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Rebounding and What To Do About It
39 Plays1 year ago
So you lost the weight you wanted to loose but found yourself some time later with it all gained back and maybe more? It's happened to ALL of us!
Luckily, there is something to do about it so it never happens again! This is what Coach Nicole and Host KateLynn talk about on todays episode, tune in and let us know what you think!
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Website: www.fitfemmeproject.com
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Transcript
Introduction to FitFem Podcast
00:00:02
Speaker
Welcome to the FitFem project alignment podcast. It is here that we cultivate and gather all who have been through it in fitness, relationships, careers, lifestyle changes, and unforgettable crucial life pivots trying to achieve their most sovereign selves.
Stories of Growth from Dark Moments
00:00:19
Speaker
We're here to provide you with thought-provoking detailed stories and information from truly fascinating men and women from all walks of life, professions, generations, and modern day sagas who speak to the rawest, darkest moments that made them the strong, decisive, humble, helpful, healing people that they are today. We ask them to hold nothing back because life is a multidimensional pursuit to be stronger, healthier, and more aligned mentally, emotionally, and physically.
Exploring Rebounding with Coach Nicole
00:00:48
Speaker
Let's go.
00:00:57
Speaker
Hello everyone. Welcome back to this week's pod. As usual, I'm super excited for this topic today because it's something everyone has probably experienced in their lives at some point in some form of fashion, rebounding.
Personal Dieting Stories and Cultural Influences
00:01:14
Speaker
And joining me today is coach Nicole. Hello. Hi. We are in person today, which is really nice.
00:01:22
Speaker
extra cool experience. I got to meet Walter in Jasmine. She's being kind of a weirdo. But anyway, so, um, to open things up, I want to know how many times you would say you have rebounded in your past life. Yeah, that's, um, Walter, he probably has an answer. Yeah.
00:01:46
Speaker
I've rebounded every time I've tried to diet for the wrong reasons. I'd say, you know, I think like many of my clients, I was dieting since I was in my teenager teen, teen years, you know, like whatever the impression to change the way you look. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Um, you know, my mom was probably on a diet at some point, but then you get, you know, you get into high school and everyone was skinny. So everyone's working out all the time.
00:02:14
Speaker
I did slim fast when I was in high school. Oh my God, I did too. And I lost like 15 pounds. Really? Yeah. And I remember going to a
00:02:24
Speaker
Like my mom worked for the foreign service, so we had to go to, we lived overseas, but we went to, we had to go back to, uh, to the state department, kind of Virginia, uh, DC area to get, you know, buy checkups every other year. And I remember after I'd lost those 15 pounds on slim fast, the lady who was like doing my physical, she really congratulated me. She's like, Oh, good job. I'm trying to lose it too. And so, you know, that also, that hearing that made me think, Oh, dieting is good. Let's just keep doing that because.
00:02:54
Speaker
Mom's doing it. This lady's doing it. She's a doctor. She must know that she says dieting, you know, right? Trust the doctor. Why not?
Walter's Navy Weight Journey
00:03:01
Speaker
Yeah. But I gained that weight back when I went to actually know I think I so after that I joined the Navy. I was gonna say right out of high school. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And I actually lost I got in really good shape. It was some books.
00:03:21
Speaker
You're just running everywhere. But, um, kind of the bootcamp. Yeah. Uh, several weeks that we did. And then, um, after that though, as soon as I went into studying, I just gained 15 pounds because I was, um, what do you call it? I was just eating trail mix with the M&Ms in them. That's all you ate? Pretty much because they were so good. Also like I was eating foods that I didn't really have access to growing up. I lived overseas growing up. So.
00:03:51
Speaker
Oh, so you're like, this is super new and cool. I want to eat all of this. So you didn't have trial mix in work. Where were you living at? In a bunch of countries in Latin America, I graduated from high school in from the Dominican or no, I'm sorry, from to Ucigapo, Honduras. Yeah. And so before that, like ninth and 10th grade were in the Dominican Republic. But no, we didn't have like,
00:04:15
Speaker
trail mix with the M&Ms in them at least. Oh yeah, that's pretty clutch. I love getting the M&M, the raisin and like a couple of like the perfect ratio of salty and sweet. Yes. That's what I pick out and I make sure it is. Yeah. And so I just, I would snap on that because I didn't know anything that first year out of high school. I didn't know anything. I mean, what I would do it was, you know, however long ago. Yeah.
00:04:45
Speaker
Well, it's like my mind was more focused on learning, you know, the Navy, Navy traditions, learning my job, also learning. I was studying because I was going to the Naval Academy for college after that because we had to spend a year. I actually went to a prep school for one year after high school, and then I went to college. And so I was learning about
00:05:06
Speaker
You know, you're just kind of getting reacquainted with like math and, you know, just, it's like, it's a prep school. And so my mind was focused on that. And then I realized I was gaining weight and then I went to the Naval Academy and during Cleve summer, which is like two months of another kind of bootcamp, essentially, um, I lost some weight, but then I gained it all back again that year.
00:05:30
Speaker
because I was just eating because we're running everywhere. And I was hungry, but also it's a really stressful place to go to school. So I was eating to just help me get through my studies. And so, but I also, so I would lose some weight. I joined the marathon team while I was in college and I lost some weight, but then I gained it back once I left the team because I had to focus on my classes.
00:06:00
Speaker
But then I was trying slim fast and I was trying like whatever I could try while living in the dorms. But slim fast was something I could do. But I gained it all back after I left, after I graduated. Was it like a lot of like a significant amount or? It was always like 15 pounds around there. Oh, okay. Or 20. It was like, it was never just five, never more than that. But I did get to my highest weight within my first like,
00:06:30
Speaker
I'd say two years in the Navy when I was actually done with college, um, I got up to like 180 pounds, which was a lot for me. Cause like, but like, you know, you have to wear uniform and you go to work. And so.
00:06:45
Speaker
It was at the point where they were so tight and I was, you know, you'd see the cellulite through my, my pants and they're thick pants. Like the material is like, like the wool, not wool. It's polyester type. It's, it's, you know, it's, I know what you mean. It is thick. Yeah. It's not spandex. No, it's not. So, and also I was like running out of breath, walking across the parking lot. So I was like, I need to do something. So then I went on.
00:07:11
Speaker
really insane diet, which we could have probably talked about. Yeah. Yeah. Um, lost a ton of weight, but then gained it all back because I was just trying to control the, you know, what I was doing, not how I was doing it. So, um, I would say within 10 years, I rebounded, I don't know, five or six times.
00:07:37
Speaker
this. Yeah, I feel like that's pretty common for the majority of people.
Body Image and Early Influences
00:07:43
Speaker
I've never really paid attention to my weight. It was something I was never really concerned about. I wasn't too much of a fad dieter when we talked about that last episode. But yeah, I just wasn't. I remember
00:08:01
Speaker
This might be a good story for another episode, but I'll say it anyway. But I remember when I was little, well, no, high school, that's not little. I got my period when I was 10 years old and I got, you know, my lady bits popped right out real fast. And so I looked a lot older than I was. And I was super thin before that, you know, just typical thin flat chested. My mom was, she told me, she's like,
00:08:31
Speaker
I was just so excited that you were gonna have your grandmother's body, which is her mom who's tall and skinny, model-esque. And she's like, my baby girl's gonna have the dream body I've always wanted. But then, you know, I got my cycle and I just went sideways. I mean, I'm 12 or 13 at this point, middle school, and I had gained apparently a bunch of weight really fast. And I wasn't real concerned about my image.
00:09:01
Speaker
back then, especially. And I remember, she's apologized about this twice. Well, these two times. And I got them both on camera, which is so funny because I was so obsessed with having the video camera out at all times. And I was just video things and everyone would get so annoyed with me because I'm like, in your face. Anyway, so my mom got really annoyed at me at one point. She's like, you turn that off or I'm going to tell everyone how much you weigh.
00:09:30
Speaker
okay and another time i was videoing my parents they were just lounging in the living room and they decided to give me this proposition i think i was a sophomore or junior in high school and they're like we'll let you go to prom if you lose weight
00:09:51
Speaker
Okay. And I'm videoing them saying this and I'm just like messing with the zoom option. I'm just like zooming in and out of their faces and like, Ooh, okay. That's a deal. We did this like fake handshake and I forgot about it. So I never really paid attention to my weight and my brother was training to be a personal trainer. It's like, let me train my sister and get her in shape. I'm like, nothing. I got on the treadmill once, I think.
00:10:22
Speaker
Anyway, so let's chat about kind of the psychology around why we rebound.
Psychological Aspects of Weight Rebounding
00:10:31
Speaker
Everyone's done it. I kind of say that I didn't, but I've lost and gained weight whether or not I was aware of it, but we've all done it. We've all lost it and gained it. What would you say is like the main mindset psychology behind that? Yeah, I know.
00:10:49
Speaker
The first thing would be, I think when I'll start with coming from what most of my clients have experienced. And then of course what I experienced, but I will say I think there's sometimes some unintentional rebound. For instance, maybe you've lost some weight and you fall ill and you're bedridden and you just can't move your body much. You don't really.
00:11:12
Speaker
You just, you know, you have to eat based on whatever's, you know, going to help you get better. So if you do gain some weight back, it's, and it's from that reason, then that's, you know, out of your control. And we've all lost weight being sick. Well, this is the best. Why can't this, you know, every time to be set that like being super sick and all of a sudden you're so thin, get the flu and you're like, I lost five pounds. This is great. You know, at what cost exactly.
00:11:38
Speaker
Um, but no, I get that. Yeah. And well, I think too, if someone were to like, I've, I've known, um, I, I actually, I think about my own experience growing up and I lived in several countries growing up and you know, you go to one country thinking you're eating probably the same food. And especially that first year is you're getting accustomed to, you know, culture and, you know, traditions and the cuisine there.
00:12:03
Speaker
you think you're eating may not be exactly what you're eating. It could be higher calorie. You mean like the same food, but from different from country to country, like bread in France versus bread in, you know, Colombia. Is that what you mean? Yeah. And you know, there's, it's going to have a different caloric value. And unless you're educated on like the nutrition and how many calories are in certain foods and macro, macro nutrients, um, it can be easy to, you know, get an
00:12:30
Speaker
you know, learn about the culture, start living there and just gain some weight because you're just not familiar yet with, with things there. And I'd say, I think that does happen. So that would be an example of like inadvertent rebounding. But what we mostly see with our clients, you know, especially with my own story is, you know, we lost a ton of weight and we gained it all back. And that amount of weight can be
00:12:54
Speaker
you know, subjective because some people will feel bad about getting five pounds. Others will feel just as bad about getting 25 pounds or 55 pounds. Yeah. So the amount isn't like, it doesn't really matter. It's just that they didn't keep the weight off. And so, um, with rebounding, why it happens is because
00:13:16
Speaker
either where we don't have enough information. We don't know the education. Yeah. We don't know how much we're consuming, what we're consuming, how it's helping us. And then there's the other side where we try so hard to control the externals, like the kind
Internal vs External Focus for Weight Management
00:13:32
Speaker
of diet you're on, um, how many meals, how many, how many meals you're going to have in that day, how perfectly planned your day is, you know, how many times you're going to go out that week and how you know, everything's like planned to a T.
00:13:44
Speaker
All of that is managed, all those externals, but what's not managed is the internal stuff, right? All your thoughts, all your feelings about, about those externals. So if on the outside you look put together and you have the perfect diet plan, but on the inside it's kind of chaos, you're like, you're just kind of running on fumes by the end of the day or by the end of the week, you're just hoping that you don't have, you know, something triggers you like,
00:14:10
Speaker
Usually by the end of the diet, the reason the weight starts coming back on is because you can't emotionally handle all those triggers that you try to control because you can't control external circumstances. And when you realize that and the emotions kind of overwhelm you, if a coping mechanism is to go to food, that's where a lot of the weight will come back on, start overeating. And then if there's any shame and guilt that comes in that will perpetuate the behavior and, um, doesn't happen with everyone. It's what happened to me. That's why I was.
00:14:40
Speaker
binge eating is because um
00:14:44
Speaker
I was like, you know, the stories I was telling myself, I was like, I should have it all put together. You know, I'm educated, I should know more, I should know better. You put so much on your shoulders, like the high expectations for yourself. And I think a lot of people do that in certain ways with, okay, I'm going to have this lifestyle, I got to do it all. I got to do it all. Yeah, you're right. They don't think about the internal work that should be happening. Probably before, but at least at the same time, while you're going through this process.
00:15:12
Speaker
And if it goes hand in hand for you, then great. That's kind of how it worked with me was, you know, I work on the mindset stuff and, you know, doing healthy activities at the same time, and it just kind of snowballed and then like, yeah, you know, but where would you say, um,
00:15:31
Speaker
for somebody who is looking to work on that internal stuff or maybe even just listening to this and realizing, oh, you know, that's a good place to start. That's a good idea. What could somebody do to kind of begin that process? Yeah, definitely look at where you are right now. So, you know, like the two examples I gave, like if you're, you know, if you're traveling and you're, you know, you don't, you don't know that much about nutrition and exercise and, um,
00:15:59
Speaker
get smart on that. And then you may find that because of your curiosity and how much you're learning, you may find that you naturally stop rebounding just because you know more. But if that's not you and you're more on the lines of
00:16:17
Speaker
you are just chasing diets to lose weight and you feel like you're always chasing like you're never catching up or you're never feeling caught up and you're feeling more overwhelmed than you are confident or you're feeling more guilty than you are secure or you're feeling more ashamed of or more shame than you are say excited about how you're eating and moving your body
00:16:47
Speaker
Like if that pendulum is swinging more towards the side of emotions that you're, will do anything to avoid, then that's where, you know, take a look at where you are there and say, okay, this is where I'm at. I don't want to be here, but this means I have the internal stuff to work on. Like I have all the Tupperware, I have all the food scales, I have all the, you know, gallon water bottles, I have all the apps, like have all of that.
00:17:14
Speaker
But if I don't feel like it's working or like I can stick with it, then, you know, that's where you turn your eyes inward and say, okay, what do I need to work on? And that's going to be how you're thinking about things. And that's going to be determining if how you think about things is going to lead to results you want in the way that you want them. And I would suggest being really clear on that.
00:17:35
Speaker
Yeah, we talked a little bit about that in the last episode of just taking a step outside of yourself and starting that self-awareness process and looking at your life objectively and not, you know, shaming yourself and, excuse me, giving yourself that proper grace to look at your life and see where you're at. Like I keep, this keeps happening. Why? And then taking that step back. Oh,
00:18:00
Speaker
Okay, there might be some inside stuff that might be a little tricky to work out. But that's where like, that's why it's so important to just not be alone when you're making something when you're making a big change. Like, you know, you're not going to go to the doctors and say, I want to, I don't know, like, you're not gonna, you want some kind of support when you need to change a lot of what you're doing. Like, if you're going to change,
00:18:30
Speaker
You're not just changing the shape of your body when you want to lose weight, you're changing your lifestyle. You want to live, you want that lifestyle to be one that's going to help you live the way you want, not just externally, but internally. Yeah. I mean, we're definitely talking along the lines of just weight loss, but I think it can apply. In the out, rebounding really is about
00:18:52
Speaker
you know, losing a gaining weight. That's what the subject is about. But when we're looking at the internal stuff, it really applies to anything that you're achieving. Yeah, right. And whether even if you need to gain weight, there's a lot of people out there, that's like a smaller market of people that need a gain weight, and it's healthier for them that need to be heavier. But it's hard, how can I do that? And then again, it goes back to the mindset of I'm severely restricting, it's what I've been told, it's the knowledge that I have, but is that
00:19:22
Speaker
meant for you, you know, and looking at that objectively. But yeah, so I just wanted to say that as far as like, yeah, we're definitely talking about weight loss and weight gain. Very specific of what we're saying, but yeah. Um, yeah, no, it's a, it's, it can be, I think just, it can be jarring, you know, knowing
00:19:44
Speaker
just acknowledging where you are, especially if you find yourself overeating or binge eating. Cause the only reason you're getting back weight is because you're eating more than your body needs to maintain that weight. And, uh, or you're moving much less than you were before or some combination of the two. And it's, um, yeah, it can take a, it can take a, like a, in a moment where you need to be with yourself and just figure out what it is that you want and be that brutally honest,
00:20:14
Speaker
had that brutally honest moment with yourself. That's hard. Those come to Jesus moments is what I like to call them. I'll do that when I have had one of those weeks or one of those. I did something that I'm just not proud of. I'll sit in the shower and just be watching my hair like, you got to get your stuff together.
Self-Reflection and Community Support
00:20:31
Speaker
That's why I walk so much with my dog. It's just me. I won't even ask my husband sometimes when I'm feeling in a good mood, but when I need to figure stuff out in my head, I just take my dog for a walk. It's me talking, which you've figured that out lately. I just need to word vomit and I'll do it with Mark where I'll just call him and just bitch hardcore about whatever's bothering me and he'll just sit there like a cute little peach and just listen.
00:21:00
Speaker
But I think one of the things you said about community that I want to touch back on that because looking back when I started to do anything, whether it was health or fitness or not, I had this mindset. I'm an extrovert, so it's a lot easier for me to look for a community. But I understood that if I wanted to be more like this or be more influenced in this subject, I needed to surround myself with people who were also like that.
00:21:29
Speaker
Uh, is it, did you do that when you were going through your process? I was a complete opposite. Really? Like I avoided community because I was so ashamed. And so that's why I think they're different levels. Like, you know, just assessing where you are right now with your rebounding, like you could be on, you can, you'll be on your own level, but you know, you may be on,
00:21:49
Speaker
on your level where you're like, okay, I need a community. It's easy for you to see that. Or you could be, you know, what I think is like, where I was just like, I don't want anyone to see where I'm at. I don't even want to see where I'm at. So, but community is honestly what changed. Um, this one changed everything. Like, uh, where did, what, what community did you find? What was that? I hired a coach actually. Um, and a coach that had a community. So it was other women who wanted,
00:22:18
Speaker
the same goal, which was to lose weight, but it was a space where we could just talk and we wouldn't be judged. And that's so important. Yeah. And so it felt safe to, for me to at least start joking about what I was going through instead of making it like, that's it. I took extremely, I took like the baby as the baby steps opening up to the community. Cause yeah, I was like, I mean, that's what it takes. Yeah.
Nicole's Education Journey and Community
00:22:47
Speaker
You know, like, and.
00:22:49
Speaker
As soon as, um, but there were still times when I, I still wasn't opening up, so I was still binge eating. And so this by the time I was like getting into bodybuilding shows, so I would lean out for a show, gain 20 pounds within a month, sign up for another show in three months to lose those 20 pounds. So I did like eight shows in three years just to try to stay ahead of my binges. And it just, it did not work because my body couldn't handle all that cardio lifting. It's so stressful in your body. Yeah.
00:23:17
Speaker
No, it was bad. Like I remember walking up my yard and I felt like an 80 year old woman because I was like, my joints hurt so much. So, um, but yeah, the, it wasn't until I really, I felt, I feel like I had gone through every other avenue besides community to see if it would help me stop the rebounding, um, stop overeating and stop binge eating. And, um,
00:23:45
Speaker
Yeah, I guess that's a form like, that's a form of rebounding is, you know, the severe rebounding. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So it's like, I tried to, so I became a personal trainer and I thought that knowledge would help me pull it, pull my eating. Did it? At least I was like, maybe just for a little bit. No, in fact, it made it worse for me because I was like, I once I got my certification, I was like, okay,
00:24:10
Speaker
I, I, it's legit now. I have the piece of paper, but I don't feel any differently. I still feel the urges and the cravings and the fear, like I have to keep, or the need, the intense need to just always be in shape. So I was like, okay, well, maybe if I become a nutritionist or sports specialist, at least in nutrition, I was like, maybe that'll help. Same thing though. It didn't. Um, then I became a life coach. I was like, okay, I understand mindset emotions now a little better and did it. And so,
00:24:39
Speaker
I was like, by then I was feeling really lost and kind of hopeless. I was like, I don't, other than getting like a PhD in psychology, which I don't have time for eight years or something. Like that's the last educational step. Yeah. I was like, I don't have time for that. Like I don't, I don't know where else to go to get, yeah, to stop this, you know, this yo-yoing essentially. And it wasn't until honestly, um, I really started following Casey and this was like,
00:25:09
Speaker
years ago now. But just listening to stuff other than just follow this plan. There's
00:25:19
Speaker
know, you have to be disciplined and use willpower. Like that was so over like heard for me. And so rising, growing. I was like, that doesn't work for me. No, it didn't when I first started out. I was like, Yeah, I'm hardcore. But it just got desensitized to it. So but Casey started talking about
00:25:40
Speaker
alignment and being a woman and stuff. Yeah. And I was spirituality. I was like, this isn't going to work, but I couldn't look away. And it really, so I knew I understood the value of community. That's, I realized when I started to see that that was the missing piece for me, I was like, I need to stop doing this on my own. I need to bring in other people in my life because obviously on my own, it's not working no matter what certifications I have.
00:26:08
Speaker
And, um, so as soon as I started opening up, I was like, okay, this, I actually started opening up more than my husband. Um, and that started changing things as well.
Strategies to Prevent Rebounding
00:26:18
Speaker
Cause you know, I didn't want to, you know, he was one of the people that I didn't want to binge in front of, but he was like one person that I actually trusted. So, you know, it takes, it does take a lot of courage, but you know, you got to give yourself, um,
00:26:32
Speaker
know, just grace and time. But if you can get yourself into a community that is, that is going to help you much faster than doing it alone, for sure. Yeah. So what would you say are some other things that people can do to help lower your chances? I guess that is that a good way to put it? No, rebounding or
00:26:53
Speaker
finding yourself right back at the start line or even further back. So community is definitely a big one. That I would put that as number one, like, you know, hindsight, 20, 20, 20. Now that I can look back at my life and see, Oh, how would I have done this differently? I would have reversed it and put community first instead of last. Um, just cause I would have, I would have healed much more quickly. But so that's the first thing I would say. And then second thing would be educate yourself. Um, get smart on nutrition. I mean, you have to eat to live.
00:27:23
Speaker
Yeah. You know, I try to think back on when I was a little kid and how easy it was for me to eat and move. It felt so fun. Like I had the most confidence, I think, when I was a little kid. Of course, I didn't know. You weren't poisoned by the world. Yeah. But I like the feeling. Yeah. And I was like, how can I get myself to that? And I would question like, is that even realistic? Like you're almost 40. Like, is that something you want to do? And I was like, you know what? Have that child like innocence again? Is that what you're saying? Well, just the
00:27:53
Speaker
not be wrought with stress and self-imposed pressure and worry. I was like, can I train myself to not stress myself out? It doesn't sound like a good leg way to train myself to not be stressed out. But it actually was like, you know, I don't like
00:28:11
Speaker
what's what's gotten in my way since then I was like I've you know tried on so many other people's thoughts you know and ideas to see if it fits me I was like I'm just gonna start tossing the ones that aren't fitting and see which ones stick and we'll start with that but um
00:28:27
Speaker
Yeah, educate yourself. Yeah, that is a good point. And the other thing to bring up with that, though, is that, you know, there's just so much noise out there, especially in this space, that it's like, okay, educate myself. And now what, like, what do I Google, you know, and I think, as far as dieting goes, what would you say for somebody to educate themselves on? If they're gonna pick like,
00:28:50
Speaker
I mean, we're not gonna talk about a fad diet. We just talked about that. But if it's a lifestyle way of eating, where would you suggest people begin research? Like, you know what I mean? Yeah, I think Lindsay brought this up at our last conversation. She said, find someone who is modeling what you want to achieve. And give yourself like, I don't know, five to 10 people, don't just stick with one, because they're each gonna have hopefully a different approach. And then you find one that fits
00:29:20
Speaker
what you think, what would fit your life? What would be realistic? Like if someone's doing keto, but you know, you love eating pie, like keto is not for you. So pie is just fine. Yeah. Like find, um, find someone who's, you know, more, who's behaving and living in a way that's more aligned with what, how you would want to, and I'd say go from there, then learn how they learn, learn what they, you know, what they're certified in or,
00:29:47
Speaker
you know, what they're interested in, you can start there. I think that is a good place to start. It is just that exactly. And I think a lot of people have a hard time with, obviously, dieting in the food part is the hardest part.
Mindset Changes in Dieting
00:30:06
Speaker
My personal journey was, you know, I don't want to give up anything, right? We've all been there. We all thought that like, I don't, I remember there was a time in my life where I will never give up cereal. Man, I love cereal. I still do. Um, and I still had that at the time I had that sugar addiction, you know, like I was kind of being controlled by it, but I was like, I sticking my guys, I will not give up cereal. But then I almost hadn't found, you know, there's obviously,
00:30:34
Speaker
a lot more story around why and how this happened. But I found myself where I wasn't eating it at all. I wasn't thinking about it. I wasn't like craving it. I didn't feel like I needed it or wanted to have it for dinner. Even though that might be perfectly okay one night or whatnot. But I realized, oh, I can still eat this stuff.
00:30:55
Speaker
But my mindset's different. I'm not like, I don't have that addiction. And then throughout my journey over the next several years, and then learning flexible dieting and macro counting that, yeah, I actually can eat all this stuff within moderation, you know, and you have Lindsay schedules me a mindful meal every week. And so I don't log it or anything.
00:31:19
Speaker
keep it along the lines of what we're going for and just, just eat it. So I think that is a good thing for people to understand is that you don't have to give up the things you love. If you love milk, but you're lactose intolerant to stay away from that. You know what I mean? But, um, yeah, I think education is a good part and I don't think, I don't want people to feel overwhelmed either because that is a huge,
00:31:48
Speaker
thing to tackle is like, where do I where do I start? And that's definitely part of the overwhelm. Yeah. And then and then I think to have like people who do who are educated, though, and they're still rebounding, right? Those are you. Yeah, that was me. And that's where I can't stress enough the community and not isolating yourself because
00:32:10
Speaker
And there's a fantastic book written by Anna Lemke called Dopamine Nation.
Dopamine, Shame, and Community Support
00:32:14
Speaker
And she talks about, I haven't read that, but I know what you're talking about. Yes. Oh my God. It's fantastic. I think I could just, I want to just memorize the whole book, but she, she hit on two of the biggest takeaways I have from that book that pertain to rebounding community. One is acknowledging the, you know, like the internal mental emotional piece that you have to
00:32:40
Speaker
the need to rebound the need for that food. And that'll come with understanding, you know, hormones, neurotransmitters like dopamine and knowing, for instance, that whenever there is the high anticipation of something rewarding, you have that dopamine spike. But if you don't get it, there's an equal amount of pain that you're going to have to feel. And that's what people are terrified of and will avoid at all costs. And so
00:33:05
Speaker
she talks about, you know, people addicted to, you know, substances and, uh, drugs, but it can kind of, it really, it aligns with, yeah, with, uh, food. And so, but once you understand that, you know, there is the, you have the urge and the craving, and then if you don't reward that anticipation with the food, you are going to have to experience a level, an amount of pain.
00:33:30
Speaker
But that over time that will diminish and will decrease. And basically your dopamine will like, and pain will stabilize within a tolerable amount. And that's, you know, that's where you can feel any discomfort. It's not going to bother you to the point of needing an external thing like food to cope with it. You can just, with a thought, tell yourself, no, it's, it'll be fine. It'll be okay. Yeah, exactly. But it takes practice. But then the second piece of her book that is, was so important was
00:34:01
Speaker
with people like, you know, who are educated, but are still rebounding, for instance, in our conversation. Uh, she said that one reason people will continue to rebound or continue to go for the substance or the thing to help them cope is because they're isolating themselves because they have so much shame because of what they're doing that they do the thing like, so in our case, like we'll overeat or like I was doing, I was binging. They feel so much shame that they isolate themselves. Don't tell anyone.
00:34:29
Speaker
And because they feel so bad, they go back to the behavior and it just becomes this, this shame cycle, this, what's it called? She, there was a destructive shame cycle. I think she called it. Interesting. But it's, it's just, oh my God, you would love it. You especially would love it. But, um, but then she says, you know, shame also isn't the problem. It's just an emotion you need, uh, in order to get out of that cycle is to,
00:34:55
Speaker
Bring in people that you trust and this kind of talks you mention Bernie Brown a lot. Yeah, I'm so glad yeah This is where you know, as Bernie Brown says who's in case anyone's listening. She's a researcher on shame And vulnerability. Yes. Yeah, I it's yeah Caitlin would definitely know. I see her book. It's right there but um, you know if you're gonna open up to anyone open up to only people who have earned your trust and
Sharing Struggles and Accountability
00:35:21
Speaker
Right. It doesn't have to be Facebook. Yeah. It doesn't have to be everyone. So open up to people who you trust. Bring those people in your circle. But as soon as you, but that means you're not isolating yourself anymore. So you're breaking that chain. You're breaking that cycle. And because you're not isolating yourself, you're not repeating the shame. You're actually opening up. You're feeling more vulnerable, which is scary at first, but then you're also feeling more connected and more, um, more love. Yeah. Cause this is a great first step. Like just if you love your mom, call your mom. Oh yeah.
00:35:51
Speaker
anyone that you trust and then that starts breaking that cycle and you start getting out of that repetitive yo-yo, not just emotional yo-yoing, but like physical yo-yoing with your weight and with the behavior and the food. So that's what we'll get. So that's why community is literally the secret sauce to getting out of there. I agree. And it kind of brings up what we were talking about earlier about the
00:36:16
Speaker
what you would hear with the rise and grind and hit the streets and blah, blah. Part of that messaging with the people who say those kinds of things is, you know, silently work on your goals and then show up, prove to everyone. You know what I mean? If you heard those like messages where it was like in silent silence, achieve your goals and go after and make sure no one knows what you're doing just to like prove yourself to people in a way that is like, look at me bitches, like walking through the door all of a sudden and you have the perfect six pack, like,
00:36:46
Speaker
I mean, maybe that works for some people, but that's part of that messaging that you hear, just like, work on your goals in here. Yeah. It's like the only thing that's worth noting is what's on the outside, even though on the inside you're struggling. You're like, yeah, look at me, but someone please hug me. Yeah. Yeah. I think for me personally,
00:37:06
Speaker
there was maybe not to the scale of what you're talking about or what you've gone through with the shame. But whenever I would try to achieve something, whether it was health or fitness related or not,
00:37:18
Speaker
I wouldn't want to tell anybody about it necessarily because it also presented a level of accountability. Like, well, now I have to do it. And then there was that shame too. Like, well, what if I don't? And then if you are going to be like, I knew it or like, that's just Caitlin. You know what I mean? Um, I think, yeah, that was one of our other points that we wanted to bring up was the like hiring a coach.
00:37:45
Speaker
the accountability part of it. And that's why I just, I never want to not be coached now because that level of accountability and just having somebody keeping you within the lane, you might be bumping around, but you're staying in the lane and that's what I coach does. Yeah. And I think with a coach, it's the fastest way that you can learn about yourself because I was, um, you're, there's so much to learn about our body that we're not taught growing up anymore. Like, um, it's just, there's,
00:38:15
Speaker
If you want to live the life that you, you know, see yourself living in the body that you want, the level of fitness that you want, the health that you want, you have to learn a lot more about your body than, you know, like you said, in your time in school, but it's a fun learning because you become the best teammate with your body. So having a coach to who's like, who's a personal trainer, who specifically is focused on health and fitness and, um, can,
00:38:44
Speaker
can connect dots for you and fill in gaps that may have taken you months or years to learn through a certification or through learning online. But yeah, a coach, I would say, is the fastest way to get to that point where you are working with your body and living in the way that you see yourself wanting to live. Yeah, I agree. And then the other thing, too, we wanted to touch on was keeping things simple.
Simple Steps for Fitness Journeys
00:39:13
Speaker
especially if you're just starting out like, where do I start? What do I Google? Who do I hire? Honestly, just start. Yeah. Where I think I talked about this in a mini-sode a little bit about my background was where I was just so overwhelmed and sick and tired of like trying to do everything all at once. I decided to, one, I changed my mindset of I just want to just do good things to my body. I just want to
00:39:42
Speaker
Do things that help myself? What's that? And I was like, oh, you know what? Water. Let's start there. Let's just not worry about anything else. Take clear the plate. Let's just drink as much water as I need to every day. Guess what? That's easy and also free. You might be going to the potty a lot more than you like. I mean, I have to go pee so bad right now, but...
00:40:08
Speaker
The water is like, that's what I tell people if I ever have the chance is to just start with water or walking, like just walk like 10 extra steps a day than you normally would. And that's also free and hopefully, yeah. But yeah, just clearing the plate, keeping it simple and reducing that overwhelm where you can and control what Mark says all the time. Control what you can control, like stop saying that.
00:40:37
Speaker
I mean, you're right, but stop. Yeah. Like with some of the stuff I've been dealing with this week with work, he's like, you control, we control and hope, you know, for the best outcome, like, what better be the best outcome? But yeah, so were you ever in that position where you had to like, clean the plate for yourself? Oh, yeah, when I was at the bottom of my fourth jar of almond butter in a week.
00:41:05
Speaker
That sounds like, okay, I need help. It was just clear. He was like, stop trying to figure it out on your own. And, um, that's what did it for me. But wait, but with the simplicity, like it really, just like you're saying, like, keep it simple. Like if you were to, I just saw that someone posted this on Instagram, but it's so true. It's like if your dog, for instance, was overweight, the vet would say, you know, cut some of its food, don't feed it as much, and then give it some exercise to do. That's true. Yeah. That's literally the same for a human body.
00:41:35
Speaker
And, um, we just complicate it with, you know, you need these supplements and you eat the need to eat these, you know, this meal at this time of day and all these extra rules. And it's just. That complicates it. Just keep it simple. Like what would you, how would your dog lose weight? It's literally the same way for you. I listened to an interview from, you know, Jonah Hill, the comedian guy.
00:41:59
Speaker
He was in those movies with, um, Channing Tatum before he, you know, he, he lost a bunch of weight. He wasn't an interview. Can you remember who he was being interviewed by? But he, I'm pretty sure it was Channing Tatum who he went up to and was like, how do you,
00:42:15
Speaker
How do you do it, man? Like, how do you stay in shape and have a six bag? He goes, well, I just basic just what you say. Just these basic things. He's like, that's it. And all of a sudden, he's lost all this weight. He looks incredible. Like it was just that like mindset shift that doesn't have to be that hard. Yeah, dealing with the mindset stuff. And you know, that's just personal things and your own personal development, self awareness journey that looks different for everybody.
00:42:41
Speaker
I encourage everyone to go on it. But really, if you look at the bigger picture, it's it is simple, you know, just just move a little bit more, drink more water, just do the good things like people. I don't know what to do. It's so much done it out. It's so funny because I've been trained as a coach. I'm not acting. I'm not a coach, but we were taught and I'm sure you were taught the same way that like
00:43:04
Speaker
you're taught to help them uncover the answers because they already have them. We all have that. We're smart people. Our bodies are smart and our bodies know what to do. And that's what the value of a coach is that just helps us peel back those layers of the onion and just saying like, you're already a really great onion. Just let's peel off some of those flaky layers. Let me help you be nice and shiny and stinky. No, I'm just kidding. No, I get it.
00:43:33
Speaker
I'm just a question. I like to think of myself as like a question master. Like I just ask questions at the right time or the right question, just cause I know where you want to go. I know a healthy way to get there. And I know how you're getting in your way. That's why it's a coaching relationship. Like I really get to know everyone, but, um, it's just asking questions because I always say to like, the brain's like, where did I
The Power of Self-Questioning
00:43:58
Speaker
hear this from? I heard this when I was first becoming a life coach, like brain's like a heat seeking missile.
00:44:02
Speaker
Like any question you ask it, it will answer. So the puzzle basically does like literally it's impossible for your brain not to come up with, you know, put thoughts in your head whenever you ask me a question. So, um, the quality of your questions matter and, um, that's what I, you know, it starts with having someone else maybe offer you different sets of questions that make more sense with what you're trying to achieve. That's why having a coach is really.
00:44:29
Speaker
Have you read that book, change your questions, change your life? I've heard it though. I haven't read it. I was like, she had to have read with what you're just saying that she had to have read that. It's really good. One of the very few books I got on audiobook because it's kind of interesting the way it was written.
00:44:44
Speaker
more like storyline type of rather than just a typical knowledge ebook or whatnot is still really good and it gets you out of your head of like you don't have to be the yes man you don't have to have all the answers just ask the right questions oh my god i need to read that book maybe not the right questions but just start asking questions whether you're a coach or just a simple person listening today
00:45:06
Speaker
Just ask yourself questions. Like, why am I giving you my life? Why? This is just ask yourself questions will literally change your life. Yeah. And I love that growing up. I wish I knew that when I was growing up because all the shame you have in school where you don't want to answer a question or ask a question because you don't want to look stupid or dumb like, oh, that would have really changed my life. Yeah. Something different upbringing. For real.
00:45:34
Speaker
Um, all right. Well, that's pretty much like,
Personal Motivators for Change
00:45:37
Speaker
wow. That was a great topic. I love saying that. I want to ask. So I've been starting to do this a little more often in the end of these episodes is, uh, top five. Okay. So for you, I'll answer too, because I like to talk, um, top five, um, ways that you're motivated or motivate top five motivators. What are you guys? Uh, for me.
00:46:03
Speaker
really like really good music yeah for sure I always have my headphones charged don't forget but if I even if I forget my headphones I will try to like bring the song up in my head if I find I'm just gonna say what are you doing you forget your headphones I hate it when that happens or they're dead I usually work out my phone too so I'll just like I'll play it on YouTube like in the corner so it's not bugging other people but so as long as I get like the first tune and rhythm in my head I'm like okay oh
00:46:30
Speaker
Okay. Yeah. I listen to podcasts when I work out. It's weird. I've switched much for music person. I hate seeing that. But anyway, all right. Next. Um, I would say actually, whenever I get a new training program for my coach. Oh yeah. Something different. Yeah. Just because it's, I like, well, one, I like the change, but also it's like, Oh my God, how did she put, how'd she put this together? How's my body going to look when I perform all this? What muscles is it going to work as we're focusing on?
00:46:59
Speaker
glutes or we're focusing on back. And it's like, okay, so you just my mind goes to, you know, it creates this vision immediately. And it gets me excited. Yeah, Lindsay changes mine up every so many weeks. And it is you're right, it is motivating because it's different. Sometimes it starts the same old workouts get a little mundane. But then it's motivating because, oh, it's different. And I'm like level if you feel like you're leveling up, like you're you're
00:47:26
Speaker
achieving a new goal, even though, you know, your things are basically the same. I don't know. But you're like leveling up in the game, you know, you're just the extra tier that you keep stacking. Yeah. Well, it's also like, because I'm a coach and I write training programs, I know based on how consistent my clients have been. Like if one's due for, like if someone's due for a new training program, I base it off of what she's attained from the previous one. So I will put something maybe a little harder
00:47:55
Speaker
because I'm like, I know she can do it. And so I think when my coach writes programs like that for me, I'm like, does she believe in me? I hope so. It's like, I want to show her how strong I'm getting. You know, there's just a little bit of that too. So it was when I switched to Lindsay being my coach, we were talking such
00:48:16
Speaker
the first conversation we had surrounding her being my coach, I told her, I was like, I was on five days a week, but it was so rare I got that five days. She goes, okay, we'll do four days a week, but you're going to work for it. I'm like, yes. One of my other motivation ones when I feel what motivates me is new workout clothes. Is that you too?
00:48:41
Speaker
I just see the stack. I have my closet. I spent so much money when I was in the Navy and bodybuilding. Like I spent stupid amounts of money. I wore her clothes. It was worth every single one. It's so worth it. I love it. But they get the little holes in there and you forget to like not take it out of the washer. And if it's in the dryer. Anyway, yeah, no, but that's a good one. Definitely. And then
00:49:09
Speaker
So like for me right now, a big one is this vacation celebration that's coming up. So my husband and I will be married 10 years next May. Double digits. I would put it that way before. That's a lot. What is 10 years? No, golden is 50. What's 10? Silver is 25. This is a dumb question. Is it diamonds? It's diamonds. I'm just kidding.
00:49:39
Speaker
I'll be sure to tell next my saying like what you get But you know, we kind of talk on we've talked about this before about Goals and that's a good little short-term goal and those are good to have. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not one to really do Challenges I get really competitive like a 30-day challenge or something unless I'm gonna meet someone
00:50:03
Speaker
But with a wedding, especially because we're in a Maui, so we're just going to be wearing dresses. Can you still live there? Yeah, when I was in the Navy. He and I were both stationed there in Pearl Harbor. It was paradise. Oh, I'm such. Okay, so you're going back to where it all began. Yeah. Well, it was actually, we got married in Washington state, but then he deployed like a week later after we got married. Yeah. And he was gone for like several months.
00:50:30
Speaker
And then he came back and like, I think a month, within a month moved to Hawaii. So, and then a year, 10 months later, then I moved to Hawaii. So it was our first place that we were co-located, living under one roof, newlyweds in Hawaii. Like it was absolutely, it was perfect. You had the longest honeymoon. Yeah, that's a good way to go. Like people go to Hawaii for their honeymoon. Look at you, like Yvette. So we're going to go back and it's on our 10 years. I mean, we need our dog Maui. That's right. This is how nostalgic we are.
00:51:02
Speaker
Um, when, when is that trip? So our anniversary is in May, but we're going to go at the end of February, just cause we're inviting some friends and it's going to be a big shebang. Oh, how fun. And plus it's the end of winter and it's misery. So that's really good timing. Oh, that's so fun. I don't have anything big coming up like that. Maybe I should. So I kick it into gear, maybe a little bit better. I'm not good with short term goals at all. At all.
00:51:33
Speaker
All right.
Episode Wrap-Up
00:51:34
Speaker
Well, thanks for joining me today with such great insight. I'm so excited for next week. I'm not going to tell you what we're talking about because I like to keep things a surprise. So tune in next week, y'all, and have a great night. Bye.
00:51:52
Speaker
Thanks for listening to the FFP Alignment Podcast. Please support us by downloading, rating, and recommending us to your friends and family. Be sure to check us out on Instagram at TheFitFemProject. That's F-I-T-F-E-M-M-E Project. And for those of you looking to find their central balance of lifestyle and fitness, book a free consult by going to TheFitFemProject.com.
00:52:14
Speaker
That's F-I-T-F-E-M-M-E, project.com and click apply now. Until next time, this is the Fitment Project alignment podcast.