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Episode 5: Do Women Really Just Go Off for No Reason? (Day 1 of 30-Day Challenge)
35 Plays11 months ago
Welcome to Day 1 of our 30-Day Challenge—30 minutes a day, for the next 30 days, right here at From StartUp to TakeOver—Watch Us Work! We’re kicking things off with a hot topic:
Do women really go off on their partners for no reason? Or is there always something brewing beneath the surface?
In this episode, we unpack the emotions, the triggers, and the communication breakdowns that often lead to those “out of nowhere” reactions in relationships. Spoiler alert: there’s usually a reason—even if it’s not obvious.
💬 Join the conversation as we break it all the way down, share some personal stories, and offer real talk about what’s really going on behind the blowups.
Tap in with us every night at 8 PM EST for more honest, unfiltered conversations. Let’s grow through it—together.
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Transcript
Introduction & Challenge Announcement
00:00:05
Tanya Ruttley
All right. Hello. This is Latrice.
00:00:07
Kim Fletcher
Watch
00:00:08
Tanya Ruttley
Welcome to From Startup to Takeover podcast.
00:00:13
Kim Fletcher
this work.
00:00:15
Tanya Ruttley
And you have co-host Kim.
00:00:19
Kim Fletcher
Hello, hello. Thank you for coming back.
00:00:22
Tanya Ruttley
Absolutely. So guys, you know, today we start our 30-day challenge where Kim and I are going to be on Every day at 8 p.m. Eastern Standard Time for 30 minutes.
00:00:34
Tanya Ruttley
Latrice is going to stick to the 30
Nostalgic Reflections on Childhood
00:00:36
Tanya Ruttley
minutes. um But, yeah, we want you guys to grow with us, and let's just see where we go. So, Kim, let's get this started.
00:00:42
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:00:42
Tanya Ruttley
How was your day?
00:00:44
Kim Fletcher
It was great. How about yours? It was a little long, but it was great. How about yours?
00:00:49
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. um Busy, draining, tired.
00:00:52
Kim Fletcher
I mean, but yeah.
00:00:53
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:00:54
Kim Fletcher
yeah You know, I did a little, my grandchildren, I did the hair and another little girl, a little friend of theirs, did the hair and my grandson and they tend the hair.
00:01:08
Kim Fletcher
Aren't you tender hair to Latrice?
00:01:10
Tanya Ruttley
I used to be very.
00:01:11
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, I know it. You used to You used to cry. They cry just like you and Nisa used to cry.
00:01:17
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. And both of my, i yet my two, my youngest two girl, I would tap they, they, um, scab with a comb and they hollering.
00:01:23
Kim Fletcher
ye
00:01:28
Tanya Ruttley
I'm like, I'm not even combing your hair.
00:01:31
Kim Fletcher
oh But I can't, I guess it's a difference now. It hit different when you were grandma. parent than a parent because back in the day i would have been like you better hush turn your head but now it's like oh my god am i hurting you show me where i'm gonna stop so it takes forever because i don't want to that is too soft oh lord
00:01:49
Tanya Ruttley
I heard that grandparent role a little bit different.
Women's Emotional Reactions: Justified or Excused?
00:01:54
Tanya Ruttley
And I see you have confirmed it.
00:01:54
Kim Fletcher
soft yes very soft but it o yes but anyway everything but other than that everything is just fine A little tired.
00:02:04
Tanya Ruttley
Good. Good.
00:02:04
Kim Fletcher
Like said, that's okay. That's okay. Get that rest after the podcast and be ready for tomorrow. Be ready to dive into the next deep dive of whatever comes after why women snap at their part, why women go off.
00:02:11
Tanya Ruttley
Right.
00:02:22
Tanya Ruttley
Yes, because today we wanted to continue on part of what we ended with yesterday about whether or not women are snapping for no reason at all.
00:02:24
Kim Fletcher
All right.
00:02:37
Tanya Ruttley
Meaning, are they just being emotional? Are they actually being pushed too far? um That's what we kind of wanted to tap in. So Kim, what are your thoughts?
00:02:45
Kim Fletcher
I'm going to ask you. So do you snap off anytime?
00:02:51
Tanya Ruttley
I don't initiate no.
00:02:53
Kim Fletcher
No. So we we we we did that yesterday.
00:02:54
Tanya Ruttley
Nope.
00:02:56
Kim Fletcher
So I'm going to be truthful.
00:02:56
Tanya Ruttley
Yep.
00:02:57
Kim Fletcher
I used to like rah, rah, rah, but I had a reason that I thought or I did.
00:03:05
Tanya Ruttley
Uh-huh.
00:03:07
Kim Fletcher
There's no reason that you just
00:03:09
Tanya Ruttley
Uh-huh.
00:03:11
Kim Fletcher
yes There's no reason that you just is just, I just don't see it. There's no reason that you just go off and you just rah, rah, rah all the time. It has to be a buildup. And that buildup leads to rah, rah, rah, rah.
00:03:25
Kim Fletcher
Like at anything, not even just the spouse or the maid. Whoever is your person, you are rah, rah, rah because there's something built up.
00:03:36
Tanya Ruttley
So, but there are women and I guess this is why think it's a it's and it's an excuse that's used because there are women who go through stuff, right? Because we're talking about women right now and they don't rah, rah, rah, no matter what's coming at them, right?
Advice for Sons on Relationship Dynamics
00:03:52
Tanya Ruttley
So is it that it's an excuse
00:03:59
Tanya Ruttley
that they're being pushed too far, the reason for them to lose their shit, right? Or... Is it in them to just lose their shit and just, they'd like to snap.
00:04:11
Tanya Ruttley
What I like to call, as I was teaching my sons, um my older boys, if you have a very feisty woman, and I mean, I like to come at you, stay away from her. Right. That's what I call a rah-rah woman.
00:04:21
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:04:23
Tanya Ruttley
Just like to start shit. I think they exist. um So I taught my sons early on. If you notice that. Just because there's a disagreement or they have an issue with something, I just don't think you should have to go rah, rah, rah.
00:04:41
Tanya Ruttley
So when you find someone like that, you need to leave her where she's at because things could escalate, right? She can dive deeper into later on she ended up putting her hands on you or something like that.
00:04:51
Tanya Ruttley
So that's that's what I mean by i don't think that it's an excuse.
00:04:58
Kim Fletcher
well
00:04:58
Tanya Ruttley
I just think it's in them to do it.
00:05:01
Kim Fletcher
Well, I feel like women are, we were made to nurture. If we want to be, you know what the word, we were made to be nurturers. So I don't care if that woman, whatever happened with her, she was made to be a nurturer.
Nurturing Nature vs. Combative Behavior
00:05:16
Kim Fletcher
So something had to happen to take that away from her to make her not want to nurture and rock, rock, rock. We are made to nurture.
00:05:28
Kim Fletcher
That is our job, whether we know it or not. We are made to nurture. And some women, why do you, jump women, jump up and rah, rah, rah when you are made to nurture?
00:05:42
Kim Fletcher
So it's it's probably what, how many percent of you out there? It's a lot of you guys. Don't get mad at me because it's a lot of you guys out there like Latrice. You're really not rah, rah, rah. But it's a lot that are because it's lot scars, lot of trauma.
00:05:58
Tanya Ruttley
Okay, but is that trauma, the person that they're rah-rah-ing with, right, snapping on, is that the person who brought the trauma? Are they carrying trauma and then therefore when they go into another relationship and something may look like something,
00:06:15
Kim Fletcher
yeah and it could be that too just I okay okay so let's let's let's take a let's take a team not even us just take a teenager now let's take your daughter because she's in your household so you you
00:06:17
Tanya Ruttley
so then you're still rah-rah-rah-ing for
00:06:31
Tanya Ruttley
Yep.
00:06:34
Kim Fletcher
put in store your, your, your, um, ways in her, just say ways.
00:06:39
Tanya Ruttley
Right. Right.
00:06:40
Kim Fletcher
So, so if she goes out and she meet a man and you know when she gets older, she's not going automatically go wrong, wrong.
00:06:46
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:06:50
Kim Fletcher
Cause that's not what have.
00:06:51
Tanya Ruttley
Nope.
00:06:52
Kim Fletcher
But if sometime in that relationship, she starts to do that.
00:06:53
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:06:56
Kim Fletcher
What would you say?
00:07:02
Tanya Ruttley
Um, I would try to, you know, well, I'm analyze it. Right. So I'm gonna have a conversation and figure out where it came from. Because think about what you just said. That's not in her. There are some teenagers, girl, I went to school and they rah, rah, rah. They, yeah, they, they're very combative. That's, that's, that's what I'm saying. They're very combative.
00:07:21
Tanya Ruttley
Um, so my daughter's not combative.
00:07:21
Kim Fletcher
why we rob wood
00:07:23
Tanya Ruttley
Right. Right. So then I know that it would be a situation that could pull that out of her. Like I was telling you my first marriage, right? Which is why I said, well, let's make sure we don't go down that path again.
00:07:33
Kim Fletcher
excuse that yeah was why we rob wood because they be
00:07:39
Tanya Ruttley
but it's But we have to, I don't think, we can't stick with it. It's just because. Women are not perfect. You're going to have some women.
00:07:45
Kim Fletcher
so
00:07:46
Tanya Ruttley
No, no, meaning we're going to have a bunch of some women out there who do just snap off.
00:07:46
Kim Fletcher
and
00:07:50
Tanya Ruttley
they They do exist, right?
00:07:52
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, yeah.
00:07:52
Tanya Ruttley
They don't all have an excuse. They don't all have a reason.
00:07:56
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:07:56
Tanya Ruttley
i mean, just like there's no such thing as all men, just like all women. um That's what I mean by that.
00:08:01
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:08:02
Tanya Ruttley
So I do believe there are some who just pop off.
00:08:03
Kim Fletcher
I say 1% of each race, I mean each gender. just, 1% of each gender.
00:08:09
Tanya Ruttley
jack Jesus, one.
00:08:10
Kim Fletcher
That's how we put the, it's i say these
00:08:13
Tanya Ruttley
You give
Complexities of Love and Relationship Motives
00:08:14
Tanya Ruttley
no grace.
00:08:16
Kim Fletcher
and
00:08:16
Tanya Ruttley
No, it's more than that. There ain't no way.
00:08:18
Kim Fletcher
and we picked
00:08:23
Kim Fletcher
all sides
00:08:26
Kim Fletcher
it come in every packet like you're wrong because you just want to you're wrong because you something's there making you it's
00:08:38
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. So and then let's so let's let's say with the ones where they're making, meaning not making you because we're not a puppet on a string.
00:08:39
Kim Fletcher
so with
00:08:45
Tanya Ruttley
However, they're pulling something out of you that you don't normally show or reflect, right? So what do you do to change that?
00:08:55
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:08:58
Tanya Ruttley
Because... Women are the brunt of so many negative things, irregardless of why they are.
00:09:03
Kim Fletcher
yeah
00:09:06
Tanya Ruttley
So how do that get corrected? I think you have to either remove yourself from the situation and some women will be married, right?
00:09:20
Kim Fletcher
but
00:09:20
Tanya Ruttley
And if they have an abusive um so spouse, whether it's um physically, emotionally, spiritually being abusive, that could change the dynamics of how she reacts.
00:09:37
Tanya Ruttley
So then what do, hmm?
00:09:39
Kim Fletcher
and she And she's going to carry it until she's healed.
00:09:43
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:09:45
Kim Fletcher
She's never healed because it's like it's carrying carrying.
00:09:45
Tanya Ruttley
Right.
00:09:48
Kim Fletcher
So women have this name now that they are naggers, you know, women are naggers or they I still go with star stuff. You don't like to say star stuff, but I say it because we star stuff. like They think we star stuff. so we We have those type names when it's not really true. We don't we really don't.
00:10:10
Kim Fletcher
We just want to know. and I'm saying we, as in women, we
00:10:15
Tanya Ruttley
Correct. So is that just a response from immature men? Because we know not all men respond that way. So when you have a a woman who's asking a question or seeking clarity on something and the, as you say, the male responds with, oh, you're nagging or ignoring you or whatever, then that's,
00:10:38
Kim Fletcher
And men can be hurt as well. I mean, for not even speaking, you know, we're women rah-rah and the men and they could be, you know, it's trauma with them and they don't know how to speak or what to say.
00:10:53
Kim Fletcher
Or, you know, it's just like it's the levels to the things.
00:10:58
Tanya Ruttley
Right, but what I was saying was, when that is the situation, then what do you think would be, you know, a good solution to get out of that and change the dynamic of your situation?
00:11:14
Kim Fletcher
get out of what of the ah
00:11:16
Tanya Ruttley
That's toxicity, right? So if you're a raw, if well, if, to me, if you're saying... the person is when you simply having a conversation, cause you're not talking, you we wasn't talking about her, the woman just going right at the match.
00:11:24
Kim Fletcher
but i
00:11:32
Tanya Ruttley
She's coming to him regular. Right. And then you're saying he turns it right. He takes it out of context. So if that's something that is repeatedly happening, right. that's That's going to be a major issue.
00:11:43
Tanya Ruttley
So what I'm saying is, so then how do that get corrected? Do you think the woman or the man, somebody has to leave? um Do you believe that something counseling can actually correct?
00:11:50
Kim Fletcher
ah
00:11:54
Tanya Ruttley
Like, what what do you think they do?
00:11:54
Kim Fletcher
ah Love is so strong.
00:12:01
Kim Fletcher
Love is very...
00:12:01
Tanya Ruttley
What do mean by that?
00:12:02
Kim Fletcher
Because people love so hard. it It's like, don't know if people love it because they love the lifestyle or do they really love? Because you're saying...
00:12:13
Tanya Ruttley
I don't know what you mean. Because you said love, but what are you what are you talking about?
00:12:18
Kim Fletcher
you' saying how can they get out?
00:12:21
Tanya Ruttley
Out of it.
00:12:21
Kim Fletcher
how get out and i'm And I'm just saying love.
00:12:22
Tanya Ruttley
Or change it. Mm-hmm.
00:12:25
Kim Fletcher
Just saying love. People love. like The person that's maybe being mistreated in some kind of way is loving that person so much they don't want to leave them. So they're doing everything they can to keep their attention, even if it's rah-rah, because then maybe that may keep their attention.
00:12:47
Kim Fletcher
So that's what I'm saying. Love is the love that people think that they have. I'm saying, do you think people love or are they just in relationships now for the fame, the money, the lifestyle?
00:13:03
Kim Fletcher
Or is there love are people loving for real?
00:13:05
Tanya Ruttley
Girl, these people are broke, I'm talking about. So ain't no lifestyle, fame, money. No, I think sometimes people don't love themselves enough. I think they love the other person more.
00:13:17
Kim Fletcher
and
00:13:18
Tanya Ruttley
um So they're fighting um for something, I think, you know, just my opinion, because I've been there before. i think um sometimes we can get caught up in loving that person so much, right?
00:13:35
Tanya Ruttley
But when you think about it, what you're allowing to happen to you, where's the love for you?
Mindset Shifts for Escaping Toxic Relationships
00:13:40
Tanya Ruttley
Right. And I, and I know that biblically, as you know, I've learned being married, you know, it's really more about serving your spouse, but I think we have to be careful in that, um, choosing the right partner from the but beginning,
00:14:00
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:14:01
Tanya Ruttley
So that you can properly serve your spouse and hopefully your spouse can serve you. um But even if they're not serving you, right, at least there's no type of abuse whatsoever.
00:14:15
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:14:19
Tanya Ruttley
Whether that's neglect, whatever's causing, you know, when you say sometimes most of time there's a reason, whatever's called it's causing this reaction from this woman.
00:14:30
Tanya Ruttley
um And I was asking, do you think that means the relationship needs to be ended or do you think it also could be maybe counseling? Can it be corrected? Because I don't feel that women have to stay in a position of being ready to battle.
00:14:51
Tanya Ruttley
You understand? Even when something's coming at us, do we have to always battle our men, even if they're making us feel some type of way? Is there another way to communicate and get things across without being...
00:15:06
Tanya Ruttley
And that state of losing your mind, just going off is what I was trying to get at.
00:15:11
Kim Fletcher
Okay, so and in life, you've been trained to think and do certain things. So people are, we are trained to Fight for relationships.
00:15:25
Kim Fletcher
Be in relationships. Fight for those relationships and your mind is there. And the only way I can see you getting out of relationships that are toxic or that you've been in for a while, even some you just jumped in and you can't get out because there's a lot of people that out here missing some things going on in their mind. But the only way I think you can get out is renewing your mind to say, no, this is not how you're supposed to live or this is not how I live. I don't care what I saw or see.
00:15:52
Kim Fletcher
or heard this is not you're supposed to live.
00:15:53
Tanya Ruttley
Right.
00:15:54
Kim Fletcher
That's the only way you're gonna do it. There's no, I don't care the counseling, whatever, because counseling don't work these days. So whatever, you're gonna have to change it. Your mind is gonna have to be changed, whether it's the man or the woman, your mind is gonna have to be changed to know that this is not, I'm not put here to live like this.
00:16:12
Kim Fletcher
I'm put here to live life to the full, to the abundant life.
00:16:14
Tanya Ruttley
right
00:16:17
Kim Fletcher
life because there's nowhere in the Bible and you can look it up and it says that God came so you cannot have life. Everywhere it says so you can have life to the full, to the abundance, everywhere you look so you can have life, so you can live, so you live. So that's why we're here.
00:16:32
Kim Fletcher
So I don't know why we get stuck in staying in toxicity when we're supposed to live a good life and that's not a good life and like I said, love don't hurt but people stay in love in her right okay
00:16:47
Tanya Ruttley
Mm hmm. Mm hmm. And when you say you think they need to change, they're going to have to change their mindset. And well, let me say this first before I go there. um You were saying, well, counseling don't work these days. Do you think there was a time when counseling ever worked?
00:17:03
Kim Fletcher
i don't know because me growing up i didn't ever really hear and been african-american black african-american whatever you want to call it we that's not how we were raised to talk about or to go to a counselor that was just put in in my life when as an adult but raised it was you pray to the lord you talk to the lord and
00:17:31
Tanya Ruttley
Well, I guess I'm asking you because you said these days, council not working these days. So I was trying to find out, do you think they it was at any point?
Does Counseling Work for Relationships?
00:17:38
Kim Fletcher
yeah that's why i tell you to take a statistic that's all i do is just watch people
00:17:42
Tanya Ruttley
See, i don't like statistics because statistics are based on who you polling. That's why I don't care for them.
00:17:47
Kim Fletcher
what what is right and that's right because i always say that these polls who taking polls that's why it's like when i just watch even if you just get on social media and watch the people just watch it's and that's right
00:17:51
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. I don't take, I don't, yeah, I don't, I don't buy into that.
00:18:01
Tanya Ruttley
You know, but then again, it's is's also who you follow on social media. Because me and my husband, I realized we watch totally different. My feed is totally different from his, right?
00:18:10
Kim Fletcher
yeah yes
00:18:11
Tanya Ruttley
but Because we we follow and watch. Because if I bring up certain stuff, he'd be like, what? You know, and then some stuff he's seen. um But we we watched... or feed ourselves different things, right?
00:18:24
Tanya Ruttley
um But I think counseling works for some, but I think counseling more so works for those who work counseling.
00:18:28
Kim Fletcher
ye
00:18:32
Tanya Ruttley
I don't think that counseling will work for a couple to stay together and improve if only one person out of that.
00:18:32
Kim Fletcher
right
00:18:43
Tanya Ruttley
relationship wants it to work, right? It could work if sometimes counseling works and the working is they needed to separate. Those are facts. So is it that counseling didn't work or did it, it did work and it helped you realize you just not supposed to be together.
00:18:59
Tanya Ruttley
Right. Um, so I think counseling works.
00:19:00
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:19:03
Tanya Ruttley
I just don't think it works all the time. But the other piece that I wanted to tap into when you said, well, they got to change their mindset. Okay. Good point.
00:19:13
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm. I
00:19:13
Tanya Ruttley
But
Power of Positivity and Personal Growth
00:19:14
Tanya Ruttley
everyone is not spiritually grounded. So how, because, you know, I want this podcast to be about how women can grow, how they can learn.
00:19:17
Kim Fletcher
know.
00:19:24
Tanya Ruttley
How do you think it can get to them in the process of, not the process of, how do you think it can be put out and get out to the masses so that women can understand they need to change their mindset, right?
00:19:24
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:19:40
Tanya Ruttley
In order to get out of something this bad.
00:19:43
Kim Fletcher
They need to be around people, positive people, and they listen to positive things. I don't care what people, anybody say, negative-wise, remove yourself from negative to positive.
00:19:57
Kim Fletcher
Positive women need to be around women that need positivity. I'm just going to say it like that. Women that need positivity, women need to be sheltered around them.
00:20:09
Kim Fletcher
Women that are well-off, women that are not well-off, women that are thinking they're well-off, whatever kind of women that are, you know, let let's see, what prayed up or or have some kind of faith that they know you can make it without being in a relationship in that relationship. They need to see that, hear it, see it.
00:20:34
Kim Fletcher
If you're not hearing it and seeing you're going to stay stuck where you are because you're going to stay stuck with your hearing and seeing. So they need that type of surrounding.
00:20:45
Tanya Ruttley
Right. I agree. And I, and I think what needs to happen is it needs to be talked about more. Right.
00:20:51
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:20:51
Tanya Ruttley
Um, just a simple fact of life can continue on if you're in something, you know, bad, if it's something minor, you know, it can definitely be fixed.
00:21:01
Kim Fletcher
ah
00:21:04
Tanya Ruttley
Um,
00:21:04
Kim Fletcher
I think good needs to be talked about a lot. A lot of good. ah not A lot of good. You can do this. You can do that. You can do this. A lot of good. um Just changing your mindset that you can do this. You can do that. Your mind can do anything. like Women need to hear it. I don't care if it's like you planting a garden. You can do this. Take a seed. You can do this. You can do that.
00:21:25
Kim Fletcher
Let me tell you, keep your mind focused on this. It's I don't want to just go there in the Bible, but it's just like you, you, you have to keep your mind.
00:21:41
Kim Fletcher
Your, your, your mind is not, the mind needs to be, like you said, a lot of people are not spiritual. So we're not to go there, but your mind needs to be changed. You need,
00:21:50
Tanya Ruttley
Well, I don't think it's that a lot of people aren't spiritual, so we shouldn't go there. I just think what has to happen is we have to start talking about it more. And then I think the more we talk about it, others will start to talk about it. I think change will will come from, which is the changing of the mindset, is getting the dialogue out there, having the open, honest conversation without putting down the men necessarily, right?
00:22:12
Tanya Ruttley
But letting them know, because right now we do have a lot of women who are out of pocket.
00:22:19
Kim Fletcher
evening and Yeah, and umm like let me clear that up about spiritual now because we're going to talk about the Lord.
00:22:19
Tanya Ruttley
It's facts, right? And I think, hmm?
00:22:27
Kim Fletcher
I'm saying I don't want people to think we're just taking it and putting like
00:22:28
Tanya Ruttley
Right.
00:22:35
Kim Fletcher
pushing the Lord down their throat because that's not what the Lord's so that's not what I'm
00:22:38
Tanya Ruttley
Right. Absolutely. Right. You wouldn't even have to, they should be able to see it. Right. Um, and that's what I'm saying.
00:22:45
Kim Fletcher
Right, right.
00:22:45
Tanya Ruttley
I want us to be just, um, positive women who are out here pushing, um, pushing other women to be better, um, do better and expect more out of themselves.
00:22:52
Kim Fletcher
Right, yes.
00:22:59
Tanya Ruttley
You know, no matter what situation they're in, Don't allow this in in his heart. So I'm not I'm not here to say that it's it's not um a difficult thing to turn around, but it can be turned around.
00:23:13
Tanya Ruttley
Right.
00:23:13
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:23:14
Tanya Ruttley
Just understanding that no one can control your reaction.
00:23:14
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:23:18
Tanya Ruttley
You have to dive deep and do some some work on yourself. to make sure that you're not one of those rah-rah women because we have young girls and young boys that we're part of going to be raising, right?
00:23:32
Tanya Ruttley
um You know, I'm one of those, I don't believe a mother is held higher than a father. I'm one of those who contest against that wholeheartedly. I think they are equally important.
00:23:44
Tanya Ruttley
And therefore, I think we as women have got to do better even when we are
Impact of Women's Reactions on Family Dynamics
00:23:50
Tanya Ruttley
in... um Bad situations, our reactions inside of our households are very important.
00:23:57
Tanya Ruttley
And being raw, raw, raw is not it.
00:24:00
Kim Fletcher
a And that comes with that as well, being in a relationship with kids, divorced or going through one or, you know, in some kind of situation,
00:24:11
Kim Fletcher
And that rah-rah comes into that because now, you know, it's just you're you're you're married. We put an end in there now. Now you're married. And maybe you're going through, like you said, maybe you're going through a divorce. They're going through a divorce or something and they can't be friends. And now it's a rah-rah when you even speak on the phone.
00:24:34
Tanya Ruttley
What do you mean? Oh, you're talking about the, um, the two, the X's and the kids are hearing that type thing.
00:24:40
Kim Fletcher
know. Mm-hmm. When you're saying doing...
00:24:42
Tanya Ruttley
Oh yeah. That's, that's definitely ugly. Yeah.
00:24:45
Kim Fletcher
so so So it's ugly.
00:24:46
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:24:46
Kim Fletcher
That's why I say, you know, this is another conversation because it's getting time to come good in this podcast, but this conversation right here, kid could you be friends? Could you be friends with your partner?
00:24:58
Kim Fletcher
if you If you had a partner that you were with, not even married with, but we're going to say married or been with over 10 years, could you be friends with that person?
00:25:09
Kim Fletcher
Could you be friends with that person?
00:25:14
Tanya Ruttley
ah
00:25:14
Kim Fletcher
but Could we gonna...
00:25:16
Tanya Ruttley
What do you mean by friends? I think you should be cordial. I don't i don't understand the friend part. I think you should be cordial.
00:25:21
Kim Fletcher
it Like, like, um, okay. Cordial, cordial.
00:25:28
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah, because I'm respectful.
00:25:29
Kim Fletcher
What?
00:25:30
Tanya Ruttley
I'm respectful.
00:25:31
Kim Fletcher
No, which like, if you're in the same place or you're in a party together, can you,
00:25:31
Tanya Ruttley
um respectable
00:25:39
Kim Fletcher
ah maybe if you see each other at a bar or something at a party or something can you talk can you dance or you know I'm saying can you be really friends after a divorce or a breakup that way I hear you go I know you can't get you friends
00:25:54
Tanya Ruttley
I ain't dancing with no ex.
00:25:59
Tanya Ruttley
Well, because here's what you already know me. I think everything is a about respect. And nine times out of 10, my ex got somebody, right? I'm just being honest.
00:26:09
Kim Fletcher
But still, can you, even if...
00:26:09
Tanya Ruttley
I ain't, they ain't, they ain't, they ain't, they ain't no dudes that can't get nobody. So they already got somebody. I'm not finna, no, dance with what? oh No, no.
00:26:16
Kim Fletcher
and Okay, so you have older signs. We're not going get into this because of H-16, but you have older signs.
00:26:22
Tanya Ruttley
Girl, I got a little one too.
00:26:24
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, but I'm just saying, we're just using them as an example, and you've been with that...
00:26:28
Tanya Ruttley
Right.
00:26:29
Kim Fletcher
forever and now they're older now can you be friends again and hang out if if that not hang out hang out like you want to move on
00:26:39
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah, I don't understand what you're about right now. You're on your own, kid.
00:26:43
Tanya Ruttley
You're on your own, little buddy. I ain't trying to hang around them jokers. What are you talking about?
00:26:47
Kim Fletcher
but you i know people who do i've known people who do have done that even when they whip their spouse the the the person to their child has come in the home
00:26:56
Tanya Ruttley
Somebody ain't let go. Somebody ain't let go. Somebody's still hanging on.
00:27:00
Kim Fletcher
yeah Okay.
00:27:01
Tanya Ruttley
Say what you want. Somebody's still hanging on, buddy.
00:27:04
Kim Fletcher
We'll talk about that tomorrow.
00:27:04
Tanya Ruttley
Because, no, I believe in the whole, when did family know, like with my oldest, let's say he getting married and there's everybody go to his house for Christmas.
00:27:09
Kim Fletcher
the Okay. Yes.
00:27:15
Tanya Ruttley
Okay. I ain't gonna be over there and come say, let's, Oh, we should be to cordial.
00:27:19
Kim Fletcher
but
Can Ex-Partners Be Friends?
00:27:20
Tanya Ruttley
Hey, how you doing? Oh, to his wife. Hey, how you doing? You know, that type of thing. Oh, I'm all for that.
00:27:25
Kim Fletcher
and
00:27:26
Tanya Ruttley
But don't get this whole friends thing.
00:27:27
Kim Fletcher
You know, some people say that. Some people
00:27:29
Tanya Ruttley
We ain't doing no. Oh, I can't say the name. I almost said a celebrity name. No, I'm not doing all that.
00:27:32
Kim Fletcher
some people hang out with their after they they may call them they may call them a need money or something they have a kid for them or something like that like they friend maybe
00:27:37
Tanya Ruttley
Girl, and again, I'm to say somebody's still lingering. Somebody hanging on. Believe what you want. I got heard some stories in my lifetime.
00:27:48
Tanya Ruttley
Baby, hold on. Stop. Did you say call them because you need some money? Because you got a kid. by um
00:27:56
Kim Fletcher
they do that like they like
00:27:58
Tanya Ruttley
And they're out of pocket. Girl. Girl.
00:28:00
Kim Fletcher
They'll be like, we just friends. We like, that's why I'm asking you, can you be friends? Like you can't.
00:28:04
Tanya Ruttley
Oh, child. Let's have. Oh, I can't wait till tomorrow. Baby. Are you? Girl, these folks.
00:28:10
Kim Fletcher
ah Yeah.
00:28:11
Tanya Ruttley
This is psychotic.
00:28:12
Kim Fletcher
Latree, I
00:28:12
Tanya Ruttley
No, ma'am. That's what I'm saying. You got to be very careful. People are doing you tell girl, we got to discuss this tomorrow. um ni
00:28:20
Kim Fletcher
just
00:28:20
Tanya Ruttley
They probably already know what Latrice is thinking because what?
00:28:23
Kim Fletcher
talked to somebody and they said, I i literally talked to a couple. And they were talking about, can they be friends? And they are friends after the day after divorce.
00:28:35
Kim Fletcher
And they can talk and that other person have a whatever, whatever, whatever they have, whatever they could be friends. So you're saying we about to cut this off, man. We're going to stop right here.
00:28:43
Tanya Ruttley
No, keep it going.
00:28:43
Kim Fletcher
829. We got, it's 829.
00:28:44
Tanya Ruttley
Keep going.
00:28:46
Kim Fletcher
It
00:28:46
Tanya Ruttley
We got some minutes. I'm good. Keep going. Hurry up. I'm not some minutes. We got some seconds. Finish what you're saying.
00:28:50
Kim Fletcher
is 829. we got it's eight twenty nine
00:28:56
Tanya Ruttley
Oh, girl.
00:28:57
Kim Fletcher
is eight twenty nine
00:29:03
Kim Fletcher
Latrice?
00:29:04
Tanya Ruttley
You keep giving us dead space, but you could have just finished it up until 830. Nope. It's 829.
00:29:08
Kim Fletcher
It's 830 now. Say bye-bye.
00:29:11
Tanya Ruttley
nope it's eight twenty nine
00:29:13
Kim Fletcher
yeah it
00:29:14
Tanya Ruttley
So I'll say this. um
00:29:16
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:29:17
Tanya Ruttley
This is going to be a good conversation, I think, for tomorrow. You got to remember where you were in mid-sentence.
00:29:21
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:29:26
Tanya Ruttley
um
00:29:27
Kim Fletcher
We were at, do you think you can be, after a divorce, do you think you can be friends?
00:29:27
Tanya Ruttley
But
00:29:34
Tanya Ruttley
No, no, no. Nope. I'm talking about the exact story that you was talking about. So I'm going to play this back so that I can make sure that you you go back from there.
00:29:39
Kim Fletcher
Thank you.
00:29:41
Tanya Ruttley
um But yes, so you guys, it is now 830. And
Conclusion & Reminder for Next Session
00:29:47
Tanya Ruttley
we will pick back up tomorrow with this piece of Can You Be Friends With Your Ex?
00:29:50
Kim Fletcher
thank Thank you.
00:29:56
Tanya Ruttley
um So check out Latrice and Kim tomorrow on the same stations.
00:30:00
Kim Fletcher
Thank you for listening.
00:30:01
Tanya Ruttley
8 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. All right.
00:30:03
Kim Fletcher
Watch as we work. Good
00:30:05
Tanya Ruttley
From Startup to Takeover, Watch Us Work Podcast. We're out.
00:30:08
Kim Fletcher
night.
00:30:09
Tanya Ruttley
Good night.