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Ep 155: Batman & Robin
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In a follow-up to last year's episode about Batman Forever, this year we're getting into 1997's star-studded turd, BATMAN & ROBIN! Starring George Clooney, Chris O' Donnell, Alicia Silverstone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Uma Thurman, this is Joel Schumacher's second in his planned trilogy of late '90s Batman neon camp. Arnold, as a puntastic Mr. Freeze, is trying to turn Gotham into an arctic region to get revenge for his sick wife, and Uma is an oversexed Poison Ivy, trying to protect nature from the destruction of humanity. We also meet Alfred's niece, Alicia Silverstone, who dons a nipple-friendly latex outfit to help the Dynamic Duo fight crime.
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Transcript
Introduction to Final Episode
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome back for the final episode of our superhero. Expectacular. And tonight's forecast, a freeze is coming. I'm Derek. I'm Whitney.
00:00:11
Speaker
I'm Jack. And this is Bad Movies. was people. not
00:00:48
Speaker
Hi, guys. Welcome back.
Batman Movie Titles and Warner Brothers Decisions
00:00:50
Speaker
Welcome back. um I want to start this one because I don't think at the end of last week's episode I said where you could watch this movie.
00:01:01
Speaker
Just thought about it as I was taking notes. Yeah, you can watch it on Max. Oh, by the way, this movie is Batman and Robin from the year of our Lord, 1997. The ill-fated title. I mean, it just you should have switched it Batman 4 ever. Yeah.
00:01:17
Speaker
Yeah, well, apparently that was originally supposed to be the thing. The third one was supposed to be called Batman and Robin because that's where we introduced Robin. Yeah. And then this one was supposed to be called Batman Forever. Why did they switch it?
00:01:28
Speaker
Because Warner Brothers executives are idiots. Because everybody's stupid. Everybody's dumber than me. Stupid, stupid. um But yes, you can watch it on Max for free or well, you know, if you have a subscription. I'm sorry.
00:01:42
Speaker
HBO Max. They changed the name again. Oh, it's HBO. but It's back to HBO. Cool. Yeah. It went from HBO Go to HBO Max to Max. Now it's back to HBO Max because nobody remembered it was HBO. Go fuck yourself.
00:01:57
Speaker
h Go fuck yourself. And it's also HBO. It's also on all your rental services, Amazon, Apple, etc. for For $4 to rent, $13 to buy.
00:02:08
Speaker
Or you can do what I did. It doesn't come in this sweet box. I got this box from a guy who makes these called Blockbuster Box Sets. There is no end to your nerdy depravity. But you can buy these sweet 4K discs. so I mean, the 4K discs weren't enough. He had to get a fucking specialized box for it. Look at this. Look at this. Hold on.
00:02:29
Speaker
So it's a case uhu in a slip cover, in a sleeve, in a box.
Personal Experiences and Merchandise
00:02:37
Speaker
Did you hear that? like the doll movies. It is the sound of vaginas drying up all across America like a desert.
00:02:44
Speaker
Oh, they're glooping, dude. He's all mine, guys. Sahara down there. It's like someone went into Mr. Freeze's workshop and turned off the cold. You know what I'm saying? No, it's not what it's like at all.
00:02:57
Speaker
It's like Tatooine down there. But yeah, so let's talk about 1997's Batman and Robin. I have a full-size banner, but I think this poster is cooler. This is a great poster.
00:03:10
Speaker
It is. it is so yeah got It's got the neon. It lets you know what you're in for. Did either of you see this in theaters? Oh, yeah. and You say fuck no like we knew how bad it was when it came out. I mean, once you saw it, you knew.
00:03:26
Speaker
I was...
00:03:29
Speaker
12. What year? It came out in 87. What month? Summer? Okay, so I was going into my sophomore year. no, I wasn't. You're a little kid all excited about it.
00:03:41
Speaker
and I was 11 turning 12, so yeah, we
Costume Design and Controversy
00:03:44
Speaker
definitely went and saw it. We had the little frosted collectible cups from ah McDonald's. I remember these toys. All that stuff. so I watched it the next year with my parents at home from Blockbuster Rentals.
00:03:57
Speaker
And when I saw it in theaters I thought it was awesome Because I was 11 and 11 year olds don't know anything And it's like bright and fast and flashy You guys see all the bright colors And leafy silverstone And tight fitting suit She also got nipples She kinda got nipples Not like they got nipples i Nothing like there. Nothing like his picture. You can't really see in the George Clooney's because this is their snowsuits, but you can see Chris O'Donnell's nipple right there. I mean, you can't see where I'm pointing, but it's right that's there. like Look where his nipples should be. Boom. Nipples.
00:04:29
Speaker
There you go. Yeah, there's their non snowsuits. And this is right on his dick, too. You think they'd be poking out more in the snow? you would Well, they're bundled up more.
00:04:41
Speaker
Yeah, that's why one of the young guys nipples are showing. He's like, i don't need a jacket.
Casting and Performance Insights
00:04:45
Speaker
She did. George Clooney is the worst Batman. But I think he's a pretty good Bruce Wayne. so He doesn't want to be here, does he?
00:04:55
Speaker
No. Like he's delivering like more like Mork Norris a little bit, dude. He's like, this is the Batcave. Welcome. I'm sure he was excited at first, but when Schwarzenegger signed on and then became the highest paid movie star in the world at the time and got top billing, he probably was like, well, actually, I did read that George Clooney wasn't.
00:05:19
Speaker
So he has been known to refund people who tell him tell them he saw this movie. oo In real life, like just you like I saw Batman and Robin. He's like, here's eight dollars. Nice.
00:05:30
Speaker
But also what about the popcorn and soda, sir? No, you consume that. That's on you. But also it was it was a stepping stone for him because, I mean, he was on i think he was on ER r at this point, but that's TV.
00:05:45
Speaker
And he had done from dusk till dawn. So yeah, he was on ER because he was on ER when he did dusk till He had done. Oh, no. But that's OK. That's not a major motion picture. So this was a stepping stone for him. So he had I think I read something that he he did appreciate what it gave him. It just he knows it sucks.
00:06:03
Speaker
I feel like I had seen him in something else at this point. Like he was dreams. Oh. I was very much in love with George Clooney. may have been in a little bit, but this was his star making. Early 2000s is his era. People knew him. 97 people knew him. Only 97 people?
00:06:22
Speaker
That's it. Did somebody do like... The 97 people who watched ER religiously. Do you know who George Clooney is? I do. We got another one. do you know who george cloy is i do we got another one Mark it down. but Or not Roseanne. People knew his name.
00:06:39
Speaker
Yeah, he had guessed it on some stuff. It was, oh God, the facts of life. thats a lot Yeah, he's in Friends, but he's playing an ER r doctor. Okay, so yeah. And he's with Noah Wiley. Wiley. so People knew George Clooney.
00:06:53
Speaker
People knew who he was, but he was that guy from yeah ER. r He was a TV guy. This was his movie debut, or not debut, but his star-making movie.
Director and Scriptwriter Discussion
00:07:02
Speaker
His stepping stone.
00:07:03
Speaker
This is directed by Joel Schumacher. who You can tell. welcome Welcome back to the podcast, because we talked about him last year, probably the same week with Batman Forever. Yeah, probably. Yeah. Man, Batception.
00:07:17
Speaker
Also directed ah Whitney's favorite movie, Lost Boys and 8mm. I can't talk about sorry. Sorry, I get too horny.
00:07:29
Speaker
No, quite the opposite. You get way too horny. Written by Akiva Goldsman, ah who also wrote Batman Forever. This had a script? Listen to this guy's stuff.
00:07:43
Speaker
So later on, like now he's created some shows that are, are big. And, and I think we're pretty good. He'd created star Trek Picard, which I think is good.
00:07:54
Speaker
Mostly he created a Titans, the, with ah the Batman oh on on HBO. Yeah. Yeah. So he's done that. Now let's go back to it back in time when he wrote this followed by lost in space.
00:08:10
Speaker
with Matt LeBlanc. Speaking of friends, Matt LeBlanc and Transformers The Last Night. Yikes. Or at least the story for it. i don't know if he actually wrote the script. And he also wrote Practical Magic, which I have only heard of because Jack was talking about it. I love I just watched it with the first time.
00:08:28
Speaker
have a lady in my life that made me watch it and i wasn't upset. Oh. And you know another fun credit in this, in the credits, Rick Baker, Ricky Baker, who worked on Star Wars and other stuff we've talked about, is credited with creating the Copsicles.
00:08:46
Speaker
Really? Oh, okay. I'm assuming the frozen policemen. Yeah. yeah
00:08:55
Speaker
So let's do the box office game. Can I get a budget, please?
Budget and Box Office Breakdown
00:09:01
Speaker
Brrrr.
00:09:07
Speaker
125 million dollar a budget And 25 million of that Was Arnold Schwarzenegger Deserved every fucking penny He's the only thing that makes this movie Watchable Nope also drugs
00:09:21
Speaker
The only thing that they gave us that makes this movie wonderful. George Clooney should have handed out little hits of acid next time. I watched Batman and Robin. I didn't like it. Try this and call me back when you take two of these and call me in the morning. and call me in the morning.
00:09:37
Speaker
So have domestic and worldwide. You guys choose what you want. Do you want to do both? You do both. Okay, so domestic, I'm going to say 150, world, going to 200.
00:09:49
Speaker
Domestic going 250. Worldwide is going to 400. hundred ah domestic is going to be two fifty worldwide is going to be four hundred
00:10:02
Speaker
Domestic was $107 million. dollars Damn. They barely paid Arnold Schwarzenegger with the domestic box office. The world liked it a little better. $238 million. was...
00:10:15
Speaker
so i was You were pretty close. You were under. You were closest without going over. I was over as much as I was under. We were we always get accused of being too mean, so was trying to be nice to this um sparkly little jewel. Bright and shiny turd. What do you guys say? Catwoman made like $173 whatever Whitney said. polled and only 97 people ever heard of it.
00:10:37
Speaker
ah shelling knew seventeen mill whitney pulled people know only ninety seven people ever heard of it Exactly. I also have for ah have some alternate actors.
00:10:50
Speaker
know you guys like this game. James Caan. No, Danny DeVito. Was already in one. I only have one. No, but who you guessed last time for Superman, was it? Yeah. the Punisher. For the Punisher. Jesus Christ. 125 people killed this year. What do you call that? Work in progress.
00:11:12
Speaker
Exactly. ah So I only have one for Batman. So Val Kilmer refused. Yeah. he was not interested. He didn't have a good time on the first one. So they had another person that they were considering who was also considered later on as Bruce Wayne slash Batman for Batman Begins.
00:11:32
Speaker
Hmm.
00:11:34
Speaker
I know that's Christian Bale, right? 97? Tom Cruise? No. No. He's a Anthony Edwards. Mostly a TV actor.
00:11:45
Speaker
He did do some movies. Noah Wiley. I'm just going to go through the ER cast. Go through all of ER.
00:11:54
Speaker
um David Duchovny. Oh, ah no. He's going to try and fuck everybody. That's why they couldn't have him on set. that's We're going to have Uma Thurman, Elle McPherson, Alicia Silverstone. He can't. ah He can't handle it.
00:12:09
Speaker
Although, speaking of trying to fuck Elle McPherson. ah There was an interview where cast members were asked like what item from filming they would like to take home.
00:12:20
Speaker
So Arnold Schwarzenegger said he wanted to take his armor home. Uma Thurman said she wanted to take Ivy's floral throne, which I can just imagine having her having that. And Elle McPherson said she just wanted a hat or something with the movie's logo.
00:12:33
Speaker
George Clooney said. Elle McPherson. Yes. Yeah. That was ah super obvious. Oh, yeah. He's thirsting. And I don't blame him. I was like, tell me it's 1997 without telling me it's 1997. But actors said that right now. Like, oh, I'd like to take that.
00:12:51
Speaker
Who's an actress? Jenna Ortega. Zendaya home with me. Oh, who did you say Jenna Ortega? Yeah. We both thought of like fucking gen alpha actresses that we barely watch movies. I was going to say, like, I just don't know any fucking stars.
00:13:07
Speaker
And that Jenna Ortega is all the hotness right now, isn't she? Oh, what about the horror world Eyeball Anna?
00:13:18
Speaker
If Whitney doesn't write a children's book called Eyeball Anna, I am going to be disappointed.
00:13:28
Speaker
She's talking an Anna Taylor Joy, right? Yeah. Oh, I'm Anna Taylor Joy. I think it is. Oh, it's Anna? I think. I'm pretty sure it's... It's pronounced eyeball.
00:13:40
Speaker
Eyeball Anna is the best name. Eyeball Taylor Joy. Jesus Christ. ah So have a couple others for Mr. Freeze.
00:13:51
Speaker
so I don't even want to hear Sylvester Stallone. Sylvester Stallone was one of them. I won one. get a purple star. Let me guess. Danny DeVito.
00:14:03
Speaker
No. um There's some interesting ones here. Some that would have been a much more sinister Mr. Freeze, but not nearly. they wouldn't gar lance Hendrickson. Ooh, no Gary Oldman, but that'd be cool. Lance Henriksen also would be cool. Right. Yeah, Lance would be fucking sick.
00:14:19
Speaker
we've got Ed Harris. Yeah. Patrick Stewart. Oh, freeze. Everybody chill.
00:14:31
Speaker
Freeze number one. Make it so. Christopher Lloyd. Oh, great Scott, everybody chill. You know what killed the dinosaurs? The Ice Age. Oh,
00:14:42
Speaker
He would have been good.
Casting Speculations for Mr. Freeze
00:14:44
Speaker
Where we're going, we don't need Jones. Because Mr. Freeze, don't know if you're aware of this, wife, is not Arnold Schwarzenegger nery lower in or in the animated series. Well, I don't believe Arnold Schwarzenegger was a fucking geneticist. He's a skinnier, bald dude.
00:15:05
Speaker
so this is This is Arnold Schwarzenegger from Twins. like He met um a woman with, the oh my God, Kelly Preston died of some disease that was uncurable. This is fucking Arnold Schwarzenegger from Twins trying to cure Kelly Preston but can't do it, so he goes all fucking Iceman.
00:15:21
Speaker
Get your IMDB fucking little trivia out. Type that up. Okay. I like that. And then apparently also Hulk Hogan was considered for Mr. Freeze. Hey, brother. i need you to freeze. He's just down on the ground, fucking got his hand up. Fucking.
00:15:39
Speaker
Ripping off other people's shirt. Freeze, ah and I think Randy Savage would have been better than Hulk Hogan. Oh, yeah. I got you for five minutes.
00:15:52
Speaker
Bonesaw knows. Oh, now I want Christian Slater. Snap it to an Otter Pop.
00:15:59
Speaker
Christian Slater doing, it ah you know what killed the dinosaurs? The Ice Age. hey For those that aren't watching, watch because Jack does a phenomenal Christian Slater and half of it is a visual.
00:16:14
Speaker
It's okay at best. You can find us on YouTube. And Patreon at patreon.com slash worst people with no ads. How much is Patreon? for Only $5 a month for ad-free episodes.
00:16:26
Speaker
Fuck yeah, dude. Five bucks a month. yeah You get additional footage? You all kinds of stuff. We'll talk about it at the end. oh yeah I was just telling them where they could see video. ah Don't worry, there will be a commercial in here. so We're going to make that plug at the end, much like a butt plug.
00:16:44
Speaker
And then there were some other people who I read were supposedly considered for poison ivy. find confirmation. than Emma Thurman. It depends what you're going for. Who was it? Was it Joel Schumacher? Was it a producer? Somebody said they cast Uma Thurman because they saw her in something and they thought she was the most beautiful woman they'd ever seen.
Uma Thurman's Casting and Performance
00:17:03
Speaker
shes Also, by the way, what he's doing she's doing the same thing here that Halle Berry was doing in Catwoman, and I didn't want to vomit every time she tried to be sexy. Yeah, you're not wrong. Halle Berry is sexy, but every time she tried to be sexy, it didn't work.
00:17:18
Speaker
Uma Thurman is decent. Every time she did it, I was like, all right, fine. flip those for me i had half of a boner during this full boner during catwoman well it's because the uh bane was in the back going boner boner fap
00:17:38
Speaker
sticky speaking of i thought he was played by ah vader in my entire life No, that's what I thought when I was younger, too. No, he's played by a guy named Jeep Swenson.
00:17:51
Speaker
Yeah, who actually died two months after the movie premiered at 40 years old. Oh, wow. Yeah, he was a heart attack known. Yeah, known steroid user. like Like from his early 20s and shit.
00:18:03
Speaker
I mean, unless we're talking about the other. he wasn't painted. That was just his coloring. Yeah. Right. For being sick. We have the other Bane also, the skinny one, the guy who gets pumped up. Yeah, the tweaker.
00:18:14
Speaker
He's played by a guy named ah Michael Reed McKay, who is a welcome back. Yeah, i know that name. You sure don't. Well, you might. You sure don't. Maybe from listening you. He mostly plays character stuff like he puts on costumes like Jones style. We had this conversation. That's why I remember the name. Oh, OK. He was the gargoyle in Cast a Deadly Spell.
00:18:36
Speaker
Oh, yeah. That's sweet ass dance moves in our intro from our opening. Our opening intro. Fuck yeah. But we had Julia Roberts. o Which would have been funny with George Clooney. yeah And then they do Ocean's Eleven and stuff. And it's like, don't I know you from somewhere?
00:18:53
Speaker
um I'm trying to. I can see her being the nerdy one. I'm trying to see her be all poison ivied out. And I don't see it. Pretty woman. Right. But.
00:19:04
Speaker
I buy it. I'll take almost anybody over Uma Thurman, though. Agreed. I'm biased. The other one I have here sandra poll was in. Angelina Jolie. Another episode this month. This month?
00:19:16
Speaker
I don't even know what we recorded yesterday. Halle Berry. Not Halle Berry, but you got in the right movie. No way, Sharon Stone? Hello, boys.
00:19:29
Speaker
Benjamin Bratt here.
Influence on Comic Book Genre
00:19:32
Speaker
I would dig Sharon Stone. Chris O'Donnell's just like, God, I really want to fuck that Benjamin Bratt. I'm not gay, but damn. ah Something about him me want to just, want to put my hot dog between his buns right now.
00:19:44
Speaker
I'm saying I want have stacks of them. I'm just saying I want to place a hot dog between his buns. Maybe we can relish it up. No penetration. but yeah, it was Sharon Stone. And that's probably why she ended up doing Catwoman, because she's like, you picked a younger woman than me. I'll show you. I'll play an old woman who's mad about young women.
00:20:01
Speaker
yeah A little too on the nose, Sharon.
00:20:07
Speaker
And so one last thing I read,
Cartoon-like Style and Humor
00:20:11
Speaker
Kevin Feige, president of Marvel Studios, you know, the guy with the hat from MCU. Wow. Kevin Feige has a hat.
00:20:19
Speaker
Dave Filoni has a hat. MCU only hires you if you wear a hat. So MCU, if you're looking for a guy. oh i know a guy. Always wearing a hat. We're screwed, Whitney. ah good What about a Boba Fett helmet?
00:20:32
Speaker
He's quoted as calling this the most important comic book movie ever made because its catastrophic failure forced major comic book companies and film studios to rethink how they presented comic book-based movies.
00:20:45
Speaker
All right, not wrong. Because, I mean... I had a good time with this movie for all the wrong reasons. And like, there are just so many cartoon noises like real coconut sound funk.
00:20:57
Speaker
Bing zoo. And they're not all the time either, which is if they were all the time, what I would have stopped noticing. But it's not consistent. Every once in a while, it's just like, bying ya what is happening?
00:21:12
Speaker
i would prefer just the words across the screen. And also, if we can't go that deep. I have 125 minutes written here. That can't be right. It's no way. Yeah, it it was long. It was two hours and 20 minutes, wasn't it?
00:21:27
Speaker
That's what I thought. So 145 minutes. It was it was definitely at least 220. It was as much fun as I did have it. that It was long. And you are right. Derek said when we were texting the first movie so much better than the second movie because there is two movies here.
00:21:44
Speaker
Yeah. And while i still enjoyed that
Character Introductions and Plot Setup
00:21:46
Speaker
half. It's hours and five minutes. No, that's that's what I looked up too, but we watched it. It was not. It was a lot longer than that. Felt like five. Let's see what the box says.
00:21:56
Speaker
I've got this right here. Ooh, go to the box. I have to take the box out of the box and then the case out of the box. ah Yeah, this says 124 minutes also. That can't be right. It's because it just feels that long.
00:22:08
Speaker
It feels long. refuses to believe. He's just like, the earth is flat. No, here's a fucking a photo from it from space. Looks flat. Oh, I guess that's right.
00:22:18
Speaker
Because in my Letterboxd review, I was like, around 85 minutes when Alicia Silverstone was finally introduced as Batgirl, I was like, who could possibly care? And there were still 40 minutes left. Yeah. So so but that makes sense. All right.
00:22:31
Speaker
So it feels like two hours and 20 minutes, but it is two hours and five minutes. It felt longer. It really did. And I would have mentioned an actor up top because I don't know how much we'll talk about these little yeah the little flashbacks that George Clooney is having to when he was a child.
00:22:45
Speaker
yeah Yeah. The little kid playing young Bruce Wayne is Eric Lloyd, who plays Charlie in the Santa Claus movies, and he's also the little shitbird from Dunstan Checks In.
00:22:56
Speaker
Oh, nice. Oh. Good shitbird work. I don't think he ever adulted. No, I don't think so. He probably died. I think he's in that newest Santa Claus. Oh, he is. an older person.
00:23:09
Speaker
I saw that on his credits. Yeah, he is right. Is he Santa Claus? Is he the titular? I mean, if you're not getting Tim Allen back, oh, oh, oh, might as well get my son. Oh, oh, oh.
00:23:21
Speaker
Oh, oh, oh. Funny fucking rule. i not I'm not even ashamed to admit it. So we start with. Joel Schumacher just being like, look, I know what you guys said about the last movie, and I don't give a fuck. Make it neon. Zoom in on nipples.
00:23:39
Speaker
Zoom in on nipples. Zoom in on butts. Zoom zoom in on cod pieces. Just nipples, butts, abs, butt. Sex sells, baby. It's like my playlist on Pornhub.
00:23:50
Speaker
You got abs thrown in there? Fuck yeah. Why not? I can't look at my own.
00:23:56
Speaker
Can't see him behind all that fat. I know they're in there, but I have put a pillow here in case anybody gets tired.
00:24:05
Speaker
but i mean he do you do Available for naps. And I'm sure there's people who find Chris O'Donnell sexy. Speaking as a female, I prefer a little pillows over rock hard abs because you can snuggle them.
00:24:21
Speaker
Like Halle Berry in a ball of natatnam. And that's how you know that movie's good. And you mentioned that George Clooney was a bad Batman, but I i ah commented to Whitney while we were watching also. features. He looks the most like Batman in the suit of the the three Batman of the 90s or the 80s and 90s.
00:24:43
Speaker
I don't know. The chin and just not like a five o'clock shadow, but just like you can kind of see that there's definitely he could grow a beard he like two It's like he shaves and there's always a shadow and he's got a chin and he's just kind of like, he looks very Batman. I can agree with that. It's just, and this is my first time watching it this year.
00:25:03
Speaker
um i was going to say in a while, but I forgot that I watched it with bleep after a night. We came back from the bar and did some extra curriculars and we were just like, this is great. This is shiny. This is flashy. This is fucking stupid as shit. This is great.
00:25:17
Speaker
But I, in that moment, didn't notice how much I hated George Clooney's performance. Well, and as I told you, because this episode might be a little rough. Whitney and I watched this like a week ago and then some stuff happened and we couldn't record. And I was like, well I'm not watching it again. I've watched it twice in 18 months.
00:25:34
Speaker
I don't blame you for that.
Key Dialogues and Character Dynamics
00:25:36
Speaker
And I didn't watch it with you, did I? The first time? No. No. Not the first time, but. I'm telling you, though, if we could have worked it out that we all watched it together, we'd be singing different songs right now.
00:25:49
Speaker
Probably, if especially if I took the extracurriculars that you mentioned. Yeah, I mean, at least any of my caveats. um But we set the tone for the movie right away because the first line of dialogue is Chris O'Donnell, I want a car. Yeah.
00:26:06
Speaker
yeah ah This was Superman works alone. Are you fucking chicks with your mask on? Also, chicks dig the car, and then he's got this fucking crotch rocket. Chicks dig crotch rockets, too. Yeah, absolutely.
00:26:18
Speaker
you know But I'm saying you find that crowd. Also, you do you're going to need a bat condom. I mean, look look robin look what happens later in the movie. Alicia Silverstone is like...
00:26:30
Speaker
All up on his junk just because he has motorcycles, even though she just wants to steal them. Sure. Maybe, you you know, get a little look on the way out. And we have one of one of the only actors to appear in all four of these movies, Alfred Pettyworth, played by Michael Goff.
00:26:44
Speaker
ah The other one would be Pat Hingle playing Commissioner Gordon. And it looks like Pat Hingle's father, Bob, I want to say, is also in this movie as a doctor. Oh, really?
00:26:55
Speaker
I was watching the credits. just i I didn't think there was a post credit, but I thought maybe there is. Let me just watch it while I gather my stuff anyway. And I saw another angle. Hingle. Oh, there's another one, too, because we have Gossip Gertie shows up in this one. Oh, yeah, because she's been a character. She's somebody's wife.
00:27:16
Speaker
She's Bob Kane's wife, yeah the creator of Batman. That's who it is. she gets more and more speaking roles every movie. Yeah. Yeah. was like, oh, she really can act. OK.
00:27:27
Speaker
Well, yeah. So they've they've slapped their tightly bound butts and balls into these vehicles and zoom off. Stupidest Batmobile out of the four. It's my least favorite. and ah it It's got this little spinning light up thing in the front.
00:27:43
Speaker
Oh, he went full neon. Like Batman Forever was neon soaked. This is like someone was watching Batman Forever on acid and was like, I can make a Batman movie.
00:27:56
Speaker
I'll just do that. It's like your guy that you like, ah do it again, but neon.
00:28:04
Speaker
David Lynch. David Lynch. Do it again, but more neon. i don't think he ever used a neon light. Did he say more neon? we put every We have all the neon in the city. We're out of neon.
00:28:15
Speaker
Put a neon light in Arnold Schwarzenegger's mouth. Oh, yeah, please do. Oh, you can't see it in that picture. Yeah. Maybe this one? Eh, nope. Just blue teeth. He's fucking captivating.
00:28:26
Speaker
And he's having fun with the role. He is having... I will give him that. He's probably the best acting on... He at least... I i mean, he might he might be like, this script is stupid, but guess what? This movie's not going to suck because I didn't put enough into it.
00:28:38
Speaker
Yeah. Hey, guys, I don't want to sound needy here. I'm needy. But we have a Patreon at patreon.com. And I know times are hard right now. Real hard for me.
00:28:49
Speaker
Inflation's up. no You can't afford your groceries. Can't eat. We're not we're not begging. I'm begging. We're not pleading. I'm pleading. We're not down on our knees. Oh, boy. mean my My knees hurt. They've been on the omit on so long.
00:29:02
Speaker
But we do kind of need the money. I need the money bad. We need new equipment. any new equipment we need to do remote podcasts for all of you wouldn't mind eating we need to have video wouldn't mind eating uh we need more drinks food sounds good so please check out patreon.com slash worst people please check us out you get a bonus episode every month and we're gonna have more content coming for you i'll send you pictures and thank you guys thank you so much please give me patreon.com i'm being held hostage here slash worst people don't pay my way out of here they're gonna kill me
00:29:35
Speaker
Well, and like my my next note is literally what you just said, because I said they take off and on their Tron bike and Tron Batmobile. Yeah. It's so much neon. It's leaving trails behind them. Chris O'Donnell just cuts in front of them and fucking makes him hit a wall that's left behind his bike.
00:29:51
Speaker
And then speaking of Mr. Freeze, we're introduced to Dr. Victor Freeze slash Mr. Freeze Arnold Schwarzenegger. Please, Mr. Freeze is my father.
00:30:01
Speaker
I just don't understand if he's Dr. Victor Freeze. Why is his supervillain name Mr. Freeze? Shouldn't he be Dr. Freeze? They took away his doctrines because he was using it for evil.
Action Sequences and Over-the-Top Style
00:30:11
Speaker
He was using it for good. He just accidentally got dropped into a vat of ice or something. something or other Yeah, then he started using it for evil.
00:30:21
Speaker
it's It's one of the Batman movies from this era. The only way you get powers is you're dropped into a vat of fill-in-the-blank. uhuh Oh, yeah. Which is why if they made it one of these, they were going to have the villain be Ice Cream Man because Chris O'Donnell gets thrown into a vat ice cream, and that's how you get Ice Cream Man.
00:30:38
Speaker
One of the weaker villains. No, no. The Ice Cream Man is... ah Oh, shut up. He's got some fucking shitty boutique horror movie in his hand, doesn't he?
00:30:49
Speaker
The Ice Cream Man is Clint Howard, and he serial kills children. All right, next time leave with a Clint Howard, I won't talk so much shit. Some. but not all some to be sure.
00:31:04
Speaker
But yeah, so that was the biggest salary ever for a movie star. Like, cause we mentioned in the Superman episode on our Patreon that in the long run, Marlon Brando ended up making $40 million, but that's cause he got points on the back end.
00:31:18
Speaker
Right. His actual salary was 12. Yeah. Arnold's salary was 25 million, which is funny because I'm pretty sure that these Marvel actors now are making more than that. Even if they're just doing a cameo.
00:31:29
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Yeah. But that was also that's why the movie is a billion dollars. Mm hmm. Yeah. I guess it was 30 years ago. Twenty five million dollars in how much was twenty five million dollars in ninety seven worth now?
00:31:44
Speaker
What's this weird growth on my penis? I know the words forty nine million seven hundred forty eight thousand five hundred eighty one dollars and thirty four cents.
00:31:56
Speaker
Boom. So double. Hey, inflation is not a thing. um He did beat his own record in a few years after this being in and a worse movie.
00:32:07
Speaker
Oh, what movie? Terminator 3 Rise of the Machines. He was paid $29 million. dollars i would watch that over this. i would watch that over this I don't know. That little fucking Weasley face guy. He's what's that guy's name? I can't remember.
00:32:22
Speaker
He's in Sin City is the yellow bastard. He's good there, but everything else he's in, he's a fucking shit. I don't like that guy. Yeah, I can his stupid face.
00:32:34
Speaker
um And it's just the reason Arnold Schwarzenegger is the best part here is because he's just one liner after one liner after liner. He is zinger after zinger after zinger. That is a thousand percent true.
00:32:46
Speaker
And he's putting so much fucking ham behind it. Well, like right out of the gate, he's like, I'm sorry, my condition has left me cold to your pleas of mercy. Yeah. he' I wish I had a little clicker because he was rapid fire too. because you know Then after that was like the everybody chill.
00:33:01
Speaker
And then seconds, minutes later was the Ice
Victor Freeze's Escape and Creative Set Pieces
00:33:04
Speaker
Age one. I mean, he is just, don't forget to say freeze and thank you.
00:33:10
Speaker
Well, then we have... more tone setting batman grinds into the uh hall of natural history or whatever on the back of a brontosaurus they are defying the laws of physics with some of these moves and jumps yeah it's literally shoddy wire work but it's great yeah it makes he slides down and that should be like batman's cool move then chris o'donnell comes in and does it too and i'm like Come on, Robin.
00:33:39
Speaker
Get your own move, Robin. Stop being a copycat. You fucking punk. like You're not sending me to the cooler. And we get all these hockey goons come in and they start fighting Batman and Robin. Gotham has some specific ass goons, dude.
00:33:53
Speaker
um So I used to play hockey and I'm kind of just waiting for a bad guy that can utilize those skills. And until then, I'm just going to keep my my ice skates on and my hockey stick sharp.
00:34:06
Speaker
Question. Question. Do we think these were penguins guys left over? and so those were circus people. We're already used to the cold. Yeah, they were circus people. But these guys, like it's not even like it's like you have people running around. They're like, i'm looking for specifically a cold villain. It's like they just have a villain hiring service or a good hiring service.
00:34:23
Speaker
It's a temp agency. Yeah, because later on in the freeze layer. The bike rally. In the ice box. The one they're all sitting around just like this is like freezing their balls off, but they have to stay in there because Victor free said so.
00:34:39
Speaker
Yep. ah Yeah. That's when we get the first bunk noise when a guard hits his head on something. its And now we're talking about setting tones, though. And the first of two times that Frieza's gun is taken away from him by a wire and planted somewhere. He can't reach it. The way it lands on the top of that statue.
00:35:00
Speaker
Yeah. Batman kicks it and it's like where we we we we were it looks like a UFO from a 50s movie. it just like It's just you have it on a string and you're just kind of moving it around. No, they had it there. They shot in reverse. They had it there and they pulled the string. I don't think so because you see it like wobble on its way up.
00:35:16
Speaker
maybe That might be the later one. But one of these, it's definitely wobbling. It lands like it's... The way it lands is like they just stopped the footage. they're like And there is good. Freeze frame. Freeze frame.
00:35:29
Speaker
Freeze frame. I get to say that this is my line. Don't you say freeze. I get paid the big box to know when to say freeze, okay?
00:35:38
Speaker
I think I feel close the window. I feel a cold freeze coming. You feel that ocean freeze. But you know how Victor Freeze re retrieves his gun. He tosses a dude at it yeah and knocks it off the top of this brontosaurus reminding me of the story I've told of my uncle trying to shoot a kite out of a tree. Except he's using people this time.
00:35:59
Speaker
And he jumps into his freeze rocket ship. And my note says freeze rocket ship, LOL. And takes off. Batman is inside the way we're not. We're skipping over a very vital part here.
00:36:11
Speaker
Batman and Robin had the the commissioner. Gordon says this is a new villain, right? They had ice skates in their suits ready to go. Cause they start playing hockey with this diamond with the goons.
00:36:25
Speaker
Oh, that's right. They are like, they it's like, they look at each other after taking one of the hockey guys down, they give a look and then like to camera ready, shing out come the fucking skates and they're literally having a game a hockey.
00:36:38
Speaker
And then Mr. Freeze like, yo, frosty hit me and slap shots in the diamond, which would hurt. It would hurt. There's a a drop scene where Alfred's like, hey, you know what? I have a feeling that we're going to get snow soon or ice.
00:36:52
Speaker
Let's try something new in the suit. and then Just in case, sir. Just in case. I'll do my cocaine for Alfred. Yeah, that's fine. Well, first, it wouldn't hurt because Victor freeze vistareze can't feel pain with his condition. Oh, that's true. I'm fucking icy. yeah I use sea heart.
00:37:10
Speaker
Also, the ice skates are your problem, but... not i mean when did he have time to build this ice batmobile ice of fan boat and ice motorcycle or whatever they fucking oh that's easily explained dude they had the toy companies make that so they could sell toys okay got it man's like look you want to you want to sell a fucking hydro sled a fan boat sled you want to sell one build me one ah there go Yeah, so they go up in the rocket.
00:37:42
Speaker
Robin's on the outside. Batman's on the inside. Freeze freezes Batman to the wall and zips out of here with a Mr. Freeze wingsuit. Oh, shit. i'm gonna Just because I watched it just now and you guys didn't, going go back.
00:37:56
Speaker
Victor gets away the first time because he freezes Robin. And he's like, 11 minutes and he's going to die. That's at the end of this. Because they fall. Oh, that's right. It is right after this.
00:38:09
Speaker
Look at that. I just watched it up. They take the rocket up. he He freeze glides down. um Robin gets in there and he's like, he unfreezes Batman. a Batman just pulls out this thing and he's like a bat bomb. And I'm like, oh God, what is this? 1966. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. That's why I was saying you need a bat condom.
00:38:29
Speaker
You need a bat. Everything has to have a bat on it.
00:38:33
Speaker
Quick, have me the bat hemorrhoid cream. so I've got some pain in my back cave. They sky surf down after him on the the doors and panels of this exploding rocket ship.
00:38:44
Speaker
You're lucky these two know each other well, because like, how do we get out of here? Surf's up. What? What does that mean? What does that say? You can't just say. And these are.
00:38:55
Speaker
and these are such bad like it's I guess it's not really full CG it's like it's like composite it's like they put Chris O'Donnell and Bruce or George Clooney on these things and then film them in front of a green screen Bruce Campbell is Batman Bruce Campbell is Batman as soon as you said that it's all went through my head was like that's the chin for Batman that's fucking chin you need under that cowl and just tell him to play it mostly straight you know can play straight bet he can well just give him give him a storyline where Batman goes crazy he gets Joker gassed
00:39:28
Speaker
Yeah. they Oh, are we doing this? Are we writing Chris Campbell, get at us, please.
00:39:36
Speaker
So Freeze says something with Robin. He gets the diamond from Robin. says, stay cool, bird boy. And takes off. Oh, that's right. That's when they land and he freezes Robin and he says, stay cool, bird boy. And this is when we see talking about the truth, the true form of Chris O'Donnell's acting frozen stiff, a mannequin inside of a piece of ice. Oh, there was a mannequin. I didn't even notice. i just thought it was him.
00:40:00
Speaker
It's a good mannequin. There was no discernible difference. My friend, Joel Schumacher kept calling him over. He's like, why is it? He listening to me. I told him to come over here for notes. Joel, Joel, Joel. That's my, that's my dummy.
00:40:14
Speaker
What? Oh my God. There's two of them. One standing right next to me. You tell your twin over there to get up and get back to set. Now that I know there's two of you, we can work twice as hard.
00:40:24
Speaker
Oh, Donald O'Connell. It's all the twins. Got it. So yeah, he throws them into the ah Batman, throws them into this tub of water and shines a laser pointer at it. And it boils. Uh-huh.
00:40:37
Speaker
I guess. I don't know. yeah Sure. Robin is safe. That's the moral of the story. But he's now he's cooking in a vat of boiling water. That's what I was thinking. It is a perfect 98.6 degrees.
00:40:52
Speaker
I don't think 98.6 is hot enough. to yeah It would melt it for sure, but not as fast as I think my hands are probably 98.6. Give me a piece of ice. he He puts ah that laser on there and he's out in like four seconds.
00:41:07
Speaker
He got that shit up to boiling. um Don't worry about it. We've got another Robin dummy in the background. Batman, you'll never notice.
00:41:16
Speaker
And then we're introduced to Dr. Pamela Isley played by Uma Thurman.
Poison Ivy's Transformation
00:41:22
Speaker
um Who is attempting to crossbreed plants and animals so that the plants can defend themselves from humans? Yep. Question mark. Makes sense to me.
00:41:33
Speaker
um But this this guy, Dr. Woodrow, woodre that she works with, keeps taking her samples to the Gilgamesh wing. This guy ah played Lex Luthor's dad in Smallville.
00:41:45
Speaker
Oh, more importantly, he plays the ah the executive in Scrooge that Bill Murray hates. Yes. got he ignore and More importantly, he's in Gremlins 2.
00:41:59
Speaker
that's That's like the least important. No, yours is higher than hers. Sorry. ah Gremlins 2, the new best. Well, that's why I said my first. You're outvoted, man. Smallville is just not. It's just in the Smallville house.
00:42:10
Speaker
we're Michael Rosenbaum is my favorite. We're Lois and Clark house. I think you know that. Michael Rosenbaum is my favorite Lex Luger. He can be. but she Hit me up, Michael.
00:42:23
Speaker
and She goes in. ah She sneaks into the fe lab, the Gilgamesh wing, to find out what's going on with all of her samples of what they're just calling ah Venom, which is definitely not sinister.
00:42:39
Speaker
And she's not if it was sinister. I'd give it an evil name. She sees Dr. Woodrow pumping, pumping this tweaker full of ah of the venom and and basically auctioning him off to, I guess, supervillains from other countries.
00:42:55
Speaker
Yeah. He signed up as soon as he found out it was going to be intravenous drugs. He didn't really ask about what it was that this guy's on the street. He's like, you're going to stick me with a needle and put drugs in me. All right. um man Oh, and and this Dr. Jason, he must, he must work for this temp agency that hires out goons. And he's just trying, he's like, how do I up my rates?
00:43:18
Speaker
Got it. Super soldier. Yeah. Yeah. Super soldier serum. Didn't he say he was like a convict from Arkham or some shit? Probably. but That makes that would make sense.
00:43:29
Speaker
Because, I mean, Arkham had all kinds of nefarious doctors, I'm sure. She's mad that he's misusing her research for a, quote, maniacal scheme for world domination. That's what I was going to do.
00:43:40
Speaker
You can't do that. I want to be maniacal and world dominate. I call dibs. ah His response to this is to try to have sex with her. Yeah. I mean, he's an evil guy. And she says no.
00:43:51
Speaker
So he. Oh, his his his work is great, though, because he's like, well, sadly, does he put it? He's like, I'm not good at rejection. But but before that, he's like, I respect your opinion.
00:44:04
Speaker
Sadly, I'm not good at rejection. So you're gonna have to die. Like he fucking lets out this screen. That's a, whoa. Caught me little off guard there. He's a really good mad scientist. Yeah. He is definitely, he is definitely in this movie. yeah he comes, he comes in very late in fear the walking dead, much as a mad scientist, a Messiah of a cult thing plays it perfectly.
00:44:30
Speaker
So it's just the same guy. Very believable. I mean, yeah. Hmm. But yeah, he shoves over all this, all these vials of venom and shit on her and then it eats through the floor and she falls down. And so now Uma Thurman's out of the movie. It's weird that she's on the poster.
00:44:47
Speaker
She died. um Oh, and also she's being covered in ah poison ivy and snakes are crawling all over her. Yes.
00:44:59
Speaker
I wonder if that's going to lead to anything. Not in Gotham. Yeah. um We find out that Victor freezes out of that of poison, Ivy snakes and chemical venom.
00:45:13
Speaker
Yeah. Because because it's all these like. ah beakers full of chemicals and it gets pushed over and she falls into a hole and then covered in chemicals yeah and there's snakes and plants down there. So make shift that it's the it's the nature version of a vat. It is the nature version.
00:45:33
Speaker
So we find out that Freeze's wife had mc McGregor's syndrome, which is not real. It's McGuffin syndrome. You know Yeah. I got stage one MacGuffin. How did I not think of that?
00:45:48
Speaker
You've taught me well. And he tried to find a cure for it, but something, something gobbledygook. He ended up just playing the cure. I don't know why she's still fucking sad. Friday, I'm in love.
00:46:01
Speaker
i think I found the cure.
00:46:05
Speaker
This is a good time to mention for those of you who have not watched it, go watch the Batman, the animated series episode or arc. think it's just an episode about Mr. Freeze. Like, I think it's, I can't remember the name of it I feel like it's it is harder.
00:46:19
Speaker
It is so fucking good. Yeah. It is like you're, Wife, you would be crying at the end of that. Hot nose. i would it would it was Hot nose, girl.
00:46:32
Speaker
I don't know. Does have the music? They've got good music on there. This whole thing with his wife and everything, it's actually like important. Unlike this where Arnold Schwarzenegger is just like, this is some random model in a tube.
00:46:45
Speaker
I love her. What Derek's doing right now for the Batman animated series is what I've been doing to him with Clone Wars, the animated series. Because, like, yeah, it's a cartoon that most people don't give a shit about, but it's phenomenal storytelling.
00:46:58
Speaker
And he's right. It's called ah Heart of Ice. Mm-hmm. Yeah. it's Get your icy heart on. It's a follow-up title. Yeah.
00:47:11
Speaker
Now I'm just thinking of Shaq. It was icy hot. It's very icy hot on. Get your icy hot on. Get your icy hot on. What was it? Shimmy, shimmy.
00:47:22
Speaker
Well, we also start seeing that it's funny because they talk about McGregor syndrome. And then Alfred walks out of the room and goes. ah And you're like, oh, OK, so he has it, too. It's supposed be like a big twist. I've got the McGuffins. That's like surprise.
00:47:37
Speaker
I got a case of the McGuffins. Yeah, there's all kinds of like supposed to be twists here. like I think that it supposed to be a twist or a shock that Lise Silverstone ended being Batgirl. Yeah.
00:47:48
Speaker
She's got that teeny little mask on. She's like, hey, it's me, Barbara. You know what makes it less of a surprise? The movie poster. That's true. um Even Chris O'Donnell's checking around in that poster. What are you doing down there, girl? Dang.
00:48:03
Speaker
you feel like You feel like playing around with a piece of wood later? That's not me hitting on you. I am a piece of wood So she popped up on my TikTok. ah She is still looking real fucking good. That a girl. Yeah.
00:48:16
Speaker
Yeah. That a girl. boom It's easier when you're rich and don't have to do anything but work out and eat right. She's not. I still wouldn't. She's not in the movies. She made enough money.
00:48:29
Speaker
You think she didn't just make some money off me when I pre-ordered Clueless on 4K? She got that Clueless money. She got that rolling the Aerosmith money. She got the Aerosmith money. She got that Marky Mark money.
00:48:40
Speaker
got the settlement money from the Aerosmith lawsuit. Marky Mark. What'd she do with Marky Mark? Let's please hit her poom with Marky Mark. mark We'll have better with Alicia. Fuck yeah, I would have. Sorry. don't even know what guys are talking about. fear Primal fear. Or no, just fear.
00:48:56
Speaker
okay. Never seen it. Watch it once. It's a good one. I'm afraid. Oh, bro. I'm going to start pounding my chest. Make him think you beat me. Yeah. Bro, I'm hanging with Please Hitterpoon. I know it's not a real name, but that's what my uncle calls her.
00:49:12
Speaker
It's got that dude from CSI as as her dad. Which one, bro? Which CSI? Miami? The Vegas. New York? Vegas? Texas? like that guy. know who you're talking about, bro.
00:49:26
Speaker
And then the other... original. um That's the originals, Vegas. It got started in Vegas. You fucking kidding me. Vegas is when you go where you go and you've already had like three different spinoffs of it.
00:49:37
Speaker
Like, where do we go now? Let's make it wacky. Go in Vegas. That way we can have prostitutes with poker chips up their butts. I'm going to bring it back for you. they were in Vegas, Miami, New York. This is the wrong order.
00:49:49
Speaker
You started New York and CSI and then they have and CS and CSI L.A. with O'Donnell back to Batman and Robin. Sorry, I was bringing it back for you. so Is this what it's like when I start talking Star Wars?
00:50:05
Speaker
Yeah. This is what I've been doing to people. You know what?
Gotham's Architecture and Gala Event
00:50:10
Speaker
OK, I just got to say real quick, I don't give a shit about CSI, but I'm going to defend it anyway. I think maybe they did it in the right order. Because you start with every cop show was already in New York.
00:50:21
Speaker
So they did this one in Vegas to make it different because they're like, well, we've got NYPD blue and L.A. but That's L.A. ah
00:50:31
Speaker
ah What's the one thing of law and order? L.A. law takes place in which New York. Pretty sure S.B.U. is in New York. ah you I was thinking of Law & Order. They both start with an L.A., okay?
00:50:44
Speaker
But they end, i think the last CSI was Narlins. where I did see that there was a Narlins going on. Bacula. va Oh, I think it was on at the bar, and I was like, oh, I might watch CSI. It's got Bacula's in it.
00:50:58
Speaker
It's not bad. It's not great. um I'll just fucking watch Necessary Roughness twice in a row. Thank you. It has the dude from Fast and Furious 3. Mr. Han? The Drift. The Drifter Kid. Han? The white boy. I don't know who that is. Oh, the Texas boy.
00:51:14
Speaker
Lucas. Lucas Black. Oh, that shit. Oh, shit. I forgot he existed for a minute.
00:51:27
Speaker
So did the French guys.
00:51:30
Speaker
ah the The C or D plot of this movie is that Batman doesn't trust Robin to keep himself safe. And that becomes important here. because We do have a lot of plots here. There's like 14 plots.
00:51:41
Speaker
but and I didn't think about it. I love Batman's lack of self-awareness, though, because he him and Robin get in a little fight and Robin storms off. And Arnold or arnold but Alfred is just like, perhaps you don't trust anyone, sir.
00:51:54
Speaker
And he's like, me? Nah, wait. Huh? ah trust you. That actually seems... We're talking about Batman, the guy that had a contingency plan to take down every one of the friends that he worked with on the Justice League. All of his super friends also had a death pill in his suitcase.
00:52:14
Speaker
Are shitting me? No. He's prepared to kill every single member of the Justice League. Honestly, though, kind of a good thing though like when you think about it because he's like, I have no powers. If somebody was able to control Superman's mind, fucked.
00:52:27
Speaker
Absolutely fucked. yeah That's why he has a kryptonite condom and he seduces him. Yeah, right. It's the boys. And I've read Invincible, which is kind of the same thing. It's it's a a Superman esque or not invincible. ah I'm like, I watched Irredeemable.
00:52:42
Speaker
No, Invincible. No, Invincible is another one. What am I thinking of? There's like a Superman-esque character who loses his mind much like the boys, except for he goes full.
00:52:53
Speaker
He takes over the world. He sinks Taiwan into the ocean. Damn. He flies out into space and carves his symbol with his laser eyes into North America, just murdering millions of people while he does it. It's kind of amazing. Well, he should have made it to fucking... If he would have made it to Flag, people wouldn't have cared.
00:53:13
Speaker
Like those people died for our fucking freedoms. Look at that red, white and blue. um Anyway. And that's what he
Alfred's Health Issues and Storyline Implications
00:53:20
Speaker
does tell Alfred. He's like, I do trust you. And he's like, but I shan't be here forever, sir. ah What do you mean? Do you have the MacGuffin disease syndrome?
00:53:29
Speaker
so now it's happening? ah He's only level one MacGuffin syndrome. You got a real bad case of the MacGuffins. The wife is level four MacGuffin, which is like that's like a Sith Wayfinder.
00:53:41
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, God. that there's no There's no coming back from it. Have we seen a level five MacGuffin? Probably in Twister. No, I think Sith Wayfinder is the worst it gets. ah That's the highest it gets? Yeah. All right.
00:53:52
Speaker
Because you have to find the Sith Wayfinder to find something else to find the planet. Well, first you got to get the dagger to get the Wayfinder. Anyway, we'll get there in a couple of years and you'll hear me get real upset.
00:54:03
Speaker
And then we cut back to the lab and Poison Ivy arises. She's like, I replaced my blood with aloe, my skin with chlorophyll and filled my lips with venom.
00:54:15
Speaker
And Max on this dude and he dies. You probably shouldn't be walking around like that. You are a danger to everyone and yourself.
00:54:24
Speaker
They should have had fucking Patrick Warburton playing Bane. I was like, Bob, look at that. so Bob chopping that off. well umma The really annoying thing about this is that this Bane is actually one of the smartest villains that Batman has ever faced off against.
00:54:42
Speaker
And I actually knew that. I'm not too upset with it. I mean, like, it is what it is. I wasn't expecting this Batman universe to pay any of these characters respect.
00:54:53
Speaker
I mean, Barbara Gordon is Commissioner Gordon's daughter. i was her niece. at far um No, it's it's I think Barbara Gordon is is Gordon's Commissioner Gordon's daughter. But in this it's Barbara Wilson. yeah Who ends up in the wheelchair?
00:55:09
Speaker
Barbara go har Gordon. Barbara Gordon. no Okay. Yeah. Cause the Joker, and then she becomes Oracle or some shit. I mean, he they made him a zombie. He's ah like, I, especially like Whitney talked about his skin. It's very necrotic. Like it looks, it looks like he, you might as well have just had that character be killed and he's controlled by venom and Uma Thurman.
00:55:30
Speaker
I mean, it's basically is what it is because when he gets unplugged, he dies. Does he, I thought he just came to death. All that green goo came out of his dick. mean, it's like a fucking 11-year-old that just figured out what it does.
00:55:43
Speaker
Flicking it like a cocaine bag? Yep. There's a little scene that doesn't matter, but I got a good laugh out of it. It's Mr. Freeze doing an orchestra conductor thing to his goons while they're singing this like Jack Frost song from some fucking American ambassador.
00:55:59
Speaker
yeah What is that? that Santa Claus Saves Christmas? got the freeze miser and the heat miser? ah You don't know It could be. No. It wasn't a big Rankin and Bass head. Yeah, that was back that was our childhood because our parents.
00:56:16
Speaker
Well, Derek was raised wrong. And we have a a quick little appearance of Vivica A. Slightly younger. Yeah, dude. Crazy because they're like, oh she's I forgot she's in this movie more, right? Nope.
00:56:27
Speaker
This is it. Do you know what her character's name is? Yeah. Misbehavin'. yeah Mama told me not to, but I did it anyway. Misbehaving.
00:56:38
Speaker
ah Say a long time. Fuck yeah. and yeah like later She would later be in Kill Bill with Uma Thurman. It's just a really weird cameo.
00:56:50
Speaker
Did Quentin really like this movie and those two people? I fucking loved it. It was going the whole time. The guy hit his fucking head in wall. Boom, bang, bing. I loved it. And this guy turns over here and he says, chill, everybody chill. And he's made of ice. That's what's fucking funny about it. You know what i'm saying? And then this other guy over here's got a great dialogue. Uma Thurman comes down like some sort of teller, like some sort of reporter. Hey, boy, tell me what the fuck I rubbed. I love it. I love it. wish you would tell me what the rubbed is. Let me see them feet. Wiggle your big toe.
00:57:10
Speaker
Wiggle your big toe. Batman Forever is the peak of superhero cinema. I don't want to see anything else. All this other shit. Chris Evans, he can go fuck himself. Batman Forever or bust. Perfect movie. You are fantastic. Thank you. Thank you for that.
00:57:26
Speaker
Barbara Wilson comes into the movie, played by Alicia Silverstone. we People might know her from My Dreams as a child. My Dreams as an adult. Clueless. Aerosmith videos.
00:57:39
Speaker
I think this was my introduction to her. She wasn't in a lot. Clueless for me. I didn't see Clueless before this. i guess may have seen all I may have seen the Aerosmith music video. Maybe I saw the Aerosmith. She was just that hot chick from Aerosmith.
00:57:54
Speaker
Then it was that hot chick from Clueless named Alicia Silverstone. Then it's just Alicia Silverstone. Blast from the past. Got to get there soon. Yes, we do. Is that going to be next year's mental health movie?
00:58:06
Speaker
It definitely could be because I could watch it right now. Yeah. And I read that most of her scenes as Batgirl were cut because ah so Alicia Silverstone had gained a few pounds during production. no and the wardrobe team had to refit her costume.
00:58:24
Speaker
But when the when the press discovered the news, this is just a ah quote that I read on, I think, on Wikipedia. ah ah They slammed Silverstone's weight. I mean, that Wikipedia has sources. At least it's kind of might be true.
00:58:36
Speaker
Yeah. But the the press discovered that and they slammed Alicia Silverstone's weight gain and mocked her for being too fat to fit in her costume. Oh, I think Joel Schumacher came out publicly defending her during interviews and press meetings. And he's like, what's this girl's big sin? She ate some pizza.
00:58:53
Speaker
Yeah, right. Have you ever had pizza? It's delicious. And I guess the taunting continued. And so he lashed out at some reporters and in a magazine interview, he he basically just he was like, I thought it was horrible. It was very cruel.
00:59:07
Speaker
She was a teenager who gained a few pounds like all of us do at certain times. I would confront female journalists and say, with so many young people suffering from anorexia and bulimia, why are you crucifying this girl?
00:59:18
Speaker
Also, maybe it was a week before her fucking period and she was just fucking bloated. Yeah. Also, You be a female. Those reporters are all fat. So guess she put on five pounds. I'm going to roll up this pizza like it's a joint. I'm going to eat it Well, and that's the thing. I mean, you'd look at this costume.
00:59:36
Speaker
If you gain one pound, that has to be refitted. It's not about her being fat or heavy or anything. it's It's literally like one, two pounds throws off that entire. She is keeping it to right there.
00:59:47
Speaker
She didn't drink enough water. That's what... There Because if you don't drink enough water, you'll gain two pounds the next day or whatever. You know, like, she didn't drink enough water and all of a sudden she was... Well, it's like Whitney was saying when she prefers her guys with a little belly pillows instead of abs.
01:00:02
Speaker
Little pillows. I like my girls thicker than a snicker. But... Chris O'Donnell doesn't seem to have a problem with Alicia Silverstone's weight. Because she's at the door and he's talking and he's like, ah she can stay with us. Please be looking for me. Please be looking for Please be looking for me. Yep.
01:00:18
Speaker
I like Alfred's like, no, she's not going to stay here. I'll get her a hotel. And then George Clooney comes up like, no, she can stay with us. I want to watch. Alfred has this look like, fuck. Which one of them is going to fuck her? Yeah.
01:00:30
Speaker
That's why he made her bad girl. Chris O'Donnell's her age, but George Clooney is George Clooney. Right. so And she's going to be dead. She's going to have issues, man. Yeah. Stop, bat daddy. Stop, bat daddy.
01:00:44
Speaker
So we go to this telescope thing at the Gotham Observatory, which, by the way, tell us we did. we You're the wrong kind of nerd. It's a telescope. No, it's a telescope like event. It's like a dedication, a gala or some shit. That's what i meant. but like Would you say... Cotillion? I would not say Cotillion.
01:01:04
Speaker
Don't say Cotillion. But i we haven't mentioned it, and I have to, because this Gotham is straight out of fucking Francis Ford Coppola's Megalopolis.
01:01:16
Speaker
Oh, it was like statue body holding up bridges? Yeah, like 50-story statues all over the... Some of them, like this one, is holding up this observatory. But there's other ones that are just like a big dude like sitting there flexing and putting his arms out there. he's not even doing anything. I thought about just like walking around the city drunk or stoned. Like we are under this giant guy right now.
01:01:37
Speaker
Like it just, this, I'm going to piss on this guy's foot. Hope you like water sports. I'm peeing on them. Uh, I think I can get the piss underneath his toenails. Just pissed on this guy.
01:01:49
Speaker
trying take a shit Hey, I want help you with that foot fungus, pal. ah number You look like you got stung by a jellyfish. I think it's time I give you a little bit of urine.
01:02:01
Speaker
You're in trouble. Uh-oh. Urine for treat. Urine for surprise. It's poop.
01:02:09
Speaker
I've got pee out of my butt. That's the joke.
01:02:14
Speaker
But like Wayne Enterprises is donating this telescope. But it's speaking of MacGuffins. It's like, but it's a telescope that can see around the world because it's connected to satellites. Question mark. OK. Telescopes are for seeing space.
01:02:29
Speaker
yeah yeah not not for tea baby not for peeping on a chick who's changing in her room in Paris the line they said was like it made me laugh it's like you can see the sky anywhere like I can look up and see the sky need to see the sky as you're dumb but I thought this was going to be a plot where Uma Thurman was going to take over because I haven't seen this um uh sober in a long time I thought it was gonna be the Uma Thurman took up I was sober when I a kid Sometimes.
01:03:00
Speaker
so no Yeah, I had good days. ah They weren't sober. And I thought there was going to be Uma Thurman taking over this thing to like um but use the sun to to nourish her crops.
01:03:12
Speaker
That's what I thought the whole thing was going to be. No, instead that's Batman using the sun to burn Gotham to the ground. So it's, yeah, it's it's like the reverse of what I thought. It's not nefarious at all.
01:03:23
Speaker
It's very helpful. We have Elle McPherson playing Julie Madison, who really doesn't matter. She's just Batman's girlfriend. ah bru They've never mattered. Yeah, she's not Batman's girlfriend. That's Catwoman.
01:03:35
Speaker
She's in The Edge, which is a movie we're going to have to talk about at some point. Anthony Hopkins. um Yeah, Anthony Hopkins and Alec Baldwin. I've seen it not in a long time. Ooh, fighting the fucking bear. Never heard of it.
01:03:46
Speaker
You a bear, mom. Are you fucking a bear out there? um you got a fucking bear. They paid you to fuck that bear. Bear fucker. Do you need my assistance? Sorry. but anytime i Anytime I let my hair down, Bleeve's daughter calls me Merida from Brave.
01:04:02
Speaker
oh It's just, you're the bad mom. Yeah. ah She was also in Friends. She played Janine Lacoy. and don't know who that is. ah Yes. I want to say that she, oh, oh, does Ross go on a date with her where he gets the leather pants stuck down and then he puts the, their his legs are too sweaty, so he puts the baby powder. It made a paste. It made a paste.
01:04:26
Speaker
okay Okay. Friends is one of my least rewatched shows and I actually really enjoy Friends. I don't have a lot. seen the entire series once. Okay. You know what kills the rewatch for me?
01:04:38
Speaker
And same with Seinfeld. It's just more forgivable. The laugh tracks. Laugh tracks ah bother the fuck out of me, which is why it's so easy for me to watch like The Office and Scrubs over and over because no laugh tracks. I know when I'm supposed to laugh. A new girl. But it's filmed in front of a live studio audience. That's why I like Cheers.
01:04:57
Speaker
That's a real laugh. Those people
Podcasting Humor and Multiple Shows
01:04:59
Speaker
are laughing with me. they're not telling me when to laugh. Well, okay. So that was your complaint about WandaVision. And that wasn't a laugh track. They did film those episodes in front of a live studio. That's one of my complaints about WandaVision.
01:05:09
Speaker
One of my complaints. was your complaint the day the first episode came out. You were like, fucking laugh track. And I was like, no, it's a real audience. You're like, no, it's not. and i don't i just I didn't want to like that show. I'm not going to.
01:05:21
Speaker
All right, well, when I start my Marvel podcast, I'll have you on that those episodes. God, how many podcasts are you going have? Oh, God, who's got the time? When I'm rich from podcasting like everybody else.
01:05:33
Speaker
Oh, yeah. It's very easy to make it as a podcaster right here. It's so lucrative, guys. Well, I got into it. Yeah. For the chick, man. We've got these ads that play on the audio feed. We've made $2 in the last two months, guys. Almost three.
01:05:46
Speaker
So... We can almost pay a Patreon. We can almost join our own Patreon. We're at the lowest tier. Yeah, we don't get cop rock. The lowest tier is what I call it when my penis comes.
01:06:00
Speaker
I'm sorry, what about your penis coming? That's the lowest tier. Okay. By the way, Elizabeth Sanders is Gossip Gertie because she's also here. Okay. um And she was in Batman Forever and Batman and Returns as Gossip Gertie.
01:06:13
Speaker
And she was in, I think, 89. She's in 89. Gotham Socialite or something. Is 89 the only one we haven't done now? Yeah. i was really nervous When I said that, i was really nervous that Derek seemed like, we did 89.
01:06:27
Speaker
I was like, didn't we do 89? No, we just left. Out of these four, that's the only one we have not done. We were at work talking about ah Violent Night, and i was like, dude, we got to do that this Christmas for Patreon.
01:06:41
Speaker
We've done that for last Christmas. like it It's in our opening video on Patreon. It is months ago, Jack. I'm mad at myself for it. Every time we record a Patreon episode, you see John Leguizamo get sucked through a chimney.
01:06:57
Speaker
That's not when I'm watching the screen.
01:07:01
Speaker
um And then we have two welcome backs playing Nameless Scientist. Welcome back, welcome back. Wait, they got welcome on their back? Yeah. Yeah. ah We have the observe. They're credited as observatory scientists and observatory associates. Oh, I recognize the chick.
01:07:17
Speaker
The chick is from Abyss. Yeah, she plays. She's the cowboy hat driver. One night. Yeah. Yeah. She was also in Batman Forever, apparently as Margaret. But I don't know who that was. OK.
01:07:28
Speaker
But she's in this. She plays one night. The male is from Goonies. He's Data's dad. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, that means we're watching good movies, guys, because the nameless characters. They're welcome back from our Patreons.
01:07:41
Speaker
That's right. They are both on Patreon, aren't they? I looked up one of these thugs. I think the guy that has the name Frosty. And it's funny because he was, like to Derek's point, now that saying it out loud, he was a goon for Tommy Lee Jones in Batman Forever.
01:07:56
Speaker
So he is a thug for hire.
01:08:02
Speaker
so Uma Thurman confronts Bruce Wayne about spending money on this telescope instead of saving the planet and whatever, whatever. And she's like, you know, we should just get rid of like all this, whatever she says. And his whole point is he's like, so if we don't do any of the stuff you're saying, we don't have diesel for heat. We don't have coolant for food.
01:08:20
Speaker
Millions of people would die from hunger alone. That's just a chance we're going to have take big boy I don't care about the people, just plants. Collateral damage, kiddo. She's doing her best Tina Fey 40s reporter voice.
01:08:35
Speaker
It's not sexy, in my opinion, because she's doing the male reporter. Like she's doing like a, hey, lady, take them take that skirt, hack it up. Let me see them gams. Let me see them stems and them rose bods.
01:08:47
Speaker
That's how that's how a Tina Fey does it. That's why I said that. Well, Tina, though, Tina Fey should have been talking about. We have high pants. ah Tina Fey's poison ivy. she Hey, come commit big boy. You know what? I don't have the confidence to call you big boy. Sorry. I said that in the first place. so I'm going to go over that in the corner and write something funny about you.
01:09:04
Speaker
don't want to kiss you. That's for sure, fella. But so she screams and runs out. The plants are going to get you. Everybody laughs at her. They're all going to get you. Oh, my God. She's responsible for the happening.
01:09:16
Speaker
That's exactly what I thought. she Oh, bro, that Umu fucking Thurman was right. Them plants are going to get you. We got to get in big numbers, small numbers. I'm a scientist. Well, at least a high school teacher.
01:09:27
Speaker
I'm a high school science teacher. I had to go to school for three weeks to get this degree. You think they gave these fucking name tags out to anybody? I know real teachers go for longer than that. I'm making fun of the town he's in. We would never make fun of teachers. They're fucking under criminally underpaid. We don't make fun of teachers. We play we make fun of Marky Mark playing a teacher.
01:09:44
Speaker
Because that's unbelievable. he got He got a teacher's assistant certificate, went to the principal who was a lady that found him attractive and got a job. Teachers get 10% off at Harbaugh Brewing. We can't hire you because you don't have all the credentials.
01:09:58
Speaker
What if I take my fucking shirt off? Okay, we have a spot for you. It's in between my legs. Well, we can hire you as a gym teacher. I was just going to say that. But you have to be a real teacher too. No, the gym teacher also does sex ed and driver's
Character Discussions and Actor Roles
01:10:13
Speaker
ed.
01:10:13
Speaker
we We skipped earlier that Bruce Wayne had mentioned donating or taking diamonds to donate to this, the flower ball that they're doing or whatever, just to to use as ah a thing to get a yeah bait to get Mr. Freeze because he needs diamonds to power his suit. This is how I look at cold chicken when I come home from the bar. That is me eyeballing a cold drummy right there. That's my cat in the background. Like going to eat that all. I sure would. Sure. Love a little bit of that nibble.
01:10:44
Speaker
That's a face of a man making more money than anybody's ever made for a movie. Because look at that silver paint, silver contacts, blue shit in his mouth. He's like, whatever, dude, I'm getting paid $25 million. you know what that look and keep that Keep that up for a second. you know what that look is?
01:10:58
Speaker
I could actually buy this diamond now from doing this movie. I could hold the diamond this size in my hands. Can you imagine it? Because I'm doing it now.
01:11:08
Speaker
Yeah. Yep. He could have afford that diamond billionaire. He's got to be a billionaire, right? Yeah. He was the governor. You don't get paid that much as a governor. Found my phone.
01:11:19
Speaker
but He did. Was it in your butt? Nope. That's where I would have found it right away. He got elected governor. And then he's like, just so you know, I get paid $29 million of movies. So you have to pay me $29 million dollars every eight weeks.
01:11:32
Speaker
Ooh, 1.1 billion as of 2025. Shazam. Shazam. Oh, you didn't turn into a superhero. Wait, does that mean that this is a superhero version of you and there's some little kid out there that just turns into you so he can buy alcohol and smoke weed? was sitting over here before. I was like, hey guys, we're talking about Batman and Robin.
01:11:53
Speaker
And I said, Shazam. And I just turned into a fat podcaster. Kablam. I said the wrong words. I'm a fat podcaster now. Fried ham. right Damn it. Fried ham sounds awesome right now. Bates clam.
01:12:07
Speaker
Shit. and So we go to the the the flower ball. They're auctioning off these diamonds. They're auctioning off diamonds and they're also auctioning off women. Yeah.
01:12:18
Speaker
Because women are commodities. Because the women are wearing the diamonds. Yes. But I still think you get to have sex these women. The way these old men are bidding, they think they're going to have sex with these women. Yeah. Because you get this one mustachioed. He's like in between Vincent Price and John Waters with no ribs. Yes.
01:12:36
Speaker
like Take all of their personality out. and he's Well, different mustache, my friend. but Oh, I'd like to bid $500 million on the ah extra crispy one.
01:12:48
Speaker
it's Just some chick that got sunburned trying to get a good tan. I'd like to give her some of my herbs and spices. I'm going to give her my 11-inch and spices.
01:12:59
Speaker
How do you feel about putting on a rainbow full of coleslaw?
01:13:05
Speaker
11 inches is insane. Gotta hit the diaphragm. what can i do Can I go twice? So Poison Ivy and Bane show up dressed as gorillas and she's doing this like sexy dance as a gorilla, which is really
Humorous Observations and Movie Scenes
01:13:21
Speaker
funny. Yeah, it is. This is like early furry shit, right?
01:13:24
Speaker
I want to bring up the fact that she has Bane driving for her and Bane might as well be hanging out with Donatello in the original Ninja Turtles movie. Oh, yeah. Shit on. like his mask and his tubes, but he has like a fedora and a trench coat.
01:13:37
Speaker
Never going to recognize me. i thought I thought about that when they show the picture of them arriving at the airport. Uh-huh. Because I think Batman, i think Alfred shows Batman on a picture or whatever.
01:13:48
Speaker
Because it's, yeah, he's got the hat and the trench coat. And my first thought was, oh shit, he's going to a porn theater with Raphael. That's pretty cool Mmm, chocolatey.
01:14:00
Speaker
ah She has this like pheromone stuff, that this pheromone dust that she blows on everybody. And if you to know what it is, fucking freeze will tell you. But dude, she... The reason I think I thought her sexy stuff was working better is because even though this movie is PG-13, I believe. She's in a porno. Yeah.
01:14:19
Speaker
She is straight up like, yeah, because she's like, ah what's the line? She's talking to Batman and Robin, one of them, and she's like, my garden needs tending. Yeah. And like.
01:14:31
Speaker
I'll bring everything. like She does the auction. She's like, I'll bring everything you see here and everything you don't. And jumping ahead a little bit, like freezes, like I have to go get diamonds, yada, yada. And she's like, I'll help you grab your rocks.
01:14:43
Speaker
This is a kid's movie. Calm down. And then I think I made the joke right after this, when they leave or when Batman and Robin finally get like the pheromones out of their head.
01:14:54
Speaker
like yeah, I don't even care about anymore. Nice stems though. Great buds. Yeah. Stepdads are loving this shit. I left that. o of a there There you go. You're a step time.
01:15:07
Speaker
I'm not step. like should Should Batman be bidding? Like, I know he's under the control of pheromones, whatever. Like, people don't know that Bruce Wayne is Batman, but then he's just like ten trillion dollars. But he's got a back credit card. And you see the expiration date on it.
01:15:24
Speaker
Forever. right This which would have been a better joke if it was Batman Forever. Yep. You idiots. But but like I just feel like with the secret identity and all like people are like sitting there in the audience and he's like 10 million, 20 million, 100 million. You don't have that money. borrow it from you. Someone in the audience is like, man, fuck this guy.
01:15:45
Speaker
Like he's did when we did when the city gets destroyed from one of his fights, he doesn't come and fix it. We have to rely on. We have to rely on that philanthropist, Bruce Wayne. It's fucking bullshit. Like they're so mad. Yeah. Yeah.
01:15:59
Speaker
dude i mean But here's the thing. All the guys are under pheromones, and in Gotham, women can't think. I mean, it's one of my least favorite product placements in a movie. It's it's shameless, and it does not work for me. Thank you. and Try again.
01:16:13
Speaker
And it's definitely, I mean, it doesn't have anything on it. It says Goth Card, so it doesn't say MasterCard or American Express, but he does say never leave the Batcave without it.
01:16:24
Speaker
Oh, maybe that's why I thought it was a shameless plug. Is it just parody? Yeah. I think so. because it literally says Batman good through forever. And then the logo is goth card. I didn't even check the logo because of the the fucking goddamn slogan.
01:16:39
Speaker
I mean, same here. though My note says Batman MX. But then I looked up the picture just now. It says weird card. they they They had it set for American Express, but they didn't get the paycheck. Like, fucking put goth card on it. Who cares?
01:16:52
Speaker
He can only use that to buy, like, ah combat boots and clove cigarettes and the cure albums, though. I found the cure again. i was like, what? And then. Don't worry, Alfred. We'll we'll get you the cure. i have a goth card.
01:17:08
Speaker
I have a goth card. I know ah Robert Smith personally.
01:17:15
Speaker
How do you feel about orgies? Sorry. An orgy concert. You guys, he's playing the goth card again.
01:17:24
Speaker
It's not my only card per se So Freeze crashes the party. Everyone chill. And he goes over, hand over the diamond garden gal, which is funny. It's pretty.
01:17:35
Speaker
He's got, he's terrific. Best part of the movie.
01:17:40
Speaker
And she blows the dust at him and he's like, it ah, pheromone dust does not work on the cold hearted. But he smells it. He's like, ah one pinch of your your pubic hair, three pinches of your musk, and that smells a bit like vagina sweat, but it doesn't work on me. I'm not horny.
01:17:57
Speaker
I've got an icy heart on. It's a spritz of lady musk. It's meant to heat to one up and I don't get hot. Ooh, he got British and I like it. And he leaves and says, cool potty and gets out of there.
01:18:11
Speaker
And that's when someone says something about that man. And Uma Thurman's like, that's not a man. That's ah that's a God. god That's not just a man. That's a God, baby. Look at him. Look at him. He's icy hot. I tell you, it's got buns of steel. And I mean that because look at those things that made of steel.
01:18:25
Speaker
Batman and Robin chase him out. There's a little car chase. They're going to jump off one of the arms of one one of these sculptures. And this doesn't make any sense because Batman tells Robin, like, don't do it. You won't make it on your very light motorcycle. Yeah. I'm going to make it in my tank.
01:18:42
Speaker
Then also he just hits the disable button. So he doesn't have a chance to hit the brakes. So now he's just free falling. Yeah. Now he's definitely not going to make it. I was just waiting for him to hit the end of the thing and just go off like a ski. He's not a madman. He assembled the engine, not all the other stuff.
01:18:59
Speaker
Well, because when he disables it, fucking Chris O'Donnell eats shit. So I'm like, well, now he's just sliding down this thing. Free fall. Playing Tom Petty. free falling. Bruce is like, look, let the bike fall. We can get another one of those.
01:19:15
Speaker
We can get thousands of those motorcycles. You idiot. Just make sure you stay alive. I can't get another orphan. i mean, like I will in the comics. I'll replace you twice over, but I can't get another orphan right now Yeah. Jason Todd, Jason Todd and and Tim Drake, even fucking Damien. There's some others. ah His son. Oh yeah. Damien Wayne. Yeah. Yeah.
01:19:37
Speaker
Who's the mother? Ra's al Ghul's daughter. Talia. Oh, that makes sense. oh um Oh, that's Hector's cat's name. I mean, this this costume, i guess it kind of makes sense that he's trying to be mature as a superhero. Robin, because this costume is closer to the Nighthawk thing. Nightwing. It is.
01:19:54
Speaker
Nightwing. Mr. Freeze freezes the Batmobile um and... ah Batman comes flying through the windshield like a crash test dummy.
01:20:05
Speaker
Captures Mr. Freeze. inside a tube looked like a snow globe. And then Mr. Freeze tried to save her. She was stage three MacGuffin.
01:20:27
Speaker
ah Batman and Robin break up and Alicia Silverstone's caught stealing Robin's bikes. That's important for later. They put little sweat grease smudges on her face. Like they had the goggles on. They're like, just grease her up real quick, guys.
01:20:39
Speaker
And someone was like, I'll do it. ah I'll grease your face. I'll grease your face. Like ah the guy in Superman, the cop in Superman. I'll do chest compressions. yeah Who needs a chest massage? And Joel Schumacher's like, I wouldn't ask you to do something I wouldn't do myself. And he starts greasing up Alicia Silverstone.
01:20:55
Speaker
That's why she gained so much weight. He was using real butter.
01:21:00
Speaker
You try not licking your lips and covered in butter. His love language is food. He was just feeding her. Same. So we go to Arkham where there's green lightning around the building, question mark.
01:21:12
Speaker
And we have How else do you show up nefarious? We have one welcome back and one we'll see you in the future. Okay. These Arkham Asylum guards. One of them I know you we' did we've had a clock.
01:21:23
Speaker
We've definitely had Mueller on here. Yeah, it's Ralph Mueller and Jesse Ventura. I could be here in your movie if you'd like. What was Mueller in?
01:21:34
Speaker
ah He was Universal Soldier. That's right. He was the one that ate the steak. I remember saying that. um Yeah, these are Schwarzenegger posse guys. they're like It's like that show Entourage, but with people with muscles.
01:21:48
Speaker
I got biceps. I could be in your movies a bodyguard. Look, don't make me guard you. It'll be cool. And not don't worry. i know that we don't see Sven Olthorsen, but he did do stunts.
01:22:02
Speaker
Oh, he's in this movie? Yeah. I was a big concern. Yeah, he did do stunts and and presumably for Arnold because he had done. That's how he became part of his posse as he was doing stunts for Arnold. Yeah. Oh. foster they were Part of my pumping posse.
01:22:18
Speaker
I was trying to come up with a pussy posse. We're not called a pumping posse because we lift weights though. And we pump it all night long into you, onto you, over you. If I've got the good stamina of going, the shoots just keep shoesting over you.
01:22:33
Speaker
Look at that. It's like a fountain. The Blasio, they fucking designed that after me. The standing in front of Blasio is like standing under me when I'm coming.
01:22:43
Speaker
But Jesse Ventura has like they try to give him some lines. it doesn't quite work, but it's still welcome
Arkham Asylum Commentary
01:22:49
Speaker
home. Frost face. yeah You're the common cold and we're the cure. I think put fucking Mueller in an eye patch. Like, let's make him look more Gotham.
01:22:58
Speaker
Eye patch. Got it. Why not? You're going to be here in a very long. You're going to be here for a very long time. You won't live to see it. Yeah. ah And then Poison Ivy goes to steal this hideout from this gang wearing neon.
01:23:15
Speaker
Sure. You know what? It's like a callback to the other. Yeah, that's what I was wondering if it's supposed to be the same dudes that Don the Dragon Wilson was with. It's the remnants of that. Don the Dragon Wilson got outed like like, dude, you got beat up by a fucking suitless Robin.
01:23:30
Speaker
We can't follow you anymore. so a bunch of inner fighting happened. yeah we're gonna follow tim the tomcat taylor i just
01:23:39
Speaker
i just why was he in the fucking cat woman movie i wonder like about these guys so you just wake up every morning and put this fucking neon face paint on put your contacts in and it's tattooed it's tattooed is terrible it doesn't come off they have cancer um i guess stage three mcguffin uh careful body paint is known to cause mcguffin ah Cartoon noise has come back here. We haven't had them for a minute.
01:24:07
Speaker
While Bane is fighting these dudes, it's just like boink, boing, all around this place. where Three stood voices provided by three stooges. And then she plants. Well, she doesn't plant any seeds. She throws some seeds at the floor. It took It just looked like painted rocks. It took God seven days to create paradise. Let's see if I can do any better, pal.
01:24:28
Speaker
And these terrible CG vines grow everywhere. She does a good job of interacting with them. I'll give her credit. yeah Like when the one comes up over her shoulder and she reaches up and grabs it. Like it looks like she grabbed it. Give the animators credit then.
01:24:40
Speaker
Yeah. Because they're the ones like, right, you got to put it here. She put her hand up. I got to do something with it.
01:24:47
Speaker
God damn it, Joel. You're making our jobs harder. Do it again, but more neon. yeah So Dick dick Grayson, other think we've mentioned that so far. We've just been calling him Robin.
01:24:59
Speaker
Yeah. But Dick shows up and catches Barbara ah ah coming back from stealing one of his motorcycles. We talked about little flirty, flirt moment. Yeah. And the.
01:25:10
Speaker
Or no, he catches her. the He caught her earlier. He sees her on camera stealing another one. So he goes and chases her out. And this is a biker rally of hired ah thugs for hire that you're talking about.
01:25:23
Speaker
Yeah. Yes. This is what they do when they're not hired. Yeah. You even have the clockwork orgy guys. Yeah, there's some droogs hanging out there. Corey Haim is one of the bikers in in this scene somewhere. i don't know which one he was, though. I couldn't find him, but I saw it online that he's he plays a biker, one of the bikers one of the biker Yeah.
01:25:43
Speaker
Huh. ah We also have Coolio. Was he trying to break? Yeah, we got. Yeah, we got Coolio. Apparently, so Coolio is playing the banker, ah taking taking bets during the race.
01:25:56
Speaker
But apparently his cameo was supposed to tease his appearance as Jonathan Crane slash the Scarecrow in a sequel that Schumacher didn't get to do called Batman Unchained.
01:26:08
Speaker
oh Yeah, we've talked a little bit about this. There's somebody exciting that was going to be in it, right? I don't remember now. You've mentioned something about this before, and I can't remember what it just can't think about it.
01:26:19
Speaker
Go back and listen to our old episodes and then comment on this one and correct us. Yeah, go back, listen twice, come back, comment, and then go back and listen again. The second time, listen at twice the speed. It's funner. Derek sounds great.
01:26:33
Speaker
So, bob there's a race for money, and... so It's actually pretty good.
01:26:39
Speaker
So she she's doing these races for money. ah These races, by the way, involve barrels of green fire, sparks shooting from everywhere, everywhere ah balloons floating around and barrels full of glitter that people can crash into.
01:26:53
Speaker
Yeah, this is ah oh what the fuck is not crash, but ideally water. that no I feel this is a road rash. The video game.
01:27:04
Speaker
Yeah, we just do whatever you want. Just tase somebody.
01:27:10
Speaker
um So they they go off on this race. Robin's there wearing his helmet that has a Robin on it, but it's not obvious. Not at all. all of a sudden, these Kabuki Tusken Raiders pop out on this bridge to like sabotage the pod race.
01:27:25
Speaker
Well, Spike told them to. Sorry. ah What's his name? Sebulba told him to, man. ah theyendous They toss these fire bombs and make ah Barbara and Dick crash and the bridge isn't finished. I don't know why the race was going this way. That's OK. Thank you, because that's what I wondered. It's like homeboy stops like Spike knows that these are going to be here.
01:27:50
Speaker
But then what do you do? Because that that's where you were supposed to go and it leads to death without the fire. Makes almost no sense. They parachute off and hold their bikes with their thighs. Okay. And hands.
01:28:05
Speaker
Here's what you do. Use your hands. You ride one of those suspension wires the whole down whole way down with your motorcycle.
01:28:14
Speaker
we've We've already defied the laws of of physics here. So you just keep with it, dude please. But Robin, of course, saves her. um They have a little heart-to-heart talk. We find out she was kicked out of her fictional school of Oxbridge Academy for racing.
01:28:29
Speaker
ah But she has enough money saved up to save Alfred from his dismal life of servitude. Bitch, you don't know how much he loves. He's fucking family. Oh, family just waits on you on hand and foot?
01:28:40
Speaker
Yeah. Cleans up after you? Exactly. Yes. He wouldn't stick around. Have you ever been married? was going say, sometimes. He's assuming... that Bruce Wayne is going to die at some point. And Bruce Wayne doesn't have any kids. Like Bruce Wayne's not going to live as long as as Alfred. I think that was his plan.
01:28:56
Speaker
And then he'll get the estate. But now he's like, look, this is our family's goal. This is how our family gets a leg up in the world is by waiting and hand on foot on hand and foot on Bruce until he dies.
01:29:08
Speaker
Because he's a fucking family of butlers because his brother he's been trying to get in contact with is also a butler. ah Yeah, you come from a long line of assistant pimps. I've been pimping since been pimping since been pimping.
01:29:21
Speaker
But she tells Robin that Alfred's sick.
01:29:27
Speaker
They call me Powder. um Pimps go through this shit from time to time. Where am I powder at? She tells him that that Alfred is sick and she walks out and Batman has just been hiding in the shadows watching. He's like, oh, they're not fucking. Damn it.
01:29:40
Speaker
he's like he's not He's not sick. He's dying. think he might have MacGuffin syndrome. I think he has stage fucking one MacGuffin. Batman just has to prove how smart he is. Oh, Alfred's sick. No, you fucking idiot. He's not sick.
01:29:56
Speaker
He's dying. Well, yeah, he's dying from being sick, I think. I think we can both be right, Bruce. ah He's not sick. He's dying. Also, I'm sorry I'm being so rude. I'm very upset.
01:30:07
Speaker
I was hoping to watch two young people fuck. ah i'm sorry it was my understanding when a fucking hot young orphan moved in with another hot young orphan into my roof i was gonna watch him fuck you think i like cutting eye holes out of paintings you think i like going that i think put on this behind the cross i put on this superman shirt and hid in the corner for no reason and now he's gonna make fun of me
01:30:30
Speaker
uh at that's it i gotta fuck lewis lane at arkham uh Frieza's sister is here to see him. And so it's Uma Thurman. He almost spoiled it too. Sister?
01:30:42
Speaker
i don't have any sister. And she comes in and she's like, I really am to die for. Oh, lady, you could give me all the smooches in the world. At least I would be leaving this world the way that I loved.
01:30:56
Speaker
Kissing. leave this world around. I came in when my mother, wait, what? ah You remind me of my mother is what I'm saying. Sorry. My mom grew a lot of plants and you do that too. So that's cool.
01:31:08
Speaker
Of course, her plants are the reason I don't see her anymore. She's in jail.
01:31:15
Speaker
and Mom's just grown some sweet gonge. I vowed I would never be a criminal, so I became a cop, but I was a really bad cop even for Gotham. So now I'm an Arkham guard. I thought Arkham was an insane asylum.
Character Dynamics and Unrealistic Elements
01:31:29
Speaker
Yes, and prison. It's Arkham asylum for the criminally insane.
01:31:34
Speaker
It's a catch-all. yeah so it's rikers it's because for whatever specific reason criminal that like bat like batshit criminal people gotham doesn't learn it just like i understand like batman doesn't kill and yada yada but like how many deaths is the joker responsible for every time he escapes gotham or freeze or any of these fucking guys you know we see it coming up here when um Bane grabs the armor.
01:32:00
Speaker
We have a bunch of different costumes. you got the Riddler's costume. costume. So these guys are in here ready to get out. We got to rehabilitate them. You tried to rehabilitate them. That's fine.
01:32:12
Speaker
why You need to kill them. Why is Two-Face's costume in there? He died. Allegedly. Did you see him poop? No. Oh, maybe they caught him in the waves. If I don't see poop, hang up the suits.
01:32:25
Speaker
Got it. Bane breaks in through the evidence room and then they all escape by jumping out of like a 50 story tower of terror. i hope I hope your bodyguard can swim. That's not the issue. i hope he survives the fall.
01:32:42
Speaker
Winning is least of our issues. Bane hits that water and just burst into like a water balloon filled with venom. Oh, right. Because he's all goopy and juiced up. Yeah. Oh, God.
01:32:55
Speaker
He just turns into fucking Nickelodeon Gak. It's a couple of spikes coming down like rocky. starts ah Popping and just squirting everywhere. like oh my God, there's green goo everywhere. God, I'm really happy. I don't have to clean this up. He's like that guy that falls off the Titanic and hits the propeller.
01:33:14
Speaker
ah um There's a moment of Bruce talking to Alfred about being sick and and if he regrets his decision to stay his butler and all stuff And he doesn't, of course he doesn't regret it. And he's like, well, Alfred, it's okay.
01:33:27
Speaker
Not all heroes wear masks.
01:33:31
Speaker
But if this movie was made in 2020, there'd be some fucking right-winger out there like, that's right. Hell yeah, brother. you know I'm saying? ah That Mr. Freeze is pretty cool. He likes ice and I like ice. I think we were kind of the same. You know i'm saying, brother?
01:33:46
Speaker
Oh, he could get my whiskey really, really cold, which is the best possible way to drink it so doesn't you know it's like nothing. know, when are drinking Jack Daniels, I prefer to have my bottle in the freezer. It's just a personal choice, and I like my personal freedoms.
01:33:58
Speaker
So the jackfi the Jack Fire, especially, ice cold when it's all syrupy and you start to get a separation of alcohol and all the adjuncts they have, that's when I really like
01:34:09
Speaker
Do you have anything with any sort of antifreeze in it? Because I like to drink fireball. So they go to they go to freeze's ah lair because he has to get diamonds to power his suit.
01:34:21
Speaker
She's like, you get the diamonds. I'll go rescue your wife. Um, he, this, he freezes up all these cops cause the cops are looking around and he just has this big switch that says hot and freeze.
01:34:32
Speaker
Why does he have this? Why would you ever have it? Why would you have an option to switch it to hot? if If the hot kills you, why is this in your legs? And Ivy is trying to seduce Robin again. Cause he was the weaker one easier to get.
01:34:43
Speaker
And she's like, there's something about an anatomically correct rubber suit that puts heat in the girl's lips. Anatomically correct. Like there's no penis there. yeah but there's I like him like a Barbie or a can Ken doll. I like him like a Ken doll. See, she's talking about the nipples. Like this is 1997 dog. like I know she's talking about.
01:35:01
Speaker
I know she's talking about the nipples, but it's not anatomically correct. If you look at the crotch. Look, this is 97 dog. What just came out? And I saw Alan Rickman's bump and was like, give me some of that. Is it 97 for dogma?
01:35:13
Speaker
I want to say it was 97. I could be wrong. Kevin Smith's releasing it again soon. So say it's 99.
01:35:22
Speaker
All right. Now I got to find out. Pretty sure it's 98. It's probably 97. 99 or 2000. All right. It's 99. Go fuck yourself. Damn. I saw this movie that's coming out in a couple of years. It's called Dogma.
01:35:37
Speaker
The plants went back to the future and told me all about it. Christopher Lloyd's Mr. Freeze. Christopher Mr. Freeze came back from the future. Oh, there's this movie coming out. You can't wait to see it.
01:35:51
Speaker
So Bane and Batman have a fight. Ivy is seducing Robin. Then they kind of switch a little bit. Yeah. and And at one point, he's about to Robin's about to kiss poison Ivy, I think.
01:36:03
Speaker
And ye Batman tells him to stop. And that's when he's like, you just can't stand that she wants to kiss me and not you. Also, I want a car. Man. I'm like, you know what? Fucking kiss her. Hey, everyone.
01:36:13
Speaker
Hey, remember how you were a homeless orphan? Yeah. Back to my house and clean it. My butler's sick. Go be back in the traveling. Go do laundry like with karate kicks like you were doing in the last one, you idiot.
01:36:25
Speaker
Making a mess. Making an outfit clean up after you. but So is when he's like, I'm going solo. I want a Robin signal. I'm the cardboard man. It's red. It's for me.
01:36:38
Speaker
Red like a Robin. Red Robin. I'm going to open a chain of restaurants. Red Robin. Boring. Ivy unplugs Mr. Freeze's wife because she doesn't want any competition. See, this is a one woman show, girl.
01:36:56
Speaker
ah She blames it on Batman. So Mr. Freeze now wants to kill Batman instead of just wanting to stop him and get his diamonds. And she's she's got this suddenly see more kind of what do you call it?
01:37:11
Speaker
little shop a horse plant yes yeah she she finally succeeded in crossing a snake in a plant which no thank you i don't need that in my life i i don't need plants that can eat me but but she's so i mean we already have plants that he's he's like i'm gonna me i'm going to kill batman and the robin and she's like why should only batman and robin die while all of society that created them goes unpunished Fuck them all. Yes, let's do it. We'll be the only two people in the world, and then I can make you my ice wife.
01:37:42
Speaker
Adam and evil. Yeah, it's good. I actually like that line. Yeah, that was a good one. And if it was somebody stinking like stinky saying it, it'd be like it'd be shitty, but it's Arnold putting mustard on everything.
01:37:55
Speaker
It's Adam and evil. Who else did you say was up there? It's Adam and evil. Adam and Eve. I could be Adam and you could be Eve.
01:38:10
Speaker
You know, Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. I'm eating out tonight. I kept this uncomfortable hunk of diamond in my ass. And I'll be damned if some flying Batman is going to get his hands on it.
01:38:25
Speaker
ah um So, yeah, this is where we find out that Alfred has stage one MacGuffin syndrome. Oh, yeah You know, I almost fell out of my chair. um Just because I was falling asleep. Because he was standing up on a hammock.
01:38:41
Speaker
and i At this point of the movie, i was just like, oh my fucking God, it done yet? I want to be done. ah telling you, man. You should have been over here fucking just pouring W's and whipping ripping bongs. It was a great day.
01:38:55
Speaker
he he he tasks Alicia Silverstone with finding his brother to be the new bat butler. um And then we should call the battler. and we He says, don't open this. Whatever you do, do not open this.
01:39:08
Speaker
So, of course, she opens it um because she's a broad, a dame. Dude, when she's acting up herself, when she's hacking into his DVD or whatever is going on, ah she's like, yeah trying the password, England.
01:39:22
Speaker
england bruce wayne and like it ends up being just her mom and so it's just pam peg no peg because it's margaret is her name yeah i never understood that shortening of margaret yeah peggy is short for margaret yep well it's like not yours it doesn't make sense jack is short for john and it's like right which is short exactly it's the same fucking letters It's not short for fucking anything.
01:39:47
Speaker
And just so people know, my name is Jack, not fucking John. That's why I started with not not you, Jack, but yeah other Jacks. I just need other people to know that. No, as a little kid, I didn't get it. People like, what's Jack short for? I'm like, what the fuck you talking about?
01:40:00
Speaker
Jack's short. Jack is short. Short for what? um So there's the the telescope opening is happening. So we go back to telescope like Megalopolis. um Poison Ivy seduces Commissioner Gordon into giving her the keys to the bat signal. and love when she goes to kiss him to kill him.
01:40:18
Speaker
And she's like, ah, little too old for me. He's like, no, I assure you, I'm not. Please come back. Please put me out of my misery. I don't want to do another Batman movie. I'm not even attracted to you. I just, I want to be out of this franchise. Please kill me. Please come back. has more of these plans, you know. Wiggle my big toe.
01:40:37
Speaker
He's going to have Coolio as a scarecrow in the next one. You have to kiss me. I can't watch Coolio be the scarecrow.
Absurd and Funny Moments
01:40:48
Speaker
So Bane destroys the bat signal.
01:40:50
Speaker
She sets up a Robin signal and he gets a this. This got the biggest laugh out of me for the whole movie. Besides anything Arnold Schwarzenegger said, but anything anybody else said. Okay. the rob The Robin signal goes up.
01:41:03
Speaker
He's like, that's for me, not for you. And he goes to leave and what Bruce Wayne says, i goes she's trying to kill you, dick. yeah ah You laughed and they didn't want you to. Yeah. Listen, I know his name is Dick Grayson, but it's like, look, Dick, she's trying to kill you. Why don't you shut your mouth, Dick?
01:41:24
Speaker
ah The freeze is going to use the telescope to make a super weapon because it's powered by diamonds, question mark. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. ah dad's dad and one night whoever roses whoever wrote this just watch congo And they're like, dude, Diamonds are power.
01:41:44
Speaker
Better movie. Oh, better movie. and Not even arguable, by the way. We just watched that recently. Did I ever finish it? No. like as much As much fun as I have with this movie, I will watch Congo every day the week before this.
01:41:57
Speaker
Yeah. Maybe I'd sing a different tune if this movie had Ernie Hudson. Oh my God. is mr Have the balls to give a fucking Mr. Freeze, a black actor. no no, no. Ernie Hudson is Batman.
01:42:10
Speaker
Tim Curry is Mr. Freeze. Ernie Hudson as commissioner Gordon, Tim Curry as poison Ivy.
01:42:19
Speaker
Listen, boys. I'm listening. I knew I'd get Whitney with that one. And that's why he needs to use the powder so people would actually be in.
01:42:30
Speaker
what' he's i'm ah I'm a something transvestite from Transylvania. I'm sweet transsexual transvestite from Transsexual Transylvania.
01:42:41
Speaker
Yeah, we got that. That's all he has to say. while the Dr. Frankfurter? Yeah. Yeah. yeah hate that movie but i know that exists yeah i think you didn need to watch it again with my eyes i can't do that your eyes hey you well hold on hold on we made her watch miami connection at three in the morning but recently at three in the morning you owe her what we owe her one yeah but my connection is a movie Yeah, I'm just saying. That's collection of scenes that are made for people to scream at.
01:43:13
Speaker
We forced a movie upon her with little consent, and she abided by us. So we owe her. That's all. can i Can I prevent this if I let you know that the one time I saw Rocky Horror Picture Show, I considered walking out into the middle of the street because my girlfriend's apartment was on a busy street and just laying down in all black clothing and hoping someone would run me over?
01:43:36
Speaker
question did you have jack's caveats yeah did you have my girlfriend i was with my girlfriend i was stoned and i was drunk and i was like whitney's caveats anytime you're having a bad time she gives your balls a tug tit fucker we'll find a different one i'll find a different one there as a we in practical magic ah Barbara finds her way into the Batcave and this Alfred AI that's doing the classic 90s AI computer. I knew you would show up. I knew you would show up in the Batcave. Max Headroom. headroom yeah
01:44:15
Speaker
They also do it in virtuosity I'm Michael Caine, this is a simulation Isn't it? um good That would have been a great to me more If they knew that Michael Caine was going to play Alfred in the future They just have him be AI Alfred man This is what I wish I was like This is my version of myself in the Matrix Isn't it?
01:44:35
Speaker
This is Alfred if he ever went on vacation to Rio With his best friend and his daughter I will blame it on Rio You shouldn't either though I love my best friend's daughter. Ugh.
01:44:49
Speaker
Ugh. We've got to get to that one one day. I'll probably go watch it while you're editing.
01:44:56
Speaker
ah So Robin goes to Poison Ivy's hideout. There's horny plants that are just moaning and reaching out for him. um That's because Uma Thurman put some of her thirst into him.
01:45:06
Speaker
You're plants, but you want everyone to fuck you, see? we have ah Poison Ivy's probably most sexual line of the whole movie right here Which is saying something. Because he comes in and because she says she's going to be good and work with him is what she's telling him.
01:45:19
Speaker
And he's like, I just want to make sure you're turning over a new leaf. And she slides up on him and goes, how about slippery when wet? Oh, like my dude. What kids movie?
01:45:30
Speaker
She's like, how about snail trail? They call me snail trail. Becky. I learned this one from Nicole Kidman. Every time she saw Batman, she left a snail trail. That's what I do. Sticky, slippery.
01:45:42
Speaker
So she gives him a kiss for a Venus guy trap. Clinch onto it like you wouldn't believe.
01:45:50
Speaker
how she's So she's definitely trying to breed a sperm whale with one of these plants, right? She is. Oh, yeah. She needs that big honking hog. I'm trying to crossbreed a sperm whale and a cucumber. Don't ask.
01:46:04
Speaker
A sea cucumber? Like a nudibranch? No, like the kind people put in their vaginas. Oh, my God. Who's putting cucumbers in their vagina? I saw this comic online, this comic strip online, and it was like all these fruits and vegetables in a shopping basket.
01:46:19
Speaker
And they were like, oh, man, I'm so excited we got chosen. I hope we become part of some great, amazing dish. And then cut to, it's just this, the cucumber in this like dark area with like pink kind of ridges around the side. And he just got this look on his face like,
01:46:35
Speaker
That's probably the best life a vegetable can have. Well, not if they want to be eaten. You are getting consumed. You got some lips chewing on you. Is this your pickle?
01:46:47
Speaker
So...
01:46:52
Speaker
So he she gives him a kiss for luck. Bad luck. I'm sorry. wage Bad luck. I'm afraid. ah Yeah. Your toxins don't work on rubber lips. a du du du He peels the rubber lips off of his rubber lips. Yeah.
01:47:11
Speaker
And then he gets grabbed by the vines. that My vines have a crush on you. Okay, this is a pretty good scene, but can we get the dummy out of here and put Chris O'Donnell in there? that That is Chris. That's not the dummy. Okay.
01:47:23
Speaker
This is the scene right here is why I think they did the gun in reverse, because... They did that here when the vines are pulling him down and he pulls up and then pulls him back down again.
01:47:33
Speaker
They're doing ah forward and reverse. That's because they were like, we need it to struggle. But these vines aren't really working. So we'll just fix it in post. Fix it in post. Fast forward. Rewind. Fast forward. Rewind.
01:47:45
Speaker
looks great. Now Batgirl shows up. Bad girl.
01:47:52
Speaker
Nipples. She had a little scene too when she was suiting up, dude. It was like camel toe, nipples, butt cheeks, butt cheeks, nipples, camel toe. I really appreciated those butt cheek shots. Yeah, hey joe me too.
01:48:07
Speaker
too. Again, I think he made her eat more to pump up her booty as well. He's like, look, you fit in the suit, but I can see a little bit of give. We don't want any give. We don't want to give.
01:48:19
Speaker
We need lunch. We need to be full. They didn't know that it was all about squats yet. So they were just like, what is that song? He says, ah so ah red beans and rice didn't miss her. Give her some red beans and rice.
01:48:30
Speaker
I mean, we had just we're just still fresh off the profits or makes a lot like big butts are just coming into fashion. So back back girl and poison Ivy have a fight. ah Mr. Freeze is setting up his telescope. Let's kick some ice.
01:48:43
Speaker
Yeah. Or no. Does George Clooney say that when he know because he's not there yet? ah Because but because ah freeze gets to freeze Gotham and this is when they're coming up in their ice bat vehicles on the celllo toys on the most soundstage a soundstage you've ever seen.
01:49:00
Speaker
I'm pretty sure that these ice vehicles and the soundstage are actually just the toys like you could buy the frozen Gotham toy set or whatever. And they just like like if we shoot it with this macro lens, it'll look like we're shooting from high up and we can just slide the toys across.
01:49:16
Speaker
I'm pretty sure that's what they did because this is the fakest ice has ever looked. It's kind of smart. That's saying something in this movie. Just film with rubber icicles. Just film a commercial and we'll use it for the commercial, but yeah also in the movie.
01:49:29
Speaker
It's just perfect. There's like a synergy. There's like a one frame thing that you can't really see when you're watching like Fight Club when he's putting porn in there. They didn't cut. They didn't cut the commercial soon enough. And you see some kid being like, yeah, but it's just like like that.
01:49:43
Speaker
Did you see that? it just had 1299 flash the top left corner. ah um One of these goons shows up with freezes like ice truck thing and uses freeze rockets or something.
01:49:58
Speaker
I don't know, but Batman deflects them back and blow. You got to buy the toys to understand what they are, dude. Yeah, you got you got to buy the toys, but they the rockets are sold separately because you're going to have to replace them.
01:50:08
Speaker
ah Yeah, you're going to lose these. Your little kid brother is probably going to die from choking on him. So probably going up with somebody's butt. Yep. Wasn't there a Spider-Man toy that was like venom and you squeezed it and stuff came out?
01:50:22
Speaker
o um i feel like i remember get on my phone and try and find one but there's eight minutes left to thaw the city but morning isn't for another five hours that that math is not good just saying guys but robin says speaking of congo it's morning in the congo oo see exactly this writer fucking knew he also robin's just like hold on so we're Pacific time. if you go that Yeah, it's morning in the Congo. one Only the Congo.
01:50:55
Speaker
Not anywhere else in that entire strip of the planet. He's got a girlfriend in the Congo. He's like, trust me, I know what time it is in the Congo any fucking time. Look, I get emails from her like, I just have to send her $10,000 so she can access her bank account and then she's going to give me a million dollars.
01:51:10
Speaker
Apparently she's a princess and she's really into me. Bruce, I know you're jealous, but I just need to borrow another million dollars to give to her. Not doing it, sir. And we get the opening line from the podcast.
01:51:23
Speaker
Tonight's forecast. A freeze is coming. Ooh. So why? Batgirl and Robin fall again.
Further Scene Commentary and Analysis
01:51:31
Speaker
Well, before that, though, there's the, again, there is a really stupid thing where it's like, well, we can use the satellites to align all these, uh, use a computer to align these satellites. And fucking George is like, uh, that would take a computer genius.
01:51:45
Speaker
And all of a sudden Robin and Alicia Silverstone. Like we got this. Well, I love that. Yeah, Chris O'Donnell's like, I got this. And Alicia Silverstone looks at him like, bitch, I got this.
01:51:56
Speaker
I hacked Alfred's DVD. Thank you. Also, you guys are forgetting that she majored in that at Oxford whatever. I don't think we're forgetting. I think Chris O'Donnell's forgetting.
01:52:07
Speaker
he's like even At one point he says something like, out of the way, little girl. Or you're not too bad, little girl. And she's like, yeah, I am pretty i am pretty good, little boy. we're fliring together i think that it took her two scenes to figure out Pam.
01:52:21
Speaker
so yes hang Whatever. hey pam Pam makes more sense. Pam is awesome from Archer. Her hacking skills are like, all right, well, my uncle's from England. I'll try England. No.
01:52:32
Speaker
He works for Bruce Wayne. Oh, I'm to try Bruce Wayne.
01:52:38
Speaker
There's just that fucking song from Hackers playing in the background. I can't think of the name of the group right now. You gotta get yourself connected. Riding on the wall.
01:52:50
Speaker
That's the second time Hackers has come up this month, so I'm going have to watch that later. I bet you own it on Forkirk. Oh, I do. That's what we watched on when we did the episode. we did We did that? yeah i over yeah okay whitney settle down but then this is what it happens like they fall robin get grabs her and he's like i've got you and he shoots up his his grappling hook and i think it misses or something and she's like no i've got you it cracks yeah
01:53:22
Speaker
I've got you. so But guess who doesn't go after them? Batman. He figured out, though. he He's like, hey, what's the ah orphanage like right now? like We are flush.
01:53:34
Speaker
He's like, look, we've got about six and a half minutes until everybody in the city is dead. I'm going to have some orphans on my hands. Yeah. Yeah. going to have a fresh fucking crop of orphans.
01:53:45
Speaker
I can get them young and train them so they don't show up with all this fucking shitty attitude like Chris O'Donnell. Sorry that Chris O'Donnell was a 23 year old orphan that had to come live with me. Fucking seriously, right?
01:53:57
Speaker
So yeah batman Batman and Freeze have a fight to control the telescope. Bane is fighting Batgirl and Robin. ah They do unplug the venom from his suit and he shrinks back down. He comes to death.
01:54:09
Speaker
And then they get the things aligned and do whatever. And Batman's got his one-liner over. Hey, freeze. The heat is on. The heat is on. That's when they should have cued the music. The heat is on.
01:54:23
Speaker
We don't have any needle drops here, dude. We've got original score only, right? I believe so, yeah. Not a good one either. No. I'm pretty sure they didn't get Danny Elfman back for this one.
01:54:34
Speaker
No. Oh, God, no. If you have to wonder. They got Donnie Blackman. They got Alan Silvestri. Donnie No Man. Jimmy Wonton.
01:54:45
Speaker
Jimmy Wonton. Alice Eyeballs.
01:54:50
Speaker
um But so they they turn the the freeze ray into a heat ray that might actually be worse for Gotham than the ice. Because like think about ants under a microscope, because that's what this Or under a magnifying glass, I mean.
01:55:04
Speaker
Don't worry, I'm gonna thaw them out. Oh, oh. I just literally kill people on fire. They're like directing like direct sunlight from the other side of the world and using it an enhancer to shoot direct sunlight at Gotham.
01:55:18
Speaker
Yeah. yeah But they're they're doing fast passes, so it's just melting and not burning anybody because they're still frozen. They're still cold. What if they accidentally go fast pass right over the same spot they just did? They're like, oh, shit.
01:55:31
Speaker
i mean We can ignore the science because as soon as you are frozen, you're dead. They did. I wouldn't wait. Yeah, like they ignored the science, so we can too. This is a Gotham that has wonky-ass gravity, weird-ass rules about hot and cold,
01:55:46
Speaker
And ah plants have fucking saber tooth fangs. Deal with it. Yeah. Let's cough them. Welcome. But Freeze had a contingency plan because he has a bunch of bombs set. So he sets off the bombs.
01:55:57
Speaker
Sorry. When Vader, or not Vader, Bane is setting him off. All I thought, because he just goes, bomb, sets it down. Bomb, sets it down. How many of those do you have, by the way?
01:56:07
Speaker
About 100 bombs. Oh, my God. He's going to say this 98 more times. Bomb. Bomb. Jesus fucking Christ. ban The way starting ah word is starting to lose meaning. yeah Say something else, please.
01:56:24
Speaker
IED. And we didn't mention that during this whole thing, when the telescope's going back and forth and they're fighting, um our two welcome backs are hanging off the telescope. Oh, yeah. Doing some good work.
01:56:36
Speaker
When the bombs go off, the telescope falls, Batman and the scientists fall. Of course, he saves them and he has time to save them from falling, set them to the side and then go save Batgirl and Robin again. or but when they're on the telescope, like as it's moving, they're cheering on Batman and fucking at one point, Frieza, something you're dirty fighter, dirty fighter.
01:56:58
Speaker
That did get a laugh out of me. It's great. There's a Gotham cop here who gets unfrozen. And you guys wouldn't know. i'm just going to give him some credit. He's but he's a stuntman, guy named Buddy Joe Hooker, who has been ah in over 200 movies. Yeah. he's And also there's another...
01:57:16
Speaker
hooker credited in the stunts on this and it's like a Danny Danny Bob hooker or something so they're both going by double names buddy Joe buddy Joe hooker is like classic like he's been around forever whatever that name sounds familiar from knowing you Tarantino used him in death proof I think because he was doing that whole 70s throwback thing and that was kind of buddy Joe hookers heyday he probably did a bunch of shit with he's a stunt driver and stuff too so he probably did a bunch of shit with Burt Reynolds or whatever I didn't look yeah at all of his movies. I just looked and I was like, he's either been the stuntman or coordinator for over 200 movies and he's still alive.
01:57:53
Speaker
Fuck yeah. Good for you, buddy. His name is Buddy. a So freeze, like kill me like you killed my wife and i George Clooney's like, I didn't kill your wife. Look at my brand new iPhone available now store near you.
01:58:10
Speaker
And he plays the video of ah Poison Ivy unplugging And she's not dead. We kept her on ice for you. Yeah, i never killed her. I did find her. We recruit we we recovered her. She is still has MacGuffin, but she's okay.
01:58:26
Speaker
If you help me cure my guy, ah Alfred has stage one MacGuffin. If you help me with that, then we can help you get your lab all set up at Arkham and we won't ah you know murder you, as it were.
01:58:39
Speaker
Take two And the way he says it is even dumber Because he's like cure Alfred Or save my friend And maybe you can save yourself too It's actually dumber than that Save the man your woman your wife loved Oh, yeah. Save the man your wife loved. He's still in there. Yeah.
01:59:00
Speaker
The power of love is the whole weapon in this movie is love. The power of love. I need young freeze and a new freeze. Mr. Freeze does pull the two capsules out of his armor. Whitney just said, he's like, take two of these and call me in the morning. This guy can't stop. called it. I literally said, like, they were in the middle of their conversation. I was like, take two of these and call me in the morning.
01:59:25
Speaker
And then it was like 45 seconds later, he opens the little thing. Take two of these. Because he's a doctor. Yeah. He can't not. This guy's a fucking pun master. yeah And now he's ah Poison Ivy is in Arkham Pick him up leaves off of a flower Which I feel like is against her thing but um And then suddenly in the background All these blue lights light up Surprise I'm your new cellmate Winter has come at last So he's already read Game of Thrones He does time travel Yeah Because he's Christopher Lloyd
01:59:57
Speaker
Now Alfred's all better, but the house is trashed and I'm rather disappointed at how poorly you've I've taught you proper housekeeping. Yeah, but he's better like instantly. Like, how do you feel? He's like fucking great. Good enough to make fun of you for leaving a dirty dish in the sink, you idiot.
02:00:11
Speaker
Come here and give me a handy. It's not a dirty dish in the sink. As soon as it cut to this, I was like, yeah, this looks like, uh, Leonardo DiCaprio's house in the aviator when he's filling jars with piss and has long fingernails and shit.
02:00:23
Speaker
Right. He's like the way of the Batman sitting in the corner way of the future, the way of the future, the way of the future. It's disgusting. I have to design a new Batmobile. I have to design a faster Batwing.
02:00:34
Speaker
They decide that they're all going to be partners and Bruce or Alfred gets the last line. We're going to need a bigger Batcave. Yep. Hey, we just celebrated Jaws anniversary.
02:00:47
Speaker
Yeah, it's 50 years this year. After four hours of this movie, he's like, remember to go home and watch Jaws, which is better. Dude, yeah. or least you At least they saved it until the end. Because of at the very beginning of this movie, they were like, watch Jaws. Like, okay.
02:01:02
Speaker
It would have been better if if Alfred was Michael Caine at this point, though, because Michael Caine was in Jaws for the revenge. Oh, yeah. With Mario Van Peebles. And that's the end of the movie.
Wrap-Up and Final Thoughts
02:01:11
Speaker
I did notice another stunt person whose name is just credited as Uzi Gal.
02:01:16
Speaker
I saw that. What a great name. And we do, you know what? We do get original songs. There are needle drops, not just the score, not until the credits.
02:01:27
Speaker
Yeah. Because in these in these credits, there's a some song up front. I don't what is. And then there is an R. Kelly original song that is one of the most boring things I've ever heard called Gotham City.
02:01:39
Speaker
Man, he worked really hard on that, too. Yeah, he had to take a break from pissing on 14-year-olds. I think he can do both at the same time. Write his music and piss on a 14-year-old? Yeah, he's writing it on the back. That's his inspirato.
02:01:55
Speaker
I'm going to piss on you, pee on you, drip, drip, drip. A little pee, pee, little bit of a poo, poo. Hell told us, man. So that's the end of the movie.
02:02:05
Speaker
We'll do recommendations. now You know what? We'll start with Jack because Jack obviously hated this movie. obviously no i recommend this movie but it has to have the caveats i do not think this is going to be a good movie to put on silently with a little bit of my music and doing one of those i need the drinking i need at least the marijuana extracurriculars help a lot um having somebody with you phenomenal but you gotta know what this movie is it is the ultimate background bullshit drug movie
02:02:37
Speaker
I mean, it could work if you put music on only if you were throwing a rave at your house. Sure. I don't even have to it is right put in. I don't have to put in neon lights or anything. I've got them. I mean, that's why I like the extracurricular aspect of it. It's bright. It's flashy. it's it's i was going to say it's fast, but it's not fast. That's the drawback. It did look better with my behind lighting. Yeah.
02:02:59
Speaker
yeah That helps a lot. Even with my caveats. i I would know. i i hated it. i fucking hated it. Should have caveated. Would you like to expound on that? No, I would not. just didn't like it. It was long. It was boring. I was annoyed.
02:03:16
Speaker
I can't recommend it either. I do own it and I will watch it again. But that's because if I'm watching all the Batman movies, I got to watch them all. I think I'm going to make you guys like, let's give it like 18 months from now and I'm goingnna caveat you guys with it. Okay. ah Yeah, it's just it's boring. It's Joel Schumacher is very hit and miss, but I don't think it's necessarily 100% his fault. There's a lot going on that just doesn't work.
02:03:37
Speaker
Nobody gives a shit except for Arnold. Yeah. Uma was giving ah ah chief performance. She tried. She tried something. Yeah. Yeah. um Alicia Silverstone for as beautiful as she is and I was happy to see her in a tight fitting suit and I love her mouth did nothing but she had a lot of stuff cut so we don't know but I mean just even though scenes she had was just very like she's just she was barely performing Chris O'Donnell we've talked about him before George Clooney I mean it's hard to work off of cardboard remember
02:04:08
Speaker
George Clooney, I think, did fine. he's not a maleiled in He's not a good Batman. i think he was a great Bruce Wayne. I think when he's playing that aloof, rich, douchebag character, it works because George Clooney is an aloof, rich douchebag.
02:04:22
Speaker
That's the end of our superhero. Spectacular. la And we didn't have a theme for next month, but we have been invited to join 17 other podcasts and various types of creators in July's month of action. So we will be doing this.
02:04:41
Speaker
um I think it's probably a little too late to get people scheduled guests from these scheduled onto episodes, but I've already talked to people about doing some episodes and I'm going to talk to some more of them.
02:04:52
Speaker
It's put on by the guys you see at the top Right there. ah Give me back my action movies and give me back my horror movies. They have two, three, four podcasts, something like that.
02:05:03
Speaker
But give me back my action movies. Every July they do month of action. And good beer one jumps right out at me. Yeah, and they're they're we're being joined by you know Movie Dumpster, Good Beer, Bad Movie Night, Video Villa Entertainment, Doom good Generation, Bucket of Chum, our friend Steve.
02:05:18
Speaker
Oh, is he on there? Oh, yeah. Yeah. And down at the bottom, those three black ones you can see. The middle one, Extra Spooky. That's our former guest, Surge. That's his new podcast or oh nice social media.
02:05:31
Speaker
So he's he's joining in. He's already started posting episodes. He did ah Ricky O, The Story of Ricky, which is a great one. um the one with the three gruff looking action star guys that is b action movie podcast it's some of the guys from the give me back my action and horror and some other people one of the guys from flicks and friends i've already talked to him he's one of the guys i talked to about being on an episode he listened to our punisher episode and really enjoyed it so he wants to join us i like the brain buster video logo yeah I think they're actually like a video. I think they I haven't gotten a look into everybody's stuff yet because this just happened.
02:06:06
Speaker
Not everybody here podcasts. I think Brain Buster Video does. I think they sell videos, ah but they're to some stuff. ah The Geeks with Beards is down there at the bottom. They do like comic book.
02:06:18
Speaker
podcasting so they're gonna sound like friends of ours i think they're gonna talk about the demolition man comics i think is what i saw so nice it's a great event it's gonna be really cool we're all you know a bunch of smaller podcasters helping to support each other cross promote get everything out there so check those guys out i'll be posting stuff throughout the month whenever they post stories or reels or whatever i'll be sharing that so check them out give them some love But tune in for our next episode, which kicks off month of action. and It'll be the electric state from this year, 2025, or maybe the very end of last year.
02:06:53
Speaker
i couldn't be bothered to care. It's available only on Netflix because it's a Netflix original. And it is the most expensive movie that Netflix has ever made. And one of the most expensive movies ever made, period.
02:07:08
Speaker
320 million dollars. Whoa. Whoa. and And I want to say it's sitting at a solid 14 percent on Rotten Tomatoes and like a 1.6 or maybe a 2.1 on Letterboxd. it's or maybe a two point one on letterbox so it's It's down there.
02:07:25
Speaker
That's pretty cool. So we'll be talking about that with ah Chris Pratt and Millie Bobby Brown. The thing is, it's got a ah ah cast on there that's actually kind of impressive.
02:07:36
Speaker
I mean, Chris Pratt, you know, he's you I could take him or leave him at this point. I'm at Chris Pratt burnout. yeah um and millie bobby brown is good and stranger things i haven't seen her in anything else but let me see real quick uh there was a bunch of people i know kihoi kwan is in there who uh uh john carlo esposito stanley tucci woody harrelson anthony mackie we got the toots so there's all kinds of people in there dude harrelson apparently it's just a big piece of shit so wow we have none of us have watched it I know it's something about there's a war between robots and humans and the world is all dystopian and Millie Bobby Brown has to go across the country with a robo companion named Cosmo to find her brother.
02:08:17
Speaker
And she teams up with Chris Pratt, who's playing Han Solo.
02:08:22
Speaker
Because he's like a wisecracking smuggler who hangs out with a big robot. Yeah, we're just replacing robot with Wookiee. We're splitting Wookiee hairs here. ah Don't forget to check out our Patreon at patreon.com slash worst people.
02:08:36
Speaker
We have two tiers on there. So the $3 tier, which we call fight the ninja, you get our monthly mental health episodes, newsletter. ah You get the early uncut ad free episodes of Han took shots first, and you get access to our archived episodes.
02:08:52
Speaker
Um, And then we have a $5 tier under the gun, which includes latchkey vids where we're currently talking about top cop rock and ad free episodes of all these main feed episodes. So if you're thinking, boy, I sure wish there weren't ads in this.
02:09:09
Speaker
$5 a month. You can fix that, man. And we have other things in the hopper for Patreon. It's just the more people we get, the more content we can produce. so Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's hard to do a lot of extra work. I mean, and we very much appreciate the patrons that we have to spend, to spend another, to make another part-time job for myself, to make another show for a handful of people to hear.
02:09:33
Speaker
So if more people join, I'm, I'm down to make more work for myself. Hell yeah. I'm not going to have a husband.
02:09:43
Speaker
um And then our Patreon episode for this month is 1978 Superman, which is available on Max and it's um HBO Max. Rent it for four or buy it for 13. Yes. HBO Max. Thank you. You're welcome. Don't want to confuse the people.
02:09:56
Speaker
And ah Cop Rock. We're talking about episode six. ah Oil of Olay. I liked it. So get in on that while you can. And um I haven't mentioned this in a while.
02:10:08
Speaker
So if you guys go check out shop.badmoviesworstpeople.com. We have a bunch of merch there. I've added Han Took Shots first merch. And I can add more. I'm still working on some stuff. We get shirts, hats, phone cases, pillows, tote bags, fucking baby onesies, stickers, masks, whatever. It's all there. Ball gags. Not yet.
02:10:28
Speaker
Not yet, but they do have like face masks, so if you want to put a ball on the inside of that. Or just be a stupid, sexy ninja.
Encouragement for Listener Interaction
02:10:37
Speaker
And also do us a favor. Rate and review the podcast wherever you listen. Preferably five stars. Love us.
02:10:42
Speaker
That'll help people Give your true rating. No, no, no. Give us five stars. no give me true rating. help people find us. I don't want true ratings because that doesn't help people find us. I need to improve. and Send me a message at badmoviesworstpeople at gmail.com. Let us know what you really think. But when you rate it, rate it five stars so that people can find us. All right.
Thank You and Sign Off
02:11:03
Speaker
He's probably right.
02:11:05
Speaker
want to thank you, Vajin, for our opening and closing music. Thanks, Vajin. Thank you, guys. That's it for this week. I've been Derek. I'm married to him. I've been chill. ah Go kick some ice.