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Elvira: Mistress of the Dark
38 Plays10 months ago
We’re diving into a cult classic that’s equal parts horror, humor, and hairspray. That’s right, we’re talking about the 1988 gem, *Elvira: Mistress of the Dark*. Join us as we unpack the wicked wit, supernatural shenanigans, and iconic charm of everyone’s favorite gothic goddess, Elvira, in this bewitching episode. Grab your popcorn, dim the lights, and let’s get creepy!
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Transcript
Introduction to 'Dead Notes' and Elvira
00:00:24
Speaker
Hello, welcome to Dead Notes, a horror and cult film podcast. I am Kevin, and with me is the Mr. of the Dork.
00:00:37
Speaker
I'm Alan, and we're talking about Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, 1988. Kevin's obsession. Yes, yes, this is definitely, um as as your Dawn of the Dead obsession, this would be...
00:00:54
Speaker
Probably about the equivalent. I love Elvira. Yeah. But Kevin is in love.
Kevin's Elvira Nostalgia
00:01:00
Speaker
ah I was raised on her, man. Like I, when I was a kid, you know, I was fortunate enough. I was allowed to have like a TV in my room when I was like eight years old and I would stay up Friday nights and, uh, watch Elvira. And then i would watch, uh, was it? Uh, TNT up all night.
00:01:20
Speaker
I would watch that. And then over the weekend they'd have, uh, man, they had all kinds of cool stuff late at night. You're right. You're able to watch like, it was all like horror movie related.
00:01:32
Speaker
course, night out, night out theater. And then yeah i was going to say that was on every night, every single night. Yeah. um But weekends, you know, was kind of like free for all, you know? So i was real fortunate to be able to experience that, but she raised me a lot
The Role of Horror Hosts
00:01:49
Speaker
too. And that aspect of like,
00:01:51
Speaker
Not being so... You know, as kids, you know, you watch horror movies and kids get scared and stuff, but she was able to show, like, the humor in all of it, you know, and just bring all those worlds together.
00:02:05
Speaker
Well, I don't... I don't... um For me, it's like ah horror hosts are... and know the this I sound terrible.
00:02:16
Speaker
Horror hosts to me are like, you have a friend that you're watching movie with. Absolutely. Yeah. Because, yeah, it's like every 20 minutes or so they come in and say a few things about the movie. and Because, you know, when we were younger going to school, it's like, you may get lucky and find one or two other people that are into the same things you are. That's where horror hosting comes in because it fills that void.
00:02:44
Speaker
Yep. You were never alone. You know, was awesome. And you can, you can, you can laugh right along with it, you know, cause you'd sit down with another one of your friends that really wasn't into the movies that you're into. And they'd be all like, what the fuck is this? And you're over here cracking up, you know, yeah,
00:03:03
Speaker
Oh yeah, I mean, it takes your entire childhood to high school and beyond, and you may be lucky enough to find two or three people that share your interests.
00:03:16
Speaker
Absolutely. And that that that to me is kind of the what the horror host represents. It's like that void, ah you know? Yeah. as As pathetic as it sounds, it's just great.
00:03:32
Speaker
It's great. It's kind of like Even today, I still watch um like Joe Bob. you know I watch that one. Fritz and I, al you know we go to that andever they whenever they put something on.
00:03:45
Speaker
Yeah, we're so fortunate they're doing that too now. you know It's been incredible. so I don't It's always going to be a comfy spot. You can always put it on.
00:03:56
Speaker
um Like we were talking earlier, you know I've got ah lot of her movie macabres on tape and DVD.
Elvira's Movies and Humor
00:04:03
Speaker
and I'll just put them on and let them play. you know just It's just soothing.
00:04:08
Speaker
Much like you're putting on a Dawn of the Dead. You know what I'm saying? like No matter what. yeah Well, like Fritz the Night Owl, Joe Bob,
00:04:20
Speaker
Vampyra, Spangoolie, Elvira. You know, there it's all like, even if the movie is fucking and terrible, somehow it makes it watchable.
00:04:33
Speaker
ah but Absolutely. Having them just break in every 20 minutes or so and, you know, just... pointing out some of the silliness, you know, or just giving you little factoids and stuff. It really does make, it really can make a bad movie.
00:04:50
Speaker
Great. And make, yeah, it helps you kind of understand other perspectives of that movie. Even though it was horrible, you can usually come out of it going, you know, that, that part was really cool. what It kind of helps you appreciate more than this movie sucks, you know, obviously, but.
00:05:09
Speaker
You know, don't know. Yeah. Oh, and Chiller Theater, Chili Billy. Oh, yes, that's what I was forgetting. Chiller Theater. I watch that all the time, too. Can't forget Laurie Cardilly.
00:05:22
Speaker
Laurie Cardill's daddy. yeah i always call I always call him Chili... I always call him Billy Cardilly because it's like... Chili Billy.
00:05:35
Speaker
Chili Billy. Chili Billy Cardilly. yeah But I think it's Cardill, but whatever. So it's Lori Cardilly from Day of the Dead.
00:05:46
Speaker
yeah Her daddy was, for those that don't know, her daddy was Chili Bill from a Chiller Theater in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
00:05:57
Speaker
Pretty wild. But I would come to Ohio in the summertime to visit my grandma, and that's where I was introduced Fritz the Night Owl, because my grandma would let me watch Fritz the Night Owl every night.
00:06:11
Speaker
Yeah. That's awesome, though. Yeah, now now and being older, and you know Fritz is still doing stuff, you know not quite like he was back then, but it's still...
00:06:25
Speaker
It's great how they do that now. And I'm i'm really happy we get to go to like the theater and experience it um You know, it's it's cool, man. Yep.
00:06:36
Speaker
When you ain't got no friends.
00:06:44
Speaker
It's like finding a fucking unicorn. Like when I met Kevin, i was um was probably 17 or 18. think we were about that age. We were like What?
00:06:55
Speaker
yeah you're You're a stupid dickhead nerd, too? i love you, man. Yeah. Did we just become best friends? Yep. You think stupid things are really important, too? Yeah. not that Not that Dawn of the Dead or any of this stuff is stupid.
00:07:19
Speaker
Right. um You know, that's just how other people... That's how people see it outside looking in. Yeah. I'm so glad our shit's taken over now, though.
00:07:30
Speaker
Didn't see more and more stuff. Is this your favorite Elvira movie? I mean, she's got two. She's got Haunted Hills, which is another great movie as well. But this would be, i mean, this is like really her only like movie movie, you know, next to Haunted Hills. But um yeah, I mean, this out of the two, this one's definitely like my fave, but there's also nostalgia attached to it.
00:07:54
Speaker
I saw Haunted Hills when it came out and cause you know, she funded that all herself and it's all her crew, ah like riffraffs in it. You know what I'm saying? Like everybody. Um, yeah.
00:08:06
Speaker
Um, that's, that's why I said you're like the, um, you're like the ah Elvira head here because, uh, I, will that the I knew she had more than one movie, but I didn't know how many, and I haven't seen Haunted Hills since it fucking,
00:08:24
Speaker
probably since it came out. Yeah. i mean, like Mistress of the Dark, I did watch a few years ago before this. Yeah. and But I would say before that, it had probably been decades. Yeah.
00:08:40
Speaker
Right, yeah. I think it's, I know we'll probably end up be covering that one one day, but it's really incredible that, you know, she was like, I want to make this fucking movie, you know, loosely based around Pit and Pendulum, and I want to get all my friends, and I want to pay for all of it, and, you know, just make this fucking piece of art, you know, and it's incredible, you know? Yeah.
00:09:05
Speaker
i think It's hilarious. like It still carries her sense of humor. I mean, that's one thing i love the most about her is just her wit because it's it's silly as fuck. you know it's It's real quick. you know um' ah I'm a big fan of that.
00:09:21
Speaker
I have some favorite things about her. Oh, I'm sure there's a couple.
00:09:29
Speaker
I know what you're thinking and yeah, those are great. But um... But i I really, she she shares my um strange affection towards animals at the peril of humans.
00:09:48
Speaker
Yeah. the ah because Because there's, um like, i you'll see, I'm sure you know, but... um all the All the
Cameos and Cult References
00:10:00
Speaker
stipulations she made for the animals in the movies, in this movie, ah all the silly things she had the she had the crew go through to make sure the animals were safe, because she's like the sweetest person in the world.
00:10:14
Speaker
Absolutely. But then, there's but there's a scene later in the movie where they used a human baby to be her to yeah represent her as a baby and they put makeup on it and Elvira was like yep fuck that baby i
00:10:38
Speaker
ah that's why I love her she's like yeah yeah she's like animals over humans yeah that's so funny Yeah, I am not, it's not quite to that degree, but yeah, she was, she basically was, ah well, I'll talk about it when we get there, but it's funny. I was, I was pretty happy with the, some of the things that she was doing that was kind of pissing the crew off.
00:11:04
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. That's funny. Because she loves animals so much. Yeah, she's just, she's an American treasure, you know, like right there right next to Dolly Parton and everybody else, man. She's just, she's an amazing individual.
00:11:19
Speaker
Yeah, so, ah you know, Elvira, like, fuck them kids. Yeah. but No, I'm exaggerating. She's not like that, but.
00:11:33
Speaker
I love her. She's great. So we opened up at this movie. It's, uh, what was the movie? Uh, they're watching. Um, it's called it conquered the world or conquered the world from 1956. Yeah. And who do we see in there?
00:11:52
Speaker
Well, look, I thought, oh, okay. When I thought it was, it's but the first character is Beverly Garland, which I was like, is that Judy Garland? I looked forever to find out if she was related to Judy Garland somehow, but she's yeah allegedly not.
00:12:11
Speaker
So, but whatever. But, uh, Nicholas Miller. Our dude. he is born has been in like how many he's popped up in? I don't know. He's showing everywhere.
00:12:25
Speaker
he popped up in um Night of the Creeps. You know, he was giving them the fucking flamethrower and shit. Chopping Mall. Chopping Mall. He was a fucking janitor.
00:12:38
Speaker
Our man. He played the same character in both of those movies. He was Walter Paisley, but he's not Walter Paisley in this. Yeah, he's well, he's young, too, so he's he's not going by his alias.
00:12:50
Speaker
But technically, he's not an actor cast in Elvira. He's an actor cast in It Conquered the World. So, yeah, it's like and <unk>ption it's like Dick Miller Inception.
00:13:02
Speaker
I'm telling you, man. so
00:13:06
Speaker
and But one of the first things one of the first lines uttered in this movie is by Beverly Garland. She says, I'll see you in hell first when talking to the ah alien thing.
00:13:19
Speaker
Put a pin in that because that's setting up for a callback later in the movie. That's right. ye Yeah, we'll get to that too, yeah. Yeah, and It Conquered the World is actually a movie which I need to look for because ah Elvira showed that on Elvira's movie Macabre.
00:13:42
Speaker
Mm-hmm. So there's an actual episode of this movie from Elvira's show. Yeah. and In the movie, Elvira's movie. And they're kind of recreating it in Elvira's movie.
00:13:57
Speaker
but Yes. I'm going to look and see if I can find this somehow. Maybe. i don't have that one. I know I don't have that one. Yeah.
00:14:08
Speaker
Right. I don't know if they ever released it on DVD or VHS or anything. So it might be difficult to find. I don't know. We'll see. Yeah. Absolutely.
Elvira's Career Ambitions
00:14:18
Speaker
It might be the pirate's life for me.
00:14:26
Speaker
ah shit.
00:14:29
Speaker
yeah kind of it this is kind of her showing ah some of the bullshit she had to put up with behind the scenes making that show and yeah all the harassment and shit you know that she's got to deal with and yeah all that and uh Tress McNeil is in this scene.
00:14:53
Speaker
The anchor woman. Yeah. Which ah you could go, ah who the fuck is that? Well, that's mom from Futurama, man.
00:15:03
Speaker
and da And it's Agnes Skinner from The Simpsons. Right. Yep.
00:15:11
Speaker
Fucking nerd. most of it she Well, ah mom from... ah Come on, man. Futurama is the best. But um I know specifically she's in the Futurama movie Bender's Game.
00:15:27
Speaker
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just happy to see anything from Futurama because I fucking love that show. Well, the first horse yeah I love that she just keeps everybody... like She's always working with like her same crew. you know and yeah i just love that.
00:15:47
Speaker
I love when yeah people do that. Yeah, it's all like groundlings. People yeah from the groundlings. This movie's full of them. The whole Pee Wee Herman crew, which we'll get into that later on. Yeah.
00:16:02
Speaker
Pee Wee Herman was supposed to have a cameo in this movie. And he still kind of does. but he was shooting. Yeah. Yeah. You're right. He was shooting big cop peewee at the time.
00:16:18
Speaker
But, uh, we meet the station owner, Earl Hooter, fitting name.
00:16:28
Speaker
Yeah. Rudy and her Rudy introduces, uh, Elvira to her and, Or to him, I mean. And and ah what's he say to her? like He says, it's milking time. He says, I thought she was a nympho.
00:16:43
Speaker
Yeah, it's milking time. You can try your act out on me. It's milking time. Stop this. I'm walking. I don't have to take this from anybody.
00:16:54
Speaker
He grabs her titties. Yeah. Yeah. Oh shit. Yeah. I thought she said she was little info. Oh man.
00:17:07
Speaker
Yeah. So she quits. She's like fuck all this shit, you know, and, and Manny's like, Hey, you know, they want to pay her. You know, all this shit. so you ah She wants to get that big show at the Flamingo, right?
00:17:20
Speaker
Yeah, she wants to she's she's trying she's trying to get a show in Vegas, which Manny tells her they want her to pay $50,000. Right, To invest in like a fucking Vegas show.
00:17:36
Speaker
Yeah, like, I mean, I know that if you get Vegas... you'd get it back. Yeah, I know if you get a show in Vegas, you're set, but... Well, you set they set you up with a residency, so maybe that's why. don't know. fifty thousand dollars But $50,000 in 1988?
00:17:54
Speaker
That's a fucking... You could buy several houses. Yeah. Oh, for sure. That is insane. Absolutely. Absolutely. i don't I don't know. I was just a little... Because I was like, even today, $50,000 is a of money. It's a shit ton of money, dude.
00:18:15
Speaker
ah Yeah. I would think that $50,000 would be enough to fund your... you're Help finance the show you want to do now. you know ah Right.
00:18:26
Speaker
Yeah. I would think that's expensive for now. I'd be like, are you crazy? $50,000? fifty thousand dollars you I don't know.
00:18:38
Speaker
Because... ah Jesus Christ. I mean, you could you could buy a pretty nice house in 1988 for $50,000. Yeah.
00:18:49
Speaker
buy it off why But anyway... But anyway, know, as luck would have it, and she even mentions it in this scene, she's like, what a how good a timing is that?
00:19:01
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. She gets the telegram telling her ah that she's getting an inheritance from her mother or her, her superior late aunt.
00:19:12
Speaker
Yeah. Her late great aunt. Yeah. Her aunt Morgana.
00:19:19
Speaker
And, and, and it cuts like right to the dream, the dream sequence, which I suppose the first time daydream. Yeah. Yeah. I fucking love this scene, dude. It is so goddamn funny.
00:19:33
Speaker
I love she's jumping around and she's like cross-eyed. Yes. yes
00:19:42
Speaker
Yeah, dude. it's It's so fucking funny. And it's like another thing too, because she's, you know, Elvira. So she is like, you know, black, you know, just all darkness and stuff. So there's so many scenes obviously in this where she's just in everyday life and it it's no different to her. She's just like everybody else, you know, and it's it's so funny.
00:20:05
Speaker
i don't know. But this whole scene, it's all lit up and nice and colorful. So it's all like, Or what she's saying, they are like, here's a Jeep, and she's like, I needed one of those.
00:20:17
Speaker
yeah the whole movie is like a stark contrast to her character. love it. Yeah, it's so cool. and but I needed one of those. What's her car called?
00:20:29
Speaker
Because after she after she comes out of her daydream, she she heads to Massachusetts for for the reading of the will. But her car was called like the Macabre Mobile.
00:20:43
Speaker
oh bill Yeah. Yeah, um and it's it's like, oh, I love this fucking car. the It's a 59 Ford Thunderbird. It's fucking beautiful. And then ah count that count or whatever, that guy that redoes cars, he redid. he She brought it in into him on an episode, and he redid it.
00:21:03
Speaker
and like read And it's just reupped it. She still owns it and everything. She said that um during the filming of this, because it's not ah it wasn't a convertible, hey they basically bought a piece of shit because they didn't have much of a budget.
00:21:20
Speaker
So she said the car barely ran. yeah And that's a hard top that they just cut the top off to make it look like a convertible. Right, exactly, yeah. And then they just modded it. So, I mean, it's a beautiful fucking car.
00:21:34
Speaker
yeah. Regardless, you know.
Elvira's Iconic Car
00:21:36
Speaker
God, there's so much custom work on that thing, man. Yeah. And she says during the filming of this that it didn't run. Like, there's one scene where you see it moving, and she was like, that's all.
00:21:48
Speaker
It ran the entire fucking movie. i believe it. The rest of it, she's being towed because it wouldn't move. wouldn't start. yeah yeah pretty much like as she enters that massachusetts town that's basically how that car ran oh yeah i forgot to mention because i just skipped over it i well i did mention it but i didn't point it out the peewee herman cameo did you catch it i didn i i know you told me man but i didn't fucking see it so watch the scene with when elvira is in her dressing room with manny
00:22:26
Speaker
and look yeah right okay Yes, I do remember now. i do remember now Sitting on top of the mirror in her dressing room as a Pee Wee Herman doll. Pee Wee couldn't do the cameo because he was busy shooting Big Top Pee Wee, so she put the Pee Wee Herman doll because those two love each other loved each other.
00:22:50
Speaker
Oh, absolutely, man. they They were brother and sister, dude. Yeah, there's some really cool pictures of the two of them hanging out in the 80s. Which is also which is also a funny thing, too, because they're so juxtaposed. You know what I'm saying?
00:23:05
Speaker
And it's that's another wonderful thing about that whole crew. I would say in character, but in real life... In character, yes, absolutely. They both portrayed like the same characters, kind of.
00:23:16
Speaker
You know, absolutely the same type of character, but two different sides of the coin. You know what I'm saying? and it's Yeah. But yeah they're yeah, they're like brother and sister, man. Fuck them up, Peewee.
00:23:28
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, but if you look at the top of her mirror, there's a little theres that's actually a really big Peewee Herman doll. But that's his cameo because he couldn't be in the movie, unfortunately.
00:23:43
Speaker
But... But yeah, that car, dude, it's beautiful. And Barris did all the custom work to it in the beginning. Or in the on the car, you know, originally.
00:23:55
Speaker
um yeah, you get a flash. When she starts her car up, you get like a flash of her ring. Yeah. Setting that up, because it, you know, don't know.
00:24:09
Speaker
Anyway. Spoilers. ah spoilers yeah pay no mind to that giant fucking red ring she's got on her finger that flashes at the screen when she starts her car beautiful car oh my god I would just love to have a 59 Thunderbird anyway like but what's that would you pick up the hitchhiker haha Yeah, we're getting to that part, weren't we? Yeah, i was going to say, fucking, you know, she picks up that fucking, she picks you up on the side of the road.
00:24:46
Speaker
I take slightly better care of my teeth. yeah Well, yeah, but... Ever so slightly. When it cuts back to him and he's already out of his clothes...
00:24:58
Speaker
It's like a second, dude. like It like gets in and he starts giggling, and then it cuts back, and he's pulling over and kicking his ass out of the car, and he's naked. That guy was in Big Top Pee Wee also.
00:25:13
Speaker
Was he? that I haven't watched that in a a long time, so... That is Joey Arias who played Shem in Big Top Pee Wee. Half man, half woman.
00:25:25
Speaker
Oh, okay. i see i yeah He doesn't, his face doesn't register, but like. Yeah, because he looks completely different than Big Top I haven't watched Big Top Pee Wee in a long time, though.
00:25:36
Speaker
That's on my docket, though. Well, they made him look more like me for this. Oh, yeah, obviously. He's not a sexy lady. a might man pop out of your clothes in a second you've been so lonely does Elvira kill him is that what happens when she throws an axe at him yeah because I think she murders a hitchhiker and then here soon she might murder someone else
00:26:14
Speaker
Oh, yeah, she might. Yeah. Very, very, very soon. Because after after she does she murder him, does she murder him or does he murder himself? Oh, wow. Yeah.
00:26:26
Speaker
Well, she murders the hitchhiker. Definitely. I choose to believe that. I think it I think it went in his butt.
00:26:35
Speaker
ah He caught it betwixt his butt cheeks. Betwixt his butt cheeks.
00:26:43
Speaker
He clenched up. The man plays a lot of drop ball. What do you got? You know, he's good at that cornhole game. But then we get finally to the title card.
00:26:55
Speaker
Elvira. Yep. Mr. of the dork. Mr. of the dork.
00:27:05
Speaker
Oh, here's a little here's here's a little trick ah for future trivia.
Trivia and Cameos
00:27:12
Speaker
That cop that pulls her over is and as an ex-boyfriend of Cassandra Peterson.
00:27:20
Speaker
Oh, really? And he, ah in real life, his name's Bill Cable. You can look him up. In real life, this fucking guy died in a motorcycle accident.
00:27:34
Speaker
Really? And he's a motorcycle cop in Elvira's movie. That's crazy. Yeah. That's one of her ex-boyfriends. Huh.
00:27:46
Speaker
Interesting.
00:27:50
Speaker
i I just thought that was ah fucking ironic. Yeah. I mean, not a good thing. He might have been a nice guy. I don't know. Yeah.
00:28:01
Speaker
RIP. Stay off those fucking motorcycles, goddammit. And don't go to Rotten.com. You know, one of the... The reason I've mentioned Rotten is because I remember there's this fucking picture.
00:28:14
Speaker
Well, I shouldn't mention it because people looked it up. Never mind. don't look up Don't look up on Rotten.com why people wear motorcycle helmets.
00:28:28
Speaker
Just saying.
00:28:31
Speaker
It's self-explanatory, I think. yeah Yeah. i Yeah, being that I looked that picture up like 30 years ago and I can remember it like it was yesterday.
00:28:44
Speaker
and this is why you don't ride a motorcycle. Yeah, that's why I don't ride a motorcycle. Or operate, or drive, whatever you want to call it. Ha
00:28:57
Speaker
I am human. I am doing human things. I do human things. I am human. Operate or drive. what do you Well, ride implies that I'm just on it while it's moving.
00:29:15
Speaker
What, like on the back of one? Yeah, while my arms are tight around Kevin as he operates it. Or drives. And or drives.
00:29:28
Speaker
and And or drives this vehicle.
00:29:36
Speaker
Oh, shit. here This is the possible second murder. Go ahead. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay, so, like, she pulls up to get, you know, for some gas and stuff, and guy's just sitting there smoking and looking at his porn, and, uh...
00:29:53
Speaker
Basically tells her it's self-serve. So she fuels her gas tank and then she decides to take off, tells him, wait, because he's smoking. She's like, you know, those things will kill you.
00:30:04
Speaker
then he gets up and he's like, have a nice day and starts walking towards the bathroom to finish himself off, you know? And then, yeah, the lights himself on fire. So I think it was a mutual thing because he shouldn't have been smoking at the gas pump.
00:30:20
Speaker
Yeah, you're right.
00:30:23
Speaker
But I think, yeah, it was she's 50% responsible at least.
00:30:31
Speaker
That's at least manslaughter. Right. Yeah, I deal with manslaughter, but I mean, what do you do? But, ah I know this is getting heavy on the the references because this is early in the movie and they're introducing characters, but the gas station attendant is the co-writer of the movie, John Paragon.
00:30:53
Speaker
that's also Who also played the the ah the um the guy that would call in on Elvira's mystery macabre and ah like the breather. That's what he was credited as because he would call in and be like a That was him?
00:31:15
Speaker
Yeah, that's this guy.
00:31:20
Speaker
What a fucking job, dude. I know. I could do that. Here's my audition.
00:31:31
Speaker
Yeah, that's That's so funny. but So, of course, they're going to put him as an attendant reading this porn mag, you know, and just fucking digging into himself and shit.
00:31:43
Speaker
And one of the best scenes of the movie is in this. One of the best, you know, when Elvira's washing her windshields. Oh, yeah. yeah Cinematic, cinematic. It's like it's like a Lars von Trier moment in this movie.
00:32:00
Speaker
It's like cinematic beauty. That's funny. Yeah, because you know she wrote that in there, too. My dad always said that was one of his favorite parts of the movie. He's got a couple.
00:32:17
Speaker
Yeah, dude. So fucking funny. yeah Yeah, so we got that part, but then i think you know then as she's driving, she's eating, and then what happens?
00:32:28
Speaker
are
00:32:32
Speaker
Well, so far, she's got a body count of two already, and the movie has barely started. Yeah, one and a half. Okay. But Kevin is referencing the titty glizzy.
00:32:46
Speaker
The glizzy on her titties?
00:32:50
Speaker
Which has no reason to be in this movie other than the show or titties. Absolutely. Just like the windshield scene. Absolutely. Oh, no.
00:33:01
Speaker
Kevin, the windshield scene was tasteful. It was like, it was, it was so, uh, deliberate. No, it was just... oh It was directed beautifully. It was like it was like almost like an art house. Well, not art house.
00:33:22
Speaker
She'd be vomiting if that were the case. Yeah. No, she's eating a hot dog just to be able to center the camera on her titties for a second while she's driving.
00:33:37
Speaker
And of course she's eating a hot dog. You know what I'm saying? like Of course. Reminds you of anything? And then after that all happens, she waves at those Amish people.
00:33:51
Speaker
Yeah. And they're all smiling at her But the Amish people seem the most relatable to her. Yeah, they're into it. They're all goth-doubt.
00:34:11
Speaker
ah Yeah, in a lot of ways. Yeah. They got Abraham Lincoln driving the fucking thing, but yeah Malachi is all all about it. Malachi's wife's all about it, too.
00:34:27
Speaker
Outlander!
00:34:31
Speaker
Yeah. Outlander! They had games and crayons. It's forbidden! It's forbidden.
00:34:44
Speaker
sounds like Miguel now. yeah That is forbidden. ah came with E-frame.
00:34:54
Speaker
It's he who walks behind the rose.
00:35:05
Speaker
um What the fuck, man? How did we get on Children of the Corn? I don't know. It was a Malachi. I said Malachi. Okay, let's go back to Falwell.
00:35:17
Speaker
Yep. Named after that fucking dipshit piece of shit human being Jerry Falwell. Yeah. Yeah. because fallwell massachusetts the town is uh basically dary fallwell incarnate right yeah the fake yeah it's an it's it's like all that it's a super proper town you know everybody goes goes to bed at eight o'clock at night yeah Well, the town ah town is, I think, I believe, its um it is on the Warner Brothers studio, and it's the same town that they used in Back to the Future.
00:36:00
Speaker
Yeah.
00:36:03
Speaker
There you go
00:36:10
Speaker
go. Take that for your trivia. Yeah. Fucking dickhead.
Elvira in Conservative Town
00:36:19
Speaker
Yeah. so Yeah, as she like pulls it and her hood flies off her car. So, you know, pretty, you know, about how it's been running the whole time as far as what you were saying, how it was driving. it was like a piece of shit underneath the hood.
00:36:33
Speaker
It's not a piece of shit. It's the whole turd.
00:36:42
Speaker
Then Mrs. Poole comes up to her and starts talking shit. Listen, young lady, I don't know who you are or where you came from, but you most certainly don't fit in this town. Why, you don't even fit in that dress.
00:36:54
Speaker
Listen, sister, if I want your opinion, I'll beat it out you. Remember Mrs. Poole? From? That's what from, uh, well, what's that sitcom?
00:37:06
Speaker
Hogan's, Hogan's family?
00:37:12
Speaker
You remember that Hogan's family? i am. She was the annoying neighbor. Poole. I'm not as old as you. You're a fucking. you yeah You're like, you're almost a year older than me.
00:37:27
Speaker
Shut your mouth. Shut your mouth.
00:37:35
Speaker
Shut up. Duh. But her name in this is Chastity Pariah, which I think is fucking hilarious.
00:37:46
Speaker
Oh, it's, you know, played by Edie McClurg. You know, this is cool. Chastity Pariah. Such a John Waters name. Like John Waters fucking names all his shit.
00:37:59
Speaker
all his characters weird shit, which we'll be getting into that at some point. ah John Waters is like a more perverted version.
00:38:10
Speaker
ah of ah God damn it. but ah ah Never mind. I can't even say he's a fucking genius. He's another one of my favorite people, too. I want to know where Turkey Joe is.
00:38:25
Speaker
If you get that reference, you get a dollar.
00:38:31
Speaker
Yeah.
00:38:35
Speaker
Because this fucking guy, No, never mind. We'll talk about that and in a John Waters episode. I'll bring that ton of rich up again.
00:38:49
Speaker
Yeah.
00:38:55
Speaker
But um I'll give you some... ah Here, I'll go... I'll give you some more trivia. This one's for Kevin. Do you know that when they show Elvira and Chastity arguing, right?
00:39:10
Speaker
when it When it's shot where you can see both of them on camera, if you look in the background, there's a woman with a pink shirt on and a man with a plaid shirt standing right next to her.
00:39:23
Speaker
That is... That's a cameo by Elvira's mom and dad, Phyllis and Dale. No shit. yeah I'm gonna go back and watch that. That's fucking cool.
00:39:36
Speaker
Again, incredible how she just she will she just involves everybody. And I love that. You know, she's got mama and papa in this movie. And yeah, and and in the background when she gets to Falwell and it's her first movie, you know, so she's made it.
00:39:52
Speaker
You know what I'm saying? and Which is what this movie is about. Ironically, you know, Yeah. And... And, uh... This is where we get introduced to the teens, the three boys that are kind of in the movie.
00:40:09
Speaker
Three strong boys that fucking step on her hood and fucking cave in her... The blower. Yeah. Watch out her fucking hood. And kick her hood ornament off.
00:40:19
Speaker
Well... The funny thing, like, ah you know, if you've, being an actor always feels like, well, if I were, it'd be, it'd be weird. i don't, I don't, I'm pretty, I'm a pretty introverted person. I don't like people just looking at me.
00:40:39
Speaker
But, the kid that plays Randy, ah Chris Cam, right? Yes. Well, that part,
00:40:50
Speaker
was originally supposed to be played by Brad Pitt. No way. Yes. Look it up. No, that's fucking funny.
00:41:02
Speaker
Look this up and look ah listen to the story of it because it makes me feel like this poor guy, Chris Cam, because Brad Pitt The reason he's not playing Randy in this movie is because Elvira Cassandra Peterson said that if... if Because Brad Pitt was like 20-some years old when this movie was made, and was supposed to be playing a teenager, but Elvira Cassandra Peterson said that if Brad was in the movie, that it would not be believable that she would be Bob
00:41:44
Speaker
bob Because all if Brad Pitt was in with the teens. Yeah. Yeah. Because she would be pursuing Brad Pitt the whole time. And because he was playing a teenager, it would have seemed inappropriate.
00:41:59
Speaker
Yeah. You know, absolutely. but Yeah. But, But my point is imagine the blow to your ego to know that you were cast in a part in a movie because you are just kind of dopey. Average. yeah Yeah. They had to cast somebody homelier. but Yeah. Yeah.
00:42:20
Speaker
yeah It's like. Just so you didn't outdo like her actual love interest in the movie. yeah you'll do this though lara Yeah, it's like, we're gonna cast you because nobody would fuck you.
00:42:36
Speaker
yeah Yeah. Right? That's funny. And in the notes for casting, I guess Elvira, Cassandra, in her notes when Brad Pitt was auditioning, she just, her comments were just yum.
00:42:54
Speaker
Yeah.
00:43:00
Speaker
I'd love to... I need to look at 1988 and see what Brad Pitt looked like at the time. It must have been insane if yeah for the response she had.
00:43:13
Speaker
you know yeah It would be fucking great if Brad Pitt was in this, though. mean, I'll peel back the curtain a little bit here. Unironically, Brad Pitt is one of my favorite actors.
00:43:27
Speaker
Ha ha ha ha ha. He's awesome, man. I mean, he's great in what he's in. Dude, he's great. He's great in Seven. Snatch, he's my favorite character he plays. Well, it's just because his shirt is off mostly in the movie, you know? Oh, no. Well, yeah.
00:43:46
Speaker
I don't want to make Dave jealous, but... Yeah, but I mean, 12 monkeys. ah He's dude. He is a fucking conic and 12 monkeys like he could have. They could not have fucking casted a better person for that role at all. Him and him and Bruce Willis together in that just they they bounced off off each other so well. a born Yeah.
00:44:10
Speaker
yeah California is awesome. He's so good in all these movies, and I think people don't give him the credit he deserves because, yes, it's fucking like... I'm a 1,000% straight man, but I would be conflicted if... I'd be like, no, man, stop it. what What if he came up to you and just kissed you right on the lips?
00:44:35
Speaker
I'm just going to say, wouldn't drink any alcohol around the man. I'm going to kiss you right on the lips. I need my faculties here.
00:44:46
Speaker
You're like, I'm going to kiss you right on the lips, Brad Pitt. Don't make me fall in love with you. Yeah. How dare you? No, I do think that he gets overlooked a lot because of his love. He does.
00:45:00
Speaker
I think it's because of his popular, because of how popular he is. Yeah. I mean, George Clooney is one of my favorite actors and it's the same, you know what I'm saying? But, yeah it's hilarious all right so let's get back uh let's get out of the wanderlust of of bratty pit back from shaming poor chris cam yeah poor guy he's like my the biggest role i ever had was because i was just kind of okay average looking kind of okay i wasn't like good looking
00:45:37
Speaker
He's like his mom. He like calls his mom. He's like, mom, I got the part. And she's like, well, that's incredible. He's like, yeah, that's OK, I guess. It's average.
00:45:48
Speaker
How'd you get it, Chris? Oh, because of you and dad. Yeah. Bad jeans. ah so Bad jeans. She was like, but I washed her jeans today.
00:46:01
Speaker
Yeah. Hey, ugly doesn't mean stupid.
00:46:08
Speaker
ah Kevin's over here throwing strays at the uggos. Throwing strays at the uggos? That would mean that, ah well, shit, I almost mentioned Jason, but that's a bad example. I was gonna say, that would mean that Jason's stupid.
00:46:27
Speaker
Ha ha ha!
00:46:31
Speaker
But he's got the strength of ten men. Whoops. Alright. So there we go. Yeah, I mean the smartest man ah in the world is Hugo.
00:46:46
Speaker
Stephen Hawking. I mean, he's not exactly... i don't know. Go ahead. Sorry. yeah it's Probably Stephen Hawking probably had a fucking thigh slapper on him though.
00:47:01
Speaker
It had to have its own hover around. was like he had a dead rat laying in his lap all the time, but it was still it was still big.
00:47:16
Speaker
A dead musky laying across his lap. ah Yeah. ah It had its own talking machine. had its own robot talking machine. So, hey, Kevin, what do you think about the mechanic anyway?
00:47:31
Speaker
Dude, this guy fucking cracks me the fuck up, man, because, you know, she's up there. He's, like, fixing it and everything, and she asks, you know, where there's a place to stay, and, of course, just like, old you know, the old mechanics do, they start wandering off in their conversation, and then she, like, walks off, and he's like, nice tits.
00:47:51
Speaker
Yeah. Nice boobs. Iconic. Iconic. Yeah. Well, he was fucking funny. ah He was telling a story about a woman that is boxer dog, I think.
00:48:07
Speaker
ah Yeah. It's like he went into that whole thing and then it just stopped, you know?
00:48:16
Speaker
Yeah. Like fucking. I love like she's walking up and she's carrying what looks like the exact, almost the exact same case. I carry all my tattoo machines in. It's got stickers like all over it.
00:48:31
Speaker
So i was yeah I was like, sweet. I paused it and was trying to see what all bands she had on there, but. anthrax is on there that's the only one i could catch yeah i haven't really right that's the one that sticks out for sure but she said she spent the funny thing is i paused at and was trying to look and see what all banshee has on there and it's difficult and she said she spent weeks getting those stickers and stuff specifically for that scene and nobody really got to see it oh oh yeah and it's true because i could barely tell
00:49:08
Speaker
Yeah, it was probably all, it's all like bands that she actually liked and was trying to promote too, you know, which is another cool thing. You know, she was trying to shout out for everybody, you know?
00:49:19
Speaker
don't know. Oh, yeah.
Meeting Cassandra Peterson
00:49:21
Speaker
Yeah. cha She seems like she'd be awesome in real life. Like, I've never met her. Kevin has couple times, right? Yeah, it's been twice, and she's been incredible each time.
00:49:32
Speaker
um The first time I met her, i think it was 2008-ish, and it was at a Whorehound, and um she wasn't doing... They weren't really doing a lot of photo ops then because um they were still kind low-key.
00:49:50
Speaker
but they always had big guests there. So yeah, I was in line, met her at her table and stuff and got my dad a ah glossy and, uh, of the one it's a shot of her and the outfit that she's wearing at the end of this movie. Cause it's like my dad's favorite scene in the entire world.
00:50:07
Speaker
So I, I, it pissed, it pissed my stepmom off so bad when I brought it to him. Um, It was all signed to him and shit. um But yeah, man, she let me, she was like, was like, can I, you know, get my picture with you? She's like, absolutely. And she brought me behind her table and she was sitting and like, talk to me for probably a good 10 minutes, man.
00:50:28
Speaker
Like just not forced. It wasn't like, you know, she was just trying to two her thing. She was literally just like asking me, you know, you know, how, how I came into being into like her stuff. And I explained it. I was like, I've been watching you since I was like this tall, you know, and it was cool to share with her. And like she was like kind of blown away.
00:50:49
Speaker
oh it was cool, man. She's just so nice. The second time I met her, it was at a photo op at horror hound. Um, but even then, um, my wife was with me and she was like, she can come in too. And my wife's like, Nope, this is, this is for him. He's a nerd. Um,
00:51:06
Speaker
Your wife should have put her hand on the top of your head and said, and he's been masturbating to you since he was this tall. Yeah. She probably would.
00:51:21
Speaker
ah I know she would.
00:51:25
Speaker
it's so funny. Yeah.
00:51:30
Speaker
Yeah, no, she seems fucking great. And I wish I had that experience because you know I don't like to meet these people. I don't like to movie stars for personal reasons.
00:51:41
Speaker
But um my my opinion on that might have been different had I met Cassandra Peterson first. Yeah. Linda Blair was incredible, too. um he was she was incredible.
00:51:54
Speaker
Just super nice. um So, yeah. I've only run into a couple. Your mother sucks cocks in hell. she was like make sure She was like, make sure you send that her way.
00:52:06
Speaker
no and Yeah, she didn't ever she didn't want to talk about the Exorcist, really. um But she see ah does a lot of stuff with animals and stuff like that. She's got a lot of animal organ ah saving organizations and stuff that are pretty awesome.
00:52:24
Speaker
So she was promoting that a lot and all the money that she made from that convention, it all went into her um rescue. i believe at that time she just had like a pit bull rescue and I believe a horse rescue as well.
00:52:39
Speaker
can't remember. um Now I think she also does. ah She takes in military people that are, can't bring, you know, they're off in the military and they'll take their dogs for them and put them up for yeah however long.
00:52:54
Speaker
Yeah, the pit bull thing is really great because so many fucking dickheads. Oh, there's some fucktores out there, man.
00:53:05
Speaker
They breed pit bulls to fight, and it's like, man.
00:53:12
Speaker
Done sons of bitches, I'll tell you.
00:53:15
Speaker
So we come into the hotel, and this is our intro to Mr. and Mrs. Meeker, owners of the motel.
00:53:25
Speaker
and and little Robin Maker. Yeah. She comes and she's getting bitched up for wearing makeup, you know, and all that. you know They don't even want to offer Elvira a room because they think she's one of them rock stars. Well, well, ah Susanna doesn't want to offer Elvira room, but Leslie seems more than willing.
00:53:50
Speaker
Oh, he's ready to help. He's like, fuck, yeah, we got a room. Yeah, he's like, yes, right. yes Right beside mine. Yeah, yeah I love Leslie.
00:54:03
Speaker
Leslie's funny in this because the whole movie, like Susanna's giving Elvira shit and Leslie's always sticking up for her in his way. Yeah, dude, it's hilarious.
00:54:18
Speaker
She's always telling him what she keeps telling She's like, shut up, Harry.
00:54:25
Speaker
Leslie or Leslie shut up Leslie God that poor dude ah yeah yeah he's a poor fella that's that's married life yeah it's like that fucking scene on a boogie nights where she's going off on on a Dirk and his dad's just up in the bedroom crying
00:54:52
Speaker
crying himself to sleep on that huge pillow A huge head he's got. Head thief. Yeah. But Elvira is looking for something to do. And Robin suggests the bowling alley.
00:55:07
Speaker
Yeah. He said it gets pretty. What she say? It gets pretty live on the weekends or some shit. Well, it's funny because it's the bowling alley is called Patty's Heidi Bowl.
00:55:18
Speaker
Yes. I fucking love it. But you see how I paused when I said that? Because even reading it just now, I wanted to say Patty's Titty Bowl.
00:55:29
Speaker
I know. And I think that that was on purpose, which is another which is also awesome. And we're going to run into a lot real punny things here. It's starting to happen now. so
00:55:45
Speaker
If I mention the bowling alley again, I'm probably going to call it the Titty Bowl. Yeah.
00:55:54
Speaker
You might. But just to be clear, I know that it's Patty's tight. See, I'm doing it there, too. I had to stop ah because my brain is saying pity bowl.
00:56:06
Speaker
It's Patty's tidy bowl. But at Patty's tidy bowl,
00:56:15
Speaker
we get introduced to Billy and Travis. Yep. Which i wish I wish there was more Billy in this movie. I want Billy in every scene.
00:56:27
Speaker
I fucking love this character. It's like a water buffalo. the yeah yeah Where he's like, what's he talking about? Spider-Man? He's like, you can't get Spider-Man with Quip tonight.
00:56:44
Speaker
I fucking love Billy. buts He's such a goofy looking guy too. Yeah. He's perfect. Yeah, he's in all... He's just in random parts in random movies. all There's never been a movie where he's been like a main star and he always plays the same character damn near in every movie.
00:57:05
Speaker
It's pretty silly. but so She goes to sit down and... Go ahead. Sorry. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go.
00:57:19
Speaker
Shut the fuck up. Go ahead, man. Well, Miss Yvonne is in this. The most beautiful woman in the world from Pee Wee's Playhouse.
00:57:31
Speaker
um She's the server in the bowling alley. um She comes. You got served. ah You got served. You got served. You got served.
00:57:42
Speaker
Lynn Marie Stewart, RIP. But she ah comes in and basically says, what, that they don't serve alcohol after 7 p.m.
00:57:54
Speaker
and asks Sylvia if she wants a virgin. And I think she says, oh, I had one this morning or something. I forget what she said there.
00:58:06
Speaker
no Loving Mary. No hard liquor served past 8 o'clock. do you want a virgin? Maybe, but I'll have a couple of drinks first.
00:58:18
Speaker
But then we get ah we get Billy and Travis, you know, wanting to make their move on her. It's the size of a water buffalo.
00:58:33
Speaker
Yeah, they shoot their shots. Oh, let's let's talk about it.
00:58:39
Speaker
Well. How about a blowjob? ah Yeah, Travis starts fucking laughing at Billy for being an idiot, and he says, how about a blowjob?
00:58:50
Speaker
But when she starts pouring the fucking drinks in Billy's lap, Travis starts laughing at him, but he's getting a drink poured in by damn life. He's getting it, too.
00:59:03
Speaker
and And this is this scene, pay attention, boys. You know what? Yeah, you sent you sent this to me and I watched it after you sent you sent the still to me because it's still blurry.
00:59:18
Speaker
it reminded me of being like a kid when I watched this or some shit. yeah There is a nip slip in this scene.
00:59:30
Speaker
There is. yeah and When Travis... Well, first ah she stabs Billy with the fake knife. Yeah, she goes, ah cut you, man. And it's, well, it's also funny because for whatever reason, I don't know why I was watching this scene in extra slow motion.
00:59:51
Speaker
Yeah. For science, you know. uh... But when she stabs him with the knife, it doesn't retract. It just kind of bumps up against him.
01:00:05
Speaker
And then when she's pushing on it, it retracts. Yeah. I just noticed that because for whatever reason, I don't know why I was watching this scene in slow motion. I don't know why I could have been doing that.
01:00:26
Speaker
I sent this picture to Kevin, a still of Elvira's nip slip in this scene. And Kevin goes, you know she did a spread for Penthouse or whatever. it was Hustler. Hustler.
01:00:42
Speaker
i was like, no shit.
01:00:49
Speaker
But it's not the same. I know. like i was just trying to help with your research.
01:00:59
Speaker
I was trying to cliff note your research there. That's a titty. and
01:01:08
Speaker
And it's funny because she you can tell she noticed as soon as it happened because she spent the rest of that little shot like trying to fix it. Yeah, you can tell, yeah. It's funny. And then they just kept it going. Like, fuck it. No one's going to catch it.
01:01:23
Speaker
Except for Alan. 30 years later. super slow-mo. Yeah. and supers And that's what's the funny. Well, it's funny too, because I watched the, I listened to the commentary for this movie and nobody mentioned it.
01:01:39
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah.
01:01:42
Speaker
It's funny. Titty there. uh, we got our intro to Bob Redding as he, uh, intervenes and, and punches all old, old, uh, Travis in the face.
01:01:57
Speaker
He white knights. He comes in to save the day. Yeah, big dumb Bob. Well, he's supposed to be. i got you, Elvira.
01:02:08
Speaker
He's supposed to be the male equivalent of the dumb blonde. Yeah. You know, he's the big strong guy with no fucking brains.
01:02:19
Speaker
Yeah. Allegedly. Allegedly.
01:02:25
Speaker
And we got Patty who comes up. So we got Patty now in the mix. Yeah, Patty. I believe she is also in Elvira's Haunted Hills as well.
01:02:37
Speaker
i have to look into that again. um Patty is Susan and Kellerman. She is Grace in Beetlejuice. Shit, you're right. That's right. She's one of the one of the yuppies.
01:02:50
Speaker
Yes. You're all right. ye like the house yeah the She's the wife of ah her Yeah, that's what I recognized her from.
01:03:02
Speaker
Yeah.
01:03:05
Speaker
But yeah, that's crazy. She's in the Beatles. In Beetlejuice.
01:03:13
Speaker
Oh, shit. But Patty or Suzanne Kellerman, you know, they have like a titty off. Yeah, Elvira says, ah you better watch it. You're going to poke somebody's eyes out with those things because hers are all pointy.
01:03:30
Speaker
Yeah, and she has, well, ah Suzanne Kellerman does does have big titties,
01:03:40
Speaker
ah which is funny because, you know, that's kind of the joke of the movie is that she's stuffing her brawl, but, yeah you know you know, I'll talk more about that later.
01:03:52
Speaker
Spoiler! Yeah, ill I'll mention more of that later, but you know though the yeah I don't think they're stuffing her She might have some football-shaped titties, but...
01:04:07
Speaker
But I don't think they're stuffing her bra at this point.
01:04:15
Speaker
But when they leave, when Bob and Elvira walk outside, Elvira's trying to get Bob back to her hotel room. Oh, yeah. Like, immediately. And he's not picking up on the cues.
01:04:29
Speaker
Stupid. jack Or he's he's being blind because of Patty, you know, obviously, or whatever. but um i don't even... I think he's just... He's supposed to be, like, a big, dumb, like, innocent moron.
01:04:43
Speaker
But what I love too is she's like puckering up to kiss him and it does another one of those like smash cuts and he's gone and he's just in his truck like, see you later.
01:04:56
Speaker
Yeah. That is what, ah that is what used to be called a weirdo. Now Bob would just, now they would just say Bob had autism.
01:05:07
Speaker
Yeah.
01:05:11
Speaker
You know, because any kind of weird personality deflex defect nowadays plays on the spectrum. a Yeah, they're like, well, he said that yeah he acted weird, so he must be autistic. Yeah.
01:05:29
Speaker
Yeah. And that's exactly what they would do. yeah. oh yeah There'd be behind-the-scenes interviews with Daniel Green where he's going, yeah, I was struggling with my autism.
01:05:47
Speaker
Yeah. but theres But this was the 80s, man. They were like, Bob was just big and dumb. Yeah.
01:06:03
Speaker
ah They let Bob sleep through every concussion.
01:06:09
Speaker
to sleep. yeah Just take a nap.
01:06:16
Speaker
he's He's laying in bed. It's bit of with a water spout.
01:06:25
Speaker
Oh, shit. I think I remind him who he is every morning. Yeah. Nowadays, they'd be like, don't say that. yeah you're He's autistic.
01:06:38
Speaker
He's autistic. And then he's like, no, I'm not a very good painter.
01:06:52
Speaker
ah go you don't look like you've been touched by Jesus. I'm not a very good painter. I'm not very autistic.
01:07:07
Speaker
Oh, shit. so Man, i you know, we're... Go ahead. I was just going to say, holy shit, we're just getting the Vincent.
01:07:20
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, yeah because she's at the reading of the will, and... um You know, she just comes running in much like she was in her little daydream about the game show.
01:07:37
Speaker
And of course she shoves her boobs in Vincent's face, you know? oh yeah. Her uncle. Yeah. Her uncle. Which I I'm of the mind that incest is okay. As long as it's not me, that's doing it
01:07:58
Speaker
ah Why would I have a problem with two other people doing incest? Partaking in incest, however you want to say it. Yeah.
01:08:11
Speaker
Vincent is named after Vincent Price, who they tried to get play that character, which would have been fucking amazing. That would have been sweet. Especially him as like that kind of villain. who would have been awesome.
01:08:24
Speaker
Yeah. That would have been... yeah ah You know, I'm not trying to take away from William Shepard, but, you know, Vincent Price, man.
01:08:35
Speaker
yeah He understands, I'm sure. Yeah.
01:08:40
Speaker
But, yeah, she she shoves her boobs and it would have been hilarious if he motorboated her. so I was about to say he was trying to talk and it was like... Yeah. Yeah.
01:08:53
Speaker
hey we we all people
01:09:09
Speaker
is granted her aunt's house her dog and her recipes that's right heard and Vincent don't get shit no of which there is none he gets the rest of her stuff of which there is none But he wants that recipe book for some fucking reason.
01:09:29
Speaker
Yeah. And it's not because he's hungry. Or he is hungry. Yeah. So he rolls up beside Elvira while she's walking down the street and offers $50 to buy the book. And she agrees.
01:09:43
Speaker
But that's right when Chastity is walking up by and she thinks that Vincent is propositioning Elvira for prostitution. Yeah, she's like, sure. What she says, sure, I'll do whatever for 50 bucks.
01:09:56
Speaker
Yeah. right what his walkup by
01:10:01
Speaker
Yeah, right when Chastity Pariah is walking by, you talk... Yeah, she thinks... So, at this point, she just thinks Elvira's a whore.
01:10:12
Speaker
Yeah. but But, of course, she doesn't think anything less of... ah You know, she never mentions anything about Vincent, even though he was, in this situation, the propositioner.
01:10:27
Speaker
Yeah. And, but she only, that's bad, bad, bad. It takes two to tango.
01:10:39
Speaker
Just saying. But Elvira, okay, this is the point where I was like, come on. This is ah this is where it separates Elvira from perceived, you know, goth girl to ah rocker chick because Elvira sees the house.
Elvira's Inherited House
01:10:58
Speaker
She sees the house and she's bummed out. Yep. Well, she thinks the house across the street her house and she's like, oh, I can get a pretty penny for this. I personally, and I know Kevin does too, I think he's married to one, know plenty of women that would love that fucking house. Oh yeah, absolutely. And the condition it's in.
01:11:22
Speaker
Yeah. So I'm a little, that's the only thing I didn't like about this movie is that, oh, she didn't like this house and what she turns it into. I was like, come on. Well, I mean, she's trying, she's more about the money so she can fund her $50,000 fifty thousand dollars you know, Flamingo casino premiere.
01:11:42
Speaker
um though She's just looking to see what kind of money she can get out of it.
01:11:49
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. ah
01:11:55
Speaker
But that house is fucking cool. It looks like the Munster's house. Yeah, it's it's awesome. I think it looks awesome after they fixed it up too, but yeah, it's definitely awesome. i I just don't like that they painted it like all different colors.
01:12:11
Speaker
Real like bright colors and shit. Fuck that. I mean, it goes along with just like they had whatever they had to do it, you know what I'm saying? Because she ain't got no money. So. But.
01:12:23
Speaker
Yeah. But she gets the house. She gets the the dog gunk. Yeah. What's its full name? I completely forget. Oh, I didn't write that down. um Yeah, it was Algonquin.
01:12:39
Speaker
Yes, it was Algonquin. And she's like, I'm going to call you Gonk. But Cassandra Peterson, she, you know what I said earlier about her loving animals?
01:12:50
Speaker
This dog apparently was such a dickhead that even Cassandra Peterson called it a, she called it a son of a bitch or something.
01:13:01
Speaker
Like she said, she said all the scenes with this dog had to be re-dubbed because the whole time they were shooting them, the ah trainer for the dog, you could just hear her going, bennie Benny, Benny, Benny, stop, stop. benny Cause this wouldn't listen to her. Yeah. Wouldn't listen. And, and the actor, um,
01:13:26
Speaker
Who is it? Kurt Fuller, the guy that plays Mr. Glotter. He got bit by... so She said that this dog hated everyone on the set and would attack everyone. She said she was terrified of being close to it because she was afraid it was going to bite her face.
01:13:47
Speaker
Yeah, didn't know... yeah Yeah, and Mr. Glotter, the Kurt Fuller, the guy that plays Mr. Glotter, he got bit in the scene where Gonk, we'll get to it in a little bit, yeah there's a scene where Gonk chases him out of the house and bites him on the ankle.
01:14:06
Speaker
And he said he had dog he had teeth marks on his legs for decades after that. They had to call the paramedics.
01:14:18
Speaker
Damn. It fucked his world up. Apparently that dog was ah fucking an asshole. well But Cassandra Peterson is such an awesome person that when they were dying its hair, she pissed a lot of the crew off because she insisted that they use food coloring instead of real dye because she didn't want it to hurt dog.
01:14:44
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. So even though the dog was a fucking asshole, she still gave a shit about She's okay by me. Yeah.
01:14:57
Speaker
Yeah, so Elvira's being shown the house by Mr. Bigelow, right? And she gets the book, and she meets Gonk, and, you know, he chases her.
01:15:10
Speaker
yeah cha He chases, Mr. Bigelow, mr He starts hitting on Elvira and Gonk chases him out of the house, right? that's Yeah, because he's like, you know, you can do some things as far as selling the house. And he starts shutting all the curtains and then he...
01:15:29
Speaker
ah basically puts ah puts her over the couch. Yeah. Because that's the scene that's the scene where if you watch when he runs out to the car, that's when Gonk is actually biting him. Because he has like a scarf wrapped around his ankle that the dog was trained to bite.
01:15:50
Speaker
And it said, fuck that scarf. Yeah. yeah He said that he wasn't even supposed to jump up on the car. he just did that because the dog was really fucking biting him. But that's that's where they had to call the paramedics for him because his little poodle attacked him.
01:16:07
Speaker
I know it sounds funny because it's a poodle, but it's still a dog bite. It sucks either way. Screaming. Yeah. Oh my god!
01:16:17
Speaker
Ooh! Ooh!
01:16:29
Speaker
I'm gonna have orgasms! Because this dog is spying me!
01:16:37
Speaker
shit.
01:16:41
Speaker
And Gonk hides the book. Mm-hmm. Vincent's coming over to buy the book for the $50, not the sex that Chastity thinks he's going over there for.
01:16:52
Speaker
Right, yeah. But Gonk knows better, so Gonk hides the book before Vincent gets there, so Elvira can't sell it to him. Yep.
01:17:03
Speaker
Then Vincey gets all the way there and basically she's not putting out for his needs. So he gets all mad and then Gunk starts growling at him and I'm sure that's like what the face is that everybody was seeing like off camera all the time with that dog then.
01:17:22
Speaker
That probably wasn't a trained growl. That's just natural asshole dog. That's just Benny. So that night, you know, we get the whole Elvira's getting ready for bed and stripping out of her clothes, you know, because we obviously needed that shot in the movie. And then you got all the boys. You got old Randy, Sean, and Bo climbing up a ladder with a Polaroid camera in the rain to take pictures of her undressing. Yeah.
01:17:53
Speaker
Like how bright the makeup that she was wearing was. It was like, I don't know. Because you know face mud green's my favorite color. So I was like, you wear that, I'll still bang you.
01:18:08
Speaker
But yeah, she wears, she has the, she scares them out out with the green makeup on, but not before they get a picture of her and her skivvies. And her skivvies.
01:18:20
Speaker
And then she slams the window on them and they go falling off. But they got the picture. Well, and she, and this is like one of the scenes from the movie that's pretty iconic with her laying in bed with her hair spread out.
01:18:35
Speaker
You know, like she's laying on about ten other wigs. Yeah. But and ah in this dream, that like dead person, that is that supposed to be Morgana? I wasn't sure.
01:18:50
Speaker
Yeah, it's supposed to be her aunt.
01:18:54
Speaker
That's what I thought, but I wasn't... And when you look at the painting of her, of Morgana, it's, you know, obviously ah picture a painting of Cassandra Peterson. Yeah, I was gonna say, that's just a painting of Cassandra.
01:19:10
Speaker
Because she's a ginger. Which, if you watch that scene at the beginning of the... earlier in the movie with her mom and dad, her mom with the yellow shirt on, ah she's a ginger. Yeah.
01:19:24
Speaker
That's where she got it, from mummy. um From the mummies. Yeah, so she wakes up from her nightmare about Morgana, and Randy, Sean, and Bo show up the next day, you know, to help Elvira fix up her house, because they've Richie, who...
01:19:43
Speaker
i've got rie who They own the hardware store. Yeah. Yeah. Her parents own the hardware store. But this is where she, one of her innuendos, which is basically what this, which this movie is just full of them because she doesn't, uh,
01:20:02
Speaker
you know, she didn't want to go too risque, but she says, as she says to the teenagers, grab a tool and start banging. Yeah. Yeah.
01:20:15
Speaker
Hey, Elvira, you got us a couple more volunteers. great just grab a tool and start banging but and then it's got of course it's got hell yeah it's even got the shot of her butt you know when she's painting and stuff and all the boys are are looking you know or whatever that's pretty good pretty good uh she got a pretty good butt just saying i like it a lot
01:20:53
Speaker
Oh my god, dude.
01:20:58
Speaker
But this is what I was talking about. They paint her house like purple and bright orange. ah And she loves it. And I was like, come on now.
01:21:11
Speaker
It looked better before. yeah But, you know, that's the whole contrast, you know, because she's just a normal person like the rest of us. In my opinion. She just happens to look the way that she looked.
01:21:25
Speaker
Yeah. yeah So this fucking council meeting that they're at, dude, and they're passing around that
Town's Plot Against Elvira
01:21:34
Speaker
Polaroid, and Leslie's all like like super happy to see it.
01:21:40
Speaker
Yeah. and is it Is it, um... Is it Glotter? Harold Glotter that tries to put it in his pocket? Yeah.
01:21:53
Speaker
He's like, alright. Giggity, giggity, giggity.
01:22:00
Speaker
Yeah. So they're like talking about how to get rid of her and like they're basically going to fucking blacklist you know from the town. And Chastity starts calling her like fucking whore, harlot, slut, floozy, fussy, ho. I don't think we need to resort to name calling. i think what Calvin is trying to say is that this Elvira is a person of easy virtue.
01:22:27
Speaker
ah purveyor of pulchritude. One woman Sodom and Gomorrah if you will. A slimy, slithering succubus! A concubine! A streetwalker! A tramp!
01:22:38
Speaker
A slut! A cheap whore! It gets passed all the way down to Leslie. Yeah. or Or no. Does he even get it? I forget. i think or I think it was coming to him and then Mrs. Meeker grabs it and yeah and grabs it or whatever from him, of course.
01:22:56
Speaker
Yeah, I think she takes it before he gets to look at it. Poor guy. that's so fucking funny. So they're discussing how to blacklist her, get her the fuck out of town.
01:23:10
Speaker
basically by selling and ah helping her sell her house. So harry Harry goes to help... You know, he's a um real estate agent, so he goes to try to help her sell her house, but he also tries to fuck her while he's there.
01:23:24
Speaker
But this is this is... I don't know if I mentioned this yet, because obviously... Editing magic. But... but um This is where Gonk attacks Harry.
01:23:39
Speaker
Yeah, this is what honor you're saying where he actually attacked him. Yeah. The actor, what the hell's his name?
01:23:51
Speaker
Kurt Fuller? He's in like everything, but I couldn't He's in like everything, but I couldn't tell you what the hell he's in. I've seen him in... Ghostbusters 2. He was the asshole in Ghostbusters 2. Oh, yeah. That was yeah yeah the mayor's assistant or whatever.
01:24:09
Speaker
yeah He always plays an asshole, dude. like It seems like every fucking movie plays an asshole. Every single one. And she's got her house for sale and nobody's coming to look at it Because nobody if it were me, I mean, i don't know what she's selling it for. She was talking about selling it to Vincent for like $70,000 or something, wasn't she? Or that's what... um She basically wants to fucking get sell it for as much as she can spend that $50,000 for that flamingo spot.
01:24:44
Speaker
I don't like that part of this movie. um i like I like the movie a lot, but I do not like that Elvira's main goal is for some stupid Vegas show.
01:24:59
Speaker
Well, I mean, it makes sense, though, at the same time, because this movie is basically about her and her life anyway, and she was ah Vegas showgirl, you know what I'm saying? Like, that was one of her first gigs. Well...
01:25:14
Speaker
Well, um I mean because the character of Elvira, not Cassandra Peterson, just the character of Elvira. I don't know. wanted her own show.
01:25:25
Speaker
You know, like her own, because she was the next step up from her television show. The movie Macabre would have been Vegas show. Yeah. a vegas show you know um Not for me.
01:25:39
Speaker
If I had my place, I'd rather do the... yeah I wouldn't want to go to fucking Vegas. I'd just... Well, let's be let's be clear. you know They didn't write this movie for people like us. It's for people like my dad.
01:25:54
Speaker
you know like he's like did you see the way she got the tassels going in opposite directions direction um'm telling you like oh that was one thing he would all he'd be like oh watch how does she do that kevin
01:26:11
Speaker
he's just and i'm ah and and then he looks over and i'm like he's like this dad and i've got tassels
01:26:18
Speaker
on your balls. yeah I've got one. I'm doing like a helicopter. I'm sure there's a fat man out there somewhere with titties big enough that knows how to do that.
01:26:32
Speaker
yeah But yeah, but that's a skill. um Maybe next time we hang out we can see if we can do it. Yeah, we'll put the little fringe things on our wieners and try it.
01:26:46
Speaker
And your cats will attack us.
01:26:53
Speaker
That's gonna be a rough night. Yeah.
01:26:59
Speaker
Old Elvira starts to look for a job because she can't sell the fucking house. And she needs some money. She needs some monies. Yeah, so she's going in and applying. So she goes to the surplus store, you know, and everybody's kicking her out.
01:27:15
Speaker
And we're seeing, uh, I like Cassidy Pariah and the rest of the biddies, like basically calling and blacklisting her.
01:27:26
Speaker
They're calling everybody and they're going, she a hoe, she a hoe. Don't hire her. ah heard her trying to sell pussy to her uncle.
01:27:36
Speaker
For 50 bucks. birth but
01:27:44
Speaker
Yeah, dude. You guys going to the sermon this weekend? By the way.
01:27:57
Speaker
but yeah our boys, but our boys, Billy and Travis notice that she's out job hunting. So they break into her house to find the book. And this is where Billy and Billy finds her edible panties.
01:28:14
Speaker
Which guess she had edible panties. I don't know. Either way. yeah he's down there eating them up like fruit roll ups and shit. He don't give a fuck about anything else, dude. He like immediately runs down. He's like, oh my God, look what I found. There's no book upstairs, but I found these panties.
01:28:33
Speaker
Try one. They're edible.
01:28:38
Speaker
Oh, fuck keep looking i fucking love this fucking dude.
01:28:52
Speaker
I'm not eating no fucking edible panties from a stranger. i I don't know what he's got. He either tore those fuckers out of the package or they've just been sitting up there out of the package.
01:29:07
Speaker
Well...
01:29:12
Speaker
He's like, this one's got chocolate on it.
Gonk and Comedic Scenes
01:29:19
Speaker
ah When they tell Vincent that they fucked up and didn't get the book, this is where Billy is like, the because Gonk scares him out, somehow his shadow looks like a Rottweiler. Yeah, Gonk familiar, so Gonk obviously carries some certain powers of persuasion.
01:29:41
Speaker
It's just funny because he looks like a Rottweiler and then he comes down and he's still the poodle, which he does. Spoiler. He does become a Rottweiler later in the movie for a little while.
01:29:53
Speaker
But, um, it's what's inside of him. And obviously in real life, that's what he really is too. So, And Billy, when he tells Vincent about it, he goes, it was the size of a water buffalo. who was as big as a water buffalo.
01:30:17
Speaker
dude. He plays, i swear, he plays the same character in every fucking movie, and he's usually only in for like 10 minutes. It's like the same shit. He may as well come into every scene and say that exact same line. Like in a yeah fucking wild at heart when he just comes in out of nowhere and he's like, Robert Baxter, the dumb fuck, the stupid shit.
01:30:40
Speaker
the The next scene is like the most, um this was almost cut from the movie. That's how, ah because they were, They were concerned about Elvira being marketable as to you know so to a younger audience. And this next scene with the sign at the movie theater almost didn't make it because of that, which is crazy to me, especially nowadays.
01:31:06
Speaker
Because when she falls... you know Because the sign... Yeah, when she's talking to Bob at the movie theater, because he sees her out doing all that stuff.
01:31:17
Speaker
And then, wait, what'd she say or something? He was like, I know what your problem is. And she goes, what? And he's like, chastity pariah. And she goes, i thought I had that cleared up.
01:31:29
Speaker
well they were gonna cut the part out where because the sign says wild adventures how to hunt duck yeah yeah and when chastity comes out and sees her she's holding the e but it looks like an f and over the oh yeah because she goes she's like you spelled matinee wrong he's like no i didn't you i'm autistic you know I'm glad you mentioned that because ah ah Bob is supposed to be the dummy, but he was right.
01:31:58
Speaker
That is how he is. And Elvira's like, I'm in show business. I think I know how to spell that day. Which I love that part because it made, you know, it just added to that character.
01:32:10
Speaker
And it pre it this says how to fuck. Wild adventure. How to fuck. Yeah. Right. He walks out. Yeah.
01:32:21
Speaker
so
01:32:25
Speaker
yeah it's fucking awesome that's the quick like the random just funny little sticks through this whole movie you know it's so fucking funny like they're sharp little jabs and they're hilarious well yeah the whole the whole movie's full of like um not quite sexual commentary but uh sexual innuendos It's clean. You know, it's, it's silly, you know, it's not yeah too brutal.
01:32:53
Speaker
Yeah. Except her line, the, uh, how's your head line. That was the worst. I haven't had any complaints.
01:33:04
Speaker
How's your head? haven't had any complaints yet. Excuse me. Oh, I think I'll live. Yeah, there that's that's a little racy, I suppose. Yeah, that's clean.
01:33:20
Speaker
Yes. Of course. Yeah.
01:33:25
Speaker
And, you know, this is kind of where you get the little um kind of peek into Vincent because he has an underground lair. Yeah, secret fucking lair, yeah.
01:33:38
Speaker
we don't We don't quite know what or who he is yet, but he has an underground lair, and he's he's alleged he's apparently waiting on a lunar eclipse for something.
01:33:50
Speaker
Yeah. i i've not I'm not completely clear on what he's waiting for the eclipse for. i mean, I kind of get it, but because he, you know, I guess...
01:34:04
Speaker
it turns him into a goblin of some, I don't know. Well, it's his time to take over, you know, cause it's obviously there's two different sides of magic and Oviro's family, you know, the good and the bad, obviously.
01:34:18
Speaker
And he's also down there. He's taunting Morgana as well when he's down there. and he was like, you know, he's waiting on that lunar to basically get all of his power. and he was like, you can't do nothing about it. You know?
01:34:32
Speaker
yeah. We're getting an insight onto like what his side of the power is and why he wants that book. And he's like, yeah, you can't do anything. I'm going to walk towards you swinging my arms like this, and if you don't move, it's your fault.
01:34:49
Speaker
You got it. He goes, yeah, he goes, what's he say? he was like, because you're dead and I'm not. idget?
01:35:01
Speaker
You idget? You guys play them bidget games?
01:35:08
Speaker
Then we go back over to the titty bowl.
01:35:14
Speaker
I think Vincent's secret lair is where he goes to play D&D. I think that's where all that stems from. ah Yeah. He's probably... D&D lair. He probably has an Elvira flashlight.
01:35:29
Speaker
Yeah.
Vincent's Dark Secret
01:35:31
Speaker
Wait, that's his niece. Ew.
01:35:35
Speaker
Grody. Did you notice that Vincent has a glass eye, the actor? I don't think I noticed that. watch what Pay attention next time you watch this movie. His right eye is glass.
01:35:51
Speaker
if you If you see the scenes where it shows him kind of close up, you'll notice pretty quick because the only eye in his head that's moving is his left eye. His right eye kind of sits there.
01:36:03
Speaker
herline It's old school glass eye. It may as well be a marble.
01:36:11
Speaker
He's got a cat's eye marble in there. hey The smasher. Yep, yep. That guy, that da man, that man Dale got a glass eye in his head.
01:36:29
Speaker
So Avira does the ah Tidy Bowl. The Tidy Bowl. Tidy Bowl to promote her movie that she's going to be showing. Which, do you know what movie she shows? Attack of the Killer Tomatoes.
01:36:42
Speaker
Oh, man. My man, Kevin. On it. Tomatoes. Yeah, so she goes in there and there are all the kids and everybody Attack of the killer You remember when they had that as a cartoon on Saturday mornings?
01:37:02
Speaker
It was short-lived. Attack of the killer tomatoes. So, yeah, she goes in there and none of the kids want to fucking be a part of it.
01:37:13
Speaker
All right, go yeah
01:37:16
Speaker
all right go ahead. Sorry. All right.
01:37:21
Speaker
So, yeah, none the kids want anything to do with her because the parents and principals are going to execute every single one of them. But what they say, they're saying, what they say,
Falwell's Conservative Setting
01:37:32
Speaker
they're like, we can't go out because the principal and stuff says something like, they're going to kill us or something. And she's like, they're going to kill your parents too?
01:37:45
Speaker
They're going to fuck us. Yeah. We can't go out. So she gets all dramatic and starts crying. We're in Falwell. Yeah. We're in Falwell, Massachusetts. It's not outside of the realm of possibility that our parents are going to fuck us.
01:38:02
Speaker
Keep it in Falwell. Yep, keep it in Falwell. Falwell. But ah Robin is dressed up like a hoa.
01:38:17
Speaker
Well, yeah, they finally... Well, she she puts on a big dramatic thing in the titty bowl. But if they ever ask about me, tell them I was more than just a great set of boobs. I was also an incredible pair of legs.
01:38:31
Speaker
And then they all say, all right, we're going to help you. And then, of course, ah of course, who's like spying on them the whole time? You know? Oh, Patty.
01:38:41
Speaker
Patty. Patty. Patty with the small titties. So she does that. And then so we know that she's going to be fucking doing something later. so The kids all sneak out and this shit cracks me up because all these kids sneaking out and the one kid, did you notice when he jumped the fucking fence, the dumbass threw his shoes over the fence, right?
01:39:08
Speaker
And then jumped the fence and then slammed in a water puddle. Why the fuck would you jump a fence? Why would you take your shoes off before you jumped the fence?
01:39:17
Speaker
I'm not sure. I'd have to watch that again. but It's weird. even though And then the one kid gets down and he rips his fucking the rear end of his pants out.
01:39:29
Speaker
Well, to be fair, Kevin, this guy doesn't have fucking boots on like you. So he's I don't have I mean, why the fuck?
01:39:41
Speaker
Why the fuck you going to climb a fence barefoot? You know what I'm saying? like Have you ever climbed a fence barefoot? It fucking sucks. Well, your shoe won't fit beside the links like your big toe would, although it's not a chain-link fence, is it?
01:39:56
Speaker
no No. the The wild and wonderful mysteries.
01:40:03
Speaker
So anyway, yeah. Robin puts her best her best heels on. Yeah, Robin gets done up. She's got the Hua makeup on.
01:40:15
Speaker
The floozies. And Randy, well, Randy is like, hey. ah Yeah, she like turns. He's like, oh shit. Okay. It's like Randy, ah I guess he like he was with her before she had makeup.
01:40:31
Speaker
So, yeah, he's ah he's a real one, man. What if he looked at her and he was like, wipe that shit off your fucking face. start slapping her. Put away those dirty pillows.
01:40:46
Speaker
Jesus doesn't approve.
01:40:51
Speaker
dirty pillows.
01:40:56
Speaker
Elvira's just sitting in like a, it looks like a therapy couch. Mm-hmm.
01:41:05
Speaker
commentate it commenting yeah on blur tomatoes I did know i did it would be sweet to see that live man like if she ever did like a horror hound and then did did like a live movie macabre that would be fucking wicked I did watch the commentary for this, and ah and Cassandra Peterson said she fucking hates Attack of the Killer Tomatoes.
01:41:30
Speaker
The second one's better. basically like, this movie fucking sucks.
01:41:37
Speaker
But after the movie, the she kind of does a flash dance routine. Yeah. and the whole Yeah, the entire routine. And Patty's plan.
01:41:49
Speaker
Yeah, it's funny when they show her up close and she's like like, it's clearly a body double for most of it, but then it shows the close-ups and where is she's standing on her head.
01:42:01
Speaker
and she's doing the flips? Yeah, those are so fucking funny. It's not the best editing, but that kind of makes it funny. Yeah, I think it was purposeful too. You know what I'm saying? Like they just yeah they like, fuck This will be even funnier, you know? ah Yeah, it's like clearly not her. and then Well, and the shit like that and Haunted Hills, there's this there's a character in there and he was actually from he's actually like one of the people that live there in Transylvania. He's a local and he didn't speak a lick of English.
01:42:33
Speaker
So all his parts are like crappily overdubbed over him talking. It's like a super deep voice like, you know, like the Kung Fu movies and shit.
01:42:44
Speaker
And it it's just in there. They just put it in there and it's it works. It's great. hey he He can't speak English, so he's like, Hey, Elvira, how you doing? How you doing?
01:42:57
Speaker
It ain't far. Honestly, man, that ain't far off because it's like, Hey, Elvira, how are you doing? How are you? Like ah Arnold Schwarzenegger and Hercules in New York? Yeah, Hercules in New York, yeah.
01:43:11
Speaker
Yeah, pretty much just like that. Yeah. How are you? i am American. ah Hello, I've been born and raised here. I would like to have a hot dog.
Humor and Innuedos
01:43:22
Speaker
ah Do you have these things they call glizzies? Yeah, I would like a glizzy. Ha ha ha ha ha.
01:43:31
Speaker
But Patty's plan comes to a fruition here where she tar and feathers instead of the glitter or water. Fucking Elvira gets tarred and feathered.
01:43:45
Speaker
Yep. but Completely tarred and feathered. That's pretty harsh too, man. ah See, this movie could have ended right here if Elvira just walked up there and fucking shanked Patty.
01:43:59
Speaker
Yeah. ah fuck. Just think the shit out of her. That little knife that she stabbed, uh, uh, what's his name with?
01:44:11
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Billy, the little but Billy, the little fake knife that she stabbed him with. Just start fucking because it didn't retract when she stabbed Billy. So maybe she'll get lucky and it won't when she starts fucking shanking Patty.
01:44:28
Speaker
You figure you stab her about 300 times with that thing. A hundred of them might penetrate. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
01:44:37
Speaker
Hey, we forgot about the part two before all that where they're walking by and Patty's hiding behind the curtain and all you see are like those two pointy cones.
01:44:49
Speaker
Her boobs, man. Dirty pillows. Yeah, they try to make... ah yeah ah see She clearly has a body double later in the movie, but we not we're not... We ain't there yet, but yeah, Patty's...
01:45:06
Speaker
pennie
01:45:10
Speaker
contending for biggest titties. Which, there's no there is no comparison because Elvira wins just because she's showing half of them the whole fucking movie.
01:45:24
Speaker
ah so You win by default. Yeah, we get back and fucking Elvira is fucking taking a bath in gasoline to get all this fucking tar off of her and just cursing up a storm with Patty and ah all the everybody's downstairs and they're all scared.
01:45:41
Speaker
Well, ah what does she say Because bob but because ah oh she says um ah she she says this thing to bob she says well here's to my big opening and robin laughs but because she gets the joke but nobody else does oh yeah that um in you it's another indiwendo well here's to my big opening i mean
01:46:14
Speaker
Forget it. Here's my bible big open. Robin's like. Yeah. The only one in a room that.
01:46:29
Speaker
ah Giggles. It flew right over Bob's head. shit.
01:46:40
Speaker
oh shit She gets the kids leave so she can be alone with Bob. Big ol' Bob. and She's finally got him.
01:46:51
Speaker
Well, this is where she decides to cook something for him. and Yeah, because she's throwing out all these all these fucking signals and shit and he ain't picking up on nothing.
01:47:03
Speaker
Yeah, he's fucking stupid. But this is this is where there they spent probably spent most of the movie's budget.
01:47:14
Speaker
but Yeah, when she goes in to make that fucking casserole or whatever. ah i don't know what she's making. It's fucking nasty. And then she sprays cheese with on top and crunches.
01:47:26
Speaker
course, she sits on the bag of chips and then puts on top. Yep. Yep. They come out to eat and it turns into a beast. I've never met Cassandra Peterson.
01:47:39
Speaker
You have, but um buy if I go to a convention that she's at, I'm going to take a bag of chips and see if she'll sit on them for me. A bag of chips so she can crush them?
01:47:52
Speaker
Yeah. Go, could you sit on these, please? She'll be like, get out of here, you fucking pervert. Yeah. we'll go we'll go and i'll have to go up to her with your bag of chips and i'm like listen you gotta sit on these he has an eight in three days he's refusing everything and we look over and you're sitting on one of the fucking chairs in the lobby you're just sitting there just like staring into nothing and i'm like please help my friend he's he's a goon but yeah he's please help you see that fucking goon by sitting on his bag of chips
01:48:30
Speaker
He's sitting on his hands. Will you please sit on this bag of chips so he'll eat? I'll look up and go, Hiya, Viwa. Hiya, Viwa. Hello, Cassandra.
01:48:43
Speaker
He'll go, It's okay. I'm autistic. Yeah. I have a path. I don't understand social cues.
01:48:56
Speaker
We're not trashing autism. we're We're having fun. Don't crucify us. Kevin's autistic, though. So he gets a pass. I didn't say it.
01:49:09
Speaker
Kevin did. But this is... What I was saying is this is where most their budget went, it seems, because they have a monster pop out of the fucking food she made because she used the spell book that she doesn't know is a spell book yet to make to make lunch.
01:49:30
Speaker
That thing looks fucking awesome too when they open it. It's so nasty. And they managed to fucking get it down the garbage disposal somehow. Yeah.
01:49:42
Speaker
Dude, he's like, Bob's like screaming damn near. It's bigger than my big cat. So, and I don't think I could get him in my garbage disposal.
01:49:54
Speaker
But whatever, it's a movie. And also Elvira's magic. She just doesn't know it yet. Yeah. Yeah, she hasn't figured that section out. And bob Bob, even though he doesn't look like he's been touched by Jesus, does have the strength of ten men.
01:50:12
Speaker
He does. He does. And he shows it. Well, maybe, maybe, maybe Bob, because he's only, a He might have been like blown on by Jesus.
01:50:28
Speaker
Because he might have... What, like butterfly kissed? Yeah, Jesus might have butterfly kissed Bob because Bob doesn't look like he's been touched by Jesus.
01:50:43
Speaker
And he might not be as strong, but he's probably got probably got the strength of a few men. At least.
01:50:54
Speaker
I'm trying to rationalize this because Bob, the gentleman that plays Bob, is better looking than me, so I can't trash his looks, goddammit. Mm-hmm.
01:51:07
Speaker
The only safe bet there is ah Jason, who's been dug out of a grave. I'm like, I think I'm better looking than him.
01:51:19
Speaker
ah Maybe. i still don't think I'm going to bat 100 on that.
01:51:29
Speaker
There's going to be women that look at me and go, ew. And then CJ's like, the maggots really do it for me.
01:51:40
Speaker
You're like, I could do maggots too.
01:51:44
Speaker
you can put them on my face. Come on, man. So yeah, like I can't throw any kind of shade at Bob. He's just... is He's a good-looking guy that's just dumb as a box of fucking dicks.
01:52:04
Speaker
Oh, man. Like, Gonk takes the book, because Gonk's like, man, there's too much this too much fucking around, so... They follow Gump to the attic, which it was like deja vu, right? Because she just had a dream about this moment.
01:52:20
Speaker
And takes her to the trunk and gets her to open it. And Bob finds the letter. ah Hey, oh my there's a letter in here.
01:52:32
Speaker
There's a letter in here for you. There's a piece of paper. Bob is the one that reads it, isn't he? I'm like, holy shit, Bob can read?
Elvira's Magical Heritage
01:52:43
Speaker
Well, Bob's called matinee, and Elvira couldn't. So yeah, lo so our Bob's superpower is that he has the 10th grade reading.
01:52:55
Speaker
His phonics level is like just passing. ah He's like, i was ah I'm a man. I can read at a 10th grade level.
01:53:16
Speaker
oh shit, man. ah
01:53:21
Speaker
I love, i think it's fucking hilarious that when the fucking lights go out, look, oh there see while she well she she gets okay never mind I'm jumping ahead here a bit but she gets he reads the letter and it's from her mother who is Devana yeah right is that how you say it Devana Devana yeah it might be Devana yeah this is kind of where she finds out that Vincent wants them
01:53:54
Speaker
the book because it's like a spell book. It's Harry Potter shit. Yeah. And, uh... And ah Elvira, um very smart it ah she finds a spell in it because she needs money and it has a has a word.
01:54:12
Speaker
It says, sells by Ricky Moolah Sheen, right? Yeah. She sees the part that says Moolah. Yeah. Yeah.
01:54:25
Speaker
yeah And Bob's standing next to her with his fucking 12-inch dong going, I don't know if that means money, Elvira.
01:54:43
Speaker
think that's funny. Moolah. I fucking love it. Moolah. But when the fucking lights go out, look,
01:54:56
Speaker
I don't know how far they've gotten so far. But when the lights go out, she's got a hold of a python that's probably every bit of six foot long.
01:55:08
Speaker
And she mistakes it for Bob's dick.
01:55:16
Speaker
I'm like, how big is Bob's dick? ah Holy shit. she thought that fucking snake, she's like, oh, there you are, Bob. What'd she say? What'd she go? ah She's like, oh, Bob.
01:55:34
Speaker
Never in my life would a woman grab a fucking six foot long snake and go, oh is that you, Alan? and Well, they might if you're having a bad day just to cheer you up.
01:55:52
Speaker
Man! Holy shit! Yeah, fucking... She thinks the goddamn six-foot-long snake is Bob's dick.
01:56:04
Speaker
Yeah. ah Yeah, I guess if you got... ah You know, you don't get the brains, too.
01:56:14
Speaker
He's, uh... I don't know, there's, there's, I won't go into that because I'm already accusing ah low and intelligence with having strength.
01:56:30
Speaker
I don't also want to give them extra attributes. What are you building? Are you building a fighter? is that what we're doing? I'm, Well, I'm low intelligence, but i'm ah my if I were building myself in an RPG, my intelligence would be at about a 4 or a 5 of 10.
01:56:54
Speaker
And I think Bob's is probably a two. his... But his dong... You know, because ah there there's much smarter people.
01:57:05
Speaker
Much, much. We're all human. We're all human. I'm on the same scale that Albert Einstein is. So I'm way down. but Way here down on that scale.
01:57:16
Speaker
But Bob... Bob is lower, and I think the lower you get on that scale, the bigger your penis
01:57:27
Speaker
ah The dumber you are, the bigger your dick is, is what I'm trying to say. Holy holy shit. Oh my
01:57:41
Speaker
And Bob's got at an ankle slapper. A fucking slobber knocker.
01:57:50
Speaker
He's at dong status. Like, no one's ever... no ah no one... if if If anyone ever sees your dick and goes, that's a dong, you're probably an idiot.
01:58:03
Speaker
You're probably a stupid bastard. ah Nope, that's my dirt by dick. That's my pippet, Steve. Nobody ever pulled down Elon Musk's pants and was like, holy shit, that thing's gigantic.
01:58:20
Speaker
Holy shit, let's give this man some more money. Okay, we're going to, I'm going too far into ah the logistics of penis size.
01:58:36
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. Let's go to the Morality Club annual picnic, which is clearly more moral. This is so fun. Yeah, it's funny because the person who everybody thinks is a slut is the only one not participating in this because she uses her spell book to make another fucking recipe.
01:59:00
Speaker
This is why I don't eat at potlucks, people.
01:59:06
Speaker
at Because of this? Because of this scene? Well, because you never know like. used what Mrs. Poole to set on your face. Oh, man. Yeah.
01:59:19
Speaker
I bet that thing looks like buckwheat got hit in head with a hatchet. Like a head wound. Yeah. What, like a fucking Pascal?
01:59:30
Speaker
ah But cemetery? Yeah, you gotta... If you're as prudish as chastity is, chastity pariah, I guarantee you've never so much as trimmed that thing.
01:59:50
Speaker
It just looks like a wild animal.
01:59:56
Speaker
ah wild animal?
02:00:09
Speaker
Elvira makes a goddamn meal for these assholes. ah It's like, did you ever see, do you watch, have you watched, they kind of do the same thing. I wonder if it was, well, no, I couldn't.
02:00:23
Speaker
If you ever saw the show True Blood, they kind of do the same thing where they have like all the, all the squares in the town, you know, having an orgy.
02:00:36
Speaker
That's what this reminds me of. yeah, because that epi that series where that one lady was taking over everybody and everybody was eating and, yeah, all kind of combined into one.
02:00:48
Speaker
yeah Weird fucking thing. yeah i have it's a It's a random fucking pool for... It has nothing to do with this movie. It's just my brain is fucking a jerk off, so...
02:01:05
Speaker
So yeah, she wanted to make this fucking casserole to set this beast off on everybody to get him back for everything. And it turns out that everybody ends up having a fucking orgy.
02:01:18
Speaker
Like everybody in town. yeah oh And they're just like laughing in the bushes. Okay, this shit gets to me because look, yeah.
02:01:29
Speaker
Well, look, this is, i'm not, I don't, I don't eat. Well, you kind of know, look, here's behind the curtain with me. I have, I don't eat at restaurants.
02:01:41
Speaker
I haven't eaten at a restaurant in decades because I'm a bit of a germaphobe, you know, but, um, Because I'm not eating off your goddamn silverware that the man in the back without teeth just licked clean.
02:01:58
Speaker
Yeah. They ain't running that. They're not running that through the dishwasher. They got some hobo in the back just licks those licks those forks clean. Mm hmm. Yeah.
02:02:09
Speaker
Absolutely. But it really bothered me when Elvira's dish got dropped off and Chastity stuck her fucking finger in it.
02:02:21
Speaker
I know that's just me, but I guarantee you there, you know, eventually there might be a couple people that listen to this that go, I understand. yeah Solidarity. Solidarity, brother.
02:02:35
Speaker
I'm with you. that That is fucking disgusting. That is why I will never eat at a goddamn potluck. Fuck you. i don't know what you did in your kitchen when I wasn't there.
02:02:48
Speaker
look
02:02:52
Speaker
I'll stop. I'll stop there because I'm sounding crazy. But that is, uh, that's my stance on Anybody listening to this want to invite Alan to a potluck, email us at deadnotespodcast at gmail.com.
02:03:07
Speaker
um yeah I'm not eating no pock luck bullshit. Nope. Although...
02:03:17
Speaker
Yeah, I'm not going to comment on that. I'll leave that for another time.
02:03:24
Speaker
So while they're in the bushes fucking giggling, fucking Vincent walks up on her and he's like, that's an interesting dish you've made. You know, just created a whole fucking porn movie.
02:03:34
Speaker
Hold up. Wait a minute. Something ain't right. Kevin forgot about the hot dog. The glizzy. glad harry Harold Glotter holds up a hot dog to Patty says, remind you of anything?
02:03:52
Speaker
Oh, my fucking God. Yes, I forgot all about that. Oh, my fucking and God. It's like front and center. You forgot about a front and center glizzy, man.
02:04:04
Speaker
Yeah. He goes, reminds you of anything, and she holds up the taco and says, reminds you of anything? Dude, I'm telling you. He sticks it in the taco shell and she fucking bites into it.
02:04:27
Speaker
I'm like... You know, if you've ever been on a date and you wasn't sure, like, am I in? Is this it?
02:04:37
Speaker
Well, if you pull out a hot dog and stick it in a taco shell and she bites the tip off, you're in there. in. hey yeah
02:04:52
Speaker
fucking awesome man. I don't think... Yeah, you don't need to take her back to your place and put Dawn of the Dead on so she's bored to death. Like, we I could be doing anything else.
02:05:07
Speaker
But Chastity, Chastity, who is the most crudish bitch in the whole movie... fucking sits on that guy's face and she says excuse me is this seat taken and then it comes to the fucking like pov shot oh
02:05:41
Speaker
No. Yeah, I'd be like, yes, it is, ma'am.
02:05:49
Speaker
Oh, shit.
02:05:53
Speaker
All the while, Elvira, the one everybody's calling a hoe, is in the bushes. She's not partaking in this degeneracy.
02:06:07
Speaker
Yeah. Fucking great. Doesn't, uh, when Vincent shows up, he, and he offers her 500 now for the book, right?
02:06:19
Speaker
Yeah. Cause he knows that, you know, she's, he's getting, getting wise to what's going on after she, you know, clearly found everything in that trunk. Well, for me, I'd be like, look, you went from 50 to 500.
02:06:33
Speaker
That man. Sounds to me like he just wants to have an orgy. That's why he wants the book so bad. But yeah, he goes from 50 to 500. That's not how you negotiate, you jackass.
02:06:48
Speaker
You don't go from 50 to 500. You should have went to 75. Then she might have been like, well, maybe. But you go to 500, she's like, wait a minute. Why did you go from $50 to $500? Yeah, not right.
02:07:07
Speaker
Vincent's a fucking idiot. It's that glass eye, you fucking idiot. Your brain slipped out of your fucking eye socket. Something. I don't know. Maybe the water drained out of there.
02:07:18
Speaker
Yeah.
02:07:23
Speaker
Yeah.
02:07:28
Speaker
But Patty's back trying to fuck Bob, you know, because that's a thing. Absolutely. and She gets clocked. But this is where ah they had like a stunt double.
02:07:42
Speaker
ah but They had like a stunt double to for to show when she pulls her bra off and the the girl fall and she falls down to the ground and covers up her tit.
02:07:56
Speaker
She's got like my titties. us yeah Yeah, the itty bitties. Yeah. up my itty bitty titties so uh yeah they had a stunt double for that and uh right but but that that whole thing i guess the rest of this movie she had to like use um a spandage to uh them down yeah like a paper titties down so she looked black chested like that you know yeah and not an important detail but you know
02:08:34
Speaker
I think it is. Right. You need to get one of them fucking shirts, the FBI shirts that says, know, the inspector from like the late eighty email but yeah 80s. Yeah, that's cool.
02:08:51
Speaker
Remember those shirts? I remember. I remember, wasn't that from like police academy or something? Whatever. i don't give a shit. Everyone likes titties. Even women like titties. Absolutely. Other women.
02:09:05
Speaker
My wife loves titties. So segue, nice segue into another council meeting where everybody's accusing each other of being perverts.
02:09:16
Speaker
ah one you got a caliancy and What relevancy is that, Kevin? I'm not a pervert. It's all right. i actually, the difference here. sit on any man's face. I know.
02:09:32
Speaker
um I'm going to clarify the difference difference between people that say what I think. i say what i think You gotta look out for the motherfuckers that don't say what they think, because that's the fucking perverts.
02:09:48
Speaker
Those are the people you gotta be afraid of. yeah Jared from Subway. You know... Look, i I only said that because for some reason I've been watching Poultry Geist, right?
02:10:04
Speaker
and there's ah there's ah um there's a character in it named Jared and I saw this meme going around a while back that's absolutely true it was Quiznos and it said Quiznos we won't fuck your kids laughter
02:10:28
Speaker
laughter laughter better ad is there than that it's clean it's short and sweet I'm just saying, i'm I'm uninhibited. If you fucking got someone telling you like, oh, that guy's this and that, well, those are the ones to watch out for. Just saying.
02:10:46
Speaker
Usually. Usually. Yep. Usually. Yeah, that's usually how it always pans out. So we're in that council meeting and everybody's like accusing each other of this and that. And Vincent comes in and he's basically like, Hey, you guys were all bewitched, you know? And he's like, he's like, you looking at my Yeah.
02:11:07
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. look at it you looking at my
02:11:18
Speaker
yeah
02:11:21
Speaker
ah I'm telling you, this is good scene to look for it because look at this man's right eye.
Character Transformations
02:11:29
Speaker
Don't move. That's why he's so... Because the actor that played Vincent, William... What the hell's his name?
02:11:39
Speaker
William something. ah William Morgan Shepard, right? he He's British. yeah And I think part of the reason he's a little alarming looking is because he's got British teeth. ah
02:12:01
Speaker
yeah He's got one eye and some jacked up teeth, so they were like, you're perfect. Yeah.
02:12:11
Speaker
But that he convinces them to arrest her of witchcraft.
02:12:17
Speaker
Yep. And it's an old rule inside, you know, and their town where, you know, she could be arrested for it. And andnna ah she gets put in jail with Gonk, which is awesome.
02:12:31
Speaker
I mean, if Gonk wasn't an asshole in real life. Yeah. Elvira complains and says says, I'm entitled to one phone call and a strip search. Hey, I seen a people's court.
02:12:43
Speaker
entitled to one phone call and a strip search. Well, there's a pay phone right across the street. What's the matter? You forget where you put your broom? Yeah, Bob shows up and Elvira's like, hey, need go get this book. Before Willie One-Eye goes and gets it.
02:13:01
Speaker
One-Eye Willie.
02:13:05
Speaker
All the while, the teenagers, who we kind of forgot about at this point, are up on the roof trying to cut a hole like ah this is a fucking Mad Magazine comic strip.
02:13:17
Speaker
Yeah. Man, you'd be able to fucking rob so much shit in that town the way it's ran.
02:13:25
Speaker
They're cutting into the jail to break Elvira out, I guess, but they didn't put a lot of planning into it. But they're building ah they're building a ah bonfire to burn Elvira, you know. and Yeah, burn her at the stake. And they got a little one for Gonk.
02:13:49
Speaker
yeah yeah
02:13:52
Speaker
Catching strays at this point, poor little guy. Bob, Bob, finally back at Elvira's house, he finds the book. Yeah.
02:14:03
Speaker
And gets knocked out. And then Vincent finally gets the book because Bob's a fucking root... I almost said the R word. Bob's a stupid... A dingus.
02:14:16
Speaker
We kind of get the first... this Is this the first time we actually see Gonk transform? I think it is. Well, we start to... We saw the shadow of but his Rottweiler form, but we never actually saw him change.
02:14:33
Speaker
No, and like she's getting ready to get lit up, you know what I'm saying? And he has that flashback about you know her ring. So... um O'Vira makes it rain, making it rain, and she gets untied. i think after that, ah yeah, we start seeing Gonk in his true form. Yeah.
02:14:56
Speaker
Yeah, the... She doesn't make it rain until after they've got her on the... Oh, that's right. I got you. This is where Gonk turns into a rat and he kind of goes to save... That's right. I forgot about that fucking part, my bad.
02:15:14
Speaker
That's alright. He goes to save... Because he turns into a rat and then he turns into a Rottweiler to break Bob free of his ties. Right? Where they had him tied up.
02:15:27
Speaker
Yep. but But the priest that comes to give Elvira her last rites squeezes her titties.
02:15:35
Speaker
is that the That's the second person in this movie. No, third. Is that the second or third? I don't know.
02:15:44
Speaker
ah But anyway, the teenagers who are, like I said, inconsequential to the plot, they cut finally cut through the roof and fall into the cell, but it's the one next to Elvira's, not hers.
02:15:57
Speaker
But as as typical, when they take Elvira to the stake, everyone's chanting, burn the witch. Yeah. Burn the witch. Is there no one in that town? I guess Leslie is probably out there like, no, don't burn the witch.
02:16:13
Speaker
Yeah.
02:16:16
Speaker
Yeah. He's... He's trying to get a good ah good view. And they do like a they do like, ah maybe Patty has changed, the but because she stops the sheriff from lighting the fire, and she's like, no!
02:16:32
Speaker
and that But it's just to show him a better way. Yeah. Bitter bitch. And also, going back to Gonk as a rat, I love that they still made the rat all punk rock looking, too.
02:16:46
Speaker
I love that. yeah but Yeah, but they know they didn't do it to the Rottweiler. Yeah. This is where, when she's on the cross and they're they light the fire, ah she has she has like a flashback to her aunt. saying yeah Which, did you ever did you notice that when she has the flashbacks to her mother...
02:17:12
Speaker
That is the point in this movie where Cassandra Peterson is playing her mother. she liked Her mom has red hair. And when she's when she has the baby in the ah ba ah basket, whatever, yeah ah that that is the rare glimpse of Cassandra Peterson in an Elvira movie without Elvira makeup on. yep Besides the painting of her.
02:17:39
Speaker
Yeah, she's playing her own mother who happens to be a ginger. what Who would have thunk it? Who would have thunk it? Yeah, that's pretty awesome. All these like little little ah trivia things that you've been busting out been pretty awesome.
02:17:59
Speaker
But Bob, the ah big um big smart, he's a smart man. Because Elvira, has you know, she has the typical, like, the powers within you. and It has nothing to do with the fucking book. You got the power. You got the ring.
02:18:18
Speaker
And she makes it rain and puts the fire out. Big old dumb Bob unties her. Elvira.
02:18:30
Speaker
that know That rat turned into a puppy and set me free. Vincent's got the book.
02:18:40
Speaker
It's the eclipses. Vincent has a book. This is where Vincent finally shows up looking like a goddamn demon.
02:18:52
Speaker
Yeah. Which is sweet. And I guess there's a scene cut out of this movie where Chastity and and Calvin get turned in and turned into pigs.
02:19:08
Speaker
Well, yeah they they show that. they show They show Vincent turning them into pigs. Chastity, Harry, and Calvin. But there's a scene that got cut out that they all complain about where they're in the back of a truck naked with pigs.
02:19:25
Speaker
And you you can look online. There's screenshots of it because they did shoot the scene, but they just cut it out the movie. Yeah, that's funny. I'll have to look that up for sure.
02:19:38
Speaker
But we're getting closer to the end of the movie because... ah Vincent is still pursuing Bob and Elvira. Oh, yeah, for Doesn't he throw Bob in the garbage in the dumpster? No, he throws Gonk in the dumpster.
02:19:56
Speaker
He knocks Bob out. Yeah, he punches Bob or whatever and throws Gonk in the dumpster. Poor guy. I bet i bet on on the set they were like, yes!
02:20:11
Speaker
Because Because Cassandra Peterson said the ah the trainer was in the dumpster, you know, and they had padding. Oh, yeah.
02:20:22
Speaker
But yeah, ah because she's because she gives a shit, even though the dog, she said, is an asshole. She doesn't want it to get hurt, but... But, uh, but yeah, this is another scene that is likely, uh, overdubbed because the whole time the, the trainers in the dumpster going, gunk, gunk, gunk, gunk.
02:20:44
Speaker
Come here. oh You know?
02:20:49
Speaker
Yeah, that's funny. And Vincent finally confronts Elvira. And this is like, fucking something bob would have did because she tries to cast a spell on vincent and throws the ring at him yeah dude he's like all right all right she like throws it it's so fucking funny just slips right off her finger lands on his finger that was like a perfectly doc that was a perfect uh doc right there I think, ah you know, they make a toy of this next scene, the but army surplus store, Elvira. You know, there's i think there's a Nika toy. That's fucking awesome.
02:21:33
Speaker
i I think I sent it to you. not You might have. I might have, maybe. but That's awesome. I'm pretty sure where she's like doing her Rambo thing. Yeah. and And she she claims that she was inspired by Pee Wee Herman where she ah she said, what's over there? And has Vincent looks and then she runs away. Yeah.
02:22:01
Speaker
Yeah, what'd she say when she comes out that comes around when she comes out of the fucking surplus? I don't remember. Yeah, I can't remember. She says something that was said earlier in the movie, but it comes kind of back around. Well, will say it's funny because the bazooka has no effect, right? yeah She shoots him in the fucking chest with a bazooka.
02:22:23
Speaker
Zero he's all powerful now, though, so... Well... You say that, but here in a few minutes, she's gonna throw a fucking high-heeled shoe at him that does more damage than the bazooka.
02:22:38
Speaker
It's probably because it's sharper. The editing around this scene is kind of goofy, because when he walks through, when he comes through the fence, you can see, like, he's already been hit with his shoe because he's got blood all over his forehead, but that's that before she ever even hits him with it.
02:22:55
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. Minor... minor editing goof, but it's in there. so Yeah. And she busts through the see you she uses the... She uses her titties to get the... She uses her boobs to break the fucking ah fence open.
02:23:16
Speaker
Yeah. Elvira! Did you say Elvira? It's like, Elvira, I already love you. You don't need to do this.
02:23:28
Speaker
But of course, yeah now I like you even more. Right?
02:23:35
Speaker
You've got plenty of change for her to break. Yep. So she gets back into her house and Travis is waiting for her. And he's like, he's waiting for that blowjob.
02:23:47
Speaker
Yeah. is there there He's in there waiting for that blowjob. So she fucking smashes that ah those leeches on his face. And I think that when she throws those leeches on his face, you might know since you listen to like the commentary, but I think it's a callback to that old school movie, ah Leeches.
02:24:10
Speaker
Did you ever see that? Like an old black and white movie. Maybe it's a callback to Stand By Me. ah No, I think it's actually just the way the camera is. But I mean, if they're down his pants, then I could say then. Yeah.
02:24:23
Speaker
Which would have been a funny come around is if like, you know, when she finds them, like she grabs his, grabs his pants and throws the leeches down his pants, just like she did with the beer. Yeah.
02:24:37
Speaker
That's kind of the end of Travis. I'm pretty sure the leeches don't kill him. Yeah, but they definitely made his night uncomfortable. ah Yeah.
02:24:49
Speaker
Yeah, that would suck, definitely. But at least she didn't throw axe at him. That would suck. It actually would suck. But at least at least she didn't ah throw an axe at him or set him on fire.
02:25:04
Speaker
Yeah. No, but we do have another run-in with an axe, though. Yeah. Because Vincent is too big a pussy to do the full-on Kool-Aid man, so he just sticks his arm through the wall.
02:25:21
Speaker
His arm gets cut off But this is where i said but put a pin in it at the beginning of the movie, because when Vincent is pursuing Elvira, he says, i am the master of the dark, right?
02:25:37
Speaker
and I am the mister of the dork. I am the mister of the dork. Well, this is where Elvira tells Vincent, she says, then I'll see you in hell first.
02:25:50
Speaker
That's the line from the beginning of the movie. That's what it is. Yeah. It's a callback that you could miss with a blink of an eye. You could miss it. But that's the callback to the beginning of the movie with Beverly Beverly.
02:26:05
Speaker
what's ah You know, what's her name? That's like the the book ending of the movie because after this, Vincent starts breathing fire and shit, burns down Elvira's house, but she she casts some fucking... she She like reflects one of his spells, right?
02:26:26
Speaker
That's kind of what happens. And I guess he dies from it.
02:26:33
Speaker
Well, I mean, doesn't he get hit in the balls? yeah news ah ah Yeah, the loose board on the floor hits him in the nuts.
02:26:44
Speaker
She reflected, because wait, she stabbed his hand after his hand cut off. It was like crawling, and she stabbed it and took the ring back. yeah Yeah, she gets the ring back from it, and that's so how she reflects the spell.
02:26:58
Speaker
And then he fucking takes the board to the balls. Basically, he killed himself. Yeah. He's like, darkness, hear me now Darkness, hear me now.
02:27:12
Speaker
By the time you hear this, I leave this world. I leave this world.
02:27:24
Speaker
If anybody reads this, I'm not sorry. how jerry's it Anybody reads this, I'm not sorry. But really, who would read this?
02:27:41
Speaker
That would have been a better ending. They should have hired us. We could have gave you the This Cold Night ending. Yeah, the This Cold Night ending, yeah. Golf suicide note. Darkness.
02:27:57
Speaker
a dog know
02:28:02
Speaker
but Vincent's dead that man's dead and the next morning Elvira's sitting on the porch with Bob and Gonk and they both have neck braces on yeah they for whatever reason I guess Bob got thrown around
02:28:23
Speaker
ah he's like hello Elvira
02:28:27
Speaker
I'm not top-heavy, Elvira. I had landed on my penis. And he fucking, like, the whole town apologizes to him, and but he's like, Elvira, what are you going to do now?
02:28:40
Speaker
Well, the whole town shows up because and it looks like it's another like, God damn it, here they come. They're gonna yeah the lynch her. Torches and pitchforks, you know, yeah.
02:28:51
Speaker
But they actually are are showing up trying to get her not to leave because they all like her now. That was Elvira's character arc, right?
02:29:02
Speaker
That is called a character arc. You end it here, Elvira, Cassandra. No. No, because you gotta move on because she got her dream. No!
02:29:14
Speaker
Shut up, Kevin! This is where the movie ends. Hit the stop button right here, people. We're not going on any further. No, you are. You have to.
02:29:25
Speaker
No. I'm not. As soon as all the townspeople show up and say, Elvira, we don't want you to leave, bitch. We like you.
02:29:38
Speaker
Stop the movie. and then She don't want to be stuck in that town. Yes, she does. She loves it now. She's getting hogged out by a big, big fucking Bob.
02:29:51
Speaker
Bob, who has ah more dick than brains. But she'll have like six of them to choose from if she goes to Vegas. Not Bob. He's one in a million. Got beckoning call. you see how Did you see how big that snake was?
Debate on Movie's Ending
02:30:06
Speaker
but There's not a lot of Bobs.
02:30:12
Speaker
I'm just saying, this is where I this is where i choose to believe the movie ends.
02:30:21
Speaker
Kevin can continue. Tomato, tomato.
02:30:27
Speaker
Kevin, go ahead. Ruin the fucking movie for everybody. Because this is where it ends. is where I lot of people are like, man, we got to see that she got her dream. Her dream came true.
02:30:40
Speaker
But this, for me, is where I'm stopping the movie because the Vegas show, I hate that they did that. But again, I think it was just to end end her story, her journey, you know?
02:30:51
Speaker
I know. Look, and this is Kevin's movie. I'm not... ah I like this movie. Kevin fucking loves it. So don't listen to me. I'm just some jackass.
02:31:07
Speaker
oh ah I'm gonna let Kevin have this because go ahead you explain the final scene because I don't like it just did like she does so she goes and it's her Broadway show that she needed 50 grand for you said I just did i agree listen I agree.
02:31:27
Speaker
I agree, Kevin. You did. You just did. You said I just did. Well, I agree because all the only thing we talked about was the titty tassels. So see, yeah, oh I could. And then, yeah. And then, of course, she she ends it.
02:31:46
Speaker
She ends it iconically as she does all of her movie macabre shows. Kevin just talked about the titty tassels and was like, I explained the entire ending.
02:31:58
Speaker
Alan, you moron. I mean, I did mention the fact that she got her Broadway show. so I mean, her Vegas show or whatever. You added wine or Tomato, tomato.
02:32:15
Speaker
basically what he's basically what kevin is saying is let's not pretend that she tried to rap at the end of this movie yeah it's yeah the rap's horrible but i mean island blondie tried to rap too man and it's horrible
02:32:33
Speaker
yeah it's so yeah the livess horrible but i mean i blony tried to rap too man and it's horrible Hey, no, we're not going to do these.
02:32:44
Speaker
Absolutely. It's Blondie. Rapture is a horrible song. I'm saying it. doing these what We ain't doing these whataboutisms, though. and i No, no, no. You're like, you're like i love but what about Blondie?
02:32:58
Speaker
And I said it was trash. Rapture is a garbage song. I don't particularly like Blondie either, so I appreciate, but I don't like her.
02:33:09
Speaker
i i be I drive in cars and drink at bars and hang out at cars. It's like wiping your ass before you take a shit. It just doesn't make any sense.
02:33:21
Speaker
Or taking a shit before you take a shower. Yeah. ah does yeah or the Or the opposite of that. Or swallowing magnets backwards just to keep everybody away from you.
02:33:33
Speaker
If your wife knew what you were doing in that bathroom with with her coochie blaster.
02:33:41
Speaker
You're spraying it at your what? Clean as a whistle.
02:33:47
Speaker
Yep. But anyway, i like the... ah I'm stopping the movie after... Before the... but I choose to believe that the Vegas thing never happened.
02:34:01
Speaker
Well, that's my, my body, my choice. i will respect your body ah from a distance, your body of work.
02:34:16
Speaker
I respect your body and your body of work. All right.
02:34:24
Speaker
Go watch this movie, everyone. It's phenomenal. It's hilarious. um Definitely. oh vi Elvira fucking rules. She's awesome. She's done a lot of good.
02:34:36
Speaker
It is a great movie. It's fucking phenomenal. I have my problems with it. Kevin does too, but he refuses to admit it yes because he loves Elvira. and And Cassandra Peterson is a lovely person.
02:34:51
Speaker
Yeah, she's fucking amazing. You know, i'm I'm one of those people that does not like to meet the actors because, you know, the whole never meet your heroes thing. But I think she's a safe bet because she genuinely seems like an awesome person.
02:35:09
Speaker
She is, man. She's super sweet. Like said, a fucking American treasure, dude. But until our next time, by everybody.
02:35:20
Speaker
Unpleasant dreams.