. They're fucking billionaires. Yeah, we're like, yeah, go get them. The boomers.
Speaker: Yeah, go get them. So stupid. Fucking genius, though. Yeah. I'm just sitting here eating popcorn. Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah. we We had the best music anyway, so it. Eat a dick.
Speaker: Get fucked.
Speaker: Oh, shit. Yeah. Yeah, but they're arguing about ah whether Malachi should have killed Joseph or Del. Yeah.
Speaker: ah ah ben Malachi thinks they should offer Joby and Sarah to he who walks behind the rose. To Axl Rose. Axl Rose.
Speaker: Oh man, if I remade this, I'd have one of the blue men from the blue man. i was
Speaker: It really is. And they're fucking like PVC drum set. yeah Well, they don't talk. So he it's not like he could be up there going, Oh my God, get me down from here. I'd be like, stop talking, blue man. The photo man the the cross is made out of the PVC piping.
Speaker: ah Yeah, you hit it, it goes... Yeah, it's got different tones. taser ah Play me a song, Blue Man. and They keep feeding him marshmallows.
Speaker: if He's crying. oh oh He keeps spitting them out in different colors. so they Play me a little ditty, Blue Man.
Speaker: okay I'll tell you what, they're incredible. Me and Crystal saw them live at their spot in New York. I think it was in 2015 or something. But dude, they have their own little area and it was fun.
Speaker: Hey, I'm making fun of them a little bit, but yeah, they are fucking phenomenal. I'm going to make fun of them but yeah, they're a fun show. If anybody ever gets a chance, go see them, man.
Speaker: They're probably Gen Xers. Yeah, they're part of our crew, I think. Now, we're not the problem, clearly. They just paint themselves blue and hide.
Speaker: ah And like Frank, always funny when they painted them all black, put them in the basement. my God. Just flushing his shoes. Cause he was stressed out.
Speaker: ah god flu in his shoes cause he was stressed out
Speaker: So we get to Amos. Amos's. Yeah. Famous Amos. Yep. Famous Amos. Amos's ceremony where who Amos is played by. ah What's his name from Return the Living Dead?
Speaker: oh fucking. ah John Philbin. Yeah. And ah he played Chuck in Return Living Dead. Do you like sex and death? Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, so fuck off and die. it to fuck up and die. Yeah. Yeah, that's only other thing know. He was the sweaty one. he wasn't yeah very sweaty in this one. He was the sweaty one in his big brother's suit.
Speaker: yes yeah Yeah. It looked like he had lost, recently lost 100 pounds. yeah Yeah. It's my big brother. he's trying to meet weight requirements.
Speaker: yeah he's got garbage bags on underneath so he can sweat it all out
Speaker: but they they shouldn't show the close-up of him cutting the pentagram into his chest because you can clearly tell he's just wiping blood off the knife onto him oh yeah yeah and he's dripping it into a corn bowl yeah Bono bowls. yeah and Collect the whole set.
Speaker: ah Collect the corn bowls. Collect the whole set. col bowl Then Aemon starts pulling cookies out of his pocket and handing it out.
Speaker: Eat for me for this is my flesh. yeah
Speaker: And fucking what's her name? ah I the girl is Rachel. I think it is is the girl in this scene. She's fucking pregnant. So we got but we got a pregnant. I wonder if ah anus is the father. He could be I mean or Malachi.
Speaker: We got a pregnant corn worshiper. Imagine the fucking scurvy and goddamn malnutrition that that baby. ah Yeah, on a corn diet. baby That baby would come out. yeah and Breastfeeding and all it is is cream corn.
Speaker: nothing and She's not digesting anything because it's just going right. They run off pure ethanol. I done raised this baby on corn.
Speaker: Yeah, that's fucking crazy. Like that would be the, that baby would weigh about three ounces. Yeah. It'll weigh about, it'll weigh about the same amount as it you're a year of corn.
Speaker: It fall out into the toilet. They have to dehusk it.
Speaker: Yeah, it fucking, uh, that's that. And they're out in the country too. So you know how common it is. They'll be like that corn is half Indian corn. yeah That's not mine.
Speaker: the
Speaker: That is i'm one half hillbilly one half. it i'm one half yellow corn, one half Indian corn. Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: ah
Speaker: Oh my God. Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker: Bert walks in and interrupts them. And, and like five of them pile on him and he just tosses them aside. It's like that ah theory of, you know, how many, how many like fifth graders or third graders you think you can beat up. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker: oh Right now he's at five. Yeah, they fucking pile on him. and That's what I'm saying. He's like the fucking Terminator in this movie because even the big boy Malachi gets his ass kicked by Bert several times.
Speaker: They try to get him to fucking lick white dog shit.
Speaker: Try to make him lick the white corn turd.
Speaker: ah but uh he hes ah he tries to get which um anus is clearly is probably the only one in town that stood a chance of maybe beating bert in a fight but he's just sitting there like he's on fucking ecstasy or something because he probably is and and his baby mama stabs uh bert yeah you asshole but So that's really the only damage that gets done to him in the movie.
Speaker: They stab the Terminator.
Speaker: Slaps Malachi. He slaps him unconscious later. He fucking pimp smacks him.
Speaker: He's like teleport out of this bitch. My brother sent me that clip from fucking Blank Man where he gets smacked.
Speaker: And he goes, ah!
Speaker: so That's what that shit reminds me of.
Speaker: I fucking love Blank Man. That's one of the best movies ever. Anyway, sorry. Oh, you're fine. You're fine. But Joby, this is where he first meets Joby because Joby helps him hide.
Speaker: Yeah. Because fucking Bert can run, man. yeah All those kids are right behind him and then it cuts right away to the him running around the corner and they're nowhere to be seen. He hit turbo. Yeah.
Speaker: He had some of Malachi's Kool-Aid. ah Yeah. He got a sugar packet he found. He fucking... On one of his fucking fanny packs.
Speaker: His lick-em-stick packs. It's got Mr. T on it. Yeah. It's yeah all fucking it crusty. It's got to be for the time, so it could have Hillbilly Jim on it, because i imagine I imagine living out in the corn like this, they're probably big wrestling fans. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: Big wrestling fans. Don't go messing with the country, boy. Oh,
Speaker: oh shit. And we go to another scene in the cornfield with Isaac and Malachi because Malachi is just everywhere. Yeah. arguing in the cornfield and Malachi pushes him down, you know, like kids do.
Speaker: And then he fucking puts him and, uh, he, he puts him and, uh, he puts Isaac and fucking, Vic Vicky's place.
Speaker: Yeah. crucifies his ass they're not doing it right they just tie him up there they should they should get the spikes get the spoits nothing will stick in them in them corn stalks probably they figured that out yeah and and one of the another one of those great scenes with uh memorable scenes with malachi walking down the street with sarah yeah the knife to her throat yep Screaming Outlander. Outlander.
Speaker: We have your woman. Outlander. We have your woman. She still lives.
Speaker: Outlander. Maybe you don't hear so well.
Speaker: Outlander. Her blood will spill. Unless you give yourself up. He wouldn't be able to hold on to her. Because she'd be all slippery. Yeah. with all the fucking teenager cum all over it'd be like like when frank and sunny frank throws the greased watermelons in the watermelon i bet fuck nobody he's coating and fucking hand sanitizer I bet right about now Vicky feels like a greased watermelon
Speaker: out in the fucking out in the cornfield with all those boys. They might. Now they are true. This is what religious fanaticism really looks like. If you're really religious, this is what it looks like. If you believe, I think because, uh,
Speaker: But I also think that once they are by themselves, if i have Malachi gets Vicky by herself, he might be the only one that doesn't have sex with her because he's a he truly believes that.
Speaker: Yeah, I think he's one of the he's definitely the more radical. Like I was saying earlier, you always have you have that leader and then you will always have that radical that's like second in command that follows everything to a T because the older one has gotten too wax in their eyes. you know Well, because as we find out later, you know they're all they're all their devotion is hanging on by a thread. Yeah.
Speaker: You know, they're, uh, except for Malachi, Rachel, Amos, of anus obviously, yeah and Isaac. Those are like the four people that are the problem.
Speaker: But Anus kind of makes the, um, he kind of, well, I'll talk about that later, but it's kind of him that brings every, starts everything kind of falling apart.
Speaker: Yeah. Well, well, him and Bert, obviously. Yeah, this is where the disruption really starts taking place. We have your woman!
Speaker: But um Sarah and Joby tell Bert they think they know where Vicky's at, so they take him they they take them to a fucking barn where they can see over they can see... Overview the whole cornfield.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah, and... um Oh... i I forgot to mention, because I wrote this down specifically. You know in the scene where they're cutting into Anus' chest? Mm-hmm.
Speaker: At the one hour and 22 second mark, look at the fucking picture on the wall, because I just made Kevin watch Frank and Thumb um from Steve Oda Kirk.
Speaker: Mm-hmm. ah recently and tell me that picture of jesus and whoever they put the big lips on and the big eyes it looks like i know what you're talking yeah i do know what you're talking about because i was always like what the fuck is that yeah it's so funny they did it to all the pictures but that particular one looks like one of the thumb characters i I thought you'd get a kick out of it. You need to. i want to watch When I watch it again, yeah. I i know what you're talking about so I remember seeing that like, what the fuck, but now I want to look at it in more detail.
Speaker: i Yeah, he's like, got a thumb on the wall. The last thumbtation of Christ.
Speaker: ah Oh man, they need to make that. The last temptation of the thumb. Yeah. Something. ah Where they're just beating the fucking holy shit out of a thumb on a crucifix.
Speaker: oh his With his fucking mouth. oh
Speaker: The eyes are all crossed and the shit.
Speaker: He's got a little ring on that's thorns.
Speaker: A thumb ring. It's a little thimble. Yeah. Yeah. Thimble. Thimble. The thimble of thorns.
Speaker: But this is where ah we get we actually get a ah the first real signing sign that ah he who walks behind the rose isn't bullshit. so So as much as you think everyone's crazy in this movie up to this point, in the context of the movie, everything they were worshipping is real. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it turned out to be some legit shit. i You know, that fucking Vulcan kid really knew what he was talking about.
Speaker: That little ah Amish Vulcan. Amish. Amish. anish treki That little Benjamin Buttons Vulcan. eight Because Anus is there and he senses their lord and he walks out into the corn to offer himself to the giant groundhog.
Speaker: Mm-hmm. And and um he... well yeah It pops out and it's the groundhog from Caddyshack. I'm alright. Ain't nobody worried about me.
Speaker: Malachi is fucking ah
Speaker: Bill Murray's character. hu Or Caddyshack 2 With ah What's Dan Aykroyd Keep your eye on the fruit Oh no a Is it No not Dan Aykroyd Chevy Chase Chevy Chase is in it but so is Dan Aykroyd And so is Cousin Eddie ah Cousin Eddie and Rodney Dangerfield Right Rodney Dangerfield. Yeah.
Speaker: I don't haven't seen it in a while. Bill Murray's in the first one with the turd in the pool. Yeah. The dookie. While the candy bar that everyone thinks is a turd. yeah. ah yeah and but but then fucking anus gets murdered out in the corn so everyone's like what the fuck was that yeah because it sounds like that thing just fucked him up yeah dude and then and then we see some sparkly lights going up uh isaac's legs and he gets fucking shot out into the corn on his crucifix yeah he couldn't yeah like pew
Speaker: it's It's like that scene on the ah Welcome to the Jungle video when Axel's getting fried in the chair. He's turning into Axel Rose from the Welcome to the Jungle video.
Speaker: You know who you are? You walk behind the rose now, baby. gonna die.
Speaker: i I'd be that one dork in the fucking cult that uses those little sticker, those little corn holder things. yeah yeah I don't want to get my hands all buttery. what
Speaker: ah You think they would look down on that? Yeah, they probably do. yeah ah Why do you eat your corn so fancy?
Speaker: You an outlander. and yeah You cannot break bread with us. You cannot break cornbread with us. you can't yeah call i want some of that sweet corn cake that Chi-Chi's used to have.
Speaker: oh shit. So, yeah, fucking Isaac takes off. He's fucking gone, as so we think anyway. Yeah. Well, he don't take off. He's strapped to a fucking cross and getting sailed through the air. Like a fucking rocket. Yeah. He had no choice in the matter. was a hobby rocket. It was one of their hobby rockets for science class.
Speaker: and And Bert, in like a few sentences, the most generic speech ever, just breaks all their devotion. Yeah. He's surprisingly compelling because he's a doctor yeah he surgically dismantled their arguments yes with his words like i use your words yeah the yeah and axel rose out in the field we see him a couple times it just looks like a ground giant groundhog moving under the dirt i guess i guess the way they did that was a cut dug out a hole and then stuck a uh uh wheelbarrow under there upside down and just drug it with a tractor oh sweet yeah i mean it worked
Speaker: Yeah, it looks pretty cool. I mean, granted, you only see a couple seconds of it at any time because I'm sure it just fucked up right away. Yeah. Oh, I'm sure there was multiple and they were just like, fuck it.
Speaker: ah and ah and Bert Bert gets in a fight with Malachi this is when a because he's turning everybody against him and Malachi attacks him but then Bert immediately knocks him to the ground and fucking starts pimp smacking him too ah into unconsciousness he just fucking yeah well he's a doctor he knows where to slap him to knock him out yeah that's one of the first things you learn in med school
Speaker: How to slap somebody until they pass out. He could have got some pointers from that Vulcan he just shot out. that yeah He who walks behind a rose just shot out into the fucking field.
Speaker: Shot over the rose. Yeah. He is now he who who flies over the rose. ah He gets mad and leaves early.
Speaker: it shuts everything down. Yeah.
Speaker: This is bullshit, baby.
Speaker: yeah Man, fucking ah rock stars are fucking jackasses sometimes. so Isaac returns.
Speaker: This scene, man, because before he returns, you just hear him say, Malachi! Malachi! Malachi!
Speaker: He wants you too, Malakai. But in this case, he was like,
Speaker: He's snake dancing up to him. ah Yeah, like wearing he's he's like, where'd you get those tight snakeskin pants at? He's wearing those fucking those fucking underwears that Axl used to wear on stage. Those little white underwears. i hate to... And a white hate leather jacket.
Speaker: I know that we reference Always Sunny in Philadelphia too much, but it would be funny if he had the skinny jeans on like Frank had. You see him from behind and his body proportions are pretty similar.
Speaker: yeah I've got a growth does I've got a hormone issue I can't help it yeah look that boy looks like 10 pounds of potatoes stuffed into a 5 pound bag looks like you got beat up with a sack of nickels yeah ah
Speaker: oh He's got bow-legged and...
Speaker: Oh,
Speaker: shit. And he And, um, like, a What's his name in, uh... This, uh... Vulgar display of power. Uh... Tim from, uh...
Speaker: yeah tim from fucking um monty python and the holy grail and he's just showing off because he starts tornadoes shit yeah oh yeah tim he starts manipulating the winds and yeah he's just letting it all hang out he's like he wants you to yeah you remember tim ah yeah oh oh yeah what is your favorite color No, that was the troll. Tim's the guy that was up in the, like, blown shit up. He had the ram horn. Right.
Speaker: Yeah, he's he's the one that was asking, I'll ask you these questions three. No, that was the, no, that's the that's a different. Or are you talking about the guy that played it? no he says, ah you can call me Tim. Yeah, he's like, I am, you can call me Tim.
Speaker: Yeah, he says his whole name and he says, but you called me, you some called me Tim. Something. I don't know. It's been forever since I've seen that, but it's like when he's just blowing shit up all over the place for no fucking reason. Yeah, it's just, he's just causing chaos. Yes, it's awesome. yeah That's what, that's what he who walked, that's what Axl Rose is doing at this point. He's just blowing shit up and everybody runs for the barn. Yeah. And Joby tells Bert about the plan that the blue man had.
Speaker: He wanted me to build this crazy thing out of PVC pipes. sarah has the Sarah has the blueprints already drawn up.
Speaker: Yeah, he's like, but all they had were these stupid fucking metal pipes. to It doesn't get the same resonance. Yeah, the blue man was out there pilfering fucking PVC. Yeah.
Speaker: He's like those crackheads that cut the copper out of people's houses. Oh yeah yeah, he was raiding it, yeah. For all their plumbing. He's fucking takeout.
Speaker: ah And they... So he's... he They got a fire hose there and he rigs up the fucking gas... Gasahol to spray all over the cornfield.
Speaker: To burn it all down. And he keeps fucking hating on the whole time. The fucking he who walks behind Rose is still out there losing his fucking mind. Oh, yeah. And and um I forgot to mention.
Speaker: Well, I think you might have that Isaac kills Malachi. he breaks He breaks his neck. Yeah, he takes him. Yeah. But that's the last we see of him, too. So.
Speaker: ah Which sucks. I would have liked to have seen more of possessed Isaac. Yeah. But we kind of after that. He comes back though. Doesn't he in like Children of the Corn 3 or 4 or some shit? He comes back.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. But that. Yeah. We don't. We don't talk about those. They don't exist. Yeah. I even watched the remake recently. The one. Oh, I haven't.
Speaker: It's not a horrible movie, but as a remake, it's fucking atrocious. they need People need to just stop doing remakes. And revisions. Well, like Dawn of the Dead.
Speaker: That remake is fucking amazing, but it's not a remake. If anything, I would call it just another zombie movie or a tribute. it's more It's definitely more of a tribute. I mean...
Speaker: Yeah, because it's nothing like the original. So I hate when they take... It's like, if you don't want people... mean, I don't know, like the 10 Halloweens they've been fucking coming out with. Like... Yeah. Jesus Christ.
Speaker: we really needed We didn't even need a remake of it, let alone fucking 10. I have a two set of... ah um Halloween on VHS and that's really the only two I ever watch I don't watch them on VHS but the the first two are but well I like part three also but that's it's own thing after three I couldn't tell you the last time I watched any of the other ones yeah no more remakes yeah yeah ah especially of ah especially if you don't want it compared to the original like
Speaker: yeah that's the only problem. Well, other than the stupid baby scene, the the only problem with the Dawn of the Dead remake is that you named it Dawn of the Dead. So of course yeah I'm going to compare it. You should don't, don't do that. And it takes place in a mall.
Speaker: Yeah. Right. And there's zombies in it. Yeah. But ah yeah, they should have just ah called it something else. Cause that movie would stand just fine on its own. It's fucking great.
Speaker: Yeah, it's good. and ah But take the baby out. You know that?
Speaker: It's a girl. I'm going to make my own edit of that. It's a girl. Try to kill Luda. Try to kill my family. Try to kill my family. How do you like following a guy that steals TVs? Yeah.
Speaker: Or sells TVs. He goes, no more than I like following a guy who steals them. yeah
Speaker: I love Ving Rhames. It's a shame. He did that Day of the Dead remake because he was he is a true fan, but poor guy. he got involved with that turd.
Speaker: But anyway, back to Children of the Cornhole. The, uh... ah Jonathan Davis. Story of Jonathan Davis.
Speaker: Yeah, they... So he hooks up the gas to the fucking... um What do you call that? The irrigation system for the field? lafield Yeah.
Speaker: and he keeps giving Joby shit about, uh, not, um, following him out there. But it's like, if Joby didn't follow him out there, everything, everyone would have died because fucking Bert can't do Bert. Bert can kick all these kids asses. Right. But he can't figure out how to do shit without little Joby. Yeah. Joby's Joby's pinky and Bert's the brain or Bert is pinky and Joby's the brain. Yeah. Yep.
Speaker: because he they would all be dead if it was up to Bert this is true
Speaker: ah very true and ah but But he throws like a bitch. and He's trying to... ah and that Yeah, he uses a lighter. I don't even see the lighter in this scene. did did you Because they are you they use a Molotov cocktail to light the fire, but he must have lit the Molotov cocktail with the lighter. But I don't think they made a point to show it.
Speaker: i've Yeah, it's like quick. It's like the little come around thing. That stupid boner softener.
Speaker: The boner softener lighter. Yeah.
Speaker: But Bert throws like a pussy because he'd been stabbed in the arm and Joby roasts him a little bit for it. He's like, you throw like a fag. What's the matter with you?
Speaker: And he's like, oh, but fuck, dude, do this again. And he just throws it through the pain. The whole while the groundhog is just hogging it up out there. Yeah. Porky pig in it.
Speaker: Groundhog pops up out of the ground. He's got a fucking Guns N' Roses t-shirt on with no pants or underwear. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker: You could be mine. hey that's Terminator 2. You're like, ah ah what is that? Six degrees of Kevin Bacon away with Linda Hamilton. Yeah.
Speaker: It's all coming around. yeah and And the fire lights and for whatever reason this demon can't... You know, ah we're raised up to believe that demons are from hell and hell is fire and brimstone. but But then you see a movie like this as a child and they kill a demon with fire. It's confusing. yeah it's It's weird.
Speaker: Yeah. You see like the the smoke. It almost looks like the cover of Return a Living Dead 2 with yeah smoke with the face in it. kaja butos Have you seen those sculptures of that? I want to get one of those.
Speaker: Those things are awesome. I also saw some people have the, um I think they were promos that they sent. I think they're little blow molds. Yeah. They're like little blow molds or something. um that's what i'm talking about yeah That's what I'm talking about. They're fucking sweet, dude. would love that. My hands on one too.
Speaker: Yeah, because I don't care what anyone says. Return the Living Dead 2 is awesome. it may not It's not a cult. They're both awesome. I look at them both just like I look at Evil Dead and Evil Dead 2. You know what I'm saying? they're both They're both incredible movies. Like... Obviously, of the Living Dead 1 is unbeatable that series.
Speaker: But Return Living Dead 2 is fucking great. yeah I know I understand the problems with it, but I don't care. yeah there's no give was They're both amazing. Just like Evil Dead are amazing.
Speaker: Yeah, well, I would say um Army of Darkness might be the standout in those, because I don't think too It is, but I mean, as far as like where the story goes, but still amazing. Yeah. Well, Evil Dead 2, the beginning where the um rotten apple head, where it gets ash. In part two, they they summarize the first movie, and then when it gets to that part where...
Speaker: Rotten Applehead hits Ash. When it pulls back, that's officially the beginning of part two. Yeah. When he's flying through there and then falls into the mud puddle. Yeah.
Speaker: Because they they didn't remake the first one. They just um condensed the whole first movie into like the first 15 minutes of Evil Dead 2. It was to give you a rehash. It was almost like a series almost because he needed he liked how everybody...
Speaker: Everybody loved Evil Dead and he was like, I need to make another movie. Because what did he what do he you do prior? it Was it Crime Wave or something? was it um Well, he did that ah Within the Woods, which was his... Well, that was the very, very first one. But after Evil Dead, when he was still yeah i think underground.
Speaker: And then after that, which I don't think Crime Wave got too much acclaim... So he was like, man, like everybody really likes evil dead. So let me up the ante and make, you know, well yeah kind of a continuation. You know what I'm saying?
Speaker: You know I got Crime Wave on VHS. Do you really? It's loose. I don't have the case for it, but I have the VHS. Oh, yeah. I had got it in a... Because I had a buddy that worked at a video store.
Speaker: um And he the same guy that got me Return the Living Dead, he got i got Crime Wave from him also back then. But ah because this was before VHS's were, you know, they didn't really start selling VHS's at places like Media Play until like 1990. Yeah. So anything before that, you're lucky to have. Yeah. You had to order yeah a special order, a lot of shit. or Orders strictly from like the big the conglomerate places when they would sell them.
Speaker: Yeah, and they would release like classic shitty movies sometimes on VHS. that Because i have like I have Psychomania and of Living Dead. Those were my first two VHSs. And they're like these shitty companies that put them out. Well, you could get stuff like that before 1990, but it wasn't really until 1990 that you could actually buy VHSs. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: commercially, i guess. Well, with, well at ease, as much ease as what we're used to, you know? Yeah. Yeah. And then they didn't last long because DVD came around. And I still kind of think DVD is one of the better formats only because, there, um, if I watch it on my computer, I can use my mouse to select the options. yeah First world problems. ah But anyway, the demon dies. Axel Rose went up in flames because of fire. Yep. For whatever reason.
Speaker: The pyrotechnics on the stage were but there's a mishap. here Yeah. Kind of like what happened to Metallica. But they get back to the car that's been corned. Yeah.
Speaker: They corned their car. Yeah. And what's he get, what's he there to get the map or something? I think he's there to get the map out of the car. Yeah, i think so. Yeah. But that pregnant corn hole, that pregnant woman in the car attacks him.
Speaker: That baby is going to be so fucked up. Cause he fucking slams the car door on her head. Now she's pretty much all alone because she's the last fanatic. Yeah.
Speaker: They're fucking other brain leaking out her ear. Yeah, and that fucking baby's probably got a foot out already. It's got a husk out. She's a CTE now.
Speaker: She's prairie dog in that baby. ah but ah She's turtle heading. Yeah.
Speaker: I got that baby. You can see the top of his head. Yeah. but
Speaker: Oh, man, that'd be funny if that was thing. You can see the top of the kernels? i
Speaker: You see the husk hanging out? yeah Looks like she's got green flappers.
Speaker: ah but But they unofficially adopt Joby and Sarah. I would say the court for at least a few months anyway, according to what Vicky is saying. Right.
Speaker: But ah I think their first stop should be the police. Yeah, maybe. how Maybe. so they just kind of walk off into obscurity. Yeah. With the kids. Who knows where the fuck they're going.
Speaker: well I fucking love this movie so much. As much as we fucking... We make fun of like everything we love, and I love that. i don't I just don't care. i mean, I understand its flaws. I know. yeah' There's something about these old Stephen King movies. They have like a charm to them. The way they're filmed and just... The cinematography looks like real kind of cloudy almost. yeah There's like a haze to it.
Speaker: And like... It seems like, I know, you know, a lot of his movies, they all vibe from, like, these smaller kind of towns or whatever, but they always seem to have a huge, you know, it's a huge mis what Midwestern feel. Like, I always feel like these could be taking place, like, here in Ohio or some shit. You know what I'm saying? Especially this one. Yeah, definitely this one. And I don't know if it's because just watching them when I was a kid and just being around...
Speaker: growing up in areas that really matched up to a lot of the towns and stuff that he would have in the movies that, you know, would be coming out and stuff. So I don't know. I think that's part of the charm too.
Speaker: Well, and this genuinely creeped me out as a kid. I mean, cause I lived, I lived out in a country where it was, there was porn everywhere. Made you scared of people more than monsters. Yeah.
Speaker: you know like I'll tell you, I don't know if you have a similar experience, but the thing that, because I used to ride my bike around a lot with my brothers when I was little out out on the back country roads and shit.
Speaker: And the one thing we always had to worry about more than anything were fucking dogs. yeah People's fucking dogs that got loose. Yeah, because you're out in the middle of nowhere and they just let their dogs run and stuff.
Speaker: Yeah. And they would fucking go after you. I mean, wild animals won't attack you most of the time. They're fucking scared of you. But a domesticated dog that gets out, that gets loose, is a problem. Mm-hmm.
Speaker: They will fuck you up. My brother got fucked up by one. Yeah. Yeah, that's what we always had to worry about. You had to get ready to pedal your ass off. Yeah.
Speaker: They'll get you, bro. Huh? I said, they'll fucking get you. Fuck yeah, they will. wouldn't be able to outrun Duke on a bike if I fucking tried, There's no fucking way in hell.
Speaker: Yeah. You got me by the balls on a heartbeat. Nipping at your feet. you Nowadays, if I was a kid, I'd have to have some bear spray with me. That dog's going to chase me, but he's not going to like it. He ain't happy. He going to like it. Like a fucking, um, what's that other Damon Wayans movie, uh, where he shoots the fucking monster in the closet. He goes, if there's a monster in there, he ain't happy. Oh, uh, major pain, major pain. That movie is fucking amazing. It's fucking unloads.
Speaker: It's like, there's a monster in my closet. And he just unloads his gun into the closet. It did a monster in there. He ain't happy. but ah yeah fucking awesome ah oh shit it's anyway I'll stop yapping that was our documentary on on corn living in the country we all out here in the country
Speaker: The incredible movie. um If you haven't seen this, then go watch it. Absolutely. um Make yourself some popcorn.
Speaker: Oh, it's on Tubi. It is. It's awesome. You can go make yourself some popcorn or some cream corn or some cornbread some corn on the cob or some corn.
Speaker: Yeah. Some frozen corn right out the can.
Speaker: You could get you say some of them little corn or holders.
Speaker: Cornhole your wife. Or your husband. ah You could get you some little corn holders and dip that corn, roll that corn in some butter.
Speaker: Unless you like the butter. then you did a night It is Thanksgiving today. It is. It is. a So happy Thanksgiving. We're bringing corn to the table. eat' Eat all that corn. eat all that coin oh Cornhole your wife. don't corn hold you Don't cornhole your kids. You sick bastards.
Speaker: ah ah oh shit You can email us at deadnotespodcast at gmail.com. yes suggestions, comments, hate, whatever. Send us something. ah so Send us pictures of you and corn. yeah Do you use corn hoarders or do you not? Do you go Rambo with your corn or do you use corn hoarders?
Speaker: yeah do you Do you eat corn like a plebeian? or Are you a butter beast? yeah No. Or do you just like do you like Kool-Aid? Do you just like Kool-Aid?
Speaker: Do you just like getting a Kool-Aid mustache and rubbing your Kool-Aid covered lips? i'll ah See how far down on the corn cob you can get that red ring? Yeah.
Speaker: ah Making some fucking hood ass fun dip with your licking sticks. Eat that corn the long way. Down the road, not across the street.
Speaker: Yep. See if you can get that Kool-Aid lips, them Kool-Aid lips all the way down that.
Speaker: I don't know. Sorry. Sorry for the. If you like crunchy Kool-Aid, email it email us. and fanny pan and fannie sticks yeah Send us your fanny packs.
Speaker: And we apologize for the degeneracy. ah But blame it on the boomers. i Blame it on the boomers. We didn't do shit.
Speaker: we didn We didn't do nothing. We got good music.
Speaker: But till next time. Bye, everybody. Bye-bye.
