Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Coach Nicole Interview
51 Plays1 year ago
On todays episode we sit down with Coach Nicole of the Fit Femme Project. We learn about her life in the military, how she over came her eating disorder and the experiences that have created who she is today. Inspiring women to live their fearless lives through health and fitness.
Instagram: @thefitfemmeproject
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/fitfemmeprojectfitnesscoaching/
Website: www.fitfemmeproject.com
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to FitFem Project Podcast
00:00:24
Speaker
Welcome to the FitFem project alignment podcast. It is here that we cultivate and gather all who have been through it in fitness, relationships, careers, lifestyle changes, and unforgettable crucial life pivots trying to achieve their most sovereign selves.
00:00:41
Speaker
We're here to provide you with thought-provoking detailed stories and information from truly fascinating men and women from all walks of life, professions, generations, and modern day sagas who speak to the rawest, darkest moments that made them the strong, decisive, humble, helpful, healing people that they are today. We ask them to hold nothing back because life is a multidimensional pursuit to be stronger, healthier, and more aligned mentally, emotionally, and physically. Let's go!
Meet Nicole: Fitness Coach and Military Veteran
00:01:19
Speaker
Hey everybody, thanks for joining us again today. Thank you for putting us in your ears. Today we are chatting with coach Nicole. She is a coach for the FitFem project. She is also a certified personal trainer, sports nutrition specialist, certified life and weight loss coach, certified in exercise nutrition. She is also an internal family systems therapy informed and as well as soon to be a woman's coaching specialist.
00:01:50
Speaker
Hello. Thanks for having me. For sure. How are you doing today? How's your Friday?
00:01:57
Speaker
Oh, so good. This was a really good week. I am really, I don't know, I almost wish it wasn't Friday. This sounds weird. Like, I was like, I want, I just want one more day. I'm like, I've been having some, you know, amazing calls, some really good check-ins. Just, I just wanted to keep going. If that makes sense. Like it didn't hit me that it's Friday today, if that makes sense. You just wanted to say.
00:02:21
Speaker
Uh, well, I just, I'd like to talk. I like my clients. I like talking with them. You're so sweet. That's so adorable. That are my dog. My dog does not talk back. So. Wait, dogs pour out that you just had one dog. No, is that or my dog and dogs, they don't talk back. So it's, it's just me talking out loud in my house and that's just weird. So. That is so funny. Is your husband, does he leave all day for work or does he work from home too?
Nicole's Military Fitness Journey
00:02:51
Speaker
Yeah, he is a creature of habit. He wakes up at like 4 45 every single day leaves for the gym by 515 and then just goes into work and comes home by six every single day. Wow, so you got the whole whole house to yourself. Yep. I do too. But it's just me and my cats and I definitely talk to them and they talk back because they can meow.
00:03:14
Speaker
I think my dog whines, so give me more food mom. So cute. Yeah, so anyway, thanks for joining me today. I just wanted to go over just kind of your background, your history and kind of the genesis of where you're at today. And I said the same thing to Lindsay. I don't really know much about your
00:03:41
Speaker
your story other than what I've seen on Instagram and the little bit we've heard, you know, while being in person here and there. So yeah, so tell me what life was like before your whole fitness, I guess, health and fitness journey started. It started the day I got engaged to my now husband. That was 2012. Okay, so
00:04:08
Speaker
Yeah, that was, um, gosh, I think it was 23. I don't know. I can't do math. No, it's 26. And so, yeah, I got engaged. Uh, he proposed, but I was in the military back then. Uh, I was in the military for like 10 years. Well, 14, maybe 15, if you count like Navy training and college.
00:04:29
Speaker
But, um, yeah, we were both, we met in the military and we dated for like five years and he proposed and I was like, okay, well, I'd already been trying diets. Cause in the military, you know, you have two fitness tests every year. You have to stay fit and lean. And you know, they tell you, like, if you take care of yourself, you're better able to take care of your people. So I was always on a diet because I was always eating and drinking. Cause I was in the Navy, like the sailors do say about drinking like a sailor. Yes.
00:04:59
Speaker
That's a real thing. Yeah, especially on deployment. It's stress relief, which is unfortunate, but it is very true.
00:05:10
Speaker
But yeah, I was overweight, not just more than what I wanted to weigh, but I was at the point where I was getting taped and measured for fitness exams. They're called physical readiness tests and they're split up in two. You have a weigh-in and if you're overweight, you get roped and choked or that sounds awful, but they basically take your measurements and if your measurements are
00:05:34
Speaker
Yeah, but if your measurements are out of standards, then, you know, you get put on a diet and you got to basically get fit again. And then the second portion is actual, you know, you run a mile and a half, you do some pushups and setups. So I was at the point where I was getting measured and that was like, once you hit that point, you're like, Oh, I have to make some changes. And, but I was doing extreme things like the HCG diet, keto. I think I tried intermittent fasting.
00:06:01
Speaker
come clean eating, where I didn't eat anything processed, but it lasted a day or something. Yeah, I never tried Whole30. I think because at the point when I first heard of Whole30, I'd already been going to the gym and just eating kind of
00:06:16
Speaker
a wide range of foods, but within a calorie deficit, I was like, this works. So that's what happened. Like when I got engaged, um, I really tried extreme diets, but the weight just
Discovering Balance in Fitness and Diet
00:06:27
Speaker
could coming back on. So then I reached out to a coach and I was like, and she gave me just do these workouts, you know, eat these macros. And I did, and I got too small for my wedding dress.
00:06:38
Speaker
And that's when it hit me. I was like, Oh, like good old diet and exercise works. So that's when I became a believer and I just dove headstrong into it because I was like, this is of all the diets that I've tried so far. This is the one that actually stuck and got me results. I got in really good shape for my wedding. I was really happy. But then the weight came back on because
00:06:59
Speaker
I didn't know enough still like I just I was still you know going out with the guys after work on a Friday night going to a bar drinking beers drinking alcohol and then my husband and I would visit each other on the weekends when neither of us was on duty and we would you know we're happy to see each other so we just eat and eat and drink and drink and the weight came back on so I was like I need to learn more and that was
00:07:22
Speaker
Let's see. Yeah. That was around, but then I was going on deployments and then I was training so hard. Like I could see easily see how it would like just naturally yo-yo just cause like, it's not just a going on a trip. You're literally moving your life for what? It's nine, 12 months at a time. Like that's like, that's stressful. Like not a lot of people like have that experience, but I mean, there's plenty of people in the military, but the general person,
00:07:51
Speaker
just doesn't have that. Like, so that, yeah, I could see how that that would happen somewhat naturally, in a, I guess, fair way, naturally, just going. Yeah, well, and when I was in my 20s, so I think your 20s, you know, you have so much more energy, and you're so ambitious, and you're like, you're trying to keep everything a top priority. So I was like, I keep my health and fitness, and I'm here to keep my career advancement, and you know, keep my friendships and my family at the very top, but you just, you
00:08:19
Speaker
naturally, you can't like some things like deployment takes priority, you have to get the ship ready to go out and you have to get things settled in your personal life. And then, you know, if you have time to work out, awesome. If you have the energy, you might not. So I think it's, you know, hindsight's 20, 20 later, I realized it's like, Oh, you know, it's really like, you can't do it all or do so much of everything at the same time, you really have to
00:08:47
Speaker
learn, listen to your body, find out what your energy like, what you're able to sustain what you're able to what pace you're able to grow from and be okay with that because that's where actual traction gets made. And changes happen versus going full speed and then having to just like stop from burnout and then kind of picking up the pieces again, going full speed again. Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. So how like what at what point was like,
00:09:16
Speaker
the turning point for you where it just kind of like clicked. If that makes sense to like where you're at now. And you know, that point where, you know what I mean? Where it's like, okay, I get it now. And the yo-yoing stopped and you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. So if my fitness history is like, if you'd say it's like maybe 10, 12 years old now,
00:09:44
Speaker
So that first point was when I tried on my wedding dress and it was too big. And that's when I became a believer in fitness. I was like, the shit works. It's good old school stuff. But then, um, because I got so immersed in it, um, and because military life was really stressful, I didn't know how to manage my emotions.
Bodybuilding and Personal Goals
00:10:03
Speaker
I just kept going, going, going.
00:10:05
Speaker
I actually turned to the gym and bodybuilding shows as kind of like a second life, as kind of a way to cope with my military career and having my own personal goals. Because I think that's what's hard with the military. It's like our time's not our own.
00:10:26
Speaker
And that's what, you know, a lot of jobs, but, um, when it hit, when I understood that, I was like, I need to find a way for me to still be me, um, on an individual level. Cause military is very like team focused. Like, you know, there's no my and team type thing, but I was like, I still need it. Yeah. So, um, so the gym became that for me, but I became obsessed with it because, um, it was like, if I wasn't at the gym, then I was at work.
00:10:54
Speaker
and work was stressful. So I was like, well, I'd rather be at the gym. So I was like, I was, I was still burned out, but, um,
00:11:02
Speaker
Because I got so immersed in it, I signed up for bodybuilding shows while I was in the military. I was on my shore tour, meaning I wasn't deploying, but I was still busy, like doing shift work, working at night and stuff. But I still somehow managed it. Cause like I said, if you're in your twenties, I think you're capable of that. I think I've done that like two times in my life. I don't know what it was then. Just some, I don't know. I must've been really, I don't know, I think crazy at this point, but
00:11:33
Speaker
I did it. Um, but when it was time for me to get out of the Navy, my husband and I, we both got out the same year. I was like, I was doing bodybuilding shows in my mind. I was like, well, I clearly know what my next career is going to be. I'm going to be an online fitness coach because that's what I, it's either, I know how to do that. I know how to be a military intelligence officer, but I also know how to lose
Struggles with Binge Eating: A Personal Account
00:11:53
Speaker
fat. And so I was like, well, I'll just do that. I'll start a business. But what I wasn't, um,
00:12:00
Speaker
acknowledging or really wanting to face was all the binge eating I was doing on the weekends. Yeah, I kind of pretended like it wasn't happening. And I would just like, just like I tell my coach, Oh, yeah, I over ate this weekend. But it's okay. I'm back at it. It's Sunday. I'm back at it. She's like, Okay, like we all do. But like, to what like, how would you define, like, just the overeating, like, I guess the general person does versus like,
00:12:29
Speaker
binge eating, like how extreme was it for you? If you want to talk about it. Yeah, no doubt. I definitely want to talk about the that's like the second turn the turning point you had asked about like the binge eating. It got to the point where I was at the I told my clients this who who, you know, maybe in the same spot, I tell them I was at the bottom of my fourth jar of almond butter in like five days. And I was like, I need some help.
00:12:56
Speaker
I was like, I can't keep doing this. Or like, was it other things to time? Because to the layman person, like I could say, I totally binge this weekend. But did I really like in a clinical term, what would be, you know, the difference? Because yeah, I could say that I over ate, I had pizza and I drinks and all this stuff. But like, it's not really binge eating. You see what I mean?
00:13:21
Speaker
Yeah. So the clinical, more on the clinical side, binge eating is more what's driving the action of the eat. And it's also the amount of food you're consuming within a certain amount of time. So if you're eating, I think I can't remember exactly what the amount is, but
00:13:36
Speaker
I could eat like 10,000 calories in three hours, which is a lot. I once, I would say on his repeat days. I know. I was doing that like two or three times a week. I once ate like 13 bars in an hour and my stomach was killing me, but I was like, my meal plan was just so strict.
00:13:59
Speaker
Um, I was doing so much cardio. I was working out so much, but then when I, that's the thing too. Like I was, I had so much on my plate, bringing that in from the military thing. I could do so much. Like I was working five jobs with the first year I got out of the Navy. That's when my binging was at its worst. Um, and that's when I, you know, that one week, I think it was like November, 2018, I was like on my, that fourth jar of almond butter.
00:14:24
Speaker
I had like two tablespoons left in or something. I was like, I could make a decision now to stop or keep going. So I just finished it and I was like, okay, now I need to reach out to someone to help me. So it's the almond butter point. Yeah. The fourth jar specifically. Because I've eaten plenty of jars before then. Interesting. And I just built up to that point at the end of that last almond butter, you're like, ew, okay.
00:14:50
Speaker
Yeah. And I'd also gained like almost 40 pounds in like three months. No, I was, I was suddenly gaining weight after my last show. Um, I did three shows one year. Um, but my weight wasn't really, I was kind of each show was, I was a little heavier for each show. And then at the end of the third show, I just kept gaining weight and gaining weight. Cause I was just in such denial. Um, but my body was showing it.
00:15:16
Speaker
So, um, and so just like, I couldn't face myself. I got to a point I couldn't stand being in my own skin, just the, you know, you're just like, and some people out there will understand who like experiences, but they're just drowning in their own, like in, in thoughts and, uh,
00:15:36
Speaker
I mean, there's just it's shame, it's guilt, it's embarrassment, it's anger, it's unfairness, it's trying to understand what you're feeling and how you're supposed to be feeling. And it's just so much so food comes in and gives you reprieve for a moment. So
00:15:53
Speaker
when I really, but I had been kind of learning about that, you know, cause when I got out of the neighbors, like I need to learn about health and like become certified as a personal trainer sports nutrition specialist, which I did. But as you dive into that, you start hearing more about holistic nutrition and eating behaviors. And so I was starting to pick up on this and I realized I'm resembling, I'm actually exemplifying some of these behaviors. And I'm sure some of the clients that I'm going to eventually work with are going to
00:16:21
Speaker
be dealing with this so I feel like I need to solve this for myself. Was this something that you kept from your husband too? Like you were really closeted about it all? Yeah, he's probably the last person I actually opened up to and I was like, if we change dinner reservations, I'm going to be a little fucking stressed.
Seeking Help and Finding Support
00:16:41
Speaker
Just work with me here. But honestly, it's opening up to him. I should have done it at the beginning, but I didn't.
00:16:48
Speaker
But opening up to him really helped me feel just safer and realize it's just dinner, like you can figure it out. But when you're in that emotional like just swirls, like this wave that just tsunami that hits you when you're in it, you're just looking for a way out. And when you try not to use food, which is what you're, you know, coping, what your safety was before, like you can feel lost and detached. And so learning to work through that was took me a while.
00:17:15
Speaker
but I didn't have the kind of support that we offer here. So that's why I'm super, super grateful to, you know, that this company exists and offers what we do because I know it's so needed. So what did you, uh, what were kind of the first steps of you coming out of that, um, unhealthy binging? Uh, I didn't stop tracking actually. Um, cause that gave me knowledge for somebody.
00:17:42
Speaker
Well, it depends. Like, it depends like...
00:17:46
Speaker
You gotta, it's all about titration, like seeing there's some, some people and it's different for everyone. Like tracking for them may actually bring them some, a sense of like calmness and security. Cause they like, like one plus one equals two feels, you just know that there's certainty, certainty feels good. But to other people, it may be just past their window of tolerance and like, I can't, I can't handle it. So, but we all know that understanding on some level, how much you're consuming is what's actually gonna,
00:18:15
Speaker
the amount you're consuming is what's actually going to lead to the physique changes you want. We just kind of titrate. We like keep one foot in safety, one foot in risk. We just kind of assess, see what you're emotionally able to tolerate and move forward with, take action from. And that's what's so fascinating about each person is each person feels differently about tracking, feels differently about the scale, feels differently about their goals, feels differently about nutrition in general or our diet culture. And so
00:18:43
Speaker
You just get to know each person on an individual level and say, OK, we understand what you can tolerate right now and what you can't. Maybe what you can't tolerate, though, is on the way to your goal. So like the obstacle is the way we got to find a way to titrate our way towards it step by step.
00:19:01
Speaker
of like reverse engineering it in a way. Yeah, yeah reverse engineering and what that does is it reframes like instead of automatically assuming oh tracking means brings up negative emotions so clearly that's diet mentality. I just shouldn't go there because it'll just ruin me. Let's reframe that and say well but tracking if you track your like let's look at how you budget that's tracking as well. Are you willing to
00:19:27
Speaker
take a look at tracking macros in the same way and let's give that a shot. And just inviting some curiosity like that and then giving it a try for a week can really open doors that people thought were close to them before. And so it feels, I think some people are afraid of going that route because they're like, it's so slow, but it's really the fastest way because you're actually changing things. Yeah.
00:19:51
Speaker
Okay, sorry, back to my original question. So I was the one who interrupted. So yeah, tracking was part of the first step in helping you out of that. Yeah, tracking and but see the I was very dead dead set on following a strict meal plan like
00:20:13
Speaker
It had to be like oats and egg whites and blueberries and flaxseed oil for breakfast for meal one. And it had to be then broccoli, chicken and rice for meal two, and then salmon and asparagus and a rice cake for meal three or something. And I was like, if it's anything outside of that, I'm a failure or I'm just, I shouldn't want anything outside of that. Like I was really hard on myself. I know. But it's like,
00:20:40
Speaker
But I think that's what people think of when they hear tracking or macro tracking. I don't want to just eat rice and chicken and blah, blah, blah. Even when I before I really started tracking, I knew that that wasn't the case. But that's still what I thought. Like I understand it fits in your macros. And obviously, it's not just going to be trash food. But if it fits, then you go about your day just find this has to be just that but still that that is just so tied
00:21:08
Speaker
that mindset is so tied to tracking that's just all people think about. So yeah, go ahead.
00:21:15
Speaker
I was gonna say like, I thought the exact same thing like I was following Casey back then. And she would be eating maple syrup, like not the sugar free stuff. I'd be like, she's lying. Like she's just gotta be lying. There's no way that she looks like that and eats that. So even though the evidence was clearly in front of me, I still didn't believe it. So I had to try it for myself. And it was titration like I would bring
00:21:40
Speaker
I'd buy two kinds of loaves of bread at home. Of course, I was still binging, so I'd eat an entire one. I'd be like, Okay, well, let me try one slice of this other loaf. And if it fit, and, you know, I wasn't like, like, if it fit, and it wasn't making me well, see, that's the thing, like, I was gaining weight, because I just eat an entire loaf of bread. So I couldn't
00:22:01
Speaker
deduce if the one slice I had was helping me with my goals or not. But it did help me feel more calm and less afraid. Yes, one slice of bread at a time. There's more out there to this. There's more to this than just the five things you're allowed. Yeah. You got to find role models. You got to find people who
00:22:25
Speaker
I followed Casey the entire time. I followed other people who did macro tracking. I still followed people who didn't. And you compare and you say, well, what am I willing to try for myself? What doesn't feel like too much? It feels like just enough. It's a very Goldilocks kind of approach. I don't want to do nothing, but I want to do something. But if it's too much, I'm afraid it's going to lead me down to a binge.
00:22:51
Speaker
You got to find, like I said, titration, just one foot forward, not both feet jumping in both feet and then, you know, hurting yourself. But yeah, so I think what would have helped me sooner is if I'd actually opened up sooner to others. It was hard because I followed a lot of like just the bodybuilding people and
00:23:13
Speaker
You know, everyone's like, just follow the plan. Just follow the plan. I was like, does no one really talk about the underneath shit like, like the overeating or binging? And I saw some people would kind of speak about it, but they, you know, it's like, they were still timid to talk about it themselves. And, um, but I would, I would listen. And so, yeah, I just, uh, so other than just kept trying. Yeah. Other than yourself and admitting it to yourself, who was it? The first person that you kind of like opened up to about it and taking those steps to
00:23:42
Speaker
get help, I guess, outside of just trying to push your way through it. Well, I told my coach and been she'd known for years. And it was at the one time she said, No, she didn't know. I don't think she knew. I mean, that's it. Yeah. I think that everyone at her wheelhouse of like, how to coach around that. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm starting to notice a lot of coaches are, um,
00:24:11
Speaker
They're not talking about disordered eating. They're saying it's stress. And then they're saying you got to handle your own stress. But some coaches like us, we can go there with our clients. Like we know we have a process we can help them through that. But I think I'm starting to see more and more online companies like
00:24:28
Speaker
be curious enough to talk about it. I don't know yet if they're quite to our level in terms of being able to actually help someone through it, but it's a good move forward for everyone. Absolutely. Yeah, but I forgot your question.
00:24:47
Speaker
Like, so you opened up to your coach about it. Oh, yeah, sorry. I mean, because if she couldn't do anything for you, it was like, okay, at least I said it like, like, you've heard me say on our Enneagram calls, like the first step to like, getting out of an addiction is admitting you have a problem. And then, you know, gathering your resources and people and help around you. So what did that look like for you?
00:25:10
Speaker
I think I had so much shame still even after I told her because she's like, you probably need to go see someone or go get help. And that's when she looked, she let me know. She's like, it's not me. I can't do it. And so I was like, Okay, so I still couldn't she but she was someone I had trusted. But I eventually left that company because I couldn't keep following their plans. I was like, I started to realize I was like, this is way too strict. But um,
00:25:33
Speaker
I started to read, I started to listen for like podcasts and articles of other people who were able to voice their binge eating in a way that helped me feel safe because I was like, okay, well they can do it. And then this person can do it. Well, maybe I can do it. So I actually reached out to a binge eating coach and, um, with her, I felt safe enough to say, I think I'm struggling with binge eating and I think it's really bad. And she's like, Oh, I get it. She's like, I can help you. I was like,
00:25:59
Speaker
Like it's okay to talk about this. It's like I was in a, I just felt really safe. I was like, oh, I don't have to like hide behind closed doors anymore.
Emotional Resilience and Eating Habits
00:26:10
Speaker
Like I can let this load off my shoulders. But yeah, you just find people who you feel are not just capable of helping you, but aren't going to judge you negatively. Um, but they want to know more about you and they want to, um,
00:26:30
Speaker
Like you have to learn about the person on an individual level. Everyone really is so different. I don't know how else to get through that other than to be viewed as the unique person that you are and not to generalize me or anyone, like not to be generalized with the population. Like, cause you just feel like you're so alone. You have to be like helped through as a unique person that you are. I don't know if that makes sense. No, that makes sense. It's, you know, it's very nuanced. And I think, you know, it's,
00:27:01
Speaker
even though that may not be a specific thing, everybody wants to hear like, give me five steps to over cut like, no, it's a little bit more than that. You might need 20 steps. You might need two steps or whatever. Now that makes sense to your knowledge. Like it's, um, is that something that happened? Like I guess runs in your family or do you know, I was just curious if it was like a hereditary, I don't think that's a real word.
00:27:26
Speaker
Yeah, no, I get it. I honestly have been unwilling to really, I've thought about it, but I haven't really gone to solving, like confirming, like, yes, it's in the, it runs in the family. Um, because I just, I was so desperate to just figure it out now. I was like, well, it's something like something may have been from my past that
00:27:49
Speaker
kind of exhausted or started it or made it build up, but it's just not helping me now. So let me figure it out. But I know we do like with my family, at least like my father's from Peru, my mother's from Maryland. And so I grew up in Latin America, very chauvinistic culture where, you know, men work, women stay in the kitchen. I know it's, you know, this is back in the eighties, back in the nineties. So, um,
00:28:16
Speaker
emotions weren't generally talked about. Right. Um, and in my households, at least before my parents got divorced, I think I was 15 and that happened. They, um, you know, my parents are just always working and we were traveling every three years. So we were kind of always busy and, and you know me, I'm an achiever. So I was like, Oh, I was getting grit A pluses and have been trying to get A's in school and do all the sports. So, um, I didn't really, you don't talk about regulating your emotions. Like if you're,
00:28:46
Speaker
If you need to be, you know, I guess growing up for me, I was like, you know, you hide your anger, you hide your, your sadness. If you want to make friends, cause you only have three years to make friends and that's really important when you travel. So in your kid, so I don't, but it just, it seemed like normal to me. I don't, and even when I look back on it now, I'm like, I don't know how to change that. So, but I do know how to change it now with what I want to achieve in the future. But, um,
00:29:12
Speaker
I think if I look, I do like, and here's the thing, like I look at my family's eating behaviors and how they kind of react to the news or what someone else in the family said or, and I just, I see it everywhere where people are just unwilling to express themselves. They're, they're more willing to,
00:29:38
Speaker
like stuff their emotions down than they are to let it out or even learn how to let it out in a healthy way because there's just so much fear of what other people are going to think about them. And so once I started kind of picking up on that, I was like, let's just learn how to regulate our bodies now and reframe things because we only have
00:29:59
Speaker
We only have one life on this planet. Like we got, we got stuff to do. Like let's do it now. Oh, sweet. So like clearly now you're, you're equipped with the tools and things like that to not fall back into those that habit. Um, but do you still feel to this day that you like, I don't know how to ask this properly. Like I don't want to say like, keep yourself in check, but do you see what I'm saying? Like I don't know how to do this in the right way. Like do you still have to like,
00:30:28
Speaker
There's still those emotions that come up that are triggers, I guess would be a good word to still experience that the triggers aren't triggering anymore. So it really the
00:30:42
Speaker
The problem is like our own body is a trigger like our emotions will have an emotion like embarrassment just reach such a level that that becomes a trigger and then we have a thought about it because we feel it in our body like our face is red and our throat is tight and it's like our nose is getting kind of watery like we want to cry or something and we make that mean
00:31:01
Speaker
we're about to embarrass ourselves or we're about to do something unwanted or unworthy in front of others. Let's find a way to hide this. And so people bring on food or other coping mechanisms and some are really healthy and that's fine. But it's when, for instance, when food is your only coping mechanism and then you're gaining weight and you're isolating yourself. That's when it's like, no, you need some, you need some help through that. But it's when emotions come up and we make them mean something negative.
00:31:30
Speaker
either about us or just negative in general.
00:31:33
Speaker
That's really what needs to be reframed because the outside thing, food can't inject an emotion in you. Other people can't do that. But sometimes you have emotions that come up so quickly. It's like you said, reverse engineering, working backwards from there and then being able to see, okay, I feel fine regardless if I feel embarrassed. Oh, I now happen to notice that when this person is around or when this person says this or whenever there is a certain type of food at a table when there's a party,
00:32:01
Speaker
I tend to feel embarrassed or I tend to feel an emotion at that time, but do I have to know? And so it's learning really what happens is you get more resilient. You increase your capacity to feel your biological sensations or your, um, your, your nervous system sensations, your emotional or energy and motion. You increase your capacity to feel that, to hold, to like, let that energy just come and go.
00:32:29
Speaker
without reacting in a way. Yeah. Go ahead. Just, oh, sorry to sit in it. Like we've talked about what on the idea. Graham calls us like feeling sitting in it and just kind of going from there. And yeah. Yeah.
00:32:44
Speaker
Yeah, and but sometimes like it's what I've noticed is like sitting in it is that's like you're at an advanced level, if you can sit with it sometimes just moving from like if you used to have an emotion that would just trigger you're like, I just need food, being able to just move from the kitchen to your
00:33:01
Speaker
you know, just outside, that's like a huge step. And then, like, sometimes, like, when, like, I'll still need to go outside, I kick the soccer ball around, because I'll just get like this wave of emotion. Like, I don't want to answer check ins when I feel like I'm hyperventilating. And I don't know where it came from. But I'll just go kick the soccer ball around for 10 minutes. And then my energy is out. I'm like, Oh, I go back to work. I'm like, What was I even? What was that about? But then I just move on.
00:33:27
Speaker
And sometimes I'll feel an emotion come up. I'll be like, oh, okay. Oh, that's nothing. And that's sitting with it, what I think. And I'm like, it takes like a second and it goes through, but I wasn't able to do that. I would feel an emotion. I'd run to the kitchen and I just start eating. I couldn't even know what I was eating. I would be like looking up, pretending I wasn't seeing what was happening, even though I kind of knew.
00:33:49
Speaker
So from that, you're disassociated from what was happening versus what, like from it all just being separated. Like, wow. Yeah. I was like, if I can't see it, it's not happening, but it really was. It's like, it's like that little toddler, when you tell them to do something, they go like this, they cover their ears. Like, well, I can't, I can't listen to you if I can't hear you. Yeah, that's exactly.
00:34:14
Speaker
So, but yeah, it's, um, I really, so I make sure to point out to my clients, like those, um, when like they don't even notice they're doing it, which I always, I find fascinating about the human brain, but like when they are suddenly able to, they tell me like, Oh, I haven't binged in a couple of weeks. I'm like, you used to do that like twice a day. Like,
00:34:36
Speaker
we need to seriously celebrate this because it shows that they are emotionally stronger. They aren't beating themselves up because the same triggers are there. Like they still need to eat to survive, but the way they're approaching it, the way they're thinking about it, and therefore feeling about it has completely changed. And that takes a lot of practice. It takes a lot of frustration. It takes a lot of just going to bed at night, knowing you didn't give it your, like knowing it wasn't like perfect, but still trying again the next day, your brain and your nervous system
00:35:06
Speaker
we, they will, they are making changes. And so then you wake up one morning, you're like, Oh, like pizza doesn't trigger me anymore. You don't even realize it, but that's why I think it's so valuable having a coach because you need to see those wins. Yeah. Yeah. So when did you transfer to Casey? Cause you had a different coach before, right? I did. I was, um, I transferred to Casey, uh,
00:35:32
Speaker
because she had, well, it sounds so creepy. I was watching her over the years when I was so, because she, I was following a ton of, um, bodybuilders before I get out of the military is following a lot of bikini competitors and a
Joining the FitFem Project and Coaching Passion
00:35:48
Speaker
lot of different coaches. And so she was one of them. And so when we moved to Nashville with my husband, cause he found a job out here and I can start an online business. You just need a laptop doesn't matter where you are. But I was working at two gyms and you know, I just,
00:36:02
Speaker
through social, through Instagram, noticed that, I know, oh no, actually I would see Casey at the same gym. It was called, it's called, it's one of, yeah. Yeah. It used to be called World Gym, but, and I used to be a trainer there. So I knew she was a competitor and that she was coaching competitors. So you were literally, you were literally watching her in person, like, just kidding. We'll stop you over here.
00:36:31
Speaker
Well, um, but she's like, well, the thing that like, I would see her, uh, at quantum or at world gym or what at the gym. And I think she was, Oh no, I went up to her one day cause I was like, I, there's an, I have baby pro here. I just, I just want to be with, I just want to walk up to one. It's like rare animal. Yeah. And so I told her, I was like,
00:36:55
Speaker
I think i said like congratulations or something on the olympia she done something amazing so i congratulate her she smiled back she's like thank you so much so sweet she said look at your shoulder she said something about my shoulders and it was such a compliment to get from her i was like oh my god i do work on my shoulders and you recognize it like thank you and
00:37:17
Speaker
But she was so you're growing so hard. That's Oh, God. That's exactly what it was. And so but then I and I was working with a Yeah, I can't remember the coach I was working with at the time. But once I saw Casey launched the fit femme project, you know, because she'd been talking about growing team Casey and then the fit fit femme project came out and she had some coaches on them what they were talking about. And then what the mission for the fifth and project was, which was
00:37:45
Speaker
you know, alignment and really taking a look at your whole life. It's not just about fitness. I was like, well, that's different and that's brave because I feel like other fitness companies aren't willing to go there, but you see so much struggle, so much like fast fat loss and so much like people gain 20 pounds within a few weeks. And I'm like, is that, is that, that doesn't feel aligned. That doesn't feel like I want to do that for the rest of my life. Like I know I don't want to compete for the rest of my life, but I don't want to have to struggle with
00:38:15
Speaker
Like I just, I'm so tired. I just want a way to understand things so that I can just maintain it and not feel like fitness takes up 99% of my thinking capacity. And then all of my energy, I just want it to be a part of my life. And so she started talking about, then I was like, she's got something here. Um, she's expressing it in a way that makes sense to me. Like it's really resonating with me. And so I joined the fit femme project and then she was looking for coaches and I was like, Oh, well I have it to be one.
00:38:45
Speaker
And so then I tried to be a code. You were, you know, weren't you just on team Casey though? For those people who don't know what we're talking about, like Casey has specific competition clients and then she expanded out, which if you've listened to all the other episodes before we kind of broke it down, but she basically started another business for lifestyle. So you started on team Casey, right?
00:39:11
Speaker
Yeah. Cause I was like, I want to compete again. Cause I'm right. I'm still like, I do like competing. I like having something that's outside of life. My last show was in 2018. I'll spend a minute. Yeah. Well, I did three shows that year. Um, that was the first year the Nashville fit show did their show. I did. I was at the first one and it was the favorite show. Yeah. It was the best one I've ever done. But, um, yeah, the, uh,
00:39:40
Speaker
I, uh, I did want to compete because I was like, it's been a few years. Like, I think I'm ready. And so I joined team Casey and then I was working on my business and just, there was so much like life that was happening for me. I was like, I. Like if you sign up for a bodybuilding show, you basically have to have the time and mental, emotional, physical capacity to take on a part-time job. Cause you have to get those workouts and you have to get the cardio and you have to meal prep. And so it really takes time.
00:40:09
Speaker
If you aren't able to add that to your to your current routine, then it's I wouldn't recommend it. But so I realized that I was like, I can't do a show right now. So I just have been with Casey ever since. Yeah, and then I remember you joined the before you
00:40:28
Speaker
came on as a coach, you joined as a guest coach on the Facebook live. And that's how this is so covert about some of these things with when it comes to new things.
00:40:41
Speaker
It's so funny because I'm like, there's a guest coach. I bet she's about to hire her. Why did she tell me those things? There was one time I was out when Zann was here. I don't know why she was here. What was that for? I can't remember. Her, Zann and I went out to get dinner. They did a little meeting in person and I met them at a place at a restaurant by my house.
00:41:05
Speaker
And I'm like, oh, how was your guys' little meeting? She goes, good. You know, big things are coming, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, ooh, like what? She's like, I'm not gonna tell you that, blah, blah. And I'm like, you tell me everything. She goes, that's because you're my best friend. And I go, what am I right now? She just busted out laughing and then still didn't tell me.
00:41:32
Speaker
But she told me like, I can't remember what it was. But anyway, yeah, so that was I was like, Oh, she's about to hire a new coach. And you had your little speaking part. I don't remember what the topic was. But I was like, yay, new person.
00:41:45
Speaker
Yeah, I was so nervous because I even wore like a teal shirt. I was like, I need to make sense. Because I was like, I'd apply to work. I was like, please, I want this to work so much so. So as your time with us and the clients you've had so far, I always like to ask this question. And I said to Lindsay too, like, what are the moments in your
00:42:09
Speaker
coaching experience that happened that reminds you why you love this. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, it's my preferred style of coaching. It's just not physically manageable is face to face is like calls with my clients and I
00:42:29
Speaker
Yeah, but I ask hard questions because I know what's in their way with their consistency. You really have to be consistent in order to get results. Just like saving money, you got to put money in every month if you want to start gaining. Usually what gets in the way is an emotional response to something and then we act from that emotion and it usually veers us off track.
00:42:52
Speaker
I go to those moments, those hard emotions that got in their way. And I asked tough questions. And they'll like, some of them will get mad, some of them will cry, some of them like, will try not to cry. Like you can see they're like, their throat is like, they're like, feel like they're choking, but I get it out of them. And once they like, I get that out, they're like, Oh, my God,
00:43:16
Speaker
Oh, I see how I can get through this. And so like the relief and the, like the, the significance of how capable they are, it shines through in just a moment right there. And that's what I live for. I'm like, Oh, you got it. Like, let's just keep practicing this. Like, you know, you can do this. And it gives me chills. And so
00:43:39
Speaker
That's what I love doing. I'm so grateful to have the flexibility and the capability to be able to do that as often as I do here. It's really amazing. Outside of the main topic we talked about, which was your binge eating and stuff like that, that's a topic that you're passionate about. What other topics are the things that you would just
00:44:05
Speaker
love to drill into somebody else's brain until the cows come home. What would that be? Yeah, emotions. I told some of my clients, I'm like, I'm destined. It's out of my control. I will read every book in the planet about emotions, the nervous system, and perception.
00:44:26
Speaker
And frankly, stoicism, just figured out figured it out back in the day, how to have self control without social media and needing like, you know, one word positive affirmations to get them through the day, you know what I mean? I was like, so stoicism, emotional regulation, perception,
00:44:44
Speaker
And then, of course, sprinkle in nutrition and fitness, whatever that bubble looks like. That's what I like. I just drink that every day. I live it. I try to I'm always thinking of ways to express it clearly and logically and in a way that doesn't
00:45:03
Speaker
Like make people think they're being judged or in a way that isn't triggering them. Like it's, it's actually a fun challenge for me. It's, um, I always try to find ways to tell people how capable they are that no matter what they're feeling, you can still move forward and take action. Do not let go of your dream. Do not ignore your, don't change your goals. It's there for a reason. You just have these some moments in your day where things are emotionally tough. Learn to work through those moments because you can.
00:45:32
Speaker
That's my bread and butter in life. I will do that till the day I die. I've tried to do other stuff. I can't, I just, wait, what do you mean? What other stuff are you talking about? I've tried to like, because it's been really frustrating. Some moments in my grow in like my learning and being the kind of coach that I am like with what I focus on.
00:45:52
Speaker
Um, cause I could have easily gone and worked for Beachbody. You know what I mean? Um, but I didn't because I thought this stuff was valuable. Um, cause it was valuable to me. And I was like, but it was frustrating for me cause I had to learn that some people aren't either ready to change or maybe I wasn't like clearly expressing
00:46:13
Speaker
a topic or something I wasn't, they weren't able to understand it well. And that was frustrating for me. So I, I kept digging and I kept researching and I kept reading. And, um, I just got better and more refined in how I was able to teach what I do teach and coach the way I coach.
00:46:29
Speaker
So, um, but in those frustrating moments, I would think, well, why am I doing this? Like, why don't I just go work for Amazon or why don't I just go work for Facebook or why don't I just do something else? And I realized I would put myself there and visualize it. And I realized how depressed and like angry I'd be. I was like, I'm doing something I don't want to be doing. I was like, so then I'd come back to here and be like, okay, let's figure this out. Like you are put on this earth to.
00:46:56
Speaker
help people through these moments. Like maybe it's not enough to some people, but I think it's everything for some people. And that's what I'm going to do. Oh, they call you're just.
00:47:11
Speaker
I was really looking forward to talking to you today because I know we've connected on the part because you and I both love to read.
Personal Growth and Emotional Insights
00:47:21
Speaker
You definitely simulate that nerdy part of me of the research and you love the Enneagram stuff. How many clients are left of yours that need to do it? One?
00:47:32
Speaker
I know. How many? Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole.
00:48:00
Speaker
Which is my coach and that's where I'm at because I've gone through the emotional journey and that vulnerability journey myself. So that's why Lindsay's coaching is definitely where I'm at right now. Like just tell me what to do. I want to hit the ground running. I want to lift heavy shit. You know, wow.
00:48:18
Speaker
there are other people who just need that longer journey. And my journey, you know, the where I want to go is still a long process. And it's also a lifelong process. But then when you mix in the emotions and the other things that go behind achieving your goals when it's, I guess, really any type of goals, right? But when you put in those
00:48:39
Speaker
that other stuff behind it, the root of the problem, the root of everything. That's even tougher and harder, but it's so rewarding. Yes. When you're not even afraid of yourself, when you actually trust yourself in whatever you feel, I really don't think people realize how afraid they are of themselves. They really don't trust a hunger signal.
00:49:05
Speaker
And it's like, you got to live with that for the rest of your life, you got to figure out how to work with it and make your nervous system your ally instead of your enemy and keep don't keep thinking it's your enemy. Yeah, I know I love our neogram calls. I'm so happy I've been able to be on every single one with every client of mine that's gone through it because every time you like help them through it,
00:49:26
Speaker
Like I learned something new, even I know the past like four calls have been like type threes, but every time like it's something new and or something will click that's new for me. And I'm like, oh, I know how to this will work for this other client. And so those calls, I think,
00:49:46
Speaker
Like if you're a fit from project client and you haven't taken that call yet, like you absolutely must because Caitlin, you explained it really well. Like I think you mentioned it. I mentioned it. Well, you probably mentioned this in every call, but for some reason I just, it really stuck with me in the last one or the second to last one where you said you fight for the underdog. And that is so you, because every time you, that's the way you helped me. Like when you were helping me through the, like understand the Enneagram when we were on the retreat.
00:50:16
Speaker
Like I felt so supported like you would read something and you look at me and instantly your eyes would just convey like you can do this like you've got this like Yeah, and I believed I was like she's she's got my back like she's she's by my side and So every client gets that when they get on those calls with you and it's so valuable. I
00:50:37
Speaker
I hope so. Wow. Oh yeah. I remember being at the retreat and you, uh, we were just in this case, he's like, here, Caitlin, sit down, read, talk to us about Eddie Graham. Like, okay. Just tie me to the tree and force my hand. Um, but yeah, so I, I just remember, cause the little I knew about you at the time, I would read something and I'm like, look right at you. Well,
00:51:04
Speaker
Just to see where it would land with you. I'm definitely an under- I'll fight for the underdog. The injustices of society just really make my blood boil. War standards are a big one. I can't stand that at all. Anyway, where are we?
00:51:26
Speaker
Oh man, we'll have to do an episode where we are the hosts and then we let you just go unleash you and you talk about injustices. That would be an amazing episode.
00:51:38
Speaker
That's why I'm really into true crime and stuff. And I have a hard time with the cold cases, the unsolved ones. I'm like, no, I just need the, everybody needs the closure. Well, that's such a sweet little compliment. But we're talking about you. I'm just kidding. So what books are you reading right now? I know you're a big book person.
00:52:05
Speaker
Yes, I am reading three at the same right now. I'm reading Courage is Calling by Ryan Holiday. I read I'm reading Making Words Work, which is more about copywriting, but learning how to tell stories. And what else I'm reading? What was it called? Think Again by Adam Grant's or shoot.
00:52:29
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, and I was picking up the Neogram, Wisdom of the Neogram. So maybe four, but that one I pick up when I'm like stuck with a client or stuck with myself. I'm like, let me just read about myself to figure it through this textbook one for sure. Yeah. But no, I'm reading. Yeah, I think like Adam Grant's think again, just reframing things. Oh, okay. Interesting. I'll to look those up. I haven't read a self help book in a while. I did a solid 10 years of reading like
00:52:57
Speaker
12 a year. That was during my internal personal transformation. I've seen some people who are going through that now and they're just soaking up any extra knowledge they can. I'm like, and I have a lot of pride. I don't necessarily want to go to therapy. I can do this myself.
00:53:22
Speaker
I was the same way, I was the same way. Well, I mean, I don't think I was, I don't think I have, I mean, everybody should do it. And I've thought about it, but just because you never know what can like uncover, I'm not like struggling with something serious right now. But once in a while, I'll have days where I'm just like, fuck everything, where I'm just like, everything ticks me off. Like twice a year, I'll have those days where I'm just like, why did you look at me that way?
00:53:51
Speaker
Just like you said that email, said that thing in that email. That's a whole nother story. Oh man. I wish I got angry. I have a few days a year where I just like, like battery shuts down. I just, I shut down. I don't do anything. And I think, well, that's a theory for you. You need to stop. No, that's true.
00:54:16
Speaker
Oh, this is a coaching call for Nicole. Thank you. I know myself so much better now. Yeah, no, the books I I don't know why the books I read have to have. Let's see, like, I really like books that will
00:54:37
Speaker
increase your knowledge about and like really push you to change something about yourself. So I've read books like Why We Sleep by Michael Walker. He's a PhD. I read another PhD by like on gratitude and another PhD on Oh, the body keeps a score. It's always something about the body and how to explain what we can't actually see or track like we can track our weight on the scale. But how do you track the impact of the emotion of shame?
00:55:04
Speaker
Right. I like knowing that stuff. But there are people out there who are smarter than me and have actually put that into a book in layman's terms enough that I can understand it. And those are my books. Yeah, I definitely can connect on that. One of my favorite books I've read. Well, there's two I think. I think I have all of them still looking at my collection. One of them is The Brain That Changes Itself by Norman Deutsch.
00:55:30
Speaker
about neuroplasticity, it's really good. And it's kind of somewhat story based because each chapter will be something different about, you know, the science behind neuroplasticity. I think the first chapter he opens up with is a girl who, I mean, they didn't figure this out for a long time. I don't think I'll have to, it's been a long time since I've read this, but they didn't realize that she was going about her life with only one side of her brain.
00:55:58
Speaker
And I think when they knew that there was something a little different, maybe she was on the autism scale somewhere, but she could go about her life normally, but had a couple of different obstacles than the normal person. And then they finally figured out she had half of her brain. Like, oh my gosh, I like that. That one's good. I've been thinking about picking it back up again just because, but yeah, you'll have to read that one. Okay, yeah, that sounds good.
00:56:29
Speaker
We'll have to compare bookshelves. I would love to see what's on your bookshelf. I'll show you mine one day. I've been doing Book of the Month Club. Do you know that one where it's just it's just fiction books. You should see the stack on red. Oh, it's right there. You see it? Oh, yeah. Right. Yeah, it's like there's probably two more that's over there that because it's like 15 bucks a month and they you can pick the Book of the Month and they send it to you.
00:56:50
Speaker
But yeah, anyway, I can go on and on about books.
00:56:59
Speaker
blah, blah, blah. And I've gotten so far behind at the beginning of the summer, I posted an Instagram story, I was like, Oh, this is my summer reading list. I haven't. I've started what I'm barely halfway through it. And I'm like, I'm so far behind. And it still keeps charging me. But they're all mystery thrillers. So I was like, let's get out of the self help genre for a minute. And just, you know, because I consider those types of books like eating my veggies,
00:57:27
Speaker
Right. And that's exhausting. So I was like, let's get into like my real mystery thriller stuff. And I'm just so far behind. I don't think I'll ever catch up. But do you ever go through those, those periods where you just binge books and then you have like a dry spell?
00:57:45
Speaker
Yeah. Because I'll replace, um, books with like TV shows. And, uh, then I get like really mad at myself cause I'm sitting and not doing anything. So I'll go back to reading, but it's, it's also cause I probably haven't found a good book. That's, um, you know, recommended by all the people I follow or something, but yeah, I just need a break, I guess from reading heavy stuff. If that makes sense. Yeah. But then the break doesn't last very long. I don't know why.
00:58:14
Speaker
I'm going on about two years now, because I can read. I can read. But when I'm in my dry spell, it's a real dry spell. During COVID, I lived by a park, really super cute park. And it was just full of these like old timey, not old timey, but these renovated like craftsman style homes and 12, have you been to 12 South? That area? Not in a while.
00:58:42
Speaker
Do you know, you know, probably a couple of years. Yeah. Yeah. Cute, cute, cute, cute neighborhood, but Ritzy. And there's this cute little park there with a community center where I would do the gym, but I was so, and I was, um, not laid off, but I was, uh, furloughed, right? That's a word. Yeah. I was furloughed for my job. So for like four or five weeks, six weeks, maybe. So I was so bored. So I would just take my books. I read a lot then.
00:59:12
Speaker
And I would walk there's a little path around the thing was like a mile long and I would walk and read at the same time in broad daylight. There are so many weirdos there are people's dogs and some random homeless person who would just set up speakers and play music. It was really strange. Reading and walking is really good for your brain everybody. Right? Oh, I think so.
00:59:35
Speaker
I try to like type and work while I walk on my treadmill. That's not the same thing though. But that's hard. It's like one mile an hour that I'm walking. But no, I think that's smart, like moving your body and you're thinking if you have oxygen and blood flow and so you're yeah. All right, well, that's kind of all I have for today. Where can people find you on socials?
01:00:01
Speaker
definitely instagram, nicole.terraway. Um, it's okay. It's terraway. Terraway. I asked my husband, he's like, either one works. I was like, we're getting married, but okay. Well, there's a, there are a lot of terraways in Minnesota and I think everyone says it in some way that helps them remember, but it's German actually, which is interesting.
01:00:27
Speaker
But um, yeah, tear away, tear away. I understand if you say it, I know what you're talking about. And then, um, let's see. Yeah. Instagram would be the best place or I, you know, maybe LinkedIn, but Instagram, I would say for sure.
01:00:40
Speaker
Awesome. Well, also for those of you out there, definitely write and review and subscribe. That definitely is helpful. Recommend as well to your mom. I don't know if your dad would like it, but you can give it a shot and your dogs. Tell your dog.
01:01:01
Speaker
Just tune in next week. Thanks for listening to the FFP Alignment Podcast. Please support us by downloading, rating, and recommending us to your friends and family. Be sure to check us out on Instagram at TheFitFemProject. That's F-I-T-F-E-M-M-E Project. And for those of you looking to find their central balance of lifestyle and fitness, book the free consult by going to TheFitFemProject.com.
01:01:25
Speaker
That's F-I-T-F-E-M-M-M-E, project.com and click apply now. Until next time, this is the Fitment Project alignment podcast.