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ketamine kween
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im the kween??
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Transcript
Introduction and Podcast Growth
00:00:00
Awaken Baked
Welcome or welcome back to AwakenBake where we get high vibes and talk about the universe. I'm your host Dani and these are my high thoughts. What up motherfuckers, it's been a while.
00:00:11
Awaken Baked
i know, I know, I feel like I say this every time. I'm honestly gonna stop because y'all should just expect from me at this time. I'm not gonna be as regular on the podcast as I am on our YouTube, at least for the time being because we've done a great job, okay?
00:00:22
Awaken Baked
As a community, we have grown this podcast to... um honestly more than I expected a lot quicker than I expected to that being said the YouTube is also picking up some steam and I would love to continue growing on there so if you could head over to awake and bake podcast on YouTube it's not going to be these podcast episodes they're smoke with me episodes where you're going to literally sit down and smoke with me and I do short little they're usually around I don't even know some episodes are only like five six minutes and then some are like 15. I would love to get into longer form videos as well but honestly that's more of just I have to learn how to get better at editing if I'm gonna do that.
00:01:01
Awaken Baked
So that's where you can find me regularly I post like two to five times a week on YouTube so I'm still making just as much content but I realize I don't really promote the YouTube as much as I should be on here.
Coping with Loss and Tribute to Deja
00:01:12
Awaken Baked
So thank you guys so much for listening. Now I bet you're like, hey, bitch, what happened to the Black History Month episodes where every week you were going to talk about either a current content creator who you wanted to honor for Black History Month or maybe someone from history itself?
00:01:28
Awaken Baked
Well, we did two episodes for the first like two weeks. And then I'm not going lie to you guys. I could not finish any more episodes, ah um honestly, for the rest of that month and beyond because I had two friends die.
00:01:43
Awaken Baked
In one week in February, and it just like completely threw me off. And I didn't know how to address it. I didn't know how to process it. i was like, Oh my god, I should make an episode to honor them. And my friend Deja actually i did and I am going to talk about now. um May she rest in peace.
00:02:02
Awaken Baked
But she was one of my friends who passed and she was incredible. And I like she would have been a perfect person to talk about for Black History Month. But I also like just didn't I didn't want to just make content off of her death. You know what I mean? And like it just didn't it didn't feel right, even though my intention was good. I was also like, a bitch, I'm not ready. Like I need to just like.
00:02:23
Awaken Baked
accept and process the fact that like I just lost a friend then literally two days after she passed my other friend passed and i just um yeah didn't really know how to handle it so um in honor of Deja or like Deja Diva as she liked to be called um that is somebody who changed the school that I went to AMDA in New York city.
00:02:47
Awaken Baked
She brought black history to AMDA and she created like black history and this wonderful show, um, that she actually like produced or like directed or it was, it was all her idea. Like she brought this to the school and was like, why are we not doing anything? Like we need to be doing something. So I, that's why I wanted to highlight her for black history month. But again,
00:03:10
Awaken Baked
It just didn't end up working out. I just, it felt weird. And I've honestly, i have not dealt with death that much in my life. Like I have dealt with it in terms of like maybe people who are,
00:03:24
Awaken Baked
I don't know, like not they're not my immediate family or they're not like an immediate friend. um Maybe it's like family friends or like distant relatives. It's hard to explain, I guess. I just I haven't had anybody close to me pass like
Exploring Color Analysis and Personal Style
00:03:39
Awaken Baked
that. So to have two friends in one week was very difficult.
00:03:45
Awaken Baked
And i talked about it with my therapist and she was like, you know what? I think it's okay to not say anything until, until you're ready, if you're going to be ready, but like, it's okay. It's not the end of the world. And you don't want to say something before you're ready and say the wrong thing. And basically I still don't even know what to say. That's why this sounds like shit. That's why it doesn't really sound well. but planned out because honestly I still don't know what to say but I just knew if I never got back on to make these podcast episodes then I wasn't going to because it just I had the day that I planned to film I found out about Deja and then I was like scrambling because I was like oh my god like should I like switch my whole episode and make it about Deja today but I was like what she just passed like what the fuck like it just
00:04:26
Awaken Baked
Yeah, it was really hard. And also, not even just myself, but like my friends who are also close with DJ, even even closer than I was like, like we were friends, but we were not it was not um as close as others. So I was also trying to be there for my friends who were quite close to her.
00:04:45
Awaken Baked
So it was just it was a lot of emotions and it was kind of a mess. And then two days later, another friend passed who ah was extremely close to. um And I don't want to talk about that at all. So that's where I've been. But I'm back, bitches. I'm back and I'm kind of better than ever. I don't know if you could tell by the title, but we're going to get into it. Not yet. I got to keep you on your toes. Not yet.
00:05:07
Awaken Baked
I will talk about the title of this episode soon. But first. oh my god you guys it's silly okay but i have wanted to get like my color chart my color analysis my seasons whatever the fuck i see these bitches on tiktok and they sit in front of this one lady and i don't know if this one like blonde started it but it's this like um older i don't and she's not older sorry she's just like middle-aged woman She's got like blonde hair and she does these like color analysis on people. She has all these different like scarves or like pieces of material and then they have different color schemes such as like cool summer, warm summer, soft summer, like shit like that or like spring and winter and autumn.
00:05:49
Awaken Baked
all of that stuff. Okay. So I have wanted to do that for so long, but I was also like, okay, I'm not going to fucking pay for that. I'm sorry. But like, I'm just not, I feel like I could probably figure it out by myself only because, uh, one of my special interests since I was like going through puberty, actually, no, since I was just trying to fit in at school, since I was young.
00:06:06
Awaken Baked
Um, one of my special interests is like, making sure I look good. ah so I'm like figuring out what looks good on me and what I feel good in So I was like, okay, I'm pretty sure that I can figure out what colors I like on myself and what colors, because I'm very good at noticing like, oh, this shade of yellow literally makes me look sick.
00:06:25
Awaken Baked
This shade of red. Here's the thing about red bitches. the The right shade of red will make me look so alive and youthful and beautiful. And honestly, like um it gives me it gives me this like glow it does make me look kind of pale but like that's not bad i was gonna i didn't want to say like and like it doesn't give me a glow don't get confused okay it's not like a bronzy glow it i look like snow white but i am just a pale bitch so but it just looks makes me look very alive and like healthy and young in my opinion that being said the wrong shade of red i always thought it makes me look like I'm on my deathbed but damn I went into work one day and our uniform color was red but it was red with like an orange undertone and no bitch that's really not my shade of red I need more of a blue undertone red so I walk into work I got our little red uniform sweater around my neck hey bitch this is a uniform i didn't pick this out
00:07:16
Awaken Baked
And my sweet, lovely coworker, who I do love, who I do adore, she will not be named. And I know she's not listening to this, but she comes up and she smiles. She gives me a hug. She's like, oh my gosh, hey, Danny. ah Yeah, these reds, ah these red sweaters, they don't look good on anybody.
00:07:30
Awaken Baked
oh, oh So, so thank you for letting me know that I look fucking ugly. No, I'm just kidding. I love you, bitch. But that's yeah that i what I'm saying is I don't need reassurance. I'm not fishing like, no, you look good in every color. I know what looks good and what
Journey with Ketamine Therapy
00:07:46
Awaken Baked
doesn't.
00:07:46
Awaken Baked
So that's why I thought I can probably handle this shit myself. So that's what I was going to do. Right. I started looking in the mirror. I didn't know what to call. my like color set that was the main reason that I even wanted to get the analysis part it's because I was like but everybody uses these specific terms and it'll be easier for me to look up like just a whole chart list like of these colors rather than me just writing them down and then individually looking up all these different colors I don't know I just will I love seeing like a list in front of me right Anyway, I got my fucking shit done and I am a soft summer. I did not end up paying for it. I did it online and I just submitted like pictures of my face with no makeup on in natural lighting and I did multiple different like locations. So the lighting was different and they came back exactly what I fucking thought. I didn't know that the phrase was soft summer. That's what your bitch is.
00:08:36
Awaken Baked
I honestly was calling it kind of like jewel tones because they're not like pastel, but they're like kind of muted, but not like muted, like a, like more dull. It's hard to explain.
00:08:46
Awaken Baked
So yeah, soft summer bitch. Okay. Now, first of all, i I just want to say wear anything you want. If you love it, then it's your color. And that's how I went into this. And if you're somebody who's like, bitch, I don't even want to do this. Like that kind of just sounds stupid as fuck. I just like what I like.
00:09:01
Awaken Baked
honestly, no, I agree with you. I personally just love to learn about myself, like any type of a quiz I can take. That's like, what's your ideal? This what's your ideal of that like even those things on TikTok that are like, Oh, what what hair type do you have? There's people who are like, you do you have an Irish curl? Or do you have like two ABC curls? Like I just like to learn shit about myself. I love a good personality type horoscope moment.
00:09:24
Awaken Baked
So with that being said, partnered with how much I do love to just kind of like style myself and figure out because here's the thing guys I need to be comfortable that's first and foremost but I also am always trying to look like when I'm trying to look good I'm trying to look good that's what I'm fucking saying okay and I want to know what is going to flatter my build in my body because your bitch is a victim of body dysmorphia and eating disorders in the past and I'm glad and proud to say that I'm I've come a long way but you know I do have tips and tricks I try to dress for my body
00:09:56
Awaken Baked
I don't know why I'm like, I don't want you to think I'm like defensive and explaining myself. I'm just trying to like, let you know if you're like, oh, I feel secure in myself. I don't feel like I need to do this.
00:10:07
Awaken Baked
It's just like not that deep. Like, it's just like fun. It's just something that I thought was going to be like fun and maybe helpful for me when I'm trying to figure out what colors I think I look great in anyway. And bitch, I just love learning about certain things and making lists and all that. Okay. It's my autism. Just leave me alone.
00:10:22
Awaken Baked
What I'm saying is I knew it. I confirmed it on my own. um So I feel confident as fuck. I feel like... Oh my God. i first of all, when I put my mind to something, I always fucking do well or succeed or get it or whatever, whatever Ariana said, like I want it, I got it.
00:10:39
Awaken Baked
That's how I am. I'm like, I put my mind to something. I figure it out. I just love that. I was right. Like that was such like a fun little confidence boost, but not even just that. It is kind of a confidence boost to just know what your colors are so that if you're, I don't know, trying to look good for like a wedding or something and you're not somebody who's great at style, you're somebody who's like, I don't even know, I want to look good, but don't know the first fucking thing about fashion because here's the thing.
00:11:02
Awaken Baked
I am like both sides of that. I want to look good, and but I also want to be comfortable and trying to figure out like what is comfortable on me and what's going to look good. If I can narrow it down to like, okay, I want to be comfortable.
00:11:13
Awaken Baked
And if I can be comfortable and wear like a certain color that I know looks good on me, that's just going to be so much easier. so I just want to say it's not that serious. It's fun. It's like easy and convenient.
00:11:24
Awaken Baked
And I think if you want to do a little color analysis, you should because you would be so surprised the way that I am like everywhere I go now. I'm like, Oh my god, that is such a soft summer color. And then I like look up my little chart. I'm like, yep, totally is.
00:11:37
Awaken Baked
It just is very like fun for me. And I'm look, I'm a girly bitch. Okay, like down to my core. And one of my little hobbies is self portraits. So that's also very fun because I do like playing with different colors and different backgrounds and different lighting and different effects.
00:11:51
Awaken Baked
So yeah, it's just fun to know like what's going to look really flattering on me and what's going to make me look the best because I love myself and I love looking good. Moving on. Let's get let's get to the fucking meat.
00:12:01
Awaken Baked
I know what you want. I know what you came here for. Sorry, I was parched. I needed some fucking water. Anyway, bitch, I know why we're all here. Okay, because you're like, where have you been? Where have you been?
00:12:13
Awaken Baked
you fucking ketamine queen. yeah Yes, I have been on the ketamine. Now I've been on S ketamine or bravado. I do this at the doctor. Okay, it's like assisted. There's like a nurse there.
00:12:26
Awaken Baked
Anyway, that's what we're going to talk about today. That's where I fucking been. And it has been quite a journey, quite a trip, quite a time. um I'm learning a lot about myself.
00:12:37
Awaken Baked
It's hilarious. I'm learning I don't like drugs. um I do not really consider cannabis a drug. If you know me, you know I say it's medicine. It's just it's medicine and it's a fucking plant. And it's a plant that was made to work with my body and my endocannabinoid system. And I won't hear anything otherwise.
00:12:54
Awaken Baked
That being said, am a lot of addiction in my family like a history of addiction on both sides um and and so I have always tried to steer clear I'm not saying I've always been perfect okay but I've never done like any hard type of drug literally ever and honestly like the only other thing I did was more of an accident and I freaked out because I had done it And then I tried to go to like, I just freaked out. I took a dad and went to sleep so that I wouldn't have to like deal with it.
00:13:25
Awaken Baked
So I'm pretty much like a baby is what I'm saying. Oh, and obviously i do shrooms when I microdose, but I haven't done that in like a long time just because of my meds. Anyway, I've always been scared of drugs because I was like, I'm going to be a bitch who's addicted.
00:13:38
Awaken Baked
No, I'm not saying I wouldn't be to a certain other substance, but i went into this experience for my mental health, number one. for my PTSD, for my nightmares, for my depression and anxiety.
00:13:52
Awaken Baked
And I didn't go into this willy nilly. My therapist and psychiatrist and I have been talking about this for over a year. And when I went to why I was obviously like referred by my doctor. And when I got there, like they go through an evaluation process with you, not only to make sure like, are you a good candidate because of your symptoms?
00:14:11
Awaken Baked
They have to make sure you're a good candidate physically. And they have to go through like your history with your parents and everything. And like just with your childhood, basically, like they just ask a lot of shit.
00:14:23
Awaken Baked
They want to know what medicine you're on. They want to know what type of physical health you're in. um It has, it's not this willy nilly, like, free for all, we're just going to get high. So I knew that going into it, I felt very safe, because I won't lie growing up, my dad was a narcotics investigator, undercover as well.
00:14:41
Awaken Baked
So it just was very, like drilled into me that ketamine, he would be like, it's a horse tranquilizer. Why would you want to do that? That'll kill you, you can overdose. And you know what, like I don't think he's lying but I didn't know about like the medicinal aspects of it when used and dosed correctly i don't think he knows that whatsoever um and that's fine but I'm just saying i did hold some prejudice not even prejudice fear some fucking anxiety some deep-rooted oh my god but what if I fucking die from this horse tranquilizer I'm just a baby
00:15:14
Awaken Baked
No. Anyway, um I was pretty nervous going into it, but I went into it with the intention that this is going to help me. This is going to be a good thing. So even if it doesn't feel great, like I'm still going to stick with it because also like I'm paying for this. I mean, my insurance is paying for it, but I still have to pay like a little bit out of pocket for it, which obviously I'm grateful for insurance.
00:15:35
Awaken Baked
But I'm just saying if I'm paying for it, I'm going to get my money's worth. My husband's going to get his money's worth, should I say. So they went through all my shit and they said, bitch, you are a perfect candidate.
00:15:47
Awaken Baked
You can start right away. The only thing that took it took like two weeks for them to like call me back and actually start my first session because of like insurance stuff, whatever. You don't care. My point is um i didn't want to talk about it too soon because I wanted to like give myself time to actually like experience it more than just once or twice.
00:16:04
Awaken Baked
I am halfway through my treatments now. So obviously the long term like mental health effects and progress is TBD. I don't fucking know. But lol, let me just tell you about my first few my first half of treatments.
00:16:19
Awaken Baked
I would like to start off with my very first session. So here's how it works. You go in and they take your blood pressure. They put you in your own private room. For me, if they gave me a recliner.
00:16:30
Awaken Baked
There's like water, there's candy and like um just like Jolly Ranchers basically and like stuff like that that you can suck on because the ketamine leaves a gross taste in your mouth. um so I'm in a recliner. It's also a massage chair. There's also a blanket and you can lay down.
00:16:43
Awaken Baked
You can have your headphones in, listen to music, watch whatever, have a playlist. Like they specifically told me you can like make a playlist. People make a ketamine playlist. I was like, cool, perfect. Awesome.
00:16:54
Awaken Baked
I came prepared. I thought Trixie and Katya are my comfort show when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm sick and trying to get better, when I'm high and trying to just like zone out and relax or when I need to be productive. Trixie and Katya's The Bald and the Beautiful Podcast is what I love to listen to.
00:17:09
Awaken Baked
Well, my first mistake was not looking up what a ketamine playlist was because they, I think they meant an actual ketamine playlist. Those are things that play like kind of sound bowl type music, meditation music, maybe some guided affirmations.
00:17:27
Awaken Baked
I don't know y'all. It's definitely not Trixie and Katya. And I love you guys. You are both beautiful Queens. Okay. But Why was I in the middle of my ketamine K-hole, if you will?
00:17:39
Awaken Baked
And all of a sudden, I i don't know if y'all were saying this or if you were talking about this and like talking about things that had to do with it I put it together. But, you know, I'm in my fucking K-hole. Images are happening. Shit is going on.
00:17:51
Awaken Baked
And all of a sudden, there's a dildo in my ass in the airport. Bitch, what did the fuck? And I'm just like, oh, no, no, no, no. This is Trixie and Katya happening to me right now. And it wasn't bad because, mind you, I was full of love.
00:18:04
Awaken Baked
Like, full of love. I just felt so safe and good. And normally, i would not like to feel the way that I felt because you are pretty out of control. Like, it's like mentally, you know what's going on. You can open your eyes at any moment. Like, you're awake.
00:18:16
Awaken Baked
but you like want to shut your eyes. And when you do shut your eyes, everything happens. Like you just see some shit, you feel shit, but it's not scary. And it's not like tripping. Well, I've never tripped though. So you see what I mean? Like I'm a bad person to describe this, but I went into it very scared, but it's like, girl, I can't even be scared because it feels so like you just feel so loved and like full of love.
00:18:37
Awaken Baked
um And I do love Trixie and I do love Katya, but I don't love a dildo up my ass in the airport. So I won't be doing that again. i will not be listening to them again. So I've settled on affirmations because, you know, music, I'm sorry, it creeps me out. Like music without words specifically, that creeps me the fuck out because it could be creepy.
00:18:57
Awaken Baked
Like, I don't know, classical music a lot of times or just like instrumental music or like ambiance music, unless I am with like specific people and their energy is helping the vibe and the intention,
00:19:08
Awaken Baked
If the music doesn't have words, I'm like, I'm sorry, as nobody else like creeped to the fuck out. Like this is not normal. This is weird. Like it's just I don't like it at all. It sends a shiver up my spine. So I settled on affirmations.
00:19:21
Awaken Baked
I do have a little bit of an update for y'all. Did it work? Yes. But try not to get fucking horny. Okay, bitch. don't if i was ah ovulating. i don't know if it was the magic of the ketamine.
00:19:32
Awaken Baked
And it was my first time like in the session listening to something that was working for me that was giving me a positive experience. I don't know, bitch, but I was scared. I was nervous. as i said, bitch, am I about to be touching myself?
00:19:43
Awaken Baked
Because here's the thing. I was in the fetal position. But my hands instead of being like up in my chest, like how my little dinosaur arms, they were between my legs. because I was a little cold except like I had a ah blanket next to me but I had not I had chosen not to put it on I suppose I had chosen not to grab that and just to be cold next to it so I'm laying there happy as hell but a little chilly arms and hands between my legs and I'm getting horny as fuck because these affirm affirmations are going on and uh if you listen to it's baby jay on like her affirmations or like you can just find her on youtube and instagram or whatever
00:20:19
Awaken Baked
But I think it might be now just Jalen Brunson. But back in the day, it was it's baby j Anyway, she is an affirmation goddess and queen. However, I think the ketamine took over because I can only hear i am so soft and juicy and everyone loves me.
00:20:36
Awaken Baked
Before I was like, oh my god, I'm literally on a beach and my husband is giving me the best dick of my life and the waves are like coming all the way up to us but not touching us because I don't like to be wet and we're laying on the sand but it doesn't feel gross and itchy and like there might be bugs in it and I'm not freaking the fuck out it was just it was perfect but also like time and place Now, I definitely did not touch myself. I kept opening my eyes to make sure that that was not happening.
00:21:03
Awaken Baked
But I could have if you would have given me the alone time, bitch. Well, I was alone, but i didn' I knew there were cameras and I would not do that at the office. What I'm saying is if I have my ketamine treatments at home, maybe it would have been a different story.
00:21:16
Awaken Baked
The other thing I wanted to say is wear an undershirt or like, if not an undershirt, like layers of some kind. Because if you're like me, you're going to get nauseous. You're going to get motion sickness. Okay. Have a little puke bag. If they don't have one for you there, get some Zofran, get some Dramamine, whatever works, because I'd be ripping my clothes off.
00:21:37
Awaken Baked
The first time I got sick, my very first session, I didn't get sick because your first session, you only get like half or two thirds of the dose. because yeah they're just kind of like easing you into it, I guess. Oh, voice crack. That was beautiful. I'm a prepubescent boy, but I don't even know if it's prepubescent. I'm starting puberty, bitch.
00:21:53
Awaken Baked
Moving on. Your first session, it's like half or two thirds of a dose. So I actually didn't get nauseous for some reason. I mean, I'm like happy, but I guess like that last little bit Holy fuck.
00:22:06
Awaken Baked
Second session until like my two sessions ago, I was throwing up every single fucking time. And the first time that I threw up the first time that I got sick, you know, you sweat like right before you're about to puke, like you like a rush of cold sweat just fucking hits you.
00:22:20
Awaken Baked
I ripped my shirt off. Thank goodness I had a little fucking tank top thing underneath it. Because I was like, I cannot keep this on or I will freak the fuck out. So that is my advice and make sure that you bring something.
00:22:33
Awaken Baked
I don't think I explained this yet. Wait, so how it works is so for me, the way that I do it at the place that I'm going, I'm using Spravato and they bring it into you. It's a little nasal spray and it's just one little tiny, like there are two puffs in it, one for each nostril. That's it. That's all that's in it.
00:22:48
Awaken Baked
So they bring you it three times. So they take your blood pressure. You're laying the fuck down, you're fucking chilling. And then they they give it to you if you're like good to go. You do one in each nostril, you put it back in the little like container. And then I guess they just throw that away.
00:23:02
Awaken Baked
Then five minutes later, they come back, whether it's like the nurse or the doctor or the attendant, whoever is working. they come and they bring you another one. They open it right in front of you. You grab it so it's all like clean and all that shit.
00:23:14
Awaken Baked
No germ transfer with the ketamine. And you grab it, you do one spray, each nostril, and then you just hand it back to them in the little container. Then they throw that away. Five minutes later, did they come in for your last dose.
00:23:24
Awaken Baked
And then you're on your own, kid, until the end. They come in and out to take your blood pressure. But if you're like me, I'm not even awake for that shit. Like I'm awake, but I'm like, girl, you can just grab my arm because I can do this. And she's fine with that. She actually told me that that's lovely for her own confidentiality. I'm not going to tell you her name, but it's a very cute name. She's a very cute girl. um She's a woman.
00:23:44
Awaken Baked
What's that um one quote from like Ice Age or something? It's like, um, she's a mammoth, of course. Um, this, this girlie is not a mammoth. She's a beautiful queen. Anyway, So that's how it works.
00:23:56
Awaken Baked
So then honestly, by the time that, so the first one hits and I'm pretty much just feeling really calm and relaxed. The second one, like once they come in to bring it to you, I'm usually like, okay, I feel that first hit like five minutes later. I feel it, but it's nothing crazy. Like it honestly just feels like you're kind of really stoned, I guess, maybe, but a little bit different because you have more motion sickness.
00:24:17
Awaken Baked
If you didn't take your Zofran, be responsible. had to learn the hard way. Anyway, second time. So you take the dose, you hand it back. That one's kicking in real fucking fast. That one starts kicking in very soon.
00:24:28
Awaken Baked
By the time she is back to give me my third dose, I'm gone already. I'm like, are you sure that I need to do this? But it's fine. It's good. So that's how it works. I don't really know if I can accurately explain the experience to you. But if you and I don't want to scare anybody because it's not scary. It's literally like been such a good experience. And I've had a really positive feeling of love. And I'm somebody who like I've never done acid.
00:24:50
Awaken Baked
I've never tripped up because when I do streams, I honestly I just micro dose because I'm so scared of like tripping and not being in control. And I don't want to have hallucinations, but I kind of do but I definitely don't not if they're fucking scary, like what if they freak me out? No.
00:25:03
Awaken Baked
So I've been really nervous, but you just don't need to be it feels like you're falling in the sunken place. But instead of it being scary. It's just like the inside of your eyelids are making pictures and like images and thoughts. And sometimes what you're listening to plays into it. But also you can open your eyes and it'll I don't know, I'm really bad at explaining this because I have nothing to compare it to.
00:25:24
Awaken Baked
But just know, If you were thinking about it, but you're scared of it because you're like me and you're like, I'm I'm a little afraid of drugs.
Reflections and Future Content
00:25:31
Awaken Baked
I'm sorry. I sometimes am fearful. Then give it a shot.
00:25:35
Awaken Baked
um It's not as scary as my dad made it out to be, I guess, is what I'm saying. Now, I'm loopy as fuck after it, like, and during, like, i I can remember some things, but some things I forget until someone tells me that I'm like, holy shit. Yep. I know that happened.
00:25:52
Awaken Baked
One of the funny things that I do is, um, my lovely, like nurse attendant lady who comes and helps me, the one who shall not be named for her privacy, her privacy, if you will. So whenever she comes in to help me,
00:26:05
Awaken Baked
I can't do anything. Like, I can't help her with my blood pressure. I can't give her my arm. Like, it's just hanging there. Like, help me. And i don't, I feel bad, basically. But I can't even really hold a conversation.
00:26:16
Awaken Baked
So then I'll be like... you're so cool. You're so cool. Thank you. You're so cool. Thank you. And I'm just like, or, or, or shut the fuck up because is this, is this what she wants to hear? Is this making her feel good? She's literally doing her job, her medical job, like taking care of people's lives. And I'm like, you're so cool.
00:26:38
Awaken Baked
And also I can't fucking walk. Holy shit. Like I am somebody who has to pee a lot, especially because of the medicine that I take. I have to pick like i have to pay. i have to pee all the fucking time because of the meds that I'm on. So you're there for two hours and most people, they can go two hours without peeing.
00:26:52
Awaken Baked
Baby, I can't go one hour without peeing. So I pee at least once every time I'm there. um That's a lie. No, that's not a lie. I pee at least once, but I do pee more only sometimes, but it's either I pee before the session starts and in the middle of it or I pee just in the middle of it.
00:27:06
Awaken Baked
Because I always pee when I leave my house. So like, gosh, guys, like I have to really think about these things when I'm doing ketamine. It's very stressful. So anyway, I always have to hit the little help button and have my nurse attendant lady call and like, or come help me.
00:27:22
Awaken Baked
And she walks me to the bathroom. She makes sure that I don't fall over it because that happens. It can happen. And then she waits for me. And then she walks me back and makes sure I'm okay. Sometimes she talks to me to like kind of bring me back. um She makes sure that like if I'm sweating too much and like having like a fucking...
00:27:38
Awaken Baked
puke moment she gives me like my little bags and like uh rags for the back of my neck what is it about the back of the neck with a cold wet rag that'll just fix the nausea oh my god from somebody who's nauseous majority of her life something about that rag dude But you're off like you're really off your ass on drugs. OK, it affects your motor skills and it affects the way you speak, the way you talk, like your vision. For me, at least my vision does not come back like you i' I can see.
00:28:06
Awaken Baked
But how well? No, it's all like very shaky and like blurry and like it feels like it's not staying still. So it's a little bit like if you don't. know going into it what it's going to be like i just want to warn you because i was disoriented when i was like oh why is my vision not like coming back to normal all this being said bitch you can't drive like duh they don't let you leave like on your own well they they tell you you're not allowed to but obviously they can't like walk you out to the parking lot i mean i guess if i asked they could but i i didn't ask So don't be like me.
00:28:38
Awaken Baked
Don't go off on your own. Okay, because bitch, anything could happen to your body. I swear to God, I forgot to ask to leave to pee. And so why did i leave? and And like, I guess it's not the end of the world as long as I stayed in like the office area.
00:28:53
Awaken Baked
But why did I be I was like, I got to pee. I'm heading down to the lobby because one day um and the middle of my sessions, I don't know, I took my nausea medicine like a good amount of time before the treatment started. And I think that was the key is not taking it at the same time, but taking it like a good amount before.
00:29:08
Awaken Baked
And that was the first session where I was like, oh, I'm not throwing up. I'm not nauseous. I have to pee. I'll just go by myself. Now, once I got there, I realized why am I like on the bottom floor, like the lobby using this bathroom, because that's ridiculous. That's not even close.
00:29:26
Awaken Baked
But also, anything could happen to you. So be fucking responsible. And then I got back up there. And ah you know, I snuck right back in and I didn't really sneak I had to walk past everybody but It's fine. Everything was fine.
00:29:37
Awaken Baked
And then i it was over and they were like, okay, you can leave. You can wait in the lobby if you want. Cause they know me. Cause that's what I've been doing because Isaiah or a friend has come to pick me up and waited for me in the lobby.
00:29:49
Awaken Baked
And then they walk me down. But this time again, i was feeling confident. I was going places on my own, no permission. Okay. I was like, when a pup runs away for a little bit, but they just go like down the street and they're not even worried about you. And they're just like, oh my God, this independence is fresh.
00:30:05
Awaken Baked
I was just curious about the world. And I was also like, hell yeah, I'm not fucking throwing up. I didn't throw up once this session. I feel good. I'll just wait outside. It's going to feel great. Isaiah said he pulled up and I was acting weird. I was making weird faces. I was kind of like shifting side to side, just being strange.
00:30:22
Awaken Baked
And these are not side effects that you guys will experience. Something's wrong with me. Like there's a guy who does it the same day as me. He is like barely affected. All he does is fall asleep, but he's snoring while he's asleep.
00:30:33
Awaken Baked
And then he'll just wake up and be like, I gotta go to the bathroom. Oh, I don't need anyone to walk me. It's good. I'll be right back. And he like, it's like his balance isn't fucked up. His walking isn't fucked up. Only thing that's fucked up is like his speech is a little bit slower, but like that's normal. Also, we're all whispering in there because it's like a quiet vibe.
00:30:51
Awaken Baked
So I don't know. I just I think that I saw him every single session doing well not dying. And then once I finally didn't feel like I was dying anymore. i was like, I'm trying to be like him.
00:31:02
Awaken Baked
i want to be independent off this shit. And yeah, that's I'm hilarious. Okay, I'm hilarious. I'm full of love. when I'm on ketamine um and in life bitch okay let me affirm that claiming it also so I fucked today before treatment and I highly recommend starting my day off with an orgasm from my fucking husband like I only said that because I just wanted to be clear like I'm married but like I who else would I be fucking like I only fuck him obviously um before like before you go in for your ketamine session if you can orgasm
00:31:35
Awaken Baked
That's pretty fucking helpful. It was lovely today. Okay. And that's all i'm going to say. And have four weeks left. So wish me luck. I am setting all the intentions, like I said, with each session and like with affirmations.
00:31:48
Awaken Baked
But also when I get in there, I do kind of let it all go. I'm not really like hard on myself about my intention or my affirmation with it because I can't control what's going to happen. I just let it happen. And then I enjoy the ride. i don't try to direct my attention any certain way aside from like staying positive. But I really don't have to try that hard because the ketamine does that for me.
00:32:06
Awaken Baked
And I kind of just let it all happen and observe and like take it in and just know that this is like helping me. And and it more than that, moving forward is what's really helping me. It's going to help me in the future and with the way I process things and how I feel about things. So anyway, it's a very good vibe, like no pressure situation going into it, like the the way that I set my intentions at least.
00:32:27
Awaken Baked
So it's been a very positive experience. I'm excited for the second half of it. I am excited to be done with it as well. Just because like I said in the beginning, it's teaching me that I don't really love drugs necessarily the way others might, at least not this kind.
00:32:41
Awaken Baked
I don't love not being fully in control. Like I want to be able to walk. I want to be able to walk. Um, because here's the thing. If I don't take Zofran, then I wouldn't even be able to handle this shit like at all.
00:32:52
Awaken Baked
So It's kind of like, maybe I'm not built for this for like the drug life anyway, because I would need to take Zofran to do shit. You know what I'm saying? It's going be me and cannabis and shroomies till the day I die.
00:33:05
Awaken Baked
But this ketamine shit, it's no fucking joke, but it's not scary. Like, that's the biggest takeaway is like, i just want you guys to know, like, I'm a pussy about this kind of stuff. I am scared.
00:33:15
Awaken Baked
I also don't even like taking medicine. Like cannabis is my medicine and I take my meds from my psychiatrist, but I don't like taking ibuprofen. I don't like taking cold or like whatever medicine, which is funny because I'm sick right now. If you couldn't tell by my annoying fucking voice, you're like, bitch, your voice is always annoying.
00:33:30
Awaken Baked
Hey, easy, easy white chocolate. If you know that reference, please, please tell me you know it. I'm not just saying that on my own. That would be so fucking weird. Oh my God. I just wanted to put it out there that it's not a bad thing. And if you grew up like me here and it's a horse tranquilizer, it's going to kill you. Why would you want to do that?
00:33:49
Awaken Baked
Well, doctors do know what they're talking about. oh Who would have thought? Who would have thought all that schooling, all that time, money, hours losing sleep, literally not sleeping at all. Like, and did y'all see Grey's Anatomy? I know y'all saw at least one episode of Grey's Anatomy.
00:34:04
Awaken Baked
You think that they don't know what the fuck they're doing? Think again, bitch. I love doctors. I'm grateful for them. I heard they can be some real assholes, but I mean, they're smart. So, you know, you get a pass if you're saving my life. You could be a grumpy butt.
00:34:17
Awaken Baked
Well, no. Okay. Okay. Not if we're talking about the way that they like are racist, especially the way that they don't give a fuck about black women's health to the same degree that they do about white people's health. The black woman is the most disrespected person in America and in the healthcare care system. God damn.
00:34:32
Awaken Baked
All right. This one's supposed to be about that, but it's never a bad time to talk about, you know, anti-racism and social justice. We got a little off topic here, but that's okay. Thank you guys so much for listening. I really appreciate you guys being patient with me and being cool with me when I need to take time off.
00:34:47
Awaken Baked
However, if you miss me, if you don't want me to take time off, if you're like, bitch, girly pop, love of my life, I want to see you multiple times a week, like three to five times a week, if I may, if I might, then I would head over to Awake and Bake's YouTube channel, Awake and Bake Podcast or Awake and Bake on YouTube. Or you could just type in Awake and Bake Smoke with me.
00:35:07
Awaken Baked
It's me, bitch. It's my face. It's me every single time. Big as fuck. Okay, I'm not big as fuck. My face is up there. Big as fuck. I'm kind of big, actually. i'm ah I'm a big bitch. I'm almost 5'8". But you know what's bigger?
00:35:19
Awaken Baked
My energy and my heart. Okay? This passion for what I do. For creating. for For content. For growing as a person.
00:35:29
Awaken Baked
Anyway, I love you guys. Thank you so much for listening. Please tell your friends. Tell your grandma. And as always, stay high.