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EPISODE 20":"Do Men Really Want That Kingdom Living Responsibility?" (DAY 16 OF 30-DAY CHALLENGE)
23 Plays10 months ago
This one’s about to get real… We’re asking the question: Do men really want the responsibility that comes with Kingdom living? A lot of brothers talk about wanting a “Proverbs 31 woman,” but are they ready to handle what that actually requires? Kingdom living comes with leadership, discipline, love, and accountability — not just quoting scriptures on Sunday. 👀 So let’s break it all the way down: Do men want the title without the work? Or are they really ready to step into that role for real? 👉🏾 Tap in, join the conversation, and let’s get into it!
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Transcript
Introduction and Greetings
00:01:00
Tanya Ruttley
All right, you guys. Hello. Hello. Welcome from to from startup to take over with Kim and Latrice.
00:01:04
Kim Fletcher
but what
00:01:08
Tanya Ruttley
Hi, Kim. You're still muted, sweetie.
00:01:11
Kim Fletcher
Hi, hi, hi. Welcome back. Thanks for joining us.
00:01:16
Tanya Ruttley
All right. So Kim, how was your day today?
Daily Challenges and Routines
00:01:20
Kim Fletcher
It was good. A little busy because I've taken on and another customer or client or friend or whatever you want to call it. So a little bit of busy trying to, um,
00:01:35
Kim Fletcher
Just get everything done and keep going for myself as well. And do you know every time you get started, the internet want to act up?
00:01:46
Tanya Ruttley
Every time? Wow.
00:01:48
Kim Fletcher
a Every time, like the internet want to get out. And then I call the internet people and I'm on the phone like, can you just please tell me why this keeps occurring?
00:01:58
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:01:59
Kim Fletcher
I'm trying to find out now. I'm trying to find out now. So they never tell you what they're trying to find out. They just fix it. Can you unplug this? Can you do this? Okay, we got it fixed.
00:02:07
Tanya Ruttley
Yep.
00:02:09
Kim Fletcher
So once we get it fixed, it goes out again, but it comes right back on.
00:02:09
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:02:13
Kim Fletcher
It's like it's a blanket on and off. So I'm like, oh are the watchers watching the watchers?
00:02:23
Kim Fletcher
How about yourself?
00:02:25
Tanya Ruttley
Today was busy.
00:02:25
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:02:26
Tanya Ruttley
Yep. Today was busy. but that's a good thing. That's what we want to do. Right. So it make sure we're doing the Lord's work as we're out here.
00:02:35
Kim Fletcher
yes
00:02:36
Tanya Ruttley
So yeah.
00:02:37
Kim Fletcher
That's right.
00:02:38
Tanya Ruttley
So the same old, same old for me. Um, me and my daughter went riding, um, the bike this morning. So
00:02:48
Tanya Ruttley
And then of course the garden, the business and, um,
00:02:51
Kim Fletcher
So you got an egg garden today, huh?
00:02:54
Tanya Ruttley
yeah, we actually didn't get any rain today. It's so last night when we got off, it did, it poured down for just a little bit. And then, um, it was saying today we would get some, but we didn't get anything. So now theyre like, it's going to be clear until tomorrow.
00:03:10
Tanya Ruttley
Um, but yeah, so that was all I did today.
00:03:10
Kim Fletcher
okay
00:03:13
Tanya Ruttley
That was it, honey. Oh, honey, gonna change. Now supposed to get rain for like 30 minutes.
00:03:22
Tanya Ruttley
There we go.
00:03:22
Kim Fletcher
know
00:03:23
Tanya Ruttley
It's constantly changing.
00:03:25
Kim Fletcher
Well, well what well that's that's good. You did go out and do that. I mean, we had a good day. I think the good day was a good day. Eight o'clock got here quickly, like ah really quickly. I was like, wow, it's eight o'clock already, girl.
Boosting Energy with Humor
00:03:38
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah, I feel like it kind of flew on me as well.
00:03:40
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:03:42
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:03:43
Kim Fletcher
I said, you yeah, youre I can tell you a little bit tired because I can tell how you're talking. So do I need to sing your song?
00:03:50
Tanya Ruttley
no
00:03:51
Kim Fletcher
Get that energy up. Get that energy up. Get that energy up. You got it up yet?
00:03:59
Tanya Ruttley
Yes, ma'am.
00:04:00
Kim Fletcher
Okay. Okay.
00:04:03
Tanya Ruttley
If not, I'm about to. Okay.
00:04:05
Kim Fletcher
Okay, because I just gave you a song. You better give me a clap because I just gave you a song, girl.
00:04:13
Kim Fletcher
So what are we talking about?
00:04:14
Tanya Ruttley
yeah it Was my was my clap kind of sleepy too?
00:04:18
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, because I didn't even hear it, honey. It was dead.
00:04:22
Tanya Ruttley
Oh, maybe that's that mic. I don't know. know, the background noise. I don't know why. Sorry.
00:04:27
Kim Fletcher
Oh, the background noise.
00:04:29
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah, because i just did it again. Yeah. And if you didn't hear it.
00:04:31
Kim Fletcher
Can you hear mine?
00:04:32
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah, I guess the background noise. Yeah.
00:04:34
Kim Fletcher
Can hear mine?
00:04:35
Tanya Ruttley
Yep. Mm hmm. Yeah.
00:04:37
Kim Fletcher
Yeah. Oh, wow. OK. Well, at least I know you were giving me a clap.
00:04:43
Tanya Ruttley
I did, honey, but it was tired.
00:04:45
Kim Fletcher
It was like, yeah. OK. OK. So what are we talking about today?
00:04:48
Tanya Ruttley
I'm so tired.
Are Men Ready for Marriage Responsibilities?
00:04:51
Tanya Ruttley
Ah, so today, um, I thought we should dive into about, you know, what we keep talking about, what we want as far as the marriage, marriages,
00:05:05
Tanya Ruttley
is that something that men really want? I mean, we're, we're having the conversations, but I wanted to dive into whether or not the men are ready for, or, or
00:05:18
Tanya Ruttley
let's not say ready for, even want that responsibility, right? Because it almost goes back to old school type way of thinking. I see little things on the internet, of course, where people be saying, shoot, if I, I'm afraid to say to my husband, I want some flowers. He might say, well, where are flowers?
00:05:38
Tanya Ruttley
I saw that.
00:05:39
Kim Fletcher
Wow.
00:05:39
Tanya Ruttley
I'm like, this is
00:05:39
Kim Fletcher
Are you getting some of the stuff that I've been telling you about that's happening?
00:05:43
Tanya Ruttley
No, no, no, no, no. No. I know this stuff is happening, but you know, when you still read it, it's just like, wow. Right.
00:05:49
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:05:49
Tanya Ruttley
um It's not just because i I think about the positive side.
00:05:50
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:05:53
Tanya Ruttley
It doesn't mean I don't know the negatives out there.
00:05:55
Kim Fletcher
Mmm, a lot.
00:05:55
Tanya Ruttley
um It's just I like to focus on the positive to get the more of it out because the way the world works, even in business, they're going to spread negative before they spen spread positive.
00:06:02
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:06:07
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:06:08
Tanya Ruttley
So for me, whenever I'm having the conversation, and it's not that I don't know. It's just that I know the other side um and I want to focus on the other side so that people can know.
Media Influence on Perception
00:06:20
Tanya Ruttley
It's something different out there. You don't have to keep doing the same old, same old, and only know all this bad stuff or the people that's all like only know the bad side.
00:06:22
Kim Fletcher
yeah
00:06:29
Tanya Ruttley
There are some people enjoying life, you know,
00:06:30
Kim Fletcher
and yeah yeah that's why i want it that's why i do it like i do i'll just be giving a little history let you see what it's coming from and then we can talk about the gift life that's all yeah
00:06:33
Tanya Ruttley
um
00:06:43
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. Yeah. Cause I noticed even, um, there was this guy, that I saw he, he is on Tik TOK and it's it's Christian led, but I guess I just didn't like It was all about the negativity and it's, it's like, man, that's, it's like, that's what the audience want.
00:06:58
Kim Fletcher
right
00:07:02
Tanya Ruttley
They like the negative aspects.
00:07:06
Kim Fletcher
right because you know what it's not a lot of negative shows they are positive shows because we want to look at them but they're negative in delivering the information and a lot of people like the negative
00:07:06
Tanya Ruttley
Um, and that's more to life than that. So, but yeah, um,
00:07:20
Tanya Ruttley
Right.
00:07:23
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:07:24
Kim Fletcher
so they can get to the positive to me a little bit. Cause you hit a negative and everybody's clapping like, yeah, yeah, let's change. Cause they're hearing now the positive we've been trained to hear the negative first, which we should be trained to hear just a different reaction, go from stop going to the negative and just go to the positive. But we can't do that because we need to hear that negative in order to move to the positive.
00:07:48
Tanya Ruttley
Well, I mean, I hear you saying we can't, but you know, I don't know.
00:07:52
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:07:52
Tanya Ruttley
i I
Traditional Roles and Family Values
00:07:53
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:07:53
Tanya Ruttley
hope our podcast, well, originally I wanted our podcast to be different.
00:07:57
Tanya Ruttley
Um, and not have that.
00:07:59
Kim Fletcher
But and it that cold like Oprah tried to be, you get a car, you get a car.
00:08:02
Tanya Ruttley
Um, well, let's see, that's why the good thing about this is we're not chasing numbers.
00:08:04
Kim Fletcher
She tried to have.
00:08:09
Tanya Ruttley
Right.
00:08:09
Kim Fletcher
Right, right.
00:08:11
Tanya Ruttley
Um,
00:08:11
Kim Fletcher
No, no, no, not about numbers. I'm saying like Oprah, she was trying to bring it all. She wanted her show to be based on positivity of goodness or giving of good things happening, not the bad things.
00:08:25
Kim Fletcher
I think that's what Sherri Shepherd show is like. they They are bringing in their show of just showing good, the the the good things, the positive things, and not so much of the negative.
00:08:33
Tanya Ruttley
And Jennifer Hudson too, right? Isn't that what Jennifer Hudson does?
00:08:36
Kim Fletcher
And I think Jennifer Hudson does it too. I think i only watch her for a few minutes. I love you, Jennifer Hudson, for a few minutes. and And then I started to watch Sherri Shepherd. And I love you too, Sherri Shepherd. But it's so hard to watch both of them because it was like da-da-da-da-da. But yeah.
00:08:52
Tanya Ruttley
what is that?
00:08:52
Kim Fletcher
I think they're bringing the positive because
00:08:52
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:08:55
Kim Fletcher
Sherry, she's sitting in for Wendy. You're not sitting in for Wendy, but she took over Wendy's spot and Wendy was a lot of negative. So Sherry turned it around to be positive.
00:09:09
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:09:10
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:09:10
Tanya Ruttley
yeah
00:09:10
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:09:11
Tanya Ruttley
So yeah, i just wonder if, um, and if this is something that they want to take on because of the requirements, right. Um,
00:09:19
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:09:22
Tanya Ruttley
with that kingdom living, you know, that foundation, getting that foundation of God's way first. And so that's, that's a huge change that will be required.
00:09:28
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:09:34
Tanya Ruttley
And then from there, um, getting the family aligned. So it was just something that I wanted us to go into. Cause I think even last night when we was ending the podcast, somehow we,
00:09:46
Tanya Ruttley
Kind of at right at the end, I think, because we was talking, I was like, wait minute, do these men really want this?
00:09:50
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:09:52
Tanya Ruttley
Or are they really dying away from it?
00:09:52
Kim Fletcher
What do do you think? What do you think? What do you think?
00:09:57
Tanya Ruttley
So i that's the thing. I don't know if they do. I i think I'm more of a hopeful person. I hope um that this is what they want. I think that in order for them to know that, though, they got to know who they are.
00:10:11
Tanya Ruttley
And I don't know if... men are being taught
00:10:19
Tanya Ruttley
about loving themselves, right?
00:10:21
Kim Fletcher
um
00:10:22
Tanya Ruttley
Or is it really just for them about money or I don't know what they're being taught. That's, that's the thing.
00:10:33
Tanya Ruttley
Um, but I feel that if,
00:10:38
Tanya Ruttley
They have a mentor. I just, I think everyone should have one, but I think the right mentor, you know what I'm talking about. So I think if they have one, it'll start there and then they can recognize who they are.
00:10:51
Tanya Ruttley
Because if you don't know who you are and, and whose you are, as you said, think earlier this week, um if you don't know that, then you may not want the responsibility.
00:11:02
Tanya Ruttley
It may seem like it's unfair that the man is supposed to do all the things, um you know, like back in the day that men are supposed to do.
00:11:14
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:11:14
Tanya Ruttley
um So that's that's really, I would just wanted to bring that in because I was like, well, are we being fair because we keep saying, well, if the men would do this, if the men would do this, and I was like,
00:11:19
Kim Fletcher
yeah
00:11:23
Tanya Ruttley
do they want to, but that would take the, the audience and, you know, we're growing. So, but that would take the audience to kind of the men to tap in and speak for themselves. So we did say before, we probably want to get someone on doing this 30 day talent, maybe bringing a man on, um, to find out if there's something they're even interested in, in you know what i mean Like a younger, um, male, um,
00:11:38
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, for them to
00:11:51
Kim Fletcher
And I just think back, just like think back in the back in the day, like when our grandmothers were with their husbands and stuff, they were married, but not no kingdom married.
00:12:03
Tanya Ruttley
That's what i'm saying. Yeah. Yeah.
00:12:04
Kim Fletcher
And I'm talking about it goes all the way back.
00:12:07
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:12:08
Kim Fletcher
It wasn't a kingdom married because I
Modern Household Challenges and Leadership
00:12:10
Kim Fletcher
know my grandmother.
00:12:11
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:12:13
Kim Fletcher
It was not a kingdom married.
00:12:13
Tanya Ruttley
yeah yeah
00:12:16
Kim Fletcher
She was in the kingdom.
00:12:18
Tanya Ruttley
yeah
00:12:19
Kim Fletcher
Yeah. yeah As the women are now. in the kingdom, but that her husband was not in the kingdom and he was doing everything and she was still in the kingdom, still glorifying God and still trying to do what's pleasing in God's eyes, still trying to serve and help, but he wasn't in the kingdom and they stayed married until his death.
00:12:43
Tanya Ruttley
Well, well, she, and then, um, so I wonder about like our great grandmother because were there, was their marriage?
00:12:50
Kim Fletcher
Okay. Same thing.
00:12:53
Tanya Ruttley
See, I don't know about Papa and, um, great big woman like that.
00:12:55
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, you can ask your dad and he'll probably tell you.
00:12:56
Tanya Ruttley
So.
00:12:59
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:13:00
Kim Fletcher
But I think just listening to as to some of the stories, Great Big Mama, and that was like 200 years ago now because you know she lived to 100. So 100 over 100.
00:13:11
Kim Fletcher
And Granny lived to 100.
00:13:12
Tanya Ruttley
104, yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:13:13
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, so that was over 200 years ago that she and her husband was together and they were probably doing the same thing because they had You know, back in the day, the chicken coop and all that, where they were dancing and doing all their things.
00:13:29
Kim Fletcher
So, you know what? I'm going to just inquire about that.
00:13:33
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah, my dad gave me a little bit, but you know, my my dad kind of sugarcoats stuff because...
00:13:36
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:13:38
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:13:39
Tanya Ruttley
Because he made it.
00:13:39
Kim Fletcher
But...
00:13:40
Tanya Ruttley
um Well, let me let me take that back because actually now not I'm learning a lot about our grandmother and grandfather. So now he's actually not sugarcoating.
00:13:51
Tanya Ruttley
Why is TikTok steady? Um...
00:13:55
Tanya Ruttley
Did they kick me off from being alive? I don't know what happened, but it's like, it kept ringing back. But anyway, um, no, he's not sugarcoating now, but that's because I'm and asking a lot of questions. Right.
00:14:05
Tanya Ruttley
So I'm finding out that I may have thought they were kingdom living, but they were both a trip.
00:14:05
Kim Fletcher
really have yep yep so you think about that
00:14:10
Tanya Ruttley
And so it's like, okay. Um, so that's, I'm like, so how, how far back that's what saying. So how it used to be is that how, how, how far back does that go?
00:14:19
Kim Fletcher
i'm i'm just going back i'm going back 200 and something years of what i you know went from granny because i know she lived for 100 so that's 100 years granny lived for 100 that's 200 years i'm going back to that looking at that
00:14:32
Tanya Ruttley
and know it it's going to be further back it's going to be further back yeah
00:14:35
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. So how what why how do we get men to live that way if it's going back to history that far back?
00:14:47
Tanya Ruttley
because change yeah
00:14:48
Kim Fletcher
And like do they really want to do it? Because it's in their nature.
00:14:55
Tanya Ruttley
So, yeah, I just, I don't know. There's something that,
Impact of Upbringing and Church Views on Marriage
00:15:00
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, that's...
00:15:00
Tanya Ruttley
because like, I think even when we, when people look at their own households and the challenges with it, right.
00:15:06
Tanya Ruttley
Getting the men um to take that type of lead, not just the regular lead in the household, because like, lost my train of thought. was about to say?
00:15:20
Kim Fletcher
and I'm talking about kingdom living like king 100% living under authority of the Lord like kingdom living like you we we're equal we're we you know in God's eyes but if like kingdom living not you do this and
00:15:26
Tanya Ruttley
Right. Yeah. yeah That's all we're talking about. Yeah. Mm-hmm.
00:15:32
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:15:37
Kim Fletcher
This part skipped. No, 100%. Right. But he wants to
00:15:39
Tanya Ruttley
So that's why I'm wondering, like, um in the households, like, a lot of times people got to practice what they preach, right? So like in you in your and our own households, I know in my household, it's a challenge um to get my husband to lead in that aspect, right?
00:15:46
Kim Fletcher
leave in the money.
00:15:56
Tanya Ruttley
So, and...
00:15:56
Kim Fletcher
right
00:15:59
Tanya Ruttley
Now, some women, I do have ah i do have a friend i do have a friend who's, well, I have a friend and a sister whose husband is in that, as I think, from what I see, still out um' still even though I'm close to them, it's still on the outside, right?
00:16:00
Kim Fletcher
but he wanted to leave in money
00:16:17
Kim Fletcher
right
00:16:17
Tanya Ruttley
um It seems as if they have that. So I wonder... if that's not there, how do we get them, um, to recognize that piece because it's years of what they've already been taught.
00:16:35
Kim Fletcher
mm-hmm mm-hmm
00:16:35
Tanya Ruttley
And then hypocrisy within the church, uh, makes a lot of men because, you know, women have always been in the church. Let's put that there. um,
00:16:46
Kim Fletcher
And in attention to young men, what they know, that's to not to be like we're in the home together, we're doing the kingdom living. It's just to go and work and take care of the home.
00:16:59
Kim Fletcher
That's what they're teaching the younger ones and when they're teaching the young ones.
00:17:03
Tanya Ruttley
Correct. Correct. That's what I'm saying. So like,
00:17:07
Tanya Ruttley
um for the men, it's like they've, they've been taught years of something totally different.
00:17:17
Kim Fletcher
Uh-huh.
00:17:17
Tanya Ruttley
And again, the hypocrisy within the church of the people who are supposed to be properly teaching, not living that life also deters these men, um, from believing.
00:17:30
Tanya Ruttley
Right. And that's, that's why I think even when we speak, when people are speaking, they got to be careful when, um, Speaking God's word, saying what it means, and then doing something different.
00:17:41
Kim Fletcher
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
00:17:44
Tanya Ruttley
Because when you have impressionable people, they want change. They go and they attempt. Then they find out the preacher doing a whole bunch of stuff.
00:17:54
Kim Fletcher
That's right.
00:17:54
Tanya Ruttley
And yeah, so I wonder...
00:17:59
Tanya Ruttley
Will that, once they find out, let's say they do find out.
00:17:59
Kim Fletcher
In the
00:18:02
Tanya Ruttley
I just wonder if that's something they would even want based off of how they've been now for eons.
Personal Reflection on Family Unity
00:18:10
Tanya Ruttley
Because when I have that conversation with my dad, who's like 70, he'll be 73 this year.
00:18:17
Tanya Ruttley
He laughs a lot. He listens, right? But...
00:18:23
Tanya Ruttley
Girl, he'll agree.
00:18:24
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:18:26
Tanya Ruttley
I'll give him that. He agrees with a lot of the stuff that I say now when it's about the family union. You have to think, I tell you, um you know, I've told you this. I believe that was one of the purpose for me, um the family.
00:18:37
Tanya Ruttley
my My purpose is on here so has something to do with family reuniting, some this whole thing, right? So I've been working on my purpose as well. And Like I told you as a young kid, I've always thought about being a wife.
00:18:52
Tanya Ruttley
For me, it didn't happen just out of nowhere. I've always wanted this. This what I thought about. This is what I dreamed about. And, but what it looked like, I didn't get right.
00:19:02
Tanya Ruttley
I mean, the way I wanted and the way it should be, I didn't receive, you know, when I first got married and that sent me way down slippery slopes.
00:19:02
Kim Fletcher
Bye.
00:19:12
Tanya Ruttley
Right. And, when I think of even having the conversation with my father and he's, he's agreeing, he has the conversations now, right?
00:19:24
Tanya Ruttley
But I want to make sure that he has the conversation in my presence because see, I'm a, I'm a woman and I have my, my opinion as a woman and what I received from a man. I want the men to hear us and not just be speaking to each other and they're not getting our side.
00:19:41
Tanya Ruttley
You know what i mean? Right. So I think that'll also be part of them understanding what the requirement is, but they also got to find the proper woman because just as a man can deter the woman and have her backslide, the woman can cause that for the man if he get the wrong one.
00:19:43
Kim Fletcher
Yeah. Yeah.
00:20:03
Tanya Ruttley
Um,
00:20:04
Kim Fletcher
yeah
00:20:05
Tanya Ruttley
But yeah, so that's that one just popped in my head, you know, last night when we was finishing up, trying to make sure I'm being fair and, which I think I am because this is about God's way.
00:20:17
Tanya Ruttley
Being fair and saying, this is what y'all are supposed to do. um But is that what y'all want? So it's us, it's two women having the conversation, right?
00:20:27
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:20:27
Tanya Ruttley
guess I ain't playing this right. should have had a man on the podcast to see if he would be like, now, you know, and turn it towards us or if he would welcome the challenge.
00:20:39
Tanya Ruttley
You know what i mean?
00:20:40
Kim Fletcher
yeah
00:20:40
Tanya Ruttley
What means being welcomed this challenge, what we're saying and be willing to hear our opinions. opinion on, um, what that should look like.
00:20:51
Tanya Ruttley
Um, and like how, you know, when we first started, we were saying it should start with them. So, and and that's just about God foundation, you know, the male, female, um, thing. So let me, let me, let me something else, you know, I started looking into God selected 12 disciples and you know what? They were all men. I've been, I've been, I've been on that too. And I'm like, is that because of the foundation?
00:21:16
Tanya Ruttley
You see what saying? Not that women, cause know, we're still equal. And I think people got away from that, but I just think that was back in that Romans time. I'm just saying, I'm just saying that was extreme, but I wonder if that's why he chose it.
00:21:24
Kim Fletcher
yeah
00:21:29
Tanya Ruttley
Um, because he's all knowing. So he knew what the future would be and he still chose just the 12 men. You see what I'm saying?
00:21:36
Kim Fletcher
who
00:21:36
Tanya Ruttley
And that's why I want to do the men really know, or do they even want to know?
00:21:44
Kim Fletcher
it's hard
00:21:44
Tanya Ruttley
Maybe we should have had a man on here. It is because don't like speaking to people.
00:21:48
Kim Fletcher
Men don't, ruin if they're in this climate to today, in this world today, the church, you it can't be trusted that people see.
00:21:51
Tanya Ruttley
and
00:21:56
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:21:57
Kim Fletcher
Not all churches, but some churches.
00:21:58
Tanya Ruttley
Right.
00:21:58
Kim Fletcher
and And a lot of people frequent churches that they can't trust or they get information that is so old and obsolete that do you we do not... we're we're not living on that and they still get that information and they see that these other deacons or preachers or whatever out here in the world doing their things and the things are coming up so they don't trust be like why why we got they doing it why they don't trust they're learning from men they're not learning from the women they're learning from other men and
00:22:27
Tanya Ruttley
No.
Cultural Narratives and Family Expectations
00:22:29
Tanya Ruttley
And street men. When I say street, I mean worldly way versus God.
00:22:30
Kim Fletcher
and one
00:22:34
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. And, um, go ahead.
00:22:35
Kim Fletcher
but but yeah should It should have.
00:22:36
Tanya Ruttley
Okay.
00:22:37
Kim Fletcher
Life probably would have been easy. No, it probably wouldn't because, you know, Eddie Burford ventured off to find his his wife on his own because on the show, you know, the daddy had the wife waiting for him.
00:22:48
Kim Fletcher
And you know what I told mama? Mama, I said, you and granny married me off when I was a little. That's why i immediately got married. It was all in me because you married me off. I was in a play.
00:22:59
Kim Fletcher
Mama still have the wedding gown when I was a little kid like four or five i was in a wedding to a boy at uh hopefully monumental church on um for that um is that for that new yeah yeah yeah also might well great big mama funeral you probably won't remember because you were small but granted yeah
00:23:20
Tanya Ruttley
I remember the church, but not the street name.
00:23:23
Kim Fletcher
they I was in a wedding and I still have that dress. And I say, you married me off. That's why I'm such a married person and God had me like this. I guess he had me like as a child. And I say, what happened with my brother?
00:23:35
Kim Fletcher
Y'all had him fixed up in the army fatigue as war and look at him.
00:23:41
Tanya Ruttley
Hmm. Hmm.
00:23:42
Kim Fletcher
He'll have his war outfit. And he was small as I was.
00:23:50
Tanya Ruttley
Hmm.
00:23:51
Kim Fletcher
That sounds funny, doesn't
00:23:54
Tanya Ruttley
No? Mm-mm. Hmm.
00:23:55
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm. Something to think about. I was like, okay. And I'm talking about I was like really small, like four or five years old. And then she still have that wedding and dress. It's a white little wedding dress, like a real wedding dress with the veil and everything.
00:24:12
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:24:13
Kim Fletcher
Yes. I'm talking about really small. They had, I guess it was a play at the church.
00:24:18
Tanya Ruttley
yeah
00:24:18
Kim Fletcher
And I in that play. Yeah.
00:24:20
Tanya Ruttley
And you think that deal. What? I guess I'm um'm not. you what are you What are you saying? Like, um.
00:24:25
Kim Fletcher
prepare me for to be married
00:24:26
Tanya Ruttley
Ah. Nah. Okay.
00:24:29
Kim Fletcher
you know it's just a metaphor but i'm just saying just thinking about it yeah yeah like yeah crazy
00:24:32
Tanya Ruttley
I know. Being funny. Yeah, I got you.
00:24:38
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. But so I don't know. Yeah, we probably need to special for, you know, what we're talking about as far as the men, because, you know, the women are already in the church and ain't nothing changing, not being funny.
00:24:51
Tanya Ruttley
So these men need to get in here, but they can't get in here playing with God, you know? And I don't, I don't know.
Communication Strategies in Relationships
00:25:01
Kim Fletcher
That's why I say we don't because think back now I'm telling you 200 years, how do you change that?
00:25:01
Tanya Ruttley
don't know.
00:25:06
Kim Fletcher
Like us coming in and trying to change it. How do we change that with what we open up our own church and start saying what we believe?
00:25:12
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:25:19
Kim Fletcher
Everybody to have their own beliefs. And I feel like when everyone reads the Bible, They get their own conclusion or their whatever they come with for themselves. You know, everybody doesn't interpret the Bible the same.
00:25:33
Tanya Ruttley
Right. Right.
00:25:38
Tanya Ruttley
I don't know.
00:25:38
Kim Fletcher
So what do you do with that? When I may say something totally different from what you say in the Bible, but it really means the same thing. But you're saying it in a way that you are comfortable with hearing it. And I'm saying it a way that I'm comfortable in hearing it.
00:25:56
Kim Fletcher
So how do you...
00:25:57
Tanya Ruttley
do you do you think that they wouldn't even um recognize or um because okay when you talk about interpretation I'm talking about men and the foundation so um so even if
00:26:09
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:26:14
Tanya Ruttley
yeah I guess they could get a different um interpretation of foundation um and their purpose um
00:26:16
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:26:19
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:26:23
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah, I guess that's, yeah.
00:26:24
Kim Fletcher
Because you have to have a teacher. everybody you have to have a teacher but you yeah in and in order to understand it you have to have a teacher in the Bible tells you you have teachers, preachers prophets
00:26:28
Tanya Ruttley
That's why keep saying mentor and it gotta be the right one. Yeah, absolutely.
00:26:40
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:26:41
Kim Fletcher
all different evangelists how many it that he have in there but he have those you have teachers you have preachers you got a teacher that's going to teach you the Bible you got a preacher that's going to preach
00:26:50
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:26:52
Kim Fletcher
the bible he's going preach to you you have evangelists who's gonna um what what do they do motivate you uh
00:26:52
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. Yeah.
00:27:02
Tanya Ruttley
So I wonder if, I guess I just wonder if people got to start in their own homes first. And, but man, that's, whew.
00:27:14
Kim Fletcher
but that's got that go with the women And again, I'm going to go with Granny. She started in her home. I can remember on Wednesday night, we we back there making ice cream for her and her ladies because they doing Bible study.
00:27:27
Kim Fletcher
We used to get so mad. Like, why we back here making ice cream? And we used to have to make homemade ice cream, churning it.
00:27:33
Tanya Ruttley
and
00:27:34
Kim Fletcher
And we used to be back. Why? We got to be making ice cream while they eating it up. Back there just tearing ice cream up because we making it. So it goes back to that. Women. It was just women.
00:27:45
Kim Fletcher
grandmother was in there but he was in the other room looking
00:27:46
Tanya Ruttley
yeah but and I and I think that that's what the devil knows you know you can have women doing it all the time all you want that's what's and that's what's going on all this time and ain't no changing So, and and and that's, I just think that's part of why the men have got to step up.
00:28:00
Tanya Ruttley
And I just, I don't even know if they want to, but you know what i'm about to do. I'm going to start asking the men.
00:28:04
Kim Fletcher
well it could be the women stepped up why we could be the women that
00:28:05
Tanya Ruttley
I'm going to start, I'm going to start because women have already always been in there.
00:28:11
Kim Fletcher
No, I'm saying like step up in another way to get their significant other or their new partner or their old partner.
00:28:18
Tanya Ruttley
That's what i just said. I'm going to start um having, I'm going to have some conversations when I get off this um podcast tonight and, um and just poll and see what are, what are they thinking?
00:28:22
Kim Fletcher
Yeah. Yeah.
00:28:29
Tanya Ruttley
um
00:28:30
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:28:31
Tanya Ruttley
And then are we, and then are we expecting too much when we say for them to be fully living without fault?
00:28:31
Kim Fletcher
And, and, and, and, um
00:28:37
Tanya Ruttley
Because I don't even know if that exists because none of us are perfect. Right. So yeah, I'm going to ask.
00:28:42
Kim Fletcher
Right. That's what i say. And it also ask if women, should we step up in another way to get our men to want to be on board with us, to join us?
00:28:55
Kim Fletcher
if If we should be stepping up in another way, is it another way that we can bring it to their life, you know, to put the family together? Is it another way that women can step up? Because they do look up to women, not look up to women, but they do listen to us.
00:29:12
Kim Fletcher
even though we think they don't, but they do. Is it another way that we can step up? Is it some other way that we...
00:29:20
Tanya Ruttley
I don't know. And I think that's, that's part of what I think is the issue. We always think that we got to step up and so I don't, I don't know. Maybe, maybe you're saying maybe a different way to relay it to them.
00:29:29
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:29:30
Tanya Ruttley
Okay. Gotcha. Cause I'm like, I think that is the issue.
00:29:31
Kim Fletcher
No, yeah, a different way.
Engaging Men's Perspectives on Relationships
00:29:33
Tanya Ruttley
Women thinking they got to always step up and do something.
00:29:33
Kim Fletcher
yeah I'm saying in a different way, like, yeah umm yeah, like a different way, like carry ourself in a different way, like...
00:29:35
Tanya Ruttley
I got you. Yeah.
00:29:39
Tanya Ruttley
Absolutely. That's what I think has to happen.
00:29:41
Kim Fletcher
ah in a different way
00:29:41
Tanya Ruttley
And that's what I, so that's why did you notice I paused a lot, probably about five minutes ago. So I paused and sat for just a little bit because I was just like, would that then cause a temporary lapse in relationships?
00:29:58
Kim Fletcher
what what
00:29:58
Tanya Ruttley
So that kind of got me when I was like, ooh, just doing a deep, deep thinking on what people really want. um And sometimes you don't know what you want because you're out here lost, right?
00:30:12
Tanya Ruttley
But when I was thinking about that, though, that is kind of where I went was like, shoot, if the women start,
00:30:21
Kim Fletcher
yeah should we step up in another yep
00:30:21
Tanya Ruttley
um, not, not dating, not dating and seeing on what we require, then it's like, who that temporary pause of birth rates.
00:30:26
Kim Fletcher
ye
00:30:31
Tanya Ruttley
It's just, it's a lot. Right. But, um, but yeah, so I do, I do think, um, that's definitely possible to where they don't think they're leading anything.
00:30:42
Tanya Ruttley
because Cause I just think that's part of the problem, but, um, i
00:30:47
Kim Fletcher
Well, in the next, yeah, that's what I was saying.
00:30:48
Tanya Ruttley
um must i must start I'm just going to start asking the men tonight. That's what going to And I'm going their opinion instead of me trying to figure it out. I'm going to ask them.
00:30:53
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:30:54
Tanya Ruttley
Because I think a lot of these podcasts, they speak for us and they be men.
00:30:55
Kim Fletcher
That's what I said the next.
00:30:58
Tanya Ruttley
And it's like, were you going to ask us?
00:30:59
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:31:01
Kim Fletcher
Yeah. That's what I said in the next slide.
00:31:02
Tanya Ruttley
Uh-huh.
00:31:04
Kim Fletcher
Maybe you, you'll have at least 10, you know, male perspectives or, you know, how they feel.
00:31:09
Tanya Ruttley
I mean, I'm just going to ask people to see what they say. Yeah.
00:31:13
Kim Fletcher
Yeah. Maybe in the k next slide.
00:31:15
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah, is that something they do?
00:31:15
Kim Fletcher
and um So join us.
00:31:17
Tanya Ruttley
Look, is that something they even want to do?
00:31:17
Kim Fletcher
can ask that question. Just put it out there and see how many people, how many men you get an answer from, what they feel, you know.
00:31:31
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:31:33
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah, you do the same. I want their opinion. I'm going to start with my husband.
00:31:35
Kim Fletcher
yeah
00:31:35
Tanya Ruttley
Start with yours because um I want to see. I want it i want to see. And then going to go to cousins.
00:31:41
Kim Fletcher
I already started with mine.
00:31:43
Tanya Ruttley
you.
00:31:43
Kim Fletcher
as I told you offline.
00:31:43
Tanya Ruttley
nephew
00:31:44
Kim Fletcher
I did. You remember when I said, bye-bye, Bible.
00:31:47
Tanya Ruttley
well Well, yeah, me too. But yeah, you know.
00:31:49
Kim Fletcher
Yeah. Yeah, but that's why I said, should we step up in a different way? Is it another way we should, the way we're carrying ourselves, the way we're talking, the way we look, the way we, are we carrying love regardless?
00:32:04
Kim Fletcher
They need to see, because that's what the words say. You carry love regardless.
00:32:07
Tanya Ruttley
We did do. And I think that's a slippery little slope.
00:32:10
Kim Fletcher
Regardless.
00:32:11
Tanya Ruttley
If you got the wrong one.
00:32:13
Kim Fletcher
But we it's 8.33.
00:32:15
Tanya Ruttley
I know we gotta go.
00:32:16
Kim Fletcher
We'll pick up tomorrow. We'll pick up tomorrow.
00:32:18
Tanya Ruttley
Yep. You guys we will come back tomorrow and give you our little thing of, you know, asking these men, you know, what their real opinion is.
00:32:19
Kim Fletcher
Tomorrow. Tomorrow. Tomorrow. Thank you.
00:32:28
Tanya Ruttley
um But yeah, thank you for joining us. Day 16 of our 30 day challenge. um We are on the other side of this and we will definitely see you guys tomorrow at eight o'clock PM Eastern time from startup to take over watchers work podcast, Kim and Latrice.
00:32:42
Kim Fletcher
Thank you. thank you
00:32:46
Kim Fletcher
W-W-W. Good night.
00:32:47
Tanya Ruttley
We are out. Good night.
00:32:49
Kim Fletcher
yeah i