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Ep 138: Welcome to Mooseport
3 Playsin 1 hour
We made a last-minute schedule change due to the death of the legendary Gene Hackman. Hackman stars alongside Ray Romano in his final film in the disastrous WELCOME TO MOOSEPORT. Gene Hackman plays former president of the United States Monroe "Eagle" Cole, who retires to Mooseport, Maine and is convinced to run for mayor to stop his ex-wife from taking his home in their divorce. Ray Romano plays Harold "Handy" Harrison, a local hardware store owner also running for mayor. What passes for hilarity in a Ray Romano movie ensues.
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Transcript
Returning from Vacation
00:00:00
Speaker
Let's try that again. It's our first time back, guys, after vacation. Can you tell? We needed a mulligan. There's no mulligans. Yeah, there are no mulligans. there are no mulligans. This is love. Yeah, we're playing for somebody's heart.
00:00:12
Speaker
I said get the president! I'm Derek. I'm Whitney. I'm Jack. And this is Bad Movies. Worse people again. Again. Still worse people.
00:00:23
Speaker
Still off to a bad start.
Remembering Gene Hackman
00:00:57
Speaker
When we ever had a good start? ah When I started, surprisingly. It's good for you. We don't let us finish. never do. So this this movie's kind of my fault.
00:01:10
Speaker
If you want to tell the people what we're watching, and then I'll take credit for it. I mean, they know what we're watching. They clicked on that. Yeah, but last week I said we were watching something else. It's also nice to hear Derek say it. This week we have decided to watch Welcome to Mooseport from 2004.
00:01:25
Speaker
because of the passing of gene hackman rest in pictures gene hackman seriously um it's very sad and he's in a lot of great movies so we decided to talk about his last movie the one that made him say fuck this place this business and walk out because that's the thing his last movie would have been royal tenenbaums yeah but it was this we had never seen this movie right correct correct okay i've seen trailers yeah i know of its existence when did it come out Oh, five? Oh, four. Oh, four? or four Oh, four? yeah, you just said that.
00:01:52
Speaker
There may have... I know for a fact my parents watched this movie. So I wanted to watch... Also, dude, Ray Romano is so easy to make fun of and just he's a... He is one of the things that he's selling at his hardwares hardware store.
00:02:05
Speaker
He is a piece of wood in this movie. Yeah. He is just... I never thought you'd make me miss Chris O'Donnell. But damn, this is his first motion picture aside from Ice Age.
00:02:16
Speaker
So his first live action motion picture. Okay. Question for you. Who directed this stinker? A guy named Donald Petri who directed movies that you guys like and probably don't like. Okay. So the ones I have here are Mystic Pizza.
00:02:30
Speaker
Loving it. I know she loves it. Never seen it. Grumpy Old Men. Ooh. Richie Rich. o That's why Herman was in this. Miss Congeniality. Oh, God, yes. And How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. I love this guy. What did he put this stinker out for?
00:02:45
Speaker
Well, I think he did this. Oh, no, it was the writer. the The writer did this, and then 20 years later got to write something
Critics and Screenwriters
00:02:53
Speaker
else. He got punished. and Do you think that if it was a different cast, it would be better? Yeah. I think this is the best this could be.
00:03:02
Speaker
I mean, you've replaced Ray Romano. Everybody else, I think, is doing decent enough work with a flat script or maybe just bad direction. Because there are, finger quote, jokes here.
00:03:13
Speaker
Like, there are attempts at jokes. So I have, I don't usually read other people's reviews, but I have a review from the for this one. First of all, real quick, don't have this review, but Ebert...
00:03:25
Speaker
Wait. Yeah. Ebert gave this like three out of four stars. So he's an idiot. Wow. But I disagree with him a lot. um I do know. But ah this guy, William Arnold of the Seattle Post Intelligencer. So what you got to say, Willie Arn?
00:03:41
Speaker
He complimented Hackman's, quote, detailed, delightful comic performance that never quite disintegrates into caricature. But then he wrote, the quality of the writing is nowhere near the standard of Hackman's performance and the movie around him.
00:03:54
Speaker
It too often substitutes sight gags involving geriatric nudity and fornicating canines for wit. Yeah. And then as far as to nowhere as far as Ray Romano goes, he just doesn't have the stuff to bring off a role that requires a Jimmy Stewart or a Tom Hanks.
00:04:10
Speaker
He's supposed to be overshadowed by his nemesis, of course, but Hackman chews him up and spits him out so effectively that the movie is glaringly lopsided. Yeah, you find yourself rooting very much a what about Bob situation where I'm rooting for Hackman. Yeah.
00:04:22
Speaker
I'm not rooting for Handy. yeah Also, you're never running under the name Handy. You want a Handy? Nobody's going to vote for Handy. You want a Handy? I'll give you a Handy. It's going to come out like that. I should probably look at you when I say that. You definitely should. You want Handy? I'll give you a Handy. Keep your eyes on your own homework. camera?
00:04:37
Speaker
Keep your eyes on your own homework. Hey, speaking of what about Bob, the one of the two writers on this, the guy who's credited with the actual screenplay, Tom Shulman, wrote What About Bob? Nice. Okay. Okay. He also wrote Dead Poets Society, Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, and ah The Horrendous Eight Heads in a Duffel Bag, which he also directed.
00:04:54
Speaker
that Joe Pesci? Yeah. And it's bad. feel like saw it. I don't remember it. It's not good. you It was on Comedy Central nonstop when was a teenager. so We'll watch that and then we'll do gross point blank for our Patreon.
00:05:08
Speaker
But there's so many better Gene Hackney movies to do. I thought about this while watching. Like we could have easily just done Birdcage or something, but then the episode is just us quoting a really fucking awesome movie. Yeah. And I could have done the Royal Tenenbaums. Sure. But then it's us quoting Royal Tenenbaums. Like those are movies like just watch that movie. You don't need us to pick it apart.
00:05:26
Speaker
I'll talk about Royal Tenenbaums one day. We can talk about it because I love that movie and we don't have to just quote. We can just talk about how good. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's a Patreon. We'll just suck. It's dead pan. This of that movie is what makes it
Plot and Humor Analysis
00:05:37
Speaker
amazing. It's a dead pan.
00:05:38
Speaker
This is Wes Anderson's thing. You have that dead pan thing that people quote or like people call like cold. and not emotional, but it's all this deadpan-ness and dollhouse-ness on top of like really deep emotional shit yeah yeah that's just being put through the actors' performances. and not it's That's another podcast. If I had to show somebody a Wes Anderson to get him into it, it would be Royal Tenenbaums.
00:06:01
Speaker
Yeah. Which is not my favorite Wes Anderson. It's a good starter. But I think it's the best starter. Because they all get a little bit weirder after that. yeah You know, like if you start with Darjean Lemonade, you're like no, I'm not. I'm all right. You know, or Budapest. Or my favorite is the Life Aquatic. Which one did we see in theaters?
00:06:18
Speaker
Asteroid City. has Oh, yeah. That's a good one, too, but weird as can be. Yeah. Yeah. So um and then the other guy who wrote this, who was quite credited with the story is a guy named Doug Richardson, who also wrote Die Hard 2, Bad Boys, Money Train.
00:06:32
Speaker
And then. right oh he's got a type. The year after this, he wrote a movie called Hostage with Bruce Willis, where it came out the year after this. And then 20 years later, he wrote a John Travolta movie just last year called Cash Out.
00:06:45
Speaker
Oof. So he had a 20 year break from Hollywood because of this and presumably whatever forced hiatus. Yeah, that's what I'm assuming. um But yeah, we you know we want to talk about Gene Hackman.
00:07:01
Speaker
Not in a negative way, but this is a bad movie podcast. Well, but like your review just said, though, he's not bad in this. Not even a little you know, he is doing everything that I want Gene Hackman to do. It's just that he's got no ammunition and he's got no one to shoot with.
00:07:13
Speaker
that's why That's why I took that review, because I was like, this is how I feel. Nailed it. Gene Hackman is great, and he's doing everything he can with a script that was written in dog shit. Uh-huh.
00:07:26
Speaker
And a co-star who is barely there. The first moment that we see those two dogs fucking, I instantly knew what you wanted me to laugh at. Yeah. And I'm not going to, but I knew what you wanted.
00:07:37
Speaker
But also, why would you introduce that and not have something? She's a vet. Oh my God, my dog's having puppies with your dog. Because they did it in... ah what What I thought they were going to do was done in the Beverly Hillbillies remake, where they have like the really fancy pedigreed poodle that gets banged up by the bloodhound.
00:07:57
Speaker
And then it's like a big thing at the end, like, oh, look at the cute puppies that made. But like the whole time it's like, oh you got my purebred pregnant. It actually may have been a subplot, but this movie is already 110 minutes long. du It did feel long. It felt long. Yeah. It's a long movie for just a political comedy.
00:08:16
Speaker
that doesn't have enough comedy obviously we we talked about that but it also like it doesn't devolve into enough of a rivalry with antics you know it's too nicey nice the whole time it's like we're gonna get him no no we're not gonna get him we're gonna outplay him yeah where's the like fucking wedgie or the like like putting itch powder in somebody's underwear i got an underwear thing going and the worst it gets is are you wearing underwear Yes.
00:08:42
Speaker
The worst it gets is when Gene Hackman says he's gonna vote for Ray Romano and doesn't. Yeah. That's the dirtiest thing he Yes, that is the dirtiest thing. Well, because his person, his assistant or whatever... Oh, welcome back.
00:08:53
Speaker
Yes, welcome back this month. Yeah. She was just on Flubber. um But she was like, you've never been this dirty. You've never been despicable like this. Yeah. Well, he's not first, she says. Yeah, she's like, now you only care about your ego and your fame. is I mean, we see it right from the beginning.
00:09:08
Speaker
But let's let's play... Box office. It's for the box office game. All right. Do we want a budget? Yes. I think we want a budget. $30 million. Fuck. It lost money. I'm yeah saying $20 million. No. $15 million. That's where I was going. $13 million.
00:09:26
Speaker
Take your $15 million. I'll go lower. No, I'll go i'll say $12 million. All $15 million. Well, then, if that's your final answers, Whitney wins. Closest without going over. Price is right fourteen point six 14.6. Oh, man. Closest without going over. We didn't say Price is Right rules, so I win. It's always Price is Right rules. It must be specified.
00:09:43
Speaker
so We
Actors' Careers and Choices
00:09:44
Speaker
specified that months ago. It must be specified every time. Okay, I'll let let's have this one. Just for fun. I said I get one throw. I didn't say whose. Just for fun, let's play the what he could have gone out on game.
00:09:57
Speaker
oh ah Things that Hackman was offered. Royal Tenenbaums box office budget. Budget is? $21 million. So less than this. Box office is $86 million. $64. $71.4. So very good. Price is right. Rules I win.
00:10:16
Speaker
I think you win without him. I still think you're closer. So, I mean, a $50 million gain versus a $15 million loss. God. Yeah.
00:10:28
Speaker
What a stink. and And from the accounts that I've heard, Hackman said he was going to be done, but he didn't like, like he made an official announcement after this movie, but he had said that he was done.
00:10:40
Speaker
So why did he come back for this? Well, so I don't know exactly. Originally... maybe he gra it Maybe he read the script and was like, oh yeah, we can work with that. Not realizing Ray Romano's not going to bring anything.
00:10:51
Speaker
well Right. Because he just got done working with Wes. um So Dustin Hoffman was originally supposed to play Monroe the Eagle Cole. Okay. And there was a different director attached and then that director left and so did Dustin Hoffman and then they brought in Gene Hackman.
00:11:08
Speaker
And I'm going to say looking at this movie costing 30 million dollars in 2004. 15 of it went to Gene. He came back for money. Yeah. He came back for a paycheck and I don't even think they made his salary back.
00:11:20
Speaker
um But then he was like, you know what? I'm good. Yeah. i we don't We didn't need to watch Gene Hackman deteriorate on screen the way we're watching like Al Pacino and Robert de Niro. And occasionally they pop out something good.
00:11:34
Speaker
but Oh, man. i can't you'll You'll probably have her name written down, but she just killed it on the Oscars. Yes. Oh, shit. I want to call like Honey Squib. June Squib. Ah, web June Squib. Yeah, I saw that she was in this and was like, hey, we just saw her on the Oscars. We are recording this date two days after the Oscars. She was...
00:11:52
Speaker
comedically timed like still really well for how old she is to at the oscars like she was good in this too just not enough to carry the movie anything else i mean i'm surprised ray romano got to keep doing movies that weren't cartoons what else did he do yeah i um let me see if i've got it here um It didn't do a lot. He was just in Fly Me to the Moon that you guys saw. i didn't see it. Oh, he was in such a small role. No, no, he was seeing he well supporting, but not a small role. I don't think he's our lead man in a movie. No. And I haven't watched it, but apparently he has a part in The Irishman. Speaking of Pacino and Robert De Niro deteriorating on camera. Well, that one, they de-age him.
00:12:33
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. So you watch him deteriorate. You watch him deteriorate. um But I mean just, I don't know. It's kind of a surprise. Like, I would think he'd have to turn to, like, porn.
00:12:45
Speaker
Yeah, well, so who wants to see that? All right, Debra. Take my load. I'm going to shoot. Debra, I'm knocking on the back door. You're going to let me in.
00:13:00
Speaker
Knockity knock. Raymond, you're doing it all wrong. Debra, my brother's here. Can we he join? Raymond, don't forget to cut the balls. Yeah. ah oh like You're plugged by Romanos. They call this a spit roast.
00:13:17
Speaker
Spit roast. I don't know what his name was on the show. Is it Romano still? Yeah. yeah
Setting and Character Focus
00:13:23
Speaker
It was probably like Ray. Harryhausen Ray Roman.
00:13:27
Speaker
Yeah, it wasn't Romano. and They never do their real last name. They always do their real first name on those things, but I don't know. I saw some of it, but so the movie starts with a naked jogger. Yep. Yeah. Almost nothing other than one other joke.
00:13:39
Speaker
Yeah, that's great. It's just showing you how quirky this town is. Look, they get a naked jogger. and They don't even care Yeah, they're just like, hey, nice socks. I love- Hey, nice socks! That one goes with the other one. okay matches your butt plug. the whole I can see it. The Mandy thing. The Mandy and Mandy.
00:13:57
Speaker
but She's like, hi, Mandy. And he's like, oh, Mandy, hi. i Didn't even see you there. And she's all disappointed because apparently she's got the biggest boner for Mandy. She's the quote unquote like hot young girl that's in love with him. Yeah. The like knockoff Jennifer Lawrence.
00:14:11
Speaker
Yeah. And her father's the Munchkin King. Oh, is it? Yeah. Okay. And we get the ah painfully like obvious needle drop of born in a small town. yeah Oh, yeah God, dude. So on the nose and so not welcome.
00:14:28
Speaker
Hey, guys, an idea. It was not Ramon. It was Barone.
00:14:34
Speaker
oh it's not ray romano it's barano barone i'm gonna barone you so you talk about a fucking another actor doing crap doing like a crap role peter flynn boyle pretty sure that's the last thing he acted in before he died probably was everybody loves raymond but mean he's uh he's there for a check years of that yeah something yeah something miserable he was a crudgy old man he fucking loved it crudgy crudgy i said what i said were you going with like curmudgeony and crusty and crotchety crotchety yes okay all of the above it's like it's like uh what did i say on nightmare on elm street 2 soppy soppy soppy
00:15:17
Speaker
He's a soppy old man. He's making up words here. yeah It's what we do best. Absolutely. Yeah, we we do meet June Squibb playing Irma. June Squibb. Irma God. For those who don't know, go look her up. If you watch the Oscars, you know her. She was the very old lady who did really good job. She was played Bill Skarsgรฅrd.
00:15:34
Speaker
Yeah. Yes. She was with Scarlett Johansson, right? Oh, that's right. Yes. But she was in like, she's still kind of doing, I mean, she's still doing stuff. She was in Hubie Halloween most recently, or not most recently, but very recently. Sorry to hear that. Oh, is that the one with Sandler?
00:15:48
Speaker
Yeah, one of his Netflix movies. Sandler. One of the better of the Netflix movies that I've seen, but still not great. I haven't seen it, and I probably won't. He's still doing his, I'm Hubie. can't do it, dude. can't do that little shibby gabby. Yeah, but some people really love it.
00:16:03
Speaker
I do. People are dumb. Dumb people like that. She's also in a run of episodes on Shameless and she was in Palm Springs. that I like the Palm Springs. Yeah. So, you know.
00:16:14
Speaker
What are you laughing at? Because people are dumb and he hates it? Because I glared at her because she likes it. I don't hate it as much as you guys do. well But I also didn't listen to his first album 50 million times. It's Little Nicky was when I was like, stop.
00:16:29
Speaker
Yeah, I had all four of his albums and I was fine with it. And I watched Happy Gilmore and Billy Madison on repeat. I didn't hate it in Billy Madison. It's just like, all right, we got it. You did that. Get a new shtick. every once in a while, like Billy Madison. did Spanglish and nobody fucking liked it.
00:16:44
Speaker
Because it's not a comedy. Well, he did Punch Drunk Love. And he did. I mean, he's an uncut gems. And that's really good. Click. He can do good shit. Click was trash. ah What's the one with Jack and Jill?
00:16:55
Speaker
Yeah, worse. it's It is much worse. It's so much worse. ah What's the one he did with Aniston? a Night of Murder or whatever. and never watched that. Mystery Mansion. He's got a couple with Aniston. Yeah, they have two of them. Well, the same movie. Blended. it's what it That is Drew Barrymore. Thank you very much.
00:17:12
Speaker
Couples Retreat. hu I don't know. I do like him and Barry more together. When I finished my Nick Cage challenge, should we just do an Adam Sandler challenge? maybe be our so gave movie I'll just watch Happy Gilmore and then start watching another one and be like, I can watch nice gilmo Happy Gilmore.
Story and Character Dynamics
00:17:29
Speaker
Dude, I almost wanted to turn this off and like, I'll just watch fucking Birdcage and just make fun of this movie with Derek and Whitney. They'll never notice I didn't watch. Like, yeah, that was a great part. You know that part where he was making all those gay jokes?
00:17:41
Speaker
Yeah. Then Nathan Lane came. Did you watch the same movie I did? No. you watching 51st States? No. Somebody was watching 51st States, and I was like, I don't remember where I was. Someone watched Adam Sandler.
00:17:56
Speaker
It wasn't me. Then they put in Whoopi Halloween. It wasn't me. Watch Ridiculous 7. It wasn't me. Caught me throwing up later. He's in the best That was him. That was me.
00:18:09
Speaker
But yeah, so we're introduced to the town and it's so quaint and small. I do like that. I like a quaint small town as I get older. I want to live in a place with main street. Do you know where you want to go? old town Not in Iowa.
00:18:20
Speaker
Yeah, you do. No, I don't. Yeah, you do. No, I don't. I've heard about the things that happen in Iowa. Nothing bad ever happens in I'm going to get fought fucking like a Columbine machine. What are they called? Columbine machine.
00:18:31
Speaker
A combine? Columbine machine would just be public school. Shots fired, and I meant that as a pun. My grandpa's hand got caught when he was trying to pull out problem. What was it doing? Columbine. It was stealing and got caught. No, he was, because it was... Go over there, you start fisting farm equipment one time, and all sudden everyone's got a nickname for you. Old Farmer Fister.
00:18:54
Speaker
Mr. Farmer Fister. May you rest in peace. Oh, I didn't know I was dead. I wouldn't have made fun of me. He passed away um October of 2006. I believe he's haunting me right now.
00:19:06
Speaker
He's probably using your guns. I don't know why he has this accent. He's from Iowa. He's checking out your guns. oh That man loves a gun. I used to sleep in the gun room when we would visit. Smart room to sleep in.
00:19:20
Speaker
So we meet our other main character, off the kitchen Gene Hackman, playing Monroe Eagle Cole. The Eagle. So we have Eagle and Handy. ah Tell you which nickname's cooler. Yeah.
00:19:31
Speaker
Handy. Mine's cooler, guys. Yeah. Dude, the eagle versus handy. Gene Hackman, of course, back on the show because we talked about him on The Quick and the Dead. There's not many times you can talk about Gene Hackman in a negative way. No, you're you're you're right. like I can't think of a ah I can think of movies he's in that I don't like, yeah but I can't think of a movie that he mailed it in and didn't do fucking great. Even like... ah Oh, he has no business being as good as he is in The Replacements.
00:19:58
Speaker
Yeah. A spoofy sports movie. And he's out there giving that speech about how you got to have heart, you know And you're just like, oh, God, didn't know we were going to get, you know, and inspired during. I have to upstage this Keanu Reeves, put him in his place. replacements right i didn't see it and kill them Yeah. I saw it when we did our Keanu COVID. Oh, and you liked it. I'm sure. oh Yeah.
00:20:17
Speaker
Yeah. What's not to like about that movie? I mean, he's, he's in a lot of good stuff. The French connection, unforgiven behind enemy lines, popeye doments um, Royal Tenenbaums, of course.
00:20:28
Speaker
ah he I think he won an Oscar for French Connection. Yeah. that's He was nominated for Bonnie and Clyde, and that was like his second major role.
00:20:41
Speaker
French Connection, not like his earliest work, but did put him on America's map. Yeah, that made him a leading man. we We loved him as Popeye Doyle. have I have it on Blu-ray. Of course you do. Of course you do. Of course you haven't seen it.
00:20:53
Speaker
I had to buy it on Blu-ray before they were talking about going through and like he uses a racial slur. He's a cop from the 70s. Yeah. Okay. And they're about like re-editing the movie to get rid of it. So I hurried up and bought the Blu-ray like everybody else did.
00:21:06
Speaker
It's a fucking product of the time. Like you have to look at that. Yeah. You cannot erase that. Yeah. It's not like it was his view. Are they going to cancel fucking Tarantino? Yeah, probably.
00:21:17
Speaker
Absolutely. No one's going to touch him. I'm surprised no one said anything about Blazing Saddles yet. People have said it, but everyone's like, shut up. That's a funny. hero one out here Everyone just, but everyone just laughs like that's funny though. Yeah. They're going after John Wayne or they did. They tried to cancel a dead man. I guess they can argue it was written by Richard Pryor. Richard Pryor. Thank you.
00:21:36
Speaker
Yeah. Either way, we meet him and Marsha Gay Harden, who was on the show just a couple weeks ago in Flubber, playing his assistant, Grace Sutherland.
00:21:48
Speaker
She's got a little extra weight on her. I like it. She's looking good. I'm digging that dragon she's that wagon she's dragging. The dragon she's wagging? I am definitely digging the dragon she's wagging. That's a whole different statement. Woo! Is wagging that dragon at me? i think so. Speaking of dragons, we also have Fred Savage. I don't know why. Welcome back. Yeah, welcome back twice. Three times now. Three times the Savage. know we got him for Wizard and the Princess Bride. Oh, that's right. I forget. That's a good movie. I'm like, it's never going to be on this podcast. So he's in a movie with Candace Cameron, and he plays a wrestler.
00:22:22
Speaker
um I and don't believe it. and Is he in like high school? Is he in like the Spanish, like the Mexico leagues where they have little people wrestling? No, it's a high school thing. He could do it. But he is very abusive towards her. it's ah It's a pretty fucked up movie. I don't believe it.
00:22:38
Speaker
but I know that's my... No, I don't buy the abuse, because she'll just beat him up like this chick beats up Ray Romano the whole fucking movie. Can't this Cameron beat the shit out of Fred and I? Oh, sure. DJ Fool?
00:22:49
Speaker
DJ Fool? Fuller. DJ Fooler. Because Fuller how? She married a Fuller. DJ? DJ Tanner. Isn't she a DJ in the reboot? Her sister is DJ Tanner. She's like, that's my actual name. It was a whole thing. Okay, yeah. Because she was like the drug one. Because she was like an era, era. Yeah. Yeah.
00:23:06
Speaker
All right. Anyway, Fred Savage is here and also playing a sidekick or an assistant who gets but the brunt of his of Gene Hackman's anger. yeah he gets He's kind of playing his role in Austin Powers minus the more mole. Mole, mole, mole, mole, mole.
00:23:23
Speaker
And he's playing golf with Chichi Rodriguez. Yeah, that's what I said. I was like, is that Chichi Rodriguez? I just don't know another golfer named Chichi. Or famous person. She said very excitedly, is that Chi Chi Rodriguez? And I said, what's a Chi Chi Rodriguez? And then right as he said that, Gene's character was like, oh, that's right, Chi Chi.
00:23:43
Speaker
And i was like, it is him. I had a grandpa that was heavily into golf, especially at that. Chi Chi Rodriguez would have been one of his big ones. Yeah. so Well, because I think that was to he had already retired and all of that stuff.
00:23:56
Speaker
Yeah. So I just remember my candelabra. I remember my stepdad loved him and I was like, he did the whole Z thing with his with his golf club. The whole Z thing. this The mark of Zorro.
00:24:07
Speaker
Yeah. Because it should have done a Yes. Mark of Chi Chi. C.C. Chi Chi. Yes. Get it? cc I do. ah And I mean, we basically learn the thrust of the movie here is he's the first president to get divorced in office.
00:24:25
Speaker
His wife's taking all of his shit. Most successful or ah not successful. Highest approval rate. Approval rating. yeah left He left office with like an 80 something percent approval rate. Eighty five.
00:24:37
Speaker
And ah she's taking all the shit, including their house in Baltimore. But he's like, hey, I'm happy with my summer home in Mooseport. I would be too. ah Better than Baltimore. Fuck yeah. from From what I've heard about Baltimore. From a friend of ours. Yeah, Wes that listens is from Baltimore. And everything he tells me, it's always like, well, that's from The Wire. He's like, yeah, that happened here.
00:24:59
Speaker
That's this town. Grew up in Baltimore. Stabbed by a lonely girl.
00:25:09
Speaker
yeah And then we get a really wow bad CG airplane. Oh, God. it's It is wow bad. You could almost see the hand just holding the plane. I would have liked that much better if somebody just put on rubber glove. It's like. they have one of those When I was younger, my aunt worked for American Airlines. And they used to give like if you went up, you're a little kid and you go up to the cockpit. I don't know. They hired ants.
00:25:33
Speaker
Aunt. My aunt. There you go. Much better. Worked for American Airlines. an auntie. You go up and you meet the pilots and they yeah they give you wings, but they also used to have these little toy planes. It was a little like American Airlines. like that's just That's just what they gave to the stupid kids that wouldn't leave them alone. Probably. Did you get one?
00:25:51
Speaker
Yeah. that But that would have been better if they just took one of those planes. It looked more real. And then they just had a guy going like this and they just like tried to scrub out the fingers you could still see the indentation. I would have loved it. stick it just been like Because this looks like something out of Transformers Beast Wars. Mm-hmm.
00:26:08
Speaker
The same amount of CG. This is this is from ah Star Wars Episode I. This airplane's about to attack Naboo. It's a little better, but yeah. A little. Only because it's in a quarter second of the movie.
Political Humor and Effectiveness
00:26:20
Speaker
You underestimate my power.
00:26:24
Speaker
go to the dark side. I have the high ground. oh She's going to slip in Ray Romano's this whole time, by the way. That's what I say in bed. She's going to slip in a couple of Ray Romano's.
00:26:38
Speaker
You definitely need to repeat it. You'll never hear it coming. The dark side is powerful. It can draw you in. Is that his O-face? Oh. Debra!
00:26:51
Speaker
ah Why do you always say Debra when you come? I don't get it. I said it for so long, I don't know any other names. My name is Sharon. You know who I am, Raymond. I don't know. Oh, fart knocker.
00:27:07
Speaker
I feel like i'm in front of an audience right now. I know, right? I'm not looking. Do you think that one of those windy thingies would have done better than Ray Romano? Yes. Do you think you would have done better than Ray Romano? Yeah.
00:27:19
Speaker
I'm running for mayor! And on stage, Mr. Handy. oh Look at him popping lock. It'd be much better. you At least be animated. Right?
00:27:32
Speaker
But so he goes to his house. He's getting all set up. And he's like, they're trying to talk about business. And he's like, I need a quick cabinet meeting first. Which is good code for taking a shit. And I like it. I'm going to take it. Yeah. Cabinet meeting. I know he's acting like he's got a pee. But cabinet meeting is taking a shit. Definitely. Because you would just say, excuse me, I have to let urine come out of my penis.
00:27:49
Speaker
Yeah. That's how I That's usually how you say it. Yeah. Very, you know, matter of fact. definitely how she says it. It's definitely how I say it. I get a urine out of my penis. Especially when she's wagging that dragon.
00:28:00
Speaker
and he just deadpan into he meets ray romano under his toilet je you know what that's we belong you stay down there the rest of the movie raymond i think he does uh if you're still working that's fine i'm gonna pee i'm like i'm doing this did you not hear me say the urine coming out of the penis thing um he does like looking up chicks skirt That's true, but it does not always translate into liking to get peed on by a dude.
00:28:26
Speaker
Did somebody say pee? I got a table. Oh, no. It's Rambo. Everybody loves Rambo. Wait, did somebody say peed on?
00:28:39
Speaker
How many people do we know that are getting peed on? I know some Russian prostitutes. You're going to have tiny hands. and there's me breast I I'm a T-Rex.
00:28:48
Speaker
I'm sorry. If you want to make a meeting with me you're gonna have to speak to my daddy. Who's your daddy? Elon. Pedophile. Pedophile chop.
00:28:58
Speaker
Oh, and there goes half the people listening. yeah It's fine. well We don't need them. so There's this whole thing, this whole subplot which is a real thing. And it's actually really depressing and sad that former presidents basically make their money off of speaking engagements, dedicated library dedications, yeah book deals, et cetera, et cetera. going to get 150,000 uh, uh,
00:29:21
Speaker
ah Circuit, I guess we'll call it. Per speech. I think they said 16 speeches in 12 days, but each one is 150,000. Don't you make like 150,000 a year for life after being a president?
00:29:34
Speaker
Well, you make whatever your wage was for life. It used to be 150. sure now it's more. But you also get the first of ah couple times that we do this. ah How much of was Clinton getting? 100,000.
00:29:45
Speaker
Yeah. yeah so I mean, they drop it pretty early, but it is funny just to show like he's he's the most approved president ever. Everybody loves him on both sides of the aisle, but he's still just like, I got to do better Clinton.
00:29:56
Speaker
Yeah. Although the timing of this doesn't line up because they're saying he had two terms. This is 2004.
00:30:04
Speaker
and If they're referencing Clinton, I guess they're in there in this universe he beat Clinton on that second one? Yeah. So that would make Gene Hackman a Republican. Which isn't made obvious in this movie because, I mean, he wants money. Well, I don't know if i don't know if he is a Republican. He had a donkey on the piece of paper.
00:30:20
Speaker
Yeah, but if he ran against Clinton... Who says he did? Well... A fudged up timeline says he did, but... In the primary he ran against him. Like, you choose your... Well, you don't run for the primary if you're up re-election. Right.
00:30:34
Speaker
I don't fucking know. I honestly think shocker, guys. don't understand. Clinton quit before they could find out about Monica Lewinsky. They knew. Oh, in this timeline? Okay. and Because I think that was his second term, right? Yeah. So this is before people found out. He's like, oh And didn't step down? I can't.
00:30:51
Speaker
Hey, man. I did not have sex with that woman. He's like Dustin Hopper, but like, here Dustin. He's like Dennis Hopper, but like cultured, right? He's like, hey, man, want them find Baby wants to fuck.
00:31:03
Speaker
But didn't he step down? President wants to fuck. Yeah, he does. and No, he did not. He did his full eight? Yeah. Really? Yeah. did I think? I don't know. The only president I can think of whoever quit was Nixon.
00:31:17
Speaker
yeah Slicky Dick. Yeah. Slippery Dick. Slick Dick Willie. You were trying to do earlier. Slippery Dick Wilson.
00:31:26
Speaker
I got nothing. This is our first episode back and I don't know who am. This first time being together like this. I've recorded while you guys were gone. Oh, yes. Jack did record. Keep an eye out or you've already seen them. I don't know how to. I haven't seen them.
00:31:39
Speaker
i haven't seen a Hey, guys, i don't want to sound needy here. I'm needy. But we have a Patreon at patreon.com slash first people. And it only costs $3 a month. $3 a month is nothing.
00:31:50
Speaker
And I know times are hard right now. Real hard for me. Inflation's up. no You can't afford your groceries. Can't eat. But you can't afford $3 a month if you love us. Give us $3. Super love us. Please love us.
00:32:03
Speaker
we're not We're not begging. I'm begging. We're not pleading. I'm pleading. We're not down on our knees. Oh, boy. mean my My knees hurt. They've been on the omit on so long. But we do kind of need the money. I need the money bad. We need new equipment.
00:32:17
Speaker
any new equipment we need to do remote podcasts for all of you wouldn't mind eating we need to have video i wouldn't mind eating uh we need more drinks food sounds good so please check out patreon.com slash worst people please check us out you get a bonus episode every month and we're gonna have more content coming for you i'll send you pictures and thank you guys thank you so much please give me patreon.com i'm being held hostage here slash worst people don't pay my way out of here they're gonna kill me But he does have this, it's this stupid, it's it's a recurring gag that's not very funny. So just talk about it now because he's got this library that's going to be built that's this massive thing. And it's another, like it's 40,000 square feet. How big was Clinton? Is it big enough? 20. Clinton was 20,000. Oh, okay, cool.
00:33:01
Speaker
But as they go on this campaign, he's got to spend more and more money. So they're just cutting off wings off this and library. And this poor architect is crying at the end because they cancel it. Yeah, you're butchering his work. All he's got left is that one like tower. That's not bigger than Clinton's.
00:33:15
Speaker
e I've seen it. Not anymore. You saw Clinton's Tower, huh? Yeah.
Character Relationships and Comedy
00:33:21
Speaker
hey Is it cigar worthy? It's and' similar to a cigar. Just stubbier. It's more like a cigarillo.
00:33:28
Speaker
Ooh. Ooh. That's pretty narrow. So we meet his wife, his ex-wife, ah ah Charlotte Cole, played by Christine Baranski. love her. Some of the best in the industry, dude. Yes. Yes.
00:33:40
Speaker
She unlocked a Whoville ah fetish for me. I didn't know I had. Yes, because she plays Mary Lou Who? Sure. so I don't Mama Who. She Mother. Mama Who. Mama Who. ah She was also on Sybil a whole bunch there. She's in Cruel Intentions. She is Leonard's mother in Big Bang Theory. She's also in Birdcage. Yes, she is. i love her in Birdcage.
00:34:02
Speaker
Gene Hackman's wife, right? ah No. No. Robin Williams' baby's mama. Oh, that's right. She was the donor. No, not a donor. They fucked. No, just for that. He's always been gay. Yeah. She just donated her eggs. he wanted to try having sex with her and he did. But then he's like, all right, let's work out a deal where i buy a baby off you.
00:34:21
Speaker
Oh. Because she talks about seducing him and he's like, yeah, I figure what the hell feel the straight guys are talking about. he's Speaking of buying a baby. on patreon we talk about the show cop rock oh like how much yes we're talking about the baby merchant episode so go to patreon.com slash where's people for only three dollars a month and hear us talking about baby merchants latchkey vids i love that fucking show yeah well hey i mean we're talking about buying babies i gotta take the synergy when i can get it i agree vertical integration uh-huh might be rusty but not at that
00:34:52
Speaker
I can't wait to record another episode of that. um Oh, she also had a long running show. She's a major major character on that Good Wife show. Oh, was she? Yeah. Okay. I don't know. I never watched it, but she was in like a hundred. Well, she's in like 120 something of like 140 something episodes.
00:35:10
Speaker
So she's a ah main character. hmm. I didn't write down the details, but I saw it on the IMDb. I'm sorry. You want details? You want details? You should go to a podcast where they're educated. We're just guessing.
00:35:22
Speaker
Unqualified. It's right there. Says it. I'm not wearing a shirt. But this is where she reminds him.
00:35:30
Speaker
This is just just for listeners. She is wearing a shirt. is not the shirt you're looking for. is a star It is the shirt you've been looking for. Found it. ah But she reminds him that he's got to sell the Mooseport home because it's a vacation home and she gets half.
00:35:45
Speaker
And this is the kind of the inciting incident of the whole thing because he's like, They kind of brush around it, but it is said at one point, basically, if he runs for mayor and becomes mayor, his office his house is now is um a governmental building, which means she can't take it. Correct.
00:36:00
Speaker
And that's all he wants. um There's dog sex. no the the the The lowest form of humor. When the first...
00:36:12
Speaker
single Chuck. I'm not going to call it chuckle. The first single Chuck that got me in this movie was ray Romano's sidekick being like, what? I don't have cable. And I was like, I just thought, ew.
00:36:23
Speaker
Ew. that's That was my response. Did you see him? Yeah, true. He looks like a guy that would watch dogs fuck and jerk off. That's true. He kind of puts off Kenneth energy.
00:36:34
Speaker
Like he's no Kenneth from 30 Rock. Yeah. He is no Kenneth. But he's like, Kenneth meets John Ritter's son. Meets a pile of garbage. Yeah.
00:36:46
Speaker
Rotten ham. Rotten ham. There we go. I like to say like rotten ham instead of rotten hell.
00:36:55
Speaker
And then Ray Romano goes to talk to his girlfriend, Sally, played by Maura Tierney. Ow! ah Who, I mean, she's been in a bunch of stuff, but I mean, I... I'm sure most people listening to this, watching this, watching this movie, know her from ER. r i do radio ah the News Radio is where I know her from. a Liar, liar. Yeah, not liar, liar.
00:37:15
Speaker
ah She's in Insomnia. She shows up in Twisters. but yeah like ah News Radio is like... That was my introduction. She's mom in Twisters. yeah She's not great in this, and I don't think it's her fault.
00:37:27
Speaker
You told her to act like she's in love with Ray Romano. Yeah. And she just does not look like she ever wants to kiss him or anything. You're in love with somebody who's been with you for six years and has never even asked to move in with you.
00:37:39
Speaker
Fuck you. You're in love with someone who calls you Debra every time you have sex. Oh. Her name is Sally, not Debra. It's 2005 back or 2004 over there. If she wants to move in, she has to ask.
00:37:53
Speaker
It's not my choice control her life. Sally, ask! How am I supposed to know? I'm not a mind reader! Do I have your permission to ask you to sleep with me? Yes. Sally! ah Just ray blasting all over. but Maybe that's why, because she just can't handle his voice. She was like, don't live with me. We can get married, but you're going to live in your house, and I'm going to live in my house. She's acting with Dave Foley.
00:38:19
Speaker
Call me Robert. Mom would always call me Robbie. Oh, Robert. Oh, um ah barely watched that show. i i My parents watched it, so I saw it. Yeah. I worked at a hospital overnights as a sitter and I had to watch something and it was on TBS. You didn't have to watch that.
00:38:35
Speaker
And it was just TBS. This is that like romantic comedy thing that's so fucking annoying. Like he comes in, he's like, hey, I got paid a bunch of fucking money to fix that guy's toilet.
00:38:46
Speaker
And she's like, oh, cool. He's like, I think I'm ready. She's ready for what? He's like, to bust. No. they're up To Ray bust. I'm ready for a truck. And she's like, a sad face. And her friend's like, sad face. And she's like, false alarm. Oh, her friend? You mean DJ Qualls in a wig?
00:39:03
Speaker
Yeah. Do you who DJ Qualls is? Oh, yeah. Dude, the whole I'm like, that looks like DJ Qualls in a wig. Yeah. I had to look it up on IMDb to make sure the actor's name wasn't DJ Qualls in a wig.
00:39:14
Speaker
That's the credit. DJ Qualls. Yeah. per For people that don't know, he's the very skinny, large-nosed individual from, what is that, Road Trip? But also, I was going to say, Hustle and Flow. Yeah, and he was on ah the Jim Jeffries show. Legit. legit Legit. As quadriplegic. Yeah, he's in a wheelchair, and he was Jim Jeffries' best friend. Oh, okay. Yeah.
00:39:35
Speaker
Because Jim Jeffries actually really has a thing for pelagic people. Collegic people? Pelagic. Is that correct? I don't know. There is a spinoff I'm writing, a show called The Pelagic Collegiate.
00:39:49
Speaker
It's about navigating through college without the of your arms won't meet you after the show and unless you are missing a limb. He'll take an eye. Like if you're missing an eyeball. He'll take an eye. Do you want to meet Jim Jeffries? They don't have any missing limbs.
00:40:02
Speaker
um Now you do. This belongs to him. He's got a jar full them at home. Call him ah. Call him ah. He only wants the green ones, though. The eyes have it.
00:40:14
Speaker
Speaking of political shit. um But like, it's just so heavy handed, like the way she's like, she obviously wants to get married. Yeah. And he is um so oblivious to the whole thing. And it's so it's in this kind of movie. It's just so frustrating to me. I'm like, this person couldn't be more obvious. Well, especially as you're, you're, like it's like, if on this flipp side if this was a spoof, she had a shirt that would say, I sure would like to get married. And he wouldn't get it.
00:40:41
Speaker
Um, my sister, Mary's coming. Did you say Mary? What'd you say about Mary? Yeah, the Wayans brothers wrote it, and her she just has a shirt with a wedding ring. But on the flip side of that, though, like I'm a fairly oblivious guy, and if you want me to propose to you, you need to let me know you want that. Otherwise, i think status quo is great. I think what we're doing, until you tell me I'm a fuck-up, I don't think I am.
00:41:01
Speaker
ah Always a bridesmaid, never a bride. That's the shirt she would wear. That's a little too subtle for a way that might be too subtle for a Wayne spoof. But so there's this big welcome party for the president.
00:41:15
Speaker
um we We learned that Irma, she doesn't like him right away. she i don't think she likes his politics. She even says she's the only one who comments on anything political the whole movie. yeah Here's the president. Hide our employee benefits.
00:41:26
Speaker
and And then he says something about like Oh, because she works in the lumber department of the hardware store. And it's just like she had with my models acting. and And he's like, oh like or she says, like your last two cabinet appointments or something like that. You know, she's just talking shit to him. yeah The only one, though, everybody else is just there's nobody in this town that didn't vote for him, it seems. Yeah. Yeah.
00:41:49
Speaker
But that's not too dissimilar from a small town. Yeah. Small towns in Wisconsin. You know, they like they're always the same Republican or whatever. Is that where this is? Where's Mooseport? Mooseport, this is... Ah, they're Maynards. yeah No my forever.
00:42:03
Speaker
There are no Maine accents, but this is in Maine. Not one. Even in the mayor. Or not the mayor, who am I? On the cruise... me let Me what? Who is that guy? No, the guy in charge.
00:42:16
Speaker
What is he to the town? they The guy with the munchkin voice. He's the head of the town council. Yes. The lollipop guild. Yes. But on the cruise, we did this i did this like whiskey blending class thing.
00:42:26
Speaker
Cut to Derek just in his bathroom, opening up bottles of whiskey and putting different ones in a glass. I'm in a whiskey blending class, baby. Woo! He paid to do this. I know.
00:42:37
Speaker
but there's because you had a shirt that said official on it there was three mainers in there and boy oh boy were they mainers yeah like one of the one guy said he was from maine and the other guy said he was from maine and he's like yeah bro
00:42:52
Speaker
anybody from maine in here you better fucking believe it it's a little boss to me it is yeah Anyway, it's all a New England shit. Gene Hackman falls in love with Sally.
00:43:03
Speaker
He falls in boner with Sally. He falls in lust. Yeah. The moment he sees her. He's like, hey, she's 30 years younger than me. That seems pretty cool. Yeah, but if you do Erma's math, he's 10 years younger than Ray.
Ray Romano's Role in the Plot
00:43:13
Speaker
I'm not talking shit about Gene Hackman as a person, but his wife, all who also passed away, was 30 years younger than him.
00:43:19
Speaker
Yeah. okay In real life. Yeah. So. Rest in pictures to both of them. Yeah. And the dog. And the dog. I don't know if she was in pictures, but hey. She was a pianist. I know she was a pianist. Yeah. I guess you're right. i don't know if she's in a movie. But RIPed to both of them and their dog.
00:43:34
Speaker
Mm-hmm. And good luck to the other two dogs. Yeah. I think they'll be okay. They belong to Gene Hackman. Yeah. He left everything to them. Oh, good. i smell so i smell a sitcom the dog sitcom yep it's called uh going to the dog house
00:43:58
Speaker
anyway i'll workshop it so basically the lollipop guild guy tells them hey like we want you to be the mayor of town conversation i thought you should be mayor Our mayor died. And this is when we get that guy Ruben. who They're like, it was Ruben's idea. He's like I said get the president! it Because he looks like he's close to death. He's just... He's like, said get the president!
00:44:21
Speaker
The way he storms away from Romano at the end of the movie is hilarious. He he got... I would say two chuckles out of me, at least with that, the just out of nowhere loudness. Yeah. I mean, I was kind of hoping it would be even better, you know, like, ah I can keep a secret like that one time and your cousin touched wieners and never told anybody about that.
00:44:42
Speaker
That would have been nice. Just keep, you know. Who's he talking to, Ray Romano? Keep rolling. Whoa, don't tell everybody. It wasn't my cousin. it was Robert. It was Deborah. He said he wanted to go head to head in a competition. i didn't know what he meant.
00:44:55
Speaker
He took his dick out. He took my dick out. Me jousted. Direct hit. it Have you ever done that? You made a pretzel. I plead the fifth. I plead the five inches. Yeah.
00:45:08
Speaker
plead the fifth inch. I've plead the fifth, all fifth inches of it. I'm out with myself. but you So Sally walks out. Watching it.
00:45:20
Speaker
Sally walks out. She's mad at Ray because he finally shows up and he's like, Hey, I'm only a little late. I smell like shit. oh And you know she's she's not mad that he smells like shit or that he's late. She's still mad about the marriage proposal. Well, yes, but it's also I got stood up for a septic tank, which means kind of to me, this happens a lot. He's taking his work way too seriously instead of, hey, I'm off. I'm going to go on a date with this chick that is beyond out of my league. I have shit everywhere in my house. Can you please fix this? Yeah, that's what i' was going say. In this town, he is the plumber. That's the small town vibe, dude. The handyman guy. He's the plumber. He's the electrician. He's the contractor.
00:45:59
Speaker
She's going to leave in the middle of the night because puppies are being born. or i thought there was a lady having a baby back there. Yeah. I didn't. I knew it was going to be a dog, but you hear a woman screaming. Yeah, you heard the DJ Qualls in a wig grunting. So was like, oh, she's having six babies.
00:46:15
Speaker
yeah But no, it's sex pop-ass. But like if you were to call it all bob if you were to call the guy who's the only plumber in town and you're like, my house is literally filled with shit right now. And he's like, can't hanging out with my lady. i mean, it except to take Branky doesn't mean your house is full of shit. It's in the lawn.
00:46:32
Speaker
Unless it's coming out the toilet. Maybe their lawn is of is like above their house, and it's just like dripping down in. the Terrible, terrible building idea, but it's possible. Who designed this?
00:46:42
Speaker
The contractor, Ray Romano. It'll be funny when their septic tank blows, and it's get guaranteed to, they'll get flooded with poop. Poop, Debra! That's an $10,000.
00:46:55
Speaker
Oh, yeah, he's a fucking shady businessman. I don't think so. Everybody loves him, and remember? Because they don't know any other way. Everybody loves Handy. It's Stockholm. Everybody loves Handy.
00:47:09
Speaker
Especially a dry one. I'm pretty sure his name is Andy, but he's a Handy Andy. No, it's Harold Harrison. And he owns a hardware handyman store. So he's Handy Harrison. It should have been.
00:47:21
Speaker
His name was Andy. and then i mean, Harold Harrison would just be Harry, right? You'd be like, well, it's both names. Just name him Handrew.
00:47:29
Speaker
Just fucking, just name him Andrew, all right? Move on. I mean, that voice isn't far off. yeah Andrew! I'm here to brew beer!
00:47:42
Speaker
Love you. um But so Gene Hackman... says fuck it i'm running for mayor to keep my house basically to keep my house and i really want to fuck this chick and also it doesn't take any work yeah like i im well he hasn't even met her yet he decides before he meets her well he saw her no he didn't meet her yeah he did he met her in the back office because assistant he ask her on a date until the next day though after he decided right but he met her because she's like well maybe you can do something about the airplane where your plane took precedence over me trying to save this donkey Over my donkey. Yeah. And Fred Savage and the assistant ah lady, welcome back chick, um were like, oh, he's going to pass on to the to the the lollipop guild.
00:48:24
Speaker
like that He's going to pass on. He's like, oh, hold on, hold on. Let's not go too hastily. like You know what? like You give your answer tomorrow. Sleep on it. Yeah. But he decides to to quote unquote run. It's supposed to be and so unopposed. Yeah.
00:48:38
Speaker
And then, of course, right after he's committed to it, he finds out that Ray Romano decided to do it, which is something I feel like we should have seen in like a movie. Don't say it out loud because then we just have there's going to add time to this movie.
00:48:50
Speaker
Well, we could erase. I don't know. He could have said something about The Lord of the Rings ending. The dog's fucking. and We could erase that. We could erase all seven endings and just have one. Yeah. So.
00:49:02
Speaker
But so there the return of the king, i'm the king like Elvis. Ooh, hunk of hunk of burning love. You have to throw it in the fire. ah oh it's mine. My
00:49:17
Speaker
My precious. No, the guy, dude, the guy from ah the lollipop guild, he's fucking golem. that love naal who answer are the wrong Does that make Gene Hackman Viggo Mortensen in this situation? He's Aragorn.
00:49:34
Speaker
Or is he Christopher Lee? He's not Saruman. Because the bad guy. I mean, not really, because no one's a bad guy. guess he would Saruman. Yeah. No, he's Boromir.
00:49:45
Speaker
Tries to take the ring for himself. So he's out in the first movie? Yeah. yeah I mean, after this movie, he's out. R.I.P. Sean Bean's character in every movie. Sean Bean, yeah. Did you know that when he said he died? yeah Must be Sean Bean.
00:49:59
Speaker
Oh, it's a medieval name and he died? Sean Bean. Sean Bean. All right, got it. you Boromir? He's dead.
00:50:06
Speaker
but So they meet up at Ray Romano's hardware store and basically Gene Hackman's like, look, I don't want to be mayor, man. He's like, you should be mayor. But I have this problem because I have this thing where like once I've said I'm going to do something, I do it, which is crazy for a president. Like really, really wild. Yeah. Not like once I say I'm going to do something, I do the opposite. Uh-huh. Remember how I got your vote?
00:50:29
Speaker
I'm not doing that. But he's like, you know, you have the eagle's word, that whole thing. And so Ray Romano's like, yeah, sure. I'll quit, man. Fuck it. You're a part of this. That's the eagle's word. It's just like, you have the eagle's word.
00:50:43
Speaker
Ah! It's your dominance. It's your dominance, baby. Oh, you gave me a fart attack. I felt one slip out. I'm under fartiac arrest. Toot. Oh, toot in common. Even his butt makes it.
00:50:54
Speaker
Toot. I've been fart palpitations. Poopiltations. Oh, no. Blah. Are you trying to do an impersonation of your butthole doing an impersonation of Ray Romano? Yeah. bra ah um Just turn this podcast off, dude.
00:51:12
Speaker
We got to get out of here. He's got the running tooth. Told you you should have fucking got a hooker and knocked one out before you go have sex with somebody you really like. should just we should have recorded and but We should have recorded an episode of something that we didn't care about. was gonna, but- Now we're ruining the fucking good name of Welcome to Mooseport.
00:51:32
Speaker
and We are making a mockery of sir right yes Sir Ray Romano. They love him over in England. He's knighted. Yeah, because they're like, this is American. Well, they thought he was a Muppet.
00:51:45
Speaker
We're ruining the good name of Welcome to Mooseport and it's 13% Rotten Tomatoes score. Yeah, we're going to take that down like an eight. The queen loves him. the The way he talks is just so delightful.
00:51:57
Speaker
Oh, thank you. she Your majesty. no she loves it because she loves Muppets. I love corgis. love corgis. They're called corgis, sir. Look at the little butt. I was in a corgi yesterday for my new movie.
00:52:13
Speaker
Had a wild corgi party. There was all kinds of called Everybody Bangs Raymond. Everybody brings a dog and you pet everybody else's dog. It's a corgi. Yeah.
00:52:23
Speaker
I like it. Oh, good. So this is where he asks Sally on a date. Man, you know we fucked up when wendy he's trying to get us back on track. She's heard enough about Ray Romano's penis for a day. yeah well I haven't. Strap in. Strap in and strap on. I haven't said enough. Spread it on. Now everybody can see me wiping tears off At least you didn't wipe them like you did the other day at the bar. Like a little fucking kid used your money.
00:52:50
Speaker
I had shit on my fingers. Not like literal shit. He had actual feces on his fingers. I put it there. You got poop fingered, my friend. But yeah, so Gene Hackman asks her out because he he doesn't know that she's Ray's girlfriend. He's not being a total piece of shit.
00:53:06
Speaker
Marsha Gay Harden does see it. She's but she's given like the knock it off signal, but to no avail. Yeah, later on he's like, why didn't you warn me? I did. We'll warn better. do it harder.
00:53:18
Speaker
I mean, you just kind have to interrupt him though and be like, Mr. President, this is urgent. Yeah. You know, like, this is i this cannot wait. I'm getting a phone call right now from your dead mother, which makes it so much more concerning that she has my phone number.
00:53:30
Speaker
We need to get to the bottom of this now, sir. but Cabinet meeting, cabinet meeting. Right? We're all shitting together? Yeah. All right. He just goes to the bathroom with her. We're doing this thing.
00:53:42
Speaker
Want to go back to back like Double Dragon? I've been waiting all day. I actually had him put a garbage disposal my bathtub so that we could just go back to back in the bathtub. That's the second most disgusting thing I've ever heard in my life.
00:53:54
Speaker
I don't even know what to say. I don't either. I opened my mouth and it started coming out and didn't know what was to happen from there. So thanks for going on that ride with me. Verbal diarrhea. You know, just two people going back to back in the bathtub and letting a couple of as chocolate hot dogs slip on. You know what I'm saying? A couple of chocolate hot dogs slapping on out of there. You know, couple of couple of stink dragons running down bathtub, you know.
00:54:18
Speaker
I didn't courtesy flush for got nothing. I didn't open the window for air. Hopefully you did. Hopefully. No, man. Two people should at the same time. No, lead in. Soak in it. go on my shirt already smells like shit anyway i haven't changed since last night i'm the one that broke the septic tank it was me i have no brother ah i bathed in sheep shit
Cameos and Subplots
00:54:42
Speaker
but so ray decides he's not gonna quit because he wants to keep his girlfriend question mark and then rip torn shows up
00:54:50
Speaker
Dude, ah I don't know if it's supposed to be, but an audible laugh for me when Rip Torn calls him and he's like, anything I can do? Because then he doesn't answer. He's all, hello? Hey? oh like he's It's just Rip Torn in front of a camera. Yeah. He's like, ah just act. And it's funny. It is. But it's because he's just like, oh! so like Nobody's there. What are you doing? like I don't know anything about Rip Torn in real life other than that his son was one of my teachers in college. Oh, yeah. We talked about that maybe on air, maybe not. Maybe I don't know. John Torn. Jonathan. Sorry, he doesn't go by John.
00:55:23
Speaker
He's a Jonathan. What douche. He was a fucking douche, supposedly. i don't know if I don't know if he has money or not, but yes, rest in pictures, Rip Torn. Rip, rip. Yeah, Rip, rip. Man, we got a lot of rest in pictures up in this piece.
00:55:35
Speaker
And Rip Torn, if you don't know, well, you're wrong. Beastmaster. Beastmaster, Men in Black. Johnny Mnemonic. Yeah. Robocop 3. Dodgeball. If you dodge a wrench, you can dodge ball. Men in Black. we say that one? Yeah. Yeah. Freddie Got Fingered. Men in Black 2. Men 2. Probably in Black 3, I'm guessing. Freddie Got Fingered. For our patrons who read the newsletter we send out, last month I talked about Extreme Prejudice, Walter Hill movie with Nick Nolte. Okay. And Torrin shows up in that. He's fucking awesome. Yeah.
00:56:03
Speaker
He's one of the 45 amazing character actors in that. looking at you, Chris. He's looking at you. He's also in Canadian Bacon. o It's on my watch list right now. I've seen it, just not a long time. But he's basically a campaign manager, I think, right? So he's there to he's the mudslinger. Because they're just about to... It's Benedict Dixon over here. Should we get Benedict Dixon over here?
00:56:25
Speaker
Burt Langdon. Yeah, there we Benedict Dixon? now You said it. I did not. You said Benedict something. Did I? Yes. When? right Literally right before I said it. Rewind the tape.
00:56:38
Speaker
Yes. That's why said it. Maybe he said it's better than Nixon. Deader than Dixon is what he says when he's on the phone. oh He calls like, do you have anything cooking? It's dead than Dixon over here. Oh, my bad. so I heard Benedict. Oh, no, I think I have proven my innocence on this one. I'll rest my face.
00:56:57
Speaker
I'll rest your face also. Oh, don't. And then we see, like, basically the rest of this movie. It's paparazzi following people around while they get into embarrassing public situations. Which the small town should have hated this. You know what i mean? Like, oh, Mr. President, can't you tell him to fuck off? They just love that there's people in town.
00:57:13
Speaker
True. Because the the the Lollipop Guild guy says, like... The hotels are full. the we have a traffic jam since the first time Earth. It's our first traffic jam since ever.
Imagining Characters and Situations
00:57:23
Speaker
Yeah? I've never had it before.
00:57:25
Speaker
ah Councilman Meatwad. Councilman Meatwad here. I'm underwater. It's a ridiculous voice. And all I thought about is if Ray Romano did get elected, their town hall meetings.
00:57:38
Speaker
ah Excuse me, I have a question for you. Yeah, go ahead. and just Listening to that over and over. What's your feelings on Prop 404?
00:57:49
Speaker
Read it to me. God, no. the The local like millennial children, because it's 2004, so they were still mostly children. so It's a large range, but my age at the time, right?
00:58:00
Speaker
They're like, oh I'm making this do a YouTube video. They just have puppets at home. and It's like, Mr. Councilman, I can't believe it ray little I'd watch it. It'd be better than this. yeah it would be more entertaining than this. It would.
00:58:15
Speaker
i Even I would watch that. this is This whole thing becomes Marcia Gay Harden's fault because she's the one, I believe, who says, well, I think in this case, if you lose this election, you lose Sally.
00:58:28
Speaker
Doesn't she say it to Gene Hackman or does someone say it to Ray Romano? I think Irma so irma says it to Ray Romano. I wasn't paying enough attention to care. No, Irma says it to Ray Romano. What's the black chick's name?
00:58:41
Speaker
The one that does pipes. oh Oh, I don't remember now. She has a mar next and no speaking lines. I was thinking Martha. think Because it's they're talking about at the end who goes scuba diving to get the golf balls back. And he's like, I can't get it out of my head.
00:58:54
Speaker
I see it forever. ah fat woman in a scuba suit. This is 2004. Look at this. It's funny. Why did I think they were talking about Irma?
00:59:05
Speaker
don't know. Same joke. Yeah. I want see an old lady in a wetsuit. um Well, first time she's been wet in a while. but Is that a joke at my expense? Oh, yeah. It is to Ray Romano because then- He wrote wet-ass pussy after me.
00:59:22
Speaker
wow I don't want to say what it is because it might be referring to my lineage too. No, it was wet-ass pussy. It's actually just because I got out of a pool and someone saw me and they were like, look at that wet-ass pussy. I'm going to write a song about that.
Campaign Challenges and Humor
00:59:40
Speaker
ah But yeah, because then the next scene is when Fred Savage tells Gene Hackman if he loses the election, he loses all of his book deals and all that shit. yeah He's already starting to lose stuff too, though. Yeah. Well, Fred Savage says he had to cancel the speaking stuff because it was going to be during the campaign. Yeah, he's like, I kind of thought it was no-brainer. Yeah. That's when we get the first, like, get...
00:59:58
Speaker
out of the room you know he's like can i just go out of your eyeline sure i can still see you that got a chuckle out of me because gene hackman because gene hackman yeah and it's also terrifying like when he's like i can still see you i'm like you better fucking duck i keep waiting for that like zippo click i did oh yeah i did really love the one later though when he's like get out of here then he tells the secret service guys go break his legs and they leave and he's like they know i'm joking they know i'm joking i'm joking yeah they shake their head and he's like i'm totally fucking kidding They're gonna disappear him, aren't they? They are thirsty to murder.
01:00:30
Speaker
Oh, these are ex-fucking Marines, special forces, well army, rangers. They're the clean-up crew. They've been active military, then this is their assignment now. like kind of miss murder. You just wake up and like just think about wet work.
01:00:44
Speaker
Just like, you know, going to a house, lighting the family up, seeing what they got in their cabinets, making a funny scene with the dead bodies, and then blowing it all to shit.
01:00:55
Speaker
That wet-ass work. That's not wet-ass work. it's woo but um wow yeah marcia gay harden is against it the whole time because this is when she she sets this whole thing up because gene hackman is going on a date with sally to this restaurant nobody knows what was the name of the restaurant to whistle and whistle and pig or pig and whistle pig and whistle was like somebody talking about whistle pig whiskey yeah so that's why i said whistle and pig yeah I actually liked this little bit of writing. They don't do anything with it, but just like the ah the assistant, goddammit, what's the character's name? Grace. Grace.
01:01:29
Speaker
Grace is just straight up like, don't eat, don't order meat, because she's not to appreciate you eating what she worked all day to save, and then he orders this little vegetarian potato thing. potato. And she's like, I want fucking T-bone.
01:01:40
Speaker
Yeah. Sometimes you just want a steak. was like, yeah, because I'm sure there's plenty of vets that eat meat. Yeah. You know, Grace had called Irma. not not by Not by accident. She called Handy's shop, but she's pretending she's talking to the restaurant. So that way they everybody knows where this is. So this can all be public because she's hoping this will just derail this whole thing because she doesn't think he should be doing it. She's also very much in love with the president.
01:02:03
Speaker
you think she Do you think she knew the whole time? Like she says 15 years? yeah Yeah. Do you think she knew the whole time? Yes. Oh, they got divorced and he quit being president and she's like, now's my time. And then it wasn't. She never said anything. He went through somebody younger.
01:02:16
Speaker
She never said anything. Also, she's like 40. That's so old. 40? Gross. She's younger than me. I have no idea how old she is, but it's too old for Gene Hackman's character.
01:02:27
Speaker
that' ah Honestly, she probably was about 40 something. But so he goes in and he's like, pretends he's campaigning. There's this whole thing with ah Sally wearing black underwear.
01:02:38
Speaker
Yeah. It's just like. I mean, get it. Girls, you get it, right? Like you wear the matching bra and underwear because like you want. But he doesn't even say that. Sure. Black underwear. Black underwear means. But then she goes through her underwear drawer and she's like, you want me to wear this thong or this pink one or like. Dude, I like that yellow one. I liked everything she was doing except for Mr. Ray Romano. I don't ever need to see him holding panties that I find sexy. Oh, what is this crotchless number? Your pussy will be hanging out. Your pussy. If I put these on, you think my balls will hang out?
01:03:13
Speaker
Yes. Deborah, look, I'm putting them all on Now you have no underwear. Joey. My name is Sally. Deborah, Deborah, calm down. This is why we're not married.
01:03:23
Speaker
Yeah. ah she refused to she She won't change her name after marriage. Oh, she won't take your last name? Change her first name Deborah. So that way she can ignore me when I'm yelling at her. But I did like her her final point. She's like, what if I just don't wear any underwear? what do you think that says?
01:03:39
Speaker
And how he found out she was wearing black was by looking up her dress. Yep. Which would be really creepy if you weren't in a relationship. it's It's still kind of creepy because you're not living together. Right? I don't know. that like well And she's currently very mad at you. Dude, what do you mean you find it weird? It's a small town. It's three-minute walk door to door.
01:04:00
Speaker
I even looked at him. Well, I mean, okay. It sounds like a fucking wet dream. Shocker guys, we lived together the second he moved back to Tucson. Yeah, but we're insane. Yeah. We got a joint checking account. We live in the modern- Wait, you have checking account just to buy weed?
01:04:14
Speaker
we we live in modern We live in modern America where you have to move in together or you can't afford to you can't afford rent. Yeah. But so they agree to have have a joint checking account. Oh, you got in relationship? No.
01:04:25
Speaker
Buying weed. I have one for weed, one for expenses. It was getting too muddled up when they were together. it was. I'm like, was this put away for this or was this put away for that?
01:04:36
Speaker
i don't know if I paid a rent or bought an eighth. but yeah But so they agree to have a debate. There's this moment where Gene Hackman is like, I'm going for the fucking kiss. And his assistant's like, dude, don't do that. Handshake.
01:04:51
Speaker
And but yeah it's there's cameras everywhere. Yeah. like It's just such an awkward thing. I would probably go in for a hug. And it's yeah known that she has boyfriend. Well, and I think the main reason she rejected him, I mean, first of all, kiss should have been a hug.
01:05:05
Speaker
Yes. But second of all, cameras. Yeah. like If he had gone for a hug and there were no cameras, she would have done it. But he went in for a kiss and she's like, whoa, the whole world's watching. Yeah, easy, big fella. My mom's watching this program.
01:05:15
Speaker
She didn't vote for you. We've got all the newscasters and Regis and Kelly making fun of the president, which is a good time. They would never do that. Never. Never.
01:05:27
Speaker
I do like when Fred Savage tells him to cancel the debate. He's like, well because like he can be funny and like, well, that's your weakness. Not weakness. Not weakness. you're not You have no weaknesses. It's just the thing that you're not good at. um How do I put this? It's the thing that you're best at not being the best at.
01:05:44
Speaker
It's your best worst attribute. it is I got to clear this up a little better. He's funny. You're not. Nope. You're really good. You could be gooder. but This is the break. going get out of your eyeline. Yeah. He's like, should I leave the eyeline? He's like, leave the building. yeah Break his legs.
01:06:02
Speaker
I'm kidding. Will somebody please take him out? Dude, you can't say that to these guys. They are. tra He's got piano wire in his hands They do offer to murder Ray Romano in this movie. They Oh, yeah. to want to make a look like accident. I mean, I'm thinking carbon monoxide poisoning. so Oil slick. Cut the brake lines. Cut the brake lines. You know, real cute murder-suicide thing.
01:06:21
Speaker
I love, like, they go to do their debate, and it starts with rock, paper, scissors. And it's just Gene Hackman, like, this fucking bumpkin-ass town. i'm loving this town. These people are so it. It's the grand old tradition. You've got to do paper, rock, scissors. Well, and Ray Romano screws himself over. He listens to his stupid friend who says do scissors, but also no Gene Hackman is never going to do scissors.
01:06:42
Speaker
He is the president of the United States of America. He's not a lesbian. Yeah. Yeah. He did rock. They both did rock. Okay. So he did something else. He a paper. He's going back to rock. Yeah. All right. I mean, he's the eagle.
01:06:54
Speaker
Yeah. Eagles eat rocks or something. Eagles rock, dude. think that's cows. but Eagles fucking rock. Alien spaceship to make sure rock. I win. Volcano.
01:07:06
Speaker
Is that what it was? But i like during the debate, Gene Hackman is giving his like political answers. We only get two questions, really. There's the one where he gives the good political answer. Everybody cheers. Ray Romano. I've been fishing in that watering hole.
01:07:19
Speaker
Yeah. What are you going to Well, in... It shows that like him Ray Romano and Gene Hackman have the same like Ray Romano really has these views. Gene Hackman politically has these views. It's the same thing, though. He's like, hey, what he said. Right.
01:07:32
Speaker
Right. Then the second one is that's about the stoplight outside this lady's house or whatever. And Ray Romano gives like his every man his like, I'm living this town answer because he's like, OK, but what's the problem? And he shows like he would actually give a shit and think about it and whatever. And I love it too, because her problem is that they're the stop sign makes the headlights go into her headboard. headboard And it's like, have you ever tried like curtains? She's like, what? like like Blackout curtains might make you sleep better.
01:07:55
Speaker
Well,
Election and Personal Dynamics
01:07:56
Speaker
I would try that, but no one suggested it. Like, so angry, dude. We love our blackout curtains. You can think of those things on your own. Yeah. And then, like a fucking politician, he pads his own pocket. He's like, stop but stop by the hardware store. We'll help you out.
01:08:11
Speaker
I've got really expensive ones. he his problem His problem solution is to come buy stuff from him. Well, honestly thought that was going to be the move that Rip Torn or Fred Savage suggested was like, well, look, just tell him he's trying to make money off these people. Look at him. Yeah.
01:08:26
Speaker
But but the whole time and the whole time their strategist comes to to that they can't find any dirt on them. Right. That's the only way they know how to play. All we know is that he beat his own record in the moose pie eating contest. Gene Hackman's like, come on, he had to have done this or this or grow weed. I grew weed.
01:08:45
Speaker
yeah i grew weed but i believe that about gene he instead ray romano gets up and embarrasses sally says a bunch of shit in front of the world yep this is the romantic trope that i hate uh or a romantic trope because i hate a lot of them the battling for a woman because you know much in real life the woman's gonna be like but don't little old me get a like little i can't make up my own mind like well like when they like it's shortly here when they're playing golf for her who gets her and but even even before that though this election is about her and it's like she has no say in this yeah and it's good that's definitely going to come up in a fucking romantic comedy that's worth its fucking salt yeah so charlotte shows up again she was only on the phone before she shows up in town now she's confronting gene hackman or she yeah at handy's store yeah did i miss something did did ray romano actually bring her here no she she's doing it all on her own because he's i have nothing to do with this
01:09:43
Speaker
That's what I thought. But Gene Hackman is just like dead set. He's like, you're fucking playing dirty by bringing my ex-wife into this. And then the Ray's like, no. No, they say at the end, like he's asked him something along the lines of, did you call her? And he's like, no.
01:09:56
Speaker
And then like, I think it's also like, why didn't you ask for her support when they were, when the election finally comes? And he's like, because that's not cool. Yeah. So she just wanted, she just was watching this on TV. He's like, I'm going to fuck my ex-husband over ye so fucking hard. the golf scene where she's like, all right, we're going to make this fair. ah And whistles. And she was like, get the fuck out. Her scream. Dude, by the way. Did you see her chin trembling when she screamed? Like she was putting her all. I loved it. You did amazing. I love you. You said it, my mate. But we didn't manage from there.
01:10:29
Speaker
We didn't mention because at the beginning, it's set up that Gene Hackman thinks he's good at golf because the Secret Service guys, but we didn't talk about the cheating. Yeah. The Secret Service guys always... You gotta imagine Chi Chi knows. He's like...
01:10:40
Speaker
Every time he hits it out of bounds, it comes flying. He even makes, it like Gene Hackman's like, I'd rather be lucky than, or I'd rather cheat than be lucky. No, it's it's the old phrase, better lucky than good. Yeah. Because every he's, every time he he hits it out of bounds, the ball bounces back onto the green.
01:10:57
Speaker
And I had love in the actual golf game when he hits it out of bounds, like wait for the bounce, wait for the bounce. ah No bounce. Huh. That hasn't happened since I was a governor. What does that mean?
01:11:08
Speaker
When it's out of bounds now? What do I do? Because he has no fucking clue. It's always bounce back in. And this golf game doesn't make any sense. At the end of the first hole, he' it roman Ray Romano has like par. And Gene Hackman is 15.
01:11:20
Speaker
yeah But at the end of the game, him taking two off of Romano's score makes them tie. They went double or nothing. that They wiped out of the scoreboard. Oh, okay. All right. That was the whole thing. like, double double or nothing, but i didn't catch that that's what was happening. Yeah. All right.
01:11:37
Speaker
So Gene Hackman only went two over on that last hole. He got better. Got lucky. Better lucky than good. Well, he did that one shot and it fucking made it to the green. That's the lucky shot. Yeah, it bounces off the sidewalk. I've done that in Tiger Woods. But he about it at the end of the movie, too.
01:11:53
Speaker
And he was like, you just don't go for it. Sometimes you gotta shoot for the green. Gotta go for the green. Fred Savage does tell Gene Hackman, like, hey, ah you're 10 handicapped. might be a little inflated yeah it's not real fabricated we've been you know the out of bounds thing fucking up scorecards i love collusion you know with the uh we've been colluding with the uh cabana boy yes this whole time so we've been colluding with the russian cabana ah the russian The white Russian maker, the bartender. To say the bartender. The right was the white Russian maker. on
01:12:28
Speaker
ah But I like ah Sally and Grace having their little drunk golf game inside. Oh, that was fantastic. like It doesn't really, again, come to anything other than it shows that, like I guess, they get along. and yeah it's It's just to bring up the point that I i talked about. how like Well, we're going to play a game for Ruben.
01:12:46
Speaker
You know, like if we're allowed to- That's her great comeback. She's like, well, you I have to, because she takes Ray Romano all his shit after the game. And she's like, I got to make room. I run i won Ruben in a golf game. And he's like, what? And she's like, wouldn't that be weird if someone won someone in a golf game? That's stupid, isn't it? It's almost if it's as if it's really offensive. yeah But I like the i i like this this scene because they, obviously they have nobody at this country club because the president's there. right yeah So these workers are there just for them. Like, fuck it, let's get drunk. Even the manager or owner is like, I'm going to drink this whiskey. it looks like maple syrup.
01:13:17
Speaker
It's made. It might be. That bottle looks like maple syrup. It might just be maple syrup whiskey. Like real maple syrup where it's like not all sticky. Here's what you do. You take ah maple syrup and you dump out about half of it you put a little bourbon in the other half. You shake them and mix them. Boom.
01:13:32
Speaker
ah Great breakfast. No more forever. Go Swarks. Oh, so then Gene Hackman is like, all right, when we this is when he doubles down on, like, we need to go negative. And the Grace is just like, you know what?
01:13:44
Speaker
quit. This isn't you. This isn't why I'm here. quit. i quit I quit. I quit. quit. Also, you got a good dick. I've seen it when those cabinet meetings we were doing.
01:13:57
Speaker
But he does this thing where Gene Hackman's like, okay, you know what? I have a better idea. I'm going to endorse him at the next debate because then if I win, cool. If I lose, I lost because everybody told i told everybody to vote for him. They yeah they're going to i they took my ah advice. yeah I'm hedging my bets. I'm going to come out on top.
01:14:17
Speaker
yeah and then romano's like you know what i got a statement before we do this rock paper scissors yeah i'm sorry sally i love you or no he never he never says i love you i care for you and hate oh before the speech though his buddy does jump up and he's like nod scissors oh and he does get dumped in between there too like officially dumped dumped that's where she brings all this shit yeah so but yes go on but he's just like i'm sorry i shouldn't have brought our love life into this and look at me doing it again i'm sorry for that also d j quals in a wig is loving itde yeah she's over there's like
01:14:50
Speaker
ah so i guess i brought i mean that stop it i guess i brought it up again sorry for that and that and that yeah that and feature that ah I'm going to back out. ah Sorry, I brought up your panties on air. I did it again. The crotchless ones. The yellow lacy panties.
01:15:08
Speaker
None of them have semen on them now. I brought them back without semen. I definitely didn't go home and s smell them. The dry cleaning couldn't get the streaks out, though. I named this one Robert. And he's like, so I'm going to go down, and he's he's the better person.
01:15:23
Speaker
Option. I'm going to vote for him, guys. Thank you. Woo! Towns loving that shit. Yeah. And then Gene Hackman turns around and goes for it anyway, but he gives a nice speech to justify it. But again, though, this is where we should have some ah more, like, the Towns should be like, what?
01:15:38
Speaker
You're just copying him. Like, yeah everyone's just like, Yeah, we're all nice. This movie's so fucking nice. It's nice, um nice, nice. well Welcome to Niceport. The 2004 election was really nice. Really nice. Yeah, it didn't get dirty or like underhanded at all. Nobody was but ever going to get in trouble for yelling, Bjar.
01:15:56
Speaker
No, no. know that was in 2004, but... I think... Doesn't Ray Romano yell Bia in this movie at one point? Does he? I think he does. Is it one of the times because we're we're missing a joke, a running joke about him getting punched or pushed or beat up by yeah by Sally? Yeah, it might be. I feel remember i remember watching it and thinking, huh.
01:16:16
Speaker
It was the first one. One of the first ones we see is the panty scene. And I actually like what he's doing. He's just Ray Romano, so he's not doing it well. Yeah, he's making a joke. But he but he's like gets hit and he's like, oh, you you knuckled the bone.
01:16:29
Speaker
You're really strong. Like, it's... She knocked you down. Yeah, she's stronger than me. She's really strong. She's stronger than me. like yours. yeah sounds like Never stop doing It sounds like if instead of Sean William Scott in old school, it was Ray Romano.
01:16:47
Speaker
I like you, man, but you're crazy. You're crazy. Which I guess is just Robert. You're crazy. My sedative laugh went to Jabba. So did his.
01:17:00
Speaker
rich i mean I was going to say, I often get a Jabba laugh at home. But yeah, like he's Ray Romano's doing it as like a legitimate like nice guy thinking for the best for the town move.
01:17:12
Speaker
Gene Hackman's doing it as a political move. They're smiley and they go off stage and in the back, Gene Hackman's like, you piece of shit. You fucking knew I was going to do that. And they get in a little fight. This is where I thought we were going to start picking up.
01:17:23
Speaker
I was like, all right, finally, we're getting to it. like Now we're about to have pranks and fights and all of the campaign yeah no or something like that. No, no, no this is it. It's instantly after this little tussle where there's a ladder falling and backdrops on them and don't watch it or watch They were shaking hands. Apparently Irma body slams Gene Hackman at some point. Jumps on his back.
01:17:46
Speaker
But then almost the next scene is... The golf, the golf scene. Yeah. because Well, there's a cover up. The driving scene. by the water Yeah. But there's a cover up. They hear the news. It's like, oh, apparently it was just a malfunction on the stage. A lot of fell and then they were just shaking hands. We don't know where that fat old white lady came from. ah Even though Ray Romano punched Gene Hackman first.
01:18:09
Speaker
So I don't know why we're torn would cover it up because, you know, it was ripped torn. Yeah. Like, put that out there. But they cover it up. I guess it's either way it looks bad on on the eagle. If he's fighting. If he beats up some nobody from Mooseport. Yeah. So they have their little thing. It's so it's election day.
01:18:27
Speaker
Ray is out there um doing driving practice, hitting balls into the ocean. and Gene Hackman sees him. And they go and they have a little thing. And they kind of connect. Can just shoot him out there? Yeah. Yeah. And he gives that's when he gives him the advice. He's like, you got to take a fucking chance once yeah in a while.
01:18:42
Speaker
Well, because even look what he's doing. He's not playing a game. Like he's not scoring. He's being a human. just He's just launching balls into the ocean without a point. And Gene Hackman's like, what do you what do you mean? You're not keeping score?
01:18:54
Speaker
Well, he's still practicing. Right. But Gene Hackman doesn't get it. Yeah. He's like, I like what he's doing. That's fine. But like Gene Hackman's character is just like, no, you play to win. Go for the green and you play to win.
01:19:05
Speaker
Ray Romano's like,
Election Results and Resolutions
01:19:06
Speaker
no, I'm just happy to be here. That's what he said his entire career. Dude, I'm just happy to be here. But we go in to vote and we see Gene Hackman, who's once a politician, always a politician, votes for himself. yep And then Grace gives him this big speech about how, like, you know,
01:19:24
Speaker
It's similar to the speech she already gave. Like, this isn't the man that I've been following and believing in for 15 years. I do love she tells him to shut up. She's like, for once, can you just shut up? I was just going to make that point. Because she's like, hey, Grace, can you just for once?
01:19:37
Speaker
shut up and then just in a good way dumps on him. Yep. Yeah. It's not like a trauma dump. It's a, yeah you're kind of shitty person recently and you you weren't always a shitty person. yeah I used to look up to you. I like like told my mom I admired you. Why do you care so much about this shit? Yeah.
01:19:51
Speaker
You're fighting so hard to win something you don't even want. Yeah. And then she gives him a big old smoochy smooch. And that's when we see the wagon. And that's not a handshake. That's not a handshake.
01:20:03
Speaker
I called a handy shake. Handy. Handy shake. ah They think I got this nickname for me, a handyman, but I got it in high school. No reason. Don't ask the shop teacher. That's why I sell wood. His name is Robert. Why do you think our football team always won? I did it once and had to do it forever. It's good luck.
01:20:25
Speaker
Ray Romano jerking off a bunch of football players. Oh, God. No, he got it. I was. ah All right. Fast forward and go. This is how life works. So that's it's the big the big announcement of who wins. And it's Gene Hackman. But we find out it's by one vote.
01:20:42
Speaker
And then Gene Hackman, his heart grows three sizes that day. And he's like, well, fuck. If I would have done what I said I was going to do, then I wouldn't have won. So he admits it. He admits to the whole town.
01:20:54
Speaker
And he gives up the mayorship to Ray Romano. And he gives his his he gives the those presidential speech, you know. yeah Ask not what your country can do for you, but ask what you can do for Mooseport. Ask what Deborah can do the fucking laundry.
01:21:11
Speaker
ah ah What's enough? ah Four scores and seven years ago. Oh, I don't know what little president quotes.
01:21:21
Speaker
um You're fired. yeah I did not have sexual relations with that woman. ah ah house divided cannot stand. Not a crook.
01:21:32
Speaker
Oh, yeah. I am not a crook. What was the George Washington one? ah I took down a cherry tree. It's far better to be alone than in bad company. I'm leaving, Deborah. i what I can't get out of this bathtub.
01:21:47
Speaker
Not a president, but a quote that I've always made up from Benjamin Franklin. Oh, just because you like pussy doesn't mean you have to act like one. Oh, I like that. What's the president that was stuck in the bathtub? Cleveland?
01:21:58
Speaker
Taft. Taft. You would think it's someone named Grover. Or Garfield. Grover Cleveland is who you thought. Garfield, too. Yeah. Caught in the bathtub. Taft. Too much lasagna.
01:22:10
Speaker
It's taft and fat. like It's all right there. Yeah. Taffy. Tafty. President Taffy. So Romano gets up and he's like... You know what, guys? I also voted for myself. So yes, this man is who you guys really want.
01:22:23
Speaker
He is who we thought he was. And Gene Hackman, okay. Yeah. Well, no, he does say, I can't win, can I? Yeah, it's like, I can't win against you. I'm just glad that it go back and forth. like do we get We get it. Yeah. We get it.
01:22:36
Speaker
Everything is so fucking nice in politics. It's welcome to nice port. Yep. Welcome to pat on the back port. Welcome to no conflict town. Population, we don't count.
01:22:49
Speaker
Population doesn't matter. Who cares, man? We're just being chill. We're nice. can I have an interest in a handy? ah So Gene Hackman goes out, catches Grace before she leaves because she's getting on a plane.
01:23:00
Speaker
It's delayed. That plane got delayed. Yeah, because he has power now. Misuse of power. Yeah. And I love how everybody's cheering. I'm like, I just like i just got done in the airport. If you tell me my flight's delayed even by five minutes, I'm like, fuck you. Just miss my connecting flight. Yeah. Just miss my connecting flight because you want to fuck Grace.
01:23:16
Speaker
Yeah. he He's not a nice person in an airport. I'm not either. Why don't you go to airports? who Who is a nice person in airports? No. No one is. No one.
01:23:27
Speaker
Nope. You might be nicer than You were angry at me the whole time. There you go. I was nice to everybody else. I was a little angry, though. And I was very nice to you about it. I was like, you need to chill the fuck out.
01:23:37
Speaker
You just shut the fuck up, Derek. was really nice to you. I said, you and chill the fuck out. i said, it's literally out of your control, so why stress on it? I'm not a sardine. I'm not an animal. He did leave a fucking review, though.
01:23:54
Speaker
Nice. Well, they asked... Yeah. Oh, I love when somebody fucking just has the worst service. like Can you get do this review? if Like you bet. To clarify, when I left the review, I said that all the people who worked there were very nice yeah and nobody there was because they're frustrated too. Right.
01:24:11
Speaker
I just love that the chick at the front desk told us that someone got sick and they had to dismantle the bathroom and we were delayed an Sounds like the bathroom was already dismantled. They had to take the panels off to clean. They had to like literally apart the bathroom. There was a bomb on the plane.
01:24:26
Speaker
I know we're supposed to joke about it, but it was in the bathroom. I know we're not supposed to say bomb, but it's really funny. He blew that shit up. I'm pretty sure someone shit all over the bathroom. Yeah. ah They're tiny.
01:24:37
Speaker
I don't, it's been. Not the person. The last time I was on a plane was in 2001. 9-11. How convenient. It was November of 9-11. November of 9-11. November of It was November of 9-11. It was 11-11.
01:24:55
Speaker
It really was 11-11. Anyways. ah But the bathrooms, like you can get in and sink the door and you can barely pull your pants down. yeah So I could imagine someone trying shit pull their pants I've seen Tommy Boy. You can change clothes in the bathroom. Yeah, shit.
01:25:11
Speaker
If you're David Spade. Chris Farley can move around in the bathroom. Barely. Barely. Barely. He does crash through the door. It's true. But... That's what happened. um So, yeah, they make up. Ray goes to propose to Sally. This is when Ruben or Ruben knocks the fucking ring into the the shit that's in this.
01:25:31
Speaker
And she puts that ring on. Oh, yeah. Sure. She kisses him. It's the dream. And now they're both in the hospital. They died of dysentery. It was not feces, you guys. It was the storm drain. At best, it's urine-soaked mud because these dogs are pissing on that.
01:25:48
Speaker
The best case scenario is urine-soaked mud. Do you know what kind of situation you're in where the best case scenario is urine-soaked mud? A bad one. Mooseport. Mooseport. You're in New Orleans. You're in trouble.
01:26:00
Speaker
well But he admits to her that he didn't actually vote for himself because, you know, he's super honest. He's like, dude, how the fuck would I vote for myself after I said I wouldn't? Yeah. Duh.
Reflecting on the Film and Conclusion
01:26:09
Speaker
And ah because yeah also, guess what? Not a politician. Yep. They smoochy smooch.
01:26:14
Speaker
And that should be the end of the movie. I was expecting something with the puppies. I really was. I think you just wanted it. and We get a sequel set up.
01:26:24
Speaker
Yeah, we do. The fucking gall. I forgot. The mitigated gall. I mean, the only good thing I can say about the sequel set up is we get more rip torn. Yeah.
01:26:36
Speaker
Yeah. And even when he's just talking, he is just captivating. so I mean, why not more scenes with him and Gene Hackman, dude? Those two playing off each other would be so much fun. barely got it. yeah Answer me something.
01:26:47
Speaker
Does the man have to do what the governor says? You betcha. And then he does a fucking ah ah Jack Nicholson in, was it Anger Management? Is that the one where he does the... And then he gets punched by her again.
01:27:01
Speaker
Yeah. is it Oh, you broke it. I swear it's broken. You knuckled my bone again. and knuckled the bone. That's the end of the movie. who Thank God.
01:27:16
Speaker
I'm just happy it's over. So we'll go around the horn for recommendations. Jacques? No, I know. There's no caveats to it. There's nothing redeeming about it. It's sad to see an underutilized Gene Hackman, like at best. Yeah.
01:27:31
Speaker
I'm a fly on that. Well said. I'm gonna go with that. She just Ray Romano'd me. Wilson! Wilson! Just him on a fucking beach and a volleyball for three hours? Oh, I thought him i thought him on Home Improvement.
01:27:50
Speaker
Wilson! I have a problem! I just think of him talking to a volleyball and he says he' doing his voice, the volleyball just deflates itself. I can't be here. Robert. um Yeah, it's a no.
01:28:02
Speaker
It's not as bad as I'd always heard. but that's the problem. But it's not good either. that's also the problem, though. It's literally like you're on the yellow line. Like it is the middle of the road as you could possibly be. Middle of the road comedy. Inoffensive.
01:28:17
Speaker
It's not funny enough. It's not bad enough. It's not dramatic enough. It's not it's just... But Gene Hackman is here. To kind of quote you, it is a movie. Yeah. Like, that's it, though.
01:28:28
Speaker
It is 100% movie. It has a beginning, a middle, and an end. Ends? It doesn't have... It has a plot? That's the thing, is it barely has it barely has conflict. It does have a plot. Yeah. But plots require conflict, and the only conflict is Sally is mad.
01:28:42
Speaker
Well, Sally's mad and Gene is thinking that dude's fighting, like doing things that he's not because he's in that political mind. yeah And then also the ex-wife. But like reading the summary of this episode before we did it, because i or this movie, because I was writing up posts for the month and I had to write the newsletter for our loyal patrons, patreon.com slash worst people.
01:29:04
Speaker
Do it. Yeah. I thought there was going to be something more to like he's trying to keep his house from his ex-wife and all that. It's just it's just like they don't go into anything. They just kind of you know where they throw some things at the wall. They slide off the wall.
01:29:18
Speaker
it's ah To talk about Adam Sandler again, it's the pickle race is what we're getting. We're getting the pickle race from Billy Madison where the pickles, except for they never actually get to the part where they start sliding. It's the beginning of the pickle race.
01:29:31
Speaker
Just slap it on a window. And then they show dogs fucking and now that pickle has won. Why don't you have a point at my pickle? Your pickle won. He's fucking. I think that means my pickle won. It sounds like it. It definitely finished first. but yeah, so it's a no all around.
01:29:48
Speaker
Yeah. But not even like an emphatic, like this movie sucks. No, just a who cares. Who cares? is No, who cares the best way? Because like you could try and make this a hangover movie and fall asleep to it. But There's not enough there to you even keep... You can't sleep now. Emperor for a Ray Romano, by the way. Imperial Ray Romano. You can't sleep now. But yeah, there's just... Join me on the dark side. We have pie.
01:30:17
Speaker
ah It's just... Moose pie. Who cares is the best way you can sum it up. yeah Yeah. So instead of going out on one of the best movies made in like the 20th century and...
01:30:28
Speaker
He doesn't acknowledge this movie, so that's fine. But you know what, though? You said something that i it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Yeah. it' just It's just nothing. Yeah.
01:30:39
Speaker
But he did have one more um television and or movie appearance. What was that? He shows up in an episode of Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives in 2006. There we go. Well, there we are. would you rather Would you rather end with this or Guy Fieri?
01:30:56
Speaker
Guy Fieri way. That's up to you. It's a tough one. It's pretty tough one. It's a toughie. We're we're we're rolling out Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives. You've got to get your elbows out when you eat this hamburger. Ray Romano with blonde spikes. poof that's That's terrifying.
01:31:11
Speaker
at whole Get me out of here. All right. So don't forget, guys, we have a Patreon. Patreon.com slash worst people. It's only $3 a month, but you can pledge to more. If you really love us.
01:31:22
Speaker
And this month's mental health episode will be Major League, where we're talking about yet another past legend, Bob Euchre. i was bummed that he got snubbed, then I was like, well, he's not really an actor. Yeah. He's he's done Major League 1, 2, and 3. Speaking of snubbed, fuck you guys.
01:31:38
Speaker
The Oscars, not you. Yeah. Tony Todd. Tony Todd. um I mean, Michelle was upset that Michelle Trachtenberg got snubbed, but I can say like she was in a couple of movies, but she was mostly a TV actress. Yeah, but also- Not the Grammys, the one. cares about lawyers? The Emmys, Globes, Golden Globes. Why are lawyers up there?
01:31:57
Speaker
Because they have to be. cheng Chang Chang. He did the thing. That's the money. Tony Todd. um I don't know the actor's name, so maybe he was right not to be on there, but he played ah the captain in Titanic and then Theoden in the Lord of the Rings, like the Knights of Rohirrim.
01:32:14
Speaker
Was he in the third Lord of the Rings? That's a row hero here. We're in that, right? Yes. He is. Okay. Well, that won best picture. So he should have been a mention then. Right. Even though I don't know his name. I don't know his name. I just know him as fucking.
01:32:27
Speaker
say the Oh, you know what? to say one more thing about the Oscars because this movie cost $30 million. dollars Best picture went to a $6 million dollar movie. We'll leave it at that. This is very insane. Good night. $30 million dollars for this. Good night and go fuck yourself.
01:32:40
Speaker
But yeah, so Patreon, Major League, ah Cop Rock, Baby Merchant, et cetera. Patreon.com slash worst people. Next month, before I thank you, Vajan, we go into our listener request month. We have listener requests from a few people who've emailed us or messaged us on Patreon.
01:33:00
Speaker
And the first one will be an email request from Ashley for ah a movie called Perdita Durango. And I have no idea. i vaguely remember what her email said, but it came a while ago. i mean, it was a wild one about like, it's if if if ah Quentin Tarantino and David Lynch made a movie that fucked.
01:33:20
Speaker
Yeah. And Somebody was it. I wait to have her on. Javier Bardem. Somebody's in it. And James Gandolfini. Rosie Perez. so Oh, you love you some Rosie. I love me some Rosie Perez. So that'll be a fun one to talk about. Babe Ruth.
01:33:32
Speaker
And of course, I've told you guys before, but go check out our new merchandise store at shop.badmoviesworstpeople.com. I've got merch up there for this show. And now we have merch for Han Took Shots First. weekaking Including our little red hat for no reason and a t-shirt for now. Maybe more coming. Yes.
01:33:49
Speaker
You can find those episodes at Han Silk Shouts first. Or be a patron. Yep. Get them early. Get them uncut. And of course, we have to thank Evasion. think it's the Catholic Church's answer. That's real early. Get them early. Get them uncut.
01:34:04
Speaker
ah We have to thank Evasion for our opening and closing music because they kick ass. Yep. yeah Thank you guys for listening and or watching. I've been Derek. I'm Whitney. I'm Jack. Go look at my pornography catalog. You know who am, baby. but
01:34:50
Speaker
Action. Action! Phenomenon! Take two. said the magic word!