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EP. 63 Fantastic Four (2025)
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Transcript
Introduction and Casual Banter
00:00:00
Speaker
That a shtick like that, dude! Have you seen my dick? been looking for it.
00:00:07
Speaker
Sir, I'm going to rub one out right here on your counter.
00:00:11
Speaker
We cut to Mike, who delivers meat on his bicycle.
00:00:19
Speaker
I'm rinsing your girl out, bud.
00:00:23
Speaker
That's how I identify the Doteca e-drunk.
00:00:27
Speaker
a
00:00:34
Speaker
Hello, my name is Nick and I have shaft hair.
00:00:38
Speaker
Scrubbing the pot, which is what I call when I jerk myself off.
00:00:44
Speaker
We're just joking. Everything's jokes.
00:00:48
Speaker
Two girls, one cup?
Special Guest Jake Joins the Discussion
00:00:50
Speaker
No. Two guys, one screen? Yes.
00:00:55
Speaker
Hello and welcome to episode 63 of the Two Guys One Screen Podcast, a.k.a. the Hemorrhoid Homies, a.k.a. the Poetown Boys who are not in Poetown. ah My name is Nick and I'm joined by Go-Gurt.
00:01:06
Speaker
Hey. That fucking sloshy fucking mess you got down there. Oh, yeah. And ah today we're reviewing Fantastic Four and we're joined by a very special guest, a self-proclaimed biggest fan of our show.
00:01:23
Speaker
And it's your it's either your fifth recording or your sixth recording. It's probably your third published episode, if I stand correct. Last time you saw him was on Harry's Bopper, Deathly Hallows Part 1. We were talking about Cho's Pussy.
00:01:37
Speaker
ah Give it up for Jake, everybody. Hi, guys, Dad. Welcome back to the podcast all the way in July. coming off Coming off a birthday. Yeah. I'm old Yeah, welcome to the club.
00:01:50
Speaker
Yeah. My back hurts when I get up now. My back also hurts when I get up. Me too, but that's because I take too many men. Yeah, you're just taking it? Yeah. I'll just my throat hurts, not my back, but yeah you're getting your fucking back broken.
00:02:03
Speaker
who Anyways, before we start the episode, we'll do a... Plug it in, plug it in.
Social Media and Engagement Plea
00:02:10
Speaker
So follow us on Instagram, two guys, one screen pod. Send any comments, concerns, movie requests to two guys, one screen pod at gmail.com.
00:02:19
Speaker
Or don't. Yeah, or don't. i don't give fuck. yeah Follow us on Letterboxd. Follow us on TikTok. No one has. Nope. I've sent requests. Besides Jake. ah Follow us on Letterboxd. Follow us on TikTok and YouTube.
00:02:33
Speaker
And then let us know if you want us to make a Patreon. So far, we got one. One person said they'll pay. One NaMean. yeah He literally a NaMean. So we're one step closer. Shout out that NaMean.
00:02:45
Speaker
We might do it just for him. Fuck it.
00:02:49
Speaker
I don't know if I'm going to for one NaMean. I don't think that really counts. We're getting close. I'm not going to pay because I hear the vulgar shit. You guys have to say regardless of worth but i caught what I just said. So, all right.
00:03:00
Speaker
All right. And then we hear that shit. You're right. Send us a voicemail. 508, eight fist us. ya me 508, eight dip my tip in a can of paint. Six minute, six minute limit.
00:03:11
Speaker
Also, also leave us a fucking comment. I'm really getting sick and fucking tired of saying that. And no one does it, you know, so just fucking do it. right. Yeah, something. or' you know Where's that fucking old hag that was like, oh, they're learning right now.
00:03:25
Speaker
Yeah, right? Where the fuck are you? but Where are you? Yeah, i fucking pull your name. I'm going drop your government name right here on the internet. And then, you know, leave us a star rating on Apple Podcasts. We do have a few star ratings on the podcast, I must say.
00:03:40
Speaker
Are we a five-star pod? we Yes. Let's go. yeah no one No one's going out of their way to be like, yeah, we're not. These guys suck. You're fucking racist.
00:03:52
Speaker
It's either 4 or 2. Yeah, Liza, Esther. They are very new and stumbling around right now. Looking forward to their evolution. Well, here we are, bitch. Here we are. 60 episodes later.
00:04:04
Speaker
We're better than ever.
Humorous Reflections on Past Episodes
00:04:05
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. we I would say yes. We're almost one year later, actually. Yeah, I'll fucking rinse you out, Esther. Esther sounds like an old league name, for sure. For sure. The bitch old.
00:04:19
Speaker
I don't know any women, though. Back in the day when I used to like write a ah description for each episode, now I just put the links. So you can click it or put it in your ass.
00:04:29
Speaker
It's lot quicker that way. Yeah. Well, before we review this fucking movie, because there are there's definitely things to say. Also, we did say on ah Superman that was our first superhero recording, and we did review Captain America Brave New World. Remember that fucking piece of shit?
00:04:47
Speaker
Yeah, it doesn't count. No, it definitely counts. It's an MCU movie. It definitely counts. It counts as a movie. You don't, just don't. and Yeah, I don't want to.
00:04:58
Speaker
yeah It's pretty mid. Instead, we just talked about high school and I had to bleep a lot of names. Oh. Yeah, we just doxed everybody. Maybe I should listen, see if I can reminisce. Maybe you can guess who we're talking about.
00:05:10
Speaker
Yeah, maybe. You probably could. We've doxxed several people on here. Including ourselves. We also can't say Guinan's first name because then everyone will know what his first name is.
Concert Tales and Upcoming Episodes
00:05:20
Speaker
Truthfully, i don't think I quite know his first name.
00:05:23
Speaker
that's pretty Jake is my middle name. Yeah, I know. ah Shout out to that It was his birthday, right? Also, shout out to Mark. Fuck you, Mark. F you, Mark. I don't even know you, and you're such a piece of shit.
00:05:37
Speaker
Yeah, but I would say the two you, when it comes to texting, have the same intelligence level. That's very true. That's why I prefer phone calls. you know I got fat thumbs. You're a big phone call guy, and I got my thumbs.
00:05:48
Speaker
um I'm the half-thumb prince. That was funny. let's Let's just give a quick, I know it's a movie podcast, but let's give a quick RIP to Ozzy Osbourne and Hulk Hogan.
00:06:02
Speaker
Yeah, brother.
00:06:05
Speaker
That is RIP. That's crazy in three-day stretch to have them both be dead. yeah i I saw this ah meme, and it was like the reason that Hulk Hogan got cremated was because he didn't want anybody to bury him.
00:06:18
Speaker
No, I don't get it. Oh, burying means like, you know.
00:06:24
Speaker
Burying means like, you know, typically that's fought by an explanation. Yeah. For all the wrestling fans, being buried is like intentionally having your like losing to make it so you fall down the card.
00:06:38
Speaker
Like John Cena basically buried everybody. He was unbeatable. Triple H. Like Goldberg. Yes. Goldberg buried everybody. like that guy, huh? Huh?
00:06:49
Speaker
Goldberg just gives off like, I'm i'm a douche. Yeah. And he wasn't grateful that wwe WWE gave him his retirement match because he wanted it on a pay-per-view and they gave it to him on Saturday night main event. Yeah. are Are you trying to say that Vince McMahon is a scumbag? Well, he's not in charge anymore. So think you already knew that though.
00:07:09
Speaker
Hey man, his wife's in charge of my job now. So his wife's in charge of your job. She's the head of the department of education. Yeah, but shout out to Linda. Linda's in charge of what? Yeah, she's the head of the department of ed.
00:07:22
Speaker
Is she qualified for that? No, not at all. How would, how did, oh, I get it. But her daughter can be in charge of my wiener. Or daughter can fucking get it. Yeah, that's facts. You got the fucking hookers on her, that's for sure. she does. She looks good and she's like almost 50.
00:07:36
Speaker
if How you dead? Yeah. Uh, yeah So this past week, we all intermingled separately. We did. That was fucking wild. Well, we didn't all intermingle because I didn't see you.
00:07:49
Speaker
That's why I said separately. Oh, you're right. I didn't see you. Actually, i didn't talk you for basically a week. Yeah, well, I wasn't here. I would say we should go in in time chronological order, because the first thing that happened was Jake's birthday.
00:08:06
Speaker
And then after Jake's birthday, Gerald came to Boston, which was sick. We went spent a lot of money at the movie store. Look forward to three new episodes of.
00:08:18
Speaker
Yeah, you want it? Which we didn't say in the plug. We banked three episodes of Yeah, You Want It, which are coming out pretty soon. And then they're just going to be out over the next three months. And then we're basically in horror month. And you're not getting any during horror month because we're fucking busy.
00:08:33
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, we are. And you might not get any in November either. you're gonna fucking like it, okay? Just accept what you You're getting get one episode a week and fucking like it. November, yeah, November, yeah.
00:08:47
Speaker
yeah definitely are. Although, did you buy shit at Barnes & Noble yesterday? I bought one thing. Oh, okay. So we don't have enough stuff for a Yeah, you won't. Just drop it now? Yeah, just one and one? No, I don't.
00:08:59
Speaker
Okay. No, I'll keep
Social Media Mishap and Movie Discussions
00:09:00
Speaker
that that puckered inside my asshole. Well, mine was a Criterion. Mine was also a Criterion because there was the sale. Yeah. Yeah. So that's that's a thing that they do sometimes.
00:09:11
Speaker
ah But then also ah the thing that you said on the Pirates thing that we're not... We said we're going to say today We had a... An interaction with our our TikTok page?
00:09:24
Speaker
Because you know there hasn't been any clips. Yeah. We did have an interaction. of A strange interaction. Really no ah I would say it's pretty lit.
00:09:34
Speaker
It's lit, though. It's pretty fucking lit, though. I thought you did it. No, I didn't do it. ah So, somehow. We're sitting down eating some fucking tater tots. Yeah. Shout out to my job, but were served in a literal fucking dog bowl. Okay?
00:09:50
Speaker
Trio has some goddamn respect. Yeah, but they were they're fire, so it's fine. They were good, but they were in a fucking dog bowl.
00:09:59
Speaker
Yeah. So, apparently apparently our official TikTok page commented the little heart face emojis. got hacked. Yeah, we definitely got hacked, but in a good way.
00:10:12
Speaker
worked out in our To our benefit, yeah. We commented on an Avatar video, and like the band Avatar, and one of their guitarists, Jonas, liked are our comment.
00:10:30
Speaker
That means that the guitarist, and likely the entire band of Avatar, knows that our page exists. And that's awesome. We're making waves. There is... Oh, it's the same... Honestly, bro, the people walking by my window is getting a little boring now. It's the same people.
00:10:45
Speaker
This bitch walked by several times. Numerous ya means? No, she ain't a ya means. She's that white bitch that said shop's a hot topic and definitely cut herself. Oh, the one that Gerald's in love with? i think we I think we made... She debuted on the Jaws episode.
00:10:57
Speaker
So the majority of those people that were at the Ghost concert... Yo, the people at the Ghost Conjure are going fucking get it. That one chick with the corset? Oh my god. Jake likes skinny bitches, so it doesn't really matter.
00:11:12
Speaker
but i guess no i mean it's just That's just your type, and we're not knocking you for it. It's fine. It's just ironic because I'm a whale. yeah You know what? It's just what it is. And that's a good segue. Nick and I went and saw Ghost.
00:11:24
Speaker
I wanted to fucking stick in her blowhole, you know what i mean? I did. I wanted to fucking give it to her. Oh my God. If you're in the Boston area, i went to a ghost concert or commuted into the Boston area to go to a ghost concert and you were wearing a corset and had big fat jiggly tits, hit us up.
00:11:41
Speaker
Hit us up. We'll fucking do bad things to you. Teddy fuck you. drill night together will spit roast you absolutely oh yeah yeah she could fucking get it she was she was insane but then literally once ghost started uh just could not even focus on her because ghost was outstanding fucking amazing yeah i mean if anybody out there doesn't listen to ghost and get first of all start listening to ghost and then second of all go to one of their concerts because it actually is worth the money Yeah.
00:12:09
Speaker
Like I was, I was trying to explain the fucking nosebleeds. I was trying to explain to my parents, did like how fucking like crazy, like theatrical they are. Yeah. and And they were like, that sound, how can they get any bigger? I'm like, you're right. I don't know.
00:12:24
Speaker
but the way me By the way, next time we got to get seats like four rows closer because we were like
Exploration of Controversial Movies
00:12:30
Speaker
four rows off of getting the fucking money, like catching it. I know. we're like We were like four rows off from that shit. Yeah, i have I have the Young Gravy dollar bills.
00:12:38
Speaker
Now I need a ghost one. Which you all kindly gifted me. Yeah, I need a ghost one. Yeah, I also didn't know what what what they were shooting out of there until I looked on their Instagram and saw it. And I was like, oh, it's actual like ghost stuff. dollar bills money yeah during mummy dust that have no value but they have value to us right i'll rub it on my penis go check out also go check out right here right now the movie or the vinyl whoa either either or check it out because it's pretty fucking sick one of the best live bands i think wow also that song that i don't know how to pronounce
00:13:14
Speaker
Lacryma? Yeah, Lacryma. That song, yeah, Lick Me Clean. That song is growing on your boy hard like a hard-on. Yeah?
00:13:24
Speaker
Is it? Yeah, like I like that song. Yeah, it's good. I think it's better than Satanized for sure. Yeah, it yeah is. It's not better than Peacefield. Sorry. I just didn't know what that song was. Oh, okay.
00:13:35
Speaker
I just didn't care. That song fucking bangs, dude. Every song fucking banged. Even like... Songs you don't fucking care about. Right. Yeah. Like, why'd I go so hard on He Is? don't know.
00:13:45
Speaker
And then we already... I mean, we basically already have locked in what movie we're reviewing for the podcast. Either for the two-year or just gonna review it. It's called Pink Flamingos. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, I mean...
00:13:58
Speaker
ratwell should we Wow. what's Let's just tell Jake and we'll just bleep this. But Jake, we watched ah
00:14:06
Speaker
Oh! like like mean like um Yeah. Actually. Like in the movie, actually. Oh! I'm just going to bleep and then leave the Jake going, oh, in there. Wait, wait, wait.
00:14:21
Speaker
i watched I watched straight porn last night. I watched a movie called Caligula. holy I watched the uncut version. But anyways, back to Pink Flamingos. Gerald bought it because he heard so much about it. But I don't think it matters how much you hear. You got to fucking watch the movie because it's fucking wild. You have witness Fucking crazy-ass movie, dawg. And the sad reality is we both gave it really good scores.
00:14:43
Speaker
I officially have not rated it yet, but I would agree with your rating, yeah. I gave it a three and a half. Yeah, I would probably i probably give it a three and a half, but I haven't rated it it yet. I don't know if I have any interest in seeing someone's...
00:14:57
Speaker
Yeah, well, it wasn't getting pushed... No, I think that's the wrong way to say He was like...
00:15:06
Speaker
And the camera would just zoom in and zoom out on it for whatever reason. oh And it was just for way too long of a period of time. Yeah. Directed by John Waters, same guy who did Cry Baby.
00:15:17
Speaker
Cry Baby's a bad movie. Fuck that movie's a piece of shit. Although, shout out to my slut cousin for recommending that movie, even though it sucks. I think she also recommended to me Caligula. And for that, what is wrong with you? Why has she seen that? So now she just told you to watch porn, essentially.
00:15:33
Speaker
She, I mean, they were slobbering on Dick hard. I watched a guy fist an animal. I don't think I've ever seen Labia in um like a movie movie before. She was really picking up. Yeah.
00:15:46
Speaker
You know how you've been like jokingly talking about like pulling a labia back and like stapling it to the thigh or whatever, put like a fucking tack in it? She was really doing that shit. Jesus. You know what that means, right? The people who made that movie listen to our podcast.
00:15:59
Speaker
Right. because Obviously. We had a podcast in 1979. Yeah. And Umbrella just put that out. Yeah, can't confirm. Can't confirm. Not worth it. Unless unless I can see some of that Snatchola in 4K, not worth it. You mean?
00:16:14
Speaker
ah Yeah. There is a 4K version out there. I don't know if it's front it. to see something that fucking hold. Right. But this girl, I mean, i the angles... You know how like we were wondering with playing Flamingos, like, is that prosthetic dick or real dick?
00:16:29
Speaker
Yeah. Or whatever we watched before that that had dick in it? ah Oh, 28 Years Later. That movie, yeah. Caligula is like... Not cutting, filming a dick or a vagina for so long. You're like, yeah, that's not, that's a real dick. Like that, yeah, that dick is for sure attached to him.
00:16:46
Speaker
Ain't no way they had the prosthetics they have today in 1975. So it's just porn. It's just straight. is I mean, there's just some scenes that just straight porn, orgies.
00:16:57
Speaker
It's wild fucking wild. Also, tons of bush, which your boy's a fan of. Not George. And it's... Malcolm McDowell. Like, yeah, like he could just been Luke Skywalker, but instead he decided to have an orgy. Yeah. Like, what are we doing?
00:17:11
Speaker
Which I'd probably also choose an orgy over Star Wars. I don't know. Yeah. I mean, from what I saw, like he went from Clockwork Orange to that. And like Clockwork Orange is pretty fucked, but this is even fucker.
00:17:24
Speaker
Fuck more fucked.
00:17:27
Speaker
Jake, you ever see A Clockwork Orange? Yeah, i actually have. Wow. i don't remember most of that movie, but I have seen it for sure. all I remember from that movie is the rape scene. and There was a water around here a lot of rape.
00:17:38
Speaker
And the scene where they like peel back his eyelids. Jake, be specific. I remember the first rape scene, and that's it. I remember the first rape scene.
00:17:49
Speaker
That's all I remember. Yeah. yeah But I would say the rape scene in Showgirls... Jake, would you agree the rape scene in Showgirls is wilder than the rape scene in Cockrocorn? Yes, 100%. Bro, the rape scene in Showgirls is fucking wild.
00:18:05
Speaker
It's crazy. Have you watched it yet? Yeah. know joe You gotta watch that shit. You need to. I should have. Looking back, probably should have bought that. You know, I know it's $36, but. No, you should have bought it.
00:18:15
Speaker
It was vinegar. It was vinegar syndrome, but also. No, it's no. It's not good. I mean, Jake would probably tell you yes, based on his star rating, but no. I feel like that's no. All right. Just go watch porn instead.
00:18:29
Speaker
Yeah. Watch the movie, but don't buy it. It's a real movie. It's so hard for me to say this because like showgirls, when I watched it was fucking wild. And then we watched Pink Flingers, which is fucking wilder.
00:18:40
Speaker
And then I watched Caligula, which is by far the wildest fucking movie I've ever watched my entire life. Caligula, wilder than a Serbian film for sure.
00:18:51
Speaker
yeah have to You have to watch Caligula. You haven't seen it, but Caligula fucking crazy. I mean, from what, ah from what you should fuck the horse. No, I know. But from what you didn't actually fuck the horse, the guy, actress doesn't fuck the actor, doesn't fuck the horse.
00:19:04
Speaker
Right. Not, but you assume it. But the next thing that I didn't show you, they're all laying in the bed together. A horse, a fucking horse. Yeah. Yeah. See the Caligula, maybe from what you see is worse, but the overall plot of Serbian film is worse.
00:19:22
Speaker
The sex acts are more like vile. Yeah. I mean, basically what that boils down to is like, what's worse, fucking an animal or fucking a kid? Essentially, yeah. That's really where we're at.
00:19:36
Speaker
Yeah. are Both are defenseless. I would say that. I mean, of course, that's going to kick them. I don't know. Both cannot give consent, so it's illegal. But Jake, you're a historian. Did Romans fuck animals? Not that I know of off the top of my head.
00:19:49
Speaker
and Okay, fair enough. We appreciate that. ah Well, all I'm saying is he definitely fucked that horse. Shout out you, Malcolm McDowell. You're fucking crazy motherfucker. I know the dudes were banging the shit out of each other. He was awesome. A lot of castration in that movie. He was Dr. Loomis in the fucking Rob Zombie Halloweens.
00:20:08
Speaker
Completely forgot about ah Yeah, and those movies are fucking... o I like the first one. Shout out to Danny Towers. He actually didn't quit. Shout out Danny Calvert again. It's not going make because I said on Yeah You Want It that he did quit again, but he didn't.
00:20:20
Speaker
He didn't. He's high. Yeah. shot Until he quits again. He might quit a again. might happen. Yeah, who knows? He was looking real pissed off for the other day, and I was like, are you good, bro? He was like, yeah, yeah. And then i just didn't say anything, and i was like oh you're going us all up, aren't you?
00:20:33
Speaker
Danny Towers, he is officially... not white. That's not his thing. He's tilted Towers. Danny Towers is tilted right now. He's not doing good. yeah Just know that I wish you all the best, sir. You're like one of the top five cooks on my roster right now.
00:20:47
Speaker
Shout out Actually, top three, because I just had to fire somebody who was probably a little bit ahead of you. Dan. No one from work hears this. Okay. You're time to step up, Dan. Yeah, Dan. Fucking make the moolah.
00:20:59
Speaker
You know what mean? Yeah. So we saw Ghost. We watched a wild movie. We did watch Imperium, but I don't think it movie's getting reviewed anytime soon. also fell asleep. It was going to get reviewed, but honestly, i don't think that movie's as fucking wild for us to review as we thought it was going to be.
00:21:15
Speaker
Daniel Radcliffe does drop the N-word three times. Wow. Three spaces. Drop C, hard r Also, like one time, like militia, you fuck it and like just drops it. Shut the fuck up. Yeah.
00:21:26
Speaker
Yeah. Not, I mean, the movie was honestly, cause I, you know i made through the movie. The movie was pretty good. I will say towards the middle, got a little aimless and then kind of found its way again. But crazy that found it while you were here.
00:21:39
Speaker
Yeah. I saw a review that said it was like our generation's American history X. I'm like, wow. I don't know about that. From what I saw. I don't know about that. American history X four and a half to five star movie, bro.
00:21:51
Speaker
Shout out Edward Norton. Yeah. shut Shout out skinheads. Am I right? No. Yikes. Yeah. yeah i We can't shout out skinheads, but I will shout out the fucking costume design. I'm making Edward Norton look like a skinhead.
00:22:03
Speaker
There you Pretty good. Yeah. A lot more than what Imperium did by just shaving Daniel Radcliffe's head. Right. Also, when are we
Review of the New Fantastic Four Movie
00:22:10
Speaker
going to get to see Daniel Radcliffe's piece? Probably never. Right?
00:22:13
Speaker
I want to see it though. Because what if he makes a next Harry Potter? What if he makes a cameo in the show? Yeah, if they show him fucking his wife to make baby... Baby... Harry Potter Jr. What is his name? Albus Severus Potter.
00:22:30
Speaker
Oh, you pulled that out your ass. Yeah, that is... That's his fucking name. Yeah, you're right. True fan over here. yeah Yeah. And then I saw Jake.
00:22:41
Speaker
I hung out with Jake. That you did do. We saw Fantastic Four together. Let me hear this fucking wild fucking idea you had. Yeah, because we're getting into the review, I guess.
00:22:53
Speaker
Yeah. So we sat down, right? Did you get in Theater 16 or whatever fucking theater you didn't want? Nah, thank God, yo. We got in Theater 2. Oh, short walk. Yeah, that's that ticket bitch and then and then the theater. You know what mean? Didn't we go there one time the ticket bitch was your fucking ex-girlfriend?
00:23:11
Speaker
Yeah, apparently she only works nights, though. Yeah, shout out to her, I guess. Shout out to her. She got big fucking titties. Yeah, you got milkers on you. No way she listens. It's all right. Yeah, I knew she was familiar. Yeah.
00:23:22
Speaker
And then we sat down. Everything was cool.
00:23:27
Speaker
We were just vibing, having a good time, you know? yeah i don't know I don't know if you're going to have to censor any of this or whatever. You definitely are going to have to censor this because I'm about to get vile. I don't know how many fucking times... like
00:23:42
Speaker
ah you had like a Mahoimanoi? Five Mahoimanois in a row. Now, i the theater, it was pretty popping, right? But it wasn't popping enough to the point where you have to sit right next to us, right? That's pretty what it boils down to.
00:23:59
Speaker
i mean, they were so close to the drools getting on your hands or whatever. Not only was he a Mahoymanoy, right? He was a nah, mean Mahoymanoy. You never see those. Like a Ronald Heisting fight. You never see those. Hey, yo, okay, see that? that we Cut that. i know This motherfucker was talking to himself.
00:24:17
Speaker
the entire movie and not like, like the non-mean-mahormon-oi. Yeah.
00:24:25
Speaker
right he's talking about the movie he's just sitting there himself he's like wow that would never happen oh my god look at mr fantastic oh oh they're not the fantastic four five they're the fantastic four oh my god ah and he's like at first before during the previews right he was on his phone i really wish he was on his phone the entire time instead of fucking talking to himself all right wait so be he this mohoi went unsupervised the movies i it I don't know. It looks a whole group of them went to the movies by themselves. On field trip.
00:24:55
Speaker
Yeah. they were like They escaped the hospital. Yeah, but they were like, so it was Jake, me, empty seat, Mahoymanoy, empty seat. Mahoymanoy. Empty seat, yeah. And then this one dude, he just started going like this, rocking back and forth, and the chair squeaking the entire movie, yeah right?
00:25:13
Speaker
I'm like losing my mind. wanted to slap him so hard, right? Yeah. So hard. And then I was like, because Jake just kept staring at me. And I'm like, i know. We can't do anything, though.
00:25:24
Speaker
Can't do anything. Can't. Yeah. So the whole movie, that you're just making noises. The whole movie, the guy sitting next to Gerald is talking to himself.
00:25:34
Speaker
And you know how like people have the common courtesy to turn their phone brightness down? Yeah. No, that shit was full. All the way up. Yeah, but they're my hormone noise. they don't know any better. Yeah, but I'd rather him be on his full fucking brightness phone than talking to himself.
00:25:52
Speaker
Yeah. Also, was the theater packed what? there No, there was a lot of empty seats. Oh. Like, we could have moved. I was going to say, you guys move? No. Yeah.
00:26:03
Speaker
Do tell to to the back of the theater? i respect No, we were damn near. We were two rows up from back. From the back. Fucking crazy. He didn't get the joke. It's all right. Yeah. Oh, Rosa Parks head out. Shout out to Rosa Parks. Yeah.
00:26:18
Speaker
No. Listen, let me tell you something. I saw a young picture of Rosa Parks the other day. She can get it. She can get it. She doesn't have the milkers on her, but she can get it.
00:26:29
Speaker
She's going to be in the back taking it from the back. That's what's up. You're Googling young Rosa Parks right now? I did just Google that, but they're too young.
00:26:39
Speaker
i mean, this picture, i would say, yeah they don't i mean, unfortunately, ah during this time period they're not taking full body thirst trap selfies. You know what I mean? Yeah. fourteen know Yeah.
00:26:52
Speaker
Right. Right. Just saying she could get it. Didn't take many pictures on the Underground Railroad. So I get it. You know what I mean? well i think you're I think you're in the wrong time period, brother. I'm telling you it's a joke that I would bang Rosa Parks when she went to see Shrek with her grandkids in 2005. Oh, is that a real thing?
00:27:09
Speaker
Yeah. What Shrek was that? The first one? Shrek 1? Shrek 1 was not 2005. Whatever year Shrek 1 was, Rosa Parks took it. 2001. What year do you think Shrek 1 was?
00:27:21
Speaker
2001. A Space Odyssey? No. Fuck that movie. I think it's pre-9-11. No. I mean, 2005 is pre-Chris Benoit for sure.
00:27:33
Speaker
Well, yeah. ah trek one Shrek 1 is 2001. God damn, look at god damn look at me 2005 is Shrek 2, the best one. one The best one.
00:27:44
Speaker
Still pre-Chris Benoit. At least she saw Shrek 2 before she fucking kicked the bucket, right? I think she kicked the bucket in 2001. I don't know. All I know is she saw Shrek in theaters. Well, at least she went out...
00:27:55
Speaker
in a blaze of glory, you know? If the last movie I ever saw was Shrek 2, then I died, I'd pretty happy. Yeah, right? so she did that She died October 24, 2005. Oh, okay. Yeah. Let me be honest, as an old woman, she could fucking get it too.
00:28:08
Speaker
Yeah, I'm telling you, man. Yeah, why not? Shout to her. Everything she did for our country. She didn't do much. I'm okay. She didn't do much for us, tell you that much. All she did was get arrested.
00:28:22
Speaker
rat ah so now Yeah. Yeah. yeah That's fucking wild.
00:28:33
Speaker
By the way, I did ah on the topic of theater etiquette because for some reason as a society, we just can't do it anymore. Yeah. For some God forsaken reason, i went to go see a movie at 1030 at night after working a shift.
00:28:47
Speaker
uh i what's the idea the movie eddington with joaquin phoenix and pedro pascal pedro pascal full circle the new ari aster flick the new ari aster film uh movies two and a half hours so didn't start till 11 didn't leave it here till 1 30 i don't know why i did that to myself but uh was it good street got street parking which was nice It's, um, yeah I'm very, I'm a little scared to talk about this movie because I feel like if you feel a certain way about it, it means you think this, which is just not, like, it's very, like, people are very black and white about it and it's just, like,
00:29:23
Speaker
I don't think that's true. Way too political. Are you gay or something? It's subjective. What, Jake? What is it? Turn you gay? It doesn't turn you gay. I wouldn't say that. I mean, unless you really have a hard-on for Pedro Pascal, I would say. Maybe it does.
00:29:35
Speaker
know. mean, who doesn't? Or maybe seeing Pedro Pascal get stretched out in Fantastic Four gives you a hard-on. um whatever you're into. their right that man <unk>s their own right this is my thing
00:29:51
Speaker
Two thirds of the movie, I'm like, I'm in. Like, all right, we're doing good. Then you start getting towards like the middle end slash end of the movie. And it's like, bro, I thought this movie was going to over very soon. And it's like, there's still 45 minutes left. And then you're just like chugging me through the last 45 minutes. It's like, Jesus Christ, fucking wrap it up, buddy. We get it.
00:30:12
Speaker
Now I'm in. Yeah. um I think I gave it a three. I don't think it's better than Midsommar and it's not better than Hereditary. ah But it's definitely better Bo is Afraid. Fuck that movie.
00:30:24
Speaker
Movie's a fucking piece of shit. But either way, I was put by theater etiquette. So I'm sitting in the theater. The movie's been on. We're at least an hour, hour and 20 minutes into this fucking thing.
00:30:36
Speaker
This couple walks in. Middle fucking movie. um don't know they were theater hopping or what. But they walk in. They sit down in the middle of back row, which the theater was pretty small. ah And most of us were like grouped in the back three rows as far as like the seats we picked. And they the two of them start to fucking talk. The AMC.
00:30:55
Speaker
Alamo was at 10. I couldn't make It was too too far away.
00:31:00
Speaker
But... just start fucking talking. Just full ah the full volume. Full volume talking. Scumbags. How do you walk into a movie and then just ah You're late. you're we're We're in it.
00:31:12
Speaker
Shit's already gone down. We're in it. Especially something like that where it's like all story. Also like Fantastic Four, like whatever. but Yeah. Yeah. Or like... ah like the raid you're watching it for the fight scenes not for the plot yeah okay so they're just like but but bu but but but but but just talking and i'm like jesus fucking christ i was about to say something then thank god the guy like diagonal in front of them uh turn on like you shut the fuck up please just said it like that and then they were quiet and then they just left fuck up and left it was just like who does this like that's so fucking rude that might be worse
00:31:52
Speaker
No, you had to Mahoma the entire movie. i had to do that five minutes of walking. But yeah you can't multiple you can't tell a fucking Mahoma noi shut the fuck up. because i'm a Oh, I almost did.
00:32:04
Speaker
was close, but I knew like yeah I couldn't. But if Jake did it, it'd be okay because Jake is also a little Mahoma noi himself. Dude, I almost walked up to him and said, dude, shut the hell up.
00:32:18
Speaker
Jake could just like make a certain face. Like, oh, it's just, you know... Yeah. Yeah. That's all it takes. And he was a non-mean, so it's like a hate crime too. Shout out to the non-means.
00:32:29
Speaker
Yeah, but I was kind of scared he was Gary-Yank. He walked in in a gray hoodie, hood up, and a black backpack.
00:32:44
Speaker
I'm just saying. Then I saw he's wearing glasses. I'm like, this guy's got the balls on him. and hes fucking He's riding above a Geraldine. You know what mean? yeah Yeah.
00:32:56
Speaker
Going to school. He's one of the kids that spit on your mom. He's fucking drooling on her hand. He probably spit roast my mom, you know what I mean? That's pretty fucking disgusting. I don't know.
00:33:08
Speaker
I think she the only person she's ever slept with is my dad. That's sad life. Yeah.
00:33:15
Speaker
Geraldine, in with your body count. We want to know.
00:33:20
Speaker
Let us know. All right. We'll talk about this fucking this cast list for the fantastic four first steps. here's What I was thinking, right? Yeah. What are you thinking? When we go through a cast list, if if they're like in a previous movie we review, should we shout that out?
00:33:34
Speaker
Last scene on. Brother, I don't know where you've been. I've been doing that. yeah I literally I think I literally did that ah like two recordings ago.
00:33:45
Speaker
Maybe it's not out yet. I definitely did it for Gary Oldman. I know that for a fact. Gary Oldman's a goat. Yeah. All right. You're a little closer, bud. Can tongue my fucking balls.
00:33:56
Speaker
Gary Oldman's a goat. I also just got the low battery, so we're going see what happens. Yikers. Oh, it's 10%. I'm fine. Yeah. Let me just. ah What else is open? Just cut these. it's fine.
00:34:10
Speaker
Movies directed by Matt Shackman. I did. He did, uh, he did WandaVision. Apparently i haven't seen that. WandaVision is great.
00:34:21
Speaker
He also, you're not a TV guy, but WandaVision is good. He also did a movie called cut bank, which I've heard is fucking horrible. So I'm not going to bother watching that film.
00:34:33
Speaker
Uh, here's your cast. This is, ah This is Gerald's favorite dude, Pedro Pascal. Fucking eat his ass. i don't care. Gerald wants to fucking eat this guy's bunghole out, bro.
00:34:44
Speaker
You know what I mean? He plays Reed Richards. This guy is having like a... This guy's career is exploding, huh? He's in everything.
00:34:55
Speaker
He's in three movies in the past, like, summer. Yeah. ah He was in Gladiator 2, not for long enough. We did talk about that movie. Go check our episode on... What do we call it?
00:35:08
Speaker
Get Glicked? Get Geeked? We got ah Vanessa Kirby who plays Sue Storm. I'll be honest. Yeah, i get fucking rinsed. Yo, absolutely. What?
00:35:21
Speaker
Rins her out, brother. She was in Napoleon? didn't even know she was in Napoleon. Jake, did you see that movie? Napoleon? The Joaquin Phoenix Napoleon movie? Yeah. Did it piss you off too? Yes. We talked about it.
00:35:33
Speaker
We probably did. Oh, she was Josephine Bonaparte in that movie. Who would have thought? She can take my boner in parts if she wants. Yeah, I mean, whatever she's into. Yeah. We got, uh... Is it Ebon or Ebon?
00:35:47
Speaker
I hope it's Ebon. but We got Ebon Moss something. Bacharach? Bacharach? but He plays Bacharach. Bacharach. He's Ben Grimm, a.k.a. The Thing.
00:36:00
Speaker
I'm pretty sure this guy's most known for his appearance in that show on Hulu. The Bear. That's the one. Yeah. As far as films are concerned, he was in the Royal Tenet. I don't fucking remember him in this movie.
00:36:17
Speaker
But that's what it is. We got Ralph Innocent who plays Galactus. This motherfucker is in everything. We've talked about him before. ah We've covered him on Nosferatu. We've covered him in Harry Potter.
00:36:27
Speaker
Homies and the Witch. Yeah, he's the fucking dad in The Witch, yo. Oh, he's the fuck. Ralph Innocent is the fucking goat.
00:36:36
Speaker
Whoa, is this Julia Garner? Hold on, you forgot Joseph Quinn, bro. Yeah, this guy looks like fucking Make-A-Wish Mark Zuckerberg. What are you talking about? Johnny Storm, bro, the worst character in the movie. I think Johnny Storm is the worst character in every Fantastic Four movie.
00:36:50
Speaker
I just 100% agree. Can't stand this man. Even Chris Evans? Yeah. Yeah. When you say that you mean the character is bad or like the character bad. The character of Johnny Storm is so fucking annoying.
00:37:04
Speaker
Well, just wants to fuck chicks. That's fine. I get it. But like he's just cringe. Apparently he was in Gladiator. I don't remember that. I really need to watch that movie. Is he the little boy? Wait, you've never seen Gladiator 1?
00:37:19
Speaker
Nope. I've never seen either of them. Okay, well, hold on. Hold on. Hold on a second. Wait a second here. Okay, Jake, you absolutely must watch Gladiator, the first one. That's a must.
00:37:30
Speaker
You have to watch that, okay? Okay. Gladiator 2, maybe if you're a jet bed and you're like, i want to watch Gladiator 2 before I die, good on you for doing that, but you don't need to watch it. Okay.
00:37:41
Speaker
Yeah, but Gladiator 1 is like a, you definitely need to like check that movie out. That's a great fucking movie. Okay. Okay. I did not realize that Shala Ball was Julia Garner, aka the Silver Surfer.
00:37:54
Speaker
but we dig Are we piping down the Silver Surfer? Yes, 100%. oh okay Yeah, bro. Even when she's all chromed up. She doesn't have the heavies, but they're they're big enough. there's But she's a skinny mini, which is what you like. Yeah, I do like skinny mini. But she's in the Wolfman in that movie's ass
00:38:13
Speaker
Hit me up. We did a whole episode on Wolfman, I think. Was that a combo episode or just Wolfman? No, I think it was just Wolfman, which is rough. don't know how we managed to do that. ah Fun fact, she is the wife of the male Silver Surfer.
00:38:32
Speaker
Interesting. The actor that played Silver Surfer in... No, the literal Silver Surfer.
00:38:41
Speaker
Shala Ball is the wife of Silver Surfer. How does that work if Silver Surfer – You're saying – Because of the family died.
00:38:53
Speaker
Comic-wise. Oh, you're saying Silver Surfer male and Silver Surfer female are two different characters. Yes. They didn they didn't just make Silver Surfer female be different. because Because I looked at Jake after the movie. I was like, yeah, I don't i don't really mind that like they made Silver Surfer a woman because it kind of made sense with the whole mother aspect.
00:39:11
Speaker
Yeah. And then I like later on in the week, I Googled it and I'm like, oh, she's been in the comics since 1968. And the wife of male silver surfer.
00:39:25
Speaker
I'm like, I'm OK with it. Makes more sense now. I'm okay with too. I didn't really care. honestly thought it was just like, oh, we're being different. And it didn't matter anyway because she's a fucking metal galactic alien. So it doesn't really matter whether it's a man or a woman.
00:39:39
Speaker
We got a white bitch with a dog. What kind of dog she got? Loki, that dog looks like Cleo. Be honest. R.I.P. to Cleo. R.I.P. R.I.P. um Next up, we got Paul Walter Hauser, who is Harvey Elder, a.k.a. the Mole Man, a.k.a. the same villain from Incredibles.
00:39:57
Speaker
Mole Man? The Underminer. The Underminer, yeah. We're going one-on-one with The Underminer. um thought this guy was somebody else, or I'm right. Oh, I am. It's the same guy. Okay, so he was in Black Klansman, Cruella. He was Richard Jewell in Richard Jewell. It's a decent movie.
00:40:15
Speaker
ah yup And he was also in a movie. I've only seen it because it was the mystery movie at AMC, ah The Luckiest Man in America, which is like a, not a biopic, but it's like a movie about a guy who studied this game show and then won a lot of money because he like spent his whole life studying it and they thought he was cheating, but he just studied it.
00:40:32
Speaker
Nice. ah Sounds interesting, right? But fucking boring as shit. Okay. Ladies back with the dog. Okay. Okay. Who else we got here?
00:40:43
Speaker
Hey, we want to shout the guy that does voices. Herbie. Sure. Got Matthew fucking wood. Got some fucking woodies. He does Herbie. This man's been in fucking everything. What you guys click on his name?
00:40:57
Speaker
He's in Star Wars Episode 3, Episode 1, and Episode 2. All Jake's favorites. Incredibles 2, Ant-Man, Frozen, Lightyear. Who's Matthew Wood voicing, though?
00:41:08
Speaker
Is he rich? He's got to be, bro. He's got to be. I mean... Who is he in Star Wars? I'm deep. i'm already past Mace Windu. haven't seen his fucking name yet. He would.
00:41:20
Speaker
He's probably walking around in one of the de gay-ass places. Yeah, but he's in all of them. You're telling me he's a side piece in all three movies? Yeah. Where is this guy? This guy, you know, I'm deep, bro. He's deep, bro.
00:41:37
Speaker
I don't even see him here. Oh, hold on. Bib Fortuna? Who the hell is Bib Fortuna? I don't know. He was an Ant-Man and a Wasp Quantum. on a google c Oh, he's also in the next... Nope.
00:41:52
Speaker
He's in Rogue One. Big Fortuna. Oh! This guy. Who? It's the motherfucker with the... He kind of looks like a Belial from Basket Case.
00:42:05
Speaker
Oh, the Blue Johns? No, he's not blue. He's white.
00:42:10
Speaker
He like... It looks like he's hanging his dick over his shoulder. what I mean Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, This dude. Yeah, we'll post a picture. No, it won't. No, won't. Silly goose.
00:42:24
Speaker
Also, I'm trying to give it to Natasha Lyonne, like low-key. Who's Natasha Lyonne? She played that, like, the dude that the thing, the chick that the thing was trying to bang. Yeah, I'm down. Rachel Rosman.
00:42:35
Speaker
Yeah, she can get an honorary button for that. Dying, dying, dying. She was in Uncut Johns. She's in my favorite comedy of all time. Scary Movie 2. That, for some reason, left the schedule. We've got to put that back on the schedule.
00:42:50
Speaker
Yeah, we do. Because that's the birthplace of the button. Yummy! Yummy! Yeah. Alright. I honestly think that Pedro Pascal kind of fucking killed it, though.
00:43:01
Speaker
It's like his acting was the best part of the film. For me, personally. I think he was better than the other Reed Richards.
00:43:14
Speaker
Yeah, guess. I haven't watched it. You you've watched everything before you went and saw his movie, so you have, like, a recent comparison. I grew up watching other guy, which he went on to, like, have no career after that movie.
00:43:28
Speaker
You want to tell them the really embarrassing thing that happened while I started watching X-Men? You can tell them. So I was asking Nick about what I should watch. And we settled on the fantastic four because I knew I was going to go see the new one.
00:43:47
Speaker
And I had never seen any of them. So I said, all right. And my dumb ass went home and started watching the X-Men thinking it was the fantastic four.
00:43:58
Speaker
That is pretty wild. That's fucking wild. Completely two, totally different names. Fantastic Four and X-Men is kind of different. Yeah. yeah i don't know what to tell you guys. It's like the bookends of the alphabet.
00:44:12
Speaker
Right. Yeah. Listen, well, the X-Men got me hooked, and now I'm in on both of them. I've watched everything. You've watched all the X-Men, too, which is fucking wild. What's your favorite one? ah Days of Future Past.
00:44:24
Speaker
Yeah, by far. It's the best movie. It's not even close. Don't want to say I'm indifferent about it, but i feel like it was way too goddamn long. only an hour and four.
00:44:36
Speaker
It's not even two hours. I feel like the middle, like, there was parts of the movie where nothing was happening.
00:44:45
Speaker
Define nothing. When he was in the lab with the baby. he was he He was just talking to the baby and saying nothing. He's like, I don't know what you do. I mean, that was like, literally like 30 seconds, I think. yes that.
00:45:00
Speaker
yeah Also, had meaning. Meaning.
00:45:06
Speaker
um Because for me, if I had a baby, I'd be like, yeah, Galactus, eat that shit. What do I care? Yeah. Yeah, I really wish I was hoping I'm like, yo, do they have the balls?
00:45:19
Speaker
I want there to be a Marvel and or DC movie, right? That's one of the group movies, right? Yeah, they don't do the whole tease. Oh, they're dead.
00:45:30
Speaker
Then they come alive. I just want them to fucking straight merc somebody like a main character off rip. Like they need to just do that. Like if they killed Sue Storm, that would be crazy.
00:45:42
Speaker
Yeah, but i mean, didn't they do that in like Infinity War? Yeah, but there's like, like a straight up new, like if they, when they make a Justice League movie. Yeah.
00:45:53
Speaker
Like straight up kill, like fucking Green Lantern or something. Like off Ritz, you know what I mean? like he's black Like five minutes into the movie. No, because like they were really trying to save her. And then like, oh, wow, their baby touched her. And now she's alive again. Because obviously the baby has fucking superpowers.
00:46:11
Speaker
Yeah, but also when you're watching these movies, that scene was bad. Because that scene was bad. We all know they're making like and another know Avengers level movie. And they are going to have, they need a cast because they've managed to fumble the bag with everybody else they used to have.
00:46:25
Speaker
Right, yeah. So like, you know, she's going to come back to life. I don't know why that scene was dragged out for so long. It was like really too long. Yeah. And like, we get it. She's going to like live. We all know she's going to live even without having a movie already out. We all know that she's going to survive.
00:46:41
Speaker
Yeah. But I really did. so ahead. the one thing I did like was how everybody kind of came around the child. Like I didn't mind the whole plot. about the el fuck yeah what the fuck But like, it was cool to see cause the fantastic four, how they were portrayed. Right. Cause it's like years after they first came onto the scene.
00:47:08
Speaker
Right. So like everybody loves them. Right. They're just kind of part of, the community. Like, they're not, like, the Avengers, where it's like, oh my god, the Avengers. Like, the thing is literally going shopping. Like... Right.
00:47:21
Speaker
They're just part of society. They just happen to be superheroes. Also, the Earth 868 thing, is that the suggests there are a different, like, multiverse? It's, like, somewhere else, which is why it's not, like, a big thing.
00:47:32
Speaker
Right. It seems like they're the only people in New York City right now. That are superheroes. That are superheroes, yeah. Yeah, and it's also... It's not meant to be our Earth, ah just based on like the cars that are there and everything like that.
00:47:51
Speaker
Because it was they were flying cars. the What is it? It's not the Underminer, is it? That's incredibles incredible. It takes place in a futuristic 1960s. yeah no yeah its it takes place in a futuristic nineteen sixty s Yeah.
00:48:05
Speaker
Which doesn't really make any sense. No. Futuristic Kind of an oxymoron. not Yeah. Futuristic 1960s. But I will say, that being said, as confusing it to as that is, the set design was fucking great. Yeah, it was great.
00:48:18
Speaker
Really good. The CGI was even pretty pretty fire, I'm not going to lie. It was not angry about the CGI at all. No. No. Like, they had a they had a budget, and they used it to the max.
00:48:32
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, even like the space scenes with Galactus all that stuff didn't look terrible. Galactus, I think, looked really cool. He did. Was there enough of them, though?
00:48:43
Speaker
No. No, But they probably ran out money. um don't think they ran out money. It's but it's like... Galactus is the, like, you know, the destroyer of... The destroyer worlds. Like, you knew they weren't going to kill Galactus. you know what mean? Like, you can't kill Galactus. have whole money.
00:49:01
Speaker
Now, if they bring bro if they bring in... Who are they bring in to kill Galactus? No, no, You can't bring Superhero.
00:49:14
Speaker
um What? Who are they bringing to break to kill Galactus? The fucking Avengers, dawg. What are you talking about? They're all dead, Nick. What are you talking about, Jake? They're bringing in the Avengers, bro. It's the multiverse. None of them dead. They go to a different universe and bring them back, which really fucking stupid. Also, Jake, Galactus isn't the next villain.
00:49:34
Speaker
and We know who the next villain is. He's in the post-credit scene. yeah yeah yeah Yeah, but no. If you think they're not if you think the next movie is not going to have Galactus in I would disagree with that.
00:49:46
Speaker
He's going to be in it. You think they just pushed Galaxian in that fucking black hole and was like, oh. They said it's going to take millions of years to get him to get back to Earth. I have a some stupid feeling that it's going to be something with the Guardians of the Galaxy.
00:50:01
Speaker
Aren't they donezo? Yeah. Are they? to un Buddy. buddy Buddy boy. Where are you in the MCU, pal? ah Literally, we're starting new. We got the blob outside.
00:50:12
Speaker
ah yeah. And you were in the Air Monarchs. he I don't like the way he walks. He walks like Vince McMahon out to his entrance music. like Am I behind in the MCU? Bro, the only person I think that's like still around is Peter.
00:50:26
Speaker
Yeah. Peter? Well, Peter, Tom Holland took a break. Yeah, but he's still like, they're coming. He's coming. I am behind. What have you not seen?
00:50:38
Speaker
Guardians 3. Jesus. Or 4. Oh, well, that makes sense. Oh, okay. je Well, Avengers Doomsday, currently on Letterboxd, has Thor in the cast list. Anthony Mackie playing Sam Wilson, Captain America.
00:50:52
Speaker
Sebastian Stan. Latita Wright, who's Shuri from Black Panther. Paul Rudd's still hanging in there, apparently. so yeah? Has Ant-Man? Yeah. You got the guy who played Shang-Chi.
00:51:05
Speaker
You got ah Florence Pugh still. Haven't seen that movie. Yeah, i haven't seen Thunderbolts. Sorry, the new Avengers. David Harbour.
00:51:16
Speaker
Tom Hiddleston, Patrick Stewart. What are we doing here? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. whoa Patrick Stewart, Ian McKellen. These are people from the old Johns.
00:51:29
Speaker
From X-Men. And they got Shane Payton as Gambit. Okay. And Winston Duke as M'Baku. That's fucking lit. That guy was great.
00:51:41
Speaker
We'll have to see. We got no big... I don't want to say no big players, but like the biggest dude in there is Thor. Yeah. They also recasted Robert Downey Jr. played Dr. Yeah, but it's a different universe.
00:51:53
Speaker
That's why it's okay. Yeah, but they're not going recast. Like what I'm saying is they're not going to like have an Iron Man because i'd be disrespectful. Well, I'm pretty i'm pretty sure it is Tony Stark though.
00:52:04
Speaker
Oh, as in Dr. Doom is Tony Stark becoming evil? In a different universe. Like, I'm almost positive that's what it is. That would make sense. But his casting, at least on Letterboxd, does say Victor Von Doom.
00:52:17
Speaker
So maybe not. So maybe Tony Stark legally got his name changed to Victor Von Doom. That'd be pretty dumb. gay But... I don't know. I kind of popped big for that credit scene.
00:52:29
Speaker
You popped big for that credit scene? little bit. He took his pants off and everything. It was crazy. Right next to Mahoimi. I don't know what I expected, but... That wasn't much of a... that I don't know. That wasn't much of a payoff for me.
00:52:41
Speaker
Doctor Doom's going steal the kid. Yeah, but like... Who is the kid? It's their kid, you fucking idiot. What are talking about?
00:52:52
Speaker
I know, but is he like a big comic here like character? or is i want well i want him to look that up. I have no idea who he is. I have no clue. I was like, who the fuck is this guy? I was like going through like super powerful beings. I'm like, it's not Adam Warlock.
00:53:06
Speaker
Well, like he was they were saying, what's his name? Galactus was saying he could fucking take all his hunger. So like, that's pretty crazy. Well, baby taking Galactus's dick?
00:53:17
Speaker
Nuts. That's I'm Wild. A Serbian film part two, Galactus and this kid. Yeah, but it's like the PG version. Yeah. Yeah. but That's what I'm saying. Like, who the fuck... Googling it.
00:53:29
Speaker
Jake's already Googling it, but Jake's not very good at Google.
00:53:37
Speaker
Franklin Richards. That's right. His name was Franklin. That's a non-mean name. Yeah. Yeah, me!
00:53:47
Speaker
Earth 616. Oh, that's stupid. oh Franklin's the little that little peanut from that book, right? What? It's that book or it's Arthur. it's not Franklin. Franklin's godlike abilities caught the attention. Yeah, fuck that shit.
00:54:03
Speaker
Fuck that shit. He's an omega level mutant with reality warping and molecular manipulation powers. Is he like Molecule Man or some shit? Capable of creating pocket dimensions and even rebuilding universes.
00:54:20
Speaker
Holy shit. bring back wendy Franklin is destined to survive beyond the end of time and become the next devourer of worlds. So his son's going to become Galactus. He's going to kill Galactus. Oh my god, apparently in the comics he beat Ultron? This kid's him.
00:54:40
Speaker
What, he beat Ultron as a baby? No. Who gives a fuck? Ultron's pretty weak. Ultron's kind weak sauce, bro. He had a whole story about he became the symbiote attached to him.
00:54:56
Speaker
That's pretty sick. That is cool. But Franklin was able to reject the symbiote thanks to his father and Spider-Man's help. Ooh, Dad. but Peter. Help me.
00:55:07
Speaker
Thank you, Father. yeah
00:55:13
Speaker
I will say I did. i don't think ah his name is Psy Lord. This is not really a popular opinion. I don't think I don't think there I don't think there was enough fight sequences in this movie.
00:55:24
Speaker
No, not at I agree. You get the one big one at the end and that's really it. But the middle to like most of the film is talking. Not that that's a bad thing because they are like moving the plot forward and you do get to like learn about these characters, which isn't a bad thing, but I would have liked to see the only like stretchy stuff we see Mr. Fantastic do is like when he's like reaching to grab something until like the very end. And that's like basically it. And like the thing, all the action, the thing has in this movie, you basically see in the trailer.
00:55:58
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Almost besides the one scene where he's picking the car up for the kids. Uh, there's not much else that he does in movie. That's like, Oh, That's the thing like on full display. A lot of things you use ah Johnny Storm for which as you guys already pointed out he's kind of a weak sauce character.
00:56:17
Speaker
But like I don't mind the whole no action thing because they managed it to get it to work. Like I cared about the character like in the Avengers you know like there's really no like character development between characters that much.
00:56:33
Speaker
I don't agree with that. I see what you're saying though, Gerald. You're saying there's no character development in four Avenger movies? No, between characters. Yeah, I see what you're saying. they You have like you have like two character two characters, like have their path together, another two, but like all four of these... They formed a family bond.
00:56:56
Speaker
Yeah. Which is the point. I mean, they're supposed to be a family. Are we watching different things? You literally, the Avengers literally break up and have an all-out then rekindle their relationship to fight the biggest bad there was and save the gap like the entire universe.
00:57:14
Speaker
In Civil War?
00:57:17
Speaker
Yeah, Civil War is what I just said. In a war, right? They break up. They literally break up. The Avengers break up, right? That's what happens in Civil War. They pick a side. Yes or no?
00:57:28
Speaker
Yeah, but... And then they rekindle to stop Thanos. Yeah, but what I'm trying to say is this felt more based in reality. I'm going four star.
00:57:41
Speaker
A four star? Even I'm not giving it that high. Yeah, it wasn't like your stereotypical... like I mean, obviously, had the whole superhero thing, but it wasn't like a... It was cool to not have a superhero movie just all about the action.
00:57:56
Speaker
Like...
00:57:59
Speaker
I see what you're saying. It was cool to have a superhero movie where there's a human connection to them and not just... They're a superhero. Yeah. yeah um I'm giving it a three star.
00:58:12
Speaker
I know I haven't rated it on Letterboxd yet, but all in all, I don't think I really liked it. It's been a few days since we've seen it now. and i don't If you don't like it, three stars is a positive rating.
00:58:24
Speaker
Well, i don't yeah I don't hate it. I don't despise it. Like, I enjoyed the movie. I was definitely intrigued the whole time, but, like, it's not...
00:58:37
Speaker
I wouldn't go out of my way to see it again, which is what I would use a four star for. And see, Jake, you made a, what you said, that's, I guess what I was trying to say, but I wasn't saying it properly. A human connection.
00:58:50
Speaker
I got to him on a human level.
00:58:55
Speaker
I'm give it three and a half. It's pretty good. I like it. Because of three and a half, there's just been so much fucking slop this year. It's making my top five. For the year? Yeah, it's unfortunate. mean, bad are going this year.
00:59:08
Speaker
i want to hear about fucking Sinner Movies mid. People like oh they dance in a bar and it changes the game. No, it doesn't. Wow, a bunch of blacks. No, it fucking doesn't. It's literally fucking.
00:59:20
Speaker
Is it streaming yet? Sinners is a good, it's not max. Sinners is a good, it's a good movie. I just think it's fucking wildly overrated. Maybe I'll watch it. If you're bored and have time.
00:59:33
Speaker
Yeah. My time is about to go away. got to go back to teaching these damn kids. You're spank him or what? Nah, hard pass on that one. You're going to spank it to spanking him?
00:59:45
Speaker
Nah. I guess it's in my top five. i do work with a couple how you duns, though. Shout them if you're listening. They're not. They're not. They don't know you exist. By the way, I saw Happy Gilmore 2. don't know why did that.
01:00:02
Speaker
Huh? it was There was a few funny things in it, but majority of the movie sucked. Hmm. Yeah. I don't know why. That's like that's like ah the definition of a cash grab.
01:00:14
Speaker
Yeah. And Netflix put it out? Yeah. don't have any intention. Yeah. You have M&M's in it. I think Adam Sandler has a deal with Netflix.
01:00:24
Speaker
He does. all that that's where His movies don't go in theaters anymore. They go on Netflix. Yeah.
01:00:30
Speaker
Because Uncut Gems was good. Uncut gems. I also had a crazy dream this past week where I was at work with just my dick out and people and people were ah pointing and laughing me saying a small dick.
01:00:43
Speaker
but Wait, wait, wait. You missed the kicker that there was no women in the dream, just men. It was just dudes. Yeah, it was just dudes. They're like, yo, you small dick, man. And I was like, yeah, I know. And then me in the dream didn't decide to like pull my pants up, just had my dick out. What if you just like have pants around your ankles? Yeah, your dick's small, huh?
01:01:00
Speaker
Did you have pants around your ankles? I don't remember, Jake. It was a dream that I had like five days ago.
Dreams and Humorous Exchanges
01:01:05
Speaker
Was it like a first person or were you like out here looking in? No, I've never. All my dreams are in first person. I've never ah had a third person dream.
01:01:13
Speaker
They're crazy. I just looked at the at a guy. like, your dick's small. And I was like, yeah. You just slapped it right on the grill. And then somebody else was fuck and then someone else was like, I just put in the pizza oven. And then someone else was like, yeah, your dick's really small, dude. And I was like, yeah. Yeah.
01:01:28
Speaker
No one like your sack is big, just dick is small. well you you probably didn't make your sack big enough. I appreciate I mean, I thought my brain would probably make my sack bigger, but... I'm more concerned that there was no women in the dream.
01:01:42
Speaker
why are you concerned? I just said I want to fuck a guy for fun. Like we're learning more and more as we go here. Yeah. It's like Jake's also for Jake's also a closeted gay. he just doesn't know it yet. not though. That's the thing about being in the closet. You just don't know. I'm not though.
01:01:59
Speaker
Then shave your head. don't want anyone in my poop square. Jake, it's not a square buddy, but also yours isn't. Yeah. if your asshole is square shape, send us a picture.
01:02:11
Speaker
get like so you You really should go bald, Jake, and keep the beard. Just do it. It's a good look for you, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Alright. It's fine.
Episode Closure and Future Teasers
01:02:24
Speaker
Well, Hakob, thank you for joining us for an exciting episode of Two Guys. We appreciate you not falling asleep. ah We'll do a wrong one.
01:02:36
Speaker
Does that mean we're taking our peace out? My piece is out my dream. All right. So follow us on Instagram, two guys, one screen pod. Send any comments, concerns, movie requests to two guys, one screen pod at gmail.com.
01:02:52
Speaker
Sex, Nick, man to man. Or don't. Or don't. I guess. gary Follow us. Real. Send me a picture. Yeah. Yeah. Follow us on TikTok, YouTube, Letterboxd.
01:03:08
Speaker
Send us a voicemail, 508. eight Fist us. 508. Dip tip. Six minute limit. Leave us a like. Leave us a comment. Check out all the podcasts. Yeah, you want it? Coming real soon.
01:03:22
Speaker
Yeah, you want it? There's fucking three of them all recorded in person, man to man. In person. Hopefully they come out okay. Next week is our one year anniversary. It's not coming out on Tuesday. It's coming out on Thursday.
01:03:39
Speaker
So if you haven't listened to this episode, like where's the two guys, one screen episode. Well, you weren't fucking listening, idiot. And get ready. Strap in and definitely strap on.
01:03:50
Speaker
Strap it on. Put up your own pooper if you want. Uh, we're not telling you movie we're reviewing, but it is a wild one.
01:03:59
Speaker
Thanks for all support. We'll do all that shit next week, but it going to be crazy. And if you liked our episode on the half blood prince, you're in for something fucking special.
01:04:10
Speaker
It's probably going to get even worse. I would say i would say based on what we selected, it's already worse. Yeah. don't know how we're going to talk about that without, I would say, I would say meat out. You know what I mean? You're going to spank it to that movie.
01:04:26
Speaker
Maybe I'll try. Spanking at that movie called Crazy. Yeah, it's unfortunate. and Jake might be back for another episode at some point. We don't know. Not that one. I'll guarantee that. Well, we don't want to have you on for that episode anyways.
01:04:40
Speaker
It's my interest in having you I'll probably be back on at some point. You probably will. Tyler, where you at? Fucking fake bitch. Yeah. What a piece of shit. Yeah, honestly. Couldn't even fucking get a camera.
01:04:52
Speaker
I got a mic and a camera. What are you doing, Tyler? You got a mic for this. you you have had mic Really? The mic's my dad's and I just borrow it for podcast? Shout out to your dad.
01:05:02
Speaker
Where the hell? what What are you doing, Tyler? We don't know. Write in, Tyler. Call us. Text us. Fuck us. Whatever you chiz. So we'll see you guys on Thursday.
01:05:15
Speaker
Toodles.
01:05:18
Speaker
Jake, say some Jewish shit. L'chaim. Goodbye, Jake. Fuck you, Mark, little bitch.