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Ep 144: Welcome to the Dollhouse (Mental Health Month)
0 Playsin 15 minutes
Whitney has been riding us about seeing WELCOME TO THE DOLLHOUSE for nearly the entire time we've been doing the show, so we're finally getting to it as her pick for Mental Health month! Directed by Todd Solondz, this film follows middle schooler Dawn Weiner as she faces constant harassment and bullying from other students, her siblings, and even her own mother. This film is planted firmly in the mid-90s with a lot of "f" and "r" bombs, but we manage to find our way around it somehow.
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Transcript
Introduction and Podcast Theme
00:00:00
Speaker
Hi! Start the fucking episode. Welcome to Bad Movies, Worst People. To Bad Movies, Worst People. It's Mental Health Month. Mental Health Month. Which is why we're going crazy apparently. This week we're talking about Whitney's movie. Whitney's movie.
00:00:15
Speaker
It's... Wanna see my fingers? I'm Derek. I'm Whitney. I'm Jack. And this is Bad Movies, Worst People. Worst intros too.
00:00:28
Speaker
You want to see my fingers? No.
Introducing the Movie: Welcome to the Dollhouse
00:01:02
Speaker
Do they not have best friends? they are Do they not know how best friends work? No, they're people on Reddit. They do not have best friends. Asked and answered. Yep, we're here. We're talking about Welcome to the Dollhouse. Welcome to the Dollhouse has been one of my favorite movies for the longest time.
00:01:19
Speaker
It's a fantastic movie. How did it do? Let's get into some stuff. This movie came out in 1996, even though the IMDb and where we watched 1995. was recorded in 94. 94. it was recorded in ninety four At least takes place then.
00:01:33
Speaker
Yeah. Directed by Todd Sollins. He directed a few different things, but the one I've seen that I made Whitney watch that's also cringe inducing. And I read about how cringe inducing this was, and it's not nearly as bad as as this other movie, which is Happiness from 1998.
00:01:48
Speaker
Oh, I heard your description earlier. And what was that description? i dare not repeat it. Something about a lizard fucking kid and somebody jacking off on a beanpole. i You've mixed some things up, but you pretty much got the gist.
00:02:01
Speaker
I don't want to watch that movie if that's the gist. It's good. It's good. It is a good movie. It's very, very uncomfortable. is very uncomfortable. I like it. You know, this movie kind of reminded me of like the same feelings of was a Moon Knight Kingdom that or Moonlight Kingdom. Moonrise Kingdom. Moonrise Kingdom.
00:02:16
Speaker
Thank you. Because it's a really good like coming of age story. But I'm not that age. Yeah. So it's like, I don't think I should be watching these two kids have their first kiss. So I'm talking about Moonrise. This was your first. This is my first watching it. And it had the same feels of like, obviously, this just makes sense. What? What?
00:02:35
Speaker
He obviously it was his also. I i read a review on Letterboxd and this person was talking about how they lived in this small town and the the theater was an independent thing, not a chain. So they would look the other way most of the time when kids went into R-rated movies.
00:02:48
Speaker
um But he tried to go to this one. i think it was a he. It
Exploring Themes and Characters
00:02:52
Speaker
doesn't matter. The person tried to go to this one. And the person at the lady at the ticket counter was like, not this movie. This isn't for kids.
00:02:59
Speaker
He's like, I just rewatched this movie. I think all kids should watch this movie because it's it's about it's ah like a realistic kind of middle school experience. Obviously, it's more in some ways, but it's more relatable as a child.
00:03:12
Speaker
People don't want to talk about kids. using playing or slurs and kissing and fucking and yeah all these things. I was eighth or ninth grade when I saw this because the, the, the front crystal Benzino for, I love you. You're awesome. Thank you for putting this in my life.
00:03:29
Speaker
Um, She was a huge movie person and she even ended up like really tall. Yes. She's a great big fat movie person. burn for movie per Very skinny. You'll know why we did that. um but she was like she was into films like that. She still is kind of into films like that.
00:03:48
Speaker
And so she was the one that brought this to me. She's also brought me um Empire Records. That's a good one. So she's a sexton the third. No, that's me. breast's sex and the That's why she gave it. She brought it to because I was like, oh, my God, I'm in love with him.
Production Insights and Distribution
00:04:03
Speaker
She's like, well, you need to watch Welcome to the Dollhouse. Yeah. I love Warren.
00:04:07
Speaker
Warren's in this movie, guys. Yes. Not Warren. His name's not Warren? I thought his name was Warren. It was Warren. We're going to call him Warren in this. I'm just going to call him Warren the whole time. His name is Warren. But this movie did do, it came out at Sundance.
00:04:21
Speaker
It did really well. It won the grand jury prize for dramatic film, which is. that a big thing? dollar. You say it but I don't know it. That's best picture. Okay. Best picture, basically, for 1996. But that's Sundance, right? That's not box office. Right. So box office. Do you guys want to know the budget?
00:04:36
Speaker
Yes, please. Can I was guess the budget? Go for it. I want to guess two million. One million. Eight hundred thousand. Yeah. Good on you, mate. How much do you think it made?
00:04:47
Speaker
Eight hundred thousand. Five hundred thousand. No, it probably made probably like one point to five hundred thousand. Four point five million. Oh, OK. Nice. Good job. Not too shabby. Yeah, not bad.
00:04:59
Speaker
Still not like five times your money back. Presumably being released in like almost exclusively art house theaters, I would assume. Yeah. Like not. It wasn't at your Cineplex Odeon or your Regal or whatever was around in the ninety s Man theaters. Yeah.
Analyzing Middle School Experiences
00:05:14
Speaker
AMC. But I mean. So we'll talk about the movie, but like it's kind of all over the place. It's just kind of like a slice of life thing. There's not like a direct story. Can I give a little... Somebody basically just turns a camera on during a certain part of this chick's life and then just turns it off when they're done.
00:05:31
Speaker
Yeah. And i that's not a bad thing. It's not a criticism. It's just that's what's the plot. Yeah. you know And I just... Well, you can give a summary. I just want to say like kind of what I got from like the themes of what he was going for. Okay. I wrote some stuff down. Yeah. So it's basically just exploring like...
00:05:45
Speaker
The life of a middle schooler through like through the eyes of an adult now, right? Going back and telling the story. But like there's like the themes you have Bullying, parental neglect, um just realities realities of adolescence. The things that people don't want to see in movies. Kids have to be kids in movies. They can't be growing up.
00:06:03
Speaker
um But it's all it's all that same kind of... uncomfortable, unflinching kind of thing as happiness where it's like, let's make this awkward. Yeah. I think the next movie he did was happiness. And he's like, well, people liked being awkward. Let's do this. Let's have Dr. Kurt Connors be a pedophile. Let's double down. Yeah.
00:06:20
Speaker
So I was going to say it's about a girl in eighth grade or seventh grade. She's in junior high and ah the world hates her. Her parents hate her School hates her. She's the wiener dog. Ugly.
00:06:33
Speaker
They call her fat and all of that stuff. She just gets abuse from everywhere. It's a look in the early ninety s because, I mean, this was a reality. It makes you understand, and I should not say this, but it's it's what happens to the people that Columbine the schools. Oh, yeah. We made a joke at one point where I was like, but I'm rooting for her to kill some of these fucking people. like She is tortured.
00:06:55
Speaker
It's not even like a funny 90s bullying. You know how some movies try to like, oh, these are the funny bullies. Like, no, you're all awful people. yeah The teachers are fucking terrible. the what They either are don't notice or just like, shut up.
00:07:07
Speaker
now you're Now you're in trouble too. yeah Her mother, I want to beat her mother using the little I want to pick up the little sister like a fucking Louisville slugger and beat the mom with it. And then pick up the dad and spike him like a football.
00:07:20
Speaker
And then because I didn't do any other sports, used the little the older brother like a hockey puck. hey just He's the stick. He's the stick. He's a hockey stick. That way you hit him more than And I'm gonna be hitting the ice with it, just fucking getting ready. just Time for a fight. Yeah, it's awful, awful family. I mean, the dad's not the worst, actually. He's just complacent.
00:07:40
Speaker
He's just checked out. that's I think that's where I got like the neglect from, is he just doesn't care. Well, one no, they're all about Missy. Jumping way ahead at one point, he says it to, what's our what's the dollhouse? Don.
00:07:50
Speaker
Don Wiener. ah Don, Don to Wiener. So Don John to Wiener, she was like, I'm not taking down my clubhouse. And dad's like, dude, be smart. Make it easier on yourself. no that's his That's his motto, though.
00:08:02
Speaker
That's his life now. He's like, I've been married to this fucking battle axe for 20 fucking years. Trust me. Make it easier and just lay there and take it. Yeah. Placate your mother because otherwise it'll be a big pain in the ass for everybody. And this is. Well, I think we're going to Disneyland, dude. It's placation.
00:08:18
Speaker
it's ah It's set in like a suburb of New Jersey. Yeah. So yeah this family, it doesn't say they're Jewish, but they are. I mean, that anniversary song tells us, right? Yeah. If you have
Notable Scenes and Personal Stories
00:08:30
Speaker
a happy anniversary song sang to the tune of ho no you you have to be of the Jewish faith or you're not doing it right. Correct.
00:08:39
Speaker
I mean, Rob Reiner, Don Wiener fits in there, right? It does. All right. um And for those who don't know who the actress that played Don Wiener. She is Heather Matarazzo.
00:08:51
Speaker
Not Jewish. You might know her from, I don't know, Princess Diaries. I don't. ah Devil's Advocate. um Scream 3 and 5. She's miss Missy Meeks. You've never seen the Devil's Advocate?
00:09:07
Speaker
I have. Was she the girl that got molested in the Okay. Sorry, I forgot the first three minutes of that movie. Did you see Hostel Part 2? And last. But you're not going to give me any of the best parts of that? He's an absentee landlord.
00:09:20
Speaker
Did you see Hostel Part 2? No. Okay. She gets ah bled out like Elizabeth Bathory style. this lady bathes in her blood. Elizabeth Bathory? It's awesome. The who bathed in virgin's blood to stay young. oh So it's a historical figure. Did it work? ah She's dead.
00:09:36
Speaker
Get it. How she look?
00:09:39
Speaker
ah She was also in Saved. She was one of ah um Mandy Moore's little mean girl friends. You can name every movie I haven't seen. And Devil's Advocate.
00:09:50
Speaker
my goodness. Is that what you're going to do to me right now? Speaking of Devil's Advocate. Where are we champagne? In the fridge. my God. Oh, I don't drink them. So my eyes don't see it.
00:10:02
Speaker
Go get you a champagne. I will. Speaking of devil's advocate, next week we're talking about heat. Oh, some kind of thing. That's where we that's where we will finally get jack's we'll get context for Jack's ah Al Pacino.
00:10:16
Speaker
She's got a great ass. And you got your head all the way up it. I want a little Daniel D. Lewis in the end there. Yeah, works. All the way over there. But we start with Don Wiener, and she's trying to find a seat in the kitchen. It just sounds like a title. In the cafeteria. And everybody hated this scene. Like, this part of middle school.
00:10:35
Speaker
You always hated going into the cafeteria when you don't know where your friends are. I don't know. The cafeterias in TV schools are much smaller than, like, I i went to school in Tucson. It's not like we have a giant cafeteria.
00:10:46
Speaker
There's always somewhere to sit. In middle school, you probably at your school wasn't packed, was it? At Palo Verde, we had outdoor seating like a motherfucker, too. I mean, there was just... If the cafeteria high school... Well, that's school. Well, that's middle school. Sure. Well, I went to private school, so I missed out on all this shit you guys are talking about. I went to Grizzly. I outside and seek in middle school, too, at Seacrest. We had outside seating. we Yeah, we had assigned seating. That's what I'm You got you had a assigned seating for lunch? Yeah. He was in Catholic school, dude. Are you shitting me? No.
00:11:16
Speaker
I'm sorry. Catholic. Catholic. Do make a little bit more sense to you now? Every time I tell you, wait till Derek hears dog with the watermelon story. Oh my God. What the fuck? Seriously?
00:11:27
Speaker
How did? You knew once they told you where to go. is You had to sing. You had to sing when you got there your name for roll call. To the tune of I Am Thumb. Jack Petty. This person here, that person there. Hope you don't have a long name. Not very long name. Then there's this.
00:11:46
Speaker
Then there's that. Wow. Well, luckily, they're all Irish names. They're not that long. I'm going to a father. God. You don't have any you don't have any like you know kids from India in your class or anything. So don't have to go with any real long names. A lot of Hispanic.
00:12:02
Speaker
Well, OK, I guess that makes sense. got the Catholic. Yeah. All right. um So, yeah, in middle school, you go if you didn't if you weren't in line with your friends, it was hard to find your friends.
00:12:15
Speaker
It wasn't like in the movies where there was a specific table that you always sat at all the time. Sometimes I feel like for you that did happen at high school. High school, definitely. I think everyone, and it wasn't like a bully thing per se, it was just everyone fell into their clique. You went to lunch, you're like, well, i know Derek got out at whatever time and he's sitting there with the other people I like. yeah you know We don't want to go over there to those guys that are always sitting there. while between the three and the 400 building, that was my place. There you go. All four years. All right. You say it like I know it, but I'm going nod my head like I do know it. Fuck yeah.
00:12:43
Speaker
feel like Palo Verde looks just like Saguaro. Sure. I don't know the numbers of things at my place. You didn't have like 100 building, 200 building? I bet we did. And a 400 building? I'm positive we did. I sat on the wall.
00:12:54
Speaker
but Yeah, she's trying to find somewhere to sit. We're in the first second of the movie. Sorry, we'll go real fast, I promise. It'll go real fast. I actually want to be at three.
00:13:05
Speaker
She goes to sit by the mean little goth girl, ah Lolita. So take that name. She looks like a girl that played the little sister on Family Ties. Not Family Ties.
00:13:19
Speaker
because You're looking at the wrong guy. Yeah, Family Ties with um Michael Keaton. Yeah. No, Michael J. Fox. Yeah, Fox. michael Michael Keaton is fucking Family Ties. Oh, that's so Michael J. Fox and ah mal Burt Gummer. tremor Yeah, Burt Gummer. I said what I said.
00:13:34
Speaker
You said it right. Michael Gross. Michael Gross, yeah. Tremor Gunn. give her gu ah But she goes to sit by Lolita and Lolita's like, yeah, sure. You can sit here. And as soon as she sits down, she's like, so we threw up there. Yeah. I just love it. Like, she's like, I'm not going to not eat.
00:13:50
Speaker
No, she gets. she try it out yeah She's like, I'm already sitting. Well, she's like, she she can't give her the satisfaction. That's what I got from it. She's like, no, I'm not getting up. Fuck this girl. She didn't go she she doesn't look happy about eating her macron. actress didn't go on to do anything else.
00:14:03
Speaker
So i went I went through the credits before we watched the movie and I basically like a lot of people didn't have pictures by clicked like every person and then went to see if they had anything else. And most of them had either just this or maybe one other thing I'd never heard of Right. Okay. I wrote down a few people who did have other things.
00:14:21
Speaker
She does look like she could be a Colkin. Boy. But this is where like we get the tone set for the movie because these cheerleader girls walk up to Dawn and they're like, hey, are you a lesbian?
00:14:33
Speaker
No. That's not true. She made a pass at me. Yep. And then here comes... Lesbo, lesbo. Which you can say that word all you want. Exactly. By the way, before we go it further, we are going to replace some words. Oh, yes. We didn't mention that. Because there is this is a 90s lens into junior high and a bit into high school.
00:14:52
Speaker
There are heavy R words. There's a lot of the F word. And I ain't talking fuck. Yeah. So we're going to replace those two words. And it's not where it is not like some other movies like Bill and Ted and stuff where like you're saying it just because like it's the slang of the time.
00:15:06
Speaker
This is how kids talked in middle school. yeah And especially with the word that Whitney just used, like that that is ammunition that people were shooting at her. The F word that people were calling friend. I can't tell you times I got called a lesbo. I believe because you were pretty young when you knew it. Well, speaking being young and knowing it,
00:15:22
Speaker
Heather Matarazzo, Dawn, she said that this movie, among other things, but working on this movie helped her realize that she was a lesbian. Okay. Because she didn't know what that was, was the thing I read. She's like, I didn't know what that how what that word meant.
00:15:39
Speaker
I'm not sure. She's your age, I want to say. She's probably about the age she's supposed to be. Okay. so But like she didn't even know what that meant, and she found out via this movie that And then and just like the character in this, she's she probably doesn't know what it means. She goes home and calls her sister a lesbo right away right because she's just repeating the stuff she heard at school. But like she didn't even know what that meant. She figured it out and she's like, oh, shit, that's me.
00:16:00
Speaker
She said it took her like another nine years to come out because of it was the 90s ridicule and fear and all those things that shouldn't be happening. Yeah. But she is a lesbian in real life. I love her.
00:16:13
Speaker
So, but it's this movie that helped find her confidence. I love that. Yeah, so that's good thing. If I ever get to meet her, I'm going to tell her I loved her in this.
00:16:22
Speaker
She's like, that's the only person who's ever said that. nobody Everybody always just comes to is like, I love Princess Diaries. I loved you in Devil's Advocate. I loved you Hostel. In Devil's Advocate, when you were the girl on trial. I loved when you got squeezed out like a tube of toothpaste in Hostel 2.
00:16:36
Speaker
It was great. to God, i got to watch Hostel 2 now. Like a tube of toothpaste? We're going to watch All right. right. And then she comes across Brandon McCarthy, who from here on out will be known as Warren, played by Brennan Sexton III, or as he's credited in this movie, Brennan Sexton Jr. He didn't know he had a dad's dad. No, they found a grandpa via All right. Fuck yeah, early 23andMe.
00:17:05
Speaker
And like you said, he was in Empire Records that we talked about. He's in Boys Don't Cry, Black Hawk Down, some other stuff. Whitney's dreams. But they're picking on this kid in the hallway, this kid, Troy. And this is right out of the gate. It's like, hey, say I'm fun. Forgettable, forgettable. say i'm Say I'm a forgettable. Tell me you're forgettable.
00:17:24
Speaker
And then Dawn comes over and she's like, just leave him alone. And they call her all the names as well. and then leave. And the boy, she goes, bends down to help him. And he's like, get out of my face, wiener dog. Like, dude, even even this kid that got picked on is like, I'm still above you.
00:17:41
Speaker
Todd Solins most recent movie, which I only found out about looking on IMDb. I didn't know it's called Wiener Dog. Oh, really? Yeah. But it actually follows this wiener dog who I guess goes to different families.
00:17:52
Speaker
Every one of his movies, I went through and read the descriptions and it was all like, here's some stuff that happens, but it's all kind of weird. like right so he's got a thing. But this dog is like a foster dog and or something and goes through these different families. And basically, it's all these different dysfunctional people and families. Is that why our dog? And apparently there's an extended diarrhea sequence. Oh, well, got find a way to make it uncomfortable.
00:18:14
Speaker
Yeah. Think you're just hot shit? You're just cold diarrhea? Yeah. We meet Don's brother. Brother? Mark?
00:18:24
Speaker
Steven? Mark. don't know. Steven is the boy the... It took me until the end of the movie to figure out the sister's name was Missy. Okay. It is Mark because I thought it was Barry, but Barry's the keyboard player.
00:18:36
Speaker
Correct. Is Barry the keyboard player? Yes, because Don plays piano better than Barry. Because he is probably the most successful actor in this movie. Really? Yeah. I didn't recognize him. Obviously, the he they have him all revenged of the nerds up.
00:18:50
Speaker
but like it's so it's Ken Leung. ah he was in He was in Saw. He played a cop, but he was in that he was in Lost. ah Miles something.
00:19:02
Speaker
He was in a whole bunch of that, like 80 episodes or something. Was he also in one of the xmen the third X-Men movie? He was in one of the X-Men movies. I i didn't write down which one. He's in forced awaken on stuff yeah he's he's admirals to tora and Force a in Force Awakens. I know who he is. He's very...
00:19:21
Speaker
He's tickling them in the libraries. He's in that god-awful Inhumans Marvel show that they did. i don't know if you ever watched that. No, I didn't. It was like an ABC show that was supposed to be like the first, because they said S.H.I.E.L.D. wasn't part of the MCU, but they did this Inhumans thing, and it was supposed to be, but it failed so hard. They were like, just kidding. It never happened. Yeah. um He was ah Karnak in that cool character in the comics. I know who he is. Yeah. All right.
00:19:44
Speaker
But he's like the most successful person in this show, and I yeah didn't catch who he was. I guess that makes sense because Steve Rogers, not Captain America, mentions that she should be teaching him piano. So that makes sense.
00:19:58
Speaker
But his brothers in this her brother is in this band, the Quadratics, because they're nerds. Oh, yeah. With a clarinet, drums, and a keyboard. And I love they're like playing this song, and it's awful. And at first I was like, oh, God, is this going to be like the soundtrack for this movie? like Just discordant garbage? You want uncomfortable? Because they don't show the band at first. They show the little sister in the yard, but then it pans over to the band, and their's it's their first ever practice. It's terrible, but then we find out they're trying to do Satisfaction by Rolling Stones, and I was like, they did not.
00:20:28
Speaker
How do you think the Rolling Stones sound in their first practice? A lot better than that. The Rolling Stones, sure, they had to get better, but they were better than that. They they weren't on drugs yet, so no. they probably were. I will say these guys get better.
00:20:40
Speaker
The band gets much better. Yeah, once they had in Guess what? Turns out you need a guitar in the band. Wait, you're telling me you can't have a band with a clarinet, a keyboard, and drums? If you're going to play in Jersey, you have to have a guitar in the band.
00:20:53
Speaker
And singer. You have to have singer Bruce Springsteen. Name a band that has no guitar player.
00:20:59
Speaker
I was about to say Prodigy, and then i was like, nope, they do. like That's barely a band. it's like But they do have a guitar player. man um Driving scientists. Hip-hop groups. Hip-hop group.
00:21:12
Speaker
um Band has to be live instrumentation. Actually, now He plays with Paul. and When they play live, they have a band. They have a pianist, a and a guitarist. I don't think they have a guitar, though. But they do have a bass player.
00:21:26
Speaker
And drums. You mean a bass guitar? Fair. Point to Satan. um Satan? But yeah, Dawn's home and she starts calling her sister a lesbo. And we see this repeated throughout the movie as whatever...
00:21:39
Speaker
happens to Morin does to her, she goes home and does to her sister. Yeah. It's the cycle. down economics. There's one thing. Trickle down bully-nomics. There's one thing he does to her that she does not do to her little sister. She does not try to give her grapes.
00:21:54
Speaker
She does not try to get her into a grape van.
00:21:58
Speaker
She gets in the grape van herself. Like at school, Warren is trying to cheat cheat off her papers and he's not even like hiding it. This dude is standing up. That's what i mean by bad teacher. Like, yo, know bitch, get ahold your classroom rampant. That kid's got a needle in his arm in the fucking back. He's rolling a joint. She's having a baby.
00:22:15
Speaker
This is a precursor to the fucking, what's the candy bar teacher move? Dangerous Minds. Dangerous Minds. This is how you get Dangerous Minds. Thank you for knowing that, by the way. Before you even started, so the precursor to Dangerous Minds. Candy bar, Dangerous i didn't even hear candy bar before I said it.
00:22:31
Speaker
I don't even know what that reference means. What? You remember Michelle Pfeiffer goes and fucking gives candy bars to people to give right answers. Okay, i don't remember that. I remember Michelle. That's how she breaks the ice in her legs because no matter if you're rich or poor, white or black, you love candy.
00:22:45
Speaker
But you spend most of your life living in a gangster's paradise. Even my mama thinks that my mind is gone.
00:22:53
Speaker
I never met a man who didn't deserve it. Just talking Coolio lyrics. But like, so she's she's she tattles on Warren and they both get detention because this teacher is a fucking cunt. Maybe you'd also use snitches get stitches. Sure.
00:23:08
Speaker
But you don't put the kid who tattled on the other kid in detention with the other kid because now when they're done, sure, the teacher is there for detention. Right. When detention is over now, everybody from school is gone. The Tattletail and the Tattlee are leaving school at the same time. That's how kids get beat the fuck up.
00:23:24
Speaker
Absolutely. You're right. Are you speaking from experience? No. Nobody's correct. I never got detention with a bully. He never snitched. I got detention. i was I wasn't a snitch. Here's the game plan, dude. You know you just let him cheat off you, but you write all the wrong answers and fuck both your lives up.
00:23:38
Speaker
I did that. Like, hey, I got an F, but so did you, Warren. My name's not fucking Warren. I thought his name was Warren. I love you, Warren. ah Lolita is picking on Don some more because Lolita's in love with Warren even though he doesn't seem to give a shit. Yeah, this is a weird dominance thing where she's like, get back in the bathroom and take a shit.
00:23:57
Speaker
Don comes in and she's like, oh you were coming in to take a shit, not just to wash your hands. She's like, nope, just came in to wash my hands. She's like, go in the stall and take a shit. I'm going watch you. sick but I don't have to. it's go I'm going to be late for science. I can't make a shit.
00:24:08
Speaker
I can't just make a shit, dude. And you know what? This is where Don got some kind of weird fetish unlocked for later in life. Or this girl also like has it. Well, this girl already has it. Yeah. She just wants to... she know it Shitting, whatever. She just likes to make people do things. Now Don is going to be 24 and be like, look, I know it's kind of weird, but do want to watch me poop?
00:24:29
Speaker
No. She'll date Sylvester Stallone. It'll be fine. Probably. It's going to be great. so Do I? I'll wait till the end. um That's my line. Oh, she goes to detention.
00:24:42
Speaker
They have a test. She fails the test. She gets a D minus. She's got Tommy Boy standards. She passed. You know they hand out a lot fewer D pluses than D minuses?
00:24:54
Speaker
Herbie Hancock. do But like then she gets in trouble for telling the teacher. She's like, I need to try it again. like This whole situation gave made me fucking nervous. Don't be a grade grader. Grubber. A grade grubber is said so many times that it's like a thing that we should know. That's got to be some Jersey shit. five minutes. It's said in five minutes for one reason. Well, then later when she gives the speech, she says or she do does her thing in front of the class.
00:25:16
Speaker
Which again, fuck this teacher. You have this just lovely little shy girl who's being picked on and does not have the self-confidence that she like that it's been ripped away from her probably her whole life. From teachers, classmates, parents, siblings. And now... An adult that you're supposed to trust puts you up in front of the classes like louder. We can't fucking hear you when you mumble louder.
00:25:35
Speaker
And she's like, oh, I can barely speak. And this teacher's yelling at me louder. This teacher's a fucking twat. I was rooting for this chick to just poison people. Yeah, I was. I was disappointed. This isn't the teacher that got shot in the eye. Yeah, I'm disappointed. It was a that one's is not even any better.
00:25:51
Speaker
shit She's not noticing shit, dude. Oh, another thing when they're in detention, Warren keeps mouthing, fuck you, fuck you. And then she goes home and does that to her sister. so it just continues on. She has this little clubhouse in her backyard for her and her friend, Ralphie. The special people's club.
00:26:07
Speaker
Which comes up later with exactly what I thought the first time I saw it. I was like, don't call it that. Yeah. well but This is 1994. It's innocence. Yeah. but We are special people. We need a club.
00:26:19
Speaker
ah This kid, Ralphie, wasn't really in anything, but he's got like probably the most famous quote from this movie because I didn't know it was from this movie. you're just You think you're hot shit, but you're just cool diarrhea. There you go. I've been saying that the last 10 years we've been together. I've heard it my whole life. I didn didn't know it was from this movie.
00:26:36
Speaker
I've only heard it since knowing her. I quote this movie all the time. Yeah. I don't want to see your fingers. We do find out or Steve Rogers joins the brothers band.
00:26:48
Speaker
It's Rogers with a D, by the way. That's how you make it different. It's Rodgers. ah Plus, he's got long hair. Captain America would never have long hair. Fucking hippie. Bucky has long hair, not Captain America. He's a bad guy.
00:27:00
Speaker
Yeah. Well, he's a bad boy. Bad boys have long hair. let it Let them glorious locks down. Steve Rogers. Come on, Steve Rogers. My little so singer over here. Oh, this next thing, though. Mama's little singer. Mama's little singer. This next thing, though, I did this, but for a completely different reason. So not that I'm not telling my brother I love him thing, but like oh her that there's this discussion at the table.
00:27:24
Speaker
They're like the little sister's like, I love you, Don. And it's like, tell your sister you love her or you can't leave the table. And then it cuts to nine o'clock at night when everybody's going to bed or whatever. And she's like, all right, go to bed because Don refused to say it.
00:27:36
Speaker
yeah I did this, but not the I love you thing. i Eat your food. or you did Yeah, this was ah I didn't want to eat spinach. And my parents were like, you can't leave the table until you eat it And I was like, cool So I sat there, they went out, watched the news Watched their fucking shows, whatever It was like 8.30 and they're like, go to bed Guess who lives here now at the table I mean, same thing I never would have fucking said it, I'm like, I live here I mean, my fucking last name's Petty for a reason It's not just me We're all bunch stubborn German-Irish fucks But I love you
00:28:10
Speaker
We do meet Steve Rogers now, played by Eric Mabius. Sure. um Handsome little boy. he was the long-haired, long-red, glorious Jewish locks.
00:28:21
Speaker
Yeah, red? I don't think it was red. it was very red. It was the deep red. It was bru definitely not deep red. It was brunette. Deep red is my porn name. But he's in my phone. Google him. He is a redhead. I'm Googling him. I made a watch list.
00:28:35
Speaker
He's a main character in Ugly Betty. He was on Chicago Fire. He's in a movie that I have up there called A Gun for Jennifer. Of course he is. Of course you do. ah Cruel Intentions. He's in that first Resident Evil. But I got a genuine laugh scrolling through his IMDb because the top half of his IMDb is a series of Hallmark movies, all called Signed, Sealed, Delivered, colon, something. There's like 35 of them. Oh, not the word something. Colon, insert word here. Colon, fill in the blank. yep There are 15 of these things that he's been in since like 2015. Wow.
00:29:13
Speaker
So that's where his life is now. smell a Patreon. Woo! Just a whole segment called Signed, Sealed, and Delivered. we're just watching all of them. $20 a month for Patreon and we'll do Signed, Sealed, Delivered episodes for the year. Signed, Sealed, and she shivered.
00:29:29
Speaker
But he joins the band. There's band practice. And now they know how to play instruments all of a sudden. Yeah. I mean, everybody else sounded great except for Mark. Mark. Mark sounded like poopers.
00:29:40
Speaker
Because he's like, I'm reading the music. don't know. Give me an a And he goes, dude, that shit was hilarious. Give me an A. All right. but Where do you think the problem is? yeah i don't know. i guess we just got to keep practicing. when Well, it's my house, so I guess I'm the best in the band. This um this brother has a, sorry, correct me if I'm wrong, but like just such a weird idea of what looks good on a college application. Extracurriculars is actually, and it's not wrong. Extracurriculars is fine. I understand that, but like,
00:30:09
Speaker
He's talking about, I'm going to get gigs. We're going to be playing out at parties and at bars. Maybe we'll get an out-of-state gig. And that looks really good in a college resume. How come the Rolling Stones didn't go to college?
00:30:21
Speaker
Because they dropped out. How come Led Zeppelin didn't go to college? Because they dropped out. How come I didn't go to college? Because you dropped out. I didn't drop out. ever never went. never went. Couldn't find it. No, but like in his- I got to admit, I had a full ride scholarship and everything. I was so high. the and 90s, I don't think it's so shoved down your throat as much today.
00:30:36
Speaker
Oh, definitely isn't now. But back then, do you remember how they were like, going in your college transcript? It was an affordable education. It goes along with the thing later when Don gets in trouble and the principal is like, this is going to go on the computer. It'll be on your permanent record. And that goes on your college record. And it's like, no one gives a fuck what you did in middle school.
00:30:55
Speaker
You could fail middle school and get into an Ivy League college. Going through your fucking thing like, oh, oh we were we had a spot for you. But you had detention when you were in sixth grade for calling your sister a fellowship?
00:31:08
Speaker
It took me a second. I appreciate that. Did you in fact call your other brother a Ratatouille? Is that? we There's no place for anybody yell like that.
00:31:21
Speaker
I'll see y'all later. Hey guys, I don't want to sound needy here. I'm needy. But we have a Patreon at patreon.com slash worst people. And it only costs $3 a month. $3 a month is nothing.
00:31:32
Speaker
And I know times are hard right now. Real hard for me. Inflation's up. no You can't afford your groceries. Can't eat. But you can't afford $3 a month if you love us. Give us $3. Super love us. Please love us.
00:31:45
Speaker
we're not We're not begging. I'm begging. We're not pleading. I'm pleading. We're not down on our knees. Oh, boy. i mean my My knees hurt. They've been on it on so long. But we do kind of need the money. I need the money bad. We need new equipment.
00:31:59
Speaker
new equipment we need to do remote podcasts for all of you wouldn't mind eating we need to have video wouldn't mind eating uh we need more drinks food sounds good so please check out patreon.com slash worst people please check us out you get a bonus episode every month and we're gonna have more content coming for you i'll send you pictures yeah thank you guys thank you so much please give me patreon.com i'm being held hostage here slash worst people i don't pay my way out of here they're gonna kill me um Oh, there's a seminar about kidnapping. Oh, yeah. Which is the Chekhov's gun of this episode, of this movie. Well, also, again, back in the 80s and 90s, it was shoved in our throats that we were going to be kidnapped. Okay.
00:32:39
Speaker
When you say shoved down our throats, it's a bad thing. like you Like, that normally sounds like a bad thing, but you should be told the dangers of being kidnapped. Weren't you kidnapped? I was kidnapped. How were you kidnapped, my friend? I was lured away by the promise of a watermelon. Okay.
00:32:55
Speaker
but that's Not watermelon candy? This Derek's first time hearing this story, the way. I was probably about like nine or ten years old. and a dude Was it a neighbor? Yeah, a dude from the neighborhood. a neighbor ah took me and we walked up to the grocery store, got a watermelon, and when we came back, there were fucking helicopters and cop cars and everything. Yeah.
00:33:14
Speaker
I was walking funny. Watermelon was good, though. you Were you kidnapped, or did he just take you to the store to buy a watermelon? he like it was I don't think he was trying to kidnap me, but he got in trouble for kidnapping. Okay, was this before Dad after Dad left? After Dad.
00:33:34
Speaker
So your mom was just like, you're not home yet. it was hours. was hours. You spent hours at a grocery store. gotta get the right watermelon. Oh, my God. Dude, it takes a while. takes a while, dude. Hours? Yeah, also he was old and a really slow kisser.
00:33:46
Speaker
Ha!
00:33:51
Speaker
Look, if it took you to get watermelon in a van, that might explain why you love vans. walking. Oh. Oh. We were That might explain why i love van so much love vans you love vans do love vans.
00:34:03
Speaker
But the walking could understand the hours. It's not my fault. If the kidnapper starts playing hard to get, there's nothing really else you can do. You have to fucking slow play that.
00:34:14
Speaker
But yes, I was maybe not a kid now, but I was lured away from my home with the promise of a red watermelon. That is fantastic. I mean, it's not. It's fine. But. He gets home. I'm like, did anything happen? He's like, well, nothing worse than when i was in Catholic school. did you get I just thought it was a Tuesday.
00:34:31
Speaker
Did you get treated any differently from siblings, mother? don't know. um don't really remember it.
00:34:39
Speaker
Did you find out about this later? Was this story told to you? popped up later in life, yes. Oh, well we're gonna I just don't have a lot of memories. like Derek and I have talked about this. like i just don't But if somebody, like my older sister, is a fucking steel trap of um of of memories.
00:34:53
Speaker
So when she brings something up, I'm like, oh, it's kind of familiar. you know And then I act funny when I go to the grocery store around watermelons and I now know why. Every time I see a watermelon, I cry. Yeah.
00:35:05
Speaker
It's not funny. It's kind of funny. Wait, you hear how I had to watch that guy die? oh that yes. That's another story. For a different time. Yes. i didn't Stay tuned for the sequel. I didn't kill him. I have never been kidnapped.
00:35:18
Speaker
Nobody wanted me. but They brought me back. I've never been kidnapped. They were like, that kid's too heavy. It's not a club you want to be a part of. Well, One time I like fell into Cactus.
00:35:31
Speaker
I've been there. People put me in their truck and took me home. Okay. to your home? Yes. Oh, you're fine then.
00:35:40
Speaker
So at this a seminar about kidnapping. Yeah. ah these Warren and his friends are picking on Don so she's like fuck this shit because they're spitting spitballs at her and what not so she makes one her hair just covered and the teacher's right next three to her the three troubled kids are sitting next to the teacher for a reason and last you're just straight forward just ignoring them yeah and so she turns around to spit a spitball back at Warren hits this other teacher in the eye and we cut to the principals off it's like that teacher was almost blinded she has like a Gila monster-esque bacteria in her saliva
00:36:14
Speaker
a parent Does your daughter brush her teeth? Because this is terrifying. It looks like it's getting worse as the movie goes. like I want to see the fucking the end of this movie. I want to see her be a walking dead.
00:36:25
Speaker
i Just a zombie missing. Just a big hole in the fucking side of her head. She comes out of The fucking red red eye from the movie we watched last night. Wouldn't it? cave Drive angry drive angry.
00:36:38
Speaker
is that the one where he gets out of hell and has to go save his daughter? Yeah, it's actually a pretty fucking cool movie. It's fantastic. it was It was terrible and stupid as fuck, but it was straight up 70s like exploitation type shit. I was digging it. It has a spot in my life. I felt like an asshole because I was like, God damn, she's hot. And he's like, no, we not anymore. was like, who is that? He's like it's Amber Heard. was like, oh, yeah, she can still be hot. Just don't let her know where you sleep.
00:37:02
Speaker
Well, let her know where you keep your mason jars of cocaine. If you have mason jars of cocaine, there's not a lot of hiding those. that um But then was like. What is that? Flour? i bake a lot. It's baking soda.
00:37:16
Speaker
um Then I was like, well, I get what Johnny Depp was thinking. I mean, she yeah she was a good looking chick. She's just a horrible mental case. And I think you have known my type. It's that hot, crazy scale, like where you fit on there. i do draw the line at the pooping in the bed, though.
00:37:32
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. That's what glass tables are for. i could let go of an accident. I'd like. You'd let go of an accident.
00:37:40
Speaker
ah So anyway, speaking of accident. So yeah, that's when she goes to the principal's office. The parents are there. Oh, and the principal, by the way, this is where we get our, it's a baby Buffalo Bill. Like he's a skinny version of Ted Levine. Yeah. And ah kind not nearly as deep a voice, but a pretty, pretty deeply deep one.
00:37:58
Speaker
Yeah. And the the bullying continues. Well, she's that great big drunk janitor. oh yeah yeah. These kids are still flipping her off outside the window. Are these even the same kids or just another group of fucking roving monsters? It's it's the same boys. There's a roving pack of monsters. You are the judge from fucking My Cousin Vinny. to a Couple of shoots in town.
00:38:20
Speaker
Couple of up know because they did it didn't look like because they didn't have hats on and Warren and his friends always have hats So this other group of kids out there. They're all just like I took it but off through the window. I took it to be them. Okay, that's why thought it was right at the same time where the principal's like How's your social life done?
00:38:36
Speaker
Do you have friends and she's like I have friends and her mother. No, she doesn't mode She doesn't have any friends. but then She's like yeah, I have Ralphie and she's like case closed She once got kidnapped. and They brought her back Ralphie's not a real person.
00:38:49
Speaker
They asked us to to pay them. Or they paid us. I need his fucking Ralphie story. He takes heat in this fucking movie. Yeah. What happened to Ralphie? You Ralphie's story. No. What happens to him after this? April 20th, 2000, I think it was. Or was it 99? I was going to say, we do have Ralphie's story. It's a trench coat story. Yeah.
00:39:07
Speaker
Because this kid. We know what Ralphie. You know this kid lost his shit at some point. I mean, there a point in this. In 1999, April of 99. Just what she says on the phone him. Yeah.
00:39:20
Speaker
This poor kid, dude. Ralphie spoke. That's terrific. Ralphie's got a gun. It's a different story. Pumped up kicks. You better run, better run. Yeah, it's not funny.
00:39:38
Speaker
It's not. School shootings aren't funny. It's Patreon. get our humor. This isn't Patreon. Oh, fuck. It's not Patreon. This is for the world. This is for the world.
00:39:49
Speaker
but Now we know how terrible you are. No, they already knew. it's in It's in the podcast name. It's Gallows Humor. It is. What we but do. This kid's fucked up. And yeah there's definitely a point in this movie where I was 100% convinced that this girl was going to kill her whole family. Oh, a thousand percent. Oh, yeah. so she goes home. She gets in trouble.
00:40:08
Speaker
Right. She gets put on punishment. ah Steve Rogers comes over because so we it's pretty easy to glean early on. We find out later this is the case. Steve's in the band because he's getting help from a nerd with. Yeah, he's only doing the band because this kid's helping him with his computer science class.
00:40:24
Speaker
He comes over to study. Dawn goes in to talk to him because she's got a huge crush on him. He's the older boy. he's wearing the sickest onesie pajamas. The whole zipper from the ankle.
00:40:37
Speaker
I don't know if those are sick. I want them. I think they're kind of sick. Thank you. If they made them in a 6'2 pregnant, I'd wear them. They're just not the footy ones. Whitney was like, I want these. and I was like, that looks so hot and uncomfortable.
00:40:51
Speaker
Yeah, you got like three weeks of the year to enjoy them.
00:40:55
Speaker
If you're sleeping outside. yeah Nuclear Holocaust comes. We're going to we're going wish. when We don't live in Jersey. OK. But like Steve leaves and she starts questioning her brother about Steve and like, has he ever dated younger girls? Are you in love with him? No.
00:41:12
Speaker
But does he date ugly girls? Does he date girls named Dawn? And I love his thing. He's like, look, he likes anyone as long as it's a girl. And she and she goes all the way. What he but do you mean? Do you mean intercourse?
00:41:26
Speaker
And she's like, but do they have to be pretty? You know, it's like... I don't know how brother doesn't get it here. Well, he asked, and she said no. He's like all right, ah He also doesn't care, just like the rest of this family. You remember this person from the carpool?
00:41:39
Speaker
Would you think she's pretty? oh wouldn't say she's She's ugly as dog, and he did it with her. Yeah, and then he says that she he Steve hooked up with this girl, Ginger, who was, ah guess, presumably older than don but in gym class. they were in the same gym class. She was in the same gym c class, but...
00:41:55
Speaker
like We see this girl late or in if in a moment here, and she's obviously older. i was 12-year-old girl once. I had that friend. and We find out. um like We finger fucked once last spring. But she first she's like, we got to talk about Steve Rogers. She's like, come here. We got to talk.
00:42:13
Speaker
Are we going to skip over the three bemolded men hanging out with her? what i was trying to make an album that I was getting yelled at about how that's normal. so I'm just saying it happens. I didn't say it was normal. I'm just saying it happens. You can say you had that friend all you want. You cannot say three long molded men hung out with her.
00:42:29
Speaker
There's no way. No, not in the 2000s. There's no way in the 2000s these mullets existed. wasn't in the... No! Yeah, that's right. You're the same age as this girl. I am the same age as this girl. I always forget you're old.
00:42:42
Speaker
These mullets were not cool then. They're not cool now. They were not cool in 94. is New Jersey. Also, no guys... your argument, but it works. You can't say mullets aren't cool because you guys are always complimenting Hector's mullet.
00:42:55
Speaker
He's cool. Hector doesn't have mullet anymore, by way. Hector is cool. He makes his mullet cool. Hector is cool. Mullets are not cool. The mullet's gone. I think it's a Hispanic thing. It's okay to have.
00:43:06
Speaker
ah Because Hacker rocked the shit of that mullet. It's a Jersey thing, too. Nah, it shouldn't be. But you're right. These Jersey douches are hanging out with this girl. But yeah, it's like, we gotta talk. And that's when I forgot my first inklings that we were watching a movie in New Jersey. Because nobody else before this really had an accent. But this girl's like, this girl is Marissa Tomei. The mother's got an accent. The family has a minor one. This is fucking painted. Mom's parents move.
00:43:29
Speaker
Like the kids having an accent is what gives it to you. Parents move all over the place. I know I got people who come to the bar that have New Jersey accents. They're living fucking Arizona. They've lived here for 20 years. This chick is ah the nasally as Jersey accent, though. Like it tells you where you are. This is one of the girls that got kidnapped in Super Mario Brothers. yeah Yes.
00:43:48
Speaker
Yeah, definitely. Tell me. But yeah, she's the cigarette. Tell me. She's got the thing that Whitney That her arc. She's got the thing that Whitney said. oh We finger fucked once last spring, but it's over now. But it's over now. So what about it? And that's that's where we get the opening line I gave you guys of, do you like my fingers? Because this girl clearly doesn't understand what finger fucked No, because she's looking in the mirror herself like, huh? Well, because it will be she's like, do you think I have a chance with him? And she's like, look at a mirror. Yeah.
00:44:20
Speaker
Yeah. Look in the mirror. So right after this, Steve comes over. Brother's not home. She's like, we should get some snacks. And she's staring at him. And he is clueless. And I'm like, I understand, like, the older person not and not noticing the younger kid.
00:44:33
Speaker
But someone just staring into my soul like she is looking. looking into his soul, not even at his eyes. Oh, yeah. is at the back half of his head. And you can still feel those eyes digging in.
00:44:45
Speaker
The one thing that has always annoyed me is how he eats these fucking... How he eats these... The fish sticks? Stage eating. This thing, i think they're trying to make him look gross, though. They're placed on the thing as a stick.
00:44:57
Speaker
But he... Sorry, my fidget toy. He is breaking them... Well, there's that, but the the the part that bothered me, and I think it's on purpose because it's supposed to make him more gross because you're supposed to understand that he's a piece of shit.
00:45:11
Speaker
But he's eating fish sticks or whatever. There's no tartar sauce. There's nothing that would be on his fingers. But he's sitting there the whole time just like...
00:45:20
Speaker
like It's the grease and the crumbs from the sticks. What's his name? First meal he's had in forever. Mary Poppins, y'all. Michael Rooker. It's Michael Rooker from Mallrats, but without shit pretzels all over his fingers. Gross.
00:45:32
Speaker
ah Like he's doing the exact same thing. it's like this it's almost the It's not as close up as Mallrats, but it's that shot of like, it's Steve's face here, her in the back, and he's just like. Again, uncomfortable.
00:45:43
Speaker
Yeah. That's what we're going for. Yeah, that's fair. You're in love with that guy? But she goes and plays the piano for him because she's like, I'm a musical, too. and did it ah And then that's what she comes over and she's like, do you want to see my fingers? He's not paying any attention to like he gets done. She gets done. He's just like, sounds great.
00:46:00
Speaker
Yeah. We've all had that friend with the younger sibling that's like up your ass. Right. Not really. had a had a girlfriend whose little brother was like, Winnie, hey, what's going on?
00:46:13
Speaker
I think a lot of my friends were younger. so Brother with a little sister. I have a brother with a little sister because it's my little sister too. didn't have a friend? We just killed Eric. I almost spit beer all over the microphone. You didn't have a friend with a little sister?
00:46:28
Speaker
ah Maybe. no yeah had a friend with a little sister. Yeah? She like you? It's Patch. Oh, Patch, we love you. Thank you for the music. His little sister wasn't that much younger, though.
00:46:40
Speaker
I think that's the thing. is my My little sister's a year and a half younger than me, so it's that thing where, like, we're not going to hang out with your older brother. He's gross. go high school him. see him all the time. oh They like my drugs, though.
00:46:52
Speaker
Allegedly. Allegedly. But so after Steve leaves, she's she steals his ID that fell out of his pocket. And she does this like satanic ritual in her bedroom. This I understand. we all did this in middle school.
00:47:05
Speaker
This is building a shrine to somebody. And you're.
00:47:10
Speaker
ah ah Dude, if you're just listening to this, you are doing yourself a disservice on mark what time this is in the fucking podcast. Go back 15 seconds from now and look at Derek's face when he said, we all did this.
00:47:25
Speaker
That is worth the video alone. I meant girls. Oh, I meant me. I did this, dude. You had a shrine? You had satanic rituals?
00:47:36
Speaker
Yeah. You were in Catholic school. Yeah. Exactly. How do you think I learned the dark arts? Oh, God. I ate whiskey after that.
00:47:51
Speaker
I never fear satanized a woman that I was... It's not Satanizing a woman. You're just like... It's an altar of intent. Casting a spell. Like screaming Jay Hawkins. Like he just said. It's an altar of intent. How the fuck do you think you got 33 kids that we know about and possibly 75? I thought you did that How else did I marry you?
00:48:11
Speaker
couldn't i couldn' have done it with my own charm, she's saying. No way. So she does the Satanic ritual. um It's just kind of weird. i had to mention it.
00:48:23
Speaker
She does do the satanic ritual. It's just a pagan thing. going to love me. You're going to take me away from this place. she's and she's not in the craft. We're going to be together forever. And we are just. But Verusa Balk, Robert Tunney, the gorgeous black chick from. Skeet Ulrich.
00:48:41
Speaker
Mary Jane. What do you call it? How ah how high? No, not how high. ah Half baked. Half baked. And who's the other one I'm missing? Nev Campbell. Nev Campbell. um That's the first that's only one I knew for sure.
00:48:54
Speaker
She's the most boring. What's the crap ah the the ah what's her name? rob Robin Tunney. Yeah. Welcome back. Welcome back. i know she's not on this right now, but a movie hey conversation wife.
00:49:06
Speaker
Wait for next May, probably. um Craft. We already did Empire Records. No, for the craft. oh Oh, one of these guys will pick it. If it's not Patreon, I walk.
00:49:18
Speaker
Well, it's mental health month. It's not Patreon. Counts as Patreon. I have it on 4K. I have it on 4K. Of course you do. Of course you should. There's another band practice. This was one of my biggest genuine laughs, not uncomfortable laughs the movie. have been singing this song all fucking week, by the It's uncomfortable because it's so embarrassing for her, but it's also funny.
00:49:39
Speaker
They're doing band practice, and Dawn is sitting on the hood of this car. and's just that this little like It progresses because it starts with her like bobbing her head, and then pretty soon she's like,
00:49:49
Speaker
Again, if you ain't watching. Welcome to the dollhouse. a pretty good song. I love this song so much. Is there a name for this where it's a soundtrack song that's also diegetic? Well, diegetic is the... Because it's diegetic. It's in the movie. The only time we hear it is in the scene.
00:50:06
Speaker
It's the credit song, too. if that yeah like it's just Well, but... Credit song's different. Like diegetic is when it's real in them in the scene and then non-diegetic is when we're hearing it but the characters are not.
00:50:19
Speaker
Every time. gotta blow up dog looks just like you. I get you. But so this we get to Mark criticizing Steve just a little bit.
00:50:33
Speaker
I think you were singing a little flat that last time. I i do love it though. Can you play him A? Play him in A. like that's just Fuck this, dude. I am out. I'm not going to be told what to do by some fucking nerds. I've been in a band.
00:50:47
Speaker
I would rather a Mark than somebody just let me keep singing flat then we take that shit live. Right? You know what I mean? It's the same as Whitney. but do you want to be criticized by an actual Mark? the guy who The only one in the band who can't play an instrument? Well, he's better now. I was in a band with good musicians. Yeah.
00:51:03
Speaker
um No, but we are in the same like school of thought. is like If I got a boogie hanging or something in my teeth, let me know right as soon as you see me. As soon as you fucking see it. Because otherwise, i'm going to go to the bathroom and be like,
00:51:15
Speaker
Motherfucker, nobody told me about this shit, dude. You hate me I tell strangers, being a bartender, i I'll pull them in close. i like, I'm to do you solid, man. Just go check your left nostril. Love you. I don't say love you. It makes it weird. It does. mean, the good news for me is nobody can ever get mad at me for not telling them because they're like, oh, he wasn't looking.
00:51:31
Speaker
He wasn't making eye contact with me. But I do it for you. He was looking at the floor or the ceiling. Oh, true. But no, as soon as- Why are telling my shoe is untied, motherfucker? How many times have you told me there was something on my face where I'm like, hey, check your fucking beard, bro? And all I think about is, fuck all of you for letting me go these hours without telling me about this fucking bat in my belfry.
00:51:53
Speaker
oh A Quasimodo in my tower. but ah think that one here's the Here's the thing. With this gap system I have my teeth, not a locket stuck in there, but it's like a whole T-bone if it is. It's like, oh, you have a ham in your But you feel it yeah if there's something in there.
00:52:09
Speaker
Yes, because it's usually like a whole thing. You have an onion in your teeth. Just an onion. just a Is that a shallot? I shallots. I love shallots.
00:52:20
Speaker
Oh my God. will take shallots over onions. There's some chicken in the teeth. Oh my God.
00:52:30
Speaker
Chew your food, dude. And yes, I know shallots are onions. It's just a sweeter. Well, they're not. They're of the alum family. yeah The alum family? What's alum? was out The alum family. Da-da-da-da.
00:52:43
Speaker
No, that's the genesis of those. It's a cross between garlic and onion. They're all they're all alums these days. Is it alums are alloons alums? Alums. Alums? Alums.
00:52:53
Speaker
Alums. Every time I say it it loses meaning. Aluminium. Did you have a nitrous oxide leak in this fucking house right now? Possibly. Like row ad? Are we row adding? No, we have this four walls whiskey. It makes us funnier. It feels like my fucking vape is affecting you guys. Like it's the Corsacan brothers. I smoke, you get high. I think so. Well, now we're going to have to test the microphone see if we pick that up.
00:53:20
Speaker
I just hit it. God damn. you guys get just back from a cruise or something? um This is rookie shit. ah Sorry, I got drunk.
00:53:31
Speaker
Warren. Never apologize. Don and Ralphie are at the ah grocery store or the convenience store playing on arcade machine, which is pretty cool. Also, who plays? You played. Did you hold the cup while you're trying to joist?
00:53:44
Speaker
No. Joystick? But no. I said what I said. You know what, though? I do know, like... ah You know, I went to our case when i was younger and it wasn't like you were drinking alcohol, but you had like your soda whatever. They never had anywhere to put it.
00:53:59
Speaker
You've been to like the barcade things and they always have like a little thing attached to the side of that machine. Oh, that's fucking awesome. It's great. But to Derek's point, though, there was nowhere to put this shit. So fucking Ralphie wasn't going to hold it for you.
00:54:12
Speaker
Fuck you, Ralphie. You're not friend. two-handing his icy. He's too fucking dumb to hold it with one. Yeah. Well, he's got nerve damage. you just He's got to hold on with two hands. Warren and his friends walk in, and they start giving him shit.
00:54:26
Speaker
And so we get the, you think you're hot shit, but you're just cold diarrhea, which does not go over well with them, probably because they're like, that was a good burn. Let's beat this kid up more. The line that doesn't go over very well is she says, Brandon, you're such a replaceable.
00:54:41
Speaker
Yeah. And runs out. And you even see it right there. Brandon Sexton Jr. The third whatever Warren Warren. He actually like he's joking around and she says the hard R and he's just like.
00:54:53
Speaker
But I do think Derek's right. If it would have been a like a lesser burn, it would have been like to this guy can't even fucking insult me. Right. But it was like, damn. ah da You ever had cold diarrhea, by the way? No.
00:55:04
Speaker
That'd be awesome. Weird sensation. I would love cold diarrhea. You ever had cold diarrhea? So, now spoilers for grossness and all that. Spoilers for my toilet. I had like a food poisoning thing. i just couldn't keep any, so I didn't eat anything because I was like, if i don't nothing comes in, nothing comes out. Yeah. Right?
00:55:19
Speaker
And I did that for like a day. Fucking looked great the next day. But I started i was like, oh, I feel a lot better, man. i I think I can keep food down. not going to throw it up or something. I had no groceries in the house. cause I've been sick for a little bit. So I ate a bunch of cereal and then I ended up having the squirts and it was like instant.
00:55:35
Speaker
So I was pooping cold milk. Yeah, because you need to have the bacteria ex was exit. I also went in like a whole java juice diet. Dude, milk went like a mile, but it stayed cold. That was some cold-ass milk. It was some fast-moving intestines. I will say, whenever it was hungover, my favorite thing to drink was you had the heaves. I cannot wait to get this segue.
00:55:58
Speaker
yeah My favorite thing to drink was ice-cold Mountain Dew, because then it's like cold and soothing, and then you throw it up, and it's cold and citrusy. You enjoy that?
00:56:10
Speaker
It was way better than bile or whatever ratchet shit I ate last night. You guys are so lucky with your intestinal issues. I had pneumonia and i didn't know I had pneumonia. You had the flu. No, no. I had pneumonia. but No. Oh, with Donna? No, no. This is what i was on i was when I was on the road working with Fixing and Finishing. I had pneumonia. It's after he stepped in that muck water in New Orleans. it was like, if I consumed anything, period.
00:56:38
Speaker
If I drank water, was shitting water, yeah et cetera. I'm drinking ice cold water, as I always do Dude, has to have ice power. Ice cold water was not coming out. and This is getting cut.
00:56:49
Speaker
Ice cold water was not coming out. I was very upset. I got faster moving intestines than you do. Maybe. Milk is moving. was upset because I was like, ice cold, ice cold, ice cold, hot, hot, hot. it was so It was, by the way, just a weird sensation to have cold diarrhea.
00:57:05
Speaker
It was insane. It sounds great. I mean, if you have to have diarrhea, I don't want diarrhea, but if you have to have diarrhea, cold is better than hot. Next time, when you lean over, like you guys are alone, get the house yourself and you're feeling bit randy, just lean over and be like, you want to get some Jamba juice and laxatives?
00:57:22
Speaker
Shit cold. Well, don't want diarrhea. No, you said it. I'm saying. I know you're going cut this, but you haven't recorded it. have have diarrhea, cold is better than hot. I think this needs to stay for the Patriots. They pay for this content. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. This is just a fucking reel. don't know where you're going to post FetLife.
00:57:44
Speaker
ah I went to grab it. was like, thank you. oh ah I'm good. Thank you. ah Warren follows her at school. And this is what we get. Oh, I'm going to say it this is probably the most uncomfortable part of the movie, but it ends up being like it's there's a weird thing to say. It's almost sweet.
00:58:05
Speaker
Can I in the long run? Can I say it? Yeah. oh mean It's your line to say oh my line. And I'm I'm I don't want to trigger people trigger moment. So I'm going to change one word.
00:58:18
Speaker
I love you. I'm going to grape you at three o'clock. Be there. Which is just weird. I'm going to commit a crime against you at this time.
00:58:30
Speaker
Show up for that. Here's an appointment book. Well, he tries to show her why. Like what? What's worse? He her why afterwards. No, no, I'm sorry. Like, the hell?
00:58:42
Speaker
Who put that there? hi Welcome back. ah he He shows her a little bit of like, it could be worse than you not showing up because she does try and sneak out and he finds her and he puts a knife to her fucking throat. He's like, yeah that wasn't very smart.
00:58:54
Speaker
Yeah. So it's there is a reason to be there. Yeah. you know Yeah. But also the second time around. so we'll get there real quick. I do. I do. I do. I do kind of like.
00:59:05
Speaker
So yeah the reason he's doing this is bad. Obviously, he wants he wants to make grape juice. But this next segment of this thing, when he's following her around school the rest of the day.
00:59:16
Speaker
a person who's been engraved for you to say to make grape juice. So makes me laugh. But like he's following her around school and it's actually kind of really funny because it's like this stalking montage where he's she's like sitting in class and he's outside the door and he's like,
00:59:35
Speaker
They're doing division on a chalkboard and all he has is three hold on two three semicolon zero zero underline underline. And he goes, I want to now make a montage of Warren and other movies like have the goodwill hunting problem. And it's just Warren writing three o'clock on it. at The very end.
00:59:55
Speaker
If any of you can do that, please send it to us. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. They get to the end. Like, what's the secret of life? And it's just Warren.
01:00:05
Speaker
Always keep always bring a towel, dude. It's fucking Babe ruth it's Sorry, it's John Goodman at the Babe. Instead of calling a shot, it's Warren just holding up three. ah So but like even in a better, I know it sounds horrendous. Yes, I'm going to grape you at three o'clock.
01:00:19
Speaker
I know it's a terrible thing. even close to them. But he's also an abused person and he just wants love. The whole Hunger Games is about Warren at three o'clock. dude That's the whole hand salute.
01:00:32
Speaker
It's a whole thing. It's a society based on a three. whistle but I can't whistle. So no, it's not this, is it? It's the no but it's literally this. He's doing. No, it's two. No, it's three. two no Scout's honor. It's two. You want to put money?
01:00:49
Speaker
Because that's the Boy Scouts, bro. and That is Katniss. I'm going to Google a weird thing. how many how many How many fingers Jinger for Lawrence have in her vagina?
01:01:02
Speaker
How many fingers is this is when you're recording fingers is Hunger Games? That's all typing. Three finger salute. have to buy Jack a drink now.
01:01:15
Speaker
you know You gain a one finger solution. I'm going to try and think of more movies to put Warren in too now. Go on. But... um But... But... But um but but but um'm but but but yeah no it's a joke because he meets her up for unconsensual sex so not a joke and she from him and then she tries to seek out and he observe and slams are against the wall and though so we talked about how This is new low. Test number two. We have new microphone arms.
Acknowledgment of Supporters
01:01:47
Speaker
Do you like them?
01:01:48
Speaker
Thank you to our Patreon members for supporting us. And $3 a month, you can get us, you know, stuff that makes us more professional. Food, beer. Beer, food. Insurance. need Insurance would be great.
01:02:02
Speaker
If we get 1,000 members, we can think I think at least one of us can get insurance. um Your girl would like contacts. Yeah. No, people love your glasses. Yeah, no, but you love my glass. That's why I said these people now. We're now. I forgot what I was going with. Oh, so we thought the teachers were pieces of shit and they are. They are. Yeah, we thought we thought the parents were pieces of shit and they are janitor this janitor.
01:02:28
Speaker
Warren is in this alley behind the school. He holding a pocket knife to Don's throat. Unbuttoning her top button. I'm telling him. He's telling her to strip. ri That's right. Strip.
Family Dynamics and Conflict
01:02:40
Speaker
This janitor comes out with garbage. And I mean, it's not like the janitor was like looked and like, hey, what's going on here? He has her pinned against the wall. The janitor comes out and of course he lets her go.
01:02:51
Speaker
And then she ends up running away. But he doesn't even have like a. What was that? He just nice walks out and he's like, garbage in the thing. I'm so drunk right now. I couldn't care. Goes back inside. This janitor is the worst adult in this movie.
01:03:04
Speaker
Yeah. And that's worse than the guy who kidnaps a child. think the mom is the worst. Spoilers. I said it was a Chekhov's gun earlier. They got it. I think the mom is the worst. God, she is the worst. You know what? Because she wouldn't have cared either. Yeah. she wouldn't. She doesn't give a fuck about this kid. Are you trying to make grape juice of my younger daughter? Okay, we're fine then.
01:03:23
Speaker
Yeah, dude. I... Oh, you're trying to make green juice with Dawn? Go for it. She needs the she needs friends. i found much She needs that stress relief. Yeah. Dude, fuck that mom. She doesn't have any friends. Yes, I do. You liar. Look, now she's a friendless liar.
01:03:36
Speaker
No wonder you have no friends. You lie too much. But so, like, she goes home. She runs home after that. And is when mom's like, hey, we're having our 20th anniversary party in the backyard. I do like how the mom was like, we had a great idea. We're to have our anniversary in the backyard.
01:03:52
Speaker
I'm like, neat. So you're out of money. is this so exciting? So you're out of money. But it's not like, like would did you do it in you every other year? it was like, it's in the kitchen. like what What's the exciting part about it being in the backyard? They go out for dinner, but they're going have a party now. Yeah.
01:04:10
Speaker
I mean, we do get the... My favorite song of the movie, not your favorite song of the movie, only because it's so fucking dumb. I love it. But so it's like you have to tear down your stupid little special people's clubhouse. Oh, because the way it's brought up to her. I'm sorry. I have to interject the way it's brought up to her before Don comes in. Mom's like, you guys got to be on my side about this. We'll just let me ease into it.
01:04:32
Speaker
And then Don walks in. She's like, oh, what's going on? We're having a party. And so the mom's like, yeah, do our- You're not invited, bitch. We're doing our party here. It'll be so much fun. I'm gonna need all of your help. And then Missy, Missy is the one- The stupid little sister. You need to tear down your clubhouse.
01:04:51
Speaker
Yeah. And then, well, then it's like, I was the way the mom goes about it though. She's like, but that's like where I hang out. She's like, well, you're a little old for it, whatever, which is argument I could get. If you're going to get rid of it, 42 years old thinking about getting a clubhouse. Well, but I mean like, if you're a parent, if you're you's not invited, but if you're a parent, guess who is invited? I'm helping you build that.
01:05:12
Speaker
If you're a parent trying to get your kid to take down their clubhouse, you're like, oh, you're a little old for it, whatever, because you're trying to make... the The kid wants to feel older. You know that. That's how kids work. Yeah, but can also... But the final thing, the final thing is the biggest insult, which is she's like, yeah, but it's not very pretty, is it?
01:05:26
Speaker
Like, it's just another... Stack on top of the bullshit that his mom in this might yeah, here's the thing if you're so fucking concerned your daughter's clubhouse isn't pretty make it pretty with her Did you try building it would you try helping your daughter? did You try helping it all given her pointer. No, that girl. fucked up teeth I don't love her.
01:05:41
Speaker
Can I tell you what he did do? At eight years old let's wait Eric, he taught my daughter how to build a fort. Okay. Okay good also what i do What did or didn't I do do you know what she calls him?
01:05:54
Speaker
She calls him D-Dad. that's cute. Like D-Day. Yeah. Yeah. Because something's going get fucked up. Yeah, because I'm good for someone. She watched Derek go to the refrigerator one night drunk, she's like, damn, that's like the fucking soldiers storming the beaches in D-Day. No, she watched me try to build a fucking shower curtain rod that came from China. True story. Dude, I'm pretty sure I've heard the story of the shower curtain. Fucking bullshit Chinese directions.
01:06:21
Speaker
Fuck this shit. And she's just sitting there like... I probably said the same thing the first time you told me, but how how your grandpa of you to blame the Chinese? Well, I mean, the directions were like the first set of directions were in Chinese.
01:06:34
Speaker
The second set of directions were in English and they were like... It was in the order of the words would be in Chinese. Oh, God. You know what i mean? It was like someone just went in and was like, well, this word means this. This word means this. Yeah, like no one doing a real translation. It's like going all a translate yeah going to Google Translate and then putting it into some language and then putting it into another language and then into Chinese yeah and then into English.
01:06:56
Speaker
And then right after she finds out about the clubhouse, the phone rings. Yeah. And it's Warren calling. And mom's like, ooh, there's a boy on the phone for you. And gives it to her. And he's just like, Still gonna make grape juice tomorrow. You better meet me at 3 o'clock. It wasn't smart of leave. Something made laugh because the mom's like, may ask who's calling.
01:07:14
Speaker
Okay, phone's for you. Bitch, why'd you ask ain't gonna tell me? Like, yeah if I'm gonna ask like, oh, you wanna talk to Derek on my phone? Who's calling? Hey, Derek, do you wanna talk to a Mark? Yeah, because then after she hangs up, she's like, so who's Warren?
01:07:27
Speaker
Yeah. he was Is he a nice boy? He sounds clean. He's not. Is he a nice boy? Yeah, he's okay. No, he's a piece of shit. Well, mean, he had a knife to my throat earlier, but you could tell that he really didn't want to.
01:07:40
Speaker
and was that loveable i think I only have one cut, and it's not even bleeding anymore. I know. I forget that part of the movie. It's... I'll say it in my thing. And it's like that close-up shot of his mouth. They don't show him on the phone. They show the close-up mouth shot like ah ah the Warriors. I was going to say Nick Tracy. DJ chick in the Warriors.
01:07:58
Speaker
Come on, Warriors. Where it's just like the phone and the mouth and it's like, come on over. I like his reference little bit better, though. Come on over. want to show you something.
01:08:09
Speaker
Three o'clock tomorrow. Be there. Come on over for pizza. I'm going to teach you a thing about cold diarrhea. But yeah, so like he makes an appointment with her basically and he's like, tomorrow, same time, same day, we're still making grape juice.
01:08:23
Speaker
It's the best got. don't know why I do this anymore. Yeah, no, grape juice is fine. She shows up, but...
01:08:30
Speaker
It's not great. This whole thing is like troublesome because she doesn't seem that this point she's like, I mean, okay, that bad. She shows up and she's just like, un but no, don't do that. I want to show you something. So he takes her. Here's the shitty thing. I want to just interrupt real quick of like, this is the best she's been treated kind of.
01:08:48
Speaker
Yes. is Is this dude paying attention to her and trying to threaten her with unconsensual sex and have a knife to her throat? She's like, i mean, it's kind of like a first date. She's like, it's it's better than my family.
01:08:58
Speaker
Yeah. that's what That's what made me like ah this movie is uncomfortable and and on purpose. Yeah. It's not like this is a it's just a rough thing to fucking talk about. Well, it's a show on a movie. I mean, it's my life.
01:09:10
Speaker
it's There is a there is because like the two movies I know from this director are this one and happiness. yeah He has some other ones. I've never heard of any of them. They haven't gotten. I mean, i I heard of them when I looked up stuff up earlier, but like I'd never heard of any of them.
01:09:24
Speaker
And I did read a review of this one. It's like there's oh an alternate universe. We said an Earth 2. where Todd Solins made this movie and learned a different lesson and had a better career.
01:09:35
Speaker
Because I think like he made this movie. It was awkward and weird. He made Happiness. It was even more awkward and more weird. So presumably he went on to make things that were even too awkward and weird, maybe. haven't seen the other ones. Because it's a well. I mean, Happiness is, I think, this is a big one. I'm going to say no one gave him. Like David Lynch does awkward and weird shit and uncomfortable shit. That's a different kind of weird though. Yeah.
01:09:58
Speaker
That's like, that's like you looking at the glossy veneer of suburban life and you're seeing the teeming worms underneath. This is like, More in your face. Yeah. I think Derek said at the top, this has a lot of cringe to it.
01:10:12
Speaker
It does. Uncomfortable and cringe are two different things. and And cringe can work. Cringe can definitely work. I'm going to bring it up again, but happiness, I just saw it for the first time. So I'm not like, I've loved this movie forever. You are sucking this movie's emotional dick. But like it was so fucking uncomfortable to watch. But by the end of it, you're like...
01:10:32
Speaker
Well, I feel disgusting, but also I had a great time. Oh, that's like going to watch my family movies. It's probably a lot like that. That's disgusting. A good time.
01:10:43
Speaker
ah But so he takes her to an abandoned house. She lays down on a mattress. House is a stretch. well it is it was ummo It was a shack from gummo. A house needs all the walls. He takes her to gummo town. That's a different word for grape juice.
01:11:00
Speaker
And he lights up gummo town. It's like an oral sex or retirement home.
01:11:09
Speaker
He lights up a joint and she's like, no, I don't want any. But I do think marijuana should be legalized. Why do you have to be such a cunt all the time? I don't mean to be a cunt. Because that's the word I'm always going to say. Yeah, I don't care. Oh, it's my favorite word. She's...
01:11:21
Speaker
Look, my wife's here and she approves of cunt. Yeah. So anybody listening can... I mean, in every sense of that fucking sentence, your wife approves of cunt. Just so we're aware. Can't understand normal thinking. No, it's a sweet moment where she's just like, yeah, I'm not going to get high with you. But I do think that you have the right to get high. I mean... Right? That's how awkward I fucking was. I i do like, because he's like, why do you have to be such a cunt all the time? And i'm like, how is that being... But he's trying hate her. He's...
01:11:47
Speaker
He's trying to hate her. Well, he's lashing out because he doesn't understand because clearly he has a thing for her. This is that pulling her hair. He's very much instead of pulling the hair. It's putting a knife to the throat. Yeah, because because he's learning lessons from his dad who we meet later, who's a piece of shit. hu But this is when she's like I don't mean to be a cunt. And he gets really introspective. And this we find out he's so upset because she called him Regal earlier.
01:12:10
Speaker
and he's like, i have a brother who's Regal. I'm so sorry. He could beat you up. Yeah. He's like, don't be sorry. He kicked your ass. What grade is he in? He's not in a grade. He's reformed. ah He's rehabbing.
01:12:24
Speaker
He's righteous. But then he like kisses. He kisses her. They don't kiss. Yeah. He kisses her. She's never kissed before. yeah And then she's like, are are we still going to make grape juice? And he's like, no, don't have time.
01:12:37
Speaker
Yeah. What time do you have to be home? I don't know. I think I still have time. He's like, it's not enough. But if you tell anybody about this, it's back on. Just so you know that. Don't tell anybody or we're we're we're making grape juice. A thread is always available.
01:12:52
Speaker
So, I mean, I guess that's a weird way to ask someone out, but um he does it. It works in this little small community. ah We see more. Back in Iowa.
01:13:04
Speaker
Just kidding. Dude, at one point in this movie, Whitney was trying to defend something. she's like, well, yeah, that's how it is. Like in Iowa, it's like you just lost the argument. You can't back up your statement with like in Iowa. In junior, like you have Junior, Iowa.
01:13:17
Speaker
Junior, Iowa. In school, in small towns, like obviously not the west. Iowa way out there. So Mississippi on. That's what they're called, Mississippi on. Elementary, which is k to six. I know what you're talking about. Which is seven to eight or seven, eight, nine. And then high schools, which is.
01:13:37
Speaker
you know what I hear? Iowa, Iowa, Iowa. you say 10, 9, 11? 10, 11, High school, 12. which is 10, 9, 11. I'm not driving. This is they record at home and I Uber. yeah this is why this is why they recorded at home and i uber yeah Um, so we, we, we meet this other girl cookie who is one of the only the other actresses who's done stuff, but it's not a lot. Um, yeah so Christina Bricado, she's in some of the Arrowverse stuff.
01:14:05
Speaker
Uh, she was in that movie, the intern would she be in the Arrowverse? Cause that she was a doctor, a scientist of some sort. She was mostly yeah even Derek was like, I couldn't remember the character. She was a star labs. She was mostly on, uh, legends of tomorrow. Oh, that i probably would not. But she had she had one or two episodes of The Flash and Supergirl. So she's one of those.
01:14:24
Speaker
So probably a Star Labs or or whatever, wherever. I don't know who Legends of Tomorrow were working for. Right. I watched that the least. So that show i that was like my favorite one at the time. Because it got fucking bonkers. I was like, all these other ones are so predictable. in this But I hated the two guys that had the heat gun and the cold gun. I hated those actors so fucking much yeah that I couldn't... Especially that the fire guy was the worst.
01:14:48
Speaker
The cold guy was bad because kept doing this dramatic thing when he was
Pop Culture References and Humor
01:14:51
Speaker
talking. yeah Like he was a William Shepner from now. a Fire guy got better. Yeah. Because they got a little less of him and he was kind of he became like the Drax. Okay. Where he was just there for a big guy making funny jokes. I to say, he's just a dumb guy eating with his hands. Like, oh, we don't need fork.
01:15:07
Speaker
I mean, I got into it when they brought... ah Oh, what was his name? The guy that played Constantine on the TV show. Oh, I don't know the actor's name, but Matt something.
01:15:17
Speaker
Well, they brought him in. I got really into that show because I was like, oh, shit. It's like they're continuing that good show, Constantine, that got canceled after one season. yeah Dude, they should not have. ah They should not have Constantine canceled Well, you had to make room for Flash season 24.
01:15:30
Speaker
that wasn't it was on a different network. yeah ah you Cancel teen. Cancel teen. It's like Ovaltine. Speaking of canceled teens. Yeah, she was in that. She was in the intern. Dude, sorry. You got to fucking give it up on that. Speaking of canceled teens.
01:15:44
Speaker
She was in the intern. Also with. ah Oh, who's the girl that um the Princess Diaries girl? Anne Hathaway. Yeah. Anne Hathaway is also in the intern. So I was looking at their credits and I was like, so you apparently if you did this movie, you get to work with an nerf and Brokeback Mountain, dude.
01:15:59
Speaker
Nerfs. Oh, yeah. And then she was in the menu. Oh, so it's a pretty big one. The name Catherine. couldn't remember who she was. I always saw it the ones. She could be John Legg was almost a sister. That's what I was thinking.
01:16:15
Speaker
That's exactly. By the way, if haven't watched the menu, du the menu is fucking phenomenal. Yeah, it is. Look nothing up because I went into it. So how mean the bleeps watched it was we were looking for new comedies and whatever list I found listed menu as a comedy, which it is a satire. It is satire. That's going to say about it because I watched it and i was like,
01:16:33
Speaker
I went in. loved I did laugh a lot. I went in with the Knives out mind. Right? Okay. i don't know. The trailers we saw presented it as a horror movie. and i saw that I saw no trailer.
01:16:45
Speaker
That was when we were going to the theaters like all the time. I knew nothing about it. I just put it on one day and was like, when are we going to get to like the slapstick part of it? Even watching it at one point, Female Bleep. want a cheeseburger. Female Bleep was like, if you change this movie up a little bit, it's a horror movie.
01:17:00
Speaker
That was early on. And then was like, Oh. oh Yeah, great. No, that's that's a cool movie. I like that. I loved it. Watch it. But she's having a party. ah this This is a real fucking mean girl move.
01:17:14
Speaker
Like stand up in class like, um can I make an announcement real quick? And then turn around be like, anybody who is coming to my party, remember to bring your bathing suit. So all the kids who aren't coming are now like, wait, there's a party. wasn't invited.
01:17:26
Speaker
One of those kids is Warren. I have thought he was good. And Don, obviously. Well, obviously Don. Nobody expected him to be. Warren's actually like... You invited my two friends. Why can't I go? Because they had the drugs.
01:17:39
Speaker
He tries to like butter her up to see if he can go. and like He gives her this cookie from the cafeteria. I was 100% convinced there was going to be a diarrhea scene in this. like I thought he spiked this thing. Oh, no. But I love it She's like...
01:17:54
Speaker
It didn't even cost you anything. is the best gifts in the world. Right? Give me free gifts all over the place. fact that you didn't eat your cookie during lunch because you felt about you thought about giving it to me.
01:18:05
Speaker
I love you. I feel like Nick Miller. Dude, you give me cookie, I give you a cookie. You give me a cookie, I give you a cookie. You give me a cookie. You give me cookie, give you I cut it into a Jewish star.
01:18:18
Speaker
Star of David. She's quoting Miller. I quoting. Not understanding Schmidt's culture. cut it into that Jewish star thingy. I don't remember that part. so um re we do cut to warren and don hanging out in the special people's club presumably it's during the party they're like well we're just gonna hang out together no it's before the party it's before oh it's during the that party yes yeah the girls party they're listening to music they're hanging out she's talking about like her friend ralphie and he's like why do you hang out with that fun guy
01:18:54
Speaker
Yeah. And she's like, well, just just because he's a fun guy doesn't mean he's an as asshole. i was making sure it wasn't the other word, too. This movie is piled. It was just such a thing. Like, man, he's such a fun guy. because he's a fun guy doesn't mean an asshole. Yeah. Which is true.
01:19:11
Speaker
And they kiss. But she's like, I can't be your girlfriend because I'm in love with an older man. What's his name? who is Captain America. What's his fucking name? Captain America. What's his fucking name? Captain America.
01:19:22
Speaker
I thought his name was Warren. His name isn't Warren. His name is Steve Rogers. um His name was Robert Hudson. And Warren fucking storms out. He storms out and Ralphie comes out of the bushes, which is weird.
01:19:36
Speaker
Excuse me, I've made a cum and I heard you guys had an argument and i made another cum. Is the fight over with now? But like he comes out and tries to talk to her and tries to make her feel better. And then she's like, Fungu!
01:19:48
Speaker
Yeah. And my ah runs away. ah but Pasta fajul.
01:19:57
Speaker
we have the anniversary party. Which looks like a fun time. We we talked about the Hava Nagila happy anniversary song. Don's like on the shoulders of
Family Relationships and Tension
01:20:07
Speaker
this neighbor with the bright red shirt. We have a Hawaiian theme going, which, you know, my last, I think my last birthday was the Hawaiian theme. Yes. My luau. Yeah. Yes.
01:20:15
Speaker
It's a good, it's good theme to do. Donna's hiding you in her bedroom. And I love like the, the song mentions the mom and the dad and the kids. And the mom was like, where's Don? Oh, I don't give a shit. Here's Missy.
01:20:26
Speaker
No, she's like, where is Don? Even though it's been four hours and I have not seen her. Yeah, that's the one time she gives a shit. Because then when Don comes out, she's like, where's Steve? She's like, where have you been? She's like, where's Steve?
01:20:39
Speaker
Mom just stops caring. It's the least amount of shit ever given, but it's the most she gave yeah in this. Because it was her. It's about her. She does go and find Steve. He's banging some chick in the outdoor laundry or whatever. Some hottie.
01:20:52
Speaker
And she's like, um I'm going to rebuild the special people's club. And I want you to be our first honorary member. What the fuck are you talking about? <unk> My clubhouse. i am trying to club bang and you're I'm trying to put a load in this washer, if you know what I'm saying.
01:21:04
Speaker
all right Do you know what special people stands for? No, yeah I am playing stepsister stuck in the laundry right now. And you are knocking on this door right now to talk about special people's club. And that's when he tells her, he's like, your club is for regal people.
01:21:19
Speaker
Special equals regal. Yeah. Um, and which I think is why she turns on Ralphie completely in the next, the next sequence that we have with them that we kind of talked about a little bit, but.
01:21:31
Speaker
um they immediately after the party the family is sitting around watching vhs tape of the party hell like that night because they're still wearing their fucking hawaiian shit because at first i was like i was like maybe this is a time jump to like a week later no they're wearing the same outfits night and then so the dad takes it out and he puts in indiana joe's and it gets to the end and indiana jones and the girl have chained up and the nazis are going to open the ark of the covenant and he's like cover your eyes and warren jumps out and goes three o'clock
01:22:01
Speaker
l a and the nazi's face is all melted i like that captain uh but there's a part in there where missy the little sister shoves don and she falls into a pool and the whole family is laughing watch it again mom rewind it mommy and then like that's where we go immediately to like they're all asleep don wakes up and pulls out this hammer and this is when i was like Family annihilation time. I was rooting for it. Do you remember the story in Me, Myself, and Irene that ended up not being true? the albino kid with the weird glasses?
01:22:28
Speaker
Yes. He tells a story. He's like, and then I took out a hammer and I beat my family to death and I've been on the run since. I'm like, this is, this is yeah. This is that story. This is what's happening. She is going to hammer everybody to death and then fucking go on the run with ah Steve Rogers. As she should. And make it in, well, except for the Steve Rogers part. Not the Steve Rogers. She should run away with Warren.
01:22:49
Speaker
Yeah, dude, this family has it coming. I'm sorry. This is there's a isn't there a Netflix like how to how how to get away with murder or something like that. Yeah, this is how you raise a serial killer. Yeah, this is what you do. This is a a Netflix series.
01:23:02
Speaker
Well, she just make a murderer. She goes out and she smashes the VHS tape, but then she comes back in and she's like looking at the hammer and looking at her little sister's face and she's just like peacefully. Oh, just thought her mom doesn't like her because she's not pretty.
01:23:14
Speaker
Yeah. That's it. Because the little sister is like a normal. I don't know. I'm i'm not trying to be rude to the normal. Hard quote. right Hard quote. Normal. But like because features aren't accentuated or whatever. yeah Because this girl is playing Don has like like her teeth like are not straight and she has glasses and she's, you know, whatever. She's got big, goofy lips that I'm goofy is quoted. Yeah.
01:23:35
Speaker
um But yeah, so has has softer features. I guess little sister is blonde and she's a ballerina and the mom is just like, there's my daughter. I wanted this. This I had to deal with now. I don't know why I fucked the milkman. yeah He was strong. No, the daughter is Missy is the milkman's daughter.
01:23:55
Speaker
I guess it's fair because Mark is also a fucking nerd. That's true. That's true. So this is whoever she cheated husband with. This is affair, child. It's her favorite, though. Yep. It was the best sex she ever had, also. I love milkman mark or Milkman Mike. Let's go with Mike.
01:24:08
Speaker
I love Milkman Mike, but he won't leave his wife for me. Well, so like the principal comes into class and drags Warren out, and we find out later that he was expelled for selling drugs. No, the cops come to class. Well, the principal, too. Right. With the cops.
01:24:19
Speaker
Right. Like the principal comes in to take him out, but there's these two signs hanging on the wall. Like, you know, your classroom signs. We had one. One just says crack. That's it. yeah Not crack kills or just crack. And I'm like, that's neat.
01:24:34
Speaker
Seems like it gets sponsored. And then I noticed the other one, which says, don't let a hot date turn into a due date. D-U-E. Which is pretty fucking cool. Gotta put that on a shirt, pal.
01:24:44
Speaker
ah wear a 2XL for anybody's making those. Add it to our... On the front, bad movies, worse people. On the back, don't let a hot date turn into a due date. I'm buying one. bad movies, worse people. Fucking do it.
01:24:55
Speaker
Bad movies, worse people have been birth control since our fucking beginning. Nobody listened to this and having sex. I'm fixed. You're going to not have children. And he never wants children. I'm on sofa. I always pull out.
01:25:07
Speaker
ah But ah so, yeah, Warren gets taken away. We find out later it's because he's supposedly selling drugs, but it was his friend. um But he wouldn't rat him out, though. No, I think that's friend ratted him out.
01:25:21
Speaker
no I don't know. Maybe. But like the cops like, we just want to ask him some questions. that's you hear You see it in the subtitles, rather. Like, hey, we just want to ask him a few questions. Because there was a thing earlier with the announcements where it was like, we found ah drugs extinguished in the boys' bathroom. We found one drugs.
01:25:38
Speaker
And doing or selling drugs is illegal. You'll be expelled, etc. So I think that they they knew. he says jeed Jed. Dude, yeah don't name your fucking kid Jed. It's Jedediah. Of course Jedediah is where you get the dried stem. You know what you're to get when you name your kid Jedediah? A religious zealot. Children of corn. At best.
01:25:57
Speaker
At best. At best. Worst case scenario, religious zealot. Worst case scenario, sharks of the corn. Worst case scenario, the kid from the guy from Duck Dynasty. Yeah, any of them.
01:26:10
Speaker
There's one named Jed. Is there? Yeah. Gross. um But yeah. So he didn't snitch. She goes home and Ralphie calls her and that's when she's like telling her sister because the sister answers and she's like, tell that fun guy. I don't want to talk to him. And this is the saddest part because and then he hears all these terrible things.
01:26:30
Speaker
He's sitting on his Legos telephone. Flood of memories came back. Just hearing all of these terrible, terrible things that Don is saying. Like, tell him i hate him.
01:26:42
Speaker
I'm punished. I can't be his friend. He can rot in hell. He can rot in hell. Like, everything. But then we get, like, the big fucking... twist of the movie here where like so don's mom when she was coming home was like hey i left a note i can't pick up missy from ballet practice so so and so's mom has to bring her home make sure you tell her she's like yeah i'll fucking tell her she's like are you listening make sure you tell her yes i'm totally listening what's last thing i said you asked about listening
01:27:14
Speaker
But so she goes to leave and ah da or a Missy goes to leave. Don almost gives her the note and is like, no, I got nothing to tell you. Get the fuck out of here. And then we cut to the police at the house because little sister has been kidnapped.
01:27:29
Speaker
At first I was like, oh they're just overreacting because she didn't get home in time. But then it's like the next morning and it's like, she's not there. And you hear like this overlapping of all these cops. Like, they claim to give her. The sister claimed she gave her the note. She said she gave her the note. She said she gave her the note. Yeah.
01:27:47
Speaker
Yeah. A lot. Yeah, it's a fucked up twist. Yeah. on this On this already fucked movie. And I'm going tell you right now, I put it on Steve Rogers because he's been banging chicks underage, right?
01:28:00
Speaker
he there was another There was two other things. I i remember one was... At the party, she's like, the little girl goes, oh, Steve really likes me. because he was like picking her up and spinning her around. Oh, it was his song where he's like, I got a mannequin that looks like you, little girl.
01:28:15
Speaker
like, okay. So for sure, I was like, oh, it's Steve Rogers. And then they even said they found her tutu in Times Square. i'm like, guess he ran away to New York. Because when they were watching the videotape, ah Mark says that Steve quit the band because now he got an A on his test.
01:28:31
Speaker
So he left and he went to New York. Well, paid him $200. players Yeah, he went to New York to hit it big like Jim Morrison. who who I'm going to make it like Jim Morrison. Die at fucking 27 in your leather pants.
01:28:43
Speaker
Yep. Stinky. ah Did you notice Mark's face when the dad's like, I gave him 200 bucks. Like, the fuck? Yeah. We got paid. Yeah. He gave him a look like $200. and You know how good that would have looked on my college application.
01:28:57
Speaker
But $200 looks really good in your college application. By the way, you just put $200 on it. Give it to him. So Don doesn't have to go to school because her sister's been kidnapped and her mom doesn't want her to go either.
01:29:08
Speaker
She's afraid she's going to kidnapped. And someone's like, yeah, like they're going to you. She still just leaves the house and no one even notices because she goes to Warren's house. She really does. She's worried about me getting kidnapped. So going to go to this really terrible neighborhood with this place that has tape for windows.
01:29:25
Speaker
I love it. Yeah. Warren's brother answering the door with his like peanut butter and jelly. And he's he just opens the door immediately. He's like, hi, want a bite? And we're not laughing because the guy is mentally challenged.
01:29:35
Speaker
So beautiful. It so fucking funny. It is genuinely just like a jelly donut. When this happens, I was like, this is this is how I am answering the door from now on. When people come to my house to sell me solar or security systems, I'm just going to open the door.
01:29:47
Speaker
Whatever I'm cooking or eating at the time, I'm going be like, hi want a bite? Nope. Just go to the fridge and go get a stick of butter and just hold it out to them. You do that and I'm going to go want to see my fingers and we're going to see who gets less people coming back to them next month.
01:30:03
Speaker
They're all comparing stories. Dude, you'll not believe today. Oh, I bet mine was worse. What happened to you? opened the fucking door and the guy has a goddamn stick of butter and goes, you want a bite? It's like, bro, that's weird. But this guy looks at me, held his fingers up and smiled and said, do you want to see my fingers?
01:30:19
Speaker
I'm never going back to Tucson. I'm going to move to New York. I'm going to make it like Jim Morrison. dead who made it in LA by the way right but but you have to go to New York to make it like Jim Morrison made it in l LA oh okay that's the thing but like she ends up talking to Warren's dad and she's like I just want to see Warren and he's like well you've got an hour before we leave so well first he's like What do you do Knock you up? Yeah. No. Like, she's like 11, dude.
01:30:45
Speaker
He probably knocked up the kid's mom at 11. Yeah, fair. She's like 12, 13. But he's like, you can go. you go say it. No, it does not. Go say goodbye to him. We're leaving in an hour.
01:30:57
Speaker
she gets up there and he's like, it's too late. I'm leaving. I'm not going to this fucking reform school. She's like, want be your girlfriend now. Yeah. He's like, no, fuck you. i'm I'm running away to New York because they're in New Jersey. It's the closest thing that's like a real place, I guess. Yeah.
01:31:10
Speaker
New Jersey's not real. He doesn't want to go to military academy school. A kid like this can find some fucking jobs in New York. It's not going good job. It's going to be some some shady shit, but you can find some. This is 90s New York. This isn't fucking Giuliani's New York. Yeah, it is. Giuliani was the 90s. It hasn't taken effect. That's when he started cleaning it up. this is already This is the beginning of the end of that New York. Well, long as you're not in Times Square. This is still this is still very much big. ah The movie Big's New York.
01:31:36
Speaker
Well, yeah, if it's not Times Square, like he can hustle shit in one of the boroughs. Yeah. He just can't be in Times Square. that's where That's where they started, and then they worked their way out. This still has homeless people in New York. Yeah, we got to start installing Mickey Mouses. like Those are our ah barriers for how far we've cleaned up the city. if you If you see this sign, you've gone too far, homeless.
01:31:54
Speaker
ah Go back to where you came from. No homeless recommended around here. They get... Never mind. Don't implicate Disney. We might be on their channel one day. Yeah, exactly.
01:32:06
Speaker
They're having a sad family dinner. um The dad has been sick from worry or whatever about the daughter. The thinks it's a gallbladder. Yeah. And so it's just mom, Don, and older brother.
01:32:18
Speaker
And mom gets a call and she's... breaks down and it's like oh my God, they found her tutu and in Times Square. Blah, blah, blah. So Don feels like a piece of shit. What's thinking about the ending of this story? How did that happen?
01:32:30
Speaker
I don't know if it was hers. probably somebody else's tutu. It was just a tutu. Okay. And they were like, well, we found a tutu and your daughter was last seen in her ballet clothes. Gotcha. Because I just thought about that right York City, dude. You found a tutu. like should Yeah, that could have belonged to a street performer. That's where salsa comes from, right? believed New you know york is York City?
01:32:50
Speaker
We're going to start hanging people over salsa? Good God. um But so Dawn runs away to New York City to go look for Missy.
Kidnapping Subplot and Resolution
01:33:00
Speaker
She's hanging up signs. She falls asleep on the street. she She gives one to this homeless guy.
01:33:04
Speaker
She's like, have you seen my sister? No!
01:33:08
Speaker
ah Just the sharpest bark. now She goes to a psychic and the psychic's like, no money? No. now there's No. Your yeah sister's not in the Alamo. There's there's no basement in the Alamo. No.
01:33:23
Speaker
Kiwi's big adventure. Thank But like she falls asleep there and she wakes up and she ends up calling home, gets the brother and he's like, dude, you're so much trouble. You're in trouble. She's like, well, was looking for Missy. He's like, Missy's here. The funny thing is you're not in trouble.
01:33:36
Speaker
No, because mom didn't even notice. Right. like Or she did. She's like, where's Dawn in New York? All right. Where's Dawn? I don't know. Well, we're we're worried about Missy right now. Now I can tell cops I asked. You mean she's not here for Missy's return? What the fuck? That's du that's why you got grounded. That's the only reason she got grounded. they even, she's like, can of talk to mom? And he goes over like, yeah, hey, mom, it's Dawn.
01:33:57
Speaker
She's so busy with like interview TV interviews with Missy. She doesn't even, it's not even like she looks over and waves. No, she doesn't hear. just doesn't acknowledge it at all. way too busy with her daughter, Jean Yeah.
01:34:10
Speaker
But we find out it was this Mr. Kasdan who kidnapped her. Champagne. We find out it was this Mr. Kasdan who kidnapped her, who was someone at the party. Whitney's like, you saw in the movie. And i was like, who the fuck is Kasdan? was on his shoulders, and he was doing the Hava. ha Oh, my God. He kidnapped Ralphie earlier in life, not in this movie. probably That's why Ralphie has rings under his eyes. i've never recovered. Ralphie's not slept since. Oh, my God. Ralphie's the window kid from Flubber.
01:34:36
Speaker
can't He cannot sleep, dude. Ralphie, why you act so weird? Oh, my God. don't want to start with you. I saw a guy fly in a car. There was this green goo everywhere. And then the neighbor guy took me for days. But, like, he locked her in tutu do pirouettes.
01:34:53
Speaker
Yeah, he locked her in a room he built underneath their, like, bocce ball court or something. Shuffle boy. say nothing what Well, hold on, my friend. Bocce ball needs grass. They're both rich people things. Oh, we can play bocce ball right now. He has this room underneath this sport court.
01:35:08
Speaker
That he locked her, but it's just for indoor swim gym, but he just made her do pirouettes and videotaped her. I don't know. It's very weird. It's all very weird. Yeah. um Gave her all the McDonald's. Of course, he they show him on she wanted they show him on TV getting arrested. And it's like, by all accounts, he was normal. I also. He's family man. Hold on.
01:35:28
Speaker
Wait. um I'm pretty sure that his wife is divorcing him now. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks, Mark. And on the news, he was a great neighbor. He always played Santa Claus.
01:35:39
Speaker
But like you would think Christmas for you, right? Yeah, no, no, no, no
01:35:52
Speaker
there you go you're schmidt santa winney i schmidt except instead a sexy santa it's viking san so is the new just every persona you It is a bit. It's just. My neuroticism is. It's inside of his head. ah New girl girl is his head.
01:36:06
Speaker
haven't found Jess yet. wouldn't Winston with a cat. You haven't found Jess yet? I'm pretty sure you bought a tie-dye kit last week. This will be. Oh, my God, I did. And you know what came after that? I didn't tell you my other package.
01:36:20
Speaker
It was a glow in the dark rock painting kit. So you did find Jess. Don goes up to in front of the school and you would think like at this point people have some kind of sympathy for her because her sister was kidnapped. She gives the speech about like, thank you to everybody for helping the police. Blah, blah, blah. This is where I so i want her to. Wiener dogs. Yeah, one of the bullies calls her Wiener Dog, and then all the kids start chanting, Wiener Dog, Wiener Dog. And the only one that gives a fuck is the principal. He's like, Quiet!
01:36:46
Speaker
Well, he doesn't really care. He's just the principal, so he has to. But everybody shut the fuck up. Don't make fun of this great big fat seventh grader. She's not. If you don't fail the mission, you're going to get detention.
01:36:59
Speaker
It's just my Ted Levine. Yeah. You have to say fat person. Put the little sister back in the basket. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
01:37:08
Speaker
It puts the sister on the skin.
01:37:14
Speaker
Or else it gets the flubber again. And then it shows her on the the field trip to new to Disney World, which, by the way, i'm sorry. It's been going on through the whole film, and we haven't said anything about Yeah, we mentioned it earlier. Did we? Yeah, it's extracurricular.
01:37:27
Speaker
It's good on your college application, dude. Because she's in a choir. But the... They live in New Jersey and they're taking ah school bus. No, I guess it's not a school bus. There's a bathroom in the back. It's a charter Greyhound. But like all the way to Florida, that's day I've seen Requiem for a Dream.
01:37:43
Speaker
Do you know how long it takes to get from New York to Florida days? That's how you get arrested by racist cops in North Carolina or whichever state they're going to SeaWorld in a charter bus.
01:37:53
Speaker
Yeah, but that's San Diego. That's six hours. that's Six hours. this he's youre You are talking probably talking New England to Florida. At least day and a half. a little a little below New England. Sorry, do you want New Englanders. Do you want chitlins on a bus or do you want chitlins on a plane?
01:38:09
Speaker
I'm not on that plane. don't give fuck. But that's the end of the movie. I mean, they're singing the... Yeah, that's how it is. The fucking camera turns off. Dude, but I just... So all the choir kids, they're in the Hummingbird Choir or whatever it's called.
01:38:21
Speaker
They're singing their theme song. And like before they show her singing and they cut out all the other sound, ah so all these kids singing. And I was like, fucking kill me. Like, I would not be a middle school teacher.
01:38:32
Speaker
But if I was and I was on this bus, I'd be like, driver, can you open that door? I'm taking a fucking yeah nose. side This is my mom's dream, by the way. Oh, 100 percent. Choir teacher is what she does. Exactly. love You want the kids that love the choir that you're going to just sing all the way. Is this why you sing?
01:38:50
Speaker
Is this why sang? No. ADD and multiple personalities I sang. And your mother's a choir teacher. Yeah. but Everybody in my family has musical ADD. Because your mother's a choir teacher. but Yeah, probably.
01:39:03
Speaker
yeah That's just your go-to where you can all just ADD together. She used to sing everything to us, dude. Like, get up, get up in the morning. It's time to get up in the morning. Get out of bed. You sleep ahead. Everything had a fucking song. had a Nickelodeon alarm clock that did that song. Damn. I fucking ADD. Just the sound, though, not the singing. When we left the movies last night, I had a moment, and I just started singing the signs that we were driving
01:39:30
Speaker
You're like Andy from The Office. 104.02. That's where I like to put my food. Singing. And Derek's like, are you okay? And was like, probably not. He never asked me that.
01:39:43
Speaker
Well, I'm used to you doing it. But like I do like this last moment of like because it's all the kids singing and then it goes in on her and she is singing. they're They're all moving and dancing. You can tell where she is because she's sitting perfectly still.
01:39:56
Speaker
And she's like, but she's singing the song, but she's just like, we're the humming hummingbirds. It's unnerving. Yeah. And it's meant to be. because She's just realized that no one's ever going to give a shit.
01:40:08
Speaker
But Steve does say something earlier in the movie to her. He's like, look, it's only three years. yeah Then you get to high school and it's worse. But her brother also says high school still sucks. I can't wait to But guess what? You go to college after that. I can't wait to go to high school. Don't you say that.
01:40:22
Speaker
Don't you ever say that. Stay here as long as you can. Stay here as long as safe. But so that's, then then the movie just blacks out. It That's the end. It's done. So it's mental health. So we don't necessarily do recommendations usually. But since it's Jack and I's first time, I think we should recommend Because Whitney did recommend it. We can do both.
01:40:41
Speaker
Let me do my. Can I do mine first? Yes. But i' would like what I'd like to know about you, because obviously you did recommend it. First off, when's the last time you watched this? Oh, it's been years. So then my question to you is, did it hold up?
01:40:53
Speaker
Yes. Okay. I. this so was This was my life. Essentially, like I was Don Wiener. I had the older sibling.
01:41:05
Speaker
I didn't have the i mean, I had my dad's separate family. He's my dad has the children over here. So that's busy dry race board for that.
01:41:16
Speaker
And then i had my older sister who was amazing and a genius and everything. So I was just shat on all the fucking time. And then I did. I had a fucking Warren. i had that guy that treated me like shit in middle school, but would come over to my house and we'd play house. Be your secret friend. Like I had a secret friend like this movie. And that's why k Crystal fucking gave like showed it to me. And she's like,
01:41:42
Speaker
kind of like your life, bro. yeah Like my parents hated me and it was just, it it still holds up for me. It still holds, like I was geeking out while we were watching this. I swear.
01:41:55
Speaker
And then Derek was like, you need to stop because don't say things before things happen. So I sat there and I was just like. ah She was doing that thing where you love a movie and you're watching with your friends and you're like, okay, now watch this part.
01:42:08
Speaker
Just let me watch it. Really watch. You're not watching hard enough. Yes, this movie still hold held up for me. good I still fucking love this movie. and and Three thumbs scale?
01:42:19
Speaker
Three. all right Obviously. There's nothing I would change about this. and Welcome to the Dollhouse might be my new ringtone.
01:42:29
Speaker
ah Jack, will do for you and I, will I will not be upset. We'll do a recommendation and a thumb rating. I will slate your throat. I do no recommendation. no No, I didn't like it. it was un I just watched it too late in life. I'm 42 years old.
01:42:42
Speaker
I also didn't have this childhood. You know what i mean? I didn't have a great, a perfect childhood or anything. like It wasn't this. like I understand Whitney's parallels with it. It's not for me. I felt uncomfortable watching a lot of it because of the age it is. and it's Fair enough. I don't even have any caveats where I'm not going to make a music video out of this because all of sudden don have a Nine Inch Nails coming on this fucking movie's coming on. and then you know Okay.
01:43:07
Speaker
so and then Yeah, you don't want to um Fuck You Like an Animal coming on when Warren's trying to make grape juice. Stay in. yeah say and and a thumbs I'll give it a thumb because it is a really well done shot movie and stuff. It's just it's not for me.
01:43:21
Speaker
Could you put yourself being in middle school? and like I didn't have this middle school. I went to a i went to a private Catholic school. like You were not the targeted demographic. it's Yeah, exactly. it's just not Especially at this age, it's not.
01:43:32
Speaker
And that's the point of like... But it is. it is I see why it won Best Picture. It has a story to tell where nothing happens. Nothing gets accomplished. Yeah. there is nothing but turmoil, but there's no really ever overcoming that except for Derek's end realization of like, nothing's going fucking matter.
01:43:50
Speaker
Yeah. so now I'm going to blow this bus up. So, but I get why I see why you like it, especially when you explain your parallels. Yeah. Makes sense. Um, I can, and when I watched I can give it a recommend.
01:44:05
Speaker
Um, I, I did enjoy watching it. I think it was a really well done movie. I think, It's not going to be for everyone. um Like all the stuff Jack said, it's uncomfortable and it's it's hard watching kids do this stuff. But also, this is what kids do.
01:44:21
Speaker
Maybe there's not normally a kid running around threatening to make grape juice, but there there is. There's one yeah out there, at least. you know Yeah, I can tell you that. But like, I do recommend it. I think it's i think it's a good movie. Yeah.
01:44:36
Speaker
I've only seen two of his movies now, and I kind of want to check out more, even though I've heard they're not as diminishing returns. But I do want to check out some more of them and just see. I got a question for you before you give your thumb rating. Is this going to end up on the shelf?
01:44:50
Speaker
I don't know. I'm pretty sure it's a Criterion. i don't know. I do know you want to buy it for your wife, but like, okay, take your wife out of it real quick. Okay. Would you own this in your collection after seeing it tonight? I don't know. We have John Hughes movies because of me.
01:45:05
Speaker
I don't know because I don't know if I would I will watch it again. That's a big thing. Like happiness is uncomfortable. And i saw a lot of reviews where people are like, I wouldn't buy this because I watched it and I liked it, but I'm not never going to watch again. But they didn't know the guy reading that review watches fucking Requiem for a Dream once a year. Idiot. Like I will watch that again. I might not watch it, but not like it's not like I'm going to be like, well, it's been a year. I should watch Requiem for I should watch. Welcome to the dream. I mean, Requiem for a dollhouse.
01:45:35
Speaker
Can ask you a question? Who has a weirder one? Welcome to the dollhouse. Wreck-a-wump for a dream. They're equally weird because of very different things. I was the drug addict, not him. His has stealing from your meth mom ass to ass heroin addicts and yours has baby rape.
01:45:54
Speaker
um Sorry, like baby grapes. I'll say intentions, not actuals. True. Because it's not actually happening. But now your rating.
01:46:05
Speaker
Well, I'll say two thumbs because I think it was really well made. um i did Like I said, I did recommend it. So that boosted up a little bit. But it's just I don't know if I'll ever watch it again. I definitely get that. You can still buy it. Not because I don't like it.
01:46:21
Speaker
It's something I'm glad I watched it. And that's about it. i will I will say that. I'm glad I watched it, especially because Whitney is my friend. I'm glad I have that to see. You now have insight to why I am me. I probably won't watch this again on purpose. That's fine.
01:46:35
Speaker
And I appreciate you. If I go home tonight, my cat's watching i'll be pissed. yeah You know how Prime works, right? It's down Periscope. um Next week, we continue.
01:46:47
Speaker
Mental health month with my pick, which is very different. I changed mine. I had a different movie picked, but with the passing of Val Kilmer, I thought we should talk about Val Kilmer. And there's some movies he was in. I really liked. I was between a few, but landed on heat.
01:47:03
Speaker
Hey, yeah, I heard some things. we We did just watch Tombstone last night. i watched Willow the other night, dude. Just fucking you you're a great swordsman. Yeah. But we're going to Michael Mann's Heat because I want to talk about Michael Mann. I like Michael Mann.
01:47:16
Speaker
And there's not a lot of opportunities outside of mental health because he doesn't really make bad movies. I can't wait to talk about the fucking gunshots in this movie. um It is a three hour long movie. So the notes will be thin. I'm going to we're going to skip over some things. Yes. And then he reloads his MP5 and he dumps as I'd say 30 to 35 rounds into the ah officer.
01:47:37
Speaker
It's going to be a shrunken down because you don't want a six hour episode. It is available real quick. You can watch Heat if you would like to. It's on Netflix right now. and It's on Amazon and Apple.
01:47:49
Speaker
ah Rent for $4. Buy for $15. ah You can also just buy the disc. It's not a boutique or anything because studios, when they know what they have, they know what they have. Also, my weird shit that's on boutique. You get a boutique Congo.
01:48:02
Speaker
Yeah. You get a copy of Heat. Yeah. But it is in 4K now, so it's pretty sweet. think that's what I have. um You have Blu-ray. Oh, because you got Because I got the 4K.
01:48:14
Speaker
But I did. You have it in the 4K case because I kept the sweet-ass steelbook I had from the Blu-ray, and I put the Blu-ray in the 4K case and gave it to you. Maybe that's why I think that.
01:48:25
Speaker
I'm like a little stepbrother just waiting to be kidnapped by the fucking next-door neighbor. made By your younger brother? I'm going wear a fucking... to No, the neighbor's going to kidnap me because they like more. He's younger than you I know, but not in this scenario. I'm the one wearing a 2-2. I'm younger.
01:48:37
Speaker
And of course we have our Patreon, patreon.com slash worst people. you can um You can pay the $3 as long as it's not through the Apple iOS, right? Don't use Apple iOS to subscribe.
01:48:52
Speaker
Go on your computer. Go on your friend's phone. Do it from a library, computer, anything else. because Apple wants to charge you extra to subscribe. You are then free to watch it on all the Apple things that you own. Yeah. Yeah. You could use the Apple app. Just do Just don't sign up on Apple.
01:49:07
Speaker
um It's $3 a month. But if you pay through Apple, I think they charge you $4.50. and And then they take all that. So it's not like you're like, oh, cool. 450. Well, I like these guys. I'll give them the extra money.
01:49:18
Speaker
Apple's taking it. Yeah. So we see like 10 cents of that. But yeah, patreon.com slash worst people. And as of recording, we haven't reached the end of our period where we're letting our patrons choose our mental health movie for the month.
01:49:32
Speaker
However, so far, I only have one recommendation from a patron and it's Goonies. So that is probably going to be our Patreon movie for the month.
01:49:42
Speaker
Goonies never say die. Patreon, our super mental health movie. Because this is mental health month, so that's our mental mental health movie. Dude, I'm going for Goonies, boo. ah You can get it. It's out there on 4K, but it's also available on AMC+. plus ah You can rent it through Amazon or Apple. $4 rent, $10 to buy.
01:50:02
Speaker
I'm sure $10 is less than the 4K disc that I bought. So you guys have heard me in the past say, I don't think it's as good as people think it is. I don't think it's as whatever.
01:50:13
Speaker
I still like it. I bought it. Sure. I've got it on 4K. We went to the theater and saw it a couple years ago. You own it 100% more times than I do. And then also we have latchkey vids on the Patreon. Woo.
01:50:24
Speaker
so and Does anybody know what our episode is this month or is it just me? It's Cop Rock. It's Cop Rock. road five Cody, it's Cop Rock. We're coming back. Cop Rock's coming back. It's episode five. The name escapes me. The Cocaine Mutiny.
01:50:37
Speaker
Oh, that's right. Are you ready for this? No. So you guys can watch that on YouTube. Or you can buy those sweet Shout Factory DVDs that both Jack and I bought. Not paying us. I really do recommend the Shout Factory DVDs. It looks so much better.
01:50:52
Speaker
Yeah. I haven't put mine in yet. it looks so much better. or I'm just happy.
01:50:59
Speaker
I think it looks better. Hard to say. But that's it for this week. So thank you guys for tuning in for Mental Health Month. I've been Derek. I'm Don Wiener. will be there at 3. Good night.
01:51:10
Speaker
And don't be such a cunt. Ha ha ha ha ha.
01:51:43
Speaker
my step, Derek. She calls him stepdaddy. No, she does not. It's not in that tone of voice. She calls me D-Dad. D-Dad, that's what it is. Jesus Christ. D-Dad is good. Stepdaddy is a little weird. You could even say it nicer tone, like, he's my stepdaddy. Stepdaddy. We're in the middle of editing be like, turn off Matlock. We're going to the bedroom. Exactly. You are your grandpa.
01:52:06
Speaker
I blame the Chinese and turn off that Matlock and we're fucking. Push the beds together tonight, Suze.