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the craziest bitches you know give you advice
3.6k Plays5 months ago
s2e12: a continuation episode from “ask p” on note to self. the girls answer your burning questions (whether or not it’s at all helpful is open to interpretation, but we personally would not take our own advice) hope this helps!!
listen to "ask p" part 1 here
find our friend austin's online yoga courses here
video available on apple podcasts ! check back every monday for a new episode :)
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Transcript
Introduction and Podcast Reflection
00:00:00
Speaker
Hey Chris. Hi Eames, what's up? I have to tell you something. Oh my god, okay. Should I three-way Peyton in? Yeah, call Pete. Okay. Hello? Hey, Eames needs to tell us something. I'm three-waying you in. Okay, immediately. Okay, so...
00:00:15
Speaker
Um, hello everyone. Welcome to three way. Welcome to one of the last episodes of the year when they have one more after this. Uh, but I'm here with Iman and Kristin. Obviously Iman and I did, obviously we did an episode on note to self, my solo vein narcissistic, just me girl podcast. Um, ah that description.
00:00:44
Speaker
The more that I have a podcast with other people, the more I'm like, damn, I really just like chose to start a podcast by myself, which I do love, but it's just like, I'm talking a lot, a lot.
Solo Podcasting and Audience Interaction
00:00:55
Speaker
Um, and I do my best, but it just does now feel, it's just so different.
00:01:01
Speaker
Right. Anyway, um every month on that episode or on that podcast, I do a series called Ask P. So what you guys sit in questions and then I give you my best advice that I can. So Iman and I did an episode. It was Ask P and Iman over on Note to Self ah earlier this month, I believe it came out. I wasn't there. They did this behind my back.
00:01:24
Speaker
We did it behind her back, and then we talked shit about her. Yeah, and then they talked shit about me. Like, do you guys see what I'm going through? like Your life is so hard. I know. It really is. So, I don't know. It's like...
00:01:36
Speaker
Ah, so anyways. Oh yeah. Anyway, so we're going to continue that over here. We're going to do some more questions from Ask Pia. I get a number of them, but I feel like it's kind of nice to have multiple responses, but we're going to try to keep things like as direct as possible with Ask Pia. Typically I'm like, listen, I see where you're coming from. I see why you feel this way. I see that. Like I'm trying to be just like, I'm trying to talk to you for 45 minutes by myself.
00:02:03
Speaker
But now we can be a little more direct because there's going to be like multi opinions probably so I've aggregated four questions ah to ask three way today and three people who should not be giving anyone advice are going to give you some advice exactly.
00:02:21
Speaker
Exactly. I hope you enjoy it. three The three girls lying to each other. exactly Exactly. Exactly.
Personal Updates and Positive Manifestation
00:02:30
Speaker
Wait, before we start though, um we did want to address Iman is still ah an employed girl, but she doesn't go to work and work on a laptop anymore.
00:02:40
Speaker
Guys, the most unrelatable single, Iman and I both have like, what do we what do we call them? Like niche experiences that like just no one else could ever relate to. yeah I feel like we have a better term for it, but it's just like the most unrelatable, very specific things happen. And that just happened to Iman. and all right So basically having a job in person was just not really working for me anymore.
00:03:10
Speaker
I want to be able to record my podcast. I actually was just telling the three-wayers this. I want to be able to golf. I want to be able to work on the podcast more, and then being tied to a desk. I was just getting a little antsy all day. So I talked to my boss about it. I had a very candid conversation a couple weeks ago. And I was like, look, man. And he was like, hey, I freaking get it. But like let's try to see what we can figure out. So then last week, he called me into his office, and he was like,
00:03:38
Speaker
So I know you like haven't really been the happiest here. I talked to a friend who's like a CEO at a different company. And it's basically like the exact job that like I know you would want because it's all the things that you love doing. And it's a raise, it's better benefits. And it's just like available to you if you want it to start in January. And I was like, Huh? You know what? Hell yeah.
00:04:06
Speaker
So that was my last day at that job. He was like, I'm obviously not firing you, like you can stay if you want, love having you, but like, I feel like you'd be so much happier here. And I was just like,
00:04:19
Speaker
All right. So my boss got me a new job. That's actually a lot better and it's fully remote. And I get to take like a month off basically right now, like through the holidays and then start like mid January. So watch the fuck out world. Cause three way has a lot more time on their hands. We have a lot more time. We're going to be doing a lot more things. I feel like you're manifesting. You said it on the podcast
Mental Health and Yoga Promotion
00:04:40
Speaker
and now it came true. Yes. I've been manifesting a lot. The fucking portal continues. Yes. I've been saying, um,
00:04:49
Speaker
I've been saying I'm a magnet for good things to happen to me and um things come easily for me and I don't even have to work hard for them. That's what I've been saying. Well, I'm telling you, whenever we say something on this podcast, it happens. On the portal! Oh my god, you're right. You did sell me to say on the portal. Right. Yeah. Okay, well, portal, don't forget our three million individual dollars because I can really use that right now. I know, exactly. Portal, don't forget. Portal, don't forget about the 10 mil. I could really use a wish right now.
00:05:20
Speaker
I could really wish for now. Well, to be specific, wish we said $10 million, a million for our business efforts and then 3 million each in cash, not taxed. It's actually a gift. Yeah. You're paying the tax on it. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
00:05:46
Speaker
Well, I'm really like impressed with how you just finagled that situation. And I really hope um only the best things for you. And I can't wait to see what you feel with your future. Thank you. I ah do recommend always being best friends with your CEO. Just get in there. Just get right in there. and just So I might say this is an HR nightmare. I would say it's not.
00:06:14
Speaker
it
00:06:18
Speaker
Anyway, moving on to the next thing.
00:06:23
Speaker
Kristen. Okay. Yeah. Kristen, do you have any life updates for us? Not really, I've been like, it's really nice weather in LA and work has slowed. And I feel like just lately, I the past few months, I've been so good about like, going to yoga and walking and blah, blah, blah. And I just feel like my mental health is really good. And I just really fucking love yoga. And I think it's such a special thing. And I just have really been thinking about how thankful I am for it. And um the constant it has been in my life.
00:06:58
Speaker
And yeah, um it's just a fun practice that like you're always working towards something you're always getting better it's meditative. um yeah I feel better than other people whenever I'm just like flowing in class. and they Have you ever gone to one of Austin's classes? You should.
00:07:15
Speaker
It's no, I mean, I Austin would make me look like a newbie. Like I've been doing it on and off since high school, but I've never consistently done it to where I'm doing like headstands and all of that shit. So it's like our classes are a work out. I would definitely recommend it. Yeah, no, I would be able to keep up. I'm just saying like it wouldn't be as pretty. She's just like so good and like well,
00:07:41
Speaker
Where can people find her classes. you know yeah hi Yeah, she has um her platform flow with Austin and her handle is at. osmad a u s m a d And she really ramped that up this year. She's really girl Boston yoga girl Boston.
00:08:02
Speaker
Yeah. Go on the platform if you want to. Really, really hard classes, but like I would, I would recommend also, ah um, if people are like new to yoga, cause yoga is like one of the scariest things to just like start. And back in high school when I wanted to start, I started doing like videos, like I had like DVDs and I learned all the basics and like got my core strength up and then started going to classes.
00:08:28
Speaker
so Austin's thing would be perfect, if you especially
Gift Giving and Lifestyle Advice
00:08:31
Speaker
if you're a beginner, because the hardest part about ... You can like practice in private and then go ... Right. Because the hardest part about it is like knowing the names for everything, knowing what you naturally go into and how it flows and blah, blah, blah. and There's just so many nuances, which like is what keeps it interesting and keeps you wanting to go. but Anyway, yeah, I would just say like, I'm been were pretty fucking wholesome. I've been like going on hikes. I don't know. Like rebrand alert, I guess. So. All right. So she's, in are you still smoking cigarettes? I mean, do I know you at all? Yeah, I am still smoking cigarettes. I haven't brought them in a while. Still addicted to weed. Um, and yeah, like. Yeah. Okay. I'm not, I'm not too different girls. Don't worry. Okay.
00:09:22
Speaker
Good to hear. Peyton, do you have any updates you can tell us? Wink, wink. Um, yeah well, Joe and I opened our Christmas gifts to each other today because we're leaving to go to Oakland this weekend. you Um, so I got him basically gifts that he can use to improve my morning. So I got him the one or no, the always, I'm sorry. call that he can use to improve We got him like the always pan so he can like cook for you. The one that's like never like you can like light it on fire and it like doesn't get like charred or anything. Hell yeah. So it's gonna be good for like when he makes me eggs in the morning and like when he makes me steaks at night um so it can be good and they don't ruin our pans for when he cleans the pans also. The wishes. So like also the pan came with a cleaner brush so that'll make it easy for him.
00:10:22
Speaker
lead up after come after he does all his things. And then I got i i got him a smeg coffee maker. So that was nice. um And it's really cute for our new kitchen that's still in the middle of being redone all of our stuff from all of our drawers. You wanted a smeg thing to have on the counter. Cause he usually wakes up earlier than me and I got a cute smeg and then he got me a smeg mixing stand.
00:10:53
Speaker
Oh, cute. For when I want to be like fancy and I feel like baking or something or when he feels like getting a little spicier and like adding something to the steaks he makes at night, so.
00:11:05
Speaker
Love. ah but um Those are all great near lie gifts. I feel like it's like smeg or like KitchenAid, something like that where like if you can buy something for someone, like for example, my mom, if I buy her like one of those things, that's like a perfect reason to buy her that I guess for the whole next like 10 years of her life. So like every year you just add to their collection. It's like the easiest, most useful gift. And everyone's just going to think you're amazing because like next year you bought her a smeg that's the same color or something else.
00:11:35
Speaker
Right. That's a good, yeah, that is good. Good point. I like that. We did a lot of like kitchen stuff. Like adding to someone's collection that you've specifically gotten them. I like yeah the concept of that. Like every year, I guess it started last year, I get like one of my best friends, like a vintage like teacup, like it got her like an Hermes one last year. I might get an Hermes one or whatever this year. I don't know which one I'll get her, but. Oh my gosh. I want an Hermes teacup or a coffee cup.
00:12:02
Speaker
It's really, really cute and they're all like hand painted. I not i got the cutest little, I went to a sturdy Santa party and like a brunch and I got the cutest little handmade cup. I actually like have to show you it's right here. It's so silly. Okay. So this is my cup. Oh my gosh, adorable. It has its own hand and it in the side it says let's get rich.
00:12:27
Speaker
Oh my gosh. I was like, my last name's Richie and that's my top pull for the years. I love that. I know. I was like, love. I just want to get hotter. Yeah. I want to get to er richer.
00:12:43
Speaker
Same. Have you seen my friend Maggie Sellers like thing called Hot Smart Rich? Um, yes. I don't know. Y'all should follow it on the internet. She like is a, she does like angel investing and like just a lot of like investment stuff for the release, but she also just like is an influencer as well. Um, and she created this like platform basically called hot, smart, rich, and it's all about being a hotter, smarter and richer and like perfect. That's exactly what I need. I set up a Vanguard account this year and I was looking at how much money I made off of it. And it's really fucking crazy.
00:13:20
Speaker
I don't believe I haven't. Yeah, I don't know. doing that Everyone, everyone get hot, smart, rich for this year. We'll talk about our new year's stuff in the next couple of episodes, but let's get started on the questions so we don't run out of time.
00:13:36
Speaker
So I'm going to start question number one. So I'm going through a super transitionary period of my life right now. I'm 22. I just broke up with my boyfriend of two years. I moved out of my apartment in the small Colorado mountain town where he lives. Literally all of my belongings are packed in my car at my parents' house while I'm just doing, or while I'm doing a month long yoga teacher training. I was speaking of yoga.
00:14:01
Speaker
Over the last three years, I have lived in Massachusetts, Colorado, and Alaska, either studying or seasonally working as a whitewater raft guide. I was pulled to Colorado for the outdoors, but also for my ex, and now I feel like I have nothing pulling me to live in any particular place. I have one week of my yoga training left, and when I get back to the States, I have to choose somewhere to live. I'm hoping you can give some advice on how you choose a city or town to live in when you don't have any responsibilities or people attracting you to a particular place.
00:14:29
Speaker
Any advice is much appreciated. So I thought about this for like five seconds, but I thought about like LA and I feel like when I moved to LA, it was like because of work, because that's kind of like the work was booming there. Like what I wanted to do was definitely like being done there. But also I think I moved to l LA because I just thought like, okay, I'm a depressed girly. Like truly this is one of my biggest reasons for moving there, if not the biggest.
00:14:55
Speaker
um I'm a depressed girlie and I need the sunlight and I just like wanted to go somewhere where I didn't have to deal with like seasonal shit because I am more productive. I'm happier and I like just want to be alive more when I'm in the sunlight and that's how simple it was for me.
00:15:13
Speaker
That was my exact reason. I obviously wanted to be here to be in like fashion or like kind of figure that out, but it was I was like, I actually have the worst seasonal depression. If I could eliminate a few months of that, that would be life changing.
00:15:27
Speaker
so But I was going to say for her, it's like if I was starting over, had no furniture, no nothing, I would fucking go to New York. I think like my advice is like go wherever. like If you meet someone and you're like, wait, that's dope that you've been there, or like it's something that would impress you of yourself or make you feel proud or whatever, I would say like if you have nothing to your name, that is the easiest place to move to.
00:15:58
Speaker
Because ah it's like, I would love to live there, but the thought of moving all my shit across, you know, whatever, it's like, it's, I'm never going to fully move, live there. I don't, I don't only be by coastal. So I don't know. I would say like someplace like, yeah, New York.
00:16:18
Speaker
And she's 22. So I feel like New York is truly the bad best city in there. Yeah. Well, it seems like she likes the outdoors. So I don't know if she's like a city girl or what, but I feel like New York extent, like you can't go really go wrong with that. Even if it's just for like a little bit. That's what I'm saying. It's like, get it out of your system. It doesn't have to be forever, but I would just go somewhere fucking exciting that you would.
00:16:43
Speaker
feel cool telling people that you live there for a little bit. like Just do things to make yourself feel cool. It's kind of looking like she like wants to create community. And I think that like, for example, when I moved here to Florida, like I'm kind of in a suburban area. So I've been i around people that are not my age. Um, and it's been really hard to create community in Milwaukee was the same way. I think if you're like wanting to, like, you're kind of saying there's no people attracting you to a particular place. Like I feel like number one, you might be craving community in New York is like the easiest fucking place in the but
00:17:17
Speaker
Play on the planet to like make a community. There's a community for literally everything but what do you think you mine? This is not a relatable topic to me but I feel like that's what kind of makes it interesting because I don't necessarily relate to what either of you guys said either I feel like what I would do if I was in her scenario is like I Well, for one, I've never moved anywhere and else and I've never thought about moving anywhere else. So I feel like I would do it more in like, I would reach out to different people that I know at different places. Like me and Peyton's friend, Kelsey, like lives in Scottsdale. I'd be like, what do you like about Scottsdale? I might reach out to my friend.
00:17:59
Speaker
you know Kelly, who lives in Chicago, like I might reach out to all of them and be like, what do you like about it? What don't you like about it? Assess whether they that those people have big friends groups in those areas. and I might move to where I know one person who like has a strong friends group and really likes where they live just wherever that is and seeing what is being kind of fun. I think the smaller town, if you like specifically do yoga as a job,
00:18:24
Speaker
could be easier and like more affordable. So I know I would just literally survey like to my friends, be like, hey, what's like the most lit and like are we going to have a group? And then I would just go there. Yeah.
00:18:36
Speaker
Yeah, I feel like that's, ah we started with like, what makes you feel good and go to those places. And then we're like, actually go to the biggest place you could find. And then actually like, so you could build a community. And then like, we were like, okay, so actually reach out to your current community. Yeah, actually reach out to your friends, see what city has in the breasts breasts best martinis and get to going.
Relationship Advice and Emotional Management
00:19:01
Speaker
Hi P, I recently got broken up with by my longist boyfriend my long distance boyfriend of two years. He completely blindsided me and did it over the phone expressing that he just didn't love me anymore. Obviously I was absolutely gutted but took that one statement as the nail in the coffin. The next day I dug my heels into processing healing and growing and haven't looked back since.
00:19:20
Speaker
We have done one month of no contact and he had mentioned that he'd like to talk to me after the holidays, which would be two months of no contact. We plan to talk to say our final goodbyes to figure out what to do with the belongings, etc. I want to be extremely protective of my healing and do not think talking to him is a good idea. I know I have every right to set that boundary, but I'm scared to even send him a text because of how it might make me unravel.
00:19:42
Speaker
I also still love him as a person, so I don't want to just block him and tell him to fuck off. I want to eventually say goodbye kindly and express my gratitude for our relationship. I just have no idea if and when I'll be ready for that. Do I send him a text warning him that I'm going to block him temporarily? Does that remove his opportunity to say his piece? Do I just wait to see if he ever reaches out and grow a pair and respond? ah Do I just mail him his shit and write a letter? I'm still so worried.
00:20:08
Speaker
about protecting him because I love him. And that's kind of the, or that's the kind of person I am, but I know I need to look out for myself now. Let me know your thoughts. And for context, I'm 30 and an engineer in Fort Worth. Hello. And he's 25 red flag, LOL, and, uh, and pilot training in South Texas. Another red flag I figured I'd mentioned since you'd be familiar.
00:20:31
Speaker
Okay, I actually do have a lot of like rapid fire thoughts about this right off the bat. One, talk for what he like, sorry to just be like he said he doesn't love you anymore doesn't want to be with you talk for what there's no more closure after that. Like there's nothing he can what there's nothing to say like, well, he also she said that and this is, you did say that.
00:20:53
Speaker
Yeah. Can I acknowledge that this is one of the first ever like breakup things I've read that is like, everyone's pretty self-aware that writes in, I would say. And like the ones I answer, but she's like so self-aware and then also like seeing outside of herself to be like, I know this pain is going to go away. Like when you're too self-aware, where you like know all the angles, I feel like that's where you get even more stuck. So like, yes, you're very self-aware. You did say like talk or what I also think if you,
00:21:20
Speaker
Text him and tell him you're going to block him. He might say something that then makes you not want to or like want to continue talking. um Well, what if she just texted him and like didn't like texted him, say this is why I'm blocking you and then like immediately blocks him. So it's not like like she's kind of saying like this is not supposed to be. I'm not trying to be aggressive. You know what I mean? I'm just doing this and I need to leave. I don't think you need to tell him that you're blocking him. Didn't he break up with her?
00:21:49
Speaker
Yeah. So why, she why is she worried about protecting him? She just needs to worry about herself. Like, well, I think it's like, i'm goingnna i if, like, if it sends him into a spiral that he doesn't have access to her anymore, then it sends him into a spiral. Like I understand being a good human and that that's easily, that's easier said than done. Like, trust me, I'm over here, bending over backwards for other people's feelings. But at the same time, like,
00:22:15
Speaker
advice wise, like I don't think you worry about him at all in this scenario. I think you do what you need to do and that that means block them and then like, take distance and fucking do it. And who cares? Yeah, I think that's something that yeah, it definitely feels like easier said than done in the moment. It's obviously the right thing to do. But I do think I don't know, I feel like you have a good pulse on your feelings and also considering his feelings. I think like whenever you text him, like make it like an email, like no kind of personality. Just like, hey, if you're gonna go get your things from him and you need to do like a thing swap, I would do very much like, hello, ah you can come get your things this time, this place, or like whatever the thing is. And then I think just like blocking him without telling him you're gonna block him, that would be doing something for you.
00:23:05
Speaker
I would say if you want to don't route, that's most. Yeah. The email, the email thing sounds feel psycho to me though. Like I would be like, you to say ha hey, come grab your stuff. Like, no I would just be honest and be like, Hey, I think I like for this to be like, you know, definite. And before we can transition over to just like friends, I'm going to need some space. And so can you come get your stuff? And then I am just going to like take some space. Don't even fucking tell them that you blocked them.
00:23:35
Speaker
I would say that's what I would do. I thought like basically she has to allegedly maybe see him when she's doing, they're trying to do the stuff swap. What I would try to do is not see him. Like I would try to get the stuff to him without seeing him. And I'm like, I think the blocking thing for me, I would worry not even about him. I would just worry that I look like I'm doing it for like an ulterior reason or I'm mad or something.
00:24:03
Speaker
That's why I would explain it a little bit and not go overboard and explain myself. Just be like, Hey, I need space. Um, and you don't need to say I'm blocking you, but just be like, I need space for a little bit. Like, I don't think that we should catch up or, you know, kind of like reconvene to say our pieces, like where can I send your stuff? Or if you want to come pick it up, you can pick it up here and then like, just be like, I just need space and you can block them after that. But like, I just want to, like for me, the blocking, I read it less of like,
00:24:30
Speaker
she's trying to take care of his feelings and more of like she's trying to say like, this is why I'm doing this just so like I don't look like I'm mad at you or something like I'm just trying to get space. so Yeah, but that's just so hard. But I feel like this is one of the ones that I'm like, damn, you really know what you should be doing. So yeah I don't think you should see him. If you know yourself well enough to think that seeing him might change something and you're on already like such a good path, which going no contact is like the hardest thing.
00:24:54
Speaker
Like just fully doing that. So like going back and forth is like fucking annoying. So I feel like, yeah, I would just say like, come get your shit or I'll give it to you or like mail it to you. And then just be like, I'm just going to need some space for awhile. Cause you might just take space forever. And then you guys both just like realized the breakup was probably maybe a good thing. Yeah. Yeah. Or anyway, the space was good and yeah, whatever. Like me and Joe did. Yeah.
00:25:23
Speaker
Okay. But I will say like the saying, I don't love you anymore. That's like pretty rough. Yeah. That sucks. Okay. So number three, a four.
00:25:37
Speaker
I feel like I'm a person with a lot of individual friends, but they aren't a group. I know this sounds terrible, but sometimes I get exhausted with scheduling individual drinks or dinners with them. It feels like a constant rotation because if I do one to two per week, by the time I get through them, it's been six to eight weeks and it's time to reschedule with the first week's people. I hope this makes sense. I will also have a lot of friends that aren't local and I want to keep up with the two via the phone and trips I'm going or I'm good about trips and visiting, but sometimes I'm not great at texting and calling.
00:26:06
Speaker
Um, if I cancel or sit on my couch to protect my energy, quote unquote, I feel worse because it feels better to socialize than to be alone. And then I also am drained and don't look forward, uh, to all these ketchup dinners when they are just constant rotations. I know I sound like I sound terrible and truly love all these amazing women, but that's, or but that's why I don't want it to feel like so much work. Is this normal? Any advice? Yes.
00:26:32
Speaker
And I feel like this will spark a combo between Eames and I because I am a friend group mixer for this reason. I feel like I have a lot of friends that I want to hang out with. And I feel like most of my friends will vibe because I just like, I don't know. I feel like I just hang out with kind of like the same energies of people that most of the people would kind of vibe. But Eames I feel like doesn't love mixing friend groups. And I realize the reason why, but it's also like,
00:27:11
Speaker
Scary once you create that like hard boundary because in the whole time you're just like thinking oh My god is my friend enjoying themselves or or whatever, you know like i think friendreer I'm not able to be care free enough in order to like I not know if my friends are all vibing perfectly, having a great time and still be able to like have fun. So if I'm mixing, like if I'm inviting like Kristen, for example, to friend to drinks with, I don't know, a friend from high school, like I'm going to be so worried that like they're clicking and like everyone's having a good time and we're all doing the things like
00:27:46
Speaker
I've never made you feel that way because I've always just been happy to be like there and hanging and meeting your friends. So there shouldn't be that energy there. I feel like there is yet that energy. and I just have it myself.
00:28:01
Speaker
Right, but now you bring that to other people because you make that you have that life. Yes, this is a me thing. This is a me problem. Strong boundary. No, it's not a strong boundary. It's just like, I don't love it. I love one-on-one time or groups that are already mixed. Like me, you and Peyton, we can hang out all day. We can have a great time. Yeah. yeah but it's just like the new group of people. I just like, we have different inside jokes and we have, I just, it feels too uncomfortable to me. Well, I think it's just different when it's individual. So she said she has a lot of individual friends and I'm kind of like this, but my thing now is I don't have a lot of individual individual friends anymore because all of my friends I've made be friends. So I'm not taking like
00:28:42
Speaker
one group and another group and then making them mix or I'm not taking a group and like one person and making them enter that group like it was you guys who became friends because I was like y'all are gonna be friends and then it was Iman and Kelsey became friends because I was like y'all probably gonna like each other but we weren't like hanging out in groups it was just like me Iman and Kelsey and then Kelsey and Iman became really good friends because it's just us three and then like same with y'all You know what I mean? And then they all everyone starts hanging out like separately and Imani Kelsey live together. So like all of our friendships that I have were kind of like friendships that were like melded together. And like Sophie introduced me to Kelsey. So like that was a one-on-one thing though. It wasn't like Sophie was bringing me to a group. So I feel like for her mixing some of the people in the group
00:29:26
Speaker
would be okay. Cause if they're like individual friends that you're making hang out, like yeah instead of you getting a drink one on one, you're going to get it with like, say like, Oh, we're going to go to drinks with like you and then my other friend. Like I want you all to meet anyway. I think that's easy. That's my same advice because like you.
00:29:42
Speaker
And like sometimes you ah like in this case me and Eames vibe over different things that like, you know, don't even necessarily involves Peyton and like vice versa. It's like,
00:29:57
Speaker
It goes beyond like the mutual friendship kind of thing. um So i love I love mixing friends. I love all my friends having context of my other friends. I love like all of that. um So that's my advice as well. like I love when I can... hang out with, you know, I don't i want like a large group, but if I can hang out with like three or four of my friends, i I agree. It's like less daunting being social because sometimes I am so aware like, oh fuck, I haven't hung out with anyone and I don't know, whatever.
00:30:35
Speaker
So it also keeps you if you're so busy and exhausted It just keeps you're like needing to go out of the house to a minimum which I like and I love when my friends become friends because like to kind of just parrot that because I feel like Something is a responsibility is taken off of my chest because I like saying I know that that friend has something someone to hang out with like I like when my friends become Like Imana Kelsey, there is no part of me that feels strange or weird or like left out of that situation or you guys hanging out like I'm kind of like please everyone leave me out and and let me go to sleep. But I will say to agree with Iman a little bit, I don't like entering a situation. Like if I go hang out with Iman, I've hung out with Iman and like Iman's friends and I'm comfortable around them because I've like been around a lot of her friends for now a long time. But I'm not a person that likes to be taken into a friend group and then like they have all their shit going on and I'm just like kind of there. Like I can do it for like a night or something. Well, I don't think anyone does, but I think it's kind of just one of those uncomfortable things that you have to get through to then find the like comfort, like it's kind of just like part of life, like that uncomfortability sometimes to like, then find comfortability within the same group. Yeah, I guess i that's how Iman and I met too, because I went with a friend to like one of her friends parties, and I did enter a friend group that all knew each other, but Iman was like probably the only one of that whole group that I was like,
00:31:57
Speaker
friends with, cause she went out of her way probably cause she was feeling awkward. was Yeah. I'm just weird in a group. I'm a weird girl in general. I'm awkward. I get weird. Sometimes my best friends have like 20 years where like I might call them on the phone and I'm like, whoa, I'm feeling awkward. I'm just like a weird person. So I don't know. I also like, I'm an enigma all the time. Some of my friends I meet from meeting through other friends. Sometimes I mix two friends together. I just, I don't know.
00:32:24
Speaker
You never know what's going to happen. Yeah. Well, my, my advice to this would be try to like, even like kind of like half the amount of friend dates you need to go on by like combining groups. If you can, like if you try to mix them by like personalities. Yeah. Yeah. the That I think you could mix them by are like how much each of them drink, like mix like a heavy drinker with another heavy drinker and and light drinker with a light drinker. Yeah. So like.
00:32:51
Speaker
Um, maybe common TV shows are like, cause they might have certain like personalities and maybe like common senses of humor, but mostly probably for going out together, like, um, social styles and drinking styles. and Maybe even just have a little party at your house, like a little wine and cheese night with an activity so you can see who naturally you know, hits it off and you can get an idea just so you're and you don't want the people to feel like set up on dates, you know, or like set up. Yeah, I think those were great rules. But yeah, definitely combined because that sounds like a lot of different dates. And if you're feeling like your social calendars a lot and you feel guilty for even like hanging out by yourself, then we need to cut that down for you. Yeah.
00:33:36
Speaker
Honestly, throw on some, get some bottles of wine, get some cheese, throw on some old music videos and have the girls over one night. And I think things will change. Well, also get your friends together and make them answer dinner party questions at RSVP's dinner party. yeah your questions That is really good advice.
00:33:58
Speaker
I just did an event. I don't know if I already talked about this, but I just did an event and all the girls, it was five of us, just a small event and none of the girls knew each other. They're all like Miami based though. And everyone answered the questions and then like was raving about it. I don't know if I've already said this, but oh my God, it's like, so I did look at them stories. It looked so fun. Yeah. Well, they just like, everyone was like, Oh, it's so, it was so just like, it made you be vulnerable in a way. But it was also like exciting questions that you wanted to answer that like everyone kind of felt more energized after the dinner. And like, we're, they were like exchanging numbers and stuff. So like, nice I've always said the best questions aren't like the most intense, extreme questions. The best questions are just disarming. So you just can answer it with no, like,
00:34:42
Speaker
nothing behind it. Well, however like deep you want to go to. By the third question, one of the girls like kind of went more vulnerable and that made everyone else do it too. So it was just a good conversation. We went through three questions, or five of us, three questions, and we were at dinner for like two and a half hours. So like it was a lot of conversation around the questions. I love that shit. Which is the point.
00:35:02
Speaker
which is so the That's why we only have three questions a week because they're supposed to take like a while. you know um Okay, last question. Hi P. I have been in an on, again, off, again situation for over a year with a boy who was a close friend. We are 29 and he lives in my hometown and I live in another city a flight distance away.
00:35:24
Speaker
After a break of six months, I feel more at peace about the situation and don't sit around being sad about him. But I just saw him recently at a group event and finally realized that I'm at least a little bit in love with him. I really care for him and I really like spending time with him, but he is immature, uh, kind of needs to get his life together and somewhat emotionally unavailable. I know these qualities are not what I want long in a long-term partner or at least until he can grow up, but I'm still having a hard time not thinking about him all the time. On top of that, I have to see him often at friends, events, weddings, birthdays, et cetera.
00:35:54
Speaker
ah And how do you stay away from someone you have love for? I know I should stay away, but part of me also struggles with the fact that we're never that we've never been able to give it a real go because of the distance. I feel like I need to be strong and not start things back up again, but it's hard. What would you do? Thank you.
00:36:13
Speaker
Um, I don't know. I would start things up again until it turns out for me and then I would end it. I don't know what else to say. I wouldn't like try not to just for the sake of, I'd be like, all right, let's start this thing back up. What do you guys think?
00:36:26
Speaker
Yeah. Um, I would say anytime there's this an issue with distance, like if the distance is the issue, I truly think in my soul that distance is not the issue that it's something else. Cause if you want to make it work, you just make the distance work. If it's a flight away, like that's ridiculous. So I feel like there's something else and you can use distance as an excuse, but it's not really the distance and if you really love someone. So I feel like this is not working.
00:36:53
Speaker
And if he comes back to you and says, Hey, I want to make this work. I felt, I found out I'm in love with you and I'll do anything and like, you're the one for me. Then I'd be like, yeah, sure. Do it again. But unless this man like comes around and like figures his shit out, I would not give him the time of day. I would maybe hook up with him.
00:37:12
Speaker
I keep bugging until the love is gone. Yeah, I keep bugging. I also kind of feel like it depends on like kind of what era of your life you're in. Like if you're looking for some just some like loose male attention and like dating experience and you really think that like you can kind of leave it at that and not be too let down if it doesn't work out.
00:37:39
Speaker
then I say go for it. If you're like really wanting to settle down soon, I probably wouldn't fuck around with that. So like, I feel like I've been prompted with that so many times and I've handled it so many different ways because I've been in in different eras wanting different things. So it kind of depends on like what you want. If you want to have fun and potentially hurt yourself a little or you know, make them fucking crawl to you and make them work.
00:38:08
Speaker
and train him if you're looking for a partner. And how would you do the ladder? I would like, I would play the games, unfortunately. I would, yeah, I would just like
00:38:28
Speaker
Flirt a lot, talk a lot, but then also whenever he's trying to take things to the next level, I would be like, well, you know, I'm gonna need answers. Well, I will say this.
00:38:45
Speaker
I was dating two guys who were not my husband at the same time for like seven months who are not but and lawyer up until my first date with my now boyfriend. And I knew neither of them were going to be my husband and I knew both of them were just not kind of, but I would like see them every, maybe once a week, once every two weeks, but I just knew in my brain this is not my husband. So I'm still very open to dating. So I don't like with that in mind, it was really easy not to like,
00:39:12
Speaker
who I don't know. I just feel like I was having fun. I think I dated both of them for seven months up until the first day of my now boyfriend and then I just ghosted them after the first date. But I think there's room to like be serious and be silly.
00:39:29
Speaker
Yeah. Here's the thing though. It seems like she's like, so she was saying that there took a break from the situation and she's just out the point where she's not sad about him, but she's still constantly thinking about him all this stuff. It doesn't seem like a fun, fresh, girly thing. It seems like she like is kind of in love with this guy and seeing him as hard but by the time we get to the end.
00:39:50
Speaker
Yeah. Like seeing him as hard, all this stuff is hard for her. So I'm like, if it's hard for you, then, and then she's like, I don't, she's talking about like, I don't see this, these qualities in a long-term partner. yeah Um, so it feels like you like him. That's why I said like, if you can't get his shit together, you need to move on. And here's the thing. Every time I've ever moved on from a guy that couldn't get his shit together, he comes fucking.
00:40:14
Speaker
crawling back. That's how you get them to crawl back to you. And by the time he crawled back, I was like, ew, like I don't want you anymore because I opened my energy to other things. And like, that's when I met Joe, it was kind of a situation like that where this guy was like kind of coming back into my life. And I'm like, I don't even want you. Like it's so, it's like Joe's up here and he was like down here and but basically like every single level. But until I got over the idea of him, I wasn't like open to meeting someone like Joe, you know? Right.
00:40:44
Speaker
And I met someone way better. So I'm like, you should just like kind of close it down and shut it off. Yeah. Like that's more what I was saying, like, let him come to you. Or if it's like an itch that you truly think you need to scratch, it'll drive yourself crazy. Just go into it being like, I have to test this out to know.
00:41:04
Speaker
but I can't expect anything. Like I should- I would try to get the ick. Like I would definitely try to get the ick. Like men are pretty easy to get the ick from. So like go prompt the ick in some way, but it's also kind of fun with a guy like this who expects you to hook up with him because you used to or you have or whatever to like heavily flirt and like at least play the part, like act like you're not going to maybe hook up with him, but like really flirt with him, be super nice, super like fun, bubbly, like in your best energy. And then,
00:41:33
Speaker
like if he's and then don't get yourself in a position to hook up with him like just do something completely like you wouldn't do at all in this situation and like it's hard when you get drunk though to like my like this person you literally not liking him and like when you're around him be your best version of yourself because that's what I was saying you have to play the games because Men do have to be kind of like reminded how they feel about you, especially if you took distance and all that. So I think you need to be like friend zone, kind of play the game. So like be like, Oh my God, he's so cute. Like, Oh my God, cute little guy. Like I just, you're the best, like very friend zone. Cause that's going to make him, even if you're not going to be with this person or you kind of get the egg from him or whatever you move on. I'm just, it's so, it's so like fun and funny because it's like an ego fuck for these people. Right.
00:42:24
Speaker
That's kind of fun. It's manipulative, but it's so fun. Yeah. It sounds like you should just be manipulative in whatever way you think is appropriate right now. and what Perfect. Clip that clip that. Okay. Well, this is, that's the end of my questions that I have. um ah Thank y'all for letting us give you advice. We gave you literally all the advice. um Each of us had different things to say. Yeah, 700 different things from three different girls that you shouldn't take any advice from. i Everyone's a lot more confused, and we hope no one makes actually one decision. Yeah. I hope you're just your thoughts are just spiraling. I hope you're thinking about things you weren't before. And it's actually much worse now.
00:43:15
Speaker
Perfect. All right, guys. Well, we'll talk to you next week on my birthday. Yeah, TTYL. Okay, bye. All right, perfect.