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EP. 98 Scary Movie 2 (2001)
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Transcript
Introduction and Episode Setup
00:00:00
Speaker
I want to play football. Have you seen my dick? been looking for it.
00:00:07
Speaker
Sir, I'm going rub one out right here on your counter.
00:00:11
Speaker
We cut to Mike, who delivers meat on his bicycle.
00:00:19
Speaker
rinsing your girl out, bud.
00:00:23
Speaker
Hello, my name is Nick, and I have shaft hair.
00:00:27
Speaker
Call me Odell Beckham Senior, because I'm dad.
00:00:34
Speaker
want me to lick your bedpan, filthy skunk?
00:00:40
Speaker
We're just joking. Everything's jokes.
00:00:47
Speaker
Two girls, one cup? No. Two guys, one screen? Yes.
00:00:54
Speaker
Hello, welcome to episode 97 of the Two Guys, One Screen Podcast, the Hemorrhoid Homies, the Poe Town Boys, the Hindi Homos. I don't know why I keep saying that, gotta stop. or dirt i just We gotta stop doing that, maybe, I don't know.
Movie Review Challenges
00:01:10
Speaker
But ah we're here today to review a movie that I would say, we say it's a lot, but i think this movie in particular has gotten pushed back lot.
00:01:19
Speaker
More times than I could count. I feel like this was... I mean... I feel like this was on the schedule back when we were doing Harry. it Yeah, for sure. Words. Words. words Yeah. we It for sure was. This movie we've discussed doing for a very long time.
00:01:34
Speaker
ah And we're finally here to do it. And we're doing it because we didn't know what else to put on for episode 97. Yeah. ah And I honestly didn't know how this would translate into an episode just because it's very...
Comparing Comedy Styles
00:01:48
Speaker
You know, it's a comedy, and it's this was big comedy heavy. This was the hardest, officially, in 97 episodes. This was the hardest scene-by-scene to write, and the movie's like 80 minutes.
00:01:59
Speaker
Yeah, it's not long at all. This was very, very hard movie to write a scene-by-scene for, because there's a lot of quips, a lot of a lot of one-liners, a lot of things going on in the background. super, like, ah think... It's a parody movie, but think, like...
00:02:15
Speaker
Like the naked gun or like airplane along those lines, but like rated R. Some of it's good because I don't like airplane. record. I'm not a big airplane fan. But, you know, some of this hit for me. Some of it didn't.
00:02:27
Speaker
Well, we'll talk about it. So. um
00:02:32
Speaker
The guy that directed airplane. Yeah. Ended up doing three, four and five of the scary movies. Yeah. And five is one of the worst movies like probably ever created.
00:02:47
Speaker
Three is pretty good. Four is like it's got some hitters like when they're just talking to a little Japanese boy, but they're not even talking. They're like Honda, Toyota, Mitsubishi. Oh, yeah.
00:03:01
Speaker
a Harry. Harry. Well, I've seen the first one. The first one I gave like a three. I did find this one substantially funnier than the first one. Right? Yeah, this yeah definitely better than the first one, I would say.
00:03:14
Speaker
um So we'll get into
Ad Break and Social Media Promotion
00:03:17
Speaker
it. I mean, Scary Movie 2 is directed by Kenan Ivory Waynes. ah Is he maybe her dad or brother?
00:03:27
Speaker
and think he's brother. he's Because he's not one of the... I think he's brother because he's...
00:03:35
Speaker
He's got to be brother. Yeah, he's and he's ah he's the co-star of White Chicks, so I'm guessing he's brother. ah He's in Scary Movie 1. He's director of Scary Movie 1. And also, direct he's in he stars and directed White white Chicks.
00:03:51
Speaker
Look at this guy go. that's a literally i just literally just lied to all of you. Isn't that crazy? Is he he's yeah. I mean, I've seen him before. So he's a non mean, you know, he he's a Wayne's, you know, dude. Do I not even hold on? I don't even think I have that button today.
00:04:07
Speaker
That's crazy. You don't have. Yeah, I mean, it's been off the board for a couple of weeks and I don't think I have here. Let me pause the let me let me let me pause the recording and get that real quick.
00:04:18
Speaker
the movie that
Streaming Services Discussion
00:04:19
Speaker
it's from we'll be right back hello you're now in an ad read yeah fuck you yeah that we're we're gerald's sick of regurgitating the same lines at the beginning and the end of the episode so here we are in the middle so here's one one nice ad read to check all our shit out plug it in So follow us on Instagram, two guys, one screen pod. Send any comments, concerns, movie requests to two guys, one screen pod at gmail.com. Follow us on TikTok and YouTube.
00:04:49
Speaker
Follow us individually on Letterboxd. Send us a voicemail, 508-8, fist us. 508-8, dip tip, six minute limit, 12 body maximum.
00:05:02
Speaker
And then go listen to our physical media podcast. Yeah, you want it? Available on the same page. Do you fucking want it or not? And before we end this ad read, shout out to Jackson Behavioral Health. All this will be linked in the description below.
00:05:19
Speaker
Click it and stick it. And now back to the episode.
In-Depth Movie Analysis
00:05:24
Speaker
We're back with the button. yeah Sorry. It's been gone because. mean i don' Honestly, I've had more space for more buttons. We just haven't been using the buttons that much. Yeah, well, you got to scroll, right? So it's a little annoying.
00:05:37
Speaker
A little annoying. You're right. Okay, so we were talking about the cast list in this Yamin... ah ne Here's your cast list. Anna Faris plays Cindy Campbell. I mean, Anna Faris is getting fucked. I don't care what you say.
00:05:52
Speaker
what i Why would I say anything different? I don't know. I'm just i'm just telling you.
00:05:59
Speaker
Next, we got Regina Hall who plays Brenda Meeks. I mean, i'd give her the fucking doink doink no. Yeah, she can get my fucking BBW. I don't know. ah she's She's in like all the scary movies.
00:06:11
Speaker
Yes, she is. After the Waynes left, she it was like her and Anna Faris. Yep, Anna Faris. Yeah. ah We got Sean Waynes, who plays Ray.
00:06:24
Speaker
He's kind of a piece, bro. He is, and like he's big gay in the movie, and he can fucking dick me down, dude. you can I am all for that.
00:06:36
Speaker
And the length of this dude's piss pipe in one of these scenes. Piss pipe. By the way, we need to I need to show i need to to go over with you.
00:06:47
Speaker
I edited Home Alone last night. and then yeah just Oh, is that what you called me? Yeah, there's just some stuff we got to talk about. That's fine. Or that you need to listen to, I guess. ah Next, we got Marlon Waynes, who plays Shorty.
00:07:00
Speaker
Probably the most famous Waynes brother, right? Yeah, he was in Him. Check out our review on Him from last year, unless you didn't like him. We didn't either. Yeah, it's fine. It's not because he's black either. It's just because it's a bad movie. Yeah, it's just a bad movie.
00:07:13
Speaker
ah Next we got Christopher Masterson. He plays Buddy. Buddy Wilkerson. i ain't fucking this guy. Nah, he's fucking, he's probably my least favorite character, honestly. He's fucking Paul Walker-lite. You what mean? Yeah, he is, but like, you know, alive still.
00:07:31
Speaker
He ain't fucking it. He ain't fucking it. Uh, we got David Cross who plays Dwight Hartman. he's a relatively famous comedian.
00:07:42
Speaker
I'll be honest. as He's kind of annoying nowadays, but he's in the movie. ain't fucking him. He's funny the movie. He is funny. Yeah. He ain't fucking it. I mean, this bitch is a little boxed picture. I'm definitely not fucking her, but in the movie, Kathleen Robertson. Oh gosh. Theo, you can fucking get it. This is probably one of my first ever moments where I was like, I like women.
00:08:07
Speaker
Sexual fucking awakening. She fucking spanks herself in that leather. Yeah. She just homies' tits on her chi homie's hands on her tits. Yeah.
00:08:18
Speaker
Next we got... Tori Spelling who plays Alex Monday. This is the girl. This is the lady who got fucked by the ghost, right? Yeah. Because they just didn't say her name the whole movie. So I just didn't know who she was. And she's fucking ugly.
00:08:31
Speaker
Yeah. i hu We're not fucking her, but somebody else is. He ain't fucking it. Next, we got the legend. The man, the myth, the legend. We're fucking him straight up for clout. Oh, yeah. I'm fucking him now when he's fucking paraplegic, too. Who even cares? This is tim Curry. This is big.
00:08:47
Speaker
This is big fuck. Oh, yeah. You're getting fucking dick down. ah ah Next, we got Chris Elliott who plays Henson. Very funny.
00:09:03
Speaker
Uh, this guy's in like a lot of stuff, but like, I don't think I'm fucking him or his nub. You know what i mean? No, but the way he fucks that turkey, my God, right that shit had me dying. He ain't fucking it.
00:09:16
Speaker
He ain't fucking
00:09:20
Speaker
I mean, I get, I mean, who else do you want to shout out here? Do you want to shout out Beetlejuice? I guess we could. For shorties brain. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, definitely not fucking that guy.
00:09:32
Speaker
ah Vitamin C? I don't even know who Vitamin C is. she a porn star? I guess she's a singer. Oh. And then anybody, any other... No, there's nobody else here to shout out, right?
00:09:48
Speaker
No. This movie came out in 2001, 2001, couple months short And this is ah during during Chris Benoit era. Unfortunately, Mr. Benoit did not have any titles at this time.
00:10:04
Speaker
Was he in WWE though?
Culinary Interlude: French Mother Sauces
00:10:06
Speaker
Did he make the jump? He was in WWE. w I guess it changed right that time, huh? Because it says that he had a title. in june He lost the title June 19th of 2001. It was WWF. Then it says he got back a title July twenty nine Okay. 2002 and it's w WWE.
00:10:25
Speaker
So he had no title. Darn. But he would win a title almost a year later, July the WWE Intercontinental Champion. Let's go. It's a workhorse title right there. Yeah, it is.
00:10:37
Speaker
And he would have it, but not today. Unfortunately, he's titled. We got to start picking some movies that when he had the title. Yeah, right. I mean, we got to find a movie that came out in 2002. When he had the World Heavyweight.
00:10:49
Speaker
Was that 04?
00:10:52
Speaker
World Heavyweight Championship. He won 04 March 14, 2004. The movie they came out in 2004 between March and April. ah March and August. Sorry, March and August. That can't be hard, right?
00:11:02
Speaker
Yeah. that's and then he I mean, it's a 154-day window. Something had to have come out, right? For sure. Yeah, for sure. So if you're new this podcast, this is ah we do a scene by scene.
00:11:15
Speaker
This is going to be a little more difficult because there's just a lot going on. And ah if I miss something, fuck you. That's right. And you know what i mean? so And just do yourself a favor and go see this movie because it's a gem of a film.
00:11:32
Speaker
All right. So this movie, also shout out to you for giving me the digi that worked. Yeah. did you Did you put all three of them in? No, but i but literally fuck Voodoo. I used to have Voodoo, but Voodoo got bought out by Fandango.
00:11:47
Speaker
okay And let me tell you what, trying to stream on Fandango at home is literally the most ass thing ever. ah Fuck you guys. isn Isn't that how we watch ra Serbian film together for the first time?
00:12:01
Speaker
It might have still been Voodoo back then. Okay. There wasn't Fandango at home yet. Voodoo was all right. Fandango at home. This is trash because I would have to pause the movie because I'd be like writing something and I can't keep up with how fast the movie is going.
00:12:15
Speaker
And then I'd try to play it again. It would just fucking load. it just would buffer It would just buffer. and it's like, bro, all I did was pause it. ah And then like I rewound it 10 seconds to catch a line. And then it wouldn't like it wouldn't play. I'd like exit out of the app and like restart it.
00:12:31
Speaker
So I thought everything got combined with Movies Everywhere or Anywhere or whatever. No, Movies Anywhere is still its own thing. but you got your Fandango. Your Fandango at home. Okay.
00:12:42
Speaker
That's okay. Daniel at home essentially is anything that has like a paramount. Uh, I believe it's the paramount redeem codes and it might be the Fox ones too. I'll go there. Okay. Okay.
00:12:53
Speaker
I've been doing this for so long. I still couldn't tell you where it was. It's fine. So this movie opens. This is hell house. Get it. I don't get it. they Did they call it Hell House? Were the movies even out by then?
00:13:07
Speaker
No. No, because there was like a... i'm pretty sure it was like an OG shit in like the 50s or some shit with like Vincent Price. shout Like House on Haunted Hill or some shit like that. hey great Some Haunted House shit.
00:13:18
Speaker
But no, this is way before Hell House. So they're, I mean, this is definitely, definitely feels dated because they're all standing around a piano singing. Like who
Return to Movie Discussion
00:13:28
Speaker
fucking does that?
00:13:29
Speaker
Well, it's supposed to be the exorcist. So not like this part. Okay. Well that doesn't detract from what I'm saying that it seems dated because who said the fuck stands by piano singing. It's also kind of grainy. It is a little grainy.
00:13:41
Speaker
ah and then they change the song, and it's this Shake Your Ass song that I don't know the name of, but they just dropped soft A. White people. Yeah. Just dropped in soft As. I mean, I guess they got the clearance because the director is for sure black.
00:13:55
Speaker
Right. I mean, yeah, and it's comedy, so he's probably like, yeah, whatever, dude. Fuck it. He's like, y'all ninjas can say it. No problem. Don't worry about it. ah And then there's this girl.
00:14:07
Speaker
I wrote lady, but i don't really know what her age is. I think she's a child because she has a mom, but the mom is old as fuck. Well, in The Exorcist, Reagan was a child, so I guess we can go with that.
00:14:20
Speaker
ah And she says they suck, which they do suck. And then she starts peeing on the floor aggressively. and this bitch definitely ate asparagus because that shit is dark yellow. Big dark.
Final Thoughts and Movie Rating
00:14:30
Speaker
Like this is like real dark.
00:14:31
Speaker
This is a banana right here. It's a lot of. pit Where are you running to? But not me running across the courtyard over here. i don't like that. No, they probably got that thing on them. Yeah, what the fuck is going on?
00:14:44
Speaker
um And then her mother says that she's like sick and beats her with a newspaper. i mean, i Yeah, sure. ah And we cut and you hear the iconic Exorcist music.
00:14:58
Speaker
You had to get the rights to that. Ask Marlon or Keelan or whatever the fuck his name is. Keenan. Keenan Allen. And we meet Father McFeely, and he does not pay the cab driver. Love that name, huh?
00:15:14
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, for a fucking priest. Yeah. You dirty fuck. And we should mention the guy who is like playing the piano is also priest, a father. Yeah, he.
00:15:25
Speaker
He's a little lower in the ranks because he hasn't touched as many kids yet. Right. Not yet. We're getting there. He's getting there. um And he's there late because his little soldier needs help nowadays. You know, his his piece peace. His little peace. And he he starts telling this lady that
Next Episode Preview
00:15:40
Speaker
if he starts tickling his ass, it really helps. and just think I don't want to hear that.
00:15:46
Speaker
um They hear him scream. And the lady is like, ah you know, this girl's gotten worse. You're going to fucking eat, sleep. I can't touch her. And McFeely's like, you normally need a van with candy. This guy ran by again.
00:16:01
Speaker
What are you running from? Why are you running? but's so What's got you so shook, kid? I don't like that. Yeah. I mean, if you need to touch a kid, just offer it candy. That's according to Father McFeely over here.
00:16:12
Speaker
It's true. And then the other father who's already there playing the piano, Father Harris, he's there to assist. um And then we see McFeely. He's like, I got to bless the house.
00:16:25
Speaker
um And he's trying to like read the Bible or whatever the fuck he's trying to read. hu And there's all these bugs in the window, which is typically like in possession movies. That's like kind of a thing. For reason. When I think like, I think like corpses, not like demons, but sure. And there's fucking, then the bugs are all over his face. And then you realize he's just taking a fat shit.
00:16:48
Speaker
I wrote, he's releasing a demon shit. I mean, he was. And, you know, good for him because he probably felt a lot better afterwards. He's like, yeah, my my day can continue now.
00:17:01
Speaker
Uh, we're in this girl's bedroom now with Harrison McFeely and, uh, he's like, fuck this, dude. I ain't staying for this because this bitch, her head did a 360. Yeah. Fuck this.
00:17:12
Speaker
Yeah. Uh,
00:17:16
Speaker
ah Father Harris tries to kiss the the cross and his lips get stuck to the cross. It's fucking cold in there. And then what? What? Did McFeely spit in her mouth? What was this? Yeah.
00:17:33
Speaker
I don't know if he was like intending on spitting on like like a disrespect thing. And then she just liked it. and She's like, i I don't know. I i don't know what this is about. Um. And then i forgot how they read it, but they were talking about mother and it like father Harris's mother is like in bed with her. Uh, and he's like, mom, get out. Yeah. The bed.
00:17:55
Speaker
Oh yeah. Cause like the, like the, his mother was supposed to be like, He was like, the demon was like using his mom's like voice or whatever. Yeah. He's like, mom's yeah, there.
00:18:07
Speaker
Yeah. And then I just thought it was funny. He read it. The Virgin Mary's baby daddy. Yeah. Uh, So while Father Harris is reading, ah this girl's just sitting there, sticking her tongue out. So McFeely just starts giving it, like, pussy-licking sign. He's like, ah! And then he's like, yo, stop fucking her. He's just literally just dry-humping her on the bed. Yeah, he just gets up on her and starts fucking this bitch.
00:18:32
Speaker
Crazy. like, whoa! Whoa! He's rape. Yeah. ah And then there's a throw-up session, the iconic, you know, green throw-up. And they all just start throwing up on each other.
00:18:44
Speaker
um
00:18:48
Speaker
They try one more time to pray for this woman and she's just talking shit. So ah Father McFeel's like, hey, suck on this and just shoots her in the head and you get the title card. You got to give credit to the title card.
00:19:02
Speaker
Strong start for this movie. We cut to a year later and there's a statue in front of the school that says once you go black, you never go back, which is kind of crazy. And it said, did you see what who said it? Thomas Jefferson. Yeah, that's wild. I mean, that's wild.
00:19:20
Speaker
ah
00:19:23
Speaker
we meet Shorty and Cindy who are from the first movie, right? Yeah. ah And Shorty needs to like pass this class in school because he got kicked out. ah But he did learn this year that you can use a textbook to use his paper to smoke weed.
00:19:39
Speaker
And then the this is the origins of the button. He teaches Cindy how to be cool because Cindy is of a dork. And you get the iconic... yumy Left, right, kick. ah sir And then Cindy straight up boxes this bitch out. I mean, she punches her in the face. Steals her jacket.
00:19:59
Speaker
Yeah. Yo, that jacket is tight, son. Yummy. Yummy.
00:20:09
Speaker
Uh... We cut... I don't know where this is. It's in somebody's house, maybe. Uh... And this is... Oh, it's in like their dorm room. their door Yeah, there you go. Their dorm room.
00:20:20
Speaker
It's Ray, and he's with... <unk> You're with the whole fucking cast here. Ray, the fucking white kid, buddy. yeah And that other fucking guy. Who's irrelevant. He never like shows up and er shows up again. Yeah, I forgot his name.
00:20:33
Speaker
Maybe it's Tommy. It's definitely not Tommy. He's just there to get previously fucked in the ass. They want to go out and get fucked. ah And they got tattoos...
00:20:45
Speaker
One guy has Ray and the guy has fucked me. Ray fucked me. and that's all right They got fucked by Ray. Ray also was like... tucked or out and he like tucks he has his dick tucked oh really yeah i didn't see that oh yeah you don't have like silence of the lambs um yeah yeah yeah it's the yeah it's the lapus they call it yeah dick bag yeah the lapus he was like he was like hey guys tucked or untucked and you see his dick like tucked in between his legs oh i didn't catch that um
00:21:19
Speaker
I think the white kid gets wedgy because I'm going yeast infection. Yeah. That works.
00:21:26
Speaker
um I don't know what... Oh, I was trying to write... We cut back to Cindy and the girls like her new jacket and it corrected to cut back to Cindy girls like hernia jacket. That's not that easy.
00:21:39
Speaker
Maybe. They all have psychology together. This is Brenda and that bitch who didn't have a name for most of the movie who gets fucked by the ghost. Ugly bitch. ah ah the the bit bit the Alex.
00:21:51
Speaker
You can't give her a hot name like that and then make her ugly. Yeah, you're not disrespectful. um I wrote not because i didn't know her name. Brenda says that if they're walking, you can't split by a pulley. You gotta walk on one side the other because it's bad luck. And then we see this couple behind them get hit by a bus. And the number is 1-800-KISS-MY-ASS. Like my driving.
00:22:13
Speaker
No, I don't. No, I don't. You shouldn't be go get around killing people. Yeah. Next, we meet ah Professor Oldman. And he's talking with Dwight, who is a cripple. He's a guy in a wheelchair. That's a big deal in this movie.
00:22:28
Speaker
um And they have this project where they want to take these people and study their sleep habits per se. But it's not actually that. And they've selected Cindy Ray...
00:22:41
Speaker
ah and a couple others because they're survivors of the massacre, the first movie. Uh, and Ray does that just send it some extra hot photos of his chest. Gotta love it.
00:22:52
Speaker
Um,
00:22:55
Speaker
we've cut a professor Oldman in class telling them they're going to this hell house to study their sleep disorders. Um, and then we see Cindy walking and she gets stopped by buddy because she dropped her Harry pothead, Harry, my fucking pothead.
00:23:11
Speaker
That's crazy because the first movie came out in 01. I dropped out of Professor Snape's class because I was hitting that kush. Yeah, we were cooking up something real nice.
00:23:23
Speaker
humph Dumbledore didn't like it. um And Buddy's like, you want to go study sometime? And she's like, really study? He's like, yeah, that was bad. And she's like, look, I was just in a bad relationship. Let's just be friends.
00:23:37
Speaker
And he's like, oh, yeah. Yeah. And just fucking wedgies her. um We cut to Cindy. She's driving to this hell house and she's singing in the car, in the radio. This is vitamin C. ah Tells her to shut the fuck up.
00:23:52
Speaker
says Shut the fuck up. Let me sing. Yeah. ah She arrives at the hell house and I want one of these fucking door knockers big. yeah guys tech That's awesome. I need one of those.
00:24:04
Speaker
And every time she knocks on door, it's like, ah um And no one answers. if she walks inside. There's this bird parrot. um And she calls him a little guy. And he says he's hung like a bull.
00:24:17
Speaker
This parrot talks a lot of shit. Yeah, I need this parrot in my life. Yeah. um She starts exploring this house. And she we meet Hanson, who he has a little baby nub hand.
00:24:29
Speaker
he's ah He's the caretaker. He was chopping vegetables with his little fucking nub. Um, and he starts like rubbing his fucking nub on her face. Uh, and everyone in this movie tells Sydney, she has resemblance to the previous owner, Hugh.
00:24:44
Speaker
has resemblance to the owner, Hugh Kane's wife. What was it? What was Hugh's wife's name? Did Hugh's wife have a name? Caroline, Caroline. Yeah. Mistress.
00:24:56
Speaker
um So anyways, Hanson's like, let me show you to your room. And he tries to like hold grab her thing with his strong hand, which is his nub. um And all her shit spills out. He's just in there sniffing her panties.
00:25:08
Speaker
He was really off kilter because he was just like, oh, you got the panties too? And he just goes, yeah. He was crazy. yeah ah And then he just straight up puts like her toothbrush in his mouth.
00:25:19
Speaker
He's like, oh, you don't want to get this to get dirty. Yeah. Right his fucking dirty ass British fucking mouth. Fucking brown teeth ass. And they're walking this hallway. There's these portraits of mother Kane, master Kane. And then what was the rapper? Big nasty Kane, big daddy Kane, big daddy Kane. And we need the fucking real Kane. Yeah.
00:25:39
Speaker
The big red machine, big red machine Kane. I mean, big daddy Kane was like a real rapper. I'm sure he was. Yeah. Uh, there's this clown sitting in a chair in the hallway Hanson says these toys have a mind of their own, including our arena basketball.
00:25:54
Speaker
Um, this clown just smacks her on the ass. I mean, that's clout, bro. You smacked Anna Faris on the ass. Good for you. Oh yeah. You know who Anna Faris was with, by the way, for a long time. I think they separated.
00:26:05
Speaker
Dating? That's gone. camera Chris Pratt. And I don't follow like celebrity like couples like that, but I remember knowing that. Yeah. For a while they were together. Damn.
00:26:15
Speaker
Cause yeah Anna Faris isn't like overly hot, but like she's hot enough. She's hot. fucking get it Yeah. yeah And to be with Chris Pratt, Chris Pratt is hot. Chris Pratt's a fucking piece. Yeah.
00:26:26
Speaker
Give him the button, even though he's not in this movie.
00:26:31
Speaker
Um, So they get to the hallway, all the rooms, and Sidney was about to walk into the mistress's room, and Hans is like, no, you can have the wife's from Caroline. Ooh. And then he's like, watch out, my fanny's coming through.
00:26:45
Speaker
i don't know why you call it fanny, but...
00:26:50
Speaker
Cindy's in the room and she's looking through like this lady's clothes like all these are really nice and she just pulled a dress and has like just cum
00:26:59
Speaker
um and then we meet this cat Mr. Kittles ah and he's been in the family for generations and hasn't aged a day but I just think you haven't been paying attention hands and they probably just got the same cat yeah to just it's not hard to find black cats no one wants them no ah We cut to Professor Oldman and Dwight looking at the camera system. And Oldman's a perv in this movie. You know, he wants to zoom in on the shower cams.
00:27:24
Speaker
He's like, oh, yes. And then Hanson walks in and off the rip, Hanson and Dwight have beef because Hanson's got a ah nub and Dwight can't walk. So they make these riffs at each other by not being able to to move.
00:27:41
Speaker
And it's something about giving aran a round of applause and a standing ovation. It's a whole thing. I didn't write all these quips down. You can go watch the movie. it's pretty cringe, though. Like, not funny.
00:27:52
Speaker
ah We cut, and Dwight says hello to the bird, which tells him to fuck off. ah And Shorty walks over. he's like yeah, chill. It's just a bird. But then the bird's like, yo, probably weren't your mama's sweet ass. He's like, yo, what'd you say? He's ready to fight immediately. And this bird's like, yeah, i fucked her last night. He's like, don't you dare talk about my mama.
00:28:12
Speaker
And he asked Dwight and all this to hold his tooth or his little gold thing over his tooth. Yo, hold my tooth.
00:28:22
Speaker
We cut and Cindy walks into the dining room and Buddy punches her in right in the chest. ah And then this hot fucking bra walks in. This is what Theo.
00:28:32
Speaker
Yeah, that's a wise weird name for a woman. And she's like, no one's going to offer me a chair? And then they look like... I mean, even Dwight throws his fucking wheelchair at her. Yeah. They all offer a chair. face Right.
00:28:45
Speaker
You could titty fuck me. You got some fucking milkers on her. Big milkers on Insane. ah Cindy asked Oldman about a girl being possessed, and he's like, it was never confirmed, but it definitely happened.
00:28:58
Speaker
um And then Hanson comes out to serve the meal, and he... He... He made these buns by hand because they're all like oh, it's so soft. And what was the deal? Was someone getting jerked while they were eating the fucking, he was like, oh it's so soft. And so I think was buddy's like, hey, what the fuck? It was he like grabbing somebody's cock.
00:29:17
Speaker
What was that about? Well, Ray was like talking about, he's like, oh, these buns, they're so fucking warm. Yeah. His hands out is like fucking cock. Yeah. Maybe sack.
00:29:30
Speaker
I mean, a warm, soft sack could feel like a bun. I don't know. It could be nice. Yeah, you could nibble it though, right? Yeah, you'd like nibbling. You're a nibbler over there. I am, but I don't think you should like nibble on my ball. you know like that's A little suck is nice, though. You know i mean? Suck, yeah, but like nibble. like You flick you like gently tap a nut, and it's going to hurt. It's sensitive, yeah.
00:29:50
Speaker
I feel, personally, right? A light tap is worse than full-on punch. yeah is worse than like a full-on like punch Yeah, for sure. you Just the wrong way, yeah.
00:30:01
Speaker
You sit on that shit. you're so You ever, like, you got a long sat. I have sat my balls, yeah. It's a reoccurring issue. Especially when I wear boxers my balls are just flapping in the wind. Yeah, it's a problem. Oh, yeah. You go to sit down your nuts hit first. Like, that's a problem. Like I said, I see myself in the fucking mirror and my balls like, down half my thigh. It's crazy. just, like, crazy, crazy sackage.
00:30:22
Speaker
When's the last time you got, like, hit in the balls? Like, someone did it to me or I did it to myself. Either or. um I mean, do it to myself all the time, but the last time I like someone physically hit me in the balls, I don't know.
00:30:35
Speaker
We were we were off roading when we were in Mexico and like Jeeps and like we got so much air that I lifted lifted out of my seat and fucking slammed right down on my nutsack.
00:30:46
Speaker
It was very bad. that Sounds horrible. It was horrible. But then we saw an iguana and I felt better. Both nuts are just one. Both. Straight like... Typically one's harder the other. Yeah, but they both hit.
00:30:58
Speaker
That's crazy. The force. That Mexican in G-force, you know? Yeah, exactly. i don't know. um Hanson goes to serve the mashed potatoes, and he just has his fucking nubbin' like a whisk, and he's just whisking this shit up.
00:31:14
Speaker
I need extra flavor. And then he's gonna go slice the turkey, and... Ray's like, let me do it, bro. And Hanton's like, oh, that's so kind of you. And goes to rub his face with mashed potatoes on his nub.
00:31:26
Speaker
He's like, nah, nah. So Hanton's like, you know, people are very intimidated by slicing turkey. you just have to know it's anatomy. And this shit was fucking crazy. This is like so funny, dude. Yeah, and he's like, they had the tiniest little stink holes.
00:31:42
Speaker
He was just like, I don't know what this is, but I'm lick it anyways. He's just looking like where the neck is, right? He's just like tonguing down this turkey's neck hole. And then like, i was laughing so hard. I looked up and he's fucking the turkey. He's holding, he's like fucking riding the turkey. He's like fist sit. He's like, oh, oh. He's like, then you got to do a little bit of this. Oh, come here. Oh.
00:32:00
Speaker
And then like he picked a mole off his face and like threw it into it. Or I don't know what that was about, but he everil he's like, bam. Yeah. Gross. So he's fucking this turkey. And then ah
00:32:16
Speaker
Dwight and Hanson are still kind of talking shit to each other. And Oldman asks Hanson if he's... If there's anything here he didn't make. And he's like, well, there's the pie. So he brings the pie out because he ordered that. It looks like, what do think, lemon meringue?
00:32:31
Speaker
Lemon meringue, maybe banana cream pie. I love a banana cream pie. Yeah. um And then there's gay shit. They're passing the pies around and Ray sticks his finger in He's like, yeah, germs or whatever. And then Hanson just sticks his whole fucking fist into this pie and then sneezes all in it.
00:32:51
Speaker
Then we have... It's nighttime. They hear girl giggling and there's a basketball that comes down the stairs and they do like this fucking high school musical basketball thing. Very odd, but very like odd. I didn't like But funny. You didn't like it? I thought it was funny. Just out of nowhere.
00:33:07
Speaker
Just start dribbling ball. I thought the funny thing was the the the black guys dance pretty well and Anna Faris and fucking Buddy just look like absolute fucking retards. Yeah. I mean, white people got no rhythm. Yeah.
00:33:20
Speaker
Big. Yeah. Um... So after that, we cut to Cindy. She hears a voice from a lady saying the but to help her and check the music room. And she's just like, where?
00:33:35
Speaker
And the ghost is like, check the fucking music room. And
00:33:41
Speaker
um and then ah she meets up with Buddy who just drills her in the head football. And she tells Buddy to relax. And then she's into gentle stuff. Like telling secrets. And Buddy's like, hmm, it's kind of gay. Which is fair. It's very gay, yeah. Yeah. And she asks Buddy to check out the music room with her. And on their walk over, Buddy's going to work on telling his secrets.
00:34:04
Speaker
um so he starts telling the story about a spanish chick licking his nuts and just like yo yo yo i don't want to do that um they find uh a trail of bloody footsteps that to lead to a bookcase that opens a secret study room um and there's a but he's like yo someone's on their rag what is that oh the like period yeah ah we find out that Hugh Kane's mistress was murdered in the house. And a picture of his wife and everyone says it looks like Cindy, but not quite because Cindy got some split hairs. She got some beat up orangutan tits, they say at one point.
00:34:44
Speaker
Yeah. And she's got, she kind squints her eyes sometimes. looks like she's got Down syndrome. Big. ah They find this little chest on the table and she tells Buddy to grab the chest and he just grabs her tits.
00:35:00
Speaker
um And then we cut to Alex's room. She's asleep and there's like some smoky, misty fog shit entering the room. um And we see her blanket get pulled off of her and she got some nasty ass feet.
00:35:14
Speaker
ah And she's wearing some panties that say Wednesday on them, but it's Friday. That's gross. The ghost is like, oh. miaing yeah Uh, then he starts fucking her mouth and the ghost is invisible. You don't even see anything. You see like the fucking bulge in her mouth. He starts like literally throat fucking her to where the fucking bulge is coming out the back of her head. i mean, he's moving her fucking spinal cord around. It's crazy.
00:35:40
Speaker
Um, And then for a brief second, we cut our... No, I guess that the whole scene happens. He, like, fucks the shit out of her and she's into it. She's all kinky. She's like, I'm into this shit. she's like He's, like, fucking her, like, on the ceiling. She's, like, crawling on it.
00:35:55
Speaker
She's throwing it back. Bent backwards? We cut to Ray with Brenda and he wants to try something different. and He wants to try some dirty talk. And she starts, she wants like piss in his mouth and then she's going to shit all over the walls. And he's like, Oh, what are you talking about? Girl?
00:36:13
Speaker
She's like, Oh, is that too much? Piss in my mouth. Like what? I mean, that's crazy. That's not as bad, right? But being like, I want to try dirty talk. Then you'd be like i'm a piss in your mouth. Like, yo, I'm not, I decided for that. That's a little too far. You know?
00:36:28
Speaker
Yeah. like i' I'm down to exchange some bodily fluids, but not, not like that. Uh, We cut to Cindy who opens the chest and ah the cat walks in and his center and literally gives her the finger.
00:36:44
Speaker
And then the cat tries to fight Cindy and Cindy's like, i get it. You're mad because I shit in your litter box. And then they show the litter box with shit in it.
00:36:55
Speaker
And then this cat breaks a bottle and tries to fight Cindy. ah And they kind of fight each other. The cat throws some litter in her face and then hits her with a chair. She's like, ah help, my pussy's going crazy.
00:37:09
Speaker
They exchange some some punches and Cindy gets KO'd. Lily gets fucking knocked out. What happened to this cat? This cat after this scene just kind of like goes away. He's just not in the movie anymore.
00:37:21
Speaker
And she wakes up and she's telling Oldman and Alex that she was attacked by this cat. And Oldman suggests that she sleeps with Alex. ah And, you know, he's like, you're in college. You might as well, you know, ah might as well experiment a little bit.
00:37:39
Speaker
We cut to Ray who's in his room doing pushups. I guess he's done fucking Brenda. ah And there's a clown sitting in his rocking chair while he's doing push-ups, and then he gets up to grab his shirt, but the clown is gone.
00:37:51
Speaker
It's like the clown from Poltergeist. Poltergeist is mid. Yeah, it is. Is that what I said? i mean, it's not good. Sorry, Tobe. It's not good. Yeah. Didn't Spielberg, like, produce on that?
00:38:03
Speaker
Yeah. But people say it was, like, cursed because at the end they used, like, real human skeletons. Yeah, the people actually got fucked up. Yeah, you shouldn't do that. You know, let's just ask for trouble. Even if you don't believe in shit like that.
00:38:16
Speaker
Which we do. Oh, yeah. Ghosts are real big. God, no. Ghosts, yes. Yeah, yeah i don you make it make sense, but it's true. um there's like this light and it's giggling under his bed and he looks under there and there's a clown and grabs him and pulls him under the bed.
00:38:31
Speaker
And eventually the clown is choking him and he's like, yeah, you fucking like that? And then you see this guy, he's got an extendo fucking cock, this black fucking rod. It's like Mr. Fantastic. He wraps that shit around this clown's neck and chokes him. And then I guess we're led to assume he like puts it in his ass.
00:38:47
Speaker
He's fucking that fucking. Because the clown's like, he's getting fucked. We cut to Cindy reading Caroline's diary, and she thinks she was having an affair with the babysitter.
00:38:59
Speaker
And this voice tells Cindy to find out. And then Cindy approaches ah Professor Oldman in a red dress, all fucking sensual-like. And she gets on top of him and rips ah rips his shirt off. And this man has some abnormally long nipples.
00:39:16
Speaker
They are... yeah i want to I want to say i hope it's really Tim Curry's nipples. You know think Tim Curry got some long nipples like that? I hope so.
00:39:27
Speaker
i mean just what What other movie have you seen Tim Curry shirtless in? you know None that i can think of. I haven't seen too many Tim Curry movies like where he's like not voice acting.
00:39:38
Speaker
Really? I've seen Clue. i've seen clue I've seen It and I've seen home Alone
00:39:47
Speaker
I haven't seen Rocky Horror Picture Show. I have not seen Charlie's Angels. He sure is big in Rocky Horror Picture Show. he's ah He's trans in that movie, so it only makes sense.
00:40:01
Speaker
He's in a movie called Congo. It's just a gorilla. Directed by Frank Marshall, the guy that did The Descent. And I lied. Frank Marshall did arachnophobia, not Oh, you like arachnophobia. I haven't seen it because I'm afraid of spiders.
00:40:13
Speaker
It's the biggest fear. But you said they use real spiders. I don't know how bad I feel about that. They're humanely treated, though. It's like well-known they were humanely treated. Fucking kill them! Okay. ah So Cindy's on top of him, and then her face turns into Rey. I guess Rey was in the room the whole time.
00:40:31
Speaker
Um, and she's like, oh, this is the spot where they found where Caroline found Hugh cheating. Um, this really has no impact the rest of the movie. No, we cut to shorty who's feeding his plant, uh, some bond water.
00:40:46
Speaker
Uh, and then he puts like his gold tooth in a tooth fairy pouch. This is like a reference to, um, wow. Little shop of horrors. Audrey, do this plant hulks the fuck out.
00:40:58
Speaker
And then while it's hulking out, there's a hip hop Christmas album on the screen. I didn't write the name of the song, but they were very funny. Very funny. yeah It was like, yeah all I want for Christmas is the charges to be dropped. They were good.
00:41:12
Speaker
um This plant attacks Shorty and wraps him in the sheet like a joint. And he's like trying to smoke him. And then Buddy is able to bring in some Funyuns and Cheetos in exchange for Shorty. Because I guess when you smoke weed, you have the munchies afterwards. It's very true. Not a big weed smoker. Then the plant just leaves. just goes out the window. He's gone.
00:41:36
Speaker
We cut and Cindy tells the group that Hugh Cain was ah an evil dude. And the group says that Cindy looks like his wife. But, you know, like I said, she got some Down syndrome looking ass eyes and orangutan titties. He's saying something like you could pick your arms up and lick your tits or something like that. He's like, he's like you could you could put yourself in a full Nelson and lick them shits. That's crazy. Shout out Chris Masters.
00:42:03
Speaker
Shout out the Master Lock. Yeah. ah Buddy stalks Oldman. um And Oldman goes to Dwight and tells him they need to cancel the experiment. Dwight tells Oldman he needs to cancel the experiment. was not Oldman's idea.
00:42:19
Speaker
And he says the poltergeist is out of hand. um And Oldman's like, we can't cancel it because I'm so close to getting laid, bro. like This bitch was all up on my shit last night. You should have seen it. ah Buddy comes back and tells the group there's poltergeist and they're keeping the gates locked. Nobody can leave until it's over.
00:42:40
Speaker
And then Alex like, you give me five minutes with that motherfucker. I'll get the shit out. This is not Alex. This is Theo. Sorry. but The badass bitch. Theo approaches Dwight and puts. ah She's like, hey, baby, you know, and basically he she puts his ah hands on her tits and it's like, give me the key. And he's still like, no, which shout to him.
00:43:03
Speaker
And then she like kind of a insinuate she's going suck his cock. He's like, I can do that myself, bro. And then he just starts sucking his cock. He goes, I'm tossing my own salad.
00:43:14
Speaker
ah
00:43:17
Speaker
And then she like just knocks him out with like a telephone or whatever and just takes the key. um Oldman sees this ghost. I'm guessing this is Caroline as a ghost. And she lures him into this room. You just hear him scream no.
00:43:31
Speaker
um This doesn't really have any impact, I don't think. No. um So now the group is locked in the house. All like the doors close, the windows lock. And Dwight has these special guns.
00:43:45
Speaker
that can i don't know it's like ghostbuster type shit but they waste all the ammo not all of it but a lot of it and he ah he also has these thermal goggles which can see liquid even after it's been wiped clean he's got they look at dwight he's just come all over his face he's like what's wrong yeah nothing no yeah you just were sucking yourself off and you came in your own mouth that's that's fucking disgusting it's fucking crazy bro
00:44:12
Speaker
um and then their their communication method is going to be that that good old cup on a string it's like we used all our uh all our budget on these guns and goggles yeah and like oh we just split up and uh brenda's like fuck that and instead they split up into three and three and it's three black people and three white people and all the black people start crying he's like we go with that ah Ray and Brenda get separated from Shorty and Ray goes looking for Shorty.
00:44:43
Speaker
We cut to Buddy and Cindy who are about to go in the furnace room and the furnace room just has Florida, Florida voting ballots, which is kind of funny. Yeah. Even today and FBI files and then there's a skeleton that appears.
00:44:58
Speaker
ah and she tells Buddy that she's being chased by the skeleton. going split up. And Buddy's like, wait. And he gives her a hug, and he puts a kill her sign on the back of Cindy.
00:45:11
Speaker
Cindy finds Shorty hiding, and she tells him she's being chased by a skeleton. He just kicks her out. He's fuck you, bitch. So Cindy's still running from the skeleton and she sees Brenda and Brenda's essentially hiding. Like, please let this bitch get fucking eaten.
00:45:25
Speaker
Just like, I do not need this shit. don't want to be the first. The black person's always the first to die. So always. And Cindy falls over. So Brennan's like, yeah, she's probably going to get fucking got, but she gets up and runs over to Brenda. And she's like, you fucking stupid bitch. You couldn't have just shut the fuck up. Yeah.
00:45:44
Speaker
And then Brenda sees the skeleton and she's not very scared. So she just takes its fucking head off and puts it in its pelvis. By the way, my sister told me we were wondering why pelvises had that big hole in them.
00:45:55
Speaker
Yeah, what's that for? Yeah, I guess your organs go there. Like your intestines and colon and shit. They go through it? It like holds it. Yeah. it's oh it's like ah it's like a bowl.
00:46:06
Speaker
yeah It's like a bowl. It's like a colander. oh wow. Yeah. It's like a colander for your colon. That's kind of scary. i don't like that. If you break your pelvis, there's a really good chance that like you damage something.
00:46:19
Speaker
Internally. Yeah. You're I mean, your intestines could get like knotted in your pelvic bone or something like that. Oh, God. Half of your pelvis. Yeah. I actually I actually really wish I didn't know that now. She actually made me feel very bad that I didn't understand why I was a hole in the pelvis for. She's like, you don't fucking get it. And I was like, no, said you're dumb as fuck. And I was like, I know I'm dumb. That's why I'm asking you. You're a medical professional.
00:46:39
Speaker
That's the thing. like if you couldn' tell She probably couldn't tell me the fucking five mother sauces, but I could. Fuck you. you know what mean? yeah Also, there's I guarantee she didn't know that before she went to medical school.
00:46:50
Speaker
No. i i bet you No one knows this. No.
00:46:58
Speaker
So wait, what are the five mother sauces? What's that? there's the five There's the five mother sauces in culinary school. this is this is french This is French technique. This is of the French, right? All right, I'm ready. Watch me forget them now. All right. see So you got your... Is this is this like basic? This is like... is this like the The idea is you can make...
00:47:20
Speaker
With these five sauces, you can make any other sauce you'd ever want to make. That's the idea. Okay. But it's French, right? So you've got like tomato sauce, which is like for French people, tomato sauce is like not what we think it is.
00:47:35
Speaker
Oh. it's like It's like essentially like onions, tomato, and like red wine. I kind of fuck with that though. It's very different. It's good. You got your, ah it sounds like Espanol, but it's Espanol sauce. a G in there. That's your brown sauce.
00:47:49
Speaker
You can use that to do ah anything you want with brown sauces, any kind of brown sauce you ever need to make. There's a sauce. Like a gravy? Yeah. yeah oh Yeah. Young gravy. There's this sauce that I was that me and my roommate shot to him, but he was a hell we were obsessed with.
00:48:05
Speaker
It was called sauce. Robert, just sauce. Robert. We just thought it was hilarious. It was called sauce. Robert. Okay. theyre There was just probably some important guy in the church named Robert. maybe saw after you bro Yeah. no i mean Those guys come taste great. We got to like make something after him. Yeah. Cause like all this shit got made in like the 1600s and the church was like really important, you know? Right. Yeah. They were still for kids though. Yeah. Right. Big.
00:48:29
Speaker
ah Okay. Then you got your velouté. Velouté is ah it's a essentially a stock, like chicken stock or beef stock okay or bit or whatever, that's thickened with roux, which is flour and fat, typically butter.
00:48:44
Speaker
I'm not saying that to you. I'm saying that to the general audience who might not know that. Yeah. ah Okay. So that's another one. And then how many did list? Three? Three. All right. there's ah There's a couple more that got.
00:48:56
Speaker
Well, are these like still used? like yeah Yeah. So I thought bechamel was involute, but it's not. Then you got your bechamel sauce. That's your cream, your cream based thickened sauce. Right. So you can make like cheese sauce from bechamel. You can make all sorts of shit from bechamel.
00:49:13
Speaker
It's like typically most of the time it's like milk or heavy cream or where I used to work used half and half. Then you add roux to it and then you a thick cream sauce that you can make other shit.
00:49:24
Speaker
Interesting. There has been in the culinary world – I'm really going fucking geek out right here. That's fine. There but there are other – we've developed other thickening agents than roe to use like, like if you want to make a sauce you want it to be thicker, there's other things you can use besides roux nowadays. Such as? that cornstarch.
00:49:44
Speaker
Oh, there the yeah. Okay. ah There's this thing called agar agar, which is, i believe it's made from like fruit pectin, which is like, it's like used to thick. It's like why when you like cook down fruit, it like gets thick and syrupy because it's like it has pectin in it.
00:50:03
Speaker
Uh, that That's something you can use nowadays where it's like ah you add it to anything. You don't like corn starch. You have mix it water and like heat it up and mix it or whatever.
00:50:14
Speaker
Agar agar, you can just like put it in anything like at any temperature and just agitate it, like mix it, and it'll thicken. Sounds Star Wars character. Yeah, you got to be careful. And then you got xanthan gum. That should with X. Oh, that's like in everything.
00:50:27
Speaker
Yeah, you can use that. There's all sorts of shit that don't really... um you know So, roux is kind of a dated thing. Also, roux sauces, to me, have are very heavy versus like using a cornstarch.
00:50:44
Speaker
It kind depends. If you want more like ah hearty gravy type sauce, I think Rue is the answer. But if you want like more boogery, almost slimy in a way, you can go cornstarch. Nice thicker consistency.
00:50:59
Speaker
But I will say, I mean, I'm really going off the rails here, but like if you if you're going to like make an emulsion, which is like mixing oil or fat with like a water substance, for example, ah salad dressing,
00:51:11
Speaker
Right. Because vinegar and oil don't mix like a nice Italian dressing. Sure. Like if you want to hold that, like you want to get bind and you don't have like the typical stabilizers, like an egg yolk or mustard or whatever, you can put xanthan gum and it'll help like keep it together.
00:51:25
Speaker
Interesting. It also works for that, too. And then the last the last mother sauce, just by the way, hollandaise, which we've all heard of hollandaise. It's just a little outdated nowadays in, in at least in American culture, all we use hollandaise for is hollandaise and Bernays, which Bernays is hollandaise with tarragon in it.
00:51:42
Speaker
What's tarragon? It's a green herb. I was going to ask. Yeah. So Holland, I mean, Bernays and hollandaise are big at like steakhouses. It's like kind of like a classic pairing. Yep. Uh,
00:51:53
Speaker
But yeah, you know, those those are your five bechamel, velouté, espagnol, hollandaise and tomato. Those are your five mother sauces that you can theoretically make any sauce with. And this is so fucking impossible that when I was in culinary school, they were like, hey, your assignment is to list the five mother sauces and list five derivative sauces, like five sauces you can make with them.
00:52:12
Speaker
Right. and I couldn't find enough of them because no one fucking uses that. Yeah. People just, people just don't do this anymore. So why would you need to learn it in culinary school? i don't know. why do we have to learn in algebra? It's just like, yeah, no, we don't even fucking use it.
00:52:25
Speaker
Like they're just teaching you outdated shit that you're not going to use day-to- day to day. I mean, it's probably good knowledge to know it like in a pinch, maybe. I got to push back on some of it because like hollandaise, you need to know how to make. Bechamel is a core sauce. you need to know to make. Vellute, I have to say most people aren't making vellutes anymore. That's just not a thing, especially with the rise of like allergies and gluten allergies. You can't really make roubaix sauces to appeal to like the general public because everyone has a fucking gluten allergy nowadays. You always got to have gluten free.
00:52:56
Speaker
Right. So I will say S bag Nol sauce, like the biggest thing you'd want that for is to make like demi gloss. And I'll say like fine dining restaurants probably make their own demi gloss. That's like a really fortified reduced stock. That's like with beef bones and veal and all this shit. It takes, all it takes like 48 hours to make most people, most restaurants just buy demi gloss pre-made and no one knows better.
00:53:18
Speaker
But you know, the inside knowledge is here. But, you know, if you're out there and you're like, oh, I make my own Demi-Gloss, hey, good for you, buddy. I'll fucking jerk you off like Anna Faris did to Buddy in this movie, okay? yeah I'm happy for you. But for the most part, most people don't fucking make their own Demi-Gloss. They just buy it. Because it's just too much work and you're getting the same fucking thing.
00:53:36
Speaker
Also, the cost of it is like the time and labor to make that versus just buying an eight-pound tub is like, it's not it's a no-brainer. Yeah. But, uh... Anyways, that all started because i didn't know what a pelvic floor was and neither did you. i mean, hey, i learned something today and I hope all you did too if it keeps. Yeah, stuff I mean, hopefully you're still here. I just get the fucking nerd. yeah Cooking with Nick. Here you go. Cooking with Nick. Yeah, those are your five mother sauces that you can essentially theoretically make any other sauce with.
00:54:08
Speaker
The only one I forgot was hollandaise, which is kind of shameful that I forgot that. And I also thought that bechamel and volute are the same thing, but it's not because volute is stock and bechamel is cream. So that makes sense. All right.
00:54:19
Speaker
So I wrote Buddy gets wedgied. I forgot who wedgies it doesn't really matter. Brenda makes a run for it. um Oh, Buddy's getting wedgied by the fucking ghost.
00:54:31
Speaker
Right. That's what's going on. Brenda just runs because she has a thing where she's like, I'm not scared. But then she's scared. um and cindy shoots the uh ghost with this that ray gun john thing yeah she got lucky in the fucking mystery box yeah uh there's a ghost huey hue he's in the office and this alex like put her face on everything and written that she loves him so much on like the fucking mirrors and shit this ghost ain't fucking having it she's sitting there doing bloody mary you know
00:55:02
Speaker
he wanted like a one night stand this bitch wants to wife him up she's like but i love you and he's like no bro and he's like you gave me crabs how do you give a ghost crabs to get rid of her he just drops a chandelier on her ass um and then there's the other there's a caroline i'm guessing this is not the mistress
00:55:26
Speaker
And she finds Shorty and they fucking. They're big fucking, yeah. She got a bag on her head. They fucking big. ah We cut to Buddy getting some first aid from fucking Cindy.
00:55:40
Speaker
um And, you know, he's like, oh, Ray's such a good friend to me. He runs my bath water. It's like when I'm sad. ah um And they're talking about, you know, we're going to die. and Cindy are going to die. So might as well take our friendship to the next level.
00:55:58
Speaker
And he's like, yeah, want to fuck. Uh, and I, say Oh, I don't know. More often than not, he has his hand in his pants. Um, and she's like, I've always wanted to walk in the moon. So she pretends like she wants to walk in the moon, but he's ready to strip. Fuck.
00:56:13
Speaker
Uh, they get attacked by Huey. and they get locked in this medical cooler. and Cindy tries to yell for help, but she's yelling at this cup, which obviously does nothing.
00:56:25
Speaker
It's not going to work. It's a cup. We cut to Dwight and Theo. And Dwight's like, going to go check upstairs. He's a cripple. he can't go up the stairs. And essentially for the next like five-ish minutes, you watch him struggle to go up the stairs.
00:56:38
Speaker
He's like, I'm serpentining. Cover me It's fucking stupid. Yeah, really dumb. ah We cut back to Buddy and he's cold and he can't feel anything. And Cindy starts rubbing his leg. And he's like, can you feel that? He's like a little higher.
00:56:56
Speaker
And then essentially without asking, he kind of just is like jerk my cock. It's a matter of life and death in the name of love. You know, just fucking I need you to jerk me. And she's like, OK.
00:57:07
Speaker
feel like there's a play on Titanic. A little bit like I'm cold. I'm dying. Yeah, probably. He's just like fucking jerk me. And then literally, I mean, the fattest load you've ever seen busted in your life. Like like Cindy gets launched.
00:57:20
Speaker
I mean, the only thing that kind of annoyed me was afterwards when they cut back to this room. She's not covered in cum still. I mean, at least have like a little bit of like she's all like the. Was that something about Mary that had the cum in her fucking hair? Or is that? Yeah, she's all that. I don't remember which one.
00:57:34
Speaker
Like at least a little cum shot on her face. You know, something. It's all we need. The rest of the movie, she had like a fucking cum shot on her face. Yeah, we need a little ah continuity here. Yeah, or they put their goggles on, they see her, and she's just a big, the thermal goggles going crazy because she's just fucking blasted and cum. Yeah. Like, just give me some fucking cum. That's all I want.
00:57:51
Speaker
Make that a butt. Yeah.
00:57:55
Speaker
Cut it to Dwight. He made it up the stairs, and he's getting chased by Hugh. by hu And he uses all his ammo on on his ah his gun. And then they launch they launch themselves. i like they're going joust.
00:58:09
Speaker
ah And then they collide. But he goes through Huey because he's a ghost. And Dwight's hanging out this window. And hands him off first to help him up. He's like, just grab my hand. And it's his little nubby hand.
00:58:22
Speaker
And Dwight refuses and then just falls to the ground. he's like It's like multiple stories up. And you're like, yeah, he's dead. He's dead. He's not. not. Uh, and then we see Hanson.
00:58:35
Speaker
you don't know what happens to him, but we'll tell you now he gets possessed. Uh, we cut to Cindy and she builds a, I don't know. I labeled it caterpillar. Cause what it said on the front of it, it's this thing to bust the door down. It's like a, it looks like a tractor.
00:58:51
Speaker
Uh, Cindy finds Ray, ah and they're like talking through the cup and they're just like on the opposite side of a wall. Um, And then they split up again and she finds Shorty with Hanson and he's brain dead and he's been scalped.
00:59:09
Speaker
ah And he's also been hit with a horse tranquilizer. But Hanson's like, that was his, bro. He just had it on him. He's like...
00:59:18
Speaker
And Beetlejuice is inside of his head. But this isn't Beetlejuice like Michael Keaton. This is not a mean Beetlejuice. Yeah, a little black motherfucker. um' little black motherfucker? Yeah.
00:59:30
Speaker
um Hanson makes a run for because he basically killed Shorty. And Cindy, Brenda, and Theo chase after him. And they're supposed to change into a different costume, but they're just naked. so they go back and like get changed properly.
00:59:46
Speaker
There's this long fight scene. ah Brenda got these titty inflatables on her to like break or fall at one point.
00:59:54
Speaker
Buddy and Ray reunite with Dwight. And Dwight's very sad. He can't feel his legs, but he never could. He's like, you never could. And he sends Buddy to get the others and asks Ray for his belt. I was like, damn, he's going to hang himself. That have been way better. What fuck's going right now?
01:00:13
Speaker
The girls are still fighting and there's a silly crouching tiger, dragon, suck my cock, camel toe, which it looks like Hansen's going to explode. I don't know. Like, we got to get out of here.
01:00:26
Speaker
And they all reunite in like the lot like not the lot like the front of the house inside. And Dwight is strapped to Rey. This belt. not Not fucking Rey's fucking dick. Because you know you got that thing on and We saw it already. Yeah, but a real belt.
01:00:42
Speaker
They built this platform. And they're like, Cindy Lorum to this fucking platform. She's like, I'll go. And Buddy's like, wait. And she's like, no, I'm going. He's like, i just want to know if I get your computer, bro. When you're dead. Because this is going fuck your ass up.
01:00:55
Speaker
Sure. Cindy lures this ghost on the platform, but she's still on the platform like a fucking idiot. Dumb twat. ah And Ray is able to save Cindy and they trap this ghost on the platform.
01:01:10
Speaker
We cut to two months later and Cindy says it was a very traumatic experience and you realize she's talking to Parrot who wishes that she just left him there to die. And he's like, give me the rope. I'll fucking hang myself now. I feel you, Parrot.
01:01:26
Speaker
Then dad calls and watching on the phone with dad, this bird just shits on her wall aggressively. She's like, yeah, birds are clean. Very clean animals. My mom had birds back in the day.
01:01:39
Speaker
Yeah, I had um a bird named Fred. I had two cockatiels. They didn't shut the fuck up. Yeah, we kept them in our garage. That's probably smarter. we kept You know where my freezer was in the garage?
01:01:51
Speaker
And there was that room off just that room off to the side? Uh-huh. Yeah, that was that was called for a long time, the bird room. Interesting. Because they just kept birds in there. Poor guy, he's just... Yeah, in the dark. It was like one little window. It's fuck Kind of fucked up.
01:02:06
Speaker
Yeah. Fuck you, mom. one um Animal abuse.
01:02:13
Speaker
Uh, buddy shows up with some flowers and she punches him in the chest and calls him a pencil dick. Uh, and then they get two hot dogs from this guy and it's Hanson. Uh, and she's like, buddy. And he's gone. Uh, and then they're just standing there in the street, like screaming and, uh, buddy gets hit by a car and the driver of this car is shorty. He was getting popped off by that fucking, a fucking bag, bitch.
01:02:40
Speaker
That fucking bagged up bitch. think you just cut a hole in that bag for and just like, top me off, girl. Probably. Yeah. Give me that nice sucking. And then that's basically the end of the movie. I'm probably to slap this movie with a hot three and a half.
01:02:54
Speaker
Yeah. i was going to say, what did you think? I hyped this movie probably up too much, huh? You did a little bit. Yeah, you did. Yeah. Yeah. A little bit. I mean, this is very. It's funny. I mean, I was laughing very hard at the turkey. The hands of the turkey was probably my favorite part of the movie.
01:03:09
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, this movie is very nostalgic. I feel like a lot of people our age probably like really fuck with this movie hard because we saw it like probably on the Comedy Central back when you probably shouldn't be watching this shit.
01:03:23
Speaker
I definitely was not watching the shit. Yeah. um So last time I watched this, I gave it a five star because this is like one of my favorite comedies of all time. Yeah.
01:03:35
Speaker
ah I'm going to keep it a five star. it sounds like going to lower it. Yeah. No, I mean. For probably the love of it, you know? For the love of the game?
01:03:46
Speaker
For love the love of the... Yeah, me.
01:03:50
Speaker
We finally covered it. We had this button for a long time. Yeah, forever. And now we used it, which is great. Hey, great. ah Next week, we got a vaulted episode for you guys. And I will tell you, it's a long one. But it's, if I remember correctly, it's pretty fucking good.
01:04:08
Speaker
ah We are reviewing Spider-Man 2, Tobey Maguire. The goat himself. Movie's fucking goaded.
Movie Rating Emphasis
01:04:19
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, it's a five-star movie. Spoiler.
01:04:21
Speaker
It's a five-star movie. It's not even fucking close. Yeah, you should know that going in. If you're listening to this, it means it's 2026. So we're still in 2025. Yeah. yeah And it means you also already heard our best of two guys, one screen. So that's cool.
01:04:37
Speaker
ah Yeah. I mean, next week is episode 98 is 97. We're basically at a hundred fucking episodes. So you better fucking strap in, strap on, keep listening.
Engaging the Audience with Humor
01:04:49
Speaker
Fuck my ass like fucking home of that clown. Yeah. Do fucking everything possible. Tell your friends about us. Send my frown 360. I don't know. ah Post us. Talk about us in the Pornhub comments.
01:05:04
Speaker
Yeah, 100%. I mean, we're we're dirty fucking scoundrels. I feel like there wasn't much off-the-rails shit we could do a bet with this movie just cause this movie's kind of off the fucking rails.
01:05:16
Speaker
This movie is a comedy. Yeah. ah our Our style of comedy, for sure. Yeah. uh we you know hopefully you fucking liked getting two a week for december go catch up on that shit we're probably chilling for a little bit now for sure two weeks we don't need to be doing that for a little bit uh and get ready for fucking non-me month yeah if you don't know what that means it's soon to be black history month and shout the blacks so we're reviewing black movies
01:05:52
Speaker
Theoretically.
Closing Remarks and Upcoming Plans
01:05:53
Speaker
Yeah. This was supposed to be a non-meme month, we just put it here cause we didn't have enough space. Yeah, it's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's not it's not our fault that the blacks picked the shortest month the year for Black History Month. That's not Yeah, come on I mean, that's fucked up, you know? What the fuck are you doing?
01:06:08
Speaker
Yeah. Like, oh wow. Every couple of years, you get an extra day. Every four years. Whoa. Yeah, which is not this year. Better luck next year. Oh, wait.
01:06:23
Speaker
Yeah, sucks for you. Yeah. All right, we'll see you fucking dingleberries next week. All right, fuck off toodles. Fuck you, Mark. I want to choke you with my big black cock.
01:07:17
Speaker
Bravo.