Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Why Men and Women CANT Be Friends, or Can They??
11 Plays24 days ago
In this weeks episode, we discuss the hotly debated topic of platonic relationships between men and women. Can it be possible? What kind of boundaries does it take for it to happen???
Email the show: thenotsorrypodcast@gmail.com
Tiktok: @notsorrypod
Instagram: @thenotsorrypod
Recommended
Transcript
Welcome and Introduction
00:00:04
Speaker
Welcome back to the Not Sorry podcast. You have found yourself in the right place. I promise you. It is Friday, so cheers.
00:00:15
Speaker
Drinking a Sauve Blanc, if you're wondering and not watching on YouTube.
Can Males and Females Be Friends?
00:00:20
Speaker
But today we are chit-chatting about a pretty hot topic, hotly debated. There's a lot of different opinions on it.
00:00:32
Speaker
But what we're talking about today is can males and females actually be friends? um I have my own thoughts and feelings about this. It's very nuanced in my opinion. But first, I asked the Not Sorry gang um this question on the interwebs.
00:00:54
Speaker
And here are handful of responses. And I kind of like where some people went with this. um First one, these are always anonymous, by the way, at least on here, but not where you post them.
00:01:08
Speaker
So i don't know what's the point. So, okay, first one, friends, yes, but not best friends. There should be boundaries. I agree with that.
00:01:19
Speaker
Straight to the point. Got it. um This girl, she goes, it's good. I saw something that said men are friends with women they want to fuck and women are friends with the men that they would never fuck.
00:01:33
Speaker
and she goes on to say, that said, I have guy friends. One has expressed interest in exploring things with me, and I put a stop to that real quick. He said he couldn't even be my friend anymore because of his feelings for me.
00:01:46
Speaker
He took a little hiatus from being around me, and we're friends now, but I intentionally keep distance, and when I started dating my boyfriend, I filled him in on what happened so there's never a question of trust if he ends up hearing about it.
00:01:58
Speaker
I think platonic relationships are super important, yeah? and And it's also obvious when wanting to stay platonic isn't two-sided. Best to use a situational judgment. That is the most diplomatic answer of all of these.
00:02:14
Speaker
it is so true and probably like it's where we're going with this and why I wanted to talk about it or at least give my opinion on it because i agree with this, with what she said. I'm going to get a sip here.
Personal Stories and Boundaries
00:02:28
Speaker
Okay.
00:02:31
Speaker
Mark and I are going to a ah margarita festival later, so I don't even know why I'm having wine right now. It's probably a really bad combination because I'm in my mid-30s now, so we're going to find out. Also, that's why I'm like ultra glam, not ultra, but more glammed up than normal.
00:02:47
Speaker
My makeup looks phenomenal. I did a new technique. I posted it about on my TikTok if you want to watch that. All right, next comment is, I do you believe you can be friends with the opposite gender.
00:03:00
Speaker
I have a boyfriend, but I have guy friends respect him. Okay, great. If I do hang out with them, my boyfriend is there or it's a group setting. Most of my guy friends I met at work, but they're either in a relationship themselves or they're gay.
00:03:15
Speaker
I have run into the scenario you're talking about where they catch feelings. In that case, you have to distance yourself from them because you'll end up hurting them in the end. Very, that's another really great diplomatic answer, like respect the boundaries. You always hang out in a group.
00:03:32
Speaker
Yes, ma'am. There you go. um Next comment. I think they can, but there comes a point when you are, when you're close enough with someone, even platonically, where one person can get feelings for the other and never mention it. It can easily fall into more for one or both of them.
00:03:51
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. i agree with that. Um, next comment. No, no, no, no, no. I think when it's a quote group friendship, then yes.
00:04:04
Speaker
Uh, but any sort of one-on-one friendship? No, I had a one-on-one friendship with a guy for a long time and it was starting to change my mind about the concept. But then he told me he thinks about having sex with me constantly. So that was over.
00:04:18
Speaker
Wait, hold on. ah And it was starting to change my mind about the concept. oh I say, yeah, you thought like, oh, yeah, you know, guys can be, think it's, I think big argument is like, can guys truly platonically be friends with a girl?
00:04:34
Speaker
And that's where she was thinking, oh, I think this can actually happen until he, shattered the reality of constantly wanting have sex with her. And she's like, okay, yep, that argument's done with.
00:04:48
Speaker
Next, or last one is, i know how to set boundaries, amen, ah but I also fall into the group that they cannot be one-on-one friends. ah Someone always catches feelings or end up having affairs. This has been my experience, not only in relationships with people who have opposite sex friends, but also just witnessing it firsthand while working In the food and beverage beverage industry.
00:05:11
Speaker
Girl, I bet you have some stories. My first job was in the food and beverage industry. um And that was it. That was the only one. And I was like just a hostess too. So it's not like I i saw all the the drama that servers see.
00:05:26
Speaker
um Yeah, so a lot of these comments are definitely along the lines of my opinion. I personally cannot. I want to hear your thoughts, the rest of y'all's thoughts too. So if you're watching on TikTok, let me know if you truly have and guys too, like I want to hear from you. I should have asked more dudes um if you truly can be platonic with a girl.
00:05:50
Speaker
Like, seriously. And not not your sister. That doesn't count. Because I think it's a lot easier for women to be friends with guys and never be attracted to
Dynamics of Platonic Friendships
00:06:01
Speaker
them. And like like that first comment said, no, the second one, men are friends with women they want to fuck and women are friends with men they would never fuck.
00:06:10
Speaker
I think some women really abuse the friend zone or are just oblivious to a really great guy standing in front of them. So there's that. And I'm sorry for the friend zone guys, but sometimes there are guys who deserve to be friend zoned because when the girl is like, oh, okay, I should give him a chance. And then he turns into an absolute asshole, absolute asshole.
00:06:36
Speaker
That's never happened to me. I usually have a pretty good, like, really well-refined filter on these things. Not that I have the best dating history, but that's another story.
00:06:48
Speaker
Actually, no, if you've been listening, you know exactly. ah Yeah, no, my opinion, i cannot, i cannot really be friends with a guy, truly.
00:07:04
Speaker
I mean, friends that I meet through like
00:07:10
Speaker
It's so weird. Like, it's really weird because, like, all my girlfriends, like, they're they have husbands. And i would consider their husbands, like, a friend. and like But that's it. I've never met them outside of anything. i don't think so.
00:07:25
Speaker
But you can tell when it's weird. 100% you can tell when it's weird and when there's something else going on. And a massive red flag of a guy's like, it's just a friend. But then you're going out and hanging out with her one-on-one.
00:07:39
Speaker
Nope, red flag. And I've seen posts all over the internet of girls being like, am crazy? Or um is is he okay? or Or is he like, am I just overreacting? Because my boyfriend um is going to go hang out with a girl at the bar for a happy hour and doesn't...
00:08:00
Speaker
and I can't go or something like that and I just don't feel comfortable with it and he got mad at me when I brought it up. Yes ma'am, you are not crazy. You're crazy for not putting your foot down like harder or just breaking up with him on the spot.
00:08:13
Speaker
I know it seems like it's so much easier to say like just bring up with him and what would I do in that situation? If, ah okay, let me think. If I told Mark, I'm like, hey, an old guy friend is in town.
00:08:29
Speaker
um We're just going to go meet up for a drink and like catch up. He would be like suspicious. And like would definitely want to know if like we were ever together in any way.
00:08:42
Speaker
He told me early on when we were first dating, like he's like forever in a room with a guy that you've slept with before. Please tell me because he would feel like a complete clown if he did it. And it's like.
00:08:55
Speaker
And agree with that. I would want to know too if if he's been with someone that I'm like talking to because it changes things, you know. Girls are a lot more catty with it, I think, but guys are just more protective of it in a way.
00:09:09
Speaker
So like if I was in this situation, which I've never been, to be honest, I will say. I've never been put in that situation. I've never, true like, force myself to be, not force myself, but I've just i've never had guy friends that I want to hang out one-on-one I'm in a relationship.
00:09:28
Speaker
We do have guy friends though. um But no, he would like want to know if we've like been together before and then like his hesitation, he wouldn't tell me not to go because he's not that guy.
00:09:42
Speaker
and honestly, I think I would have the same reaction, but we're both too We're both the same person. Like, they i don't want to be that boyfriend. I don't want to be that girlfriend where you sound really insecure you're...
00:09:57
Speaker
if you're telling them what to do. Like, you don't want to feel like you're controlling them. Like, no, you can't go out to dinner with this person. No, you're staying home or I'm going with you. And it just feels icky.
00:10:12
Speaker
But at the same time, it's kind of crossing somewhat of a boundary. in my opinion, it's really sticky. It's a real gray area because I have 100% trust in Mark and vice versa.
00:10:27
Speaker
But it's like, I wouldn't, Here's the thing. Okay. Here, here's the deal. It, we would trust each other 100%. I would feel a little, and I would tell them, I'd be honest. I'd be like, babe, I just, that feels kind of weird. I'm sorry, but it's just, I don't think I'm comfortable with that entirely. But i'm I mean, go, because I do trust you. I 100% trust you.
00:10:52
Speaker
But then my next thing would be like, it's also like an easy door to walk through future, future Transgressions because I've been in those situations before where, you know, it nothing's going to happen. It's fine.
00:11:09
Speaker
XYZ. But then certain situations happen in life. You get more lonely. Your relationship starts getting difficult or... shit happens. And then you you cross this like innocent in a way, innocent boundary with someone. And then it starts to get more and more comfortable and more and more easier. And then all of a sudden you start having flirty texts little bit more often or more flirty conversation or hanging out more often. And then Mark would be more and more okay with because he trusts the guy. And then all of a sudden it turns into this whole blown affair. Like, you know, like don't even put yourself
00:11:47
Speaker
in that situation like I trust myself and I trust Mark and he trusts himself as well but like I it would be just so stupid of me to just even crack the door open for something that could potentially happen and I told I remember I told myself long long time ago before i was married or even in my first relationship ship girl i I was never gonna be that person. i I will work it out. We'll work this out.
00:12:20
Speaker
We're in this together. XYZ. We're a team. NERP until you're on alone in your relationship. And I keep grabbing my wine glass to like take a sip and I keep putting it back down one second.
00:12:37
Speaker
um Yeah, it's I told myself I would never be that girl to like do cheat in any kind of way in any sort of level. But there I was girl.
00:12:48
Speaker
Ooh, it's a long story, but it really surprised me, like, when you do get to a point of, like, emotional and physical, like, starvation, the things that you'll do when a hot plate of food is in front of you, man. And um now I have a lot more tools in my toolbox to go, you know, quote, hungry again. That's usually, like, the metaphor I like to use when...
00:13:16
Speaker
I was married, like I was so starved of so much that if I was like, I'm just gonna go out. It's just a friend from from high school coming through town. We're just gonna get dinner.
00:13:28
Speaker
the guy I got away with a lot. Like if I had said that, he would have believed me and just been like, okay, cool. And like, because well he also did not care and any excuse to have alone time, he would take. So anytime he i could be out of the house, he's like, oh yeah, go have fun.
00:13:46
Speaker
Like, dude, you're so dumb. Literally so dumb. But when it comes to this friendship thing, it it is like the same, what these, you know, one of, I cannot talk, what some of y'all's comments have been of like, you've got to have boundaries. And if you don't have boundaries, then you should not be in a relationship.
00:14:09
Speaker
If you can't respect the boundaries, you should not be in a relationship or distance at least distance yourself from the friend who is in the relationship. Things like that. I just, I cannot. And there have been times where I really do see true platonic friendships. And it honestly kind of blows my mind because I could just never, i don't, even if I was single, like even if I was single, let's put it that way.
00:14:38
Speaker
If I was single, the only reason I'm hanging out with a guy one-on-one is because I want to get with him. Like, I don't think I've ever been in a platonic state of mind with a guy unless I was like...
00:14:53
Speaker
you know, a kid, and I really did have like little guy friends and like, so cute. But the the minute I just so discovered what love was and boys and being attracted to boys, like, no, it was, there was one thing on my mind, like I'm a girl and a with a guy's brain. Sometimes I feel that way.
00:15:14
Speaker
I just couldn't. And I know it's a lot easier for girls, but also I will say at the same time, I do have brothers and I don't have any sisters. So I'm curious with girls who do not have brothers, what it's like versus girls who don't have brothers.
00:15:31
Speaker
And if like um those kinds of male friendships for girls who don't have brothers are something that you actively seek out. That is something I'm curious about because it would make sense. Like if you don't have And especially so if you didn't have a good male role model or just like a stable like dad or something in your life.
00:15:53
Speaker
What what it looks like for you now. That's a good like little experiment. Because it would make sense that you you would need to find like true platonic relationships with men to kind of help influence you and fill in any, like I don't want to say like holes in your heart, but honestly, it's kind of like that. And my father figure was not, there's it's a long story.
00:16:20
Speaker
But um I definitely, as Dr. John Deloney said, I married and dated my unfinished business with my dad. And a lot of women do that.
00:16:30
Speaker
And i think you can do that also platonically, which I think is the more healthier way to go about it um When girls need to look for a guy friend, that is just a good, healthy influence for them. So, but it's so tricky because like guys just take it the wrong way.
00:16:48
Speaker
and that's why I lean more on the the side of the fence of like, like guys and girls truly cannot be friends like they can with the same sex, right?
00:17:00
Speaker
I'm not gonna gossip and gab with my guy friend. It's not the same and it's not the same fulfillment. It really isn't. I don't know, this is kind of like an all over the place,
00:17:12
Speaker
situation. so I'm really curious like what
Setting Expectations in Friendships
00:17:15
Speaker
your thoughts are. I think overall though, like in the end, you have to place the boundaries on it. Even if you're not in a relationship, I think you need to set up the right expectations.
00:17:26
Speaker
If you're a girl, especially because guys just will bulldoze their way around whenever they can into a relationship or just hang her out because something might happen eventually. Like I don't, you can't blame a guy, I guess, right?
00:17:43
Speaker
But if you're truly wanting to be friends with a guy, like, do him a favor and let him know. And even if he is naive and like, oh, she's, I'll make her change her mind, blah, blah, blah. Eventually, she'll fall in love with me. Like, at that point, it's his fault, not yours.
00:18:01
Speaker
yeah. be the Do the response, do yourself a favor, do him a favor and give yourself that out of like, hey man, we're just friends. That's all I see with this, just so you know, and it's not going to change.
00:18:15
Speaker
And if they don't believe you, that's their fault. So you can't feel guilty when they profess their love to you and you're like, bro. what did I tell you last week or whatever?
00:18:28
Speaker
So do yourself that favor because even if you, especially when you're in a relationship too, that is like, I mean, you shouldn't have to tell guys that like when you're in a relationship and dudes are trying to be your friends, like, no,
00:18:41
Speaker
no that's different. You don't even, it's an unspoken boundary that you keep your distance in an appropriate way and they should too. And if they don't, especially time to go crack some skulls.
00:18:55
Speaker
I'm just kidding. Hold on.
00:18:59
Speaker
But yeah, that's an interesting topic. i you Even my brothers, I'm only one sister. ah You know, I should ask my brothers. I don't think they have any friends that are girls. We grew up with a lot of boundaries though.
00:19:13
Speaker
And um
00:19:16
Speaker
also like really conservative and traditional. So it would make sense. um But neither of them have, either of them have a like friends that are girls, I don't think.
00:19:29
Speaker
And ah i remember my sister-in-law had a guy friend at work and um they were just friends or whatever. Austin, my brother, like he just didn't, he's like, is attracted to you. she's like, no, Austin, you're just, you don't know, we're just friends. And Austin's like, you don't know how guys, like even guys like will tell you like, no, we're just friends with girls because we are trying to get that.
00:19:56
Speaker
Like, yeah. So sorry, ladies. um Set the boundary. I think that's where we're ending with this is that you just got to be upfront with the boundary and the expectations and make sure that you've done your part. Amen.
00:20:11
Speaker
Hallelujah. And then go about it. And if he fucks up, that's his problem. And you can move on with no regrets or feeling guilty and ain't let him on. You're being yourself.
00:20:25
Speaker
Just forget it. um All right. I think that is everything I wanted to say on that. um I wanted to do my buzzkill segment.
Buzzkill Segment
00:20:37
Speaker
Oh, that was cute. Should that be the little jingle? buzzkill segment. It's probably way off tune. um But my Buzzkill segments are the opportunity for me to bitch and complain about just the woes and stupid things of life or the inconveniences of life and things that just kill the vibe.
00:21:03
Speaker
You know, like one of my first ones from a couple weeks ago was like, they didn't allow open bar seating at this restaurant. Like, are you joking? And I heard on a TV show.
00:21:16
Speaker
No, it was a TikTok video. They were trying to get seated at a bar and they're like, oh we you'd have to get on the wait list for the bar seating. What? I don't want to live in that kind of world where you can't just walk up to the bar, sit down and get a drink. You have to sit there and friggin wait like everyone else?
00:21:32
Speaker
No. No. Okay. That's still gonna be my top buzzkill segment. But this one today is, you know what? Fucking Southwest Airlines.
00:21:46
Speaker
You guys have created one of the most biggest disappointments in my life up till now. That's dramatic.
00:21:58
Speaker
But you know what? Southwest Airlines is like that buddy that, you know, bro, I got you. um going to hook you up. We're one-on-one, man. were We're there together. We're doing this together.
00:22:10
Speaker
You can trust me. they They created this level of love and trust, and then they went and fucked us. They fucked us with those extra bag fees, and now you can't.
00:22:22
Speaker
um Get a refund or free change. You can't change your flights for free. Like the flexibility of it is just gone. It's obliterated. Why?
00:22:33
Speaker
Probably because someone um needed a raise or someone needed to buy a new beach house. Like fuck you. Like literally, can't like, You guys are like the most toxic, like Southwest Airlines is like the most toxic relationship. Yeah.
00:22:49
Speaker
American is like super shit with cancellations and just being disorganized. And those budget airlines are just, you know, They throw caution to the wind, but hey, they're upfront about it, right? they You know what to expect with At least they might be shit.
00:23:08
Speaker
But then Southwest Airlines was that stable relationship that you thought was healthy. And now they're like, nope, we're gaslighting you this whole time. Give us your money. You have no choice. Fuck you. I loved you. i loved you I think it's different if you're a Southwest credit card holder and like, I don't want get a credit card.
00:23:31
Speaker
And a lot of people shouldn't. No one really should. And that's just another like, another fucking stab in the back just to like nickel and dime us poor Americans, middle class. And like, oh, I just, it grinds.
00:23:49
Speaker
My freaking gears. And you'll see a lot of Buzzkill segments. The one the other week was when we're trying to order sangria. And you know what an actual, a main ingredient in sangria is at this at any restaurant or at the, um for this recipe for sangria?
00:24:07
Speaker
Brandy. This restaurant was charging five fucking extra dollars to add a main ingredient to this cocktail. Are you joking me? Just another stupid, it's so little, but it tells like the bigger story of what's going on, and I just cannot deal with it.
00:24:27
Speaker
and
00:24:30
Speaker
Just, just, it's five fucking dollars. Like you're looking for every little thing to, to make a couple extra bucks on. Same with fucking Southwest Airlines.
00:24:41
Speaker
From now on, I have to have Mark book all my flights because he has a credit card. I'm such a freaking hypocrite. But still, like, don't care. It's just so wrong. um And it just shouldn't be that way, guys.
00:24:56
Speaker
What are we going to do? have to stand up against this. How do we boycott? What what do we do? how does that work? Oh, brother. well, I guess more other airlines are going to getting my business now. So just because it's like, what's the freaking difference? The only reason we went with Southwest was because of these incredible benefits and they set themselves apart.
00:25:19
Speaker
And they're like, all right, we've been set apart. Now let's, um you know, join everyone else in in hell and, you know, grab everyone's money. And it's like,
00:25:33
Speaker
Okay. I think, I think that needs to stop. Should we end on a positive note? More positive note? No, everything's going well. My past couple weeks have been really shitty, like emotionally with my job and just like all the feelings surrounding like
Emotional Growth and Support
00:25:50
Speaker
the podcast. And it's like getting out of the hole little bit and staying positive and just moving forward and getting like literally just getting over it. Amen. Yeah.
00:26:04
Speaker
There's a fly in my wine, but that's my fault. I've been having the door open all day because it's really nice out. But anyway, I have to go to a Margarita Festival. Kill me. all right.
00:26:15
Speaker
Thanks for joining. Please help a girl out in creating her dream life and rating and subscribing and doing all the good things for the podcast algorithms.
00:26:27
Speaker
That would be really, really lovely of you and recommending as well. So love you. Thank you for those of you who are here. And until next time, bye.