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Ghost or Ghostee??
10 Plays1 month ago
In this weeks chat Katelynn talks about people who have been ghosted, but more importantly those who were the ghostee and why! Also, her WORST ghosting story revealed!
Email the show: thenotsorrypodcast@gmail.com
TikTok: @notsorrypod
Watch on Youtube! @notsorrypodcast
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Transcript
Introduction and Setting the Tone
00:00:03
Speaker
What's up, not sorry gang? How's it going? Happy Friday. My cat cannot make a decision. Please sit, Jasmine. You've done this a billion times. Here we go, sweetie pie.
00:00:16
Speaker
Thanks for joining us today. Again, if you are new here, I'm your favorite tough love bestie. Here to give it to you straight because we all need friends like that in our lives. So let's take a sip of wine because thank fucking God it's fucking Friday.
Personal Challenges and Stress
00:00:31
Speaker
I cannot tell you. what the kind of past couple weeks I've had like seriously.
00:00:39
Speaker
um Let's just say there were tears involved so um this is not a pity party although I wouldn't complain. Let's dive Have you ever been ghosted ghosty?
00:00:53
Speaker
been the ghostee You can't tell me that you've never ghosted someone. I won't accept it. Seriously. I asked the Not Sorry Gang if they've ghosted before or have been the ghosty. And here are some of their responses. Let's go.
Ghosting Experiences and Reactions
00:01:14
Speaker
one's sassy batch. cute my close friend does this for everyone she loses interest in she says it's easier for her and that quote no answer is an answer in my opinion it's shitty but she doesn't get upset when guys ghost her so at least she's not a hypocrite amen i would be friends with this girl because it's like i live by that rule of don't treat others the way you don't want to be treated you know like gold golden rule right So if you're going to do it, you got to be okay with it being done to you. And sometimes you figure that out like when it happens and that's okay.
00:01:50
Speaker
It's learning process, but hey, I respect ah respect that. um Speaking of respect, the next one says, when they don't respect boundaries, it's always a turn off and an automatic
Respecting Boundaries and True Colors in Dating
00:02:03
Speaker
ghost. It says a lot about a person. Yeah, 100%. Like I always say, believe them when they show you their true colors or like who they really are.
00:02:14
Speaker
You tend to like make a lot of exceptions, you know, fresh in the dating scene or freshly talking to someone because you i know, I was desperate a lot. And I think a lot of women are It's not desperate sounds like ah mean dig, but that's not how I mean it.
00:02:33
Speaker
It's just, you know, what we all want love. We all are we all crave connection and all of that. So, yeah, i really do believe love is blind and I've never seen that show.
00:02:46
Speaker
ah um Next would be. um They wouldn't get the hint that I was no longer interested, even after saying, quote, we should just be friends.
00:02:58
Speaker
I've never said that to a guy. am not interested in being friends with someone that i had a romantic, even some romantic possibility with.
Complexity of Relationships and Ghosting Exceptions
00:03:08
Speaker
Every time I accept one exception, never talk to ex. I've never talked to an ex. Actually, there's two exceptions. God, now I'm a hypocrite. One um one one of the exceptions was he we broke up and i was still healing and was he had started talking just talking to someone before we broke up.
00:03:36
Speaker
And i was like, yeah, I'm going to get my revenge. If you know what that means. Yeah. And another one was he couldn't just let this go, man. He couldn't. the Shit's too good over here. And we broke up and we didn't talk for a long time because I was a really shitty person back then. And he should have never reached back out. But I was madly in love with him for a long time.
00:04:05
Speaker
And when he just like texted me out of the blue, was like, oh, my God. we never officially dated again but he was also long distance and I was not going to do that but I you know more than once told him hey I'd move there I'll move you know I got nothing here tying me down and always kind of avoided that but um whenever he would come to Nashville we'd hang out and stuff like that so we never We're official again, but those were the only two exceptions when it was like... But other than that, and I've dated a lot, like, I'm just not interested in being friends with people I've dated. like
00:04:43
Speaker
And honestly, like those two exceptions aren't even, they don't even meet that criteria because we weren't just friends. Like it wasn't platonic, if you know what I mean. So, okay, I'm not a hypocrite.
00:04:55
Speaker
Got it. I am so fidgety
Work Anxiety and Positivity Struggles
00:04:57
Speaker
today. Like I've had, I'm telling you the most anxiety i have had in my entire life these past like two weeks. So I've been like kind of bouncing off the walls, like really sad and like just really poor me. And I'm finally on the up and up work's been really shit. And like, it's really hard to stay positive and be like, better things are coming when it just keeps getting like worse and worse and worse and
Listener Stories on Ghosting
00:05:23
Speaker
worse and worse.
00:05:23
Speaker
All right, that's enough of that. Okay, let's see what's next.
00:05:33
Speaker
I ghosted someone because on the second date he confessed he tried to smother his then wife with a pillow. i wasn't going to say, quote, you confirmed you're an abuser on the second date.
00:05:45
Speaker
I wanted him to not learn the... wanted him to I wanted him not to learn the lesson and hopefully to tell all the other women in the future early on so they could get the fuck out before they also become victims. Oh my gosh.
00:06:00
Speaker
I would have done the exact same thing. I'd be like, oh yeah, totally cool. Like... It's not a big deal that you're telling me this much information on our second date. I really appreciate your openness. And I just love how open and honest you are. That's just amazing.
00:06:15
Speaker
Like, do that. 100% do that. And then, like, move. Like, move towns. Move across the country.
00:06:25
Speaker
First of all, he's an idiot. He will get caught if he's, like, that... Criminals are so stupid, I'll tell you that right now. um Okay, next, there's a couple more. i don't know how many of these I'm gonna read. There is a lot of good responses.
00:06:41
Speaker
um Let's see.
Handling Rejection and Gender Reactions
00:06:45
Speaker
Something similar. The few times where I told the guy i was speaking with that I didn't, and that I don't feel like we're on the same page slash not vibing with him, they've taken it as an opportunity to talk down to me, saying absolute spiteful shit that was totally unnecessary. It's been easier to ghost, especially when we can't tell whose pea-sized ego that's about to get hurt.
00:07:09
Speaker
I've had that happen before. Why are people so like, heart why can't they just deal with rejection? It's a part of life. Like, the level of tolerance that most men, okay, that's not how I mean it.
00:07:27
Speaker
I think men the majority of men, what am I trying to say here? I'm saying that men take rejection a lot harder than women do if we're in a general consensus.
00:07:39
Speaker
I'm not saying that the majority of all men, although that might be an accurate statement, I don't have the facts and figures, but I think if you were to choose if a man take can take rejection or if a woman can take rejection, who can take it easier?
00:07:52
Speaker
it would be
Effort in Communication and One-Sided Interests
00:07:53
Speaker
a woman. like So I've had that happen before where it's just like a super innocent exchange. I'm like, oh, no, I'm not interested or I'm dating someone. And they just flip the script. I'm like, well, you are just a dime dozen, just a girl with big tits. And like, that's, you know, easy to find. I'm like, yeah, well, go find it. And sure, there's plenty of women that want you. Yeah.
00:08:20
Speaker
um Next is Miss Nanny Nanny. That's her little username. if the person isn't putting in much effort, doesn't seem that interested, and doesn't double text after the most recent communication. And doesn't double text?
00:08:38
Speaker
I don't know what double text means after the most recent communication. um like i see where you're going with that. It's like, if it's really hard to carry the conversation, and if it's like, bro, this texting convo is dry and it's just dragging along, i yeah, I'm not interested.
00:08:58
Speaker
Especially if we haven't met yet and that's how dull you're going to be before I even meet you. Absolutely not. Yeah.
00:09:07
Speaker
um Someone replied to that comment. They go, yeah, I've given up after being the only one to put in effort into a conversation. i don't even know if it's ghosting. It's just giving up on doing all the work.
00:09:18
Speaker
That's the better way to put it. It's not ghosting. It's just, yeah, I'm going to wait. See if you're a better communicator or something like that. um Mary says, ghost men when they feel they're entitled to sexual conversations even after I've turned it down once That is, all these are just like beyond accurate, right? We've all experienced all of these at some point in our lives where it's like, yeah, you can really tell when they're trying to like just do a sexting
Flirtation, Sexting, and Modern Dating Complexities
00:09:52
Speaker
conversation. And there was a time in my life where I was like, hell yeah, let's go. I'm i'm that girl, I'm cool.
00:09:59
Speaker
So down to clown. And yeah. I was such an idiot. And I was part of the problem, ladies. And I apologize for that, for for being part of the problem and and fueling that fire. Hashtag Scorpio. um Yeah, if that tells you anything, I'm going to take a sip.
00:10:24
Speaker
But it does get old really fast. Like I wasn't like that for a long where it's just like, I actually kind of want to talk to you. and don't want to send a tit pic or anything else like that. It's like, it literally got so exhausting or I'm like saying all these things or honestly, a was like trying to do that and I was just so desperate for attention, i would um copy and paste something I said to a different dude with another guy. And it's like,
00:10:51
Speaker
And I got caught, almost caught one time, like, oh, you see i don't think that was meant for me. I'm like, yes, it was.
00:11:00
Speaker
Got red-handed on that one. Also, can you see my this hand my right hand if you're watching on YouTube? I'm missing, like, two nails. A third one's about to go. I look super raggedy. Plus, this self-tanner on my hands looks...
00:11:14
Speaker
awful. I'll get better at it. I'm going to the beach in June, so I'll be an expert by then, hopefully. um all right, just going to read two more, and then we'll move on.
00:11:27
Speaker
um Oh, kind of the same, kind of on the same lines. um Shannon says, she goes, I've run into an issue recently where I might be a little bit flirty or cheeky and it immediately devolves into sexting.
00:11:40
Speaker
So now I'm left with either maybe getting a hookup out of it or just dropping the conversation because there's no getting a legitimate date out of it now. Ooh. Yeah, that's actually a good like tell, if you will, of like they want to jump into that. Like it's so easy to figure men out. if you If you take a step back and just kind of look at it, you're like, yeah, I'm not getting a date out of this.
00:12:07
Speaker
Do I just want to hook up? Like if you want to do a little hookup, like whatever. Such an easy tell. That's so funny. um oh wait, no, that was the last one. Okay, so I want to hear from you
Host's Worst Ghosting Experience
00:12:21
Speaker
guys. When is ghosting actually not okay?
00:12:25
Speaker
But first, I want to tell you my worst offense. ah Pause for the ad Just kidding. It's just taking a sip of wine.
00:12:42
Speaker
Yeah, I'm going to tell you my worst offense. I want to hear your worst offenses too so I can um feel better about myself, please. um All right, so...
00:12:54
Speaker
Several years ago, before Mark, obviously, I was seeing this guy and we matched on Facebook dating, which I actually kind of liked Facebook dating. It was a little more simpler, a little more, I don't know why. I just liked Facebook dating at the time and matched with a guy and like at the beginning,
00:13:17
Speaker
We were both super clear with each other. Like, we're not in it for the long haul. Like, I'm not serious. I'm seeing other people. Like, he actually brought the conversation up first.
00:13:29
Speaker
And usually I'm the person who is was used to being like, I'm not, this is not a serious thing for me. I'm dating around. I don't want anything serious right now. Because it was after my last serious relationship. And I was like, I'm staying single. Like, I made that commitment to myself. You remember I've said that.
00:13:48
Speaker
said that before so he brought it up first that he was seeing these other girls and I'm like oh well okay I'm doing the same thing and so I was like oh yeah no seriously like I'm not trying to be the cool girl like I literally am seeing other people and it was right around well no we had been seeing each other for a couple months, just on and off, like go on dates, have some fun, whatever.
00:14:13
Speaker
And he would talk about like his other like girls. I'm like, i I'm sorry. I don't want to hear that. Like, i know I'm cool with it. Do whatever the F you want. ah I'm just not interested in hearing more about it. Like, thanks.
00:14:29
Speaker
And he actually ghosted me for what, two or so months?
00:14:39
Speaker
Something like that. It was a significant amount of time and I was like, ah, you know, I mean, it could have told me that maybe he found somebody or just was over it, like whatever. gonna like, you know, get too upset about it.
00:14:56
Speaker
And ah so I moved on with my life. Then he texted me out of the blue like, oh, hey, how have you been? I'm like, this guy thinks that he can just come out of nowhere. We went on a date that night.
00:15:09
Speaker
I'm such a fucking sucker sometimes. Like, I love going out on dates. Like, don't, you can't blame me. Like, I really do love going out on dates. I love getting dressed up. Every girl loves a little attention and some drinks. Like, I just loved dating around.
00:15:26
Speaker
And so we hung out and he had told me that a really close friend of his, like, and wasn't family, but might as well have been, had died and he just took it really hard and, you know, the whole thing. And I was like, oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Like, it's definitely understandable.
00:15:44
Speaker
Did that like hermit moment for him and whatnot. So we started hanging out again, right? Kind of the same as before. um Not too much longer later, i had met Mark.
00:15:58
Speaker
Right? No, it had been a while later. i think...
00:16:04
Speaker
There was no like bad overlap, but I had met Mark when I was like hanging out with this guy. Like, and it was still the same situation. Right. Whereas like, I'm not interested long term.
00:16:15
Speaker
um We're seeing other people like it was that same understanding with each other. i And then Mark and I start hanging out. Don't worry, he knows this.
00:16:26
Speaker
He knows the story. And um we start hanging out and Mark says the same thing. And even though i was like, I see a future with this guy, I was still okay with like it being casual at first, like no commitments.
00:16:39
Speaker
We don't need any titles right now. and I was genuinely okay with that, but Mark had like brought it up like three times. Like, don't need anything serious is right now because I come on like really strong and I'm super awesome. Like he got scared and just wanted to pump the brakes a little bit because he loved me so much.
00:16:58
Speaker
ah Anyway, so yeah I'm both in this understanding. like, like situation, okay? um This other guy, Guy a let's call him,
00:17:13
Speaker
I was telling him about my car breaking down or my tire or something like that. it was just a hassle to deal with. And I was like, I'm over it, but it's fixed now. And he's like, why don't you call me when when you need help with stuff like that? I'm like, oh, I'm just, when we don't have that going on. Like, that's not our, that's not our thing.
00:17:32
Speaker
Then he looks at me, he goes, well, do you want it to be? Like, do you want to be my my girlfriend? I'm like, oh, oh oh no. and we were like headed back to his house to hang out for the night and watch movies and have some dinner i'm like oh no oh well well
00:17:54
Speaker
i didn't want to say no outright but i my response was like oh i was not expecting that i actually and i was kind of lying but also telling the truth where I was like, I don't, I've never thought about us long term because of what we established at the beginning and it stayed that way. Like I never thought, I just hadn't thought into the future. So I really don't know.
00:18:20
Speaker
and he's like, that's fine. You know, let's just hang out and blah, blah, blah. And like later that night, he kind of like hinted at it again. and he's like, you can say no if you want, like it's okay. And then I like repeated myself. I felt so bad.
00:18:36
Speaker
I repeated myself. But this like really made me realize I'm like thinking about Mark, like this guy needs to freaking step it up. Like I'm not going to wait forever on this guy Although I probably would have.
00:18:47
Speaker
Well, no. in my heart I would have, but I definitely would not have. um But it really made me realize, i was like, Mark's my guy, like Mark is my man. And so we had hung out the rest of that night and um i go home and then it just kind of tapers off after that. Like he tries texting me, tries staying connected with me and I like tapered it off.
00:19:09
Speaker
And like, that's my worst offense. Long story short, that's that's that. And that's the worst thing to do. i was such a f freaking coward. And I couldn't have just said no. As as direct of a person that I am,
00:19:26
Speaker
and I encourage other people to be, when you're in those moments of like, you you're about to get hardcore rejected right now and no one wants to hear that. I don't want to hear that. Like, that's so sad and like, I don't want to make anyone feel that way. So like, I just, I yeah took the cowardly way out and um I don't recommend.
00:19:48
Speaker
sip. so step
00:19:53
Speaker
All that to say is that that is the absolute worst way to one of the worst ways to go someone.
Timing and Clarity in Ghosting Decisions
00:20:01
Speaker
Have you seen? Oh, I was going to do a reaction video.
00:20:04
Speaker
um i didn't set it up though. Those TikToks where it's just like, the The caption is, guys, the day before they they ghost you, and it's just like, I love you. i can't wait for you to meet my mom.
00:20:18
Speaker
And like staring at her ring finger and just being like, you're so beautiful. and like then they ghost them the next day. Like accuracy. But yeah, don't take any notes from me, ladies. If you're going to go someone, do it early on, real early on.
00:20:35
Speaker
um Because yeah, you got no commitments. You got no understanding of each other. You haven't had that conversation. you Even after the first date, I think, If you have a first date and you can just be like so much easier to be direct, to be like, I'm not feeling it, dog, then you move on or um feel it out if you don't even want to send that text. Like, I think that's okay.
00:20:59
Speaker
You can, and it is a lot easier to send those texts during those moments of ah it being super early on in the relationship. But, and I've done that before.
00:21:12
Speaker
Like, I've done it the right way before, even after, like, the first couple of dates where we've had that conversation. it was just like, yeah, I just think, you know, I'm not, I used to feel like we're better as friends. I'm like, I'm not going to be friends with you. Like, if I don't want if I'm not romantically,
00:21:28
Speaker
interested in you, I'm not interested in you in a friendship. like i My mind just works that way. Even with the two guys at the beginning of this conversation, i'm i'm not ah can't have them in my life.
00:21:42
Speaker
now because like I don't want to be platonic that's okay that sounds really bad and like if they walk in my life I'll just be like oh hey yeah don't ever talk to me again because we had more than just a platonic relationship and that's just inappropriate and like even if I was okay here we go Even if I was single,
00:22:04
Speaker
i and like dating them is like 100% out of the possibilities. I'm not going to be friends with you. Like if I'm single, i and I can't do what I want, then I'm not going to be just friends. Fuck that. No.
Balancing Work Stress and Podcast Passion
00:22:22
Speaker
Does that make sense? Or am I digging myself frigging hole? Yeah. um Yeah, so I want to know your ghosting stories, like especially if they're like kind of crazy. my phone ah paused on me.
00:22:38
Speaker
um But I definitely want to know your thoughts on it all. And I forgot to do, to prepare a buzzkill segment.
00:22:49
Speaker
But in lieu of the buzzkill segment, you know what? No, I figured it out. You know the fucking buzzkill is? My freaking nine to five. Yeah, it's time for the buzzkill segment.
00:23:00
Speaker
If you don't know what that is, it is where I um talk about something that just totally ruined the vibe, right? One buzzkill was not having open bar seating. Like, are you joking?
00:23:11
Speaker
ah was a total vibe killer. um You know, and it's my chance to like bitch about something. And you know what I need a bitch about? I need a bitch about my job. It has made me cry one too many times the past like two and a half weeks.
00:23:23
Speaker
And it's exhausting, absolutely exhausting. And it also makes me so frustrated because my job, like the work is busier, like I'm busier, but it keeps getting worse. And it also is making me so exhausted that I can't focus on this, my podcast that I love. And it's something that brings me joy and happiness.
00:23:45
Speaker
But yet it's like, I don't have the mental energy or capacity to like put work into it like I want to. So hopefully that's changing. Be a little more disciplined about it too is a thing and that's what's been frustrating is like I can't like when it's something that you're super passionate about or that you have these big goals for like why am I procrastinating why am i slacking on this or that or not posting every single day multiple times a day like if it's truly your dream then why aren't you doing what it takes type of thing and so that's frustrating and I just have been trying my best to give myself a lot of grace
00:24:31
Speaker
the past like several, several, several days and just being like, you know what, like still you're not quitting, you're not giving off up, so just do what you need to do.
00:24:43
Speaker
If you need to take some time, if you need to pump the brakes a little bit and whatever, it keeps you going because if I were to put so much pressure on myself to like post and upload and record all the time, all the time, then that, I think, would do a certain type of burnout.
00:25:00
Speaker
You know, so I want to do it at a pace that keeps me going, even if it's at not at the pace that I desire and I think will be more effective, as long as it's at a pace, as long as it's consistent, right?
Listener Engagement and Community Building
00:25:15
Speaker
This really helpful, Caitlin. Thank you. Like, giving myself a little pep talk. I needed this. um But yeah, y'all, that is the podcast. Feel free to DM me anything and everything. The email is below, or if you're watching on TikTok, you can DM me.
00:25:32
Speaker
dear me Yeah. Oh, no, you can email me or DM me on TikTok. not Don't do Instagram. I just, I'm doing it just because I don't want to get into it.
Closing with Gratitude and Encouragement
00:25:45
Speaker
um But yeah, if you could take a couple of seconds to also rate and review, that helps tremendously. It's those teeny tiny little things that just over time make a huge difference. And also recommend, babes.
00:25:59
Speaker
Yeah, girl, do that referral. I'll send you a bottle of wine.
00:26:06
Speaker
someday somehow I will I promise but that is the podcast y'all thanks again for listening thanks again for all your support I genuinely truly appreciate it and it just like makes my heart glean with joy when I see like my youtube subscribers go up even little by little or ah my downloads like go up little by little it just keeps getting better even if it's at a minuscule amount but But I love and appreciate it. Thank you, everybody. and tell Until next time, peace out.
00:26:37
Speaker
Bye.