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Ep 132: Death Magic
52 Plays8 days ago
The final Made in Arizona month selection is one of Derrick's weird-ass obscure picks, Paul Clinco's shot-on-video satanic panic flick DEATH MAGIC! A Civil War general is put to death for being a genocidal maniac and is resurrected by a satanic cult in Tucson, Arizona. He quickly sets out to murder the descendants of those responsible for his death. This movie looks like crap and has terrible acting, but it's full of great, bloody special effects and a lot of community theater boobs. We tried to shoot video for you guys, but someone in the neighborhood crashed into a transformer and took out the power and internet, so it didn't happen this time around.
For more Bad Movies Worse People check out our Patreon at patreon.com/worsepeople where, for only $3 a month, you get two bonus episodes every month as well as a monthly newsletter and ad-free video content PLUS early, uncut access to our Han Took Shots First episodes. Han Took Shots First is also available anywhere you get podcasts and hantookshotsfirstpod.com
This month's movie isn't streaming anywhere but you can get your own blu-ray copy through Culture Shock Releasing!
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Transcript
Introduction and Technical Issues
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome back, everybody. Yeah, welcome back. We're recording a normal last episode, but we're trying to do something with the cameras and it's weird. It's super weird. That's what we do. We make things weird. Hang out with us. Let us figure out what's going on. But this week, we're talking about a movie that you can't really find, but I wanted to make everybody watch it with me. And according to IMDb user Udar55, this is the best film about Satanists versus Confederate ghosts ever. I'm Derek. I'm Whitney. I'm Jack. And this is Bad Movies.
Discussing a Hard-to-Find Movie
00:00:31
Speaker
Worse People.
00:01:03
Speaker
So, Whitney, do you like how we got done doing the DERCA classics? And I know this isn't a DERCA classic, but like he found a way to slip these weird fucking just... These could be torture movies. They are torture movies. But, dude, this torture movie has a lot of tits. Tits. And I will say up front, yes, this movie is shot on video, so it doesn't look good. It's so grainy. I have writing a small collection of shot on video movies and this is by far one of the best acted and produced ones you're not wrong i've seen some of them with you that is saying something dude the best part of all right so we're doing we're wrapping up arizona week right yeah were arizona month thrust into arizona month yes and what what what i've liked about these movies is going back and watching tucson that's old i almost said old tucson but that's different
00:01:53
Speaker
ah You can't do it with this one. You can't fucking see anything. You fly by sofa. I think we saw TVs. I'm almost positive that we saw some deities. We definitely saw some deities. The night driving scenes on the road are so out of focus, too.
00:02:09
Speaker
Yeah, our et cetera. I recognize because the sign is lit. It's the only reason. Well, let me say what we're talking about. We're talking about death magic. They know. I guess they get
Movie Acquisition and Director Insight
00:02:20
Speaker
the video. It's like nobody knows the household name for 91 92. Sorry. Sorry to besmirch. Everybody knows the domino theater from hand.
00:02:32
Speaker
ah death magic from 1992. And I assumed going into this and I was wrong that you'd be able to find this at least on YouTube or to be because these kind of movies are usually available in one of those places. Sure. No. So if you want to watch this, come over, you can come over here and watch it or you can buy it from culture shock releasing like I did. But you're going to pay more than I paid because right now it's twenty eight dollars. Oh, that's the price that they pay me to watch it.
00:02:59
Speaker
Yeah, no, that's the price you pay them to watch it. No plus shipping. It's not. So there's been bugs in the last. i don' How long ago did you buy this? Last year sometime. OK, so six months ago, the little um YouTube.
00:03:17
Speaker
trailer thingy or whatever has 361 views. It's like oh the trailer for this. Yeah, it's just in the last six months. And so something is like making it more popular.
00:03:31
Speaker
Well, I mean, ah so it's put out by culture shock releasing. But when I got it, it was when Vinegar Syndrome had them as a partner label. So people have heard of it. So people are looking at it and going, maybe I should buy this and looking at the trailer. Want the shot on oh it's terrible trip dads VHS. <unk> It's not even a trailer. It just it's like domino theater. There is one more shot on video. as Like I said, I have a small collection, but there's one more that I think you guys should watch. Maybe we don't do an episode. Maybe we do watch it and find out. It's called at dawn. They sleep.
00:04:01
Speaker
And it's these guys who clearly watched Lost Boys a lot and decided to make their own vampire movie. but And it is ah so fucking stupid. But in this movie that from what I could find cost five hundred dollars, they Basically built like a house without a roof like because they shoot the inside of the house. You can tell at one point there's no roof on it. They just put up four walls, drove a fucking car through it. They flip over a car. There's a guy laying on a table with like a black a sheet over it and a fog machine in his face. So it looks like he's flying. ah So we'll have to watch that one, too. And is that shot on video, though? It is. All right.
Film Analysis and Humorous Banter
00:04:40
Speaker
That's my that's my beef. Yeah, it's hard to watch, especially on our TV. We could have been.
00:04:45
Speaker
more enjoyable. Well, these are upscaled to high definition, but they're still shot on video, so they're never going to get clearer. It doesn't matter if you watch it small, large. This isn't like this. Isn't like when we watch cop rock and it looks all digitized because we're taking a shitty image and making it bigger. They made this shitty image to play on a big screen like the company who released it, but it's just not going to be shittier. It's not going to. It's not going to look any better.
00:05:08
Speaker
Yeah. All right. There's nothing you can do when it was shot on a Casio fucking big shoulder video camera. Just tape over the bar mitzvah. It's fine. But we're making a movie sharing. This movie is directed by a director named Paul Klinko, whose only other movie credit is something called Sweet Love and Deadly from 2008. Oh, wow. And according to his Facebook page, because I found him on Facebook.
00:05:36
Speaker
He is a hypnotherapist for someplace. I don't remember the name of the place and he's still the president of the Domino theater since 1963. For whatever that means. Whatever that means. I'm thinking that Domino theater is maybe his LLC or something like that or just like his production company. It's the card he hands to young ladies. He wants to get topless. There you go.
00:05:59
Speaker
Cracked it. Welcome to my casting couch. Cracked it. Yeah, I mean, it's a trick we've seen a thousand times. At least I have this month. I'll bet you money sweet love and deadly has boobs in it. Oh, I put the amount of boobs in this movie. No complaints, but there's a lot of boob. I mean, every single female character, every female character in this movie, aside from the police lieutenant and the Mrs. Quimby has their boobs out. I mean, Mrs. Quimby does have them out when these are close to being all the way we were talking about nurps. Yeah. Full, yeah full, full nerves. Quimby's Quimby's nerves are holding that dress on.
00:06:35
Speaker
I think she taped it. Oh, yeah. But so somebody taped it. This was also written by covered by blood. This was also written by Paul Klinko and someone named Mark A.W. Smith, who has no other credits. So I don't trust them to initials. Yeah, I think a lot of these people are aliases because I was trying to look up some of these actors and actresses like on Facebook. and Yeah.
00:06:58
Speaker
I could find I think I think I found two or three. So if you know anybody that's worked on this. Yeah, dude, asking stories and email us or have them email us. Yeah, please. ah One of them. One of them. Her name was Elizabeth Jane. I was like, that's a pseudonym. Uh huh. What would your pseudonym be? i Paul Longcock. Oh, we're that kind of film. Got it. And you're using a pseudonym for the Balboa.
00:07:25
Speaker
ah Or Rudiger Jenkins. I was going to say, what was the one that was your screen? running Oh, Satchmo Val Johnson. ah I have like you're like fucking ah Jude Law over there. Rudiger Jenkins. How many names do they have? More and more cocking sticks.
00:07:45
Speaker
Damn. all right All right. Paul Longcock was the best I could come up with on the fly. I'm not on the fly. These are these are names I have. These are legit aliases. I've got passports. yeah I'm actually going over to Jasper Balboa's house tonight to sleep one off.
00:08:05
Speaker
Let's try to take girls and pick up at the strip club. I don't want them to know where I live. No, no, no. We take that to Mortimer Cockensticks studio apartment.
00:08:15
Speaker
He's got a clean, simple life. Full of prostitutes. Oh, I wanted to do something new that I haven't done before. Can I keep my pants on? Can I keep my pants on? No, you can. My won't. You can. I don't like this new thing. Starting to end up a lot like Catholic school. It might be a little late, but for new listeners, I just want to tell them what the show is in case people are stumbling upon us. Oh, yeah.
00:08:44
Speaker
So it's called bad movies worse people but we don't don't get mad if you see a movie as you're scrolling through that you love cuz what we're doing is watching movies that may be considered bad for one reason or another either their failures or their terrible big budget pieces of trash or they're just whatever the reason may be Michael we watch it Michael Bay did it we watch it and then we decide whether or not we think it's bad and if we recommend it.
00:09:05
Speaker
Yeah. Even if it's bad, doesn't mean we don't like it. Yeah. Like we got a lot of shit for putting on Strange Brew and it's like, dude, Strange Brew is barely a movie. Yeah. Fucking five stars. I loved it. I mean, there's Blind Fury and Stone Cold, a couple that were that are in our intro thing there. For some god awful reason you guys love Miami Connection. Because it's wonderful. There's a lot of reasons I love Miami Connection. The acting is everyone putting their heart out there. You guys loving it so much makes me want to love it. I still can't get behind it. It's like that. It's like when your friends dating a shitty person like that. I love you so much, but your fucking partner is trash. He's your friend. I've tried so hard. She keeps throwing up in my fucking bed because we love it because we're friends forever. We'll be together through thick and thin. All right. Apparently, you don't want to help me find my father. You know what else I like it?
00:10:04
Speaker
Because I'm a tough guy. That movie's got nerves, dude. Clacking one. Big old clackers, big meaty clackers hanging off my lady's chest. How did I miss boobs? Because you weren't paying attention. That's during the biker scene. You gave up on it too early. There's about 12. You move too soon. Pairs.
00:10:25
Speaker
yeah
00:10:28
Speaker
There's 12 individual breasts. So six pairs. yeah ah So this movie is about a Confederate ghost. Well, actually, he's not Confederate. I was going to say that like point of order. He's Union, which I remembered it being Confederate, probably because he's talking like he's from the South. Yeah. Maybe there's a cut plot line that he was a Confederate soldier. He defected to the north just so he could get in there like Hydra and kind of, ah you know, use it to kill Native American populations and American soldiers. Yeah.
00:10:58
Speaker
He was hailing Hydra. He's a very early hailing Hydra. Oh, speaking of hailing, I saw that video you were talking about. Oh, yeah. Of Elon Musk. Yeah. Yeah. He's definitely doing. a Oh, it's like so the fuck about your politics. That dude is fucking he does it twice. I think he does. He does it to the crowd and then he does it to the American flag. And then he's like, I'm putting my heart out to you. Yeah, it's so fucking that's what you're doing. He slaps his chest and then puts his arm out, which I'm not going to do. Thank you, Derek.
00:11:25
Speaker
I was like, you're on camera. But yeah, it's easy enough to find and it's just terrible. But so this movie starts. There's two plot lines going on at the beginning, so we'll just go through one and then the other because it's very important. Yeah, do this movie some fucking justice, please. So let's start with the Colonel. Yeah, so we start. It's the Wild West. It's definitely not modern day. There are definitely not an air conditioning unit on the top of this house. I'm in the house behind them. There's definitely not somebody ripping through their fucking little Yamaha. Like, you don't see it. Did you hear you hear noises in the background? Oh, you see you see a planes closed person running between the what we have is trees out here. So what? What the fuck are they filming over there? You can't really hide behind creosote in Palo Verde. This is Civil War reenactment happening over there. They're making Civil War porn. Sharon, did you rent out the backyard again? Not any choresy. Hey, Sharon, give your balls a tug, you dead fucker. But we have Major Parker, who is apparently a union colonel major. I just said major.
00:12:34
Speaker
And basically his soldiers are like, hey, it's ah it's lunchtime. We're out of water. Can we go home? No, he's like, not yet. Not till we kill all the images. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. And we find out. That was a transformer exploding. Yeah. Yep. That was somebody running into a fucking transformer.
00:12:55
Speaker
After a minor interruption, we're back with this podcast. We are not doing video for this episode because, as I said, a burial ground of some sort, a transformer exploded, and I don't mean a Michael Bay one. Somebody ... Autobots, fuck that podcast up. Somebody exploded a transformer. I sneezed and I got all these boogers in my beard. Can you take off the camera?
00:13:23
Speaker
So we are sans video, sans internet. so Sorry, Drew. We tried. We were trying. We'll try again in the future with a better set up anyway. So we find out that the Native Americans that he wants to kill are Papagos who are peaceful, not the Apaches that they are supposed to be fighting. And he says, I'll give foot. Kill them all. ah In fact, I do not care. Where on this order did you find that I had a heart?
00:13:51
Speaker
ah They have brown skin. It'll work for me. OK. And their children, they're just little thin little brown people. Yeah. And this lieutenant tries to stop him and he murders them. And this is where we get the first inkling that somebody on this movie gave a shit about blood. Yeah. Oh, true. Because it squirts out of this dude when he gets shot.
00:14:16
Speaker
Exactly that. Squat. Squat. Squat. Squat. Squat. One final death. Squat. Previous episode, Supergirl. And then we cut forward to his but what we presume at is the end of his trial because it's this guy that kind of looks like Blue from old school saying, may God have Moisey on your soul. Makes it Abraham Lincoln. Yeah, I was thinking the same thing, but I was just like, it's a young It's just a drunk Abraham Lincoln man drinking Lincoln. I mean, who isn't? Four whores and seven beers ago, I decided to call you guilty. I don't have a good Abraham Lincoln because we don't have him recorded. No one knows what he's why not. No, it was before that. Supposedly he had a high pitched voice. Oh, hey, give your balls a tug over there in the Confederate States.
00:15:11
Speaker
I thought you were about to go Mickey Mouse. Oh, that's Moses. Oh, it could never be Mickey Mouse, though. Because he's. He wouldn't think Mickey Mouse wouldn't be setting people free. No, God, no. No. How do we get him to work for us? What's this slavery thing like?
00:15:29
Speaker
You'll love it. Oh, you're going to think it's for it too. Look, I saw, I saw a movie once called some of the South and it says that they love it. So we hard cut to some man boobs and it turns out it's not just man boobs. This dude is buck ass naked yeah is in the middle of the desert.
00:15:50
Speaker
summoning fire and summoning a girl who's already alive? Question mark. Yeah. So it is. It's sex magic. It is sex magic. It was her leaving Donald and joining him. OK, but he silence her. Yeah. Yeah. He doesn't. He appears out of the fire. She comes towards the fire. I don't know. It's her. That was something something dark side. But basically they did have a magic force. It's kind of like in demolition, man.
00:16:17
Speaker
It's just it's magic instead of the ring in the VR helmets. Yeah. All right. It's that fair. du I think this guy's repping Tucson excellently, by the way, buck naked, yeah burning something in the desert with a sword, chanting about women. This is a good time for two yeah and doing Satan stuff, doing Satan stuff. She comes to me.
00:16:37
Speaker
So, we meet the naked lady who's Marissa and the first naked lady. Excuse me. Yeah. The naked lady current and this guy is Powell David Davidson, which is a stupid name. I'm very pretend. I'm not Mr. Powell.
00:16:52
Speaker
we go to his uh meth apartment where he's hanging out with some meth friends pretty certain this was scum quest also known as Sun quest Sun quest on Pantano she said scum I did say scum quest what did you guys call it a spun quest spun quest nice The bleeps had an apartment there. Yeah, and I can I can so did ah breathe what you're saying So did former host ah Patrick or former co-host Patrick. Yeah ah We did a lot of drugs in that apartment. My sister. Not meth. The hierarchy of the fucking drugs. We were on the upstairs upstairs people don't do meth. That's a lie.
00:17:34
Speaker
But he's looking through some books and doing something on tip-tapping on his computer and just the the lines that these people say with a straight face. The the Equinox is under the conjunction of Saturn and Mars. It'll work. It's this shit the rest of the movie all the time. You mean to tell me that you didn't place Abeloth's claw by the fang of Eridorin?
00:17:56
Speaker
right Why would you do something so ridiculously preposterous? I taught you that your first year. He really carved his name in the marble of the astral plane. Oh, by Nogol's pigtails.
00:18:09
Speaker
anytas
00:18:12
Speaker
It's just ridiculous, dude. And like you can just write whatever you want when you're speaking gobbledygook. Yeah, exactly. It's great. This is also my grandfather's hammer. I mean, this is the tail end, but this is some ah satanic panic era shit. Yeah, this is post Reagan, but it's well as the end of Bush one. a Fast forwarding a bunch of characters like can you imagine the headlines like what's going to happen when they find our magic stuff in blood everywhere? Yeah, isn't Clinton's reign. Ninety two.
00:18:41
Speaker
Well, that's when he became president. So that's what I'm saying, the end of which one? So the tail end of the satanic panic. But I do like to he's like talking to Marissa and he's like, what would you rather be with Donald Graham than me? Who Donald Graham we find out is ah faith Christopher Lee. ah what doing Christopher Lee doing events in price. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. But this is another great this is another great Miami connection delivery. She's like, no, I'm with you, pal. Really?
00:19:11
Speaker
And then it's like cut to him. Long hard pause. Cut to her. Cut to him. Cut to her. Really? And she slowly smokes her cigarette. Oh, so stupid. We cut to a Pima County mine that's been condemned or something and they're in there doing a satanic ritual to summon Aaron Parker. I don't know why they chose this guy. I guess he just knew he died nearby.
00:19:35
Speaker
Because he is totally well-versed on all things Western civilization, not Western civilization. I think he said Wild West history, which I don't think is a thing. Yeah, the Wild West history. He knows everything about the Wild West history. He has gone through every book.
00:19:50
Speaker
I mean, he knows lineages. Yeah. Get a life. I studied it for years. Get a life. I read every. Studied it for hours. Oh yeah, he said he read every book. Wait, two. It's a really bad delivery. Did you catch it? Yeah. Someone's like, do you know everything? He's like, yeah, I pretty much read every book. Two books. I read two books.
00:20:10
Speaker
Like, I think it was supposed to be like the audience like, oh, he's up to something. But they didn't do it well. No, they didn't. Especially when you have this bad of delivery. And yeah I know what you you're saying, like with the home video stuff or whatever you call it. It's usually not good at all. And these guys are at least trying. So I have a question. Did anybody and it may have been a llamas effect for me. They got better.
00:20:34
Speaker
Not excellent, but they did get better with deliveries. That's not a Llamas effect. Llamas effect is everybody else is so bad that it elevates one person. OK. This is almost like ah we have to find a word for but like a Stockholm. We have to find a cinematic term or they did get a little bit better because they probably shot this in order. OK. Why why shooting is in order? Because you're shooting on video. It's it's to edit. You'd have to get you. You have to get multiple VCRs and like record. by And you're losing quality. Yeah.
00:21:02
Speaker
You can't sit there and like oh it's like like a film where you can put it up to the light and see the images. And that's why the sound just drops out inexplicably because they don't like du we don't have another take. Yeah. We're just not using that dialogue. Yeah. But so. OK, that makes sense. Thank you for that. You're welcome. And you're welcome. Audience. Major Parker appears and stabs who I have written here is booby girl number two. Allison. Yeah.
00:21:28
Speaker
or Alice, Alison, something like that. The blonde girl doesn't matter because Adam and Alice. But so he kills her and then tweaker Adam comes up and he's like, you go back to the hell you came from. And you were.
00:21:41
Speaker
What you must help the hell he came from. You go back to the hell you came from Yuma. That laugh should have been fucking filmed. And then he is also dead. So ah he's going to you. He gets his throat cut. Oh, and this is another good one. It just spurts. Oh, yeah. Does she get gutted? Yeah, she gets stabbed rather.
00:22:05
Speaker
Fun blood. And it's good, too. They have the knife like this. It's like they have two knives, one long one cut and a cutless. I was thinking they had like because the stomach looks weird. So I was thinking they had like a fake torso thing they were stabbing into like in Laughing Dead that we also did for Arizona month last year.
00:22:24
Speaker
So like they were actually stabbing, but it was like a rubber torso. Boobs in that one, too. Yeah. Rubber boobs made in Arizona. Great rubber boobs. But ah Powell tries to command this fucking ghost man, and he just laughs in his face and disappears.
00:22:43
Speaker
no There's a funny, funny man down there who told me I had to do his bidding. Oh, I thought that was funny. I don't listen to anyone but General Lee. I mean... Oh, Jefferson Davis. Oh, no, not him either. Stonewall Jackson? I don't know. No, not him.
00:23:02
Speaker
Oh, you're the history guy. I don't know. And I know these names. I'm just like they were Confederates, though, right? General Edward Park, I believe, is the man I should be rooting for. Is he a bad guy, too? Yeah. All right, cool.
00:23:16
Speaker
I knew all the other names. I don't know that. I really just need to start watching some this history documentaries. Takes a mushroom. Documentaries. All right. I'll come over and I'll take one. I watched a bunch of his history like documentary stuff when I was younger. But then I got rid of TV. Yeah. So.
00:23:34
Speaker
also the history channel stopped showing history channel became pond stars and and ancient aliens yeah if it wasn't Hitler on the backside of the moon riding a dinosaur aliens dude Gettysburg with ah Tom Berenger really good watch okay That's the like mid 2000s. I feel like it's earlier than that. Oh, OK. Maybe I'm thinking of different. I think it's in the 90s. It's like ninety five. Either way, we'll figure it out. So they they jump back into their Volvo station wagon and they shove jam Volkswagen type three. Sorry.
00:24:08
Speaker
they shove this other girl Jane in the back with the two dead bodies and they're both leaning on her like it's Wayne's world yeah if you're gonna spew oh no you're dead oh shit she's got her arms around them though like holding on to them and their dead heads are resting on her boots i just wanted to be like hey we see a cop playing cool she's got her Just so are we, they partied real hard last night, officer. Is that blood? No, no, sir. No. No. Vomited fruit punch. Yes. We were drinking fruit punch out of oil cans. Yep. And watching the guy's a dick nose eat a hot dog. And we vomited all that fruit punch right out. See you next week's episode.
00:24:49
Speaker
But we are, I was waiting for, like, I was waiting for, obviously they couldn't afford it, but like a knockoff queen to kick in here. Like, Scott Amoosh, Scott Amoosh, can you do that Fandango? What year is Wayne's World? Ninety-one? Ninety-two? Every movie came out in 92, we know this about me. Yeah, Wayne, we know that from Derek. But I'm almost 100% positive it was 92. I'm incredibly confident in myself. And what year is this? Ninety-two. Wayne's World.
00:25:18
Speaker
It's a parody name. 1992. Finally, he's right. See? Every movie came out in 1992. When did Blaine's World 2 come out? Ninety-seven. Ninety-ninety-three. Really? Damn. Wow. The next year. Turn that around. Yeah. But they take their friends' dead bodies and leave them in an alley naked. And they do some good dead body work. Yeah, yeah they do. They do some good like, falling over. I mean, the the acting is bad, but everybody's trying. And some of these little gags are pretty fun.
00:25:47
Speaker
Yeah, that's that's one of the things I saw in ah someone's letterbox review. And I agree is like they gave it one and a half stars, but it was something along the lines of like, you know, you can tell that these people really wanted to make what they were trying to make. And God bless them for it. Yeah. Yeah. They cared about the acting and it shows.
00:26:05
Speaker
Um, but so they, they have a little discussion about how they have to try to banish him and they should go ask Donald and Powell's like, Hey, what has done? Oh, you a meanie. You mean good Donald. It's like the girlfriend with magic. My magic penis penetrated her. She said it was all magic. She played my magic eight balls. Then she touched my wand.
00:26:29
Speaker
I went off a little early, but then I was ready like an hour later. She swallowed and said it tasted brilliant. Well, that's that one. I said Vinny Vinny pineapple and let me go saw.
00:26:47
Speaker
Arizona Beer House, 33 taps, 800 plus cans in bottles. You can do it for here. You can do it to go. You can do whatever you want. Accept that. That's right. Arizona Beer House at 150 South Cove in Tucson, Arizona. Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, and every other day of the week. Open 11 a.m. to midnight. We're going to save the whole can, but you're only going to need the tip. I need the tip.
00:27:12
Speaker
hey guys i don't want to sound needy here i'm needy but we have a patreon at patreon dot com for some people And it only costs three dollars a month. Three dollars a month is nothing. And I know times are hard right now. Real hard for me. Inflation's up. You can't afford your groceries. Can't eat. But you can't afford three dollars a month if you love us. Give us three dollars. Super love us. Please love us. We're not we're not begging. I'm begging. We're not pleading. I'm pleading. We're not down on our knees. Oh boy. My knees hurt. They've been on the oven on so long. But we do kind of need the money. I need the money bad. We need to equip it.
00:27:49
Speaker
We need to do equipment. We need to do remote podcasts for all of you. I wouldn't mind eating. We need to have video. I wouldn't mind eating. ah We need more drinks. Food sounds good. So please check out patreon dot.com slash worst people. Please check us out. You get a bonus episode every month and we're going to have more content coming for you. I'll send you pictures. ah Thank you guys. Thank you so much. Please give me patreon dot.com. I'm being held hostage here. Slash worst people.
Tucson References and Ritualistic Scenes
00:28:15
Speaker
I don't think all of you out of here. They're going to kill me.
00:28:19
Speaker
But then we go to these newlyweds who are having the worst sex ever. Oh my God. This is some soaking. This is this is I know we have a button is laying on top of her vagina. Yeah. Well, how do you do it? Yeah, it's like they're they're got a thick outy. They're both together like that, but only his shoulders, like his upper half is moving. I'm like, that's not how sex works, dude. We're not going to king shame here.
00:28:47
Speaker
Just put it in me and move your shoulders like real fast. Yeah, yeah. That's fairly tickling and I like it. And we get the boobies number three? Three. Two, three. Definitely three. Three. Boobies number three. Marissa, Alice, son. Alice's son. Oh. And then this newlywed little woman. We're not counting male boobs by the way. We need to be married forever.
00:29:17
Speaker
Because you're so good in bed. This is their pillow talk. I'm good, right? I'm good, right? All right, I'm good, right? You love it, right? You know that one? it's Yeah, it's from ah Zoo Head. Give me in the T-Rex. Yeah, you got there. I can see the Whitney wheels working. Zoo Head.
00:29:41
Speaker
ah But so he appears, ah Major Parker does, and he's like, Corporal McGuire, I always pay my debts. Except to that sideways sauce buster that skipped on the pepperoni that one year that I ordered that pizza, I will not pay him.
00:29:58
Speaker
30 minutes or less, young man. You came out 31. So sorry. 31 minutes, dude. My hand wound hand wound timepiece told me you were late. But so he stabs these two motherfucking and they're doing a stabbing squirm here, which is what they were trying to do before. Yeah. This looks more like having sex than what they did. Oh, it made me a couple of sex kebabs off of these people here. I was just going to say that sex kebab. Yes. Through his back into her stomach.
00:30:28
Speaker
And then again, just a bucket of blood. Oh, so much juicy, juicy blood. Juicy blood's not the right term, you vampire. Concerned. But so from this, we are to deduce that he is killing the people that are responsible for his death or the descendants of But he doesn't know that he seems in one line. He knows it's been 120 years in another line He's like nope, you're definitely the dude who fucked me over or so for the Smoking hot chick we have coming up. He's like you're the daughter of yeah, so and like you just said it's three different timelines now He knows been a hundred plus years. He's ordered a pizza. He knows how to do that ah At least in my mind
00:31:11
Speaker
Yeah, he's he's all over the map. Yes, I'm wondering if like if they would have had Christopher, not Lee. No, what should we call him? Christopher Price. Christopher Price. That's right. Okay. It's magic time. Or Vincent Lee. Vincent Lee. Vincent Lee. It sounds like an adjective. I walked in the room very Vincent Lee. Exactly. So Vincent Lee should have played the original Graham and then that would have made sense as to why he kept calling him. That would have been great, honestly. All the victims. Look at me punching shit up. Yeah, that would have been fun because the audience would have been like, oh yeah, let's Look at that. Look at that. It's a descendant. So they go meet up with Donald, who's very disappointed in Powell. He's like, even Alastair Crowley never touched a clavicle after the Moroccan fiasco. Oh, again. At the very beginning, when Adam and Alice and walk into the apartment, he's like, look at me. I look like Alistair Crowley. Yeah, he's got this fucking neo-nazi shaved head look. Larry puts a bandana on him like this guy's so fucking Tucson.
00:32:16
Speaker
it was more there no chanshipian had dress No, no, he had a bandana before that. Oh, like just on the way there before they played dress up He has just a fucking like red band. Did you have a Levinsky tied up? Yeah a little bit That's right Tyler
00:32:33
Speaker
But like, yeah, he's he's chastising them for leaving behind the magic symbols with the blood like we talked about earlier. So he's like, gather your magical tools and come with me to the mystery machine. Do this. Do the spell of hominoptera. I can't remember the actual God's name that I say. He's like, tell them to do some fucking spell and then come bring their tools back. Yeah. And like I'm.
00:32:56
Speaker
Go cast a flippa doodle. Protect your magical weapon. your Your bong's not a magical tool, man. Don't bless it. I'm pretty sure it is. Stop putting it in the pile with the rest of this. You see this? This is the fucking tooth of fangora. Yeah. You got a fucking grasp my ball plastic bong right next to it.
00:33:16
Speaker
So we have a news report where we meet Lieutenant Alvarez, an older lady who I did find on Facebook, but I think she's private, so I couldn't see if she was still alive or not. I know we wanted to ask her. She wanted definitely got demoted because she's a lieutenant here.
00:33:32
Speaker
Because the only thing on her Facebook page was a cover photo. I get it. She had a cover photo and a profile photo that were both put up in 2013. So but she could have passed. If she passed, rest in pictures. Definitely rest in pictures. you did She's been in more movies than I have. Yeah. Same. And you did great.
00:33:49
Speaker
less movies than I have, but more movies that people have seen. I was in like five, but nobody one saw any of them. No, he's horns. He's been in. No, when I was in film school, I know he actually has. I've got more than five horns. I have two episodes of a web. I've only been in two. I have a two. We have two episodes of a web series that Nikon and bleep made. Yeah. And a couple others that myself and Kendra acted in and a bunch of people. I want to see. I got to figure out how to find it.
00:34:19
Speaker
Just call night if nobody has it. It's probably on the Internet archives. No, it's on YouTube. I just got to remember which which channel has it. Oh, OK. Call an icon. So like it was Martin Van Buren sensation. I think that was the handle.
00:34:35
Speaker
So I think they're trying to, I think somebody got mad at them for referencing Fort Lowell, ah like the actual Fort, not the street, because here he says, or one of the girls says, isn't there anything in your books about Fort Lowell? But later on they're like, do you know anybody from Fort? And it just has a hard cut, like a couple of times. So it was like, somebody was like, you can't, I didn't actually even notice that. Yeah. But yeah.
00:34:57
Speaker
But yeah, it's is there anything in your books about Fort Lowell? Kill off my back, damn it. Dude, this is the most this actor emotes. He's like, get off my back. God. ah ah I've read all the but two books. I've read all the two books. So then we cut to another naked girl. Oh, yeah. ah This is.
00:35:21
Speaker
Richmond, Susie Richmond or something. Uh, doing what? No, it's the the attractive young Hispanic woman. Oh, yeah yes. Richmond. And she's naked. And I'm pretty sure she used a pseudonym to be in this movie because she's credited as Elizabeth Jane. And I'm like, that's not a real name. And Derek was really looking. I was trying to see if shen' only facebook page only facebook she had an only Facebook page. page.
00:35:50
Speaker
But yeah, she's reading in bed naked as you would do as you do. Why not? I do. I'm not saying you don't. what I'm saying as you do. She's actually in my pajamas. She's wearing my exact pajamas. Underwear. A black pair of underwear. And her room fills with red lights.
00:36:07
Speaker
And that's when he appears. He's like, you're Benjamin Richmond's daughter. And she's like, i I'm Frank's daughter, motherfucker. I don't know who Benjamin Richmond is. Liar. And he chases her through the house and stabs her paralyzed or something. She just gets scared. She just and freezes in front of the door. But then her face before he touches her, she just kind of like.
00:36:26
Speaker
hip and hip Hypnotized? I think that's bad. I want to say editing because that's not what happened in this movie at all. Editing? No. No. I think it was just a bad cut. It was her getting stabbed before she got stabbed. They do say it feels lovely at first. I wouldn't know.
00:36:45
Speaker
But then we have Vincent Lee talking about necromancy. Necromancy. Not necromancy. Everybody knows it is necromancy. Yeah. Everybody necromancy. But I like he's he's talking to Powell. He's like, look, in necromancy, if the magician who cast the spell is killed, then the spell is erased or whatever the the demon is something i'm sure you'd like a less drastic solution uh yeah i bet you'd like to keep your head hey spoiler alert you know he doesn't
00:37:25
Speaker
Let me think about that foreshadowing. ah So then we get Jane naked. Finally. Finally. Nice boobies. Five five boobs five pairs of boobs. Now five pairs. Yeah, we haven't just seen five pairs of boobs in a pear tree. I guess it goes better with five golden rings. ray Five pairs of boobs. Two naked men.
00:37:52
Speaker
He skipped a lot of numbers. We did get to naked men. So ah she's standing in the in front of a fog machine and she has to do this ritual to follow his spirit back. Question mark. I'm assuming as so she can see the story like a flashback we're about to get. Yes, I think that's exactly just tuning in Tokyo. He wants he needs to know what the curse was that he put on the descendants or the families.
00:38:15
Speaker
I was wondering. nothing She nothing happened like when when she got. Yeah, she does the thing and then they show a flashback. So that's probably it. There we are. It's a flashback to the trial and people are testifying about it. And it shows like they went up to this Native American tribe. It's four people and just killed them all. And then there were some settlers who confronted them and they're like, hey, I like that guy. He was my friend. And he's like, yeah, well, how about this? Kill your daughter, kill you. Yeah, you're all dead.
00:38:44
Speaker
And again, a lot of blood on all these people like that is the best work they did in this movie. for sure Somebody really gave a shit about the fake blood. Was it Savini? Savini. Do you think he got Savini? He was having he was having a bit of a rough week. It was 1992. He's like, you Tom, who saw Tom, I got you. I got you like a half ounce of coke. What did we just watch? Oh, nothing but trouble. Never mind. No, but it's back of that bag of coke. Oh, do that. Savini works. That's like a kilo coke. I get paid by the gram.
00:39:19
Speaker
yeah For every ounce of blood, I need one gram of cocaine. Here's a bucket. All right. So I'm going to get into the table and blow on this thing. So blood goes everywhere. We're going to get so much coke tonight. A blow for a blow. Look, I've got I've got these strippers coming over later. I've got this five gallon bucket of blood. We can go to TV.
00:39:42
Speaker
um But he has three sentence to hang by the neck until you are dead. Dead, dead, dead. And I ask, has anybody ever said you can hang for 20 minutes and that is your punishment? You are hanged by your neck for a while. Yeah. Somebody on a loophole like i I'm still up here. I'm um pretty badly injured, but I'm alive.
00:40:03
Speaker
I did my time. Look I've been hanging by my neck for quite a while. I've been up here for just six hours. o Pulling a Jesus on us here. Just gotta to wait till they poop.
00:40:15
Speaker
Jokes on you ought to poop right away. Just was assert dominance. Well, he must be dead. He pooped. Ha ha. Gotcha. I'm out of here. Jump through the wall. Look at the shape of you left behind. yeah
00:40:30
Speaker
but even even need me That's awful.
00:40:35
Speaker
but So they look up Parker, they find out the people that he's was in command of the Richmond's and the Quimby's and all the Papago, of course. Uh-huh. So they have to warn all of them. But instead of doing that, there's this tedious montage of them doing magical ceremonies, including playing pickup sticks. Well, how, how will is going to the library to find the genealogy? No, that's what, that's why they do all this first because it's such a long, Oh, that's right. Drawing out montage and then finally, I was like, we've been at this for an hour. This is the fate of a bunch of people on the line. You summoned a demon from Yuma and it will not return. You need to like get your personal responsibility. An hour is nothing. You get your ass out there and you find that fucking dog. And then that's when pal leaves. That's right. You're right. And they keep doing other stuff without him. Yeah. i Do you want to mention during the pickup stick scene? Like he's, I don't know what he's doing. He's dumping sticks on the ground and trying to read how they fall. But yeah, he just does this like, Oh, shucks. Oh, shucks. He dang darn. It's after everything he does. Like he's doing the cards and it comes up with one. He's like, Oh, shucks. He dang darn. You gotta do that. And I've been surprised with shucks. He dang darn.
00:41:54
Speaker
Yeah, that's infinitely better. Infinitely. I had to say it Vincent Lee. So this is where Powell goes to the Himmel Library, which I looked up and is just right behind. What the fuck with scoops, scoops from can't buy me love. Yeah, which is now all those betos. So across the street from Casa video. So, hey, go to the Himmel Library and ask for Bob Bookman because he plays a security guard with a Revolver. He takes his books real seriously. How do you think he got the name Bookman? Ooh. What if he did Bookmans open? Do you think Bookmans, he changed his name to Bob Bookman because he opened Bookmans? Or do you think his name was Bob Bookman? He's like, we better open a bookstore. I have nothing else in my life that makes more sense than me opening a bookstore. Exactly. That's it.
00:42:43
Speaker
But it is Bob. but Thank God. I'm not my ah friend, my next door neighbor, Troutman. A little bit of Trout Pro Shop. That's not going to work. But I mean, so we've got a local celebrity. Yeah, absolutely, man. celebrity He's been on TV. Yeah, I mean, Bob from bus is here to his own personality. Yeah, I did it totally wrong. I'm Bob from Buckman's. It's kind of like that. Yeah, it's a little Ross Perot, but I like it.
00:43:08
Speaker
um My mouth broke man, you can take the whore out of the whore house but you can't put a book up her butt. You kidding if you have enough money? Mummy's not like toilet paper, scatters in the wind, we put a
Film Review Conclusion and Garage Filming
00:43:20
Speaker
blow dryer on low.
00:43:23
Speaker
Ross frozen saying he makes up his own shit. I'm saying we're always paying top dollar for used books, music and magazines. We buy videos, games and video games. All right. You weren't far off. Bob from Bookman's Island. Now and I can't do it because I can hear him. He's got like a little nasally voice. You can't do the first nation of Nelson without knowing what your father's toes look like.
00:43:48
Speaker
right ross we've got a podcast to do but so you put me to ba to put my dinner in the toaster
00:43:58
Speaker
I don't want to fight a kangaroo. I will. I will put Ross Perot to bed for now. Well, you could take them.
00:44:13
Speaker
So Powell casts an invisibility spell on himself, so this guy can't find him and then runs and starts to master. That's exactly what Jack was like. would I would start to masturbate. Then you just see Powell's face and he's like, I said it because he's kind of looking like that. But then after I said that, his eyes are rolling back and he's doing the. Oh, mommy. Oh, mommy. I'm gonna need a towel. Standing there. Bob just gets in the face.
00:44:40
Speaker
ah Staring at books and then comes shot directly in your face. He was in the genealogy section. He's in my face and tell me to throw snowballs.
00:44:55
Speaker
Gosh darn dang it. Gosh darn dang it. Oh, Shucky dang darn guys. That's what it was, Shucky dang darn. Oh, Shucky dang darn sounds like a fucking cartoon stripper that gives information to a cartoon cop. As you go downtown and see Shucky dang darn. Maybe I got it from Cool World. I don't know. That's a character that would be in Cool World. Yes, it is.
00:45:20
Speaker
So if they go out to warn people. They see this. There's already cops at Richmond's house. They go to warn this guy, Quimby. Quimby is played by a guy named Roger Gendry, who I'm only gonna mention, because he's the guy who's been in other movies. And what movie was that? The Guys. He was in at least 20 films, according to Letterboxd, and I was very shocked to find that I've seen two of them. This being one of them. This being one of them. And the other one, a movie from 1973 called Violated, with an exclamation point. Violated!
00:45:54
Speaker
so which is part of the Vinegar Syndrome Lost Films box. So like box set that they did. So they're films that were lost and didn't like that were presumed lost to never be found again. And they found a bunch of like old films in this warehouse and restored them. Are you telling me about that like a year ago? One of the ones we watched was that Beware the Black Widow that you were watching with me when we were very drunk and I had that catchy song. Beware, beware the Black Widow. Wish you had video on that.
00:46:22
Speaker
He was crooning right there. Yeah, he was. Oh, do you know here? Well, don't be aware of that old black widow. But this one, this is a movie called Violated and he's not a main character, he's a cop, he's an uncredited cop, but it stars a woman named Renee Bond, who is a porn star of the era. Yeah, Bond Edge. He was also in a movie called Alice in Acidland, The Black Gestapo, and The Thing with Two Heads. Oh, The Thing with Two Heads, that's what we saw in this movie, right?
00:46:55
Speaker
That's a movie where a white man has a black man's head attached to him. What the fuck is wrong with people? Well, it's 1972. Some people have a head attached to him. He's also in a movie called The Wizard of Mars that I would watch based exclusively on the title. He's also in a movie called The Ramrotter. OK, talk about something I would watch based exclusively on the title. But yeah, so he was in 20 movies, so good for him.
00:47:21
Speaker
Good for him. Good for someone. Those were and they were mostly in the 70s. So this was after he had given up on movies and moved to Tucson, Tucson. And this guy, Paul Klinko was like, hey, you did some movies, right, pal? You want to be in my fucking movie or what? That's a solid Klinko. I've never heard him talk, but that is such a good Klinko. I believe that to be Klinko.
00:47:40
Speaker
I don't know if that's the voice of a hypnotherapist. guy I don't know if the guy start was like, i'm sleepy one. Exactly. The guy's like, I'm going to. All right. It's time for your hypnotherapy session. So close your eyes. You're going to fall asleep around me. I don't think I am, sir. Can't relax feel like you're waiting to take off my shoes. Look, lay back on the couch, take off your pants. What? like like Relax. Just relax your mouth and say, oh, I probably say ah the way Matthew McConaughey talks.
00:48:07
Speaker
Oh, he could do it. Yeah, especially when he says the word perfect. He's the actor that says perfect the second best. Perfect. That's the first old clinko himself. I don't know why Paul Klinko is fucking ah Peter Falk, but hey, you know, this is the first thought, the first voice that came to mind and skip that part if you'd like. Oh, you want want me to skip the part with the boobs? Well, then I'm not telling you this story. yeah You might as well not watch.
00:48:38
Speaker
But so this guy is, ah Quimby is in his house cleaning his guns as one does at two in the morning. hey that's too I mean, i I know what Jack does at two in the morning. That's Tucson. That's a Tucson. When you're high as an apple pie, clean your guns at two in the morning. That's a Tucson. Sirens ring, meth bells ding.
00:49:03
Speaker
Has it running, running mean? That's your mailbox gone. When your skinhead friend shows up for a satanic ritual, that's a two song. Oh, good God, this episode. Hey, ADD, baby, it's fine. I don't have to edit. I'm not going to. You're like, just release. Look, i'm I'm sorry. This happens almost every time we watch one of these gobbledygookies.
00:49:32
Speaker
I know just about every time and Derek's one that has to deal with it. And they always end up great. They do. They end up very fun. You don't have fun watching, but you have fun talking. There we go. That should be the tagline on the front of the box. You won't have fun watching it, but you'll have fun talking about it afterwards. It should be the tagline when I share this.
00:49:53
Speaker
But so they're taken hostage by Quimby because they're weirdos, question mark. Either you you knock on my door and tell me some magic shit at two in the morning. I'm taking you hostage. Just shut the door and leave. I like my plan better. But this is when our union ghost shows back up and he sees. Oh, wait, leave there Sarah, Sarah, the wife is in a robe with a thing in her hair, and grossly eating chips out of this bag.
00:50:23
Speaker
ah There's not many ways to eat chips out of a bag that aren't grossly if people are watching you. I mean like one ship at a time is pretty decent. It was a midnight snack. She was hungry. Who has the time? One chip at a time. Look at me having tea with the queen. Raising my hand. But so the ghost shows up he sees Vincent Lee. He's like, oh, Judge Graham. So we know I guess we may have found out earlier. Oh, he said something. No, he said something earlier about his grandpa or his great grandpa being a judge. But so we know, though, that this guy is like at least an hour ago. I don't know, dude. It happened. No, it's been because of that montage we know is an hour ago.
00:51:01
Speaker
well we do know he does say it before we get the genealogy book that okay we do get that you know this is a one crazy night movie isn't it yeah it is it is a crazy night as one crazy night do you think it was shot fe dressed up like Union maybe soldiers killing folk
00:51:18
Speaker
ah but so Quimby tries to shoot the ghost he laughs in his face and This is another cool one and I kind of I was kind of looking to see how they did it I couldn't quite figure it out. It's which is actually good. He stabs this guy Quimby but like feet of one foot off the ground no both feet off yeah And he's like hanging off the wall. I think he has something on his back, a strap on his back and he's hung up on a hook. That's the only thing maybe you don't see anything on his like no strap on the front. It is done really well. It's like he's well, he's got ah a shirt on like a tank top. Yeah. So he probably has a harness under the shirt. just I was thinking like maybe to have something kind of close behind him and he's like standing on it a little bit or something, but his legs are dangling.
00:51:57
Speaker
Mm hmm. Well, it's cool. It's just it's well done for the movie. The movie that cost a thousand dollars or whatever. It might not be. ah It might not be a bad idea. a Belt on a hook kind of thing. Yeah. This is guy is bigger. jobpe looking This guy is bigger than every other actor, though. So they had to like one, two, three. Can you jump? Would you help us? Well, they had they had him stand on a box and then they're like, all right, ready?
00:52:20
Speaker
I'm going to take these belt loops. Hold it. Don't get mad if you fall face first. Good thing you had those Levi's. Oh, yeah. Five or one suspenders. So Graham uses this talisman and like blast him in the face and then they leave and they are stopped by the police and arrested and hard quote interrogated.
00:52:44
Speaker
back at the police station because she is being so nice, even though she's talking shit. like I don't think this old lady can be mean. No, she's a Grammy. She's a gram gram. Yeah, she's a gram gram. Oh, no. She questions power first, then she talks to Vincent Lee and he tells her the whole story. And she's like, well, that's about the biggest amount of bullshit I ever heard. He's like, hold on. Can I show you something? Can you just show me your pen? Well, I like real quick that if she follows it up with now, tell me about your cult. You wouldn't see looks you be a big pile of shit. It's here. So come down my way. I got a bit of a cult going to all these pigs work for me, the shit when I want to.
00:53:23
Speaker
They ask for food. I ask for shit. It's a great cult. I mean, it's not that different from a real cult. You know, my favorite songs, cultural personality. ah Those boys can wail. person ra musini andin't go eat i'm a total but quote of personality bo and zipy and just picturing this fucking old farmer singing that song and it's great. Wake me up before you go, go. That's another good one I like. But she's asking about the cult because they have the symbol they drew on the door or whatever. And this is that meta moment because she's like, it looks like something out of a low budget horror film and then stops and looks at the camera.
00:54:07
Speaker
Fourth World broken. But so then he draws this magical symbol and says some chance and rolls his eyes back in his head. And she just watches the whole time. And then she looks at it and goes, you're right. That explains everything. Jedi mind trick on paper. Yeah. Jedi's just got it better because they they don't have paper it's just a fucking you no paper paper. It's just a drawing Obi-Wan Kenobi like you will let these people go.
00:54:33
Speaker
He just drew Alec Guinness. What are you working on over there? oh Hold on. This rune is almost done. Looks a lot like Sir Alec Guinness. Hiding on the Tatooine planet with two sons. She just looks at it. These are not the droids I'm looking for. You're free to go. Let him go. He's like, well I did it wrong, but it works. Results.
00:54:53
Speaker
So they let they let them go and they're like, we got to go clean up our fucking mess, right? So they go back to the mines. They stripped down poor Mrs. Quimby. They rip her fucking clothes off. This poor woman is screaming and crying and they just watched her husband get put into a wall and what goes shoved into by a good ghost shoved into a station wagon. Yeah. Now stripped.
00:55:15
Speaker
I mean, now given this is a much finer robe, but permission would be nice. She still had a night count underneath. They really. No, no, no. They stripped her naked and put it on because well afterwards she's sitting there. It looks like all the other girls where the world is just barely stopped by her nerves. Uh huh. Ice him up.
00:55:31
Speaker
I was saying like she had a nightgown under her row. Oh, and they ripped all. Yeah. Okay. I thought you meant she still had one after they know. And then I forgot they put her in that gold robe or whatever. Yeah. And then he's tried. He's like, no, it's just it's very nice thing. It's for the ritual. You'll understand. You'll love it. She's just sitting there like, what? What is happening? Who are you? corn This isn't acting, by the way. They just grabbed a woman. It's like her in a dream is's so real. She has the best scream. She's the best actor in this movie.
00:56:00
Speaker
because it's real. Yeah. I mean, I was going to say it's Vincent Lee because he is doing work on this like this theatrical over the topness of it all. Yeah. With necromancy. Trust the process. Like a food processor, a good one.
00:56:18
Speaker
But they they have to resummon Parker to complete the circle or something. Something something circle side. There's a cut quick cut back to the police station. And they bring in this guy they call a punk. And this looks like an 80s movie punk. Yeah. Yeah. like Just like something that nobody ever actually looked like unless you were in a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. ah Dude, wrap around 80s glasses like very geometric sides, mullet mohawk.
00:56:47
Speaker
Yeah, Mohawk. Mohawk, yeah. It's a Mohawk for sure. Mohawkland Drive. Mm-hmm. Sorry, that was for me. They say, what do you sell him this time? Yeah. And he's just, I mean, I love, he's just standing there and this cop just.
00:57:02
Speaker
Shakes him and he's like still shook him like it was a 1950s movie in a dame of a stereo being hysterical. Hold still. Calm down. Calm down. It worked on my baby. Quit shaking your neck like that.
00:57:20
Speaker
But in the the hustle and bustle here, the lieutenant Alvarez gets stabbed by this ritual knife that apparently they kept. And no, it was ah was just a little blade from the. pump Oh, was it? It looks. Yeah, this looks pretty fancy. Look what I found and throws it and it opens up and hits her finger and she's like, you know, this knife's been if I get aid, it's your ass. You know what? I'm going to curse this whole station and we're going to make fucking this movie, Death Magic 2. And her blood is on Alvarez. There we go.
00:57:49
Speaker
Yeah, her blood falls on the room and then she's like, wait a second. That was a bunch of horseshit. Yeah, because it was supposed to last till the next morning. Yeah, it is the next morning, though. Well, like noon, I think he as he said he he said he's done dead by dawn, but it's not done yet. So it is done when they when the police re-arrive.
00:58:09
Speaker
So there's a flashback to when he's getting hung hanged. Mm hmm. Thank you. Jack taught me that. Well, he know I think I knew that, but he's corrected me a lot. I've corrected you on that. It's just the it's the i like saying hung. It's the one that doesn't sound like proper English, but it is. You get well hung when you get hanged.
00:58:30
Speaker
Depends. It stretches? You get a direction. Well, that doesn't mean you're well-hung. That's what... Well-hung means you have a big cock. Cock. Big quack. Big quack. Big quack. It's bigger. Because it's flooding with blood. And you shit your pants. That's why I said depends. That's how I'm going out.
00:58:51
Speaker
But yeah, he swears by the teeth of Nagalon that they'll all pay. You'll pay. You'll pay. You'll pay the teeth of Nagalon. What the hell is this fucking is Captain talking about? Suddenly, this civil war major is yelling Satan words. Yeah. Yeah. Like I think we would have seen this coming as a troop, right? I mean, I think.
00:59:12
Speaker
I don't fucking know. But they do. This is another this is a little bit a good bit of editing that I appreciated because they do. He's in the frame and they make the sound of the gallows. He drops out and you can see the the camera cut because obviously you just your editing can't be that good with what they're doing. But then it cuts to this top rope like very quickly. So it's like, oh, and then they cut below and it's his feet kicking and he's very clearly sitting on the side. But it's fine. Like a little kid waiting on the pool. Yeah.
00:59:41
Speaker
And then they cut back to him hanging there dead. And you know he's dead. Not because he shit himself. No. But because his tongue is hanging out like Stimpy. Because he shit himself. He didn't follow his pants. But he shit himself and it's disgusting. His tongue is out because he's going to throw up.
00:59:59
Speaker
We go back to the satanic ritual. ah Parker re arrives and then he cuts out Jane's intestines. Yep. Which is also pretty sweet. Wet balloons. so Yeah. Ketchup covered balloons. Yeah.
01:00:14
Speaker
When it's first coming out of her, there's no blood. Maybe it's pantyhose shoved with cotton or something. No. It looks a little too slimy. Yeah. Like when it's first coming out of her stomach, which this looks really good, too. Like they it's probably the same rubber torso they were using earlier. Now they just slid it lengthwise. Oh, yeah.
01:00:30
Speaker
because it's like it's coming out of her stomach and she's pulling out these intestines. But like there's no blood on it there. But when they show her dead on the ground, there's another five gallon, five gallon like Home Depot bucket of yeah blood. We ran out of coke for the night. Get another bucket of blood. We're going to make him pace. That actually makes sense because when you first cut the blood doesn't come out immediately. You let that steak well, like rest a little bit.
01:00:58
Speaker
That's Maya Globin. I love you. Now I want steak. Thanks. You're welcome. Powell and ah Vincent Lee have a little bit of a tussle and Powell is like, I control you ghost. I've not learned anything in this movie. yeah Kill him, kill Graham. Nobody controls me. Even the demons in hell are terrified of me. They tremble when I walk around. The older demons tremble when I walk by because they're old. You see, they they are in sick. Mrs. Quimby is good, but I think Parker is probably the best like actor. He's at least having fun when he does his evil laugh. It's a good evil laugh. Yes, she has part. She has the best screams. Yes. Hands down, the best scream.
01:01:42
Speaker
But he is he's like, I don't need your orders to kill him and just slaps the shit out of this kid, which is great. The best part is slapping him. Yeah, it is. Marissa tries to stab him with the sword, say laughs in her face. You can't. My love for Donald is stronger than your hate or trade for him. He cannot die with me still alive. Well, if you say so, I accept your terms. I'll give you what you wish for. So he slices her and she goes down and just like twitching like a fish has a seizure and just spitting blood everywhere. It's it's good stuff. It is great. So Powell is the one who takes Mrs. Quimby hostage. That's what happens.
01:02:23
Speaker
Yes. He's he's holding a he's holding a knife to her or a sword to her as if either of these guys cares. And they've sacrificed all the chicks in their life that they knew. Yeah. You have no chance. And Graham and Parker have a little bit of a fight. ah There's like a hell.
01:02:40
Speaker
Hand laser. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's right. There is a hand. Yeah. Graham Vincent Lee shoots some lasers out of his hand. hands Pocket sand. I'm also sure at one point there was another laser right before this. I think it was Powell. I think he got a Harry Potter wand. Yes. Yeah. So that's a thing. um Did Powell and Graham like make amends to. No, they didn't. Never mind. But they are battling Parker.
01:03:02
Speaker
Together. Yeah, they were fighting each other and now he's holding her hostage so that Parker wanted or that Graham won't attack him. I don't know. Graham basically is like, look, you summoned him, so you have to banish him and cuts this dude's head right off. Goodbye, Parker. And this head is 1,000% a sex doll head. It's just sitting there with an open mouth. Gaping. We need a fake head to get one of the prop guys like this. Take all the hair and makeup
Blood Effects and Dramatic Plot Twists
01:03:31
Speaker
off. We can clean the makeup off. We're filming this in my garage. I'll be right back. Get all that white shit off of its face and we'll be fine.
01:03:37
Speaker
it the Wait, these are we still using the black lights for this scene? rusty Yeah, there's no black lights allowed in this set. I'm just saying. Is red light okay? We got naked chicks everywhere. I'm way too single for black lights in my life.
01:03:50
Speaker
But there is so much fucking blood on his stump, like it's spurtin' and squirtin' and sprayin'. It's fantastic. It is the most blood. all the like All the blood in the movie so far is covered in blood. Yeah. Like this amount of blood coming out of his stump is equivalent to the rest of the blood in the movie. This is a fireworks grand finale. Yes. And I am definitely grateful for it. And Parker takes Quimby hostage and he's like,
01:04:17
Speaker
I'll get you next time, gadget, and like fades off with her. So poor Mrs. Quimby's in hell now. Mrs. Quimby's life is ruined. Is that what happened to her? I didn't know she disappeared. Yeah, he disappeared and was still holding Yuma with him. You will be my queen. We will rule over all you can see. This is just Yuma. But there's a prison and onions.
01:04:43
Speaker
I can do it. Excuse me. I know they grow a lot of onions. on What are we? What are we having for dinner? Onion soup? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Do you got cheese on it? Nope. I'm lactose intolerant. I won't. I won't tolerate it. So Vincent Lee backs out like they just show all the dead bodies, the carnage laying everywhere. He backs out carrying this fucking sword. Yeah. What what am I thinking of? Claymore. Claymore. That's the word I was trying to think of. I know.
01:05:11
Speaker
I was like, whatever store the Highlanders run around with. Why did I think a claymore was like the bomb that point? It also is. OK, thank you. Yeah. Thank you. Named after the big giant fucking sword. OK. Well, Excalibur Excalibur.
01:05:26
Speaker
depending on the the Lord. Giant fucking sword. It's a giant sword. It might have been a Claymore. I don't know. You're a Claymore. I'm not an Arthurian expert. Shouldn't be. We should ask Michael B. Michael B. Shouldn't be. It's all made up. We should ask Michael Bay. He knows all about Arthurians. You shouldn't know that much about made up stuff, but you should listen to Han Took Shots first.
01:05:44
Speaker
Any chance you get it? That's all real. So he backs out of his mind. He's a guest with horror as he sees all these dead bodies. Because now he has no one to have sex with.
Satanic Panic and Obscure Film Discussion
01:05:58
Speaker
fair I'd be a guest with horror as well and make some new sex slaves. Yes And right behind him is lieutenant Alvarez and the might of the Tucson police force whole Seven of them they go full Tucson. Yeah, they do they all unload in this dude with their guns. Yeah Right after just sex slave comments, I got to clarify. He turns around with the claymore and with the sword claymore, whatever the sword. And they're like, wow well, he's got a weapon. fake Big, big, big, big, big, big, big. He's had a rat forest. And then let's see another movie.
01:06:31
Speaker
Yeah, because magic kills everybody. We need to have that lesson of this, I almost said Hispanic panic. Satanic panic. That was a few years ago. That was Tucson as well, though. Yeah, yeah that was that's ah that's like the 50s, anti marijuana laws, those kind of things. Yeah, and then like, you know, 2015 and then. And then voting oh the law that just passed. Yeah, 2025.
01:06:53
Speaker
But no, still going. This movie had to end with satanic panic. Bad like magic. Bad. Yeah. Something goes bad. But it's funny because this guy being like a hypnotherapist, I'm assuming he also likes occult shit because that just seems to go together. Right. So he obviously likes this shit, but he also knew he's like, well, I got to make i'm making a movie about it. Bad stuff's got to happen. No one's going to pick this up if I say the occult is good.
01:07:17
Speaker
Yep. But so the the ghost is on the loose. The juice is loose. Oh, he did say and he's going to kill every Richmond, every Graham and every. And then I think all their descendants as well, which I guess they aren't having any. He's just going to wipe the bloodline. yeah Yeah. So. Hey. All right. That's the end of the movie.
01:07:35
Speaker
yeah well so go around the horn for recommendations if this were something someone could actually get a hold of in view would you recommend it wife honestly i wouldn't believe it unless you actually watched it if you this is one that i very much enjoyed with you guys i have to have your caveats dude i there was so much laughter so much What is happening? I did not hate this. I think if if you were able to get a hold of this, definitely grab your friends, get some popcorn, and definitely some beers and smokes. Ooh, popcorn. um I was gonna be a no because it's so hard to watch, and I don't mean find it. I mean like it's- It is a hard, it's a graininess. It's hard to see. But talking with you guys about it, the it's come back. Like the the enjoyment.
01:08:25
Speaker
The blood is great.
Nostalgia and Upcoming Features
01:08:26
Speaker
A lot of these stunts, not stunts, but a lot of the effects are, effects isn't the right word either. A lot of the kills. They're effectish. Are really good. The practical effects. And I've just had more fun talking than watching. Definitely. So it's a softest recommend if you could find it. I'm, do not spend $28 on this. No, do not. Do it. Don't. I'm not. I will say, I think if we hadn't been watching this for the podcast, so trying to pay a little bit more attention,
01:08:52
Speaker
You guys probably would have had a more fun time because like you said, sitting around, telling jokes, having a good time. But normally in that situation, when it's something that's stupid, you're not paying full attention either. And we are trying to pay attention so we can relay this to the list, point out certain things. Yeah. um I do like these kind of movies. I think they're fun. There was an era that none of us will probably remember because we didn't have ah even have a lot of mom and pop video stores in Tucson. There was one on Camino Seiko ish area that I can remember your parents want to write. Yeah, that I used to go to with my parents, but like video store shelves in the late 80s, like after the video boom blockbuster, like before blockbuster like mom and pop video stores, they wanted to fill those shelves. Yeah. And that was when video stores had one to three copies maybe of a movie. So there was a lot of shot on video movies, especially horror that came from that.
01:09:45
Speaker
OK, that's awesome. and So this is part of that. And I think that it's it's a cool part of like movie history, whatever. It is stupid as fuck, but it's entertaining. The blood is really good. There's a lot of boobs, a lot of what do we say, six, five.
01:10:00
Speaker
Yeah, anyway, lots of boobs. Five and a half. Because you get some cleavage shots. But that I mean, you know, and that's not for everybody. So that's not necessarily the selling point. But there are a lot of boobs. There's a lot of blood. If you're into a movie with a lot of blood, you're probably into a movie with a lot of boobs. Let me just put it that way. If you're anything like me. There's a Venn diagram out there of that.
01:10:20
Speaker
It's a soft recommend. I think it's worth watching. um and It is hard to go and spend twenty eight dollars on a Blu-ray, but you might be able to find it on eBay for cheaper because people have bought it. I mean, it was it was available through vinegar syndrome. It's available still through culture shock releasing. So yeah. And again, if you know us, fucking ask us.
01:10:38
Speaker
I let Serge borrow it. There you go. He enjoyed it. I bet you did. This is right up his alley. Yeah, it So next week, we're done with Arizona a month now. Arizona's over. We love you, Arizona. Happy birthday. Arizona's over. I mean, based on this last election. but Next week, we will be getting out of Arizona and traveling to Falconvania, Pennsylvania, or Valkenvania, New Jersey, probably. yeah I don't think they got all the way to Pennsylvania. Get a trash bag ready. Yeah, we're watching Nothing But Trouble, you know you're written by, directed by, produced by, and sorry and starring Dan Aykroyd and Dan Aykroyd. And Dan Aykroyd. And Chevy Chase.
01:11:25
Speaker
And to me more John Candy. Oh, Fausto, who plays Fausto? Oh, ah Tyler.
01:11:34
Speaker
Tyler Taylor Negron Taylor Negron. There you go. I was I was like, I know this name. Why am I blanking? But that's next week's episode. And as I'm starting to do now, I started it on next week's episode, which we already recorded. But I'm going to start telling you guys where to watch next week's movie at the end of this episode so you can watch it beforehand. Nothing but trouble, if you would like to watch it, is available to rent on Amazon for four twenty nine and to buy for thirteen fifty nine. If you're going to watch it, I'd rent it.
01:12:02
Speaker
and see where you go from there you can also buy a shout
Support, Bonus Content, and Tribute
01:12:05
Speaker
factory blu-ray like i did for nineteen dollars i didn't pay nineteen dollars i got it on sale so watch for sales if you really want don't forget we have a patreon at patreon dot com slash worstpele it's only three dollars a month three dollars a month You get so much more extra ah but content. talent kind Content. Content. Content. Content. Content. You get extra content. There you go. Put a tent up. Take a cock out. You get so much more extra content.
01:12:37
Speaker
This month's bonus episode on our mental health feed is Harley Davidson and The Marlboro Man. Dude. Yes. Mickey Rourke and Don Johnson. First time listener. Sorry. First time watchers on both Derek and Whitney. Yes. And I fell in love. It was a listener request from Tanker Tom. Thank you, Tanker Tom. Thank you because it was awesome. You're also going to get the new episode of Latch Key Vids, which this month we are talking about Cop Rock episode three. Happy Mudders Day.
01:13:03
Speaker
which involves a plot line about how ugly the mayor is. Oh, God, she is. She is the wicked. Which of the West meets a munchkin meets.
01:13:19
Speaker
There's something else in there. Ghostbusters. kill Gargoyle. Oh, the librarian from the beginning. Yeah. Oh, ah and we are recording these in advance, which I think we've mentioned. But his husband and I went on a cruise. Yes, we are out of town as this episode is coming out. So we're recording these in advance. So I just want to say rest in pictures to David Lynch and Bob Euchre. God, seriously. Golf club. Golf club.
01:13:45
Speaker
They both passed away just before we recorded this episode, like a few days before. um And peak into the future, next month's mental health episode will be Major League, even though it's made in Arizona, and we were gonna save it for that. But Bob Euchre's passing. Bob Euchre,
Conclusion and Thanks
01:14:01
Speaker
dude. We're talking about that. Of course, I have to thank Evasion for providing our opening and closing music. I've been Derek. I'm still married to him. I'm Jack. By the tongue of Azeroth and...
01:14:14
Speaker
Mmm, well done. Boobs! Boobies!