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Sometimes Alone is the Very Best
220 Plays2 years ago
Dani and Kels are here to tell you it is time to befriend number 1, YOURSELF! There is nothing more powerful then time to yourself. This is how you get to know your most authentic self. All the things YOU like, doing the things YOU like, with only thoughts from YOU.
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Transcript
Introduction to 'Awake and Bake'
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome to Awake and Bake, an educational, high vibrational, mystical, spiritual pot, I'm sorry, podcast from two girls, one joint in a journey to awaken what's inside all of us. In the words of the wise with Khalifa, let's roll something and get the day started. Hey, bitches. I literally, I almost forgot what my little jingle was. I almost did the old one, which was, Hey motherfuckers. Um, you know, and I was thinking motherfuckers. So, um, yeah, it maybe today is just a motherfucking day.
00:00:27
Speaker
It has been a day.
The Importance of Solitude
00:00:29
Speaker
Today, we have to talk about the importance of being alone because it's important. OK, it's important as fuck, guys, like no matter how extroverted you are, time alone is essential. I don't care if you're one of those people who wants to be on a party every single day of the weekend, the week, everything. No, you need to take a break, guys. You got it. Like the only way that you learn who you really are without influence and like what you really like is when you're not around others and when you get to just like
00:00:57
Speaker
be with yourself and sit with yourself and see how you feel. It's also the only way you really heal and overcome obstacles. My husband calls himself a participatory person. He doesn't say he's an extrovert or an introvert. He's a participatory person. He just always wants to be out where the action is. He never wants to do things alone.
00:01:15
Speaker
And so now that we're living in like quite literally the middle of nowhere. The butt fuck of nowhere. I know people say the bum fuck. No, the butt fuck. The butt fuck. Nowhere. Like literally in Northern Ohio. It's there's not a lot around. I'm looking at a horse and a cow
Adjusting to Remote Living and Solitude
00:01:32
Speaker
right now. Like Jesus Christ. Hey, beautiful creatures. But I don't know about if you want to just see them out your window every day. Exactly. Well, I do. But
00:01:42
Speaker
I'm not, I miss my old view. I miss San Diego so much. I'm not going to cry. So like, yeah, obviously it's been a huge adjustment for him. And at first, like he had to start going to like the gym alone. He had to start because I'm not a gym person. He had to start doing all this stuff alone. And like it was really hard for him. And he was like, I don't know how to do this. Like I feel like I'm like just being weird, awkward and stuff. And that's how it feels when you're at first, especially in public spending time alone. It's obviously different when you're sitting alone
00:02:11
Speaker
at home but like out in public it can be so awkward and so hard to start that off and to be like go out the first time and not have anyone around you.
00:02:20
Speaker
you think people are like staring and you think people are thinking you're weird and you're like you get so hyped up and like what everyone else is thinking about you and again like as we always say doesn't matter doesn't give a fuck we shouldn't give a fuck what people are thinking for me healing from my eating disorder going out to eat alone was like key that was like one of the most therapeutic things i ever did and it helped me overcome a lot of my anxiety too and people always say to me like oh it's i'm too anxious to do that i'm too anxious you'll be anxious for the first 10 minutes
Therapeutic Benefits of Being Alone
00:02:50
Speaker
then you'll like get over it. And even if it's longer, if you just keep doing it, I promise you it'll be one of the most healing things you're ever going to do because like
00:02:59
Speaker
You're like, Oh, I can do this. Like I can eat alone. I need to try that because one, I used to have a hard time eating in front of people anyway. So that would be like a very interesting concept to go out to eat by myself. Also, I kind of relate to what you're saying, but I do that with airports. I love traveling, like flying by myself, especially when I felt like I had a hard time very much like Cole. Um, I think in terms of astrology, Cole and I have a lot of similarities and like, like those types of characteristics. And one of them is we don't like to be
00:03:29
Speaker
alone. So I feel him in that sense. And so that's why I used to think that the airport was the perfect place because you're not actually alone. There's people all around you, but they're not trying to talk to you and you don't have to talk to them and they really don't want you to talk to them. Also
00:03:46
Speaker
I get main character syndrome like a motherfucker. So I'm like, Oh my God, I'm everyone's love interest in this airport, but I'm a happily married woman. They wonder like, what does she do? What's her job? Where's she going? She must be famous. And I eat it up. Well, at least that's why I tell myself it's happening. But yes, the airport is my version of like the going out to eat, but I'm definitely going to do the going out to eat by myself and really see what that does for me on like a challenge level.
00:04:12
Speaker
There's just a challenge. There's just something about it. You get to, I don't know, order whatever you want. When I was really struggling with my eating disorder, if I'd go out to eat with people, I'd be like, oh, I should get a salad because they're going to think I'm fat if I get this or whatever. I'm going to tell you guys something.
00:04:27
Speaker
right now, okay? Salad is one of the most awkward things you can eat in front of people. It's very hard to actually eat. I was the same way as Kelsey and I learned very fast. No, salad is not what you eat in front of someone if you're nervous about eating. It gets, it's so messy and it gets all in your teeth. The fork gets in your teeth. You're always having to use a napkin. Personally, I love napkins.
00:04:49
Speaker
Yes, I love napkins. There's nothing wrong with like an abundance of me. I pretty much I'm gonna napkin my face after every bite anyway, because I'm weird about that. But with a salad, it's like, damn, I look you have to like, it's not just me being paranoid. It's necessary. It's
00:05:05
Speaker
necessary guys. Also, if you're like, I don't give a fuck, I'm going to put a nasty, not nasty, but like a hearty amount of dressing on a salad and slurp it on up in front of my date for every date. That's so dope. Like I, I commend you. I'm just talking about for bitches who were insecure. Yeah. I learned quickly. Salad is not very like, Oh, it's just so inconspicuous and skinny. Like no, bitch. It's not. No, especially the way I eat it. Cause like, I do love a salad. So I'm like, Oh, like get these crunchy veggies in my face.
00:05:34
Speaker
And I have a little tip of like a little easier way to start if you're not ready to go out to eat like where people are going to like be able to see you. One of my other favorite things to do alone is to go to the movies.
00:05:45
Speaker
It is the most relaxing thing. You don't have to fight with anyone about where you're going to sit. You get to watch whatever movie you want to watch and you get to get so much popcorn. I tell them just put a scoop of popcorn in and then butter and then a scoop of popcorn and then butter. They don't fight me on that, but you get to go full out. You're in control of everything. It's amazing. I don't know.
00:06:09
Speaker
I do weird stuff alone. I went wedding dress shopping alone. I didn't end up wearing wedding dress. I remember you did do that. But yeah, people thought I was crazy. They were like, how could you do that alone? Didn't you want your friends and your mom there? And I was like, no, honestly, I just needed my opinion. I needed to be comfortable. I needed to be happy with it. I knew that that was the most important. And again, I didn't even end up fucking wearing the thing. It's still in my basement, sitting in its bag, never been touched.
00:06:37
Speaker
I don't know, however much I spent on it, just sitting there. I really should have sold it in San Diego.
Independence and Confidence from Solitude
00:06:44
Speaker
But regardless, doing those things, allowing yourself to have that time, embracing that time alone gives you this independence and confidence and strength that you won't get doing things with other people. Not to mention, bitch, what else am I supposed to fart?
00:06:59
Speaker
That is true. First of all, I had this lie going for years since like kindergarten that I wasn't someone who farted. It never happened to me, never experienced it. It went for a few years. And then my best friend Emily was like, listen, bitch, I know you've been lying. Okay. I have been walk walking.
00:07:16
Speaker
watching you and hanging out with you closely every day for years. And I know everybody farts, so I'm going to catch you one day. And I'm not going to say whether or not she caught me because I'm to the public. I don't fart, but I'm alone is say that I was a human who farted. When else would I be supposed to fucking do it?
00:07:37
Speaker
I will rip ass in front of anybody and it sucks. I say I think I think it was like the first or second time I met him that he farted in front of me and I was like damn so we're that close now like that and the thing about Isaiah's ass is his farts linger for like I'm not talking about like oh they linger for a few minutes at least 20 minutes but yeah I'm like you'll
00:07:59
Speaker
He'll fart, leave the room for like two hours, and then I will walk into the room and I'll be like, did you fart? And he's like forever ago. And I'm like, ugh, they love to hang out. So anyway, aside from that, you do find things to enjoy when you're by yourself because you don't have to consider anybody else. Like I said earlier, I was slash am very much like Cole in terms of we don't like to do things alone. However, the Libra in me wants everyone's opinion on everything.
00:08:28
Speaker
So when I'm with somebody and we're watching something, something happens, I'm like, what did you just think about that? And it's also not because I don't know how to form my own fucking opinion. I hate when people are like, have your own opinion. I like to know what the public opinion is because who am I? I'm just a white girl. What if I get it wrong? Like, you know what I mean? Like, I want to make sure I take it.
00:08:48
Speaker
I want to get everyone's perspective. I do my best to check myself, but I just like to know public opinion as well. So when things happen, I like to get everybody's, you know, the general consensus. But when I'm by myself, bitches.
00:09:02
Speaker
I don't have to consider anyone else's opinion. I'll listen to whatever music I want to listen to. I'll watch whatever YouTube videos. I have the weirdest taste in YouTube videos and I don't really want to watch them with other people because the way that I watch them is for me when I love like showing youtubers to other people. But watching the same videos like with them is a little bit harder. Like I like I'll show you somebody and like you'll watch their videos on your own and that's awesome. That's what I love. Now me bitch.
00:09:29
Speaker
I like to like change, raise your hand if you're one of those girlies who changes the speed when you watch a video. I said it's like 1.5 or 1.25 because I'm like, let's just get to the meat guys. Get to the essence of the video. Same thing with podcasts. Yeah, exactly. Also hobbies. There are some things that like just need to be done
Solo Activities and Self-Care
00:09:48
Speaker
alone. Also, I think it's really like, let's just like be legit. It's very healthy for you to masturbate and know yourself and kind of have like maybe your own routine. Please do that in private or
00:09:58
Speaker
or like with a partner, but I'm just saying like, I love masturbating with my friends. Yeah. Just like public orgasms. Public orgasms. I see people like, Oh yeah. I had like a sex toy in my pussy in the mall and my dude was behind me and we like recorded it, setting it off. Now look, the freaking me is like, that is hot, but it's supposed to be a secret.
00:10:20
Speaker
It's not for everyone to see. It's hard. Could get caught. You know what I mean? Yeah. That's why like, I mean, I'm not going to lie, guys. I got a little freaking me too. So I like to do some weird stuff like colon. I kind of like like not public, public sex, but like, no, no, but the submarine. And like the other day at Kohl's, we fucked in the dressing room like shit like that. Like, like, K O H L the store. I was like at Kohl's. He's your husband. You mean at your house.
00:10:46
Speaker
Yeah, at the store. But like, we were private. Yeah, no, I don't think I can do it in while making eye contact with another human. Yeah, no, that's that's I love the like, oh, we could get caught, but we won't kind of thing. Also, guys, be careful. Apparently, if you have sex in your car and anyone catches you, you can you have to register the sex offender. So just be careful.
00:11:07
Speaker
Oh, damn. There was someone I used to work with who that happened to, and it was really sad because she was the sweetest girl. That's so fucked up. It's so fucked up, but it will literally ruin your life. There's so many sex offenders who don't have to register as sex offenders.
00:11:22
Speaker
I know. It's crazy. Also, you guys, sorry to just jump from there, but we don't need to go down that rabbit hole. I'm currently working on my mindset, so we got to keep it up. Happy. You need to do your self-care stuff alone. Hear me out, you guys. There's nothing as therapeutic as getting ready to go out with your bitches and you have the music going and you guys are vibing. You're getting cute together. You're dancing. You're laughing like, how do I look? Yes. You look good. Oh, my God. Yes. You're here like that. Yes. That outfit is great. Isn't she a bad bitch? It's everything. But there's a certain type of self-care where
00:11:53
Speaker
whether it's setting an intention or doing a ritual or like some glamour magic in the morning or just journaling like doing it by yourself without any time pressure or like because I know Kelsey and I we love to do rituals together. However, there is still a slight pressure of like, okay, well, I hope we finish around the same time. If I only do a five minute journal and Kelsey's like I'm going on an hour and a half.
00:12:15
Speaker
You know what I mean? So then I'm just sitting there like, how's the writing going? Things like that just like are better done alone. But you guys enough time spent alone, no matter how much you run from it, like after a certain point of time alone,
00:12:31
Speaker
you're gonna just start addressing shit within yourself. And that's probably why I had the hardest time doing things by myself back in the day. Like I'm thinking specifically, it's 2020 and it's 2019 and 2020. I'm living in Washington Heights in New York City.
00:12:46
Speaker
And any day off that I had, which was not a lot, but if I had to be alone, I didn't know how to function. I had roommates all the time. Well, first of all, I lived with my friends a lot growing up, always had siblings anyway. And then I went to college where I had roommates. And then right after that, bitches New York City, I was fresh out of school. I had many roommates at one point.
00:13:12
Speaker
I had a really hard time doing stuff alone but not to just like a normal degree of like oh it kind of makes me uncomfortable like to a very extreme level that I am sure is also rooted a little bit in mental illness a little bit and like some PTSD shit but I do think like
00:13:28
Speaker
We are in control of our mind.
Spiritual Growth and Self-Analysis
00:13:30
Speaker
We are. We have full control. Like I said, I'm doing Roxy Toxis 360 method right now. So like, I am calling the shots. I'm the observer of my thoughts. They are not me. But I also get to control what I get my focus to, right? At that time, I was trying to spiritually bypass
00:13:44
Speaker
essentially all of my shadow work that had to be done. I had just discovered spirituality. I thought it was so dope. Everybody kept talking about shadow work. And I was like, Oh, no, no, no, not me. That will literally ruin me. I could totally see that being my 13th reason. And so I definitely was like, Yeah, no, I'm just gonna do all like the happy stuff.
00:14:03
Speaker
That being said, yes, it got me kind of far, but it also ended up and resulted in me being unable to decide. This was my list of things to do, you guys. A common situation I found myself in was, okay, I'm by myself, don't know what to do, but I have to clean my room, I do have to pee, I have to do laundry, and I gotta eat. Guys.
00:14:26
Speaker
First of all, why was pee even on the list? Kelsey asked me that earlier when we were talking about this. I was like, so true, that's hilarious. But it was on the list because I didn't see that as a priority and I also didn't know what had to be done first. And unfortunately, more often than not, pee would go to the bottom of the list because I was like, well, I'll reward myself by peeing after I finish all of the other things I have to do. So it would be like, okay, well, I'll do the laundry and then I'll clean my room and then I'll eat and then I'll pee.
00:14:53
Speaker
yeah i know guys like but here's the gag the gag is bitch i did none of it nothing got done i would just sit there spiraling not being it not knowing what to do fucking panicking being mad at myself and then i would just be on my phone like wasting time to pee having to pee the whole time isn't that some shit that's some shit
00:15:16
Speaker
so yeah but that's what helped me honestly that alone time where i realized holy shit i can't function by myself i can't even get myself to pee like like you would think the worst thing would be like you won't even feed yourself when you're by yourself bitch you won't even relieve yourself when you're alone
00:15:34
Speaker
like poor bladder, poor bladder. So that's I think being alone inevitably will help you notice patterns is how I wanted to basically sum all that up. Yeah, it was like, was it hard for me? Yes, it was actually damn near impossible for me at points. But each time that it happened, it did I'm a very
00:15:52
Speaker
What's the word? Like I love to, I'm not oblivious to things that I give a fuck about. And because self-improvement is something that I give a huge fuck about, I'm always analyzing myself. And so it did help me realize right away, okay, this is a pattern. Like, because when I would tell people, they'd be like, what did you do today? And I was like, nothing, just panicked. Just, just.
00:16:10
Speaker
Sat here, a whole ass mess. My stomach is currently killing me because I have to pee. And like usually they'd be like, bitch, go pee. But because they told me to, I'd be like, well, yeah, let me go pee so they don't think I'm crazy for not peeing. Like, you know what I mean? Like, it was just I was always in performance mode. Yeah. Even to a level of peeing, I guess. Even to a level of peeing. Oh, I noticed that though, if I didn't have some time alone, I never would have noticed. You never would have known.
00:16:38
Speaker
So yeah, you guys, um, that's why it's important to spend some time alone. You got a fart, you got a pee, you got a pee, but also some spiritual and self help reasons as well. I feel like like meditate. Yeah. Like all of that stuff is best done alone. However, I will say we did a breath work. You, me and Emily, Danny, me and Emily, cause I, you might sound like whatever Danny, me and Emily.
00:17:00
Speaker
And at first that was like really weird because that was something I would typically do like alone and then like doing that with the group but then I ended up being really cool but typically like meditating I like doing alone. But obviously guys there are times when you need people like you need like either professional help getting through things or your friends and stuff so like
00:17:18
Speaker
not always, but when you can like just start working it into your schedule, like just start trying to be alone sometimes. Try dating yourself too. That's very trendy these days. I'm sure you can go on TikTok and see like a billion, jillion white girls like I dated myself. So scroll a little bit farther or add black girl to the end of your search. Okay, and run it up for the algorithm and help them out. Please, please. But yeah, that's basically it. Like
00:17:43
Speaker
Now I'm going to go spend some time alone now. I'm going to have a nice evening to myself. I'm going to light some candles. I might take a little bubble bath. My husband's out of town for work. So it's me and my guard dogs. So nobody try any motherfucking shit with me. Okay. I have Lupin and she will eat you up. Oh my God, you guys wait. I almost just said like.
00:18:01
Speaker
eat you up and like beat you up and kick your ass and so I had to make sure I didn't say eat your ass like in my head I was like be very careful with this word choice um and that reminds me I was watching I'm watching this show called Southern Charm and I think that these bitches are racist um but they have not they have not like said that but you know you could just tell I usually don't say it
00:18:24
Speaker
Right. And so I was telling Isaiah, I was like, oh, this bitch just said something that I can't really tell like what she meant by that. But like if it was racist, I meant to say I'm going to kick her ass or I'm going to beat her ass. Oh, and then I was like, I'm going to slap her across the face. And what I said was I was like, if this is racist, I'm going to slap her ass. No, I'm like, give her a spanking.
00:18:51
Speaker
No, that's not what I meant. I have an important question, Danielle. Do you fart in front of the dogs? Oh, wait, you don't fart. I don't fart. Yeah. Yeah. The way I was like, how dare you ask me something like that on air. I was just trying to see if they were like, you're one. Kelce, did you not hear? I don't fart.
00:19:15
Speaker
This is so embarrassing. I don't know how to say this, you silly little human. I not like you. Well, I'll tell you one thing being pregnant, you fart like crazy. I have no control of the sounds that come out of my body. It's insane. It's wild. And the smells are a whole nother level, but it's, it's new.
00:19:36
Speaker
It's new and exciting. Oh, God. Oh, dear. Hey, something to look forward to for all of our not yet mommies or mommies to be the farts, the pregnant farts. Dear God, save yourselves. All right. I need to stop. I gotta go fart. Absolutely. Love you guys. Stay high. Bye.