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Episode 19: Building Friendships at Work… or Building Temptation?
65 Plays11 months ago
Can men and women really be “just friends” at work, or does it open the door for blurred lines, emotional affairs, and temptation?
In this episode of From StartUp to TakeOver—Watch Us Work, we’re having a real conversation about the rise of opposite-sex workplace friendships and how they impact relationships at home.
Are these friendships harmless… or a slippery slope?
Where should healthy boundaries be set?
Let’s talk about loyalty, trust, and emotional cheating in the workplace.
💬 Tune in for 30 minutes of unfiltered discussion and join us for Day 15 of our 30-Day Challenge.
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Podcast Welcome
00:00:00
Tanya Ruttley
Thank you.
00:00:50
Kim Fletcher
Hello, hello. Thanks for joining us.
00:00:54
Tanya Ruttley
Hello, you guys. All right. So welcome from startup to take over. Watch us work podcast. It
Personal Updates and Daily Life
00:01:02
Tanya Ruttley
is Kim and Latrice.
00:01:05
Tanya Ruttley
Welcome back.
00:01:05
Kim Fletcher
a
00:01:06
Tanya Ruttley
Hi, Kim.
00:01:06
Kim Fletcher
Welcome back.
00:01:07
Tanya Ruttley
How was your day, lady?
00:01:09
Kim Fletcher
Good, good. I had another great day. um The client that I picked up, she's very engaged today. Another day, she even ordered a new equipment today.
00:01:23
Tanya Ruttley
Oh, okay.
00:01:24
Kim Fletcher
She's very excited. So everything is going well. I had a time to make some new content for other pages. It was a good day, a good day, ah good productive day.
00:01:37
Tanya Ruttley
Congratulations. Good.
00:01:38
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, how about you?
00:01:38
Tanya Ruttley
so's holding that um
00:01:40
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:01:41
Tanya Ruttley
So, for me, just my regular, nothing major. No complaints, but nothing major is going on.
00:01:48
Kim Fletcher
Nope.
00:01:49
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:01:51
Kim Fletcher
Just everyday thing, the garden, how's it going today?
00:01:52
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:01:53
Kim Fletcher
Is it getting soaked?
00:01:55
Tanya Ruttley
No. um So we didn't get any rain today, although, well, it was supposed to rain like 715 or something. So I really don't even know if it rained. Because I've been in the house now since about 545, something like that.
00:02:03
Kim Fletcher
Oh, wow.
00:02:08
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:02:08
Tanya Ruttley
So I don't even know if it actually, but we were supposed to get some rain today.
00:02:09
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:02:12
Tanya Ruttley
Remember, it's just raining. I think at first I was tracking like 10 days straight, but it really looks like it turned into like 15
00:02:20
Kim Fletcher
Okay.
00:02:20
Tanya Ruttley
So, but the good thing is only just a little bit and then, you know, it stops.
00:02:23
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:02:24
Tanya Ruttley
So it's, it's nothing major that will end up hurting your plants.
00:02:28
Kim Fletcher
It's nothing like what's going on in Jersey and New York.
00:02:31
Tanya Ruttley
Oh no.
00:02:32
Kim Fletcher
No. Okay.
00:02:33
Tanya Ruttley
No.
00:02:33
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
Building Friendships at Work: Temptations?
00:02:35
Tanya Ruttley
No.
00:02:36
Kim Fletcher
So we're going to talk a little bit today about building friendships at work or building temptation.
00:02:42
Tanya Ruttley
Well,
00:02:43
Kim Fletcher
So go ahead and explain that.
00:02:45
Tanya Ruttley
Absolutely. So this is, I think I left the part out. So it's about to be, it's about people in a relationship or married people building friendships at work, which of course ties into opposite sex.
00:02:59
Tanya Ruttley
And it's just about, is that a safe thing to do? Um, or is it, uh, an excuse to kind of dive into possibly getting emotionally connected to people?
00:03:10
Tanya Ruttley
Right. So, yeah, so I wanted to kind of get on this topic and have you and I discuss, you know, because we're both married and kind of get our opinions out there about friendships of the opposite sex.
00:03:16
Kim Fletcher
ye
00:03:24
Tanya Ruttley
And is it a smart thing to do? Is it a safe thing to do? um You know, that's that's pretty much what I want to talk about.
00:03:34
Kim Fletcher
It can be a slippery slope, I i tell you that.
00:03:34
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. Yeah.
00:03:37
Kim Fletcher
In working, yeah, go ahead.
00:03:37
Tanya Ruttley
And, you know, go ahead.
00:03:40
Kim Fletcher
Go ahead. right.
00:03:40
Tanya Ruttley
um i I agree because I think the thing for me is I was like the temptation builds because I feel like God created us, right?
00:03:49
Kim Fletcher
right
00:03:49
Tanya Ruttley
To attract man and woman. And even if you're not originally attracted to someone, you know, people grow on you.
00:04:01
Tanya Ruttley
So I've always, well, not always, I got to a place um where I thought that It's not good to get into those relationships with people at work outside of it being professional.
00:04:18
Tanya Ruttley
um If they're married or if I'm married, right?
00:04:22
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:04:23
Tanya Ruttley
Because someone you may not be attracted to, I mean, and don't even think they're handsome or whatever, but the more they're around you, their personality could grow on you.
00:04:31
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:04:36
Tanya Ruttley
Or if you're not attracted they're not attracted to you, your personality can grow on them.
00:04:39
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:04:40
Tanya Ruttley
And then that's what I meant by now you're building temptation. You're putting yourself in a situation that you didn't expect to be in, but you did place yourself there. um
Maintaining Professional Boundaries
00:04:51
Tanya Ruttley
So it was just, you know, because me wanting to discuss it and see if it is something that can be done because some people say it and they're married, but I don't know if
00:05:05
Kim Fletcher
um I don't, I'm not, my opinion is no, because um someone's feelings going to get involved after a minute.
00:05:18
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. Mm-hmm. yeah
00:05:20
Kim Fletcher
Like you said, because you're growing on that person. And um i don't know how to explain it. you you I never have,
00:05:32
Kim Fletcher
had relationship outside of work. Like I would never take friends even home because I didn't want to even get, you know, like even a lady friend, get close to the friend outside of work because what if something occurred outside of work? Then you have to go back to work and work together.
00:05:48
Tanya Ruttley
Right.
00:05:48
Kim Fletcher
So I never really, you know, participated outside of work.
00:05:55
Tanya Ruttley
Gotcha. So I I'm kind of sort of similar, right?
00:06:00
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:06:01
Tanya Ruttley
I remember coworkers saying, Ooh, when she leave work, you're going to put on her D list, like D list celebrities. They're like, you know, it was like a running joke.
00:06:08
Kim Fletcher
Yes. Yes.
00:06:10
Tanya Ruttley
Like, um, She's your friend. I mean, y'all cool when you at work, but when, almost said my first name, but when she go home, she don't have no time. And it's just like, well, now I'm home. And then, you know, have kids.
00:06:25
Kim Fletcher
yeah yes
00:06:26
Tanya Ruttley
Husband, you know, it's a lot. And there's, you had sports that's involved. It's a lot that goes into it that, Now I got to slide you in over at my house. And then, you know, life is stuff happens.
00:06:39
Kim Fletcher
It happened.
00:06:40
Tanya Ruttley
I don't like to let everybody in like that. You know what i mean? I'll kick the shit with you and laugh and all this stuff at work. But I feel like
Social Media and Marriage Perspectives
00:06:49
Tanya Ruttley
I shouldn't be calling you on the phone when I leave work.
00:06:54
Tanya Ruttley
Now we're talking about opposite sex, right? I shouldn't.
00:06:56
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:06:57
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:06:57
Kim Fletcher
That's right.
00:06:57
Tanya Ruttley
And there is no way as a, to me, a married woman or a single woman, if the guy's married, that I should be calling you on the phone, kicking it, telling you about whatever's going on, whatever that is.
00:07:10
Tanya Ruttley
I just think that's out of pocket.
00:07:12
Kim Fletcher
And if I am calling you outside of work, it's because of work.
00:07:12
Tanya Ruttley
And I,
00:07:16
Tanya Ruttley
it should be right. But I think, And then to take it into a personal, even in that conversation, I think is is the wrong thing to do. But it happens, right?
00:07:27
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:07:28
Tanya Ruttley
I remember in a group, I had got off of social media for maybe two years. And I got back on.
00:07:33
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:07:34
Tanya Ruttley
And I started joining these different merit groups. And the reason why I got back on, I'll say this, because I was just like, well, my business is right. So I need to get business pages and stuff like that. And you gotta have a personal page in order to...
00:07:47
Tanya Ruttley
Blah, blah, blah. So that's how I got back on social media.
00:07:48
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:07:50
Tanya Ruttley
So I started joining. I started to join some positive stuff. So i joined, you know, marriage groups and stuff like that. And honey, one lady was like, what new friend we got?
00:07:59
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, yeah like where is she going?
00:08:00
Tanya Ruttley
Because we're married. so
00:08:01
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:08:01
Tanya Ruttley
So how how you select, how you are out here selecting new friendships.
00:08:01
Kim Fletcher
Definitely.
00:08:05
Tanya Ruttley
Now, that's not how they're working. I thought it. was like, I thought I was the, because people act like, oh, well, you act like people can't be friends.
00:08:07
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:08:14
Tanya Ruttley
And and I'm like, Well, if you really look at how the birds and the bees work, a lot of people are with people they was not originally attracted to.
00:08:26
Tanya Ruttley
And they built a friendship from work.
00:08:26
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm. Right. Opposites, that's right.
00:08:30
Tanya Ruttley
And absolutely. And so I always tell my side with my friends um at work, right?
00:08:32
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:08:36
Tanya Ruttley
Co-workers, I would be like, well, you know, honey, y'all could be going to lunch over at the cafeteria all the time. And one day that hand just hit your arm cracking up laughing and you feel something. But you didn't expect to.
00:08:48
Tanya Ruttley
You see what i'm saying? I think you have to, because a lot of times when you're laughing, at least me, I talk with my hands, I laugh with my hands.
00:08:49
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:08:55
Tanya Ruttley
And you know how when you're at work, people are just having a good time. And so they're relaxed. Just because somebody's touching you and ain't feeling something today don't mean one day they don't touch you and they get that, you know?
00:09:07
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:09:07
Tanya Ruttley
So I think that kind of stuff have to, you have to steer clear of that.
00:09:08
Kim Fletcher
you
00:09:11
Tanya Ruttley
Out of respect.
00:09:11
Kim Fletcher
and and yeah And I smile a lot. So people would take that as she's smiling at me.
00:09:15
Tanya Ruttley
Me too. Flirting?
00:09:17
Kim Fletcher
That's her. I'm just a being, it's me.
00:09:19
Tanya Ruttley
That you're flirting. Yeah.
00:09:21
Kim Fletcher
It's natural. So yeah.
00:09:23
Tanya Ruttley
I'm happy, honey. I don't drink.
00:09:24
Kim Fletcher
Yeah. Yeah.
00:09:25
Tanya Ruttley
I don't do drugs. i'm I'm just naturally high. I have a good time with life.
00:09:28
Kim Fletcher
yeah And I smile all the time to the point where people were telling me, you smile too much.
00:09:30
Tanya Ruttley
So, yeah.
00:09:35
Kim Fletcher
You smile too much.
00:09:35
Tanya Ruttley
Oh, wow.
00:09:35
Kim Fletcher
You shouldn't smile all the time. But that's me. I still smile a lot.
00:09:39
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. Uh-huh.
00:09:40
Kim Fletcher
i ah Even in situations where you won you you it may be an uncomfortable situation, I will laugh because that's my way of getting out of that uncomfortable situation.
00:09:52
Tanya Ruttley
Yep. here I definitely get that. Absolutely. So, yeah, I wanted to touch on that because I think it's a, I'll put day 14.
00:09:57
Kim Fletcher
So, yeah.
00:10:03
Tanya Ruttley
We're on day 15. My apologies, child. We're on day 15 or day 30. We're not going back a day. I see this is day 14. That was last night. But um yeah, so I like that the woman really said that she said, you know,
00:10:19
Tanya Ruttley
That should be a conversation between me and my husband on if we're going to accept a new friend. So how do you feel?
00:10:26
Kim Fletcher
yeah were you allowed in that marriage did you ever attend any marriage groups did you ever did were you ever allowed in any marriage group did you ever get in involved in any
00:10:35
Tanya Ruttley
you said, would you allow, say that one more time now? Would you allow?
00:10:44
Tanya Ruttley
Oh, no, that was it wasn't in person. though These groups are all just social media. um So there, you know, people are everywhere. They haven't had like a meetup or anything like that.
00:10:51
Kim Fletcher
right
00:10:54
Kim Fletcher
Okay, no, no, I know. I'm saying, did you ever engage in any conversations within the marriage groups on social media?
00:11:02
Tanya Ruttley
Oh, yeah. Yeah, I talk on you.
00:11:04
Kim Fletcher
So how did how did that turn out?
00:11:06
Tanya Ruttley
but Oh, I didn't initiate that. um But I mean, pretty much the women was kind of agreeing. Like, who's our new friend, and boo-boo? You know who?
00:11:16
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
00:11:17
Tanya Ruttley
so But this is mostly women, unfortunately, in the marriage group that I'm i in. um Now, the Christian one that I'm in, it's a mixture. It's a good mixture of men and women.
00:11:30
Tanya Ruttley
But um I was about to say, so
Respect and Boundaries in Relationships
00:11:35
Tanya Ruttley
You know, we're we always talk about changing the dynamics of marriage life, right?
00:11:41
Kim Fletcher
the
00:11:41
Tanya Ruttley
To definitely decrease the numbers of divorces and for people to be happy.
00:11:49
Tanya Ruttley
Do you think that's a good conversation to kind of tap into when you're dating? You know, about outside friendships?
00:11:54
Kim Fletcher
What?
00:11:57
Tanya Ruttley
Because, you know, some men I've heard say they got female best friends. I'm trying to figure out how that works.
00:12:01
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, I know. I know people that say they have female best friends and they still have those female best friends, but um Well, some of them still are with their person, but some of them are not.
00:12:15
Kim Fletcher
But yeah.
00:12:15
Tanya Ruttley
and
00:12:16
Kim Fletcher
i don't I don't think so because you know what? One spouse, if it's the man to have a ah friend at work or a girlfriend or a buddy that he's buddy with and they do everything together at work, that spouse at home going get in her feelings.
00:12:32
Kim Fletcher
No, you're spending too much time.
00:12:32
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:12:34
Kim Fletcher
And if it's the opposite, the same as for a man, if the woman is at work and she's buddy-buddy with a guy and they're working on everything,
00:12:42
Tanya Ruttley
He's going to have an issue. Yeah.
00:12:43
Kim Fletcher
she he's gonna have an issue so no you can't unless it's agreement you met that person and you know it's just hey it's nothing it's almost like when martin on martin when pam and gina were shoe shopping and they took the guy and martin did thought the guy wanted gina
00:12:45
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:13:04
Kim Fletcher
you know from work he was a work partner he was a work partner
00:13:04
Tanya Ruttley
Oh, I don't know the episode. I wasn't a big Martin fan. Mm-hmm.
00:13:12
Kim Fletcher
of Gina's and Pam's. So they he wanted to take them shoe shopping. Martin didn't like that. He's like, I want to know who this man is.
00:13:21
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah, I know. That's right. I'm with Martin. and
00:13:24
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, he want to know who this man is. But the man wasn't after Gina. The man was after Pam. But still, he wanted to know who this work bernie buddy that you guys so close that he want to take you shoe shopping.
00:13:29
Tanya Ruttley
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. yeah
00:13:33
Tanya Ruttley
ah Right, right.
00:13:37
Kim Fletcher
How much time you've been spending? You know, those are questions.
00:13:40
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah, absolutely. And, you know, and I think, I wonder, is that a like big thing in a household to where like, let's say it's being addressed, but that spouse continues that friendship.
00:13:56
Kim Fletcher
You have do that.
00:13:56
Tanya Ruttley
That's a problem. Huh?
00:13:57
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, that's a problem. you And that's part of um why relationships have so much turmoil because, again, the conversations are had and one of the spouses still continue to do what they please.
00:14:13
Kim Fletcher
And they're not, you know, 50-50 with the other spouse.
00:14:13
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:14:18
Kim Fletcher
Like, we're going to do this together. If I don't talk, you don't talk.
00:14:24
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:14:24
Kim Fletcher
We go work, we leave the work.
00:14:24
Tanya Ruttley
Cause um there was a yeah there was a guy that said, um, now I don't know how true all these podcasters are.
00:14:26
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:14:31
Tanya Ruttley
Right. But this guy, um,
00:14:32
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:14:34
Tanya Ruttley
um yout know if it's up a podcast. He just go live on social media. And he was saying, if my girl don't like you, we don't like you. I thought that was so funny.
00:14:41
Kim Fletcher
That's right. I feel like that. I feel that loyalty to you.
00:14:45
Tanya Ruttley
do too. I do too. And, um you know, we talk about, and in regards of us saying these better marriages, what will someone do in a case like that? Do you...
00:14:57
Tanya Ruttley
Would counseling even fix that situation or is it best to walk away?
00:14:59
Kim Fletcher
No. Mm-hmm.
00:15:01
Tanya Ruttley
You know what i mean? Like, cause I feel like we get divorced for so many little things. Um, is that something that could become a huge issue that could kind of lead to divorce?
00:15:10
Kim Fletcher
and And it could because if that person from work, if you're getting close with that person, say they're getting close. And what if they fall for each other? So now it's a whole nother situation because now it's it's about to be some kind of taxi toxin see toxicity
00:15:29
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:15:29
Kim Fletcher
in the relationship because now it's going to be a fight because you're liking her and you're about to you know you on the brakes with whoever you were with.
00:15:41
Kim Fletcher
So it yeah, it could be very, it's a building temptation. Yeah. That's a good word. Cause it's building temptation.
00:15:47
Tanya Ruttley
yeah is it Yeah.
00:15:49
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:15:49
Tanya Ruttley
And I think a lot of people don't think about, I remember my balls at one place I was working, um, Was I married then? I may have been dating, but he was like, um now, you know, that guy coming over here to talk to you tomorrow. son ah He want to go.
00:16:09
Tanya Ruttley
Come on, let's all go to lunch. And he was like, now, you know, he trying to slide in. I said, oh, I'm not going to lunch with him. And lunch was like right across. We had a cafeteria. um in the building. I was like, I'm not going to lunch with him.
00:16:18
Kim Fletcher
yeah nine That's right.
00:16:20
Tanya Ruttley
He said, yeah, because you know that man trying to slide in. And he was married. And um I said, he ain't none of my friend. So I'm not even going on to lunch with the group of them because I feel, I felt like he was trying to slide away in to be around me.
00:16:33
Tanya Ruttley
You know what I mean And even my boss saw it. So, and I think I was just dating at the time, but I am one of those who would only date one person at a time. I'll put that out there. So even if I'm dating someone,
00:16:45
Tanya Ruttley
I'm not going to even put myself in a situation for someone to think they're getting to know me. Right.
00:16:50
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:16:50
Tanya Ruttley
Because I'm already getting to know someone else who is supposed to only be getting to know me.
00:16:51
Kim Fletcher
Right. Mm-hmm.
00:16:56
Tanya Ruttley
And the reason why I say supposed to, because I always ensure that I address that. Right.
00:17:02
Kim Fletcher
like
00:17:02
Tanya Ruttley
When I'm dating someone. So I think that's that's one where I definitely agree with you. That's how I feel. And I just wonder how many people really feel that way.
00:17:14
Tanya Ruttley
And if they feel that it's okay, are they the ones that's end up being inappropriate? I don't know. I'm just, you know, um I wonder who would really be okay with that. Because, you know, then they say, oh, well, you're being insecure.
00:17:28
Tanya Ruttley
I've seen comments like that in these different groups too. You know, not that many, but a few.
00:17:30
Kim Fletcher
but it leads to what said.
00:17:32
Tanya Ruttley
Hmm.
00:17:33
Kim Fletcher
But even if you they feel like you're being insecure, it leads to what I just said.
00:17:38
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. Yeah.
00:17:39
Kim Fletcher
and and then I do know people who are friends with where work or offerings with their employees.
00:17:43
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:17:48
Tanya Ruttley
here
00:17:48
Kim Fletcher
They are friends with them. They can talk to them late at night. But again, because they are friends, it is side eye.
00:17:57
Tanya Ruttley
yeah And then it's like, but wouldn't it be still disrespectful even if, cause do mean late at night?
00:17:59
Kim Fletcher
So it,
00:18:04
Tanya Ruttley
You know what i mean? It's like, are you respecting me? Even if I'm saying, okay, I'm going to trust you. Right. That's to me, that's really mean you need to nip that.
00:18:11
Kim Fletcher
right.
00:18:13
Tanya Ruttley
You need to take care of that properly. You know,
00:18:16
Kim Fletcher
It don't even have to be late at night. why they when Why are you calling after we off work two and three times before the night is over with?
00:18:19
Tanya Ruttley
agree.
00:18:21
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:18:24
Tanya Ruttley
Girl. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.
00:18:28
Kim Fletcher
You know, why you calling so much? It's not that leave work at home. Why are you bringing your work home? Leave your work at home, leave your work at home and you come home to your family. That's how feel. Work should stay at work and home should be at home.
00:18:38
Tanya Ruttley
I'm with you. Stay at work. Yeah.
00:18:41
Kim Fletcher
And then yeah i think ah you know it'll be better, the temptation of you know, kind of fade out. I think we make our choices.
00:18:50
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:18:51
Kim Fletcher
You make your choice to put yourself in those situations because you make a choice not to put yourself in that situation.
00:18:51
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:18:54
Tanya Ruttley
That's it. It's called, they call it, um, on I think I've heard them say micro-cheating, like mini-cheating, emotional cheating, like trying to find a slick way to still have some type of...
00:19:02
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:19:06
Tanya Ruttley
Even if it doesn't go like sexually, they still trying to have a another type of connection.
00:19:06
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:19:09
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:19:12
Tanya Ruttley
Almost, you've heard where they say you get... um What is it they say men go through at 40?
00:19:19
Kim Fletcher
Okay. Okay. Mm-hmm.
00:19:20
Tanya Ruttley
Dang it. It's called... It's like they're testing their manhood, seeing if they still got it. I forgot what they call it, though.
00:19:28
Kim Fletcher
ah okay
00:19:29
Tanya Ruttley
It's slipping my mind at the moment. But it makes me feel like when a person is married and do it, whether it's of male or female, they like the attention. It's almost like, let me see you I can just flirt.
00:19:44
Tanya Ruttley
innocently which no such thing just to see if people are still attracted to me and I think that could lead into so you you willing to lose what you have by plan to see if you still got it because plan to see if you still got it first of all why are you so concerned about what the outside thinking of you right But I think that comes from being a male or female, not living God's way.
00:20:12
Tanya Ruttley
Right.
00:20:13
Kim Fletcher
Yep.
00:20:13
Tanya Ruttley
you're you're You're searching for outside stuff and you're not focused on the right thing. And I think, um again, and until that is done properly, mentally, in the mind, with the men, loving them themselves, right.
00:20:29
Tanya Ruttley
leading properly, right? Presenting the proper foundation for us so that that type of stuff doesn't happen because the divorce rate is high for so many reasons.
00:20:34
Kim Fletcher
thank Right,
00:20:41
Tanya Ruttley
And I definitely think workplace relationships, affairs, they are up there.
00:20:41
Kim Fletcher
different reasons.
00:20:49
Tanya Ruttley
It's a high number. I think the last I saw it was like 90 something percent.
00:20:53
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:20:53
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. Yeah.
00:20:54
Kim Fletcher
yes So much is going on at on at home now of days in this climate.
00:20:59
Tanya Ruttley
yeah
00:21:01
Kim Fletcher
So much is going home and people are going to work and they are conversating with coworkers and they're getting closer with coworkers because now coworkers are feeling sympathy for you and
00:21:07
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:21:14
Kim Fletcher
you know, want to make you feel better and say things that, you know, you want to hear or make a light bulb switch. Now, like you say, you're forming a relationship.
00:21:25
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah, absolutely.
00:21:26
Kim Fletcher
So sometimes it could be because the home is not doing so well and they're going to work and they're, you know, communicating with someone else at work and it leads to something else.
00:21:40
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah, absolutely. Because see, at home, you got the real responsibilities.
00:21:42
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:21:45
Tanya Ruttley
You got the pressure.
00:21:46
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:21:47
Tanya Ruttley
But see, over here at work, you don't have none of that.
00:21:47
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:21:49
Tanya Ruttley
You get to play around.
00:21:50
Kim Fletcher
Nothing.
00:21:51
Tanya Ruttley
And I think, yeah, but I think until we can start respecting each other and understanding and being, not understanding, being real ah about our faults, right?
00:21:51
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:22:00
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:22:01
Tanya Ruttley
Being honest
Kingdom Living in Marriage
00:22:02
Tanya Ruttley
that, okay, even if I trust my spouse, right? That's not something your spouse should be doing only because it could lead into something else, even if that's not their the original plan.
00:22:14
Tanya Ruttley
I think when you get to where you're not respecting your spouse, you're in trouble. And I think that's where that building friendships at work. That's how it starts.
00:22:23
Kim Fletcher
Yep.
00:22:23
Tanya Ruttley
You're not respecting your spouse.
00:22:24
Kim Fletcher
Yep.
00:22:25
Tanya Ruttley
So you're already in trouble.
00:22:25
Kim Fletcher
yeah
00:22:27
Tanya Ruttley
Yep.
00:22:27
Kim Fletcher
Yep. You're not respecting your spouse because for one, you already left home in in your head because it's already a thought that you're going to go to work and talk to such and such if it's just how to put staples in the paper.
00:22:36
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:22:41
Tanya Ruttley
You better say It be something small, girl. Yes. Yeah.
00:22:46
Kim Fletcher
So Yeah, because you've already been talking to who whoever. Because unless you work with all women or all men, if you're all um all males or all females working together, you it's going to be some type or someone in in the building, in the group, is going to form a relationship with that coworker.
00:22:57
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:23:10
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:23:10
Kim Fletcher
Not all, but it's going to be one out of that group.
00:23:12
Tanya Ruttley
Right. It's going to be one.
00:23:14
Kim Fletcher
one out of
00:23:14
Tanya Ruttley
And you better hope it ain't you.
00:23:17
Kim Fletcher
That's correct.
00:23:18
Tanya Ruttley
You better hope it is not you.
00:23:21
Kim Fletcher
that's That's why you have to be in the kingdom. And like you say, you you show them at work.
00:23:23
Tanya Ruttley
You have to. Yes.
00:23:27
Kim Fletcher
Like you say, how can we show positivity? Yeah, you show them at work that, no, I'm not going to dinner with him.
00:23:29
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:23:32
Kim Fletcher
I have a husband. My husband going to dinner, you know, lunch.
00:23:36
Tanya Ruttley
No, well, lunch. No, this like, good you know, lunch don't work. No, I'm not going to lunch.
00:23:39
Kim Fletcher
and lunch
00:23:40
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:23:40
Kim Fletcher
Well, I'm not going to lunch with him or, you know, what, not by ourself. This is workplace, you know, thank you, but no thank you.
00:23:45
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. Absolutely.
00:23:46
Kim Fletcher
And by showing those positivity and they're like, why you don't go to lunch? Because I don't think that's disrespectful. You know, I'm married or they may be, may not be married or married, but no, it's disrespectful.
00:23:52
Tanya Ruttley
Yep.
00:23:57
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:23:59
Kim Fletcher
I'm here to work.
00:24:01
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:24:01
Kim Fletcher
um um I want to have associates as I'm at work because I'm going to need, we need to be a team work, but that's it.
00:24:07
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. Yep. That's it. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. um I'm with you.
00:24:15
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:24:15
Tanya Ruttley
Well, girl, I can't believe we're the page about something.
00:24:15
Kim Fletcher
That's inferior. Yeah. yeah i You know, I was waiting on you because I was going to get you from last week because I done asked 100 people today because you know I've been working.
00:24:18
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:24:21
Tanya Ruttley
but
00:24:25
Kim Fletcher
And everybody's like, yeah, it's open-ended question because i were how I went to them was out of what you put on the the um book podcast. Like, it wasn't specific.
00:24:39
Kim Fletcher
It was a just, what did it say?
00:24:43
Tanya Ruttley
It just said intentional dating. It said intentional, not intentions.
00:24:46
Kim Fletcher
yeah yeah so it was it was like an opening in the question it could be answered any kind of way it's more like everybody was everybody you said what you said so what you got
00:24:51
Tanya Ruttley
That's what you got from your crew? That's what you got from your crew? That ain't what I got from mine. and They said intentional is the particular word that you chose. I said, I know, but that's what I was trying to get out.
00:25:06
Tanya Ruttley
But Anyway, so that's, I'm like, wait a minute.
00:25:09
Kim Fletcher
they said the same thing intentional is out it
00:25:11
Tanya Ruttley
Your people said that yo the word intentional could, that was open-ended? Wow.
00:25:16
Kim Fletcher
it It may not open in it. Yeah. It could be answered in different ways, not just one way.
00:25:20
Tanya Ruttley
Wait a minute now. You said they stayed open-ended. We finna get back on this again.
00:25:23
Kim Fletcher
but that Not, not, not, we're not really open in it, but they were saying that you can say it in different, you can interpret it in different ways.
00:25:24
Tanya Ruttley
You said they said. So tell me what they really said.
00:25:31
Tanya Ruttley
mm, mm.
00:25:33
Kim Fletcher
Yes. Not just the way that was like, it's a purpose.
00:25:34
Tanya Ruttley
I heard something could
00:25:37
Kim Fletcher
If you're doing in something intentionally, they was like, it's a purpose. You're doing something on for a purpose.
00:25:43
Tanya Ruttley
Exactly.
00:25:44
Kim Fletcher
what i was saying last time
00:25:44
Tanya Ruttley
That's why I chose the term intentional. When you're dating um with purpose. Absolutely. That's why I said intentional.
00:25:51
Kim Fletcher
right so we are maybe we are on the same page but not understanding each other maybe i don't know
00:26:01
Tanya Ruttley
My grapefruit is good. But yeah. So I think that... I don't know. um I'm wondering how would a conversation even be started?
00:26:13
Tanya Ruttley
I guess that just really, it's not about a conversation being started. I think it's just, that's the how we speak. You know what I mean? we're I'm talking about the building a friendship stuff.
00:26:19
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:26:21
Tanya Ruttley
So I think that, you know, as we talk with our friends and family and loved ones,
00:26:25
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:26:26
Tanya Ruttley
I think long as we stay on the path of that kingdom living, because you look, let me, let me be clear with y'all. If y'all not about God, you might believe my podcast anyway.
00:26:35
Kim Fletcher
Yes.
00:26:35
Tanya Ruttley
So this is about God's way. And of course, we're not going to get all of you. And that's, that's not what we're trying to. We're not trying to make people come and believe what we believe.
00:26:47
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:26:47
Tanya Ruttley
But for those who are saying they won't, you know, a better life, a better way, um because this worldly way is, it's not it.
00:26:59
Kim Fletcher
No.
00:26:59
Tanya Ruttley
um Then that's what we're always going to be talking about. We're going to be talking about how God really expects marriages to be. And then there are some people who don't want to get married.
00:27:10
Tanya Ruttley
That's something that I'm studying right now.
00:27:11
Kim Fletcher
And you don't have to.
00:27:12
Tanya Ruttley
Right.
00:27:12
Kim Fletcher
and You don't have to.
00:27:12
Tanya Ruttley
And that's something I'm studying right now. And I'm trying to figure out if they don't get married,
00:27:19
Kim Fletcher
Then they're supposed to give their time to the Lord.
00:27:22
Tanya Ruttley
To the Lord, right. But um what I'm talking about is the other parts of life, dating and sex and stuff like that.
00:27:27
Kim Fletcher
What?
00:27:29
Tanya Ruttley
So I'm like, I think they have to understand what that all entails.
00:27:29
Kim Fletcher
Oh,
00:27:34
Tanya Ruttley
So, but that's something I'm studying right now.
00:27:35
Kim Fletcher
um I'm not sure.
00:27:38
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm. Yeah, me either.
00:27:39
Kim Fletcher
I'm not sure because I feel like it whatever you do, and if you do it and it's pleasing in God, I ask God, Jesus didn't come to judge, so we shouldn't judge.
00:27:40
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:27:48
Kim Fletcher
He didn't come to judge. He came to fulfill God's law. So what he wanted for us in the beginning. So what he wanted.
00:27:53
Tanya Ruttley
Right. um'm I'm studying it.
00:27:55
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:27:55
Tanya Ruttley
I want to actually read it versus my opinion on it because right now it's um it's it's it's fresh.
00:27:56
Kim Fletcher
Yeah. yeah
00:28:02
Tanya Ruttley
I mean, I'm married, but I'm just saying, you know, I have ah six children.
00:28:02
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:28:07
Tanya Ruttley
And so that's something that I'm studying now because I do have one who be like, well, don't know if I want to get married, you know? Yeah.
00:28:18
Tanya Ruttley
And um so the one of the books that we're reading, it kind of is touching into that. And it is saying you're not supposed to sleep around. So I'm i'm trying to, you know, I'm to going to, well, I'm not crying. I'm good.
00:28:31
Tanya Ruttley
No, your eyes are like it. Okay. i'm on I'm on my podcast. Watch out. So I'm trying to, yeah.
00:28:37
Kim Fletcher
Baby say, what's up, mama? I'm checking on you.
00:28:40
Tanya Ruttley
So I'm, that's something that I'm studying now. and my, couple of my kids we're looking into. um But yeah, so you guys, everything that we're talking about, we're talking about building friendships at work or the building of the temptation.
00:28:53
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:28:54
Tanya Ruttley
This is about living the right way. um And I get it that if you are living, the as we say, in the world, right? Because we're supposed to be of the world, but not really, well, in the world, but not of it.
00:29:07
Tanya Ruttley
Practicing that stuff.
00:29:07
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
00:29:09
Tanya Ruttley
But if that's what you believe, that you know you want to do things the you know the way that everybody else is going, you're probably not going to agree to this, that what we're saying, you're probably going to think that it's okay.
00:29:18
Kim Fletcher
Yep.
00:29:20
Tanya Ruttley
i
00:29:20
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:29:21
Tanya Ruttley
But I would say this, even if you're not thinking on the kingdom way of living, just think of respect. Respect your spouses.
00:29:31
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:29:31
Tanya Ruttley
Think about what
Episode Conclusion and Preview
00:29:32
Tanya Ruttley
they need, even if your spouse tells you, I feel uncomfortable, and you're like, this is real innocent. To me, it should stop just because your spouse feels uncomfortable.
00:29:43
Kim Fletcher
And let me say this.
00:29:43
Tanya Ruttley
You know? Mm-hmm.
00:29:45
Kim Fletcher
yeah one of ah One of my scriptures that I always tell freshly, newly married people is the scripture says, you treat your you're a significant other, your spouse, as you would treat yourself, your own body.
00:29:51
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:29:59
Kim Fletcher
Would you make your own body cry? don't you make your spouse cry, which you hurt your own body. You don't hurt your spouse body. So I always say that, give that scripture because I feel that that is a great, that is a great scripture to live by.
00:30:16
Kim Fletcher
If you wouldn't hurt yourself, don't hurt your spouse.
00:30:21
Tanya Ruttley
I'm with you. I'm with you.
00:30:24
Kim Fletcher
Yeah. So, but you know,
00:30:27
Tanya Ruttley
All right, you guys. so So it is 830 and we have completed day 15 of our 30 day challenge. um Kim and I will be here tomorrow.
00:30:38
Tanya Ruttley
um Also, remember, you guys can follow us not just on TikTok. We're on YouTube. We're also on Instagram, Spotify, and Apple. Oh, I'm sorry. And we're on Facebook.
00:30:49
Tanya Ruttley
Yes, we are. So, um you know, follow us across all platforms. um And think that's probably about it for today. We'll bring up another topic tomorrow. Kim, do you have anything you want to talk about tomorrow that we can kind of let the audience know we'll be bringing in?
00:31:04
Kim Fletcher
No, I just, whatever, you know, comes up during the day or whatever, we just talk about it.
00:31:08
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:31:09
Kim Fletcher
You know, if it and benefits our listeners, we talk about it.
00:31:15
Tanya Ruttley
Absolutely. All right.
00:31:16
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, so I thank you guys for joining us for Startup to Take Over. Watch us the work. W-U-W. Watch us work. Thank you for joining.
00:31:28
Tanya Ruttley
Why are you singing all your words?
00:31:30
Kim Fletcher
I know. o That's happy, huh?
00:31:34
Tanya Ruttley
I don't know what that is. All right, you guys. We'll see you guys tomorrow. Kim and Latrice out.
00:31:42
Kim Fletcher
Have a good night.
00:31:42
Tanya Ruttley
Good night. and night