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EP. 37 BONUS! My Bloody Valentine (1981)
13 Plays4 months ago
Join Nick and Gerald for a bonus episode on Valentines Day! They give a scene by scene review of the OG My Bloody Valentine. Happy Valentines Day!
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Transcript
Valentine's Day Humor and Candy Hearts
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello and welcome to episode 37 of the Two Guys One Screen Podcast. Little boner-er-er bonus episode. who The Po Town Boys, Hemrid Homies. I'm joined as always by the edgelord. My name is Nick. And I'm Gerald. And today, happy Valentine's Day to those who celebrate. Happy, have you heard of this one Galentine's Day?
00:00:27
Speaker
What the hell is Galentine's day? Dude, Galentine's day is like, it's like friends giving. It's like one for the homies, just like girls. They just like celebrate altogether. Like no men. Oh yeah? Galentine. There's a bunch of gals. Galentine's day. Oh, I get it. We should have like homie homeie times. Right. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. We all have like a jerk circle. ah Yeah. those little Those little candy hearts that break your teeth every time you eat them.
00:00:57
Speaker
Mm-hmm. I don't like those. I don't either. It's like you can chalk. It is, yeah. But now sweethearts make them so they're better. Oh nice.
Review of 'My Bloody Valentine' (1981) Begins
00:01:06
Speaker
Yeah. ah We are reviewing today My Bloody Valentine. 1981. 81 or 80? 81.
00:01:15
Speaker
ah we hope you enjoyed our vault episode of black swan and uh either way i said the week before that that i did not like this movie um i i would say that i was neutral maybe maybe not dislike but definitely neutral i mean slashers are very hard to rate highly in the first place. Right. But. This is like, you know, hot off the presses, because when when Friday the 13th came out in 1980, that kind of just blew the slasher genre up because of how successful it was. And then they just started making slashers based on any fucking holiday you could possibly think of.
00:01:57
Speaker
Right, with the same synopsis of, like, teenagers or people in their young 20s going out and fucking in the woods and then getting murdered.
Unique Setting in 'My Bloody Valentine'
00:02:06
Speaker
Right. But this one has a very interesting, like, you know, ah not plot, because it's and really not. But I mean, like, what the fuck am I trying to say? The angle. Setting. Boom. Setting. Boom. A mine shaft. Huge. Shout out.
00:02:27
Speaker
No. Shout out Scooby Doo, the minor 49er. How about that? Minor 49er sounds like a gay porn star. Shout out minors. Like kids. You said like kids. Yeah. Like a minor. Like a minor, minor 49er. How about minor 69er? There you go. There you go. That's your, probably a minor.
Engaging with Listeners on Social Media
00:02:50
Speaker
Right. Uh, let's do a little,
00:02:55
Speaker
So follow us on Instagram, two guys, one screen pod, send any comments, concerns, movie requests to two guys, one screen pod at gmail dot.com. Follow us on Tik TOK for the clips. Follow us on YouTube for the clips. Shout out our follower. Um, Zachary Liebo. Shout out you. lubo Yeah. Leto Liebo.
00:03:17
Speaker
Lobotomy. I'll give you one with my cock. Uh, how you doing? Follow us on Letterboxed. And if you feel so inclined, send us a voicemail at 508-8-fist us. 508-8-dip-tip. Tip tip. And all that's ah linked in the description. I know we, uh, we said that we might actually say the number at some point because I feel like we haven't done that in a while. We have not. No.
00:03:49
Speaker
hey Yo choking that dick over there. Whoa um Talking about numbers. Mm-hmm. Does math get you hard? No, I think I still had a piece of lettuce in
Anticipation for Harry Potter Series Episodes
00:03:59
Speaker
my mouth. Mmm shout out lettuce Harry Potter starts next um not next week Tuesday for four four days away. I can get it Sorcerer stone i'm I'm so excited for you all to hear this in their wild episodes I'll be honest I go back and watch the teaser clip that we made and it brings me a lot of joy Yeah, I can't wait to hear the whole thing with context cuz that's all that's all just from Sorcerer stone. That's none. That's from anything else, right? um there's some absolute banger jokes in there and
00:04:37
Speaker
And, uh, they're a little longer because those movies are, in fact, longer. Like my, much in my cock small. Like your PSP. Hmm. PSP. Uh, shout out to Carlos for liking that reel. All right. I did see that. Yeah. Shout out you, Carlos. Shout out you. Um, my PSP is still very much PSP.
00:04:55
Speaker
i I'd assume nothing changed within like a week. How's the hemorrhoids though? what's the do Can we get an update? They're still itching. Alright. I'm still ah doing the hemorrhoid hoedown every once in a while. Hell ye. No, help hell no.
00:05:11
Speaker
I don't know all
Physical Media Collection and Favorite Directors
00:05:13
Speaker
right. I don't want to plug that okay But you do want to plug your butt. I do with everyone you gotta get the cream, bro I know but see I am not helping yourself, dude I know I but I asked Anna if she'd like you know apply it for me. Why you don't need her apply. It's easy What if I like it? That's fine. I like it I'll do it for you. This is like a cooling sensation. Hey, this is going to be a rut rut, but what does she know? She has a vagina. That's true. But she does have an asshole. Right. I was kidding. It's nice to be sexist. Don't do that. Sorry, she stopped listening. It's fine. No, I mean like to people who, other people who listen. Oh yeah. No, we like women. Yeah. You know, love women. Um, do you want to do something? I like them. Do you want to do something?
00:06:02
Speaker
ra
00:06:05
Speaker
Let's do some physical media pickups, which you may or may not have, we'll find out. Yeah, go for it. um The first one is this movie, that we're reviewing. My
Cast Discussion of 'My Bloody Valentine'
00:06:17
Speaker
Bloody Battle Titan. I didn't have it, I told you.
00:06:20
Speaker
Yeah, no, I know but um screen factory blu-ray what you said is going out of print it is so you watched the uncut version I watched the uncut version, but I am cut make no mistake. There you go. Do you find that a bull moose? Shout the bull moose The next two I'll see if you can find The commonality here. I grabbed the kill bill Volume 2 steelbook. No, it's not the 4k. It's the blu-ray. Oh, you didn't own them.
00:06:46
Speaker
I do, but oh, but you didn't own the Blu-rays or the steelbook. Sorry. Yeah. So I think this is great. I love where this looks. The back is nice. The back is the back. Kill Bill one. I think it's a little bit better than Kill Bill two, but.
00:07:01
Speaker
It's cool, man. It's definitely way cheaper than those new Lionsgate ones. So that's why I did it, because the Lionsgate shit dropped and people were turning Quentin Tarantino stuff left and right. ah So the next one should come at no surprise to anybody. Jackie Brown, also a Quentin Tarantino movie on Blu-ray used. It's a good movie. I'd recommend to anybody who hasn't seen it. I think Quentin Tarantino is my favorite director. Yeah. Yeah, I think so.
00:07:30
Speaker
Uh, those are my three Johns. Um, we'll go over the cast and director, my bloody Valentine.
Scene-by-Scene Breakdown of 'My Bloody Valentine'
00:07:39
Speaker
Uh, as Gerald said, 1981 by George Mihalka. Mihalka. Um,
00:07:50
Speaker
um I don't have the button ready. not Hasn't made much that I've seen. Nope. Were you familiar with the sky or no? Nope, I knew this movie. So... Who dat boar? Who him is?
00:08:11
Speaker
Dude. Just pull that? Yeah. I heard that in the companion recording and you said that and I again was talking over you as I always do. um And I was like, that's fucking hilarious. And I made it a button. I like it.
00:08:25
Speaker
um So any cast members who don't know, they, they get that button. The name of the button is who dat boy. Shout out baby. No money. Um, here's your cast who this movie goes out of its way to not tell you their names. I don't know why it does this, but yeah you get like the, the, the three big boys. I mean, one's a woman, but that's it. We got Paul Kelman.
00:08:50
Speaker
who plays TJ. Who that boy, who him is. He's literally a nobody. No. Nobody in this movie is an anybody. We got Lori Halle, who is ah Sarah. She has a large filmography, but it's not movies that I know. Who that boy, who him is. A movie called Christmas Inheritance. Who fucking cares? How about that? Twisters? What the fuck is that?
00:09:18
Speaker
She's in a movie called Ghostcat, not Twisters Twisters. like Oh, it's Night of the Twisters. Sorry.
00:09:27
Speaker
Oh, we got Neil Affleck, who plays Axel. He was in Scanas. Right. Scanners. I gotta to get that with the criteria I'm still going on. That's what I gotta get. Oh, shit. Look at this. He has worked as an animator on The Simpsons and Family Guy. There you go. Chat to this dude. So this guy's actually something. He's something.
00:09:45
Speaker
Axel by the way, Sarah can get the button, right? Yeah, she can get the button We got Keith Knight who plays Hollis this dude Really got lucky like how did he pull patty patty's a fucking
In-depth Plot Analysis and Humor
00:10:01
Speaker
piece and a he yeah, and this guy is not He's got like he's fat. Mm-hmm and like his his stash game is going on though. It's kind of weird. I'm in the uncomfortable.
00:10:11
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, I mean it was the 80s so I was gonna say if he was eating her out it would tickle But her bush and his stash are probably like counter act each other. Yeah, they ever got tangled Maybe maybe I can't I mean, shout out it's kind of shed why a pornhub No tangled. Oh, we Rapunzel. I thought you're gonna say they want pornhub, which they do ah but he's a who that boy who him is Um, that is like my new favorite fucking sound bite besides cause we needed something for the void from the, the, the Dumbledore. Oh, ah this hasn't clue this has't come out yet. So we can't say that you'll hear that. Uh, I don't know if it's chamber of secrets or it's prisoner of Azkaban, but it's one of those. Um, we have Cynthia Dale who plays Patty.
00:11:02
Speaker
And again, not much, girly. No. We have Alf Humphries, who plays Howard. He's been in some stuff, actually. What the fuck was Howard? This guy was in Rumble in the Bronx. This guy was in X2. This guy was in First Nation 2. This guy was in First Blood.
00:11:23
Speaker
so Because then diary there would be kid. Oh, how was the one annoying kid? Oh like little retarded guy He was one that like made everything a joke. Yeah, um he's retarded but You got ho Helen oody who plays Sylvia ah she was zone that yeah dead zone and in first blood She's a piece who plays Dave He hits the button. Who that boy? Who him is? Dave's dead. RIP Dave. Just like Doug. Doug's dead. And actually Dave does die, so there you go. There you go. We have Don Franks and Frank is spelled F-R-A-N-C-K-S, which is very odd. ah He's Chief Jake Newby. I have him in my notes as Sheriff, so I'm sorry.
00:12:17
Speaker
Yo, he was in the Star Wars Holiday Special. Never seen it. Oh boy. Wow, it has a 1.4. Yeah. Wow. I don't know anything else this guy's been in, so I apologize. ah The rest of these people don't have pictures, but I will shout out Patricia Hamilton, who plays Mabel. She's in that one Jack Nicholson movie, The Last Detail.
00:12:46
Speaker
Never seen that, what is that?
Hot Dogs and Cooking Tangent
00:12:48
Speaker
Don't know, but I know it's like, uh, really weird. All right, we will transition over to the scene by scene. If you haven't seen this movie, we're going to spoil the fuck out of it. This is a very Canadian movie. Eh? You can, could you tell by the way they were talking, they were all Canadian. Yeah, a little bit. Like, with teachers like, I'm not joking.
00:13:10
Speaker
The yerkin yeah, the the pronunciation. Yeah, it was weird very Canadian
00:13:20
Speaker
I don't know, so what copy this do you own? The same one that I have? Yep. Okay, so you got the the opening with the director. Yeah. Essentially being like, I hope you enjoy the gore. Yeah, because the gore was all cut. Because our fucking pussies. who So that's why like sometimes in certain scenes like the quality would dip down.
00:13:41
Speaker
because they were like taken from like a VHS or some shit there's a 4k of this out there from scream but this the blu-ray look great I agree I have no need to upgrade this no Uh, the movie opens in a mine shaft where we're following some, I call them laborers, miners. Miners. But not underage kids, just like people who work in a mine. The dudes with pickaxes, shout out to Steve. naing oh um And we see one of them take their mask off and it's a hot woman. Yeah. I don't know who she is, but she can get the fucking button too while we're at it.
00:14:23
Speaker
Uh, and she's a heart tattoo on her tit. The other minor, she starts to like try to take off his mask and she's like jerking his fucking like the little respirator hose. The little resp- that's a good name for it. The little respirator hose. You'd be jerking the shit out of that. I was kind of getting into it. Yeah. Well, he wasn't. No. Because he slams his pickaxe into the wall and it kind of scares her. Um, and she goes to take off his mask and he's like, no. Um,
00:14:55
Speaker
And then he sees the he sees her tattoo, this person, and he slams his fucking pickaxe. He stabbed her with a pickaxe through the heart tattoo, which looked good, which looked good. um We cut to February 12th. It doesn't say how does it say how many years later? No, it doesn't. But now it's February 12th.
00:15:21
Speaker
um And there's a group of miners pushing this cart through and they all get off and this man who I don't remember who asked the question but asked where Howard is and The guy responds with that He and the apprentices are were left down there and they can figure out how to get the you know, find their way back up Fuck them essentially fuck them, right? we cut to like the locker room where men are all showering together and hell Yeah, sausage party and Howard comes up and all the guys roast him And it's not like he's a little dick. Just they just just going with this kid for no reason. Just don't like him We find out here that Sarah is going out with Axel and TJ is a little hurt about it um Then they all go to the bar and they pass a sign the town of Valentine buff and
00:16:14
Speaker
um And there's some banners for Valentine's dance. That's going to happen because it's only the 12th. Howard leads the charge and enters this bar with a blow horn. It's like, dude, shut the fuck up. Why do people like insist on using blow horns? Because they're dumb. It's so annoying. Just like be quiet. like You're just like the people I want to kick in the balls. I really do.
00:16:41
Speaker
ah We see all these couples. There's a lot of couples in this movie. um Everybody's fucking dating fucking whatever They all greet each other and my notes say one single awkward guy in the corner. This is TJ Howard asked Gretchen if she wants to go to the dance limit. She says no Damn, and he goes, you know what would look good on you me talk about Riz Yeah, I don't know her panties are soaked Super soaker Uh, we cut to Mabel who's walking with the sheriff and she is the lead for the decorating committee and they're having their first dance in 20 years. Oh, I guess that's, what that's how many years 20 years later. It's not the sheriff. It's the mayor. I'm sorry. Um, and then there's a jump scare as they go to enter this building of Howard, who's just being a fucking goofball. Howard's an idiot. Yeah. He's like acting like he's dead. He's got but fake blood all over him. Right.
00:17:38
Speaker
ah The mayor comes in like all you fucking kids, you know, they're supposed to be decorating the bar and not each other for the dance TJ TJ decides he's leaving and he's going to the mine um And then they're talking about TJ after he leaves and essentially he moved to California and he couldn't make anything of himself to move back to Valentine's Buff and I'm what which is where in Canada. Yeah, I'm assuming. I mean, I yeah, maybe it takes place in America, but America Also, I'm pretty sure TJ's dad is the owner of the mine He's the owner of the mine and the mayor
00:18:22
Speaker
That's fucking, this guy's loaded. it's hit Yeah, it's his it's his ah mine and his town. But, because it's called the Hanagar Mine, and the guy, Larry Reynolds, plays Mayor Hanagar. There you go. Which, be careful when you say that, but.
00:18:42
Speaker
We call him Han-Niger to be safe. We can call him, we can call him whatever you want. We can call him fucking Pork Chop if you want. Just call him Mayor. Um, so then after that, we, like we just said, he's the mayor's son. Uh, and the mayor Mabel and the police chief all leave to go to a meeting and Howard chases him out the door and he's like, Oh, there's this gift that was left for you.
Valentine's Day Horror and Unique Kills
00:19:07
Speaker
You being the mayor. They don't know from who. And it's like that stereotypical box of chocolates in the heart. Right. You're going to hear a lot about that. Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get AIDS. Wow.
00:19:22
Speaker
Sure, I don't know. Shout out one Ron Woodruff. ah We cut to a ride in the cop car with the sheriff um and he opens the the box chocolates to reveal a card that says, from the here, a warning with bloody good cheer. Remember what happened as the 14th draws near. It also changed it to 114th, so that's also not right.
00:19:50
Speaker
um And then he opens it and there's actually a full-blown like human heart in this John They're like, oh That's not good. And then he's like put it in reverse Terry Turn the sirens on where do you think like the ah whole? fake heart shape came from your one rep I Guess an anatomic like why is like why does it look like that? Yeah I don't know why they do that. Yeah, it is kind of weird. Maybe I know it's calling. Anatomical hearts would be a little off putting. And like, yeah, all those fucking. What are they called? I was going to call them aortas. I was going to call them areolas, but that's the aerials. Yeah, your nipple. All your veins. They're not veins. they's talking called They're called something else. Arteries. made Arteries. Yeah, that's the word. A lot of my arteries. Yep, I will.
00:20:41
Speaker
ah We cut to the cage which is a bar and the kids are playing Russian Roulette Which is definitely what you do for fun. I mean I would never And there's this bartender ah who is like, it's a bad time of the year. It'd be worth a 14th if you value your life. And the kids kind of laugh them off when he thinks he says they're fools. he's um He reminds me of crazy Ralph from Friday 13th. A little bit, a little bit. Listen to that episode if you haven't heard it already. um And their town was cursed 20 years ago at the Valentine's dance. There were seven minors in the
00:21:21
Speaker
Panager mine and two left early without the other five and they didn't check the methane gas. They left to go to the dance They were trying to freak on right and the mine blew up and they were all buried alive One survived and it was the bartender who found her law
00:21:44
Speaker
I tried to like Google like ah that song isolated vocals. Yeah, you don't do that now. I tried. um And this person that survived is Harry Warden. I got a Harry something. um And he spent the next year in his life of his life in a mental hospital. um And then on Valentine's Day came back and killed ah the two supervisors that dipped out early and stuffed their hearts into those heart-shaped candy boxes. Heart-shaped box. Isn't that a song? Is it? Pretty sure. Okay. Shout out to that song. Crickets.
00:22:27
Speaker
This is it the debut of our crickets button. That's fair. And he also leaves a note saying never to host this dance again. And it's actually how it's just like that that's fucking all bullshit. um and They call a stupid legend. Yeah. Would you believe it? No, some gay shit. Sorry. Watch out, Harry. I mean, it's coming. That's a fire name. Harry Warden, I think is kind of lame, actually. Yeah. Harry Warden. It's iconic now to who?
00:23:06
Speaker
People that like horror movies. Not to me. I mean, it's not Jason Voorhees or Freddy Krueger or Michael, but Michael Myers.
Climactic Reveal and Resolution
00:23:13
Speaker
It's not worth the clown. Chuckles. ah Chuckles. they They call the story a stupid legend that kids do. And this girl gets up to play some music. I believe this is Sarah.
00:23:26
Speaker
um Yeah, and she has a little mini argument with TJ. She's like it's all your fault What the fuck is he doing by the way? He's playing like you think it's like a candle and with the top Candlestick bowling
00:23:40
Speaker
I don't know. I don't even remember. Oh, yeah, probably. Talk to you. no
00:23:53
Speaker
ah sorry um We cut to the police department where the mayor and the police chief, they're definitely a gay couple, bro. They always be together. I really fuck with the ah police chief, though. I like him. Yeah, he's cool.
00:24:09
Speaker
ah They're told administration, I guess to the mental hospital, is closed until morning. And the sheriff still doesn't really believe in any of this bullshit, thinks it's all a joke. um And then they're inside, what do you call this? Where they have like the dead bodies, like the could the cadavers. The morgue? The morgue, yeah, thank you.
00:24:33
Speaker
You you could pull cadavers, but not morgue. Yeah, sorry, man. That's what it is. ah The doctor says they have a heart that belongs to a 30 year old woman. um And he thought the doctor thought that Harry Warden got locked up 20 years ago. um And the doctor says Warden is probably back. Don Don. He's back.
Conclusion and Future Episodes Teaser
00:25:02
Speaker
uh we cut to the killer and the killer pov this is probably safe to say inspired by black christmas shout out that's not really yeah good episode good episode bad movie uh and he sees mabel who has a laundromat uh and she's decorating her laundromat i'll decorate your our fucking laundromat fucking rinse you know i'm saying yeah yeah fucking rinse Wash rinse repeated. Yeah. um And he's going to fucking get her with the repeater. Hey, I don't know. That's not what he does. Harry Warden kind of sounds like fucking Darth Vader. Harry Warden Darth Vader. Oh, I get what you mean. In the ventilator mask the whole time. yeah He's in a ventilator because he has covid.
00:25:53
Speaker
All right.
00:25:56
Speaker
Why is that too offensive or just not funny? ah Daily dollar short. Funny. It is. It is late. You're right. Right. Apparently people still getting it, though. Fucking grow up.
00:26:14
Speaker
oh
00:26:17
Speaker
So he opens this door to the laundromat and he Mabel kind of walks off like in the back somewhere and leaves the heart-shaped box on a counter and he kind of hides off to the side and Mabel comes back and finds a box. um She thinks it's from Jake who's the sheriff and she giggles. Jake rinse me. Give me a blow if you know what I'm saying.
00:26:40
Speaker
and She opens it and the card reads roses are red violets are blue. This one's dead and so are you And then she gets there's like a jump scare from behind. She gets like chased down ah Like down the row of washing machines and then like she's like behind that curtain She's like it's dragged by her head. Yeah. Oh, yeah, you see the fucking pickaxe go up um and right as that happens it cuts to Howard and Uh, and his friends who are using a car motor to heat up food. This is really fucking weird. Talk about poor people. Shit. Now they say they have the munchies, so they're probably high. yeah Never in my experiences have I thought I'm a cook an egg on a car.
00:27:31
Speaker
Right. I've never thought that either. And it feels like or it looks like they're being stalked um And there's a guy in a car playing harmonica And TJ like jump scares him and sticks a bottle of liquor in his face. Yeah, it's axle um And they blow right we don't know because don't fucking say anybody's name ever until later um Then they play our harmonica's together, which is kind of gay be honest very you're a play hard Monica or man
00:28:03
Speaker
I've never played a harmonica, period. TJ says that there's a problem, but Axel says there's there isn't a problem, because he's going with Sarah now. Yeah, I think we got a problem, E. And TJ left. He went to California. You're fucking my girl. um But TJ's ready to throw hands. I'm rinsing your girl out, bod. Give her that fucking maple syrup there, bod. Giving her that hockey stick. She's sucking the sap right out of me there, bod.
00:28:33
Speaker
ah using My cock is a spout bad Sad thing is like sometimes their accents pop out like that. Yeah, that's what they fucking sound like they're bad um This fat guy walks over this is Hollis Hollister even though we can't fit in the Hollister clothes. Hell no fat fuck I can't either. Hollis says that TJ's being too hard on him. And I got a hard on. No, I don't. ah We cut, and it's the 13th, but it's Friday the 13th. Whoa. And the sheriff is trying to call the mental hospital about one Harry Warden, not Harry Potter. The hospital has no record of him, even though he was committed under court order.
00:29:31
Speaker
And they're like, yeah, he's probably out. Like, don't really give a fuck. Yeah. Like, yeah, sorry. I can't help you, bud. He's out there, bud. Watch out. Watch out. You're going to fucking sick you, dude. um And she the receptionist is like, I can check the micro films, which will take several days. The fuck is that? I don't know. We're too old, young. And the mayor suggests that you have canceling the dance.
00:30:01
Speaker
um but they don't because they think it's gonna cause mass panic. ah We cut to Patty and Sarah who are walking, ah talking about who Sarah's gonna take to dance, Axel or TJ, who would you take? Oh, fuck. Sarah. Well, oh, I thought you were talking Axel or TJ. I was. pride taking Probably just cause TJ's got like the,
00:30:32
Speaker
It's got that haircut on like... You know? You want to actually give me that fucking pickaxe. Actual rod, you know what I'm saying? Give me that actual rod, there you go. There you go. But, out of the two women, I'm taking Patty. Mmm, I'm probably taking Sarah. Yeah? Yeah? You know the blondes? I do like a blonde, dude. I am a blonde, I would say my blonde man, I think. Blonde man?
00:30:59
Speaker
Or, I mean, Redhead's top, but... That's top tier, but... That's S tier, yeah. Never had that. No. Not yet. me gi there go be get We cut to the sheriff who goes into Mabel's laundromat and he's looking for Mabel. um And he notices the heart decorations are all upside down.
00:31:20
Speaker
Whoa. And then he opens this dryer machine. It's the dryer, right? The dryer. And she is dried, zombified. She looks like a zombie. It looked good. The practical effects here are good. She got cooked. She did get cooked. We cut, and we're in the mine. And they're all working in the mine. And Axel sends a little John. Yeah!
00:31:48
Speaker
i Should have pulled that ah Little John and Mike to go check some shouting remember I five whatever ah And he's and he sends T. Giddy to take care of the pump Yeah, yeah, yeah go pump me up, baby I'm T. You don't want to um and they're about to fight and Howard volunteers and T. Just acts on his ass because of Sarah and Uh, we cut to Mabel being taken out by ambulance. Um, and the mayor suggests to the sheriff about getting help from the next town over. And like I said before, it will cause mass panic. So we don't want to do that. And he, the sheriff tells, uh, the ambulance crew take Mabel out the back. Um, and as far as anybody else is concerned, she died from a heart attack. Uh, yeah. I mean, just don't have an open casket. Right. And you're fine. You're fine.
00:32:48
Speaker
ah They pull a Valentine out from inside her body that reads, it happened once, it happened twice, cancel the dance, it'll happen thrice. Talk about gay. Yeah, these, what do you call these things? Rhymes? Valentines? These little Valentine rhymes, dang it. ah The mayor decides to cancel the dance and wants to pull down all the decorations. ah We cut to the sheriff who tells,
00:33:15
Speaker
the kids to cancel the dance and there'll be no parties. Oh, why can't cancel the dance? And then Axel starts talking shit to TJ. And TJ runs off and he just picks up Sarah and she's literally like, I don't want to go with you. He like forces her into his car. Fucking kidnaps her. Fucking get in my car, bitch. You got me? Yeah, I mean, I'm trying to postplow you. Postplow you. Hey.
00:33:45
Speaker
He picks her up and she's like, who dat boi, who him is. ah Who are you? Who are you? Is that Lil Xan? Yeah. Shout out Lil Xan, I guess. He's sober, I found out. I saw that, yeah, three years. Good for you, dude. Change your name, though. um So Sarah and TJ go for a ride, and they pull over in some field, and he's like, you remember this field? Bro, this reminded me of Attack of the Clones. I think it's probably worse.
00:34:13
Speaker
Yeah, it's really the reference. There's like no reference to it at all. It's just like you remember this field Yeah, they're like they're like hey you the viewer at home. You can think of what we did here Wink wink. I fucked her. She gave me the fucking gobbledygook dude. She gave me the fucking sloppiest top I ever received double decker pecker wrecker If you guys are wondering Sarah remembers a spot. She said yeah, I remember this spot. Yeah And that doesn't exist And Sarah asked TJ why he never called her, never called or and TJ says he couldn't because he made so many mistakes. Like, what does that even mean? I wanted to, but I couldn't. I was making so many mistakes. Like, call. You fuck. Lie. Yeah. Yeah, I'm good. and Yeah, you know, I'm killing it over here. Getting sucked off every day. Yeah, I'm a Cali, you know? Yeah, you know. With these bitches. You know?
00:35:12
Speaker
uh TJ asked Sarah for another chance and she and he says he's I really I really wrote that says sorry like a Canadian sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry uh and they kiss uh and I don't know what it is I don't know when it stopped but it definitely didn't stop in the year 1981 kisses like from this point back like their faces like just meld together it's just like You know what I mean? like they put Yeah, it's not like a kiss. It's like a fucking... Our mouths are gonna become one mouth. They're like headbutting each other. Like, I'm trying to stick my tongue down your eessophagus esophagus. Esophagus? Did I say it weird? You sound like British. They wanted to shove it down their esophagus. Esophagus. Alright, well, I didn't mean to say it like that, but it came out... you Fucking... These goddamn Canadians get me all fucking mixed up. We cut to...
00:36:01
Speaker
A bar where, uh, it's probably the cage. Axel and TJ run into each other and, uh, Axel like, where's Sarah? And TJ's like, it's not my turn to watch her. Like, just like the fuck, dude, you just kidnapped her and kissed her. So now she cheated on Axel with you, but she's dating Axel, but you want to plow her out. But Axel or a plouter.
00:36:25
Speaker
There's no fucking black characters movie either. Could use a couple. They're Canadian. What black people do you know in Canada? Drake? I'm the fucking me. Yeah. young get All right.
00:36:40
Speaker
that a pull Yeah. Uh, we cut to Sarah walking down this spooky street by herself and she's like, what do I tell Axel? I'm a dirty whore. Um, and she sees a light and it kind of looks like the light you see before you get murdered, but it's the sheriff making sure making his, uh, netley patrol. And then she just magically in front of her house.
00:37:04
Speaker
And she's like, good night. And then that's it. Night, Sheriff. um We come back to the bar where the bartender says to T.J. that ah she got it the way he said, meaning like Mabel got killed the way he predicted. Oh, she got it all right. She was asking for it. The kids speculate on what to do and they decide that they're going to have a party in the mine.
00:37:29
Speaker
That's a fucking great idea. Great idea, which is TJ's fucking idea, which I guess was the point to make you think TJ or Axel are the killers. Great. Uh, Howard makes fun of people getting killed, uh, and eaten. He's like, Oh, we're gonna go in the mines. We're gonna get killed and eaten. And the bartender calls him an asshole. I mean, yeah, it's getting eaten.
00:37:53
Speaker
and It would be cool though if it was a cannibal movie in the mind. That would be cool. It'd be like getting murdered and eaten in the mind. We can't find them! Right, but instead of the like little creature drawings, it's like a human.
00:38:07
Speaker
But not as bad as Hannibal Kallikos, fuck that movie. Yeah, fuck that movie. The movie sucks. Should have never been made. Yeah, useless. We cut to ah the drunk bartender. He's now drunk and he's breaking a lock off the door. And then we see the sheriff pulling up to the mine and he checks the gate and leaves. I don't know what this is about. Wants to make sure no one kid fucking down there, you know.
00:38:36
Speaker
Yeah, I just don't get why they would cut like right in the middle of that scene. Just doesn't make any sense. Oh, bad, ah bad editing. Yeah, do better. ah The bartender plans to scare the kids with like a scarecrow version of the minor, and he has like a pickaxe attached. So when you open the door, this random door to something, the fucking pickaxe comes down and fucking gets you. It's very Scooby Doo esque.
00:39:01
Speaker
And he opens and closes the door a bunch of times. And the last time, it's the actual killer. Wow. That's what I'm saying. Scooby Doo. This was a good kill. was This is fucking gnarly. Pickaxe with a fucking eye. His eye's hanging out. He gets dragged, which is the cover of the steel look. Yes, it is. Getting dragged by his eye hole. Not on the wall, by the way. That's upsetting. No, it's not.
00:39:27
Speaker
Mine's on the wall. um So you you we watch him get dragged then be b bb was that from It sound like you were doing that like you were getting tongue-tied I had tongue-tied I don't want you to fucking tongue-tie me down, dude. Why not? You ain't gonna tie me down We cut and it's now February 14th aka Valentine's Day aka If you're single, you're probably going to kill yourself. That you masturbate. I masturbate? The kids pull up this fucking rec room that's like right next to the mine. um And we cut to the sheriff who receives a Valentine's Day box at the sheriff's office. um And he sends his little minion officer to go get him a coffee. And he opens it. And it's just chocolates and a card from Mabel, who wants to be his Valentine.
00:40:26
Speaker
Surprise. Wait. I need help dusting off my insides. Sheriff. We come back to this party and TJ complains about a busted lock on the door to the rec room. Because they broke it, but he has the keys because it's his dad. He has the keys. He's got the keys. I got the keys. It's these random keg on the back and he finds a bowling pot of hot dogs. W.
00:40:56
Speaker
No, it's not a fucking W. Don't boil hot dogs. If you boil hot dogs, that's a fucking crime. I steam hot dogs. There you go. Steam or grill? Dude, boiled hot dogs W gets his face boiled off, L. You know what it reminded me of? I like a boiled hot dog. ah they're Fine, it depends on the brand. real fine it It depends on the brand, dude. Hebrew National, shout out to Jews.
00:41:24
Speaker
Oh, can I say that? Yeah, why not? All right. I shadowed him out, right? Right. you're not what do What do you like? ah Nathan. Yeah, Nathan's great, too. Ballparks, low-key ass. You know, with my ballpark, it's fucking yeah crazy down there. You ever have bar S? Like 99 cent hot dogs? No. Don't. All right. Although I did i did work with this guy. Shout out to Wes. He came and helped us out for a little bit, like from a different restaurant.
00:41:54
Speaker
And he wanted to have hot dogs for staff meal one day. So I just like bought like a generic Cisco branded hot dog. Uh-huh. And I made him and I served him for staff meal. This dude freaked the fuck out. He tweaked. He's like, what the fuck is this? He's like, these aren't even good hot dogs. They're shitty quality hot dogs, man. He's like, these are terrible. And he was freaking out because he only liked the specific brand of ah hot dogs. Well, how about you fucking tell me? Let me fucking tweak it over hot dogs. Like, relax, kid. I mean, to be fair,
00:42:24
Speaker
ordering hot dog from Cisco. Little sus. It's not that sus. I mean, I know they're like. They're hot dogs. I know they're the like number one, but. I don't know. As far as quality is concerned on the glizzy, like some taste better, but it's all like feet and buttholes. It's not like, you know what I mean? It's not like good shit. Get a brat or get a fucking. Sausage link.
00:42:53
Speaker
I don't like Kobasi, I think it's terrible. I make you want to vomit every time. You're right. um So.
00:43:05
Speaker
If you like Kobasi, you're probably a fucking loser. And you probably were fucking eating them.
00:43:18
Speaker
um okay Yo, you ever have like a cheddarwurst or something? It was like a fucking Dude, beerwurst is pretty good. I've had beerwurst, yeah, it's fire. I don't like any, like, glizzy-shaped things stuffed with cheese. Unless it's my cheese, I'm on one shaft. Then it's like getting, like, dick cheese. Right, I don't, I don't fuck with it. You're taking a fucking load when you're taking a fucking sausage. Right. Also, that's dangerous as fuck, because, like, they deal with burgers, too, and it's like, that cheese is so high, you can burn the fuck out of yourself. Yeah, you bite into it, and, like, you know what I mean? You can really burn yourself. Oh, yeah, you're just like a whole...
00:43:55
Speaker
Right. It's a load you don't want to take. No. But anyway, I guess this kill kind of reminded me of your favorite movie, Sleepaway Camp, when the chef like gets ah the boiling water poured all over his face. Halloween 2. Okay. And she's in that pool. Yeah. The bitch and then Michael Myers turns the fucking heat up like gradually and like burns her face off. I do remember that. That's what it reminded me of.
00:44:23
Speaker
Moral of the story, don't go around water like hot water. Hot water. You don't get away from the water. With hot water? Yeah. Yeah, working a kitchen is hot water all the time. With hot water.
00:44:37
Speaker
Oh, yeah. All right. You want to hear a hot oil story? Sure. Well, first of all, you know, I got this one. You know about that one. I do. On my wrist. Yeah. Really on my wrist. No, just kidding. It's a free tattoo. It's a burn. My right wrist is burned out. My wrist.
00:44:53
Speaker
ah No, I pulled a tray out of an oven that i that looked like there was nothing on it. It was hot butter. And some fucking piece of shit left it full of butter. but And the butter, at like the whole oven was heated to 400. And i when I pulled it out, it got jammed. And the butter kept going. It went down my wrist. But the other hot oil burn that I got, I was rendering duck fat. And I poured it into a plastic bucket after I rendered it.
00:45:22
Speaker
And when I picked up and melted to the bottom of the bucket when my foot. Yeah, but burn on there, too. Actually, that one wasn't as bad as this one. No, no, no, it was like very, very mild. This was bad. This is third. grade Yeah, I was going to say that's rough. I remember when like that was fresh, the skin immediately peeled off and I was like working out like in an open show kitchen.
00:45:43
Speaker
Which is like, you're like in the dining room essentially cooking. Right. And I was like, like I just couldn't say anything, you know? That was an ugly one. This is, a but it's healed nicely. It turns purple in the shower. That's weird. You know what else turns purple? The tip of my dick's like, grab it so hard. No, you didn't like ah yeah like, did you like cover it? I had it wrapped it up every i had it wrapped every day ah with a burn and pack on it. There you go. That's smart.
00:46:12
Speaker
it took a few months to recover, and the scab was so fucking itchy bro, like the most itchy itch I've ever had in my life. so No bug bite could, could be no poison ivy bug bite nothing could compare to how itchy that shit was. But uh, oh, should we tell the rest of the story?
00:46:29
Speaker
on this burn since we're here? Sure. So I'm fine. I'm chilling. But people around me are nervous people, aka my mother. um And I'm getting pressured from all these people, mainly my mother, to go to ah urgent care and get it checked out. I'm like, it's fine. All they're going to do is give you burn cream.
00:46:47
Speaker
And they're like, nah, you should probably go check get that checked out. And I was like, nah. And then I went. I sat in the urgent care waiting room for four hours. I go and sit down and I finally get called in. I sit down and ah the doctor walks in. I don't even have the bandage off. He goes, yeah, it's all good. He's like, it looks good, you can leave. I go, do you want to see? He's like, yeah, you're probably fine. Hey, if you're listening, which you're not, fuck you.
00:47:14
Speaker
Yo, what the fuck? You know who you are and where you work, urgent care, and it's I think it's Somerville. Fuck you, Somerville. Unreal. Fuck Somerville. Somerville, worst fucking setup for traffic of all time. Speaking of Somerville, I thought of Cherry Hill. It's near me. Anna sent me this. Anna just sent me this, 1244, so not just, but. i'm Not even close to Jess. Tobin Bell is going to be at MonsterMania 62.
00:47:45
Speaker
on March 14th through 16th in Cherry Hill, which is only 30 minutes from me. You gonna go? I might have to. Well, I'm pretty sure on March 14th, I'm seeing Disturbed at the Garden, so I don't think I can go. he If you want a photo, you must purchase a pro photo op. That's probably going to be expensive. I will say meeting Tobin Bell would for sure 100% top meeting David Howard Thornton. That's what I'm thinking, right?
00:48:15
Speaker
I'm thinking I'm back. Thanks, John. Yeah. All right. Tangent aside, this guy is burned and hot. Imagine dying in a hot dog water pot. Yeah. You literally fucking hot dog water boy. ah This guy has no name, by the way. He just he just dies. No, isn't it Dave? They say it later, but like at this point, he has no fucking name.
00:48:41
Speaker
ah We cut to the sheriff who tells ah another officer. He's got a feeling about the mine And he goes outside. and There's some dogs outside eating a bloody valentine box um And he shoes these dogs off and finds a card that says you didn't stop the party What party? Yeah, like you didn't know the kids were gonna have a party anyways fucking idiot ah We cut back to the rec room and Howard is snorting some kind of liquid. I It's like beer. What's this about? He's like, shot getting a beer through his nose. Kind of weird. um Like a party trick almost, and nobody really cares. so um Axel is being pretty aggressive with Sarah, and TJ's like, yo, back off, bruh. And TJ's like, Sarah, you tell him. Tell him what's going on between us. Tell him how I've tung you down that field. Tell him you want to be with me. Because I've been mushed faces together. I'm TJ bad.
00:49:41
Speaker
I got two letters for my whole name, bod. T and J. And Sarah's like, yeah, I suck the syrup right out of this man. And then Axel and TJ get in a fight, and Axel wins this fight by a long shot. So if I'm Sarah, I'm like, Axel for sure I want to be with. Yeah. He's a man. I want to be with him. This is when Hollis gets involved, and he breaks up the fight, and he kicks Axel out. He's like, TJ, you good, man?
00:50:08
Speaker
um And TJ apologize to Sarah's like I'm so sorry and she's like she's like Dude, just stop like leave me alone. I'm done with this shit are Acting like children And it cuts to Axel who's outside you see him banging his head on the wall and like crying what a piece of shit Fucking loser pussy, bro. I mean he's probably drunk right We cut to As of this moment, a random couple going at it, but we learned it's John Sylvia. Uh, and where are they? And what are these things that are hanging up? Is it clothes? So I think, what was that?
00:50:51
Speaker
co
00:50:54
Speaker
So I think if I'm correct, they're in the place where they store like the, uh, mining gear. Okay. And so they want to know how to get those things she calls them down. They don't even say what they are um Things down. Yeah, just pull a string. im Just fucking yank on my rope Essentially, yeah um and They start getting into it and she's like, you know, we knees like I got it baby and it's a fucking condom she's like no beers and
00:51:27
Speaker
And maple syrup, I'm sorry, it's all it's old. He's like, oh, okay, I'll go get them. But you stay here, okay? You stay here and I'll go get the beers. but She's like, hey guys. She's like, bye. What? Bye. Bye. We cut to the kitchen where the two girls are gonna have some hot dogs out of a hot dog pot and John opens the fridge which reveals the dead kid, Dave, but none of them see it.
00:51:57
Speaker
um And they're talking about like what's going on like yeah, it's probably Howard's playing a dumb prank Well, yeah, because they pull a heart out of the hot dog water. Oh Right the heart out of the water. How can I forget the heart out of the hot dog pot? No heart in the wiener pot I forgot Such a pivotal part of the plot dude the wiener pot is crazy is he the weer po
00:52:29
Speaker
Hey, bud, if I come over to your barbecue and you don't have a wiener pot, I'm thinking my ass home. I'm thinking my maple syrup. I'm home. You know what they say? Home is where the heart is and the heart in the wiener pot. That's true. That's true.
00:52:45
Speaker
ah Never get your heart stuck in the wiener pot, bud. Oh, the wiener pot. if We dude if we ever get big enough where we have like fan mail we like pull random fucking fan mail We should call the fame of the wiener pot the wiener pot. There you go Let's see if we got anything the wiener pot today I'm gonna start coming in a bowl and call it my wiener pot the wiener pot. Oh That's funny Let's know if you have a wiener pot
00:53:19
Speaker
Yeah, let us know. Do you boil hot dogs like a fuck? Dude, I have fucking boil hot dogs, steam hot dogs, boil hot dogs. I mean, I've never microwaved a hot dog, but it couldn't be that bad, right? I mean, it's pretty rough. Oh, is it? Yeah, Matt boiled or microwaved hot dogs one day when I was at his house. Shout out Matt. Two episodes in a row. Shout out Matt. I don't know why you really wanted hot dogs, but... Uh, we cut to a girl who hears noises. Oh, it's, um, Sylvia, sorry. So we cut back to Sylvia.
00:53:49
Speaker
who's hearing noises, ah and see she sees some random water pipes turn on. Like, yeah, that's what I'm fucking talking about. Like a faucet? Turn my fucking water pipe on. Yeah, you get some hot water. And these clothes start randomly dropping. The bartender's dead body randomly drops. um And then the killer appears and grabs her by the face and skewers her through a faucet.
00:54:20
Speaker
This is an all time kill. I love this kill. It's pretty fucking great. We cut back to John who calls for Sylvia and he hears the water and he's like, oh, is it sexy time in the shower? And he starts taking his clothes off and he finds her dead body with the faucet through the back of her mouth and it's spraying out water blood mixture. And this guy just like fucking like He goes, yeah, he's like fucking. I don't even know. Frozen. Retarded. Shout out. Retarded. He's like. da ah We get we cut. I don't like this part. We cut to the sheriff who gets he's in the car and he gets a call from dispatch saying he got an urgent call from Eastfield, which is the mental hospital. So I guess he was going to the mine shaft and just turns around and go back.
00:55:13
Speaker
Right, what are you doing? Dumb. What are you doing? We cut to Hollis, Mike, and Howard with the girls, Sarah, Patty, and some other bitch. And they all decide to go down into the mine. And TJ stops them, and he's like, there's no women allowed in the mine. That's sexist. That's pretty fucking wrong, man. That's fucking wrong. They go anyways, and he doesn't go with them.
00:55:36
Speaker
um They go down Patty and the girls ask how to take them on a tour of the abandoned part. And you know what's in the abandoned part? Rats.
00:55:51
Speaker
Which they forget about. Wait, I have a question, though, right? If they're so far underground. Wait, shut the fuck up. How the fuck rats get that far down? I mean, they're fucking rats in the ground. Like, what are we doing here? I mean, there's a big asshole in the ground.
00:56:07
Speaker
And there's, I mean, what rats are in the sewers. How'd they get down there to begin with? Yeah, I mean? Through the pipes. All right, so like, you could probably end up in a... They're using the plumbing!
00:56:21
Speaker
What's that for? Chamber of Secrets? Oh, it is. That's my fault. Sorry. Hey, you know. ah long time That was a long time ago.
00:56:33
Speaker
It's also a fuckin' throwaway line that no one would ever remember besides me. throwway Throwaway,
00:57:04
Speaker
It was a joke cuz ginger ale um You know what you tried and it almost worked you don't like Pepsi anymore I like both You're wrong. Why am I wrong? Cokes only good at Mickey D's Cool these nuts McDonald's coke is the best soda available on this earth. I agree with that Buy us like coke my free time I do some coke in my free time, you know? Yeah, yeah, I mean. A lot of tangents in this one. So they're in the mineshaft, right? Looking for diamond. Right. But they're not at the right coordinates. Right. Right. Right. And there's, yeah. There's no priest down there. What? Remember you said that creepers were the priests? Or Slenderman? Slenderman. Definitely not Slenderman. Enderman? Enderman? Yeah, the the the creepers are priests, right?
00:58:01
Speaker
See we're both off our game today. not you all Oh Look at that fucking pedophile van. Holy shit. Why are you driving so slow son moving along? They're looking for kids Oh, bro. It was a black blacked out windows navy blue van that was driving like so slow That's not good. So fun. There's kids like neighbors and windows.
00:58:27
Speaker
start this tour, uh, and Harriet and Mike decide they're going to stop and fucking the mind shaft just for the vibes. It's a good idea. And they said, I'll meet up in 10 minutes. Would you ever fucking a mind shaft? I probably wouldn't. That's how you get AIDS. It's fucking disgusting down there, right? Dirt and shit.
00:58:46
Speaker
Yeah, like yeast infections. Yeah, rats.
00:58:51
Speaker
Also, this guy's got a bigger fucking nose than you do. This guy's nose is huge, dude. That was like a backhanded compliment. no That's the first thing I saw when he went to like a side profile. Yeah. I mean, my Go ahead. This guy's nose is fucking long. I mean, my side profile is pretty crazy, though. I mean, look at this shit. That's wild. Look how big his is. His is way bigger. I mean, that makes me feel better.
00:59:19
Speaker
Yeah, he actually looks like a bird because he's kind of hooked a little fucking car, you know. Right. Toucan head ass. Right. Shout out. Fruit Loops.
00:59:30
Speaker
ah We come back to the rec room where there's a girl screaming because she found a dead body. Dave's dead. John comes in and says Sylvia is dead as well. Axel comes in and tells her want to get the fuck out. I wrote GTFO and and it changed the gift.
00:59:47
Speaker
yeah I can die over there. but Yeah so stretching TJ tries to make a phone call lines are cut and he tells Axel that Sarah's in the mine and they gotta work together to get her back Do it I hate you, but I love you to the enemy of my enemies my friend That does not make sense here. Don't think about it. too much I'll take her ass. You take her bush. That's it. I says he's gonna go in the abandoned section, and he tells Axl to take the main John. But they don't say John because they're Canadian. Yeah, take the main Johnny. We cut to Hollis, who ah scares Patty and Sarah, which is not cool. TJ arrives in the mine. Hollis tells the girls during the abandoned part, and no one's been down there since Harry Warden. And they get jump scared by Howard.
01:00:45
Speaker
um They go back to me with Mike and Harriet and we see them being stalked by the killer. And Patty asked why Mike and Harriet haven't come back yet because they go to meet up with them and they're not there. They fuck it. um We hear the glass shattering and it cuts to the killer. Just don't want Steve Austin coming down to the ring. Right. um Glass shatters. Yeah.
01:01:12
Speaker
ah come We come back to the sheriff who meets up with John and some guy and he'd tell that he they tell the sheriff that Harry Warden is back and he's in the mine. My God. My God. My God, it's gotta be Harry. We come back to the group calling for Mike and they run into TJ, which is a jump scare and TJ tells the group that about the murders and that Harry Warden is back and down here somewhere. He's picking back.
01:01:44
Speaker
um Sarah thinks he's joking and TJ says he'll go find Mike and Harriet. and It looks like I'm joking. And sends a Hollis and the others in a different direction. ah we The camera follows Hollis um and they find Mike and Harriet dead. They've been kabobed. Literally. Skewered. Uh, with like a big ass metal drill bit drawn through their back. He's like, you want a screw? And then a Hollis gets hit with a fucking nail gun to the head. Yeah, right to the temple and then one to the forehead. He's de ead d DEAD dead.
01:02:26
Speaker
ah We got back to Howard with the girls and they're like freaking out a little bit like worried and The killer just drops dead Hollis on top of them essentially on Howard mainly here you go We see they freak out. We see the killer approaching them in the distance and Howard tells the girls to run and they don't want to leave because Hollis was dating Patty and Patty don't want to leave Howard but he fucking dead bitch and She's being like a really fucking annoying bitch here. I would agree with you Like just slap. I mean, yeah, Sarah slaps the fuck out of her. She's like get it together and she fucking drags her ass um We see Axel who asked where the others are um And we followed through the mine and patty says she can't do anymore. I'm I can't fucking do this. Oh my god and they drag her ass
01:03:23
Speaker
um And they hear some footsteps and turn off the lights. um And it's TJ, but he gets whacked the fucking log. Axle's log, not his cock. Like this shit is like a fucking Lincoln log times 80. You know what I'm saying? You ever play with Lincoln logs? i Yeah. They're fucking fire. They're great. Yeah. ah We cut to the sheriff who's outside the mine, but the elevator shaft is not working.
01:03:52
Speaker
ah bra We cut back to the kids who are in the mine and also find the shafts is not working. The control panel has been smashed. Would you ever a fuck a control panel? I probably wouldn't. The fuck are we talking about here? You gotta like, how do you fuck a control panel? I don't know, you're creative, think of something. Like stick a little, you sound yourself with the wires? You love sounding, dude, I don't know what it is with you. It's just easy to stick things up your cock head, you know? It can't be that easy.
01:04:24
Speaker
Not easy, but, you know, when in doubt, you stretch it out. When does stretch it out? Stretch your games. It's true. You got to stretch your games. Axel says that the client that shout of shut out Matt Patty does not want to climb. It's a fucking ladder. Patty just climbs fucking goat. You want to live or you want to die?
01:04:48
Speaker
They have to ask Axel to go slower multiple times. and out Slow Slow down. Fuck me slower. Slower. I'm gonna cum. I'm slipping out.
01:05:05
Speaker
Uh, Patty slips and she almost falls and then she literally refuses to not go any further. And Sarah like pushes her up. i like writing or She She's like her. It's like if the human centipede at the clump of a ladder, essentially. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Suddenly a hanging dead body falls alongside them. um And like his neck like rips apart. rip And who is this?
01:05:35
Speaker
I don't know. Because he's wearing like a flannel, but no one else is wearing flannel. Who that boy? Who him is? but dan That's what he is. So the abandoned climbing up, but Axel sends the girls and TJ across this bridge.
01:05:57
Speaker
And they cross, and then we hear Axel get whacked and fall into some water, little along which is 60 feet deep, but they have to keep moving. It's like my asshole. Your asshole's 60 feet deep? Yeah. Hell yeah.
01:06:14
Speaker
When Adele's like, we could have had her all rolling in the deep, but you're talking about your asshole? She was, actually. Yeah, I have yet to see royalties for that. Shout out Adele.
01:06:24
Speaker
um TJ tells the girls to follow this wall no matter what and don't question them. And then literally five seconds later, they hear a noise and they go back to investigate it. Because they separate. Yeah, they hear a little rumble, a little tussle.
01:06:39
Speaker
um They call for T.J., there's no answer. And they just keep walking. When suddenly Patty gets gutted with a fucking pickaxe. um And this is weird, the killer sees Sarah, they make eye contact, and then just cuts to her like walking in the tunnel. Very odd. So she's walking and crying, and a hand reaches out and grabs her, and it's T.J. who has blood dripping down his face, and he says he got hit.
01:07:09
Speaker
Fuck we cut to the police pulling up with the mayor and again They're like the elevator is not working. We gotta go a different way. Yeah, no shit ah We cut the TJ and Sarah who are getting on a rail car and the killer gets on with them And this is like in GTA you hop the train. Oh 100% I mean um and it's like a sword flight with a shovel and a pickaxe essentially and Not the best sword fight I've ever seen. That would probably be Motel Hell. Are we saying swords that aren't really swords or in general? Swords that aren't really swords. Yeah, I agree with that then. Uh, they jump off slash fall off the back of the cart. Um, and the killer is chasing them and they come to back pedal and like swing the pickaxe and defend themselves or the shovel to defend themselves.
01:08:06
Speaker
Joe Sucka's a mean cock over there right now, bro. That's crazy. Yo. Yo, you were joking on it. That was crazy. Fucking stroking that shit. Yeah, you were like, well you were two hands in it. Yeah. Yo. You were like a rug burning a dick over there. That's nuts. I should have been mine. I lick it because I can. What is that from? Catnap, the last fucking recording we just did. I lick it because I can.
01:08:33
Speaker
Oh, right. The deleted scene. Sorry. It's OK. Sorry. Sorry. um They run some random shaft and the killer is like swinging at them and he keeps missing and bringing down like piles of wood. Yeah, he's like breaking the ah what do you call it? The structural beams. There you go.
01:08:53
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, um, and he pulls down his pants to reveal his eviscerated cock. Uh, it'd be funny as fuck if, if his dickhead also had a respirator and a little tube and a little tube to his balls or the same. It talked like Bane. Do you ever feel like you are in charge?
01:09:24
Speaker
I was thinking, what if he has like a little, uh, little pickaxe sticking out of his cock head. Yeah. You, the sounding dude. Oh, i start like a bitch. Yeah. Or like a, like a piercing. It looks like a pickaxe. Ew. Like in his, in his balls. Yeah. Instead of a Prince Albert, it's a Prince Harry. He's Harry warden. I get it. Pretty good. Um,
01:09:48
Speaker
The killer pulls a knife out and Sarah pulls on the respirator mask, which pulls it off. Uh, and here's the reveal of the killer, which is that axle. Um, and we see the flashback of the supervisors getting murdered. So Axel's father was the super value. This is pretty crazy that he just watched his father die. I was like, I want to do that. He's hiding under the bed. He's like traumatized. He gets blood splattered all over him. He's like five.
01:10:20
Speaker
What? He's like five.
01:10:31
Speaker
Can't cut that. Oh, his facts is here.
01:10:48
Speaker
This isn't making it in, so. No, no, we're already here, though. ah TJ smacks the shit out of Axel to rock, and they run out, and the shaft collapses. and They meet up with the sheriff and crew, where we find out that Harry Warden died five years ago. um And they dig up and see Axel, who's still alive. He got a handout. The guy's like,
01:11:15
Speaker
The guys, the some guys like, we got one! And Sarah yeah has to run back and see him, even though he just tried to murder her. Right, I don't get that. I love him, but he wanted to kill me. um he She touches his his hand and he grabs her, and we watch him cut his own arm off. That's savage. And the group watches him escape, and he asks Sarah to be his bloody Valentine, and he had like a maniacal laugh,
01:11:44
Speaker
And that's the end of the movie. that's a The credits are a custom song for this movie. W. My Bloody Valentine by Jeffrey Well. W. That is My Bloody Valentine from 1981. How you feel on a rating? No, I gave it three and a half. I'm gonna hit it with a three.
01:12:07
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, I give it the three the extra half bump because of the setting very a unusual.
01:12:17
Speaker
I like the design. The goal really helps. Definitely, like if you watched the version on shutter, you would be very disappointed if you don't see shit. That's probably what I watched the first time. Yeah, you don't see shit. I was shit. Yeah, did not see anything. You don't see shit. Right.
01:12:40
Speaker
So follow us on Instagram, TwoGuys1ScreenPod. Send any comments, concerns, movie requests to TwoGuys1ScreenPod at gmail dot.com. Follow us on TikTok. Follow us on YouTube for the clips. Follow us on Letterboxd. And send us a voicemail, 508fistus. 5088diptip. Follow us on Letterboxd. All that will be linked in the description. No purchase necessary. No refunds. on Next week, Tuesday.
01:13:10
Speaker
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, we're fucking here, boys. getat We have some special guests on a couple of the episodes. Again, these release every other week. So next week is Sorcerer's Stone. Then the next week we're doing The Monkey, um which I've seen Gerald's a monkey and it is bigger than mine. So there's that. We're doing ah we're doing The Monkey slash Captain America Brave New World combo. I still have hope for that movie.
01:13:42
Speaker
The monkey, I don't know, bro, but... Hopefully it's good. Cap could be good. I should have never put it in my mouth. Right. Because now you have cholesterol. I don't know. Happy Valentine's Day to all those who celebrate. Don't murder anybody. And we'll see you guys Tuesday for Harry's BAPA! Totals. Fuck you, Mark.