Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
EPISODE 13: WE'RE WINGING IT TONIGHT (DAY 9 OF 30-DAY CHALLENGE)
31 Plays11 months ago
Some nights you just have to show up and wing it—and that’s exactly what we’re doing tonight! 🎙️ Day 9 of our 30-Day Challenge and we’re proving that consistency matters even when things aren’t perfect. It’s all about pushing through, staying committed, and keeping the momentum going.
Sometimes life happens, but we’re here anyway—real, raw, and unscripted.
Thanks for rocking with us! 🙌🏾
#WingingIt #PushingThrough #ConsistencyMatters #RealTalk #WatchUsWork #FromStartUpToTakeOver #30DayChallenge #BlackCreators #Unscripted #ShowUpAnyway #PodcastLife
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction & Initial Thoughts on Tiredness
00:00:22
Kim Fletcher
Hello, hello. Welcome back.
00:00:24
Tanya Ruttley
All right. Hello, you guys.
00:00:26
Kim Fletcher
well
00:00:27
Tanya Ruttley
Hi, Kim. are you?
00:00:29
Kim Fletcher
Good. How are you?
00:00:31
Tanya Ruttley
I'm okay. Tired. But I'm here.
00:00:34
Kim Fletcher
Those
00:00:35
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:00:37
Kim Fletcher
garden fingers, they put you to sleep, high
00:00:43
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
Gardening Talk & Its Benefits
00:00:44
Kim Fletcher
huh?
00:00:44
Tanya Ruttley
I had a lot of basil today because you have to keep um cutting so that they don't flower. And once they flower, you know, they go to seed.
00:00:51
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:00:53
Tanya Ruttley
So I have to keep collecting. So I'm out there every day. But today I was like, um so I put some last night in my spaghetti when I cooked it. But then at dinner today as well, we had, oh, yeah.
00:01:04
Kim Fletcher
good?
00:01:06
Tanya Ruttley
I like the flavor. It makes the food taste so fresh is what I'm noticing. Mm-hmm.
00:01:12
Kim Fletcher
Is it healing being in your garden any kind of way?
00:01:16
Tanya Ruttley
Oh yeah, absolutely.
00:01:17
Kim Fletcher
Yes.
00:01:18
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. That's why I'm sure I go out there every day.
00:01:19
Kim Fletcher
yeah
00:01:21
Tanya Ruttley
I'm so glad it's in my backyard. Yeah.
00:01:24
Kim Fletcher
Oh, yeah, and I say, you went to rest and then you didn't want to move. So I say, what do you do when you don't want to do?
00:01:35
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
Pushing Through Tiredness vs. Resting
00:01:36
Tanya Ruttley
So today you guys, we're kind of like winging it, see whatever we have for discussion. And this is a good one like today, cause I am extremely tired.
00:01:47
Tanya Ruttley
Um, and like Kim said, what do you do when you don't want to?
00:01:47
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:01:51
Tanya Ruttley
So sometimes, you know, I think you should get up and still do what you need to do, but sometimes you need to listen to your body and rest.
00:01:51
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:01:58
Tanya Ruttley
So I think it really depends is what I, I, I feel something like this, the podcast, I think it's, it's simple. I can relax, you know, get on, talk with you for a few minutes.
00:02:10
Tanya Ruttley
Um, And then I can go back in and get some rest, you know, I think
Humorous Podcast Restart
00:02:16
Tanya Ruttley
we have to listen to our bodies.
00:02:16
Kim Fletcher
Yeah. Yeah.
00:02:18
Tanya Ruttley
So I don't think we should always push through. i don't, I don't believe in that. What about you?
00:02:25
Kim Fletcher
ah Yeah, I think so. I think we should. Like you say, this is something light. And we could do this because it's light. But what do you do when it's something heavy and you know you need to do it, but you don't need
00:02:41
Tanya Ruttley
girl, girl. We are not even live. Hold on.
00:02:44
Kim Fletcher
Oh my goodness, we are not live.
00:02:47
Tanya Ruttley
We're gonna start over.
00:02:49
Kim Fletcher
Okay.
00:02:53
Tanya Ruttley
We are live now.
00:02:56
Tanya Ruttley
So hi, you guys.
00:02:56
Kim Fletcher
Welcome, welcome. Welcome, welcome. Winging things.
00:03:01
Tanya Ruttley
Listen, this is, so Kim and I were already talking.
00:03:01
Kim Fletcher
and welcome welcome
00:03:04
Kim Fletcher
ah um
00:03:07
Tanya Ruttley
So this proves how tired I am.
00:03:10
Kim Fletcher
wing and thing
00:03:13
Tanya Ruttley
we were already getting ready to start starting the conversation talking and I realized like um yeah yeah lie we're we're winging it tonight you guys Latrice is tired
00:03:23
Kim Fletcher
Wow. Just saying this was life. Yes.
00:03:30
Kim Fletcher
Yes. And we were just speaking about should should we do when we don't feel
Balancing Activity & Rest
00:03:37
Kim Fletcher
like doing? Should we push through?
00:03:40
Tanya Ruttley
Right. And I was just saying, I think it depends on what's going on because, you know, sometimes you can and you need to push through. But then there are those times when you need to listen to your body.
00:03:52
Tanya Ruttley
So for me, um hold on for one second, please. Cordell, that's not going work. that's That's not going to work.
00:04:04
Tanya Ruttley
Sorry about that.
00:04:06
Kim Fletcher
That's okay. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:04:06
Tanya Ruttley
So there are times that, um you know, I definitely believe people need to push through. And today is one of those days where I can push through because it's not, it doesn't exert a lot of energy.
00:04:19
Tanya Ruttley
can sit here and relax and talk to you tonight. Right. um But there, are it just depends. Like if I needed to get to the gym or something like that, because there's something that is strenuous, it still would depend, but there are moments when you do need to just rest.
00:04:35
Tanya Ruttley
Your body is what I was saying.
00:04:36
Kim Fletcher
Just listen to it. Just, yeah, just listen to your body and and do what it say, meaning rest.
00:04:40
Tanya Ruttley
ah hey
00:04:44
Tanya Ruttley
Right. Right.
00:04:45
Kim Fletcher
think that's something.
00:04:45
Tanya Ruttley
Cause a lot of people do try to push through all the time and they're going to overture themselves.
00:04:49
Kim Fletcher
All of it.
00:04:50
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:04:52
Kim Fletcher
And why? Why do people push through? is It's the reason why they push through.
00:04:59
Tanya Ruttley
Maybe an expectation from others. Um,
00:05:02
Kim Fletcher
yeah You think?
00:05:06
Tanya Ruttley
I think that could be one of the reasons.
00:05:06
Kim Fletcher
probably maybe because they fear what someone's gonna say if they don't
00:05:08
Tanya Ruttley
um
00:05:12
Tanya Ruttley
Right. That's what saying. The expectation of others. Or, you know, but it it also could be they're going after something, a personal gain, and you can overdo it.
00:05:15
Kim Fletcher
okay
00:05:22
Tanya Ruttley
You know, it's just various reasons um that someone could try to do
IV Fluids vs. Natural Rest
00:05:27
Tanya Ruttley
that. But we have to be careful because our bodies will shut down.
00:05:30
Kim Fletcher
Yes, it will. It will let us know that, yeah, time to sit down.
00:05:32
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm. Yep.
00:05:36
Tanya Ruttley
What do
00:05:36
Kim Fletcher
But it will let us know that it's time to sit down. What, a day or two, we're back up So do we really know?
00:05:46
Tanya Ruttley
what do you mean? Do we really, do we really know what?
00:05:48
Kim Fletcher
Do we really know how to rest?
00:05:48
Tanya Ruttley
I don't,
00:05:52
Tanya Ruttley
Because, you know, just because you can rest, but it doesn't mean it to it needs to be a long recuperation. It may. um But ah again, it's something that you're going to wing, right?
00:06:05
Tanya Ruttley
Based on like the celebrities when they do concerts, right?
00:06:05
Kim Fletcher
so so we don't know
00:06:08
Tanya Ruttley
And they fall out. hu
00:06:12
Kim Fletcher
yeah
00:06:12
Tanya Ruttley
They take, they, on stage, they pass out, right?
00:06:13
Kim Fletcher
ah to me
00:06:17
Tanya Ruttley
So,
00:06:18
Kim Fletcher
all
00:06:19
Tanya Ruttley
That's an overexertion. So they do have to rest. Some of them go to the hospital and have the rest. And then they'll get back into it. You know, a few days later, they have to cancel some tours. I'm sorry, postpone some tours. I've seen that happen. So um just for their body to recuperate and then they're able to um go right back at it.
00:06:39
Kim Fletcher
Well, I see a lot of IVs, IV fluids. So you're not giving your time your body time to risk naturally. You're giving it the IV fluids to put your body back where you want it to be. How you feel about that?
00:06:59
Tanya Ruttley
Um, so with the IV fluid, they're giving you nutrients too, right? well i mean, what's all in it. Cause I don't i don't know too much about the IV fluids. I've seen it, but I've never really done a deep dive search on it. Um, but I would think some nutrients or something is added in there. Right.
00:07:16
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, I'm sure. it's I'm talking about like they have the IB, not the drink, the IB, the actual B.
00:07:22
Tanya Ruttley
Oh, Right. They do have the IV. Same thing though. um There will be nutrients inside of the IV. That's how you're able to become alert.
00:07:31
Kim Fletcher
Jump back.
00:07:32
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:07:33
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:07:33
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, but I'm saying in your body tells you, told you yesterday to sit down.
00:07:39
Kim Fletcher
You get an IB today and you back up.
00:07:44
Kim Fletcher
That's what I'm talking
00:07:44
Tanya Ruttley
It should be okay. What if what if all you got to do is two more days and then whatever is going on, you can go back and rest. That's why i said it just depends. I don't think that's wrong. it It really depends on what your activities are.
00:07:57
Tanya Ruttley
And then once you think you've got enough rest to continue, then maybe you'll have another break coming up. You know what i mean? So I don't i don't think it's it's an absolute thing where you're wrong if you utilize something to give you some energy temporarily um and then get back in it.
00:08:17
Tanya Ruttley
It's just opinions.
00:08:19
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:08:19
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, I think like, I really think you should take time to heal like more than a day, more than 24 hours, 48 hours, 72 hours.
00:08:26
Kim Fletcher
I think you should take time to heal because I kind of, you know, look at the athletes and if they break a leg or, or, you know, hurt their leg in any kind of way, they go get therapy, get in ice, whatever, get it healed in their back plan again.
00:08:43
Kim Fletcher
But They healed. It's healed enough to get back and play. But if anything's happened, that injury will come back again. And now you can't do anything anymore.
00:08:54
Kim Fletcher
So I feel like you should.
00:08:55
Tanya Ruttley
They're not really healed then.
00:08:58
Kim Fletcher
um You think now?
00:08:59
Tanya Ruttley
They're going back too far. Yeah. That's why, um like, if they have an injury, right, and it's enough to where they can play, so just because you're playing again doesn't mean it's healed.
00:09:08
Kim Fletcher
Hmm.
00:09:09
Tanya Ruttley
That's why immediately another twist or something will put you right back there. So it's not necessarily that they've healed. They've done something. if There's a lot of little tricks and stuff. They've done something so that they can go back and play, continuing to participate in healing are two different things.
00:09:25
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, I know.
00:09:25
Tanya Ruttley
Because, you know, like with myself, I remember when I played basketball, the only time I recall a very bad spring and my ankle was playing basketball.
00:09:32
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:09:34
Tanya Ruttley
And I remember my coach just saying, don't take the shoe off. I mean, don't untie your shoe. Just keep it. And I kept playing. But honey, by the time I took that shoe off, that thing swelled up really, really bad.
00:09:46
Kim Fletcher
no
00:09:47
Tanya Ruttley
Right. So even if it's not a break, that's why i said it just depends. There are some things temporarily that you can do, right? um
00:09:55
Kim Fletcher
Right. no i was just My question was, should you heal more than a few days?
00:10:02
Tanya Ruttley
It depends on what it is.
00:10:02
Kim Fletcher
Should you?
00:10:03
Tanya Ruttley
What if what the healing is doesn't take more than a day?
00:10:08
Tanya Ruttley
You see saying? If I'm tired, if my body is tired, like today, then if I rested by the time I finished this, right, um and got some rest, then tomorrow when we come back, I'll be perfectly fine.
00:10:16
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:10:21
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:10:22
Tanya Ruttley
It wouldn't even be 24 hours. That's why i said it just depends. I don't think it's a, oh, you automatically, you need 24 hours or 72 hours.
00:10:27
Kim Fletcher
But you're ah you
00:10:30
Tanya Ruttley
It just depends on what's going on, what it is that you're doing.
00:10:32
Kim Fletcher
was you're already rested, if you could say it. Your body is It's healed up. Like, you know, so it can.
00:10:41
Tanya Ruttley
Girl, ain't rested. I'm tired right now.
00:10:43
Kim Fletcher
No, I'm not talking about it like that. um Yeah. or So, okay. So you're saying you're tired.
00:10:47
Tanya Ruttley
I'm talking about all of it.
00:10:48
Kim Fletcher
You're talking about all of it.
00:10:49
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:10:52
Kim Fletcher
So you're not rested.
00:10:53
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. No, I'm tired still.
00:10:55
Kim Fletcher
and to
00:10:57
Tanya Ruttley
But I know that i can.
00:10:57
Kim Fletcher
in
00:11:00
Tanya Ruttley
Say that again.
00:11:01
Kim Fletcher
You need to take time to energize your body to get it back flowing in the everyday flow.
00:11:07
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:11:10
Tanya Ruttley
I'll be fine in the morning.
00:11:11
Kim Fletcher
It'll be fine.
00:11:11
Tanya Ruttley
already know that. I'll be fine in the morning. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Everything is not, you need 24 hours. it just depends on what what it is. Yeah.
00:11:20
Kim Fletcher
Okay, that's fair.
00:11:20
Tanya Ruttley
And that's why, if you think about it, we have to monitor our bodies, right? We have to do it based on that instead of just a standard, oh, don't do that before, blah, blah, blah.
00:11:25
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:11:30
Kim Fletcher
What?
00:11:32
Tanya Ruttley
That's a standard thing. It's not really treating to the actual individual, which, by the way, I don't like that kind of stuff.
00:11:37
Kim Fletcher
What? All right.
00:11:39
Tanya Ruttley
But, yeah.
00:11:42
Tanya Ruttley
Like if you go to the doctor and something's going on and they all might say, well, stay out of school for or stay out of work for.
00:11:44
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:11:48
Tanya Ruttley
And they just give you the basic standard because it's based off of everybody in history versus you. That's what i'm saying.
00:11:57
Kim Fletcher
Okay.
00:11:58
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:11:58
Kim Fletcher
And yeah, that's what I was saying too. But I was saying like, you use like a celebrity falling out on stage. They're exhausted because they're...
00:12:07
Tanya Ruttley
Oh, the celebrities. Yeah. Mm hmm.
00:12:09
Kim Fletcher
yeah Yeah, you know, I'm just using it as an example. that is out therere ah They are exhausted. So how long should they take time to energize their bodies back? That's what I'm saying. I see a lot of IVs.
00:12:22
Kim Fletcher
and they do get the IV to put restore the body. But there's no days of healing. that That was my question. How long do you think they should take to heal?
00:12:34
Tanya Ruttley
How do you know?
00:12:35
Kim Fletcher
No, I'm saying that they're there.
00:12:36
Tanya Ruttley
That's what i'm saying. Oh, no, I guess what I'm saying is they are healing. why Why are you saying there are there there are no they are healing?
00:12:45
Kim Fletcher
no i' it there
00:12:45
Tanya Ruttley
That's how they were to go back out.
00:12:47
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, because the IV, I'm saying naturally, let their body come back to the natural state without any help, what I'm saying.
00:12:55
Tanya Ruttley
Without any help? Ooh.
00:12:57
Kim Fletcher
i be you know Well, not like IV, water, period, water, rest. I can't think of anything else, eating, food, rest.
00:13:06
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah, I think some of them do that.
00:13:06
Kim Fletcher
Okay.
00:13:07
Tanya Ruttley
I think they may use a combination of things.
00:13:09
Kim Fletcher
you
00:13:11
Tanya Ruttley
um I would hope so, for one. um i think, unfortunately, sometimes we can look at celebrities like they always have the top whatever, right? But that's not necessarily true, as we know.
00:13:25
Tanya Ruttley
But hopefully, um they could use various things that could help them um recover. But, mean...
00:13:35
Kim Fletcher
I don't look at it that way because not even, not only celebrities, but just the average person, people work with...
00:13:41
Tanya Ruttley
No, no, no. I was saying when I said celebrities, I was talking about, you know, like a lot of people looking like, ooh, they should be a fit because they can afford a chef.
00:13:44
Kim Fletcher
and No, no, no.
00:13:48
Tanya Ruttley
And so I was thinking more so of that medical team.
00:13:50
Kim Fletcher
yes Yeah, no.
00:13:51
Tanya Ruttley
That's what I was, that's where I was going. Yeah.
00:13:53
Kim Fletcher
No, yeah, well, i'm I'm just with the average Joe or, you know, it could be a celebrity or whatever. Average Joe worked themselves to the grind and still won't rest because they have to.
00:14:01
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm.
00:14:04
Kim Fletcher
And that's what I was saying. How long do you think? And if they could, if we could, because I don't like right now, i think people can rest because they have to go and grind.
00:14:17
Kim Fletcher
So they can't get their body back to the natural state, eating the vegetables, going out in the garden like you. That's what I'm saying. You are kind of like, you your body is not grinding all the time.
00:14:30
Kim Fletcher
it's kind of You keep it healthy. you don't You're tired because you're just tired today.
00:14:34
Tanya Ruttley
But i went to I went through a time when I was grinding, right? and
00:14:40
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:14:42
Tanya Ruttley
But even when I was... Well, let me say this. Depends
00:14:48
Tanya Ruttley
depends on what grinding is. Some people are working from the time they wake up to when they go to sleep. Everything's not physical. your grinding Grinding is also mental, right?
00:14:58
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:14:58
Tanya Ruttley
So... um But when I would say what most people would look at as grinding when I was doing it, let's say as a single parent, I still took care of myself.
00:15:09
Tanya Ruttley
um But forgive me when you said some people have to explain it to me when you say they have to grind like they can't take a break.
00:15:21
Tanya Ruttley
why Why do you say they have to?
00:15:24
Kim Fletcher
Because they ah some people just can't take a break. They have to grind to pay bills to take care of the kids. They don't have time to stop. They don't have time to rest, but the time to go to bed. You wake up and do what im ah do it all over again tomorrow. So you never did that.
00:15:41
Tanya Ruttley
I didn't have time to rest no ma'am I don't forgive me child look I've always had children but I always understood
00:15:46
Kim Fletcher
Maybe because you were out there.
00:15:54
Tanya Ruttley
I can't work myself to the bone and then I can't be there for my children. Like, got on't I don't, I don't know. That's why when you said they have to, need, I think a lot of stuff is just stated.
00:16:01
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, because that's how people feel.
00:16:04
Tanya Ruttley
Like a lot of people say they just grinding, they just grinding. They're like, but I see, and I got friends that let's say work in a factory for years. They take rest. I don't, I don't, I don't get the, where they can't, that work.
00:16:16
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, they they take risks because they've probably been there for years and they've learned how to do it.
00:16:17
Tanya Ruttley
I don't know. I don't know about that.
00:16:23
Tanya Ruttley
Well, they took rest even then.
00:16:24
Kim Fletcher
And they took risks.
00:16:25
Tanya Ruttley
No, ma'am. They took rest because you get leave.
00:16:26
Kim Fletcher
So they took
00:16:29
Tanya Ruttley
So I'm not understanding. That's that's this whole, I don't.
00:16:31
Kim Fletcher
I know people who just...
00:16:33
Tanya Ruttley
But you know, you've been an entrepreneur
Grinding for Necessity & Family Support
00:16:34
Tanya Ruttley
almost your whole life.
00:16:36
Kim Fletcher
Yes.
00:16:36
Tanya Ruttley
So is maybe you see it is different, right?
00:16:38
Kim Fletcher
Yes.
00:16:38
Tanya Ruttley
Versus when you have a job, you have opportunities to take off.
00:16:40
Kim Fletcher
Yes.
00:16:42
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:16:42
Tanya Ruttley
So yeah, no, that's why I'm not i'm not falling.
00:16:43
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:16:45
Tanya Ruttley
Because I haven't been ah an entrepreneur on my whole adult life.
00:16:49
Kim Fletcher
Yep. Like I said, I've been around people, places, things. I know these things. I watch these things. I do statistics. And I see it.
00:16:59
Kim Fletcher
I hear it.
00:16:59
Tanya Ruttley
You know don't care about no statistics, girl.
00:17:01
Kim Fletcher
I know you say that all the because you don't know who's speaking
00:17:02
Tanya Ruttley
But look, so let me ask you this. So you say you see. let' Let's look into an example because i I want to be able to understand when you say people have to.
00:17:09
Kim Fletcher
statistics. I know some mothers. I know some mothers that are grinding so hard that they don't even get, what, four hours of sleep because they have kids and they have to take care the kids, the home, everything, and ham a be try to have a business or a job.
00:17:14
Tanya Ruttley
Uh-huh.
00:17:25
Tanya Ruttley
Oh, hold on.
00:17:25
Kim Fletcher
in
00:17:26
Tanya Ruttley
Okay. Hold on. So they have a job. They also have a business and they have children and you use the term have to.
00:17:30
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:17:36
Kim Fletcher
have to what? What? Grind? They do.
00:17:37
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah.
00:17:38
Kim Fletcher
wouldn't Why wouldn't they have to?
00:17:42
Kim Fletcher
Unless they're in the money or they have help or some kind of help that they won't have to grind. But a lot of women, and I'm not going to men, leave men out, but men as well.
00:17:55
Tanya Ruttley
Cause I think men really grind too, but okay.
00:17:58
Kim Fletcher
Oh my God. You and the men.
00:18:00
Tanya Ruttley
What? Well, you and the women, cause I always think it's both. I don't think, ah but look, so you know how my mom, or just like when you said a half, I'm wait minute.
00:18:05
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, like I'm telling you. Yeah,
00:18:11
Tanya Ruttley
They have to wait a second.
00:18:12
Kim Fletcher
because you don't want to say have.
00:18:13
Tanya Ruttley
Girl.
00:18:13
Kim Fletcher
You don't want to say have always.
00:18:16
Tanya Ruttley
girl
00:18:19
Kim Fletcher
You want to leave it at you.
00:18:19
Tanya Ruttley
I don't know about this. This have to do where you can't take a break.
00:18:22
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:18:23
Tanya Ruttley
Maybe there's a mismanagement of time.
00:18:26
Kim Fletcher
You think so?
00:18:26
Tanya Ruttley
I'm saying maybe it could be a mismanagement of time.
00:18:28
Kim Fletcher
Okay.
00:18:29
Tanya Ruttley
Like my husband's a workaholic. He don't have to be as a choice.
00:18:31
Kim Fletcher
Okay. Yeah.
00:18:33
Tanya Ruttley
You right? So now he's, he's probably,
00:18:34
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:18:39
Tanya Ruttley
and girl, he still find rest. So no. um And he's a workaholic. So I don't know this thing where you just can't have a breath. Girl.
00:18:48
Kim Fletcher
He still find rest?
00:18:50
Tanya Ruttley
Hell yeah. And that's why I just want to do some people like attention.
00:18:52
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:18:54
Tanya Ruttley
don't know. Let me not, let me not even go there, but okay.
00:18:55
Kim Fletcher
Yeah. Yeah. yeah yeah apple and i used to say that, but then I look and I'd be like, they
00:19:01
Tanya Ruttley
But, but, but you also have, you have someone that you're talking to who have always felt no job would ever come before me and my livelihood.
00:19:04
Kim Fletcher
go
00:19:14
Tanya Ruttley
Because so you can always go get another job. But if you are allowing a job, and I did get this from one of my supervisors when I was in the military, my second duty station.
00:19:16
Kim Fletcher
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
00:19:22
Kim Fletcher
yeah
00:19:22
Tanya Ruttley
I was a lower ranking soldier. And what she said was, she was my NCIC. She said, you don't put...
00:19:31
Tanya Ruttley
you don't You don't leave your family behind. You don't put your job first to the point where you are not there for, you know, I had one child at a time, for your child. You take care of the military. That's what your job is.
00:19:46
Tanya Ruttley
But you have a family.
00:19:46
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:19:47
Tanya Ruttley
You cannot forget that. If you were to pass, they will replace you tomorrow. So I've always had that mindset. So i I don't understand.
00:19:56
Kim Fletcher
Me too.
00:19:59
Tanya Ruttley
I'm so sorry for those that you just have to like go find another job.
00:20:00
Kim Fletcher
ah but And
00:20:04
Kim Fletcher
and even the ones that are doing business, starting small business, they have grind to make
00:20:10
Tanya Ruttley
hmm.
00:20:13
Tanya Ruttley
You do, but this is how i this is how I look at it, right? And this is what I got to get back into. This is what I was doing. um Taking care of the family during the day and staying up to like 3 in the morning, right, to work on the business.
00:20:21
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm.
00:20:24
Kim Fletcher
o Mm-hmm. Okay.
00:20:27
Tanya Ruttley
But I didn't have to get up at 6 o'clock in the morning. I could get up a little bit later to still get my rest.
00:20:32
Kim Fletcher
Yes. Mm-hmm. That's what I've been saying. You're a little different than a lot of people.
00:20:37
Tanya Ruttley
you but Well, what?
00:20:39
Kim Fletcher
I've seen in here, you're arrested. that That's what I'm saying.
00:20:42
Tanya Ruttley
But you acting like these people doing this, you acting like they doing this for like years.
00:20:43
Kim Fletcher
Okay.
00:20:47
Tanya Ruttley
When I'm talking about this, I ain't talking about necessarily no years. No.
00:20:50
Kim Fletcher
People haven't been doing it for years.
00:20:53
Tanya Ruttley
Girl, those are choices. I'm sorry. We probably, I'm not good on this.
00:20:56
Kim Fletcher
But they have
00:20:57
Tanya Ruttley
Because choice, what we have to realize is we make a lot of choices.
00:21:00
Kim Fletcher
to. They have to. Yes, they do.
00:21:03
Tanya Ruttley
So when you say have to, it's that term, you know, I think I get on a lot people's nerves with that.
00:21:03
Kim Fletcher
In order to take care of but they have
00:21:08
Tanya Ruttley
Words matter.
00:21:09
Kim Fletcher
it has
00:21:09
Tanya Ruttley
Ain't no have to. Girl, please.
00:21:11
Kim Fletcher
yes do if that in order to take care business these days you have to and and it seems like you have to make yourself have wrist okay i know you're gonna get quiet because you don't want to hear i have to but yeah
00:21:26
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah, okay.
00:21:31
Tanya Ruttley
Because it ain't a have to. These are choices we make and we don't like to sit in the choices we make so we find something else.
00:21:36
Kim Fletcher
and you know
00:21:37
Tanya Ruttley
It's not a have to.
00:21:37
Kim Fletcher
right you know that's what i say people don't like to sit in jesus sit in
00:21:42
Tanya Ruttley
You know what I told this girl says,
Strategic Use of Systemic Assistance
00:21:44
Tanya Ruttley
sit in Jesus. You know what I tell?
00:21:45
Kim Fletcher
yeah
00:21:45
Tanya Ruttley
I remember when I was working at the housing authority, this is first time I ever heard of section eight.
00:21:48
Kim Fletcher
wait
00:21:49
Tanya Ruttley
It's so crazy. I was an adult after I of the military. I was working in the housing authority. You know where we're from. And the lady and I would assign people to the projects.
00:21:59
Kim Fletcher
I can't believe that.
00:21:59
Tanya Ruttley
And then there was a.
00:22:00
Kim Fletcher
going to have a daughter. Go ahead. Wow.
00:22:03
Tanya Ruttley
What that was working at the housing authority. Yeah.
00:22:05
Kim Fletcher
yeah
00:22:05
Tanya Ruttley
I was assigned people the projects when I got the military. My job was to assign them to the projects. Yeah.
00:22:10
Kim Fletcher
wow
00:22:10
Tanya Ruttley
I forgot what my position was, but anyway, but the young lady next to me, she had went, she had posted something on the outside of the door. You know, I'm, I don't talk to everybody, yeah but she had posted a thing on the door.
00:22:20
Kim Fletcher
All.
00:22:22
Tanya Ruttley
And so I was, when I was like, well, what is that? And then she said, she was telling me what she does. And I was like, Oh girl, let me tell you something. I started calling, telling everybody I knew, look,
00:22:34
Tanya Ruttley
You don't got to be living right there. This ain't what you got to be doing. you can You can go to school, let them pay for your, because with Section 8, they would pay for, I found out they would pay for where they resided at, their utilities.
00:22:46
Tanya Ruttley
See, in in the projects, they wouldn't pay your utilities. You had to get something notarized. I'm sorry. You had to get someone to sign something saying you cut their grass. You had to be saying you had to be doing something to get some type of income for your utilities. Right.
00:23:00
Tanya Ruttley
But section eight covered everything.
00:23:00
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:23:04
Tanya Ruttley
Girl, I started putting the word out. I was cop. Girl, call some cousin. They're like, oh, yeah, already had that before. all I can't get back home like, oh, Lord, Jesus. But anyway, so what I was, they messed it up.
00:23:11
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:23:14
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. But see, I didn't know anything about it. So I got excited, called few people, just trying to tell them how they can temporarily sacrifice to get ahead, which was use this for them to pay your stuff, go to college, get your degree, move forward.
00:23:26
Tanya Ruttley
Right. So I get a temporary grind.
00:23:28
Kim Fletcher
right
00:23:30
Tanya Ruttley
um But I think when you said it just made me think that it's like their livelihood. and I don't understand that. That's why i said these are choices. What do you mean have to? And that's, that's what I was, that's why I was getting. at with it.
00:23:41
Tanya Ruttley
And, you know, like they say now, women, they've got their education there. So this is what they're saying, um, that, you know, with the college degree and stuff and going out and doing what they got to do, not necessarily have to, as far as grind, these people going went on and doing very well, you know, after making a temporary sacrifice, not a whole 10, 15 years, their life has been just, oh, they've had to choices again.
00:23:48
Kim Fletcher
I believe Yes.
00:23:53
Kim Fletcher
Wow.
00:24:08
Kim Fletcher
what Well, yeah, some people, but not all. Some people have been grinding for that long, and I'll be like, damn, when you going to rest? But, hey,
00:24:19
Tanya Ruttley
But they can't is what you're saying.
00:24:20
Kim Fletcher
that yeah, some people just can't. I mean, for different reasons.
00:24:25
Tanya Ruttley
Why? I guess that's the thing we should talk about.
00:24:27
Kim Fletcher
Different reasons.
00:24:28
Tanya Ruttley
Why why they can't rest.
00:24:30
Kim Fletcher
Rest, yeah. Why? Why can't you rest? Why can't we rest
00:24:38
Tanya Ruttley
And that's why I thought it, when we first started with it, I said, based off, I think, other people's expectations. But what it sounds like what you're schooling me on is not based on other people's expectations.
00:24:49
Tanya Ruttley
It's based on their lack of motivation. Oops, shut up, Latrice. Okay, but...
00:24:54
Kim Fletcher
ah and then you did not say that but yeah um yeah
00:24:57
Tanya Ruttley
But it could be because why they haven't went to do something bigger and better? Why are they struggling all these years? That's what I'm saying. Do you get what I'm saying?
00:25:05
Kim Fletcher
maybe it's like maybe it's like a knowledge because some people
00:25:06
Tanya Ruttley
How do you stay the same spot for years?
00:25:14
Tanya Ruttley
But then you can't say, wait a minute now.
00:25:17
Kim Fletcher
ah Well, yeah, if they, because some people,
00:25:19
Tanya Ruttley
Lack of knowledge with all the information.
00:25:23
Kim Fletcher
people look, that's right.
00:25:24
Tanya Ruttley
Ooh, but everything don't get to it. Well, No.
00:25:27
Kim Fletcher
in fact Talking about section eight paid.
00:25:30
Tanya Ruttley
Maybe it's receiving.
Is Grinding a Choice or Circumstance?
00:25:32
Kim Fletcher
i'm I'm saying like people saying section eight paid for people to go to school and stuff.
00:25:32
Tanya Ruttley
Maybe.
00:25:37
Kim Fletcher
People didn't know that girl.
00:25:37
Tanya Ruttley
Mm-hmm. No, no, no, no.
00:25:39
Kim Fletcher
Okay.
00:25:39
Tanya Ruttley
That's not what I said. No.
00:25:41
Kim Fletcher
Okay.
00:25:41
Tanya Ruttley
Section 8 did not pay for people to go to school.
00:25:41
Kim Fletcher
okay
00:25:43
Tanya Ruttley
I said section 8 will pay for you somewhere to stay.
00:25:43
Kim Fletcher
Okay.
00:25:45
Tanya Ruttley
They will take care of your utilities while you go to school. Because all you had do you didn't get student loan.
00:25:49
Kim Fletcher
oh okay okay okay oh yeah i know yeah ah someone who
00:25:50
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah. No, no, no, no. Section 8 didn't pay for their schooling. um So that's what I'm saying. so But here's here's the other piece.
00:26:00
Tanya Ruttley
There's so much information out here.
00:26:03
Kim Fletcher
yeah but people not yeah and they're not getting it mm-hmm
00:26:03
Tanya Ruttley
And we are older. So I guess your crew that you would know would be older. But... um
00:26:10
Tanya Ruttley
See, and I, cause I know there are younger people in their thirties, right? I'm talking about early thirties. They're getting it. They just choosing not to. And that's why I don't understand the word have to. They're, they're grinding, but they're choosing not to do something different.
00:26:20
Kim Fletcher
You said that you like to. Oh, so that you think then ah they want to, what you're saying.
00:26:23
Tanya Ruttley
So it's not have to, I don't look at it as a have to, I think it's a choice.
00:26:29
Kim Fletcher
They want to grind all the time.
00:26:31
Tanya Ruttley
No, I think they're just not go-getters and they're just living.
00:26:36
Tanya Ruttley
You see what I'm saying?
00:26:36
Kim Fletcher
o Yeah.
00:26:36
Tanya Ruttley
Like there's, are all types of people in the world, right?
00:26:38
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:26:39
Tanya Ruttley
See, everybody aren't overachievers.
00:26:40
Kim Fletcher
Yeah. yeah yeah
00:26:42
Tanya Ruttley
Everyone don't want everything.
00:26:42
Kim Fletcher
yeah
00:26:44
Tanya Ruttley
people just want to relax, not necessarily grind, but they may not want as much as somebody else.
00:26:46
Kim Fletcher
yeah
00:26:50
Tanya Ruttley
And that, that's why I just have a problem with the term. They have to, I don't know about that one.
00:26:55
Kim Fletcher
on Well, we all agree to disagree on that.
00:26:59
Tanya Ruttley
You know,
00:27:02
Tanya Ruttley
absolutely. does I said, well, you got that one. Cause, um, Fine.
00:27:04
Kim Fletcher
We all agree to disagree.
00:27:06
Tanya Ruttley
I'm not giving, I'm not giving grown people no pass when they see stuff.
00:27:08
Kim Fletcher
You never do.
00:27:09
Tanya Ruttley
See why they got to be military.
00:27:09
Kim Fletcher
You never do, baby. That military... um i' but i told you
00:27:14
Tanya Ruttley
No, no, they did not.
00:27:15
Kim Fletcher
ah Did your mama and your daddy have your military when it came out? Welcome out. Welcome out, Sergeant Smith.
00:27:22
Tanya Ruttley
no
00:27:25
Tanya Ruttley
nope they did not
00:27:27
Kim Fletcher
Lisa too. Welcome out. Yeah. Okay.
00:27:30
Tanya Ruttley
yeah like But you know what, Kim? As a kid, I recall I dreamt big.
00:27:35
Kim Fletcher
yeah
00:27:35
Tanya Ruttley
I just want it different. so But that's what i'm saying. Everybody don't want different, but it's still different from saying they have to. They just want to live the way they want to live.
00:27:47
Tanya Ruttley
I don't um don't think they...
00:27:51
Tanya Ruttley
I just think certain words, not certain words, all words, we have to be careful when we're using them
00:27:51
Kim Fletcher
okay
00:27:56
Kim Fletcher
yeah so I know you always say that.
00:27:56
Tanya Ruttley
ah You know, you like you like giving these women passes.
00:28:00
Kim Fletcher
You like giving the men passes.
00:28:02
Tanya Ruttley
Well, I think they're overlooked. I think they're overlooked.
00:28:06
Kim Fletcher
I do not think they're overlooked. I don't know why you keep thinking they're overlooked.
00:28:08
Tanya Ruttley
um
00:28:10
Kim Fletcher
They are not overlooked.
00:28:11
Tanya Ruttley
Girl.
00:28:11
Kim Fletcher
Women are looking for them. How are they overlooked?
00:28:14
Tanya Ruttley
Wait a minute, but what... The women are looking for him. ok Okay. Okay. The women, what women are the girl, these women ain't looking for no men.
00:28:23
Kim Fletcher
Just in general. just in general i do know these women are not looking for me yes they are
00:28:28
Tanya Ruttley
Cut the shit.
00:28:32
Tanya Ruttley
Girl, these women, not and when I say men, let me take that back. They're not looking for a husband. Okay. Girl, please. In what way?
00:28:40
Kim Fletcher
yes
00:28:41
Tanya Ruttley
How? What are they doing to get there?
00:28:44
Kim Fletcher
the ah we just you don't think the men want why why you don't think men want
00:28:44
Tanya Ruttley
Just like the men. I don't think the men want wives. See, girl.
00:28:52
Tanya Ruttley
yeah I think they're just out here doing their thing. And so are the women doing their thing.
00:28:58
Kim Fletcher
a
00:28:58
Tanya Ruttley
Because when you want something, you do better and you prepare yourself. And that's, we're talking about that as a majority. And you think that's happening?
00:29:03
Kim Fletcher
Right.
00:29:05
Tanya Ruttley
Child, please.
00:29:07
Kim Fletcher
Okay.
00:29:08
Tanya Ruttley
Which is why, i remember, this is why we want to have the conversation about why the men need to step up.
00:29:08
Kim Fletcher
Yeah.
00:29:11
Tanya Ruttley
We wouldn't have to have that conversation if that's what they're doing. Come on now.
00:29:14
Kim Fletcher
Okay. That's what I say. Men need to show.
00:29:18
Tanya Ruttley
But the women got ah women women have to as well.
00:29:18
Kim Fletcher
Women. um
Gender Roles & Expectations in Grinding
00:29:21
Kim Fletcher
looking we if i know a lot of women are trying not trying or being in the kingdom and they're trying to live because i'm going to say trying everyone is trying to live in the kingdom older
00:29:29
Tanya Ruttley
How old are they? How old are they?
00:29:36
Tanya Ruttley
Yeah, exactly. So I'm talking about the...
00:29:40
Kim Fletcher
well you know the youth
00:29:40
Tanya Ruttley
hu This is what the men say.
00:29:41
Kim Fletcher
yeah
00:29:42
Tanya Ruttley
Look, oh, they're going to ward themselves out. Now they want somebody to get their... Okay, so I'm talking about the younger ones.
00:29:46
Kim Fletcher
I am not talking about that old.
00:29:47
Tanya Ruttley
Are the young women... Are the young...
00:29:49
Kim Fletcher
Stop. I am not talking about that age.
00:29:50
Tanya Ruttley
You said older. You said older.
00:29:52
Kim Fletcher
Stop it.
00:29:52
Tanya Ruttley
What's older to you? What's older to you?
00:29:54
Kim Fletcher
I mean, 30 is over 30.
00:29:55
Tanya Ruttley
I'm talking about early 20s. I'm talking about early 20s. What are you talking about?
00:29:59
Kim Fletcher
Okay, so I'm over 30. So, yeah, you talking about early 20s.
00:30:03
Tanya Ruttley
Because we got to get them to change these family dynamics.
00:30:03
Kim Fletcher
They're looking as well, but they're looking at the dollars. they're looking as well but they're looking at the dollars
00:30:11
Tanya Ruttley
That means they're not looking. They ain't looking for a husband. looking for something else. Now, a husband may come with that, but yeah.
00:30:16
Kim Fletcher
Well, maybe.
00:30:19
Tanya Ruttley
So um
00:30:20
Kim Fletcher
Yeah. Yeah. Okay. eight third 830.
00:30:24
Tanya Ruttley
it's both of them. Yeah, I'm tired, but I still meant what I said.
00:30:26
Kim Fletcher
830. Yeah, I know it. you
00:30:33
Tanya Ruttley
It's both of us, men and women. It's not just men and it's not just women. So I just, I can't, I'm not, I ain't giving their tails a pass.
00:30:38
Kim Fletcher
I know that. But everything, you you don't want to give women a...
00:30:43
Tanya Ruttley
Cause I got women in my family ah and I got men in and my family.
00:30:46
Kim Fletcher
and We know that because we both, we're cousins.
00:30:50
Tanya Ruttley
Exactly.
00:30:52
Kim Fletcher
Yeah, but you have little bit.
00:30:52
Tanya Ruttley
Exactly. So ain't talking about the older women that been out there, you know, they trying to do their thing and now they're going to get old and they trying to look for a husband. No, sister girl.
00:31:00
Kim Fletcher
No, I am not talking about over 50.
00:31:02
Tanya Ruttley
yeah They're chasing after the kingdom.
00:31:02
Kim Fletcher
People over 50 are looking for husbands and wives as well.
00:31:06
Tanya Ruttley
They're chasing after the kingdom now that they're old.
00:31:07
Kim Fletcher
ah
00:31:09
Tanya Ruttley
and Girl, please.
00:31:11
Kim Fletcher
And they are, and they are looking for husbands now as well, people over 50.
00:31:14
Tanya Ruttley
Name one. Name one.
00:31:17
Kim Fletcher
not going name one, but I know some. Thank you.
00:31:19
Tanya Ruttley
Name them.
00:31:20
Kim Fletcher
They are looking for husband over 50.
00:31:21
Tanya Ruttley
Look, what are they doing to look for a husband?
00:31:25
Kim Fletcher
Over 45.
00:31:25
Tanya Ruttley
Oh, shit, girl. Over 45. You said over 45.
00:31:28
Kim Fletcher
What?
00:31:30
Tanya Ruttley
yeah over four to five
00:31:31
Kim Fletcher
Over 45, over 50. People...
00:31:33
Tanya Ruttley
Of course, because they've done all their little dirt. Forgive me, Lord Jesus.
00:31:37
Kim Fletcher
You need to stop, baby, because who who you kind of old as dirt? Cut it out.
00:31:41
Tanya Ruttley
You ain't old. I'm old.
00:31:43
Kim Fletcher
I am not old.
00:31:43
Tanya Ruttley
You sound like my sister.
00:31:44
Kim Fletcher
Cut it out.
00:31:45
Tanya Ruttley
Look, she be getting mad. I like, ooh, girl.
00:31:48
Kim Fletcher
Cut it out.
00:31:48
Tanya Ruttley
Ooh, you about to be 50. I be like. She be like, who old? You old. Like, I'm not old.
00:31:55
Kim Fletcher
You are not.
00:31:55
Tanya Ruttley
I'm like, okay. Tell yourself what you want. She be getting mad. I see you just.
00:32:02
Kim Fletcher
What did Aliyah say? What did Aliyah say?
00:32:05
Tanya Ruttley
I don't know. What'd she say?
00:32:06
Kim Fletcher
Age ain't none but a number. You don't remember Aliyah?
00:32:08
Tanya Ruttley
Oh, she just, yeah. She ain't write it though. No, I don't know.
00:32:11
Kim Fletcher
like
00:32:11
Tanya Ruttley
I'm just playing. it But yeah.
00:32:12
Kim Fletcher
You should get off. Go somewhere.
00:32:14
Tanya Ruttley
I'm just being funny.
00:32:15
Kim Fletcher
Yeah. Why? Why? People become renewed at 50.
00:32:16
Tanya Ruttley
but um I think that's part of the issue. I don't, look, even the women that do want to get married now, um I just still find it kind of funny because what were they doing in A20?
00:32:18
Kim Fletcher
Mm-hmm. They're sure they're
00:32:28
Tanya Ruttley
I mean, look, man. Oh.
00:32:31
Kim Fletcher
look why people become renewed at fifty
00:32:35
Tanya Ruttley
You're right. They do. But they do. Maybe I'm just tired tonight. I don't know.
00:32:42
Kim Fletcher
Uh-huh.
00:32:42
Tanya Ruttley
you know what I am? Because when I am tired, I do giggle a lot. I remember learning that in my 20s. When I'm tired, I just be giggling.
00:32:48
Kim Fletcher
Yeah. Yeah.
00:32:50
Tanya Ruttley
I've got to go on to sleep. It's like now that I'm up, I don't want to get off the podcast. But...
00:32:56
Kim Fletcher
Yeah. You got your point.
00:32:58
Tanya Ruttley
I think this is it. I feel like I didn't really get my point across today. Maybe that's what it was.
00:33:02
Kim Fletcher
You thought you got your point.
00:33:02
Tanya Ruttley
And we were winging it, so wet know
Conclusion & Aspirations for Tomorrow
00:33:05
Tanya Ruttley
we didn't have nothing to come off of the previous day.
00:33:05
Kim Fletcher
how ah You you... but you thought you
00:33:09
Tanya Ruttley
so I'm sorry.
00:33:11
Kim Fletcher
I didn't say anything. I said you thought you didn't get your pun across, but you did.
00:33:15
Tanya Ruttley
honey.
00:33:16
Kim Fletcher
I don't know what you want to say.
00:33:16
Tanya Ruttley
you I don't either. think I'm just tired.
00:33:21
Kim Fletcher
Your
00:33:22
Tanya Ruttley
Okay. Girl. All right. Tomorrow, yeah we can think of something to talk about.
00:33:26
Kim Fletcher
end
00:33:28
Tanya Ruttley
Huh?
00:33:29
Kim Fletcher
is live. Girl, it's over 30 minutes.
00:33:32
Tanya Ruttley
I know. 834. Okay, you guys.
00:33:34
Kim Fletcher
Tell the people good night. Thank you for joining
00:33:37
Tanya Ruttley
Thank you for joining. We will definitely be here tomorrow. Hopefully, I have a lot more energy. Can think a little straighter um for day 10 of our 30-day challenge.
00:33:44
Kim Fletcher
Good
00:33:48
Kim Fletcher
night.
00:33:49
Tanya Ruttley
um Yeah. Kim and Latrice, we are out. Good night.
00:33:54
Kim Fletcher
den night