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Welcome! “Our ‘Why’—How Two Cousins Are Creating Space for Connection & Confidence”
25 Plays1 year ago
This Fathers Day Fathers are finally receiving the recognition that they deserve, and in this episode of From StartUp to TakeOver—Watch Us Work, we’re taking a moment to honor the men who stand tall in love, leadership, and legacy. Whether they’re biological fathers, father figures, or men who stepped in when it mattered most—this one’s for them. We talk about: The growing shift in how society sees and supports fatherhood Our personal experiences with the fathers and father figures in our lives Why fathers are finally receiving the recognition that they deserve—and why that matters for all of us In a world that’s learning to celebrate more than just tradition, we’re celebrating presence, protection, and partnership. This Father’s Day, let’s go deeper than socks and ties—let’s talk impact, memory, and respect. Because yes, fathers are finally receiving the recognition that they deserve—and we’re here for it.
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Transcript
Podcast Origin and Host Bond
00:00:00
Kim Fletcher
you
00:00:00
Tanya Ruttley
right
00:00:01
Kim Fletcher
It just, we didn't, we weren't, um you know, like talking on the phone everybody or telling each other all the time, but that bond never went away. And so now full circle, full circle moment, look, from startup to come up, watch us work, Latrice and Kim, Kim and Latrice.
00:00:19
Kim Fletcher
So yes, we talk and and we just talk and it became a podcast.
00:00:27
Tanya Ruttley
Yep. Yep.
00:00:28
Kim Fletcher
What you think?
00:00:28
Tanya Ruttley
And we're okay with being vulnerable with you guys. Right.
Father's Day Perceptions
00:00:31
Tanya Ruttley
um So Kim, Father's Day weekend is coming up. Right. And I think there's a lot of negative connotation behind fathers.
00:00:42
Tanya Ruttley
What's your opinion on the celebration of Father's Day?
00:00:51
Kim Fletcher
Well, we talked a while about family, just in general, family.
00:00:54
Tanya Ruttley
Right.
Family Dynamics and Love
00:00:56
Kim Fletcher
and you know some things that i heard you say and and i picked up on it like it was that it was you were right like it doesn't matter if that family member um having grown to your expectation you should still want to see that person or just show them love because it is said the word says that you should carry love regardless It doesn't matter if that person don't like you, that's why you're supposed to turn ah the cheek. You're supposed to carry love regardless.
00:01:31
Kim Fletcher
if If you didn't like me, I still carry love, Latrice. I love you.
00:01:36
Tanya Ruttley
I love you too.
00:01:37
Kim Fletcher
Whatever.
00:01:38
Tanya Ruttley
Right.
00:01:38
Kim Fletcher
Yes, I will still carry love. And that's what I say before the day. No one is carrying love. Everyone is carrying a point of finger or what's the other word we said at the other day?
00:01:55
Kim Fletcher
What did you say you, you're back in how you looked at people when you grew up? Judgmental. it
00:02:04
Tanya Ruttley
Right.
00:02:04
Kim Fletcher
Everyone is judgmental.
00:02:05
Tanya Ruttley
I call it analytical now.
00:02:07
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:02:07
Tanya Ruttley
Now that I'm old, I'm very analytical.
00:02:10
Kim Fletcher
Yeah. But that's that that's okay. That's you.
00:02:13
Tanya Ruttley
Right. ah
00:02:14
Kim Fletcher
And a lot of people are judgmental or are not forgiving. They're not carrying love. You know, love outweighs a lot.
00:02:20
Tanya Ruttley
Right.
00:02:21
Kim Fletcher
And it's not a lot
Respecting Elders' Roles
00:02:22
Kim Fletcher
of love. So people looking at fathers like deadbeats right now. And some fathers are shown to be dead easy. So that, what, 5% or 95% of deadbeat dads make it bad for the 5% unless that dad is the elder of the family.
00:02:43
Tanya Ruttley
What do you mean by that? Unless that dad is elder of the family.
00:02:46
Kim Fletcher
You know, like, like, huh, he's the elder of the family.
00:02:46
Tanya Ruttley
What do you mean?
00:02:50
Kim Fletcher
I'm talking about like granny's gone. So now Unc is the elder of the family. Get what I'm saying? Like he's the, so any elder we would give them their roses now.
00:02:58
Tanya Ruttley
Right.
00:03:06
Tanya Ruttley
ah Gotcha. Okay.
00:03:08
Kim Fletcher
see Any elder we would give them their roses now because they are elders. But these young guys, unless you're a good father and and and women, we take up, we we cover our men. It doesn't matter.
Societal Views on Fatherhood
00:03:20
Kim Fletcher
We're going to cover them and they will give them. I mean, I think it's this gentleman generation. I really do.
00:03:27
Tanya Ruttley
Well, do you mean we're going to cover them? I guess I'm um trying to...
00:03:31
Kim Fletcher
We cover them. And if you if you have a man and he is, you love him, you're in the home with him, or even if you're not and you just love him and you're going to have his back, we cover man, period.
00:03:43
Kim Fletcher
If that is your man, you're going to cover that man. He could be cussing you out in the house.
00:03:46
Tanya Ruttley
Oh, if that is your man. Okay. I guess I'm speaking more so of just fathers, whether or not they're with um the mother.
00:03:48
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:03:53
Tanya Ruttley
Right. um
00:03:54
Kim Fletcher
All
00:03:55
Tanya Ruttley
I don't know statistically if the majority are or are not. I do know that people tend to lean towards the fact that the fathers aren't in the home.
00:03:59
Kim Fletcher
right.
00:04:05
Tanya Ruttley
And so with Father's Day coming up, for me, I just wanted, I guess, trying to get your take on, should we celebrate them more, right? Because I can say for myself, you know,
00:04:14
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, baby.
00:04:16
Tanya Ruttley
um I've been divorced.
00:04:19
Kim Fletcher
Baby.
00:04:19
Tanya Ruttley
I'm remarried. But even in between, though, getting remarried, you know, i've had relationships and fathers was active.
00:04:21
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:04:26
Tanya Ruttley
I have never dated a guy who was not in his child's life.
00:04:27
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:04:30
Tanya Ruttley
So that narrative when I would always hear fathers are deadbeat, fathers are deadbeat. I'm like, okay. Is it the selection? Is it who we're choosing? Because we do have a say so.
00:04:42
Tanya Ruttley
But i don't understand when it's they're saying majority because I didn't date a guy who wasn't in his child's life.
Generational Changes in Fatherhood
00:04:50
Tanya Ruttley
Right. um
00:04:51
Kim Fletcher
right
00:04:52
Tanya Ruttley
My father has always been in my life, me and my siblings. So i I don't understand where the percentage when they're saying these guys are just not there. They had to be at some point.
00:05:03
Kim Fletcher
Well,
00:05:05
Kim Fletcher
just look at, take a statistic, look at the world. It's like older, the older, the elders, you know, I just say you your dad and my mama, they they are the elders now.
00:05:18
Tanya Ruttley
Uh-huh.
00:05:19
Kim Fletcher
Then our group, which I think we, it's not us. I think it's the generations to come.
00:05:30
Kim Fletcher
like they're having they were having babies, because I think babies are settling down now or something. But the I say the parents of the age, the parents that were age 40 in that group having kids that are now here, that are grown now, like in their 20s or something.
00:05:50
Tanya Ruttley
Uh-huh.
00:05:50
Kim Fletcher
I would think it would be them that would be the deadbeat dad, because they don't know how to be dead. But the ones that in this climate now, it looks like fathers are trying to be fathers.
00:06:05
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah, it's out there. I see it a lot. I think I see it more so than not.
00:06:09
Kim Fletcher
Yes.
00:06:11
Tanya Ruttley
um And I like that it has kind of turned around.
00:06:12
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:06:14
Tanya Ruttley
I feel like there was a time when um the numbers were, you couldn't see the activity as far as the father's and the children's life.
00:06:17
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:06:22
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:06:25
Tanya Ruttley
But it also could have been, we couldn't see it because we didn't have access. Like we have access to everybody's life right now, right?
00:06:32
Kim Fletcher
right because yes we saw it we we can't say our lives were perfect because we saw
00:06:33
Tanya Ruttley
Back then, go ahead.
Media's Impact on Fatherhood Perception
00:06:40
Kim Fletcher
our bad fathers in our days
00:06:42
Tanya Ruttley
Child, you can have a bad father in the house. I'm just saying.
00:06:45
Kim Fletcher
yes and we still saw it so yeah yes
00:06:45
Tanya Ruttley
Look. Right. cause they exist. Right. it this That scenario exists. But I just wonder if it's really as bad as we try to portray. When I say we, talking about society.
00:07:00
Tanya Ruttley
um Because I just felt that it should be acknowledged that you really do have men even back then who was in their child's life, um but it may just not have been seen.
00:07:07
Kim Fletcher
It is.
00:07:11
Kim Fletcher
But it wasn't portrayed like that.
00:07:12
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:07:13
Kim Fletcher
It wasn't portrayed like that because
00:07:17
Kim Fletcher
it just wasn't portrayed like that back in the day. If if you saw your mother and father or significant other together, but it wasn't portrayed as the man with the Well, where how I grew up, see, we grew up different but differently because you were in a home versus me being in a project.
00:07:35
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:07:41
Kim Fletcher
So that makes a difference too, because you were in a home with a mother and a father and sisters and brothers in a home, in a in a like a suburbium area type versus me in the project.
00:07:44
Tanya Ruttley
Right.
00:07:47
Tanya Ruttley
her
00:07:51
Tanya Ruttley
ah
00:07:57
Kim Fletcher
So um my life would be different than yours.
00:08:02
Tanya Ruttley
Right.
00:08:02
Kim Fletcher
So our opinion,
00:08:03
Tanya Ruttley
And even as a young adult, right? When you got on your own, what did you see?
00:08:06
Kim Fletcher
right. I still saw a lot of, but ah yeah, I saw there'd be dads in my 80s.
00:08:15
Tanya Ruttley
Well, I think there be dads are still here, right? Like, dad beat mom.
00:08:18
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I saw them.
00:08:20
Tanya Ruttley
But they're getting better now, right? So it's like, uh-uh.
00:08:24
Kim Fletcher
Like I said, the atmosphere now, now,
00:08:28
Tanya Ruttley
It's like, no, girl.
00:08:28
Kim Fletcher
now
00:08:29
Tanya Ruttley
That's what I saw.
00:08:31
Kim Fletcher
i'm saying I'm just saying, stop.
00:08:32
Tanya Ruttley
Right, right.
00:08:33
Kim Fletcher
Like, Debbie's.
00:08:34
Tanya Ruttley
Well, no, I think it's always been some, because even in our neighborhood, right, where everyone had houses or whatever, my friends, I will say, um when I say friends, I'm talking about friends, not associates.
00:08:45
Tanya Ruttley
There were only two of us who had our mother and our father in the house.
00:08:46
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:08:49
Tanya Ruttley
The other ones, it was just single family, a single moms. um
00:08:53
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:08:53
Tanya Ruttley
But they went to their dads. So that's what i'm saying. You don't, I don't think you have to be in the house, right?
00:08:59
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:09:00
Tanya Ruttley
I'm just talking about in the child's life, because let's be honest, sometimes relationships just didn't work out for various reasons. But those children, did they still have a father that they went to?
00:09:07
Kim Fletcher
Right?
00:09:13
Tanya Ruttley
um And if they didn't, was there probably a little bit more to the story as to why they were not in their children's life?
00:09:21
Kim Fletcher
And that's on every end. But like I said, you were, you grew up in a, like a suburbia area and I grew up in the project.
00:09:22
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:09:31
Kim Fletcher
So what I'm experiencing thinking would be differently from what you have experienced and what you are thinking. And the people that I grew up around were deadbeats.
00:09:44
Kim Fletcher
And then once you, yeah it's the like, if you live something ah every day, all day, it it it forms into you.
00:09:53
Tanya Ruttley
It would, absolutely.
00:09:53
Kim Fletcher
It's almost like you pick that up. So you're going to gravitate to those things. And so that's all I saw until you break away from that.
00:10:04
Kim Fletcher
but
00:10:05
Tanya Ruttley
Yep.
00:10:06
Kim Fletcher
Do you still
Single Parenting and Co-Parenting Dynamics
00:10:08
Kim Fletcher
with the fathers? What do you do? Do you cuss them out or let me give you a good father's aid. Let me give you good father's No, sir.
00:10:17
Kim Fletcher
I'm just sorry. No. If you're not a good father, you're not a good father.
00:10:20
Tanya Ruttley
Wait a minute.
00:10:21
Kim Fletcher
but hey, the ones that are, know, kudos.
00:10:23
Tanya Ruttley
Well,
00:10:26
Tanya Ruttley
right. Just like mothers. Cause there are some deadbeat moms. Right. But you know, right.
00:10:30
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, it is.
00:10:31
Tanya Ruttley
Absolutely.
00:10:31
Kim Fletcher
And sometimes time I wonder why. Because you carry those kids. So sometimes I wonder why, like, why, like, I don't
00:10:41
Tanya Ruttley
Well, I think when we grew up, right, it was rare, I think, for a mother to not... I'm not talking about the quality of life they gave them. I'm talking about being in the home, right, or raising them pretty much.
00:10:52
Kim Fletcher
know. Right.
00:10:55
Tanya Ruttley
So it was rare.
00:10:56
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:10:56
Tanya Ruttley
Well, let me not say that because that's not really true because even though the kids lived with the mother, the grandmother was raising a lot of these kids. We just didn't talk about that.
00:11:02
Kim Fletcher
Yeah. We did.
00:11:04
Tanya Ruttley
See, the mother was there, but she wasn't there.
00:11:07
Kim Fletcher
But the grandma, she was, but you saw her, you saw her more than you saw the dad, but you saw her with the grandmother and the grandmother is taking care of the kids.
00:11:08
Tanya Ruttley
Right, because people, grandmother says, Yeah. Mm-hmm.
00:11:17
Tanya Ruttley
ah
00:11:21
Kim Fletcher
But see, that's why I'm saying again, it's different for you because you're with your grandmother, both of your grandmother, you saw the mama and the daddy.
00:11:25
Tanya Ruttley
ah
00:11:33
Tanya Ruttley
Wait minute, with both of my grandmothers, I saw them. Right, right.
00:11:35
Kim Fletcher
Right. but
00:11:36
Tanya Ruttley
But my grandmother, um my grandfather on my mother's side, they never lived together.
00:11:41
Kim Fletcher
No, that that's not what I'm saying.
00:11:41
Tanya Ruttley
but But I did get to see.
00:11:42
Kim Fletcher
I'm saying, no, I'm saying on Granny's side, you saw your mama and your daddy together with her.
00:11:48
Tanya Ruttley
ah Can we not call names out?
00:11:51
Kim Fletcher
I know it. That's what I'm trying to say. Oh my God.
00:11:53
Tanya Ruttley
Get yourself together.
00:11:54
Kim Fletcher
I said, for Granny.
00:11:55
Tanya Ruttley
Well, I guess quite a few people, i'm quite I'm sure quite a few people call their grandmother granny, so that's okay.
00:11:57
Kim Fletcher
yeah
00:11:59
Kim Fletcher
Granny, that's what I'm saying. Like, I can't, I can't, what else I'm going to say, the lady?
00:12:05
Tanya Ruttley
We're faceless for a reason.
00:12:06
Kim Fletcher
No. I know. I know. I'm sorry, but. Yeah. And on your other side, on your mama's side, all the time on that road, it was always, don't want to call it a road, I rode.
Family Structures and Fatherhood
00:12:20
Kim Fletcher
They were always over there, not together, but they were there.
00:12:26
Tanya Ruttley
are we talking about? I feel a little lost right now. They, who, who is they?
00:12:28
Kim Fletcher
I'm saying, it i don't, you don't want me to count names, so I can't count names.
00:12:32
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:12:32
Kim Fletcher
So I'm just saying.
00:12:33
Tanya Ruttley
don' kind of ah you So on my mom's side, are you saying like for my cousins, you saw their mothers and their fathers?
00:12:38
Kim Fletcher
Yes.
00:12:39
Tanya Ruttley
Absolutely. Right. But you know, yeah.
00:12:41
Kim Fletcher
Yes.
00:12:42
Tanya Ruttley
And there was a situation where only one did it walk away a mother. Um, but you did have a mother and father on my mom's side.
00:12:50
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:12:53
Tanya Ruttley
Um, and some of them still didn't live in the greatest who the the one of the mothers did.
00:12:54
Kim Fletcher
But did you walk away? Yep.
00:12:58
Tanya Ruttley
Yes. She walked away.
00:13:00
Kim Fletcher
And then didn't have anything to do with the kids or just
00:13:00
Tanya Ruttley
And, um, No, no, no. Did not for years till they became adults. And so, so I see, yes I saw, um didn't just see,
00:13:12
Tanya Ruttley
men not there, right? On my mom's side, and it could be because it's, you know, i told you i have this thing of where i feel mothers take their children to their mother, right?
00:13:15
Kim Fletcher
You saw both.
00:13:20
Kim Fletcher
Yeah. Yeah.
00:13:23
Tanya Ruttley
So um for you and I, we're cousins because of my father.
00:13:24
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:13:26
Tanya Ruttley
So I didn't go to his side as much, which is where you are, right? But on my mom's side,
00:13:31
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:13:33
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah, those fathers was active. um
00:13:36
Kim Fletcher
That's what I'm saying.
00:13:37
Tanya Ruttley
As matter of fact, all my mother's brothers. so
00:13:39
Kim Fletcher
That's right.
00:13:40
Tanya Ruttley
And they didn't all have great places, right? They didn't all reside in like nice areas. but for some And they didn't have their father in their life as far as being with my grandmother, right?
00:13:53
Kim Fletcher
But everybody knew that everybody, even as being younger, our intuition told us how people were, but they still were celebrating them as fathers.
00:14:03
Tanya Ruttley
Yes. Yeah, they were. But I mean, I saw it that way because, and and it made sense to me because the fathers were there, right? Even if not in the house, they were there.
00:14:11
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:14:13
Tanya Ruttley
Well, actually, matter of fact, let me take that back on my mother's side.
00:14:14
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:14:16
Tanya Ruttley
They were in their homes. So they were in their homes.
00:14:18
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:14:20
Tanya Ruttley
um And then as a young adult, though, i'm talking about now I'm i'm grown. I'm out living my life. I just didn't run into too many men.
00:14:32
Tanya Ruttley
who wasn't active in their kid's life, even if they were not in a relationship with the woman. So I just heard a lot of bashing and I was trying to find out, and you also have to think, also knew of women leaving.
00:14:46
Tanya Ruttley
So I didn't understand um the extreme bashing of one gender Um, because I didn't see a lot of them not there. Cause even the kids, like one of my best friends, she was still going to her father.
00:15:03
Tanya Ruttley
She would visit. So it's not that he, he wasn't in the house, but there was still a relationship. And even when you say like in the projects, but I wonder was any of those kids seeing their fathers, you see what I'm saying Even if, it even if they weren't in the home.
00:15:19
Kim Fletcher
I never even ever even talked to, we only had one cup one one group of friends that we grew up with that their
00:15:28
Tanya Ruttley
ah
Active Fatherly Presence
00:15:29
Kim Fletcher
mother was with her husband, but there wasn't their father, but the baby son.
00:15:35
Tanya Ruttley
I gotcha. Gotcha.
00:15:36
Kim Fletcher
So the ones that were our age, it wasn't their father. They we didn't even talk about their father till they got grown as I did.
00:15:43
Tanya Ruttley
Gotcha. Yep. So then as a young adult though, what did you see?
00:15:45
Kim Fletcher
So
00:15:46
Tanya Ruttley
That's what I'm saying. so now out of your mom's place, what did you see when it came to fathers? Did you see fathers actually Spending time with their kids. You know, talking about going to get their kid for the weekend if they weren't residing with them, which more than likely they weren't.
00:16:01
Kim Fletcher
At what age am I now? I mean, what am I grown with kids?
00:16:04
Tanya Ruttley
Well, oh no, young adult, yes, you're you're like in your 20s, maybe early 30s.
00:16:05
Kim Fletcher
What are you saying?
00:16:09
Kim Fletcher
OK.
00:16:09
Tanya Ruttley
What were you seeing?
00:16:14
Kim Fletcher
Really nothing because I was married with kids in China.
00:16:19
Tanya Ruttley
But you had friends, right?
00:16:21
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, but they all my friends had boyfriends and did anybody hung with me they had to have a man because i had a husband so everybody that hung with me had men
00:16:29
Tanya Ruttley
what
00:16:33
Tanya Ruttley
Okay, but were the kids, were the guys active in their kids' life?
00:16:37
Kim Fletcher
no i can't say that because i'm saying like my friends boyfriends and stuff wouldn't
00:16:40
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:16:43
Kim Fletcher
They were in the kids dad. So I didn't ever see them like I'm going outside playing ball or take them to the movies or taking them by clothes. The mom, we, we were, I was always doing it cause I wanted to, cause Tim could have been, I mean, one who he could have been it, but I was always the one dude, cause I wanted to do it.
00:16:51
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:16:55
Tanya Ruttley
Right.
00:16:59
Tanya Ruttley
um Right, right. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:17:02
Kim Fletcher
But my friends, they didn't have that. They had boyfriends, you know, they had boyfriends.
00:17:09
Tanya Ruttley
I guess um what I'm saying, even if you have a boyfriend, that doesn't stop. Cause look, even when I got remarried, my children's fathers are welcome without a knock, without a phone call. Right. I don't believe in, Oh, I'm with someone.
00:17:22
Tanya Ruttley
So you got to let me know that you come to see your children. I've never believed in that. Wherever my children reside, their fathers are welcome to come and get their children. So, so what I'm saying is even if said again,
00:17:31
Kim Fletcher
Well, I met my friends and I, my friends and I, we always had, we always were together with the same man forever in years.
00:17:43
Kim Fletcher
We always hung together.
00:17:43
Tanya Ruttley
Oh, gotcha. Oh, y'all was, ooh.
00:17:46
Kim Fletcher
Yes, when everybody had, like if right now we all the same people, like nothing's everything.
00:17:46
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah, not me. Okay.
00:17:53
Kim Fletcher
We always the same, like nothing. And the people growing up, the people around a the people around me, they had their
00:17:59
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:18:06
Kim Fletcher
boyfriends. Well, they had their their kids had their fathers, so their fathers were with them. every Like I said, everyone.
00:18:11
Tanya Ruttley
That's what I was trying to get to. That's why I was like, she's pretty much saying what I've been saying.
00:18:13
Kim Fletcher
yeah Yeah, I had to think about it. every well not yeah Everyone around me.
00:18:16
Tanya Ruttley
they're there. Because I'm not here judging whether or not they're married or not.
00:18:19
Kim Fletcher
did Yeah.
00:18:22
Tanya Ruttley
But if, I mean, because if you're saying they've been with their boyfriend the whole time, then, and they got kids, then.
00:18:27
Kim Fletcher
yeah But I'm saying they were their They're real fathers.
00:18:28
Tanya Ruttley
and
00:18:31
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:18:34
Kim Fletcher
Some of them, they're real fathers.
00:18:37
Tanya Ruttley
Okay.
00:18:37
Kim Fletcher
Some of them, yeah. But they were always, like I said, my thing of saying
00:18:39
Tanya Ruttley
I got you.
00:18:46
Kim Fletcher
um
00:18:46
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:18:46
Kim Fletcher
I didn't even know I was poor until I got grown. So that's what I'm saying.
00:18:50
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:18:50
Kim Fletcher
I didn't understand, probably didn't understand the men thing then because I didn't even understand that I was supposed to be poor until I became poor.
Young Fathers' Challenges and Learning
00:19:00
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:19:01
Kim Fletcher
I mean, until I became grown, then everybody's like, you're poor because you didn't have this.
00:19:01
Tanya Ruttley
I got you. An adult. Mm-hmm. Right.
00:19:06
Kim Fletcher
You would know I'm not, but yeah.
00:19:08
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. You were just living.
00:19:10
Kim Fletcher
So didn't understand that.
00:19:11
Tanya Ruttley
Right. Mm-hmm.
00:19:13
Kim Fletcher
And then to come back, yeah, let me take all those words back. I said, those guys, cause they were young, just like me. And so they probably were learning, learning how to to be father.
00:19:21
Tanya Ruttley
Yep.
00:19:23
Tanya Ruttley
Yep. Yep. Yeah.
00:19:26
Kim Fletcher
how going to call them dead bees? Cause yeah, they're learning.
00:19:29
Tanya Ruttley
Absolutely. That's exactly what i was trying to get to. Absolutely.
00:19:32
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:19:32
Tanya Ruttley
They were learning.
00:19:33
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:19:33
Tanya Ruttley
Cause like you were saying, you know, yeah, we're older and, and I'm like, yeah, but we were young.
00:19:34
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:19:39
Tanya Ruttley
So, and so were the fathers, you know?
00:19:39
Kim Fletcher
yeah
00:19:40
Tanya Ruttley
So, and I think,
00:19:41
Kim Fletcher
yeah
00:19:44
Tanya Ruttley
I'm not, you know, this whole thing of perfection, of course, I'm not, to me, it's not about perfection. um And that's why I just kind of wanted to tap into this episode, the very first episode on Father's Day, because it's Father's Day weekend.
00:19:56
Tanya Ruttley
And I just don't feel like the men get the credit um that they deserve, you know?
00:20:01
Kim Fletcher
And they don't. and and and And I take it back. They talking about Tyler Perry movies, straw. like I'm tired of Tyler Perry doing this and that. And you know what? I was like going against them saying, well, let the men show Tyler Perry that they're doing this to the women. Then maybe he'll make a movie.
00:20:20
Kim Fletcher
upgrading the men to being good men maybe that is not what he's seen then he's making all the movies that show the guys a bad light
00:20:21
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:20:30
Tanya Ruttley
Right. He has his era, his, his, his, his lane. Right. And I, and I get it that people are saying they're tired of saying it, but you know what my thing to that is do what we're doing.
00:20:42
Kim Fletcher
right make it on me
00:20:42
Tanya Ruttley
Go make your own movie because see to to tone it, hone into someone else's craft and be so negative about it. When you have nothing to offer, I cannot stand So if you can go out here and critique someone's movie, which is great, what are you going to do to do opposite?
00:21:01
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:21:01
Tanya Ruttley
Right? Because we all know there's great men, just like there are great women.
00:21:03
Kim Fletcher
That's right.
00:21:06
Kim Fletcher
It is.
00:21:07
Tanya Ruttley
So then there are bad men, just like there's bad women.
00:21:07
Kim Fletcher
It is.
00:21:10
Tanya Ruttley
But he chose to hone in on his craft in the lane he wanted. And he has every right to do so.
00:21:18
Kim Fletcher
and That's right.
00:21:18
Tanya Ruttley
Now someone else can decide to step up and show opposite.
00:21:22
Kim Fletcher
That's right. reverse it.
00:21:23
Tanya Ruttley
And hell, look, even if they don't see it, imagine it. The imagination is wonderful. Imagine it.
00:21:29
Kim Fletcher
It is.
00:21:30
Tanya Ruttley
Create it.
00:21:31
Kim Fletcher
Yes.
00:21:32
Tanya Ruttley
That's what I don't like. And, you know, I want to hone in on the father's name.
00:21:33
Kim Fletcher
Your own imagination. Yes.
00:21:35
Tanya Ruttley
Hmm?
00:21:35
Kim Fletcher
Use your own brain. Use your own brain.
00:21:39
Tanya Ruttley
Right.
00:21:39
Kim Fletcher
Imagine it.
00:21:39
Tanya Ruttley
Right.
00:21:40
Kim Fletcher
What you see, visualize.
00:21:40
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:21:41
Kim Fletcher
Write down what you see. Make it plain like, yeah.
00:21:44
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:21:46
Kim Fletcher
So, and you know, I apologize to the men because I'm not mad at them. i I think everyone's growing.
Evolving Father Roles
00:21:51
Kim Fletcher
And like I said, in this time and age and this climate is what's going on. Men are stepping up and they want to take care of their kids. And I applaud them.
00:22:00
Tanya Ruttley
Yes, honey.
00:22:00
Kim Fletcher
They want to take of their kids, take some of the pressure off the women.
00:22:01
Tanya Ruttley
Absolutely. after
00:22:04
Kim Fletcher
And the women stop trying to make the men look so bad. Help them. Got them. That's what we are for.
00:22:09
Tanya Ruttley
Well, look now, hold on. That'll be another episode.
00:22:12
Kim Fletcher
Wow. Yeah. me
00:22:15
Tanya Ruttley
There's going to another episode on this helping God and stuff, honey, because y'all grown. I'm just saying, y'all grown men.
00:22:21
Kim Fletcher
and
00:22:21
Tanya Ruttley
Look, if a grown man can go out there and get on YouTube, as they call the university, YouTube university, they can go out here for business and stuff. They can go ahead for all this other stuff. I'm not giving them a pass.
00:22:31
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:22:32
Tanya Ruttley
They can go out here and learn how to be a better father, right? How to be...
00:22:37
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, but they're going to be, theyre they're going to get the money on the podcast and things like that to be a bill applause.
00:22:44
Tanya Ruttley
um I'm talking about, no, no, no, no. no No, they ain't. See, look, look, that's going to be another episode because this episode was about uplifting them.
00:22:48
Kim Fletcher
oh Why you saying? Why are you saying?
00:22:54
Tanya Ruttley
But it just got me when you said we got a mold and church.
00:22:54
Kim Fletcher
yeah
00:22:57
Tanya Ruttley
Look, i I ain't raising no grown man. So on that note, we have went over our time.
00:23:01
Kim Fletcher
Yes. Thank you guys for listening.
00:23:05
Tanya Ruttley
So thank you guys.
00:23:07
Kim Fletcher
Yes.
00:23:08
Tanya Ruttley
That's it. That's it for our very first episode because they're only supposed to be 30 minutes long.
00:23:09
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:23:12
Tanya Ruttley
um So, yeah.
00:23:13
Kim Fletcher
thank to listening
00:23:16
Tanya Ruttley
And we hope you guys felt something today, whether it was, you know, you felt seen, inspired, or just simply reminded that you are not alone.
00:23:19
Kim Fletcher
yes
00:23:23
Kim Fletcher
yeah and
00:23:25
Tanya Ruttley
We are all out here trying to get to it.
00:23:26
Kim Fletcher
yeah
00:23:28
Tanya Ruttley
um So this space is going to be about real connection. And this was just the beginning.
00:23:31
Kim Fletcher
Yep.
00:23:32
Tanya Ruttley
So, say it again.
00:23:32
Kim Fletcher
And we're raw. Yes. And we' we're doing this raw, uncut.
00:23:37
Tanya Ruttley
Yes, we are.
00:23:38
Kim Fletcher
Yes.
00:23:38
Tanya Ruttley
Yes, we are.
00:23:39
Kim Fletcher
and it's We're just talking. So, yeah. Hope you're listening.
00:23:43
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. um So if there's gonna if there's anything that we said that hit home, um go ahead, share the episode, leave a review. And don't forget to subscribe because we've got so much more coming. We own social social media. You can find us on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and of course, also on YouTube.
00:24:01
Tanya Ruttley
So stay tapped in. And most of all, keep showing up for yourself. You can catch us every Tuesday and Thursday at 8 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. And we'll be on for about 30 minutes um until next time. We're building. We're growing. We're healing together.
00:24:16
Tanya Ruttley
And this is from Startup to Takeover. What is it, Kim?
00:24:20
Kim Fletcher
That just work.
00:24:21
Tanya Ruttley
Watch this work, baby. We'll see you guys next time. Thank you so much.
00:24:26
Kim Fletcher
Good night.
00:25:06
Tanya Ruttley
Now, look, honey, I was not turning my stuff on until I was shoes gone. I'm like, look at her.
00:25:11
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, it's an end, baby. I'm watching it say end this.
00:25:15
Tanya Ruttley
Hold on. Can you hear me? Oh, snap.
00:25:18
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:25:19
Tanya Ruttley
Hold on, child.
00:25:19
Kim Fletcher
It's an end. I'm like, get on, baby.
00:25:22
Tanya Ruttley
Oh, I forgot. We got to be on the stage. There we go.
00:25:25
Kim Fletcher
On the stage.
00:25:26
Tanya Ruttley
We got to be on the stage to talk. Unmute yourself.
00:25:29
Kim Fletcher
Okay.
00:25:31
Tanya Ruttley
There you go.
00:25:32
Kim Fletcher
We good.
00:25:33
Tanya Ruttley
Yep, we good. I said, oh, look at her.
00:25:34
Kim Fletcher
How you doing?
00:25:35
Tanya Ruttley
She's going to pull her little penny head on there. I'm not doing it.
00:25:38
Kim Fletcher
No, no, I didn't that ended.
00:25:39
Tanya Ruttley
was like, I got to make sure we're off.
00:25:43
Kim Fletcher
The screen was great. Great. Y'all
00:25:46
Tanya Ruttley
I want to take no chances.
00:25:50
Kim Fletcher
say you're so slow. Get the thing off.
00:25:52
Tanya Ruttley
but
00:25:55
Kim Fletcher
No, you think we done. You think we did good.
00:26:00
Tanya Ruttley
I think so. Yeah, yeah. I think so.
00:26:02
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:26:02
Tanya Ruttley
I like it like that. Yeah, just.
00:26:04
Kim Fletcher
I like it, yeah. Because we're just talking and the time went by so fast.
00:26:08
Tanya Ruttley
what
00:26:08
Kim Fletcher
I'm like, damn, we can't talk about nothing. I don't care if we need to tap on keys because I was driving a car.
00:26:16
Tanya Ruttley
a
00:26:18
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:26:18
Tanya Ruttley
Yes, honey. Yeah, cool, cool, cool.
00:26:21
Kim Fletcher
I think we did good.
00:26:23
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah, I like it.
00:26:25
Kim Fletcher
And then how you came in with questions, so you're going have us a question for Tuesday.
00:26:25
Tanya Ruttley
I like it.
00:26:29
Tanya Ruttley
Look, it popped up my head. So that's that's what I want to do.
00:26:31
Kim Fletcher
Yeah. You want to pop up?
00:26:31
Tanya Ruttley
I want to be either one of us. Whatever pop up in our head, let's talk about it.
00:26:33
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:26:36
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, because that's that's God, baby. That was God. Like, thank you, Jesus. Yeah, it's blue. i mean, it flowed.
00:26:43
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. that's an act you know Yeah, because I think there just so many people out here.
00:26:44
Kim Fletcher
Yeah. Like we always do.
00:26:51
Tanya Ruttley
They say real TV, but it's scripted. And I don't want it to be scripted, right? I just want us to flow and go. so
00:26:58
Kim Fletcher
I need i post you know I try to post in the evening now because the morning wasn't working for me. to old bit of you i need They don't get no views in the morning, but in the evening they get at least 100 views. That's good because 100 people are looking.
00:27:07
Tanya Ruttley
Okay.
00:27:09
Kim Fletcher
That's good. so So keep going, keep going. But like me, I'm starting and I put one video up that I run all the time. like You got to think about McDonald's, how they do that one commercial all day. I need to make up a good commercial. You need to help me make up a good one commercial for your book.
00:27:27
Tanya Ruttley
Okay.
00:27:27
Kim Fletcher
that I can run all day every day you gotta run every day that one commercial you know I'm gonna put another one you know okay tell me because it needs to run all every day you need to go in there
00:27:31
Tanya Ruttley
Gotcha.
00:27:33
Tanya Ruttley
I'll tell you my favorite.
00:27:40
Tanya Ruttley
My favorite is that that one with the book on the back. Let me see. Can you see this? No.
00:27:50
Kim Fletcher
but wait my um computer okay yeah it's a
00:27:52
Tanya Ruttley
No, there's a glare. yeah can You can't see it. I'm send you the screenshot anyway.
00:27:59
Kim Fletcher
because I got it on here on my arm thing, but you can swing it to me, but I have it on my thing.
00:28:05
Tanya Ruttley
That's my favorite.
00:28:05
Kim Fletcher
yeah
00:28:05
Tanya Ruttley
I think that one should run because that's actually on somebody's table. That was real. So, um,
00:28:10
Kim Fletcher
Okay, we'll put it, let me see. Yeah, because I need one to run all day because I picked one, yep, this right here all day.
00:28:17
Tanya Ruttley
okay.
00:28:17
Kim Fletcher
You need to run every three day.
00:28:20
Tanya Ruttley
Gotcha.
00:28:21
Kim Fletcher
And that book look real like
00:28:24
Tanya Ruttley
It is. what I'm saying. She actually purchased the book and that's her reading room. That's what i'm saying. Yeah.
00:28:28
Kim Fletcher
okay that's what i need and then okay yeah she did a good job and then i need you sent me your
00:28:29
Tanya Ruttley
My girlfriend it to me. Mm-hmm.