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Ep 142: The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (Listener Request)
4 Playsin 1 day
This one was requested by our listener Bryce, and it's something that we have successfully avoided seeing until now. Alien trash babies come to life to help a loser kid named Dodger woo his rival Juice's girlfriend, who goes by the name Tangerine. It's as stupid as it sounds and disgusting to look at as well.
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Transcript
Introduction and Birthday Celebration
00:00:00
Speaker
for outler but is that a girl la wow wow wow wow wow
00:00:09
Speaker
Welcome back.
00:00:12
Speaker
Welcome back for listener request month. This week, you want to suck face? I'm Derek. I'm Whitney. I'm Jack. This Bad Movies. Worst worse people.
00:00:56
Speaker
Hi guys. are ya? I don't know which camera I'm supposed to look at. Either one, you're on both. He's gonna edit it to whichever. Fantastic. I do wanna say. keep switching, make his job harder. I know, I'm like, so i just really wanna say, happy birthday Bryce.
00:01:11
Speaker
We are recording on your birthday. Happy 33rd. You are the listener request for today. Bryce is responsible for this? Bryce is responsible for this. I'm just gonna wish you a birthday. birthday Birthday. It is your birthday.
00:01:26
Speaker
And we in fact did do Garbage Pail Kids. Kids. yeah Whatever word you want to say. Garbage Pail Kegs.
The Search for The Garbage Pail Kids Movie
00:01:38
Speaker
1987. 1987's The Garbage Pail Kids Movie.
00:01:42
Speaker
um Off the bat, I want to ask you something. Is this available anywhere? like Is this a hard to find one? Because that always does... I know it's on YouTube....effect our... Okay. This movie is not easily available.
00:01:54
Speaker
I also cannot find it on YouTube. oh I thought it was on YouTube. It might have been, but I do see here on YouTube clips from Shout Factory, which means that they did put it on Blu-ray.
00:02:07
Speaker
So have fun with that. Yeah. So you can boutique it. You just might to go to fucking eBay. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not sure where else it would be available. um We watched it through Secret Means.
00:02:20
Speaker
Secret means TV But ah you know what? I wouldn't worry about it know a guy This is Bad Movies, Worst People It's a podcast that we do This is Bad Movie Do you want to talk about budget?
00:02:35
Speaker
Do you have any of this number? Well first let me read Bryce's email Oh yeah Please do So we got an email from Bryce. Hey, guys. Happy birthday. Hey, guys. Just started listening, but friends with Whitney, I think you should do Garbage Pail Kids the movie. It seems cringy enough to make
Casting Trivia and Production Insights
00:02:52
Speaker
it interesting.
00:02:53
Speaker
That's our entire. Okay. So he's not defending it. No. I like he said it seems, which means he may not have seen it I don't think he has seen it. He just knows it. He just turned 33.
00:03:04
Speaker
he What have you done? He Heathered us, dude. I can't believe you've done this. We are the guinea pigs. Yeah, he's like, you watch it. Let me know. um Had you ever seen this before? Had you ever seen this before? Absolutely not. Were you aware of it? I was aware that it existed.
00:03:18
Speaker
Yeah, same, have seen this before. yeah we we caught you quoting it. As one does with a movie as good as Princess Bride. fuck.
00:03:30
Speaker
Call me out like that. This is directed by a guy named Rod Amatow, who passed away in 2003. Oh, sorry. ah And it was the last thing he directed.
00:03:40
Speaker
um i didn't really recognize a lot of anything he directed. He directed a lot of 50s and 60s TV. ah He delivered directed a movie called Son of Hitler. And then some other movies that no one knows. And it was written by him and someone named Linda Palmer, who I also did not recognize anything from or didn't really have anything else because I literally just wrote Linda Palmer my notes.
00:04:03
Speaker
ah Then it's not ringing a bell. But there is a welcome back in the production side of this. yes there is. Makeup effects were done by one John Carl Buechler. Oh, nice.
00:04:14
Speaker
The Beeks. He's working on a low budget then because he didn't make some of this look good. Not his fault. No, and I have... There's stuff about both those. So real quick, John-Carvel Buechler was considered to direct the film.
00:04:26
Speaker
Oh. ah His version of the story was going to be a straight-up horror film, which it should have been. Yeah. should have been. ah The Garbage Pail Kids would have spawned from radioactive sludge that found its way to a garbage can filled with broken dolls, turning them into serial killers. Yeah. Yes.
00:04:43
Speaker
Yes, I want that so much more. You know people make this happen. Look, bring John Carl Buechler back from the grave and make this movie. That's the movie, just doing that.
00:04:57
Speaker
So yes, we'll play the budget box office game. right. Are we guessing budget? You giving us budget? It's up to you. Let's guess budget. 15 million. 1987. and nineteen eighty seven Oh, it's want to redirect?
00:05:09
Speaker
ten million seven One million dollars.
00:05:15
Speaker
Neither of us won. No. Both went way over. Damn, a million? Yeah, this movie cost one i guess there's just nobody in it. Yeah, I mean, if I would have said Tom Savini, you guys would have known it was only a million dollars. Yeah, for sure.
00:05:27
Speaker
You said Buechler. Buechler. Buechler.
00:05:32
Speaker
say I'm gonna say 250,000. 250,000 is the weirdest way to say that. Well, I was gonna say 250, like 250K. I'm also just gonna go ahead and guess this did not get a Chinese market.
00:05:47
Speaker
I don't know, but I would assume not. would assume. I'm gonna say that it made a bit of money. It was $1.7 million. So 1.5. Woo! so close one point five oh So, hey, it made 150% budget there. yeah it did.
00:06:03
Speaker
I don't think that was enough.
Budget Woes and Costume Critique
00:06:05
Speaker
I mean, they they're hoping to sell merch. Yeah. I mean, because the movie starts with a Topps chewing gum production. Wow. I never thought I'd see a bubble gum movie.
00:06:19
Speaker
this This is fucking bubble gum money. What was the all-star... um
00:06:27
Speaker
The releasing company. Astro? What was it? Atlantic. Atlantic releasing i think I had read and i I could be confused because I did research for a bunch of different movies on the same night.
00:06:39
Speaker
But I think this was the one that was like, this was released by them and then they shortly went out of business. Uh-huh. I believe. Wait till we get to McHale's Navy. have i got a story for you.
00:06:50
Speaker
But you commented on how it didn't look good. But the things you noticed throughout the movie, they looked progressively a little bit better. Did they? Well, like of the mechanics seemed to work a little bit better, the faces and stuff. ok I mean, those eyes were terrifying. When they started the movie, they weren't done with the dolls. You could see like on the back parts, things weren't completely finished. Yeah, ro rod Rob, whatever was, Amatow was like...
00:07:16
Speaker
That's fine. It's fine, kid. Let's get started. We'll finish them as we move along This is an Amatow production. Okay? We move it right along. I am an Amatow. I am an Amatow in charge of this town. This movie was nominated for a bunch of awards. The Razzies? Anything good? ah Not the Razzies.
00:07:34
Speaker
per se I don't think Razzie's existed in 87. I think they did. Really? It's what caused the Razzie's to start. This movie started the Razzie's. Yes, they did because The Thing won Razzie for worst picture of the year it came out.
00:07:48
Speaker
The Thing is amazing. Yeah, no, it takes away any credibility they didn't have. Wow. But it was this was nominated for worst picture at the Hastings Bad Cinema Society's 10th Annual Stinker's Bad Movie Awards.
00:08:01
Speaker
Wow. alongside ah ishtar which i have heard of but not seen leonard part six which we'll talk about one day is it a single movie yes part six yes and it stars one five it stars one bill bill cosby Oh, oh, give me that Jell-O pudding pop.
00:08:18
Speaker
It was also nominated alongside Who's That Girl and, wait for this one, Spaceballs. I love Who's That Girl. Spaceballs got nominated bad movie. Spaceballs was nominated for the worst movie of the year. Yikes. So you lost ah they lost all all credit as well. Yeah, especially because Spaceballs won.
00:08:37
Speaker
Wowzers. Rude. And Who's That Girl was awesome. It's a Madonna movie. Don't know if you know that. What is? Who's That Girl? Oh, so she hasn't been only one movie nominated for worst of the year. no Because Swept Away was nominated for, or it swept the Razzies away. i don't know either of those things.
00:08:52
Speaker
Swept Away was... a I like Dick Tracy. Who's the the guy that does the British gangster movies? Guy Ritchie. That's the one. Yeah, Guy Ritchie did Swept Away, which was a remake of like a French movie or something, I think, with ah Madonna, who he was married to at the time.
00:09:10
Speaker
And it swept the Razzies, as it were. Swept them right away. so He made another stinker with that King Arthur movie. I have a fun little who could have played factoid for you guys. Peter O'Toole. So Ron McLaughlin.
00:09:24
Speaker
Juice. I said factoid. Oh. like A factoid about who could have played. Got it. So Ron McLaughlin, who played Juice, has said that someone else was nearly cast in his role, but he snatched it away from him. 87. Fucking tough guy. Punk-ass teenager. Craig Schaefer from Voyage of the Rock Aliens.
00:09:44
Speaker
Is that who you're thinking of? Yes, that's what I'm thinking i was thinking... What did you say? i just said a punk-ass, tough kid, teenager. 87. I was thinking... Punk-ass tough teenager. So not Emilio.
00:09:56
Speaker
Playing a teenage character. i don't know how old he was. Christian Slater, man. No, they would have gotten confused with Alligator. This was Mr. William Zabka.
00:10:08
Speaker
Oh, of course. One Billy Zabka. Oh, Johnny. Yeah. Okay. The hero of cri Karate Kid. Oh, he should have been. He was robbed. He was robbed.
00:10:20
Speaker
Dude comes in and bangs on his girlfriend. Look, we need a recount is all I'm saying. Yeah. He won by an illegal move. Kid from Reseda. We'll get there. We'll talk about that movie one day. Even though it's still phenomenal.
00:10:32
Speaker
Oh, yeah. But there's five other ones that aren't. Which ones? All of them. No. the so The
Meet Manzini and The Garbage Pail Kids
00:10:40
Speaker
one... thing They go to Okinawa is bad? They've got... stuff Look, Deathmatches in Okinawa is cool. yeah Karate's Bad Boy Mike Barnes.
00:10:49
Speaker
Karate's Bad Boy Mike Barnes is always good. But come on. And then we got fucking Baby Smith in that reboot. And what's the girl? Jennifer Garner? No. do it every fucking time. Boys Don't Cry. Hilary Swank. Hilary Swank. I every fucking time.
00:11:04
Speaker
You do. know Which one's the one with ah Jackie Chan? Will Smith. Will Smith. ja Jaden, Even though it's in China and they don't have Kung Fu there.
00:11:16
Speaker
They don't have karate, they have Kung Fu. Yeah. and Whatever. We'll get there. It's all the same. there We're white Americans. Yeah. We're going to have a sign in the ugly boarding school thing that says, too ethnic.
00:11:30
Speaker
We'll talk about that. Oh, yeah. So we got a trash can spaceship. Yeah, we do. Sorry. Garbage pail. Garbage pail. Because you two are both like had a different waste bin receptacle. It's like, I think I'd call it a garbage pail if i had to give it a name and I don't because they already gave it one.
00:11:49
Speaker
It's where the kids come from. It's a garbage pail. It's the titular garbage pail to the kids. um It's dr dripping gloop and it's crashing onto earth. oh it has a bad case of leaky dong. Yes, it does.
00:11:59
Speaker
And I know that that's dirty thing to say for a kids movie, but this is a dirty kids movie. Yes. All around. There's almost underage nudity in this movie, which we only found out halfway through the movie that it would have been underage nudity. Because they are dressing this chick up to be, I would say, early 20s, like late in the late clubbing. They're book shielding her. Yeah. Well, least she didn't do Playboy.
00:12:20
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, because this girl, um Katie Barbary, who plays Tangerine, um who also was apparently in Perdita Durango. Was she? yeah wonder if she just wanted, like, the X-Tries. The character is a named Azafata.
00:12:36
Speaker
A-Z-A-F-A-T-A. Izafarter? Izafarter. Izafarter. Who farted? Izafarter. But i that's the only thing I recognized from her credits, and I wrote it down because i was like, hey, we're doing that movie. That's fucking great. Parita Durango. Yeah.
00:12:50
Speaker
Okay. It's going to be in our lives forever now. You guys are going to love that. Because we figured out the kid who is... Mackenzie Austin. Mackenzie, Sean Astin's brother. Yes.
00:13:01
Speaker
um Mr. Iron Will himself. He's playing 14, so we're like, well, let's see what she is, you know, figuring if she's playing 19 and only five years apart, you know, it's better than episode one of Star Wars. Yes.
00:13:14
Speaker
Turns out she, I could not believe it. i was like, this isn't right. My math has to be wrong. There's no way she's 15 years old making this movie. She's 15. She's 15 years old making this movie, pre presumably playing it, too.
00:13:25
Speaker
To be fair, maybe maybe she's lying about her age because... um Could be. ah the the The girl from Beverly Hills 90210 that plays the book nerd...
00:13:37
Speaker
Oh, God. Andrea? Yeah. How do you know that? Andrea Zucker. I don't know how I knew that. Or Andrea. Oh, sorry. Andrea. The actress who plays her... Gabrielle... Gifford.
00:13:51
Speaker
That's all I can think now. um But the actress who plays her was like is or was the head of SAG and like spearheaded them not having to publicly post their ages or or include them in resumes because there are people, producers who will not cast, especially women based on their age if they're too old.
00:14:10
Speaker
So that's why a lot of times if you look at IMDb or something, people won't have an age because they don't have to tell you. Okay. Maybe she made it up. I respect privacy more than anybody. It says 1972, and this movie came out in 87, which would make her 15 years old. 16 at best if they filmed it and it released the same year somehow.
00:14:26
Speaker
Yeah. like Well, $1 million budget. Nope, it would still be 15. She was January. You're right. Either way, she's 15 years old, but they're treating her like she's 20. Yeah. And she definitely takes off her shirt.
00:14:40
Speaker
Yeah. She does have a bra on, but you don't see nipples. Sure, but there's... I mean, this whole time, she is... Like, we are watching the beginnings of a fucking... Well, no, no, no. Sorry. Between him and Iron Will and fucking Cherry Tangerine.
00:14:55
Speaker
We are watching the beginnings of a little kid sex romp. Yes. Like, we didn't realize that. I thought it was mildly inappropriate when she's 19 seducing him to get her own way. I'm like, okay, it's inappropriate, but at least she's the bad guy. And, you know, it's...
00:15:11
Speaker
No, it's all weird. is all weird. Like you said, I mean, it's actually not that different than episode one, now that you think about it. no they're way too close in age. Yeah, because now they're only a year apart. But when we were thinking it was five years, I mean, in episode one, they're only, what, six years apart?
00:15:24
Speaker
Eight. Eight and 14. Who the fuck are you talking about? Oh. Padme and Deadface Anakin. No, he's not Deadface yet. That kid's better. Uh-huh. Deadface is. yeah Jake Lloyd is less Deadface. Yeah.
00:15:38
Speaker
He at least delivers lines like, Yippee!
00:15:42
Speaker
wizard uh but yeah so much utah puta i'm not really sure what the setup here is like so there's a trash can in space yep and then we go to the antique shop and the trash can's at the antique shop we cut out a whole fucking scroll or yeah there was there should have been like a star wars scroll to be like it was a time of unrest A magician named Manzini found a trash can full of babies.
00:16:08
Speaker
The garbage pail kids were hunted to the brink of extinction. yeah They were once the longtime warriors of peace and republic safety. Javier Bardem dropped a trash can full of babies. Manzini found them.
00:16:21
Speaker
This is their tale. So Manzini owns the antique slash magic shop. This guy's like a legit fucking wizard. I'm betting you there's a backstory of him being older than we think. Oh, yeah. Because he keeps referencing. He's like, that's the 20th century for you.
00:16:34
Speaker
Yeah. He just seems so much older in everything he does. He's like Magellan. Magellan isn't Magellan the the diction no he's an explorer oh no no the sword and the stone Merlin Merlin merlin yes thank you he kind of is and Dodge Dodger is kind of our ethereal character yeah he's our little kid with the sword he's an orphan right I think so much like the artful Dodger who Who he actually played.
00:17:02
Speaker
He played the Artful Dodger. it Was it him or Juice? One of them played the Artful Dodger in oliivever in an Oliver Twist movie. Probably not Juice. He only did three things. No, that's right. so it was This is one. Silk Stockings is the other. I remember seeing that in something. It was like going through the credits and I saw Oliver Twist and he played the Artful Dodger. so Yeah, he's just an orphan.
00:17:21
Speaker
And maybe that's why his name is Dodger. Patty Hearst didn't like him. Yeah. Get that kid out of here. just found out Patty Hearst was the fucking mom for those two kids. It was weird. I've been watching a lot of that 70s match game when I'm drinking.
00:17:35
Speaker
But we have, yeah. We make out with you. It Well, see, the here's the weird thing. Sorry, I'm going to go on a Richard Dawson tangent real quick. He never got canceled because every time I'm watching, the women want to kiss him.
00:17:49
Speaker
Yes. He doesn't ever seem, and i'm correct me if I'm wrong, if he gets really weird, it gets really weird. But like on the match game, he sits there and the girls have to ask the host, like, can I go kiss Richard? like They all have to ask to go over there.
00:18:01
Speaker
So, I mean, that's why he never got canceled because he was just a smooth fucking pimp. I really hope that something doesn't come out that he was like really shitty because I just backed the wrong pony. so Yeah, we can delete it. All right, cool.
00:18:14
Speaker
You know what's really cool about Richard Dawson? yeah Nothing. Just do a bad redouble like a Major League TV version, right? he Strike this. Nothing.
00:18:25
Speaker
Out. Yeah, he's passed, I think. A while ago. Yeah, yeah. I feel like it's been a while. Early 2000s mayhaps. But ah yeah, Mackenzie Aston, we mentioned he's in Iron Will. He's the titular Will. Uh-huh. He was in Wyatt Earp.
00:18:40
Speaker
He plays Francis O'Rourke. Okay. I don't know who that is, but I figured you might. No. And he's on Whitney's show. One episode. Was it one episode? Oh, he's in one episode. I said three episodes. He's in one episode of a lot of shows. Yeah. Because I recently saw him in my rewatch of Psych, and I was like, I know this fucking guy. And it took me forever to get to Iron Will, because that's towards bottom. you know what? It is the three episodes. I do remember what character he's playing. Let's say, because nobody on that show is in one episode. It's a 24-hour type of thing, right? It was the... Remember the father that they were like...
00:19:14
Speaker
He's DNR. Are you sure you want me to put life and support on him? yeah he was the brother. That's like, no, he was also one the magicians. If I if you love shows, the magicians is amazing.
00:19:26
Speaker
I've not amazing. i loved it. You can love it all you want. It's not amazing. and We have juice. Love me. I'm OK. We have Juice played by Ron McLaughlin. McLaughlin. McLaughlin. Sounds like you're going really shitty Irish jokes. He has three credits. This, ah one episode of Silk Stockings, and a TV movie with Michael Rooker called Back to Back.
00:19:48
Speaker
Ooh. I think I actually saw that. You know, you meant you you failed to mention the Michael Rooker part earlier. I didn't remember it earlier. It was in my notes. Who's Michael Rooker? Mary Poppins, y'all.
00:19:59
Speaker
Yeah. Really? Also, uh, Mary Poppins. Also, Brandy Svening's dad in Mallrats. That's right. You see his butt. But most importantly, he's Mary Poppins, y'all. Yeah, he's Mary Poppins, y'all. Most importantly, he eats shit pretzels.
00:20:13
Speaker
thousand percent cried when he died. Yeah. Spoilers. Yeah. I'll cry when he dies in real life. And then we have Wally. Can you bust her tear? probably could. Ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:20:25
Speaker
And we have Wally played by JP Amatow, who is the director's son. Uh-huh. The only other thing I recognized for his credits was that he did stunts on Pee-wee's Big Adventure. Really? Chloe, who voiced one of the Garbage Pail Kids, um was also the speech coach.
00:20:46
Speaker
Chloe Amatow or whatever their name is. Oh, okay. So he's just like, ah yeah we need you to teach these kids these people how to speak. They're voice actors. I know, you got Jim Cummings in here. Yeah. If you don't know Jim Cummings, just look him up. He's got a bunch stuff. He's the newer Winnie the Pooh, I believe Tigger as well as also ah Hondo Inaka. The wonderful thing about Tigger is. Well, newer Winnie the Pooh. I mean, he's been Winnie the Pooh for a while still, though. just I guess not newer.
00:21:10
Speaker
like the 40s and whatever. Yeah, I guess not newer. The more more recent. Yeah. ah Yeah, but he he does the voice of Greaser Greg and Nat Nerd. Yeah, Winnie the Pooh. He's Razul in Aladdin, who's the big ah palace guard. get back here!
00:21:25
Speaker
um He's, a yeah, and like you said, Hondo Anaka. Yeah, who I am dying to see in live action. We're going to get him. I think this guy's too old to play him.
00:21:37
Speaker
No, he he is, but he can voice him. Well, not if it's live action. He can still voice him live action. They got the same guy that- Are you talking about CGI Gleep Loops? The same guy that did Cad Bane's voice in the cartoon did Cad Bane's voice in Boba Fett.
00:21:52
Speaker
CGI Gleep Loops. It wasn't CGI. It was practical. They just dug over. Hondo Inaka CGI? Or is he like a- He's a weak way. So we've seen them live on episodes. I'm being a mockery of Star Wars. It's a new way.
00:22:05
Speaker
I was going to say we're moving on from this, but we have seen week way in live action in episode. Yeah. Yeah. I was the guy with the face flaps. No. Okay. All right. We're moving on.
00:22:17
Speaker
They look like but so dreadlocks. So.
00:22:23
Speaker
So juice and Wally are trying to are chasing down Dodger to beat him up and take his money. I don't have any money. He's supposed to be like, we said like what, 14? Yeah. He looks like he's nine. Almost 15.
00:22:35
Speaker
he looks like this is lines He looks like he's nine and these guys look like they're like 30. Let's beat up that kid and take his money. How much money could he possibly have? He works at a fucking antique shop. I mean, this is the 80s. If they get $1.70, they can get a two gallons of gas probably. But this guy has other things going. Like, he seems, uh, who was it? Yeah, he's doing, like, international trading and shit. well wasn't it Tangerine's? Like, the last guy that disagreed with him got poured into the pavement, or it might have been Iron Will. Dodger says that. Iron Will. Yeah. Uh, so, like, he's mafia-level hits. Yeah.
00:23:05
Speaker
Has some sort of over-the-border export. Yeah. His girlfriend makes clothes and sells them. He takes a cut of that. But he also needs this little kid's- He takes all the money. That's a cut? 100% still a cut?
00:23:19
Speaker
Hey, he lets her really big he lets her ride in his Ram van. Yeah, it's pretty cool show. It's not a Dodge Ram, by by the way, guys. That's just what he calls it. No, it is. It is a Dodge Ram. I was like, wait, it's not? Jokes.
00:23:31
Speaker
Yeah, Ram jokes. Call this the Ram van. That's really a Ford. I know. Way to get in here. But yeah, they're beating up on this kid and stealing his money. He goes off to where he apparently works.
00:23:42
Speaker
Yeah. Manzini's Antiques. might even live here. And we meet Captain Manzini, who's played by Anthony Newley. I really wanted Peter O'Toole. would have been great. Just a little bit of a squirt.
00:23:54
Speaker
I've done magic before. Have you seen Supergirl? Watch me make this bottle disappear. Give me another one, I'll make that disappear too. One, two, three. Mmm, better taste it shall be. How many chugs does it take to that to the bottle of Beef Eaters? Oh no, he's he likes his brown.
00:24:16
Speaker
He's a big fan of down and brown. Is that poop? No, it's bourbon. Whisk up like this. Shake Shake your whiskey at me. Air rate that bitch.
00:24:28
Speaker
ah But yeah, he was in a bunch of British shit. Nothing I really recognize. He's in like the show East Enders a little bit and a bunch of stuff like that. I've never seen that, but I know that name. This was his final film. must have driven him to suicide. I'm not sure.
00:24:41
Speaker
no he didn't die right away, but it was his last film. But bled out.
00:24:47
Speaker
It took a couple days for him die. ah But this kid shows up and he's got a weird comment of, you smell like a fire hydrant, which I'm not sure what means. Because the pees on a fire hydrant?
00:24:59
Speaker
That's all I got from it. Okay. I was like, tap water just smells like tap water, dude. Yeah. No, I got the the dog pee thing. Dog piss. All right, cool. Which, you shouldn't be smelling fire hydrants, old man. That's weird. can smell it on a hot, musty day.
00:25:14
Speaker
You can smell the pee in the backyard sometimes. Oh. Well, that's just because my friends all pee in my backyard. Exactly. Oh, you were talking about the dogs. Got it. Never mind. ah But they're going through all this crap in the antique shop.
00:25:26
Speaker
He's got this like fan. He's like, this is very valuable and old. Crushes that right up. Pulls this in half, put it back back pocket. i was i love fans because he can be like, you could fan of fans I'm a fan of fans. He pulls it out. He's like, you can use it to seduce.
00:25:41
Speaker
you can You can use it to rebut. but Rebuff. we but The way that he closes the...
00:25:50
Speaker
I've been seduced and rebuffed. Sadly. He rebuffed me in the corner. Ooh, I'll grab you in the corner. He is pulling out- We pop in the The kid pulls out a sword and starts stabbing shit. correction, point of order. Point of order. rapier.
00:26:07
Speaker
Which is sword. It's a- It's begun the body- Ash! Ash word. ah Somebody had a comment when you said that it was a rapier, that this guy couldn't be any rapier. Yeah. like that and Well, he's been holding a rapier and being rapier. It's a rapier man holding a rapier. I haven't seen rapier in my entire life. hold my finger But it's only important because he like starts swinging it around and hits the trash can.
00:26:30
Speaker
And the dude Manzini is like, stay the fuck away from that shit. You ever heard of Pandora's box? Yeah. Let me learn you up on something real quick. Speaking of getting rebuffed. Yeah. Pandora's box will buff you up.
00:26:41
Speaker
Have I ever told you not to touch any of my treasures? My treasures. why has he not locked them up before? Because we we get a little brief. We don't see any of them really.
00:26:51
Speaker
But we get a little like pitter patter in the darkness. Let's get at it. Which, hey, terrifying. Super terrifying. does come out when they're pitter pattering. And he's like, if I see anybody here, I'll be very surprised. So they jump back
Character Introductions and Song Discussions
00:27:03
Speaker
in the trash can. Right. yeah But then he puts the so he knows of them.
00:27:07
Speaker
Yeah. Well, he even says he's the one who put them in the trash can. That's why I was saying the beginning of this doesn't make any sense, because we got the space can, trash can, space, space trash garbage pill coming down.
00:27:20
Speaker
And it's like so it's like this thing just arrived. in the movie but it's like that must have been 100 years ago when this guy was 8 yeah I don't know no no he was 34 was already 100 oh okay because like he talks about they were here before and he put them into the garbage pail and he's got to keep them there because the world doesn't like them because they're too ugly yeah i just love I just love that his thing is like, they can't come out of the garbage pail because they're too ugly.
00:27:50
Speaker
And if they're too ugly, they get arrested by the Department of Uggos. And gets thrown into jail. Yeah. So I might well keep them in this jail. But the difference is they don't get squished. Yeah, guess. I mean, those jail cells.
00:28:01
Speaker
That's what need to know more about is that fucking the the state for ugly people. Yeah.
00:28:09
Speaker
What are they, what is the scientist doing? it's called Montana. Like you get about five seconds of, I'm glad I'm not in the laboratory anymore. It's experiments that we wanted to do on people anyway, but we didn't have human subjects. Now you got people too ugly to live. You have, too skinny. Ugly enough shes skinning stop trains. Too gross.
00:28:30
Speaker
ah Ugly enough to stop trains. Too fast. Plug ugly. Too pale. Too ugly to live. We're doing cop rock now. Yeah, I know. Always. All right. ah But yeah, but tangerine comes in. She's go shopping around Dodger sniffing her hair play with my beads speaking of episode one.
00:28:47
Speaker
Yeah, it's it's some creep Juice she smell like tangerines cuz if my name was tangerine, I think I would have that scent Do you think that means her boyfriend just smells like generic juice?
00:29:00
Speaker
Mm-hmm like today. I smell like blue tomorrow's like purple on steroids So wait hold on so ax body spray
00:29:09
Speaker
I smell like purple. Axe body spray. The Gatorade of smells. Arctic frost, dude. Oh, man. I guarantee you that's an axe. I'm more of a glacier splash myself. Ooh, we should play a game.
00:29:22
Speaker
Gatorade or Axe Body Spray? Jersey Turnpike. Oh, that's definitely Gatorade. Ew. i don't know what's worse, to smell like that or drink like that.
00:29:32
Speaker
That's bad. But Juicing His Goon show up. Juicing His Goon. Hey, look at me. I'm just juicing my goon. Oh, and there's one other. There is. Of the mesh. Yes. Tank top and gloves. Wallis mesh. Yeah.
00:29:45
Speaker
There is one other member of the crew we did not mention. She didn't even have a picture on IMDb. No. Blythe, um who's like the tough. She's the heavy. Yeah. She is the heavy. We got a greaser dude and his mesh wearing friend.
00:29:59
Speaker
And she's the heavy. Yeah. Because she's the fat chick. So she's tough and strong and heavy. Again, and this is 80s. The boys couldn't open up a thing. For those who those who aren't watching and only listening, fat chick is in quotes. This is the 80s hard quote fat. Oh, you could totally hear the she's just like she's just not real thin, and yeah, we're making it be the- It's like ah the the quote fat girl from Can't Buy Me Love. yeah. Could have had me for 99 cents. I still think this chick might even have been thinner than that. She's just big in a muscular way.
00:30:30
Speaker
She's a giant. Well, she's also really tall. She is taller than any of them. Mm-hmm. So- She was snuggling up with Mesh Boy the hot tub. Later, she's she's coming up here and have Dodger snuggle up on her dirty pillows.
00:30:46
Speaker
Her dirty pillow dirty pillows. Hey, guys. I don't want to sound needy here. I'm needy. But we have a Patreon at patreon.com. Patreon.com. Mm-hmm. And it only costs $3 a month. $3 a month is nothing.
00:30:59
Speaker
And I know times are hard right now. Real hard for me. Inflation's up. You can't afford your groceries. Can't eat. But you can't afford $3 a month if you love us. Give us $3. Super love us. Please love us.
00:31:12
Speaker
we're not We're not begging. I'm begging. We're not pleading. I'm pleading. We're not down on our knees. Oh, boy. My knees hurt. They've been on the umad on so long. But we do kind of need the money. I need the money bad. We need new equipment.
00:31:26
Speaker
new equipment we need to do remote podcasts for all of you wouldn't mind eating we need to have video i wouldn't mind eating uh we need more drinks food sounds good and so please check out patreon.com slash worst people please check us out you get a bonus episode every month and we're gonna have more content coming for you i'll send you pictures and thank you guys thank you so much please give me patreon.com i'm being held hostage here slash worst people don't pay my way out of here they're gonna kill me Yeah, they're they're trying to beat him up. They're chasing them around. The trash can gets knocked over and a bunch of goop spills out. That's when she's like, it's like an elephant blew its nose. And I'm like, if only you knew, lady. yeah Messy Tessie's coming out of this fucking thing. Gross movie.
00:32:08
Speaker
So we got... i see Messy Tessie. Yeah, so we'll go... I'll go Greaser Greg, who's played... I've got a list here with some actors, too. So I don't know if I have them were a little bit of ah a mucky muck. A debacle. But we have Greaser Greg, who's played by Phil... The body part is played by Phil Fondicaro, who's been on the show twice before.
00:32:29
Speaker
He was in The Dungeon Master. in the segment where they bring that big thing back to life, the big robot thing or whatever. He was in Hard Rock Zombies. um He's in Willow and of course, Return of the Jedi because it's 1987 and he's a little person. I'm imagining a lot of these ah actors for the Garbage Pail Kids were also in Star Wars. Like it can't just be him. So Alligator, both voiced and played by Kevin Thompson, Return of the Jedi.
00:32:56
Speaker
Okay. ah Foul Phil, played by Bobby Bell, Return of the Jedi. But voiced by Amy. Or... Chloe Amatow. Chloe Amatow. Yeah. Yeah. Not Apatow.
00:33:07
Speaker
but This movie wasn't the two hours and 40 minutes. said Apatow. Oh, okay. also didn't have fucking Paul Rudd, sadly. We have Wendy Winston, who is played by Arturo Gill, both voice and body.
00:33:21
Speaker
Arturo Gill. We've all seen him before, kind of. I know you and I definitely have. um So he's in Spaceballs. He plays Dink.
00:33:32
Speaker
So he's not in Star Wars, but he's in Spaceballs. Worst movie the year. And he's in Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey. As Station Station Station Yeah I can't recall I do not recall Senator The entire time And it splits in half Do you not remember A naked butted monster That was good at Inventing stuff No.
00:33:57
Speaker
Is it in fact you do not remember that monster's butt at all? Not at all. I do not. If you don't remember where it shits, we must acquit. yeah And then we have Messy Tessie, played by Susan Rosito.
00:34:11
Speaker
And we have had her on the show before, kind of. Okay. Hold on, wait. Is she yeah um law the mother of Labyrinth? No. does she play Hoggle? Nope. Oh. She plays an emperor penguin in Batman Returns. Oh, that's right.
00:34:27
Speaker
I forgot they had real practical suits. Yeah, there was a couple of them that were people in suits and a couple that were real penguins. Yeah. She was a suit person. Nice. I'm sure it wasn't Toby's mom.
00:34:41
Speaker
I don't think so, but I didn't go that deep. I saw Batman Returns and was like, sounds good to me. That's all I need to talk about now. But they all get released from the trash can. ah Juice and co. take Dodger down to the sewers. The juice company.
00:34:57
Speaker
juice They take him to the... dot the They take Dodger to the sewers and they dump shit water on him. I don't know what their plan is to waterboard him with fecal matter. Well, well they yeah they knock him out and they lay him underneath this pipe and they open it and he's out this whole time. So I'm assuming they want him to drown in shit. Yeah. Which is really just not a great business model.
00:35:14
Speaker
that Or if he wakes up, he goes to the hospital and dies. Yeah. From ah whatever you get. You get dysentery. You get dysentery. You're definitely getting some fucking form of E. coli. Yeah.
00:35:26
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, pretty sure. You're going to bring back scarlet fever, but this is when we find out the kids, the, the, the GPK. Whoa.
00:35:38
Speaker
The GPK as my notes say, because I did not want to write garbage pill kids, man. Yeah. I got a, got an abbreviation for him. It's a sad day. They save abbreviating it and she's quoting it.
00:35:49
Speaker
They save Dodger from drowning in shit and go take him back up to the antique shop. Manzini shows up and this what we find out. they The garbage pill kids know him because they think it's alligator. It's like, hi, you Captain.
00:36:02
Speaker
ah he's you you did You said he was doing a Christian Slater. I was hearing ah ah Charles Bronson. Yeah. Okay, captain. How you doing? i guess so it it is more of that but because there's a couple of times you're like I'm gonna bite me some toes, but it could definitely just be a Bronson.
00:36:17
Speaker
They're gonna get into those If you let me down, I'd hate to be them feet That Jeff Goldblum raped my wife. You know what it was? He's dead. Was that in the first one? Yeah. Regis. Regis?
00:36:29
Speaker
You think he sounds like Regis? No, one of them should have been a Regis. Oh. ah Can I even do a Regis? We're the garbage pill kids! Oh! Get him to soda! You know what's funny, though? Speaking of Bill and Ted 2, in Death Wish 4?
00:36:42
Speaker
Jesus Christ. Okay. Alex Winters is one of the punk kids that he has to kill. Show me Alex Winters! Why didn't Regis ever do Family Feud? Ooh. Show me potato salad.
00:36:55
Speaker
Love potato salad. Goes right to the hips. But yeah, he's like, hiya, Captain. No see. ah And we we meet all of our characters. Messy Tessie's the one with snot all over everything. She's because this movie is not as disgusting as I thought it would. No.
00:37:11
Speaker
she's disgusting and when i was expecting more i'm sorry i was expecting a lot more vomit i was expecting a lot more uh water after i saw it once um more farts and maybe devolving into poop we did get pee pants so yeah that nerd that nerd is pulling out his dick is just the worst net nerds pulling out his dick and peeing all the time went like full colombo on this like uh just one more thing I noticed the urine is not going through your pants, so I feel like your dick is out.
00:37:39
Speaker
It's just above frame. it's It was, because the first time they showed Natner, there's a puddle coming out of his pants. The next time, it's a stream. yeah And the like the one time after this, it's back to out of the bottom of the pants, though.
00:37:50
Speaker
Like, this time, he's just like, i got my dick out, and I'm just going to pee. That is fucking identical. Thank you. It's just a bobo. It is a bobo. Or a little devil, one of them.
00:38:04
Speaker
Both. Jesus. If I win, I get to pee on you. If you win, you get another bowl of cereal with pee in it. Cap'n Crunch. I like Cap'n.
00:38:18
Speaker
But messy Tessie is like wiping snot off her hand and going to shake this kid's hand. And Manzini is like, never shake hands with messy Tessie. Every scene in the movie, she's just like, me let me touch this dress that I'm going to sell to somebody. It's bad. Well, because she's gluing the rhinestones on. Yeah, she's using her snot for glue, and that's gross. Disgusting. But the end of the movie, when they have the the fight, yeah is the worst. It's just hanging.
00:38:45
Speaker
There's just glue hanging from her. oh Is there something on my face? Nope. All tip-top there. So they they go to, as a group, Bathe Dodger. Uh-huh. Yeah.
00:38:58
Speaker
That's a thing. They're all... Hey, look at them tootsies hanging out of that bathtub. I'm going to bite me a couple of those young kids' toes. They're all staring at this naked boy in a bathtub. Alligator, this whole movie, wants to eat humans.
00:39:11
Speaker
He's got lunchbox with eyeballs. And toes. And toes. He's got a foot thing. Wait, I like the your tone your wife hit was that toes are supposed to be defense. He's got a lunchbox, eyeballs, and toes. Yeah.
00:39:24
Speaker
Doesn't make it better. Top and bottom, dude. He's got, no, he's not just eating eyes. He's also penises in there. I think I saw an ear. There was an ear, yeah. Hey, that Dolph Lundgren's got a nice looking necklace. I call that a candy necklace.
00:39:38
Speaker
Can I have one of those candy necklaces you made in Vietnam? I need one of those necklaces next time I'm at a beer festival. Ooh, I've had too many beers. Let me get a little snacky. little salty ear.
00:39:49
Speaker
Hey, I heard they were selling ears of corn. I was a little disappointed.
00:39:57
Speaker
But this is when we find out they have to stay away from the normies because the normies think they're too ugly. And I'm like, well, the normies are right. And i always have my dick out. Yeah.
00:40:08
Speaker
I can't. And when he puts on the fucking flasher jacket later, I'm like, perfect for him. Yeah. That's when he pulls his dick out. I was arrested at the Alamo. That is when he pulls his dick out. because That's when he opens up his jacket and then pisses. But he's permanently wearing... Hold on. He's permanently wearing a Superman outfit.
00:40:24
Speaker
You guys realize that? Yeah, his outfit is the blue with the red cape. I definitely saw it later. But he's also got...
00:40:33
Speaker
Suspenders. Superman didn't wear suspenders. Clark Kent did. Oh, he also has zits all over his face. The worst zits. Yeah. Well, that's why he's gross. that's the joke, though. It's not just that you noticed it. That's the joke that's just off screen is that his dick is out because he's flashing them.
00:40:49
Speaker
Yeah. It's disgusting. Kids movie. Yeah. going to say that a couple times throughout this recording. This is a kids movie. 1987. Produced by Paul Klinker. It's a kids movie. a Hey, I want to see more dicks. It was in Iowa.
00:41:03
Speaker
Does that make... This movie is produced by the state of Iowa. I probably did see this in Iowa, though. You probably did. So Dodger goes and hangs out with Tangerine. He's got a big crush on her.
00:41:14
Speaker
um She's going to sell her clothes. I mean, dude, if you're 14, you see why. Yeah. You know what i mean? Like, I thought it was a wild, inappropriate crush. Like, ah ah when I was in, like, grade school and I had volleyball coaches or or something that were older than me, I'm like, oh, my God, they are so hot. I got a crush on them.
00:41:34
Speaker
Knowing... Yeah, well, mean, it's not... If you're a kid with a crush on older people, it's not as weird as if it were the other way around. Right, exactly. i mean, I had a crush on my third grade teacher. Although, let me tell you right now, if my volleyball coach had a crush on me... Girl... It's a problem for her, not you. Yeah.
00:41:52
Speaker
My third grade teacher was a man, and he threw a book at my head when I asked him if he believed in UFOs. My third grade teacher was a Xerox. Xerox means i got I got locked in the supply room.
00:42:04
Speaker
Haven't told that story? No. Okay, we'll talk about that some other time. Is this like kidnapping with watermelons? No, that's a lot less. lot less traumatic. And Iowa's weird. A different trauma. Yeah, you were in Iowa. I was in Catholic school. ah People expect that shit.
00:42:21
Speaker
If you get locked in room in Catholic school, you hope it's a Xerox machine. Dude, was so happy with Xerox machine. But yeah, Dodger goes to help her sell her clothes. All these people are just throwing money at her. This is when she takes her shirt off and sells it to someone for $12. I mean, it's a good hustle, too, because I don't like what you brought me.
00:42:38
Speaker
and don That scarf, how much for the shirt? Yeah. If you say a little pencil box, a wooden pencil Cigar box. Cigar box. Yeah. You're just throwing the cash in there, not fucking counting.
00:42:51
Speaker
No. No, she's telling these people like 14, 10, 12. They show the box. There's like eight bucks in there. Ones are going in there. Also, if I'm selling all these shirts for like 12 to 15, the one that's on me is worth more than that.
00:43:04
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I guess it's used. Sure, but it's on me. yeah You could charge more for it if it's the bouncer. Come up How much for the shirt you wear? Hey, I like that shirt you got there. I want to say this scene is actually from another movie also. How much for one shoe?
00:43:21
Speaker
I vividly remember, unless I just watched this movie so much, that I remember that scene specifically. could be because it's not a recognizable scene to me at all. Just the person being like, I'm buying the shirt off of your back, and you're like here you go.
00:43:35
Speaker
I don't know. Yeah, I got nothing on it. There is a funny gag here, though. I mean, it just made me chuckle. He sits down when she takes her shirt up. Well, yeah, he's he's flabbergasted. He's got to hide ah hi does something.
00:43:47
Speaker
Oh, yeah. But Juice and his friends show up to take their take a cut of the money, whatever. 100% cut. And so Dodger goes to hide, and he takes the but clothing bag and zips himself up in the bag. It's pretty funny. It's a good skill for a little wiener kid in a bag is funny.
00:44:02
Speaker
Yeah. And he's really in the bag because it shows you him coming out of the bag. What if Juice is 15? He's one of the ones that doesn't have his age or his birth date listed. I was like, how old is this dude? He's 31.
00:44:16
Speaker
yeah If he's 31, man, he should not be dating a 15-year-old. so I think they're all just orphans. Look it up. ah Date of birth, 1940. What?
00:44:29
Speaker
Was this all filmed in Ireland? Don't have a dog. Yep, we're in Ireland. Well, parents cost money to cast. so True. Yeah, because the the girl is living by herself, presumably, because we see her house next door to the... Above the antique shop. Yeah.
00:44:44
Speaker
And never a locked door. Nope. No, because that kid just walks right in. like She wasn't even surprised when he walks She was shocked at the clothes, but not like, how the fuck you get in my house? Yeah. It was hell of But we do get some product placement here. Oh, yeah. Yeah, these the the garbage pill kids go out to party. They're searching for their other friends, like Ultraviolet and Violet and some other ones. I didn't have the cards. I don't know.
00:45:08
Speaker
No, I didn't either. I'm i'm ah aware of them. I had Zitty Whitney. Valerie Vomit jumps out of the van and she's like, we're the Pepsi generation. And holds up a six pack Pepsi. I'm like, hey, cool. I'm drinking Coke from now on.
00:45:22
Speaker
Oh, batter that's what happens when you drink Pepsi. You turn into Valerie Vomit. Yeah. Bad, bad fucking product placement. ah But they do make some Michael Jackson clothes for Dodger to wear. Yes, they do.
00:45:35
Speaker
ah Jacket with my Michael Jackson outfit. He wore this one at the Grammys. ah jacket with like medals and studs. I'm telling you, man, it's an old older pad. It's an old lady going to fucking ah Atlantic City. Yes. Like in her 60s, retired lesbian. Oh, Steven Tyler. Like a yes But that fake sailor look is what it is. Yeah. It's ridiculous. Well, he does do a moonwalk. Talk about Old Navy.
00:46:04
Speaker
But they they make him these clothes because Tangerine's into fashion, and they're like, this will help you get her. And I loved it. Jack, was we were watching it he's like, yeah, that's going to impress her, this fucking bullshit lesbian farmer's market jacket. yeah And he shows up, and she's like, holy shit, where'd you get those clothes? Look at those threads. i'm like, this is bullshit. I'm leaving.
00:46:23
Speaker
This movie is fucking stupid. So he agrees to make some more clothes for her. um yeah He goes to leave, head back, and she's like, hey, make sure to watch out for juice. And he's like, I'm too happy to die. it's like, that's not how that works.
00:46:39
Speaker
You ever seen a movie? Happiest is when you die. Yeah, this is nothing nothing bad can bring me down from this. said it. You just jinxed yourself. Oh, buddy. That's why we do this, so we're never happy.
00:46:51
Speaker
that what you this to us? And then we have a musical number, and I thought this movie was about to become a musical. I was about to be real upset. But it's like a, it's a positive message for kids song.
00:47:04
Speaker
Like we can do anything by working together. So there's an underlying thing they're trying to do here. They just don't do it well enough that like, cause they even say that like, we don't think Tangerine's pretty at all. She's ugly. Yeah. They're talking about as a person.
00:47:17
Speaker
Yeah. And it comes up later. It's not what the outside says. It's what the inside says. So that's a, there's a whisper of that in here, but not enough to make it like a true lesson movie. Yeah. Sparkle fingers. Sparkle fingers. Sparkle Fingers says that also. He's like, ugly isn't what's on the outside, it's what's on the inside. Even though once he gives a speech to the kids, he's like, you think they fucking bought it? You think those uggos just bought it? What a load of crap.
00:47:42
Speaker
He's a handsome dude, he gets it. yeah He knows. he's been He's been not only rebuffed, but he's been seduced. But so they they do agree to make more clothes for Dodger. They break into the non-union sweat shop, which is what it's called.
00:47:56
Speaker
We're just going to borrow a sewing machine or two. i think You know what? If you're going to steal a sewing machine from anyone, I think the sweat shop is the place to do it. they yeah Fuck them. They can buy another one. Don't steal from some mom and pop shop. Yeah, exactly.
00:48:09
Speaker
feel from This is the company that makes shit for Walmart. They make Ozark Trail tents for them all the time. yeah oh They make all the ah MAGA hats. Uh-huh. Yeah. They sell those Walmart? I'm sure they do.
00:48:21
Speaker
But the kids decide, like, hey, are the the kids being our GPKs decide that they need to go out and do something. GPK. This motherfucker. We're going go to the- Eating Pussy Nightly with a K. It means I'm in a suit of armor. well That means they're taking it and not asking? What a shine a on the old fucking system. out of Rosie Perez.
00:48:45
Speaker
going to take it asking. I'm going to take it without asking. There you go. But so, yeah, they decide to go out and see a movie picture. A movie picture. movie picture. Which had the best laugh of the fucking movie. Yeah, dude, we were laughing so hard at this fucking Three Stooges skit. But this is when they dress up like Raphael from the first Ninja Turtles movie. They got to put on their fucking flasher jackets. Hey, you got to know what a crumpet is to know what cricket is. Don't forget the everybody had some blue ball blue blockers and...
00:49:13
Speaker
berets. Well, do you know what it actually is, though? It's old spy. It's like a spy film, cloak and dagger. Yeah. I just love it, though. They're like, no one will be able to recognize us We're going to put on these jackets and these sunglasses. And Alligator is like, yep, that'll work.
00:49:26
Speaker
I'm blending right in. I'm not a monster alligator person. But this this ah Three Stooges skit is probably one of my favorite ones.
00:49:37
Speaker
I've seen this one. Mom loves The Stooges. This made me laugh. It started out it made me laugh right away. then it got into the actual joke. We have rabbit or hot dog. Hot dog. Rabbit. Hot dog. He'll take rabbit. And then you just see, like, it's in the background.
00:49:49
Speaker
It's a character. It's a black character. It's what Toto was. Larry is the main one. Larry is the one with curls. Curly has no hair. Curly has no hair.
00:50:00
Speaker
And Moe is the one with the fucking black hair. Moe has the bowl cut. Okay, so then Larry is the one running around. He's carrying around this little terrier. yeah he runs past these guys going to eat. And he goes into the kitchen. And he's like chopping. He's getting ready to chop some food up, whatever.
00:50:15
Speaker
And this dog is wagging his tail and knocks the window closed. And the window slams. right after And he yelp the dog yelps as soon as he chops. And all these guys are like, ooh. oh My eating dog. it was really funny. I don't know what I don't know what bit this was but this is fucking funny There's the one scene where he's like got the glizzy in his face and there's like a little tongue coming out and like oh Them them just fucking raw dog and glizzies I just want to hear the Three Stooges say glizzy now.
00:50:43
Speaker
They're running a ah muck in this theater. They're making a mockery of cinema. Oh, and then... Derek would have been fucking pissed. Jack's like, that's a bag of popcorn because it's as big as the GPK. I love it. I was just about to say... Don't join his dark side.
00:51:00
Speaker
when he said that, though, i was about to I was like yeah, it looks like they work at the theater. Because when I worked there, I don't know what the rules are now, but it was like you got free popcorn and free soda if you brought your own container. Okay. And i would go- We used to be able to take home the end of the night, and we always did that in a big, unscented trash bag. At the end of the night, I would go to movies, like the last showing, and we would just show up in like double bag trash, because they were shitty trash bags. Oh, yeah. And like all the popcorn they were going to throw away, they would throw it away, and we would just take the entire trash bag into the movie theater.
00:51:26
Speaker
and be like five of us just sitting there like- harm Oh, yeah. harm Never finished it. Times didn't change. What? You quitter. Yeah. I don't think could eat 13.3 gallons of popcorn. Not with that attitude.
00:51:37
Speaker
And we would just take a the one of the sample cups or the water cups and fill that with butter. So then we could just sit there and be like, boop. That's why you couldn't finish it. Your arteries were closed closing down. Boop.
00:51:51
Speaker
Boop. That's to see Derek with chopsticks throwing popcorn into a little bit of a butter cup and just picking them out one by one, saturated. And that's why he cannot do the diacetyl anymore.
00:52:04
Speaker
oh yeah, no it was gross. Yeah. Garbage people. Garbage pale kids. Garbage pale people. Garbage people. But yeah, so... We're what happens when they grow up, dude.
00:52:14
Speaker
Messy Tessy sneezes into this ginormous trash bag of popcorn and then just popcorn covers everybody in this 20-person theater. Popcorn and snot.
00:52:26
Speaker
Yeah, this is the theater from Matinee. From Man Theaters. But I just, the the first half of this, they're running amok, like you said. They're taking hot dogs out of buns. Mommy. They're making noise. that That little weird fucking baby one is licking that lady's face.
00:52:44
Speaker
Foul fill. All this stuff. No one seems to be upset until they get popcorn sneezed on them. Because it's wet. I would have been upset the second 14 monsters snuck in in flasher outfits. Oh, no, you would have upset with but someone disrupting your movie. Shut the fuck up!
00:53:01
Speaker
Yeah. I'm trying to watch the Stooges here. I'm getting the usher. That's it. I'm getting my money back.
00:53:10
Speaker
Yeah, pretty much. And that's all of them except for Alligator and Wendy Womperat. There you go. God, did you not have GPK cards?
00:53:22
Speaker
Wendy Womperat here. Oh, I did not have GPK cards. I'm sorry. so I'm not calling it that. It's actually been called GPK for decades. Not by me. But they go to the toughest bar in the world. It says so on a handwritten sign right outside.
00:53:37
Speaker
The name is the toughest bar in the world. And of course it's full of bikers. an Alligator is shopping for asses to eat. ah yeah He's shopping for the doze. But he does come across a delectable ass bending over the bar. juicy booty. ah But it does look like he's shopping for ass.
00:53:53
Speaker
Because he's walking by, he's like too skinny, too whatever. Then he gets to the one that says too leathery. And I'm like, oh, it's the boots. It's the boots. It's the feet he's talking about. But then that chick is standing up and he's all, no, no, no, no.
00:54:05
Speaker
See, look, if this garbage pale kid monster person knows not to grope a person, America, you can too. Yeah, just because you're famous doesn't mean they let you. Anybody anybody that's familiar with Pee-wee's Big Adventure as well as I and will recognize that one of the bikers.
00:54:23
Speaker
The one wearing sandals? Dude, you clocked that amazing. That's why this one gets bit. No, not that it's not that one. He's got the round glasses. He's a chubbier face dude. The one that that he bites. Yeah, that's the one he bites. No, it's not that one. Yeah, it is. No.
00:54:36
Speaker
There's another one that there's two look like him. I thought that's who you were talking about. Oh, yeah. Nuh-uh. But this is a biker who's been on his Harley. And he's wearing those Ziba sandals. What are they called? The Velcro? Yeah, like strappy fucking... You know more bikers than I probably do.
00:54:49
Speaker
They never wear... How many you know wear sandals? None of them. Especially ones that look all strappy because you need to go fight a lion in a coliseum. If you your feet exposed, you're not on a bike. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. you don't wear tennis shoes. You don't have your fucking feet exposed. Yeah. Points to both. Purple square and a gold star.
00:55:04
Speaker
I get the purple square. i like Poiple. But yeah, Ally eats the biker dude's foot. It leads to a fight. He ate my toe! Wendy comes to the rescue, riding their little pow-pow power wheel through the window and farts everybody away. And then Mork Norris comes in.
00:55:20
Speaker
Dude, this guy looks like if... He looks like Mork Norris. Jeff? Yeah. Don't look at me. don't fucking know. Because you are the name queen.
00:55:31
Speaker
Nah. I was not any of those episodes for Miami. You've seen it every time I've done an episode, though. Jeff watches. Jeff looks like this. This dude looks like Jeff is what trying to say. All right.
00:55:43
Speaker
This dude looks like Jeff from Miami connection. If he actually worked out and didn't pretend to work out like he does in that movie. And he's farting here. I don't know what he ate. I don't know what he ate. here i don't know what he eight actually i just like i wait i don't know but he
00:56:02
Speaker
It smells like buttered popcorn and some glizzies straight out of the fridge, not even heated up. Gross. I do like when Wendy, it was funny when Wendy does fart on everybody and blows that dude's mustache right off. The hat and the mustache. Because it blows the hat and the mustache. Like, that's done well. That's good. That's my kind of fart humor. That did get a chuckle out of all of us. Yeah. But yeah, this Mork Norris makes friends with them and he's like, drinks on me. So now we've got two drunk mutant baby creatures.
00:56:35
Speaker
And the magician calls them the kids all the time, like the babies, the young ones, the children's. Even though they're probably not. They're probably they're eternal beings. They're like ah Clint Howard in that episode of Star Trek. They are Pandora's box.
00:56:51
Speaker
ah Aliens. its Oh, so like a Avatar. Pandora's box. Pandora. Look at you. These are Avatar creatures. Are you saying that he watched this movie and then Avatar? These things are going to show up in Avatar 3, Way of the Garbage.
00:57:07
Speaker
Way of the Pale, dude. This is what happens when you don't take care of your planet. Avatar 4, Way of the Fart. Avatar 5, Way of the Booger Snot. Avatar 7. I pissed myself.
00:57:18
Speaker
That's the subtitle.
00:57:22
Speaker
James Cameron's Avatar 7. I pissed myself. Christ.
00:57:30
Speaker
Don't clip that and make it like a weird fucking ah fucking repeating gi Now that you just said that, I'll remember. um but yeah, they make friends. They get drunk. They get the was to say they get a ride home. But these bikers let these guys ride them. Drive themselves. Bikers are good people.
00:57:46
Speaker
They're in four wheels. They're in a quad. I like Ali is on the back of the the quad, though. dude He's back. 99 bottles of toes on the wall 99 bottles of toes 99 bottles of toes take a bite and I swallow it down 98 bottles of toes to go Bang, you're dead Bang, whiz, kid That's how I would ride one of those Because it's got the bitch bar on the back And he's just hugging onto it like oh yeah Looking at everybody That's a tall bitch bar too Oh yeah, I call it sissy bar
00:58:17
Speaker
juice and co are here ah watching them from behind the trash can so they can find out now they see where the little shit babies live they've seen the shit babies um which is weird too phased by it no because they see them now tangerine doesn't see them until a little later uh-huh and she's surprised so jeff and his friends are keeping this secret from her hey you're being your clothes are being made by shit babies yeah Juice, not Jeff. Did I say Jeff? Yeah, you did. Sorry.
00:58:45
Speaker
my name is Juice. Still got Miami connection on the mind. My name is Juice. My name is Juice. And the way he's like... Yeah, he's he's so flat.
00:58:57
Speaker
it's He makes Chris O'Donnell look very dimensionless. He makes Romano seem like a great actor. He Ray Romano like great I'm a garbage baby!
00:59:08
Speaker
You know who deserves a fucking Oscar in this movie? Is Cap'n Magic Fingers. Yes! Because he's actually acting while he's looking these- He's the Gene Hackman of this trash.
00:59:19
Speaker
But he's like- Can you imagine trying to deliver any sort of heartfelt anything to these faces? It's like my cocaine in a Muppet Christmas Carol. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly what I
The State Home for the Ugly and Fashion Show Secrets
00:59:31
Speaker
thought.
00:59:31
Speaker
i thought of my cocaine. But so we're 75% of the way through the movie and we finally learned the thrust of the movie. Yeah. Which is that their their friends are probably locked up in the state home for the ugly. And Manzini like. I didn't believe it existed. Yeah.
00:59:46
Speaker
I didn't know this was a real thing, but I believe it now. And then immediately we have a truck and a building labeled state home for the ugly. We might as well have a billboard up there. Yes, we're real. And these guys are going around dog catcher trucks. Yeah, they're going around dog catchering ugly kids.
01:00:01
Speaker
One of these little girls is wearing a Halloween mask, counting probably playing hide and go seek or something. And they dog nap her. Yeah, they did. Like, oh sorry, little girl, but that should teach you not to wear a mask when it's not Halloween. yeah yeah You're going to get got. And she she basically is like, fuck you, pig.
01:00:16
Speaker
Where were these guys in the movie Mask? Go suck a rope. Go suck a rope. i was like, oh, that's that slang for penis. Yeah. This little girl just told these cops to suck a dick.
01:00:28
Speaker
And you know what? High five, little girl. yeah Yeah. High five. Hero of the movie. All ugly catchers are bastards. So there's there's there's another little montage. They're selling more clothes.
01:00:42
Speaker
ah Tangerine is just straight to take her shirt off again. She's straight up sucking on Dodger's ear, though. yeah she Oh, yeah. well this This is when we found out how old she was. This actor's like, oh boy. Best movie I've ever worked on. I can't say it. Never mind.
01:00:56
Speaker
Yeah, please don't. It's all underage. It is. That's what i was I can't say it. Keep it clean. But he does take her down to meet... Or no, they come up. No, she he takes her down to meet the the Garbage Pail Kids. Yeah.
01:01:07
Speaker
And as soon as they start walking up to her, she's like, get away from me! Ew, you're gross! And he's like, these are my friends. These are my friends. Don't make fun of them.
01:01:18
Speaker
And so she's like, hey, a department store, McBundy's department store is going to do a fashion show for us. ah fashions. I want to mention real quick, the version we were watching did have subtitles and whoever was doing these subtitles was having fun because the word pale was just inserted randomly. Inserted? I said it like you. Inserted? It was inserted randomly throughout. It was like...
01:01:43
Speaker
Oh, hey, we're going to have a fashion pail. like Hey, I've got a good pail idea. It's like those early Batman Adam West things. Like, it's a quick, to the pail car. Sit on the pail phone.
01:01:56
Speaker
Is that the pail signal? my favorite one rolling up My favorite one is the bat shark repellent spray. Oh, yeah. yeah He thought of everything. He's the world's greatest detective. I'm going to detect adam a shark.
01:02:09
Speaker
Adam West.
01:02:12
Speaker
But this is where we see that she's... It seems like up until now, she's been actually making friends with Dodger. Yeah, you think that she's sad that she's doing it him. We did get one second of of Juice talking to her, like, it's against my morals to let this child live.
01:02:28
Speaker
i just think want to see blood. But... This is when she's like, they're doing the fashion show. going to put my label on all the clothes. And the kid's like, well, but you didn't make them. And she's like, but do you have a label? And he's like, no. And he's like, she's like, well, then my label.
01:02:41
Speaker
Yeah. You know what? I'm recognizable. Perfect sense. That makes perfect sense. Everybody knows Tangerine's label. She sells her clothes out of the back of a car. Yeah. Everyone knows that. This department store is very familiar because they love car clothes.
01:02:57
Speaker
She's going to get Marky Mark to model her car underwear. It's the fruit of the loom, guys. Look at my Volkswagen. Look at those dragon. I've got a bra on that thing. What are the leather things? covers up the headlights. You can't see my flashes.
01:03:10
Speaker
If it was the fruit of the loom, that would make all those fruit of the loom people actually just Garbage Pail Kids, which would make those commercials even more terrifying. That's what happened to the missing friends. I just realized right now what fruit of the loom means.
01:03:22
Speaker
Really? Like right this second. You are the fruit of my looms. Well, because the loom is the sewing thing. And it's protecting the fruit of my loins. And it's the fruit is what is brought out by them looming things.
01:03:35
Speaker
So the fruit of my loom. Uh-huh. I thought it was just like ah that Rick and Morty episode with Santa Claus's dick is over everyone. It's looming fruit. Nope. 43 years old. Finally fucking made that connection. guys I'm a smart one. But he makes her promise not to tell where the kids are.
01:03:56
Speaker
and she says, I crossed my nipple, hope to die. She's like, I crossed my heart. Look, you see where I'm crossing. Yeah. And this is the more uncomfortable because this is right after we found out how old she is. She's like, I crossed my heart and just rubbing right over her nipple. And I'm like, 15, 15, 15. My heart is not right here.
01:04:12
Speaker
Kids movie. It's here. My heart's over here. I don't even have boobs. I don't even have boobs and my nipple is nowhere near my heart. I mean, it's a few inches away, but you know, just saying kids movie.
01:04:24
Speaker
Yeah. You know, if you follow your earlobe down, that's where your nipple is. Hand me that cup of corn. Don't like that. Hand me that cup of corn. I'm eating it the long way. Just because.
01:04:38
Speaker
you What the hell? What the hell kind of movie is this? For children. No, no. It's important to the plot. Have her eat the corn the long way. Hey, Dodger, let's go out for corn dogs.
01:04:52
Speaker
So we have a measure. a measure We have a moment of great of all the GPKs. It's a measurement of time. We have the GPKs all hanging out in the basement. um greg and Greaser Greg and Messy Tessie are playing doctor, and he definitely tries to molest her.
01:05:08
Speaker
He tried to stick it up her pooper. Because she comes running out, and he's like, hey, your examination's not done. Oh, hey. And she's like, oh yeah, it is. Snot glop. Yep. Yep. BAM!
01:05:19
Speaker
That's for the last time. And then ah Foul Phil's like, haha, that's funny. And then Greasy Greg is like, BAM! Foul Phil's like, that's where I came from. ah Are you my mommy?
01:05:33
Speaker
He keeps saying mommy the whole time. It took me forever to figure out he had bad breath. Yeah, Foul Phil. I just thought he was, I was waiting for him to be like really dirty, not filthy, but like foul mouth. Yeah. No foul mouth. I thought he's a baby that runs around saying fuck you. Yeah, exactly.
01:05:50
Speaker
You got nice tits for a grandma. What was this rated? Did we even say, was it PG? Oh, I would guess it's PG 13. Uh, PG. Oh my God. The eighties were a wild frontier. Yeah.
01:06:03
Speaker
Is this before? Parental guidance guys. No, this isn't before PG-13 was made. What made that? Indiana Jones. and yeah know i love dear Indiana Jones. I don't know. Indiana Jones. 281-330-800-4. Indiana Jones is on the low.
01:06:22
Speaker
I knew he knew it yeah I always know Mike Jones's phone number. Yeah, you know Indiana Jones phone number. I don't remember it was the first one. don't remember if it was Raiders or if it was Temple.
01:06:33
Speaker
But they were like, this isn't bad enough to be R, but it's a little more violent than we want small children to see. think it Temple, but I could be wrong. They were going to rate it but it's a big franchise with a lot of money behind it.
01:06:47
Speaker
So somebody was like, what if we make a new rating? Yeah. So it's not R. feel like that's Kalima territory. Yeah, that seems like a Kalima problem. I mean, Nazis face melting.
01:06:59
Speaker
should all be able to watch that. Yeah, no, that seems fun. but That's a good time. Force punching and grabbing a heart and going. I remember him licking it. I was... She's just got a thing.
01:07:11
Speaker
Yeah, he likes to lick ripped hearts. I would love to lick a little bit of your heart, chest cavity. Love it a Long time. Your lemon lolly heart. Lemon lollipops.
01:07:24
Speaker
But so, yeah. But so, yeah. This is when they decide they're not, they're like, look. we're not so dodger We're not making you any more clothes until you help us find our friends. yeah And he's like, oh, no, we found the place yesterday. We just didn't tell you. You found it yesterday. Well, why didn't you tell us? Because we still need It's fucking Fort Knox.
01:07:41
Speaker
It's fortified. It's so hard to break into. It's got a six foot fence. It does have some barbed wire, but.
01:07:49
Speaker
All right, you give the dog some sleeping pills. Yeah, it's two beautiful You mean the dog's on leashes? Yeah. all you need All you need to do is just give them some mistakes and they're happy. Dude, those two Rottweilers are on six-foot leashes. They are not getting anyone.
01:08:02
Speaker
True. They even try. They come out they're like barking at Manzini. Someone's holding Behind the scenes, someone's holding onto leashes. there's definitely someone behind those bushes holding that leash.
01:08:12
Speaker
They a Buddhist voice. But so they they're like, okay, well, we'll help you as long as you promise to help us. ah Tangerine and Dodger leave. Let's help you. And they lock the babies in the basement.
01:08:24
Speaker
And they're like, oh, what the fuck, dude? because they're like, we're going go with you. And she's like, yeah, I don't think so. No. Let me put the key right by my nipple. You can't be a model. We need people that are much when do You need to be pretty. Oh yeah, so you you need to be pretty.
01:08:40
Speaker
Tangerine. Pretty tall. And also not ugly. And also, have you seen you? ah Models can't have goo dripping out of their faces unless it's semen. This is the worst smelling basement in America.
80s Film Ratings and Nostalgic Gaming
01:08:55
Speaker
Yes. I have been in a basement that was used for LAN parties that smelled better than Between Fowl Phil's breath and Wendy Whamper Sam's farts. Winston! If we have any younger audience, I wonder if they know what a LAN party is.
01:09:11
Speaker
Kids, you used to bring your computers or your Xboxes or your Playstations to a big group and connect them via wires so you could all play on the same server. i was going to say, you mean younger ah listeners like under 35? Yeah.
01:09:24
Speaker
Because I think it was over by then. i did LAN parties. Did you? Yeah. Nice. We played, what was that game? No. So we did a lot of Halo LAN parties. No, I didn't play that garbage. um I was so good at Halo.
01:09:38
Speaker
The zombie one where you were four four people. four people Left 4 Dead. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we did that a lot. We also did some Gears of War. Oh, yeah. Yeah, cause definitely. Dude, you got to fucking a chainsaw for a bayonet. That's kind of cool. Yeah.
01:09:50
Speaker
No, that's the best part of that game. Yep. Cutting those things in half. Oh, yeah. little cut scene. wow you Now back to our regularly programmed schedule. Whitney, you would like it. ah So this whole time Manzini's been trying to find a magical cure for getting the kids back into the pail.
01:10:07
Speaker
And and this is this is my favorite one. This only one I wrote down. Really dark magic. Yeah, because he has the book really. Because earlier he had a book that said black magic. Yeah. Oh, the line after the black magic, though, is great, though. He's like, i don't know why it's not working. It's just some straight up Mary Poppins.
01:10:22
Speaker
Yeah. And it's not working. But this one is really black magic. Uh-huh. Do you think that this guy, old Captain Sparkle, was friends with anybody from... Oh, what was the Tucson movie we did with the Confederate ghost? Death Magic. Death Magic. Do you think he's friends with Death Magic? Paul Clico. Do you think he's doing any of that magic fucking?
01:10:43
Speaker
Um... If he lived long enough, yeah. That's five years later, so I'm not sure. He's got Bob Bookman looking for him in a library and then snot faces him. Well, because he's very upset that magic doesn't exist anymore because you can't find a few simple ingredients like eye of newt, English fog. Unicorn horn, yeah.
01:11:01
Speaker
English fog was my favorite one. I'm like, does it have to be English? going to get that English fog? Just fart in a jar. you guys so you got so You got Jason Statham over there just all, I call that one English fog. Quick, put the lid on so it stays fresh.
01:11:19
Speaker
Yo, bro, this is Boston fog. My ball's still tight. You can tell. That's some true Boston shit right there. And also, it's it's your butt cheeks that clap, not your butt ring. Oh, I'm doing it wrong.
01:11:36
Speaker
Butt ring, you by the way. She's seen my Lord the Rings tattoo on my butthole. Yeah. One ring, to one O ring to rule them all. Yeah. It's in some language most, there's there few can read it. I can read it. It's Samarian. That's what I say when I see some politician. It's it's just Samarian. It's Gaelic.
01:11:55
Speaker
It's right there. I like them both. Because it's two jokes and one. Yes.
01:12:06
Speaker
Nailed it. but so ju I win today. Thanks. Juice and friends break into the antique shop and they steal the garbage pail kids and take them to the house for the The way they steal them, they're just like,
01:12:22
Speaker
because that's apparently I don't remember the kid ever doing that ever, ever.
Juice's Heist and Captivity Humor
01:12:26
Speaker
But there was this apparently a whistle that he did. Oh, yeah. It's some fucking mating call. But like he never did that.
01:12:33
Speaker
So it's like they cut something out of the movie and forgot. And they're like, oh, this is a very important story point. We better leave this in. But I forgot to put the earlier part in. They're little shit kids. Nobody's going to care. ah This movie costs $1 million. dollars We don't have a time for retakes.
01:12:45
Speaker
so they take him he takes So they take all the garbage pail kids to the house for the ugly. This is where we see all the people who are jailed up. So Juice has another fucking feather in his cap. He's a bounty hunter. Yeah, because he gets paid.
01:12:57
Speaker
He's doing everything. And we have this place. Because he's 16 and he's trying to get out of this trash town. He's Juice the Bounty Hunter. 16 going on 40, dude. Yeah, no joke, man. But all the people locked up in here are all labeled. So we have too fat too old, too skinny, too bald. behold too pale Too bald, by the way. i guess I want to go with some of the examples. Like too too old is whatever.
01:13:20
Speaker
Too Bald is Gandhi. Like a Gandhi type. it looked It's like this i think the guy that poured the gas on himself and lit himself on fire. yeah Tibetan monk? Yeah, like he's a Tibetan monk. ah Too Weird is just a pedophile in a tutu.
01:13:35
Speaker
Too Silly was clown. Yeah, he's Ace Ventura when he's going undercover as a halftime. Yeah, but if Ace Ventura had a mustache, this mustache makes it... This dude should be behind bars. Ace Ventura have a mustache, but it got farted right off.
01:13:48
Speaker
This dude should be behind bars, but like with a trial. going to say he is. Too fat was Santa. Too fat was Santa. Too crippled. Too crippled. Too pale. Did we say too thin?
01:14:00
Speaker
yeah Yeah, there's too skinny. Was Abe Lincoln. And then there's one that we don't see the full sign of. We just see the bottom half. No, we see the full sign. Later on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry. but But here we just see the sign at the top of the frame and all we see is the word dark. dark And we all went, oh, please no.
01:14:17
Speaker
And then later on, you see too dark and it... It's a light-skinned person of color. Yes, but it is a person of color. But you know what? Fucking eighty s I know how American prisons work.
01:14:30
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. That should just be the sign over most of the doors of prisons. Yep. Welcome to Too Dark Penitentiary. Oh, it's got too good of a ring. If Trump has his world.
01:14:42
Speaker
Yeah, but we'll get there. Not in the episode, but in life. ah My note is too dark. And then it's a little emoji that goes... Yikes. Oh, it's the Steve Carell face. Yeah.
01:14:53
Speaker
Oh, my God. I love the Steve Carell face. So we've got the fashion show going on. um The host, I just wrote down because she's in a movie that you guys love. Also, of their own her profile picture when this woman was younger. She's fucking gorgeous. Yeah.
01:15:11
Speaker
But I say when this movie was younger, when this woman was younger, OK, the woman named Lynn Cartwright. But she played old Gina Davis in League of Their Own. but The part that makes me cry the hardest.
01:15:22
Speaker
But the picture that Derek showed for a profile picture, is she was a fucking smoke smoke show, dude. Fucking hot mama. um Hotter than Betty White. So, yeah, they're doing the fashion show.
01:15:34
Speaker
i don't know, man. Betty White when she was younger. She was looking she like the girl next door on the farmland. Betty White was. This one is fucking Gina Davis. Not Gina David. ah Betty Page.
01:15:47
Speaker
Ginger Rogers. All right. Dance on air. Yeah. um But they're doing the fashion show and it's like the li she says it's fashion for when you don't know what to wear to occasions where what you wear doesn't matter.
01:16:02
Speaker
This announcer is the fucking worst because the is the fashion's whatever to us. yeah But she's like, oh, another black leotard with an antique dress over And then there's a zebra top and some sort like ah frilly black skirt. She's got on shoes, it looks like. Yes, those are shoes.
01:16:23
Speaker
ah she's Oh, she's got hair. She's got a zebra bikini on underneath. Did you want me to keep going? because it seems like like the first two or three, it's like they wrote something for her. then after that, they're like, you got this. Just just riff. Yeah. ah Zebra print.
The Rescue Mission and Fashion Show Chaos
01:16:40
Speaker
But when ah Tangerine is the first model out and she's like giving her own little thing, she's like, it could be a little trashy. a little classy. But all in all, it's kind of fun.
01:16:53
Speaker
but to the garbage pail kids. It's a little trashy. But meanwhile, Dodger goes to the toughest bar in the world, gets the bikers, and he's like he's like hey like, come and help me. And they're all like, fuck you, little kid. And he's like, the kids need, or the little guys need your help. And that's when they're like, fuck yeah. Alligator Bronson needs help.
01:17:13
Speaker
Alligator Bronson and Farty McNeil. Oh no.
01:17:18
Speaker
Farty McNeil. Farty McFly needs help. Now I need someone who's better at great scott far a visual like manipulation than me to just go and recut the first Death Wish movie.
01:17:31
Speaker
But every time there's Charles Bronson, come out and put in Alligator. But leave in Charles Bronson's voice. yeah AI could do it, but we don't want to we don't want to not pay somebody. I'm going to Tucson to get a gun.
01:17:42
Speaker
That's what happens in that first movie. It's the easiest place to get one. So if either any of you know how to do that... fucking do Either any of you? Either any. Either of the cameras, any of the people listening. Exactly. I don't know which camera to look at, so I'm dodging between the two, making all the work for my husband.
01:18:01
Speaker
Manzini sneaks into the prison. i his Well, his stunt double sneaks into the prison with a great wig. Oh my god, this way is fantastic! And breaks out the garbage pail kids and then they in turn break out everybody else. yep Except for too weird. I think too weird they leave. And we find out we find out that their friends were... the Yeah, because the one of the guards is like, what happened to the other ones that were in here? And he's like... Ooh.
01:18:29
Speaker
Are you there? I'm using your microphone. It's not... This movie has wrecked your guys' brains. movie has wrecked your guys' brains That's how you go over. Every time you use the three-letter acronym.
01:18:40
Speaker
Why are you... Why are you this way? ah wish you weren't so awkward, bud. i think he also wishes that. Not about you, about him But yeah, Manzini breaks them out of prison. They break out everybody else.
01:18:55
Speaker
Big prison break. The bikers are just there to pull the the bars off the windows, ye even though the front door is open. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think du they should have had the one of the bikers, like, just pull a little too early and fly over his handlebars. We're all going there.
01:19:12
Speaker
ah The GPKs show up at the ah fashion show. now we're at the fashion shows. And they're like using this clothing rack to like sneak behind, and no one notices a clothing rack walking. Uh-uh. And then they walk out on stage with it, and people are just like, um, the announcer's like, something's gone wrong.
01:19:28
Speaker
If you could just wait for a moment. And I'm like, yeah, a clothing rack is walking. Let's all freak out a little bit more. The clothes have become sentient. This is worth concern. She said it was a little trashy. I didn't know it was made of human trash. Right.
01:19:40
Speaker
Yeah. um They attack the fashion show. They're ripping dresses off these girls who are all wearing like very colorful bikinis underneath. And this is when I... Dude, the leopard print one, it's a thong.
01:19:52
Speaker
It is a Children's movie. P.G. Seductive outfit for a children's movie. There's a bunch of mayhem. That was the dads. Yeah, right?
01:20:03
Speaker
The dad's like, this is fine. like We gotta give you something. All we gave you all all we gave you earlier was a 15-year-old. You just don't know it. Yeah. Yeah. What can I tell you she's 15? 1987. nineteen eighty s one There's all this mayhem. There's all this stuff going on.
01:20:18
Speaker
One of the people is like one of the people's like, oh, man, those creatures sure are ugly. And it's also you ugly. Yeah. Wendy Washbin walks out and he's like, wow.
01:20:32
Speaker
Oh, the faces. They did a great job. They did a great job with his faces making these farts because I'm like, that's a face that's farting.
01:20:43
Speaker
i do and And I do like the body language of it with put the arms out and accentuating it. Yeah. Somebody's doing something here. Yeah. And we get the only vomit from Valerie Vomit, which I was very surprised by. I swear I remembered more. It was teased.
01:20:57
Speaker
She pukes on ah Wally and Blythe. yeah And it is it is good. guys it's a we've we've yeah you guys have heard other episodes where we say the word vomit and my wife gags.
01:21:09
Speaker
yeah This one, this girl doll thing is vomiting all over these people. No reaction. Because it doesn't look real. But it's like they have the head sitting there and just buckets and buckets and buckets of vomit coming out of this thing.
01:21:24
Speaker
it's like Gak coming out. Yeah. No, it's just too cartoony for you to be grossed out. Yeah. yeah as If you took Gak and put chunks of food in it. Yeah. cap Well, and glitter.
01:21:37
Speaker
I'm pretty sure the water that was coming out on. That was grosser. That had pops. It had pops in Corn pops in it. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Or almonds, I don't know. maggots.
01:21:51
Speaker
Maggots. It was gross. It was gross. Grosser than the vomit. Because he had like chunks of brown on his face. actually... so the When the water was hitting his face, it wasn't as bad. You'd see little pieces. But when they turned the water off, there's just lumps of shit on this kid.
01:22:05
Speaker
But so Dodger, I thought the vomit was going the grossest part because they built it up. Yeah. the The whole time. Like somebody, oh, she, when she first meets him. Yeah. Cause it's like messy. ta yeah Messy Tessie with the snot and a fart boy with the farts. Then it gets to her and she's like, I'm Valerie vomit.
01:22:22
Speaker
And the kid just dodges and she's like, gotcha bitch. Fart Simpson, by the way.
01:22:28
Speaker
But so Dodger and Juice are fighting, which is just, I mean, like you got like a nine-year-old fighting a 40-year-old. It's kind of sad. But i just I love when Dodger gets finally gets the upper hand and he gets on top of him and he's wailing a away on this dude. And he's just crying and beating him up. It's
Climactic Fight and Final Recommendations
01:22:44
Speaker
maniacal. This is part of the fucking Buechler cut where it's going to be a fucking horror movie serial killer. beats this guy to death.
01:22:52
Speaker
Like, this is like a ah Mice and Men moment where he didn't know he was killing a mouse. Except the mouse is a kid named Juice. Except this time Gary Sinise ain't there to put you out of your misery.
01:23:04
Speaker
so So the good guys win, I guess. um Dodger and Tangerine have a little wrap up at the end. And she says the fashions was a big success.
01:23:18
Speaker
The fashions. Is what she a member of this podcast? Yes. Like, I feel like she was trying the fashion about show. I wasn't excited about the fashions. Like, she was trying to the fashion show, but, like, lost her voice. She's like, the fashion show was a big success.
01:23:30
Speaker
And they were like, it's fine. We got it. Million dollar budget. We're already, it was supposed to be $700,000. That fart cost us $500,000. You know how much fans cost these days? That sneeze another $500,000.
01:23:43
Speaker
But she's like, hey, you know, Dodger, like we can be friends. We can run shit together. It'll be cool. around And he's like, no, I don't think you're pretty anymore. And walks away.
01:23:54
Speaker
And she's crushed by a nine-year-old. Because she not not not only like was she, what do you call it, ah complicit in all this, she also gave him like a really nasty burn. Yeah. When she's he comes up, he's like, you double-crossed me? like You double-crossed yourself. You double-crossed them.
01:24:12
Speaker
I just gave him the key. Meh. And, uh... Bitch. Cunt. You can say cunt. I can. Sparkleman Manzini.
01:24:23
Speaker
Manzini has discovered the way to put them back in the garbage pail. It's obvious. You just do it back. Yeah, you play their theme song that we've never heard until now, backwards. Okay, I wondered, because like they said it. It's like, oh, it's their song. I was like looking at both of you guys like, do I need know this song? Nope.
01:24:39
Speaker
Just like the whistle. Okay. It was cut from the earlier... it was somewhere between the trash pail in the sky... And Manzini knowing them from the the past.
01:24:49
Speaker
It was all in that scene that was cut out. We all worship the great trash pail in the sky. We are the children, nay, the kids of the great pail in the sky. We are garbage pail kids.
01:25:05
Speaker
I do like this. Let's see if I can make you glow.
01:25:09
Speaker
But don't just put stink lines over. him I do like, though, he's like, I've played backwards and you can tell, like, he's not playing the same notes backwards. They're literally reversing the song he just played a second ago because it's got that sound. I'm like, that's not what happens when you just play the same notes. You can hear it.
01:25:25
Speaker
Also, I think he said Paul's dead. I'm pretty sure that he gets sucked into the trash can now. fuck That was the beat the Beatles thing. You don't know that Beatles thing. You play the Beatles record backwards. Oh, I know what you're talking about yeah yeah paul Because he is.
01:25:40
Speaker
Well, now he is. No, he's not. No, he's not. fake Paul McCartney is still making music. Yeah. He just signed fake Avril Lavigne. Did he? Real one died. That's what everybody was saying.
01:25:51
Speaker
and's Yeah, Avril Lavigne's dead. Paul McCartney's dead. okay well, remember Maynard? He's like, they're all fucking aliens. Elvis is living in Cuba with Tupac. I think they're both dead by now.
01:26:03
Speaker
Well, yeah, but they were there. Yeah. um But I like he's playing the song backwards. He just says do the eyes closed. So they're all just like, it's not working. Let's get the fuck out here. Time to take off. fell Alligator is the best one. He's like, oh, no, we're being sucked into the garbage pail or something. Oh, look at that. You pull this trash can. I cannot fight it anymore.
01:26:23
Speaker
I am definitely going into a trash can. Closed door. Very loudly. I am dying now. Hey, are you proud? Are you happy for yourself? It's like a fucking Paul Rubens Buffy death scene.
01:26:35
Speaker
Oh, ah, ee. But the big joke of this is it does work, but it pulls Manzini into the trash can. burnnight mery story The lesson of the story is we are all Garbage Pail Kids. We are all GPK.
01:26:51
Speaker
And that is, you came over to our side. That's the end of the movie. Nope, not five and nut.
01:27:00
Speaker
So we'll go around the horn for recommendations. Jack, do you recommend this movie that was recommended by Bryce? Almost no fucking way at all. Like it was not as gross as I thought. You know what?
01:27:11
Speaker
We had talked about a comparison between this and nothing but trouble. Nothing but trouble a grosser movie. Yes. It just is. I said in our Patreon newsletter, which you can get if you subscribe to Patreon.com. It's $3 a month.
01:27:24
Speaker
I said in there that we had not watched this yet and that I was sure it would be a close contender for grossest movies. The snot is the snot in the poop water are the things that come closest, yeah but nothing touches that hot dog eating dick nose face. No.
01:27:39
Speaker
That is untouchable. So the only way that I think that you should watch this... is because you just need to see it because it's to believe it it's that wackadoo wild.
01:27:51
Speaker
But that makes it hard because you're to have to go on eBay or some sort of fucking torrent that I don't know how to operate. Yeah, I mean, like I said, we found it through nefarious sources. It is available on Shout Factory, but you'd have to buy it to see it.
01:28:05
Speaker
Yeah. I don't think... So I can't wait to get to the end of his recommendation to see about if that'll be in your collection. But Whitney... If you were a garbage pail kid collector, you need to.
01:28:18
Speaker
Wait, do have a GPKC? Yeah. That's almost exactly like the, what's the thing where they they judge the dogs? DBDBMB. No, you, I, if you're old, like me, 43. I'm older than these fuckers.
01:28:35
Speaker
I yes, I think you're still a garbage pill kid at heart. You are a garbage pill kid at heart. Fucking give it a try. It's not as terrible as I remembered it.
01:28:47
Speaker
But I think it was fun and you definitely need Jack's caveats. You need to have drinks. You need to have friends, even some smokes. We definitely waited to watch this because we couldn't get together last week on one day.
01:28:59
Speaker
and we're like, no, this is not a remote one. No, you have to have people with you to watch this. It's bad. Like you're confused half of the time. But like I said, I got chuckles out of it. I got good laughs out of it, especially when they're like, wait, what the fuck just happened?
01:29:14
Speaker
Yeah. it's It's worth to watch it if you are able to watch it. But don't fucking pay $18.99 for this. Don't. Now, on to Derek. absolutely not no recommendation no recommendation i this i mean i could i could see believing i could see the seeing is believing aspect if it were available streaming um i would not recommend just running out and buying a blu-ray sorry shout factory love you but like i just i'm not paying i can't recommend it um
01:29:47
Speaker
And no, it will not be added to the collection. Okay. I don't want to watch this again. It wasn't as gross or as bad as I thought it was going to be based on its reputation. But it's not. But it's just not. It's not bad enough to be bad good. And it's not good enough to be good good. I am waiting for a sequel.
01:30:04
Speaker
Garbage Pale Kids 2. Garbage Harder. Electric Garbaloo. Oh, gross. That's a grosser name. I like that. Garbage Pale Kids 2. Electric Garbaloo.
01:30:16
Speaker
I don't even think I want to put this on with music. ah yeah It's not visually stimulating enough. like the The costumes are gross. So leading up to this, I had looked up pictures to use for posts and whatnot.
01:30:29
Speaker
I know. yeah i looked up at your look at you, the golden child that hasn't smacked your microphone because out of your way. Because you have this cool new microphone on. at this thing over here. This is a fucking performance. ah You got the good controller.
01:30:42
Speaker
I also don't talk with my hands in this area. But it's visual. I don't talk with my hands. I fucking drink and smoke. I don't talk with my hands either. Dude, if we handcuffed you, you'd just shut up. Right?
01:30:55
Speaker
Why is Derek so quiet? Just holds up his handcuffs.
01:31:00
Speaker
Look, guys, I just think. Go on. What was I saying? Yes. So the only thing I had known was I went on to find pictures for posts that I make and whatnot, and I saw all the the the masks and the creatures and the whatnot.
01:31:16
Speaker
I guess they're children, but creatures. Right. Same thing. And i was like, this movie is going to be gross. Like, all the pictures I could find were, like, weird blobby babies watching this normal kid take a bath. Right. And like all that stuff is what I could find on the internet.
01:31:31
Speaker
So i was like, this shit is going to be fucking foul. And it's really not. It's very tame. I have very like people say grossest movie they've ever seen. It's not that gross. So i was expecting. They'd never seen nothing but trouble.
01:31:43
Speaker
Never seen a dick nose eat a hot dog. A hot dog eat a hot dog. um How can we ah listen to this episode without ads? If you go to patreon.com slash worst people, we have a Patreon. That's right, guys.
01:31:59
Speaker
Patreon.com slash worst people. This is like the worst comedy duo ever. It's unscripted and unpracticed. It's moral and hardly trying. Would you get a bonus mental health movie every month?
01:32:11
Speaker
You get our latchkey vid series where we talk about lat never known or little known 90s television shows, ah mostly cop rock at this point. But this month we are talking about honey I'm home.
01:32:25
Speaker
A Hitler sitcom. That's funny, right? It does not. some It's got some Aryan. Surprisingly, it does not star Elon Musk. It only stars a bunch of British people. Trump.
01:32:36
Speaker
What? it's a comedy It's a comedy about Nazis, not real life. But you get these episodes without ads. You get the the Latch Q vids. You get the mental health. You get the newsletter. You get Han Took Shots First, Early and Uncut.
01:32:49
Speaker
You get other things that we would do. We just recently did a giveaway for ah Major League 4K Digital Download. Uh-huh. So that's all that. And how much does it cost? You will always have... It's $3 a month. It costs $3 a month.
01:33:04
Speaker
It's... ah You also have a lot of control over what you get. What would we pick? Yes. You have more control than the normies. Actually, for May... Normies? Normies! Oh, no, I just pissed myself.
01:33:15
Speaker
no! Normies! Fucking normies. I just want someone to like win be a cheers episode with Garbage Pail Kids. Normies! Normies! Normies. For May, our mental health month, where we discuss movies that we love, whether or not they're actually good or or did well. Debatable. Movies that make us happy to watch.
01:33:37
Speaker
Our Patreon episode is going to be chosen by our patrons. Yes, it will. And so far, we only have one recommendation and they're running out of time.
01:33:49
Speaker
So we're going to go with that one. That might be the one. We've got until April 15th if you're a patron. So just keep that in mind. I'd like to give a shout out to one of our patrons.
01:33:59
Speaker
Yes. As of today, recording this episode, one of our patrons who just joined earlier this year, Cody. Cody. He upped his subscription from $3 to $8. Thank you. I think he deserves a golf clap. Yeah.
01:34:16
Speaker
So thank you, Cody. We appreciate you. It's super dope. Thanks. We also do have other members that have pledged more. We appreciate all of our patron Patreon members. We appreciate all of our listeners in general. Yeah, all of our patrons. But we got fucking the Mullet Man himself. Well, sorry. No longer Mullet Man. The artist formerly known as Mullet Man, Hector.
01:34:34
Speaker
He's pledged over. And Tanker Tom. Tanker Tom. to The other two I know. But we appreciate everybody. $3 month is more than enough. I mean, we put in a lot of work. You guys appreciate it, and we appreciate you appreciating that. Times are tough right now, $3. I know we're sitting here preaching. It's not much, but it's very appreciated.
01:34:51
Speaker
Yeah, it is. So thank you, guys. And so if anybody else would like to subscribe, patreon.com. We do this for you. You know what that money goes to? Not our pockets. It goes to buying things like this cool microphone arm. Look at this new microphone. I'm no longer blocked. That's for you, Drew. I still can't chew in the left side of my mouth.
01:35:09
Speaker
Yeah, but we have one new microphone microphone arm. Mine's the right side.
01:35:14
Speaker
Bartenders. ah Next week. It's left ear I'm deafen. Oh, it's my right. You guys make one full person. ah Next week, this is the end of listener request, um because next week we have our final episode of April, which we have, but which has become It's Gonna Be Bay week.
01:35:35
Speaker
It's gonna be Bay. Because we did one year where we did all Michael Bay movies for May. Never again. And that ain't gonna happen again. Because, like... We're not that bad, but if that's all you're watching, it hurts. Dude, it was so rough.
01:35:50
Speaker
It was. And she didn't even watch them all. Yeah, you fucking sellout. Didn't I? No, you worked on the Six Underground. was Yeah, I was. One of them was Patrick and not you.
01:36:00
Speaker
If you pay $3 a month, you can go back and check out those archives. Actually, those are still on the mainstream. so Either way, settle this argument. and um But next week we're doing It's Gonna Be Bay and we are going to be talking about Michael Bay. Well, one of his three good movies.
01:36:19
Speaker
we are Maybe four. We already did Pain and Gain. tre you say she' is She's being My brain just broke, dude. We are talking about The Rock. ah Oh, thank God.
01:36:29
Speaker
With with ah Sir Nicholas Cage and Mr. Sean Connery. You heard me. Looters go home and complain about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen. That's what talking about.
01:36:41
Speaker
Wife's name was the prom queen. Carla was prom queen. Wife's name. Carla? Darla? Marla? carla Carla. Either way. Carla. And you can watch The Rock. How can forget Carla? That's Scrubs. And Cheers.
01:36:53
Speaker
Oh, see? See? And you can watch The Rock if you would like to watch it before we talk about it, which I recommend. So do I. I'm not ah saying I recommend the movie. I'm saying recommend watching it.
01:37:04
Speaker
Listen to the episode. Find out if I recommend it. Spoilers. I did. You can watch it right now on Hulu, and it's available on Amazon or Apple for $4. Where can you buy
01:37:16
Speaker
and I don't know. Wherever you buy movies. No, but I think I purchased it for $4.99. Yeah, it's available to rent for $4. As of recording, it's available to buy for $5.
01:37:30
Speaker
So I don't know how that will line up with this. i don't know if it's a sale. I don't know if that's like a normal thing. But check that out because i don't usually advocate for digital, but $5, dude. This is why I own a whole bunch. He has a rule. Jack is he.
01:37:48
Speaker
um If it's $5, fucking buy it digital. Send it. I almost bought it. I don't even do digital. Yeah. You know what five bucks just bought me? Not getting up when I'm drunk.
01:38:00
Speaker
Our mental health movie for this month is also listener requested. It's de Tales from the Crypt presents Demon Knight. we talk about Billy Zane's best fucking movie? Billy Zane's best movie according to us and himself. Yes.
01:38:16
Speaker
My...
01:38:18
Speaker
You'll get it if you know the movie. Yeah. Soppy. That's available on Starz, and you can rent it on Apple or Amazon for $4, buy it for $15, or you can get this sweet-ass Shout Factory Blu-ray that I have.
01:38:34
Speaker
And I want to say this cost me like 15 bucks or 17 bucks. Oh, dude. Send it my way. And um they sell their shit. You can get it through their website. You can also get it on Amazon and whatnot. But buy it directly from them.
01:38:47
Speaker
Fuck Jeff Bezos. Fuck Bezos. Yeah. And our Latchkey Vids episode for the month, as we mentioned, is Heil Honey, I'm Home, which is available on YouTube. ah Look up the one that comes in three parts.
01:38:58
Speaker
You have to go to three different videos, but it's a much better quality. It's so much heart easier on your eyes if you want to watch. You will thank yourself. um i Before we move on from that, I did have somebody ah talk to me about Cop Rock.
01:39:13
Speaker
Really? They're like, i watched that when it came out. like It was so ahead of its time. well fucking time to be alive. I'm so fucking jealous of person. People are jealous they didn't get to like sail the seven seas and discover lands.
01:39:26
Speaker
I wasn't old enough to appreciate cop rock. when We didn't know we had America. No, we did not know we had. So I just wanted to. You're awesome, babe. Um, the patron Cody.
01:39:39
Speaker
Cody. Who just upped his pledge. Yeah. He commented on our last Cop Rock episode and thanked us for introducing him to Cop Rock. Yeah. Dude, you are so fucking welcome. Like, uh, our, our listener, Wes, introduced me and then I introduced these guys and it has been just a wild ride since. and It's been riot. And such a one.
01:39:55
Speaker
Bleep. of the last times we were hanging out, Bleep, we we we put it on and he is fucking where we're at now. Yeah. He was just could not it. Didn't come over and was like, can we put it on Cop Rock? You're like, no. He put it on. No, he put on YouTube.
01:40:06
Speaker
Okay. And i was like, what are you doing? He's like, want to watch Cop Rock. was like, not like that. No, because you know. I got my high voice on. You know where you can get it? Not that. You know where we you can get Cop Rock? Where can you get Cop Rock? Shout Factory has it on DVD.
01:40:17
Speaker
Still not paying us. I don't care. we are paying them. are paying them. But that's okay. And of course, you guys, we have to thank Evasion for providing our opening and closing music. Always. Because they fucking rock and they did it for free.
01:40:29
Speaker
And if you want to hear Patch, who is from Evasion, talk about stuff, go back to November. Street Fighter. talked about Street Fighter with him. and he I wish we had Karen. Maybe the most enthusiastic guest we've ever had in our life. can that maybe and shove it up your garbage pail, buddy. If we had cameras, it still wouldn't have worked because he was walking around this living room, just dancing around. That's my only regret of the episode is we don't have your whole fucking house mic'd and wired up, man. A fucking night with Patch needs a fucking motion camera. Yeah, it does. ah
01:41:03
Speaker
No complaints. So thank you guys for tuning in I've been Derek. I'm married to him. I'm Jittery Jack. yeah mom mom good night and go pale yourself.
01:41:45
Speaker
Like a rich fart from the back of a set of pants with a Hawaiian shirt tucked in. but You wish it sounded like that. His and it didn't sound that fucking cute.
01:41:57
Speaker
paul Much, much better and wetter.