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Ep 143: The Rock (It's Gonna Be Bay Annual Episode)
64 Plays1 month ago
In our first year of the podcast, we did an entire month of Michael Bay films for May and called it "It's Gonna Be Bay". Well, we learned from that experience, which was very trying on our mental health, so we vowed never to do that again. Since then, we have done one Michael Bay movie per year on the last Monday before May, and this year is no exception. We're finally discussing one of Bay's only truly good films, THE ROCK from 1996, starring Sean Connery and a slew of "welcome backs" including Nic Cage, Ed Harris, William Forsythe, and Michael Biehn. Nic Cage is a mild-mannered virologist who is tasked with stopping Ed Harris and his band of disenfranchised Marines from dropping chemical bombs on San Francisco with the help of former SAS agent and 30-year prisoner Sean Connery. Time for badabooms and ratatats.
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Transcript
Introduction and Michael Bay Retrospective
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome back. And this week, losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen. Fuck yeah. I'm Derek. I'm Whitney. I'm Jack. And this is Bad Movies. Worst people.
00:00:48
Speaker
Yes, we're back. Isn't that you put the intro? Yeah. I didn't hit the button, so it's too late. All right. I'll i'll edit it in. um my My brain's only mostly partially working. What an amateur podcast I'm on.
00:01:01
Speaker
Yeah. Dude, fix it in post. That's right. You. We're back. We're back, and it's our annual It's Gonna Be Bay episode. It's gonna be bay. where we discuss Michael Bay because we spent our first year doing an entire month of Michael Bay. Never doing that again. Torturing ourselves.
00:01:23
Speaker
If we had done the three good ones, three and a half good ones, we might not have been so upset. but Just imagine how much more we would have appreciated Pain and Gain if that would have been the only one we watched that month or or or like the leading up to May that we do now.
00:01:38
Speaker
We would have loved it much more, and I love that movie. I think I loved it a lot, even in spite of. Well, that one kicked off that month, so it wasn't so
Hollywood Gossip and Film Decisions
00:01:48
Speaker
bad.
00:01:48
Speaker
We did the big hit and then we did Pain and Gain because we were doing the Marky Mark connection. Yeah. But then did. better fucking believe bro. Marky Mark connection. That's his new dating app I got. We're the only guy on there. It's just a bunch of chicks want to bang Marky Mark.
00:02:02
Speaker
Make a fucking connection. pat I bet that's. x mark Ex Marky Marks, Marksy Marks the spot. Oh, Roseanne, why are you on here?
00:02:13
Speaker
um We're in the same film company. Is that Roseanne? I thought we were starting a new company. Super serious. SS. Bro, me, you, Mel Gibson. Who else? I forgot. There was one more. No, it was them. I think it was those three.
00:02:26
Speaker
Maybe there was someone else. thought there was four. Guess what? I can't count. And you can't count on me showing up for fraternity test. Yeah. For those who don't know, Marky Mark, Mel Gibson, and Roseanne Barr are starting a anti-woke film studio.
00:02:42
Speaker
That's what that's about. Yeah, they're going to do like animation, like gestop motion. Wow.
00:02:50
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. All right. All their movies are going to star Clark Goebbels. Goebbels. Goebbels. it's it's Goebbels is how it's spelled. I think you say it Goebbels.
00:03:04
Speaker
Clark Goebbels. Anyway, we're talking about The Rock with Michael Bay, who is not as far as I know a Nazi. So it's insane this day and age.
00:03:17
Speaker
Yeah, it is. you You wouldn't think that was such high praise. And we decided to do this one because it's a good one. And we had a ah run of stinkers. And, you know, we got to give Michael Bay some credit. He's made movies that are not bad. Is that ah is that a crack at houseguest?
00:03:32
Speaker
No. I will say you there is a lot of, I did not know that this came after Bad Boys. there's There's a lot of Bad Boys moves on this. guys Bad Boys was his first big one, right?
00:03:47
Speaker
Yeah, that was his directorial debut as a film director. He was a music video guy before that. Oh, yeah. As you can see watching his movies. Speaking of music.
00:03:58
Speaker
Oh, go ahead. your Yours is probably going be better. No,
Behind the Scenes of 'The Rock'
00:04:02
Speaker
I was just going to say ah ah the music video thing. Ed Harris was, again, surprised. We're talking about another movie where Ed Harris is annoyed with his director.
00:04:11
Speaker
Shocker. That's why he started directing his own movies. Did he cost her it? Yeah, but they're only they're no they're only like two hours long. Yeah.
00:04:22
Speaker
It's a modest Costner. But ah he was getting really annoyed because he's like, Michael Bay wants to shoot everything up tight. And Ed Harris was like, I'm acting with my whole body. And then also the amount of coverage that Michael Bay does. Because there is no the average shot length in this movie is 2.5 seconds.
00:04:41
Speaker
Okay. Because Michael Bay loves quick cuts. It gives you energy even when nothing's happening. Yeah. And he also loves a shaky cam. Yeah. Yeah. So Ed Harris was getting mad because they do so much coverage. He's like, I got to do the scene wide shot. I got to do the scene while the camera's behind me. I got to do the scene while it's a close up. I got to do the scene while it's on the left side is on the right side.
00:04:59
Speaker
Like, ah yeah, I like me. I like me and annoyed Ed Harris. It brings out the best in him, dude. it does. I should have my name. Ed Harris was right.
00:05:11
Speaker
That should be the name of this movie. I mean, Ed Harris is right. he's He's barely the fucking bad guy. Even when you think he's the bad guy, it's darts. That's what I was like. i When you hear why he's doing what he's doing, I'm just like, I kind of understand. The real villain of the movie is Tony Todd, not surprisingly because he is death from the Final Destination series. Well, also the real villain is America. He's also the Candyman. He's also the Candyman. And he's pictures since you got robbed from Oscars. Oh, yeah. The Oscars snubbed.
00:05:44
Speaker
yeah That's a bummer. um I was going to say about the music though, I had to look it up because sometimes it's that classic Michael Bay fart rock porn music, right? yeah Like akin to Lethal Weapon. And other times it has this like haunting angelic background.
00:06:01
Speaker
One of the people was Hans Zimmer. And then the other guy did all kinds of stuff that you would imagine fart rock porn music guy would do.
00:06:10
Speaker
It's just crazy to have those two together. ah so we're going to have Emeril Lagasse come out and teach you how to make food along with the cook from Applebee's. Along with Ronald himself from Ronald McDonald's from McDonald's. Damn it. From McDonald's. And out comes Wendy.
00:06:33
Speaker
Speaking of a weird mix of people, so that we have three credited writers on this movie. Oh, always a good sign. there's at least three other people who worked on writing the movie, one of which Michael Bay says that's the movie he made, but the WGA wouldn't give this guy credit for whatever reason.
00:06:51
Speaker
So we have David Weisberg and Douglas Cook, who Douglas Cook passed away in 2015, so rest in pictures. The only thing of theirs I recognized was Double Jeopardy. Okay.
00:07:03
Speaker
Morgan Freeman, national that judge Ashley Judd. Ashley Judd for sure. Ashley Judd, yeah. And isn't it that dude? It's the poor man Sam Elliott. I cannot remember the dude's name, but he was ah Pike in the Star Trek Abrams verse.
00:07:18
Speaker
Oh, Chris Pine? Nope. The guy that was ahead of him. Oh, his boss. his Yeah, his mentor, kind of. I think his name was Admiral Pike. That's why I thought Pine, because you said Pike. Yeah.
00:07:31
Speaker
Pine was Captain Kirk. But anyway, poor man, Sam O'Neill. You said Sam Elliott earlier. Did I? I meant Sam O'Neill. Sam O'Neill, Sam Elliott. But knew who you were talking about. They're both cowboys. They're both cowboys just from different countries. Just different cows.
00:07:47
Speaker
Different cow-ntries. Yeah. But yeah, they wrote double jeopardy. And then a couple other movies that have like a four rating on IMDb. So I didn't even click them. They're right. Final jeopardy questions.
00:07:59
Speaker
The first movie that they wrote, which I kind of want to watch, it was a TV movie from 1991 called Payoff, and it stars Keith Carradine, Kim Greist, Harry Dean Stanton, and John Saxon.
00:08:14
Speaker
Kim Greist. ah We just talked about her on... Oh, Gary Busey in a wig. Yes. Yes. All right. And not James Dean Stanton, right? No, not James Dean Stanton. Harry Dean Stanton.
00:08:27
Speaker
And then John Saxon, who's been in a bunch of stuff. But I mean, a thing a lot of people know him from is ah he's the kind of villainous dude in Enter the Dragon. He's the white karate guy. ah But i have the plot summary here.
00:08:40
Speaker
So a kid unknowingly carries a bomb to his parents. When they get killed, he's traumatized. Many hellish years later, he vows revenge against the criminals who gave him the bomb.
00:08:52
Speaker
Okay. I mean, i like that. It sounds like an 80s Hong Kong kind of style movie. It is a terribly written summary, which means it's probably a terribly written movie. And I'm in that right behind you right now to grab it on Blu-ray.
00:09:06
Speaker
No, I've never heard of it until last night. as Well, it's on to and next week. And then the other guy credited with ah writing this is Mark Rosner, ah who wrote some TV movie called Empire City question mark. And then a bunch of TV, like one episode of multiple TV shows.
00:09:27
Speaker
Right. And that's it. Probably did some work on 90210. um I don't. Maybe. Melrose Place. But mel rose apparently who didn't write for Melrose.
00:09:38
Speaker
Dear Abby was writing for Melrose. You know who didn't write for Melrose Place? Quentin Tarantino, who did uncredited rewrites on this script. Oh, um as as along with Aaron Sorkin, who came to punch up dialogue.
00:09:52
Speaker
And then the guy who Michael Bay says wrote this, the movie that he actually made, is this guy Jonathan Hensley, ah who wrote Die Hard with a Vengeance, and he wrote Armageddon and some other stuff. but I like both of those.
00:10:06
Speaker
But for so whatever reason, they wouldn't give him credit. Armageddon! Actually, it was funny. Michael Bay in one of the previews, the movie didn't do well. So they added in the the car chase, the San Francisco car chase to give it more action.
00:10:20
Speaker
It felt very cut in. Yeah. Like that scene. He was like, young boys want to see car chases. Like teenage boys want to see car chases. and Sort of grown men.
00:10:31
Speaker
Yeah. sort Sort of grown ass men. And i mean, definitely your wife. I can't speak for women, but I can say I know your wife loves them. I do love them. Well, apparently Michael Bay, he said he wanted to put in the car chase. And one of the writers who he wouldn't mention ah was like, I can't believe you're talking about demographics. We're trying to make this film, du that whatever.
00:10:51
Speaker
And Michael Bay was like, in an interview, basically he paraphrasing, he said, um I'm not going to take advice from a guy who's never gotten a script made into a film. So I'm going to assume he's talking about Mark mark Rosner because that guy only wrote TV. Yeah. Yeah.
00:11:09
Speaker
But so we got a little bit of Quentin Tarantino, a little bit of Aaron Sorkin in here. Okay. I wonder what the Aaron Sorkin did. He's usually known for kind of satire. Yeah. I think they, I think what I read is the hotel hot up think got i read as he punched up dialogue.
00:11:24
Speaker
No, Cage did his own parts. A lot of the, all of the comedy pretty much was ad libbed from what I read. Oh, yeah. You're saying that nobody wrote down Zeus's butthole.
00:11:37
Speaker
Actually, ah Michael Bay wanted to cut that. And Nick Cage insisted that it was included. Good job, Nick. Well done. Very well done. um You know, this is this is early Michael Bay still. He made bad boys. I think that was it up but this up until this point. So he still had to listen.
00:11:54
Speaker
um Oh, and I don't know if you guys noticed this is obviously a Jerry Bruckheimer film because it's Michael Bay, Jerry Bruckheimer and Don Simpson, who we talked about on Bad Boys because he's the crazy producer that's known for known for doing a ton of cocaine.
00:12:07
Speaker
Oh, OK. At the end of the movie, it's dedicated to him. So this was supposed to be Don Simpson and Jerry Bruckheimer's final collaboration because they were going to split up because Jerry Bruckheimer was tired of his cocaine fueled anger.
00:12:20
Speaker
Yeah, I never shared. But Don Simpson died while they were making the movie of a drug-related harder to heart failure. Once again, because he never shared.
00:12:33
Speaker
If you do cocaine with your friend, you do half as much cocaine. It's just kind of funny that it was like, okay, well, we're not going to work together anymore. We're doing this movie and that's it. And then he dies and they're like, well, dedicated to him. Yeah. That's an odd thing, but hey. All right. So now we play the box office game then we get into it. purposely avoided this.
00:12:53
Speaker
Should we guess the budget also, Jack? No, i think i think we should get a budget. Okay. All right. $75 million. Ooh, I would have said 80, so I would been over anyway. was $75 million to make.
00:13:08
Speaker
I'm going to say... What's the year? 1996. ninety ninety six go ahead, or altogether? Altogether. 220. Altogether. three five domestic or altogether altogether
00:13:22
Speaker
two twenty altogether You guys are 335 million worldwide. See, I didn't want to go that high because that's like. You were very close to domestic.
00:13:33
Speaker
Almost exactly. 134 million domestic. Dang. Okay, so I changed mine to domestic. Fix that in post. Isn't that like um Avengers money?
00:13:47
Speaker
i mean so much I think that's how much Avengers cost to make. but Yeah, Avengers budget's $250 to get out that door. Avengers went over a billion dollars. Oh, okay. I don't think I realize the rest of the world but like loves this movie. yeah ah more More than us, apparently. Yeah.
00:14:04
Speaker
It's all fucking hot fuzz. It's all Nick Frost. $200 million more dollars out there. Oh, yeah. More than double what the U.S. s did. U.S. and Canada. that China market, man.
00:14:17
Speaker
Oh, I have a fun. i have ah up america I have a fun like our grandfathers just blaming China for everything. I'll tell you why they made that that rock movie was the Chinese. That's who made that. um You know why there's so many bad boys movies.
Influence of Global Markets and Family Connections
00:14:32
Speaker
The Chinese no time travel in those movies for a reason. You know, you can't. They don't have movies. They don't have movies of time travel in China. It's against the law. Really?
00:14:43
Speaker
Nope, because they don't want anything that would go back be able to go back and disgrace their proud history. Something along those lines.
00:14:52
Speaker
And now you know. Speaking of governments being proud of themselves. This movie is tied to a proud moment for the United States. Okay. So in 2016, there was a report called the Chilcot Report.
00:15:06
Speaker
ah It was about Britain's involvement with toppling Saddam Hussein all the stuff going on in Iraq. One of the agents who testified... Said that he had falsified claims about observing weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.
00:15:20
Speaker
He based his description on them of them on the vx gas nerve the VX nerve gas missiles in this movie. oh So we were in Iraq looking for VX nerve gas missiles from the rock.
00:15:32
Speaker
Oh, man. Proud to be an American. ah And they did shoot most of this movie on Alcatraz um because, like, the studio, of course, wanted it to be in L.A. or on sets or whatever. Cheaper, cheap or cheaper, cheaper.
00:15:52
Speaker
Michael Bay, the quote is, I got to shoot on the island because this island is so fucking bitching.
00:15:59
Speaker
that
00:16:02
Speaker
i just like that um i mean i really wish michael bay would have just been like a lawyer instead your honor my client is just is bitching you don't understand you know i'm saying like he was he was his girl was harsh in his vibe he's trying to stay bitching and uh i told her if you want to be bitching stay out the kitchen And because that rhymes, you got to let him go. Thank God he became a fucking filmmaker director. a Filmmaker guy.
00:16:34
Speaker
So the also my name here, Derek Coppola, isn't just because Mr. Nick Coppola is in this movie, also known as Nick Cage. The cinematographer is a guy named ah John Schwartzman.
00:16:46
Speaker
If that last name sounds familiar. is that Jason Schwartzman? ah hewarman He's related to Jason Schwartzman. I think Talia Shire is his aunt or something. I don't remember exactly.
00:16:56
Speaker
His mom is part of the whole Coppola family. Schwartzman's mom is Adrian and Rocky. Oh, is she? Yeah, that's Jason Schwartzman's mom. I've told you this numerous times.
00:17:09
Speaker
I black it out every time, but guess who's not drinking?
00:17:14
Speaker
I'm not by the way it's just the guy in charge of the tech the the people that always talk about like man I quit drinking for a couple days and I felt great not true it's just dumb all my aches and pains are real noticeable sitting here figuring what year is this four days so Saturday Sunday Monday Tuesday you're on your fourth day Yeah.
00:17:42
Speaker
I had to look it up here real quick because wife didn't know who Talia Shire was. So Talia Shire is Francis Ford Coppola's sister and she's Jason Schwartzman's mom. And then so John Schwartzman, I think it said, was her nephew. So it's all just a bunch of nepotism.
00:17:57
Speaker
Yeah. you just You just change your name so you're not right on the coattails. I mean, so you don't get caught riding on the coattails. Yeah, so that's why my name is now Derek Coppola, because I need to i need some monies. Ooh, yeah, if they pick up this podcast. Now it's funny to me.
00:18:10
Speaker
I can be in Megalopolis, too. Electric Boogaloo. That would make sense for that, too. Megabooloo. You never went and saw Megalopolis, did you? Uh-uh. Because you didn't believe how I said it. like, that's not right. i just It's just it's a stupid, stupid name. Megalopolis.
00:18:28
Speaker
The 4K disc, the movie is not coming out on physical media in America. What? Because, i don't know. But it did come out in other countries, so I've got a disc on the way.
00:18:40
Speaker
and Do we have a way to watch that disc? Well, yeah, it's 4K. are a fucking pirate of the 4K. I love that movie, and Francis Ford Coppola got a raw deal.
00:18:52
Speaker
i thought it was great. And seeing, um ah speaking of Michael Bay and Transformers, it's got Shia LaBeouf in it. Ooh, Shia LaBeouf. Putting his all, and it was amazing.
00:19:06
Speaker
Okay. i've never I've never been one way or the other on Shia LaBeouf. ah shallle I could take or leave him most of the time But when he does good He does really good yeah I fell in love with him with Even Stevens And then he fell out of love With Crystal Skull Kingdom Jones Indiana Yeah What was his name in that? Something stupid it was his probably Probably Chance or something Yeah it was something stupid Fido Was he an indie son or something?
00:19:36
Speaker
yeah yeah Yeah That's why he can swing on the ropes like a monkey Whoop I got one more thing before we get going. I was going to do a monkey thing and stopped right at it. Alternate actors.
00:19:47
Speaker
Oh, well thank God. I just have some specific ones. Instead of... So, instead of... There was going to be two... Okay, there's a whole thing.
00:20:00
Speaker
In this movie, someone else was considered for Nicolas Cage's role. And he regrets not taking it. Bruce Willis. And it's not his character, his, his characters and his body type and everything about him are nothing like Nicholas. Is it Arnold Schwarzenegger? go It sure is. It's Arnold.
00:20:19
Speaker
Arnold. Arnold was like, we got to get the VX gas out of here. Do you know this shit works? to How this shit works right here. You get this on your skin, your body melts, your heart gives out, you poop yourself to death. You hear that? Poop.
00:20:30
Speaker
You'll break your spine shitting. I tell you, you get whiplash when you fart. I read that it was Sean Connery's role, and then I read more than once that it was actually Nick Cage's role. So who knows? Welcome to The Rock.
00:20:42
Speaker
The Rock is what I call my penis. um I think Perdue should have been at least somebody in this movie. One of the mercenaries. Who? Who? ah podo do Oh, the yeah, the guy you're talking about earlier poor the guy that was in a violent night as the head mercenary guy Dupoir do some some kind of dumb name. I'm not Johnny Legs.
00:21:06
Speaker
No, no the head the not the not the robbers, but the people who worked for like Oh, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah Canadian Canadian cat, right? Or at least I've seen him in a lot of Canadian products She thought he would be good for, um she was talking about during the movie, and she thought he would be good for ah the General Kramer.
00:21:27
Speaker
Yeah. um But I like the General because that's played by, i don't have his name right here, but it's the guy from, ah he's the doctor in Hot Fuzz. The one that gets shot in the foot. Oh, uh...
00:21:39
Speaker
Hold on, because I have, Stuart Wilson? That sounds right, yeah. so i have it in here. By the way, I have 12 welcome backs, and i just I didn't even go through everybody's IMDb. Those are just the ones I recognized.
00:21:51
Speaker
many. Well, there's a bunch of welcome backs. And then also, as I was scrolling through like trivia and different things, it was like this movie reunites these guys who are in that movie and these guys who were in that movie and these guys who are in that movie. mean, Sean Connery and Nicolas Cage were in ah Matt together.
00:22:10
Speaker
Matt? Matt. I don't know. I just thought of it.
00:22:16
Speaker
I'm the Highlander. I cannot be killed. um How in Zeus's butthole am I supposed to die?
00:22:25
Speaker
ah Who was in? John C. McGinley was in ah Platoon with... one of the guys here i can't remember now and i didn't write all that down there was a lot of them right but there's but it's because you've you've stacked this with really good character actors i mean you got your big stars whose names you know yes ma'am it was not sean connor he is ed harris and nicholas cage that were brought in together again and also ed harris and michael bean yes from previous episode the abyss And then we just watched um National Treasure 2.
00:22:57
Speaker
that's This is the prequel National Treasure, I'm sure of it. yeah That's exactly what Whitney said at the end of the movie. Did you? Yes, I was like, well, that's how National Treasure started. Maybe because I know that you guys watched it for the first time ever.
00:23:10
Speaker
No. no no but Oh, no National Treasure. Yeah, National Treasure. Derek the first time, sorry. But because you guys just watched it, I had in my head when like we finished. I'm like, this this is how he starts that addiction.
00:23:22
Speaker
he's yeah job He's going to adopt John Voight as a dad i'm be like, teach me some stuff. Well, we didn't meet his dad in this movie. You don't know. he ran out He ran out from that church at the very end and he's like, man, robbing churches is awesome. I'm going to that more.
00:23:38
Speaker
Babe, do you know there's things hidden and stuff all over America? There's this thing called the masonry? I thought my grandpa was dumb, but you know.
00:23:47
Speaker
But yeah, I mean, we got a ton of people coming back. I mean, like we said, Ed Harris, let's see here. And John C. McGinley, he was on a Shakedown. shakedown And then, of course, Nicolas Cage. We just recently had Firebird.
00:24:02
Speaker
Have we had Sean Connery on yet? I do not believe so. No, we have not. That's a great picture, though. And then, of course, Michael Bean. Michael Bean. I mean, he kind of looks like that in the abyss also. He was a as Well, he's so.
00:24:17
Speaker
This didn't get a picture of old William Forsythe. No, Will Forsythe is back, though. Billy Fourth. ah But Michael Bean. This is the second movie we have talked about, and it's not the last one that we will talk about, where he plays a Navy SEAL.
00:24:33
Speaker
Yeah. Because he was a SEAL in the abyss. He was a SEAL in this. And then the next one is seal Navy SEALs. I really wish you would have rhymed it. Navy SEALs. He was a SEAL in the abyss. He was SEAL in this.
00:24:47
Speaker
He's a SEAL in Navy SEALs, which you have on disc. And there you go. Punching shit up. you can auto tune that and just loop it. Make you a fucking song right there. i mean, he just plays a fucking soldier because he played ah a marine space marine in Aliens.
00:25:03
Speaker
And he's one of the tech comm soldier or whatever in Terminator. Yeah, future future marine, essentially. But going back to the Arnold Schwarzenegger thing real quick, part of the trivia I read. I'm not going to ever forget that. we he is going to make an appearance in this movie.
00:25:20
Speaker
Part of the trivia I read said that not only was Arnold Schwarzenegger considered for Cage's role in this movie, he was also considered for Cage's role in Face Off when guess who was supposed to be playing John Travolta's role? Sly Stone or Danny DeVito?
00:25:35
Speaker
Sylvester Stallone. Those two switching like... i I want to i would to take his face off. You know what I'm saying? his face, like, off.
00:25:49
Speaker
Oui, what a predicament. i ah I'm going to fuck his wife, but I got to pretend I'm him. oh yeah Austrian. Try to do Cy Stallone Arnold Schwarzenegger. That's a tough accent to know.
00:26:08
Speaker
I couldn't get his wife to poop on a table, though. Hey, ah come here and bring your face to ah my you face to my hand. I'm going to drape it over you. You're facing a waterfall. you guys i wanted you to know that i read that and i don't know if you can see it but in my notes there's a highlighted section because of that i was like i cannot forget to read this dude it's just to think i think having him in this movie is more ridiculous him being a fucking uh chemical nerd that's it so lovingly put it but now there's no way you buy that jessica albus his assistant handed him beakers
00:26:45
Speaker
um and Go ahead. I was going to say um names are escaping me today. Tammy and the T-Rex. Paul. Oh, Denise Richards. Denise Richards is working with him in the yeah he lab. Yeah.
00:27:00
Speaker
What a team. You said Taming the T-Rex, not Christmas Jones from James Bond. That also ties closer to this movie. But she had started with my names are escaping me. I know. I'm just making a joke to transition into the fact that there's a conspiracy theory, a fan theory, that Sean Connery is is actually playing his former James Bond character.
Fan Theories and Plot Introductions
00:27:20
Speaker
Because this originated when people started talking about how James Bond was like a codename and not the actual name of the character. That's why he's always changing faces and getting younger as he goes on. In one movie, he's Australian. Yeah, exactly. So that's the whole thing of like, because though the one movie, he I don't remember what it's called. There was a James Bond movie that he did that's not considered an official James Bond movie.
00:27:45
Speaker
Because it was after he had been ousted as James Bond and somebody was producing it because they had the rights to the movie. And so they're like, well, that's not canon. So because that one's not canon, this timeline works perfectly.
00:27:58
Speaker
Can I tell you, though, that like I love that theory. i couldn't give two hoots about 007 movies. I don't know what it is. I'm bored to sin with them. GoldenEye is cool.
00:28:10
Speaker
that's That's what I got. I'll accept that answer. And I'm not even saying, like, I'm not going to ever badmouth anybody. It's like, I love them. Great. I'm glad you do. I don't want to watch them. Put a fucking laser sword in that movie.
00:28:21
Speaker
You watched GoldenEye, at least. I watched GoldenEye, apparently. but She watched GoldenEye. Because I rented it and watched it because i was someone was talking about it And I was like, want to watch Pierce Brosnan run down a dam.
00:28:33
Speaker
want to watch Sean Bean die. ah well that's a lot Where can I see Sean Bean die? I've never seen him die before. Speaking of that, when we were talking about National Treasure earlier, as you said, it was my first time. Whitney and I were watching it, and I saw Sean Bean. I was like, oh, he's going to die or betray everybody or both. Guess what he's not going to do? It's definitely at least one of those. He's not going to make it to be the good guy at the end. That's what's not happening.
00:29:00
Speaker
Hey, guys, I don't want to sound needy here. I'm needy. But we have a Patreon at patreon.com slash first people. Mm-hmm. And it only costs $3 a month. $3 a month is nothing. And I know times are hard right now. Real hard for me.
00:29:13
Speaker
Inflation's up. no You can't afford your groceries. Can't eat. But you can't afford $3 a month if you love us. Give us $3. Super love us. Please love us. We're not we're not begging. I'm begging.
00:29:25
Speaker
We're not pleading. I'm pleading. We're not down on our knees. Oh, boy. mean my My knees hurt. They've been on it on so long. But we do kind of need the money. I need the money bad. We need new equipment.
00:29:37
Speaker
any new equipment we need to do remote podcasts for all of you wouldn't mind eating we need to have video wouldn't mind eating uh we need more drinks food sounds good so please check out patreon.com slash worst people please check us out you get a bonus episode every month and we're gonna have more content coming for you i'll send you pictures yeah thank you guys thank you so much please give me patreon.com i'm being held hostage here slash worst people don't pay my way out of here they're gonna kill me But there's a bunch of people in this movie that are like big actors or at least people known actors.
00:30:11
Speaker
Yeah, I think Tony Todd's six foot. John C. McGinley's six foot. Who are uncredited, though. Okay. There's a ton. I didn't write them all down. But I've got a few here. so stuwart Yeah, Tuco's a welcome back as well.
00:30:23
Speaker
Yeah, because he was on Under Siege. Yeah, he had one of the best lines, but that wasn't delivered. Was credited? Tuco was not credited in this movie. He'll fine. So I'll credit him right now. Raymond Cruz, playing Sergeant Rojas.
00:30:35
Speaker
ah Xander Berkeley, who plays Loner, who's like the one of the science geeks that works with Nick Cage at the beginning, with the glasses that you kept saying you recognized. You thought he was someone else. No, I know who he is.
00:30:47
Speaker
It was Xander Berkeley who was in Terminator. mean, he's a bunch of stuff, but he was Todd and Terminator. There's one that I caught Jim Caviezel. Yeah. Jim Caviezel is one of the FAT. He is credited though.
00:30:59
Speaker
I just finished up right before i we I watched this. I just finished up the ah dollop episode about Jim Caviezel. And so when I saw him i was like, By the way, bonkers episode. We need to do a TV show called Person of Interest, and I'll tell you why later. Remind me after this. i i actually watched part of that.
00:31:21
Speaker
Sorry to hear that. May the Lord be with you. It's got um Fred from Buffy. I saw like promos for it, okay but never saw it. but yeah The girl. but like Why are these people uncredited? I know you said Caviezel is credited.
00:31:36
Speaker
Yeah, which is weird. Jim Caviezel's credited as F-18 pilot, but Philip Baker Hall, who played, just credited as Chief Justice, but he's but one of the older guys in the war room. Yeah. Not credited.
00:31:48
Speaker
Xander Berkeley, not credited. Stuart Wilson, not credited. Raymond Cruz, not credited. ah the guy the the guy the The guy that plays the president, Stanley Anderson, not credited. And he also plays the president in Armageddon, so shared universe.
00:31:59
Speaker
Oh, ooh I think it was the guy that you said first that was at the war table. I'm pretty sure he's in cop rock as the lawyer that the ah dirty cop tries to get tries to hire because he's so dirty. No, it's just him.
00:32:16
Speaker
Okay, well, he might be in this movie. Because I seen him. Yeah, but there's there was so many people listed in the IMDb credits as uncredited, and most of those had pictures, but then a bunch of the people who were credited didn't even have pictures. Do you think they like just said, hey, don't worry about paying us. We'll just do you a flavor?
00:32:36
Speaker
No. It's Hollywood. I doubt that happened. So if they're not credited, they didn't get paid? i mean, you still get paid. Maybe they didn't want... I don't know. i'm not a Hollywood. I don't know. I don't know. It's just weird.
00:32:49
Speaker
But let's get into this movie because it's long and we've been talking a while already. Just like rock. Give me a real short. it's only two hours and 16 minutes, though. So it's not long for... I had to pause halfway through. Well, it ended up being halfway through because I felt like it had... was like, man, I watched a pretty good chunk. I wonder how much is left. And I paused.
00:33:08
Speaker
Hour gone by. Didn't feel bad. um i like ah I like how this movie starts with like this montage of this funeral and Ed Harris getting dressed up. Voice over. Formal stuff.
00:33:19
Speaker
But like when he gets to this gravestone, which is his wife's, it just says his wife... Like just in case the people watching didn't know, like it doesn't say like loving mother or loving wife. It says his wife.
00:33:31
Speaker
So you're watching the movie and you're like, oh, it's Ed Harris's wife. The gravestone told me. But anybody else going there is like whose wife? there's no There's nobody buried next to her. There's an empty pot next to her. Just an arrow. It's like I'm with stupid. Yeah.
00:33:48
Speaker
I'm buried with stupid. Oh, man. If I was going to be buried, that's what I would want. Fuck you.
00:33:57
Speaker
It would be funny. Well, you'd be dead. You wouldn't care. Who's dying first? Well, no. Once you're dead and you're in there, like once the arrow is pointing at you, what do you care? You're dead.
00:34:07
Speaker
Fine, I was stupid and it just points to the random person on the other side. I like that better. Well, there goes getting a three-person plot. That idea's out now. We're all going to share same casket, I thought. I thought we would just buried like- Casket is in one?
00:34:22
Speaker
yeah I thought we'd be buried like one down here and then one across here and then one across like Jenga. You're actually being super ridiculous right now. We're going to be stadium movie theater style seating in a burial. Like we're going to be buried sitting down in rising order.
00:34:40
Speaker
They wanted us to bury. I get to be in the middle, right? Yeah, sure. Okay. That's usually how we sit at the theater. Okay. it's true They wanted this really large grave plot and they wanted us to put a movie theater screen in there and one of them was very very adamant that it was an IMAX screen. so This was a very large grave.
00:35:00
Speaker
Yeah. It's going to cost a fortune we don't have. They're dead. They won't know. But he's talking to, Ed Harris is talking to his dead wife, and he's like, got something I gotta do, Barb.
00:35:12
Speaker
Forgive me. Hope you don't hate me. She will. Forgive me for what i'm about to do. Don't think less of me. And then we go to a Naval Weapons Depot where there're there's a robbery happening.
00:35:24
Speaker
Yeah. And it's it's under the guise of a training exercise. ah Hummel, who is- I mean, General Hummel is a- I mean, he's a fucking general. least I didn't count his stars, but you you know they let him ride on, dude. People are fucking just happy to have him. have you on here. Well, and nobody took the low-hanging fruit of the joke when they're listing off his accolades later. I don't remember ah exactly what they were, but it was like three silver stars, two purple hearts, and a medal of honor. And I was like, one said it a pear tree. I was waiting for a partridge in a pear tree joke, and I'm glad I didn't get it
00:35:57
Speaker
But we have these these other guys coming in, these rogue Marines ah led by Tom Baxter, who's played by David Morse, who people who probably most people would know from Green Mile probably. I'm surprised he hasn't been on the show.
00:36:11
Speaker
Yeah. with With his roles. And he's a stay tuned. I mean, it's funny because he's in ah he's also in 12 Monkeys. And I can't remember his character's name, but he's the one who's responsible for releasing the virus in 12 Monkeys. Yeah.
00:36:27
Speaker
And then in this, oh he's trying to release a virus. He's got a type. Yeah.
00:36:34
Speaker
But they they go through their supposedly non-lethal stuff against these these other guys. Yeah, they're using darts apparently. But like that one dude in the tower who gets blasted with the like giant fucking tennis ball, he flies out of the tower and falls like three stories. Oh, no, he's paralyzed for life, but he's alive.
00:36:55
Speaker
Yeah. Later on, they're like, there's no casualties, but there were injuries. I mean, I'm pretty sure paralyzed as a casualty, dude. Count me as a casualty. He's breathing. Nope. Look at him. He's blinking and breathing. That counts.
00:37:06
Speaker
That counts for something. He's breathing. That's a machine. Yeah, but he's breathing. I want one of these fucking darts just for a little 30 minute nap every now and then. 30 minutes in between shifts.
00:37:18
Speaker
Oh, yeah. um And they they're stealing this VX nerve gas, which was, i read, oh, what was the brand? It was a type of shampoo.
00:37:30
Speaker
ah Like an anti-dandruff shampoo. Was it Garnier Fructis? No, it was one of the cheap ones. I keep wanting to say Purell, but that's not right. Selsenblue. Maybe it was Pert. it was so It was ah one of the cheap brands, like one of the ones where you go to the store you're like, well, I'm pretty broke, so I guess I'll get this shampoo. Pert might be It's got to be Pert.
00:37:49
Speaker
But I can't remember what it was, but it was like, that's all they were using was a shampoo. um Yeah. That doesn't bode well for that shampoo. I'm just going to look up that. need to go look up that brand.
00:38:01
Speaker
So I don't buy it.
00:38:04
Speaker
Oh, come on. It's got a horse placenta.
00:38:08
Speaker
But like the the first and last death of this movie start here because yes this one of these Marines dies because one of these little bouncy balls of death falls out. And this dude, skin bubbling, face melting, like in Jones, like Raiders of the Lost Ark style. He's pooping himself to death. Look at that.
00:38:29
Speaker
Actually, it's it's very similar to and I'm assuming he took inspiration from this ah this other movie. ah you guys You've seen Planet Terror? No. The Robert Rodriguez Grindhouse movie when him and Quentin Tarantino did the two double feature. Oh, machine gun Yeah, with the machine gun.
00:38:46
Speaker
Yeah. There's the gas in that that the soldiers have to have to like breathe because they were tested on or whatever. This is exactly what happens to them. like You get these boils and like the skin starts to melt and all this stuff.
00:38:57
Speaker
also sure I'm sure it was Robert Rodriguez looked at The Rock and saw that. It's also what happened in Wizard of Oz. and So then we cut to the FBI lab ah where Nick Cage works. Stanley Goodspeed.
00:39:10
Speaker
Goodspeed. And I just think so. He does a Rube Goldberg thing. What's it called? Oh, yeah. That little thing he has. Rube Goldberg. This is more mousetrap than Rube Goldberg. It's literally like dominoes and then lights something on fire.
00:39:27
Speaker
I liked it. You guys have way too much time on your hands. The gist of this is basically like you get to see he's a ah lab nerd, but they get this package that's like so was supposed to be sent to Bosnia for aid, but it's got sarin gas, sarin gas, baby bomb in it.
00:39:43
Speaker
And this fucking idiot that he works with is like, Oh, this is a kind of welcome back. I mean, he's been on the the ah show, but it was in that thing you do only the extended version.
00:39:56
Speaker
Oh, ah he he's been on a lot of things that I watched. And one recently he was actually the bad guy. Hmm. Interesting take. But yeah, he's the idiot. Like, just don't play with packages that are that might have stuff in them because we find out that there is enough C4 to kill everybody in the building.
00:40:16
Speaker
What if this fucking little baby doll thing was how you triggered it? Idiot. Well, and and like now you got ghosts. We detected sarin gas in this package. They open the package.
00:40:27
Speaker
It's a bunch of porn and a baby doll. Which one has the sarin gas? I'm going to take a wild guess. It's the porn, right? I'm going to need to comb through it piece by piece.
00:40:38
Speaker
I'm going be locked in room. I don't want my fingers to get dry. So if you can send me some lotion or some lube. So when I'm going through the porn. I don't. um Also, I'm going to make noises. You're going to hear noises. It's just how I process information.
00:40:50
Speaker
um I'm going to a nap in between, too. Like, I'm going to go through this stuff and then take a little quick nap and then wake me up with smelling salts. I'll be back at it. Yeah. ah but it's It's like, ah yeah you you know those birthday cards? you know those birthday cards that you open and and they play a song?
00:41:06
Speaker
Uh-huh. It's like that, but on the centerfold. So he gets to the centerfold and opens it, and that's when the gas comes out.
00:41:13
Speaker
Shit. guys wouldn't even make it to the centerfold. Yeah. our plan didn't work they all came early i just read the the the description just like the articles who isn't this is what we see xander berkeley um who like i said there's a bunch of shit a lot of stuff with numbers uh air force one air force one terminator two shanghai noon apollo 13
00:41:44
Speaker
I was like, how is Shanghai Noon a number? I got you. 12. I got you. He's also in The Mandalorian. He's also in The Mandalorian. That doesn't have a number. No, it doesn't. Well, which episode?
00:41:56
Speaker
i don't know. But he showed up in there. Was it episode number two? have Episode number three? He plays the the guy... He's one of the military separationist guys that like, like this yeah the shadow realm or the shadow council.
00:42:13
Speaker
Yeah. He's one of the, he's the one on hunting shots. First, we got a comment from our listener, drew about how he thought that this guy was going to be the, the overseer or whatever on. Yeah. I'm blanking on his name. It's a pain name. It's like, but that's Andrew Berkeley's character. yeah um But I mean, it's just to set up that Nick Cage is good under pressure, right? like he's He's kind of a goofball.
00:42:38
Speaker
But when the brass tacks are thrown down, like he he gets the shit done because he diffuses this bomb. Everybody's safe. Where's my water? I'll tell you what, man. You throw a rubber ball wall, this guy's going to come out with his hat on.
00:42:52
Speaker
They're also setting up the giant heart needle. but Now he does not like needles. Apparently it stops every poison. i don't i don't really know because they need to use it in this one for the sarin gas so they don't die.
00:43:05
Speaker
But at the end of the movie, Nick Cage uses it. So well and it's a super anti-poison. Yeah. He also wakes up Uma Thurman after snort, like just railing heroin. So, I mean, like this is a piece of science you're seeing here, friendo.
00:43:19
Speaker
The guy's trying to figure out how to put the fucking ah needle in his heart. Nick Cage is like, get his black medical book. yeah prank caller prank caller
00:43:30
Speaker
and then we cut to a scene that michael bay also didn't want to include in the movie but was it a naked nicholas cage yes nicholas cage playing the guitar naked is he playing no he's making noise he's strumming in no note whatever no but apparently 600 beatles value beatless lp Yeah, apparently that's a real We're going to rant about how much money that is to people that don't like Beatles. Move on.
00:43:58
Speaker
But apparently that's the thing like Nick Cage was getting into vinyl at the time because he was tired of digital shit. yeah and So he's like in the final recently like watch. Look, I'm getting into vinyl right now. Just putting on a final jump slide into this. I'm really getting into vinyl.
00:44:13
Speaker
Can you help me with the zipper? Oh, too tight. It's got chain. But like apparently Nick Cage got like rocked. No pun intended. Yeah. pun Oh, yeah. Pun intended for this movie. Mad man.
00:44:27
Speaker
He got rocked for this movie and he was kind of upset that there were no shirtless scenes. And so he told Michael Bay, like, I'll just do it here. And Michael Bay is like, the quote was something along the lines of like, let's just get this over with.
00:44:38
Speaker
Yeah. Like, he's like, but want to be naked. It's surprisingly not that kind of movie. I mean, your big star, Nicolas Cage. I mean, sure, you've gotten fit, but you're not known for that.
00:44:49
Speaker
um Ed Harris, again, fit, not known for being rocked. Well, Sean Connery. No, like this is not that kind of movie. This is not a ah Marky Mark. This is not a rock. It's the rock. It's not. a I think it's because Sean, not Sean Connery, Nick Cage.
00:45:05
Speaker
Basically, I don't remember the exact quote I read online, but people were telling him like I read an interview with him. and He's like, people were telling me I was too goofy or too weird to do like ah to be like an action star.
00:45:16
Speaker
But he proved them wrong with Ghost Rider. Yeah, he did. One and two. He took this movie to prove them wrong. And so I think that's why he's like, look, it's a fucking action movie. I'm an action star. Look at my nipples.
00:45:29
Speaker
ah that's just That's how you know you've made it. I'm an action star. ah i Apparently every girl at Mardi Gras is also an action star. Yeah. I'm an actor. Bruce Willis is down there. ah um But that's what works about this movie is his goofiness or why he works in this movie.
00:45:50
Speaker
If he was just a fucking meathead. um i mean I guess I'll just keep going back to the well of Marky Mark. Like that wouldn't work. It would just be a pissing contest between Marky Mark and Sean Connery.
00:46:05
Speaker
And I prefer Nicolas Cage to kind of get dominated at every turn by Shawnee Conn. I mean, if you think about it and like you've seen these pictures, but like you got Ed Harris, John McGinley, Michael Bean, Sean Connery.
00:46:17
Speaker
These guys. Hello Okay. Sean Connery. Yeah, much better. Like these these guys are like like man manly men. Men, men. You know what I mean? and you Men in tight tights.
00:46:33
Speaker
And nick Cage is not. And I think that's that's, like you said, that's what makes the whole thing work is because like he's he's like... he's like a shadow water character He's a character. of Yeah, he's a character from a comedy that fell into an action movie. Yeah.
00:46:47
Speaker
Yeah. And he does get his action moments and he gets to be an action star and he does good when he's playing the serious action shit. I mean, when he's handling the fucking VX gas and stuff, that's when Sean Connery is the fucking nerd.
00:46:59
Speaker
Because he's like, wait, what? This is going to melt my fucking face. You know, what does this do? But hes he's this goofball that. is good under pressure and saves the fucking... Well, not the world. no He says it a couple times also. I could play a goofball too, you know.
00:47:17
Speaker
I've been practicing for years being goofy. Ask anyone that knows me. They say that Arnie, he's such a goofball with big muscles. They call me a goofy muscle boy. I'm goofy only if I have a stogie.
00:47:29
Speaker
but Look, that's funny, isn't it? Oh, stogie's funny. It's fantastisch. It's fantastisch. Ha ha ha. I just like the idea. Sorry, you were going to say?
00:47:42
Speaker
Oh, go ahead. I don't remember now. yeah jump in when you can. arnold Arnold doesn't have time in his life to let women speak. Sorry. exactly But the the kind of subplot here for Nicolas Cage's motivation is that his girlfriend here shows up and she's pregnant.
00:47:59
Speaker
um Right. out but Right. he go for it. Right after he's like, if anybody brought a child into this world, it's just cruelty. It's an act of cruelty. And this is the start of idiocracy.
00:48:10
Speaker
I forgot... Like, I've seen this movie, but i forgot I forgot his girlfriend was pregnant. I forgot he had a girlfriend. i forgot she existed. Yeah, I forgot all this. ah So as soon as he starts going off... Well, and I didn't... I remember Sean Connery's part of the quote.
00:48:24
Speaker
I never remember Nick Cage's part. So, like... But like she he starts going off about how anybody who would bring a child into this world is committing an act of cruelty. And I was just like, oh, his girlfriend's pregnant.
00:48:34
Speaker
yeah Oh, yeah. Yeah. Talk about putting your foot in your mouth. That's the Tarantino part.
00:48:43
Speaker
I was right. Somebody putting their foot in their mouth. That's going to be great. Oh, foot in the mouth. What's the one that's how my hike's doing?
00:48:51
Speaker
um So, yeah, then we go to Alcatraz and there's a tour. and Welcome back. Whitney was like, this is why you didn't want to do a tour of Alcatraz while we were in San Francisco. On our honeymoon.
00:49:04
Speaker
was like oh Yeah. ah That's how you get taken hostage by Ed Harris, which doesn't sound so bad, except for he's not even around. Well, much scarier stuck in a cage with a bunch of weirdos.
00:49:15
Speaker
Much scarier, though. You could go on that same tour and get taken captive by Mike Myers and have him talk to you the entire time. Yeah, he's also there. And so I married an axe murderer. That's worse. Pro to that, though. You got Phil Hartman given the tour con. Michael Myers is not going to shut up.
00:49:31
Speaker
ah But yeah, this little tour guide guy was ah also cast a deadly spell. Yes, he was. Oh, was he? Yes. Okay. I didn't recognize him. I mean, I thought I vaguely did, but ah I watched so many movies. I'm like, I vaguely recognize that person. These are just the ones that popped into my head that I was like, all right, now I'll go check him.
00:49:48
Speaker
It's boring just to look through and try and find who you know. But then we have another welcome back. They just keep on coming. Takes out the security guards here while this tour is going on. It's Bokeem Woodbine. Speaking of Marky Mark. That sex machine ain't broke.
00:50:04
Speaker
Machine is not broken. Giving a good once over. Because he was here on ah the big hit. Yeah, and almost heroes. Oh, yeah, and almost heroes.
00:50:16
Speaker
um He's in Spider-Man Homecoming. he's I think he's the Scorpion. who ends up No, Shocker. Shocker. That's right. I knew it was an S. yeah he's got the the the power glove spider-man in the tom holland spider-man yeah okay that's right because i was thinking of like the the inner universe the multiverse one and i was like wasn't that oh no way home yeah no that's uh that's electro like his umer electro that's electro not the shocker very different yeah electro use electricity shocker uses shockwaves
00:50:52
Speaker
Okay. Well, shocker has tech. Electro is electricity is tech is tech. Uh, but I just like, uh, Ed Harris walks in with big dick energy, John, John C. McGinley and Tony Todd.
00:51:09
Speaker
And he's like, Hey, tour's over Bob. Yeah. Or is it? No, it's John C. McGinley and the guy from green mile. David Morris walks in with. Yeah. ah Do you think Ed Harris has that same haircut downstairs?
00:51:23
Speaker
Yes. Horseshoe. Yeah. Like his pubes just go up closer to his ah pelvis there, but not like around his actual dicks. Exactly. It's like, it's a little gray rainbow
00:51:37
Speaker
I love it. And but shaved close. I hope we're very correct. But yeah, we do also have Tony Todd, as we said, Candyman, Final Destination, Rest in Pictures.
00:51:48
Speaker
Yep. Who is the real villain of the movie. well maybe Besides America. Maybe the other Marine who I didn't recognize and couldn't get the name of because they never give us his name. I do i do recognize him. the redhead from Renaissance Man that's always sleeping. Bingo.
00:52:03
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, I don't know what that is. He's been in some other stuff. who Well, he's been in some other stuff, but Renaissance Man is definitely one I know him from. We're coming over and watching after, okay? I think I own it.
00:52:15
Speaker
it Every background character, if you felt like fucking pausing it and going through, you can find a connection. But it just, I was like, dude, this is going to, I'm going fucking be texting these guys at like nine o'clock at night, like just finished.
00:52:28
Speaker
Well, and some of these guys, like in my, my notes, I'm just like, so then Tuco does this. And then Dr. Cox says that. i can I can respect both of those being the names that you gave them. And the major, what's his name? The guy who's the major.
00:52:44
Speaker
Morse? Green Mile? Years Derek watched House, and there an episode where an asshole... years ago derek watched house and there's an episode where an asshole patient he's being a dick to house and so house just puts the thermometer in his butt and he's like i'll be right back and left him there for hours and hours and hours nice with a mercury thermometer shoot yeah she said she's like is that the guy who got the thermometer in his butt and i was like excuse the fuck out of me real life or in a show be more in the show and he doesn't he has no recollection of it he's turning into me guys where he's like that was so long ago i don't remember why Well, that was that was like seven years ago. That was a long time ago. You you can black that out. You don't black out like alien.
00:53:30
Speaker
Yeah. Movies. I remember TV shows one day. No, no, no, no. I was like, just watched that. um And we'll watch it again next year for your first time.
00:53:42
Speaker
Basically, the deal is here. ed Harris is doing this because ah bunch of people have died under his watch doing these black ops, illegal missions, and then they're just fucked by the government.
00:53:54
Speaker
No pension. They don't get a soldier's funeral. their Their family doesn't get money. They're forgotten. Nothing ever happens. And he's tired of seeing people get fucked over. Dude, this speech actually started crying. Well, Ed Harris gives probably a hot and Zimmer moment.
00:54:07
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Ed Harris has got big brass balls. Yes, he does. And that's why he s sank to the bottom of the ocean. And he's going to give each of these guys who are also people who've been in these black ops things that gotten screwed. ye They each get a million dollars because he's trying to get. i don't remember how much money they said, but he's trying to get this money from the CIA or Pentagon black ops fund. It's a CIA slush fund.
00:54:31
Speaker
Yeah. They get from selling illegal weapons and stuff. I'm like, oh, some of that Contra money is finally trickling down. Yeah. Trickle down economics, dude. ah Works in the Pentagon.
00:54:43
Speaker
um But he's telling all this to the FBI director, Womack, who's played by John Spencer. Womack. I recognized immediately from War Games. Apparently he's also in Copland.
00:54:54
Speaker
And then we have the with a War Room, which is al Kramer. ah This guy, the character's name is Hayden Sinclair. Another one of the uncredited actors, David Marshall Grant.
00:55:05
Speaker
Is he the that's in Seinfeld as Bookman? I'm not sure. from Bookman's. You're the wrong person to ask. No, I wasn't in Seinfeld.
00:55:16
Speaker
I was too busy making death magic. What the hell is death magic, Bob?
Character Motivations and Government Conspiracies
00:55:22
Speaker
It's where a ghost jizzed on me. ah What happened? how did How did this come about?
00:55:30
Speaker
ah go look at our ah reels if you don't know what I'm talking about. Or go back and listen to the episode. That'd be cool, too. Either way. or And then, yeah, Philip Baker Hall, who's in Boogie Nights, Magnolia. He's in a bunch of stuff.
00:55:45
Speaker
um Those are the guys I recognize from the war room. But he's telling them this speech about how he's going to he needs this ransom from the slush fund. and he's got And they're they're asking, like what does this gas do?
00:55:58
Speaker
And one of the guys is like, ah let me put it this way. A tablespoon of it is enough to wipe out everybody within 100 feet. A tablespoon into the atmosphere is enough to wipe out eight blocks.
00:56:12
Speaker
And this guy has about 24 Jell-O molds inside each rocket. Which I would say is about two ounces. Yeah, those little those little fucking ah nuclear tennis balls are not one tablespoon. Yeah, this is going to make for a really bad day. Maybe three ounces. I guess it's a little smaller than a tennis ball because it does go in that guy's mouth. It's ping I think it's a little bigger than a ping pong ball, but a little smaller than I can hold a can in my mouth.
00:56:42
Speaker
Stay tuned for Patreon content.
00:56:46
Speaker
um So Nick Cage gets called in um while he's fucking his girlfriend on the roof. yeah You just got to finish. I mean, she's super hot. She's got, of course, she's got pigtails, which are naughty, naughty, naughty, naughty. I love his performance, dude. It's so good. But just finish and then answer the phone. he's like He's like, I just need a second. Like one, two, three, four.
00:57:08
Speaker
I am the greatest.
00:57:12
Speaker
Uh, what's he? Oh, if a vampire's kiss, he's not doing numbers. He's doing the alphabet, huh? A, B, C, D. um Anyway. Um, yeah, but he counts when he has sex. So it works.
00:57:24
Speaker
And they call in Michael bean who's playing, uh, Commander Anderson? Yeah, that sounds right. Mr. Anderson. um and basically he's like, yeah, we can do this, but we need any information, which would be great.
00:57:41
Speaker
Yeah. Because later we later we find out, it's like, well, they have blueprints, but the place has been remodeled and rebuilt and reconstructed. Numerous, times. It's a maze. how no There's nobody in the world that knows how to get into the rock. We know a person. There's someone. There's someone. Was there anybody that was going to play him?
00:58:00
Speaker
Not that I saw other than, like I said, I saw the Arnold one early and then i later on I saw more than one that said Arnold was Nick Cage. Okay. don't think Arnold would be old enough to play Sean Connery's character. They're like, he's been in prison for 30 years. He's like, yeah, I am 44.
00:58:15
Speaker
I've done nothing but work out since I've been in here. They put me in prison when I was 14 for stealing government secrets. Walter Matthau.
00:58:26
Speaker
Welcome to The Rock. You stay on your side of the prison.
00:58:31
Speaker
ah Who's the guy? He was always ah Landon Jack Lemon Jack jack Lemon. and Look Jack, you stay over there. Oh man, Walter Matthau and Jack Lemon in Face Off.
00:58:47
Speaker
I'm going to take his face off. He's going to take my face off. No more drugs for that man.
00:58:57
Speaker
I'd watch it. I'd watch it too. Oh, but yeah, so we meet Sean Connery in the picture that I've showed you guys multiple times. That's just great.
00:59:08
Speaker
Playing Mason. And he's been in this prison cell for 30 years. It's good wig, man. He's supposed to look like haggard because he's got long hair, but like that's some clean ass fucking hair for being in a forgotten prison cell for 30 years. It may have actually been his hair.
00:59:28
Speaker
It does look like real hair. I mean, if it's a wig, it's a good wig. I know in medicine, man he's got longer hair. this is This is what we would have got. You know that he was ah in talks to play Gandalf?
00:59:39
Speaker
Because there's the look. yeah But it was after he'd done things like Zardoz and things. No. Well, we don't we're not going to bring that up. That sucks.
00:59:51
Speaker
We'll talk about Zardoz one day, though. Zardoz we'll talk about. He's in a red bikini.
00:59:58
Speaker
I did hear. I remember hearing about... um he was supposed to play Morpheus. No. So I don't think it was Morpheus. I think I've tracked it back to finding out it was the architect.
01:00:13
Speaker
ok Oh, yes. I do remember hearing that now. Okay. So I think that's the case. But it's one of those things where he's like, yeah, I've always regretted not doing that.
01:00:24
Speaker
And I'm like, yeah, I would too. Well, because what year was League of Extraordinary Gentlemen?
01:00:30
Speaker
2000 early So he skipped Matrix to that. Okay. okay so he skipped on matrix to do that okay Good call. Good call. But i we we do we ah delayed ourselves just enough that I could add this picture.
01:00:49
Speaker
There's Zardoz. It's like Burt Reynolds right there. Yeah, that is Zardoz. That is a movie we will hold And he's doing a full Kevin Costner in that movie where ah everybody wants his seed. They're after my sheed.
01:01:04
Speaker
I had a dream about this. It's actually called the cock. Welcome to my cock. And everyone's after my seed. Do I get any rewrites on this? But yes, he does show up here. What my sheet.
01:01:15
Speaker
He shows up here looking like Scottish Jesus. And I love that. like Oh, look at that. I'll turn this water into whiskey and then I'll turn the whiskey into piss.
01:01:25
Speaker
Oh, yeah. i caught I lay down for three days and then I get back to my feet. I got to like animate a little mouth on him.
01:01:36
Speaker
Just to the Conan where you put my mouth on. yeah But he's the only person who's ever escaped from Alcatraz, but nobody knows about it. Alive. To be. Yeah. he's a lot This movie does have the actual breakout, but they're just like, they never got out alive.
01:01:53
Speaker
Bullshit. Well, they got out alive. They didn't get to shore alive. you Those guys are living it up. Those guys are a lot, well, they were, they were, sorry Yeah, they're dead now from natural causes.
01:02:06
Speaker
But then we have another welcome back who I don't have a picture loaded up of because it didn't load in time and it's fine. ah Will Forsyth, William Forsyth. William Forsyth. Playing earnest Ernest Paxton, who's the head of the West Coast operations of Something Something.
01:02:21
Speaker
um He was previously on the show in Cloak and Dagger, Savage Dawn, Stone Cold. ah He'll be back, I'm sure. he loves doing stupid movies. He really does.
01:02:36
Speaker
But he does them in such a way that he's he's he's acting. You know what I mean? He's never mailed it in Even in this movie, when he's you know a good guy, he's what are you, a fucking Girl Scout?
01:02:47
Speaker
He's just still fucking just gruff and tumble, and i love it. I wish I had a picture, because that mustache is something to behold. I love that Womack is like, I don't need you to strong arm him. Just get in there, have him sign this. du it ah And the very first thing he does is fucking strong arm him. Yeah. He's just a complete dick to him. Oh, yeah. i like what i he's like, here, call a lawyer, throws a quarter at him.
01:03:11
Speaker
And then what what Sean Connery does with his quarter is fantastic. Yeah. Obviously, Bill Forsyth doesn't know not to flip this guy quarters. right i was nervous when they were like he's a he's a master escape artist and he's like cool i'm gonna give him metal right not only the quarter is in there but i when uh cage hands him the pen to sign the paper i'm like you don't hand him a here's a pair of scissors he'll make a gun with that here's a pair of scissors why don't you cut your hair and get a job hippie this one's on me who gave him scissors who gave him scissors sign this agreement here's a screwdriver but yeah Hey, I think you're a terrible person. don't you kill yourself? Here's a loaded gun.
01:03:51
Speaker
He he ah gets the corner crushed. Like, hits the chair on the quarter so it scratches it all up and he's just casually standing by the mirror as everybody's inside bitching at each other and then does that perfect circle that freaks can do hello there bam yeah i so do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior jesus christ It's me. I'm him. I do like real quick right before that. Connery has a great line because Nick Cage walks in after.
01:04:30
Speaker
ah excuse me. Billion Forsyth does the ah the bad cop. yeah Cage walks in to do the good cop. And he's like, I'm Stanley Goodspeed. And he's like, of course you are. but Yeah, of course you will.
01:04:43
Speaker
I just, I don't know why that line made me laugh so much. but It also tickled me. Well, of course you will. Is this becoming a tickling podcast, guys? This is a tickling podcast.
01:04:54
Speaker
The whole thing is they need him because he knows how to get out of Alcatraz, which means he knows how to get into Alcatraz. Allegedly. Just retrace your steps from 30 years ago. You're probably not senile. You've been locked in a room alone for 30 years. You probably haven't forgotten anything How are you not crazy, by the way? Well, know he socializes because he talks about dodging ah gang rapes in the shower. Yeah, losing his sex appeal.
01:05:19
Speaker
So, yeah. I must be losing my sex appeal. What do you think? Do I still look sexy? Am I too sexy for this shirt? No, put it back on. We're doing a mission right now. Put your shirt off. Oh, we're going to take it off just a bit. want Under the top two buttons.
01:05:32
Speaker
If I can't take my shirt off, you can't take your shirt All right, we'll both take our shirts off and we'll switch. oh I've already cut the nipples out of mine. But like they let him, they give him, he says he wants a shower, ah shave.
01:05:48
Speaker
and the feeling nice And the feeling of a nice suit. What other fun words can we give, Son? need a shower, a shave, a soda, shrimp kebab, a sherry man.
01:06:00
Speaker
going to wear a shoot. going wear a shoot. Get my shoes. Get my shoes. My wife's shoes in. And he didn't mean Elizabeth Shue.
01:06:11
Speaker
ah But basically, he gets all cleaned up. also one shuhi He gets all cleaned up and he escapes. um I don't remember this barber's name. the Is it something
Action Sequences and Michael Bay's Style
01:06:23
Speaker
Clark? Anthony Clark, maybe?
01:06:25
Speaker
I'm not sure. He had a show called Boston Common that I want to revisit. It wouldn't be for latchkey vids or anything, but he was a stand-up comic. He was pretty fucking funny. Was he an ugly buddy?
01:06:37
Speaker
I could not begin to tell you. This is where he's like, no clippers, only scissors. Scissors. They dive into the gay hairdresser very heavy. sorry I don't know if he'd come out yet, by the way.
01:06:49
Speaker
This actor. Really? Yeah, he's he's out now, but I don't know at this point if he was or not. It's 1996 and Michael Bay let him be in a movie. So I'm going to say no. Yeah. He thought that his personality is like, oh, my God, he mimics a gay guy. So in such a funny way. I love this. He acts so gay. He's like, yeah, acting.
01:07:09
Speaker
Yeah, that's what I do. I act gay. but We get the we get the big San Francisco car chase, which is a lot of fun. A lot of things blow up. Don't ding, dent, or wreck my Humvee.
01:07:21
Speaker
Is this guy like a fucking producer or something? like He felt like someone that we should know, right? Yeah, i don' I'm not sure. i didn't I was going to go back and look. at Well, he's just a crazy German. and Don't dent, ding, or do anything to my Humvee.
01:07:35
Speaker
I think he's the same dude who Ed Harris steals the car from in National Treasure 2. Yeah. Oh my god. might yeah So it's kind of like a speed, speed to cruise control thing where the same guy just gets his fucking car taken again. That's it. I'm moving out of this. I'm moving out of this town. like yeah can't fucking buy a nice fucking car. it just keeps getting stolen. and Don't buy a nice car. I do like when they hit this trolley, though, and it starts shedding people.
01:08:07
Speaker
It's off the tracks and just sliding down the road, and people are just tumbling out both sides. And Sean Connery is trying not to hit them. All the cops don't really seem to care. right Sean's just trying to hit shit.
01:08:20
Speaker
Physics be damned. This thing is flying up and onward like you have never seen. This is fucking bahem. Well, yeah, because then it it hits these cars at the bottom of the hill and there's like a series of explosions and this whole trolley is lifted two stories in the air. It's insane. Yeah.
01:08:38
Speaker
Did you say Bayham, by the way? I did. him That's fantastic. No, that's not mine. he he That's his term for his style of directing. Am I not wrong? or when i've done when i' When I've done posts about the movies in the past, I said Bayham and I put a little registered trademark logo on them. I don't want to um do we get it Do we ever get a John Wick style story about this trolley driver?
01:09:02
Speaker
I know where was safe in this world he can fucking hide from me. I'm going to find you and I'm going to fucking kill you. believe yo. I think he loved that trolley. I think that was his baby.
01:09:13
Speaker
He takes down all of Alcatraz just looking for Sean Connery. and I love this guy. So Nick Cage steals this dude's Ferrari and is chasing them along. And this guy, when the Ferrari crashes and Nick Cage gets out right before everything explodes, this fucking stone dude is just like, dude, you fucked up your Ferrari. It's mine. It's not my It's not my Ferrari. neither is this and takes this dude's fucking little moped.
01:09:36
Speaker
Bro, you are harshing my vibe. Sounded like a 150. But so he's looking for Sean Connery is just breaking out to look for Jade Angelou, who is his daughter, played by Claire Forlani. The only thing I can tell you she's from Mallrats.
01:09:53
Speaker
ah me black Oh, yeah. She's Brandy in Mallrats. That's what you should know. name um She's got the same deadpan, no acting delivery. She's beautiful eyes and That's all she needed.
01:10:06
Speaker
This is going to be a really weird thing to say, and I don't care because not everybody can pull this off. She is a really cute crier. like I've been told that, too did you ever Did you watch Shameless, the American one?
01:10:19
Speaker
Yes. The girl Fiona, not a pretty crier. She does this thing where her mouth is open except for the middle parts of her lips, so she's like the Ninja Turtles. Mm-hmm. It's a, yeah, Derek's got to go. That is not a pretty cry.
01:10:33
Speaker
This chick cries pretty. Also, her friend's an idiot. Like, just ah imagine Derek and I are walking and someone goes, hey, Derek, and I turn back and go, no, it's Jack. That's what her friend does because he walks up behind. it's Stacy.
01:10:49
Speaker
It's not Stacy. ah What about her?
01:10:55
Speaker
Are you my daughter? no I'm your daughter's friend. This is your daughter right next to me. You should have called her name out.
01:11:02
Speaker
Pretty sure I did. What's her name? Susan. But they they track him down fighting by finding her. and like Nick Cage does do a cool thing because he sees that Sean Connery is just trying to connect with his daughter. So he's like he comes up to her and like of course they have to take him into custody. But he's like, hey, your dad's just helping us with something right now. yeah It's a matter of national security. like He's fine. Because he tells her, like, yeah, they let me out of prison.
01:11:29
Speaker
And she's like, God damn it. Did you break out again when all these fucking FBI cars show up? All these FBI cars from, like, the 70s, by the way. Oh, yeah. the s The SUVs are all, like, modern, but the cars, the actual, like, cars are all, like, it's like the ah San Francisco branch of the FBI was like, yeah, it's fine. It's because they're not on the take and they don't make a lot of money. of no. Close. This is the men in black.
01:11:55
Speaker
But ah so they're having him go through the the blueprints and I just love that he's looking at him and he's like, ah yeah, the blueprints were in my head. ah Give me some time. i'll I'll it'll come back to me. It'll come back when I'm down there because the life and death mission, you idiot.
01:12:11
Speaker
The FBI director, Womack, doesn't want him to go, obviously. He doesn't want him out of his sight. Because wants to him wraps. What is he? Detained for 30 years. um No court. No justice has been served. Yeah, no trial. All for some microfiche. Because...
01:12:28
Speaker
Because he had ah Hoover had all kinds of recordings and dirt on everybody. And he stole it when they caught him. The British were like, we don't know that motherfucker. So, yeah, he's. well And he wouldn't give them the microfilm, which means they held him. And they're like, we're going hold you until you do.
01:12:45
Speaker
And you haven't. So there you go. But I do like this because he's saying he wants to go. The guy's saying no. Michael Bean's like, dude, we're taking this guy with us if it's going to help us get through our mission. yep And Sean Connery has that line.
01:12:57
Speaker
Looks like you're stuck between the rock and a hard case. Did you hear what I said there? It's supposed to be just a rock and a hard place. ah But I'm a hard case, you see. punched it up.
01:13:09
Speaker
It's a stupid line and it was probably improvised by Sean Connery, honestly. Love it. It's just dad joke enough to be funny. Agreed. But so Nick Cage and Sean Connery are going in with the the seals. They do this underwater insertion into the base through this pipe or whatever.
01:13:27
Speaker
Oh, they impregnate this bitch. um There's all kinds of semen in this tunnel. There's a big old plot hole you could drive a truck through here that Michael Bay has even addressed, which is why are these boilers running?
01:13:40
Speaker
yeah i wondered that guys has been shut down for 30 years but michael bay tours yeah but this is you know what it is during the day john c mcginley likes a hot fucking shower so he's like look instead of sleeping i'm gonna go down and light the boilers it'll be fine no one's gonna be trying to come in anyway well michael michael bay apparently i don't remember the exact quote but he said something like he's like Yeah, he's like, it doesn't make a lot of sense, but it looks pretty cool, right?
01:14:08
Speaker
yeah He's not wrong. He George Lucas does. Yep. It doesn't matter if it doesn't make sense, dude. It looks fucking cool. Make it look cool. Boilers are cool, dude. Fire's dope. At some point, you should have him yell something like, I've got the high ground.
01:14:25
Speaker
Which does come up. They're crawling through these things and they just hear like one, two, and they're like, that's why the boilers are working. Did I fall asleep?
01:14:36
Speaker
You underestimated my power. Derek did fall asleep, by the way. Oh, did you? you have some nooners? No, no nooners. Just no no coffee in long day. oh Just but his angry of a day and him being so angry, his body just crashed. Oh, you had a fucking angry nap. I love it. Yeah.
01:14:55
Speaker
Happens. They come in through these tunnels. They go through the boiler or Sean Connery goes through the boiler, lets them in and they all think they're fucked. And there's a confrontation with the Marines. ah they Hold on real quick.
01:15:09
Speaker
We do get the welcome to the rock. Yes, yeah we do. We have to have that.
01:15:16
Speaker
But like this is literally that's what my note says ah The marines have the high ground You know what just thought of What Sean Connery Being John Hammond from Jurassic Park Welcome to Jurassic Park To spare no expense No dinosaurs have ever escaped from here But I have I want to be a cheap experience the whole family can enjoy Except for the women and the children Just the hot bitches
01:15:49
Speaker
We're going to call Urashic Park. As in, Urash is going to pocket right here on my cock. Bring your wives. I'll hit them for you.
01:16:00
Speaker
Or hit on them? No, he hits women. and Well, not anymore. He's dead. Not yeah he's not anymore. he said it was okay to hit a woman because it was like your property. Paraphrasing, but i know that was the sentiment.
01:16:14
Speaker
that's That's what I hate knowing. Never meet your heroes. So there's the shootout. know if you can call it that. There's a massacre. There you go. Yeah. Shooting gallery closer shootout. And you can right here. There was a firefight.
01:16:28
Speaker
ah Ed Harris does not want them to fire. It was actually tony Todd. and Well, it was an and as an accident the first time because one of one of the dudes hits a brick and then one of the seals. No, it was a white guy.
01:16:39
Speaker
No, it was a brick down. It was not Tony Todd. It was not Tony Todd. And then there's one of the no name guy. Tony Todd was standing next to Melvin. And yeah those are the two that were like, we should waste these motherfuckers. And it was a guy standing by himself that had like a little hole in the wall, kind like a glory hole for your gun.
01:16:55
Speaker
You know, that way you can shoot. You don't know who's shooting you. It's a big ass glory hole. But he hit a brick and it fell. And then big badabooms all around. Because he knocks the brick down and then one of the seals starts shooting. So then the Marines start shooting. Ed Harris keeps telling him to cease fire, but they don't stop until everybody's dead. Including this guy, baby Mario Lopez. I've seen him in things and I can't remember what I know him. I went through it and it was nothing I really knew.
01:17:20
Speaker
i was I was on your side where I could have sworn I knew him from something. Maybe it's just from this and I've seen it so much. Easily could be. But i did we got to talk about the fucking back and forth of Ed Harris and Michael Biehn.
01:17:34
Speaker
Like how fucking amazing it was when he's like, look, you're surrounded. There's no hope. Put your guns down. He's like, look, I'm on your side. i agree with you, but you crossed a line. And i took an oath to...
01:17:46
Speaker
you know defend this country domestic foreign and it is just two giants at this time having a fucking speech drop your guns I will not repeat this order I cannot give that order like just fucking getting it yeah it was absolutely beautiful um so we've got ah Nick Cage and Sean Connery the only ones left alive um I like when the idiot maybe baby Lopez could have been alive Yeah, Nick Cage kept telling him, don't climb up there. What are you going to But he climbed up there and got fucking blasted.
01:18:21
Speaker
I like to think this is maybe a subtle nod when we cut back to the command center and ah Forsyth is talking to the FBI director. He's like, i need to know what's going on or whatever. And he's telling him about like microfilm and all that stuff. He's like, yeah, I know all the cloak and dagger stories. oh yeah i hope that's a reference or it's just us loving that movie okay so i've seen this guy in a lot of things it was uh baby mario lopez and it's mostly tv shows that makes sense 90210 maybe um no is that how he's credited baby mario lopez because so i'm just little baby mario lopez i don't know no better
01:19:04
Speaker
He was on the Rookie Castle, Arrow, NCIS, and CSI. He's been in... NCIS, CSI, JAG, FBI. That's on CBS.
01:19:19
Speaker
He's in every CSI. Big group of TGIF. Stupid. As different agents of different branches. I'm surprised he wasn't in S.H.I.E.L.D.
01:19:31
Speaker
um But so Nick Cage tells Sean Connery about the missiles. It's Benny Rodriguez from the Sandlot, fuckers. Is it? Yes. All right.
01:19:42
Speaker
He didn't have his fast shoes on, so he died today. Baby Lopez is Benny Rodriguez. Baby Benny baseball bunkers. Wow, that's our second Sandlot alum in this month.
01:19:56
Speaker
Wow. On accident, too. Yeah. You just didn't look far enough. Yeah, I gave up once I saw gorgeous he was. He is beautiful. Even now.
01:20:07
Speaker
like Sean Connery is trying to leave and Nick Cage tells him about the missiles and how they're going to like wipe out the city. You got to do it for your daughter, bro. And these dudes start dropping these like homemade bombs into these tunnels. Yeah. Burn out the rats. It's an excuse for a bunch of explosions, which is pretty cool. I was in for it.
01:20:24
Speaker
um It's also excuse for these guys to make bombs. Hey, we need you to smoke them out. And he's like, all right. Apparently, when Nick Cage and Sean Connery go under the water and the explosion happens above them, like that's really them. There's a real explosion up there.
01:20:38
Speaker
It took a bunch of bunch of convincing for Michael Bay to get them to do it. um Nick Cage had a quote of something like he's like, a I wasn't super happy about it. Sean didn't like it at all.
Dynamic Duo and Iconic Lines
01:20:50
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah.
01:20:54
Speaker
um It's funny. I want to bring it up just because Michael Bean is now dead. So he's out of the movie. oh But there was um ah an interview with Ed Harris where he pointed out that he had worked with Michael Bean before on the Abyss.
01:21:06
Speaker
And for those who listen to our Abyss episode or or know about the stories behind it, the quote from Ed Harris was ah that experience bound a lot of us together, almost like being in a war of some kind. So that's why the speech was so good. It's like, look, I've been there with you.
01:21:22
Speaker
We fucking had, we spilt the same blood in the same mud. That mud's name is fucking James Cameron. Fucking Jimmy Cameron tried to kill all of us. All of you. um This is when Nick Cage is like, hey, I'm going to do my best to get these bombs disarmed. And that's when we get the line.
01:21:40
Speaker
The losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen. Carla was the prom queen. Does he really say that? I didn't get that. Yeah. i don't know know in the I don't know if it was in the version we watched or if, because when that happened, Whitney was like, that's got to be your opening line. That's in every that's in every version I've ever watched of this. Because I don't remember it. We're watching it again. I wonder what the TBS edit is.
01:22:07
Speaker
Losers whine about their best. Winners go home and forget the prom queen. Winners go home and bake the prom queen. Excuse me? That's not better. Winners go home and flick the prom queen. She's been naughty.
01:22:21
Speaker
How about date the prom Winners go home and find the prom queen in the Alps. the Alps.
01:22:31
Speaker
Looters go home and beat the prom queen.
01:22:37
Speaker
um but so they find the first rocket and nick cage disarms it that's when we get this scene and i mean it looks fucking cool right those two guys in their in their fucking navy seals gear look keep that picture up for a second all the fucking background of the overgrown wall like it's it's it's cool set work too it's a very fun scene is amazing Yeah, and I do love, like, Nick Cage has this really, it's this it the line means nothing other than to kind of, i guess, set up the ah very last thing where the little ball falls off.
01:23:09
Speaker
But he's like, it's a beautiful teardrop formation or whatever he says. He's like, our pearl necklace formation, but not very stable. Yeah. He's just holding it and, like, shits his pants right there.
01:23:22
Speaker
i love it It's like back back away back back away This is my fucking expertise This is where I come in I went to school forever for this Went to harvardless Harvard Instead of um Trying to pull the pearls Like put Like carry the pearls into the canister He's got the whole pearl in his hand Why didn't he take the canister And put it under the pearls And raise it up It doesn't look as cool Yeah it looks cooler if you're doing the dangle Yeah, you got to have a dangle.
01:23:52
Speaker
You got to have a dangle. Opposite dangle, we are asking you. I've got my heart for you. They're trying to get away. Some of more Marines find them. they're trying to get away. They fall onto this mine cart.
01:24:05
Speaker
There's like a Donkey Kong level. all All of a sudden, was like, are we in Disneyland ride? Like, this is theres a mine cart ride through Alcatraz. yes Yeah, this doesn't make a lot of sense to me. because I'm like, wait, so are they making the prisoners mine underneath Alcatraz? Yes.
01:24:20
Speaker
That seems like it would compromise the structural integrity. anybody listening can correct us, I don't think there was a mining system in Alcatraz. This is the world's worst laundry room. Yes. What's in the mine cart? My civvies.
01:24:36
Speaker
The whites, dude.
01:24:39
Speaker
They crash at the end. Nick Cage ends up in the little ah Bowser container. It's the bucket from Cloth. You know what I'm saying Super Mario Yeah just like the end of Super Mario Brothers Bob Hoskins is in there And then Sean Connery is hanging off the end Dr. Cox and one the other guys comes down And fucking Sean Connery just lights Dr. Cox on fire Yeah Oh cause one thing we missed is you get Two ounces of kerosene And a spray bottle Matches And a spray bottle It was in a spray bottle Three washers
01:25:16
Speaker
Which never came into play. That have been great if he used this whole kit. Yeah. But it is kind a cut scene to keep it under two and a half hours. It's a it's a good death for our Johnny C. Yeah. And then, oh, he deserves a good death.
01:25:30
Speaker
The other one who came with ah John McKinley was Tuco. Because him and, him and or they I think it's two of them, but Tuco and Nick Cage play a little bit of hot potato. Yeah, they do. Because Tuco tosses this grenade into the little mine cart thing. Counted it as And he fucking tosses it back.
01:25:47
Speaker
Yeah. Long grenades, dude. Long grenades. They know there's two more people running around down there. They can't get a hold of their people. So they take some they take one of the hostages, ah Larry Anderson or something like that. i don't know.
01:26:00
Speaker
Sure. a gun to my head. He's got a good performance of being distraught and crying, though. It's because they told him this is not a movie. This is real. They were all under duress. Ed Harris is going to kill you. He got cornered in a room with Sean Connery all night just had to listen to him talk.
01:26:18
Speaker
I'm going to do Dr. Shoosh for you. Do you like Dr. Shoosh? But like, so Sean Connery gives a... I like cocks.
01:26:29
Speaker
Alexa, stop. ah She heard you. Wait, what did I say that sounded like? i don't know, but she you were the one talking. And then all of a sudden the Alexa robot started talking to us.
01:26:42
Speaker
That's rad. um But yeah, they're threatening this hostage. So Sean Connery gives himself up so Nick Cage can go find the bomb. this is where we get our first thumbs up because he's like, hey, ah Nicholas Cage says to Connery.
01:26:56
Speaker
What does he say? is like... ah also what about larry's head like we want to make sure we that larry's not dead so what we can do about that no larry dead we want he's like what okay what does that mean the fuck is thumbs up me asked what we're going to do about that. and you Maybe Arnold Schwarzenegger was supposed to be Sean Connery.
01:27:18
Speaker
Don't forget about Larry. a
01:27:22
Speaker
But like it's Sean Connery and Ed Harris facing off. And Sean Connery, he's like, this is not combat. It's an act of lunacy, General Sir. He has to call him General Sir. Because Green Mile was like...
01:27:36
Speaker
Green Mile told address him as General Sir. So then when he insults him like you're about to say. Personally, I think you're a fucking idiot, General Sir. General Sir. With all due respect, I didn't realize you were a fucking idiot. And I i mean with all due respect, General Sir.
01:27:55
Speaker
He does get to the second bomb cage before he gets captured by these other guys. But luckily, ed Harris wants him alive. One of these dudes I did recognize, he only gets like two faces like where you can see his face.
01:28:08
Speaker
ah This other black ah Marine. A guy named Steve Harris. Yes. Yeah, I know him. Not personally. don't know what I knew him from. i looked his credit on on the the actual credits of the movie, but I recognize him and I can't think of what he's what I know him from. I want to say it's TV. Oh, you know what? He was on private practice.
01:28:30
Speaker
ah That's the one that came before Boston Legal. It's the one that came before Boston Legal, right? that Yeah, it was private practice. He's one of the lawyers on there. You're asking any questions I cannot answer.
01:28:42
Speaker
I was kind of just talking out loud. Okay, good. That's how talking works. I was kind of thinking out loud. There you go That's how talking works, thinking out loud. So they're both in jail cells. Sean Connery is doing this little rope thing to try to get the doors open. This is when we get that Nick Cage.
01:28:58
Speaker
How in the name of Seuss's butthole did you get out of yourself? Because he won't shut up because the the actor was trying to remember. He doesn't... He barely... he cusses twice. He says ass. He says freak and...
01:29:09
Speaker
and he says but most of the time he's like gee whiz and golly and stuff like that yeah he's he won't shut up man because the but the black guy's like i'm enjoy gutting you boy and he's just i'm gonna enjoy gutting you boy we're in here with a bunch of fucking sycophants man bunch of happy fucking go lucky murderous machines Well, love Sean Connery does get the the doors, the cell doors open with his little contraption. his He says the comment and could they put apparently they stuck him back in his old cell. He's like, I know exactly how many T-shirts to tie together or whatever the fuck he's doing there.
01:29:43
Speaker
um But he's like, trade secrets, boy.
01:29:49
Speaker
So there's three minutes left until the deadline for launching the bombs. Kramer calls. He's like, hey, we need another hour because we need final approval from the president to give you your money. Yeah, three fucking minutes.
01:30:01
Speaker
yeah and they're like nope fuck that and you start to see the descent from some of the bad guys the bad bad guys i guess we'll call them tony todd and melvin because it like isn melvin's just like hey tiktok guess what time it is he's i know i know what time it is just saying general just saying tiktok my guys are ready to roll sir was Sean Connery says that he's ready to cock. He saw in Ed Harris's eyes that he's not a murderer. I read it in his eyes. You read it in his eyes? What the fuck does that mean?
01:30:29
Speaker
And then Bokeem Woodbine is also like, he doesn't want to do this shit, yeah which we see here when they they're about to launch. like Ed Harris gives the orders. They go up to the roof. Bokeem Woodbine's like, dude, you guys, like I know that like what happened is fucked up, but are we really about to kill a bunch of fucking civilians? And they're like, yeah, we are.
01:30:48
Speaker
Happily. I'm Tony Todd. deaf. ah Sean Connery is like, look, he's not going to do it. so I'm going to fucking bounce before I have to go back to prison. Yeah. And I like Nick Cage is like, Hey, don't worry about I'll take care of it myself. I've got three weeks of rep weapons training. I'll take on a whole battalion of Marines.
01:31:04
Speaker
Is this the, is this the part or is it earlier when he's on the headset and everyone's like, dude, it's up to you. You got to do it And he's like, well, Sean Connery's leaving. He's like, well, make him stay. Well, he has a gun. What do you what do you have? Oh yeah. All right. i earlier How's it going? Well,
01:31:19
Speaker
He has both guns now. That was a fun part. Bad news. Yeah. Okay. It was earlier. It just fucking great. This Marine grab gets ah Nick Cage and he's about to execute him. And Sean Connery saves him because he had, you know, much like everybody else in this movie, other than the Tony Todd and Melvin Melvin.
Climactic Tensions and Moral Dilemmas
01:31:41
Speaker
ah He's having second thoughts. you know It's Melvin from Renaissance Man, by the way. we're just That's how we mel know him. and Melvin. Melvin. you need know You know what? This character is a Melvin, so that's fine. ah but i I would be shocked if his real name is not Melvin.
01:31:57
Speaker
shock But they they do end up firing one of the missiles. But Ed Harris, like secretly tippy tap, changes the coordinates because it's supposed to go to a fucking football game. yeah i did I did kind of laugh and have a comment because they were like, oh, the missile is directly heading for Oakland. And I was like, man, ain't nobody going to stop that.
01:32:14
Speaker
What year is this? This is the late 90s. this the is This is the U.S. s government in 1996. Oakland is primarily black. Yeah, that's true. I was just trying to think of how much Oakland was good back then.
01:32:27
Speaker
they had that's That's where the athletics fan too short lives. no You guys, I've told the story before. but all recent's the The earthquake documentary. He's a fan of athletics. His name was Captain by the way.
01:32:39
Speaker
Melvin Fry. His name was Pastor Troy. What did you say his name was? Captain Fry. oh Melvin is Captain Fry. And his real name is Gregory four letter Melvin spore letter, please.
01:32:55
Speaker
Melvin is a spore letter word. Gregory was my father. Sergeant Crisp was bokeem. Ed Harris is basically just like, look, I wasn't ready to kill those people yet. They called our bluff. Because Baxter confronts him, and he's like, well, I'm going to call for a new deadline.
01:33:11
Speaker
And I look at Harris, he's like, you're being told not to do this. Okay, now you're being given an order by your superior officer. Okay, now you're being warned by a man with a gun. Yeah, that scene was pretty dope. But Tony Todd's right, dude, because he's like, look, I'm not a soldier anymore. I stopped being a soldier the moment we did this. We are now mercenaries. Mercenaries get paid. Where's my fucking money? Because he's right. Like they're they're screwed now.
01:33:34
Speaker
They're going to go to jail or go to a non extradition country that they're going to have not a million dollars. Yeah. I mean, they're they're they're going to either Guantanamo Bay or Cuba.
01:33:46
Speaker
I don't know how far you're there in San Francisco. So Cuba's pretty I mean, they might put Tony Todd and some black ops fucking wet work teams because he's good at killing and he likes it a lot. Yeah. They're like, well, that guy was really excited about killing civilians. Universal soldier him.
01:34:01
Speaker
Yeah.
01:34:03
Speaker
Oh, that's happening to all these dudes. Oh, there we go. All right. But yeah, so they do mutiny against Ed Harris. And then there's this like crazy Mexican standoff. Straw dog style.
01:34:16
Speaker
but So Ed Harris is holding his gun to Bokeem Woodbine, which kind of sucks because Bokeem is the one who's not 100%, but he's following what Tony Todd says. Well, because he's a sergeant and Tony Todd's captain. Yeah. And Tony Todd and Melvin are holding their guns at Ed Harris.
01:34:30
Speaker
And then Baxter pulls out his gun and points it at at Harris. But then he shoots Tony Todd. And then. And then it Harris shoots. Bo Keem. Bo Keem. And then Tony Todd shoots. head hair It's like a whole fucking.
01:34:44
Speaker
like It's a clusterfuck. I think Baxter also hits ah Melvin. It's a Rube Goldberg device of death, which is what Tony Todd is. yeah Yeah. This is his origin story. This is how he took over. I've seen almost every Final Destination. I've i've seen two or three almost every minute of that first one.
01:35:04
Speaker
I've got the box set of like all the first five if you want to watch them. not saying it.
01:35:10
Speaker
not saying of court not saying did it I didn't say on Blu-ray. It is on Blu-ray, though. Damn it. and Of course it is. But right before Ed Harris dies, he tells Nick Cage the location of the final missile, which is in the the lower Because he's a good fucking guy.
01:35:29
Speaker
Yeah, because he says during that whole conversation, he's like, look, we bluffed. They call our bluff. It's over. We played our hand. We were bluffing. Yeah. And Tony Todd, who said we were bluffing? think it was Melvin. Oh, was it Melvin?
01:35:40
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. Creepy gingers, man. Hey. She's right, though. um So Nick Cage goes to the lighthouse. Tony Todd follows him there. I love that he's just like, come on. I'm not going to hurt you. Come on, guys. could change.
01:35:56
Speaker
I thought that was the worst part of the whole movie. It just made me laugh because he's like, I'm not going to hurt you. It's Tony Todd. It's like the psychotic look on his face the most menacing voice in fucking cinema.
01:36:07
Speaker
Nick Cage is like, but I didn't say your name in the mirror. i only said it twice. i got scared. I didn't say the third time The third time I said Candy Ma Chicago cany mar Candy Ma Ma You pull someone's heart out and it turns into a fucking ah candy cane Another menacing part from Tony Todd Because Nick Cage is like, you know how this shit works, dude? You shoot us and we both die Big old jackhawk knife You know how this shit works?
01:36:39
Speaker
damon now like Now I crap myself And i mean, nick made what Nick does, though. Yeah. his Well, his nerdy music nerd shit from earlier in the movie pays off.
01:36:49
Speaker
He's like, hey, you know that Elton John song, Rocket Man? I don't listen to soft ass shit. Yeah. But I'm like, first of all, yeah you know the song, though. You live. Not unless Korn covered it.
01:37:02
Speaker
Tony Todd only listens to Korn and above in the screaming de department. New metal only for Tony Todd's character. Not as a person, as a character. You you can't see it because he's wearing his full ah you know his get-up there, his Marines uniform, but he's got a Slipknot tattoo all down his arm. He's got the Godsmack it's old nine It's all nine dudes in Slipknot. It's their masks from shoulder to wrist. On the opposite arm, he's got barbed wire.
01:37:27
Speaker
yeah i don't know why this under the god smack yeah i like this god smack is in hardwire you see this coming but he's like well now you're the rocket man it's you and because you he's already pulled the gas out of this rocket so he launches tony todd out and we get a ah um wow oh fuck what's the one where the guy gets launched out of the window
01:37:51
Speaker
um on with a rocket launcher? Oh, we just did it. in Invasion USA. and No, that's not what I was thinking of. That works too. There's another movie where someone gets shot with a rocket. Oh, Kick-Ass.
01:38:04
Speaker
The first Kick-Ass. When he shoots the dude out, ah he shoots someone with a rocket launcher. They fly out the window and then the rocket like the rocket explodes above like the streets and all of his parts come running. Is it shadow where a dude gets cannonballed? Phantom.
01:38:17
Speaker
That works too, the Phantom. Right? No, that was the Shadow. No, that was the No, was Phantom. Very similar. like Yeah, it was the Phantom. We did it in the same month. He gets blasted out on this rocket, and he falls off the rocket before it explodes, but... Lands onto a pole. Fortunately, the rocket doesn't even explode because it wasn't fully armed. It just launches.
01:38:35
Speaker
Oh, we didn't mention that the other rocket, when it gets diverted, goes into the ocean. that's what pole. now no one can swim, ever. Now there's some like pseudo... need food from this... There's some like pseudoscience that if it gets wet, it doesn't work anymore.
01:38:49
Speaker
Oh, okay. So you just got a pee on someone who's VX-gassed. Oh, yeah. right. No, the chemicals in the VX-gassed. I'll tell you the first thing you do when somebody gets this gas on them, you poop on them and you rub your poop on them. I've got a friend for you to do this to.
01:39:04
Speaker
Sly Stone is over there eating one of the golden little globes we have right now. He needs poop on him. To save his life. oh no. I ate the glowing boss. Someone better poop on me. I told you not to, but he did it anyway. Quick, get your pants off. Somebody who's had some chimichangas, get over here quickly.
01:39:22
Speaker
Preferably but Brandy's Fending there from Mallrats. I forgot the actress's name already. Jade. that I met her earlier. She is my friend's daughter. I could ask her. Hey, what are you doing? I heard you're a pretty crier. How are you? with What do you look like when you're pooping?
01:39:39
Speaker
It's pretty similar. okay do it on my friend. It's to save his life. But yeah, one of the little globes does fall off the chain thing. He just fix this thing and like ah he sticks this thing in a of of ah drain.
01:39:54
Speaker
like i'm like, that is the least safe place for that. like Well, it's holding it. It's like a metal box. I'll get into the water. It's fine. Hopefully nothing fell on it when these fucking dudes bombed this He lid back on the drain.
01:40:08
Speaker
I do like ah Sean Connery lynching this dude with a chain. Oh, yeah. he wraps that this Because it's one of the Marines who's one of the huge dudes. He's like a bodybuilder. he's Yeah, and then he's like, my dad is Irish, and I really wanted Sean Connery to be like, I'm fucking Scottish. Well, i like how he's like, did I tell? Well, no, that's the thing. But he's like, did I tell you my dad was Irish? Like, no, we just met.
01:40:26
Speaker
You didn't tell me anything. Right. Hey, before I kill you, my dad is Irish, and my mom is Welsh. All right. Well, let's get the blindfold on him. Hey, did I rap? was molested when I was younger. No. Okay. Well, I was. So let's, you know, trauma dump. Oh, also good to meet you.
01:40:45
Speaker
Sir, this is a one these. But did he wrap? He wraps that chain around this. We can biggie size your trauma with spicy nuggets.
01:40:57
Speaker
But he wraps that chain around that dude's neck and just throws like the counterweight part, whatever like the reel it's on, down that well. That's pretty fucking cool. He should have looked and been like, the Irish are pushies. Yeah, something like that. There's a chase scene with ah Melvin and Nick Cage. Melvin.
01:41:17
Speaker
Melvin. Oh, Melvin. it's up on the rooftop, and he just shoves this fucking up on the rooftop. With Nick Nick. VX Gas.
01:41:30
Speaker
Up on the rooftop. VX Gas. We're going to shove it up your ass. Oh. Look at him. I'll go second.
01:41:40
Speaker
But he shoves this fucking glowing ball into this dude's mouth and smashes it. And the dude starts to fucking Raiders of the Lost Ark. And yeah, we get the F-18 pilots because the the president approved an airstrike.
Concluding Escapes and Future Plans
01:41:53
Speaker
We missed that.
01:41:54
Speaker
They have F-18 pilots are coming in. because it has a thing that burns hotter than napalm. So it can actually eliminate the VX gas because Napalm doesn't burn hot enough. Plasma something something. You betcha. Science. You betcha.
01:42:08
Speaker
They haven't tested it. So they're 100% sure it'll work. It has to. Otherwise, we're fucked. One of these F-18 pilots is credited as Jim Kazeval. Jim Kazeval. Jesus. Jesus. Oh, that's right. that show he was talking about, Person of Interest. I never watched the Passion of Christ. Well, you you said you watched the Person of Interest show. He's the main guy. Yeah.
01:42:27
Speaker
Also, he's got that movie that we'll probably have to talk about at some point just because of the bonkersness that surrounds it. But the Sound of silence or sound of Freedom. Oh, that came out like last year. It's like his human trafficking. It came out in 2018.
01:42:43
Speaker
Oh, okay. thinking of a different one. No, no, no, no. It's the same one. It came out in 20... It was finished in 2018 and had like the smallest screening, so it got re-released to try and dredge up a little something-something.
01:42:55
Speaker
that Like I said, bonkers surroundings. It's one of those Angel Studios movies. like When we go to the movie theater and you see those posters for a movie you've never heard of where the poster looks pretty cool, look at the logo. It'll say Angel Studios.
01:43:08
Speaker
That's this like super Christian studio that puts out all these movies and then they they they basically buy the tickets to their own movies and give them away to people so that the movie stays in theaters.
01:43:19
Speaker
They got sued. don't really understand how it works. They got sued because they were taking movies and editing out sex scenes and cursing and then re-releasing them as their own studio.
01:43:30
Speaker
Wow. They were pretty cool. Censorship is it's awesome. Yeah, that's Blockbuster. um But this is a really fucking intense scene. like Nick Cage remembers, like, hey, you're supposed to pull these flares, these green flares. Because he gets his fucking fix-all.
01:43:49
Speaker
He stabs himself. and He hes black medical books himself. Draws a little red dot. And... He goes out to try to hold these flares up. The F-18s are coming in. They see the green flares at the last second. These watcher guys, spotter guys.
01:44:04
Speaker
And they're like, okay, abort, abort. And he's like, i already dropped the bombs. Whoops. Right? But it's a fucking epic shot. yeah It is. Nick Cage holding those flares with the F-18s coming in. And then, like, obviously what's not here is they, like, swoop up.
01:44:19
Speaker
I mean, it looks like 20 feet in front of his face. Yeah. I mean, right on the edge of that cliff. Michael Bay does do good things. Like, that's a fucking terrific shot. This is a good movie. The problem isn't his movies. It's just that they lose.
01:44:32
Speaker
um When you do it, they lose any context. that's so Yeah, it's just this at least has one. Even this one, which is good. i've When the actions would get going and it would go for a while, the car chase like this scene, I started feeling myself losing the thread because it's like there's too much going It's the Rambo three.
01:44:51
Speaker
We're like, dude, I get it. a helicopter blown shut up is cool. It's been an hour and a half. Yeah. Like the the good thing I can say, i don't, I'm not a big fan of the, ah avatar movies, but the good thing I can say about that first one is it also has like 25 minute long action scenes, but you can follow everything and it's engaging. Yeah. Yeah.
01:45:11
Speaker
like Michael Bay, i think it's the quick cuts and stuff. They get shorter and shorter as the action starts. It gets harder to follow what's happening and you just kind of lose the thread. youre just You're just watching Boom Boom. Speaking of Boom Boom, these bombs drop on Alcatraz.
01:45:26
Speaker
Yeah, they do. The biggest bottom boom of the movie. Which is saying something. Yeah. and but But they were able to like they because they moved the planes or did something, the bombs didn't hit the actual cells they hit the back of the island so nobody's dead zero casualties i mean hostage wise a lot of people are dead nick cage gets knocked into the water and sean connery saves him i'm tired of saving your ass i'm tired of shaving your ass i'm tired of shaving your ass i'm not gonna ash ever again i'm never gonna shave shave not shave trying to shave you don't shave you
01:46:05
Speaker
I'm tired of shaving ass. man look at that. He needs a hairstylist for that outfit.
01:46:13
Speaker
But yeah, all the hostages are alive. They ask about ah the FBI director, asks about Mason. Nick Cage gives, you know, doesn't hesitate, gives him a look. And he's like, he's dead. And he does tell them when they come, they're like, where's the body? like, oh, vaporized. That can happen. That really happened.
01:46:30
Speaker
Oh, yeah. When the moms fight me they can vaporize the body. Have you never heard of this? I thought you were a murderer. Didn't you work for Kissinger? His magic murder bag. When this started wrapping up, I was like, okay, here comes all the endings and all the wrap up. but No, it's actually really. We do get it. We do get a wrap up, but it's a really good wrap up.
01:46:49
Speaker
yeah It's just Nick Cage and his girlfriend, well now wife, going to ah whatever this location is in Kansas, I think it was, and stealing this thing to start out to start his national treasure career. Hey honey, you want to know who killed JFK?
01:47:05
Speaker
the It was the aliens. Wait, does he have a kid in that? No, that's just that dude who looks like the dude from Tremors 2. Yeah. Yeah. But isn't. Yeah, he doesn't have a kid.
01:47:17
Speaker
he He can't get a hard on for anything that's not 100 years old. The kid died. His wife left him and took the kid. Maybe the kid died. Who knows? Oh, yeah. and that and Because he did he was still treasure hunting, and she's like, I can't with this shit anymore.
01:47:31
Speaker
Much like his dad. Or wasn't his kid. It was Sean Connery's. oh But I like the ending. He's looking at the microfilm and he's like, honey, you want to know who really killed JFK? Credits. I would spend days combing over this.
01:47:47
Speaker
Like, I'm going to give this to the government. Like, I work for the FBI, but like, yeah they don't have to know we got it today. Not anymore. He's retiring and he's going to fucking start a treasure hunting business based on the information he can sell in the microfilm.
01:48:00
Speaker
The microfish. The microfish. And that's it. That is it. Big bada boom. I'm going to start. Go ahead. Because I can.
01:48:13
Speaker
um Yes, a thousand percent full recommend for me. I loved this so much. I loved it when I watched it in 1996. I loved it when I watched it today. loved it in 97. I loved it in 98. I loved it in 99. I took off 2000. I've probably...
01:48:29
Speaker
I've probably seen this a total of like 20 times. on Yeah, I loved it all four times. I watched it in 2003. It's one of those you can watch and then you can have it on at a party because every time you look, you're like, oh, this scene.
01:48:44
Speaker
like You don't even need sound on. Just have it on. Yeah. Yeah. You don't get the full cage factor without sound, but you get enough of the movie. Yeah. I love when he cages out because he doesn't do his like unhinged cage per se. His moments. He has glimpses of it, but he's always reined in.
01:49:03
Speaker
like with a lost cool back there a little bit. I love pressure. i love pressure. Yeah. i am the greatest I lost my cool there for a bit, but it's fine.
01:49:15
Speaker
still didn't cuss. Jack? Yeah, I fully recommend. I mean, I'm i'm with Whitney. i've I've enjoyed this movie for a long time. It will forever remind me of my friend Kendra, one of her favorite movies.
01:49:28
Speaker
Nice. Yeah, when i when I went to put it on, it said start over. was like, well, wonder how long do i watch this? But it could have been, as Whitney was saying, it could have been just like a drunk night, like background noise or while I was cooking or something. Cause it's, you can pop in and out and I do. Yeah. It's going to be a while before I rewatch it just based on it being over two hours.
01:49:49
Speaker
And that's fine. The points that Derek talked about are fun to talk about, like how we could cut this, that, and the other, but it still survives that. So recommend it. ah do you need caveats?
01:50:00
Speaker
No, they help. i mean like you you this is You don't need the caveats, but this will also work with the caveats. It does. um Yeah, i mean I recommend it too. One of the few Michael Bay movies I would give like a hearty recommend. Yes. like It's a lot of fun. Yes, you do get lost in the action at certain points.
01:50:18
Speaker
The action is good. it's just like Maybe it's just because I'm getting old. I don't know. But it's like certain things. It's just like when you get to be where it's just too much... constant action. I just get malaise. I don't know. I just lose what I'm doing. But I think it's what you're saying, though, because like, look, we just did Invasion USA, which has a lot of action, a lot of big bada booms, yada, yada.
01:50:39
Speaker
It doesn't have quick cuts and shaky cam. So I think that's to the point you mentioned earlier. it's It's just too much of that. And that that lulls you to sleep. Yeah. Literally. But I do i do enjoy it.
01:50:52
Speaker
ah mean, I've seen it. It's probably like my fourth time seeing it. Oh, wow. Like 20 times. That's pretty low. Yeah, I've seen it. I like it. And I'll probably always like it. It's just a really fun movie.
01:51:05
Speaker
You know, it's that early Michael Bay. I don't remember what we said on Bad Boys. I feel like we gave it a recommend. Maybe a soft. beat I think I always recommend that movie. Yeah, I remember. But like. I remikented. She remikented it. Yeah, sober.
01:51:19
Speaker
That's the problem. problem um But it's like Bad Boys, Bad Boys 2, this, and Pain and Gain. That's what I can like give a hearty recommend for Michael Bay.
01:51:31
Speaker
And we haven't done Bad Boys 2 yet, so stay tuned one day. Or three or four. already recommended the big hit, too. yeah no But that's not Michael Bay. oh it's just That's just Mucky Muck. Yo, bro, I fucking did my own stunts in that movie.
01:51:45
Speaker
Probably not. Where the fuck is Lou Diamond Phillips? He's eating the script in the He is chewing the scenery out from under you, you idiot. Did Lou Diamond Phillips just eat that hotel? ah I liked it better La Bamba.
01:52:00
Speaker
La Bamba. That is how he would say it, too. You're so fucking La Bamba. You see that fucking movie, La Bamba? I know it's a lot of La Bamba. Fucking Reggie Valens. It's weird how much of that movie didn't but take place in LA because it's called LA Bamba. It's Pada La Bar.
01:52:14
Speaker
Pada Bar. Potter Ballard La Bamba. La Bamba. That's what I said. Hey, I love that the whole country fucking loved him so much. He got his own day. Ricky Valentine's Day. I fucking love that day. Every every February 14th, we get together and we sing La Bamba.
01:52:28
Speaker
What do you do with your fucking time? We're going to celebrate this. Ricky Valentine's Day. Oh, fuck. That's what's happening next Valentine's Day. The next time a Valentine's Day lands on Monday. We're doing La Bamba. But it's not a two song. Yeah, it's fine. We'll figure it out.
01:52:42
Speaker
But yeah, recommend it. Technically, last week was the end of listener request month. So this is the end of April. This is it's going to be Bay, which is the joke because it's going to be May. And in May. Bye.
01:52:54
Speaker
We're doing mental health month again, where we each get to pick a mental health movie, something that we watch to make ourselves feel better when things are feeling extra shitty.
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01:53:05
Speaker
Which, I mean, we have plenty of those times coming up, so.
01:53:10
Speaker
So we've all three got choices for that. Plus, we have a schlock and load that we agreed on. That's a mental health schlock and load. Did we agree on it? Yeah, you just don't remember. Yeah.
01:53:22
Speaker
And we don't know what our Patreon for next month will be because we're letting the patrons choose that. Yeah. So as of recording this, we don't know what it will be. Come on, Drew, Chris, Hector, Double D, Wes.
01:53:36
Speaker
Bleeps. Bleeps. Damn it. i don't I don't have everybody's names here, but come on, guys. Thank you to all of you, by the way. By the time this comes out, we've already chosen. And speaking of Patreon, go to patreon.com slash worst people.
01:53:49
Speaker
For only $3 a month, you get the bonus mental health episode every month. Plus, you get latchkey vids where we talk about forgotten or never known TV shows from the 90s. That's as many bucks as Whitney was born with thumbs, just so you know.
01:54:03
Speaker
Generally, we are talking about Cop Rock right now. However, for this month, April, we are talking we're taking a break from Cop Rock. Hold on to your little booties. It's going to be a good one.
01:54:15
Speaker
Talking about one episode, the only episode of Heil Honey, I'm Home. It's the Hitler-based sitcom. It's almost like the world wasn't ready for a Hitler-based sitcom in the ninety s Almost. Hey, it was past 25 years. Is that the rule? and That's what South Park says. it's It's a thing where it's Hitler and Eva Braun living in this apartment and their neighbors are Jewish.
01:54:41
Speaker
And it's very so its vi some of the stuff I read, was I think the big inspiration was i Love Lucy. And from the stuff ah some of the stuff I read, they filmed like six episodes. Yeah.
01:54:52
Speaker
Lucy, you've got some screaming to do. One of the plot threads was apparently going to be how Hitler wanted to kill his Jewish neighbors. So that's what we're talking about this month on Latchkey Vids. ki as Wow, let's hope we don't get canceled. They'd have to pay to cancel us.
01:55:10
Speaker
um I kind of jumped around because next month we don't know Patreon. This month we do. This month's mental health episode is Tales from the Crypt Presents Demon Knight. Oh, yeah.
01:55:22
Speaker
With ah Billy Zane, Jada Pinkett Smith, Dick Miller, ah that guy who looks like he has to poop. Some demons. Directed by Ernest Dickerson.
01:55:37
Speaker
Great movie. We're going to talking all about that. nerves, dude. We've probably already talked all about that. It has Billy Zane. Such a zaniac. Doing sexy stuff with Jada Pinkett Smith.
01:55:49
Speaker
Well, Jada Pinkett at the time. yeah But yeah, so check out patreon.com slash worst people. Also check out Han Took Shots First, han took shots first pod.com or anywhere you get podcasts.
01:55:59
Speaker
But when this comes out, we'll be just about to dive into season two of Andor. which is airing on Disney Plus starting April 22nd. We'll be talking about all 12 episodes of that.
01:56:11
Speaker
We just wrapped up talking about Empire Strikes Back. And then when we're done with Andor, we'll start talking about Return of the Jedi. whoo Yeah, because I have nothing but free time. So let's wrap this up so I can go start editing.
01:56:26
Speaker
I've been Derek. I'm Whitney. I'm the prom queen. It's you. You're the rocket man.
01:57:03
Speaker
Losers whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck your grandma. Because your grandmother was prom queen. But your grandfather was not prom king. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.