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EPISODE 18: “Is Intentional Dating a Thing… or Y’all Just Talking?” (DAY 14 of 30-Day Challenge)
32 Plays10 months ago
Ayy, we gotta talk about this one — is “intentional dating” really a thing, or is everybody just saying that to sound deep while they out here wingin’ it? 🤔 We’re chopping it up about what dating with purpose really looks like (if that’s even real anymore), why folks claim they want something serious but stay playing, and if this whole “intentional dating” vibe is just cap.
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Transcript
Introduction and Greetings
00:01:04
Tanya Ruttley
Hello.
00:01:05
Kim Fletcher
oh Hello, hello. Thank you for joining us again.
00:01:09
Tanya Ruttley
Hi, you guys. Welcome from Startup to Takeover. Watch Us Work podcast. Hi, Kim. How was your day?
00:01:18
Kim Fletcher
Latrice. It was good. Today I had a good day. You remember I told you I picked up a new um customer, client, whatever you want to call it.
00:01:27
Tanya Ruttley
Yes, ma'am.
00:01:28
Kim Fletcher
I did and she was so happy and I was, and I felt so good because you feel good when you make someone else feel good, no matter what it, what you're doing.
00:01:37
Tanya Ruttley
Absolutely.
00:01:37
Kim Fletcher
And she, yeah, and she felt so good because she's slow with learning of, you know, electronics as well as I was.
00:01:46
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:01:48
Kim Fletcher
So, um, just for her to, you know, go to account, put accounts, I'm making account, I'm making a design, edit that design, put it on a shirt, you know, size it up and send it off to have it done less than an hour. She was amazed.
00:02:05
Kim Fletcher
And I was amazed that I did that.
00:02:05
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:02:10
Kim Fletcher
And she picked up in an hour and how easy if people would just, you know, be open like she, it would be great.
00:02:16
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah, absolutely.
00:02:18
Kim Fletcher
And I, so yeah,
Daily Life Reflections
00:02:20
Kim Fletcher
a great day. How about yourself?
00:02:21
Tanya Ruttley
Good, good, good. So for me, it was busy, of course. Put it like this.
00:02:25
Kim Fletcher
I think
00:02:26
Tanya Ruttley
It was so busy that I thought I was getting ready to come upstairs and relax. And I said, wait a minute, it's 721. What?
00:02:38
Kim Fletcher
the same thing.
00:02:40
Tanya Ruttley
couldn't believe it I looked up and it was time to prepare so yeah I've been a little busy um one of our business off we getting we're closing and so I'm moving that business oh no that's good um save us some money honey and I'm moving it downstairs in my open area in the basement so I'm just busy I was you know moving stuff and everything but today yeah a good day a good day
00:02:45
Kim Fletcher
Yes. Ah.
00:02:55
Kim Fletcher
Oh, okay.
00:03:06
Kim Fletcher
day It was a great day. We're down to the evening now. The sun is setting.
Podcast Journey and Goals
00:03:11
Tanya Ruttley
Absolutely. So you guys, you know, today is day 14 of our 30 day journey of 30 minutes for 30 days.
00:03:18
Kim Fletcher
Yay. Yay.
00:03:20
Tanya Ruttley
So we are almost the halfway part.
00:03:21
Kim Fletcher
yes <unk>
00:03:26
Tanya Ruttley
So thank you all for continuing to ride with us as we continue to grow um and get you guys familiar with us, you know, in our flow or lack thereof.
00:03:27
Kim Fletcher
yeah
00:03:38
Tanya Ruttley
Because, you know, Kim and I like to just talk, have a good time um and get some information out there and some opinions.
00:03:38
Kim Fletcher
that one yeah And also give your opinions as well.
00:03:47
Tanya Ruttley
And we're hoping that you guys will continue to grow with us along this journey. So, oh.
Is Intentional Dating Genuine?
00:03:55
Tanya Ruttley
Absolutely. Absolutely. So, um, tonight is about a kickoff from last night about intentional dating. Um, you know, is that really a thing or is it a good thing or are people just out here just really still like back in the day, they say, Oh, we just talking.
00:04:14
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:04:16
Kim Fletcher
thank you
00:04:16
Tanya Ruttley
So I kind of wanted to dive, dive into that. um So my opinion, first off, is I think that we should date with intentions. And that's even if you don't want to be exclusive to someone, I'm not here to judge.
00:04:34
Tanya Ruttley
But I think it has to be made known and clear. So that way people understand what page you're on. Right. What are your thoughts, Kim?
00:04:44
Kim Fletcher
I agree. I feel people should date with intentions. And and I feel like that is starting to happen now because we are, um a lot of people are trying or getting in the kingdom or are in the kingdom.
00:04:59
Kim Fletcher
And so people are dating with intentions. I feel like in the past people were dating and for, well, some pin it um percentage of people were dating intentionally.
00:05:11
Kim Fletcher
you know, for love, you know, people were dating for love, but, and some were dating for other reasons. But and in this climate now, I feel like people are dating with intentions.
00:05:24
Kim Fletcher
And if not, they're just settled, they won't date.
00:05:30
Tanya Ruttley
ah What do you mean by that? Now I'm lost.
00:05:33
Kim Fletcher
No,
00:05:33
Tanya Ruttley
You said, or they won't date? What do you mean?
00:05:35
Kim Fletcher
no you mean they, I mean, they won't, some people rather be, Well, not all people, but some people, and I'm going to just put it on women rather ah be alone, you know, be alone with without, if they're not dating intentions, if, if they're not dating for love or.
00:05:45
Tanya Ruttley
Okay.
00:05:48
Tanya Ruttley
Ooh. Without dating. Ah. Absolutely. Absolutely.
00:05:54
Tanya Ruttley
Absolutely.
00:05:56
Kim Fletcher
So yeah.
00:05:56
Tanya Ruttley
Yes. Okay. I got you.
00:05:57
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:05:57
Tanya Ruttley
That is happening more. I think that's happening more now
Intentionality in Dating - A Debate
00:06:02
Tanya Ruttley
than before, you know, because I think, um, I think that part of being intentional.
00:06:02
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm. What?
00:06:08
Tanya Ruttley
Yes.
00:06:09
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:06:09
Tanya Ruttley
But I, I still see a lot of people loosely dating, you know, and that's, that's, they don't want to be in a relationship just yet, but they don't want to commit to you, but they're dating you.
00:06:18
Kim Fletcher
And they're in their intentional dating as well. You know why? Because they're, they have intentions while they are dating.
00:06:25
Tanya Ruttley
No, that's not what I'm talking about. So intention.
00:06:29
Kim Fletcher
Uh huh.
00:06:29
Tanya Ruttley
So, so with intentional dating, that means you're a clear upfront.
00:06:29
Kim Fletcher
Yes. They have in.
00:06:33
Tanya Ruttley
That is not majority happening. The that that's not. So you're telling me you think these guys, well, this is what it's about, but this is about majority.
00:06:37
Kim Fletcher
I didn't say majority. I didn't say majority. Some, some of them are dating. Some of them are dating. for intention you they intention, they have their intention and some of these girls have intentions and they know like if you follow some of these podcasters, I mean not podcasters, but YouTubers, they are intentionally dating and the people know why they are doing it because they are, it's a clickbait or
00:07:03
Tanya Ruttley
You're saying that conversation has been had or you saying assumptions are being made? Which one are you speaking on?
00:07:08
Kim Fletcher
no, they probably already already had the conversations and they're, yeah, and they're probably in the,
00:07:11
Tanya Ruttley
You said probably. So are they, and and are they intentionally dating? We can't say probably. So probably removes away intentional.
00:07:18
Kim Fletcher
and don't No, no. I'm saying I don't know if they are. I'm just saying from what I see and what I hear, it's a lot a lot of like um
00:07:31
Kim Fletcher
not you're not dating for love. You're dating because you're going to help this person get where they need to be. And we already know this. So they are and in that aspect because I know what I'm doing and why I'm doing it.
00:07:47
Kim Fletcher
And I'm dating this one.
00:07:48
Tanya Ruttley
So you telling me these women are telling these men straight up that they don't want a relationship. And these men are telling these women that they don't want a relationship. So we're just, I'll use a term that I've heard.
00:08:01
Tanya Ruttley
I've never had one, but I've heard associates say cut buddy. So you're saying, Oh yes. Y'all knew. Yeah. Yeah.
00:08:08
Kim Fletcher
It is some out there that's doing that.
00:08:11
Tanya Ruttley
Okay.
00:08:11
Tanya Ruttley
So um when I speak, I'm speaking of majority. So whenever I ask a question to pertain to, do you think people are doing it? It's like in a majority number. So I guess I should have been clear on that.
00:08:11
Kim Fletcher
And they're.
00:08:21
Kim Fletcher
So what's the majority number?
00:08:22
Tanya Ruttley
Or people, um, that, well, majority number is going to be the most.
00:08:22
Kim Fletcher
Because it's a lot.
00:08:27
Tanya Ruttley
Cause you have minority and you have majority.
00:08:27
Kim Fletcher
OK.
00:08:28
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:08:30
Kim Fletcher
It's a lot of percentage of different pete people doing different things.
00:08:30
Tanya Ruttley
but
00:08:34
Kim Fletcher
So the class that you could have no
00:08:35
Tanya Ruttley
But we got to be real. We got to be realistic and we know what majority and minority is. Right. So we can play on words, but right.
00:08:40
Kim Fletcher
have. I know that.
00:08:42
Tanya Ruttley
So you're not going to have an absolute number, though. You can't give an absolute number for that.
00:08:48
Kim Fletcher
it's a different percentage of people. So it's a different thing.
00:08:51
Tanya Ruttley
OK, so. OK.
00:08:52
Kim Fletcher
So when I'm talking, you'll be majority. um My mind is on focus on the whole everybody, not just the majority. I'm talking about everything that I've lived and I see.
00:09:04
Kim Fletcher
I can't just go to the majority.
00:09:04
Tanya Ruttley
I'll see.
00:09:06
Kim Fletcher
So that's why I'm talking as I'm talking and you just talking to majority. I'm just talking about the whole, the whole.
00:09:10
Tanya Ruttley
Yes, because I want to know are the majority of people, which I think to make the change, are majority of people out here intentionally dating, making it known what it is that they're looking for?
00:09:23
Tanya Ruttley
Or are they out here loosely playing and you kind of get what you get or you figure it out?
00:09:30
Tanya Ruttley
Why are you going along?
00:09:30
Kim Fletcher
that's why That's why I say it's a percentage of this and a percentage of that because I can't say because I see some dating for those reasons now and some dating intentionally looking for love and if they can't find that love, they'd rather be alone or, you know, and
00:09:39
Tanya Ruttley
Both. ah
00:09:50
Tanya Ruttley
Now, are they older women that you're i'm referring to?
00:09:54
Kim Fletcher
some of them.
00:09:54
Tanya Ruttley
That's actually looking for love?
00:09:55
Kim Fletcher
I've been around some young like in...
00:09:59
Tanya Ruttley
What's young? thirty
00:10:00
Kim Fletcher
point
00:10:00
Tanya Ruttley
30? Okay, mid 20s.
00:10:01
Kim Fletcher
mid-20s.
00:10:02
Tanya Ruttley
And so they're actually intentionally looking to which one were you talking about? Both?
00:10:07
Kim Fletcher
I look initially for an exclusive relationship because they started
Youth Dating Intentions and Influences
00:10:11
Kim Fletcher
so young being girlfriend and boyfriend and they had so much experience with the girlfriend and boyfriend or the the dating or the the the the significant other part.
00:10:14
Tanya Ruttley
here
00:10:23
Tanya Ruttley
ah
00:10:23
Kim Fletcher
They've had so much so now they rather as an older person may think, may think, like I said, as they might think to just, if I can't sign, I'm just going back to say, don't say the A's.
00:10:35
Tanya Ruttley
um A few now. Hold on. What? Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Say that again. Oh, no, no, no.
00:10:42
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:10:43
Tanya Ruttley
No, don't do that. You can't confuse me. You said a younger person, 24, right?
00:10:46
Kim Fletcher
And
00:10:49
Tanya Ruttley
A younger, like mid-20.
00:10:49
Kim Fletcher
yeah and thank
00:10:50
Tanya Ruttley
Now be clear so I can understand what you're saying.
00:10:51
Kim Fletcher
yeah
00:10:53
Tanya Ruttley
Say that again now.
00:10:53
Kim Fletcher
It's thinking like an older person.
00:10:54
Tanya Ruttley
I got to follow you.
00:10:56
Kim Fletcher
I'm trying not to say older person because they don't you'll be like, don't say that. No, it's not that. But she's thinking like a more mature person but because you'll be like, no, I don't say that.
00:11:02
Tanya Ruttley
Don't, don't, speak your mind.
00:11:06
Tanya Ruttley
You're confusing me.
00:11:07
Kim Fletcher
Because some young girls, and I've talked to a few, mine is a little bit more
00:11:08
Tanya Ruttley
Forget what I'm going to be like. Express yourself. No.
00:11:12
Kim Fletcher
because
00:11:12
Tanya Ruttley
Express yourself.
00:11:14
Kim Fletcher
some some young girls and i
00:11:16
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:11:17
Kim Fletcher
top a few
00:11:18
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:11:18
Kim Fletcher
all mine is a little bit more more mature others because they in situations where no, I don't even want that anymore.
00:11:23
Tanya Ruttley
Okay.
00:11:27
Kim Fletcher
If I can't find anyone to love me like I supposed to be loved, I'd rather be alone. And I've talked to these young girls.
00:11:32
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:11:34
Tanya Ruttley
Oh, wow.
00:11:34
Kim Fletcher
That's what I'm saying.
00:11:35
Tanya Ruttley
And their 20s, they're saying they'd rather be alone.
00:11:36
Kim Fletcher
in the and And that's what I'm telling you because they experienced from probably 15, 16, 17, 18, 19.
00:11:38
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:11:44
Kim Fletcher
That's a lot of years to be in a relationship and you, you in a relationship
00:11:45
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm. Probably no intention, but keep going.
00:11:51
Kim Fletcher
you know, you're in a toxic or wrong relationship.
00:11:52
Tanya Ruttley
Yes.
00:11:54
Kim Fletcher
You know, you don't know you're on, you're learning.
00:11:54
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:11:56
Kim Fletcher
So now you're burned out from the relationship.
00:11:57
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:11:59
Kim Fletcher
Now you'd rather be alone until you get that one that's really giving you that love, that butterfly.
00:12:05
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah, maybe we should not let these kids start dating at no 15. But anyway, yeah.
00:12:09
Kim Fletcher
Yeah. Yeah. but
00:12:10
Tanya Ruttley
um So I do think that...
00:12:11
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:12:14
Tanya Ruttley
there it it's Dang it. Girl, I forgot to turn my ring off tonight.
00:12:17
Kim Fletcher
yeah
00:12:19
Tanya Ruttley
But anyway, i that actually was a little heartbreaking to me to know that early 20s are already saying they'd rather not date, right?
00:12:23
Kim Fletcher
no
00:12:29
Kim Fletcher
Yes.
00:12:29
Tanya Ruttley
So then it's like... So the quality... men don't want to hear this, but it's the truth. And this is what I'm saying. They hadn't been taught. And this is about changing the dynamics, hopefully getting these conversations out here so these men can start teaching these young men because if these young girls are already experiencing the heartbreak at the young age to where not, because see me, I don't believe in shutting down life.
00:12:51
Kim Fletcher
Yes.
00:12:55
Tanya Ruttley
And I think this is the part that kind of just did something. Early 20s already saying, I just rather not date.
00:13:04
Kim Fletcher
Remember what I said, they dated at 15, 16, 17.
00:13:06
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah, no, no, no. I got that part.
00:13:08
Kim Fletcher
yeah
00:13:08
Tanya Ruttley
Pass that part. It's the fact that the experience was so, yes, that you know how much life is left to be at the point in your early 20s.
00:13:13
Kim Fletcher
Dramatic. Mm-hmm.
00:13:19
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:13:22
Kim Fletcher
That's right. That's why.
00:13:23
Tanya Ruttley
And I wonder who are they having, not being funny, people are so negative.
00:13:23
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:13:27
Tanya Ruttley
So for me, who are they talking to that's helping them sit in this state of, I would rather not date. So early twenties, but we also know thirties, right? Forties, dah, dah.
00:13:41
Tanya Ruttley
I definitely get the older cause their life not over either. So I get the older woman because you're talking about years of damage, right?
00:13:49
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:13:50
Tanya Ruttley
But my God, if it's already being repeated in the early twenties, and I still believe it's because there was no true intentions being spoken. and So back to, but,
00:13:58
Kim Fletcher
yes it but and And then, like you say, the young men are not trained to take care of these girls like they should have.
00:14:04
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. Yeah. No, they're not.
00:14:07
Kim Fletcher
that so they
00:14:07
Tanya Ruttley
And they're getting early and they're running through them. Yeah.
00:14:10
Kim Fletcher
And like you say, and they talk about They do get them, talk about them.
00:14:12
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
00:14:15
Kim Fletcher
So what do you think the girl want to do? I don't want to be with you.
00:14:19
Tanya Ruttley
Well, get not want to be with you, but baby, I'm not putting my life.
00:14:19
Kim Fletcher
It's hard. It's hard. It's hard because they're looking at opinions.
00:14:23
Tanya Ruttley
You're like, don't put your life on hold. But what I think, well, so here's the other piece I think we have to be honest in.
00:14:26
Kim Fletcher
They're looking at
00:14:29
Tanya Ruttley
What are the pickings? Where are we getting them from?
00:14:32
Kim Fletcher
opinions.
00:14:32
Tanya Ruttley
I'm not trying to be funny.
00:14:32
Tanya Ruttley
Are they rappers? are they are they Are they loose, gangster little young men?
00:14:32
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:14:34
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, I'm going to talk
00:14:38
Tanya Ruttley
What's the quality of the young men and the choice that you made?
00:14:38
Kim Fletcher
to you. Mm-hmm.
00:14:41
Kim Fletcher
Yeah,
00:14:41
Tanya Ruttley
Because were you taught as a young girl that you don't need to be over there with that one over there trying to sell drugs? You don't need to be, oh, oh you know, you say that on, you know, doing the bad stuff.
00:14:47
Kim Fletcher
I don't know.
00:14:51
Tanya Ruttley
I don't know if, hey, that went over there gangbanger. What are you doing? So who's having the conversation so that these little girls can, ah again, date with intentions when they start versus just dating?
00:15:02
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:15:06
Tanya Ruttley
Because what I think people do, they think it's intentions, but they're just dating. And then they, ooh, they like this person and blah blah, blah, blah, blah. And they go, but there was no true set intentions about what they were looking for.
00:15:17
Tanya Ruttley
Because you get the googly eyes, especially when you're younger. Well, I'm taking myself back as a kid.
00:15:20
Kim Fletcher
but yeah
00:15:22
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah, without the intent. There's no intention.
00:15:24
Kim Fletcher
That's right.
00:15:25
Tanya Ruttley
So. oh
00:15:25
Kim Fletcher
in in And then 20, 25, and on up, now I'm burned out.
00:15:26
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:15:30
Kim Fletcher
And now if I can't, if he's not showing me this, or now in this climate, it's the red flags. if If I see this red flag, if I see that red flag, I don't, you know, I'm just seeing red flags.
00:15:40
Kim Fletcher
So I'd rather be alone at 20 something. And, you know, just
00:15:43
Tanya Ruttley
But see, that's what I'm saying. It should be there's a red flag, but not I'd rather be alone. That's the only part that bothers me. Acknowledging that there's a red flag is good. I mean, I hate that it came through trauma, right?
00:15:56
Tanya Ruttley
But I think for one, recognizing that, okay, there's going to be something I need to pay attention to. Oh, let me date someone else. See, that's what dating. You should not be just with this one person.
00:16:06
Kim Fletcher
and you And like you said, they're going through them.
00:16:08
Tanya Ruttley
Say that again. Yeah.
00:16:11
Kim Fletcher
So something that plays a part as well because ah and they're dating this person. then This don't work in 30 days. They with this person. This don't work in 30 days. Now they're tired. It's been five years. Mm-hmm.
00:16:21
Tanya Ruttley
yeah but see when they're but before they start dating the person that's what i'm saying so that's why this goes back to intentions so but you're saying that the they're having these conversations early and the conversations from what you said they're having is the woman know what it is that she's going to bring to this situation or relationship i don't know we didn't dive into that part yet And then so they're doing that early on. So is it that the the young women are saying they want a serious commitment and the young men are lying?
00:16:48
Tanya Ruttley
So what intentions are you saying that when they're intentional dating? What what are they putting out there?
00:16:53
Kim Fletcher
and Okay.
00:16:53
Tanya Ruttley
The conversations that you're having with the people.
00:16:55
Kim Fletcher
Well, so some young girls that I've kind come in contact with, um their intentions are to be in aff want a relationship with one person and for that one person to
00:17:01
Tanya Ruttley
hmm.
00:17:10
Kim Fletcher
treat them like they should be treated. That's it. They don't want to keep going from this person because they're tired from going from this person, that person, that person. I know they're young, but they're tired.
Women in Dating: Burnout and Spirituality
00:17:21
Kim Fletcher
And the trauma of a relationship, if you know the, I'm not even going to say the culture, the the climate right now of what's happening women.
00:17:30
Tanya Ruttley
For us? Oh, women. Okay.
00:17:34
Kim Fletcher
yeah So women are like getting tired and they kind of like shoved going not kind of like they are going to the kingdom now. And, and, and when.
00:17:42
Tanya Ruttley
So what, but you got to elaborate because you said, I don't know, because I don't know what yeah I thought you about to go into that. You said what's happening to women. What's happening to women?
00:17:49
Kim Fletcher
And, you know, in the climate where the men are talking about them, dogging them out, running it through them, you know, the women work in, just saw, I just watched today, this evening, this, this couple on social media.
00:18:04
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:18:04
Kim Fletcher
And the hood woman wishing the husband a happy father's day, happy father's day. They walk in, happy father they walk in. He talking with her. They just, he can't, he can't. They saying, you know, they show a clip where she's in the car crying saying that not the same clip, but I mean, not the same day, but another day she's in the car crying saying that her husband side woman called her and was saying they had been dating for five years and he give her a thousand dollars every two weeks and da ra that, a lot this and that.
00:18:34
Kim Fletcher
So now she's fighting. She don't know what to do. So as another next clip comes, he's holding on to his wife saying, we're going to stay together. This is my wife.
00:18:45
Kim Fletcher
Stuff happens. Da, da, da, da, da. So that's what I'm talking about. Women get so much happening. so many So many things happen to them. They don't know which way to go. So they feel like, let me shelter off.
00:18:59
Kim Fletcher
You know, you sometimes we have to just take these things. They get did we they they dish it out and we take it. And we try to push and go. But, and I'm saying just women, not just me. I'm just saying not saying me. I'm just saying women in general.
00:19:13
Kim Fletcher
We just push through and go. So therefore now we're wanting to just... Lay back. i't I don't even feel like dealing with it now. And if they do, it's an attention and it's the younger ones with an intention. And I don't know, it may be some older ones too with intention. Let me get this dollar. Let me get this bag.
00:19:34
Tanya Ruttley
Okay, so let me send let me spin this another direction, okay? Because this is not what I was talking about. So what I guess, because again, i want the change to take place.
00:19:46
Tanya Ruttley
So with the intentional dating thing, what I think women and men should do um when they're interested in someone and they go on their dates, I think they should be clear with specific questions on,
00:19:58
Kim Fletcher
I know what you
00:19:59
Tanya Ruttley
right
00:19:59
Kim Fletcher
I'm just getting to do what's happening.
Advice on Intentional Dating
00:20:02
Kim Fletcher
But go ahead.
00:20:02
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah, I'm past that part. That's so... ah So what I think they should do is, because life isn't over, you've been hurt, I get it.
00:20:11
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:20:11
Tanya Ruttley
You've got to keep going because we're still here. And we don't know what's down that road. So I would say work on yourself. But when you do get into dating, and this is something that you're interested in, be intentional.
00:20:22
Tanya Ruttley
Do you want to be a wife? Yes. If you do, you need to express specifically what you want, not a generic of, I just want you to make sure you know you treat me right, you not out here, blah, blah.
00:20:35
Tanya Ruttley
Be specific. Ask questions. I pray that you guys start trying to get yourselves together spiritually.
00:20:46
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:20:47
Tanya Ruttley
and eat And please keep in mind that even if you are Getting yourself together spiritually does not mean someone bad cannot snake their way into your life.
00:21:00
Tanya Ruttley
So don't remove that part from still being a possibility. When you are dating these women and these men, be honest immediately what it is that you're looking for.
00:21:14
Tanya Ruttley
If y'all are on two different paths, state that and go your own way. To get out here and date loosely to see where it goes, because I know those who do it that way in their 30s, in their forty s yeah
00:21:28
Kim Fletcher
and
00:21:29
Tanya Ruttley
and see where it goes, I think is a bad path. And this is again about kingdom living. This is about those who are thinking about their spirit man and not just the worldly way.
00:21:42
Tanya Ruttley
So when I say is intentional dating a thing or are people just out here talking about I'm just asking, do they know what they want and are they speaking it or are they too afraid and allowing themselves to be dragged along into whatever happens and then they're on the back end trying to figure it out.
00:22:03
Tanya Ruttley
So that's kind of what I was wanting to actually talk about. um
00:22:08
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, but you when you talk about that, you have to put that in there of what you got to give some history of why women or why men or women or yeah, why are are they doing?
00:22:08
Tanya Ruttley
In that aspect,
00:22:16
Tanya Ruttley
people. Mm-hmm.
00:22:20
Tanya Ruttley
They want to give up.
00:22:22
Kim Fletcher
You have to give some history. That's all I was doing. You have to give history to know. I know what you're saying. You just want to know, do you or should they, are they dating intentionally are they just out there loose?
00:22:32
Kim Fletcher
I'm giving you a history of why people are loose and why they want to date.
00:22:33
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:22:35
Tanya Ruttley
Wait
00:22:38
Kim Fletcher
um um exclusively
00:22:41
Tanya Ruttley
a minute. Say that again?
00:22:44
Kim Fletcher
why people why people want to why people are trying to um date intentionally and why people are dating loosely that's why i gave you was giving you all that too so you can see get some examples get some scenarios let people see they could see why
00:22:44
Tanya Ruttley
You giving a history of why what now? Say that one more time.
00:23:00
Kim Fletcher
You are doing this. Why are you doing this? What's the root? Why are we doing it? Are we teaching these guys or these girls to do intentionally? they have People gotta be they have to be taught. It's something.
00:23:12
Kim Fletcher
You have to be taught.
00:23:12
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah, I agree.
00:23:13
Kim Fletcher
no
00:23:13
Tanya Ruttley
They do have to be taught, but I guess for me, so I, I'm an optimist. So everyone, my brain goes into a scenario and then how do you go into, so how do you change that? Right.
The Role of Self-Love in Relationships
00:23:27
Tanya Ruttley
So how do you get into the, into even if they've been hurt before? So I get it. If you say, okay, well, so-and-so have been hurt and they went down this path, which is why then I go, oh, okay.
00:23:38
Tanya Ruttley
So don't give up on life. Don't say at 20 something years old or, in your 40s or 50s, well, I'm not um'm not even going to date anymore, right?
00:23:44
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:23:47
Tanya Ruttley
Because what you have to do is go now and be clear in what it is that you want.
00:23:52
Kim Fletcher
I ask why. Why do you say this? Why do you say that?
00:23:55
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:23:56
Kim Fletcher
Then when we figure out why they say that, and then we talk about what you know how can you change your thinking? How can you change the way you're thinking about not wanting to date?
00:24:04
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:24:07
Kim Fletcher
And then I'll give advice.
00:24:08
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah, ever again. Mm-hmm.
00:24:10
Kim Fletcher
Love yourself first. Love yourself. Love yourself. When you love yourself, then you attract that love.
00:24:18
Tanya Ruttley
Ooh, you think so?
00:24:21
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:24:22
Tanya Ruttley
I think the snake can still come in, but okay. um What I think is, but I think it could be easier to catch.
00:24:26
Kim Fletcher
Yeah. But you know, earth like um me
00:24:31
Tanya Ruttley
Girl, yes, because I love myself.
00:24:31
Kim Fletcher
yeah
00:24:34
Tanya Ruttley
And then, you know, snakes, they gonna come. And sometimes, so a lot of people like to say you only get what you attract.
00:24:39
Kim Fletcher
but you now but but but that snake come in you you love yourself and enough to know that this is a snake coming in and no sir or no pain
00:24:41
Tanya Ruttley
Go ahead.
00:24:48
Tanya Ruttley
ah hey and hopefully they can catch it yeah and and then that still ties into saying um i think maybe a couple weeks ago and saying they won't no i think it was last week when we talked about having a tribe of women right you can have these conversations um with these because i think men need men need theirs but i'm a woman so have the tribe with the women what's that
00:25:02
Kim Fletcher
that's what
00:25:09
Kim Fletcher
And then they should have their group. like You was like, they should talk in front of their wife They should talk with their men male friend if they' that's a motivated male friend and stirring them in a garly way.
00:25:22
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, you need to be we need to be talking first and then we can get back as a group with the wives and we can talk about it.
00:25:27
Tanya Ruttley
Nope, still disagree with that But because that's married couples.
00:25:29
Kim Fletcher
Okay.
00:25:32
Tanya Ruttley
See, that was about married couples. This is about single people.
00:25:33
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, it's good.
00:25:34
Tanya Ruttley
I'm talking about, hold on, let me finish because this is about intentional dating.
00:25:35
Kim Fletcher
Okay.
00:25:37
Tanya Ruttley
So I'm talking about single people now.
00:25:38
Kim Fletcher
Okay, good.
00:25:40
Tanya Ruttley
So when I say I think the women would need a positive spin on intentional dating so that they're not giving up on life because situations can be so dire when you get out of some of them that you may feel that temporarily.
00:25:58
Tanya Ruttley
But the problem with that is if you feel that temporarily, because you could be so down, you find yourself spinning the block, not with that person, let me not say that, but the same type of person.
00:26:08
Kim Fletcher
Married people too.
00:26:09
Tanya Ruttley
So, yeah.
00:26:10
Kim Fletcher
That's why I stand home.
00:26:10
Tanya Ruttley
So that's why I say, well, but but hold on.
00:26:11
Kim Fletcher
That's why a home.
00:26:14
Tanya Ruttley
You saying married people spin the block too, but they're married.
00:26:14
Kim Fletcher
Married people as well.
00:26:16
Tanya Ruttley
Wait a minute. What are we talking about here?
00:26:19
Kim Fletcher
Married people do it as well.
00:26:19
Tanya Ruttley
What?
00:26:20
Kim Fletcher
Like you, you is sheltered, ma'am.
00:26:21
Tanya Ruttley
Do what? ah Wait a minute. Hold on. Married people do what as well?
00:26:25
Kim Fletcher
Ma'am,
00:26:26
Tanya Ruttley
You got to be clear what you're saying. You can't say do that as well.
00:26:28
Kim Fletcher
you't know but they what these young girls being burned out saint thinking, these older ones are doing.
00:26:29
Tanya Ruttley
What is it?
00:26:35
Tanya Ruttley
Oh, absolutely. But that's, that's like, um, the steel, the women's circle, right?
00:26:37
Kim Fletcher
Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:26:42
Tanya Ruttley
Um, but, but married people, when we're talking about intentional dating, let me finish.
00:26:42
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:26:48
Tanya Ruttley
We got, they gotta be, they gotta able to hear us both. When we're talking about intentional dating, I don't think that's to married people. I could be wrong, but this was about intentional dating. So intentional dating is about the single people and what they're looking for.
00:27:02
Tanya Ruttley
Right. Because each each show is going to be about something. So this one is about the single people. What are they looking for in their life in the future?
00:27:13
Tanya Ruttley
Are they intentionally dating or are they not? So your opinion is you think is I think you said they're they got intentions because there is something that they kind of what they want to do.
00:27:21
Kim Fletcher
ah
00:27:25
Kim Fletcher
um
00:27:26
Tanya Ruttley
So that's intentions, but intentional.
00:27:29
Kim Fletcher
It is intentional.
00:27:30
Tanya Ruttley
I don't want to play on words.
00:27:32
Kim Fletcher
It's intentional.
00:27:32
Tanya Ruttley
I'm trying not to. Right.
00:27:34
Kim Fletcher
They know what they're doing. It's intentional. I don't even know where you are, but they know what they're doing.
00:27:38
Tanya Ruttley
But intentional, but intentional dating.
00:27:39
Kim Fletcher
It's intentional. but yeah oh you know
00:27:40
Tanya Ruttley
Okay. So let me explain it. So intentional dating is when you actually have a conversation and you are clear in what it is that you both want.
00:27:48
Kim Fletcher
I know. And they are clear.
00:27:49
Tanya Ruttley
But you just said, I don't know what it is that you're, you know. so I think that
00:27:53
Kim Fletcher
yeah like i told you i don't know what you're saying i'm telling you i don't know what you're saying and you talk about what you didn't say we talked about the whole
00:27:57
Tanya Ruttley
Kim, but this is what you have to remember. It's not just your, but it's not just your world. Hold on. They need to hear us both. They got to hear us both. And I feel like it's going all over the place right now.
00:28:08
Kim Fletcher
okay no no i'm saying you saying just stay with single no that's not what you said that's not what's saying on that thing we should it may be intentional dating too you don't think you should have an intentional data within your marriage
00:28:13
Tanya Ruttley
That's intentional dating. You're not talking about married people.
00:28:21
Tanya Ruttley
Do you know? Hold on. So let me, let me tell you what intentional dating is.
00:28:24
Kim Fletcher
Yes,
00:28:24
Tanya Ruttley
Cause I feel like we're, we're probably not clear on that.
00:28:27
Kim Fletcher
it but you yes you take you tell you want to date.
00:28:28
Tanya Ruttley
what do you think intentional dating is? Let me ask you this. What do you think?
00:28:32
Kim Fletcher
I want to date you on Friday night. We're intentionally dating. I'm telling him what I want.
00:28:38
Tanya Ruttley
So let me explain.
00:28:39
Kim Fletcher
He's telling me... So
00:28:40
Tanya Ruttley
And this is why intentional dating is when you approach a relationship with purpose and clarity, focusing on building a meaningful connection rather than casual encounters. I'm not trying to be funny.
00:28:50
Kim Fletcher
so you don't... next
00:28:51
Tanya Ruttley
The words are there for intentional,
00:28:56
Tanya Ruttley
is specifically for yeah something versus intention.
00:28:59
Kim Fletcher
OK. OK. You're not going to.
00:29:01
Tanya Ruttley
That's why I chose the word that I chose. So again, said,
00:29:04
Kim Fletcher
OK. And I'm telling you, you cannot change my mind on what you're saying because you're saying the way you.
00:29:09
Tanya Ruttley
well, just because I change your mind doesn't mean the term is used properly.
00:29:10
Kim Fletcher
Because you're saying it the way you were saying it. Yeah, OK. It's probably for me to tell you.
00:29:17
Tanya Ruttley
Wait, hold on. Did you just say I'm saying it the way that I want to say it?
00:29:19
Kim Fletcher
you know ah day I'm saying you're saying it the way that you want to hear it, and I'm saying it way that I'm hearing it, that I want to hear that I think it's saying we have opinions and views, right?
00:29:30
Kim Fletcher
So my opinion and my view in intentional dating may be differently of what you're saying. You can read all you want because some things mean the same thing.
00:29:38
Tanya Ruttley
Oh, so wait a second. Oh, so definitions don't matter.
00:29:40
Kim Fletcher
Some mean different ways. I mean, it sometimes can mean it could be interpreted in a different ways.
00:29:45
Tanya Ruttley
Sometimes.
00:29:47
Kim Fletcher
It could be interpreted in different ways.
00:29:47
Tanya Ruttley
Oh my God. Okay. So it can be interpreted different ways, but it doesn't mean it's the actual definition.
00:29:52
Kim Fletcher
yeah
00:29:57
Tanya Ruttley
I just want to put that out there. So, uh, dang
00:29:58
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
Podcast Length and Future Plans
00:30:01
Tanya Ruttley
it.
00:30:01
Tanya Ruttley
This is why I say we need more than 30 minutes.
00:30:02
Kim Fletcher
I know, it's 30 already.
00:30:03
Tanya Ruttley
This is exactly why, because feel like
00:30:04
Kim Fletcher
Oh my goodness. No, no. Because, like I said, we're dedicated to this.
00:30:05
Tanya Ruttley
Because we didn't get to get into the whole thing.
00:30:10
Kim Fletcher
We're going to, it's going to happen.
00:30:11
Tanya Ruttley
I'm telling y'all, when we go back to Tuesdays and Thursdays, we're doing an hour.
00:30:13
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:30:18
Kim Fletcher
we got yeah but
00:30:18
Tanya Ruttley
Because we're going to have You're going to have to agree.
00:30:21
Kim Fletcher
This is 30-30. This is 30-30.
00:30:22
Tanya Ruttley
Because we get...
00:30:22
Kim Fletcher
Yes, we did. We did.
00:30:24
Tanya Ruttley
I know what this is. I'm just telling them about, see why I say it has to go further?
00:30:26
Kim Fletcher
You just think we did.
00:30:28
Tanya Ruttley
We get nowhere words.
00:30:30
Kim Fletcher
yes we and We did.
00:30:32
Tanya Ruttley
So maybe...
00:30:32
Kim Fletcher
we You okay? Yeah.
00:30:34
Tanya Ruttley
No, we didn't get deep into that thing.
00:30:35
Kim Fletcher
like
00:30:37
Kim Fletcher
i mean we may
00:30:38
Tanya Ruttley
Oh, what I tell you guys this. If you feel like we got into it, like down to deep into the chat, let me know if you feel like that's what happened.
00:30:47
Kim Fletcher
yeah okay
00:30:48
Tanya Ruttley
Cause I feel like we didn't, we didn't get to really touch on it.
00:30:49
Kim Fletcher
yeah We did too. we you We didn't get in deep dive in as you wanted
00:30:55
Tanya Ruttley
Cause the two weeks plan on trying explain what a word mean. No.
00:30:58
Kim Fletcher
No, you want to keep telling me what the word we eight thirty Keep telling me what the word is.
00:30:58
Tanya Ruttley
um
00:31:02
Kim Fletcher
And I know what the word means. And I'm telling you what I'm telling you.
00:31:05
Tanya Ruttley
Oh my God, you can ask anybody. I tell you, do this. Do me a favor.
00:31:07
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm. Girl, bye.
00:31:08
Tanya Ruttley
No, I want you to this. When you get with your friends, ask them what's intentional dating. All right, you guys. So this is Kim and Latrice from Startup to Takeover Podcast.
00:31:18
Kim Fletcher
robot
00:31:20
Tanya Ruttley
And we are going to close this out in regards to intentional dating.
00:31:20
Kim Fletcher
a Girl, no. Yeah. OK.
00:31:25
Tanya Ruttley
So maybe we'll pick this back up tomorrow. I don't know. oh But you guys, yes, please leave a comment because this is killing me right now. Oh God. An hour come August, you guys, I promise.
00:31:38
Kim Fletcher
no yeah okay
00:31:39
Tanya Ruttley
but As a matter of fact, maybe we should start a poll. I know we got to go. Maybe we should start a poll whether not we should do this an hour so we can kind of get it through the actual media.
00:31:46
Kim Fletcher
gar and we have standing clear butnight
00:31:49
Tanya Ruttley
No, wait a second. Not on the 30, not on the 3030 on the regular streaming podcast.
00:31:51
Kim Fletcher
oh okay
00:31:57
Kim Fletcher
because it's gonna go organically organically it's last like you want it to go out yeah yeah we have yeah
00:31:58
Tanya Ruttley
Okay.
00:32:00
Tanya Ruttley
Yes, it is. yeah and yeah Yes. Girl, I do. How many have we had? Do we want to kind of keep going? We're going have about six.
00:32:11
Tanya Ruttley
Two? We're going to have several. Yes.
00:32:15
Kim Fletcher
oh
00:32:16
Tanya Ruttley
Okay, you guys. So we're going to call it a night. Thank you guys for joining us um on our 30-30.
00:32:24
Tanya Ruttley
We will definitely be here again tomorrow at 8 p.m.
00:32:24
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:32:24
Kim Fletcher
Watching this work.
00:32:28
Kim Fletcher
Watching this work.
00:32:29
Tanya Ruttley
and because it's on all the same. It's
00:32:33
Tanya Ruttley
catch us on all the same platforms.
00:32:35
Kim Fletcher
Latrice do not like me to interrupt her, but oh, well, Latrice.
00:32:36
Tanya Ruttley
Kim and Latrice.
00:32:40
Tanya Ruttley
but No, no, no. It's not the interruption.
00:32:41
Kim Fletcher
You're
00:32:43
Tanya Ruttley
It's not that I want them to hear.
00:32:44
Kim Fletcher
looking for her.
00:32:45
Tanya Ruttley
And what happens if we're crossing because we're both on mics, it's going to drown out because I've been doing that lately.
00:32:46
Kim Fletcher
Yeah. yeah Yeah, yeah, they can hear us. They can hear believe. Sweetie pie, end is live.
00:32:58
Tanya Ruttley
Okay, you guys.
00:32:59
Kim Fletcher
No.
00:32:59
Tanya Ruttley
I'm going finish what I was saying. We can't talk over each other because once you play it back, we're talking over each other. So we've got to make sure we're stopping and starting at the right points.
00:33:09
Kim Fletcher
yeah and npr
00:33:09
Tanya Ruttley
But okay, you guys. yes oh Oh, you know what they sound like? The ad libs. oh
00:33:15
Kim Fletcher
no
00:33:16
Tanya Ruttley
but boom but Good night, you guys. We'll see y'all tomorrow.
00:33:20
Kim Fletcher
I knew that.
00:33:21
Tanya Ruttley
Good night.
00:33:22
Kim Fletcher
I
00:33:26
Kim Fletcher
knew that.
00:33:28
Tanya Ruttley
Ah, let's go here.
00:33:28
Kim Fletcher
I knew that.