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Ep 133: Nothing But Trouble
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For our first episode of March, we get into one of the classic BAD movies with Dan Aykroyd's only directorial credit, 1991's NOTHING BUT TROUBLE! Starring Chevy Chase, Demi Moore, Dan Aykroyd, John Candy and Dan Aykroyd again with a special appearance from Tupac and the Digital Underground. This cinematic bucket of vomit follows Chevy and Demi as they're waylaid in Valkenvania by a Texas Chainsaw-esque family and have to struggle against blobby shit babies, a judge with a dick nose, saucy hot dogs, murder coasters and corrupt police. Get ready to chunder.
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Transcript
Introduction and Weekend Tales
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome back. We're here talking this week. Oh, wait, damn it. I already fucked up. Fuck you. I'm a failure. No sex for you tonight. Take two. That makes two of us. It makes three of us, apparently.
00:00:11
Speaker
Well, don't know if she didn't say you weren't having sex. All
00:00:17
Speaker
right. Welcome back. And this week, there's nothing better at the end of a long day than a warm glass of Hawaiian punch. I'm Derek. I'm Whitney. I'm Jack. This is Bad Movies.
00:00:28
Speaker
Worst People.
00:01:03
Speaker
Hi guys. Hi. I haven't seen you in forever, Jack. Pretty sure I saw you Friday first yeah. I mean, that's a long time ago. It's like three days. No, I did see you Saturday morning.
00:01:16
Speaker
Oh, true. Yeah, see? Whoa, whoa, whoa. You saw her Friday you saw her Saturday morning? I missing something? Yeah. Where do you think was when you were at work until 6.30 in the morning? Where was I? Well, this week we are talking about a disgusting film, 1991's Nothing But Trouble.
Film Overview: 'Nothing But Trouble'
00:01:37
Speaker
The most disgusting film.
00:01:39
Speaker
Written, directed, produced, and starring Dan Aykroyd. And he also stars in it again. And starring, starring, starring, starring. Yeah. He's got starring power. It was also co-written or the story is credited to at least his brother, Peter Aykroyd, who also features in the film.
00:01:56
Speaker
Yeah. He's the guy kind of doing an Irish accent every now and then. Right. Yeah. He's the guy that sometimes doesn iron he's the doorman. That is. yeah i went through IMDb. Excuse me. The only reason I know that that wasn't information I had had just on my dome.
00:02:11
Speaker
No, yeah, I definitely saw it in IMDb. I was like, oh, he's the one who thinks he might be Irish sometimes. Yeah, it's it's weird. It's such a fucking slippery thing. It's like, here's your case, dar Mr. Thorn.
00:02:22
Speaker
I hope you have a wonderful day. You and the missus, that is. Top of the morning you. want to And the rest of the day to you. And ah so um you can watch this movie.
Box Office and Behind-the-Scenes Tidbits
00:02:34
Speaker
It's not streaming for free anywhere right now, but it's available on Amazon to rent for $4.29 to buy to thirteen for $13.59. Or you can be a fool like me and you can buy this Blu-ray that you can't see. There we go.
00:02:48
Speaker
Fool is light, can buy this Blu-ray Shout Factory. You have wasted your money before. but this is not a waste i could just sent you an hour and a half of me farting and pooping i love okay how many times have you seen this movie this is my second time and it's my first forever ago like to the point that i don't i barely remember this movie like i knew that the uh the uh oh who's the humpty dance guy with Digital Underground? Digital Underground.
00:03:21
Speaker
I knew they were in it. I knew John Candy played two parts kind of thing, but the plot was like just fresh to me. and This is also my second.
00:03:33
Speaker
I was in a little rough shape but today. like i woed up It's one of those ones I woke up kind of still drunk and I was like, sh this is going to be a breeze. Then you start moving chairs, like, oh my god. I'm going to have to call out of work while I'm at work right now. So watching this Was disgusting.
00:03:50
Speaker
Absolutely disgusting. I wanted to throw up. I don't know what you're talking about. But...
00:03:58
Speaker
that's That's not even the worst part The worst part is the hot dog oh yeah the The text from Jack earlier Said that he thinks he's 65% Jin I've gone out every night this week And I got i got a little Turked up last night it A little trucked up I got a little trucked up um This will probably be my 15th time seeing this movie Are you okay? Yeah Is this you asking for help? Because I will. I'll leave the podcast right now. Come over and help out here. All right.
00:04:36
Speaker
ah Doors unlocked. i'll Dial, ah what is it, star, was it 991? No, I can't be right. 9, look, just go call for help. Yeah, yeah. The suicide hotline. I don't remember what it is now. It's probably not 991, because that's a good way to accidentally call the police. No, I think it's a 1-800-let's-talk. They changed it to a 9-something, 980? Okay.
00:04:57
Speaker
okay i don't I don't know. So my parents rented this from Blockbuster. This came out in 91. Yeah. Yeah. so probably 92. They rented it and we watched it two days in a row before before we had to turn it back. Based on the performance of this movie, they it came out on February 15th, 91. So happy Valentine's Day. please, anybody listening, if you went to a Valentine's Day date with this movie, we need to hear your story. Are you still together as a couple? Why did it end?
00:05:28
Speaker
And what is she doing now? um But based on the performance of this movie, you may have rented it from Blockbuster in April of 1991. Yeah. we have a budget box office fun?
00:05:42
Speaker
Yes, we do. So right up front, it cost $40 million, dollars which is Yeah. Did Chevy Chase get paid 39? I was going to say at least half went to Chevy Chase and then 10 million more went to his cocaine.
00:05:59
Speaker
so But I wanted to see what you guys think this movie grossed. Okay, so it was 40 million? It grossed me out. That's what it gross is America.
00:06:10
Speaker
$40 million. 17. Jack? wife forty million dollars um seventeen jack
00:06:21
Speaker
10. You guys are both so generous. See, we've done this We did the opposite last time. 8.4. Wow. wow But we also know it opened out with... um It opened the same week as so we watched a little behind the scenes thing. That was an interview with Dan Aykroyd.
00:06:40
Speaker
And he blames the failure of this movie on two things in particular. Was it both of his roles? One is the beginning of the Gulf War.
00:06:52
Speaker
And the other is Silence of the Lambs, which came out the same week. You know what? If they would have leaned into the horror aspect of this movie and tried and not tried to make it a comedy, we could have probably competed with Silent Hill. There's a terrifying movie here.
00:07:08
Speaker
There is Pretty clearly. And I mean, I don't think either of you guys have seen it, so you wouldn't notice the comparisons, but it's pretty clearly a riff on the Texas Chainsaw Massacre to the better one, right?
Analyzing Horror Elements and Comparisons
00:07:21
Speaker
I mean, in In ways, yes. I always tout that one as the better one, but Texas Chainsaw 1 is good. It's just not funny at all. Okay. It's horrific. The second one has Dennis Hopper, and it's got a guy whose name escapes me right now, but he's in all those Rob Zombie, House for a Thousand Corpses movies.
00:07:40
Speaker
But he's scratching on this metal holding. No, ah the skinny guy with the long hair. whose His name is just escapes me. otis But he's like scratching on this metal plate in his head and picking stuff off of it the whole movie. But it's also really funny.
00:07:53
Speaker
So, hmm. Grandpa was always best with the sledge. But yeah, you do there's there is a horror movie here. And I mean, that's what Dan Aykroyd said. He said he wrote it as a horror comedy, but I think they lean too much toward the comedy. But there was apparently a more gruesome or disgusting version.
00:08:13
Speaker
Oh, God. ah That test audiences saw they decided and and they ah advised to cut it. So it went to from an R to a PG-13. Because all the fucking kids working, they were tired of mopping up vomit.
00:08:27
Speaker
You and know, another fun fact, I believe if I'm remembering right, I heard something at some point that this was supposed to be a Christmas release originally. Could you imagine just throwing the family in the car after you you had you open your presents and you have your dinner and you're like, let's go see a nice family movie. You know, that Dan Aykroyd and Chevy Chase, they're pretty funny. Great duo. To me more, John Candy, what could possibly go wrong? family would have loved it. fat turds in diapers. Yeah, you guys apparently did.
00:08:57
Speaker
You kept it. ah And also Aykroyd, who will get to his appearance, but he's disgusting in both of his appearances of this movie. Yeah. And he also was directing the movie, but this makeup took so long to put on that it wasn't like I'm going to direct and then go to makeup.
00:09:14
Speaker
He directed in his makeup. Oof. Well, yeah. So you're just being directed by dick nose, sloppy, greasy, sweaty old man.
00:09:25
Speaker
Or more horrifically being directed by a shit. Bobo. Oh, God, no. No. I'd rather have the dick nose. Never thought I'd say that out loud. It's only a dick nose a couple times, but I guess it's because he can change it out, right? The the ending is the clearest dick nose you've ever seen. The dinner table is the clearest dick nose. Oh, really? I found the the interview at the end to be little more egregious.
00:09:49
Speaker
Yeah, i think you had gotten up as soon as like it was wrapping up, but he's like, we're coming to visit my my grandson-in-law, and he holds up his ID, and it's just like... i I mean, it's circumcised at least.
00:10:04
Speaker
Yeah. um Also in that ah Dan Aykroyd thing, there was this part where he's talking about Demi Moore and he's like, she was so professional. She was so helpful because she's a filmmaker herself and I'd never done it. And datata
Cast Dynamics and Humor
00:10:18
Speaker
he's like, but she did have to deal with Chevy Chase as the romantic lead, which is sometimes really good. And sometimes.
00:10:27
Speaker
Well, you know, it's Chevy. Not yet. Not so good.
00:10:32
Speaker
they They work together. Yeah, they work together on s and no Yeah, they were on SNL together. I mean, they did Spies Like Us together. um Chevy Chase didn't want to do the movie, but Dan Aykroyd kept asking him. he's a He was money at the time, right? This was the beginning.
00:10:46
Speaker
is like When we talked about about Chevy Chase on Man at the a man of the House. Yep, correct. We talked about how he had a series of failures right before that. This was the beginning of that series of failures. Oh, so do you think he's cursing Dan? It's like, you fucked my life up. Yeah.
00:11:03
Speaker
He does what all the Star Wars actors do when they're talked when they get asked about the holiday special. He just fucking palms the camera and leaves in an angry, angry rage. Is Ed Harris being asked about the abyss?
00:11:14
Speaker
yeah Yeah. Apparently early Kevin Bacon wouldn't talk about ah Tremors. He hated being in that movie. We talked about that a bit. Yeah. turns out I mean, he loved doing it. He just was ashamed of the movie. Yeah. yeah This one, on the other hand, I think it's both. But I think you should be ashamed of this movie. Tremors, like looking back, you should not be ashamed of this one.
00:11:36
Speaker
Shame on you. Sorry, Whitney. Sorry, Whitney's family. This should not exist. But apparently Chevy Chase, like he decided to do it for his friend. And then he spent the entire time they were making the movie just shitting all over Dan Aykroyd to the point where he was like doing stuff like the cast was actually coming to Aykroyd's defense. He was telling people like he's worth more than Dan Aykroyd because his paycheck is bigger and all this stuff.
00:12:00
Speaker
Like, hey, what a prick you want. I'll do this movie for you because you're my friend. But also um go fuck yourself. Yeah, you're mud slaying your mud. Yeah. That's probably the last time they worked together, right?
00:12:15
Speaker
i I think so that I can think of right now. i so I saw the other day I was looking up some stuff and I saw Siskel and Ebert thing about this.
00:12:26
Speaker
And Siskel did his little thing. He gave his information about why he didn't like the movie, because obviously neither one of them did. They get to Ebert and he was just like, no. Or like he gave it out like he wouldn't. And they're like, it's kind of a would you like to elaborate?
00:12:41
Speaker
Yeah, he gave the Whitney answer. Yeah. ah Recommendation? No. Any follow-ups? No. Nope.
00:12:50
Speaker
But so this movie does start with Mr. Chevy Chase playing Chris Thorne. um and like You guys know Chevy Chase. We talked about him. Man of the year. And he
Plot Analysis and Characters
00:13:01
Speaker
meets his Irish.
00:13:03
Speaker
Man of the house. Sorry. Same thing, right? No, man the year is Robin Williams. Oh, hey, look at this. i got a wig. Hey, want to hear do a voice? Want to do bunch voices? It's also... probably just as bad as man of the house yes probably but it has robin williams in a wig so and robin williams by all accounts is a nice man yeah maybe it's because chevy chase is such an insufferable asshole in real life and i like his movies um most of them you know fletch fletch too obviously va christmas vacation vacation yada yada caddy shack and and and and and and what you take drugs danny yeah every day good for you good for you
00:13:41
Speaker
But I don't believe him as this suave, business savvy investor. Like he's walking up smoking a cigar and i'm like, you look like a fucking porn casting guy.
00:13:52
Speaker
like That's the vibe I'm getting right now is you're going to go meet some underage girl. and I will say whatever shortcomings this movie has, i think Chevy Chase, though, aside from not really fitting the character, think him and Dan Aykroyd are probably the best performances of the movie to me because Chevy Chase is doing his Chevy Chase thing.
00:14:12
Speaker
Like this first line, one of these first lines we get when he's getting in the elevator with Demi Moore. And she's like having a breakdown and she just keeps handing him all the shit she's carrying. And then he she goes and just like storms out of the elevator. And he's like, ah thanks for the espresso bat orre machine and the bag of shit.
00:14:30
Speaker
Oh, that's the bag of shit. I told you were going snack size. And snack size is selling like hotcakes. Hotcakes is actually another flavor of pig shit that we do, by the way. We get them nice, hot, steamy. We flatten them out. That's it.
00:14:42
Speaker
I was thinking maple, maple pig shit. Well, it may become when we, you know, branch out into Vermont. Pun intended, branch out into the maple industry.
00:14:53
Speaker
But, like, just the deliveries of those little, like, chase Chevy Chase-isms, you know, that yeah the little side little side comment snarky shit. Yeah. i think it works. and And despite Dan Aykroyd being disgusting, I think that he really was giving this, he gave it a lot more than I remembered from the one other time I saw it.
00:15:11
Speaker
If he wasn't disgusting, I would have liked his performance more. But I can't look at you. I can't. Like, I just. yeah I would rather like i'd rather hang out with the blob of shit that Bill Paxton turns into at the end of Weird Science. dad Put that on my fucking couch.
00:15:31
Speaker
I'll nestle that thing instead of having to look at this dude talk or listen to him or smell him. But what if he smelled amazing and the blob of shit smells like shit? Take the blob of shit. um I take Dan Aykroyd. Oh, you know what? The other this. might take you.
00:15:47
Speaker
Face first. I like that face. ah Yeah, a lot of people might, dude. The other best part of this movie, actually, that i wasn't thinking about until right now is Fausto and Rinalda.
00:16:02
Speaker
Taylor Negron and Bartilla Damas. Taylor Negron, by the way, rest in pictures. He passed away in 2015. Oh, man. bumer He was in a bunch of stuff. He's always small parts. But like the stuff I remember the most is he shows up in River's Edge, which is a crazy movie. He's the bad guy in Last Boy Scout. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:16:22
Speaker
And Biodome. Oh, that's right. He's the the stepdad of one of the girls. yeah Also a pretty good role in Angels in the Outfield. Okay, yeah.
00:16:32
Speaker
And he does one pretty great episode of Friends. Well, he's great in the episode. um And, you know, he popped in Seinfeld. Who didn't? He's comedy gold. Like, this guy is hilarious. And so they're brother and sister, but I'm pretty sure they're also having sex.
00:16:47
Speaker
Yeah, cool. He calls her baby a couple times. Get behind me, baby. Yeah. Whitney, did you recognize her? wins i did, and I can't fucking place it. She is Amy Santiago's mom in Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Okay, that's who she is. I saw Brooklyn Nine-Nine, and I was like...
00:17:03
Speaker
As soon as I saw Brooklyn Nine-Nine, I was like, I know exactly who she is. I can see her at the Thanksgiving bringing an extra turkey. Like, now we have two turkeys. And again, not information I knew. I had to look that up.
00:17:16
Speaker
She was also in Lucky, that movie I've told you guys about with one of the two starring roles for Harry Dean Stanton. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And i believe, if I'm remembering correctly, she's, I remember her being in the movie, but I believe she's his, like, the girl that he kind of is in love with, but not a love interest, because they're both like 100.
00:17:36
Speaker
ah hundred Is Lucky with Driver? Driver. no no that's logan lucky logan like yeah no this is a movie you didn't watch it with me i watched it it's just it's harry dean stanley who's you know the biggest character actor of them all directed by john carroll lynch who is also a big character actor ah that we've talked about him before but that's uh mimi's boyfriend yes from drew carey yes it's also drew carey's brother great fucking movie not just mimi's boyfriend Well, that's how I remember him.
00:18:06
Speaker
I don't remember a lot about that show. I remember he was Mimi's boyfriend and he was a crossdresser. And I remember... Oh, what's his name? Well, there was Ryan Stiles and then the other guy.
00:18:17
Speaker
Well, and don't forget... voice actor now. Krista Miller. And Krista Miller. What is his name? It's not French Stewart. It's the other one. Fucking poofy hair. The guy from Office Space and stuff. Yeah. and I don't know his name. I can't think of his name. He does voice acting now and stuff. He's he's good.
00:18:35
Speaker
I know he's got a nice set of pants to give you a roundhouse kick to the face. Yep.
00:18:41
Speaker
But I love when they're right before they get to the elevator, they're running up because this is where we're introduced to Taylor Negron and his sister. And she's like, oh, Chris, we save it for you to the elevator. And he's like, oh, she tells that to all the boys. Yeah. And he does exactly what I would do. Like, you are way too excited to see me.
00:18:59
Speaker
I'll take the next one. thank Play cool. He does refer to them as Brazilian airs. which love love that term because for at first like i'm a little slow i was like oh it's because they make they have more than a billion dollars no they're millionaires from brazil he's a wordsmith i love it and we meet demie moore played uh or played by demie moore diane lightson played by demie moore but she'll just be demie moore that's fine so She's stunning, right? We all know that.
00:19:30
Speaker
Yeah. She's one of the few people that can pull off this haircut. Like, she still looks great with this haircut. Yes. I'm not saying she's pulling it off, sorry. She still looks hot with that. I would still like to eat an ice cream cone off of her butt with that haircut.
00:19:45
Speaker
She's very white. don't know if it's makeup or if she just hasn't tanned. She is like a Korean toilet ghost. She is very pale. Yeah. but is a korean toilet ghost her in this movie it's probably not helped by the fact that she has very black hair and is wearing a very white dress the entire movie well it's not very white at the end it's gonna say it doesn't stay white i said dress uh skirt it's not a short short it's not even a yeah are short it's like a It's like a romper that was cut in half and then put back together.
00:20:17
Speaker
She just said halter shorts jumper. And I think she combined three things into one. So I've never heard of halter shorts. I've heard of a halter top. ah probably sure it was It's all connected. A halter top would leave you to believe there's halter bottoms. Right, Whitney?
00:20:30
Speaker
Halter shorts. Halter shorts. I was a halter boy. If you're going out for a nice dinner, then you have to wear your halter pants. Only if you're a man.
00:20:41
Speaker
ah Just, hey, you know what? No matter what, Heil Haltlers.
00:20:46
Speaker
um and I just want to mention, even though we've mentioned it before, but to me, Moore had a a little bit of a comeback last year. Hopefully she can ride it out. But that movie, The Substance, is fucking amazing. So good. Okay, so the bleeps text me about it the other day, and female bleeps said, we have 10 minutes left in this movie, and I will never be the same.
00:21:05
Speaker
It's like, ooh, kind of a glowing endorsement, really. ah This episode comes out in March, but we're recording ahead of time because Whitney and I are going on vacation. So Oscar nominations have not come out yet. There's been a lot of talk about that movie actually getting nominations, which horror movies usually don't.
00:21:20
Speaker
So I'm really hoping that by the time we're talking about this, her and ah Margaret Qualley have won an Oscar. Yeah. yeah Put that out there. Because this comes out ah right after the Oscars.
00:21:34
Speaker
No, we'll see if you're a prophet or a bust. She is rocking the Zool haircut. Yeah. And he's like, he's telling her like, hey, we go to my my apartment. Somebody's throwing a party in my apartment. I guess it's just a rich people thing. I think it's his birthday or something. I think it's just like Jesse in Breaking Bad.
00:21:53
Speaker
Just a lot of people are doing drugs in his house and he just happens to be there. I could have sworn, though, that the the the Irish like car parker guy, what do you call them there? The valet.
00:22:04
Speaker
i believe he I thought he said that there was a missus. Was he not married? I mean, he says he was divorced. Yeah. maybe Because that's when he said who's throwing a party. hes He says you are. He's like, oh, good. And then there's like cases of something being moved in. And I thought he said the missus ordered this, but maybe not. Maybe it's just a rich person thing. The mistress.
00:22:23
Speaker
The mistress. The chick that's staying with you right now. She got out of her handcuffs that you've been keeping her in. um She was able to dial 911, but then she decided just to, you know, order champagne on your dime.
00:22:36
Speaker
She's some kind of Demi Moore, some kind of lawyer, something, something. And she has to go to Atlantic City because this guy that she works for and is also sleeping with has some kind of deal going down. And that's the inciting incident for the movie here. It barely fucking matters. Fausto and Ronaldo want to tag along.
00:22:53
Speaker
yeah um right I do love Chevy Chase's thing, though. He's like, we're leaving too early for you. Meet me at noon. And they're like, noon is great. Noon works for us. and And he's like, don't worry. They don't eat breakfast till two. We'll never see them again. yeah problem But yeah, so next morning Chevy Chase comes down way too hungover to take this road trip.
00:23:16
Speaker
Not interested at all. He's like, he tells Peter Ackroyd, he's like, just give her my keys and my well wishes. Right, sir. I'll make sure she finds a carriage into town. And then here she comes and he's like, all the blood is rushing to my head so fast.
00:23:32
Speaker
Oh, I thought his head looked really pale. Oh, never mind. I get it. I don't know. I don't know why he won't mean because he's he's a macho guy. But like, dude, if I'm hung over and a chick's like, hey, I'll drive. I'm like, yep.
00:23:44
Speaker
Done. No problem. Well, it's because he drives a Beamer. She knows all about it. She probably knows more than he does. Yeah. She fucking cites everything but the VIN number on this thing.
00:23:57
Speaker
Oh, and you know she's sexier now because she showed up without glasses. Oh, yeah. yeah I didn't find her attractive earlier. I couldn't figure out what it was. And then she took off her glasses, dude. Oh, is this better, guys? Oh, my God. What have you done with Whitney? I take them off and I look like Milhouse.
00:24:16
Speaker
You just look really high, man. Let's see if I can do this without glasses. All you gotta to do is look at us. I know, but it's not You're like squinting at the camera. yeah um but ah So they're on their road trip and Taylor Negron and his sister are getting very upset that they're not taking the scenic route because you took us on a drive and you're not driving where we want. You invited us. We have a surprise picnic for you. Well, not anymore. You told me about it.
00:24:50
Speaker
Let's have this spread in the car. i do i know how they got How they got there though is like with Demi Moore and fucking ah old Chevy Chunk is is leaving. The bay door rolls up and there they are just standing there. Ready to go. you We'd forget.
00:25:05
Speaker
I was like, ah, sure did. um i like Taylor Negron though. He's like, Chris, you could be a better host. yeah so On this, on this fucking car ride I invited myself on kind of, you could be a better host.
00:25:20
Speaker
We all have had that friend though, right? That just invites them. I'm that for Jack. I just invite myself into his plans. No, you, you ask, can I invite myself into your plans? So we meet in the middle.
00:25:32
Speaker
We do. We compromise and I get the but what I want. Yeah, we compromise. She gets what she wants and I don't have to hear about it. So compromise. So it's it's just like my marriage to her.
00:25:45
Speaker
I am her husband's husband. There you go. So they take this detour and they end up in Centralia, Pennsylvania. That's not what it's called, but that's a real city. Look it up.
00:25:56
Speaker
Oh. I just listened to the dollop about Centralia, Pennsylvania the other day, uhu which is the town that Silent Hill is based on that's had coal fires burning underneath it for like 60 years. Yeah. and we started this movie and they got to this town and I was like, what?
00:26:15
Speaker
This is real. Yeah. Yeah. This is a real terrifying thing. because they've got these like steam vents in the middle of the road that are just shooting this toxic shit out. And there's a big sign that says sinkholes. Caution.
00:26:28
Speaker
Why would you live here? Where else would you go? On a fucking train to anywhere. You can't afford to live anywhere else? I got a warm hole. I got a place to stay. If it's like that, it's my family motto.
00:26:40
Speaker
If it's like that real life story, the government was like, okay, we'll pay you to move out. But the closer you are to the sinkhole, the less money you get. So your house is worth a hundred thousand. We'll give you 15. So a bunch of people were like, I'm staying. Go fuck yourself. I'm going to burn everything to the ground and just fucking leave.
00:26:57
Speaker
That's it. But the town is actually Vulcanvania. Vulcanvania? Vulcanvania sounds like something from Star Trek. Yeah, it does. ah It sounds like some of those nerds got a little case of the Vulcanvania.
00:27:10
Speaker
oh that was also supposed to be the name of this movie. Oh, really? but it was Yeah, that's what Dan Aykroyd said. The original script was Vulcanvania. Vulcanvania. He says, I think that would have done way better than Nothing But Trouble. The name's not the problem.
00:27:27
Speaker
Look, we would have called it Vulcanvania and everybody would have been made of actual shit and it would have performed much better. I mean, at least lean into that. you're make a gross movie, make a really, really gross movie.
00:27:39
Speaker
Don't masquerade it as this. But they're trying to get out of town, so Chevy Chase rolls through a stop sign, and I don't know if either of you guys have ever been on a road trip. We are going through some random small fucking hellbilly terror town.
00:27:54
Speaker
um Obey every traffic law. Yes. I mean, I thought that because I haven't done that, but i'm just like, why would you not? Look at all these people staring at you. Yeah. This town has nothing better to do than look at your comings and goings.
00:28:06
Speaker
Play cool. Lay like broccoli. obey the law get out of town then you can fucking do your speeding sell sell pork belly and buy gold so okay i just had a thought that sounds like it's from trading places a reference to trading places with dan ackroyd pork belly is one of the things that they're buying and selling on in that movie oh yeah yeah you're right that might be a little quick little reference Yeah, that's probably exactly it since Dan Aykroyd wrote it.
00:28:36
Speaker
Mm-hmm. Nah, I got an Easter egg for you. It's from my own movie. You sound just like him. Nah, thank you. He didn't write Trading Places, but he was in it. so Yeah.
00:28:48
Speaker
Oh, I should do the Southern Lawyer for him. Can you do the Southern Lawyer as Dan Aykroyd? man i got no i don't look i can yeah yeah yeah I do declare
00:29:08
Speaker
I thought I was sneezing but I was coming we sell pork belly for the American working man because that's who I am and that's who I care about dude if his if his dick nose did sneeze what what color are talking a milky substance Well, that's to be sure.
00:29:26
Speaker
Well, I mean, he's drinking the water from this town, so it might be yellowish. ah He's not drinking water. He's drinking Hawaiian Punch. That's how he stays so young and healthy. Yes. Through a gas nozzle.
00:29:39
Speaker
This is what you'll look like when you're 50 if you drink nothing but Hawaiian Punch. Mm-hmm. It'll be something like this. Oh, God. I'm not happy about what's... Oh, God. Like little balls and everything.
00:29:54
Speaker
um But yeah, so' they're neat later they getting pulled over by a cop who we find out is John Candy. But I love Negron just fucking egging him on. He's like, oh, man, fuck that cop. He's not a real cop.
00:30:08
Speaker
Let's see if this thing can do 90. It could do 130. You have a BMW act like it, which is just like, it's the stupidest advice, dude. And I know we need a movie, so we have to have this chase.
00:30:22
Speaker
But love John Candy's just a fucking he's ready. He's ready for this fucking thing. He's got Vin Diesel in the seat next to him hitting the nitro. Well, I was like, speaking of, well, it wasn't Tommy boy. i guess it was black sheep, but this is a cop car with like NOS.
00:30:36
Speaker
Uh huh. You don't have an idea how fast you're going. I can get her up to about 130 if I get the nitrous. Seven. Seven miles an hour. And usually when I pull people over, they pull over to the shoulder.
00:30:51
Speaker
Phenomenal movie. Yes. But he also has a magic switch to activate this detour barrier that comes down. And i' by the way, Old Coke Road. Come on. I mean, what else do you do with old Coke? Throw it in the ground.
00:31:09
Speaker
Hey guys, I'm getting really antsy today. I've been in the house a couple days. um I want to get out. Can we go somewhere? I have some things to do. i mean i don't know if you know this. Music Box, ah the adult beverage place that is, they have live music almost like minimum twice a week, sometimes much more.
00:31:24
Speaker
And like as a fan of somebody that likes staying on the east side, i can't think of a place that does as much live music with zero cover. Can I get shots there? You can get shots there. You can get drinks there. You can get beers there. You can get pudding shots.
00:31:37
Speaker
You can get jello shots. You're putting me on. I am not putting you on. This is real. Oh, they've got karaoke. They've got unhappy hour every Wednesday. You know I love karaoke. Saturday nights, they've got open mic stand-up comedy.
00:31:49
Speaker
Yeah, so there's plenty going on over the music box. We can go down there to 6951 East 22nd Street in Tucson, Arizona. twenty second street in tucson arizona Oh, right there at 22nd and Cole? Yeah. Did I mention no cover? Like everything we just talked about is no cover.
00:32:01
Speaker
No cover. No cover charge ever. Just drink alcohol and enjoy your friends. It's just like my insurance. There's no cover. Music Box Lounge. Check it out. right. First round's on me, boys.
00:32:14
Speaker
Hey, guys. I don't want to sound needy here. i'm needy. But we have a Patreon at patreon.com slash first people. Mm-hmm. And it only costs $3 a month. $3 a month is nothing. And I know times are hard right now. Real hard for me.
00:32:28
Speaker
Inflation's up. You can't afford your groceries. Can't eat. But you can't afford $3 a month if you love us. Give us $3. Super love us. Please love us. we're not We're not begging. I'm begging.
00:32:39
Speaker
We're not pleading. I'm pleading. We're not down on our knees. Oh, boy. My knees hurt. They've been on the oad on so long. But we do kind of need the money. I need the money bad. We need new equipment.
00:32:51
Speaker
new equipment we need to do remote podcasts for all of you wouldn't mind eating we need to have video wouldn't mind eating uh we need more drinks food sounds good so please check out patreon.com slash worst people please check us out you get a bonus episode every month and we're gonna have more content coming for you i'll send you pictures and thank you guys thank you so much please give me patreon.com i'm being held hostage here slash worst people don't pin all the out of here they're gonna kill me
00:33:20
Speaker
But so they have to take a detour and they're stopped at the end of the road here by this lady cop ah who's played by Valerie Bromfield. Miss Purda. She ends up acting with John Candy again. I recognized her. I didn't have to look this up. She's a detective in ah Who's Harry Crumb?
00:33:38
Speaker
Yeah. she's a ah She's a Second City alum. So this is a big Second City reunite ah reunion as well. Did she pass away? i don't know. Her IMDb picture is probably from this era.
00:33:52
Speaker
She's probably not acting anymore. Oh, okay. I do like, i had to Google what it meant, even though I had a rough idea, but on their ah police logo, it says Nihil Tolerantur. No tolerance, right? tolerance. yes Yeah, zero tolerance. let's like That's what I figured.
00:34:09
Speaker
That's what I figured too. but I wanted to look it up to make sure I wasn't being stupid. Say Nihil? Are we on a Star Wars podcast again? We are now. that to That's why Whitney's zoning out because she heard Star Wars talk. She's the same age as my mother.
00:34:25
Speaker
Still with us? She's still alive. Hey, he worked on he worked on that hard. Let the man show off his work. Look at that beautiful thing. We're back on the Star Wars podcast.
00:34:38
Speaker
Runaway speeder. For those of you not watching, you should watch. Yeah. I got i got visual gags for days. Days. Every now and then you can see my cat.
00:34:51
Speaker
But yes, we meet John Candy playing Dennis. Dennis Vulkenheiser. ah John Candy, Spaceballs, Cool Runnings, everything great of my childhood. Yeah. Playing trains.
00:35:02
Speaker
Yeah. Armed and dangerous. Mm-hmm. ah future movie wagons east oh yeah i mean not a future movie that'd be weird i mean we could do it no but i mean a future movie i know it's not coming out and the oh we're gonna yeah no we're gonna do it all right i'll be john candy before he dies you can be my brother after i die sounds good you finish the movie no one will notice the fucking hair color change They didn't in that, apparently.
00:35:34
Speaker
But he tells him, basically, he's like, hey, look, I'll dismiss the fact that you tried to run from the police and that you were going 100-something miles an hour. If you just follow me to the courthouse and we take care of this rolling through the stop sign.
00:35:46
Speaker
Yeah, he tries to bribe them. He's like, I just, I got somewhere to be. This cash can be yours. Can't we just write me a ticket? Fair. I do a more Chevy chasing. I did like when he's getting frizzed, you know, he's like, Oh, I had a problem on the spine. Yeah. i got an itch right up there. Go on, go on. Thank you. Prostate exam. Thanks.
00:36:03
Speaker
And John Candy. He's like, I got an itch right there. And John Candy's like, not today, sir. Yeah. Maybe tomorrow. Is this like an appointment thing I need to make? I thought I just thought we just kind of had walk-ins.
00:36:15
Speaker
Oh, walk-ins. Check my butt whenever you feel like it. ah Get in there deep, even. Adjusting spines from the inside.
00:36:26
Speaker
Walk-in doesn't want people checking his butt. That's where the watch is. Oh, yeah. ah What is this? This uncomfortable hunk of metal in my ass. I need to give it to Bruce Willis.
00:36:39
Speaker
No. And I'll be damned if some dick-nosed judge is going to get his hands on it. oh but So they roll into this junkyard that is also the Vulcanvania courts and schools.
00:36:54
Speaker
So not only is this the courthouse, but this is where children were supposed to live. Or go to school, I guess. think they all got murdered. There's a room full of children. There's two rooms full of children's toys, so probably. I mean, we found the nursery. Yeah, because we have the nursery. And then in the basement, the basement is just full of squeaky children's toys. And some of these. Dog toys. Okay, so they're killing dogs, too. Dog toy, baby toy is not much of a difference. Really, there's not.
00:37:20
Speaker
There is some smaller skulls we get to later, like in the pile. I'm like, oh, that's not boating well.
00:37:29
Speaker
I do like they're driving past all these like metal sculptures. It's like they're driving down a street in Tucson. And he sees the ones of like the dolphins, and he's like, that's where they buried Flipper. Flipper's dead. Spoiler.
00:37:41
Speaker
i knew it wasn't. Falso and Rinaldo. Flipper's dead. I love it. I knew it wasn't Tucson because nobody was taking a fentanyl nap on the corner of the street. Fuck.
00:37:52
Speaker
I mean, that might be what these ah shit twins were doing before Demi Moore got there. I hate these twins. Which twins? Don't you do it. she was You're trying to egg me on. I was egging you on. I'm sorry. I'm not smart today.
00:38:11
Speaker
I don't have it set up so you can see Jack's face at the same time that it's on. I'm not looking. but So they go into this hoarder house. this I mean, but the one the thing i the credit I'll give this movie, everything looks disgusting, but...
00:38:27
Speaker
in a good way like in a good way. The set design, the the production design is really good. This town with all this garbage everywhere, the garbage all over the city or all over the house, just it somebody put a lot of work into that.
00:38:39
Speaker
You're not Are sure somebody didn't just like dump envelopes everywhere? well on the inside, yeah, but I mean on the outside where they just have cars stacked and there's like a whole stack of refrigerators and toilets. murder machines look cool. Toasters.
00:38:51
Speaker
Yeah. The murder machines were done pretty well. do as fuck Yeah, like that like the gears that were turning somewhere kind of like a little wonk, you know, and just all these little touches that made it look yeah work. Work was done.
00:39:04
Speaker
Well, and the bone stripper that we get to here in a minute, the like three engines strapped together. wait Now I think we are back in Tucson. The bone stripper. I'd go to that strip club. i Ow!
00:39:17
Speaker
But that's where we meet Dan Aykroyd. They do this long build-up for the reveal, and I'm like, is it to make it more tense, or is it because he wants to have as little of his disgusting shit face in this movie as he can? Make it more tense. I think they want to make it more tense, because, I mean, he's like, they got his face all blocked off, you know, and he's kind of got the ah neighbor from ah Tool Time going.
00:39:39
Speaker
Yeah. You know, you just see the top of his head. i i don't know. Maybe because I already remembered what he looked like, it didn't work for me. It didn't. It worked for me because I was like, yeah, hold it, hold it.
00:39:51
Speaker
Big reveal. hold He has this line where he's like, we should get through this case quickly. It's like a quick sump and wait, a quick sump grease through a 10 year old goose or something like that. I'm like, he he has a line later. he he loves these, by the way.
00:40:09
Speaker
Yeah. He has one later. He's like, you are worse than a week of yellow shit storms. of ah a What? There's not much that's worse than a week of yellow shitstorms. I'm assuming a yellow shitstorm is something that comes out of you.
00:40:25
Speaker
Yeah. A week of that, dude. I would look tripped. That's Montezuma's revenge, babe. yeah But Chevy Chase's snarkiness gets them dumped into the squeaky toy pit we talked about.
00:40:35
Speaker
Again, just shut just shut up and let him do his thing. Jimmy Moore's trying to. is? She even tells him. She's like, dude, i had us We were going to be out of there. They weren't. Because they had a better shot at it, though, because the judge likes her.
00:40:47
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. But the judge is bankers. Yeah. They're using the term banker. I'm pretty sure they're doing thing. You think he's anti-semitic thing? Yeah.
00:40:58
Speaker
Yeah. A what? A what? Anti-Semitic Bankers Jewish money lenders Yeah bankers always try to make a little bit of money Like he says later on oh Which hey you know what i could be wrong A bank should be trying to make money It's business how it works Everyone's trying to make a buck Off of the lives of a city No I mean they should be kept in check But I'm just saying they should make some money What else are they doing there I've seen ah Go ahead No, no. go It was going to be a stupid thing.
00:41:32
Speaker
Trust me. Stupid things are better. you are I've seen It's a Wonderful Life. I'm pretty sure i understand how banks and economies work at this point. Right? And when it all goes bad, you jump off of a bridge and get saved by an angel.
00:41:46
Speaker
Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings. Unless you watch the version on- the version? The version? Did say Like version. Unless you watch the version they released on Amazon, where they take out the part where he's thinking about committing suicide. Like the whole Yeah.
00:42:02
Speaker
What's he doing? Is he just sitting there sad? I don't know. I didn't watch it. I heard about it, and I was like, well, that's awful. oh um My life seemed- I lost all my money. I'm going go home and watch this movie called Nothing But Trouble.
00:42:14
Speaker
The angel comes back and is like, don't do that. so This guy's got a dick for a nose. So then we cut to what I think what could have been the cold open of the movie and may have like increased the tension a little bit.
00:42:29
Speaker
It's Daniel Baldwin. Yeah. With a bunch of people in a car, just getting fucked up, doing drugs. should have been the cold open. Because if you start with this, then you cut to Chevy Chase back in New York City, you have some kind of like, oh, we know we have a tension of where they're going versus like they just show up in this shit town.
00:42:48
Speaker
I like where your director brain went with that. Yeah, for sure. And it would make um the the the John Candy chasing so much more tense because you're like, oh shit, this guy's going to fucking kill them.
00:42:59
Speaker
yeah Yeah, exactly. And then he's like, excuse me, license and registration, please. ah Daniel Baldwin, who we just saw last month's Patreon episode, Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man. Oh, yeah.
00:43:12
Speaker
He's doing way better than this. I think he's method acting. He's being a cokehead. Yeah. He's just coked up and drunk. That's why he's doing such a good job. They actually didn't even have him listed. He just was on set ah getting coke. He was drinking cocaine. Yeah. He was dropping it off. Yeah. And like, hey, ah we we need a coke head to drink and drive.
00:43:30
Speaker
Luckily for you, I've been drinking and driving all day. Also, how do I get this bag of coke? Oh my god. This is Tony Montana and montaga is somewhere going, that's a big fucking bag of coke, man.
00:43:43
Speaker
It's like a pound of cocaine powder. It was huge. This is a Johnny Depp level amount of cocaine from what I'm understanding. It's mason jar. It's a mason jar of coke. It's like mason jars.
00:43:55
Speaker
Shit. this ah This lady that he's rolling with does offer to give John Candy a blowjob. Yes, she does. Because he's like, I'm afraid you'll have to blow, sir, as in breathalyzer. And he's like, ah blow you to get out of a ticket? I don't think so.
00:44:08
Speaker
She's like, I will. I'll blow you. Not in this century. i was going to say, what a response. He's like, no, thank you, ma'am. Not in this century. Class act. Class act. I like John. He's a good old boy.
00:44:21
Speaker
But yeah, they basically go in and they're they're laughing at the judge. They're laughing at this whole proceeding because they're like, this is fucking stupid. What are going to do? Well, turns out what they're going to do is send you through the bone stripper. Yep. Which is... On this fun conveyor belt that leaves his desk. Yeah, this conveyor belt that leads to a roller coaster. At least you get to have fun before you die. That's all we can hope for.
00:44:43
Speaker
And it plays this bone stripper theme song. Apparently this bone stripper song made by the damn Yankees. I'm familiar with the one of Ted Nugent's. Can you take me high enough? Yeah. Can you turn me high enough?
00:44:56
Speaker
Because that's the song you think of, not bounce to bounce. I will now.
00:45:03
Speaker
It does feel more Ted Nugent. Yeah. But it's this roller coaster to hell and they go into this big thing at the end from ah Happy Gilmore. It's big like clown mouth and then chews them up with pistons and spits out clean, dry bones.
00:45:19
Speaker
Yeah, don't understand It's a bone stripper. It's stripped of bones. There's an internal mechanism that we're not seeing. It has that cleaning thing at the end, so maybe that's just acid cleaning everything off. oh Yeah, it is i think we're just seeing the would do I think we're just seeing the first step. ah the first yeah bash It does look like a car wash in hell.
00:45:39
Speaker
yeah like yeah Other than the pistons, like on the inside, we see a little bit better later when Chevy Chase is there, but it's got these two cylinders, but they're covered in spikes rather than those little flap things that slap your car.
00:45:50
Speaker
Did you say slap your daughter? No, slap your car. I like how Jack could hear me on the internet somewhere else and you're feet away from me.
00:46:01
Speaker
You know, those spinning cylinders that slap your daughter. Slap your daughter, Chuck. Ooh, yeah. What you do is you get one of those wacky waving inflatable inflating tube mans and put on a Roomba.
00:46:12
Speaker
That was damn it. and Slap your daughter. Now I need like like a four foot tall version of one of those to just go around my house on a Roomba. It's a game. If you get slapped by the tube man, you have to do issues. That's trademarked. Bad movies, worse people trademarked.
00:46:26
Speaker
Yeah, I'm going to put it in an envelope and mail it to myself. That works every time. I have so many envelopes. But ah so now we get the supper scene with the Hawaiian punch. I want this table, way. Can i go?
00:46:44
Speaker
The table is, they are the two best parts of the scene like that didn't disgust me are the the super sweet a condiment train built into the table. Yeah. Which probably grossed Jack out because he's not a condiment guy, but still. No, no, it's fine. I also i just thought, who's been cleaning this?
00:47:01
Speaker
Oh, no one. This mustard is, it it started off as ketchup and now it's mustard. And then also ah John Candy just in the middle of this scene where everything's getting set up and it's gross. And he just leans over to me more. And he's like, and it's on a log, ma'am.
00:47:17
Speaker
And it's not even like cut up. It's the whole fucking stock of celery. and It is the biggest celery you've ever seen. Just in the midst of like floppy white hot dogs, congealed hot burgers. Dude, this hot burgers.
00:47:33
Speaker
Dope. An oil can full of Hawaiian punch. and That's our first album. It's just John Candy with after school snacks like Anselm Log, ma'am. Yeah. Do you remember drinking out of these cans?
00:47:47
Speaker
No. are they real? Yeah. Yeah. ah I thought this was a joke. No, didn't really slap one of these things into the top of it. These big muscles. I didn't think it was a joke because it wasn't funny and it was in this movie. So I thought there was no way it was a joke.
00:48:01
Speaker
Oh, there's a lot of jokes in this movie. they's just like It was just like the pineapple juice cans. You had to like push the key. Yeah, there's a key. Thank you. Okay. And yeah, a thousand percent. and We had these in Iowa.
00:48:14
Speaker
Yeah, I believe you. I just I've never. Okay. Yeah.
00:48:19
Speaker
Vulcanvania and Iowa exclusive. Derek didn't believe you until he drops to Iowa. He's like, oh, yeah, that checks. That checks. We had it in the 80s. No, I live in a big city. We have plastic. We have plastic here. But my grandparents would buy the cans. Because then we could recycle them. was like, they weren't buying them. They still had them from the 20s.
00:48:45
Speaker
George and Pauline were awesome. They came out of their bomb shelter. if We're going out. We're going out with Hawaiian punch. No, they were black velvet. and grandpa was bourbon and ditch black velvet and water, like a splash of water.
00:49:00
Speaker
And Pauline was black velvet with a splash of squirt. Squirt. Squirt. but Can I have a splash of squirt? A squirt of squirt. Every once in a while, I have like an inkling about getting squirt.
00:49:16
Speaker
Squirt. Squirt. Squirt. I can't tell you last time I had a squirt. That sounds weird to say. ah By the way, for folks who are new to the show, see our previous episode on Supergirl from a thousand years ago. Otherwise, we just sound like mad people. Squatch. We are kind of mad.
00:49:37
Speaker
We're all mad in here. My favorite ones always are. We meet John Candy again. i thought we met I thought we already met him. You know what's really funny is a man dressing up as a woman.
00:49:50
Speaker
What's really funny is a fat man dressing up as a fat woman and making fun of it. Very funny. super yeah Because they're doing like thunder steps. Like every time he's walking, it's that.
00:50:01
Speaker
Or every time she's walking, rather. This is this is like this is some stepdad humor. like this is like and As a stepdad, I didn't find it funny, but 90s stepdad, like divorce dad humor. Like, all right, I've got you for the weekend. I'm taking you to the movies.
00:50:16
Speaker
That comes up. He's like, oh a man in a dress. Look at that. yeah I bet you they're going to kiss. Look, he's got makeup. He has makeup on.
00:50:28
Speaker
Yeah, John Candy was pretty adamant about not wanting to do it. And that's why he's like, can we make it mute? Oh, really? Yeah. She doesn't have one line. but She's mute.
00:50:38
Speaker
No. Yeah. um Because ah she was struck dumb at birth, struck dumb at birth by a thunderclap. And a good Chevy Chase retort thing there. I go My kind of woman. Of course. Of course his kind of woman can't talk.
00:50:53
Speaker
Well, she's also a great mechanic, so that doesn't hurt. I bet his dream woman's Helen Keller. She can't see when I'm going out on her.
00:51:04
Speaker
She can't talk shit. She can't hear anything I'm saying. Yeah, he loves it. No, he needs someone to laugh at his jokes, so... He just taps her on the shoulder and she just goes, ha ha ha.
00:51:16
Speaker
Perfect. But so during this is when he's Dan Aykroyd being he is saying stuff about bankers and whatnot. And I only want to mention it because like Chevy Chase is like, hey, you could sell all this scrap and get a pretty penny from like Toyota or somebody.
00:51:30
Speaker
like Bankers are always grabbed for money. But I'm mentioning it because he says, I think I wrote it down right. ah My grandpa was hogglousered and hornswoggled by some bankers.
00:51:42
Speaker
I don't know what. I know. I've heard hornswoggled. What do I know? What's the other one? Hogglousered.
00:51:51
Speaker
can't. That's an interesting one. Hog lousered. Yeah. Okay. Sideways silly sauce buster.
00:52:01
Speaker
But he's that's why I never let a banker go. And then we get the hot dogs, which I i briefly mentioned. They're more like bratwursts, like stadium brats, but they're just these floppy and undercooked white sausages with casing hanging they're not undercooked it's because they're pressured they're steamed you gotta throw a little grill on this you gotta give me some fucking char give me some GBD little golden brown delicious because what you're seeing there Derek is the pig stomach the lining I i went with undercooked because they're so floppy you got a case of the floppy dog
00:52:43
Speaker
A kiss of the floppy dog. It flops when it's supposed to. Helicopter. ah so Whose idea was the porn? Are we sure this isn't people?
00:52:56
Speaker
No, we're not. No, and if they're going with Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, it is people. We're also not sure it's not dog. i Let's be realistic. Where is the meat going from the bone stripper? Into a sausage factory. Lean into that, though. like That's terrifying and gross in the right way.
00:53:14
Speaker
Maybe that's from the R-rated cut. and somehow they got oh By the way, somehow they got dick nose into a PG-13 cut twice. Like three times. The two two I can think of was that this scene and then the end. i mean, his other nose doesn't look that different.
00:53:29
Speaker
No, but but it's not this very clear dick. That's egregious. Oh, my God. It does have the balls. Those little balls. Because it's nostrils. Yeah. And you know what? We'll leave this picture up for a moment because Jack loves it. And also, this is what we're talking about right here. You can't see the dog so much in the picture.
00:53:49
Speaker
But I was about to mention this. can't bottom. That's not bread. That's the color the... He puts his hand out with the bread in it. She slaps that dog into it, and he, like, mashes it with his hand and then just slathers it in toppings.
00:54:02
Speaker
It is the most disgusting thing. And then... Then he eats it. Then he fucking eats it. that see like when he's And he knows that it's gross. That's what he's going for. Well, it's his mouth. But right before he gets it, he's, like, holding it, just doing this... I'm going to suck a dick on camera real quick. I just did it for you, babe.
00:54:18
Speaker
Nope. It's more No teeth But he's doing the O And he's wiggling it Because obviously he's leaning into it Like I said he's wiggling it So this dog is just flip flapping It's so disgusting It's sickening was hard to watch I looked away Not because of Dan Aykroyd Or the hot dog but because of the mayonnaise That was the big Oh my god I was sitting next to a guy the other day that asked for a side of mayo for his wings.
00:54:53
Speaker
yeah Even you guys can't abide by that, right? no No. Even people that like mayo, that's disgusting. I've done mayo and ketchup mixed with fries. Well, you make like, it's like a sauce. Like, that's what you get at, like, Canes and shit, but they also put some pepper in there.
00:55:08
Speaker
Like, that's the secret sauce everywhere, pretty much, is ketchup and mayonnaise with some kind of seasoning. But, like, just, but not for your wings, one. No. And two, you don't just dip. There's nothing, if you're not in Canada, that you just dip in mayonnaise.
00:55:22
Speaker
ah Maybe Germany. Because isn't it Canada? Yeah. Where they dip French fries in mayonnaise? It's a German thing, too. Is it? Yeah. Still disgusting. Little pomfrites?
00:55:34
Speaker
And I'm saying, ah but then I also go to a restaurant. and I'm like, I'll take some of that garlic aioli. It's just mayonnaise with garlic in it. So what the fuck am I talking about? Yeah. You got a fancy name, though. But there's this big explosion. It's when we find out about the mine fire that's been burning since 1926.
00:55:51
Speaker
But it's nothing to worry about. Do we have ah ah Dan Aykroyd's character's age? No, but he does mention being in World War I. Yep. He also mentions, and I'd have to look up when this is, he also mentions like before they allowed night games. like There was a time when baseball was only during the day and people were protesting putting in lights.
00:56:12
Speaker
Well, and this town is run off of Shire Law, which has nothing to do with Lord of the Rings. ah But according to Demi Moore is like pre-Magna Carta shit from like fiefdoms and Surf 2. Yeah.
00:56:24
Speaker
I don't know. Surf 2. I like it. Surf 2. The the trilogy. Well, we'll get there soon. ah yeah no You're getting good at knowing where those are, my friend.
00:56:38
Speaker
Whatever system you have needs be working on. fausto's had enough he's like i will not have my sister sitting at a table with a pickle shooting train hey go busyy
00:56:50
Speaker
and he goes face first through this fucking window and they flee what else do you do when you're up against a pickle flinging train you must leave i love that that's the final indignity is like pickle shooting train i i can't i can't abide by this All right, look, you kidnapped us. You're probably trying to kill us. That's fine. I had to watch you eat this white hot dog on a piece of bread with all the condiments.
00:57:15
Speaker
It's long pork. Also, you have a dick nose. But ah long this pickle flinging train, I cannot abide by.
00:57:24
Speaker
And they get out to the the gully, they call it, this moat that's surrounding this place. And they're like, oh, it smells like Sao Paulo. you know what that means? Toxics. Yeah. I mean, why wouldn't the water be all contaminated? Everything in this fucking town is ruined. Yeah. Yeah.
00:57:41
Speaker
it's ah It's so gross. Which why you should leave. but john candy's sitting right there smoking cigarettes this is the second time we see him trying to do something that why i i was gonna mention it earlier and then forgot he stuck up he stuck up for them at first he's like i just recommended like a fine dude like we don't have yeah put them in the squeaky basement and then now it is what it is now he he gets these two and they're like please help us and You know, you look like you could use a vacation. you're peeling the correct banana there, buddy. I liked that line. I mean, he John Candy, especially when he's speaking, is the best part of this movie.
00:58:18
Speaker
Thousand percent. Thousand percent. And he helps them hide from his sister, ah who's the the original ditch witch, I believe. Yeah, no, his cousin's the original ditch witch. Cousin.
00:58:30
Speaker
ah right The sister sister is him Yes And um I'm sorry Who the shit twins who Dan Aykroyd and some other guy Right no no no no no I know that Bobo and Little Dib Oh whose kids are they Yeah Well, we don't know who any of the parents are because we've got Dan Aykroyd.
00:58:48
Speaker
Who's the grandpa? John Candy and Eldana. Well, so John Candy and John Candy are his grandchildren. huh Same with the other one's his the cousin, which means another grandchild.
00:59:01
Speaker
Do you think there was like a fucking coup and he just burnt all his children to the ground? Maybe one of them. One of them got a hold of some drugs and we know what he how he feels about that. Oh, they're probably listening to some rock and roll.
00:59:14
Speaker
Are the shit kids like... It's funny. speech are mean and so We've said shit kids before, but we actually mean it this time. These are shit kids. They are wearing diapers.
00:59:27
Speaker
ah You can't see the diapers in that picture. But they have four boobs and are wearing diapers. wonder which one's Dan Aykroyd. The one on the right. No, I know it's Bobo. No, you can tell it's Dan Aykroyd. Oh, yeah, I see.
00:59:39
Speaker
Yeah, I see him. The other guy... Closer together. The other guy who has no profile picture played a Russian on in ah Spies Like Us. I think Dan Aykroyd just liked him.
00:59:52
Speaker
he was He was running out of money. Yeah. Instead of getting another SNL guy or something, which is probably his first move. Or he asked, but he's like, hey, Bill, you want to be in my movie? And Bill Murray's like, fucking fuck. No, I'm going to go hang out. Yeah, I'm going to go do. What's he doing right there? What what year is this?
01:00:10
Speaker
Ninety once. They're about to do Ghostbusters 2, I think. Wasn't that 92? Coming up on Scrooged? Bill Murray is 92. Wasn't Ghostbusters 2 also 92? am I just... I just think every movie came out in 92? Well, a lot of movies came out in 92. We learned by doing the ah trivia game that we like to do that I think every movie came out in 1992. Yeah.
01:00:32
Speaker
No, Ghostbusters 2 was 89. Okay. So it was not 92. So yeah, he's getting ready Scrooge, man. He ain't got time for your fucking penis nose movie. He's like, Dan, I did Ghostbusters 2.
01:00:44
Speaker
I know what happens when you're around goo. ya I'm not doing this. Do you want to do my movie? Is a ghost giving you a blowjob? oh gosh Not anymore.
01:00:58
Speaker
She's currently just letting it soak.
01:01:02
Speaker
ah Soaking with a ghost. Talking about getting ghosted. That's her second album, by the way. High Spirits would a one to watch again. That's our second album, by the way, Soaking with a Ghost.
01:01:16
Speaker
I'd listen. but But so he hides them, and that's the last we see of them until the end of the movie. ah Chevy, Jason, Demi Moore have been put into this room, and he's like, I'll light a fire. And I'm like, that's probably a really bad idea, because this room is covered in documents.
01:01:35
Speaker
And knowing this house, this chimney probably leads to like a fucking room full of battle axes that come out like come at you. okay Right. It's another room where they keep children and you're killing them by burning things. oh Which Chevy Chase wouldn't care for. but You made it worse.
01:01:51
Speaker
Or Chevy Chase wouldn't care about. who wouldn't care. Total Mitch Hedberg. Documents. Documents.
01:01:59
Speaker
But yeah, they they... She has a little bit of a freak out. They have a little kiss here. And she's like, nope, I can't. You're... nothing but trouble i don't understand this forced romance right here like it seems so it seems like she's playing him we need we need a romance because that's because they have absolutely no chemistry together yeah he has never had chemistry with any woman he's had a romantic thing with in a movie outside of but beverly d'angelo and i think she just makes that work
01:02:32
Speaker
Yeah cause she probably smacks him off camera And she's like you do what I say And he likes it and so it works out A little slap and tickle A little martini A little banana A little banana No bananas allowed in this town There's this painting that has eyes in it, ah presumably Eldana, because Eldana seems to be like the the muscle.
01:02:59
Speaker
Yeah. I don't know. And it is a painting of John Candy as another person, I believe. It's his grandma. Yeah. it's Or maybe their mother. probably Probably their mother is what I was thinking. Yeah. um and the bed does this little flipping thing. Speaking of high spirits. yeah It's a terrifying way to wake up, by the way. i just love that She's like, what'd you do? And he's like, I didn't do anything. She was talking to the actor. He was feeling her up.
01:03:27
Speaker
So they just go to escape. They find the the nursery, a room full of baby dolls, which I'm sure was Whitney's favorite part of the movie. And I don't mean full as in like they're all over the room like the rest of this. It's to the it's it's a fucking Scooby-Doo skit.
01:03:40
Speaker
Yeah. Like they open the door and the stuff is stacked all the way to the edge of the door. We get some more Scooby-Doo. Like, I think right here is the, as the ah wall starts coming at him. Yeah. That's this whole thing. They do that. They find a room full of bat shit.
01:03:54
Speaker
This, this was my favorite laugh because it's just, it came out of nowhere for me. Cause he's like, huh? Bat room. And just closes the door. Like it's such a normal thing to have. Like, huh. Well, there's the bathroom.
01:04:08
Speaker
that Yeah. Yeah. Oh, the bathroom. didn't even think bathroom. Okay. I didn't either, but it just seems so cool. That's good. That's good. That's really good. I like that. like that a lot more. That's now my favorite joke of the movie. And I did have a bunch of unspressed guano.
01:04:24
Speaker
And there's another door that's a tomb for grandma. Yep. Should have ducked. And then we have the moving wall. That is your epitaph. Yeah. Should have ducked.
01:04:36
Speaker
And then the moving wall, which forces them into this little thing, and then they get up into an attic, which is locked by a safe. It's a whole thing. Rube Goldberg shit. yeah This house is a fucking mousetrap the the board game.
01:04:48
Speaker
Yes. Yeah, and I... There's clearly no HOA in this city because...
Unfolding the Film's Climax and Tropes
01:04:54
Speaker
He is the city. wow I am the Senate. that and gang gangng gang I am above the HOA. I am the HOA.
01:05:04
Speaker
ah But they find out the attic, which is where there's all these IDs. It's their serial killer trophy room. yep And there's newspaper articles up with the driver's license or stocks and bonds and passports. Yeah.
01:05:18
Speaker
And I mean, we've got like there's a Jimmy Hoffa, Nazi scientist. There's Jimmy Hoffa. A bus full of ah Hasha Kuras. Hari Krishna. There's got to be a Hari Krishna joke because this is an 80s movie, even though it came out in 91.
01:05:33
Speaker
And a gang of bikers. Ugh, the miscreants. Riding around on two wheels. Wild angels. How dare they?
01:05:43
Speaker
They're Ernie. They're in each chair. John Candy is the one who lets them out because it's his voice. Yeah. They don't show him. It's just like the mysterious hand. But he's like, hey, good luck, Slick, and opens his door.
01:05:54
Speaker
And they go through this Goonies slide. Only they actually do get split up. Yeah. ah and Chevy Chase ends up in a bone room. And Demi Moore ends up outside. He's behind the walls. Yeah, but like it's at the bottom of it, it's just a pile of bones. doesn't steven seagal have a bone room in his basement he does not consensual this is actually a bone room in more than one way because it's a room full of bones in the wall also it's dan aykroyd's bedroom easy And then we get to see his grotesque unveiling. Yeah, he takes off his hair. less grotesque than his makeup.
01:06:31
Speaker
Actually, the nose is not as but much better than any of the noses he's wearing. takes it off, it's just like this fucking red skull nose. yeah It's me, Skeletor! You brobs! Next time, He-Man!
01:06:45
Speaker
but he he takes out his But he takes off his hair, he takes off his nose, he takes out his teeth, he takes off his leg. Yep. I was half expecting him to pop a penis. and I mean, like he's basically Darth Vader.
01:06:56
Speaker
Yeah. Ooh. I can watch this movie again. i i got it rented. Can you? umm ah now Now thinking about Darth Vader, this is like a fucking origin story here. I could watch this all day.
01:07:09
Speaker
Demi Moore goes, she finds the BMW, which is stripped and not working. um Can one of you guys explain to me, did I miss something? How do they make it work at the end? Does it just work? it's a fuel switch. Fuel switch. Part the alarm system.
01:07:22
Speaker
I was writing something down, and then they were driving, and I was like, but it wasn't working. Okay, got it. That makes sense. um And this is where she stumbles upon the shit twins who are talking to each other about how like ah Dan Aykroyd probably hates them because they got so fat they couldn't finish high school.
01:07:42
Speaker
Nah-ha. I'm like, you're so fat you can't gain education Don't give me the ball pin hammer It's the round one i know it's the round one when You eat too much cereal I ended up calling them shit twins later But my first note is disgusting lumpy mutant babies It's and maybe like the you know It's like the Muppet babies but It made me miss Station from the ah second Bill and Ted's Station Station Station They're awful. And I hate they're just and he's going full. what we' We'll call later Mike Myers. in
01:08:18
Speaker
Like he's just doing characters and voices that aren't working. It's like he just really wanted to play dress up and have somebody put this makeup on him. But his voice is I do. I do like his southern ah thing he's doing for the the judge. but these guys are fucking boring and Mr. de Mark wildly.
01:08:37
Speaker
Oh, my second note is says, ah like, really disgusting.
01:08:44
Speaker
It's nasty. But it's Bobo and Lil' Devil, and they catch her trespasser. wait Trespasser. Oh, get the pretty lady.
01:08:56
Speaker
and then and we find out they're not we're not allowed in the house just very matter of fact like no reason no i pooped in the sink dude i turned the garbage disposal on poop went everywhere these things are wearing diapers so we can assume they shit their pants but later in the movie we have to have one of them explicitly say that it shit its pants and i'm like
01:09:21
Speaker
Yeah, we needed that. I'm surprised we didn't get like a little fucking splash of brown on it. ah Just leaking out. Yeah. Oh, God. Maybe you missed the fucking hot dogs until they come leaking out.
01:09:37
Speaker
I found them. I forgot to chew.
01:09:42
Speaker
Just fucking swallowing a fucking wet white dog hole. ah Meanwhile, back in the judge's quarter meanwhile in the judges' quarters, Chevy Chase and Aykroyd get into a fight, which is not something I knew I needed this movie, but yeah it really, really works because it's just this disgusting shitbag old man Kind of kicking the shit out of Chevy Chase. i so I'm still serious about... Okay, I'm thinking one of these life days, Jack, going to get you a cane with a blade.
01:10:15
Speaker
I might use it. I thought youre let say again ah she said you were going to get him a used bedpan to step in like Chevy Chase does in this movie.
01:10:26
Speaker
No, I don't want a bedpan at all, let alone used. Out of all the gross stuff in this, like he stepped in that thing, and that's when I first audibly went, hu get oh Get your Italian loafers out of my bedpan. You're ah Italian. He's so old, he doesn't say Italian. He says ah Italian. Italian.
01:10:44
Speaker
suppose He said Italian and not that three-letter one. Oh, yeah. You know he wanted to. not Not Dan Aykroyd, the old man. Yeah. Right. Chevy Chase gets out, but he runs into a brick wall named Aldana.
01:10:58
Speaker
And it's when Dan Aykroyd's like, well, the old family rule. You laid your hands upon her, and you she is now yours by order of my law.
01:11:10
Speaker
And we have her like not trying on lingerie, but like showing him what she would call lingerie. Hey, stepson, look at that. It's funny. It's a big fat guy, just a woman putting on underwear.
01:11:22
Speaker
Look, imagine imagine him in that underwear. Look at that garter belt. It's especially funny because it's set to... Big girls don't cry. We love it, right, America? i don't know. Whitney might have loved it back in 90. What did you say, too? They don't cry. Yeah, 92-ish. Yeah.
01:11:40
Speaker
yeah I love that song. Shut up. See, everything came out in 92. Who is it that comes in? Is it the Purda? It's Purda. She's like, oh, you can't see here on your special day. And he's like, what?
01:11:50
Speaker
what's What's that? Oh, and he's like handcuffed and whisked. He's manacled. He is. Thank you. And then ah she but she tells the judge, hey, I've got some speeders here for you.
01:12:02
Speaker
And this is where we get the most random but enjoyable part of the movie. Yes. He's probably the best part of the movie besides John Candy talking.
Musical Interlude and Chase's Escape
01:12:11
Speaker
You get not only Digital Underground, you get a baby, beautiful Tupac Shakur. Well, he is Digital. He's part of Beautiful baby Tupac. He's like a one-block right now.
01:12:23
Speaker
ah He is such a little kid. like he's not He's probably in his 20s or something, but he's very young looking. He's already got some murders on him. And he's wearing ah New York Yankees shirt, which I thought was very funny based on his later career.
01:12:41
Speaker
ah But we do get, I think Shock G is the lead of Digital Underground. my One of my favorite things in the movie, one of my favorite lines, he's talking about Perda. She is one ugly cross-burning redneck Peckerwood police bitch.
01:12:56
Speaker
I think he likes her.
01:12:59
Speaker
And I also love when Dan Aykroyd comes out and they're all looking at him shocked. And one of the dudes takes off his sunglasses to have more sunglasses underneath. That is always a funny gag to me.
01:13:12
Speaker
We got Tupac singing. It's Digital Underground doing same song is what the credit set it's called, which makes sense because it's like everywhere I go, I hear the same song. It's a good song. and then That song is Chumbawamba tub thumping.
01:13:24
Speaker
yeah And then Dan Aykroyd rips this fucking organ solo right in the middle of this. Dude, he's got these fucking chicks fucking thirsty for that nose. i Yeah, he does. They're like, it's small, but it'll get the job done. yeah i mean, look the way he's used.
01:13:40
Speaker
Go on. if you write him yeah You were talking about writing his nose? and'll You can penetrate and your mouth can still you know get the clit. It works just fine. I was going to say something about he's good with his fingers, but we'll go with hers.
01:13:53
Speaker
She's thought about this. Again. Whitney's got to fucking come to her TED talk when you can figure out how to make a small dick work.
01:14:05
Speaker
i mean, we've been married for seven years, so. ah Don't sell yourself short. You're a huge dick. yeah We've also talked before about how the self-deprecating stuff doesn't work when I'm on the podcast with my wife.
01:14:21
Speaker
It's for jokes, i can leave if you want me to. No, we want you to stay forever. But because they're contributing to the greater good, ah greater greater good they're free to go. However, he does want their help with one more thing.
01:14:34
Speaker
Just one. But one more thing. He tells Chevy Chase, look, either basically either you die or you marry my daughter, i my granddaughter. And Chevy Chase just quantifies it. He's like, death or Eldona?
01:14:49
Speaker
And I love it. He's like, you're going to get a huge inheritance. And I'm like, I, as Chevy Chase, I looked around. I've been in this house. You don't have any money. Chevy Chase does. No, Chevy Chase does. That's it um that's what I'm saying. Dan Aykroyd is telling him he'll get a huge inheritance. Dan Aykroyd clearly doesn't have any money.
01:15:05
Speaker
Well, my my my point is you're coming at my boy all wrong. don't That's not how you sell this already rich man. And he does tell him, like, Chevy Chase tries to talk his way out of it. He's like, I could never fulfill her needs. Get a pud cock.
01:15:18
Speaker
A pud collar. What the fuck is a pud collar? It's cock ring. Yeah. All right. Pud, nickname for penis, collar. i got I got pud. Okay. And I know what a collar is, but I just didn't know there was, like, an extension you could put on your penis. There are some. It's a cock ring that's an extension for your penis, yes.
01:15:36
Speaker
I have not heard the term, but I instantly knew what it was about. Aykroyd uses as a nose ring.
01:15:44
Speaker
He's was that around looking like Rocksteady. was going to say he's in some fucking 90s band as a DJ.
01:15:54
Speaker
But so they they have the wedding. Chevy Chase says I do. And kiss the bride and digital. of Everybody. Yeah. Digital Underground is leaving and he's like, please take me with you. and I just love shock. G is like.
01:16:07
Speaker
Man, I was nervous on my wedding night, too. Don't worry about We are fucking out of here. I doubt that guy was nervous on his wedding night. But because he tried to escape, he's no longer welcome in the family.
01:16:20
Speaker
So to the bone strip. Bone stripper! Bone stripper! You'll be caught up in the bone stripper! Bone stripper! i love it. It's the most methed out strip club in Tucson.
01:16:34
Speaker
It's all really, really skinny chicks. It's the opposite of curves. But I love Chevy Chase. Are you tired of really voluptuous women? Stage next. Toothpick.
01:16:47
Speaker
Oh, it is the boat. You're right. Boat stripper. Boat stripper. Boat stripper. yeah
01:16:57
Speaker
But Chevy Chase is like just pleading to God to not go into this thing because he's he's trying to run away and the conveyor belt's pushing him in. That little axle thing breaks and he gets shot out the other side and he's like, thank you, Lord. Thank you, Lord. Oh, Lord, please, Lord, help me, Lord.
01:17:14
Speaker
thank Thank you, Lord. it got a laugh out of me. In there somewhere we do see John Candy packing up his shit too So he's planning on getting the fuck out of here He's done with this and yeah He says he hasn't done anything since he was 8 Other than work for the Alvin Free room and board Which I'm pretty sure is his first name but are the reeves Alvin Reeve is his name That's right Work for the Reeve But we do see that he like was in the military Yeah, I believe Marines Is what it looked like to me But I could be wrong
01:17:46
Speaker
That's what I thought too, but I didn't want to. but Hey, there's a plot hole. What? I mean, he could have still just been working for him over there. He's just sending him people. True. It's like Hydra, dude.
01:18:00
Speaker
Cut off one dick nose and two more take its place. Hail dick nose. lot I mean, we see the red skull. Yeah, it's true. This is Hail Hydra.
01:18:14
Speaker
So we're introduced to the greater teen, which is ah guillotine made of graders, I guess. Snowplows, yeah. yeah ah Then they steal a bit from Gallagher and they smash some watermelons. Gotta make sure it's sharp.
01:18:30
Speaker
the Even though ah we've just you're smashing those watermelons. you don't That doesn't mean it's sharp. True. Well, it's still going to cut through a body with the fucking force, but yeah we skipped a scene that's not important to the plot, but it's Demi Moore playing cards with ah Bobo and Little Devil. So ours, was it on there?
01:18:51
Speaker
Yeah. I don't remember seeing It was very short. It was very short. It's just them like, if I win, I get another bowl of cereal. If I win, I get Diane. And she's actually kind of mimicking. She's like, oh, Bobo, deal cards. like She's kind of playing with them.
01:19:07
Speaker
and she knows like this is how i just yeah no matter it is quick you could have just looked at your fucking phone and missed the whole i think i did 15 seconds maybe when i was trying to look up somebody somebody yeah was trying to stalk you but i like it i like uh uh demi moore's portrayal here she's not bad on her own she's just like you derrick had said there's nothing there between him and her and it showed now um Basically, so he's he's telling her, like, you need to call Chevy Chase, like, on the megaphone here and get him here, or we're going to ah cut and shuffle you.
01:19:43
Speaker
Yep. Cut and shuffle, huh? Like a deck of cards, man. Ew. Don't shuffle me. Don't don't cut me either. And we do get a little of a... It's a little late, but we get Chernobyl's chainsaw here because his cane goes right through the ground into the hellfire. Mm-hmm. So you can see that it's like, I mean, inches underneath. Yeah. and he You should be worried. Earlier, he's like, ah, it's nothing to worry about. but Yes, it is. It most certainly is.
01:20:11
Speaker
That's lava right there. If that episode of the dollop taught me anything, and it did, as they usually do, some of these people in this town, one lady... There was temperatures measured by her pool and they were like 700 and some odd degrees.
01:20:26
Speaker
Wow. So you couldn't be walking around on this? No. Dude, talk about a fucking bloody day. a heated pool at least. Yeah, a little overheated.
01:20:37
Speaker
Put some lobsters in it. no you fight's the p She gets the PA system and she's like, ah Chris, hi, it's Diane. Run for your fucking life! Because, I mean, what a shitty thing of like, hi, we just met recently.
01:20:52
Speaker
i need you to trade your life for mine. I need you to come get chopped up and hopefully they keep their word and I live. I do like, though, because then the shit twins do chain her down, and they're they're even telling her, like, so we don't want to. We'd rather chain him down, but we got to do what he says.
01:21:06
Speaker
But, like, she starts yelling, and she's like, never mind what I said about running. Please come save me. Yeah. ah
01:21:15
Speaker
And we have the countdown. Three, two, one. And Chevy Chase sends and like a burning barrel into another pile of barrels, which all explode. Which, I mean, this is a very precarious town, as we just discussed. Don't be setting barrels of flame, dude. Right?
01:21:31
Speaker
Maybe that's what does this at the end anyway. That might be what set off the whole thing, yeah. I'm saying yes. Yeah. In the last little bit. um But they they escape from the the greater teen.
01:21:43
Speaker
They get to the gully. The greater teen. They get to the gully. They don't want to swim through it. So they climb up over this hill, jump on the train, and get away.
01:21:53
Speaker
Yep. boo movies over and then they have like the real kiss like I mean it's still not because they don't have chemistry but the one earlier was like her just being sad and having a breakdown and just being like somebody touch me and just like this one she's like kissing him out of gratitude because he pulls her up on the train and saves her life and he does he's say we got my go to move grab that's my go to move it's ah it's not choking it's just placing your hand there and seeing how it's responded yeah and then you'll let me know how much pressure to give Instead of just letting sleeping dogs lie and living their lives, which is what they should have done. yeah Yes.
01:22:30
Speaker
They go to the police. But they have his recognize this guy? They have his ID. Two people. Yeah. um I recognize Brian Doyle Murray, and I recognize the other guy. I'm having a hard time. Oh, he's- ah Harlow from Justified. Okay. i was There's something else in my head right now. Hold on. Walk hard.
01:22:48
Speaker
oh i Oh yeah. with de He's dead. Wrong kid, dad. and but yeah When we saw him, that was she was like, who is that? And I was like, it's Arlo Givens. Yeah. No, I didn't say who is that. i said, isn't that Justified's dad? as yes That's Raymond Berry. And then we have Brian Doyle Murray, Caddyshack.
01:23:08
Speaker
If I can't get Bill Murray, I'm getting a fucking Murray. i yeah There will be a Murray in this fucking movie. murray He's in the opening credits. mm-hmm i did think that was funny fifth name because i was looking i like we don't have much time in this movie left we need to wrap this up he's got two scenes two shots they're like yeah we'll go back first of all these guys are they're basically recapping the movie And I like kind of like, to me, more is the funnier of the two right here. When they're like, so then we go to this building and then there was this shoot that did this.
01:23:41
Speaker
And they're talking about being in the attic. And she's like, and then like we were smoking cigars because you don't know what's going on. She's good. I love her. So they go back to Vulcanvania with a whole army of police. And Dan Aykroyd's doing this saddled man thing.
01:23:57
Speaker
huh National Guard shit, too. I mean, they've got fucking military M16s and what have yous. and Dan Aykroyd's doing this sad old man thing. He's like, who are you? Why are you bothering an old man?
Town's Control and Chaotic Conclusion
01:24:10
Speaker
I'm just a simple pig shit farmer trying to make my way in this galaxy. Looks like you got a little bee rumble behind you. You might want to turn around. there's a bit of a hornet's nest. It's to everybody like, hi, Judge Alvin.
01:24:24
Speaker
Hi, Dr. Nick. Hi, everybody. Yeah, this town loves him because he's he's law and order. Yeah. Zero tolerance. He takes care of the problem. None of this red tape shit.
01:24:36
Speaker
Mm-hmm. I mean, there is some red tape, but it's more brown now. Yeah. He got rid of that shit got rid of that fucking Jimmy Hoffa kid. Yeah. I'll tell you who got rid of him. It's that damn Sasquatch. That's who.
01:24:49
Speaker
And then that's when the hell mouth opens. the hell mouth opens. And it like consumes this town. we don't There's not much death in this movie. i mean Obviously, Daniel Baldwin and his friends.
01:25:01
Speaker
Yeah. And then Perta, who is taking a shit at the time, her outhouse on so and is unceremoniously dropped into the hell mouth. Yes, it is.
01:25:11
Speaker
Talk about dropping a deuce. And they jump in the Beamer to get out of there and she's like, there's no seatbelts. And he's like, no roof. There's also no doors. like There's also no doors. this how just We're going to fly right out of this thing on a U-turn.
01:25:24
Speaker
It won't work. It won't start. And that's when he's like, fuel switch. Comes with the alarm. And then we they get away and we cut to Rio ah with my cocaine. mom Someone's daughter. Oh, Demi Moore's in that.
01:25:39
Speaker
Oh, she isn't. Yeah, Demi Moore is is sleeping with... Is it him? I haven't seen that movie a long time. No, i think she's the daughter. other She's his daughter? Yes. Sleeping with the other guy?
01:25:51
Speaker
That's a good movie. Yeah, it's disgusting. Whitney looks confused. I've never seen I've heard you guys talk about it. You know that trend in porn of daughter swapping? No. Oh, well, there's a whole fucking channel called Daughter Swap.
01:26:04
Speaker
Not familiar. Yeah, you shouldn't be. It's just like all the incest porn. But basically, these two dudes go to Rio with their underage daughters. i would say like 16, 17. And somehow they start sleeping with each other's daughters.
01:26:17
Speaker
No, thanks. Sounds like a movie we'll have to discuss one day. Yes. Gross. My cocaine is in it. Yeah, I can do that all day. i can do my cocaine all day. But no, my cocaine is not here. It's Fausto, Rinalda, and John Candy.
01:26:32
Speaker
And John Candy is now banging Rinalda. I love how she puts, because they're walking away into the sunset talking about how they're married now, or together, rather, and how he's the security guard. And he puts his arm very kind of, like, nice around her waist, and she grabs it. And it's like, no, no, no, on my butt.
01:26:50
Speaker
And then squeezes his juicy rum. Yeah, butt stuff, dude. Butt stuff, dude. Yeah, this is butt stuff I can get behind. Of course they like butt stuff. would have been great if is the brother Fausto would have reached over and grabbed his butt too.
01:27:02
Speaker
Right? If he was just in the middle of that? what was expecting. In this family, we share.
01:27:08
Speaker
ah Just like can't buy me love, right? Friends share. Friends friends and family share. We share everything. And then back in New York City, we've got Peter Aykroyd cleaning up the Beamer for what's left of it. Which did make me laugh. It did make me laugh. I've got to get this spot off the hood there. The rest of the thing tip-top shape.
01:27:28
Speaker
and Looking lovely, though. Chevy Chase and Demi Moore are together in the apartment, at least. Presumably together, because she goes to take a shower at his house. Yeah. Now they're together now by movie magic. They're in love.
01:27:39
Speaker
There's a news report about Vulcanvania and there's fucking Dan Aykroyd. Oh, we all plan on moving in with my grandson-in-law. We've got your address. And he holds up the ID with his dick nose. We'll see And then we just get a fucking Looney Tunes outro yeah of Chevy Chase jumping through the wall and it literally does like the Looney Tunes body outline. That music from the when the Looney Tunes song is about to start. They're like... dan and and and it Like that first song, that first note.
01:28:10
Speaker
It's egregious to dismount the movie this way. Yeah, because this is, I mean, it's, I guess it's hellishly cartoonish, but it's not that kind of cartoonish. It's, yeah, it's not funny.
01:28:23
Speaker
And you took away any, you could have leaned into the horror, given a fucking terrifying score. Just cut with Dan Aykroyd holding the ID in his dick nose. That would have been a perfect end. Yeah, terrifying.
01:28:35
Speaker
Probably Chevy Chase was like, I'm going to be in the last shot of the movie. It's in my contract. I've always wanted to have a ah wall with my imprint cut into it. So when we're done filming this, I get that, right?
01:28:46
Speaker
Yeah, make it. Oh, yeah. Make it thinner. Thinner. So we'll go around the horn for recommendations. We'll start with Jack this time because he's clearly the the biggest fan of this movie. No.
01:28:59
Speaker
Would you like to expound on that? No. No, I will. I will. I don't want to. I almost expelled on that, dude. It's just it's gross. It's not bad enough to be good. It's not good enough to be good. Derek hit some of the high points with um the set design and whatnot.
01:29:15
Speaker
Dan Aykroyd's too disgusting to look at to even enjoy his performance. And no, I don't have a caveat for this. It's not even a scene is believing because it's not that bad. So all around for me, this is probably the last time I watched this movie.
01:29:31
Speaker
all these eggs no I'll go next because Whitney is the nothing but trouble head. I'm saving her. I'm saving you for the the grand finale. You're playing clean up here. You're hitting.
01:29:43
Speaker
Because I also feel like this is going to be a range of things here. I'm going to say. soft, soft recommend soft like a nose soft like a flaccid nose um, buted know I, I, I, so I, I did buy this as I showed you guys earlier on because the first time I saw this movie, uh, who showed it to me? Someone I was dating. i don't remember who I was dating. Someone made me watch it. They were like, Oh, you never saw it. It was, it's so great. And ended it up and we watched it and I was like, it was okay.
01:30:16
Speaker
And then watching it again today, all I remembered is the disgusting stuff. And we're which is most of the movie and we're watching it again and it's not as bad as I remembered but it's not as good as it should be. Definitely that if you haven't seen it maybe it's worth watching if you already listen to us talk about it maybe it's not.
01:30:36
Speaker
um It's hard to say I'm just gonna say soft recommend flaccid recommend easy to say it's just pronounced no.
01:30:45
Speaker
All right. Now, wife. Yes. Watch this. It's a terrible fucking movie. i will watch this over and over over Miami Connection. Oh, oh um I mean, it's it's nostalgia for me, honestly.
01:31:01
Speaker
It's nostalgia for me. I loved it. It's just memories of, i don't know, I'm a fucked up kid. That's fine.
01:31:12
Speaker
i was a little slower on that one. Yeah, yeah. That was impressive. I say like it's a recommend. And definitely it's way better with Jack's classics. um Yeah. Have friends, drink, talk shit through it.
01:31:25
Speaker
Yeah, it would have been, I think I would have had a lot better time if we were hanging out and drinking. I'm sober and it was just me and Whitney. Yeah. yeah We're both sober. Yeah. This is just water. So, yeah, you know what? Whitney touched on something i didn't really think about. The nostalgia is going to make people like a rewatch like it.
01:31:45
Speaker
It didn't do it for me, but I didn't i only saw it the one time. Whitney or anybody that has watched it double digits, coming back to it's probably going fun. But don't do it. So that's it for that one.
01:31:59
Speaker
Yeah, don't hungover. Yeah, don't be made mostly of gin. Don't be. It's 65. It's barely above half. That's still mostly. That's 5% less than you should be made of water. You need water to make gin. Trick question that you didn't ask. Also, don't be eating.
01:32:16
Speaker
Do not have food. ate a sandwich. I was thinking about making some hot dogs after this. Huh? Mayonnaise hot dogs.
01:32:28
Speaker
Show myself out?
01:32:31
Speaker
But so I'm going to do a new thing when I'm telling you guys about next week's movie. I've been telling you where to watch the movie at the start of the episode, which doesn't make a lot of sense because then you have to turn off the episode. So going let you guys know where to watch next next week's movie in advance.
01:32:46
Speaker
let's say Also, it lets us know what we're doing because I don't know. Next week, we'll be doing our next installment of Schlock and Load. Woo! Featuring Chuck Norris' Invasion USA how from Canon Films.
01:33:02
Speaker
In which they destroy an actual city block. For reals. This is the most squibs and big bad booms that we can get. And I did not watch this with you before, right? You saw, I think you came in at the end. Okay. which When I was watching it.
01:33:18
Speaker
Some of the best part. It'll be my first... But it is available on MGM Plus because it's an MGM film. It's also available on Roku and Pluto. So presumably both those. I know Pluto and presumably free Roku stuff has commercials, too.
01:33:34
Speaker
But it's available there or it's available in this beautiful Vinegar Syndrome 4K for some fucking reason. Yeah. the lot pain Look at that.
01:33:46
Speaker
Look at that. 4K Ultra HD right there at the top. They are still not paying us, but it is available. But you guys could pay us. do you know how you could pay us?
01:33:56
Speaker
Yeah, you could pay us. You could help us out with me buying more stupid movies. You guys workshop this shit at night? No. like And then I'm going to say this. and like You know how you can pay us?
01:34:07
Speaker
Good job, babe. We're improvisers. jesus It's yes and. Banker. Banker. yeah says is anybody in the anybody in the audience give me a profession ah bankker Oh, I don't let bankers go.
01:34:21
Speaker
But you can help us by doing help us do more of this stupid shit by supporting our Patreon at patreon.com slash worstpeople, which is only $3 a month. You get a bonus mental health episode every month where we talk about a movie that we love.
01:34:35
Speaker
um Not necessarily good movies, but movies that we think are good. ah This month, historical we will be doing bad numbers. Yeah, yeah. Pretty much all have been failures.
01:34:47
Speaker
But this month, because again, like I said earlier, we've been recording ahead of time because Whitney and i are going out of town. ah Bob Euchre passed away in January. So we didn't get to do Major League for Made in Arizona month.
01:35:02
Speaker
But we are going to do Major League for this month yeah as a tribute to Bob Euchre. i Passed away the same day as David Lynch, but David Lynch's movies are going a lot harder for me to talk about because it'll just be me doing movie nerd stuff. And that's not why you guys are here. You're here for comedy.
01:35:17
Speaker
I mean, we me and Whitney can just, you know, have a listen fest if you want. yeah Every time i make a joke, Derek's like, don't fucking joke about David Lynch, dude. We did. ah We did just get two new patrons, by the way.
01:35:31
Speaker
Yes, we have two new patrons so that but we just got as of recording. Yeah. We have Drew, who I know is a fan of Han Took Shots First. We've read his comments before.
01:35:42
Speaker
We read one during ah the Skeleton Crew second to last episode. Yeah, we did. Because he commented on Spotify literally as we were wrapping up, and it was the perfect time to bring it up. And then we have another new patron, Thresius.
01:35:55
Speaker
Thresius. 3CS, welcome on board, babe. Formerly on the show. Yeah, absolutely. ah He was- We'll clap for our new patrons. Yes.
01:36:04
Speaker
He was the guest on Halloween 3. just wanted to mention. And he will be back. He will bring Lord. And today, the day we're recording, is his birthday. So happy birthday, buddy. Happy birthday, 3 Seas. So that's it for this week. Oh, of course, i have to thank you, Vasion, as well.
01:36:18
Speaker
Sorry. love you, Thank you Vasion for providing our opening and closing music free of charge because they support us, we support them. It's a big love fest. Go see them live. They're a fucking blast.
01:36:29
Speaker
They are fantastic live. good live. But that's it for this week. So thank you for listening and for the bag of shit.
01:37:07
Speaker
I'll be honest. I thought I had that facing me, but not not realizing it's double-sided. i was like, I got cat mom facing me. Whitney's never gonna know what I'm drinking out of.
01:37:18
Speaker
Whoops. Double-sided cat mom. Don't ever underestimate Whitney. Cat to cat. Maybe next time I'll estimate you. I didn't take enough to treats.
01:37:29
Speaker
I didn't take it out from meows. I think you did. did. Purr. Perfect. If a penis purred at me, I'd be fucking terrified.