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EP. 9 The Substance (2024)
113 Plays1 year ago
We are down to the final 2 in the horror movie bracket! Are you Team Descent or Team The Strangers? Vote now!
After discussing the movie bracket, Nick and Gerald review The Substance; the grossest movie ever? Listen to find out!
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Email the pod at 2guys1screenpod@gmail.com
Vote in our horror bracket here!
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Transcript
Introduction and Episode Overview
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello and welcome to episode 9 of the Two Guys One Screen podcast. My name is Nick. And I'm Gerald. And today we have a review for you on 2024's newest The Substance. As I named this chat room the Subby Wubby.
00:00:19
Speaker
ah We both have seen this movie obviously and have not shared any feelings about it. Zero I was talking to my cousin and it I realized that I've not seen too much of ah Demi Moore's filmography at all I Know who she is Like i I know the name, but I don't know if I've ever seen a movie she's in Have you seen a few good men That's the iconic you can't handle the truth with Jack Nicholson.
Demi Moore Film Discussion
00:00:53
Speaker
I Don't think so. She's in that apparently
00:00:56
Speaker
Oh, she's in that hunchback of Notre Dame, the OG. Damn, she old, huh? She's like 60-something. Who's she voicing that? Is it Esmeralda? Yes. Oh. Yes, that's true. Okay, so I've seen that. Okay, so we've seen- A voice acting. Yes.
00:01:17
Speaker
Oh, she's in that movie Ghost with Patrick Swayze, maybe? Really? I've seen that. Oh, well, she's in that. Oh. Um, yeah. So we'll give you a review. Uh, you want to do a pluggy wuggy. Sure. Follow us on Instagram, two guys, one screen pod.
Engagement and Underperformed Episode
00:01:43
Speaker
Send any comments, concerns, requests to two guys, one screen pod at gmail dot.com and follow our letterbox. The links will be in the description for all of the above. Watch the clips. Watch the clips. Call your fire. Tell your friend and go listen to Beetlejuice episode because it ain't doing hot. Well, now Beetlejuice numbers have surpassed our funniest episode, which was the Friday 13th episode. So now I'm pushing Friday the 13th on you fuckers.
00:02:10
Speaker
All right, go listen to Friday 13th.
Horror Movie Bracket Final Four
00:02:12
Speaker
That episode's a banger. So we have the the horror bracket first and foremost. We are down to our final four. And I just think it's funny. The results, like we didn't plan this. ah I only know one person that voted twice and they figured out they could vote twice. You can vote as many times as you want. Right. ah So.
00:02:37
Speaker
The descent hive is strong. The descent beat. I saw the devil 11 to five. Okay. So that'll be moving on to the final two. I was hit. I saw the devil as the winner. Unfortunately, I saw the devil great movie. Uh, better luck next time. So the descent beat saw
Experiences with 'The Substance'
00:03:00
Speaker
and, and the purge, but the purge sucks. Fuck that movie. And, uh,
00:03:08
Speaker
the um the the last two are the strangers and the evil dead this one was uh the winner won by only two votes but you want to take a guess is it evil dead no what strangers be evil dead that's crazy i'm telling you dude you can't set this shit up better because our fans know that i fucking hate this movie it's so My, my champion of the, of the bracket is in the final two and the antithesis to my fucking being is going up against the strangers. Um, I'm hopeful that if the strangers wins that on rewatch, I'll like this movie, but I really did not have a good time with it the first time I watched it.
Movie Giveaway and 'The Graduate' Review
00:03:59
Speaker
So those are your final two, and spoiler alert, we're prerecording this episode, so next week we're not going to be able to tell you on the podcast who the winner is, but we'll post about it. Right. But we'll know the answer to our first annual horror bracket champion. I have a... I have an idea in my head on who I want to win. I'm descent gang all the way, dude.
00:04:29
Speaker
I think I am too, just because I haven't seen it, so I wanna watch it. I think I said in a previous episode, the Descent is like a four and a half, five star movie for me. You have said that. I feel that strongly about it.
00:04:42
Speaker
um Yeah, so go vote. If you're hearing our voices, it's open now. Go vote right now on The Descent and the Strangers. Y'all know what to do. Vote for The Descent. We'll get into a little physical media pickup, because I only have one.
00:05:00
Speaker
I haven't been out looking, honestly. ah Well, this came in the mail and it was delayed. It should have been here a while ago, but it got delayed. OK. I won this in a giveaway. We don't have that much of an outreach right now, but I still want to shout out the House of Cinema podcast. Shout out to them.
00:05:23
Speaker
the They're all a lot smarter than we are. If you want to hear like real conversations about movies, go listen to them.
Shoutout to House of Cinema Podcast
00:05:31
Speaker
it's Fair. But on their Patreon tier, you get entered in for a criteria on giveaway. So they sent me a list of movies ah when I won for like what I could select from, and I owned like eight or 10 out of the 12 that they had on the list.
00:05:50
Speaker
So I pick up this movie called The Graduate. And it's about this character, a very young Dustin Hoffman, who basically plays Rain Man. I mean, he was Rain Man, but like he has his character is like a Rain Man character vibe. ah And he they call it a love triangle, but basically. This girl, he goes to school with his mom, her mom wants to fuck him.
00:06:19
Speaker
Interesting. Uh, yeah. And it is, it's very interesting until all is revealed that like, Hey, you're, I've been fucking your mom. And then, that could be and then once they, cause they revealed that pretty early in the film, by the way, spoilers for the graduate in case you wanted to watch it, it came out in 1967. Damn. So.
00:06:42
Speaker
once they Once they reveal that, it kind of goes downhill for me, but I still gave it a three out of five. The first half is too enjoyable for me to not keep it at least a three. It's fair. Like screenwriting I think is also very good. And yeah, that's my one physical media pickup.
Director Coralie Fargeat's Impact
00:07:01
Speaker
Shout out again to the House of Cinema podcast. Y'all are the best. The substance directed by Coralee, I can't pronounce that, Fargate.
00:07:11
Speaker
The only reason I'm really pushing for for you to like definitely name the director is because she made revenge, which is a phenomenon. Yeah, it's a phenomenal. It's a phenomenal movie and probably the only good rape revenge movie. You know, I've also I put on my watch list because I've never seen it and I was going to ask if you saw it. I think it's on shutter.
00:07:41
Speaker
Yeah, that's where I so i watched on Shudder. I am curious to watch after seeing The Substance now. And I'll probably give it a watch at some point. It's not as bad as like, I spit in your grave and we sucks. It's not that intense right with the rape, ah but it's definitely got the gore, which I'm here for it. You could see with this movie. Right. Here is your cast.
00:08:10
Speaker
Demi Moore, as we mentioned, she plays Elizabeth Sparkle. How do you feel about Elizabeth being spelled with an S and not a Z? Pissed me off. All right, good. On the same page, too.
In-depth 'The Substance' Analysis
00:08:24
Speaker
Margaret Qualey plays Sue. She's in a bunch of those, of the Your Ghost lands most movies. I know you're not the hugest fan of Your Ghost or just haven't seen them, but she's in a lot of those. She was in Kinds of Kindness this year. She's kind of having a year.
00:08:39
Speaker
Dennis Quaid plays Harvey. It pissed me off so much that they didn't address his name until like the end of the movie. He was just a character that had no name for 95% of this film. Do I need to mention anybody else? Not really. Who the fuck is Oliver? ah The neighbor. The neighbor. Across the hall. All right, well, shout out. His name is Gore Adams. So we'll shout him out. That's a fire name.
00:09:08
Speaker
My theory is packed. And this is, I guess qualifies like a limited release, like it's not everywhere everywhere. And my theory was like, absolutely packed for this film. ah Mine was like halfway. Yeah.
00:09:22
Speaker
Uh, fun fact for my viewing experience, Regal can go fuck themselves. So I bought the ticket like two weeks ago. Everything was good to go. Uh, it said 7 30. So I only live five minutes away. So I buy my soda. I go in it's seven 20. All right. And apparently I miss 20 minutes of the movie.
00:09:48
Speaker
That's kind of wild. I've honestly never heard of that happening. Typically you have like 20 minutes after the start time could play ads, right? And they just normally, and I, and I like being there for the ads because, you know, not the ad ads, but you know, when everything goes, starts the trailers, I want to see the trailers. Yeah. But do you think it was one of those things where it didn't have trailers because it was one of the limited releases?
00:10:14
Speaker
I don't know because mine had trailers. I was going to say I was so relieved to not see the Speak to Evil trailer anymore. It just like shoved in my throat. ah So the next movie that i I know for a fact I'm seeing in theaters is Terrifier 3 and that has an 820 showing and I'm going to show up at least 45 minutes before just to be just to be safe. Just to be caked up. And if they have that Terrifier 3 popcorn bucket, I'm trying to cop that. I kind of want it, but i after After I actually see that movie, I'm probably never gonna use it. I'll use it like a Halloween decoration. Sure. Oh, candy bowl. That'd be fire. I don't have a candy bowl. Yeah, sorry. um Yeah, so we can get into the the film. I'll just say now. I'll just say now that the
00:11:10
Speaker
For the at for the average audience, I can see why this is like intense body horror. I didn't find this that bad. No, um there were a couple old women in my theater. Yeah, because the trailer doesn't really show much. No, of the body were, which is good. Right. Yeah. But I feel like they were like Demi Moore. We got to go see the new Demi Moore movie.
00:11:37
Speaker
The there was an older couple in front of me that got up after movie ended and the wife looked at the husband and she looked disturbed I Mean the end the last 20 minutes kind of kind of wild Yeah wild for the average do you feel like this movie's just an homage to the fly Yeah, it's very fly it's all I could think of when I watch this film I And I'm not saying that's a bad thing. I'm not either. I mean, it's definitely its its own movie for sure. and It's definitely different. I just the other movie I thought of was ah society. You're seeing the society. No, I haven't seen that. All right. What is the society? Have you heard of that? It's a movie. Arrow has it out. I don't have it, but I watched it on shutter. It's basically about social class.
00:12:32
Speaker
And there's a giant orgy with a bunch of mutated creature things. Spoiler alert. If you haven't seen the society odds are you haven't because who has. Is it, is it the society or society? Oh, sorry. It's just society. No, it's all right. Cause letterbox could do better with the fucking search bar. You spell one thing wrong. They're like, Nope, no, no answers. 1989.
00:12:54
Speaker
Mm-hmm. All right, so we're gonna spoil the shit out of the substance Gerald. I'm gonna fill you in the first 20 minutes of the movie Yeah, you're gonna spoil the first 20 minutes for me um My food at Alamo came right as this film opened so I had to like very quickly backtrack what was going on while I was eating. What'd you get? ah They have a special out right now. And maybe I'll use this moment to also call out Buffalo Wild Wings. What? When came out, they released a special Beetlejuice menu. And they have a pulled pork sandwich that I've been getting.
00:13:27
Speaker
Ooh. Since they dropped it. I think it ends in October 1st, but it was pretty good. And Buffalo Wild Wings, bring back the Big Jack Dangburger. I'm sick of this. Facts. You took away my favorite sandwich. Who goes there? ah We did. A lot. Right, but we we've established there's only one good Buffalo Wild Wings in like the country, apparently. Yeah, and it's located in, I don't know if it's Waupertures Falls or Poughkeepsie, but it's that one. That one right there. Also the one by me closed, so I can't even go to one if I wanted to.
00:13:56
Speaker
I went to the one near me when I first moved down here. Yeah. Worst service I've ever had. We also have the best Walmart. That's so true. We have, I mean, and I don't know about you, but I might, well, you'd probably know better than me. I think that for me, that target and not where we grew up is still the best target for me, but you've seen many a target. I've been to my fair share of targets, but I, I'm,
00:14:25
Speaker
Have to agree with you. It's big. It's got a lot of room. It's got everything you need. Oh, and we're forgetting Best Buy. Oh, and Best Buy. That was the best buy before they were cowards. Yeah. Yeah. Pussies. If you had to guess how this movie opens, I don't think you ever get it. But this movie opens with the eggs. Eggs. Is it like two eggs next to each other? So it's one egg cracked open raw.
00:14:54
Speaker
on a table, pause, um and you just see a hand come into the frame and inject the yolk with the substance. Okay. And then you see a yolk like doubles, like one comes out of it. So it looks like boobs? It looks like two yolks, but yeah. A lot of eggs in this movie now that you mention it. A lot of eggs. And then we cut to ah Elizabeth it sparkles Hollywood star on the walk of fame being installed and then it's it just shows up like a ah montage time-lapse of people walking over it and it gets like cracked a guy drops his like sandwich on it and like The sandwich has way too much ketchup on it and like ketchup covers the entire star that bother you Uh, I guess if i'm talking about it. Yeah, it's a pretty small detail you ever put ketchup on a cold-cut sandwich
00:15:51
Speaker
No, I don't i wasn't a big cold cut sandwich guy. OK. I mean, now I am, but I'm not sure I'm doing ketchup. I used to eat ketchup on them all the time. Big mistake in life. Yeah, I think so. Also, I don't like ketchup with eggs. No. That's also kind of a hot take, I feel like. Hot sauce, maybe. Maybe. I'm not into that either, but teach their own. I think hot sauce is more reasonable than ketchup to me. Yeah.
00:16:19
Speaker
um So basically it ends, this montage ends with this, I think it's a ah homeless guy or he's pushing a cart. He's like pushing a homeless cart and he drops a sandwich on this on this star. And then it cuts to Elizabeth again, played by Demi Moore with the S. She's shooting a workout vid. ah The workout video ends like, oh, great job. She grabs a water and she's walking in that long hallway. The hallway that has the same carpet as the Shining.
00:16:49
Speaker
Right. That one. ah And literally that entire hallways filled with different pictures of her from like covers of magazines. And this these posters are like bigger than like people. It is like to scale pictures. It's like, yeah, it's. And. As she's walking down the hallway, people are walking by her saying happy birthday, so it's her birthday.
00:17:19
Speaker
ah And she has to go to the bathroom and I forget why But she runs into the men's bathroom something happened where like she couldn't go into a woman's one so she runs into the men's bathroom and she ah Gets in a stall and close the door and this is where we meet Harvey who's played as Dennis Quaid And he's on the phone and he's just going to town on her and And he's just like, I can't believe this old bitch is still here. We gotta to get her out. We need some new blood. He's talking on the phone and he has no idea that she's in there. And then he he leaves in it and we see Elizabeth come out of the the stall and the screen just cuts the black and then in big letters you see Elizabeth.
00:18:05
Speaker
ah And we cut to Elizabeth and Harvey they're eating lunch at this place and the movie Stylistically is shot in a certain way that I like I like the way it's filmed. I do too. It was very I don't want to say all over the place, but it was very yeah It accentuates the grossness. Yeah So he's eaten shrimp He's got like a bowl of like salad and like, I don't know, 8,000 shrimp on it. But they're in the shell and like they're just zooming out on his mouth like chewing the shrimp. And it's kind of gross looking because who eats like that? Wait, they have the shell on? Yeah. And he's peeling. he You're watching him. It's like a zoom in of him like peeling the shell and like chewing on it and like he's chewing with his mouth open. I don't exactly remember what he's talking about, but he's probably talking about the business.
00:19:02
Speaker
And if we didn't make it clear, Elizabeth, she's a she's like a Richard Simmons. She makes these workout videos and she's like um a huge celebrity in this society. What does do you have any idea like when this takes place? No, because the vibe is like the 80s, but they have cell phones. Right. So I don't know. That's what I was thinking.
00:19:24
Speaker
um
00:19:27
Speaker
Then, so at lunch, Harvey sees this guy named George. I guess it's like somebody he works with and he just gets up and leaves with the table. And ah we cut to Elizabeth driving home and she's like, doesn't feel great. And she sees a big billboard of her being taken down on the highway or on the road. And there's a jump scare car. She's like T-boned.
00:19:53
Speaker
ah And then she channels her inner Unbreakable because the doctor tells her she's completely fine not not a scratch And the doctor tells this doctor is such a fucking dick this doctor tells her ah it tells Elizabeth that his wife is a huge fan and He's like oh, happy birthday, and she Lily starts crying and And he's like, yeah, I got to take a call. There's something going. And he's just like, bye. And he just leaves. She's like sobbing on the doctor's table. Like, sir. ah Yeah. And then they show. So the nurse is still in the room with her and he's got like this splash on his hand. I don't know what it's like. It's like massive. It's like covers like most of his palm.
00:20:40
Speaker
Uh, and I wrote telescope. It's called the kaleidoscope, right? The one where the doctors use. Yeah. deathethoscope Stethoscope. Stethoscope. Not a kaleidoscope. A kaleidoscope is the thing that you look into it and you twist it and the colors change. Cut that. and ah keep headtting you fucking idiot no is it caused What did you say it's called stethoscope stethoscope, all right, well he uses that And he puts it on her back ah And he just goes yeah, you're you'd be a good candidate. and She's like what and he's like, yeah, you'd be fine And he hands her her clothes and he walks out of the room ah She puts she's this big yellow jacket. I don't like it
00:21:27
Speaker
to whatever I'm going to run on the jacket. Sure. And she finds in her pocket a USB drive that has the substance written on it and a phone number in a piece of paper. And it says it changed my life. So on the way out, ah she runs into somebody she went to 10th grade with him as Fred. And this is where Gerald walked in.
00:21:53
Speaker
So that's all you missed. ah he He sees her and he's like, oh, hey, how are you? She has no idea who he is. Hello, motherfucker. Hey, ha hi, how are you there? By the way, Jake loves that shit. He offers to take Elizabeth out on a drink for a drink and she's like, eh,
00:22:15
Speaker
And she she he asked for ah his car and he writes his number down on a report from a like a doctor's report about like blood levels or some shit. And she drops it in a puddle. Yeah. And then he's walking off into his fucking Tesla and he's like signals like call me. ah She would cut to Elizabeth Elizabeth in her apartment and This, in her apartment, she got a big-ass photo of herself. Yeah, this apartment kind of bothered me. The whole setup is weird. There's like nothing in it, first of all. Yeah. And that one hallway really pissed me off. To the bathroom? Yes. The never-ending hallway? Never-ending, like, curved. It's a curved hallway. Right. Her whole living room's like a circle.
00:23:12
Speaker
Right. And it it the whole thing looks very like you said, 80s, but there's modern technology, but that might be intentional. I think it is showing like ah her age and everything. Sure. Her apartment has those big like bay windows that see over the city and there's like a perfectly placed billboard right in front of her window. And right now it's of her. Um,
00:23:40
Speaker
But the camera pans over some flowers and a card that say, thank you, you are amazing. Like you and it zooms on the word were and she's pissed because she's she's done. like She's out. You're old.
00:23:54
Speaker
Uh, so she plugs this USB of the substance, uh, into her computer, right? Not phone. I wrote phone down computer. Um, and basically it's a video and this guy is saying you can be a better version of yourself, younger, more beautiful. And he's talking about new cellular division. Uh, and they show this guy who has like two yellow clay balls and one is like rolled and one's like kind of lumpy.
00:24:24
Speaker
Uh, and they kind of explain it too fast here to like keep up, but you get it as a move progressive, but essentially, uh, yeah, there's two people, but you are one and you spend seven days as each. Um, so then at the end, the guy claps his hands with the two balls together and it like cuts.
00:24:49
Speaker
Uh, so she's like, Oh, this is a load of shit. She throws out the, the, the substance USB and the garbage can is like the POV, like you're the garbage can and you see it like get buried at the bottom of the garbage can. It was cool. Uh, then it cuts to a closeup of her stabbing an Olive but at a, in that martini at a bar and it zooms out and there's a couple at the other end. They're like having a good time and she signals a bartender. So.
00:25:15
Speaker
You're led to believe she got fucked up because then the next scene she's home throwing up.
00:25:22
Speaker
And. She's in the bathroom and then she's staring at herself in the mirror, just like in. I don't know, she just just like despises herself because she's old, right? Then we cut to her walking her living room, looking at all the awards she's won, and she has a snow globe of herself. How fucking narcissistic you just have yourself everywhere.
00:25:44
Speaker
ah So she shakes it to make it like do the snow globe thing. And the snow globe in this is like glitter. And then she throws it at the big picture of herself and it like shatters. She digs the substance USB out of the garbage and she calls the number. ah And it's funny that she named up. She's like, I'm Elizabeth sparkle and the guy like doesn't care. It's like who? Yeah. ah And he asked for her address and then gives her
00:26:16
Speaker
part of an address and hangs up and she's writing it into her hand. And then there's just a cut and she wakes up the next day. Uh, we watch her shower, which happens a lot in this movie, uh, takes an Alka Seltzer and then like the, she's like sitting at the table reading a newspaper again, when does it take place?
00:26:44
Speaker
and sees an ad for the next Elizabeth Sparkle and they want ah between 18 and 30 years old. And she's going through a mail and she finds a letter from these people at the substance with a card and the card just says 503. So she puts like the 503 card in her hand together and get a full address. So 503 is like the door number, I guess. She goes there and it's literally a fucking dump. It looks abandoned.
00:27:12
Speaker
Yeah, right. And there's a little low back alley type, John. Right. And there's literally like a it's not a garage door, but it is, but it's only like as wide as like a person or ah like a motorcycle. Right. And she has to use her 503 car to like as a fob and the garage door only opens halfway. So it's just like crouch walk underneath it to get into this building. Right.
00:27:42
Speaker
and Then she's in this dark alley and I don't know if you caught this but there's a light switch behind her and know It's like in frame but whatever so she walks down this dark alley and ends up in a white room with lockers inside And she matches her 503 car to the 503 locker and she grabs this box so there's there's there's steps to this there's a Step one, which is the activator, which is a green liquid, shadow out reanimator. Yeah, that's what I thought of. ah Then there's stabilizer, which is just like a, essentially a needle with like cartridges. Empty cartridges though. Correct. Then there's three, which is switch. So that's like, it's basically like a blood transfusion.
00:28:30
Speaker
Yeah. like an iv But with two tubes. Right. And then there's the the food matrix, which is food. It was it for other self. um We cut to her standing in the bathroom in front of the mirror naked. There's a lot of a lot of nudity in this movie. A lot of tit. Didn't expect to see Demi Moore naked. Right.
00:29:01
Speaker
There's a voiceover from the guy in the phone saying like you are the matrix simply a better version of yourself um We watch her inject herself with the activator, which says single use only discard after you just keep that in the back of your head It's a zoom in shot of her with the needle and he said the little will drip from the tip of the needle and she wraps like a tourniquet around her arm and it zooms in on her injecting herself and ah And initially there's nothing she's like alright, and then she like collapses the floor. and She's like screaming Shaking in pain it looked painful right And this was filmed pretty good. There's like you see like her skin kind of like not bubble, but like there's something inside Yeah, like alien right and her pupil doubles her eyes double and then you watch the skin peel basically in half from her back and
00:29:58
Speaker
And there's like two eyeballs in her one eye. And then it cuts to like this light show, whatever you want to call it. Yeah, I don't know what the fuck that was. And then there's like a black outline of a heart on fire. ah And we cut to a POV of a section of the person waking up, looking at Demi Moore, Elizabeth's body, like split in half from the back.
00:30:26
Speaker
Um, and you see a hand come into frame and it's a much younger looking hand. Uh, she stands up and looks at the mirror, but it's foggy. So she walks over, wipes the fog away and it's a younger version of herself who's played by Margaret Qualey. She is hot. Right. And she's like checking herself out. And the sound is like you're underwater kind of. That's like what the sound sounded like. Right.
00:30:56
Speaker
And then it zooms in like on her eye and her like eye kind of like glows a little bit. um But she's feeling herself. because She's like toned and younger. Notice I said younger and not young. Younger.
00:31:14
Speaker
ah Then she turns around and sees Elizabeth's old ass sitting there split open and she throws up green liquid. Then there's like a sewing kit that I guess came with the box.
00:31:27
Speaker
And she starts sewing her old self back together. And there's it's quiet. It's just you're just hearing her sew this lady's back back together. Right. And she grabs the food matrix, as they call it, and injects it into her old body. And the food matrix is only good for seven days, as we said. Right. And you see Demi Moore's body just like slowly start breathing. Margot Kweli's character is collecting herself.
00:31:56
Speaker
And it like slowly zooms back into like a dark hallway and it cuts to her laying in bed awake. Just kind of like, damn, I'm a younger person. And then she's in the next stage in the shower, just literally just feeling in herself up and down, right?
00:32:17
Speaker
um She gets out of the shower and looks into the mirror and she says hello to like hear a voice and she hears a pretty intense ringing and gets a bloody nose. And the sound design here is like a rapid heartbeat. And she pulled out the stabilizer, which has a long ass needle. And they don't really tell you how she figured this out, but she kind of just does. And the stabilizer is the spinal fluid from Elizabeth. And the ringing gets worse. So she takes enough spinal fluid for seven days. And there's like seven cartridges.
00:32:56
Speaker
And then she checks up with day one. ah
00:33:02
Speaker
And then it just cuts to her, it like in her living room, doing a full blown split, just in her underwear. It's like doing yoga or something. Right. And then sees the Elizabeth Sporkel ad and gets that idea. And on our way to the studio, she stops and buys a new like leotard, I guess you'd call it.
00:33:23
Speaker
um And in these two bozo dudes are watching an audition for a Different girl who's not doing very well um And she finished this other girl finishes and the guys like her boobs are two better boobs are in the middle of her face and that's big-ass noses Which is relatable? Shut up. Shut up bird beak over here
00:33:52
Speaker
And we still don't know what this thiss new self is. It's just younger Elizabeth, as we know for now, walks in and you hear their comment, everything's in the right place. And then it cuts to black and the screen just says Sue. So this new younger self is called Sue. Terrible name. Yeah, it's kind of an old older name.
00:34:15
Speaker
Uh, Harvey's calling her a gorgeous angel. Uh, you get some ASMR from smoking a cigarette and she's hired. And he's like, we go on air in two weeks. And his assistant is like, my assistant will help you. Can't remember her name. Her name is Isabella. It's like a dumb name. Maybe it's Cindy now. She's like, that's dumb. It's too long. Who's going to remember that? So now you're Cindy. Uh, and Sue tells Harvey that she has to be out of town every other week because of her sick mother. And he's like, come here.
00:34:45
Speaker
I thought he was going to like. Yeah, right. And he's like, we'll work around your, you know, your schedule, whatever it takes to get you in here. He's like, it could be sick mom, sick dad, sick fucking puppy to your show. Harvey's all in. ah She injects. Day six, but she has like six days left, essentially, and she's.
00:35:14
Speaker
getting a photo session done. And you see a new poster appear, all of Elizabeth's posts have been taken down. It's just like one poster picture of Sue. Day five, she's got five days left. They start filming her new workout show. um And then we cut to the final injection. And there's like a weird light show thing with flames that turn into a dragon, and that dragon becomes her robe.
00:35:51
Speaker
And then it flashes the words, you switch every seven days on the screen, and we hear ringing, and Elizabeth at this point has finished her her food. And this is what we were talking about before, like this blood transfusion, whatever.
00:36:09
Speaker
and she knocks out and it cuts to like this dark road with a motorcycle driving and essentially the motorcycle like crashes into the POV and that's what it cuts to Elizabeth waking up right uh and she's conscious but like writhing in pain obviously because her back was split in half yeah like she's fucked up so to make it clear her back opened Sue came out of her back Yes, a little bit back yet. Like split open. Right. Like take an apple and like. An apple, huh? Well, I don't know. It's so like a hot. OK, take a hot dog. A hot. All right. I'm trying to find like a cylindrical object. Take a hot dog and like slice it in half, but not fully. That's kind of what her backs looks like. But now it's so and then sell it back together. Yeah, and sell it back together. Yeah.
00:37:07
Speaker
ah We cut to her trying to make herself breakfast. She's making eggs ah And she's struggling obviously we cut her in the shower and she's like leaned against the wall. She can't do it ah and then she walks into the studio and sees all the posters are gone and Harvey approaches her and asked where she's been and he gives her a box of her shit Yeah, you're fucking done. And I knew what this gift was from the from the jump I knew it was like a book of some sort, but it gives her a gift that's wrapped in How'd you know it was a book? It just looked like a book. Oh, okay. What else would, I don't know what else it would be. A box. What's the box? What's in the box? He just drops off this, ah he drops off a box of her shit and he walks away.
00:37:55
Speaker
And then we cut to Elizabeth marking out the days on the calendar when she's supposed to be Sue. And she stay she just watches TV for seven days essentially. And she gets a notice in the mail that our refill kit has arrived in her locker. She goes to pick it up and there's We cut to Sue, who is slowly drinking a Diet Coke. Fuck Diet Coke. Fuck Diet Coke. Anti-Diet Coke podcast. And Sue is drinking this Diet Coke in slow motion. It's like basically an ad. And she looks and sees that Elizabeth ah was basically just sitting on this couch because it's like an indent, just watching TV. And you kind of figure out here, oh, they're not aware of each other's experiences. It's completely separate, which I think
00:38:45
Speaker
for the movie works but I almost would have rather seen it be one conscious mind yeah because it keeps saying you are one but they're kind of not they're kind of not but they kind of are right uh so then she Sue goes on this construction project and like build a door in the bathroom. She's like you see like her looking for a hollow wall. And she turns as she's like trying to drill a nail on the wall. It's like ah angry neighbor banging on the wall on her door. And this is Oliver. And she so answer the door. He immediately falls back in line. He's like, oh, hey.
00:39:43
Speaker
Immediately he wants to hit and she tells Sue tells Oliver that Elizabeth moved out. He's like, well, I'm handy. And it's like, dude, you got no shop brother. yeah He's like, I got a hammer. I'll be here. We cut back to the bathroom and Sue has made like a secret door out of this wall in the bathroom. Ain't no fucking way she can make that shit. Well, she did.
00:40:11
Speaker
Ain't no fucking way you can have a younger version of yourself as a baby through your back. You don't know me. ah
00:40:21
Speaker
And she drags Lizbeth into this like, you know, into the secret doorway. And her big poster in the in the living room has like, her eyes are like,
00:40:39
Speaker
What's the word? Scraped out? Like cut out? Yeah. ah And she takes down this big ass photo. We cut to a photo shoot, and it's this pump it up song. And it's basically just watching her twerk for four minutes. It's kind of horned up.
00:40:58
Speaker
oh ah So they do this twerk workout video, whatever the fuck you want to call it. And Harvey's thrilled. ah We see the poster of Sue in the hallway. My cock was thrilled.
00:41:15
Speaker
And then we get this like, the only thing to think of was like Batman Forever montage of her getting dressed or it's like a zoom in of like each body part. Yeah. ah And she walks into the secret room she's built where she's keeping Elizabeth's body and she looks at Elizabeth. She's like, yeah, I won't be out too late. Don't eat your food too fast.
00:41:37
Speaker
ah She goes out to some club or whatever with people from the studio.
00:41:43
Speaker
And while she's out, Elizabeth finishes all the food. she Sue comes home with some guy and they're, you know, messing around. And she's real aggressive with him. She'd be like throwing him on the couch. Yeah, like straddling him and like getting real fucking frisky.
00:42:03
Speaker
And you see Elizabeth Foodbag try to suck more food out of it. There's nothing left. The bad guy starts to, like, crumple. Yeah. ah And Sue gets a nosebleed while they're, like, fooling around and falls over. and we get up to one Blood drips onto this guy's, like, chest. I don't think he noticed. No, but she falls over and he's like, what the fuck?
00:42:25
Speaker
And she stumbles to the bathroom and you hear like the you switch without exception voiceover, like it's like God. Right. ah And she decides to take more spinal fluid or stabilizer from her from Elizabeth. The ringing gets worse and she stabs herself with the stabilizer and then it's fine. Oh, and then it cuts back to her fooling around with this guy and he unzips the back of her shirt.
00:42:54
Speaker
And like her fucking organs come flying out. And like slow mo. Yeah, it's just intestines, liver, kidneys just fall onto the floor. But I don't think it actually happened. No, we cut to. Elizabeth who wakes up and sees that our house is a fucking disaster. And it's a biker helmet on the table and the guy's name was Troy and he left a note that he was too drunk to drive home.
00:43:24
Speaker
You know what he looked like to me? What? Looked like Silly and Murphy. Killian, however the fuck you pronounce your name. Uh, when he was in Red Eye. I don't remember it enough to say yes or no, but I'm gonna say yes just to say yes.
00:43:40
Speaker
um
00:43:43
Speaker
Um... She notices her fingers all fucked up. It's like... Yeah. It looks like Dumbledore's, uh, hand after he...
00:43:55
Speaker
Does that, John? After he fingers McGonagall, what are you talking about? Oh, wow, that porn that exists probably out there. No, remember, remember in, I want to say Half Blood Prince when they go to find the first Hawkrocks movies bad and Harry Mike has to make him like drink this that water and body gets all fucked up. Sure. That's what it looks like. I was thinking like like a witch, like a witch finger almost.
00:44:26
Speaker
Yeah, because yeah, because it big later give big witch vibes. It's like green and like old. Take like Studio Ghibli witch, but put it in real life. It's pretty good. So she tries to like wash her fucked up finger, which isn't going to work.
00:44:43
Speaker
Uh, and then she looks at her, I wrote, looks at her hole, but like the hole where like Sue's been, where Sue's been taken out the stabilizer, her spinal fluid, like, and it's like progressively gets worse. Let me bend over and fucking spread my snatch and look deep into my own soul. There's like a, there's like a light when like Pennywise opens his mouth in there.
00:45:09
Speaker
but just All right. Let us know if there's a hole. If there's a hole. Let me know if you got a little light beaming at your snatch. Let me know if you have a foreign entity alien light hole in your hole. Oh boy.
00:45:32
Speaker
ah So she calls the substance people and she's like reverse this shit. And he's like, there's no way to go back. And he's like, you guys just have to respect the balance of like seven and seven. So she's cleaning the apartment and she sees Sue twerking on TV and like angrily turns it off. And then the... Oliver's knocking on the door again. And he's like, let me get a private lesson. He's like, so you want a TV? You look hot. Let me see that light in your snatch. Light's my way.
00:46:10
Speaker
He asked her to come over and have a drink at his place. Like, I'll be here. I want to use your vag as a fucking flashlight. Or a flashlight. Hey. ah She goes to pick up a refill kit and hears a ah voiceover. I forgot what he said. But she runs into this restaurant and she's wearing gloves to hide her ugly ass finger. And she takes one glove off and then what she can't take off.
00:46:40
Speaker
And this old man nearby says something about seven days. She's like, huh? Seven days. Shout out the ring, I guess. kind of we yeah movies overrated And she notices that they both have the same splotch.
00:46:59
Speaker
on their like arm because she also has a splotch now. So this is I'm thinking the male nurse from the beginning. This is older self because they cut they did there's like a quick cut and it's like his face right. I think so. His Locker, he dropped his wallet and his locker card falls out. He's like, they never tell you that each time you feel a little more lonely, huh? And he kind of like nails on the head, but she's like, no. And then he's he asked her if Sue's eating away at her yet.
00:47:32
Speaker
And then she runs outside and starts to run. I guess she runs into the runs into Troy in front of her house because he's going to pick up a ah his motorcycle. Right, but he's fucking heated. Right, he's pissed that she ran into his bike. And he's like, move. And she's just standing in front of his bike like in shock. And he has no idea who she is. ah He revs his motorcycle, like, get the fuck out of the way. And she doesn't move. And then eventually she does. I think he's mad because she's Elizabeth threw his helmet out into the hallway and it got all scratched and shit. Yeah, but he wouldn't know she did that, right? and He's thinking that it's Sue and he's just mad right in general. So he he goes off and ah we cut to Elizabeth pulling stuff out of a box in her closet and Sue labeled it all junk and just put it back there.
00:48:29
Speaker
And she finds Fred's number and calls Fred. And he's like shocked that she called. And she's like, let's go get a drink. And he's just shocked again. And they go to Luigi's at eight. It's a Luigi. But she gets like put this outfit on obviously wearing gloves to hire ugly finger.
00:48:49
Speaker
And she forgets you to close the secret door in the bathroom. and And when she goes over there, she just like stares at Sue and it goes back to the mirror and touches her for makeup, does whatever. She grabs the keys and the big bay window billboard now has a picture of Sue pump it up with Sue with Sue. And then she runs back and puts a scarf on more makeup.
00:49:16
Speaker
And then she's about to leave again and she sees her reflection in the doorknob and she ruins and then she goes back to the bathroom again. And then just starts like smearing her makeup and her hair yeah like smacking herself and shit. Yeah, she ain't happy.
00:49:31
Speaker
And then she just stays home and you see Fred blowing up her phone and the lines here. I am done They were corny as fuck. Are you okay big star afraid to go out in public like shit like that? There's like oh you got too many places to be busy Are you running late? Just over and over again trying to get my dick wet That's all he wants, is he gets his dick wet. Right, with a big old crusty star. All guys want to do is get their dick wet. Two guys, one screen for president in 2024.
00:50:09
Speaker
ah So the POV is like in a fridge. Shout out Good Eats. Yes, that's exactly what I thought, dude. ah we That fucking TV show. do do Rips eat good good eats Not gonna do it ah And there's a whole ass rotisserie chicken in there and like a grilled cheese, I guess like who has who is that? Okay Who's refrigerator looks like this? Nothing's wrapped? Nothing? Put away? Or like who's just like making it a grilled cheese and being like, i'll my I'll save this for later and put it in the fridge. That's not going to be good. What was that thing all the way to the right? I wrote something. I have no idea what it was. It it kind of looked like a of vegetable lasagna, but if there's spinach in the side, it will kind of look like mold. I didn't notice.
00:51:06
Speaker
It looked fucking gross. To me, it looked like you took like you made a chicken pot pie and like cut like a quarter of it out. But a bad chicken pot pie. Sure.
00:51:20
Speaker
And with chicken pot pies. Love those. Yeah, they're great. we We actually sold the chicken pot pie at ah where I used to work, and I stole the recipe. Shout out, ah Chef Jake. ah Yeah, but anyways, there was a scratch made recipe. It was fucking amazing. It was so good. Kind of want a pot pie now. Me too. Maybe I'll make it for staff meal today. So we see her take the food out of the fridge, and then she closes the door and it cuts to more twerking with Sue. And she's shaking her ass. And there's like a bulge.
00:51:49
Speaker
that comes like out of her ass cheek ah and then to stop and the director calls down to like the production team and says he saw something bizarre yeah you fucking you nailed it on the head dude damn right you did I thought it was a bone popping out it's like well we find out what it is and there's definitely bone involved sure ah and And Sue yells at this assistant to bring her her robe right now. And she's like, yeah, I gotta go. And she walks off set. And they're like, let's look on the replay on camera two. And camera two is just responsible for feeling her butt. Yeah. It's like the only thing camera two does. And they go frame by frame on her ass, which is a sentence I never thought I'd say.
00:52:39
Speaker
And she gets into her dressing room and locks herself in the dressing room. And she's pushing this blob from like her butt cheek around to her belly button. Now, I think I have a new thing. I don't like I things. And now I think I figured out I don't like anything to do with belly buttons. Okay, well, the matrix did that for most of us. But welcome to the club. Okay.
00:53:04
Speaker
The Matrix did that for most people. I'm happy this this Sue pulling out a chicken leg would open your eye to that. but Open your eye like the Matrix. Open your eye. So she pull she pushes this blob to her belly button. It's a fucking chicken like that. Elizabeth probably ate. And she wakes up in a room in that secret room with Elizabeth and she sees. That she's been eating junk food.
00:53:33
Speaker
and sue calls the substance and complains junk food boy she ate that entire fucking like rotisserie chicken roto gang roto gang roto moto rotisserie chicken i fuck with rotisserie chicken so hard dude i don't buy it but maybe i should no it freaks me out that it's warm are you keeping that in a safe temperature range yeah Oh, you are. You can speak for all all grocery stores. I can. Are you the are you the Lorax of grocery stores? I can speak to the one that I worked at and cook the chicken for. That's true. But besides the ethical bacteria growth, I'm not ethical, non ethical, bacteria growth. Ethical is not the right word there at all. Buy one of those, right? Don't eat it like straight up, but make a fucking rotisserie chicken salad out of that.
00:54:30
Speaker
Oh. Oh, that shit hit, dude. I'm sure I should probably get a rotisserie chicken. Maybe you fuck with a rotisserie chicken salad or just ro ah chicken salad. with chicken I fuck with chicken salad. I think I said on the podcast once at school, they had a chicken salad sandwich, but the sandwich was a croissant. That's a heat. And you know where I went to school. So the croissants were slamming the bake there that day.
00:55:00
Speaker
Uh, I feel like chicken is just, chicken's the best protein. I'm going to put that out there. I would definitely say chicken is the most versatile. For sure. So much. But I think overall I'm probably a beef. No, I'm a chicken guy. for my I'm lying to myself. I'm just lying him i'm just lying to myself. I'm a chicken guy. Turkey's underrated though.
00:55:24
Speaker
Turkey's underrated because nobody can cook it right. That and I feel like people only think of Turkey for like Thanksgiving. And it's like, no, you can do Turkey all year, dog, like. You hear that? Make Turkey eat more Turkey. It's like the fucker's logo, but eat more Turkey. Yo, if yo, if Chick-fil-A decided to do like a Thanksgiving sandwich and it's like a fucking turkey, I'm going there every day.
00:55:52
Speaker
ah Fuck every day. How long an offer for the month of November? Yeah You know every day. Well, we've done worse actually well Anyways, Sue pulls out a big-ass chicken leg out of her belly button just in case you guys missed it But she goes back to the studio for complaining about Elizabeth and there's no one there besides this one random guy and he's like get a tapings been cancelled and Harvey wants to see her immediately So the the vibe is Harvey saw this big blob in her ass cheek and he's gonna get rid of her, but he goes, up you know, rings are off the charts. We wanna put you as the host for the New Year's Eve show. It's like the biggest show on the network.
00:56:40
Speaker
ah And then there's a montage of Sue abusing her time going over the seven days. She comes in to that room where Elizabeth is and takes an extra day out.
00:56:52
Speaker
And then she's like, Oh, we're on the cover of Oak. So she takes more. And Elizabeth's whole is gnarly looking, getting all like pussy. Yeah. And Elizabeth comes back to consciousness and her leg is fucked. Like it's aged rapidly. Kind of looks like a fucking turkey leg low key. It does not. What turkey legs are you eating?
00:57:19
Speaker
expired. Clearly. yeah Do you think Harvey is named Harvey because of Harvey Weinstein? I hope not. But sure, you can run with that. Just a thought.
00:57:35
Speaker
Just a thought. ah second but Just thought. Clip it. For whenever we get a soundboard in five years. Apparently you can add, there's a way to add a soundboard to, I'll look into it. i past Yeah, it's an option here. yeah shit um So she calls, Elizabeth calls the substance and offers to ah They offer to stop. like we can just We can just turn it off right now. And they go, the transfer's permanent. And she can't stop. And then there's the, remember, you are one. Flashes. And then she's smacking herself. And here's on the phone. The balance needs to be respected. ah She's sitting on the couch watching TV. And she sees... ah
00:58:28
Speaker
Harvey's gift still wrapped over in the corner, and she goes to the gap, but she can't get up because her knee's all fucked up. And you basically watch her snap her knee into place. It's kind of gross. Sure. I'm like, is this what it's going to feel like to have like arthritis and shit? Arthritis, probably. I think I have carpal tunnel sometimes. I definitely will eventually, if not now soon. I think mine's from like gaming. Mine's from excessive beating my meat.
00:58:57
Speaker
That's not true. I believe it. Okay. Somebody out there has it right into the podcast. What? Don't answer that. All right. I didn't hear it. She opens Harvey's gift and it's a book, but it's a cookbook. French cookbook. And she's like gagging at some of the titles. There's like veal brains, all sorts of weird shit. Is that what the French are into? Probably.
00:59:26
Speaker
And then she's washed. I think I saw a frog wah. Fwah. No, not not frog. Fwah. F-O-Y-E. Fwah. Fwah. Fwah. Fwah. Grah. It's goose liver. Is it good? Or duck liver. Depends what you want. It's not for me, but a lot of people like it. OK. I like duck. Duck is pretty good, actually. And she is now watching Sue, who appeared on The Night Show.
00:59:56
Speaker
And it cuts to her making alley-goat. Do you know what alley-goat is? No, what is it? Here's a little, here's a little fun food fact for all the listeners out there. I'm going to kill myself after this. Uh, it is essentially mashed potatoes with like almost equal parts, uh, cheese. It's like cheesy mashed potatoes, but the cheese, you, you pound so much cheese into it that it looks like it's like a elastic almost how it looks in the way the film shoots it. Oh, okay. Is that easy to make?
01:00:30
Speaker
Yeah, you just add. Just when you make mashed potatoes next time, yeah just. Add as much cheese as humanly possible before it. As long as like melting into it, like keep the heat on and just make kind of cheese like shredded cheese. ah Yeah, shredded cheese. You can shred your own cheese. Whatever you want to do. Do you recommend it? I think we did Gruyere when I made it, but you can really do any kind of good melting cheese. Yeah, I mean, I'm a cheddar would be good. I fuck with Gruyere hard so I could see myself doing that.
01:01:04
Speaker
If you really want to get that elasticity going, you can do mozzarella. I could see that. Yeah. Yo, can you put that? Yo. Hold up. Wait a minute. Do that. Right. Make that make that mashed potato mozzarella, John. Right. And then put that shit inside of a fucking mozzarella stick. Is that possible? You can. Yeah, but you'd have to. ah When you make the mashed potato, you have to make it pretty firm. Like don't add a lot of cream or butter or milk to it. Or you can have butter is fine, but like you wouldn't want it liquidy. So when it cools down, you can like form it. Okay. i mean So just make it a little more firm than you normally would. Plus the cheese would probably help ah keep it intact as one piece.
01:01:50
Speaker
But spread that shit over like a ah flat surface and let it cool down because surface area cools things down the fastest. Right. ah But you probably could do that. Yeah. Thank you for that. You're welcome. Also, not only is her leg fucked up, but her hair is now gray as well. So she's like aging rapidly.
01:02:17
Speaker
So, Sue's in the night show, and every answer, she's just making fun of a elizabeth bit of making fun of Sue, like mimicking her. And and she's just eaten she's eating blood sausage. which I've never had that. And then it cuts to like the cookbook, and it says, eviscerate the turkey. And she pulls the fucking guts out of this turkey.
01:02:40
Speaker
Which, I mean, she eviscerated that bitch, right? They do that for the the visual cue. There's not that much guts in a turkey like that. um
01:02:51
Speaker
The anchor ah mentions that she replaced Elizabeth, and ah Sue says that she never watched her show and calls it old fashioned and calls her Jurassic Fitness. And she can Jurassic Fit this dick in her mouth, but whatever. Hey, yo, that's facts.
01:03:09
Speaker
ah
01:03:13
Speaker
And when, uh, when, when Elizabeth, uh, rips the turkeys guts out, uh, I think she has like a mixer or something for something else. And it sounds like a fucking chainsaw. yeah Oh yeah. It's one of those like two, two pronged. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
01:03:37
Speaker
And it sounds like a fucking, like they, they put in a chainsaw sound effect. Right. And she, there's like eggs in this bowl. So she's supposed to be beating these eggs. Use a fucking whisk, you freak, but, uh, or more four fork. Yeah. Or, but she has this mixer on like full power and she's like going into the fucking egg yolks and they start splattering all over. her Right.
01:04:04
Speaker
Uh, we come back to the TV and the anchor asks for her beauty secret and ah Elizabeth's like, say yeah. And, uh, I forgot what she says, like being humble or some dumb shit that had to do with her health. And Elizabeth eggs the, their, their bay window and covers it in newspaper, which would this work? Would eggs make newspaper stick to the window?
01:04:33
Speaker
I don't know. Can you use eggs as glue? I've never used eggs as glue, but they are sticky. Yeah. Like you crack egg. It's like, ah but it's going to harden. When eggs harden, it's kind of like a crust. Hmm. So I don't I don't think so. Let us know. You ever threw an egg out a window and then put newspaper on it? Well, I've wanted I've wanted to throw an egg at a newspaper at a wall, but on a person, but I've never gotten egged. Egg.
01:05:03
Speaker
It would suck. I don't want to get egg in my hair. No. So. Sue and there's a scene where Elizabeth in the bathroom and like Sue and her having a conversation through like half of her face, like one half is Sue and one half is Elizabeth. And Sue is like, stop it. But it cuts back to Sue and the house is a mess, half eating food everywhere, and she takes like Sue takes weeks of stabilizer out of out of Elizabeth, and her hole is like fucking purple and swollen and real gross now. It's basically what you don't want your hole to look like. right if you got to whole Right. If you got a hole like this, go to a gynecologist. So it cuts to, ah there's it says on the screen, three months later, New Year's Eve show. So she's been sued for three months. Oh, the sign in front of her window has is like advertising the New Year's Eve show.
01:06:04
Speaker
And there's some flowers on the table that say they're going to love you. And she's a boyfriend now, who kind of looked like the nurse, but I think it's somebody else. Yeah, he looks like he's fucking bald. Yup. And she has run through all of the stabilizers she took, so she took out of Elizabeth months before. And she goes to take some out and the liquid is black.
01:06:30
Speaker
And she calls, oh, there's some ringing in her head. She calls a substance. And she's like, there's no more stabilizer fluid. It's black. And they're like, yeah, you have to switch back so she can generate more fluid. Right. which What would happen to if you had no more spinal fluid in you? Probably be fucked up. Would it paralyze you? I have no idea. What does spinal fluid do? Let us know. We're not doctors.
01:07:00
Speaker
So we're barely podcasters barely literally barely. She like collapses to the floor and she crawls to the bathroom. And she's barely like able to get a the transfusion drone hooked up and the boyfriend hears her like retching and like throwing up. And
01:07:24
Speaker
He's like banging on the door. And then as soon as it switches back to Lizbeth, you hear her go like get out or whatever. And we see Lizbeth and her teeth are like fucked up. Her face is all gross. And the boyfriend is completely freaked out because all of a sudden there's like this old ass lady in the bathroom. And she like spits up some gross shit I don't know what it is the boyfriend runs out of You know the apartment like butt naked. He like has like grab his clothes and like run out. He's got a tight ass My crowd laughed this too. They thought that was funny. So did mine. I didn't find it was that funny ah She comes out She falls out of the bathroom. Elizabeth does and calls a substance and says she wants to stop. She kind of looks like the hunchback of Notre Dame um now. She looks like. Yeah, a little bit kind of. She's bald. She's fucked up. She got like one hair on her head, one hair. Her tits are like saggy as fuck. They're not even tits. It looks like it looks like if you put a rock in a sock. Yeah, a kind of. Uh.
01:08:47
Speaker
So the guy on the phone's like, we'll deliver on this, uh, on terminating the contract they have. And this old-ass lady drags her a whole picture back in the living room, which is crazy. ah She gets to learn the mail that her final kit's been delivered. She goes out, she goes to get it, and the neighbor's at his doorway, and she tells him to fuck off Oliver. yeah And he's like, what the fuck? She's like, where's Sue? Fuck off!
01:09:16
Speaker
And there's a chaotic, chaotically filmed run of old ass Elizabeth running to her locker. And she drags Sue all the way to the living room, fucking strong ass old lady.
01:09:33
Speaker
And the crowd laughed this too. There's like a sorry, we couldn't meet your expectations letter, like from the substance where she opens the box. And there is a needle with termination.
01:09:47
Speaker
And you kind of ah watch this happen like pulp fiction style. And yeah she like questions herself. She's like hearing voices in her head and she just yells, shut the fuck up and injects Sue with the needle. And looks over and she sees the flowers that were left for Sue to say, break a leg with flowers and they're going to love you.
01:10:12
Speaker
Uh, and she changes her mind, but she only injected about half of this termination fluid into Sue. So she says that, uh, she hates herself and Sue is the only levelable part of them. She's trying to do CPR, which doesn't even work.
01:10:26
Speaker
and There's blood coming out of Sue's nose. So she tries to do the transfer ah the blood transfer but this time like stabs her in the chest with it and Sue like spits up blood all over their face and they're both kind of freaked out and then there's just like fight chase scene where Sue is chasing Elizabeth and She kicks Elizabeth into the photo
01:10:57
Speaker
I don't know, this kind of was dragged out a little too long for me. I agree, to be honest. And Sue smacks the shit out of her, little bit runs into the bathroom, locks herself in the bathroom, and then Sue kicks the door down. And then she kicks ah Elizabeth, who dings her head off the sink.
01:11:22
Speaker
And then she's holding up Elizabeth to the mirror and she like smashes her head in the mirror several times. This is when the gore starts. Right. And you think she's dead, but she's not. And she like crawls all the way out back into the living room somehow. She gets up and gets kicked across the room like so like 300 style. Yeah.
01:11:48
Speaker
And it goes through a table. And then we just watch her kick the shit out of. Out of Elizabeth and it just goes on for like a while. Then you get the remember you are one text on the screen. ah And Sue stops like she hurt something and she starts crying. ah But she looks up and sees the New Year's Eve sign and they're going to love you. And it cuts to her backstage.
01:12:16
Speaker
Uh, she's getting her makeup done for the new year's Eve show, but she can't really hear everything's kind of distorted. A lot of ringing starts coughing while she's getting her hair and makeup done. And it sounds like she's like a fucking asthma attack. It's gross. Yeah. It's like guttural coughing. She goes in the bathroom and she coughs up a tooth and then she coughs up another tooth. And then before, you know, it starts like pulling her own teeth out. Yeah. So.
01:12:42
Speaker
Her front four teeth are gone. Right. She looks like a meth addict. And they come out with ease. I mean, it does. There's no contest. I had some pulled out a couple of weeks ago. That shit. Herded. Well, I don't know. I was numbed up, but that shit did not. It was not that easy. Like this guy had to like fucking yank rip pull. So she rips her or pulls her teeth out. They just fall out, essentially.
01:13:12
Speaker
And there's a guy banging on the door, let's go, let's go. And she tries to sneak out, but Harvey stops her with like his shareholders. And he's like, you know you should smile. you know And she smiles, like doesn't show any teeth. And these dancers like pass by in between them. And they Harvey and his shareholders follow the the dancers. And she goes into the elevator and breaks her nail, pressing the elevator button.
01:13:38
Speaker
And it comes all the way off. And then like her ear just falls off into her hand. Yeah, what the fuck was that about? I don't know. She's falling apart. And this guy. She can't be here anymore. No. This guy gets into the other with her somehow, even the door where I thought closed. And he's talking over. And she's like, fucking shut up, dude. Then there's, like again, chaotic running home. And she injects herself with more activator, which, again, single use only discard after use.
01:14:07
Speaker
This was probably the worst thing she could have done. Right. So the same thing happens to her that happened to ah Elizabeth in the beginning of the film. Her back breaks open. The same kind of light show vibe and the POV of a new version. And essentially she birthed a fucking clay face. A monstrosity.
01:14:30
Speaker
Yeah, ah there's multiple mouths, faces. ah There's a face of Elizabeth on the back of her, like over her shoulder. Right. And can only do like the whole Helen Keller thing. oh o Well, I think Helen could close her mouth. Sure. This lady could not. No. And there's like an arm growing out of her back and like her face is kind of like elongated.
01:14:56
Speaker
Kinda. Which face? The real face. It's gross. Yeah. So it's gnarly pulled. And you hear the voiceover. This movie sometimes is a little bit too on the nose with it. ah Looks like everything's in the right place. And it flashes. I didn't get the full name, but it's like Monstro Eloisa or some shit like that. Right. And this is where, you know, a lot of people in the reviews say the last 20 minutes make a break. I think I lean a little bit towards break. I just don't follow I just don't follow this.
01:15:31
Speaker
I don't think. ah But she's looking at like the New Year's Eve sign and like she puts the dress on and like she's literally a monstrosity. Right. Like does not look human at all. No. And she just sticks these earrings in her head and she like tries to curl the one strand of hair on her head and it just falls off.
01:15:55
Speaker
ah And then we see her like punch the big-ass photo of Elizabeth and she's glues or tapes. She like cuts out Elizabeth's face like puts it on her self over her own face like anyone's gonna fall for that. She puts on lipstick over the mask and she like limps into the studio.
01:16:16
Speaker
um and then she opens the back door and there's a guy who's like buying it and everyone's clapping for her in the hallway and she's getting this fame that she wanted so badly. You're so beautiful. And then it cuts and it's just actually an empty hallway with two posters. So that was never even there. And it cuts to ah the stage where the these other dancers are. I'm not sure what they were gonna fucking do here. Probably twerk. ah And the dancers all their tits out.
01:16:44
Speaker
That's what I was going to say. If this was on live TV, why are the tits out? I don't know, but I'm for it. I want to live in this society. I agree. Free the nipples. For sure. And we see Harvey in the crowd telling his shareholders that he's, you know, the ah Sue is his most beautiful creation. ah And the monster version comes out to the front of the stage to like the Ric Flair music. Yes.
01:17:13
Speaker
a
01:17:19
Speaker
Uh, and there's a bunch of different angles of like, uh, the stage and the dancers start looking at this fucking monstrosity and she's like trying to talk, but it's like, um yeah so have but yeah yeah yeah I mean, that's not great, but that's basically what she sounds like. I'd say that was pretty spot on. They needed subtitles actually for, for parts of it, right? Uh, and then the picture of Liz falls off her face.
01:17:45
Speaker
And a boob like falls out of her eye socket, I think? Yeah, a whole ass boob. And the crowd laughed at that in my theater. ah But the audience in the movie, it just goes like full camp here. Yeah, like people stand up individually and start screaming. You get to zoom in. Yeah. Someone yells a shooter.
01:18:13
Speaker
And she's like, don't be scared. And ah all of a sudden, these guys start like push. She's like in like a mosh pit, essentially, like there's like pushing her around as you fall to the ground. ah And this guy smashes her head off with the mic stand. Crazy, but a new head grows. It is crazy amounts of like Evil Dead 2013 vibe, amounts of blood here. It's just spraying into the crowd like Also she was, I don't know, I guess he did, it must have been another Mike Stan, but she's holding a Mike Stan as well and she goes to turn, but her arm just doesn't come with her and just separates off. Right, like snaps off. And it's like a fire hose amount of blood um all over the crowd for a while. It shows us for, I think, too long, but... It's literally the ending of Evil Dead 2013.
01:19:09
Speaker
Right. ah She's walking on the street and just like explodes. A combust. The face of Elizabeth that was on her back that could move her mouth can now move her mouth. And there's like a small little portion of her that like controls some flesh. And like crawls. I guess. And ends up on top of the star on the Walk of Fame. My audience laughed at this too.
01:19:37
Speaker
And she's looking up at the stars, but pictures like the basically glitz and glamour of being famous in here is the crouch here. Uh, and she just turns into like blood and dies. And the floor cleaner comes the next day from the beginning of the movie that you didn't see, uh, and cleans it. And that's the, uh, that's the end of the movie.
01:20:01
Speaker
It's very interesting movie.
01:20:07
Speaker
Look, we got to stop as a society. We got to stop now because it's only going to get worse. Hyping up movies to like we're like eight years old, like, oh, this is the grossest thing ever. Oh, oh this is the blah, blah, blah ever because it's hyperbolic and it gives people at least like me a sense of disappointment because it's not for me. This movie is gross. Don't get me wrong.
01:20:36
Speaker
But do you think it's because we've seen what we've saw before and we're desensitized? Do you think they're shooting for the mainstream here?
Does the Movie Live Up to Its Marketing?
01:20:45
Speaker
Yeah, but you can't speak to, you can't tell general audiences this is the grossest movie ever. It's true. Because you are coming from a place like people are looking to you for Reviews, whatever, right? like So if you're a movie reviewer, the i assumption is you've seen a good amount of movies you know what you're talking about. Right. But they are, to your point, they're saying it to the mainstream to get people to come see it. Like the average person, like the couple in front of me probably heard this is the grossest movie ever and was like, let's go see it. It's not. it's Yeah, it's not. I've seen worse.
01:21:25
Speaker
Which is like why I was telling you, like, I don't know if this is like. That i mean there's gore, but is it that gory? No. I don't know. It has its moments. Of course, it has its moments like the food, the the old food stuff looked gross for sure. The when when she splits out of her back, that was kind of gnarly. The sewing part was right. But watch your split didn't look I don't know. rough Yeah. I mean, yeah, ah we mentioned it, but Evil Dead 2013 is gorier than this. For sure. And I think done better than this. Yeah. Terrifier 2 is gorier than this. Like people saying Terrifier 3 is one of their grossest movies ever. I believe that because I've seen the first two. For sure. For sure. Probably going to be.
01:22:18
Speaker
The fact that Damien Leoni and David Howard Thornton themselves have said, like, we actually one up ourselves with the kill. Even Howard Thornton got sick on set. That's that grabs me is enough. It's enough for me. Sure. There's that factor, which is like. The marketing is to get people in the door and it doesn't really, I don't think meet that expectation of the grossest movie ever.
Appreciation for Storyline and Characters
01:22:46
Speaker
And then there's the actual story.
01:22:48
Speaker
Which I liked. I liked the story, sure. It was fine. I enjoyed watching these two, like Sue and Elizabeth kind of duel each other essentially. Kind of like big Freaky Friday vibes, huh? Yes, but I might like Freaky Friday more than this. I don't know. I haven't seen Freaky Friday in a long time. It might not hold up. I have no idea. That's a wild take to say. Well, I guess we can go straight into our rankings then, or our star ratings. What are you giving this?
01:23:20
Speaker
I don't know. I think it's somewhere between a three and a three and a half. Is it a three? Let me look at what I have rated a three, because I don't know. It's hard for me to say, I'm still kind of undecided, but I'm in that range. where' Where are you at with it?
01:23:38
Speaker
ah I'm higher on it than you are. Okay.
Deliberating Movie Ratings
01:23:44
Speaker
I'm giving it a four star. Okay. Um, I don't know something about it just really clicked with me. Um, I think this is a three for me. Three. Okay. And I'm looking at like what I have here. I think it's a three. Okay. Well, I'm going to read it live. Um, but Yeah, I don't know. I really liked the whole. It was shot great. ah The acting was good for the most part. um I've never seen any Demi Moore movies, as we've established, besides Hunchback of Notre Dame. But I thought she was great in it. I agree with that. Yeah. ah Is
Themes of Aging and Fame
01:24:26
Speaker
it the grossest movie ever? No, but there's some good gore, you know. You know, where I fall out of love with it is really the
01:24:34
Speaker
the end, which I think is the make or break. And it's not even the gore that I'm out on. It's just like the the choice. You think they went too too heavy, like on the it kind of gets comedic in a way. Sure. But like thematically, it's about like being aged out. And I guess a little bit of like Demi Moore's character is still chasing the fame because she doesn't want to be a washed like has been, I guess. Right.
01:25:06
Speaker
I don't know. For me, it doesn't, it doesn't connect for me. The,
Comparing Gore and Execution
01:25:10
Speaker
I appreciate the effects. They did, but it's not like the fucking fly came out when 80s and the fly is way grosser and more.
01:25:22
Speaker
So here's my better executed. Here's my thought, right? Okay. Um, knowing what this director has done with revenge. Sure. Do you think this movie is not targeted towards men?
01:25:41
Speaker
Um, I mean, thematically, it has more to do with women for sure. It's going to hit more for women than men because men, I don't think give a fuck as much about aging than women do. Right, and that's my that's my whole point. I mean, that could be part of it. For sure, but I feel like the. The horror gore. Aspect of a movie like that, like people who like that are typically more male than female, is that fair to say? Yeah, that's fair. I don't know, it's kind of a weird mashup. I don't know, something just doesn't
01:26:22
Speaker
and name Doesn't click. Yeah. And I feel like the middle part of the movie is a little repetitive. Yeah, it kind of loses where it's going for a minute. It's also this movie, I believe, is two hours, two and a half, two and a half hours. like Yeah, I didn't ah didn't need to be that long. It didn't seem that long. But again, I was not there for 20 minutes. But when I was writing the notes, I was like, gee like, we're still going. Really?
01:26:50
Speaker
Yeah, a little bit. i and Go ahead. I didn't think it dragged at all. In my opinion, there were parts for me that kind of dragged a little bit. I guess I'm at, I'm at a high three, maybe a three and a half. Is it better than cuckoo? Yeah. Yeah. It's better than most movies I ever ate at three. Is it better than Beeljuice? Beeljuice? Probably. Yeah.
01:27:21
Speaker
Yeah, I'm gonna, it's like fringe three, three and a half. Do you like this more than than a violent nature? Oh, you do. You had a four, sorry. That's not a question for you to answer. What do
Marketing and Release Thoughts
01:27:31
Speaker
I have out of in a violent nature at? I think I have that as a four. No, you guys a three now. A three? Oh, you rewatched it, right? Yeah. Okay, yeah.
01:27:45
Speaker
i Yeah, the gore in a violent nature is better.
01:27:52
Speaker
Is it? It might be on the same level. Might just be the yoga kill. on the shock The shock value is probably more, but yeah, I do like the stylistic filming, the way they shot it was very cool. The storyline for me, I don't know. It's fine. It's probably a three. Go see it though. Had a limited release. If you can go see it, I would i would still say go see it. If they release a physical media, some very fucking cool looking steel book, I'd definitely buy it. So you're saying you're not even going to buy it like normal Blu-ray?
01:28:23
Speaker
maybe not when it comes out. But like, you could definitely do some cool artwork for like a ah steelbook or something. I agree with that. I'd probably cop that. Sure. um But yeah, that's our ah our review on the substance. We hope you enjoyed a bit of a wild one.
01:28:44
Speaker
um
Upcoming Horror Month Reviews
01:28:45
Speaker
Next week, we are reviewing this is actually the Besides the movie bracket is the last film for horror month. We haven't told you guys about, uh, hereditary from 2018, uh, with a special guest. We have a ah third co-host for this episode. It was, uh, we already recorded it. It was a, it was a fun time. Yeah, it was definitely interesting. Uh, big, a lot of discussion went on.
01:29:17
Speaker
Still, I'm still ah and editing that one because it was so long. Very long. Not not in a bad way. um But yeah, once again, Horror Month is is upon us. We're here. If you're listening to this, it's basically here. ah So again, you're getting hereditary. You're getting two episodes a week in October.
01:29:39
Speaker
You're getting hereditary reanimator it 2017 inside a Terrifier three review, which is going to just be a Terrifier franchise celebration of an episode because you and I both love Terrifier. Yeah, I can all of it. I could see that episode going a little longer. Sure. I'm going to have to rewatch the first one before I rewatched up to the that scene in the movie and then I.
01:30:09
Speaker
I think I fell asleep or something. It's not great, but yeah. A Joker 2 review, which is going to be a little bit late because I have travel plans. Trick or treat. You have the mystery movie bracket when we haven't told you about yet. A basket case, which I'm hyped for. ah And we're going to round it out with the ABCs of death. And that is your October outlook, essentially. And then right after that,
01:30:39
Speaker
You thought we were done? Nope. Long legs the next week. Bring that bitch back, huh? Bring that bitch back. Uh, you
Social Media Promotion and Engagement
01:30:46
Speaker
want to give a little plug? Sure. Again, follow us on Instagram, two guys, one screen pod, send any comments, concerns, requests to two guys, one screen pod at gmail dot.com and follow us on letterboxed. Our individuals are linked in the description. Wash the clips.
01:31:05
Speaker
Uh, and vote, vote for the final two vote, vote, vote. This is coming out tomorrow. So vote for the. Vote for the descent vote for the strangers. If you want to hear Gerald and I argued by the strangers, vote for the strangers. Uh, if you want to make me come in my pants, vote for the descent. Yeah. Uh, make sure you're following us on Instagram because the links will be there for the bracket posted. They're up. We we post the links at least twice a week and they're in the links of the description of this episode. Yep.
01:31:35
Speaker
Other than that, we will see you next week to kick off horror month with hereditary. All right, toodles. Fuck you, Mark.