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Episode 11: When Men Step Up—Changing the Family Dynamic (Day 7 of 30-Day Challenge)
27 Plays11 months ago
Tonight, we’re giving the spotlight to the men—because when men step up with presence, purpose, and emotional leadership, the entire family structure shifts for the better.
In this episode of From StartUp to TakeOver—Watch Us Work, we’re talking about what it really looks like when men show up—not just as providers, but as nurturers, protectors, mentors, and partners. We’re challenging old narratives and celebrating the brothers who are rewriting the script.
🗣️ How does a father’s involvement emotionally impact his children?
💪🏾 How do healthy, present men help reshape generational patterns?
💥 And what happens when the man of the house brings more than just money to the table?
We’re getting into all of it—because the shift is happening, and it’s long overdue.
📍Join us every night at 8 PM EST for 30 minutes of real conversation during our 30-Day Challenge. Let’s grow through this—together.
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Transcript
Introduction and Host Check-In
00:01:07
Kim Fletcher
and hearing
00:01:17
Tanya Ruttley
Well, hello.
00:01:18
Kim Fletcher
Well, hello. Hey, hey, hey. Welcome back.
00:01:22
Tanya Ruttley
All right, you guys, welcome from Startup to Takeover podcast with Kim and Latrice. um So how are you how are you doing today, Kim?
00:01:30
Kim Fletcher
um'm I'm getting through. I'm getting through. Getting better. Getting better as the days go. Nothing too much today. Again, another light day. How about you?
00:01:41
Tanya Ruttley
um Pretty good, again, in my garden. I didn't plant anything today.
00:01:46
Kim Fletcher
Hmm.
00:01:46
Tanya Ruttley
Um, but just did my regular watering, put my fertilizer down. Um, and that was it. That was it for me today and worked on some other business stuff, of course, and then got ready for the podcast.
Men's Evolving Roles in Family Dynamics
00:01:57
Kim Fletcher
okay well our podcast is just gonna go right in we're gonna go right in i want to go right in when men step up changing the family dynamic i want to ask this question does your husband me ever go in the garden with you
00:02:11
Tanya Ruttley
So sometimes, but so I would say this. He tried to go in the garden with me maybe about three weeks ago.
00:02:19
Kim Fletcher
speaking man
00:02:21
Tanya Ruttley
He was like, hold on, baby. going come out there, and I want you walking through. And i was like, okay. Yeah, that was the only time.
00:02:29
Kim Fletcher
that that wasn't something he enjoyed.
00:02:30
Tanya Ruttley
no
00:02:32
Tanya Ruttley
No, not, I will say this, not yet. Cause you do know we're just now getting started in the yard. So i think as things grow, like right now I have four watermelons that have actually started to develop.
00:02:40
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:02:44
Tanya Ruttley
Yes. There was one, three more pop today. um i have some corn getting ready to do their thing.
00:02:47
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:02:50
Tanya Ruttley
My squash um is showing and my cucumber. So I think once you get to see the fruit start coming together, I think maybe that will help. Cause he did decide to come out three weeks to ago on his own. I didn't say anything.
00:03:05
Tanya Ruttley
So, you know,
00:03:08
Kim Fletcher
Okay, so in your opinion, what what does it mean for men to step up, in your opinion?
00:03:16
Tanya Ruttley
um, so when I say step up, I'm talking about more so for the men to, You know how we always say women need to make better choices in our selection? I think the men as well need to do the same so that when they do, I think their mind will be more at ease to run their households properly.
00:03:27
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:03:38
Tanya Ruttley
Right.
00:03:39
Tanya Ruttley
I think a lot of us, men and women choose significant others based off the superficial. And I think superficial can get us in trouble. So I think if the men do what we keep telling women to do, choose better, select better, if the men do that as well, I think that'll bring them peace because one of the most important things they talk about is men or not, they don't have peace in their own homes, right?
00:03:39
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:04:07
Kim Fletcher
right
00:04:08
Tanya Ruttley
And, you know, I definitely believe that the mind is one of the number one things that have to be taken care of in order for someone to move properly. So when
Raising Respectful Sons
00:04:18
Tanya Ruttley
we look at men who right now,
00:04:21
Tanya Ruttley
well, ain't gonna say right now, I think forever have been going through.
00:04:25
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:04:26
Tanya Ruttley
I think that that's part of what the issue is. I don't think men are just out here
00:04:35
Tanya Ruttley
leaving us hanging. without a backstory, right? And I think that backstory could be in the selection of the women that they're choosing, just like us women, we make bad selections with the men that we're choosing.
00:04:50
Tanya Ruttley
And then it's gonna play a part when you start to have children, raising a family, career, and trying to balance all of that. um So when I say I want men to step up, I want them to take care of themselves properly first.
00:05:05
Tanya Ruttley
And I think that has to come from the family unit that they're being raised in, right?
00:05:10
Kim Fletcher
right
00:05:11
Tanya Ruttley
like As young men, teenagers, instead of being taught to go out here and be loose, get all the women you can get. I think they also need to be taught how to be men, husbands, fathers.
00:05:20
Kim Fletcher
Well,
00:05:25
Kim Fletcher
so they have around they have to hang around that they would have to be around that type of environment to do that
00:05:33
Tanya Ruttley
Absolutely. That's what i'm saying. The men. So that's why I think in order for the men to even step up and make that change, it has to start with them. Like the man I'm in my forties, late forties, fifties. I taught my sons, you date one at a time.
00:05:46
Tanya Ruttley
I can't tell you that their father felt the same way. Right.
00:05:49
Kim Fletcher
right
00:05:50
Tanya Ruttley
But if those 40 or 30 year old men start teaching their sons what it really is to be a man, a husband and a father, the dynamic family, the black family would definitely change because women, I feel we will follow if we have the right person leading us.
00:06:09
Tanya Ruttley
What about you?
00:06:10
Kim Fletcher
and that's that's true i believe that i can agree with you on that that if the men start to um teach their children or you know guide the children into a a new way of thinking and living ah versus what we've had prior, I think the family dynamic would change because now, you know, real men and you can, I think I would say men, two types of men.
00:06:30
Tanya Ruttley
Absolutely.
00:06:41
Kim Fletcher
i mean, well, you can be a man, but not a man. You can be grown, but still a boy.
00:06:50
Tanya Ruttley
absolutely
00:06:51
Kim Fletcher
And I think that some some are still boys. they They want to be boys.
00:06:56
Tanya Ruttley
yeah
00:06:59
Kim Fletcher
And until they
Mentorship and Responsible Manhood
00:07:01
Kim Fletcher
are around people that can help or guide, guide that influence them, not really much influence, another word, but help them to grow in a way that when they when their family is formed,
00:07:15
Kim Fletcher
it's a good It's a good family. It's a God-fearing family because they're taught these things versus what they've been taught in the past. Like you say, in the past, they taught God or taught how to be what?
00:07:26
Tanya Ruttley
Go soy their royal oats. And then we're in trouble. but This is how I said it to my sons. I have a 28-year-old, 23-year-old, 19-year-old, right?
00:07:37
Tanya Ruttley
And my thing to them is, how are you going to turn off being a whore?
00:07:44
Tanya Ruttley
When it comes time to step up, get married, you fall in love, but you've been taught, you know, at least I know in my family, girl, the men were taught, go do your thing. But the girls was taught. Now you wait for your husband. You don't be out there, just blah, blah, blah, blah. blah
00:07:44
Kim Fletcher
Hmm.
00:08:00
Tanya Ruttley
So I would always say to my dad as an adult. Now you set us up. You had your daughters being good girls, good women for men who were improperly trained.
00:08:00
Kim Fletcher
Yep.
00:08:14
Kim Fletcher
Right. And they are still improperly trained.
00:08:15
Tanya Ruttley
because i you Because the same way you were raising your boys, the other men was raising their boys or the uncles was raising their nephews or the grandfather was raising their grandsons because they thought it was cute.
00:08:28
Tanya Ruttley
And, but my biggest thing is, but what happens is you're going to end up with broken families, right?
00:08:34
Kim Fletcher
If the generation will keep going, the generation will keep going, it will never stop because, yeah, but that because there's no rethinking, no retraining of the mindset.
00:08:35
Tanya Ruttley
Or, yeah, absolutely.
00:08:41
Tanya Ruttley
It will never stop. Yeah.
00:08:50
Kim Fletcher
The mindset is
00:08:50
Tanya Ruttley
And you know what I think, you know what I think will also help? I think everyone needs a mentor.
00:08:56
Kim Fletcher
the same.
00:08:56
Tanya Ruttley
I think everyone needs someone older or wiser than they are.
00:08:57
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm. Yes.
00:09:02
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:09:03
Tanya Ruttley
um
00:09:03
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:09:03
Tanya Ruttley
Because I think a lot of people, whether it's a man or a woman, don't want to be a follower.
00:09:11
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:09:11
Tanya Ruttley
But I think truly, say it again.
00:09:12
Kim Fletcher
I think someone seasoned. A person. See, I think they need to be around people who seasoned, who's been through something and it can say, no, this is what you need to do.
00:09:23
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
00:09:24
Kim Fletcher
That they've had this experience, that they've cooked it up in the kitchen, and I know, no, this is the way you need to go versus this the way you need to go.
00:09:32
Tanya Ruttley
Right. And I think they have to be God led as well.
00:09:33
Kim Fletcher
That's... Mm-hmm.
00:09:35
Tanya Ruttley
Right. Because there are a lot that are seasoned and honey, they're, they're for the streets still, still, just being honest, there are 70 year olds still out here, married, still doing their thing.
00:09:41
Kim Fletcher
ah
00:09:45
Tanya Ruttley
So I, I just think that the dynamics have to change. And for me, I started with my young men. um, teaching them that it's going to be hard for you to turn off.
00:09:59
Tanya Ruttley
Not only that, you could possibly cause a broken home. If eventually, you know, a lot of us women stay, but a lot of us leave.
Conversations on Family Roles
00:10:09
Tanya Ruttley
That's why.
00:10:09
Kim Fletcher
well
00:10:10
Tanya Ruttley
ahead.
00:10:10
Kim Fletcher
how do how do we let the men teach and we sit back okay
00:10:15
Tanya Ruttley
I think we have to have the conversation with our men. We have to, and they have to be open to it. Right. Um, But it's a conversation that I don't think a lot of people are talking about. I've been talking about it for years, but and I can tell you a lot of people don't want to hear it.
00:10:32
Tanya Ruttley
However, I'm going to stay on repeat, right? So, yeah, I'm going to stay on repeat in my family because I think it's important. And Eventually stuff can trickle out.
00:10:46
Tanya Ruttley
Like if it's in my three oldest sons and hopefully they take it. Right.
00:10:52
Tanya Ruttley
And then they're able to push it out to my grandchildren. Right. That's me changing my family dynamics with friends.
00:10:52
Kim Fletcher
right
00:11:01
Kim Fletcher
e
00:11:02
Tanya Ruttley
I've always had these type conversations. Right. So I don't think I have a friend who teaches um that their son should be loose.
00:11:05
Kim Fletcher
right are you are you
00:11:13
Tanya Ruttley
If they do, they haven't told me. So
00:11:20
Kim Fletcher
referring to women or men your friend as a woman or your friend as a man so you're talking about a woman oh yes so you see saying that the woman is teaching
00:11:24
Tanya Ruttley
I don't have any male friends. I only have female friends. So the female the female friends that I'm referencing, I mean, the friends that I'm referencing females, right?
00:11:38
Tanya Ruttley
um Because, well, here's the thing. This is my thought. This wasn't my friend's thought. So it would be me. Right. So I'm not talking to their husbands.
00:11:44
Kim Fletcher
mm-hmm
00:11:45
Tanya Ruttley
I'm having a conversation with my friends. um So I think that if everyone starts in their own household or like on like this, a podcast, someone gets on a podcast and voice the issue, then I think it can start venturing out or filtering out to the masses.
00:11:52
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:11:59
Kim Fletcher
Yes.
00:12:04
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah, but not, no, not, I don't think, um, my personal opinion, I don't think women, um, is just that this has been my thought process for years because of my first experience of being married, right? I married a man who was not prepared.
00:12:19
Tanya Ruttley
who was taught to be loose and I was taught not to be.
00:12:19
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:12:24
Tanya Ruttley
So it wasn't a match, right?
00:12:24
Kim Fletcher
Yes.
00:12:27
Tanya Ruttley
So from there, I just realized, well, I'm going to teach my sons totally opposite of what I saw my brothers being taught and what I've seen other young men at the time, young men were being taught.
00:12:40
Tanya Ruttley
So that's where my concept came from. But I think when we have these conversations, men are going to hear, they're going to start listening.
00:12:43
Kim Fletcher
okay
00:12:48
Tanya Ruttley
It's for them teach their sons.
00:12:48
Kim Fletcher
yeah
00:12:51
Kim Fletcher
That's why I say how, because the men say will say, women are always stepping in, don't give them chance to do anything. If they have something to say, the woman have something to you know say back on it or disagree or something with the child, how do women step back and let the man teach?
00:13:08
Kim Fletcher
Do they step back or do...
00:13:10
Tanya Ruttley
i I think some, cause I can say like with my husband now, and remember this came from my first divorce, right? This came from the divorce. So I started teaching that to my sons.
00:13:22
Tanya Ruttley
Now my husband that I'm married to now, he knows how I feel, but our our son is six, right? And my, my other boys, they're, they're grown. So does he know that's how I feel?
00:13:29
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:13:31
Tanya Ruttley
Yes. And I think if I can recall, I remember him saying to my sons, Man, I never even was told nothing like this. You understand what I'm saying? Now, so as our son grow up, were both should be we both should be having that conversation um with our son and the why behind it.
00:13:51
Tanya Ruttley
And my daughter, of course, she's being taught just like I was, you know. So no change in that because I wasn't taught to go out here and just kind of do whatever I want to do because men are not going to treat you right. No, I wasn't told that.
00:14:05
Tanya Ruttley
I kind of got set up. Because I wasn't told, girl, they're going to eat you up, you know, you know but whatever.
00:14:09
Kim Fletcher
but you won't be
00:14:15
Tanya Ruttley
um So my daughter is being taught to be prepared for a husband. And my sons are being prepared to be in a position um to choose wisely and to be um ready to be a husband before they take that step.
00:14:31
Kim Fletcher
so do you think that women are allowing men to change the dynamic
Leadership and Mutual Respect in Families
00:14:39
Kim Fletcher
of a family to be head of the family?
00:14:43
Tanya Ruttley
So, and this is outside looking in, the women that I know, let's remove my closest friends, let's say women that I've worked with and that's married.
00:14:52
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:14:56
Tanya Ruttley
It could seem so, but the problem with that is when you're not intimate with those families, you really don't know. It could seem one way and be another. Because you know I'm very selective. I always say that. I don't try to befriend everybody. I don't believe in the numbers.
00:15:13
Tanya Ruttley
um So it seems as if the people that I associate with – um have that kind of dynamic.
00:15:13
Kim Fletcher
right
00:15:24
Tanya Ruttley
But I think what's being put out is that it's not true. But I wonder, and I don't know, I wonder if that's single people talking versus married people talking.
00:15:35
Tanya Ruttley
Because a lot of single people like to get in married people business. I'm just saying.
00:15:40
Kim Fletcher
You're saying, or Katakuna, and saying it what? Single people
00:15:44
Tanya Ruttley
Their opinion of, like when I say that, single men giving an opinion of a married woman. And, you know, the stigma behind women, which is what you just the question that you posed was, do women allow?
00:15:59
Tanya Ruttley
i know my sisters allow. i know I allow. Yeah.
00:16:04
Kim Fletcher
Because why? Because the way you were taught.
00:16:07
Tanya Ruttley
yeah ah My father and my mother. Yeah.
00:16:10
Tanya Ruttley
So and I think that's why I feel that it can happen. But the problem in my person, in my household as a child, it was only taught to the women. Right. So I think that um it should be talked to the men as well, because I tell my sons, you're just as valuable as a woman.
00:16:10
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:16:28
Tanya Ruttley
She's not she's no more valuable than you. I don't know why people walk around as if the women are just most precious thing in the world. And the men are just supposed to just disrespect themselves.
00:16:39
Tanya Ruttley
So I have the conversation to them to respect yourself.
00:16:39
Kim Fletcher
we are evening and we are the precious we are the precious thing in the world missing know
00:16:47
Tanya Ruttley
you could say what you want so are my sons so I want them to represent themselves well choose wisely because um
00:16:55
Kim Fletcher
you know
00:16:58
Tanya Ruttley
The way it looks is as if women aren't being taught to be wives, mothers.
00:17:04
Kim Fletcher
and
00:17:06
Tanya Ruttley
I could be wrong. I'm just saying the way it looks, right? Maybe someone's going to come in and tell me I'm wrong, but it just seems as if women are being taught to go chase money.
00:17:10
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:17:15
Tanya Ruttley
Hmm.
00:17:16
Kim Fletcher
That's what we are.
00:17:18
Tanya Ruttley
her
00:17:18
Kim Fletcher
That's what we see. That's what we see.
00:17:21
Tanya Ruttley
Right.
00:17:21
Kim Fletcher
That's what we're showing. That's what we see.
00:17:22
Tanya Ruttley
But I don't, but I don't know. Well, what I'm saying is, I don't know if that's being taught or if they're following that on social media, right? Cause I don't know what's in their homes. People will have to speak on that part. I'm just saying what it looks like is as you if people are out here chasing money, not really want to be a mother, mean, a wife, a mother, but that's the continuation of the world.
00:17:36
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:17:42
Tanya Ruttley
Right. So I think it's important people,
00:17:43
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:17:48
Tanya Ruttley
men take more responsibility when they do become husbands, fathers, take that lead in that home instead of stepping back and letting in that woman do everything when it comes raising their children, right?
00:18:02
Kim Fletcher
Oh,
00:18:05
Kim Fletcher
oh OK.
00:18:06
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. When it comes to raising their children, because this is part of what I'm saying, men step up, be involved. Don't be in your home and be absent. Yeah. Yeah.
00:18:15
Kim Fletcher
Be present, just like the women should be present, the men should be present.
00:18:18
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah, absolutely. And I think that if we just have the conversation, And they have to be willing to hear. And the the the women have got to be willing to have that conversation and understand that you do need to step back, right?
00:18:37
Tanya Ruttley
And I get it. It can be hard to step back if the man isn't doing everything right. But here's something that I've always carried with me. And this is something I felt even in my early, early 20s, honey.
00:18:50
Tanya Ruttley
I would always say I will allow my husband to lead. We can fall.
00:18:53
Kim Fletcher
Thank you.
00:18:55
Tanya Ruttley
That's okay. As long as I got a roof over my head, we have water, we have power, and we have food. Trying to build, it's okay if he fall down.
00:19:07
Tanya Ruttley
I just need to see that he can get back up. um i don't I don't think it's about perfection and trying to hold man in a the man in a box I think if more men can understand that it's okay for them to figure it out while they're going alone, but they got to have that woman that's going to have their back and accept that.
00:19:30
Tanya Ruttley
the falls, the highs and the lows in the marriage, in the family unit. And I know a lot of women, well, let me not say I know a lot of women. I hear men say a lot of women don't support, right?
00:19:38
Kim Fletcher
often
00:19:43
Tanya Ruttley
um Or in their ear nagging when things aren't going well.
00:19:49
Kim Fletcher
but why because you said because this stereotype is everyone is running after the bag so no one has time to
00:19:58
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:20:02
Kim Fletcher
It's hard. I feel like it would be hard for the men to try to change the dynamic of a family when in this climate now, it everything is chasing a bag. It's not trying to put the family together.
00:20:14
Kim Fletcher
It's not trying to do that. It's chasing the bag and the family come. Chase the bag, the family. Chase the bag.
00:20:20
Tanya Ruttley
But here's the beauty of life. As we continue, we can always change the the path. Right. So even in the current household, now, if you have adults, I get it.
00:20:27
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:20:30
Tanya Ruttley
You can more so just have the conversation um and then have that conversation with their, their young men. So that when they're young men, when their son has children, say again,
00:20:38
Kim Fletcher
then destin But that's the being had now, the conversation to the young men now, because we are really talking about the young generation, because the older generation are like older
Importance of Open Family Conversations
00:20:50
Kim Fletcher
and the kids are grown.
00:20:50
Kim Fletcher
But so if we're talking about changing the dynamic for the younger generation, they are being trained to chase the bag.
00:20:52
Tanya Ruttley
one
00:20:59
Tanya Ruttley
Right. But that's why I just said just because, and you know, you know how I feel just because the older generation is older does not mean they can't change their path.
00:21:05
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:21:10
Tanya Ruttley
I don't believe in that um because I made changes in my forties. So I definitely, I definitely believe that. that those men who do have adult sons can still start the conversation.
00:21:21
Tanya Ruttley
Because guess what? Their adult sons are going to have children. So just because they're older and their children are already adults does not, and even if they already have grandchildren,
00:21:32
Tanya Ruttley
They're little, more than likely. So they can still start those conversations and be vulnerable and open with their sons, nephews, about their failures, right, and how they can change it.
00:21:45
Kim Fletcher
That's right.
00:21:46
Tanya Ruttley
So even if they're older, that doesn't change the conversation at all. But for the young men, if they're listening or ever the conversation is starts to get had and they're in their early twenty s early 30s, they all have a beautiful start.
00:22:02
Kim Fletcher
They will have a beautiful start because the knowledge that they will have, but we need to help don't even know if the the good the right word is help.
00:22:04
Tanya Ruttley
Yep.
00:22:07
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:22:15
Tanya Ruttley
Have the conversation often.
00:22:15
Kim Fletcher
to yeah to help get the conversation started.
00:22:21
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. And that's what we're doing now, right?
00:22:22
Kim Fletcher
How, yeah, you're right.
00:22:24
Tanya Ruttley
And we're gonna have these type of conversations repeatedly. We know we are, cause we talk about this kind of stuff all the time.
00:22:28
Kim Fletcher
and All the time.
00:22:29
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:22:30
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:22:30
Tanya Ruttley
and
00:22:31
Kim Fletcher
ah we are family.
00:22:31
Tanya Ruttley
And you know what I always say, have those conversations with your friends, have them with your other family members, you know?
00:22:35
Kim Fletcher
Yeah. Yeah.
00:22:37
Tanya Ruttley
um And, and that's, like I said, I've been beating my dad
00:22:37
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
Challenging Family Stereotypes
00:22:40
Tanya Ruttley
upside the head with this kind of talk, honey, since I was in my twenties.
00:22:44
Tanya Ruttley
So,
00:22:44
Kim Fletcher
Well, I
00:22:46
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah, so I've always said this to him because this is, I love my dad to pieces, girl. But I would tell him with my first two because they were they were five years of apart. I was like, Daddy, you can tell them anything. Have any conversation you want.
00:23:00
Tanya Ruttley
Stay away from relationships. I'm just being honest because I didn't want my sons to ruin their households. I want them to ahead.
00:23:11
Kim Fletcher
well This girl was on TikTok today and she was talking about sons end up. She said a son is raised by a single woman, the son ends up... I don't want to say the girl to tell a lie what she said, but I think the girl said if a son is raised by a single mother, he basically, he's going to end up being like a whore or in the streets and he's going to treat women dirty because...
00:23:42
Kim Fletcher
he's seen his mama struggle or whatever, whatever. So he's going to treat women dirty. um Then she said if he's raised by his grandmother, his aunties, his sisters, going to be, he's going to take care of you because he was trained by women.
00:24:01
Kim Fletcher
already knew you was going to laugh.
00:24:03
Tanya Ruttley
Oh my God.
00:24:05
Kim Fletcher
Yes, I did. She did say that.
00:24:07
Tanya Ruttley
Bullshit.
00:24:09
Kim Fletcher
I knew you was going to laugh.
00:24:09
Tanya Ruttley
Girl, please. Jesus.
00:24:11
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, I
00:24:12
Tanya Ruttley
I did not just curse, then turn around call Jesus name. Forgive me, Lord, but these people be tripping.
00:24:15
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, but yeah if for real, some of it, true, for real, because if you think about it, you did well, if you, yeah, no yeah, think about it.
00:24:23
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. Think about it.
00:24:26
Kim Fletcher
Think about it. I think sometimes
00:24:27
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. Cause. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.
00:24:31
Kim Fletcher
if a mother, grandmother, auntie, sister raised a boy, he's always with them, he's she's raising them, I think they will be kind of a good fit, a good
00:24:44
Tanya Ruttley
Bullshit.
00:24:45
Kim Fletcher
people because they are learning from women and women are is whatever and if he's now single mother he's gonna be a hoe he's gonna treat a girl good
00:24:45
Tanya Ruttley
Bullshit.
00:24:48
Tanya Ruttley
Girl, cut the crap. No. You can't. You can't do that.
Evolving Family Traditions and Dynamics
00:25:00
Tanya Ruttley
Well, then she wouldn't like me to come on because, baby, my brothers was raised by both my parents. My cousin on my mother's side was raised by both their parents, except for...
00:25:00
Kim Fletcher
he's not no
00:25:10
Kim Fletcher
a
00:25:11
Tanya Ruttley
well Oh, let me almost say something. So, i'm like again, and my ex-hebna raised by both his parents. So, again, bullshit.
00:25:22
Kim Fletcher
It is not. It's just, it's a certain percentage.
00:25:25
Tanya Ruttley
No, it's not that that's what it is.
00:25:26
Kim Fletcher
It's certain percentage.
00:25:28
Tanya Ruttley
It's just life. i Improper training on how to be men. And I think somewhere along the line, improper training on how to be women came into play as well.
00:25:40
Tanya Ruttley
That's my belief.
00:25:40
Kim Fletcher
Well.
00:25:41
Tanya Ruttley
I don't care if it's a single parent, both parents, um grandparents, aunts. Because from what I've been looking at, a lot of people have just, their focus was think even D.L.
00:25:57
Tanya Ruttley
Hughley, go ah to college and make your money.
00:25:58
Kim Fletcher
Why?
00:26:00
Tanya Ruttley
And they wanted them to go and get money because honestly, they knew the men weren't worth shit. Just being honest. So that's why I think it has to start with the men changing. Because if the men who are out here in the streets are raising their daughters and are telling their daughters, go get your degree, make sure you have something for yourself.
00:26:18
Tanya Ruttley
Why are they telling you that?
00:26:22
Kim Fletcher
Because they don't trust that the man is going to take care
00:26:24
Tanya Ruttley
was raised properly.
00:26:28
Tanya Ruttley
They weren't raised properly. They was raised to go out there and be what probably the daddy was, but now he don't want it done to his daughters.
Conclusion and Future Topics on Family Leadership
00:26:35
Kim Fletcher
well it's a hundred it's a hundred or two hundred year tradition that's gonna take time to change
00:26:35
Tanya Ruttley
So that's why I'm saying it has to be changed.
00:26:44
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah, absolutely. And that's why I wanted to have the conversation and make sure that this is something we talk about out in the open, not just in private, because I've been, again, doing it for years.
00:26:55
Tanya Ruttley
um But I like that we have this podcast and this is something that we can talk about quite often to ensure that the men know we want them.
00:27:06
Tanya Ruttley
We want them to be in the home, leading the home, but they got to be right.
00:27:13
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, but we women have to change their mind frame too because I can raise my hand and say that wo sometimes you you don't want to let them leave
00:27:13
Tanya Ruttley
They have to be ready.
00:27:29
Kim Fletcher
you
00:27:29
Tanya Ruttley
Well, could it be because of who it is
00:27:30
Kim Fletcher
ah them leave.
00:27:33
Tanya Ruttley
Okay.
00:27:34
Kim Fletcher
we've been we we were raised in different ways. So your way
00:27:40
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:27:41
Kim Fletcher
what you just said in my way is the woman, you know, do everything or whatever, whatever, because I got stop saying whatever, but ah that's what I do say to say not the same thing.
00:27:53
Tanya Ruttley
This is raw. We're not polished. Let's go.
00:27:56
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, I know.
00:27:56
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:27:56
Kim Fletcher
It's just saying things that don't want to say, but yeah, I was raised a different way. So I was raised with women. So I see that I'm women are like that. If we were raised,
00:28:11
Kim Fletcher
by women, we're kind of like cock strong. but We don't want to let a man come in and tell us what to do because a man never did. We don't want to let a man come in and change us because a man never did.
00:28:22
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:28:24
Kim Fletcher
Versus it's a man did with you. You had oh two-parent home versus some women just had a one-parent home we don't think the same it's like how do we let you step up because like if you do something we don't like we we're gonna let you know so and they'll that's that's a point they feel like we're not letting them
00:28:44
Tanya Ruttley
Well, you should be able to let them know, but it's the delivery. There's nothing wrong with um voicing issues. it's how you
00:28:51
Kim Fletcher
in that and
00:28:52
Tanya Ruttley
It's how you step up and let them know.
00:28:54
Kim Fletcher
And that may play a role in the but um the family dynamic because the way the things are delivered.
00:29:02
Tanya Ruttley
Right. So you thinking that it instead of looking at the men right now to step up, you're thinking both at the same time?
00:29:10
Kim Fletcher
Women have to, we have to look at ourselves as well because we, you may not have, but other women have been through stuff and they like, no, I don't wanna hear that because this this is not what it is.
00:29:23
Kim Fletcher
like, no.
00:29:23
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:29:25
Kim Fletcher
this is not all goody-gitty like you're saying, but that's because.
00:29:28
Tanya Ruttley
So you don't believe that women will follow if there's a, let's say it if the if the tables have turned and the majority are good men, you're saying you don't think women will adjust?
00:29:39
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, but if we we're going to have to really see it.
00:29:42
Tanya Ruttley
Well, of course, this is why we said it's about when men step up. That's why it's about them taking the lead, not the woman. See, it's almost sound like we're bringing back in about, well, the woman, I'm not talking about the woman, I'm talking about the men.
00:29:47
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, and...
00:29:51
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, yeah, but I'm saying, but women have to allow them to step up and change it.
00:29:55
Tanya Ruttley
Well,
00:29:55
Kim Fletcher
That's why you do do.
00:29:57
Tanya Ruttley
but But if you have it where it's the men having the conversation with the other men in their selection, they won't select those women. This is what I'm talking about. This is why I'm saying, because they're always talking about we have to do better in our selection.
00:30:11
Tanya Ruttley
Women, y'all got to choose better. Y'all chose that man. And what I'm saying is the men have got to... take the lead and select better as well. It can't always be what the women have got to blah, blah, blah, blah. blah I think that if the men numbers change and it's reversed to where they're taught to be a king of their home, the women will get left behind or they're going change.
00:30:38
Tanya Ruttley
That's why I think it take the man to lead, not the woman. and I don't, I don't, I think eventually the woman will adjust if the men step up.
00:30:46
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, okay. If you feel like that will, I think so too, but it will be a lot of changing of mind.
00:30:54
Tanya Ruttley
But that's what has to happen.
00:30:54
Kim Fletcher
never
00:30:55
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. And it's okay to take ah it forward to be a slow change. We just want it to start happening.
00:31:00
Kim Fletcher
Yeah. and And so therefore women like us need to do what we're doing, the podcast, and talk to, like you said, our friends and family.
00:31:01
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:31:05
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:31:11
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:31:11
Kim Fletcher
ah um um And I'm saying of women to just now, you know, let men, what can we do to help let the men step up to change our family dynamic? What can we do to help them?
00:31:23
Tanya Ruttley
Maybe that can be tomorrow's conversation because right now we are a minute and 40 seconds over because tonight was about the men.
00:31:23
Kim Fletcher
Because...
00:31:29
Kim Fletcher
yeah
00:31:31
Tanya Ruttley
Because I want to see our men doing the thing. So, you guys, as you know, we are on our 30 days, 30-minute challenge. We're going to go back to our regular Tuesday and Thursdays. But right now, tomorrow will be day 8 of our 30-day challenge. So, please meet us for episode 12 where we will then flip it and talk about how we can get our sisters together.
00:31:54
Tanya Ruttley
to allow this growth from our men that can better our homes, change all of our bloodlines.
00:31:57
Kim Fletcher
o
00:32:02
Kim Fletcher
And can it be done?
00:32:04
Tanya Ruttley
Not candid. It can be done and it will be done.
00:32:07
Kim Fletcher
with Will it be done?
00:32:10
Tanya Ruttley
Yes. Yes.
00:32:12
Kim Fletcher
yeah
00:32:12
Tanya Ruttley
so
00:32:13
Kim Fletcher
What, 20 and 28? I'm just playing.
00:32:16
Tanya Ruttley
So you guys, we've got to go. we will definitely see y'all tomorrow. Please show up and help us continue to grow.
00:32:23
Tanya Ruttley
um
00:32:23
Kim Fletcher
Oh, thank you.
00:32:24
Kim Fletcher
Thank you.
00:32:25
Tanya Ruttley
up Absolutely. So from startup to takeover, watch us work. Kim and Latre, we are out.
00:32:29
Kim Fletcher
Good night.
00:32:33
Tanya Ruttley
Good night.