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loser alert
2.7k Plays10 days ago
s2 ep6: the gals discuss kristen's potential new suitor, sending nudes, and 3 ways to handle a breakup.
(see emon's breakup journal prompts here)
video available on apple podcasts ! check back every monday for a new episode :)
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Transcript
Introduction and Podcast Teaser
00:00:00
Speaker
Hey Chris. Hi Eames, what's up? I have to tell you something. Oh my god, okay. Should I three-way paint in? Yeah, call me. Okay. Hey, Eames needs to tell us something. I'm three-waying you in. Okay, immediately. Okay, so... Hey guys! Okay, excuse me. Hey guys, it's the three-way girls. um Today we have some fun stuff in store for you guys. We're gonna talk about how our Halloween's went. We're gonna talk about um Kristen's new guy on the scene. Ooh, and then we're gonna play some smooth jazz.
00:00:41
Speaker
No. And then we're going to talk about three different ways that we all deal with breakups. Yeah. We want to do like a three way segment to share like, you know, three ways that we eat do you girls get it that's three ways.
Halloween Party Antics
00:00:55
Speaker
Get it. It's like kind of like a play on our name. scar if You get it. Yeah. Comment below. Um, okay. So I'm going to narrate kind of stop. Literally stop. Sorry, I'm feeling very giggly. Bigly episode alert because last week's wasn't so giggly. but Okay.
00:01:22
Speaker
guys what happened I'm sorry. Literally I'm shutting up now. I just like don't know when to start and I'm just getting more awkward with the time. Every time I get interrupted, I like get more awkward. Okay. So Over the weekend, we and Kristin went to a Halloween party together. um It was an old friend of mine. We went to Wally's first. We went with Mike Crush. We pull up to the party. um It was my friend's BJ's party. And I was like, hey, BJ, my friend Kristin over here is looking for a husband. Who do you have for her? And she's like, no, I'm not. And I was like, why would I say that you're like looking for a hookup or a one-night stand? like If I say you're looking for a husband, he's going to bring over like the most eligible bachelor for you. She's looking a fuck. Yeah. i'm like I'm trying to get the best guy. and She goes, oh, yeah, yeah, no, no, yeah, okay, yeah, looking for a husband. So, BJ calls a guy over who is honestly pretty hot, pretty funny,
00:02:27
Speaker
cool job, just checking all the boxes. At a certain point, I'm like, wait, am I flirting with him? I no he really like demon was like, if you don't fucking go home with him, I will. Or if I was her boyfriend. As I'm sitting on my boyfriend's lap. I was like, oh, okay. Because Kristen has also been telling me, like hey, I don't want to be in a bit so much when I'm around men.
00:02:51
Speaker
some of my best friends are worried about me. They're like, Jesse claims I've been stuck in a bit since like 2020, 2021, because I'll get stuck in a bit to where I like hate men and like, you know, ew. Well, it's definitely like a coping mechanism. I feel like Kelsey does some form of that too. Yeah, it's a defense mechanism. Yeah, defense mechanism. Yeah. And but I'm just stuck in the circle of that because even you guys the way I was flirting with them like I actually like nothing makes me feel more mentally ill than the way I react with men these days like I have I need someone to like do Reiki healing on me and ayahuasca and I need to forget anything that's ever happened to me because I somehow turned into a fucking weirdo and you need an exorcism
00:03:40
Speaker
No, I literally need an exorcism from all the bad men but like that came before these other men because Eames kept having to be like, Hey, dude, like you're like getting stuff. stop people here yeah and She's like, you're like being weird again. like Even like whenever like her friend was like introducing us to people, I just remember you being like, Hey, can you like stop? And I was like, Oh my God. What were you doing?
00:04:05
Speaker
Were you doing the thing where you like be too much on purpose to see like who can handle it? Probably because like I was dancing. But at the same time, I like I think what it is is I flirt like a like a 12 year old boy. Like No, I just think you like exaggerate your flirting a little bit so that it's like, so basically, like, my friend was telling everyone about our podcast.
00:04:32
Speaker
And, um, he like called us over to a group of people who were like execs at like a popular, um, like at Netflix. And, um, BJ was telling them, him i do I don't fucking know this. He's telling um him about our podcast and like talking us up and like, Hey, you guys need to meet Iman and Christian. Like this is incredible.
Kristen's Humor and Social Dynamics
00:04:52
Speaker
Like it's so funny what they do. And Kristen goes up, she's like, yeah, it's called three way. Cause like,
00:04:57
Speaker
it's kind of based off like a three-way phone call but also like we have a lot of threesomes and like recorded on camera and bj was like why are you saying that no they don't they don't have sex on camera why are you doing that kristen i know And here's the thing is like I got anxiety when I woke up the next morning because I was like, I don't want to ever feel like I'm over correcting you. like I love going out with you. like As you are, I think everything's hilarious. Also, no one thinks anyone is funnier than my crush thinks Kristen is. That is such a green flag. My biggest fan.
00:05:36
Speaker
any At any moment, Kristen is saying any word ever coming out of her mouth. He is with a smile on. like He laughs at her more than he laughs at me. Loves her. It's a blessing. But anyways, I never want you to feel like, oh, Iman's thinking that I'm being annoying. like Oh, Iman's trying to overcorrect my behavior. So I was also woke up the next morning like, oh shit, was I like being too much? Because it's like I just...
00:05:58
Speaker
I just also know like what you want to not be in a bit, so then I'm like turned over that, but then I never know like what's the line. But you were delivering it well because you were like, hey, I don't want to be annoying, but like you're kind of like doing the bit saying, don't forget it. We're in real life. And like you said you were like kind of wanting to change your mind. You were very gentle about it. It wasn't like, and it was like, I needed to be checked. And I was like, oh my god, like what is wrong with me? like i I know that I'm crazy when it comes to like men. but like
00:06:34
Speaker
Truly, i there are more defense mechanisms put up than sometimes I even realize. Yeah. Also, mediums like kind of blacked out, but we didn't really feel like we drink that much. But we like don't remember a lot. And I, I don't know, basically just like asked him to go home with me. Mind you, I'm dog sitting one of my friends dog. So I have three dogs right now. My house is a mess. I have a clogged toilet in the front that I still have fixed. Yeah.
00:07:04
Speaker
It's like I had no business inviting anyone fucking over. I don't even know what got into me. But also, Kristen, I told you like, hey, like, I think we're gonna leave. Are you coming? you' Like, no, I'll stay. And by the time we got our jackets and walked out, you were already like far ahead of us leaving. I was like, did you really just turn around him and say, hey, want to go home and then like sprint out? Yeah. Okay.
00:07:30
Speaker
Yeah, we like come back here. I take the dogs out. He's like, is this toilet break ah broken? I was like, no. Yeah. I can't even tell you how unembarrassed I was slash still am. like I really don't care. He's kind of one of those people that like he reacts. He reacts to you, but like he's not shocked.
00:07:56
Speaker
hey I don't know, he was funny, I suppose. the jail ba I don't really remember it. No, I don't know what switched in me. Probably the fact that I was like, oh, my house is a fucking mess and I have three dogs here. Why the fuck would I invite you over? From my memory, I think I was like, actually, I think I want you to take me to dinner before we have sex. And he was like, oh. And then I'm sure I kicked him out and was like,
00:08:26
Speaker
I just, I get really matter of fact when I'm like fucked up and kind of like feeling comfortable and like snap out of things sometimes. So I'll just be like, okay, I'm ready for you to leave. So I'm sure I did that. Long story fucking short, Jesus Christ, Kristen. Whenever he put his number in my phone and I texted him.
00:08:50
Speaker
This is the flirting, like a 12 year old boy. Yeah, this is the example of flirting like a 12-year-old boy. I said, loser alert. Honestly, what's Ling I would say? I'm just like, are you okay?
00:09:05
Speaker
um So yeah, I flirt like a 10-year-old boy and I don't know what's wrong with me. um Well, you're working and coming back down to earth. You're working on grounding reality. I'm working on that, yeah. Iman is helping you. I just need my friends around me to slap it out. it's just like The thing is, if I'm not going to find the love of my life, I at least want like funny, silly like stories from it. So I probably like switch over too fast, but also it absolutely is a defense mechanism to just be like a fucking weirdo sometimes. you know
00:09:43
Speaker
Yeah. We talked about this before where you're like, I just throw it all at them and see like what they can handle. If they can't write a big personality, then I'll know. But your issue the other night was like, you didn't even know what your real personality was. Like I was like, stopping weird. And you were like,
00:09:56
Speaker
and and I was like, you know how to do it. chris like what do you do You were like, I don't know. And then you would like go back to it. so I also didn't feel like myself because I was wearing a dress that came down to my knees and I have never ever worn a dress that long in my life. And I was feeling like a little bit out of it. So like I actually probably was having an identity crisis because You were dressed up as someone else for Halloween. I couldn't handle it. i I was twiggy and I thrifted this dress actually when we were in Europe, Peyton, and I haven't, hadn't worn it. Yeah. And so I created a costume from it and I was like, Iman, I actually don't know how to like handle this long of a dress on me.
00:10:42
Speaker
Well, it just reminds me of also trigger warning Europe up when we went out and we had to, you had to pick out our outfits and you gave me that worst one. um You have worn a dress that long. You wore that dress. Okay, that's like better. best No, that's better because it's like midi like down to your calves. Like then you're being ironic. This was like down to my knee. So it wasn't a mini dress. It was like a straight up like actual A line.
00:11:09
Speaker
like I just was like how like, how did Twiggy feel hot back in the day? I also think you don't we don't talk enough about how like some people can borrow people's clothes, for example. I've never really been a clothes borrower because I need to feel like me when I'm getting dressed. like If I'm going out, I'm going to do something. The only way I feel confident is in my own clothes that I actively chose. I can't just like go try some... Wearing someone else's clothes like stresses me out.
00:11:36
Speaker
Yeah, for some reason. I remember being offended once because we were somewhere and you were like, I need to go home and change. I was like, just wear my clothes. And you were like, oh, no, god no. And like, I know you didn't need it that way, but you like, we're about to throw up. No, it has to be like my clothes. I can't.
00:11:53
Speaker
I can't wear someone else's clothes, like the borrowing of the clothes. I just never, I don't understand it. I don't want to put it on. I'm also just so particular about how things fit me. Yeah. Like I know it fits me and I know it like looks good on the various parts of my body that I don't like. So when I wear other people's clothes, it's just not vibing. Like Iman, I can't wear your clothes. The parts of your body that you show the most are the ones that I dislike about myself.
00:12:18
Speaker
I get it. So, you know, I can't do it. Mom, what were you? I didn't see all those pictures. um I was like an 80s girl. um I don't really know how to explain it, but maybe we'll post a like photos of our costumes on Instagram once this comes
Life Updates and Digital Etiquette
00:12:33
Speaker
out. An 80s girl. i wasn't I didn't do anything this weekend. We just like moved and then yeah I had to shoot something yesterday for Uber, actually, which I was like, that's classic.
00:12:43
Speaker
um So we had to go to like a a game. We had to drive an hour and 20 minutes there and an hour and 20 minutes back or ride in an Uber. No. Yeah, it was a lot. I'm i'm styling a chute tomorrow that's ah two hours away.
00:13:00
Speaker
i fucking it just It was actually kind of fun to go to the game. Last thing about last thing about um dude. ah A, imagine him already knowing I have a podcast because they were like telling everyone that we had a podcast. And I was like, God damn it. B, he also told me he was listening. He started listening. I saw that text. Yeah, that's good. How are you liking the new house?
00:13:27
Speaker
I saw the pool was fixed. That was like really fast to get like green slime out of. Oh, we drained the whole thing and then they refilled it. Nice. And now like the pool guys come every week. That's surprising when the back, like we have three doors, like in every room that had out to the pool. So like, I just walk around naked and like, there's just a pool guy that disappears out of nowhere. It's like in my old place, like literally two or three weeks ago, I was naked in our kitchen on the 15th floor.
00:13:56
Speaker
And I look over and there is a window guy dangling no from the freaking, I'm like, oh, hello. coffee I'm actually so fine with people seeing me naked because I think I look best naked. And and knew i wanted to have um nudes leak after jennifer lawrence's leak and i was like those are see like they truly me like I knew I wanted to have nudes like, leaked. They could have been in Vanity Fair.
00:14:25
Speaker
And I was like, i mean not to only send artsy tasteful nudes. Yeah. don't have a called me I think everyone makes nudes weird and they're just like, not that weird. No, I do. I. I did have a boyfriend that took it to the next level, though, my like um college boyfriend. He was having me literally on my hands and knees taking pictures of my butthole and like I was about to say that's like porn. No, there's a difference six of that was we actually hard. Yeah, I'm not lying at all.
00:14:58
Speaker
I think that's, called I think that's might be porn. i Maybe all of it's porn, but like, I don't think it's just like, there's a different, like topless nudes. There's like pretty stuff about it. And then there's like, actively. And then there's both and then there's passive nudes. That was definitely an active nude.
00:15:18
Speaker
yeah yeah Well, I just sent my first nude. I know. know about Thank you. yeah I wasn't not sending nudes for any reason other than I hadn't done it before. So then every time it was going to be the first time it's, I feel like it's like if you're for so long. And then you're like, well, I've not been a virgin for so long. Now should I attach meaning to it? It's like one of those things that just was so stupid. And, um, I did it. It was fine. I made a typo on accident.
00:15:46
Speaker
That was really embarrassing so embarrassing because I tried to say something hot and then I like missed a words Then you had to like piece the sentence together i was So embarrassed I never wanted to talk about it again. Why didn't you edit it? I was too late when I noticed because I was like reading it back I was like, ooh, let me go read it back. And then I was like, no and i was too late to edit What you say Wow, I don't remember I locked it out I Yeah, it was something that's like something you're supposed to say when you get a nude. Mm hmm. What are you supposed to say when you get a nude? Because I feel like any response to a nude to me is like this is where I start to dissociate, where I'm like. Trying to picture him responding and every time he responds, I think he's weird. Like everything you possibly respond, I'm like. That was weird. That was weird. Like it it's only going to be weird.
00:16:41
Speaker
Yeah, you're envisioning him being like, hell yeah yeah. Anything you can't, I can never, I've never ever in my life, which has been very rare times that I've actually sent a nude, even though I've posed nude for the public to see. Um, I don't send a lot of nudes, but again, every time anyone's responded, I'm like, I just didn't like that. I didn't like the experience of you responding to me. What's your ideal response to a nude?
00:17:07
Speaker
Probably just like, no response. Just like like- You wanna get left on red after you send nude? Yeah, what? I just like, every response gives me the ick. So- Every response. One response right now that she's like normal to. Wants them to thumbs up it. Cash opps you, um, for yours. Or like an apple package. Yes. Response, just an apple package. Yes. Send sugar fish immediately. Oh my God, that's exactly what I want. A screenshot of sugar fish. I feel like I can't casually take nudes these days because I'll just be like,
00:17:38
Speaker
oh I'm going to post it to the internet. ah like I can't like have things on my phone and not just like be like, this is content. like I can use this somehow. That's funny. wow Again, I'm just like inspired by nudity. Your naked body. You said it. I didn't, sister.
00:18:01
Speaker
I will say I do feel better. Like I feel the most attractive naked for sure. Probably because I'm most comfortable. Mm hmm. Because I just hate stuff on my you'll know I hate stuff on my body. I hate it. Yeah.
Navigating Breakups - Strategies and Insights
00:18:15
Speaker
OK. Should we do our three ways? Yes. Who wants to go foist? So I was trying to figure out how to answer this because I feel like in my past I've dealt with a breakup so differently. But like there's an ideal way I want to deal with the breakup, but it's not necessarily realistic.
00:18:32
Speaker
Well, i think you I think that's what we should talk about. I feel like most people would be like, lean into yourself. like It's all about like you and your relationship. It's so annoying when they when people say stuff like that. It's like, that is fucking true. But we have plenty of that out there. So like yeah why don't you just be honest and tell them like what the fuck we have done in breakups. For me, I lose my appetite. I don't get out of bed.
00:19:01
Speaker
yeah I um lean on my friends intensely. i um Like more than now or? Yeah. so oh like I have a routine.
00:19:19
Speaker
um you might break f fruit tea no I run it down to a science. My red routine is this. Iman's been through a lot in the last five years. Yeah. Um, so the first thing I do is I once I know like it's actually over.
00:19:40
Speaker
I usually like write down all the bad because I need it while my memory is still fresh because like the longer you go from the actual breakup date, the more you just forget. like It just happens. You don't know how it happens. You just forget the bad stuff and you start to panic because you're like, oh my God, I messed up. Yeah. So I write down all the bad stuff. The second thing that I do in order to make sure I don't get back with them is to then tell my friends all the things I've been keeping from them so that they would still like him.
00:20:06
Speaker
when I write everything bad down. I call my friends. I'm like, Hey, guess what? Like October 2nd, I went through his phone. I saw i do all the stuff like as a um insurance policy to make sure I don't get back with them. Cause they're going to be like, you fucking dumb bitch. And that's what I'm going to need in that moment. So I started spilling all my own tea. That's two things. Three, I give myself a date.
00:20:33
Speaker
So I act crazy, unhinged, I get drunk, I go to their house, I sleep over, and I give myself a two-week period to get it all out. And I tell them, hey, for two weeks, you're still gonna get to fuck me, we're gonna be doing all the things, but then I'm gonna stop talking to you and you're gonna be shocked. And they're like, yeah okay, I'm on. So for two weeks, I am a fucking nutcase.
00:20:55
Speaker
I'm having sex with them while crying, while cussing them out, while sending them texts by calling them. No, this is where I pull in when I say like Iman's kind of toxic. This is that in that era where I'm like, it gets so bad during this time that I'm like, it sticks with me forever. I'm like, oh, my God, it gets really, really bad. So I like.
00:21:15
Speaker
Hate them, then love them, then cry, then all the stuff. And I'm usually blackout for the full two weeks. After the two weeks, when I've let myself get everything out, I start going no contact. I mute them on Instagram and I mute all their friends on Instagram because... every time you look at their Instagram, it like kind of restarts your healing over, not all the way, but like at least by 40%. Especially if you see them following girls and stuff. thats like You just can't go. And here's the thing. like You're going to want to and do it a couple of times and feel that burn. Go ahead. Feel the burn. But after a while, you just have to stop. um Also,
00:21:55
Speaker
I truly and wholeheartedly believe that closure is fake. So like this thing that you want them to say like, Oh, we need to meet up and talk out. That's stupid. Like, Oh, I need to still say it doesn't matter. Like all that stuff is stupid. My friend, Kimberly came on note to self like a long time ago, like during phase one of Joe and I's relationship.
00:22:13
Speaker
And she was explaining, she walked us through like a breakup and she had all these phases like mashed potato phase is like the wallowing. And then she's like, you got to get the fuck out of there at some point, though. Anyway, she was like going through all of this. And she was saying that people always want closure. But she was like, um the breakup is closure. Right. You broke up. That's the closure like.
00:22:35
Speaker
That's, you don't need anything else. I just need an answer. I just need answers. No, you guys are talking about me. I'm the person fleeing. I'm clinging. I have, I always have like a breakup date with, I made Peyton do it. I bet, I bet you a million dollars. Peyton didn't even want to do that. I bet that was for me. And I did it with my last X. Yeah. When people are like, I just need answers. I feel like I don't have answers. The answer is that they broke up with you and they don't want to be with you. And like that.
00:23:04
Speaker
is just the sad truth and that sucks too. Well, it's a lot of the time it's me doing it. And then I'm like, wait, you know what I mean? Like all second guess myself, like, yeah. Like I prompted the breakup with Jason and then, and then you like circle back. Fuck. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I could see that. So yeah. And then you move on. I feel like you are good at moving on. Yeah. I just have to go completely no contact. And here's the great thing is like, whenever people say they always come back, when you truly just like get over someone and move on, they've never not come back. People that I thought would never speak to me again have crashed out by me ignoring them. And then that's just even more ammo to keep not talking to them. So yeah um that's what works for me. Do your own thing. um And then also
00:24:00
Speaker
Think about, um, there's also like eight questions that I journaled to that I wrote for myself. We could put in the bio of this episode. Yeah. I feel like you might always has good questions like that. So.
00:24:12
Speaker
And that's it. Yeah. Well, um I've talked about my breakup with Joe like at length. I've broken up with guys in the past and I kind of just like moved on the next day. Like it was fine. um Some of them like I would say with my the previous guys I dated, we were such a good friends. So it sucked to like lose a friend. But it wasn't the same as like losing love. You know what I mean? Like it was like maybe I saw them again. They acted different and I like freaked me out. And I was like really sad to lose that friendship. But it wasn't like I wasn't like heartbroken, you know?
00:24:43
Speaker
I think I just get really in my head and I make myself sadder. Also, sometimes I think I like to be sad and like wallow. um but i Yeah, it's just all in my head to where I'm like, oh, I have to start over and no one's ever going to love me. And we have on these these very specific things and I'm not going to find anyone that does that and blah, blah, blah. Like it's just like, shut the fuck up, it's like. So I think we've all felt that before like that. yeah Everyone knows that. Yeah.
00:25:16
Speaker
I definitely felt that. I mean, with Joe, me and Iman broke up with Iman was going to break up. I was going through a breakup at the same time. So I went to Iman's house and we just like waited out that first week together where we were like together, but in silence and sleeping. I love and like barely eating, like and truly ordering.
00:25:34
Speaker
Create bone broth and like yes protein smoothies were like we need calories but like I'm so nauseous we were doing that all sleeping forever so depressed and then I feel like For me it was a couple of weeks and then I went and traveled to bed and then Joe finally left our apartment and I was like alright That's the date like I I also needed like a date. You know to me like I I Once he left, that's when I muted him also on Instagram. I can imagine the open door that still living together would give me. I think every single night I would think he was going to change his mind.
00:26:11
Speaker
or Well, we, but we, Jonah went back and forth for sure. Like we talked about a bunch of stuff for like weeks. And then I was like, I need to just leave this apartment. So I left for like two and a half weeks. And then I also went home for Christmas on top of that. So like three and a half weeks of the month and a half we lived together.
00:26:27
Speaker
yeah So and then I was at Iman's house like constantly so I was kind of like constantly away from him but once he was like it was kind of like out of sight out of mind and it sucked but also just like I had to like erase him which is weird because now we're I'm like living in his home in Florida. um I might feel the feeling right now that you're talking about it just like opening your eyes when you're so heartbroken and being like No, it's time to wake up like fuck. Yeah, like waking up is the worst. Well, it's also like it's one of those feelings like i I feel like I deploy this or employ this sometimes where I'm like I separate my feelings from like what I know works for me or what I know should I should be doing so like I still feel the feelings but I like go autopilot mode and like do the thing that I know works. So like we went full no contact. We didn't speak. I feel like for
00:27:19
Speaker
I don't even know. Seven, eight months, like at all. Really? Like it was the conversations we have were like, Oh, there's mail at the house for you or something. And then like, I would like that or something like that. So we were so minimal. I think no contact is such an important part of breakups. Even if you want to get back together with them, yeah the only way, like.
00:27:41
Speaker
A good perspective I think is like, let's say you broke up with someone or they broke up with you. Specifically, if they broke up with you, they broke up with you. Give them the breakup that they want. Do not like give them yourself, yeah right you know, and all the good things that come with you if you want, if they want to be broken up with you. Because the only way, like let's say you ideally want to get back together with this person, this might be horrible advice, but like if you do add a lot to their life and you remove yourself,
00:28:11
Speaker
then they're going to be missing a lot in their life. Well, you can like weaponize that, you know what I mean? Like you can be like, well, yeah, I was right. Like, especially if you don't want to get back together with them, that's great. Cause you're going to be like, yep. All right. Goodbye forever. And they'll always come back and they'll always beg and your ego is going to love it. Or like, for example, I've talked about my breakup with Joe at length, so I don't want to like go on and on and on about it. But like,
00:28:35
Speaker
Joe was in a place that he was just depressed literally for the first time in his life and he had no idea that he was depressed and he was so insulated about his thought processes that he was just like, I just need to be alone to figure this out, kind of.
00:28:48
Speaker
right and I needed to give him space to do that. Now it didn't mean like, Oh, let me give him space. And like, that means we can get back together later. It was more like, let me give him space. And then if, and when he comes back around, I can make the decision if I want to be back together with him. You know what I mean? yeah Yeah, it's hard to like, you can't control it. You have to plant, you can't plan it out. You just have to be like, all right, I'm going to let go. just yeah and let go. yeah That's it. Another reason why no contact is so important is because like my last breakup, my boyfriend at the time technically broke up with me, um, outside of apartment 200 and shout out, haven't been back since. Um, and
00:29:27
Speaker
then ghosted me after so it was like the worst feeling because I like thought he was joking because we were both kind of drunk and then he just ghosted me and wasn't talking to me and I was freaking out because when I tell you like the rug was so pulled out from under me our relationship was what I would describe as perfect until this day like the day before I was still like oh yeah I'll marry this person and then the day he broke up with me I was like what it's good like I felt like my worldview was so like I don't know what's real because I feel like I'm generally like a good sense of humor. I was so confused. and so When I went no contact, um if I would have been speaking to him throughout that whole time, I feel like I would still be putting him on such a pedestal. so When we finally met up after like a month, he was like, hey, Mon, like will you please meet me out for dinner? and I went to go talk to him. like
00:30:16
Speaker
it was so weird because it's like I wasn't necessarily in love anymore so I could truly see him in the conversations and the way he spoke like as they were and not through like the rose colored glasses and I was like this guy is corny as fuck this used to work on me like I was like disgusted with myself and he was like I really think we should just try things out again like I miss you so much and I was like disgusted. And then he was like, hey, i like can I come over? And I was like, no. And then he was like, can I kiss you? And I was like, no. Everything about it was so disgusting to me because I took that space. But like I needed to be able to see him through who he really was, which I would have never gotten the opportunity to if we were talking the whole time.
00:30:56
Speaker
you have to go like you literally you have to go no contact no matter what you want the outcome to be for you in the end like you have to it's for you it's for them it's for everyone involved constantly learning and then the more i learn about myself the more i'm like i'm the most anxious attached person in the whole world these days i'm anxiously attached to so i feel like i relate to you in some ways for sure i have never been that way i got that way like slightly in our relationship and definitely the breakup I was like that way but I was definitely like watching TikToks and stuff from you know therapists and stuff like that about anxious attachment and like once I started of resonating with that I really like again went autopilot and like tried to be objective about
00:31:40
Speaker
myself even. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like in my feelings. Like let myself feel the feelings would be like the feelings aren't real necessarily. You have to just like understand like what your brain is doing right now. But that's also like something dealing with like depression and anxiety teaches you like your brain is doing something right now.
00:31:57
Speaker
that isn't necessarily like reality. So yeah it like just real it in perception of reality. Yeah. Well, Kristen, how do you handle a breakup? Well, here's the thing. Can I say my ideal way right now? I would handle a breakup after I went through like because that one with Joe was my first like real breakup from like being in love to um being broken up with like kind of traumatizing. Now, I think like I think breakups just change you, especially that first one. I think it just changes you. And I just experienced that late in life.
00:32:26
Speaker
I think now I'd be quicker to give them the breakup or if I was the one to call, like if I was the one breaking up with them, um be quicker to not move on, but just like move forward in the life I've chosen kind of thing.
00:32:41
Speaker
You know what I mean? Be like, okay, here's the new path and we're going to move forward, like full steam ahead on this path, even though it hurts. Um, but I think now at like this age, I'm just like, I, if someone doesn't want to be in my life or I don't want someone in my life, you have to remove them and like, yeah, cut your losses almost. Yeah.
00:33:01
Speaker
And just attempt to move forward and be, I've never been, I don't think in those those initial stages, like the crazy drunk person, which you would expect from me, I think, but I've never been like, I'm going to go out and be hot and do all this stuff. I feel like that for me comes like two months later. yeah You know what I mean? When I'm ready to go out and be nuts.
00:33:20
Speaker
It's like I say all of this, but it's like I know I've done both in different scenarios. like Whenever I was in high school and college, like I very much like led my relationships and like I was always the one that was like breaking up with them, moving on to the next. Was it their best friend? Yeah, it was.
00:33:40
Speaker
um like i I didn't really take them, sorry, so deeply, but then I think that um is when like the Midwest mindset really fucking got with got to me because it's like my mom and dad truly got married and started having kids like right outside of college. So I thought that was normal. No one was really talking about like you know people getting married and having kids later in life as much when we were growing up.
00:34:13
Speaker
so like you know I feel like we all know this, but you really don't realize how like much it can actually fuck with you because then I started putting way too much into relationships, trying to make them work because I'm like, okay, well, all these other people are like getting married and you know having kids and all that. So it's like, there's got to be something wrong with me and I need to like fix these things to make it work because whatever, like it took me so long to realize that like, A, that just wasn't what I wanted and wasn't what was gonna like work with my life. And B, that it was just such like a old school mindset that had been- Well, it's like you're like indoctrinated into that. Like it's really hard to, you're like brainwashed. Cause that's again, we talked about the politics stuff last episode. You are brainwashed into this and getting out of it is so hard. Let me think if I have anything to add. but People like steps.
00:35:10
Speaker
Yeah. like Iman did it good. She was like, step one, step two, step three. Well, mine would be just like step one, be sad. Step two, just like talk about it as much as step three, call your friends. Anytime you're about to have a breakdown.
00:35:31
Speaker
um No, not me though. Don't call me. Not me though. Don't call me. You are not in the list of breakdown friends. Please don't. Even when we were best friends, you were not on my list of breakdown friends. um And then I would say for um just like get really hot and rich and cunty.
00:35:54
Speaker
Definitely get hot. You have to focus on getting hot. Definitely get hot. Definitely. I was the hottest I've ever been in my life in 2023. I looked unbelievable to be honest. Super important to you. It's actually like honestly always a good time to kind of like recalibrate. You kind of like start new new things. You really get social again because you were probably in like your own little bubble. like Well, also everyone allows you time to like be a little slutty on the internet. Yeah. And be obsessed with yourself. Yeah. Be a little um like crazy. Like you can be posting weird stuff. Like everyone, like people offer you like a certain yeah level of forgiveness. Like they just know. I would say step five would be absolutely post every single detail on Tik TOK.
00:36:46
Speaker
Um, and yes, so we can see. Yeah. So you can, so you can blow up on Tik TOK and make it to money. You can process it. You're welcome. We can see, you can make money. It's when, when, when like we are out here for the breakup girls on the internet. That's when everyone gets huge on Tik TOK is when they talk about their breakup. Every person think about half of the pop girls these days are famous from their breakups.
00:37:14
Speaker
monetize your breakups. And I'm like the depression skinny. Yeah. You can convince me that the depression skinny is a bad thing. You're not going to convince me of it. No. But here's the thing. My depression skinny, I think that's why I started looking good quickly because I had my depression skinny hit and then I started lifting weights to like build a booty and like all that. So it was like building on top of the depression skinny. So it was just like starting with a really like neutral base. Exactly. and You know what I'm saying? It's kind of like the cleanse. Yes. Yeah. If your depression, skinny skyrocket. and you' Yeah. You start to see the lines in your stomach and you're like, wait, I could literally start to go to the gym and see results. Like immediately. I'm going to go. Like it's not always bad. I feel like, you know.
00:38:00
Speaker
It's always up. It's always positive. There's always someone hotter, richer. and Also, Peyton saying that she um don't call her if you're having a depressed episode reminds me of one time that I hung out with Peyton when I was in like a really bad mood and it like wasn't fixable.
Emotion Management and Personal Growth
00:38:25
Speaker
I got in New York. No, you I'm talking about when we went to Soho House and I was in a bad mood and Peyton was basically how do I explain it like?
00:38:37
Speaker
Because like being in a bad mood, I feel like at the time was a little bit of her default. She was going into it as if she was like my teacher of the bad mood. So every time I complain, she'd be like, yeah, that's basically every day for me. So like, I totally get what you're feeling and you can just like feel how you feel. She's like scrolling on her phone and she's like, oh no, like don't feel awkward about being in bad mood. Just like sit there. I don't care. Like we don't have to talk. And then every like couple hours I'd be like, yeah, and then I'm just upset because like this, this, that she's like,
00:39:05
Speaker
Yeah, so like every day when I wake up, like I just already feel that. So you literally don't have to talk to me. I actually prefer we don't talk. like You sit over there, also over here, I'm gonna give Margarita. She was so okay with the bad mood, but she was think people like my teacher in the bad mood.
00:39:21
Speaker
Well, I think sometimes I'm in a bad mood and people, you feel like you have to explain your bad mood. And like, that's the last thing you want to do in your bad mood is feel guilty about it. So I'm just like, it's fine. She makes you feel the opposite of guilty. She's like, I didn't actually really want to talk anyways. like i except for do i that When we were in New York and Iman wasn't like a bad, like kind of just like, I think you were kind of drunk or something. You were just like not even a fun drunk and we were all out. And I'm like, Iman, it was me, Iman and Kristin. I'm like, dude, we're out in New York right now. I literally sent her home. I was like, I can tell you don't want to be here and you're going to be here because we, you think we want you to be here, but you're responsible for so much energy in this group. So why she's like your, your energy holds weight. Like you got to go. And I was like, you're because all right. Like got respond so well to brutal honesty, which is probably why we're so close.
00:40:05
Speaker
because she said that I wasn't like, oh my God, I can't believe Peyton just, I was like. You were so like, I should have left hours ago. Well, also because you know, you just like got up and left, right? out I literally kicked her out of the bar. Cause I know you wanted to leave, but don't worry. She did. Um, she did tell the hot guy about you. She was, I did. I said, I told a really hot guy about Imana. I was like, she had to leave, but here's the thing. You also know that when you leave, when I kick you out and say, I know you don't want to be here anyway, and here's your permission. And also you're bumming me out anyway.
00:40:40
Speaker
You know, the second you leave, and I'm not turning to Kristen being like, oh my God, can you believe I'm literally just like, whoo. All right. What's going on now? Like no one's no bad blood. We were too busy. Um, I was telling every, I was asking every guy, um, if they would eat my ass in the bathroom. Yeah. And then she's like, is it okay if it has a little bit of poop in it? Literally I.
00:41:04
Speaker
Like again, ah in the bed, like i I'm single, I should be being a normal human out here. But instead, do you want to go in the bathroom and eat my ass? I have something like what is wrong with me? It's like so weird to like do things, but also be like so aware of how like fucking weird and fucked up you are. And like, yeah, like,
00:41:31
Speaker
so so How are we going to fix this for you? I don't know. I think the first step is that I am aware of it now and I have friends around me bringing me back down to earth. I also hope in my heart that I just kind of find someone that matches my freak that's like,
00:41:50
Speaker
like doesn't react, but like does, but like about this guy's like when she was being really weird, he wasn't like making it this big. He was just like, Oh, okay. And then he would just like turn around when he had something normal to say, like it what he wasn't like going back and forth. fourth He wasn't adding fuel to the fire. He wasn't reacting. He was just like, yeah okay.
00:42:09
Speaker
but he also mad about it yeah I also like it's so weird that I only remember like random parts of the evening but I remember him just like snooping around and he like went in my freezer and he was like this frozen pizza you open the box you thought you were gonna eat it but you didn't and I was like why is that like so meta I know. I was like, are we on like a fucking- Was he on mushrooms? No, but he just like, I don't know. I'm like honestly intrigued to hang out with him because I need to just like fill in the gaps and also get a finger on his personality because he's getting very- Get a finger on him. I also- Get a finger up your poopy butt. I also just like feel like he's listening to this and I-
00:42:58
Speaker
You need to leave. You need to go. Yeah. Sure. This is no boys allowed. Yeah. No straight no straights allowed. No straights allowed. um So. So.
Unexpected Joys and Concert Experiences
00:43:12
Speaker
Um, also you guys have to admit something and I think I'm ready to share. Okay. Um, okay. I didn't tell anyone, but, um, I went to the Imagine Dragons concert last weekend and it literally changed my fucking life. Can I tell you but one thing? I love Imagine Dragons. No, no, no. It me so much serotonin whenever the songs Okay. You don't realize the songs are so like good, clean, fun. like No, they really are fucking vibing. Okay. And here's the thing. When the beat drops, the confetti was flying from the sky down and I was almost in tears because because I was like, I haven't been this happy since I was born. like i
00:43:59
Speaker
so even you but You didn't put this on your close friends, you didn't, we've hung out twice. and Wait, there okay so I have some songs that I have, like I've always just had, I have a random list on Spotify called Random List of Songs I Like, because I just don't even know where to like place the songs. Yeah. And Imagine Dragon, there's a lot of Imagine Dragon songs on there and I would like to listen to them when I was like, when I used to be like into running, I would like listen to Imagine Dragons sometimes. It's just like running music. It's a good running music, but it's actually, they're, they're so, I'm like looking at a list of their songs right now. They're pretty good. It's a dopamine boost. You guys, it was at the Hollywood bowl. So I was outside, like it was dark. It was like kind of hot still. It wasn't super cold. I was drinking wine. I was so close to the stage. I'm sorry. You guys, I was in the front row. Wait, also this drinking wine with maybe like a little bit of hint of little mushies with Imagine Dragons playing. The Imagine Dragons felt like the mushrooms. Yeah. i kind I don't know how to explain it. You guys haven't seen Imagine Dragons. Here's the thing. I didn't buy the tickets. Like I had a friend that was like, Hey, we have an extra like ticket to Imagine Dragons. And it's like my 40 year old friend with her two kids, like who were three and five. I was watching them experience their very first concert in the confetti falling from the sky and it was just I don't know how to explain it other than like so beautiful and like it's obviously so embarrassing that I'm like going hard for Imagine Dragons right now. I wasn't even planning to say it right now but we had nothing else to talk about. You guys basically forced it out of me. That's how I planned for the episode.
00:45:36
Speaker
And I like told a couple friends, not a lot of my friends. And it was just like, I almost had tears. my I was like, I'm so grateful for my life. Like I just have the most beautiful. And then I, the high lasted for like three days.
00:45:51
Speaker
If you guys have the opportunity to go see those boys, I would recommend it. I experienced Friggen really intensely. I think we've talked about this before where like a bunch of songs will just make me start barney sobbing and crying. the about The Barney was one. There's this there's a lot of like country songs that are like this, but not typical country, like not Morgan Walling country. Yeah. There's this song called Hurricane that I've been listening to like recently because I just love it. And hold on. By Luke Holmes.
00:46:23
Speaker
No, no, no. It's hurricane by the band of heathens. OK. And it's like it's like the kind of country I like where I've noticed that when I go to make a country playlist for someone, it's like the most depressing shit you've ever heard in your life. Yeah. It's like a very depressing song, but it is so fucking good and it makes me cry every time. Also, there's a song by Tyler Childers called Cole that I'm like, like C O A L. It makes me cry.
00:46:53
Speaker
There's something about like that. But Imagine Dragons is like one of them. Like there's something about their music that just like makes me emotional. Wait, you guys, should we go see Imagine Dragons together? Hell yeah. Yeah. If you want to see me cry sobbing. It's so good. Yeah. Well, I want to go to an Imagine Dragons concert now.
00:47:12
Speaker
Yeah. I want to rock the fuck out. Yeah. Well, everyone who's listening, look into it. Um, it's the best thing that ever happened to me. I would go. We'll do a group. We'll do a group excursion to imagine dragons. Okay. Wait. pain's gonna Okay. My favorite thing. Kristen's ever done was post on the three way story, that video of the girl dancing.
00:47:36
Speaker
and saying what is being And then everyone was responding to our Instagram stories going, go pay, go pay. you wait The people who listen to this podcast do get it. The number of times like I posted a promo for the Jersey for note to self and the number of responses I got that were like, you're so fast. I'm like.
00:47:54
Speaker
Girls, girls, you get it. I know. we got start will You guys start like commenting on my posts and being like, well, I really can't believe how majestic you are like. Yeah. Kristin's hair compliment is looking majestic. So everyone comment at that on her stuff. Actually, no, just everyone. Call me spicy mama. That's all I want. Exactly. All right. Back on her spicy mama shit.
00:48:21
Speaker
but Also, a quick question. I was getting inspired today and I was thinking about merch for us. And I have a couple of different ideas. I feel like it'd be cool to like do some little just like made to order merch. I have some ideas as well. Also, we really want to like properly brand. So we're kind of like manifesting that. But again, we all have like other jobs and um So we don't have like a lot of time and money to put into this, but, um, we do want to rebrand to just like, no, I will say, here's the thing. If we sell merch, like not, I'm not saying we're going to make a huge profit on this. I'm saying like, we can pay our pay. Yeah. Cause we don't get paid to do this. So I'm like, we could do something. We could offer something. And then like that money can go into buying all better mics. For example, maybe perhaps.
00:49:14
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. About that. Girls are always complaining about that. Also, I really do want to make my would you rather book. It's really going to be on my agenda for like top of 2025 to start writing it in a real way. A lot of things in the pipeline, girls. Yeah. If we ever have any time or energy to add a millionth job to all of us. Yeah, exactly. I needed another like slash. I need another career.
00:49:42
Speaker
I needed another career for sure. Well, I hear Wendy in there jumping around when he's been crazy lately, guys, she loves her backyard. She chases lizards all day. ah She's having the best time. She's also rolling in some kind of dead animal remains outside every single day. So I've gotten in the show. She's been in the shower with me. I'm wearing a swimsuit, obviously, because I can't handle.
00:50:09
Speaker
her actually getting in the shower with me. Anyway, she um has been showered off every single night because she rolls in this dead animal, but I can't like not let her outside. So where is you don't eat you can't you don't see the dead animal. I think it's like for old like I think our people like the landscaper people came by and like something was dead there and they like removed it because they ran over it probably with their stuff.
00:50:34
Speaker
And then now she just goes over there and lays in it and then wants to come in the house and sit on the couch. So we've watched the couch once and when he's so many, I have to watch her tonight. So that's my like big, the fact that this is my new drama is the fucking moving in and the neighbors being weird and mean to us about our grass. And then when he laying in a dead animal, I feel like life really just like got ahold of me.
00:51:00
Speaker
Yeah. right Life really takes a 180 when you're not, when you're not expecting it. When you're not expecting, anyways, I was rambling. Okay. Merch soon to come perhaps. And that would be very fun for us.
00:51:13
Speaker
we like girls Love you. Bye.