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Episode 10: Providers, Nurturers & Raising the Next Generation (Day 6 of 30-Day Challenge)
32 Plays11 months ago
Tonight we’re asking the big questions:
Are fathers just providers, or should they be nurturers too?
Is nurturing automatically placed on the mother, and is that really fair—or even healthy?
And when it comes to raising children, when should we start teaching independence? Are we equipping them for life—or enabling dependency?
In this episode of From StartUp to TakeOver—Watch Us Work, we unpack the evolving roles of parents, gender expectations, and how to raise emotionally strong, self-sufficient children in today’s world. We’re sharing our personal perspectives, challenging outdated norms, and inviting YOU to join the conversation.
📍Catch us every night at 8 PM EST for 30 minutes of unfiltered talk during our 30-Day Challenge.
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to the Challenge
00:00:00
Tanya Ruttley
but That's what I've got going on. Then after that, girl, I laid down and I've been resting just a day. So tomorrow I got other stuff I really need to do.
00:00:12
Tanya Ruttley
But yeah. So today, guys, is day six of our 30-day challenge where we want to um come on here every day, have a conversation about different things.
00:00:14
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:00:25
Tanya Ruttley
um And it's just a challenge that we're we're doing for o ourselves. And we're hoping that you guys will come along with us um and grow, help us grow, push out, um you know, our
Goals for Podcast Growth
00:00:37
Tanya Ruttley
podcast.
00:00:37
Tanya Ruttley
If you are, well, I have an echo for some reason. Hold on one second.
00:00:45
Kim Fletcher
you You sound fine here.
00:00:48
Tanya Ruttley
Okay, it was echoing on my end. Okay, good. um So anyway, this challenge is for us to really try to grow our channel, get stronger in doing our podcast. And then we are going to go back to our normal Tuesday and Thursday 30 minute um streaming.
Family Roles and Independence
00:01:06
Tanya Ruttley
So go ahead.
00:01:06
Kim Fletcher
Uh-huh. And we're just talking about everyday life.
00:01:12
Tanya Ruttley
everyday life and and and how we can do better right as the black culture how we can improve on our representation for our family right um so yesterday kim and i was finishing off the and we kind of got into fathers being providers and you know kim's opinion that the women are the nurturers
00:01:14
Kim Fletcher
Day life.
00:01:16
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:01:36
Tanya Ruttley
um And then we also wanted to tap into the little ones. When do we start allowing them to gain a little independency? So Kim, which one you want to tackle first?
00:01:49
Kim Fletcher
um It doesn't matter. ah let's Let's tackle the nurturing part first.
00:01:55
Tanya Ruttley
Okay, Sure.
00:01:56
Kim Fletcher
Because the nurturing part will lead into how, I mean, when were we when are we supposed to let the little one gain their independence?
00:02:04
Tanya Ruttley
start doing their thing. Right. um So for me, I did look up to to get some more clarity because, you know, I think that fathers are not just providers, they're nurturers.
00:02:11
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:02:15
Tanya Ruttley
And I did find that biblically. It is in there that fathers are supposed to nurture because nurturing is guiding your children, right? It's raising your children. That's nurturing.
00:02:25
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:02:25
Tanya Ruttley
So it's not just women. it is for the fathers as well, which is why I think there are roles in the home that should be combined together and then separate.
00:02:35
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:02:37
Tanya Ruttley
um And then I know you said you was going to look up to see whether it was um mentioning, yep, women and children um or just daughters.
00:02:42
Kim Fletcher
I did.
00:02:45
Kim Fletcher
It did both.
00:02:46
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:02:47
Kim Fletcher
It said daughters, but then it did say and that the mothers are supposed to didn't have a gender, that they're supposed to be guiding.
00:02:54
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
Biblical Perspectives on Parenting
00:02:55
Kim Fletcher
And it also said the dads, I did go in Hebrew, it said the dads are supposed to be guiding as well.
00:03:03
Tanya Ruttley
Right.
00:03:03
Kim Fletcher
But the mothers are the nurturers.
00:03:07
Tanya Ruttley
And the one that I found that had their fathers are nurturers. And that's in, as a matter of fact, I had it. I want to say it's...
00:03:19
Tanya Ruttley
I should have had it pulled up, but I don't want to go out of my phone. It may have been, in the New Testament and it was six, four, but I'll, I'll show you where i got it from.
00:03:27
Kim Fletcher
mm-hmm yeah
00:03:31
Tanya Ruttley
But it was also fathers as well. It was, um, fathers to speak on being nurturous for their children, not to not angering them because yeah.
00:03:41
Kim Fletcher
that's right not causing them to not um provoking them to anger
00:03:46
Tanya Ruttley
Yep. Yep. And it had in a nurturing state. So it depends on if you're doing KJV, King James Version, NIV, right? And and it it did say that, so it's both parents are supposed to nurture their children.
Fathers as Nurturers
00:04:00
Tanya Ruttley
It's not just up to the mother. Yeah.
00:04:02
Kim Fletcher
right
00:04:03
Tanya Ruttley
So, which is, you know, I think it's great yeah personally. Yeah. So it's Ephesians six, four, where it talks about, which instructs fathers to nurture their children in the Lord's way. And the reason why I wanted to tap into that is because I know you were saying mothers, mothers, but biblically, but it says fathers too.
00:04:18
Kim Fletcher
right because that's what it's saying
00:04:22
Tanya Ruttley
It's not just mothers. That's what i'm saying. It's both.
00:04:25
Kim Fletcher
ye
00:04:25
Tanya Ruttley
It's
00:04:25
Kim Fletcher
majority of it i i've read in just one little passage where it father's also supposed to be nurtured but if you just read every because it gave me more than one and every one of them says the mother is the god in life the mother is supposed to shine not on just on her children on her home but on others
00:04:45
Tanya Ruttley
Well, it's more than one for fathers. It's way more than one because if, if here, if yeah, it's more than, it's Proverbs, it's Ephesians, it's Collesians, um, Philippians.
00:04:49
Kim Fletcher
yeah ah i yeah yeah
00:04:56
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, same ones I just pulled up. you't Have them up as well.
00:05:00
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:05:01
Kim Fletcher
We'll be talking.
00:05:01
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm. but and And that's why I said we have to make sure we're doing both versions because it depends on what word they put in place of that. Because if your father is the head of your household and God says,
00:05:15
Tanya Ruttley
about loving for um husbands are to love their wives, like the church. Right. So, so when you take a father who's supposed to lead, that's going to include nurturing that
00:05:20
Kim Fletcher
Church, right.
Preventing Family Disunity
00:05:27
Tanya Ruttley
doesn't get removed.
00:05:27
Kim Fletcher
Oh.
00:05:28
Tanya Ruttley
It's not going to be removed. That's why it's spoken.
00:05:30
Kim Fletcher
OK.
00:05:32
Tanya Ruttley
Cause even if you look up the term nurturing, right.
00:05:34
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:05:36
Tanya Ruttley
Nurturing is about leading. Right. grooming, that's a father's role too.
00:05:38
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:05:40
Tanya Ruttley
It's not just to provide, it's both of them.
00:05:41
Kim Fletcher
Right. Right.
00:05:43
Tanya Ruttley
And I think what has happened is part of the reason the fathers are leaving it to the mother and that's not how it should be.
00:05:43
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:05:52
Tanya Ruttley
They're leaving it to the mothers to study. I mean, even if you look at the church audience, right?
00:05:56
Kim Fletcher
and And what was saying. Mm-hmm.
00:05:59
Tanya Ruttley
who
00:05:59
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:06:00
Tanya Ruttley
And so when you're when people are taking the mindset that it's just the woman or it's mainly the woman is removing the man's responsibility and they're thinking all they have to do is provide and then they become absent, which they do not need to be in that home.
00:06:18
Tanya Ruttley
They need to nurture as well.
00:06:20
Kim Fletcher
okay
00:06:21
Tanya Ruttley
Um, and I think that's, I think that's part of the issue. A lot of the men were taught, at least I know even more, my father, you know, talk about, cause you know, I have conversations with him, that provider thing, but where's that nurturing? You become absent if you're not nurturing, if you're not leading, if you're not saying, Hey, which my dad did have us do Bible study, but in some, lot of homes, the fathers aren't taking a lead biblically.
00:06:45
Tanya Ruttley
They're, they're not right.
00:06:46
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:06:47
Tanya Ruttley
um because they're thinking all they're supposed to do is provide, provide, provide. And that's, that's not it, you
Choosing Godly Partners
00:06:54
Tanya Ruttley
know?
00:06:54
Kim Fletcher
That's why you should know we perished from the lack of knowledge.
00:06:59
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:07:01
Kim Fletcher
That's why a lot of things, the families are not together because if we don't know, we don't have the knowledge.
00:07:07
Tanya Ruttley
Right. Right.
00:07:08
Kim Fletcher
If you had the knowledge,
00:07:09
Tanya Ruttley
Or it's go ahead.
00:07:11
Kim Fletcher
If we had knowledge, if we had more knowledge, or if we just read a little bit more, we could understand.
00:07:18
Tanya Ruttley
but
00:07:18
Kim Fletcher
and the Yeah.
00:07:19
Tanya Ruttley
And even teach a little more. Right? Yeah. And we got to be willing to listen.
00:07:23
Kim Fletcher
Right. and that's in the word And that's why the word says that we should be, again, as women, teaching the little ones so when the new generation come, they already have the word so they can get it and form it in a new generation.
00:07:39
Kim Fletcher
So we should teaching
00:07:39
Tanya Ruttley
ah still I know you keep saying women, but we're not going to drill that because it's both.
00:07:42
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:07:44
Tanya Ruttley
It's is is both.
00:07:44
Kim Fletcher
Yeah. we got Yeah. is or yeah yeah yeah And
00:07:47
Tanya Ruttley
And I think that's the problem because women are walking around right now thinking they are the nurturers and we're getting it wrong. We're getting it wrong.
00:07:56
Kim Fletcher
study it together so we can get the understanding together.
00:07:57
Tanya Ruttley
Yes, absolutely.
00:08:00
Kim Fletcher
And that's how
00:08:00
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. So that's, that's a good one. So, so it won't lead into but the raising the next generation about the independency yet, but so we kind of providers and nurturers kind of go together. Right.
00:08:12
Tanya Ruttley
So what are your thoughts on, like when you say for us to do it together, do you think women have to be willing
00:08:12
Kim Fletcher
I
00:08:21
Kim Fletcher
i do.
00:08:22
Tanya Ruttley
To allow. Okay. So you are kind of know I'm going with it. Okay. I do too. But also I think we do have to be willing to allow the man to come in and take on the role. Right.
00:08:35
Tanya Ruttley
But we have to be very careful in who we select as the head of our household.
00:08:41
Kim Fletcher
correct?
00:08:41
Tanya Ruttley
I think that's where we get in trouble. At least I know I did.
00:08:43
Kim Fletcher
Because we're selected and not letting almighty select.
00:08:45
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. Yeah. Well, what do you mean? He's not going to select our spouse for us. what do you mean not letting him select?
00:08:53
Kim Fletcher
um Well,
00:08:57
Kim Fletcher
let me not say this thing right now until put it in the right words.
00:09:00
Tanya Ruttley
Okay. Gotcha.
00:09:02
Kim Fletcher
yeah
00:09:03
Tanya Ruttley
um But I think that we have to do better, which I didn't know.
00:09:10
Tanya Ruttley
I'm older. I didn't know a lot of things, right? When it comes to selecting that spouse, right?
00:09:15
Kim Fletcher
okay Right.
00:09:16
Tanya Ruttley
Um, but now that I'm older, I am trying to teach my children what more to look out for so that their households can be better.
00:09:27
Tanya Ruttley
Um, so that my sons and my daughter can lead in their households, right? Meaning lead with your spouse
Changing Family Dynamics
00:09:33
Tanya Ruttley
and to do it.
00:09:33
Kim Fletcher
right
00:09:35
Tanya Ruttley
God's way, not the worldly way, because I think the worldly way is what's going to get us in trouble. And i did it. I think the, well, not, I think I did it the worldly way. I was in love. I wanted a family.
00:09:47
Tanya Ruttley
And I didn't do it to ensure that I had a man who would lead, right, spiritually.
00:09:55
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:09:57
Tanya Ruttley
But I think that's very important in order for you to have a successful marriage is to, because you can be married for years. It doesn't mean it was successful.
00:10:07
Tanya Ruttley
least that's my personal opinion.
00:10:09
Kim Fletcher
It's true.
00:10:09
Tanya Ruttley
um But, and then to do it God's way, which entails a lot of responsibility to understand that before getting married will make the households different.
00:10:22
Tanya Ruttley
And I just wish we can really push that get that information out there and change and turn around the black family circumstances because it can be done, but it has to be conversation. People have to be willing to listen.
00:10:35
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:10:35
Tanya Ruttley
and understand and be able to accept criticism that we got it wrong. We got it wrong.
00:10:42
Kim Fletcher
So what what what what's your opinion of God's way?
00:10:43
Tanya Ruttley
How do we fix it?
00:10:47
Tanya Ruttley
Um, first of all, I think to know his, his principles of how we're supposed to live, right.
00:10:48
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:10:52
Tanya Ruttley
In selecting a spouse, ensuring that that spouse follows God's principles biblically, that's in the Bible on how a man should be, how a woman should be when we're selecting spouses.
00:11:05
Tanya Ruttley
And honestly, not just based on, I love you.
00:11:10
Tanya Ruttley
Like in the beginning when you're getting to know them, asking questions. um There's a book now that I have with my children that we're reading. Well, I got it for all of us, but me and two of the boys, you know, read it on Fridays or Saturdays.
00:11:24
Tanya Ruttley
um My daughter's really not interested right now. I'm I'm torturing her to try to get her in there. um
00:11:30
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:11:32
Tanya Ruttley
But so they can understand, first of all, what God expects for marriage. Number two, then decide, do they want to get married?
Teaching Independence and Guidance
00:11:42
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:11:44
Tanya Ruttley
Then number three, selecting that spouse carefully. It's loaded. i can't get into the whole, that's that's a loaded thing.
00:11:50
Kim Fletcher
It is a lot of levels.
00:11:52
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah, absolutely.
00:11:52
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:11:52
Tanya Ruttley
So yes that's nothing to answer right now.
00:11:53
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:11:55
Tanya Ruttley
But that's what I'm doing to try to change the the trajectory of my bloodline and my mistake. Right. um
00:12:04
Kim Fletcher
yeah Right.
00:12:04
Tanya Ruttley
But I definitely think that could turn around households and help people understand what marriage really is about, um which is God's institution, not just because I love you, which is what mine was. I just love you.
00:12:16
Tanya Ruttley
yeah Right. Each time, to be honest, I just love you.
00:12:18
Kim Fletcher
right yeah
00:12:21
Tanya Ruttley
And that's why i said I'm learning this now. Now is when I'm getting it and I'm already remarried, right?
00:12:25
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:12:29
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:12:29
Tanya Ruttley
So what are your thoughts when you're talking about, you know, your children, your grandchildren, as far as changing that the dynamics of your family bloodline?
00:12:38
Kim Fletcher
Well, I'm not really enforcing anything, nothing but the word. So here antitique I'm just teaching them the word.
00:12:44
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:12:48
Kim Fletcher
If anything, if they want to know something or would like a question to ask or something in and I can tell them based on the Bible, then that's what I do so they can get an understanding of God's way and not the world way.
00:13:04
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:13:05
Kim Fletcher
So that's what I'm doing now. I'm teaching. and talking to them like all the time about God in every situation, because I feel like in every situation they need to go and they need to know.
00:13:18
Kim Fletcher
Even if, say, just say you're looking the little one having a panic attack and I'll say, you know, let's find out what's triggering and why youre having a panic attack. But as we're doing it, I want you to talk to the Lord and let him know because by his stripes we're already healed. You know, I'm talking like that.
00:13:35
Tanya Ruttley
right
00:13:36
Kim Fletcher
saying the lord the word of god said of the worldly way or oh we have to go to the doctor you're panting you know i'm not going there breaking that generation
00:13:45
Tanya Ruttley
ah you sha Are you ah you showing them how to um study like on their own? Because my dad did that, but he would tell me to study, right?
00:13:56
Kim Fletcher
right i i they i said it was
00:13:57
Tanya Ruttley
But I didn't have the tools is what I'm saying.
00:14:00
Kim Fletcher
No, what I do, we study together.
00:14:00
Tanya Ruttley
it again. Okay. Mm-hmm.
00:14:03
Kim Fletcher
We have like, it's almost like we have church together. Like we just literally, we have church together. And then what I do after we're done, ask questions back to see if they heard what I was saying.
00:14:17
Kim Fletcher
And as we are talking, we are reading. So they are reading to me what I'm saying so they can know. Because I always say, this is not what I'm talking. This is the word. So let's read it so you can see what it's saying.
00:14:31
Tanya Ruttley
That's what I was about to ask you. Are you just speaking of your grandchildren or also of your adult children?
00:14:36
Kim Fletcher
adult well it's hard with adults because your adult children because did you know quote the air quotes they've been raised and they want to go on their own and learn their own way now so i still talk about it and still do you know i'm going to talk about it they listen but it's not like i'm doing grandchildren because the grandchildren are the ones that are impressionable now and they're picking it up
00:15:03
Tanya Ruttley
Got you.
00:15:04
Kim Fletcher
So that's why I'm doing it with the grandchildren and the little kids, even their friends.
00:15:04
Tanya Ruttley
I got
00:15:10
Kim Fletcher
If they're on the phone with them, I let them listen in. I'm just, instead of the worldly way, I'm going with them. And then that's where how we talk. And they will tell you that's how we talk. um My grandmother would not say, let's do it the world way. She'll say, let's do it, whatever the word says. Let's look it up.
00:15:27
Tanya Ruttley
you.
00:15:27
Kim Fletcher
Let's read it. So now that that that's nurturing part and raising. So the next question coming in, so we're nurturing and raising.
00:15:37
Kim Fletcher
So what point do we cut off? What is the cutoff point of
00:15:47
Kim Fletcher
giving them the information, raising in them, or teaching them, guiding them? Well, you'll never stop guiding because that's all the work.
00:15:53
Tanya Ruttley
Right. no Never, because my dad's in the other room, honey, and he be bringing it. So that'll never stop.
00:16:01
Kim Fletcher
You never stop. But what is the cutoff point of you know teaching them to even take care of a home at a young age because they need to know how to do that?
00:16:02
Tanya Ruttley
Right.
00:16:11
Kim Fletcher
What is the cutoff point of teaching them?
00:16:12
Tanya Ruttley
Well, you said cutoff point. Are you saying cutoff point or what's the age when you start teaching them to start doing stuff on their own? What do you mean by cutoff point?
00:16:20
Kim Fletcher
I think we should start teaching them as early as possible. what When do we let up, just say let up on, to let them go and start to develop what they were taught?
00:16:33
Tanya Ruttley
I think it depends on the area. I think it depends on what's, let's say if you're talking about learning to cook, that's a different age.
Meal Patterns and Health
00:16:43
Tanya Ruttley
If you're talking about tying your shoes, that's a different age.
00:16:43
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:16:45
Tanya Ruttley
see I'm asking, what are you referencing in order to?
00:16:47
Kim Fletcher
okay so so Okay, so, okay, okay, just lu use this as an example.
00:16:48
Tanya Ruttley
Because all this stuff is different timelines.
00:16:53
Kim Fletcher
So where the nurturer, we're supposed to be cooking breakfast, from lunch, and dinner.
00:16:53
Tanya Ruttley
Okay.
00:16:57
Kim Fletcher
When do we stop and let them do it?
00:17:01
Tanya Ruttley
Um... I think that's a family call. So in my house, I want to say my kids each started learning how to cook probably around 10, maybe around 10, they learn how to cook and it wasn't major meals. it was just your basic. Right.
00:17:27
Tanya Ruttley
Um, and I'll tell you, huh?
00:17:29
Kim Fletcher
I know you didn't, was you got, go ahead. I know you, can you got, you were there to God, but when did you let them, when did you let your daughter be on her own?
00:17:34
Tanya Ruttley
but yeah
00:17:43
Tanya Ruttley
My daughter? Um...
00:17:44
Kim Fletcher
Your age to just go, you know?
00:17:46
Tanya Ruttley
Well, my i I can go with my first one. My my son, um he was able to cook on his own around 10 or 11. That's what I'm saying. So around 10 or 11, they was able to like, because bacon chicken is one of the simplest things I think you can do. Right. And I got on everybody's nerves in the family, honey.
00:18:01
Tanya Ruttley
I'm the one that say dinner is some chicken and some corn and some broccoli.
00:18:05
Kim Fletcher
thing
00:18:05
Tanya Ruttley
So that's a simple meal.
00:18:06
Kim Fletcher
So you think we should allow kids to become, start to become really independent at the age of 10? Yeah.
00:18:15
Tanya Ruttley
not really independent.
00:18:15
Kim Fletcher
let
00:18:16
Tanya Ruttley
I think there are certain things they can become independent on. and Not... So this whole completely... think first, let me go back. I think this was really about the breakfast, lunch, and dinner for school, right? Not school.
00:18:28
Tanya Ruttley
Jesus. School-age children, though.
00:18:31
Kim Fletcher
yeah
00:18:31
Tanya Ruttley
um So, first off, so in my home, I no longer believe in the whole three meals.
00:18:37
Kim Fletcher
You do not?
00:18:37
Tanya Ruttley
That's out the window. No.
00:18:39
Kim Fletcher
Why?
00:18:40
Tanya Ruttley
um For health health reasons.
00:18:40
Kim Fletcher
Why?
00:18:42
Tanya Ruttley
And so So in my quest of becoming, and not becoming healthy because I don't have any health issues, but getting my family members healthy outside of my immediate family, I found out um about insulin resistance, what your body need in relaxation prior to another meal, all this other stuff, right?
00:19:03
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:19:03
Tanya Ruttley
So like I told you for myself, I may i may eat two meals a day.
00:19:07
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:19:08
Tanya Ruttley
For the most part, it'll mostly be one meal a day. Because I found I don't have any health issues, but normally my family around 40 people get the high blood pressure, the the diabetes, cholesterol, all this kind of stuff. Right.
00:19:20
Tanya Ruttley
um So in my process of learning all of this, I've pulled back on definitely three meals of snack, snack, snack. Now the baby, he can have the six year old. He can still have his little three meals. Right.
00:19:37
Tanya Ruttley
But my daughter, she doesn't eat no more than two meals a day.
00:19:37
Kim Fletcher
right
00:19:41
Tanya Ruttley
Um, because I learned for insulin to reset, you need anywhere from four to six hours.
00:19:46
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, but you still give your baby breakfast lunch.
00:19:46
Tanya Ruttley
So, Yo, the baby.
00:19:49
Kim Fletcher
and
00:19:49
Tanya Ruttley
Right. But we're talking about school-age children, right? So the six-year-old, he still have his three meals. um Child or more because he he liked to sneak some food. The 16-year-old and then the 19-year-old before he left, he had got down to two no more than two meals.
00:20:07
Tanya Ruttley
My 23-year-old had got down to... Um, no more than two meals. Now my 28 year old, he was already on his health stuff. He was ahead of all of us outside of the house. Cause when he moved out, he never had lived back with me when he moved out from for college back in 2015.
00:20:23
Tanya Ruttley
So, and he became like a health
Cooking and Discipline
00:20:25
Tanya Ruttley
fanatic. So he was already on it had already, he was way ahead of me, um, in that aspect. So we've learned how to eat. We don't eat based on time.
00:20:34
Tanya Ruttley
We eat based on our bodies telling us now the six year because he's so young,
00:20:36
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:20:39
Tanya Ruttley
He know how to go and heat up himself some popcorn, right? He know how to put popcorn in the microwave. um Of course, he don't cook on the stove. Now, mind you, he's almost to my shoulders at six and a half.
00:20:54
Kim Fletcher
right Yeah,
00:20:54
Tanya Ruttley
So he has height. But we're not doing that. he's He's not about to start cooking already. But he can put something in. He can put oatmeal in the microwave. He knows how to put oatmeal in, like the um ah the instant fruit oatmeal.
00:21:09
Tanya Ruttley
He can put that in a bowl. He can put him some water in and heat it up. But he just learned it like a two two three days ago, right? So that's why said it's stages and it depends on what they're doing. But total independency, I don't even think that would truly happen until they're out of your house.
00:21:24
Kim Fletcher
and Well, not total, but independency, where they start on that.
00:21:28
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah, that's why that's why I was saying it was different things. It's different stages based on what they're learning.
00:21:31
Kim Fletcher
And then And and you the babies, you still, you said the breakfast, lunch, and dinner is at your house, but it's not because you still, that's what I'm talking about, little kids. When do you stop?
00:21:41
Kim Fletcher
They're still eating breakfast, for lunch, and dinner. was about to say, i know you're not taking breakfast, lunch, and dinner from me
00:21:45
Tanya Ruttley
But I don't cook him breakfast, lunch, and dinner. So he know how to make himself oatmeal. um
00:21:50
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm, great.
00:21:51
Tanya Ruttley
So he know how to make himself oatmeal. And then lunch is kind of... o What did he have for lunch today? Let me think. So this will help me.
00:22:03
Tanya Ruttley
um What was lunch? Shoot. Was it Subway? Girl, lunch didn't have any Subway.
00:22:09
Kim Fletcher
Should we be telling them no?
00:22:10
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:22:10
Kim Fletcher
Should we be telling them no?
00:22:11
Tanya Ruttley
Huh?
00:22:12
Kim Fletcher
Should we be telling them no?
00:22:13
Tanya Ruttley
and No for what?
00:22:15
Kim Fletcher
For the, the you like you said, all this out the door, the eating, breakfast, for lunch, and dinner, should we be telling them no?
00:22:22
Tanya Ruttley
You got to finish your thought. Telling them no what though.
00:22:25
Kim Fletcher
um Of not they um not to eat all day, just put it like that. these times our kids eat all day.
00:22:30
Tanya Ruttley
Oh, yes. My oldest I did, but not the...
00:22:31
Kim Fletcher
yeah
00:22:32
Tanya Ruttley
So the six-year-old was being told, because I just told you he loved to eat, honey. He will eat, and then he'll come back and be like, mommy, because he's he's so used to the school trying to give him a meal, then a snack, then a meal.
00:22:44
Tanya Ruttley
you know and And they're they're realizing that's where all this diabetes stuff is. Your body's not relaxing.
00:22:48
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:22:50
Tanya Ruttley
it's It's not doing what it's supposed to do.
00:22:50
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:22:52
Tanya Ruttley
They're eating too much. So we're trying to get him out of that phase.
00:22:53
Kim Fletcher
I know it, but how do you stop?
00:22:56
Tanya Ruttley
Huh?
00:22:57
Kim Fletcher
It's hard it's hard. Like they breakfast, is I want to eat breakfast and then they want a snack.
00:23:02
Tanya Ruttley
ah
00:23:04
Kim Fletcher
Then I want to eat lunch. Then they want a snack. Then they want to eat dinner, but they want.
00:23:06
Tanya Ruttley
you just have to tell them no and so my so this is what's crazy
00:23:10
Kim Fletcher
Do you oh tell them no? Do you tell them no? They're too little. I don't. Do you tell them no?
00:23:15
Tanya Ruttley
yeah I tell my baby no what yes what why why are you saying do you tell them no how you
00:23:21
Kim Fletcher
I'm saying breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner.
00:23:24
Tanya Ruttley
No, but he don't he doesn't get that. Okay, so for a majority of his years, I know he's just six
Promoting Healthy Habits
00:23:30
Tanya Ruttley
and a half. Fruit is his breakfast majority of the days. Blueberries is mostly every morning, right?
00:23:33
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:23:36
Tanya Ruttley
He's a blueberry, strawberry, watermelon fanatic.
00:23:37
Kim Fletcher
Mine's too.
00:23:39
Tanya Ruttley
But like I said, he can do oatmeal. We're on summer break now, so he may do oatmeal instead of his regular fruit. And then... His snack, if we find out that he already had a snack, he's not getting another one today.
00:23:54
Tanya Ruttley
for For instance, he asked me, ooh, mommy, can i have um ice cream? He wanted it after lunch. I said, no, you can get it after dinner, right? It's going to be one time if he do eat it that day because I was so strict. When I was younger, my kids only got a snack I would buy it one time a month, and once it was done, it was done. I wasn't didn't have a lot of snacks in my house.
00:24:16
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:24:16
Tanya Ruttley
Um, but my dad is here now and honey, he liked it.
00:24:19
Kim Fletcher
I thought he didn't eat his hands.
00:24:22
Tanya Ruttley
Girl, he liked to get stuff and pile it up. And I'm like, dad, what do you, you know, I don't let them eat like that. You know, they, it's not that they can't have any, but that's, it's too much. Their kids have been in this, if it's in the house, they're going to want it.
00:24:35
Tanya Ruttley
Right. So I do, a go ahead.
00:24:36
Kim Fletcher
yeah Some parents let their kids eat, eat.
00:24:41
Tanya Ruttley
You said what now?
00:24:42
Kim Fletcher
Some parents just let their kids eat, eat, eat, and it doesn't bother them. Should we judge them because they do that?
00:24:50
Tanya Ruttley
No, I don't think we should judge them. I think we should teach them. If we know of parents who are doing that, I think you have to have the conversation about health. Right. um
00:24:59
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:25:00
Tanya Ruttley
And that's normally if you're close to someone, because all my friends know, you know, how I think and my close family members know how I feel. So I think, again, those are conversations that need to be had. It's not about judging them because a lot of times they don't know.
00:25:15
Tanya Ruttley
I remember when I wanted my mom healthy, I want the regular traditional, you need to eat this, this, this, and come to find out that is not what she needed. You know, when I learned all the stuff that I learned, my mom was already had passed, but I didn't know.
00:25:23
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:25:27
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:25:27
Tanya Ruttley
So some parents just do not know. So it's not about judging them. We just have to teach them. We have to have the conversations. um about looking up certain people to learn how to eat.
00:25:40
Tanya Ruttley
And most people that I put on is, it's a guy called Yaki Awakened. And the other one is the Minister of Wellness.
00:25:47
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:25:48
Tanya Ruttley
And it's not about perfection. It's just about doing better to ensure there's no illness. You can eat stuff periodically or completely remove it out your diet. That's a personal choice.
00:26:01
Tanya Ruttley
But to definitely change it around, because, you know, I helped my dad reverse his diabetes, his high blood pressure.
00:26:07
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:26:07
Tanya Ruttley
I have the girlfriend reverse her diabetes. It's not about judging them.
00:26:09
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:26:10
Tanya Ruttley
It's about giving them the information and letting them choose whether or not they want a better quality. We know we're all going to die, but it's the quality of life that you want. And that becomes a personal choice.
00:26:22
Tanya Ruttley
So, yeah, I don't think we judge them. I just think we have the conversation.
00:26:26
Kim Fletcher
And I agree with that. A lot of parents do need, just need to see that it's okay to say no or not give it to them.
00:26:28
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:26:33
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:26:36
Kim Fletcher
It's okay.
00:26:37
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah, absolutely.
00:26:38
Kim Fletcher
Yeah. Some, some parents are just friends and just let the kids go. So that's why I say the nurturers, you know, make them get better.
00:26:45
Tanya Ruttley
And you know what? And they could be tired. Are these single parents that we're talking about? Oh, no, because all your friends are with their guys.
00:26:49
Kim Fletcher
Hmm.
00:26:50
Tanya Ruttley
So no, no. um But yeah, so I don't know. I think sometimes parents are tired, especially if they're doing it all by themselves.
00:26:56
Kim Fletcher
And they're tired with that again. They're tired with that again.
00:26:59
Tanya Ruttley
See, and that's what i'm saying. We got change. We got to help change the dynamic of the family unit.
00:27:04
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:27:05
Tanya Ruttley
And I think with us having those conversations with those that are close to us and doing this podcast and just having these conversations so that viewers can hear if they are in that type of situation and they can make a change.
00:27:17
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:27:17
Tanya Ruttley
Things can slowly turn around. They're not necessarily going to be quick. um But the more the conversation is being had, the greater chance for the change to take place.
Men's Responsibilities in the Household
00:27:29
Kim Fletcher
Change your thinking.
00:27:29
Tanya Ruttley
And I think fathers are, can be the leader and people can follow them, but the men have got to do better. And maybe that's something we can kind of tap into tomorrow because once again, our time is up.
00:27:37
Kim Fletcher
Wow.
00:27:43
Kim Fletcher
Okay.
00:27:43
Tanya Ruttley
These things go so fast.
00:27:43
Kim Fletcher
Yeah. It went by quickly. That's okay.
00:27:46
Tanya Ruttley
Girl, we might have to change it for 30 minutes. I don't know.
00:27:49
Kim Fletcher
not it went back quick lee
00:27:53
Tanya Ruttley
It did. Yeah, maybe tomorrow we can tap into um what we require from the men, right?
00:27:55
Kim Fletcher
that's
00:28:01
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm. Right.
00:28:02
Tanya Ruttley
As the head of our household, because I can tell you, I definitely always say, you get the right man in front of you, baby. That house will be going properly.
00:28:15
Kim Fletcher
Let me tell you, Genesis 2 and 18, I will make you a heifer to fit you.
00:28:22
Tanya Ruttley
Yes.
00:28:23
Kim Fletcher
When you get the heifer to fit you, the household will run smooth.
00:28:27
Tanya Ruttley
Yes. And they have to understand they have to take that responsibility. They have to take it on and we'll follow. So, all right, you guys, that is our time.
00:28:35
Kim Fletcher
you yeah
00:28:39
Tanya Ruttley
This was a good
Conclusion and Call to Action
00:28:40
Tanya Ruttley
conversation. I hope you guys enjoyed it. um Please continue to show up for us to help our podcast grow. Hit the like, subscribe to our podcast, share it out.
00:28:51
Tanya Ruttley
um And again, meet us tomorrow. it will be day seven of our 30 day challenge where we're going to dive into the leadership role inside of the home.
00:29:02
Tanya Ruttley
All right, we'll talk to you guys soon. Good night.
00:29:05
Kim Fletcher
night.