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00:00:01
a fever dream called RETROGRADE
48 Plays3 months ago
This wholeeee episode is a fever deam
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Retrograde Theme
00:00:00
awakenbake
Welcome or welcome back to awaken bake where we get high vibes and talk about the universe. I'm your host Danny. It's a retrograde episode, baby. We only have like two days left of this little fall season retrograde that we've been going through. Baby, I can't even tell you what planets are in retrograde. I don't know if it's one out of its multiple. I don't know what's happening. It could be a moon. I have no idea.
00:00:20
awakenbake
What I do know, though, is the catchphrase that everybody's been using for this whole last retrograde season and it was assess, don't address. Now don't get me wrong, that bitch is catchy. I love it. I was using the fuck out of it. But can I start addressing please? I guess I only have two days left to like not address, but I want some peace.
Self-Reflection During Retrograde
00:00:40
awakenbake
I would like all of this to stop if I may.
00:00:42
awakenbake
I don't know how many more truths can be revealed. I don't know how many more people can expose themselves to me. Not like nudity exposed, although you'd be surprised. I'm just like, y'all give it a rest. Can I can I have some peace?
00:00:55
awakenbake
That being said, this whole retrograde season, I have been looking for the lessons. I've been trying to find the patterns and I've been trying my best to not address it to kind of just like make a mental note of everything I'm going through, trying to realize things and notice things and just kind of like keep it stored up in my little piggy bank in my brain. And I assume it's going to either work itself out or I'll have to address it later. I'm still figuring that part out.
00:01:17
awakenbake
But overall, what I've realized most throughout this whole season, this retrograde period we just had, I kind of just realized all the areas that I need to grow in and all the areas that I need to address within myself. Yes, I'm not gonna lie. I noticed in y'all as well. Okay, I think I know where a lot of motherfuckers need to do some work and some growth, but that's not today's episode.
00:01:36
awakenbake
And it's like I'm recognizing these patterns within myself. It's not like I haven't noticed them before, but I'm seeing them through a new lens. So I'm not seeing them like, oh my God, I'm the problem. But I'm seeing them like, wait a minute, I see now why I'm doing what I'm doing. And I'm seeing how that pattern is affecting moving forward like XYZ.
00:01:55
awakenbake
And it's a bunch of deep realizations. Don't get me wrong. Like everything I'm noticing about myself, it's pretty profound, but it's not like the end of the world type shit. Like I'm not beating myself up over it. I'm not like filled with fear and self hate over this realization that I had more than anything. I kind of just feel inspired because it's like, OK, cool. Now I know all the areas that I want to grow in and that I want to work on myself, like personal growth.
00:02:17
awakenbake
not monetary stuff, not stuff in my career field, not stuff in like a social setting, like where do I want to grow as a human with my soul, with my mental health, with how I handle conflict, with how I am in my relationships, with how I'm treating myself, how am I but responding to the voices in my head, whether or not they're being kind? Just shit like that, you know, just girly tings.
Psychic Experiences and Intuition
00:02:41
awakenbake
Honestly, one of the main things that I've noticed just about myself, honestly, is like I'm so fucking hard on myself when it comes to like any kind of criticism or if I'm just not perfect, basically. and like And especially if my mental health isn't doing well, it makes no sense. It's like I wake up in a negative place mentally. Mind you, I've got a boatload of different diagnoses that could really explain why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling on any given day.
00:03:07
awakenbake
But instead of giving myself grace and being like, ah, could be the PMD acting up could be your bipolar. Maybe you're just depressed right now. Who knows? Like there's so many different things that could be instead of doing that. I usually just get mad at myself for not being perfect and not waking up in a perfect mindset and not being a perfect person who doesn't have issues. And it's like, okay, so now what? So now we're just mad and useless and hopeless. So you woke up upset just to make yourself more upset by being upset that you were upset. Bitch, what?
00:03:34
awakenbake
And any single time I make a very small mistake in my head, it is such a big deal. And other people don't make it a big deal. It's me. And I fully notice that it's me, but I'm just now realizing to what extent it is me. Like it's not me being like, oh, Danny, like you really shouldn't have done that. No, instead, it'll be like, oh, you fucked up again, just like you fucked up once when you were six years old and your dad yelled at you and called you a fucking failure and said you were never going to amount to anything because you're not very smart because you're a girl. And you know what I mean? It's just like, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
00:04:03
awakenbake
No, it was never that serious. Or, like, if I think that I might have said something that wasn't super, super clear to, like, one of my friends, then I'll be like, they'll leave. And then I'll be like, wow, I hope they knew what I meant. And it won't even be anything that could be, like, taken in an offensive way, but I'll find a way to make it like, well, what if they're not sure about what I meant? And what if they think that I'm fucking weird? And then what if they start overanalyzing everything I say? What if I've ever said something that could possibly offend them and I didn't even realize it and then I get nervous? Like, they probably don't want to be my friend anymore. Like, I'm probably annoying. I'm probably weird.
00:04:31
awakenbake
or like, if I make a mistake, like, or if my husband and I have like a miscommunication, like I just put all the blame on me, which is silly, because I'm always right. I'm perfect. Just kidding, obviously. But what I'll do then is I'm like, Oh, damn, I hope he doesn't divorce me over this over what bitch because you bought a different detergent than what he asked for. He's not going to do that. He's not even mad.
00:04:53
awakenbake
So that's what I'm working on is not being so fucking mean to myself and not having that harsh like critique in my head anytime I do something that's not completely perfect. Especially if I do something that could just be like bad, but like an accident or like if I like maybe I get a little grouchy with someone or something like that. Oh, it's even worse than if I make like an actual fucking mistake where it's like, okay, it was a mistake, but I'm still at fault. That would be the worst. That would be like my whole week is ruined because I'm so mad at myself. And it's like, no bitch, chill out, grow up, fix it.
00:05:22
awakenbake
Moving on. The synchronicities have been absolutely wild lately. And like to a point where it is like scary fucking accurate. So I've always said that I'm psychic, right? And honestly, when I say synchronicities keep happening more and more and more, honestly, that just means that my psychic abilities have just been nonstop popping off. I'm going to tell you about this hilarious situation that just happened very recently. And it was kind of emotional for me. But it was also funny as it was emotional. Like while I was getting emotional and anxious, I was giggling too, because I was like, I am so powerful. I knew this was happening.
00:05:52
awakenbake
picture this. I'm scrolling through the gram. I'm high as fuck. I'm hitting my puffco. I'm dabbing some kind of like maven in there. Or no, not maven. It's like,
Critique of 'The Secret Life of the American Teenager'
00:06:00
awakenbake
I'm makers, makers, something. It doesn't matter. I'm dabbing in indica. And I am for ride. All of a sudden, as I'm scrolling, I see an opportunity for a free reading from someone who I admire and like very much. So I respond. But as I'm responding, like as I'm swiping up on the story and typing that I like wanted to do it, literally not even kidding. While I was typing, I said, Hmm,
00:06:22
awakenbake
A bitch that I don't like would probably be saying the exact same thing right now and I just had a vision, an actual vision of this bitch that I don't like typing the exact same thing verbatim word for word that I was saying at the exact moment I was typing it and sending it. So I almost didn't send it. But I'm stubborn as fuck and I was like, well, i'm not ah I'm not going to let a bitch that I don't like stop me from like being myself. I'm not going to let it like change the way that I act.
00:06:45
awakenbake
I hit send, I hit a dab, I take a nap. I wake up bitches to a message from this beautiful soul who I was asking for a free reading from. It was offered. I wasn't just like, hey, give me a free reading. Don't do that. That's so fucked up. And this beautiful, lovely woman responds and says,
00:07:01
awakenbake
Oh my gosh, that's so funny. um She did not use these words. Okay, I'm paraphrasing. But she basically was like, yeah, that bitch that you don't like, message me the exact same message you sent at like the exact same time that you sent it like that's so crazy. I just wanted to let you know. I don't know if it's a synchronicity. I don't know if it's just like a message. I don't know. I just wanted to like, tell you that that's what was going on. When I tell you a bitch, my stomach dropped out of my ass.
00:07:22
awakenbake
I was like, damn, I'm good, bitch. I am good. I knew that shit was happening. And then, you know, it's me. So I'm gonna probably sit there and be like, what does this mean? Why is the universe making this a synchronicity? But honestly, like, it wasn't that deep. It was just two dumb bitches asking for a reading. It was nothing like, you know, super emotional or meaningful. And and when I had that kind of vision of that person typing this, and then when I got the message that they did, in fact, type what I said, and we said at the same time,
00:07:50
awakenbake
It was not a feeling of like, Oh, wow. Oh, nice. I feel very proud of myself and very happy. It was like, Oh, I knew it. But also it was like, the pit in my stomach felt really like empty and shaky. I could feel shaking and anxiety in my chest. Like I just got an overwhelming wash of like, sadness, basically, because I don't want anything to do with this person.
00:08:09
awakenbake
and a mutual friend of this person actually a few weeks ago had kind of reached out and I think I think I'm not sure but I think it was kind of like an attempt to like kind of remedy or help men to the situation and I wasn't really into that I was like I I hey let this person live they're thriving like love that for them um and let me live you know love that for me please But since then, of course, you know, I was overthinking it. Like, well, why did that happen? Like, should I? Should I reconsider my opinions of this person and my being too hard on this person? Maybe the story that I've created in my head isn't actually accurate to like the reality of the situation. And I just don't know that because it's like, well, how could I know that I'm not this person? I'm not friends with this person. You know what I mean?
00:08:51
awakenbake
But it was like in that moment when um the sweet, beautiful angel doing the tarot reading responded and said that, hey, like just so you know, this person said the same thing as you. I just thought it was like a wild synchronicity. It was crazy because it was like in that moment I knew the universe was like confirming to me like, it's OK that this person isn't in our life. It's OK that we're never going to have this person in our life. It's OK that we just don't vibe with some people. It's OK that just like we're not meant to like be in everyone's circle.
Nature Walks and Mental Health
00:09:20
awakenbake
does not mean that we hate them. But it's okay. Like you don't have to feel bad about that. And I don't feel bad about not wanting to associate with this person. And I just feel like it was the universe telling me like, see, when this person is brought up, it gives you that like icky feeling inside that anxious, upset feeling inside. Trust that feeling is ignore this person, goddamn, why don't you mute them? Like if you follow somebody that bothers you, and you don't want to unfollow them, because I get it, I've been there, especially say that you like join a new workplace, and then you're following everybody from work, and then you realize you actually don't fuck with one of those people at work. Mute them. Trust me, it'll save you from the drama of like unfollowing them. And then everybody's gonna talk about it because okay, it's fine. I'm speaking from experience. Okay. But
00:10:06
awakenbake
at the same time. It's not going to bother you. You're not going to see their shit. And because you're not going to see their shit, you're not going to be liking their shit, but it's not going to be out of pettiness of like, Oh, I saw your shit and I didn't like it. Bitch, I didn't even see it. And you can always blame on the algorithm. I don't know. I literally just didn't see your stuff. And they'll be able to check you're not viewing their story because you've muted yourself or like you've muted them on your account. So it just it works. It wins for everybody.
00:10:27
awakenbake
And I felt like I was really asking the universe for like a sign about like, OK, what does this mean? Why does this person kind of get under my skin so much when it's someone like this person doesn't really affect me? Like, why would it get under my skin? I don't mean it as in they I mean like the subject that I'm talking about, this whole topic of like their presence online.
00:10:45
awakenbake
And then just to know as I'm typing that message, like this other person, I could just picture them saying the exact same thing word for word, the way I'm saying it, the way I'm typing it. I don't know why, I don't know how, I just had a vision of it. And then for that to be true, I don't know, bitch. Retrograde's doing crazy, crazy shit. It's bringing up stuff from our old triggers or maybe from your past or old wounds or stories you might've been telling yourself. And that's what it did for me. And i'm what I'm gathering is that the message was, okay, hey,
00:11:14
awakenbake
You're right to not like this person. Follow your gut, follow your intuition when it comes to this person because clearly when it comes to this person,
Personal Growth and Self-Awareness
00:11:20
awakenbake
baby, you're spot on. You knew time, place, verbatim, what they were doing and saying because you were doing and saying the same thing. And I wasn't doing and saying the same thing because I think, oh, we're like super similar. And maybe that's why this person gets under my skin. I think a lot of times I have this kind of like knowing about, okay, maybe me and someone look like we would be friends on the outside, but there's details, or there's like little things that I just like, oh, that could be a little triggering for me and maybe not work well for me. And maybe, maybe this person, even though everyone else follows them and seems to really like them, maybe I don't need to because for some reason, it upsets me. And that's enough. That's fine.
00:11:56
awakenbake
Let's switch gears a little bit because I want to talk about an absolute fucking fever dream that has been this whole retrograde, but it's not even retrograde itself. So for the past month, I would say I have been rewatching The Secret Life of the American Teenager. I don't even think rewatching is the right word. I never actually watched it. It just when it was on, I would like see a couple of random minutes of a few episodes when I was at my grandma's and I would like try to watch it because she would have ABC family on in her basement a lot.
00:12:22
awakenbake
But guys, why is this show not at all what I fucking expected? If you ever wondered, what does retrograde feel like it feels like living inside the reality of the secret life of an American teenager, from the Christianity, like that they push throughout the whole season or like there's multiple
Partnership and Productivity
00:12:40
awakenbake
seasons throughout the whole storyline. It's just underlying like the church, the Christian church is like the Savior,
00:12:46
awakenbake
But it's not just the savior. It's a little bit creepy with it. Tell me why. OK, this is not funny. Trigger warning. It involves the death of a parent. But you're going to laugh. This whole fucking show is about teenagers. Fucking teenagers in high school having sex. Now we'll get to that because there's about two people in this whole cast who could actually possibly pass as being in high school during the filming of the show.
00:13:10
awakenbake
And that is Shailene Woodley, the girl who plays the pregnant girl, Amy, the original pregnant girl, and then her sister who who plays Ashley. They both look like they could be in high school. Everybody else, you're fucking 40 years old and you're not convincing me otherwise. Now let's get into what I was talking about though. So it's all these teenagers having in sex. um Like that's all, my husband walks in and that's all that he hears is like, I love sex, let's have sex. Sex is great, have you had sex? Like it is, it's wild. I cannot believe that they aired this on TV.
00:13:38
awakenbake
And it's so funny because they're pushing this heavy sexual storyline, also with a heavy Christian storyline. And it's like, okay, y'all are really pushing two extremes and I can't look away.
00:13:50
awakenbake
But here's where it really fucking got me. You're going to laugh. So I'm watching it. I'm high as fuck. What's new? It's late at night. It's like this is what I watch. Like this is what I look forward to. I like to get all my work done so that at the end of the day, if I'm just doing some chores or making dinner and just relaxing, I'm watching Secret Life of the American Teenager because the drama is insane. For example, this man, so it's the Christian family. It's the the family that is the most Christian in the show. They like are heavily involved in the church. I don't remember if they like work in the church, but they are known as like the Christian family.
00:14:23
awakenbake
there can only be one in secret life of the American teenager. I'm just kidding. Everyone becomes Christian because they fucking convert them. But that's beside the point. The Christian family, right? It's the ah mom, dad, Grace is the daughter and then the brother who has Down syndrome. And he is probably the best part of the whole show. um He's like the realist character. ah His storylines are like, I don't know, believable. So anyway, we love that. But So it's this bitch grace, right? No offense, Grace, you're a nice girl, but you're so naive. Her dad in the morning, it's before school, and she's a little bit too honest with her parents. Now, maybe that's actually not a thing. And I just didn't have a great ah open communication with my parents growing up. But she's very honest. And she's basically like, Yeah, I think I'm gonna have sex tonight. And I'm still gonna be a Christian, because you can still be a Christian and have sex.
00:15:16
awakenbake
Now, hear me out. I agree. I am not a Christian, but I agree
Conclusion and Positive Outlook
00:15:20
awakenbake
for what it's worth. Probably not much. Anyway, her dad is very angry. You're not like angry, but he's very upset. He's like, Grace, do not have sex. I do not want you to have sex. That would be terrible. The Lord will be disappointed in you. I will be disappointed in you and you will be disappointed in yourself. And like, it won't be good. You'll pay the consequences. Trust me, don't have sex.
00:15:38
awakenbake
Well, she was like, whatever, dad, you don't know everything. ha ha She goes to school, she goes home, she has sex, she finishes having sex, rolls over, gets a call that her dad died in a plane crash because she had sex. And he literally did die in a plane crash. And her brother and multiple people blame her, including herself, she blames herself for killing her dad because she had sex before marriage when her dad told her not to and God punished her and killed her dad in a plane crash.
00:16:08
awakenbake
And if you didn't want me to laugh at that, why would you write it into the show? Because that is insane. I was screaming at my fucking iPad like, someone tell her it's not her fault. What the fuck? And then her brother, God bless the soul, you know, but they were like, they were like, well, she thinks that it's her fault because she had sex when her dad told her not to that very same day. And the brother's like, yeah, yeah, no, it is. It's fully your fault. You killed dad. And she's like, yep, I know. And then the mom just stands there kind of like crying, but not saying, hey, that's not true. Or like,
00:16:37
awakenbake
That's not at all what happened. And I'm not going to hear another word of that. She just stands there crying like helpless like, well, maybe you did. Like, I genuinely cannot take it seriously. Also, there's this odd theme throughout the whole show. Multiple women get pregnant in high school. Sorry, multiple girls. They are literally not adults. These are high schoolers. And the very first episode, when we find out Amy is pregnant, she's literally a freshman. She is 15. And it's the first day of school. So these are babies. These are children having children. Okay.
00:17:04
awakenbake
happens. I totally get it. But you know, they're not able to like make their own decisions really at this point, because they're still children. So why is the other theme throughout the show convincing all these kids? No, no, don't get an abortion. Don't give the kid up for adoption. Keep it. Keep it. Raise it. You can do it. Like, what? Like I said, fever dream can't take it seriously. But more than anything, the most unserious thing in this whole show is the casting.
00:17:30
awakenbake
First of all, I had a lot of body image issues growing up. And you know, technically, I still do. They say, you know, you never get rid of anorexia. You just learn to deal with it. But I feel like I do a great job dealing with it. That being said, that was not the case when I was growing up. And I'm telling you right now, if I was watching Secret Life of the American Teenager, looking the way I looked, so I was a late bloomer. I literally didn't even get my period TMI until my 16th birthday because I was like malnourished and anorexic. So I went through puberty really late. But I looked extremely because of this, you know, I looked very, very young. for a very long time. And these bitches are literally in their fucking 40s playing high schoolers. We got this one bitch who has the body of like just a banging natural like how the Kardashians wish they naturally looked or maybe they do naturally look that way. Who knows what those bitches naturally look like. We'll never know.
00:18:16
awakenbake
But I mean, what a queen what a baddie, you know, she's probably in her like 20s at this point. it's It's kind of believable. I understand you got to have like 20 year olds or like someone over the age of 18 to play a high school or for certain work hours, maybe for the material that they're talking about. Totally get it. I could get behind that. Yes, it would probably make me like extra insecure because like, Oh my god, she is hot. But what would ruin me?
00:18:37
awakenbake
Why the fuck is one of these random side characters who got pregnant literally looks like she's 47 and literally looks like she's 47 and she's supposed to be a pregnant teen. And she's like, I'm so scared. But like, I mean, I'm a senior, but you are super senior. You are a super, super, super, duper senior.
00:18:54
awakenbake
I bet you are scared because why are you in high school at 40 and having a baby all at the same time? I would be terrified. I'd be like, well, what is life? I'm clearly doing it in a weird way. We won't even get into how terrible the acting is of the dad. Oh, my God. The the main dad, Mr. Jurgens, that motherfucker, you know, you learn to love him because I don't actually know why he's actually kind of a piece of shit, but they write it like you learn to love him. But um whoa, the acting is like painful, painful when he's on the screen.
00:19:23
awakenbake
So here I am sitting up here talking all this shit about it, right? It is absolutely what's the word that everybody says objectively a poorly made show like it's not well written. It's not well acted. It's not well cast. I mean, the actors did fine, but holy fuck y'all don't look like you're in high school. But that being said, I fucking love it. and It's my favorite show right now.
00:19:46
awakenbake
I won't stop watching it. I can't stop watching it. And when it ends, I'm going to freak the fuck out because what is going to give me this level of absurd insane drama? It literally encompasses everything that I'm obsessed with. It has like the teenage drama, like high school drama that gives me that kind of reality show vibes that I like while also dealing with that other side of like the Christianity, which I'm not Christian, but I love learning about like fundamentalist shit and like cults and stuff like that. And it very much has an element of like um indoctrination, I would say.
00:20:13
awakenbake
And it's just so fascinating to me to watch but and also to think, wow, this was aired on TV when I was young. And there were probably so many impressionable people watching it. And I'm sure that this shaped their opinions on life in general. Also, can we bring back when TV shows were like multiple like one season had so many fucking episodes? I'm talking like 24 to like 40 fucking episodes.
00:20:36
awakenbake
Love Island UK does, well, Love Island in general, does long seasons like nobody's business. And you know what? So does Secret Life of the American Teenager. Thank you for that. If you have any other recommendations of something that level dramatic and wild, please let me know. I have been recommended Desperate Housewives by my little sister, Susie. Congrats, Susie. Just had a baby. We love your little baby, Mikey. And I will probably be watching that next, but y'all let me know.
00:21:01
awakenbake
So another little discovery that I have stumbled upon or let's say hiked upon this retrograde is hiking this trail by my house. It's this wonderful free range cow trail. um Like literally, I don't know. It's called like The Loop or some shit, and it's got free range fucking cows.
00:21:18
awakenbake
They just walk the fuck up to you if they feel like it. They don't always usually they like don't but when I first took the dogs there There was this man jogging and this cow just gets the fuck up sees the man jogging starts jogging with him And then he like the cow tried to like run into him and then he started petting the cow It was I actually got a video of some of it. It was insane. It's so fucking cool Also, why didn't nobody tell me that cows are cute and like really up close. They're like massive puppies.
00:21:43
awakenbake
I'm somebody who I'm a human, right? So humans can all benefit from getting outside in nature, sun exposure, being around animals, being around like good greenery, fresh air. Absolutely. But I don't know why. and Naturally, I am not drawn to being outside hiking, you know, getting dirty, being You know, I like to be outside, but I don't like to be too deep into nature, if you know what I mean. Like, I like beaches that have rocks instead of sand because I don't want to get dirty. If I go on a hike, I want it to be a trail, not an actual hike because I don't want to get dirty. And I also want it to be, you know, easy. I also don't want my hikes to be longer than an hour. And I mean, like fully from start to finish, get there, go home, hour.
00:22:22
awakenbake
And this has been the perfect place for me. So it's like the perfect happy medium. It's literally a five minute walk to this hike with my dogs. And it's perfect because my dogs usually I'll take them on a city walk that can be really overwhelming for them, especially because they get super overstimulated. My puppy Loopy is they're both rescues, but Loopy has a super, super hard time.
00:22:42
awakenbake
she gets super overstimulated, she's scared of everything, especially like machines and cars. And the more people there are monkey gets very protective of her. So it can just kind of put them both on edge when we're on walks. And then I have to be very like, basically talking to them the entire time. Like I'll be like, Good job, good job. Come on, keep going. Very good, very good for the entire walk or they will freak out and I love to do it. I will do anything for those kids. But if I could, you know, not that'd be cool.
00:23:08
awakenbake
So we walk like five minutes to this trail, this hike, this like little range mountain thing. And then we just do the hike and there's so many different options for like the trails you can do. There's shorter ones, longer ones. They all loop back to the beginning. For the first time we did like a full trail. Usually we just do like a few minutes and then I turn around and go back because yeah, like I said, outside and I, I do love it, but small doses, you know?
00:23:32
awakenbake
but basically I've been like pushing myself with the dogs to get a little bit farther on the trail every single time and then last time we did a whole trail by ourselves we just chose one of the paths you could take and we did the whole thing me and the dogs just the three of us knows that he's usually our guide but these past hikes I've been doing has just been really nice because it's just me and the dogs quality time and my own quality time in nature where I don't feel like You know, Isaiah loves to show me his favorite nature spots and then he'll be like, look at this. This is what I love. That's what I love. And that's like so cool. But he's such a nature boy. He'll get down and dirty. And that's not really what I'm trying to do. So these are nice because they're like very picturesque. I can take content there. It's a beautiful, gorgeous walk and photographs. Well, also, yeah, the cows. I'm sorry. I'm not doing anything else. I want to see cows.
00:24:17
awakenbake
and Overall, it has been such a good experience. It's been so grounding, especially you know with everything going on with retrograde and all the chaos that goes on. It's been really, really helpful. It's something I can look forward to every single day with the dogs or every other day if they're super tired or maybe maybe I'm really sore from the hike. and It's super nice because it's quality bonding time. I get to train them as well on those hikes. We're spending quality time together and I feel like their anxiety has gotten a lot better. My husband said the same thing. like I think because it wears them out so much too, they don't really have time to be anxious. They're just like in recovery mode and they look forward to it every day and I look forward to it every day and it's just been super, super helpful and I'm so glad I started implementing it into our routine. And then kind of like the last thing I wanted to touch on was this retrograde has made me really focus on myself being the main character and I'm realizing not that I was doing it wrong in the past, but it's more than just telling myself over and over that I'm the main character.
00:25:12
awakenbake
that I'm the star of the show. like It's a lot deeper than that. I'm really cultivating my sense of self, so I'm figuring out like what do I like? What do I want to represent? Down to the nitty gritty, down to like create a fucking mood board if you want. Honestly, I used to do this this thing on TikTok where I did romanticizing my life to get myself out of a funk and I would do it for like a month straight. I would record a different vlog every single day.
00:25:36
awakenbake
And it helped me a lot. I know a lot of people think that like, you're not present if you're always on your phone if you are recording or taking pictures all the time. But if you're somebody like me who kind of just like it's not that I struggle to be present, but all my neurodivergent babies can kind of understand this.
00:25:52
awakenbake
sometimes we're just in our head so so so much and like overthinking everything it helps to have like physical documentation or visual documentation of like what did I do today look at the beauty of my life I have so much to be grateful for and then it helps me get more excited about my life it helps me feel kind of like my life is interesting it is a movie and I'm somebody who I am always in my head right and I work on that and I try and it's this is not on some like oh generalized anxiety shit like this is some real you know i mean i have a whole medical team we talk about this stuff i basically have to start every single day by like setting an intention and almost assigning myself like a role or like a character kind of how like Beyonce does Sasha Fierce when she's like you know performing or like being Beyonce she steps into her Sasha Fierce energy
00:26:38
awakenbake
It's like that, but for me, it's not just one character and it's not they don't have names or anything like that. It's just an energy of like a role that I step into. So certain days it's like you are a fucking content creator and I just step into that energy. Other days it's like, baby girl, you are a housewife and I step into that energy like on days that I have like a lot to clean and I don't want to be depressed about cleaning it. I have to like tell myself that I'm cleaning it because it's fun because I'm a housewife.
00:27:02
awakenbake
So I'm working on romanticizing and setting intentions and just being extremely mindful. I'm very demure. I'm very mindful, very considerate. We love you, Jules Lebron. OK, on this channel, we fucking love you. And along with that, I have been journaling more as well. And actually, I'm journaling at night, so I'll kind of set my intention in the morning, but locate like the night before. So the night before I'll do my journaling. I'll break down what I'm proud of myself for for that day. What am I grateful for? And then what am I excited about to do the next day?
00:27:28
awakenbake
No matter what I journal, I usually do it like a lot more than that if I actually have time to sit down and journal, but the bare minimum, I always do three things. What am I grateful for? What am I proud of myself for? Either that day or just like recently or just in general. And then what am I looking forward to the next day? Because I always need something to look forward to. I also operate best having a schedule. Even if the schedule has to change and adjust, I still need to have an outline of the schedule and hopefully it won't adjust too much because that'll be a little hard for me to adjust, but I'm working on it.
00:27:55
awakenbake
So with this journaling, I'll usually at the end of the night, like kind of tell myself like you killed it today. You were the best housewife ever. Like, you know, Isaiah feels so loved. He's so grateful to have had you like cooking for him, making sure his work stuff was ready because he works very fucking hard for everything that we have.
00:28:11
awakenbake
Now, listen, bitches, I work hard, too, but that man makes a lot more money than me and he works insane fucking hours on a crazy schedule. So I don't really want to hear any bullshit about. Oh, what is all this gender roles? Why are you cooking for him, cleaning for him? Because it's my boo, because it's my fucking husband and because he's not like these other men. OK, he deserves the world. He is perfect. He's good. And he's a provider, baby. OK, so, you know, I'll do what I can as well. This is a team. We are, you know, a partnership.
00:28:39
awakenbake
So yeah, I've been journaling a lot more, but this time instead of like thinking of it like romanticizing my life to get myself out of a funk, I've been titling it in my journal back on my bullshit. And I'm basically making it like a challenge to kind of like every day, you know, be on my grind, be on my hustle, even if my grinder hustle of that day is arresting because I'm also matching this up with cycle thinking.
00:29:00
awakenbake
So I think any person who has a uterus or their um you uterus type reproductive system should be cycle syncing. It's super, super good for you. It's great for your health and your mental health as well, not just physical. And it helps so much. So like ovulation week, right? That's where I go hard as fuck. That's where I, you know, dance the most on the pole. I'll work out the most with lifting weights. I'm way more in my like model. Like I try to schedule all my photo shoots. If I have like photo shoots coming up, I try to like do it when I'm ovulating because my skin usually looks better. My titties are perkier. I look a little curvier and my energy is more up. So I just feel like a fucking boss. I can just do more.
00:29:38
awakenbake
But when it's like my moon time, for instance, maybe I can't do shit. I will not be doing physical activity. You fucking thought I will be wearing comfortable clothes that are baggy and loose, but I'm not even going to wear a tampon. We fleet free bleed or get like period.
00:29:53
awakenbake
I don't know you guys basically we all know what cycle thinking is I'm trying to utilize that and like be more active when my hormone levels are helping me be more focused and active and rest when my levels want me to rest and then utilize how to go about my day each time like each you know um vibe that I'm in so if I'm on my moon time I'm not gonna be mean to myself and be like what today you were supposed to be an athlete who goes on a hike and then does pole dancing and also lifts weights when it's like no bitch it's period day two day two you think I'm gonna do shit on day two no it'll be a bloodbath But what I will say is on my moon time, day two, I'll be like, oh, it's day two. It's the heaviest day. I am literally just like such a magic woman. I'm so in tune with my body and the earth. And like, I'm such a witch. I'm connected to the divine feminine. I rest and the more that I rest and honor my body, the more that the universe helps me receive gifts and gives me abundance.
00:30:45
awakenbake
I'm ready to receive and the universe is ready to provide. So when I'm in my resting and receiving energy, the universe is and it's providing energy. You know what I'm saying? Like just kind of put yourself in that mindset or that's what I've been doing at least. None of what I'm saying is actually ever advice or like ah especially it's never me teaching you what to do. I'm not your fucking teacher. I just like to talk about myself.
00:31:06
awakenbake
And that's what myself has been going through this past, I'd say like month, maybe two weeks to a month. And we only have two days left at this retrograde. And then I'm pretty sure another one starts back up in like November or some shit or like it goes to like December. I don't know, but I'm sure I'll feel it when it happens. I'm sure you will, too. Thank you guys so much for watching or I guess listening rather. and Please like, give a review, leave a thumbs up, tell your friends, tell your grandma and as always, stay high.