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EPISODE 21: “God Said No Premarital Sex… But Why Tho?” (Day 17 of our 30-Day Challenge)
24 Plays11 months ago
Today we’re digging into a topic that always stirs up conversation: Why did God say no premarital sex?
Is it just an old rule? Is it about control? Or was there a deeper purpose behind the command? We’re breaking it down and asking the real questions — especially in today’s dating culture where this conversation gets blurry fast.
No judgment, just real talk:
✨ What was God’s intention?
✨ How do we apply this today?
✨ Why is this still relevant (or not) for modern relationships?
👉🏾 Tune in and then hit us up: Are you waiting? Why or why not? Let’s talk about it!
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Transcript
Introduction and 30-Day Challenge
00:00:00
Tanya Ruttley
Absolutely.
00:00:02
Kim Fletcher
right
00:00:02
Tanya Ruttley
All righty. So we're ready to get started, you guys.
00:00:02
Kim Fletcher
30
00:00:04
Tanya Ruttley
Sorry about that. We had technical difficulties. you Y'all remember, we are new.
00:00:06
Kim Fletcher
day challenge. yeah
00:00:10
Tanya Ruttley
We are getting started. So definitely bear with us.
00:00:14
Kim Fletcher
Yes. 30 day challenge. You're going to have challenges within those 30 days. Keep going.
00:00:19
Tanya Ruttley
And we are going to keep going. Absolutely.
00:00:23
Kim Fletcher
Dedication.
00:00:24
Tanya Ruttley
Yep.
00:00:24
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:00:25
Tanya Ruttley
Dedication. Yeah.
00:00:27
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:00:27
Tanya Ruttley
So Kim, you see today what I popped up there for us.
Why Does God Say No to Premarital Sex?
00:00:30
Tanya Ruttley
How do you like that title for us to discuss?
00:00:30
Kim Fletcher
I say, God said no primeral sex, but why though?
00:00:39
Kim Fletcher
And what made you ask that? Why though?
00:00:43
Tanya Ruttley
Because I wanted us to tap into, you know, everything is about changing our bloodline, our children, our grandchildren, children. And so I wanted to tap into that because that is one of the things I think that's important in regards to living that kingdom life.
00:00:59
Tanya Ruttley
Right. Um, so I wanted to discuss why do we think God said what he said about the no premarital sex? Um, cause you know, some people feel that it's okay, um, to have
00:01:15
Kim Fletcher
But I'm not sure.
Impact of Premarital Sex on Marriage
00:01:16
Tanya Ruttley
that.
00:01:16
Tanya Ruttley
Go ahead.
00:01:18
Kim Fletcher
I'm not sure because you know what? He said that everybody's not you know made to be married. Everyone won't be married. So those that are single, will they not ever have Hmm.
00:01:30
Tanya Ruttley
Pretty much is what he was saying. Because, listen, so if he was saying about fornication because...
00:01:32
Kim Fletcher
come
00:01:36
Tanya Ruttley
but Well, here's here's one of the reasons why I think it's important about this fornication and not having these multiple partners and only your spouse. Because... People go out here, right?
00:01:46
Tanya Ruttley
And remember when I was talking about the men and their issues when they were taught to be loose, then they go and get married and trying to figure out how to turn it off.
00:01:59
Tanya Ruttley
I think that's part of what God had in play. He understood what happens with sex. So to live his way and not cause the challenge that comes with already having these partners, um I think the life could be easier, right?
00:02:19
Tanya Ruttley
Not perfect, but easier.
00:02:20
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:02:20
Tanya Ruttley
Because when a man or a woman, let's take a man.
00:02:21
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:02:23
Tanya Ruttley
He's out here and he he's loose, right?
00:02:23
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:02:25
Tanya Ruttley
As the young men were taught to be. He meets a freak. But then eventually he meets the woman that has all the qualities of kingdom living.
00:02:37
Tanya Ruttley
But because of his previous experiences and that touching into their fornication, that now becomes an issue in his marriage. He's used to all the things because he's had a partner that's not his wife.
00:02:49
Tanya Ruttley
He now has his wife.
00:02:50
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:02:51
Tanya Ruttley
That becomes an issue in their marriage because he's already had, let's say, a big booty. And he had a he now has a wife with a little booty, right? Or he's had a person with fornication that, I mean, while he was fornicating, that's
00:03:00
Kim Fletcher
right
00:03:05
Tanya Ruttley
into the, um, sexual acts that his wife, um, may not, well, will not have experience with.
00:03:17
Tanya Ruttley
So what I think comes with that is you're bringing outside stuff into your marriage that can now cause a hindrance.
Guidance for Controlling Desires Through Marriage
00:03:24
Tanya Ruttley
So I think there was more to him, God saying about the fornication, because there there is a lot to come with it.
00:03:25
Kim Fletcher
a
00:03:32
Tanya Ruttley
Um,
00:03:34
Tanya Ruttley
having sex with someone that is not your spouse. So I just wanted to tap on that because I think it is for protection um of his kingdom. But something that you said was, because I know, let me not say I know it,
00:03:47
Kim Fletcher
Well, he the scripture does say, you know, if you can't contain yourself, can't control their sexual desires, you know, to be married encourage individuals to marry if they cannot control their sexual desires
00:04:02
Tanya Ruttley
Right. That's what he's saying. So if you need to have sex, he wants you to get married. I mean, don't do it outside of marriage. Right.
00:04:08
Kim Fletcher
mm-hmm
00:04:08
Tanya Ruttley
So, and I think, cause I had got to what my dad, I was having the conversation like, man. So, cause he, it is addressed about those who, you know, some people are born where they can't have, it's a term that's in the Bible. ah It's not coming to me right now, but those who cannot have sex, right.
00:04:26
Tanya Ruttley
Right.
00:04:27
Kim Fletcher
Uh-huh.
00:04:28
Tanya Ruttley
based on their body, then there are those who chose for God not to have sex.
00:04:30
Kim Fletcher
Uh-huh.
00:04:34
Tanya Ruttley
Those other ones, he said, you better get married.
00:04:35
Kim Fletcher
Uh-huh.
00:04:38
Tanya Ruttley
Right. So, but for the other ones that are in between, and these are the people that we're talking about, if they're trying to be kingdom like living, right.
Choosing God's Word Over Earthly Desires
00:04:49
Tanya Ruttley
It's like, you need to make a choice. Are you going to live for God are you going to live for your earthly needs, which would be the fornication if you don't want to get married, right?
00:04:58
Kim Fletcher
mm-hmm no
00:05:03
Tanya Ruttley
So we understand that God does forgive us, but because he forgives us, though that does that give us a pass to knowingly and purposely, continually walk in wrongdoing?
00:05:03
Kim Fletcher
yeah
00:05:10
Kim Fletcher
no
00:05:15
Tanya Ruttley
That was my torn of the fornication, the premarital sex part. And I wanted us just to discuss that tonight.
00:05:22
Kim Fletcher
yeah I mean, I don't know what else to say bu you besides what we just said, because there's nothing else to say. But you're going to fornicate.
00:05:31
Tanya Ruttley
Right.
00:05:34
Kim Fletcher
You're going against the will of God. You're going against the kingdom.
00:05:36
Tanya Ruttley
Right. Right. And I think that we should, um, have let people know that study God's word and what his expectation is so that you can make a choice, right?
00:05:45
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:05:49
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:05:50
Tanya Ruttley
That, okay,
00:05:50
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:05:52
Tanya Ruttley
If I've never done it before, let me truly understand what God's requirements are. If I want to take this path that he's given me free will to choose.
00:06:00
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:06:03
Tanya Ruttley
God ain't telling you, you have to. God is saying you have a choice, but study my word. Get my word in you so that you can understand and make a choice.
00:06:14
Tanya Ruttley
But when you make a choice and you say you want to go that route, he's asking you to make the choice and get married, which is his institution.
Authenticity in Living and Sharing God's Word
00:06:24
Tanya Ruttley
And that's what I think we also have to understand.
00:06:26
Tanya Ruttley
This ain't man's institution. This ain't the United States of whatever country you live in institution.
00:06:30
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:06:31
Tanya Ruttley
This is God's institution. And he tells us the way to do it. So if we choose to do it,
00:06:35
Kim Fletcher
and
00:06:38
Tanya Ruttley
which I'm learning now,
00:06:42
Tanya Ruttley
get that word in you, know what it represents and then take a choice in that. No one is saying that you're going to be perfect, but understand before you choose to do it and go out here and have premarital sex.
00:06:58
Tanya Ruttley
um And no one is saying that you can't eventually get on the right track. But what Kim and I want, us to do now is to learn what that is supposed to look like so that you go ahead.
00:07:13
Kim Fletcher
so you so that you can represent god and God in a way that he wants you to represent him just like a job
00:07:17
Tanya Ruttley
Yes.
Teaching God's Word to Children and Community
00:07:20
Kim Fletcher
if you you're representing a job you have on their uniform or whatever in the military you have to represent the military you have to do as they say you have to read read their books their guidelines and do what they say if you read
00:07:20
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:07:26
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:07:34
Kim Fletcher
the book, the the Bible and God guideline, then you can represent him in the way where he would like you to represent him.
00:07:36
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. Absolutely. Mm-hmm.
00:07:42
Kim Fletcher
And in that way you wouldn't fornicate or you wouldn't go out and do those things. If you had that word in you and you could represent Jesus in the right way.
00:07:52
Tanya Ruttley
In the right way. And you know what? I think a lot of times we always think about, oh, when we leave here, you know, I want to do right because when I leave here, right? But the truth is God telling you to ask for what's in heaven to be done here on earth.
00:08:05
Tanya Ruttley
He wants us to live that life while we are here.
00:08:05
Kim Fletcher
That's the word.
00:08:09
Tanya Ruttley
And I think back in the day, it was always taught, oh, when we leave here, I want to go to, you know, heaven and I want to get to where of God.
00:08:09
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:08:16
Tanya Ruttley
bring But we think about when eighth when God talked about how to pray, when Jesus talked about how to pray, it said, As it is in heaven.
00:08:25
Kim Fletcher
and
00:08:26
Tanya Ruttley
So it's like.
00:08:26
Kim Fletcher
He said, my will oh my will will be done as it is in heaven.
00:08:30
Tanya Ruttley
As it is in heaven, we want it here on earth. And I think in order to truly get that, we got to start walking the way that Jesus, God <unk> said to walk.
00:08:33
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:08:40
Kim Fletcher
yes His people.
00:08:42
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. Yeah.
00:08:43
Kim Fletcher
His people.
00:08:44
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:08:45
Kim Fletcher
His people know his.
00:08:45
Tanya Ruttley
And i we got to teach that to our children. We got to get them to understand. It sounds good when when people are out here talking about, well, don't even know if it sounded good. No more, girl, the way they popping up all these numbers and talking crazy about HIV back on the rise because people going to these different places, stateside, overseas.
00:08:56
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:09:02
Tanya Ruttley
have trying to have what they call it fun, but there's risks and complications from that.
00:09:06
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:09:07
Tanya Ruttley
Not even just we're talking about, okay, you got to account for that with God, but we're talking about just right here while you're on earth.
00:09:07
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:09:15
Kim Fletcher
Why y'all are you saying?
00:09:16
Tanya Ruttley
That's the wrong way.
00:09:17
Kim Fletcher
I try to say if you read them, if we read more, we perish for the lack of knowledge.
00:09:19
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:09:22
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm. Right.
00:09:24
Kim Fletcher
So if we read more in in the Bible and see what he say as, you know, nowhere in the Bible, he says, I come that you may have a bad life everywhere in the Bible.
00:09:24
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:09:35
Kim Fletcher
It says he wants you to have a good life. good life he come to have a good life a good life a good life so that means on this earth he wants us to have a good life he came that we may have a good life he jesus came so we could get what god planned for us in the beginning the beginning was everything
00:09:37
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. Yeah.
00:09:44
Tanya Ruttley
Yes, ma'am.
00:09:47
Tanya Ruttley
Yep.
00:09:55
Tanya Ruttley
Yep. From the beginning. And so it's like, Let's practice what we're preaching. Let's talk to these young adults, middle-aged adults, older adults. Let's just stay on repeat about if you, if what we've been doing, which is the world away ain't working.
Living Faith and Being a Positive Role Model
00:10:16
Kim Fletcher
Mm-mm. Right. Mm-hmm.
00:10:16
Tanya Ruttley
What we just gave God's way a try? Just, just start to turn the tables a little bit. Start looking at the men in a different light and understand them start looking at themselves in a different light.
00:10:31
Kim Fletcher
no that that's why i said um last night or night before last should we step up in a different way you know so should we step up meaning should we let our light shine like lord said let our light shine we don't have to tell anyone just let it shine and they'll see him through us with our light shining and so should we be stepping up in a different way in our relationship with our men letting our light shine so that they want
00:10:36
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:10:58
Kim Fletcher
to seek, they want their light to shine as well as ours. The same way we sh we're shining, they would want to shine.
00:11:06
Tanya Ruttley
Right. I think that communicating it is good because sometimes some people don't want to ask questions. Right. Everybody's not comfortable ask a question. So like in my household.
00:11:17
Tanya Ruttley
Right. So i'll so i'll I'll say mine and speak personally. I talk about it. um So let me let me say this. I, what you call it? Um, I play the Bible gateway that plays on my phone.
00:11:28
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:11:29
Tanya Ruttley
So people hear it. It's on my TV, YouTube. I listen to, um, different videos, right? Where people are talking about, God's way of living with a marriage as an individual.
00:11:43
Tanya Ruttley
Right. um And then I also have books.
00:11:44
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:11:47
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:11:47
Tanya Ruttley
So for me, I think it's both. They need to see you walking in that.
00:11:51
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:11:52
Tanya Ruttley
They need to hear it. They need to see consistency.
00:11:55
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:11:55
Tanya Ruttley
Oh, I'll tell you something is it kind of got me a little bit. My husband today, we was. doing something with a business girl. And he was in the car and he was just like, I'm start listening him. who talking about, Dr. Miles Monroe.
00:12:09
Tanya Ruttley
And he was like, I'm gonna start listening him in the morning.
00:12:10
Kim Fletcher
Okay.
00:12:12
Tanya Ruttley
Girl, I was a little shook. I was like, oh, okay.
00:12:14
Kim Fletcher
And because he, he got.
00:12:15
Tanya Ruttley
Okay. You know, ain't say much, you know. Now my husband and already believed in God. So that's that's that's not an issue, but it's now the practicing saying, well, I'm gonna add this into my daily, right?
00:12:23
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:12:26
Tanya Ruttley
um And that's why I think
00:12:29
Kim Fletcher
and because he he got
00:12:29
Tanya Ruttley
We communicate it, but you don't push it. I've never been a pusher. I know people who push.
00:12:35
Kim Fletcher
yeah
00:12:35
Tanya Ruttley
But Dr. Miles Monroe, it's funny how he say, oh, they're so loud.
00:12:37
Kim Fletcher
but God said that. You don't be a hypocrite.
00:12:40
Tanya Ruttley
They're so loud. Oh, you better live through them.
00:12:43
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:12:43
Tanya Ruttley
They're not hearing you. you know And it's like, you know just talk, walk, speak it, and let them see that you're being confused with it.
00:12:45
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:12:49
Kim Fletcher
God said, don't be a hypocrite. Don't be a hypocrite.
00:12:51
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. Absolutely.
00:12:52
Kim Fletcher
You don't make anyone believe in me because they will.
Finding a Good Spiritual Leader
00:12:55
Kim Fletcher
He didn't ask you that.
00:12:55
Tanya Ruttley
Absolutely.
00:12:56
Kim Fletcher
He just asked you to spread the good news of the gospel.
00:12:58
Tanya Ruttley
Just spread it. Yeah. You don't got to put them apart.
00:12:59
Kim Fletcher
Just spread good news.
00:13:01
Tanya Ruttley
That's it.
00:13:01
Kim Fletcher
Just the good news.
00:13:02
Tanya Ruttley
That's it.
00:13:02
Kim Fletcher
And and you you are spreading it because
00:13:03
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:13:06
Kim Fletcher
the the minister that you're listening to, he's talking good news. Like he's not bashing.
00:13:10
Tanya Ruttley
Absolutely.
00:13:12
Kim Fletcher
He's not saying this against, he's not being biased.
00:13:18
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:13:18
Kim Fletcher
He's saying it like it is.
00:13:22
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:13:22
Kim Fletcher
and it's ah And it's hitting your spouse as while you're listening to it. So it's like you are stepping up, you are stepping up with material that he wants to hear.
00:13:32
Tanya Ruttley
Right. Yeah, absolutely.
00:13:34
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:13:35
Tanya Ruttley
And I, and I think that, um, one of the things that I think, you know, I try to ensure I'm not doing is pushing.
00:13:36
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:13:42
Tanya Ruttley
I was just walking in my walk, working on me. Right. Um, I've always had, I think a pretty good, decent heart. Right. But, you know, make mistakes here and there. um but I've always had good intentions or even when, you know, honestly, even when I've done wrong,
00:13:58
Tanya Ruttley
I was always convicted in it. i I don't recall doing wrong and ever feeling like, whoo-hoo, yep. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. When I've done wrong, man, mean, sitting in it bad. And so it's like...
00:14:13
Tanya Ruttley
So how do I deepen my relationship with god to help push me in the right direction so that through my wrongdoing, my bloodline does not create the same wrongdoing. Not that they're going to be perfect, but that my bloodline, those who I know continue to evolve, right?
00:14:34
Tanya Ruttley
The world gets better. we start to slowly change how those see marriage because God's way and how he see marriage is totally different from what the world sees.
00:14:46
Tanya Ruttley
And so I just want us to get away from the worldly way of this and follow God's way and just see what happens. And I want to start with my own inside my own home and see what that is going to look like.
00:15:00
Tanya Ruttley
You know what i mean? Exactly.
00:15:01
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, you you have to let the Holy Spirit, because that's why Jesus needed the Holy Spirit. He knew we needed Holy Spirit, so he left the Holy Spirit for us to lead and guide to teach us all things.
00:15:09
Tanya Ruttley
Absolutely. Yep. ah here
00:15:13
Kim Fletcher
So he we have to let the Holy Spirit teach us the things that we need to know to help our spouse or whoever.
00:15:17
Tanya Ruttley
Yep.
00:15:19
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah, absolutely.
00:15:25
Kim Fletcher
Okay.
00:15:26
Tanya Ruttley
And you get that, guys, for those of you wondering, the Holy Spirit, what is she talking about? That's you learning the word of God. And when you learn that, when you, the Holy Spirit will come to you, he will convict you.
00:15:33
Kim Fletcher
Are
00:15:38
Tanya Ruttley
The Holy Spirit will convict you based on, you know, you're doing some stuff you ain't supposed to be doing. um
00:15:43
Kim Fletcher
you teaching?
00:15:44
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah, teaching you.
00:15:45
Kim Fletcher
let you know.
00:15:45
Tanya Ruttley
So you got to read that word. And that's why God tells us to do that. And I'm just so glad that I am so still here. And I have an opportunity to practice what I preach to actually get in here and study, listen to it, feed my spirit, feed my soul, what I'm so supposed to take in.
00:16:01
Kim Fletcher
Okay. and
00:16:06
Tanya Ruttley
Because, you know, what we take in is going to come out. you You better believe it. So if you're out here listening to stuff about shooting somebody, being loose, because you're a woman now, you think you get to go out here and just sleep around. It's your body.
00:16:22
Tanya Ruttley
You can be sexually provocative because you want to.
00:16:27
Tanya Ruttley
Be careful what you're taking in.
00:16:27
Kim Fletcher
Not if you're in a kingdom.
00:16:29
Tanya Ruttley
It's going to have you out here living the wrong way.
00:16:32
Kim Fletcher
Not if you are in the kingdom, if you're following God.
00:16:34
Tanya Ruttley
That's right. yeah And if you want to start following God, you've got to change that.
00:16:36
Kim Fletcher
Those things.
00:16:39
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:16:40
Tanya Ruttley
You've got to turn that around.
00:16:40
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm. Do you have the change of thinking?
00:16:42
Tanya Ruttley
Because, yeah. And so that's also what you have coming in. That's your friends. That's your choices of how they live their life.
00:16:48
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:16:51
Tanya Ruttley
Because what's coming into you is going to come out of you in some form or fashion.
00:16:55
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:16:56
Tanya Ruttley
And so we've got to correct that by studying. oh And if you guys want to reach out to Kim and I on the side and be like, yeah. Hey, how do I get started? You know, do you know how I can start reading or where to begin?
00:17:10
Tanya Ruttley
You can always hit us up privately, you know, in our in our messages on either channel that we have. um And we have no problem, you know, talking to you telling you how to get started, how to change this thing around.
00:17:23
Tanya Ruttley
And ahead.
00:17:23
Kim Fletcher
get take take a thought take a thought and just say google give me all the scriptures on what i need to do to get whatever and google will give you those scriptures you could just start from there you start from there like let the holy spirit lead you it's
00:17:43
Tanya Ruttley
But I think you also need a good teacher. yeah I think you we also, because I will say this, let me let me be vulnerable here again.
00:17:46
Kim Fletcher
yeah
00:17:49
Tanya Ruttley
and Because again, as you guys know, I always say, yeah, because just Googling it, unfortunately I feel, and that's why I just jumped in to say about the teacher thing.
00:17:50
Kim Fletcher
Go ahead. You have to have teachers. Yeah, you have to have teachers.
00:18:00
Tanya Ruttley
So you I've heard some of this stuff that I'm hearing now,
00:18:00
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:18:05
Tanya Ruttley
It's how it's taught, right?
00:18:07
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:18:07
Tanya Ruttley
um
00:18:08
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:18:09
Tanya Ruttley
And the reason why I was saying how I listen to, um you know, who I listen to.
00:18:13
Kim Fletcher
But you need to read for yourself, too.
00:18:15
Tanya Ruttley
yeah No, no, no. That's not what saying. Let finish. So I've always read the Bible.
00:18:18
Kim Fletcher
Uh-huh. Mm-hmm.
00:18:21
Tanya Ruttley
to read the whole Bible more than one time, right?
00:18:24
Kim Fletcher
What does that
00:18:24
Tanya Ruttley
I've even went and studied. There are just certain teachers, and I say this even with when you have a coach or you have a certain teacher in school. There are certain people that can just get through.
00:18:32
Kim Fletcher
mean? Cut it.
00:18:35
Tanya Ruttley
You can go in here and look up a scripture and you can start reading. Girl, I say reading.
00:18:40
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:18:42
Tanya Ruttley
Y'all, excuse me. I'm from Georgia.
00:18:45
Kim Fletcher
what does that mean
00:18:47
Tanya Ruttley
stop You know, they try to talk about us. I'm being funny. One of my friends be like, you know, you graduated from boop, boop.
00:18:50
Kim Fletcher
yeah
00:18:52
Tanya Ruttley
I'm like, wait minute, girl. You graduated with me now. But hold on.
00:18:54
Kim Fletcher
Okay.
00:18:56
Tanya Ruttley
But, um you know, definitely. Yeah, you can start reading. But. Look for a teacher.
00:19:02
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, just a thought on your...
00:19:03
Tanya Ruttley
Look for someone who can teach it and break it down to where it makes sense.
00:19:07
Kim Fletcher
That's right.
00:19:08
Tanya Ruttley
Because I remember my dad started doing the Bible study in the home. And he was teaching. And I'm going to tell you, um was asking some deep questions. And we're older now.
00:19:19
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:19:20
Tanya Ruttley
So but him and I talked about, he was like, you know, you asked me some stuff I had no answer to. You see what I'm saying? And so it, yeah and I think it just made him, ah he put doubt in me, right.
00:19:26
Kim Fletcher
man
00:19:32
Kim Fletcher
man
00:19:33
Tanya Ruttley
Because he didn't know how to answer. So I also think teaching is important, but who you're getting it from, who can actually break it down, um, for you to where
00:19:41
Kim Fletcher
and you don't want to go jump from you don't want to jump from this church to that church or this pastor to this pastor because you're gonna you're getting different things and get different teachings and Now you're confused. So you want to find you one that you know is going to, it's the kingdom living.
00:20:02
Tanya Ruttley
So I don't know about the not going from one to the next because you can go to one.
00:20:05
Kim Fletcher
have.
00:20:06
Tanya Ruttley
been to somebody church before, and let me tell you, I did.
00:20:08
Kim Fletcher
ah yeah you get it
00:20:10
Tanya Ruttley
walked in.
00:20:11
Kim Fletcher
ah have
00:20:11
Tanya Ruttley
They got to, look, I walked in, and I did exactly what God said. I left and I didn't return.
00:20:18
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, that's what I said. You can't go from church to church.
00:20:20
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:20:20
Kim Fletcher
You can't do all that because I used to do, well, I didn't used to do it, but I used to listen, listen.
00:20:23
Tanya Ruttley
But until you find the right one, you may end up at church to church.
00:20:25
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, you, you, yeah.
00:20:25
Tanya Ruttley
So that's what I'm saying. I don't know.
00:20:26
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, you got sign.
00:20:27
Tanya Ruttley
You got to find the right one. And I don't think you stay there because you just went, no.
00:20:28
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, you got a sign. yeah you
00:20:32
Tanya Ruttley
you put
00:20:33
Kim Fletcher
You got to find that you really, i have I have a minister that I've been with ever since my kids was little.
00:20:35
Tanya Ruttley
And then, yeah.
00:20:40
Kim Fletcher
I learned, I grew with him. I learned with him. He made mistakes. He came out and said he made mistakes, learned from the mistakes, taught us what we know. And I'm doing just fine.
00:20:50
Tanya Ruttley
Right.
00:20:50
Kim Fletcher
Living in kingdom because learned it.
00:20:51
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:20:53
Kim Fletcher
The word says you imitate your leader, your spiritual leader. And I imitate my spiritual leader and I'm doing just fine.
00:20:59
Tanya Ruttley
gotcha.
00:21:03
Kim Fletcher
that would The word says when you find a spiritual leader, you you imitate that spiritual leader because that spiritual leader is watching over your hip and you watch over your soul, helping you to go on through life.
00:21:03
Tanya Ruttley
i got
00:21:14
Kim Fletcher
you you You imitate that spiritual leader. If that spiritual leader is doing what the kingdom say do, you imitate.
00:21:21
Tanya Ruttley
Right. And teaching you so that you can pass that down too.
00:21:23
Kim Fletcher
Yes.
00:21:24
Tanya Ruttley
because you you know and And that was the thing with me.
00:21:25
Kim Fletcher
That's right.
00:21:27
Tanya Ruttley
i don't I don't want to get the information and keep it to myself, which is why Kim and I are on this podcast, right? um We want to spread this good Because if they can come in and convict us and help us get our life together, um we know it can happen for others and we can change this around for our community, you know.
00:21:44
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:21:47
Kim Fletcher
and
00:21:48
Tanya Ruttley
And that is the big thing that we always talk about because we're we're starting with our own family. It's going to look the way that God says it's supposed to look. We're not out here trying to um tell you guys one thing and we're living and doing a totally different thing. That's we we want to save y'all from that, you know?
00:22:05
Tanya Ruttley
So yeah, like she's saying, you know, she got the person that she follows. I have the the person, you know, that I'm listening to because I have listened to some pastors and they weren't teaching. They were preaching. They weren't teaching.
00:22:17
Kim Fletcher
Right. take
00:22:18
Tanya Ruttley
So it was regurgitate.
00:22:19
Kim Fletcher
And preach.
00:22:20
Tanya Ruttley
They were regurgitating information and the people in the congregation, it shows that Yeah, they go to church. Yeah, they listen. They go even go to do Bible study. But their life was not showing it.
00:22:32
Tanya Ruttley
And I know some of them, and it wasn't.
00:22:32
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:22:34
Tanya Ruttley
and so And that should have been a sign, but because it was what I was used to, I just left it at that.
00:22:34
Kim Fletcher
know.
00:22:43
Tanya Ruttley
you know But that's
Educating Children at Home
00:22:44
Tanya Ruttley
that's a big sign. When they're up there, they're preaching. And some may even be doing some teaching.
00:22:49
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:22:51
Tanya Ruttley
But the ones that's following them, where's their life at?
00:22:51
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:22:54
Kim Fletcher
That's right.
00:22:54
Tanya Ruttley
Because it you got children, you got a spouse, it should start to reflect.
00:22:54
Kim Fletcher
always say...
00:22:59
Tanya Ruttley
And if it ain't reflecting, something's off.
00:22:59
Kim Fletcher
And...
00:23:01
Kim Fletcher
And I always say, if you go, if you're listening to a pastor just on Sundays, even if you're just listening on Sundays and you don't have anything to carry with you through the week, wrong pastor.
00:23:10
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:23:14
Kim Fletcher
You're listening to the wrong, but because whatever you're listening to and whatever you're reading, it should carry you over day by day.
00:23:23
Tanya Ruttley
Well, it should help you hopefully to get in there and study so that, yeah, you have something.
00:23:27
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, renewing other minds. You have to renew your mind each day.
00:23:28
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. Yeah.
00:23:30
Kim Fletcher
That's why I say day by day, because if you're renewing your mind, and it's not like people think you got to carry the Bible, you got to do this.
00:23:33
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:23:36
Kim Fletcher
No, you do not.
00:23:36
Tanya Ruttley
No.
00:23:37
Kim Fletcher
I feel like you if you are studying, you know, the Bible, it should be just like a computer.
00:23:37
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-mm.
00:23:43
Kim Fletcher
If I come to you and ask you something, you should be able to tell me it should just come out of you. come out of you because it's in you.
00:23:48
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
00:23:50
Kim Fletcher
It should just automatically come out of you because you've studied, you've cooked it, you've baked it, you know it works.
00:23:53
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:23:58
Tanya Ruttley
Yep.
00:23:58
Kim Fletcher
It should just come out. You researched, you whatever. Just like a computer. If I type in show me whatever, And it comes up. That's how I should, it should be with us.
00:24:09
Kim Fletcher
You should be able to say, Kim, what does God think about what ah fornication or whatever?
00:24:10
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:24:17
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:24:17
Kim Fletcher
It should come up.
00:24:18
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:24:18
Kim Fletcher
What, what should I do? It should come up automatically because I've studied, I know.
00:24:24
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm. Absolutely. Yep.
00:24:28
Kim Fletcher
Yeah. So if you practice those things, I think you'll start to see d things differently and you will change your mind. your mind Because the word will make you change your mind.
00:24:40
Tanya Ruttley
you
00:24:41
Kim Fletcher
Because the word...
00:24:41
Tanya Ruttley
it will convict you honey yes and the good thing is don't beat yourself up um in learning these things and understanding like oh well i've already been you know none of us are perfect but once you get that word in you you start making those changes you know and and it And it may be for at first a slow change because I even think when it comes to this changing of our family dynamics that we're talking about here, I think it's going to be a change.
00:25:09
Tanya Ruttley
I think it may even be a challenge to the change. And it'll be slow.
00:25:13
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:25:14
Tanya Ruttley
But I don't care how slow it is as long as we start turning the wheel for our community.
00:25:22
Kim Fletcher
That's right.
00:25:23
Tanya Ruttley
It's okay to have this conversation with these young adults about the way God says we should live.
00:25:24
Kim Fletcher
hey
00:25:29
Tanya Ruttley
Some of them may act like they're not listening.
00:25:29
Kim Fletcher
That's right.
00:25:33
Tanya Ruttley
They may even seem offended. Talk with love. Don't beat them up. Let them get by themselves and think, you know, um,
00:25:42
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:25:44
Tanya Ruttley
And not see us as a hypocrite. If you are out there and you are already walking in God's word on the outside, when you're out with people, make sure you're doing it privately.
00:25:55
Tanya Ruttley
so that there's no hypocrisy in your life when you're speaking to these people and trying to help them because this is about our community.
00:25:56
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:25:59
Kim Fletcher
That's right.
00:26:05
Tanya Ruttley
This isn't just about Kim and Latrice. This is about all of us changing this stuff so that even when we're no longer here, all of our bloodlines will be a continuation from what we've started in the process of getting back to the way God said this is supposed to be.
00:26:24
Kim Fletcher
And know it's only one perfect.
00:26:27
Tanya Ruttley
That's it.
00:26:27
Kim Fletcher
You will never be perfect.
00:26:29
Tanya Ruttley
You will never be perfect.
00:26:29
Kim Fletcher
so So don't even try to be perfect.
00:26:30
Tanya Ruttley
Yep.
00:26:35
Kim Fletcher
If you make a mistake, you repent, change your mind. Repent means change your mind, change your way of thinking, change it, pick yourself up and go.
00:26:40
Tanya Ruttley
Right. Keep striving.
00:26:44
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:26:45
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:26:46
Kim Fletcher
Yes.
00:26:46
Tanya Ruttley
So, yeah, I wanted to talk on this one because i was like, ooh, because, you know, I talk to my sons. You know, I'm one of those mothers. I'm i'm not shy to talk about sex. I never was. um
00:26:56
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:26:57
Tanya Ruttley
And so even when ah I do my daughter, too, sometimes I was like crack jokes about it. But, you know, I was always honest with them when we started having those conversations because I remember my first one, I started talking to him. And I was thinking, ooh, I might be talking to him too early, right?
00:27:14
Tanya Ruttley
Girl. He was like, oh, mama, I heard that before at school. I was like, wait minute, what? And I was talking to him like in fourth grade.
00:27:18
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:27:22
Kim Fletcher
yeah
00:27:22
Tanya Ruttley
He had already had girls trying to kiss him like two years before.
00:27:26
Kim Fletcher
My son, my son, yes, in elementary, in very off the third, fourth grade, getting money for little girls and jewelry.
00:27:28
Tanya Ruttley
And I'm like, what?
00:27:32
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. yeah yeah Yeah.
00:27:38
Kim Fletcher
I'm taking it back up to the school because I'm like, where your mother?
00:27:41
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. Yeah.
00:27:42
Kim Fletcher
And why are you giving this little boy money?
00:27:45
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. And that's why saying it has to be in these homes. We, we as men and women have got to understand this is not just about us.
00:27:57
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm. Okay.
00:27:57
Tanya Ruttley
This is not just about what you want at the moment. We have got to think about these little ones that we are bringing into this world. And in order to think about them, we have got to be right ourselves first.
00:28:11
Tanya Ruttley
And again, that's why we're saying we've got to get in here and start understanding, reading God's word to get that understanding, knowledge, and wisdom. We've got to.
Community and Men's Roles in Kingdom Values
00:28:20
Kim Fletcher
And we have to get it into them we have to get it into them now because like we just said, our kids in elementary thinking about sexual behaviors.
00:28:21
Tanya Ruttley
We've got to.
00:28:30
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. Yeah. So either parents are absent in that home.
00:28:33
Kim Fletcher
So we...
00:28:36
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:28:36
Tanya Ruttley
Well, they there have to be some type of absence inside of the home or when they're going somewhere else, the adults that are in that home are absent.
00:28:40
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:28:44
Tanya Ruttley
Someone is absent somewhere wear in order for that to happen.
00:28:47
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:28:49
Tanya Ruttley
And it's not putting.
00:28:49
Kim Fletcher
Or... TV.
00:28:50
Tanya Ruttley
Go ahead.
00:28:51
Kim Fletcher
TV, too, as well.
00:28:53
Tanya Ruttley
That's why it would be absent, right?
00:28:54
Kim Fletcher
The TV.
00:28:55
Tanya Ruttley
Not paying attention to what they're watching, right?
00:28:57
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:28:57
Tanya Ruttley
um And that's what i'm saying is either in your home where someone is absent or it's in ah someone else's home where they go where someone is absent or at the school and they're just playing out on the playground.
00:28:58
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:29:09
Tanya Ruttley
No one's, really you know, teachers, kids are out on the playground. So I get that part. um
00:29:13
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:29:14
Tanya Ruttley
So, and but those kids where your child don't know when they're learning it from school, that means it's coming from another kid that's learning it from their home or somebody else's home. You see what I'm saying? So that's why think
00:29:22
Kim Fletcher
yeah you know you can learn it you know you can learn it from home look at good times what uh the jada jackson was beating a little dog you rotten little kid because the mom was doing her like that so you know everything come from home yeah did you remember that part did you ever watch good times you remember when yeah the home yeah mm-hmm
00:29:41
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. Yeah. That's why said it's going to be in the home. It's going to be at somebody else's home or it's going that playground. But even if it's on the playground for your particular child, it was learned inside of someone else's home, which is still where a parent it is.
00:29:52
Kim Fletcher
That's right. It was learning at home.
00:29:54
Tanya Ruttley
It could be a grandparent. It could be a but somebody.
00:29:56
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:29:58
Tanya Ruttley
Right. And I just think we've got to think of God first.
00:29:59
Kim Fletcher
That's right.
00:30:02
Tanya Ruttley
What does he want? And if we go from there, it can start to get better. it can start to get better.
00:30:09
Kim Fletcher
That's right.
00:30:10
Tanya Ruttley
Because you men, I just pray that you guys can start to understand what you represent.
00:30:10
Kim Fletcher
And put...
00:30:15
Kim Fletcher
yeah
00:30:18
Tanya Ruttley
I really do. And I will stick by and my understanding and learning God created. we are but We are both man. we We are. We get that human. We're man. But male, female.
00:30:31
Tanya Ruttley
You were created first and there's a reason. I'm studying that. I'm trying to get into that. And i pray that this can turn around by you guys understanding who you are, what you represent and putting us as a community where we belong under God's kingdom.
00:30:49
Tanya Ruttley
Right here on earth. We don't gotta to wait till we leave here and get to heaven. As they say, you know, heaven, when I get to heaven, you know, let me stop.
00:30:54
Kim Fletcher
normal
00:30:56
Tanya Ruttley
But we want that.
00:30:57
Kim Fletcher
you ought to want to be in heaven on earth
00:30:58
Tanya Ruttley
I want that life here. Yeah. I want that life here.
00:31:01
Kim Fletcher
your yes heaven on earth I strive for it every day when I go to bed when I wake up and I be like thank you Lord had another day on your green earth thank you thank you okay so
00:31:08
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. yeah Girl. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. All righty, you guys. Well, we have made our 30 minutes. Latrice was late today because of her computer being on mute.
00:31:23
Tanya Ruttley
But I definitely thank you guys for joining us.
00:31:25
Kim Fletcher
Okay.
00:31:26
Tanya Ruttley
There we go again, TikTok. But I thank you guys for joining us um on our day of our thirty day journey We will definitely see y'all.
00:31:35
Kim Fletcher
Yay.
00:31:36
Tanya Ruttley
We will see you guys again tomorrow at 8 p.m. on all the channels.
00:31:39
Kim Fletcher
Thank you. Thank you.
00:31:41
Tanya Ruttley
All the channels. And again, if you guys want to reach out to Kim and I, you can definitely always send us a message. We are here. um And you young ladies, please hear us out. We are not going to be bashing you. We just want to turn this thing around.
00:31:56
Tanya Ruttley
We want to turn it.
00:31:56
Kim Fletcher
And we just want to hear your feelings. let's let's talk it let's hear Let's talk to each other and hear each other and lift each other up. That's all we want to do.
00:32:06
Tanya Ruttley
Well, I don't want to just lift you, honey. I want you to get on God's side. Let me say that.
00:32:09
Kim Fletcher
Well, that's the same thing.
00:32:10
Tanya Ruttley
Look, you can be lifted in the world a worldly way.
00:32:10
Kim Fletcher
and if yeah
00:32:11
Tanya Ruttley
Let me.
00:32:12
Kim Fletcher
yeah no that we Well, we're not talking about it in a way
00:32:14
Tanya Ruttley
I don't want to just lift your spirit because somebody might be lifted by, you know, Jezebel's spirit. I don't want to do that. But yeah, so I know what you're saying, though.
00:32:20
Kim Fletcher
the way. Yeah, well, yeah, you you you get what I'm saying.
00:32:24
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah, I do. You know, got to throw in something make me laugh. All right, you guys. We love you guys. We will see you tomorrow at 8 p.m. Eastern Standard Time from Startup to Takeover.
00:32:38
Kim Fletcher
Watch us work.
00:32:38
Tanya Ruttley
Kimberly Latrice out. Good night.
00:32:42
Kim Fletcher
Good night.