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pretending Hercules doesn't have parents
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Transcript
Introduction to Awaken, Bake
00:00:00
awakenbake
Welcome or welcome back to Awaken, Bake, where we get high vibes, and high, and talk about the universe. I'm your host, Dani, and I don't even really know what today's topic is about. like I know exactly what I'm gonna say, but I feel like it's so broad, it's so big. I don't know like how to encapsulate all into one title, so if y'all have any title ideas, let me know, but that's why the title is the way that it is, because there's really no other way for me to describe it other than we're in a movie, we're in a book, I'm gonna get into it though, cause I understand that doesn't make any fucking sense. Where do I start?
Finding the Right Therapist
00:00:34
awakenbake
Let's start with, um hey guys, hope you're doing well. I had therapy yesterday and it was really great. It was really good. One thing that I love about my therapist is she and I vibe so fucking well. I know a lot of people, their problem is that they don't really vibe either with the therapy structure, which I think honestly just has to do with the therapist that they had. And I will say therapy is one of those things. You do have to kind of shop around until you find a therapist that clicks with you. However, um something that a lot of people complain about is that they feel like their therapist just asks questions like, Oh, and how does that make you feel? And how do you feel about that? And what do you think about that? And I understand to a degree a therapist, you know, they can't like,
00:01:15
awakenbake
diagnose you with things so they can't say like, look, this is why you're fucked up.
Reframing Trauma through Therapy
00:01:19
awakenbake
But they're supposed to kind of get you to realize why you're fucked up. The way my therapist asks me questions is she kind of helps me just reframe my mindset. So I was talking about my trauma basically, and how sometimes it really frustrates me that I have to be strong or that I had to go through those things. And that just it's something that I've just kind of always dealt with is like this anger that I even have trauma to deal with. And we were talking about kind of reframing it, just looking at it a little bit differently, not saying like, Oh, my trauma was a good thing. And it was actually fun. Not like that. But instead of being like, Oh my god, I'm so damaged. She was like, you're kind of unstoppable. Like,
00:02:00
awakenbake
no one can mess with you. Like any person who's ever tried to mess with you ends up being wrong and you come out on top and you come out successful and you come out better and stronger and even though you don't want to have to be strong like you are strong and you're stronger than most people. And I was like, ah Yes, bitch. Keep gassing me up. And I'm not going to lie, as she was saying that, all those going through my head is like, oh, my God, am I like fucking Hercules? Because, like, didn't Hercules not have parents? Maybe he did. But if he did have parents, let's pretend he did not. Also, like, I had parents. But if you know, you know, my point is like, I'm a goddamn superhero,
Embracing Uniqueness
00:02:35
awakenbake
low key. Like, I was feeling like, oh, my God, you're so right, because all these people, all the greats that we hear about when we're little and we're like watching these movies or hearing about these fairy tales, none of them were Nepo babies. You know what I mean?
00:02:48
awakenbake
Also, if you're an EPO baby listening, I love you. Thank you so much for listening. that It's no hate to you. You didn't choose to be an EPO baby. And I'm sure that you're awesome. um Especially if you're listening to a waking bake, you probably really have your shit together and have great ideas and great opinions. And good for you. When I talk about an EPO babies like that, I'm stereotyping. So sorry. But most of the heroes were not an EPO babies. Okay. and And that's so funny. Because actually, um in Buddhism, when we think about like, Siddhartha Gautama, isn't the story about him like yeah he was an epo baby that's so funny and then he like left nepotism that's so funny okay guys so anyway today's episode is about the non-physical comparison um because i i've touched on this before about being the main character and not comparing yourself to other people or not comparing your your life or what happens to you
00:03:34
awakenbake
to what you think it should be or how others think it should be or the way that you've seen it done before, or being hard on yourself. But i've I've talked about like not comparing yourself and stuff like that, in terms of physical appearance, and I've used the term you're the main character, you're a celebrity, because like if it's if you were famous and you you know, oh, your little beauty mark on your chin, which I have, I'm talking about myself or oh, the like crazy bushiness of your eyebrows that literally grow up into your hairline. Again, talking about myself. If I was like a famous celebrity, everybody would be like, that is so fucking beautiful. Like I'm trying to have like Danny eyebrows or I'm trying to have like a little Danny mole beauty mark on my chin. So kind of the same concept right now that we're talking about.
00:04:16
awakenbake
You might think, well, what's so special about my life or my situation? My shit seems really hard and really fucked up and not something that people want to like aspire to be like. Maybe I don't come from a situation that I think people would look up to. So fucking what, bitch? Neither did Hercules. I think I don't even fucking remember Hercules. Before we continue, let me fucking Google if Hercules was maybe he was an hippo baby. OK, I'm typing in. Did Hercules have parents? All right. What does it say? So it says in the Disney film that he was adopted. So actually, I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. But I feel like a lot of Disney or just yeah, Disney is mostly what I'm thinking. Those bitches never have parents. They're always dead. Also, like that's kind of a sore subject. If you have any um deceased parents, like I literally love you. i'm This is about you. You're a fucking hero. OK, you're not Hercules, but you're another hero.
00:05:04
awakenbake
Okay, we need to move past this we need to move on. Basically, I'm forever on this fucking journey of self love and also killing the urge to compare myself. I feel like I personally have like a billion tools for this in my metaphorical toolbox kind of thing. um Just when it comes to like doing the work and dealing with different issues that come up in my motherfucking brain. Recently, the comparison aspect has been one that I've been struggling with. um Also, I've been on my period. So truthfully, it could just
Being the Main Character
00:05:31
awakenbake
be that. But the current tool that I'm using and kind of it's just basically yeah acting like I'm the main character. For me, it's going to be of a TV show or a movie or honestly, a reality show would be even better. um But I know some of you bitches are little bookworms. So if you want it to be like if you want to be the main character of ACOTAR or whatever the fuck, I kept reading it as actor. I am not dyslexic, but I kept reading it as actor for like so long.
00:05:53
awakenbake
Hey, whatever you identify with, okay, just know it's you, bitch. You're the lead. You're the main character. So since I'm not talking this time about like appearance and comparing myself and like terms of how I look, my PMDD has me a little bit more focused on my self worth right now. So example, I was in the sun all day the other day. And I'm also like I said, I was on my period at the time. And I am not supposed to be in the sun or the heat for too long anyway, because I have lupus. Damn puppy, what are you doing in the background? My puppies are back there and they just really wanted to make their presence known. But I have lupus and I should not be in the sun for very long and I know this to be true. But it was my first time at the Renaissance fair and I didn't know what to expect. I did wear sunscreen so spare me and I wore sunglasses. Should I have brought a hat? Maybe. Should I have brought way more water bottles? Probably yes. But I did my best and it's a learning experience. God damn, let me live.
00:06:44
awakenbake
So after the fair, after being in the sun for a long periodically time, I am fucking exhausted. I have been sleeping so much. I have such low energy. Also on my period, I'm fucking sleepy and have low energy. So it's just like I am extra burnt out and I'm not going to lie. I'm being kind of hard on myself because there's a lot that I want to get done. Like even recording this right now, it has taken me hours to actually sit down and do this because I was just like such low energy. I was kind of dreading it because I just I didn't want to do a bad job. Like for the sake of consistency, sometimes you just have to get shit done. That's why I love having my scripts and everything planned out in advance. So on days where my brain isn't working, there we go. It's already written out. But if you know me, I go off script like a motherfucker because I just like to goddamn talk. And I also really don't like to write. So my scripts anyway, are like more like bullet points.
00:07:33
awakenbake
But here I am. I pulled myself together and I'm honestly glad because I'm kind of on a fucking roll and having a lot of fun right now. So yeah, I was being really hard on myself because I wanted to get so much stuff done, but I've been exhausted from being in the sun and then having my lupus flare up. It's not I am not having a lupus flare up necessarily. I am just really, really tired because that kind of thing is hard on my body. know Yes, I prepared. I wore a lot of sunscreen. I hydrated. I did have sunglasses on, but I could have been a little more hydrated. I could have been slightly more protected by the sun. But honestly, I think that this is one of those things like, you know, live your life. Don't be afraid to exist. I'm only going to live once I wanted to go have fun experience the Renaissance fair that I've never been to with one of my great friends. And we had an awesome time.
Living with Lupus
00:08:15
awakenbake
And I don't regret it. But if I am a little sleepy afterward, I need to not to be I need to not be so mean to myself because you know what?
00:08:22
awakenbake
I'm not sure how anyone else feels about c Selena Gomez. at this I used to be a major fan and now I'm like kind of indifferent, but Selena Gomez has Lupus and the whole world is so nice and understanding about it. So bitch, I need to insert myself in the role of Selena Gomez in terms of being nice to myself about the Lupus and chilling the fuck out. Also, I feel like Selena and I have a lot of the same diagnosis is because she's very open about her lupus very open about being bipolar ding ding ding also me bitch I am bipolar as fuck runs in the family. And when my meds so okay, my meds made me really, really puffy for like three years. However,
00:08:58
awakenbake
They really did work well at first. I was on them for too long. Like I needed to just like, get off of them. And I was on them for probably like a year longer than I should have been. And during that time, yeah, yeah the puffiness was uncomfortable. But when they were working and I gained some weight and some puffiness, i I was like, I don't fucking care. Because mentally, I'm doing so well, the meds were working the way they needed to work. However, when I would take pictures of myself and stuff like that, I would be a little bit hard on myself, right? Well, Selena Gomez is bipolar. And she now the world was scrutinizing her at first, but it was more just like the pick me bitches and like the in cells who are like calling her fat. And then as soon as she was like, Hey, bitches, like, um my meds make me kind of puffy. Also, fuck you, like,
00:09:40
awakenbake
curves are amazing. Fuck off. You could never even get a woman you've never touched pussy in your life. She actually didn't say any of that. I said all of that. She just explained that her lupus medicine made her puppy. But everybody again, was so kind and understanding and the whole time that she says she was puffy. I just thought she looked hot as fuck. Now I look back at those pictures with like more kindness. And I'm like, bitch, I literally no one was gonna look at those and be like, Oh, yeah, that's moon face from her pills. I just looked hot. And I feel like celebrities are kind of the main characters of society in a way, um not necessarily in my eyes. There's a couple, though, that I really heavily fuck with, um which I like
Creating a Unique Life Path
00:10:17
awakenbake
hate to say because every time I'm a fan of somebody, they disappoint me. But Megan Thee Stallion could truly never disappoint me.
00:10:23
awakenbake
So that's kind of one example is just like, yeah, being easier on myself the way that like, we are so easy on these like public figures or people that we know everything about. And we know like their situation and we give them grace like, Hey, bitch, me too. I'm equally as important. Another example um is creating your own path for your life. And maybe I'm referring to imposter syndrome. But like comparing myself to others like to to their success, or specifically like the route they took to get there, like if my path looks different, that does not make it wrong. And I think growing up in theater, being neurodivergent, I, and I'm not saying everyone's like this, but I really take everything very seriously. I don't understand sarcasm, or I try to, but it's just really hard. It goes over my head 99.99% of the time.
00:11:07
awakenbake
also with that I take everything very literally. And I was told so many times in theater like, find somebody who looks like you like if you're a dancer, find somebody who is about your height or kind of has hair like you are a look like you and a vibe and a style like you basically try to follow their path and how they did it. um that's so stressful for me because i fucking hate trying to be like other people i love being inspired by other people but like i cannot be them so instead i just really have to be like my own main fucking character um like i said in a tv show movie book if you wish whatever the fuck if a porno if that's what you want
00:11:42
awakenbake
Also, like be realistic. Like if you a normal ass bitch, a cool ass, a real ass bitch, someone who just lives to be authentic and doesn't live for like clout, how fucking cool would that be? You would have the coolest realist storyline, it would be so interesting, it would have such character, there would be just so much to it and people would be like, oh my god, I fucking relate. And even if people couldn't relate, your level of realness would be relatable. Yeah, I think you guys fucking understand what I'm saying. So now that I've established this current mindset from my toolbox of like, okay, I can be the main character and like be kind to myself, not just in terms of like accepting how I look, but also accepting my life path where I'm at in life, what I'm currently going through day to day situations. I've established all of that, right?
00:12:26
awakenbake
Now, I feel like I can also start kind of falling in love a little bit more with my life. I can because now I'm being easier on myself. I'm not fucking judging myself. I can start fucking enjoying myself. OK, let's see how many times I can say myself. Wait, this is so funny because like I'm sure that this intensity of like this feeling of comparison will pass. when my PMDD passes. But in this moment, this feels like such a profound and fun and interesting and good discussion. If I listen back to this in like a couple days and I'm like, Danny, you just rambled on for like 15 minutes for no fucking reason. I'm going to be so embarrassed, but that will be so funny, too.
00:13:03
awakenbake
But yeah, I just feel I can romanticize a little bit more when I'm not being so goddamn motherfucking hard
Romanticizing Life
00:13:07
awakenbake
on myself. And once I realized, wait, this life is my life, like I'm the main character. Also, I do feel like, you know, everything's happening at the same time. And there have been theories that one day in the far far future are great, great, great, great grandchildren and ancestors and everything like that will have the technology to look back and just straight up watch history from like the past years. So everything I do, I try to make it very epic or very relatable or just like worth talking about. So romanticizing, I feel like tik tok kind of made it cringe. But bitch, it's such a great way to exist. I love my life so much. And I am so grateful for it. And the more that I live in the gratitude, the more that I have to be grateful for. That's why we romanticize. Plus, it just makes life so much more fun. Like, if you just need to fuck around, have you ever been like, God, I'm in a kind of a shit mood, or maybe you're not in a shit mood. You're in like a no personality ass mood.
00:13:56
awakenbake
But whatever happens next will determine your mood. If someone pisses you off, o you could be in a bad mood today or something really funny happens. You could be in a little giddy mood. Sometimes I just need to laugh and I know I need to laugh or sometimes I'm just like, oh, I'm feeling giddy. There's nothing funny going on. I need to just say something funny. OK, OK. I'm so funny and high right now. I don't know why I started explaining this. Why am I talking about needing to laugh? I have no fucking idea if you knew where I was going with that. Hey, thanks, because I don't even remember where I was going with that.
Conclusion: Focus on Self-Creation
00:14:26
awakenbake
I just kind of wanted to make a little podcast to say that pretending my life is a TV show or a movie where I'm the main character. And it just really allows me to focus on myself rather than comparing myself. And it helps me romanticize and create a life that I'm obsessed with.
00:14:41
awakenbake
and it just helps me not focus so much on impending doom which i'm prone to kind of like dive into if my brain has nothing to focus on and nothing to take in of one of my like very specific special interests i might focus on impending doom and i don't want that and neither do you thank you so much for watching please tell your friends tell your grandma and as always stay high